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I reached out to my white Stamps side of my family and I let them know I didn't want anything from them at all. I only contacted people with the same last name as myself, and that last name is Stamps. I wanted to know which county i should go in order to find records about the first settlers who owned my family members. I only wanted to know where the family began, and they were like the D NA test must be wrong. We're not related to you. One of them said oh would love to help you. I'll get back to you and she invited me to see her information. And I'm thinking when she saw that I was black she could not bring herself to help me at all. Her attitude totally changed. It's been over a year and she's not gotten back to me.
💔. Hopefully one of them will come around, or one of their children. It’s so ridiculous for the descendants to gatekeep the information after all that has happened…is absolutely heartbreaking. I wish you well on finding some of those pieces you wish to find, or those that are meant for you 💜.
If you are surprised, you are naive. They only want to deal with you if you have money to give them. If you need their help, offer to pay them and have a means to double check as they can lie.
A friend whose father is Native American (and mother is white) reached out to a white family in the South about a possible famial connection. In response, the woman went off on her, saying, ,"There are no Indians in the family." In parts of the South, suggesting a person has Native ancestry is tantamount to calling them the "N" word. That was the end of that possible connection!
I’m a white person living in the south and I have small percentages of Native American, South Asian and African ancestry, I would be thrilled to be able to connect with some of those native, African, south Asian relatives. I’ve matched with several Mexicans with high amounts of native ancestry on 23andme, I definitely want to contact them but I’m nervous
That's because we're NOT AFRICAN we're Indigenous Aborigines Niiji/American Indians! The Americas & Carribian Islands belong to US & we're taking our land back starting with Turtle Island!(United States)
I was invited to my white family reunion and went last year. Some were VERY surprised/stunned to see me there. I did not receive an invitation to come back to this year's reunion. However, I do have a friendly relationship with one of my white cousins who is a very gracious man.
I’m glad you’ve at least tried, but it sounds like you’re definitely not missing out. If i had another side of my family reach out to me, I’d be thrilled!
My daughter’s paternal 5th great- grandmother was a free woman of color in New Orleans who married an Irish immigrant. There was never a time that this was hidden; conversely everyone was proud of their family heritage. My daughter and granddaughter are both happy and delighted when they’re sometimes told that they look “bright” - a NOLA term for mixed race.
The funny part about dna tests is that one should always be prepared for the unexpected. Yes some people dont want to respond when contacted by a match but sometimes the best we can do is give them the information that we have and allow them time to digest it and allow them to decide if they want further contact.
I honestly think it 's weird finding someone to your door or mail *demanding* you are avalaible to research because of a dna test. Or for their personal need to "find their roots". You could have much bigger fish to fry at that moment in your life or just be uninterested and unwilling to share family things with a stranger , that given the US situation , could also want you to feel guilty for something happened 150 yrs before (or not happened at all "as criminal"-what if the mating, going beyond ancestry and re-gaining the full picture, was just an affair meant to remain personal to the two people back then?) I think people should be less aggressive in the racial aspect of the quest, reminding they most likely deal with unaware decent persons or , simply, people ok with their life with no extra need. As a researcher myself (*edit: not a genetist here, talking about anthropology and history research), when we investigate in the ancestry field there's generally a whole protocol to agree, from all parts .It can be slow but it's right
I have seen white people who are dark skinned in southern Europe when my coworker blurted out "wow they would think they are Mexicans or something back home" . Labels are everywhere.
My grandma was from Italy and my dad was very dark (the rest of the family wasn’t). They called him things like a “thrown back” or “there must be Sicilian in there somewhere” When he was a child, they lived in California for a while and he said people assumed he was Mexican and treated him differently (this was the 1940’s).
It's a shame that people put labels on the different variants of our species, and, worse, put each other down based on those labels - imo, it would be like the Galapagos finches looking down their differently-shaped beaks at each other. But I take heart in the fact that, at the end of the day, we are all one people sharing this crazy planet, and you are one of the guiding lights in celebrating our diversity in all its splendor. Thank you for highlighting the "messy" and beautiful experience of your varied heritage-and the true experience of being human.
As a white person, i would LOVE to meet any Black relatives, and/or assist with any recreation of their own family history… i feel like we both hold answers for each other. And even though I haven’t met them, i feel more connected to them than most of my known relatives. With what i already know about my family, Im all for unlocking family secrets and starting the process of fixing what has absolutely been broken. I think the only reasons i wouldnt have bio relatives who are Black is if those blood lines had stopped at some point and/or if i end up being part of that side of the tree (which is about 50/50 with the info i do have).
I've been very hesitant about doing a DNA test because I am afraid of opening up a box I will not be able to close. For some reason a lot of older relatives, most of them are no longer living held onto a lot a secrets and some took it to their graves. Within the last few years these secrets have been coming out leaving a lot of my relatives feeling hurt and betrayed.
I bet this is more common then you think. I'm English so if I look back I get Scottish,Irish and Basque. They will be someone in everyone's family who was hung for stealing a sheep! ❤
I'm making my family tree now and my family on one side got very paranoid. It's crazy most of the people they have secrets about are dead so why does it matter.
@@ChristineC.-bd2qr We’ve done them in my family. My mother was always told they were Italian on her father’s side of the family and always identified as such. I mean in every way that was our lineage, our shared history, we embraced all of it. Come to find out we’re English instead just like on her mother’s side. We had to make that adjustment because it was our identity but truth is always better than not knowing. My uncle did his and found out he doesn’t have the same father as my mother and uncle. He was pissed and stopped talking to my grandmother for a while, seeing she had cheated on her husband but she’s in her 80’s so what do you want her to say? They were having problems I guess is how she explained it. Either way the truth will set us all free and is better that way. I told my father’s side there was no Native American, which I long suspected and never believed and my uncle and aunt it’s like they didn’t get it, “Well I know Mama’s people was Cherokee,” said my Uncle, after I just explained there is no Native DNA in our lineage. Just in complete denial. 😂
Yes, reach out. If they respond positively, great. If not, they obviously have issues independent of you. Just respond with a kind note. They may even reconsider the connection at some point.
I think, in this day & age, we need to be more accepting and open to the reality that humans have had affairs. I also think adoptive parents should be honest with their children. Communication is always the best way!
I have a grandfather who fathered my mother illegitimately. My brothers and I are white. he was white, and yet when one of us contacted one of his legitimate children we got no response, because that sort of thing is shock to most people. Race is not the issue. Illegitimacy that is not known comes as a shock. But the relativity is that there is no such thing as illegitimate children, only illegitimate parents. Most DNA tests have a few surprises.
I work at a genealogical research facility and had a patron come in, a white woman, she wanted help researching a specific family line... long story short, she and I were both descended from this same white man she was searching for. DNA eventually confirmed and now we are digital besties Love your content
Just want to say, I LOVE your channel, & I've been obsessed with it ever since I found YOU through your fascinating "Finding Lola" documentary! And, as a white 42 year old woman from the South, with relatives of varying skin tones, I know I get REALLY excited wondering if I have Afro-American or Native ancestors/relatives! I just hope I'm not disappointed, lol. I mean, I hope I'm not just plain paper-white!!😂😂😂 I do have some Melungeon surnames back from my Virginian ancestors, so I'm crossing my fingers!!🤞🤞🏻🤞🏽🤞🏼🤞🏿🤞🏾 I swear, the idea of being 100% white, (to me) is like having completely unseasoned grits!! (Sorry, not sorry!) I MUST have SEASONED GRITS!!🤣🤣🤣
Aw thank you for sticking with me this long! Im sure whatever your heritage is, you will find some colorful stories. I keep trying to work on my Irish side. I am SO into that right now. The language is incredible
@@peytonweb It’s taken all kinds to make our great nation what it is. Maybe your family members assisted others in the Underground Railroad or was noble in some other way. Maybe they were slave owners or fought the Native Americans, what are we to do about it? We didn’t do it! Maybe that information will help make you a better ally and antiracist. It’s more about what we do with the information than the information itself.
My neighbor heard from a half sister that he didn't know about and he was thrilled, as was his father. His mother....not so much. His parents had divorced previously ( unrelated to this relationship) so it was not so disrupting of a situation.
I come from a very diverse family having two multi racial parents. We have people that come in every racial description. Blonde hair, Green eyes with light skin as pale as snow to those as dark as night with Afro features. I also have a number of cousins that are mixed Chinese and indigenous American.. I'm personally indigenous American, Afro, Asian-Indo-European. I couldn't imagine not connecting with family because of race.
I've heard many children/grandchildren/lineage born out of affairs are generally not well received no matter who/what or how long ago the transgression against the spouse occurred. Won't necessary have anything to do with the ethnic makeup. Contact at your own heart's desire and ability to handle the rejection.
I understand the trepidation at contacting a relative who may not have realized they have relations with someone from another race, but it is worth a shot to make contact. At worst, they may dislike you, but think about what if they are as excited as you are discovering a new branch of the family!
I have this fear they may try to physically hurt me sounds extreme but people have a hatred for black people that doesn't make sense. Like the length people go to do black people harm has never been rational especially if they grew up in the south.
I would say yes, try to reach out. Be friendly but formal, tell them how you match in the DNA websites, give them the info of the branch of your family where you think your connection come from. If they don't answer, maybe they changed email or they never looked their DNA website mailbox, or they may just not be of this world anymore. Any information on the website is fair game to look out, trees are the jackpots obviously, but you may be able to find obituaries listing your matches, either as the subject or as the child of the subject. My only Y-DNA match was a ghost at one point, dead 8 years before I got my father tested, but I manage to find his obituary listing his parents, then followed the family in the censuses and found the connection.
A lot of times, cultures differ. I'm half Irish and half Scots. I ran into someone who had worked for my father's brother (the Scots side of the family). I said I had not talked to him in 5 years. She said, "it's a shame you don't get along." I said, "He's my favorite uncle. However, we are Scots and we are not warm and fuzzy people." The Irish side are radically different Cultures are very different and people differ from that culture I take after the Scots side, but I have to balance "dour and serious" with "whimsical."
My family is so mixed ethnically and culturally that this seems like no big deal but definitely shocking to others. Always get these ackward vibes when I tell people. They think it's challenging and wouldn't know how to act but I always found that funny. The way to act is "don't be lame"
My father was adopted, and only one person matched as a 1st cousin. I had a short correspondence with his daughter. Unfortunately, the match was on his mother's side, with which he had very little contact or knowledge. For me, it's not black/white, but Jewish/Italian. The cultural (and religious) differences are wide, too.
Doing the dna test can reveal secrets that people never thought would become unbidden. Sometimes it’s good to do that though as there are people out there that think all you need is genealogy and sometimes people do that not realising they may be tracing the wrong family lines, when dna is done it can solidify if the correct lines of genealogy are being traced. Sometimes adoptions take place or people were messing around or even in some instances there was gRape that took place and things were covered up and hidden. So when things that were swept under the rug get revealed some people Don’t know how to handle that. There are some celebs who have gone through this like Kerry Washington and Angelina Pavarnick among others.
I think the part of the story where they’re saying that there was an extramarital affair involved is likely to be the most sensitive aspect. That need to be approached delicately (especially if any of the principle people are still living).
Many people have a romanticized view of the past. For example, because unwed couples had none of the rights they now enjoy in modern societies, some people assume there were few to no unwed couples in the olden days... but that is totally false. "Bastard" was a serious insult - but illegitimate children still existed, a lot! I do genealogy in Portugal, and I'm always finding illegitimate children, sometimes with "unknown father", sometimes with fully acknowledge parentage. Some villages - small, rural villages, über-Catholic - had more illegitimate children than legitimate ones.
@@nytn Tell me about it! Besides a dozen cases of "unknown parentage", I have at least 4 priests as ancestors (way back). They really loved the Church back then. 😁 And my partner's father ended an 152-year long family tradition of not marrying + unknown paternity: he married in 1962, but his mother was a single mother and his father supposedly unknown (though everybody knew who he was); but it gets better: my partner's grandmother was also the daughter of an unknown father, as was her great-grandmother, as was her great-great-grandmother, as was her great-great-great-grandmother. Indeed, we have to go back to 1810, to her great-great-great-great-grandparents, to find the last marriage in her paternal side, before my partner's father's marriage with her mother. And on her maternal side it's not that epic, but not that distant.
Of course, I have and would again. But I come from practically all the races, direct descendant of Triracial (Scotch/Irish), Lumbee, Mulatto people through my mothers Maternal side. Mulatto, Navajo, European (French/English) through my mothers Paternal side, European (English/Irish) and Cherokee on my paternal side. Therefore, I will reach out regardless. In this context I am using Mulatto as stated in their records.
@@josiebooth4670 the Lumbee are so interesting. I lived In NC for 20 years and I've known many Lumbee women. Some looked like me and it was very confusing to hear them speak of themselves as Lumbee and not Black. Identity is very interesting
Hey, Danielle, not a comment specific to this video, but... WOW!!! 104k SUBSCRIBERS!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!! You're doing a great job with your channel. Keep it going strong!
If you have family members or closer relatives on your family tree who are white or other, they still your family, so why not reach out to them? You don't have to adopt their identity or religion, you can still be you. Unless you view them as bigoted or toxic to your family, community or culture, that might be a reason to avoid them.
I think some people are concerned and want to be cautious. I'm not one for reaching out to cousins of any background, and I have cousins of African and European descent as well as Latin American heritage; those are my roots and that's because I want to be careful. I do understand that some will be cautious of me too. Once a man reached out to me and kinda approached me like, "hi cousin" and he seemed too eager to connect. (lol)To me like with any other app in which people connect, I think there can be some that aren't as legit. And put it this way, even biological cousins doesn't mean it's going to always be a safe connection, just saying. So far though, within my genetic background I've gotten at least two or more responses--but I'm not one who connects with anyone online so easily either.
What a great question. I'm guilty of not reaching out, only because I'm not sure how to validate connections beyond my Great Great Grand Father's mother on my mother's maternal side. I but I have started answering emails. On my Father's I know even less if they do not share the my maiden last name. I know very little of his history.. I would reach to the relative, en if they are White, as you stated being sensitive is key. i promise to do better with building connections, as I do want to learn more about my family tree. Thanks for the video.
Thought about this for a few days. Honestly, I wouldn’t reach out to anyone I’m related to whether black, grey or white. All humans are related and thousands of years of history has proven that it doesn’t matter. Men hate each other and find reasons to justify their hatred. Love is rare; if it wasn’t rare the world wouldn’t be in the shape that it’s in.
Always be gracious for the possibility of reconciliation. If you find out otherwise, let it be. We reap what we sow and the time of reaping is upon us. Love and Light.
I’ve never known/met my father or know very little to nothing about him. According to my Ancestry matches I found a very close match. I believe it was 1st cousin. I messaged the gentleman and asked if he knew or had heard of a man by my father’s name (last name). This gentleman and I communicated briefly. Then, he stopped communicating. This was during co vid. I prayed he and his family were well but I continued to message him. No response. All of a sudden I see a “jr” ( the gentleman’s son) as a match on Ancestry. So, I messaged him. Again, no response from neither one. I’m 61 yrs old and have been looking for ANY information regarding my father or anyone on his side of family for many, many years. At this point, I’m still curious but not as passionate about my search. My guess is a lot of feathers are ruffled when “new” families don’t know the full stories of their spouses? Also, I’m almost positive the reason for census records being 70 yrs behind is in part due to not letting secrets out. However, lots of secrets ARE out.
Early days were awkward. Introducing 1/2 siblings and telling someone their "dead" father was alive. I told my cousin about my grandfather....they were never told the truth. Now I am a bit more subtle (I hope). I manage a kit for someone with an unknown grandfather. Problem is the kit owner's father has no interest in knowing who his dad is. (Mostly likely a Valentine's Day one night stand or very brief affair). Recently got a close match and was able to build a tree and have narrowed the unknown grandfather to 4 people. One single, one widower, two married men....I really hope it was the single guy. I can't reach out, but maybe the match will.
I’m sure some people aren’t thrilled about hearing their ancestors/not so distant family member was a crappy person. I learned of a great/great great grandfather that was a crappy guy. If someone wanted to connect over that ancestor, I would probably feel a little strange about it. I wouldn’t ignore their messages but compared to other ancestors to connect with, it wouldn’t be the positive dna family match I would’ve hoped for. I do have some 2nd cousins that are from my dads mothers side that would also be similar. My grandmothers parents basically abandoned her and my dad and his siblings because my grandfather was Italian. Some people are just racist but I think there’s more complexity to talking to relatives that the history isn’t great with.
I've reached out to white DNA matches (not due to an affair, but likely r*pe of enslaved person.) I received good response, perhaps even better than when I have contacted Black matches - perhaps because of curiosity. I dont bring this up, of course. I'm sensitive to the fact that we both have to deal with having bad seeds in our tree (no one wants to find they are a descendant of a r*pist). I still want to know where the perpetrator sits in the tree. Be warned -- once you add this white ancestor to your tree, Ancestry and MyHeritage will attempt to populate *their* ancestors back to the 1600s! Your white ancestry will soon become the predominant ancestry in your tree since so much White American ancestory has been documented compared to AA ancestry. I've always imagined having white ancestors sprinkled in my tree due to r*pe of enslaved ancestors, but actually seeing their names and their ancestors in my tree was quite heavy. While I wonder about my Black ancestors, I find myself unable to see my white ancestors as family. I know that some of them would only see me as livestock. So, no, i don't tell my white DNA matches all of this, but we should both understand what has happened in our trees and it was not our fault. How we are connected is likely not pretty, but we can help each other fill gaps in our history/family tree with information. By the way, i do sometimes look up these DNA matches on Facebook ( they are all over the world). I do enjoy looking at their photos and seeing their children. It has made me feel more connected to the world. I hope they feel the same when they find out I exist (i just stalk their timeslines, I don't make friend requests of course 😜)
Why not? If you're half Italian then proclaiming you are such and ignoring the Italian side is kind of preposterous. As a Puerto Rican mutt myself I find these things so alien 👽 as we come in all the skin colors of the rainbow.
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Latinos are just as colorist as anyone else stop it .
My aunt contacted our white side to invite to our family reunion in their town. They responded “We know who you guys are and please don’t contact us again”
Italian WW living in Italy here. My mom was italian and my biological father was a Brazilian immigrant who was a mix of White, Black and Gipsy. My mom got pregnant with me but her family didn't accept their relationship so she married an Italian man who adopted me. I had the chance to get in touch with my biological father and my parents gave me permission (I was under age so legally I couldn't decide by myself) to travel with him to Brazill to meet my biological family. I was so surprised to see they were from the most pale white to the darkest skin shade and they all loved each other without any differences, no trace of colorism or things like that. They were very happy to meet me but when I returned to Italy my feelings were changed. My Italian family was quite racist and they kept me only because I came out white otherwise they would have given me to adoption. For a long period I could not see anymore my biological father because he had problems and couldn't be present in my life. I felt confused, the relatives of my Italian stepfather hated me even if they pretended to be nice. But behind my back... Thankfully I have always remembered what my biological father told me. Never hate anybody for their ethnicity, skin color, origins etc. He never wanted me to treat nobody the way he was treated. And so I followed his teaching (maybe the only one he was able to give me) and I wanted to keep in touch again with my Brazilian family but the elderly passed away and the younger moved to other places, I have no idea where. Also my Italian relatives are almost all passed and so... Nothing. I have just accepted that I am ME with all my mixed origins and heritages and I am happy and proud of all of them although many people tried to make me hate myself and my biological family, they didn't succeed. I am racist only toward racists of any kind. The only but most precious lesson that my father taught me.
Over the past 6 years I’ve built a decent size family tree on the Ancestry website that goes back hundreds of years and include my white direct line ancestors. However, in most cases I’m having to list my great great grandmothers as “Unknown black woman” because their names are not listed in any census or slave schedule or any other document. However, recently I noticed on my family tree that someone added a copy of a will to the profile of one of my white great great grandfathers. As I read the will I got excited when I saw the names of some of his female slaves. It gave me hope that maybe one of these women is my great great grandmother, and I can finally replace “unknown black women” with her actual name! I thought about reaching out to the person who posted the will, but I got cold feet. I’ll be honest, I usually don’t bother to reach out to my white distant cousins (the fact that we’re related because of rape bothers me), but I might make an exception in this case because I’m curious to see if somehow we can figure out which one of these female slaves was my great great grandmother. Not sure if he will respond to any messages I send, but I guess it’s worth a try.
When reaching out one might get their feelings hurt, but IMO it's worth trying - because sometimes one will make a decent connection (& regardless, at least one tried, eh?). My very existance might have hit a nerve, because my closest DNA-Match - billed as a possible 1st or 2nd cousin - blocked me rather than respond to my introductory message (my dad had been adopted, so she was my best lead: a tight-lipped dead end; but, at least I tried & I'm not left second-guessing should I try or not?).
Of course. It’s like studying both sides of history. You have too. You just can’t research one side, it’s not very intellectual. You need both sides of the stories💗
😮I say no, because understanding that most of these families dont know their background them selves. Be advised that not only did enslaved individual sometimes carry the names of their owners, poor free families carried the names of rich land owners in their areas. The rich land owners were the main employers of many poor free families and often know as the "Johnsons, Robertsons, Andersons, Scotts, etc..." as trusted employees of the rich land owners with the aforementioned sir names. Its is a disturbing notion to discovery such convoluted family dynamics when you have been told you are " German, Irish, Polished, etc..." Not to mention the components of incest that was prevalence during these times. I believe minority and ethnic groups are more willing to explore these interesting family history dynamics because there is not much to lose regarding their status in this current global society.
Case and point. This is the exact reason why it is not a good idea. These events are triggering to many people who have enough to deal with in their daily life. My vote is No, leave these folks alone.
@@ChristineC.-bd2qr they never tied incest to a particular ethnic group; they just mentioned the higher prevalence during earlier time periods (which may or may not be true).
There are a lot of family secrets being uncovered due to the availability of inexpensive genetic tests... I have one of those situations in my own family.
Man that’s tough honestly I think it’s fine to reach out but maybe do a little research before hand. Like check the social media if you’re not white and they have a confederate flag as the bio pic maybe don’t. My grandpa was a ginger headed grey eyed mixed boy given up for adoption in North Carolina. He’s my favorite partially because I’m named after him lol but would I reach out to his white side? I don’t know. It’s a hard history he fought in WW2 for people that didn’t see he as equal not even his family. He was lucky he got the G.I. Bill probably because he looked white and was Air Force not just any one of the first. He was amazing put both his kids through college in a time where that was hard for black people even the mixed ones. He got his family to the north (New Jersey) in a lil Italian neighborhood in (East Orange). It’s hard to reach out to family that doesn’t know you or even want to so just be careful. Sometimes it’s wonderful like I found out my ancestors came from Jersey the island off the coast of France. Plus I found out I’m part Norse which I kind of thought I was because my name “Jerald” but it was cool to know so have fun with it and don’t hurt yourself. And realize that its just a test if your family doesn’t all come from North America or your parents came from somewhere else it might not be able to tell you alot so family might be the only way but again don’t hurt yourself.
Some people are very sensitive and have a fixed idea of what their ancestors were like. I’ve experienced this because I come from some out of wedlock situations - people don’t want to hear it.
Do you know why I don’t respond to a majority of my Ancestry posts in my feed? I get way too many of them. I can’t answer them all. It is just too time-consuming. Whenever you answer them that beats more things. And they assume that you are a direct descendent of a couple would in fact, sometimes I do the genealogies of in-laws and extended family members because it was never done before. Worst of all you get some members who want me to take down pictures not because of any sensitivity. It is because I’m not related enough to have them on my tree. I tell him the stuff themselves and I block them.
I know what the offensive response was, I'm on those subs all the time. I think it was a Jamaican lady who matched with an elderly English lady, and the English lady said something like "wow you're gorgeous, my ancestors owned some beautiful people!" Wasn't malicious, just very offensive. And I definitely think that things like cheating, adopting a kid, giving a kid up, sperm donation, etc. have been happening almost forever. I remember reading somewhere that, based on y-haplogroups compared to surnames, on average 2% of people in every generation have a different father than they thought.
I had a white relative ask me , how we were related? It is only one way it happened, many generations ago. I suggested that maybe she could have been related by some of my “passing” cousins. Never heard from her again. ( otherwise, it would have been enslavement).
I message some of my white cousin matches. Never had one say anything negative about me. There was this white cousin match I had that shared 2% of my DNA. That's pretty high considering my 2nd cousin who I know in real life has the same amount of DNA. Was pretty confident I didn't have white great grandparents since my parents met all thier grandparents. Now great great grandparents not so much. I did message this cousin. His daughter the one that responded. She said her dad was 88 which was the same age as my grandmother at that time. She thought I was related to them through her dad father but I found out it was his mom side of the family. Had other matches on that side that lead back to a confederate soilder. So somehow i'm related to a confederate soilder. Not sure how my family's would take that news. Think the cousin is either my grandmother 2nd cousin or my dad 3rd cousin.
@@kaizatengoku3893 Yeah it is high. I'm more related to him then any white cousin match on there. The DNA should have been even higher if his mom or grandmother tested but obviously they passed away. I'm leaning more towards him being my grandmother half 2nd cousin. I think his great grandfather who's the confederate solider is my 3rd great grandfather. His daughter died a couple years before I was born. This would mean my dad, his siblings and his cousins had a half great grandaunt that was white and never knew it.
The title of this video is GOLD. 😉 There are some huge cans of worms that can be opened with ancestry matches. YIKES! Got an image of a bored couple separated on a Friday night in the 1800s: "Tom said he will not be home until Monday..." "Jed was looking awfully fetching in his coveralls today. 😍Hmmm..." Tom, away from home on business (same weekend): "Just spoke to Jilly and she says all is well at home. Now what will I do now that the work day is done?" "Hi there, ma'am. Can I buy you a drink?" Boom chicka wow wow! X 2 (or nah) 🙂😉
The major goal to you have to understand is what is it to merely have an understanding that we are all connected or is it a guilt thing to make them feel guilty for the sins of their ancestors over 150 years ago. Although I love finding your roots with Henry Lewis Gates, he tends to overstate slavery in white peoples and sometimes black peoples family tree, as if they are to blame for what had happened, about seven generations ago.
Why would you want to contact distant relatives? I have no interest in even contacting 2nd cousins whatever their back story may be. There is little likelihood that we would have much in common. Already a couple or so of my relatives on the first-cousin level who don't contact me because once when I responded to their questions, they found out I was a non-believing heathen. So much the better.
I can only speak for black people, but many of us can only go back so far on our family trees due to the lack of paper trail prior to the Civil War of our enslaved ancestors. Connecting with relatives can help us learn more about who these people are, where they came from, what their lives were like.
I wanted to do that but their trailer park didn't really like blk folk coming around. Seriously, they made it very clear. I think they're scottish though. Red hair, green eyes everywhere.
I have no white cousins since we are generationally mixed. It’d be so cool if DNA could link people back to Europe from the 1600’s or whatever and then I might find the 47%Iberian.
Surprise family seems to run thick in my family. My dad's side of the family was especially, um, frisky? An hispanic cousin reached out to me. I managed to work out who in my family could possibly be his gr grandfather. We just can't find the one little piece that would prove it. Another cousin I am friends with is related to dad's side, of course. We cannot figure out where. Even with deep ancestry dna tests. I have some black cousins in my lists, but with today's climate, I am nervous about reaching out.
I get very uncomfortable thinking about reaching out to white people on ancestry. I only did it with one person because she had my family in her tree already.
Should I reach out to my Turkish or possible American side of my family? What about my Savolax or anything other possible that might exist out there. I also have half gypsy cousins. This stuff fascinates me, I'm not racist.
Only if you have money and need to use them to make more money. Make sure the benefits are mutual as they only care about themselves. If they cared about you as a person, they could have had reached out decades ago. It all about money to them. Ask Meghan Markle. 😅
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I reached out to my white Stamps side of my family and I let them know I didn't want anything from them at all. I only contacted people with the same last name as myself, and that last name is Stamps. I wanted to know which county i should go in order to find records about the first settlers who owned my family members. I only wanted to know where the family began, and they were like the D NA test must be wrong. We're not related to you. One of them said oh would love to help you. I'll get back to you and she invited me to see her information. And I'm thinking when she saw that I was black she could not bring herself to help me at all. Her attitude totally changed. It's been over a year and she's not gotten back to me.
Good on you for taking that extra step. They may be just embarrassed and ashamed so don’t take it personally.
💔. Hopefully one of them will come around, or one of their children. It’s so ridiculous for the descendants to gatekeep the information after all that has happened…is absolutely heartbreaking.
I wish you well on finding some of those pieces you wish to find, or those that are meant for you 💜.
Im a BM myself but this comment has me crying with laughter....Are you really surprised. Sis ?? 😂.
If you are surprised, you are naive. They only want to deal with you if you have money to give them.
If you need their help, offer to pay them and have a means to double check as they can lie.
Same with my family. I think that's common for many Black Americans.
A friend whose father is Native American (and mother is white) reached out to a white family in the South about a possible famial connection. In response, the woman went off on her, saying, ,"There are no Indians in the family." In parts of the South, suggesting a person has Native ancestry is tantamount to calling them the "N" word. That was the end of that possible connection!
I’m a white person living in the south and I have small percentages of Native American, South Asian and African ancestry, I would be thrilled to be able to connect with some of those native, African, south Asian relatives. I’ve matched with several Mexicans with high amounts of native ancestry on 23andme, I definitely want to contact them but I’m nervous
That's because we're NOT AFRICAN we're Indigenous Aborigines Niiji/American Indians! The Americas & Carribian Islands belong to US & we're taking our land back starting with Turtle Island!(United States)
I was invited to my white family reunion and went last year. Some were VERY surprised/stunned to see me there. I did not receive an invitation to come back to this year's reunion.
However, I do have a friendly relationship with one of my white cousins who is a very gracious man.
I have found that reaching out to the white side of the family often turns out in the VERY VERY negative !
Sorry to hear that :( I hope folks will reach out to me and not be worried. I love it
I’m glad you’ve at least tried, but it sounds like you’re definitely not missing out.
If i had another side of my family reach out to me, I’d be thrilled!
The way you put it, you make it sound like, or imply, that's everyone elses experience (ROLL EYES)
Those kinds of mankind are extremely evil 😈, I advise you to stay far away from them.
My daughter’s paternal 5th great- grandmother was a free woman of color in New Orleans who married an Irish immigrant. There was never a time that this was hidden; conversely everyone was proud of their family heritage. My daughter and granddaughter are both happy and delighted when they’re sometimes told that they look “bright” - a NOLA term for mixed race.
The funny part about dna tests is that one should always be prepared for the unexpected. Yes some people dont want to respond when contacted by a match but sometimes the best we can do is give them the information that we have and allow them time to digest it and allow them to decide if they want further contact.
Yes, I wish I had been more patient before!
I honestly think it 's weird finding someone to your door or mail *demanding* you are avalaible to research because of a dna test. Or for their personal need to "find their roots". You could have much bigger fish to fry at that moment in your life or just be uninterested and unwilling to share family things with a stranger , that given the US situation , could also want you to feel guilty for something happened 150 yrs before (or not happened at all "as criminal"-what if the mating, going beyond ancestry and re-gaining the full picture, was just an affair meant to remain personal to the two people back then?)
I think people should be less aggressive in the racial aspect of the quest, reminding they most likely deal with unaware decent persons or , simply, people ok with their life with no extra need. As a researcher myself (*edit: not a genetist here, talking about anthropology and history research), when we investigate in the ancestry field there's generally a whole protocol to agree, from all parts .It can be slow but it's right
I have seen white people who are dark skinned in southern Europe when my coworker blurted out "wow they would think they are Mexicans or something back home" . Labels are everywhere.
My Dad was Creole in La. 100 years ago and people did call him blackie. Blue eyed Spaniard.
@@lesliehorwinkleHow old are you?
There were natives that were pale, Cloud people of Peru are a good example.
@@kaizatengoku3893 65
My grandma was from Italy and my dad was very dark (the rest of the family wasn’t). They called him things like a “thrown back” or “there must be Sicilian in there somewhere” When he was a child, they lived in California for a while and he said people assumed he was Mexican and treated him differently (this was the 1940’s).
It's a shame that people put labels on the different variants of our species, and, worse, put each other down based on those labels - imo, it would be like the Galapagos finches looking down their differently-shaped beaks at each other. But I take heart in the fact that, at the end of the day, we are all one people sharing this crazy planet, and you are one of the guiding lights in celebrating our diversity in all its splendor. Thank you for highlighting the "messy" and beautiful experience of your varied heritage-and the true experience of being human.
As a white person, i would LOVE to meet any Black relatives, and/or assist with any recreation of their own family history… i feel like we both hold answers for each other. And even though I haven’t met them, i feel more connected to them than most of my known relatives. With what i already know about my family, Im all for unlocking family secrets and starting the process of fixing what has absolutely been broken. I think the only reasons i wouldnt have bio relatives who are Black is if those blood lines had stopped at some point and/or if i end up being part of that side of the tree (which is about 50/50 with the info i do have).
I've been very hesitant about doing a DNA test because I am afraid of opening up a box I will not be able to close. For some reason a lot of older relatives, most of them are no longer living held onto a lot a secrets and some took it to their graves. Within the last few years these secrets have been coming out leaving a lot of my relatives feeling hurt and betrayed.
I bet this is more common then you think. I'm English so if I look back I get Scottish,Irish and Basque. They will be someone in everyone's family who was hung for stealing a sheep! ❤
I'm making my family tree now and my family on one side got very paranoid. It's crazy most of the people they have secrets about are dead so why does it matter.
@@ChristineC.-bd2qr We’ve done them in my family. My mother was always told they were Italian on her father’s side of the family and always identified as such. I mean in every way that was our lineage, our shared history, we embraced all of it. Come to find out we’re English instead just like on her mother’s side. We had to make that adjustment because it was our identity but truth is always better than not knowing. My uncle did his and found out he doesn’t have the same father as my mother and uncle. He was pissed and stopped talking to my grandmother for a while, seeing she had cheated on her husband but she’s in her 80’s so what do you want her to say? They were having problems I guess is how she explained it. Either way the truth will set us all free and is better that way. I told my father’s side there was no Native American, which I long suspected and never believed and my uncle and aunt it’s like they didn’t get it, “Well I know Mama’s people was Cherokee,” said my Uncle, after I just explained there is no Native DNA in our lineage. Just in complete denial. 😂
Yes, reach out. If they respond positively, great. If not, they obviously have issues independent of you. Just respond with a kind note. They may even reconsider the connection at some point.
I think, in this day & age, we need to be more accepting and open to the reality that humans have had affairs. I also think adoptive parents should be honest with their children. Communication is always the best way!
I have a grandfather who fathered my mother illegitimately. My brothers and I are white. he was white, and yet when one of us contacted one of his legitimate children we got no response, because that sort of thing is shock to most people. Race is not the issue. Illegitimacy that is not known comes as a shock. But the relativity is that there is no such thing as illegitimate children, only illegitimate parents. Most DNA tests have a few surprises.
Absolutely! We had this as well
I work at a genealogical research facility and had a patron come in, a white woman, she wanted help researching a specific family line... long story short, she and I were both descended from this same white man she was searching for. DNA eventually confirmed and now we are digital besties
Love your content
@@adampaul6468 How cool!
@@MaryLou913 somewhat surreal! But definitely shows, what you seek is seeking you
That's so neat.
People should reach out to all sides of their families and it's something I've been trying to encourage my nephew and niece to do
Just want to say, I LOVE your channel, & I've been obsessed with it ever since I found YOU through your fascinating "Finding Lola" documentary! And, as a white 42 year old woman from the South, with relatives of varying skin tones, I know I get REALLY excited wondering if I have Afro-American or Native ancestors/relatives! I just hope I'm not disappointed, lol. I mean, I hope I'm not just plain paper-white!!😂😂😂 I do have some Melungeon surnames back from my Virginian ancestors, so I'm crossing my fingers!!🤞🤞🏻🤞🏽🤞🏼🤞🏿🤞🏾 I swear, the idea of being 100% white, (to me) is like having completely unseasoned grits!! (Sorry, not sorry!) I MUST have SEASONED GRITS!!🤣🤣🤣
Aw thank you for sticking with me this long! Im sure whatever your heritage is, you will find some colorful stories. I keep trying to work on my Irish side. I am SO into that right now. The language is incredible
Girl you can’t leave the seasoning out👎🏽 for sure… they are just not the same
@@peytonweb It’s taken all kinds to make our great nation what it is. Maybe your family members assisted others in the Underground Railroad or was noble in some other way. Maybe they were slave owners or fought the Native Americans, what are we to do about it? We didn’t do it! Maybe that information will help make you a better ally and antiracist. It’s more about what we do with the information than the information itself.
Seems to me like you're suffering from a very bad case of "white guilt"
@@wizardofahhhs759 nah, im super proud of all my heritage, check out my videos on my irish and italian side
Yes reach out to them but don’t be discouraged if they don’t accept you!! Because this is about your personal journey and not there’s !!
My neighbor heard from a half sister that he didn't know about and he was thrilled, as was his father. His mother....not so much.
His parents had divorced previously ( unrelated to this relationship) so it was not so disrupting of a situation.
Imagine not wanting to get to know this woman
I literally can't imagine such a thing.
@@princesskatarina351 Right?!
I come from a very diverse family having two multi racial parents. We have people that come in every racial description. Blonde hair, Green eyes with light skin as pale as snow to those as dark as night with Afro features. I also have a number of cousins that are mixed Chinese and indigenous American.. I'm personally indigenous American, Afro, Asian-Indo-European. I couldn't imagine not connecting with family because of race.
I've heard many children/grandchildren/lineage born out of affairs are generally not well received no matter who/what or how long ago the transgression against the spouse occurred. Won't necessary have anything to do with the ethnic makeup. Contact at your own heart's desire and ability to handle the rejection.
I agree with you here!
I never force myself on anyone .
I understand the trepidation at contacting a relative who may not have realized they have relations with someone from another race, but it is worth a shot to make contact. At worst, they may dislike you, but think about what if they are as excited as you are discovering a new branch of the family!
I have this fear they may try to physically hurt me sounds extreme but people have a hatred for black people that doesn't make sense. Like the length people go to do black people harm has never been rational especially if they grew up in the south.
I would say yes, try to reach out. Be friendly but formal, tell them how you match in the DNA websites, give them the info of the branch of your family where you think your connection come from. If they don't answer, maybe they changed email or they never looked their DNA website mailbox, or they may just not be of this world anymore. Any information on the website is fair game to look out, trees are the jackpots obviously, but you may be able to find obituaries listing your matches, either as the subject or as the child of the subject.
My only Y-DNA match was a ghost at one point, dead 8 years before I got my father tested, but I manage to find his obituary listing his parents, then followed the family in the censuses and found the connection.
A lot of times, cultures differ. I'm half Irish and half Scots.
I ran into someone who had worked for my father's brother (the Scots side of the family). I said I had not talked to him in 5 years. She said, "it's a shame you don't get along." I said,
"He's my favorite uncle. However, we are Scots and we are not warm and fuzzy people."
The Irish side are radically different Cultures are very different and people differ from that culture
I take after the Scots side, but I have to balance "dour and serious" with "whimsical."
What's the issue? You're both white.
My family is so mixed ethnically and culturally that this seems like no big deal but definitely shocking to others. Always get these ackward vibes when I tell people. They think it's challenging and wouldn't know how to act but I always found that funny. The way to act is "don't be lame"
My father was adopted, and only one person matched as a 1st cousin. I had a short correspondence with his daughter. Unfortunately, the match was on his mother's side, with which he had very little contact or knowledge.
For me, it's not black/white, but Jewish/Italian. The cultural (and religious) differences are wide, too.
Good evening neighbor lady, from Copperhill Tn. Always like your programs! 😊
Enjoying the heat in nashville today! I mighta been out in the sun a little too long this morning LOL
Do not belittle yourself to reach out to reprobates, keep on living your life.
Doing the dna test can reveal secrets that people never thought would become unbidden. Sometimes it’s good to do that though as there are people out there that think all you need is genealogy and sometimes people do that not realising they may be tracing the wrong family lines, when dna is done it can solidify if the correct lines of genealogy are being traced. Sometimes adoptions take place or people were messing around or even in some instances there was gRape that took place and things were covered up and hidden. So when things that were swept under the rug get revealed some people Don’t know how to handle that. There are some celebs who have gone through this like Kerry Washington and Angelina Pavarnick among others.
Yes, reach out to all your family.
I think the part of the story where they’re saying that there was an extramarital affair involved is likely to be the most sensitive aspect. That need to be approached delicately (especially if any of the principle people are still living).
I agree!
Many people have a romanticized view of the past. For example, because unwed couples had none of the rights they now enjoy in modern societies, some people assume there were few to no unwed couples in the olden days... but that is totally false. "Bastard" was a serious insult - but illegitimate children still existed, a lot!
I do genealogy in Portugal, and I'm always finding illegitimate children, sometimes with "unknown father", sometimes with fully acknowledge parentage. Some villages - small, rural villages, über-Catholic - had more illegitimate children than legitimate ones.
I agree with you! My family is all Catholic and we…have seen a lot of kids popping up around the country
@@nytn Tell me about it! Besides a dozen cases of "unknown parentage", I have at least 4 priests as ancestors (way back). They really loved the Church back then. 😁
And my partner's father ended an 152-year long family tradition of not marrying + unknown paternity: he married in 1962, but his mother was a single mother and his father supposedly unknown (though everybody knew who he was); but it gets better: my partner's grandmother was also the daughter of an unknown father, as was her great-grandmother, as was her great-great-grandmother, as was her great-great-great-grandmother. Indeed, we have to go back to 1810, to her great-great-great-great-grandparents, to find the last marriage in her paternal side, before my partner's father's marriage with her mother. And on her maternal side it's not that epic, but not that distant.
If they took a DNA test they are curious too.
So many families have generations of secrets, and now that we're in the age of information, those secrets are threatened.
Yeah you should reach out.
Ooh look at that hair! I love the texture. What some may call ‘frizzy’ I see as ‘afro-textured’ and it’s REALLY lovely. 🌸
Thank you so much!! I was in the pool with the kids and didnt have time to touch it after it dried...it needs some oil for sure right now LOL
That's not afro texture
It’s frizzy for sure 😅
@@kaizatengoku3893 if it looks like an Afro, it's an Afro. Black people have different types of hair
Very interesting, Im for full disclosure no matter what.
You know I am :D
Of course, I have and would again. But I come from practically all the races, direct descendant of Triracial (Scotch/Irish), Lumbee, Mulatto people through my mothers Maternal side. Mulatto, Navajo, European (French/English) through my mothers Paternal side, European (English/Irish) and Cherokee on my paternal side. Therefore, I will reach out regardless. In this context I am using Mulatto as stated in their records.
@@josiebooth4670 the Lumbee are so interesting. I lived In NC for 20 years and I've known many Lumbee women. Some looked like me and it was very confusing to hear them speak of themselves as Lumbee and not Black. Identity is very interesting
Your BLACK side will always be welcoming! I can't say that about your white side. No disrespect but history is with me.
Depends on how m e l a n a t e d you are lol
You cannot actually make this claim and you know why
That's because most Black people have no race pride! Only a foolish self-hating race will always be welcoming!
Hey, Danielle, not a comment specific to this video, but...
WOW!!! 104k SUBSCRIBERS!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!
You're doing a great job with your channel. Keep it going strong!
Thank you so much!! so nice of you
If you have family members or closer relatives on your family tree who are white or other, they still your family, so why not reach out to them? You don't have to adopt their identity or religion, you can still be you. Unless you view them as bigoted or toxic to your family, community or culture, that might be a reason to avoid them.
Reach out, let them know youre researching the family tree. Stop being afraid.
I think some people are concerned and want to be cautious. I'm not one for reaching out to cousins of any background, and I have cousins of African and European descent as well as Latin American heritage; those are my roots and that's because I want to be careful. I do understand that some will be cautious of me too. Once a man reached out to me and kinda approached me like, "hi cousin" and he seemed too eager to connect. (lol)To me like with any other app in which people connect, I think there can be some that aren't as legit. And put it this way, even biological cousins doesn't mean it's going to always be a safe connection, just saying. So far though, within my genetic background I've gotten at least two or more responses--but I'm not one who connects with anyone online so easily either.
@@selinaBARMAR2565 one of my DNA matches is a registered sex offender. I found that out by googling him. You have to be careful.
What a great question. I'm guilty of not reaching out, only because I'm not sure how to validate connections beyond my Great Great Grand Father's mother on my mother's maternal side. I but I have started answering emails. On my Father's I know even less if they do not share the my maiden last name. I know very little of his history.. I would reach to the relative, en if they are White, as you stated being sensitive is key. i promise to do better with building connections, as I do want to learn more about my family tree. Thanks for the video.
Thought about this for a few days. Honestly, I wouldn’t reach out to anyone I’m related to whether black, grey or white. All humans are related and thousands of years of history has proven that it doesn’t matter. Men hate each other and find reasons to justify their hatred. Love is rare; if it wasn’t rare the world wouldn’t be in the shape that it’s in.
I saw the same thread earlier. So great that you’re discussing it today!
Yes! It definitely caught my eye
Always be gracious for the possibility of reconciliation. If you find out otherwise, let it be. We reap what we sow and the time of reaping is upon us. Love and Light.
I think equity/love/hope is always best. Let th decide who they want to be, though.
I’ve never known/met my father or know very little to nothing about him. According to my Ancestry matches I found a very close match. I believe it was 1st cousin. I messaged the gentleman and asked if he knew or had heard of a man by my father’s name (last name). This gentleman and I communicated briefly. Then, he stopped communicating. This was during co vid. I prayed he and his family were well but I continued to message him. No response. All of a sudden I see a “jr” ( the gentleman’s son) as a match on Ancestry. So, I messaged him. Again, no response from neither one. I’m 61 yrs old and have been looking for ANY information regarding my father or anyone on his side of family for many, many years. At this point, I’m still curious but not as passionate about my search. My guess is a lot of feathers are ruffled when “new” families don’t know the full stories of their spouses? Also, I’m almost positive the reason for census records being 70 yrs behind is in part due to not letting secrets out. However, lots of secrets ARE out.
Early days were awkward. Introducing 1/2 siblings and telling someone their "dead" father was alive. I told my cousin about my grandfather....they were never told the truth. Now I am a bit more subtle (I hope). I manage a kit for someone with an unknown grandfather. Problem is the kit owner's father has no interest in knowing who his dad is. (Mostly likely a Valentine's Day one night stand or very brief affair). Recently got a close match and was able to build a tree and have narrowed the unknown grandfather to 4 people. One single, one widower, two married men....I really hope it was the single guy. I can't reach out, but maybe the match will.
I’m sure some people aren’t thrilled about hearing their ancestors/not so distant family member was a crappy person. I learned of a great/great great grandfather that was a crappy guy. If someone wanted to connect over that ancestor, I would probably feel a little strange about it. I wouldn’t ignore their messages but compared to other ancestors to connect with, it wouldn’t be the positive dna family match I would’ve hoped for. I do have some 2nd cousins that are from my dads mothers side that would also be similar. My grandmothers parents basically abandoned her and my dad and his siblings because my grandfather was Italian. Some people are just racist but I think there’s more complexity to talking to relatives that the history isn’t great with.
I've reached out to white DNA matches (not due to an affair, but likely r*pe of enslaved person.) I received good response, perhaps even better than when I have contacted Black matches - perhaps because of curiosity. I dont bring this up, of course. I'm sensitive to the fact that we both have to deal with having bad seeds in our tree (no one wants to find they are a descendant of a r*pist). I still want to know where the perpetrator sits in the tree. Be warned -- once you add this white ancestor to your tree, Ancestry and MyHeritage will attempt to populate *their* ancestors back to the 1600s! Your white ancestry will soon become the predominant ancestry in your tree since so much White American ancestory has been documented compared to AA ancestry. I've always imagined having white ancestors sprinkled in my tree due to r*pe of enslaved ancestors, but actually seeing their names and their ancestors in my tree was quite heavy. While I wonder about my Black ancestors, I find myself unable to see my white ancestors as family. I know that some of them would only see me as livestock.
So, no, i don't tell my white DNA matches all of this, but we should both understand what has happened in our trees and it was not our fault. How we are connected is likely not pretty, but we can help each other fill gaps in our history/family tree with information.
By the way, i do sometimes look up these DNA matches on Facebook ( they are all over the world). I do enjoy looking at their photos and seeing their children. It has made me feel more connected to the world. I hope they feel the same when they find out I exist (i just stalk their timeslines, I don't make friend requests of course 😜)
Absolutely reach out to your white side. My cousins had the opportunity to do so and did not....
Back in the day My grandma used to say... "Mama's baby Papas maybe."
Exactly! 👀
Why not? If you're half Italian then proclaiming you are such and ignoring the Italian side is kind of preposterous. As a Puerto Rican mutt myself I find these things so alien 👽 as we come in all the skin colors of the rainbow.
Latinos are just as colorist as anyone else stop it .
My aunt contacted our white side to invite to our family reunion in their town. They responded “We know who you guys are and please don’t contact us again”
You always have some dope music gear and synths behind you. When are we going to hear your music.
Shame I missed the live stream. Didn't even realise you'd had one.
I think anyone would be glad to have you in their family. I'd be surprised if anyone was negative to you.
Italian WW living in Italy here. My mom was italian and my biological father was a Brazilian immigrant who was a mix of White, Black and Gipsy. My mom got pregnant with me but her family didn't accept their relationship so she married an Italian man who adopted me. I had the chance to get in touch with my biological father and my parents gave me permission (I was under age so legally I couldn't decide by myself) to travel with him to Brazill to meet my biological family. I was so surprised to see they were from the most pale white to the darkest skin shade and they all loved each other without any differences, no trace of colorism or things like that. They were very happy to meet me but when I returned to Italy my feelings were changed. My Italian family was quite racist and they kept me only because I came out white otherwise they would have given me to adoption. For a long period I could not see anymore my biological father because he had problems and couldn't be present in my life. I felt confused, the relatives of my Italian stepfather hated me even if they pretended to be nice. But behind my back... Thankfully I have always remembered what my biological father told me. Never hate anybody for their ethnicity, skin color, origins etc. He never wanted me to treat nobody the way he was treated. And so I followed his teaching (maybe the only one he was able to give me) and I wanted to keep in touch again with my Brazilian family but the elderly passed away and the younger moved to other places, I have no idea where. Also my Italian relatives are almost all passed and so... Nothing. I have just accepted that I am ME with all my mixed origins and heritages and I am happy and proud of all of them although many people tried to make me hate myself and my biological family, they didn't succeed. I am racist only toward racists of any kind. The only but most precious lesson that my father taught me.
As a white Southerner I avoid the white side of my family.
@Nzappreciator110 A big ol' heap of reasons, but at the base is white supremacy.
Over the past 6 years I’ve built a decent size family tree on the Ancestry website that goes back hundreds of years and include my white direct line ancestors. However, in most cases I’m having to list my great great grandmothers as “Unknown black woman” because their names are not listed in any census or slave schedule or any other document. However, recently I noticed on my family tree that someone added a copy of a will to the profile of one of my white great great grandfathers. As I read the will I got excited when I saw the names of some of his female slaves. It gave me hope that maybe one of these women is my great great grandmother, and I can finally replace “unknown black women” with her actual name! I thought about reaching out to the person who posted the will, but I got cold feet. I’ll be honest, I usually don’t bother to reach out to my white distant cousins (the fact that we’re related because of rape bothers me), but I might make an exception in this case because I’m curious to see if somehow we can figure out which one of these female slaves was my great great grandmother. Not sure if he will respond to any messages I send, but I guess it’s worth a try.
When reaching out one might get their feelings hurt, but IMO it's worth trying - because sometimes one will make a decent connection (& regardless, at least one tried, eh?).
My very existance might have hit a nerve, because my closest DNA-Match - billed as a possible 1st or 2nd cousin - blocked me rather than respond to my introductory message (my dad had been adopted, so she was my best lead: a tight-lipped dead end; but, at least I tried & I'm not left second-guessing should I try or not?).
Yes. I know there is a chance of rejection but you'll never know until you try.
Of course. It’s like studying both sides of history. You have too. You just can’t research one side, it’s not very intellectual. You need both sides of the stories💗
Well said!
😮I say no, because understanding that most of these families dont know their background them selves. Be advised that not only did enslaved individual sometimes carry the names of their owners, poor free families carried the names of rich land owners in their areas. The rich land owners were the main employers of many poor free families and often know as the "Johnsons, Robertsons, Andersons, Scotts, etc..." as trusted employees of the rich land owners with the aforementioned sir names. Its is a disturbing notion to discovery such convoluted family dynamics when you have been told you are " German, Irish, Polished, etc..." Not to mention the components of incest that was prevalence during these times. I believe minority and ethnic groups are more willing to explore these interesting family history dynamics because there is not much to lose regarding their status in this current global society.
I suggest you do your research before you make ignorant assumptions such as incest about racial and ethnic groups.
Case and point. This is the exact reason why it is not a good idea. These events are triggering to many people who have enough to deal with in their daily life. My vote is No, leave these folks alone.
@@ChristineC.-bd2qr they never tied incest to a particular ethnic group; they just mentioned the higher prevalence during earlier time periods (which may or may not be true).
There are a lot of family secrets being uncovered due to the availability of inexpensive genetic tests... I have one of those situations in my own family.
You never know what secrets family hold and/or hide.
Man that’s tough honestly I think it’s fine to reach out but maybe do a little research before hand. Like check the social media if you’re not white and they have a confederate flag as the bio pic maybe don’t.
My grandpa was a ginger headed grey eyed mixed boy given up for adoption in North Carolina. He’s my favorite partially because I’m named after him lol but would I reach out to his white side? I don’t know. It’s a hard history he fought in WW2 for people that didn’t see he as equal not even his family. He was lucky he got the G.I. Bill probably because he looked white and was Air Force not just any one of the first. He was amazing put both his kids through college in a time where that was hard for black people even the mixed ones. He got his family to the north (New Jersey) in a lil Italian neighborhood in (East Orange).
It’s hard to reach out to family that doesn’t know you or even want to so just be careful. Sometimes it’s wonderful like I found out my ancestors came from Jersey the island off the coast of France. Plus I found out I’m part Norse which I kind of thought I was because my name “Jerald” but it was cool to know so have fun with it and don’t hurt yourself. And realize that its just a test if your family doesn’t all come from North America or your parents came from somewhere else it might not be able to tell you alot so family might be the only way but again don’t hurt yourself.
Some people are very sensitive and have a fixed idea of what their ancestors were like. I’ve experienced this because I come from some out of wedlock situations - people don’t want to hear it.
Do you know why I don’t respond to a majority of my Ancestry posts in my feed? I get way too many of them. I can’t answer them all. It is just too time-consuming. Whenever you answer them that beats more things. And they assume that you are a direct descendent of a couple would in fact, sometimes I do the genealogies of in-laws and extended family members because it was never done before. Worst of all you get some members who want me to take down pictures not because of any sensitivity. It is because I’m not related enough to have them on my tree. I tell him the stuff themselves and I block them.
Should I reach out to the black side of my family? Goes both ways. BTDT
Some will be okay, some not. It's life.
Reach out to them and hope for the best.
Go ahead and try to reach out to them.
I know what the offensive response was, I'm on those subs all the time. I think it was a Jamaican lady who matched with an elderly English lady, and the English lady said something like "wow you're gorgeous, my ancestors owned some beautiful people!" Wasn't malicious, just very offensive.
And I definitely think that things like cheating, adopting a kid, giving a kid up, sperm donation, etc. have been happening almost forever. I remember reading somewhere that, based on y-haplogroups compared to surnames, on average 2% of people in every generation have a different father than they thought.
I had a white relative ask me , how we were related?
It is only one way it happened, many generations ago.
I suggested that maybe she could have been related by some of my “passing” cousins.
Never heard from her again.
( otherwise, it would have been enslavement).
I message some of my white cousin matches. Never had one say anything negative about me. There was this white cousin match I had that shared 2% of my DNA. That's pretty high considering my 2nd cousin who I know in real life has the same amount of DNA. Was pretty confident I didn't have white great grandparents since my parents met all thier grandparents. Now great great grandparents not so much. I did message this cousin. His daughter the one that responded. She said her dad was 88 which was the same age as my grandmother at that time. She thought I was related to them through her dad father but I found out it was his mom side of the family. Had other matches on that side that lead back to a confederate soilder. So somehow i'm related to a confederate soilder. Not sure how my family's would take that news. Think the cousin is either my grandmother 2nd cousin or my dad 3rd cousin.
How 2% high
@@kaizatengoku3893 Yeah it is high. I'm more related to him then any white cousin match on there. The DNA should have been even higher if his mom or grandmother tested but obviously they passed away. I'm leaning more towards him being my grandmother half 2nd cousin. I think his great grandfather who's the confederate solider is my 3rd great grandfather. His daughter died a couple years before I was born. This would mean my dad, his siblings and his cousins had a half great grandaunt that was white and never knew it.
@@kaizatengoku3893 it is pretty high. I have cousins I know that are the descendants of a great uncle and they only show up as 1%
@@ThatSuzanneSchmid 1% low if that's all they shared with their grandparent sibling. That would be like me only sharing 1% with my brother grandson.
I don't care about them. Why would I?
The title of this video is GOLD. 😉 There are some huge cans of worms that can be opened with ancestry matches. YIKES!
Got an image of a bored couple separated on a Friday night in the 1800s:
"Tom said he will not be home until Monday..."
"Jed was looking awfully fetching in his coveralls today. 😍Hmmm..."
Tom, away from home on business (same weekend):
"Just spoke to Jilly and she says all is well at home. Now what will I do now that the work day is done?"
"Hi there, ma'am. Can I buy you a drink?"
Boom chicka wow wow! X 2 (or nah) 🙂😉
Basically, LOL
The thing I think about “”” Family “”” at this point is blackmail because of the blood relationship !!
Reparations ✊🏻💯🙌🏻. Let’s gooooooo!
The major goal to you have to understand is what is it to merely have an understanding that we are all connected or is it a guilt thing to make them feel guilty for the sins of their ancestors over 150 years ago. Although I love finding your roots with Henry Lewis Gates, he tends to overstate slavery in white peoples and sometimes black peoples family tree, as if they are to blame for what had happened, about seven generations ago.
Yes you should
Of course family is family....
Until you mix with blk. I would not reach out to them. Blks are way more accepting
That's your family- why not?
Yes, reach out.
Why would you want to contact distant relatives? I have no interest in even contacting 2nd cousins whatever their back story may be. There is little likelihood that we would have much in common. Already a couple or so of my relatives on the first-cousin level who don't contact me because once when I responded to their questions, they found out I was a non-believing heathen. So much the better.
I can only speak for black people, but many of us can only go back so far on our family trees due to the lack of paper trail prior to the Civil War of our enslaved ancestors. Connecting with relatives can help us learn more about who these people are, where they came from, what their lives were like.
I wanted to do that but their trailer park didn't really like blk folk coming around. Seriously, they made it very clear. I think they're scottish though. Red hair, green eyes everywhere.
I have no white cousins since we are generationally mixed. It’d be so cool if DNA could link people back to Europe from the 1600’s or whatever and then I might find the 47%Iberian.
Surprise family seems to run thick in my family. My dad's side of the family was especially, um, frisky? An hispanic cousin reached out to me. I managed to work out who in my family could possibly be his gr grandfather. We just can't find the one little piece that would prove it. Another cousin I am friends with is related to dad's side, of course. We cannot figure out where. Even with deep ancestry dna tests. I have some black cousins in my lists, but with today's climate, I am nervous about reaching out.
What do you mean by “today’s climate”? Based on the comments here, it seems your black relatives would probably be open to the idea of connecting.
YES💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯❤️
I get very uncomfortable thinking about reaching out to white people on ancestry. I only did it with one person because she had my family in her tree already.
Should I reach out to my Turkish or possible American side of my family? What about my Savolax or anything other possible that might exist out there. I also have half gypsy cousins. This stuff fascinates me, I'm not racist.
@@SammonPuolustaja you obviously did not watch the video. And it's not racist to ask.
@@ThatSuzanneSchmid wtf?
You should
Yes, you should.
it started out with a kiss, how did it end up like this?
You look like a queen
I wish you could reach out to Ralph macchio from the karate kid movies he is of Italian ancestry
Only if you have money and need to use them to make more money. Make sure the benefits are mutual as they only care about themselves. If they cared about you as a person, they could have had reached out decades ago. It all about money to them. Ask Meghan Markle. 😅