I Hate My TV Asexuality Documentary
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 13 ต.ค. 2024
- EDIT: I'M TALKING ABOUT THE TITLE ON TELEVISION AND ON THE APP, NOT ON TH-cam.
Please watch the full video before commenting.
I participated in this documentary under the guise that it would help to educate the public about the diverse nature of asexuality and asexual people. Instead, I got a narrow portrayal of asexual people in a patronising, heavy-handed spectacle that is "I Don't Want Sex."
I want to emphasise that I'm not trying to insult anyone involved in the project, but I am calling out anyone who had creative control over this irresponsible production.
If you were one of the asexual people involved in filming, let me know what you thought of the experience.
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SOCIAL MEDIA:
Instagram: @theyasminbenoit
Tumblr: yasminbenoit.tumblr.com
Website: yasminbenoit.wix.com/model
Asking the question," how would you feel if you had to have sex?" is actually very rapey. If someone was in a situation where they _had_ to do it, that would just be rape
Exactly! If a straight man asked me that question, I would ask him "How would you feel if you had to do it with a man/ receive it from a man?"
People have never been more curious about my sex life than after they hear I am asexual.
Why do you care??
Likely the something like the Novelty Effect. The brain is wired to investigate new situations, processes, etc. You're an outlier. 🤷♀️
Seriously
@@nugget6635 Because we keep getting asked questions that hinge on our sexuality or end up in conversations that are either disinteresting or upsetting for a lot of us. It is very hard to conduct conversations particularly around pop culture, for any length of time before people will assume that something is wrong.
@@KirstenMarie_MS3 And you think this makes it OK to ask probing questions about my sex life?
@@EvilDMMk3 Did I say that? Offering an explanation for something doesn't equal approval of said thing. And you can't effectively correct a behavior until you know why that behavior exists in the first place.
I haven't seen this documentary, but as an ace, just hearing you describe this makes me so pissed. We already don't have much rep, this really doesn't help dude. Your anger is totally valid. love your content ❤
"Are you uncomfortable with these balls slapping your mouth?"
I saw the documentary earlier and I can see what you said about them having an angle. The title is wrong on so many levels, and I hate the way they made it all only about dating. There was definitely a lack in diversity and also the fact that the showed only sex repulsed aces. And I kind of feel bad for the people in the documentary, I think the BBC people tried to put them in really embarrassing and uncomfortable situations to prove some kind of point that I still don't get
I think you need to start a meetup group for asexuals 🙂
There's actually someone on a website called Meet Up who does that already! :)
That sounds good. They can all meet each other, hook up, and start families together! Oh, wait... :-P
Wow. Sounds like complete misinterpretation on purpose to parade around asexuality as a bad, strange thing that sexual people gock at rather than exploring and accepting it as valid.
I just watched the bbc3 documentary and totally agree. I'm a asexual aromantic and I really felt like this show only covered some young romantics looking for a partner. Asexuality has so many different types of people with so many different stories. Edit: btw love the shirt ;)
13:00 Can relate to that a lot! One time I told someone I was asexual, and their first response was "do you masturbate?" I said I did sometimes and they replied with "so you're not really asexual then?" pretty much like how you described it. Imagine having the confidence of an ignorant person who thinks they know your sexuality better than you lmao
We seriously need a proper documentary, none of the ones I've seen on us have been completely perfect.
I heard (A)sexual is pretty good. I've only looked at the trailer, but it looked great. I think AVEN had something to do with the documentary, so that's good.
That sounds downright pathetic. Is it important to display why being asexual sucks? Hell yes - because it's almost entirely because of acephobia and society overemphasizing sex. But it's also important to show that asexuality itself is not a problem or a tragedy. Or, you know, a product of purity culture...
And as far as aromanticism goes, I think that's even more important to represent than asexuality. Because it's more hideously twisted out of context by society. Being asexual, I could see how bad the public's view of asexuality was, but it wasn't until I became close friends with an aromantic that I realized how much worse the public viewed aromanticism. It's so ridiculous!
I do generally answer questions about masturbation and such. Yes, it is intrusive and it is not appropriate in any way. But I'd rather encourage them to ask questions when they don't know something than make them feel like they should just come to their own conclusions. I feel like putting myself way more out there than I should ever have to is less cringey than seeing what demeaning shit they come up with if left to their own imaginations. But you are right - it is equally intrusive as someone asking a trans person about their genitals. The fact is, it really shouldn't matter.
I'm sure people will figure all this out eventually, but in the meantime, ugh...
That documentary was so awful that I wanted to cry! I don't wanna be in any documentary where the producers want to push me in a certain direction: trying to get me to answer inappropriate personal questions that I don't wanna answer in an attempt to get little soundbites that they clip together so they can construct a narrative that they want to present... but it's a total misrepresentation of myself and other folx like me. I hope the following hypothetical scenario illustrates my point:
Producer: okay Skye, so as a trans person, tell us how you know you were born in the wrong body.
Me: well...I don't think that way about myself-
Producer: yeah, yeah, yeah I understand, but we want you to explain what life is like being in the wrong body
Me: okay, look, if y'all would just listen to me for a moment, I'll tell you what my personal experience ACTUALLY is-
Producer: yeah yeah yeah sure we'll add that later, but just to start off, ya know, talk about discovering that you were in the wrong body.
Me: **gets up and leaves** :-)
its like they want to turn us into some kind of an exhibition (that’s the only word i can think of rn)
@12:39 As an ace/aro spec genderfluid I one hundred percent agree with this statement.
Facts
I'm Ace and used to work in a sex/BDSM store. A few of my coworkers were also on the asexual spectrum and/or aromantic.
I haven't seen the documentary, but I would have laughed my ass off if they had gotten any of us to go into a sex shop to ask us if we were uncomfortable.
That whole situation is absurd and I loved your analogies.
12:40 Honestly, 100% as a trans-man, I'm not offended or upset in the slightest about this comparison. If you ask an ace person if they masturbate, but you wouldn't ask a non-ace identifying person, that's awful and you have terrible judgement and it's so not any of your business. Just like you wouldn't ask your cis neighbor about their genitals, what the hell makes it okay or appropriate to ask a trans person? LGBTQIPA+ people have boundaries too.
watching this now, I can understand, where the aphobic' "aces just don't want to have sex" are coming from...
I'm sorry, you had to go through this :c
I heard about that on AVEN and I was so shocked to hear what they had done. I'm so sorry you (and all the others who were in the documentary) have been betrayed like this.
I appreciate you so much. Thank you for representing for black aces!
Black people need more representation
Know that feeling. I spoke out about being attacked for being a goth on the BBC3, and they exaggerated everything that encouraged A LOT of hate comments.
this video absolutely captured the exact issues i've had with what little mainstream representation of asexual folks there is. i watched a different short documentary that also collapsed asexual experiences into "i don't want sex" and focused primarily on white able-bodied people. it felt like such a reductive portrayal that i felt utterly hopeless for a couple days. i'm so glad you got to experience being around asexual people of different experiences and here's hoping that the future holds increased attention to asexual folks speaking on our own terms!
12:48 as a trans person. Totally agree. Asking anyone about their genitals or sex life unwarranted like that is just weird and uncomfortable
12:40 "asking asexual people about whether they masturbate is as inappropriate as asking transgender person about their genitals" Speaking as an asexual trans person, you hit the nail right on the head. It's nobody else's business what genitals someone has or what they do with them, so long as nobody's getting hurt.
!!! yes !!!
i was so uncomfortable on the day but i tried my best to put my perspective through and try my best but like, the final product was ..... bad
it was absolutely lovely to meet u, but it’s such a shame it turned out badly 😒 much love xx
Hi Yasmin, I'm a journalist at Sky News. This video really addresses the major issues with the BBC 3 programme...I totally agree. I'm making a short film on Asexual people base doff some new research I have commissioned. I've DM you on Instagram. Message me back and let's make a better, more positive piece?
or drop me an email: Charles.bell@sky.uk
I didn't see this documentary, but it sounds like it was made by bigots. Your anger is fully justified. Keep going. I love your content.
I haven't watched the documentary, and I don't think I ever will. Just from your description my heart is aching. Seriously, it makes me want to barf. The only times we get ANY representation we are totally misrepresented. I'm so sick of it. It's like they're dragging us down and harming us for their own benefit, so they could get an audience and make money off that. Most people don't even know about us and the first thing they're told about us is that we're sick or stuck up or faking it or [insert any misconception in existence]. God, that makes me so angry :'((
Wow that documentary really bothered me, I am so happy I saw your comment and decided to watch your video! Your criticism is on point, the documentary was trash, they need to do better. Also you are so smart and hilarious, subscribed
Asexuality can already be so isolating, it sucks that they had a chance to provide accurate representation and an wide array of diversity and they totally blew it
Ace Black girl here! I was too nervous to go to the convention. Is it on next year? Edit: the documentary was trash and kind of offensive. I wanted to see diverse attractive life-loving asexuals! Hmph.
I'm black and I'm an Aromantic Asexual!!! ♠️💙🏳️🌈
@@kosmic_tarantula547X Yasss! No romo! 🤣
A Black ace person who’s ALSO nocturnal?? Yesssss
They asked me to provide research and I'm also sooooo unhappy abt it, it's like they didn't listen
Hearing the title was like a punch to the gut
Hearing you describe this documentary makes me so mad as an aro ace! Love your asexual coverage though :))
When I first saw the documentary I thought it was a start. They were talking about us which before they weren't. I feel like if they did a "things not to say to asexual people" that would have been a better video. Then we can get through all the shit that people ask about because it is a lot of shit that "regular" people ask us.
The comment section of that video is also awful but you know that as that is how I found your video through the comments.
Do you know what the link is the watch that panel from the conference, I went to a different panel on activism I think while that was on.
This is SSOOO bbc.
(I WANT to like the BBC, but they do things like this!)
There needs to be a documentary made by asexuals. Some of the ones I've seen don't give a good explanation or enough examples of how asexuality is. It's frustrating to try to explain how much I want to date and be in a relationship, but I still dont experience sexual attraction or desire to have sex. But there are different romantic orientations, and people dont seem to get that. And people really need to understand it's not some sort of celibacy choice. And it's not something that can be be "fixed" by a therapist. 🙄
I think it's also condescending towards the audience to think that they'll only watch if you make it look like some weird awkward freak thing. Like the modern circus or something. Like people couldn't want to genuinely learn about different kind of people and phenomena.
Hey man
And yeah, apparently we are circus freaks
If so, I'M TOTALLY CHOOSING TO BE THE CONTORTIONIST
@@annymus4502 hi, haha 😆 I'd be the animal repository or something... 🐈🐩🐍🐎🐘
Yeahhhh we just need more people now
As a trans ace dude dw about offendin trans people with what you said lol with me getting both questions I can comform they are both as uncomfortable as all hell
You know something funny, I just first met a white ace person in real life last year. Everyone else to that point was a poc. I'm ( before I say anything I'm Afro Caribbean) Aromanic, I didn't 100% notice I was until almost 4 years ago. I have never been able to feel romance. I sometimes question if it's due to growing up not seeing one healthy relationship until age 20 but thinking about it I have been like this for as long as I can remember. I use feel weird about it but right now I'm happy to be Aro. I even jokingly go around calling myself a heartless bastard. I find romance is put on a pedestal while there are other types of love, such as platonic.
romance is more true and pure than lust
lust is the desire of one person romance is love
there is nothing wrong with platonic love, it is commonplace in fact. The 'pedestal' you refer to is likely how often romantic 'pair bonding' is depicted in the media.
I saw a post about the documentary on the aces, aros, and enbies fb page tonight and went to find the documentary and watched it and then found your video (yours showed up first on google right before the actual documentary on bbc3's page when you type in "I don't want sex documentary" so I think you should feel a little proud about that :) ) So I watched the documentary first and it was very cringe-worthy and so awkward and I agree with you fully. As a fellow Aro Ace I feel like your Ace card is going to remain intact xD
I mean the one good thing that came from the documentary is that I didn't know asexuality conferences existed and now I /really/ want to go to one so that's a positive.
But yeah I would have loved if for the four people they followed to have been like a heteroromantic, a homoromantic, an aromantic, and a demiromantic or something. That would have really gotten at least a good feel for the full spectrum by hitting the like main hubs of the spectrum. And if they had gone that route then a good opener for the documentary would have been your line about the spectrum being more diverse than people realise. And they could have included at least one asexual person in an actual healthy relationship and interviewed both parties of the relationship and shown that it is (I would assume) a completely normal relationship like people see every day but that the parts that happen "behind closed doors" just doesn't exist. I mean UGH this could have been such an amazing documentary and as a film major this atrocity tears me up because even just brainstorming in a YT comment rant I can already see how this could have been so much better if they had actually tried to make the documentary decent and had actually interviewed some asexual people before choosing which ones to follow as the mains. And come on the gamer geek queen of my heart, Lucy, just happens to get stood up while a film crew is following her? And not only that but he had already said he was okay with the asexual thing before agreeing to the date and then deletes his entire dating app/profile just to supposedly avoid this asexual woman. Sorry but that part just felt incredibly staged. I'm not saying Lucy was in on it but who's to say the man she was meeting wasn't a catfish of the documentary crew in order to get the story they wanted. I have a deeeeep mistrust for documentary filmmakers.
Okay I'll end my rant. Sorry for the essay. Keep strong girl and I hope you got some sleep after you made this video.
I haven't seen the documentary, but I didn't know about the conference either and now I want to go next year :) Thanks for representing us so well.
The "do you masturbate?" question absolutely is as inappropriate as asking a trans person what their genitals look like. Anyone who finds it an unfair comparison doesn't know what they're talking about.
I came across this on a whim as someone who is already not a fan of BBC3 (at all) and why on earth would they think asking about masturbation is okay? That is never okay! I don't walk up to my straight friend in a committed relationship and ask her how many fingers she can get up there! So why should it be okay to ask an asexual person that! I think the biggest downfall of this 'documentary' was that it was trying to talk about asexuality in a series that was centered around sex. So everything comes back to sex and the more carnal aspects of a relationship. That and the fact that they chose young native white aces instead of the number of veteran activists and authors- interview them, the authors have literally dissected their identity for a living. It would make for a much more compelling piece.
It's intentional. Sex is important to maintaining the status quo - economically.
When I was 18 I was on the news and they misrepresented everything and afterwards I was so confused, and angry, but mostly sad and confused. Now I'm not confused; I understand now that propaganda is basically all the news does.
Sorry you went through that, and good luck to you. Thanks for putting BBC on blast.
One of the most important things that people need to understand is that asexual people can be happy without sex and aromatic people can be happy without relationships. A documentary that treats not having sex as a problem that gets in the way of finding a date will never actually show asexuality for what it is.
I recently came out as aro ace and I found it pretty bad. Thanks for the insight on it. :)
The 9 dislikes are 9 different BBC accounts
This sounds like something that would happen in a movie
I realized im ACE like 2 days ago, the folks ain't been told yet. I'm 36 and so scared.
I never have hope when I hear about an ace documentary made by any mainstream media. Before I realized I was ace, before I ever even heard of the word asexual and was floundering around trying to find myself, I finally came across a piece by whatever mainstream media show it was. (I don't remember what show it was but it was one I had heard of before) and I was curious so I watched it. On one hand, yes, it WAS the first real step I had in figuring out that I was ace, but at the same time it was just crap. The host of the show was interviewing an ace couple. Both were ace and in a long distance relationship with an ocean between them. They had not yet had the chance to meet up in person yet. Anyway, the show was bringing them together for the first time and the entire time it was nothing but invasive personal questions and the host really trying to push the couple into admitting that they had sex when the cameras weren't around and they had a hotel room together for the night. The host refused to believe that they only cuddled, held hands, and hung out. It really came off as aphobic. They would listen to the couple's words, only to ignore them and press them with "You just haven't tried sex yet!" or "Maybe you're not the right person for each other" and crap like that. The whole piece was nothing but the host shaming the couple (Who were very visibly uncomfortable nearly the whole time the interviews were going on) for not experiencing sexual attraction.
Aromantic ace here to clear up the misconception of “I’m about to piss off the entire community” don’t worry, you’re not. We’re all kinda tired of shitty, inaccurate “representation” that makes us all either look like liars, loners, or confused weirdos. Enough already with that shit, JUST LET US LIVE :< let us just be happy about our sexuality, since, y’know, we are!
Better we other aces know the truth behind that video than to have the wool pulled over our eyes, y’know? Also it was quite shitty of them to not frame the meetup as the positive thing it was, just because it doesn’t fit the “asexuals are lonely and sad and weird” narrative. Maybe they turned someone off of meetups by framing the event that way, and that’d be a damn travesty because meeting people who you can relate to is good and fun and assuring that you aren’t alone in this life!
Related: the motto of asking insanely personal questions should be “my genitals are NONE OF YOUR FREAKING BUSINESS!” End of discussion! WE DONE!!
Very late to this vid, but this is very very valid criticism and I hope much better asexual docs have come out since then!!
In my opinion if bbc was serious, they would make sure that a large portion of the people creating the documentary was ace. Feels like the perspective is waaaaaay off
Uhm excuse me but your content is fucking amazing you deserve more views ily ♡w♡
Hey Yaz.
Firstly, you are gorgeous x, loving your channel.
I feel I'm coming to be Aromantic. I dont get the big stuff about people fall in love, I mean, I just dont get it. Sure I may find someone attractive and beautiful, but I dont get romance. I already feel happy and fulfilled.
I saw that documentary and totally agree that out sucked representation wise. Makes it even more annoying now knowing there was the resources for way better.
If we "had to have sex"? Are they asking how we'd feel if we got raped?
There will always people like that ignore it. Don't let them ruin your experience, if you had fun focus on that.
HOW. ANNOYING. This is how they chose to represent us? Asexuality is such an interesting concept. Why would they choose to capture the attention of the public by misrepresenting us instead of showing its beauty?
I watched it and totally agree, the comment they make in the video and the questions are realy bad representation, people who watch it will get a total wrong idea
This was better than the actual documentary
I feel like the documentary was not trying to understand or present new aspects of Ace people, but trying to make something that the majority could feel that they could understand, which isn't the point.
It bothers me so much that they never even gave a proper definition of what asexuality is. They didn't mention aromantics, let alone explain the different kinds of asexuality. There were so many topics they could have touched on but they just said 'these are people that don't like sex. Weird, right?'
As a person who supports you guys, I'm pissed. There's nothing bad about it, and they should know this! You know whats a phobia.. This. :0| Asexuals are people too! >:0|
I not ace but this sounds really infuriating
As a trans asexual I was not offended, at all, when you talked about asexuals being asked if they masterbate, its just as bad as a someone asking a trans person what's between our legs, cause girl, that is exactly on point!
That really IS just as bad, its is like going up to, say, a trans woman, and saying "what's between your legs? Cause I wanna know", like, here's an example "btw, do you masterbate? Cause I wanna know", both are extremely frustrating here and both carry the same weight,
Also, I just watched a bit of the documentary, like, who tf actually thought it was a good idea to put an asexual in a sex shop? And ask them if they where alright and tell them they look uncomfortable? like, OBVIOUSLY THEY WHERE UNCOMFORTABLE!!! THEY'RE AN ASEXAL IN A SEX SHOP!!! THATS LIKE FORCING A STRAIGHT DUDE TO WATCH GAY PORN!!! Jeeze, i share your frustration girl, really, I do
Yes 👏 call👏 them👏 out 👏
This video is on point and I thank you for doing it!
So, I'm not the representative for the trans community. I am just one trans guy. But I absolutely agree that asking an asexual person if/when/how they masterbate is as inappropriate as asking a trans person about their genitals. Both questions are invasive and dehumanizing. People need to stop.
That awkward moment when your dream career is to get into tabloid television, but you only get hired to make "documentaries" :(
I don’t think that saying asking ace people if they masturbate is the same as asking trans people about their genitalia is a bad thing or something to piss people off. I agree, what’s in someone’s pants or what they do with it is none of anyone else’s business.
2:42 I have the same worry tbh! It sounds mean but that’s a lot of the representation I’ve seen so far.
Thank you for speaking your truth! 👍
that crying thing was the worst part
I'm guessing this documentary felt more like the freak show for people to poke and jeer at?
I think don't think your wrong ( go with your feelings).. but I haven't seen it sounds bad though.
Great video. 💜💜👍👍
Sounds like they had an agenda and bias as always. Sometimes it feels like sexual people are jealous of asexual and that’s why they feel the need to manipulate the situation.
As an ace trans person, I think that comparison was pretty spot on actually
Would you be interested in making a better documentary, Yasmin?
Why do you have an American accent when you are British?
She doesn't. It's a subtle British accent.
I have legit questions.wish to speak privately. Black women to black women. That’s not going to happen
Both males and females-for religious (spiritual) reasons-choose not to engage in sexual activity with others; without the criticism that Yasmin Benoit, and others like her, have had: is she harming anyone by her abstinence?
That's the thing, asexuality isn't a choice.
This was a great video. Well said, well put. I don't know why you assumed that aces and transgender people would be offended by what you had to say in this video. I'm both ace and transgender and what you said was very true, reasonable, and not offensive. Aces would watch this video and agree with you- that this documentary did a terrible job at representing aces. You are so right. The film crew was literally at a panel event with a huge diversity of aces but only chose to show the white cisgender allo-romantic able-bodied aces in their teens and 20s.
The diversity of aces is really important to show, especially to break that white kid tumblr stereotype.