They definitely know. My husband identifies as a psychopath and narcissist- openly. Also, the first time I left him, he had an absolute melt down and kept using the word "abandoned" and then went on a punishment tangent. Which resulted in my taking him back just to stop the abuse. Bc it was so EXTREME. Also also, he has accidentally called me "mom" on several occasions. Richard is so nail on the head with everything always. Idk where I'd be right now with his insight and guidance 🙏 ❤ bless everyone on their healing journey!!
When you see the smirk on their face while hurting you, you KNOW it’s on purpose, they KNOW what they are doing, infact they love it. My ex sister in law would always say “being good doesn’t get you anywhere, you have to be bad to people for them to behave around you”..
Yes! My mother gets a little glint in her eye immediately before delivering some really hurtful barb. I see it as her connecting her brain phone to the narcissistic hub 😂
Narcs can self reflect and they do know right from wrong and know their behaviour towards others is bad, hurtful etc but THEY DON’T CARE! They lack empathy
Do you remember how you felt as a little child when you did something wrong and you felt that shame and embarrassment? “The world was going to end?” That is what they feel AS AN ADULT with THAT SAME INTENSITY-that helpless SHAME. Except now, these adults use lies and manipulation to AVOID that shame feeling. You can think of a narcissist as a smart child who has learned to adapt to the word with malicious behavior, lies, manipulation, and deceit. ❤
They reduce your access to other ideas, perspectives and viewpoints until it becomes just their ideas, perspectives and viewpoints that you receive as information from the outside world. Without other alternatives, what they say and tell you is the only reality you know. Their ideas and thoughts are the only thing coming into your head. If you try and have your own ideas and thoughts, you are punished. The pain association teaches you to be afraid to have your own ideas and thoughts - you dont want to be punished and feel pain - so you stop having them. Expose yourself to new information, other perspectives, other beliefs, other ways of being. At first you will reject them. You will hear in your head how the narcissist would view these things, and how they would judge and belittle those people and perspectives. Learn the alternative viewpoints of great people from history, that achieved great things - much greater things than your narcissist ever achieved. What did they think? What do they believe? How did they act? Who were you before the narcissist came into your life and belittled what you loved? What music did you like? What books? What type of people? Tap back into that to find yourself again. Find truly great heroes not evil ugly ones. Learn from them
Because I have empathy and I'm codependent , I stayed 7 years to long to help my narcissist "victim". I tried to rescue . As Richard said , it was a dreadful mistake on my part . I have divorced , gone no contact for my emotional and physical self preservation . My story is profoundly painful and horrible and my 9 year experience deeply negatively affected me . I came very close to being emotionally dismantled and I became very physically sick , but I finally escaped my abuser , Thank God .🙏, Thank you Mr . Grannon.
Writing to Reflect That You Are Brave and Good. You Deserve To Be Treated With Respect For Your Chosen Boundaries and To Feel Safe and Live With As Much Support and Enthusiasm as Possible - - That is Your Birthright - No Other Person Is More Important and No Other Person Should Be Allowed Access To You If They Detract From Your Positive Presence and Pathway in Life. Love and Light To You - - and Good On You For Finally Getting Away. It May Seem Like You Barely Can Get On From Here With All the Damage - - But With Time, Supportive Therapy, Good Health Habits and NO CONTACT = You Will Walk In The Sun Of Your Peaceful Heart Again XO From Another Survivor.
Best to quit focusing on the narcissist and turn your time toward helping yourself. Work on changing your need to be needed and getting your validation from that as an individual, work on changing your thoughts about and toward yourself, work on changing the "pity" for the narcissist to love for yourself and grow away from them. Grow toward a healthy, developed self. Discern what that even looks like. May peace be part of your process.
Although these videos are so valuable to those who are just beginning to learn what is happening to them, it would be great to see more positive reinforcement for those who are now on the other side…”I survived narcissism…now what?” Or, “How to deflect the ultimate hoover.” Peace is what we long for. Would love to see others’ suggestions.
@@X7lilred81 I have kept my conversations in bare minimum word's. Yes ok no not possible can't make it.. repeatedly said no without explaining reason over and over again. I don't owe them explanation. They get triggered and silence gets uncomfortable but it must be done. You reach a certain point where they are forced you accept and stop bothering. I have sweared and threatened flying monkey's, confronted them for trying to be a middle man. They go defensive immediately and after a while stop altogether. It gets really uncomfortable for becoming aggressive but it works. I treasure my peace and sanity over everything.
I went around in that same circle, wondering if they knew exactly what they're doing or if they're just thoughtless and stupid, and concluded that I'm done with expending valuable energy on any of it. That's probably the point of healing. I don't ruminate anymore, don't really consider them whatsoever. Never thought it would be like this, and it took many years to achieve.
Last year I had a new neighbour and her daughter moving in next to me. She seemed to be in such a miserable situation, no job, no friends, no family, pretty depressed. A very charming victim of people and circumstances, which made me want to help her with everything for over a year. When I realized that she was just abusing and caring a shit about me and others was when I understood that she is a covert narcissist. Lazy is a word that I hardly ever use, but she and her daughter really are the laziest people I have ever met in my whole life. Before, I didn't know that there are people who choose delegating as a life philosophy, but there really are...
What nobody talks about is how what I experienced. The stages of love bomb, devalue and discard. And the specific tactics of each stage are exactly the same. Exactly the same as everybody else’s. Did they learn that on TH-cam? No it’s intrinsic. It’s spiritual. Something dark teaches these creatures.
Even when they weren't awere what they are doing like a crocodile wich is just hungry, you don't have to stay until they eat you alive. I can understand that the beast is hungry, I can even have compassion for it's situation, but I wont let it eat me.
We've been going through this overnight as our Grandsons' mother has managed to alienate her neighbours, and get the whole family evicted - again! The kids are 18 and 20. They're both nice boys who don't know how to react when mommy's sad. Yes, she does have a capacity to self reflect. She's due in court next week, and her court persona is always a revelation. I just hope the kids can break free and start living their own lives.
Very true , I was an orphan at the age of six months old but I,m not a lost child , narccisists love to play the victim even when they did have loving parents , they behave like toddlers
From my limited experience, narcisists had traumatised mothers, a mother who is unable to love them because of her psychic splitting. It’s demonic, they are consciously or unconsciously working with demons
⚠❤Children are going to disappear around the world, then His adult TRUE believers. It is JESUS coming back to pick up His people! Make Him your Saviour! Do not stay for apocalypse!❤ Jesus promised 2 000y ago that He will come back for everybody who accepted His payment ( His death for our sins)❤ He is about to remove His believers from this earth sobthey won’t stay for the Judgement. He loves you like crazy! He doesn't want you to stay for that! God's Grace is about to run out.❤🥹 What saves us is trust in what Jesus did on the cross: He died for our sins and then defeated the death by rising 3 days later! He made it very simple, He has done it all for us so don't add anything to it, just believe and trust Him! 🙌❤ Right before He comes to pick up His believers we will witness Russia attacking Germany. Missiles hitting USA , Fall of Freemason's Temple in Philadelphia, Alaska earthquakes back to back of magnitude 7.6 and 7.3. We will also see return of Yasser Arafat. This is all been revealed by Jesus's prophets right now.❤
I was born into a narcissistic family and married into one, and only three years ago did I start learning and understanding narcissism. If the narc is angry, they will provoke you to become angry too; If they're in a good mood, you're expected to be in a good mood too (even though they just shouted at screamed at you 15 minutes ago). You are not allowed to be an individual in a narcissistic relationship (be it romantic, platonic or familial). Tread lightly and choose the people around you wisely.
I have done exactly that: imagining my nex wallowing in her suffering, her poor decisions, her shame and guilt, her incompetence, and took pity on her. Half the reason I stayed for ten years through all the abuse is because I pitied her and wanted to "save her."
⚠❤Children are going to disappear around the world, then His adult TRUE believers. It is JESUS coming back to pick up His people! Make Him your Saviour! Do not stay for apocalypse!❤ Jesus promised 2 000y ago that He will come back for everybody who accepted His payment ( His death for our sins)❤ He is about to remove His believers from this earth sobthey won’t stay for the Judgement. He loves you like crazy! He doesn't want you to stay for that! God's Grace is about to run out.❤🥹 What saves us is trust in what Jesus did on the cross: He died for our sins and then defeated the death by rising 3 days later! He made it very simple, He has done it all for us so don't add anything to it, just believe and trust Him! 🙌❤ Right before He comes to pick up His believers we will witness Russia attacking Germany. Missiles hitting USA , Fall of Freemason's Temple in Philadelphia, Alaska earthquakes back to back of magnitude 7.6 and 7.3. We will also see return of Yasser Arafat. This is all been revealed by Jesus's prophets right now.❤
Yup. If my mother can have everyone outside the home seeing her as an angel who practically walks on water, yet is sooo spiteful and vindictive to her husband and children.. she knows exactly what she's doing!
I was engaged to someone who was diagnosed as Schizophrenic, and I believe he also had NPD. A mutual friend commented that I was becoming more like his mother than a partner. I made sure he had enough food and was eating properly, I bought him groceries, beer and cigarettes. And I felt burned out. We finally broke up when he went off to be with his ex-wife and ghosted me. If you're a kind, compassionate and giving person - they'll latch on to you and they're so hard to leave. But you need to in order to save yourself!
You are the greatest Richard. Saying , you are living somebody else’s story or film is one of the most insightful comments I’ve heard about BPD. And you know that it is a bad story or film that they are making. 🎥
They absolutely know they are stealing your dreams and are tremendously jealous of your dreams so want you dead so they can have your dreams. Absolutely. When cornered, they think there is nothing wrong with what they are doing. You do not exist. They are a God and the only existence. You are giving your life away that God gave you and all the gifts that God gave you. Get away so you can have what God gave you out of love
This is my relationship with my father. I was his mom/dad parent figure my whole life emotionally. It was the weiredest experience that dessimated me. I had to pretend since as long as I could remember.
Good video. The narcissist is NOT a child. They have so many dumb excuses they think are valid. Such as in a co-parenting situation where they change up the visitation plans constantly or they withhold committing to a schedule, because "their work schedule is just too unpredictable". When , in reality, they have their schedule 3 months in advance! They simply want to control your life down to the minute, daily. They do this with the constant need for making arrangements and then "tweaking" them. They want to wait and see if they felt like leaving work early or late that day, or if they want to spend time with friends instead, and change up weekends on you so that you can't ever make plans! And, you have to communicate with them, of course, because it is "about the children."
At 5:40 - 6:05, it's interesting because I tested that. I asked my ex to change his approach to our conversation multiple times, stating I wouldn't continue if he didn't stop. As soon as I turned on record, he looked at me funny and asked what I was doing. I said I was recording. He automatically switched to the communication I was asking for. This is when I knew he was using a control tactic.
They are in constant pain, but they need to win. How to win if they feel worse than you do? Make you feel even worse than that, until your misery is more significant than theirs. In their head, this raises them above you on the mental totem pole. They must be superior, because they are happier, despite still wallowing in sadness. Narcissists are humans turned into psychological parasites, demonic and pathetic. It is likely where many stories of possession come from.
Why do they never apologise ? and act like nothing happened after the reactive abuse , like blow their top at you then five minutes later they're asking you if you want a cuppa . It twists your mind .
⚠❤Children are going to disappear around the world, then His adult TRUE believers. It is JESUS coming back to pick up His people! Make Him your Saviour! Do not stay for apocalypse!❤ Jesus promised 2 000y ago that He will come back for everybody who accepted His payment ( His death for our sins)❤ He is about to remove His believers from this earth sobthey won’t stay for the Judgement. He loves you like crazy! He doesn't want you to stay for that! God's Grace is about to run out.❤🥹 What saves us is trust in what Jesus did on the cross: He died for our sins and then defeated the death by rising 3 days later! He made it very simple, He has done it all for us so don't add anything to it, just believe and trust Him! 🙌❤ Right before He comes to pick up His believers we will witness Russia attacking Germany. Missiles hitting USA , Fall of Freemason's Temple in Philadelphia, Alaska earthquakes back to back of magnitude 7.6 and 7.3. We will also see return of Yasser Arafat. This is all been revealed by Jesus's prophets right now.❤
This was a great and much needed video because I know people who had trauma in their childhoods and they are healed and helping other people now, they're great people! I also know a lot of people who didn't have a horrible childhood although they may not have had the ideal childhood either but they use every excuse in the book why they live trifling nasty lifestyles! It's ALWAYS somebody else's fault for why they are so messed up! They never want to hear WHAT THEY NEED TO DO to heal or make their lives better as an adult, and that is just not acceptable! Again, great video! 👏👏👏💯🎯 I needed to hear this today!❤
Exactly what happened to me! As I realized I must break up and left him I had to first overcome my own feelings of guilt because he stalked me and cried like a little boy whose mother had abandoned him. 😢
My wife kept acting more and more like a child and when she finally thought the idea of separation was better than talking it out, it was a very quick “see ya” and disappear for no contact. Later. Love your vids.
WOW! 😳 Mr. Richard having subscribed to your channel and listening to your videos makes so much sense. My sweetheart and I have been living with her dad at his home while she recovered from squamous cell carcinoma lung cancer stage 3 now in remission and all I can say is it's been literal HELL!! for 10 months now. It's time for us to leave now and go back to her home. He's 86 years old short in statue and still gets around and to top it off my sweethearts brother and his wife have moved in the back to take over his affairs and when that time comes. I have had to resign from my production window and doors job of 10 years! to take care of my sweetheart but now is the time to move back to our home and get the hell out of here. Yes he is full blown Narcissist!. I am currently recovering and deconstructing from religion and using critical thinking 🤔 skills now. I thank you Mr. Richard for your TH-cam channel. Much love and light to you Sir, always.💪🍷🙃😲🤪🤫🙈😩⏳💰👀😉🙄😳🌎🌍🤔🦉
🙌👏👏👏 I agree with the commentor this is an impressive talk!!! You are really in your new dialed zone! I think you excavated an awareness I was not able to do for myself. I thought these thoughts and sacrifices were mine....but all of a sudden the clarity came that they are not. Thanks for education you give.
Of course narcissists know what they're doing. They abuse their loved ones behind closed doors, which they would never do in front of others, all the while playing the victim. They lie, smear, triangulate, plot, scheme and recruit their flying monkeys to join in fully knowing that what they're doing is wrong. You can't say that all that planning lacks being conscious..
The issue with narcissists is they rewrite reality and history *automatically* and its ingrained in their psyche to do so, and as it is a fantasy defense, a 2 year old child would fully believe their rewritten version of what happened is true! It would end by them rewriting whatever makes them adapt to the situation that avoids whatever triggers the extreme unconscious burdens once confronted, they're completely unaware unless they embrace their emptiness & absence. You have to also remember, that what they speak is not what they think, they're 2 completely different entities, the narcissist could self reflect and admit things to the eyes of the world as its in relation to their hyper self consciousness but in their head it is something completely different.
It's a poisoning of the soul when abuse happens at a very young and impressionable age...abuse will create a victim but also a perpetrator at the same time in some cases, and my guess is it depends on the severity of the abuse...
I'm a self aware narcisst. For me it's like I can only in retrospect see and analyse what im doing. But that information is not there in the moment, the defences take over. At the end of the day I can only laugh at what kind of misserable shit i'm doing.
Are you aware that you abuse others as "self aware" narcissist? It's very interesting to hear an opinion from someone on the other side. Thanks for sharing.
When you're in the moment.... If you can create space in the mind..... You can catch the pattern. Mindfulness helps relieve the pressure, remind yourself that you're reacting, and choose to stay silent BEFORE saying anything. Yes it will feel hard, but with your awareness, knowing it's an old childlike response, and nobody is hurting you now..... This helped me!!!
I am so grateful I found your videos. It has helped me how I engage with my narc husband. I feel stronger and more aware. Why does my husband always pulls me back almost as fast as he discards me? I suspect hes been cheating and has other supply, but I have no concrete evidence. Thank you
My conclusion comes from a spiritual perspective, all of the NPD’s behavior (abuse) is described by God as the things which He hates. The opposite of: Light is Dark, Love is Evil, and Heaven is Hell. God knows who will not decide their hearts over to him. I’m convinced everyone has a choice in their behavior and decisions. The splitting from the self could very well be the point the narcissist chooses to deal with the Devil.
If their parents didn't do the job by loving them properly then it's no one duty to do it either.We will do better job by spending our energy for loving our own chidren as well as practicing self love instead focusing on these wasters.The price is too high which is our limited time on this planet.Wake up and focus on yourselves and your children at last.
Malevolent behaviour in the narcissist is real, likened to worse than some people incarcerated. He was no egnima once I realised who he is. I tried recording him, my phone was snatched from my hand, He physically attacked me. He also found a dictaphone I hid and he took it, then he denied it was in his pocket. I'm left wandering if hell harm nd destroy the new supply. The devil dressed up as a man of quality, honesty and all that's good.
The narcissist I know…her husband killed her son and she helped cover it up. If it was investigated, do you think since she mom and grandma to a big family, should everyone just let it be?
My question is how you can keep doing this as someone who went through so many years of pain and healing. Do you ever get tired of talking about it? I am grateful for you and others similar who have helped so many learn about this so we can identify and move on. Thank you Richard!
I think the dominant culture is so sick and alienating that even someone with a relatively healthy and stable upbringing is still pretty traumatized. I mean we make kids be inside sitting down for 7+ hours a day at least half the year 5-18. That itself is enough trauma to really hurt development. Many people see trauma as some kind of root phenomenon from which all these other things stem and branch out. I think the spectrum between connection and alienation is also really useful to look at and fundamental.
I tried to move forward and foTwo days ago i almost ended up in hospital. For the first time i stupidly went on fb dating. My ex narcisscist played me for almost a month. I should have known it was him, but i didn't. I guess im that starved to be loved again. I struggle with depression and now i can barely get out of bed. I don't know Richard, about narcissists going down. He's fine, laughing, im suicidal. Im stuck in freeze.
But they learned these things then and this is who they are now. But they see what they're doing and its a deeply entrenched habit that they're stuck in but they have to climb out of it now that they see it is wrong they are doing. Its laziness in them to play the game to make us have to do the things they have decided for us so they don't have to and they are clearly choosing to be a bad person on they're own without caring if they're hurting us. They think of themselves as a person thats more important than us. Thats how they choose to make things work for themselves. If I was a cursing person I would say screw that, but I'm not so I will just say no, no, no, to that. Its absolutely wrong and we are ignorant in thinking more of them than ourselves. Learned ignorance that we must get past, thats our trench to climb out of. We want to be the savior to make us feel better about ourselves. Go save a real helpless child or something instead of these lazy, self absorbed people that are abusing us. Its bad against good. Its a choice we each have to make.
My narcissistic husband pretends he had the perfect childhood & all the problems in our relationship are my fault. His introspection & self reflection are not something I have ever experienced, neither a genuine apology for cruelty & neglect towards me as his partner. He appears to care about our children & is dutiful to the outside world but he is gaslighting & cruel to me, so yes they can definitely switch depending on their audience. He was an over indulged child, if that helps to understand that not all narcissistic people are victims of childhood trauma & sometimes their victims are codependent victims of trauma. I have been both the child victim & parent rescuer in my experience. At the end of the day, as an adult we can choose the path of empathy & justice or the path of neglect & vengeance despite our start in life.... Narcissistic people are either mollycoddled or abused into being...yep I'm Irish & mollycoddled boys of abused mothers are they type of man child I have attracted until now, healing with Many Thanks to you Richard & the community of narcissistic abuse healers you vibe with, you are all my tribe now🙏
Correct. Emotionally they have the emotions of a 9 year old, however, intellectually, spiritually and physically their grown adults. That's the psychiatric facts. Thanks Richard our kid. Saint Anger
If they choose to leave the roof, go to bed and turn their face to the wall in response to your need to talk, they know what they are doing. If they walk out of the house... they know
It's so hard for me to decipher... Is this the shared fantasy? I fell into covert NPD ex's lap. I pursued this person. This person is an attention whore, I learned. I wasn't special, ex would take it from anyone. Ex absorbed my desire. Ex learned what favors to do that kept me around--which I interpreted as loving me. My attraction to this person is so intense still. Even with all the psychotic behavior. The dream that Richard describes, slow motion rain etc, for me is my going to my ex's house and embracing, just being with each other without a word. I know my ex wouldn't kick me out because my ex would take that attention from anyone. And that's what breaks my heart How much I love this person, only to acknowledge that I was only supply...that makes me not go back, not even for an hour. Been there, done that. I know I would leave feeling just as heart broken as I do now; plus I would have rewarded my ex for not picking me. I am working on believing I can feel this way about someone else again. It's so hard to believe I could.
Hi Richard, Thanks for all the information - respect.. Can you do more on the "intrajection" please? This whole being in a soap opera feeling rings true... Thanks..
Thank you for your content. It’s really helping me realize that the man who discarded me did me a huge favor. I just need to refocus my thoughts to something other than him.
❤Regardimg one of the last questions: Screening yourself and/or someone else isn't the same as diagnosing. A lay person in contrast to a clinician cannot diagnose. But one can screen by using one of Dr Robert Hares online assessments. These are only screening tools, but it might be the next step in getting therapy or master coaching.
They fully do self reflect, because we see this all the time in sports with athletes. They fully are conscious of their every thought and decision, they simply don’t care. It’s a matter of dominance and control. They sharpen and improve their methods to gain more and better control. If they see others as on an equal playing field they seek to manipulate. If they clearly see someone as being a higher status than themselves, you will quickly see their insecurity and inadequacy come out. They fully understand feelings, they just don’t care for anyone else’s, other than their own. If they allow themselves to care, then that weakens them. They would have to share which means loosing control and dominance. Which means sharing attention. They can’t have that. It’s simply selfish self centeredness and stubbornness. Any public display of caring for others is disingenuous, because it’s only a way to garner attention and build status and recognition for themselves. They will give, but it’s only to establish a pathway to take more for THEMSELVES. It’s all about moves and countermoves. If you cross them they will punish you. If they can no longer get what they want or need from you , you get punished, ignored, ghosted, or, discarded . Getting involved with these people can get you hurt immensely emotionally, spiritually, mentally or even physically. You can loose your self, your identity, OR EVEN , YoUR WHoLE LIFE…..I fully witnessed this in my now ex husband. When I met him, I thought he was the greatest person. Too good to be true. Little did I know how correct that thought would turn out to be. He was a monster. He ended up destroying me, our life and damaging our children and our relationships. I have paid a serious cost. He ruined me financially. Now older and with compromised health, I feel destroyed. My entire life stolen deceptively. Dreams shattered. My identity and confidence shattered. I can’t begin to describe the nightmare that my life became when meeting and marrying this man. He left me a broken shell of a person. I have had to fight to just get through the days mentally and spiritually, picking up the pieces of my destroyed life. Having to pray for a shred of hope from one day to the next where I now fit into life. He said , he didn’t care if I was in the streets and he meant it. He has no concern for me what so ever. He went from looking out for me, to working overtime to getting rid of me in the worst of ways . He wanted someone younger. I have men hitting on me all the time. However, to him, in his eyes , I was no longer attractive. He made sure to remind me of that. I could see it in his eyes , always noticing other women. He was a trophy man. You had to make him look good. I have held my age well. I often get mistaken as being younger than I actually am. Other men find me attractive, just not my husband. What is sad , is, I loved this man and gave him my best. Beautiful children, love, loyalty, hard work, cooked excellent meals, kept an emaculate home and was fully desirous of passion and playfulness as his wife. Though as his punishment, I was often denied and ignored as though I wasn’t even there. He withheld love from me. No praise for anything. No companionship, vulnerability or intimacy. I am told, I was a beautiful woman. I was never proud, puffed up or thought myself better than others, but I was no dog . However, I sure got treated as such. Now discarded like a piece of trash, I have to find someway to move forward. I m not sure if I will ever be fully able to trust again. I gave everything and now have nothing to show for it. Nothing about me or my life was ever appreciated by him. He was a thief of the worst kind. He took my life, he broke my spirit. I know GOD IS NEAR ME. I FEEL HIS PRESENCE. HE IS ALL THAT GETS ME FROM ONE DAY TO THE NEXT. IF YOU ARE INVOLVED WITH A NARCISSIST, MY BEST ADVICE IS TO PREPARE IN SECRET FINANCIALLY. NEVER DISCLOSE ANY PROFITS OF YOUR OWN. PLAN TO LEAVE IN SECRET AND DO. YOU MAY LOOSE A PERSON, BUT YOU WILL AT LEAST, HAVE YOUR LIFE, YOUR HEALTH AND YOUR SANITY. DONT STAY WITH A NARCISSIST. THEY WILL BANKRUPT YOUR ENTIRE EXISTENCE. Thank you, Mr. Grannon , for the work you do. It has helped me to understand and through you sharing your experiences, to relate. It helps. It helps a lot. Being a survivor, I’m sure you get it. I stayed too long. For years I didn’t understand what was happening or why. I was dedicated to making my marriage work and didn’t want to fail. If it weren’t for helpers such as yourself and others, I’d probably still be in the dark regarding NPD. THANKS FOR BRINGING AWARENESS AND EDUCATION TO THIS ABUSIVE DESTRUCTION UPON THE HUMAN SOUL. GOD BLESS…I wish you every happiness…✨
Why get out and STAY out: a-I shouldn't take this type of emotional abuse from anyone. And/Or. b-once I know that he's sick, me being a healthy, functional adult, I should not be engaging a sick person in a romantic relationship.
My HeNarc bosses me around, tells me how to do things (his way) even though I’m highly capable. I have said “I don’t need a dad” he has actually said “(Oh yes you do. You need a dad.” No I needed a husband, a partner. He has actually been more like one of my children, waiting for me to take care of him. And I feel disgusted by how f-ing weird about it as I look back on the nightmare. He is the BIGGEST REGRET OF MY LIFE. ❤
Until you can create a space between yourself and them , it runs like addiction - always reacting and responding to them or introjects of them. Sick attachment. Disentangle, step back. Step out of the movie.
I came home this afternoon to find a box left at my front door. It was supposed to be a Christmas gift from my ex, but I went no contact December 12th. He had told me he still had a gift for me, a pair of shoes. Well, yesterday was my birthday. He wrote Happy Birthday on the box of shoes and left them at my door while I was out today. The Happy Birthday scratched on the box looks much like what a child would do. He lives an hour away from me. It’s his address on the box, so I know he delivered them himself. Now I feel as though a scab has been ripped off of a well healed wound. I want to be the good person and thank him for the gift, but I know I should act as though this event never happened.
Chuck it in the trash. :D I still get hoovers from the narcissist I went no-contact with, and the longer I am no-contact, the more insulted I am that she thinks I can just forget the horrible things she did to me and my kids.
I realized, when I was going through the pain of disconnecting, that I was having HIS thought processes. I remember saying to myself, "these are not my thoughts"! I'm thinking like him and it's so BLEAK! It took me a while to stop doing this but I did. It was agonizing to disconnect but worth EVERY BIT of desperate misery. I've been free a long time and happy!
My friend - great content on your videos. But can I request you use a better microphone. It’s hard to hear you at times (unless I’m in a rare silence) and I have to stop viewing. Thanks ❤
No, they are selfish to the core, my dad is a vulnerable narcissist, and has caused me and especially my mother untold misery, yes a bad childhood, i am not a narcissist, i think i am an empath my bad childhood has not made me narcissistic... my dad chose to be selfish... having said that i cant read his heart, only our creator can judge perfectly...
I think you are right. It seems many of the people commenting are missing your point. Its not black and white. It is also very difficult to watch someone else go through this when they are struggling to decide to cut the apron strings, make attempts, then get hit with the guilt trips.
Fascinating stuff..I read about parenting children .We, as children, are self centered. Scream when we want to eat, tantrums not getting our way, learning to communicate better as we grow to get what we want. We LEARN to self control…self soothing in public. Behind closed doors they are still an infant crying.
objectification is abuse really, it looks like it's not, but as it destroys development then it Is abuse - it doesn't look like it to me either, but it is in fact. but don't stick around, they're adults, they can go and get help.
There's a bird in nature that pretends it is wounded in order to attract attention to itself (and away from its nest/eggs/young). The narcissistic person uses the same tactics, to draw you away from anything that would take your attention away from them.
Toddlers never want to self reflect it’s takes good parental skills to make them retrospect willingly without creating guilt feelings.Most parents punish children if they don’t do and this child becomes reluctant about it.
Oooh! Check for self-awareness by asking them how they SUCCEEDED at something. If they describe manipulations that "worked" that could be a sign of self- awareness...
@Richard Grannon pls do not delete this vid❣ pls make more short and to the point vids on any topic. I love them. Also, I do like when u interview people long form. Ty Sending my support.
Thank you again. I have had a life of narcicistic people. I divorced and are now talking to "a friend" from my past. I thought I could handle it but I see a pattern that I'm not happy with. I see them constantly looking for something in me that reminds me of their ex. I keep trying to fix things in them but it never happens even when they say they would like me to help. I hear them say things like I would've did that to if you had... ha ha just kidding. Well in the past what happened was your fault even when we're not talking about it they bring it up. I'm ready to end this wish it had never started. Messed up again, not real bad, at least I caught it in time. I'm learning.
I remember telling my ex , I'm not his momma , his sister or his wife . I'm just some one he's dating . I felt a shift in the relationship . He was a bit surprised . It was great 🌹❤️🌹
They definitely know. My husband identifies as a psychopath and narcissist- openly. Also, the first time I left him, he had an absolute melt down and kept using the word "abandoned" and then went on a punishment tangent. Which resulted in my taking him back just to stop the abuse. Bc it was so EXTREME. Also also, he has accidentally called me "mom" on several occasions. Richard is so nail on the head with everything always. Idk where I'd be right now with his insight and guidance 🙏 ❤ bless everyone on their healing journey!!
🤣🤣🤣I laughed so hard reading him calling you "mom"
When you see the smirk on their face while hurting you, you KNOW it’s on purpose, they KNOW what they are doing, infact they love it. My ex sister in law would always say “being good doesn’t get you anywhere, you have to be bad to people for them to behave around you”..
the smirk is the giveaway
@@Moe90ies I agree their smirkey grin is a dead give away and narcissists will tell on themselves. They say things and will show you who they are.
🎉
AMEN.....
fathers/partners who say "they love you".
rage and hurt you.. then smirk.
That smile ... They know. Schadenfreude
There are so many toxic relationships one even is not aware of.
The stomach tells me something and gives hints if some relationship is toxic or not.
I think they know
I see the glimmer in the eyes after inflicting pain. You have to know what you are doing to inflict pain
I've seen that too
It's like they just got their drug fix
Yes! My mother gets a little glint in her eye immediately before delivering some really hurtful barb. I see it as her connecting her brain phone to the narcissistic hub 😂
Yeah, children know what they’re doing as well believe it or not😂
They know. They smirk. Giggle, say the person deserve it.
They know! They smirk when they get you! They do not care. They want to be served.
absolutely
Yeah my husband smirks when he belittles me bit I have his number now and he will be the loser.
Narcs can self reflect and they do know right from wrong and know their behaviour towards others is bad, hurtful etc but THEY DON’T CARE! They lack empathy
Right on 👍.
Do you remember how you felt as a little child when you did something wrong and you felt that shame and embarrassment? “The world was going to end?” That is what they feel AS AN ADULT with THAT SAME INTENSITY-that helpless SHAME. Except now, these adults use lies and manipulation to AVOID that shame feeling. You can think of a narcissist as a smart child who has learned to adapt to the word with malicious behavior, lies, manipulation, and deceit. ❤
They reduce your access to other ideas, perspectives and viewpoints until it becomes just their ideas, perspectives and viewpoints that you receive as information from the outside world.
Without other alternatives, what they say and tell you is the only reality you know.
Their ideas and thoughts are the only thing coming into your head.
If you try and have your own ideas and thoughts, you are punished.
The pain association teaches you to be afraid to have your own ideas and thoughts - you dont want to be punished and feel pain - so you stop having them.
Expose yourself to new information, other perspectives, other beliefs, other ways of being.
At first you will reject them. You will hear in your head how the narcissist would view these things, and how they would judge and belittle those people and perspectives.
Learn the alternative viewpoints of great people from history, that achieved great things - much greater things than your narcissist ever achieved. What did they think? What do they believe? How did they act?
Who were you before the narcissist came into your life and belittled what you loved? What music did you like? What books? What type of people? Tap back into that to find yourself again. Find truly great heroes not evil ugly ones. Learn from them
Because I have empathy and I'm codependent , I stayed 7 years to long to help my narcissist "victim". I tried to rescue . As Richard said , it was a dreadful mistake on my part . I have divorced , gone no contact for my emotional and physical self preservation . My story is profoundly painful and horrible and my 9 year experience deeply negatively affected me . I came very close to being emotionally dismantled and I became very physically sick , but I finally escaped my abuser , Thank God .🙏, Thank you Mr . Grannon.
I stayed 25 yrs. Too long
Writing to Reflect That You Are Brave and Good. You Deserve To Be Treated With Respect For Your Chosen Boundaries and To Feel Safe and Live With As Much Support and Enthusiasm as Possible - - That is Your Birthright - No Other Person Is More Important and No Other Person Should Be Allowed Access To You If They Detract From Your Positive Presence and Pathway in Life. Love and Light To You - - and Good On You For Finally Getting Away. It May Seem Like You Barely Can Get On From Here With All the Damage - - But With Time, Supportive Therapy, Good Health Habits and NO CONTACT = You Will Walk In The Sun Of Your Peaceful Heart Again XO From Another Survivor.
@@bthe1doright462 many thanks 🙏
Very similar to my situation
@@ArchAngel435me too… 23 years actually, but he’s weaponised my kids against me and we’re also at the 25 year mark now….
Best to quit focusing on the narcissist and turn your time toward helping yourself. Work on changing your need to be needed and getting your validation from that as an individual, work on changing your thoughts about and toward yourself, work on changing the "pity" for the narcissist to love for yourself and grow away from them. Grow toward a healthy, developed self. Discern what that even looks like. May peace be part of your process.
Although these videos are so valuable to those who are just beginning to learn what is happening to them, it would be great to see more positive reinforcement for those who are now on the other side…”I survived narcissism…now what?” Or, “How to deflect the ultimate hoover.” Peace is what we long for. Would love to see others’ suggestions.
Beautifully said!
@@X7lilred81 I have kept my conversations in bare minimum word's. Yes ok no not possible can't make it.. repeatedly said no without explaining reason over and over again. I don't owe them explanation. They get triggered and silence gets uncomfortable but it must be done. You reach a certain point where they are forced you accept and stop bothering. I have sweared and threatened flying monkey's, confronted them for trying to be a middle man. They go defensive immediately and after a while stop altogether. It gets really uncomfortable for becoming aggressive but it works. I treasure my peace and sanity over everything.
I went around in that same circle, wondering if they knew exactly what they're doing or if they're just thoughtless and stupid, and concluded that I'm done with expending valuable energy on any of it. That's probably the point of healing. I don't ruminate anymore, don't really consider them whatsoever. Never thought it would be like this, and it took many years to achieve.
GOOD ON YOU !
i’m not gonna lie man i’m terrified to think that it will take me years to become indifferent towards my ex. she destroyed me 10x over.
Last year I had a new neighbour and her daughter moving in next to me. She seemed to be in such a miserable situation, no job, no friends, no family, pretty depressed. A very charming victim of people and circumstances, which made me want to help her with everything for over a year. When I realized that she was just abusing and caring a shit about me and others was when I understood that she is a covert narcissist. Lazy is a word that I hardly ever use, but she and her daughter really are the laziest people I have ever met in my whole life. Before, I didn't know that there are people who choose delegating as a life philosophy, but there really are...
What nobody talks about is how what I experienced. The stages of love bomb, devalue and discard. And the specific tactics of each stage are exactly the same. Exactly the same as everybody else’s. Did they learn that on TH-cam? No it’s intrinsic. It’s spiritual. Something dark teaches these creatures.
Even when they weren't awere what they are doing like a crocodile wich is just hungry, you don't have to stay until they eat you alive.
I can understand that the beast is hungry, I can even have compassion for it's situation, but I wont let it eat me.
Well said Katarina, that seems the best framing of the problem to me too.
We've been going through this overnight as our Grandsons' mother has managed to alienate her neighbours, and get the whole family evicted - again! The kids are 18 and 20. They're both nice boys who don't know how to react when mommy's sad. Yes, she does have a capacity to self reflect. She's due in court next week, and her court persona is always a revelation. I just hope the kids can break free and start living their own lives.
Very true , I was an orphan at the age of six months old but I,m not a lost child , narccisists love to play the victim even when they did have loving parents , they behave like toddlers
It’s pretty bad
But I have friends thank God
@@ChristinaLabruzzo Thank God I have a few true friends too , ♥️
From my limited experience, narcisists had traumatised mothers, a mother who is unable to love them because of her psychic splitting. It’s demonic, they are consciously or unconsciously working with demons
@@eutoteu7852it’s called a “dead mother “
@@Camposdarkomaybe it’s a dead father not mother…..
Who cares what they think it's always 100% about them no one else
You don't need to be invested but we should observe and and learn enough to be good bouncers at the door of our lives.
Fact!
⚠❤Children are going to disappear around the world, then His adult TRUE believers. It is JESUS coming back to pick up His people! Make Him your Saviour! Do not stay for apocalypse!❤
Jesus promised 2 000y ago that He will come back for everybody who accepted His payment ( His death for our sins)❤ He is about to remove His believers from this earth sobthey won’t stay for the Judgement.
He loves you like crazy! He doesn't want you to stay for that! God's Grace is about to run out.❤🥹 What saves us is trust in what Jesus did on the cross: He died for our sins and then defeated the death by rising 3 days later! He made it very simple, He has done it all for us so don't add anything to it, just believe and trust Him! 🙌❤
Right before He comes to pick up His believers we will witness Russia attacking Germany. Missiles hitting USA , Fall of Freemason's Temple in Philadelphia, Alaska earthquakes back to back of magnitude 7.6 and 7.3. We will also see return of Yasser Arafat. This is all been revealed by Jesus's prophets right now.❤
Good point!
I was born into a narcissistic family and married into one, and only three years ago did I start learning and understanding narcissism. If the narc is angry, they will provoke you to become angry too; If they're in a good mood, you're expected to be in a good mood too (even though they just shouted at screamed at you 15 minutes ago). You are not allowed to be an individual in a narcissistic relationship (be it romantic, platonic or familial). Tread lightly and choose the people around you wisely.
It's tough as hell. Hope you are able to recover
I have done exactly that: imagining my nex wallowing in her suffering, her poor decisions, her shame and guilt, her incompetence, and took pity on her. Half the reason I stayed for ten years through all the abuse is because I pitied her and wanted to "save her."
Same
Although I did it too. I think I might be a narcissist too...
I completely understand what you wrote .
same with me.
My exN was a very well known person in our community, very well connected n influential. I stayed bcoz of the huge shame I would have to endure.
⚠❤Children are going to disappear around the world, then His adult TRUE believers. It is JESUS coming back to pick up His people! Make Him your Saviour! Do not stay for apocalypse!❤
Jesus promised 2 000y ago that He will come back for everybody who accepted His payment ( His death for our sins)❤ He is about to remove His believers from this earth sobthey won’t stay for the Judgement.
He loves you like crazy! He doesn't want you to stay for that! God's Grace is about to run out.❤🥹 What saves us is trust in what Jesus did on the cross: He died for our sins and then defeated the death by rising 3 days later! He made it very simple, He has done it all for us so don't add anything to it, just believe and trust Him! 🙌❤
Right before He comes to pick up His believers we will witness Russia attacking Germany. Missiles hitting USA , Fall of Freemason's Temple in Philadelphia, Alaska earthquakes back to back of magnitude 7.6 and 7.3. We will also see return of Yasser Arafat. This is all been revealed by Jesus's prophets right now.❤
They KNOW! Thats why its behind closed doors! Get real
They don’t want others to know
Oh YES! They know!
@@nicholecornes1915 They’re mostly on social media abusing their victims also. And behind closed doors their victims are tortured with abuse
@@nicholecornes1915 But they don’t want anyone to know and find out. They are attention seekers energy vampires and monsters
Yup. If my mother can have everyone outside the home seeing her as an angel who practically walks on water, yet is sooo spiteful and vindictive to her husband and children.. she knows exactly what she's doing!
My experience as a psychologist: they usually choose not to introspect. I’ve heard “I do reflect from time to time”.
Thank you for mentioning that as a professional. They CHOOSE NOT TO INTROSPECT.
I was engaged to someone who was diagnosed as Schizophrenic, and I believe he also had NPD. A mutual friend commented that I was becoming more like his mother than a partner. I made sure he had enough food and was eating properly, I bought him groceries, beer and cigarettes. And I felt burned out. We finally broke up when he went off to be with his ex-wife and ghosted me. If you're a kind, compassionate and giving person - they'll latch on to you and they're so hard to leave. But you need to in order to save yourself!
my father exactly like that. selfish prick. and my mother became his caretaker, been worried about his meals ,likes and dislikes...
You are the greatest Richard. Saying , you are living somebody else’s story or film is one of the most insightful comments I’ve heard about BPD. And you know that it is a bad story or film that they are making. 🎥
They absolutely know they are stealing your dreams and are tremendously jealous of your dreams so want you dead so they can have your dreams. Absolutely. When cornered, they think there is nothing wrong with what they are doing. You do not exist. They are a God and the only existence. You are giving your life away that God gave you and all the gifts that God gave you. Get away so you can have what God gave you out of love
This is my relationship with my father. I was his mom/dad parent figure my whole life emotionally. It was the weiredest experience that dessimated me. I had to pretend since as long as I could remember.
Good video. The narcissist is NOT a child. They have so many dumb excuses they think are valid. Such as in a co-parenting situation where they change up the visitation plans constantly or they withhold committing to a schedule, because "their work schedule is just too unpredictable". When , in reality, they have their schedule 3 months in advance! They simply want to control your life down to the minute, daily. They do this with the constant need for making arrangements and then "tweaking" them. They want to wait and see if they felt like leaving work early or late that day, or if they want to spend time with friends instead, and change up weekends on you so that you can't ever make plans! And, you have to communicate with them, of course, because it is "about the children."
At 5:40 - 6:05, it's interesting because I tested that. I asked my ex to change his approach to our conversation multiple times, stating I wouldn't continue if he didn't stop. As soon as I turned on record, he looked at me funny and asked what I was doing. I said I was recording. He automatically switched to the communication I was asking for. This is when I knew he was using a control tactic.
They simply enjoy inflicting pain.
Exactly.
They are in constant pain, but they need to win. How to win if they feel worse than you do? Make you feel even worse than that, until your misery is more significant than theirs. In their head, this raises them above you on the mental totem pole. They must be superior, because they are happier, despite still wallowing in sadness. Narcissists are humans turned into psychological parasites, demonic and pathetic. It is likely where many stories of possession come from.
Very sadistic. Sadism.
@@Prometheuspredator🎯
what a waste of a " skin suit"
Why do they never apologise ? and act like nothing happened after the reactive abuse , like blow their top at you then five minutes later they're asking you if you want a cuppa . It twists your mind .
They're dense and egotistical.
They are so overwhelmed by the possibility of any spec of feeling shame they are incredibly defended against ANY accountability.
Oh they do say sorry,but it's one of those sorrys, that is hollow.
@soulTraveller144 it's meaningless.
⚠❤Children are going to disappear around the world, then His adult TRUE believers. It is JESUS coming back to pick up His people! Make Him your Saviour! Do not stay for apocalypse!❤
Jesus promised 2 000y ago that He will come back for everybody who accepted His payment ( His death for our sins)❤ He is about to remove His believers from this earth sobthey won’t stay for the Judgement.
He loves you like crazy! He doesn't want you to stay for that! God's Grace is about to run out.❤🥹 What saves us is trust in what Jesus did on the cross: He died for our sins and then defeated the death by rising 3 days later! He made it very simple, He has done it all for us so don't add anything to it, just believe and trust Him! 🙌❤
Right before He comes to pick up His believers we will witness Russia attacking Germany. Missiles hitting USA , Fall of Freemason's Temple in Philadelphia, Alaska earthquakes back to back of magnitude 7.6 and 7.3. We will also see return of Yasser Arafat. This is all been revealed by Jesus's prophets right now.❤
I’ve laughed plenty during this… also realized I am parent/rescuer.. ick.
This was a great and much needed video because I know people who had trauma in their childhoods and they are healed and helping other people now, they're great people! I also know a lot of people who didn't have a horrible childhood although they may not have had the ideal childhood either but they use every excuse in the book why they live trifling nasty lifestyles! It's ALWAYS somebody else's fault for why they are so messed up! They never want to hear WHAT THEY NEED TO DO to heal or make their lives better as an adult, and that is just not acceptable! Again, great video! 👏👏👏💯🎯 I needed to hear this today!❤
Exactly what happened to me! As I realized I must break up and left him I had to first overcome my own feelings of guilt because he stalked me and cried like a little boy whose mother had abandoned him. 😢
My wife kept acting more and more like a child and when she finally thought the idea of separation was better than talking it out, it was a very quick “see ya” and disappear for no contact. Later. Love your vids.
WOW! 😳 Mr. Richard having subscribed to your channel and listening to your videos makes so much sense. My sweetheart and I have been living with her dad at his home while she recovered from squamous cell carcinoma lung cancer stage 3 now in remission and all I can say is it's been literal HELL!! for 10 months now. It's time for us to leave now and go back to her home. He's 86 years old short in statue and still gets around and to top it off my sweethearts brother and his wife have moved in the back to take over his affairs and when that time comes. I have had to resign from my production window and doors job of 10 years! to take care of my sweetheart but now is the time to move back to our home and get the hell out of here. Yes he is full blown Narcissist!. I am currently recovering and deconstructing from religion and using critical thinking 🤔 skills now. I thank you Mr. Richard for your TH-cam channel. Much love and light to you Sir, always.💪🍷🙃😲🤪🤫🙈😩⏳💰👀😉🙄😳🌎🌍🤔🦉
🙌👏👏👏 I agree with the commentor this is an impressive talk!!! You are really in your new dialed zone! I think you excavated an awareness I was not able to do for myself. I thought these thoughts and sacrifices were mine....but all of a sudden the clarity came that they are not. Thanks for education you give.
I appreciate that!
Of course narcissists know what they're doing. They abuse their loved ones behind closed doors, which they would never do in front of others, all the while playing the victim. They lie, smear, triangulate, plot, scheme and recruit their flying monkeys to join in fully knowing that what they're doing is wrong. You can't say that all that planning lacks being conscious..
The issue with narcissists is they rewrite reality and history *automatically* and its ingrained in their psyche to do so, and as it is a fantasy defense, a 2 year old child would fully believe their rewritten version of what happened is true! It would end by them rewriting whatever makes them adapt to the situation that avoids whatever triggers the extreme unconscious burdens once confronted, they're completely unaware unless they embrace their emptiness & absence. You have to also remember, that what they speak is not what they think, they're 2 completely different entities, the narcissist could self reflect and admit things to the eyes of the world as its in relation to their hyper self consciousness but in their head it is something completely different.
It's a poisoning of the soul when abuse happens at a very young and impressionable age...abuse will create a victim but also a perpetrator at the same time in some cases, and my guess is it depends on the severity of the abuse...
But yes, you are correct, they are very aware of what they are doing and do not have the capacity to self reflect.
Sorry, see how exhausted I am, THEY DO HAVE THE ABILITY TO SELF REFLECT. Sheesh
I'm a self aware narcisst. For me it's like I can only in retrospect see and analyse what im doing. But that information is not there in the moment, the defences take over. At the end of the day I can only laugh at what kind of misserable shit i'm doing.
Are you aware that you abuse others as "self aware" narcissist? It's very interesting to hear an opinion from someone on the other side. Thanks for sharing.
When you're in the moment.... If you can create space in the mind..... You can catch the pattern. Mindfulness helps relieve the pressure, remind yourself that you're reacting, and choose to stay silent BEFORE saying anything. Yes it will feel hard, but with your awareness, knowing it's an old childlike response, and nobody is hurting you now..... This helped me!!!
I am so grateful I found your videos. It has helped me how I engage with my narc husband. I feel stronger and more aware. Why does my husband always pulls me back almost as fast as he discards me? I suspect hes been cheating and has other supply, but I have no concrete evidence. Thank you
Same for me
My conclusion comes from a spiritual perspective, all of the NPD’s behavior (abuse) is described by God as the things which He hates. The opposite of: Light is Dark, Love is Evil, and Heaven is Hell. God knows who will not decide their hearts over to him. I’m convinced everyone has a choice in their behavior and decisions. The splitting from the self could very well be the point the narcissist chooses to deal with the Devil.
Demonic possession
Oh trust me they definitely know what they're doing, they wanna know whether they will get caught or not.
If their parents didn't do the job by loving them properly then it's no one duty to do it either.We will do better job by spending our energy for loving our own chidren as well as practicing self love instead focusing on these wasters.The price is too high which is our limited time on this planet.Wake up and focus on yourselves and your children at last.
I wish I had . I don't know just how much my children have been effected I nearly let it destroy me.
Malevolent behaviour in the narcissist is real, likened to worse than some people incarcerated. He was no egnima once I realised who he is.
I tried recording him, my phone was snatched from my hand, He physically attacked me. He also found a dictaphone I hid and he took it, then he denied it was in his pocket.
I'm left wandering if hell harm nd destroy the new supply. The devil dressed up as a man of quality, honesty and all that's good.
Yep totally. Very creepy when you look back at those strange/weird times with a narcissist 😬
The narcissist I know…her husband killed her son and she helped cover it up.
If it was investigated, do you think since she mom and grandma to a big family, should everyone just let it be?
And she made attempts on my life because I was the only one suspicious
It's like being in the world's smallest concentration camp.
Ohhh! So glad to hear someone else feels casual sex is unhealthy! Thanks so much for this.
My question is how you can keep doing this as someone who went through so many years of pain and healing. Do you ever get tired of talking about it? I am grateful for you and others similar who have helped so many learn about this so we can identify and move on. Thank you Richard!
I think the dominant culture is so sick and alienating that even someone with a relatively healthy and stable upbringing is still pretty traumatized. I mean we make kids be inside sitting down for 7+ hours a day at least half the year 5-18. That itself is enough trauma to really hurt development. Many people see trauma as some kind of root phenomenon from which all these other things stem and branch out. I think the spectrum between connection and alienation is also really useful to look at and fundamental.
Weird and Gross words I truly connect with after NPD awareness. Demonic too.
Adore your channel Richard ! Thank you
The self reflecting with this disorder seems to happen for less than a minute…may be too painful, not sure…but then live in a bubble.
I tried to move forward and foTwo days ago i almost ended up in hospital. For the first time i stupidly went on fb dating. My ex narcisscist played me for almost a month. I should have known it was him, but i didn't. I guess im that starved to be loved again. I struggle with depression and now i can barely get out of bed. I don't know Richard, about narcissists going down. He's fine, laughing, im suicidal. Im stuck in freeze.
16:03 would you like to record a complete video in this funny language? 😅
But they learned these things then and this is who they are now. But they see what they're doing and its a deeply entrenched habit that they're stuck in but they have to climb out of it now that they see it is wrong they are doing.
Its laziness in them to play the game to make us have to do the things they have decided for us so they don't have to and they are clearly choosing to be a bad person on they're own without caring if they're hurting us. They think of themselves as a person thats more important than us. Thats how they choose to make things work for themselves. If I was a cursing person I would say screw that, but I'm not so I will just say no, no, no, to that. Its absolutely wrong and we are ignorant in thinking more of them than ourselves. Learned ignorance that we must get past, thats our trench to climb out of. We want to be the savior to make us feel better about ourselves. Go save a real helpless child or something instead of these lazy, self absorbed people that are abusing us. Its bad against good. Its a choice we each have to make.
My narcissistic husband pretends he had the perfect childhood & all the problems in our relationship are my fault. His introspection & self reflection are not something I have ever experienced, neither a genuine apology for cruelty & neglect towards me as his partner. He appears to care about our children & is dutiful to the outside world but he is gaslighting & cruel to me, so yes they can definitely switch depending on their audience. He was an over indulged child, if that helps to understand that not all narcissistic people are victims of childhood trauma & sometimes their victims are codependent victims of trauma. I have been both the child victim & parent rescuer in my experience. At the end of the day, as an adult we can choose the path of empathy & justice or the path of neglect & vengeance despite our start in life.... Narcissistic people are either mollycoddled or abused into being...yep I'm Irish & mollycoddled boys of abused mothers are they type of man child I have attracted until now, healing with Many Thanks to you Richard & the community of narcissistic abuse healers you vibe with, you are all my tribe now🙏
Molly coddled boys of abused mothers....... This sounds familiar to me. Thank you for sharing.
Actually this is so true it's actually scary...... 😢
Correct.
Emotionally they have the emotions of a 9 year old, however, intellectually, spiritually and physically their grown adults.
That's the psychiatric facts.
Thanks Richard our kid.
Saint Anger
If they choose to leave the roof, go to bed and turn their face to the wall in response to your need to talk, they know what they are doing. If they walk out of the house... they know
It's so hard for me to decipher... Is this the shared fantasy?
I fell into covert NPD ex's lap. I pursued this person. This person is an attention whore, I learned. I wasn't special, ex would take it from anyone. Ex absorbed my desire. Ex learned what favors to do that kept me around--which I interpreted as loving me.
My attraction to this person is so intense still. Even with all the psychotic behavior. The dream that Richard describes, slow motion rain etc, for me is my going to my ex's house and embracing, just being with each other without a word. I know my ex wouldn't kick me out because my ex would take that attention from anyone. And that's what breaks my heart
How much I love this person, only to acknowledge that I was only supply...that makes me not go back, not even for an hour. Been there, done that. I know I would leave feeling just as heart broken as I do now; plus I would have rewarded my ex for not picking me.
I am working on believing I can feel this way about someone else again. It's so hard to believe I could.
Hi Richard, Thanks for all the information - respect..
Can you do more on the "intrajection" please? This whole being in a soap opera feeling rings true...
Thanks..
Thank you for your content. It’s really helping me realize that the man who discarded me did me a huge favor. I just need to refocus my thoughts to something other than him.
❤Regardimg one of the last questions: Screening yourself and/or someone else isn't the same as diagnosing. A lay person in contrast to a clinician cannot diagnose. But one can screen by using one of Dr Robert Hares online assessments. These are only screening tools, but it might be the next step in getting therapy or master coaching.
My cruel, double-chinned, x-legged, terribly-dressed ex had me swooning over him like a B movie actress 😂 Fantasy indeed.
They fully do self reflect, because we see this all the time in sports with athletes. They fully are conscious of their every thought and decision, they simply don’t care. It’s a matter of dominance and control. They sharpen and improve their methods to gain more and better control. If they see others as on an equal playing field they seek to manipulate. If they clearly see someone as being a higher status than themselves, you will quickly see their insecurity and inadequacy come out. They fully understand feelings, they just don’t care for anyone else’s, other than their own. If they allow themselves to care, then that weakens them. They would have to share which means loosing control and dominance. Which means sharing attention. They can’t have that. It’s simply selfish self centeredness and stubbornness. Any public display of caring for others is disingenuous, because it’s only a way to garner attention and build status and recognition for themselves. They will give, but it’s only to establish a pathway to take more for THEMSELVES. It’s all about moves and countermoves. If you cross them they will punish you. If they can no longer get what they want or need from you , you get punished, ignored, ghosted, or, discarded . Getting involved with these people can get you hurt immensely emotionally, spiritually, mentally or even physically. You can loose your self, your identity, OR EVEN , YoUR WHoLE LIFE…..I fully witnessed this in my now ex husband. When I met him, I thought he was the greatest person. Too good to be true. Little did I know how correct that thought would turn out to be. He was a monster. He ended up destroying me, our life and damaging our children and our relationships. I have paid a serious cost. He ruined me financially. Now older and with compromised health, I feel destroyed. My entire life stolen deceptively. Dreams shattered. My identity and confidence shattered. I can’t begin to describe the nightmare that my life became when meeting and marrying this man. He left me a broken shell of a person. I have had to fight to just get through the days mentally and spiritually, picking up the pieces of my destroyed life. Having to pray for a shred of hope from one day to the next where I now fit into life. He said , he didn’t care if I was in the streets and he meant it. He has no concern for me what so ever. He went from looking out for me, to working overtime to getting rid of me in the worst of ways . He wanted someone younger. I have men hitting on me all the time. However, to him, in his eyes , I was no longer attractive. He made sure to remind me of that. I could see it in his eyes , always noticing other women. He was a trophy man. You had to make him look good. I have held my age well. I often get mistaken as being younger than I actually am. Other men find me attractive, just not my husband. What is sad , is, I loved this man and gave him my best. Beautiful children, love, loyalty, hard work, cooked excellent meals, kept an emaculate home and was fully desirous of passion and playfulness as his wife. Though as his punishment, I was often denied and ignored as though I wasn’t even there. He withheld love from me. No praise for anything. No companionship, vulnerability or intimacy. I am told, I was a beautiful woman. I was never proud, puffed up or thought myself better than others, but I was no dog . However, I sure got treated as such. Now discarded like a piece of trash, I have to find someway to move forward. I m not sure if I will ever be fully able to trust again. I gave everything and now have nothing to show for it. Nothing about me or my life was ever appreciated by him. He was a thief of the worst kind. He took my life, he broke my spirit. I know GOD IS NEAR ME. I FEEL HIS PRESENCE. HE IS ALL THAT GETS ME FROM ONE DAY TO THE NEXT. IF YOU ARE INVOLVED WITH A NARCISSIST, MY BEST ADVICE IS TO PREPARE IN SECRET FINANCIALLY. NEVER DISCLOSE ANY PROFITS OF YOUR OWN. PLAN TO LEAVE IN SECRET AND DO. YOU MAY LOOSE A PERSON, BUT YOU WILL AT LEAST, HAVE YOUR LIFE, YOUR HEALTH AND YOUR SANITY. DONT STAY WITH A NARCISSIST. THEY WILL BANKRUPT YOUR ENTIRE EXISTENCE. Thank you, Mr. Grannon , for the work you do. It has helped me to understand and through you sharing your experiences, to relate. It helps. It helps a lot. Being a survivor, I’m sure you get it. I stayed too long. For years I didn’t understand what was happening or why. I was dedicated to making my marriage work and didn’t want to fail. If it weren’t for helpers such as yourself and others, I’d probably still be in the dark regarding NPD. THANKS FOR BRINGING AWARENESS AND EDUCATION TO THIS ABUSIVE DESTRUCTION UPON THE HUMAN SOUL. GOD BLESS…I wish you every happiness…✨
Why get out and STAY out: a-I shouldn't take this type of emotional abuse from anyone. And/Or. b-once I know that he's sick, me being a healthy, functional adult, I should not be engaging a sick person in a romantic relationship.
My HeNarc bosses me around, tells me how to do things (his way) even though I’m highly capable. I have said “I don’t need a dad” he has actually said “(Oh yes you do. You need a dad.” No I needed a husband, a partner. He has actually been more like one of my children, waiting for me to take care of him. And I feel disgusted by how f-ing weird about it as I look back on the nightmare. He is the BIGGEST REGRET OF MY LIFE. ❤
Until you can create a space between yourself and them , it runs like addiction - always reacting and responding to them or introjects of them. Sick attachment. Disentangle, step back. Step out of the movie.
I came home this afternoon to find a box left at my front door. It was supposed to be a Christmas gift from my ex, but I went no contact December 12th. He had told me he still had a gift for me, a pair of shoes. Well, yesterday was my birthday. He wrote Happy Birthday on the box of shoes and left them at my door while I was out today. The Happy Birthday scratched on the box looks much like what a child would do. He lives an hour away from me. It’s his address on the box, so I know he delivered them himself. Now I feel as though a scab has been ripped off of a well healed wound. I want to be the good person and thank him for the gift, but I know I should act as though this event never happened.
Chuck it in the trash. :D I still get hoovers from the narcissist I went no-contact with, and the longer I am no-contact, the more insulted I am that she thinks I can just forget the horrible things she did to me and my kids.
I realized, when I was going through the pain of disconnecting, that I was having HIS thought processes. I remember saying to myself, "these are not my thoughts"! I'm thinking like him and it's so BLEAK! It took me a while to stop doing this but I did. It was agonizing to disconnect but worth EVERY BIT of desperate misery. I've been free a long time and happy!
Thank you for this video, Richard! It was exactly what I needed today.
My friend - great content on your videos. But can I request you use a better microphone. It’s hard to hear you at times (unless I’m in a rare silence) and I have to stop viewing. Thanks ❤
No, they are selfish to the core, my dad is a vulnerable narcissist, and has caused me and especially my mother untold misery, yes a bad childhood, i am not a narcissist, i think i am an empath my bad childhood has not made me narcissistic... my dad chose to be selfish... having said that i cant read his heart, only our creator can judge perfectly...
I think you are right. It seems many of the people commenting are missing your point. Its not black and white. It is also very difficult to watch someone else go through this when they are struggling to decide to cut the apron strings, make attempts, then get hit with the guilt trips.
Fascinating stuff..I read about parenting children .We, as children, are self centered. Scream when we want to eat, tantrums not getting our way, learning to communicate better as we grow to get what we want. We LEARN to self control…self soothing in public. Behind closed doors they are still an infant crying.
So many trolls in that live chat!!!
Love is lettin' go.
objectification is abuse really, it looks like it's not, but as it destroys development then it Is abuse - it doesn't look like it to me either, but it is in fact. but don't stick around, they're adults, they can go and get help.
There's a bird in nature that pretends it is wounded in order to attract attention to itself (and away from its nest/eggs/young). The narcissistic person uses the same tactics, to draw you away from anything that would take your attention away from them.
What a covert, narcissist, passive aggressive with triad traits
Toddlers never want to self reflect it’s takes good parental skills to make them retrospect willingly without creating guilt feelings.Most parents punish children if they don’t do and this child becomes reluctant about it.
Oooh! Check for self-awareness by asking them how they SUCCEEDED at something. If they describe manipulations that "worked" that could be a sign of self- awareness...
I like what you said, Richard, about not feeling guilty about abandoning the narcissist, who is in turn thinking of themselves as this innocent child.
Puppy in the rain 😂😂😂you so brilliant
🐶🥲
@@RICHARDGRANNON😊
👏👏👏Never have I dealt with anything more 🥴
Complex..
Than narcissists 😮💨
You’ve taught me so
M U C H❣️
You're very much appreciated Richard. Thank you
From sunny South Africa
Richard thank you so much for the work you’re doing! It really helps, so keep going 🩵
VERY 🎯💥👊 Thank You for doing this video and analyze what's happend in the real ( ! ) victims mind as I call: In The Fog.
🙏🌹💞
One of your best ones, Richard!!! If I may. I think it makes total sense.👋
So, basically they are just a-holes.
It's trauma bonding no?
@Richard Grannon pls do not delete this vid❣ pls make more short and to the point vids on any topic. I love them. Also, I do like when u interview people long form. Ty Sending my support.
I agree, more shorts and I would love to have them on Spotify as well
That is an interesting video with interesting perspective.
Imagining them in the slo-mo rain! Hahaha
Thanks for making me laugh!
Excellent content Richard 👌 thank you ❤
This hurts so much but i wouldn't learn any other way. Thanks Rishard.
One day. You will look back at your old self and feel like a brand new you ;) !
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Sorry I couldn't see my keyboard.. Richard. Thanks
Thank you again. I have had a life of narcicistic people. I divorced and are now talking to "a friend" from my past. I thought I could handle it but I see a pattern that I'm not happy with. I see them constantly looking for something in me that reminds me of their ex. I keep trying to fix things in them but it never happens even when they say they would like me to help. I hear them say things like I would've did that to if you had... ha ha just kidding. Well in the past what happened was your fault even when we're not talking about it they bring it up. I'm ready to end this wish it had never started. Messed up again, not real bad, at least I caught it in time. I'm learning.
You can't fix anyone, much less a narcissist.
I remember telling my ex , I'm not his momma , his sister or his wife . I'm just some one he's dating . I felt a shift in the relationship . He was a bit surprised . It was great 🌹❤️🌹
They're is a book out titled "the myth of the spoiled child" - that word could stand some more defining in our cultures