Saying to an asexual they aren't asexual because they have genitals is like saying to a blind person they aren't blind because they have eyes. It's dumb
Being aro/ace is such an isolating feeling honestly. The world seems to revolve around romance and sex, so when you’re generally not interested in those things you feel left out. People start asking what’s wrong with you, why don’t you wanna have sex, why don’t you wanna date this person, and you have no clue how to answer them. People won’t believe you genuinely don’t get those feelings and try to figure out what’s “wrong” with you.
I read those comments on videos that say: ,, Im ace and i feel isolated" I fell sorry for them , because i for some reason literally can't give a fuck about those things even when i try . So i hope you could stop caring one day. Keep going! 👍:)
@@iexist2217 I've definitely gotten better about not caring, but when I was first figuring myself out it was very lonely. I didn't know why I didn't have those feelings or that there was a community of people like me
Go-to answer (for me): point to a stranger and ask the same to the one who asked about said stranger. If they still don't get it, say I'm not interested. And then move on with whatever I was doing.
I didn't but thats just because my schools gsa club was cool and covered my school in rainbows and flags every june. I'm lucky cuz I just looked at a random flag on the wall and was like "oh yea that sounds right" lol
I think I used to have “crushes”, but I’d say the majority of them were because I felt like I needed to be romantically attracted to someone just because everyone else was. Now, I’ll talk about not being attracted to anyone, and then I’ll always be told it’s just a phase, and I’m still figuring myself out. I could relate to a lot of stuff in this video, actually, but since I think I can be attracted to people sometimes, I think I’m just somewhere on the aro spectrum.
I've come to the realization that I'm completely Asexual, but unsure if I'm Aromantic or not. The thing for me is being in a relationship seems too much like work. I just rather watch tv, go on walks, or read by myself. Life is complicated enough without adding a relationship to the mix and dealing with other people's problems on top of it. I always feel like saying I'm too busy for a relationship, but that's not exactly true, I'm just not interested.
Jayquill Berry Good for you :) I’m ace as well, and I think I am aromantic as well? Like, I feel aesthetic attraction to everyone, specially girls, but I CAN’T FALL IN LOVE WITH THEM *NO MATTER HOW BAD I WANG TO BE IN LOVE* I do feel like, relationships may seem like too much work I’m a mess
I always say “I’m selfish with my time. I’ve never met someone I’m willing to get dressed on a Saturday for” when people ask about my ‘love life.’ Sigh, people just need to mind their own business XD
I'm definitely gonna use that! At least if some people can't respect our identity they will take the "didn't find anyone worthy" argument since if there's one thing all humans pretty much agree on is that we're all kinda shitty
Ace here, I always feel weird calling someone “hot” or “sexy” in a sexual sense it makes me cringe so yeah I can relate to not relating to other girls expressing their interests
Same! Those words are...not in my vocabulary when describing a person. Pretty, handsome, even cute, sure. Sexy and hot? I had to ask a friend what those actually meant in relation to another person because I've never thought anyone was "hot". Just nice-looking.
Agreed. The closest I came to thinking someone looked hot was when they were flushed and covered with sweat. Even now, even though I know better, hearing someone being called hot makes me immediately assume that person would need a drink.
@@danivee8572 I use "sexy" and "hot" to MEAN that someone is good looking Like, yeah I love your dress But I'm not interested in getting in it It really helps that I would never mean it in a sexual way BECAUSE I'm ace, so I might as well let it mean SOMETHING
It wasn’t until I was 29 before I realized that I was asexual. And now, a year later, I’m starting to believe that I am aromantic as well. I just don’t understand romance, or having a deep connection. I just realized that I was lying to myself when I said I loved my ex. Honestly, I loved the cuddles, and the intimacy. I don’t like to be kissed, I never understood the need to be with someone constantly. I just really didn’t give it much thought. I just want to be held and cuddled.
omg same ! I'm 18 and i'm asexual and aromantic but my friends always tell me "talk to that guy" "when will you date someone" and when i say i don't like sex they say to me "You need to give pleasure to your boyfriend" I do not want boyfriend and i do not want sex either...I just want cuddle... But happy for you if you have found out that you'r earo/ace !
True. I've experienced a stalker problem in the past, the stalker being a classmate of mine. This problem was not only not stopped by my being aro, but even exasperated by it. The stalker in question couldn't accept that I could never have that type of relationship with them, despite being rejected multiple times, and proceeded to try to "fix me" by being inappropriate and making both me and my friends uncomfortable. The stalking went on for about two years and only stopped recently. Afterwards, this person's attitude did a 180; they started showing contempt towards me and calling me names in our class's group chat, justifying it by saying that I "broke their heart". What really makes me angry is that, a few of my cishet female classmates (who only knew about this ordeal on a surface level) thought that all of this was "cute" and that this person "just loves me a lot" and that I should "stop playing hard to get"... ... Please stop romanticising inappropriate behaviour towards people who very obviously don't AND NEVER WILL want it, and justify it using "the power of love".
@@feygrey4772 this is why I'm glad I'm ace Because I genuinely worry about the allos at times It's like r/arethestraightsok Like holy fxck these people are CRAZY
Those invasive questions are sadly still not surprising, and it pisses me off. Just because someone is asexual doesn't mean you get to ask super personal questions, whether the person uses the label or not. They don't go around asking those questions to their straight friends. It sucks how that's a thing people do.
Is it weird I want to have aro ace friends? I feel very safe somehow knowing nothing else will ever happen but friendship. I'm tired of people pretending to be friends when they in reality wanted something else or hoping for something to evolve from it...
It’s weird, I’m aromantic but because of the constant push in my environment around me, I want a relationship and it feels as though I’m grieving something I’ve never lost. But I when I think of a relationship I think of how awfully awkward and how they wouldn’t like me, i’d do something wrong and wonder how easy other people make it look. It’s like someone really wanting a dog because everyone says how great they are, but they know they wouldn’t be comfortable with one in their life.
I feel the same as you. If society wasn't so fixated on the idea of romantic relationships I think my aromanticism would have been a lot more clear to me earlier on. Because in theory a romantic relationship sounds so nice, but when I began to picture myself in one I knew I'd absolutely despise it, I'd feel so stifled. I still sometimes worry about the prospect of me 'dying alone' or whatever because it's something society has drilled into all of us, but really, why is romance the be all end all of everything? It's stupid when you think about it. There are so many other forms of love that are just as important and there are so many other ways of feeling fulfilled in life.
Holly yeah I totally agree. And on another note, I get scared that if I don’t marry someone or date someone, I will get no where in life financially. I know you can have roommates, for my entire life? Usually couples will earn money together to have financial stability, but unless I find an amazing paying job or live in a rented shack, I don’t know how I could do it alone.
@@buttercupsandbreakfast I hadn't thought much about the financial side of things. My ideal situation would be to be financially stable enough to live on my own, but the second best thing would be to live with a really good friend (preferably someone who's aroace or just aromantic too). I wonder if there's anything out there for aromantic people to find roommates or something, that would be cool.
I'm Aromantic and I'm laughing about it. I did use to feel odd but now that I have the language I feel pretty happy. I even jokingly call myself a heartless bastard. Imagine how it feels to wash your hair or to jump into bed after having a long day and that is how I feel. A weight is off my shoulders.
i’ve had many ‘crushes’ and ‘catch feelings’ really often. but i realized a while ago that i never actually wanted to date them or anything. it was super platonic and i honestly just wanted their attention and platonic love (like maybe a hug and a pat on the head). i have a lot of guy friends who i hang out with and only one best friend who’s a girl. i’m so unsure if i’m aroace, too young, or i hate being touched or loved on (which might be a problem) and it’s actually so freaky haha. edit: to clarify, i’m only 13 at the time of writing this. edit 2: hello !! so i actually have decided to identify as aroace. i'm 14 now, which makes me feel a bit better about identifying as what i am, and not like i'm just a stupid immature child. thank you to everyone who replied, it was inspiring. i love you all (platonically of course haha) and i wish you well. :]
Can totally understand your struggle. I'm 18 and ace (still figuring out of I'm aro as well). I feel like I have crushes, but they disappear as soon as the other person shows legitimate interest in me. It's really weird and frustrating. Be free to experiment and don't fret too much! You are allowed to have romantic/sexual feelings, but also just as free to not have any of that!
It is also fine if your label changes. Your identity isn't as unchangeing as you might think. If identifying as aro/ace feels right for you now, do it! Maybe this changes at some point and you find out that you're gray or demi or straight or bi and it's okay to change your label then. Many aro/aces start out thinking we're straight (because that's still the status quo) and only later find out that this definition doesn't fit. You're doing great
DUDE SAME- except I’m 100% sure I’m ace the thing is I’m not sure if I’m aro also It was honestly so confusing because I’ve had like 12 crush’s when I was like 3-9 OH AND IM ALSO 13 IF YOU HAVE INSTAGRAM WANNA TALK
You're never too young to know what u r =)) but u can be "too young" to put a label on yourself. If u r unsure about your sexual orientation and u really wanna know what u r just educate yourself more about sexual orientations in general and maybe u can find some ppl from the lgbtq+ community who can help u out. I'm ace aro myself and if u have questions about the ace aro spectrum I can help u out.
My 14yo is ace/aro. I introduced her to the idea when she was 13. She’s never been interested in anyone. Boys, girls, nothing. She made it official recently. I hate being told it’s a phase or that she’s too young. I knew around 14 that I definitely liked boys and wanted a relationship with them and had had a few of them.
@default No one's planting ideas in anyone. Introducing children to such concepts young is good! Less horrible confusion or feelings of being broken if you know there's more stuff than straight out there. It's not like they're trapped, if they grow up and realize oh, actually i do feel romantic/sexual attraction then great! It's not like you're stuck with the label and that's it.
7:27 I was sexually abused for years and have been aro/ace since I was 15. I'm almost 19 now and people say that my sexuality is either dormant or I'm just scared of sex. Well, that's shit doesn't matter. No matter what you've been through, you are who you are. EMBRACE IT 💯💙♠️🔥
i read a tumblr post that was something like how to tell if you're aromantic. it was just a compilation of people's experiences of how they figured it out. i'd been wondering a little bit about why i didn't seem to feel butterflies, and why i had to pretend to have reactions at what my 'crush' was doing, rather than just having them. i read it and it just clicked. like 'that's me'. i had mixed feelings at first, but i've come to accept and love myself and the rest of our community.
Heartless Artless I think I might be aromantic as well. I haven't had butterflies ever and I don't really have an attraction romantically to anyone. I do want a relationship, I think. I'm not really sure what I want but yeah. I have definitely had a sexual attraction to men though.
I realized I was aro ace when I thought about my ideal relationship in life. I found that my ideal relationship is having someone there for me, a shoulder to cry on, someone to hang out with. No sex, so romance. It really fits me, and I’m so glad to be apart of this community
I'm not asexual, but I am aromantic. Jealousy and fighting over relationships was always so weird to me. Like if he wants to leave he'll leave. Why were they stressing over it? And I thought since I had physical attraction that was enough. But it turns out people want something other than friendship, and it took me many years to figure that out.
I relate to the weird "so do you like them?" All the time, it certainly stopped me having Male friends for a while because I just did not want to deal with that
Funnily enough, the female friend I made is male now, anyways. Edit: Both of them are, actually. And now I also have a male friend. We're both ace aro.
As a bigender person, as well as an aromantic one, I've always wanted to have a diverse range of friends and develop deep connections with people of all genders. However, I am so tired of people, particularly cis men, mistaking my attention for affection. JUST BECAUSE I TALKED TO YOU ABOUT VIDEO GAMES FOR 10 MINUTES DOESN'T MEAN I LOVE YOU FFS.
I sometimes feel like I'm less valid because I also realised I'm aroace when I was pretty young (13-16) and whenever I find someone explaining how they realised they're ace they're always at least 18 with a far more negative experience than mine. I'm scared of people telling me that I was too young to know, so hearing someone say they also figured it out when they were a teenager feels good
@@zajax1896 There is nothing to hate about it, it’s who you are and if others don’t understand then it’s their own problem not yours to worry about. You have much more energy to focus on your interests and goals, don’t waste it looking negatively on a mere characteristic that makes you who you are.
I'm 19 and only recently realized I'm AroAce. Everything made sense as soon as I found out what being AroAce meant. I'd never had a crush or anything like that. And I had one girlfriend, but I was so uncomfortable the whole relationship and I didn't know why. It just wasn't for me. Until it all clicked. I'm so much happier now. My best friend is also Asexual and we talk about our experiences and it's so good to have someone to talk to about something that's fairly uncommon. Thank you for sharing your story!
awww im SO HAPPU FOR YOU!!! I'm 20 and I found out I was aroace this year after identifying as a lesbian for some time but never actually having dated anyone or kissed anyone it all made sense!
"They had to go out with each other...To this day I don't know where they were going" I LITERALLY STARTED WHEEZING MY GOD I HAVE NEVER RELATED TO A SENTENCE MORE
Honestly love you!! We desperately need more ace and aro activists willing to take on public roles like this (youtube, online presence, public speaking, presence at lgbtqia events, etc) and it makes me very happy that you are one of the most prominent ones in the uk! I admire you so much. You've already done so much and i have no doubt you'll do much more. They can't silence us!! (And you have time to model and graduate with a masters degree too! Like if that ain't impressive!! Hahaa if you ever make a non aspec video, i'd be down to hear how you handle time management!)
Growing up I never thought ’oh that’s eventually gonna happen to me’. I always believed that having a boyfriend was kind of like a hobby. Like, I have too much time on my hands... what to do... basketball? No, playing games? No, Boyfriend? Sure. And then you went out and got a boyfriend to pass the time because you liked the whole dating process. The idea of there being emotions involved, beyond platonic ones, never even crossed my mind.
Yes to all of this. I’m ace/aro but I do feel aesthetic attraction, I find some people physically attractive but never want to date or have sex with them. For so many years I confused aesthetic attraction for sexual attraction and identified as bi for about a year. Only a few months ago did I realize I was asexual, because I assumed what I experienced was sexual in nature when it wasn’t.
When you questioned if you were ever abused, but didnt remember is so me! People always ask me this and I used to go " Was I abused? Did I just store the trauma away and it's locked up somewhere in my mind???" I still experience some romantic and sexual attraction but it's gone in a snap and I never had the urge to actually purse it. I think maybe down line I could find someone, but for right now I'm just not going to worry about it.
I didn’t even consider my sexuality at all until I was 18/19. I noticed that other girls started talking about boys at maybe 11, but I already knew that I didn’t like the colour pink or shopping or make up unlike most of the other girls, so boys was just another thing I didn’t understand why most girls liked. As I got older I mostly saw it as my general social incompetence and that I didn’t share interests with the people around me so of course I wasn’t interested in anyone. By the time I started University I thought about it some more and decided that if I was allo, I would have probably have had at least someone I liked like that by now. I found AVEN and felt more secure in my reasoning. By yeah, coming out to people is a constant struggle because of the lack of knowledge. It’s usually met with a barrage of questions, and while people are usually not rude, they can definitely get very personal. It also doesn’t help that most people’s reactions seem to be to feel sorry for me because I’m doomed to end up forever alone. And I’m just like 🤷♀️ it’s my life and I don’t have other experiences to judge it against, so I don’t feel like I’m missing something.
Apixx_UwU I never said it does. As a kid, I didn’t pick up on the significance of me not being like the other girls in one aspect (wanting to talk about and being interested in boys) because I was different from most of them in other ways too (ie not liking pink etc). Of course, which colours you like have nothing to do with sexuality.
Genderfluid and something like this, too. Favorite color as a kid:::::purple. Later liked mixtures of two shades of blue. 🔵⛵ Now I seem to be in a phase of lavender and spring green 🍏☔. I like your name. Are you Finnish? Peace be with you. I admire The Finnish sooooooo much!!!! Happy belated Independence Day, if you are. If not, I love your country, too:::::all countries are great:::::: we're all part of planet Earth 🌎🌍🌏💗🙏💡🙂🍀☺️. blessings... (I've been having love for the world and everyone in it since I was angry, due to menopause and remembered abandonment by family and psychiatric abuse for decades through unecessary medicines, leading to kidney failure. I may die soon. I have no children. I love all that is good. Not trying to be "creepy":::::trying to help Love, Peace, and Mother Earth 🌎🌍🌏 no time::::::we all must Love and have Peace and protect planet Now:::::::please don't be cynical or hopeless;;;;;;please T R Y to save polar ice caps from melting. 💕💗❤️💝❣️🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🌏🌍🌎💡🙏🙂☺️🤔☔👪🧕🚶🏽♀️🍏⛵🤳🔵😂🚫🥺🏖️🐰🐇❤️🎄😘🤔🧂💝💕🏡🦜🤞🥰🤗❣️
@@solarhydrowind haha I’m actually Swedish, but my last name is Finnish because my grandfather grew up in one of the Finnish regions of Sweden up north.
I go back and forth between knowing I'm aromantic and thinking it's in my head. This helped solidify everything. My disconnect from my peers came right at puberty because everyone became obsessed with romance and sex. Then they started saying I was gay and 'waiting' for me to come out. But I knew I wasnt attracted to girls, and I never liked anyone. I'd get sexual crushes, but I thought that was what everyone felt, and I didn't realize the crushes were purely sexual. Then at 25 I realized I was allo aromantic.
I’m a romantic ace, so I totally got into the whole relationship thing, though I was not considered attractive and had no self confidence, so I didn’t date. Though that wasn’t by choice. But I never really understood sex. I had always been considered immature and was bullied for that all my life. There was no escaping it in middle school, so when we were separated into groups based on gender and shown “The Movie” at my catholic school and everyone immediately started non stop making jokes about it, I just rolled my eyes and ignored it. But when I moved on to high school, I wanted to put an end to the bullying and fit in for once. So I studied the way everyone joked about it and copied the pattern to make my own jokes and talked about it all the time, pretending that I had some clue what I was talking about. But the whole time, I was hating myself for being so immature that I still wasn’t interested. I even met another ace and became good friends with her. She had a ton more confidence than me and didn’t pretend to be interested. An being the terrified asshole of a high school girl that I was, I mocked her for being immature like I was afraid people would do to me, telling her constantly not to worry because she’ll grow into it one day. Secretly telling myself the same thing. I was still surprised when a girl at my high school got kicked out for being pregnant and I realized that people really weren’t joking - they were actually doing this stuff! I still have no idea when we switched from making obnoxious jokes to actually acting it out. I survived high school and was 20 years old in college before I discovered asexuality. I was glad that by then the obsession with sex had died down because it was much easier to fit in. I just said as little as possible and blended into the background on sexual topics and generally got by fine. Then previously mentioned ace friend showed me an article about asexuality in a magazine and said “see? There’s even a word for it.” I looked it up and realized that it described me, that I wouldn’t necessarily grow into it, it didn’t mean I was extremely immature, and it didn’t mean I was somehow broken. I didn’t have to pretend to be something that I wasn’t. Of course, coming out didn’t go too well - everyone told me that I was just jumping on the bandwagon because I had obviously been interested in sex since high school... Apparently I am a very good actor... Eventually when I had kept insisting that my “attraction” in high school had been fake and didn’t go back to “normal” for over a year, people started to believe me.
"To this day I still don't know where they were going" 😂😂😂 that reached me on philosophical level Much love you're such a brilliant and beautiful representation of the black ace & aro spectrum community 💌
I figured out i am aroace a few months ago and i started to be so mad at love and the way society projects it. Even little things like analyizing love poems in school upset me. And i can't talk to anyone about it cause even though they might try to understand, they never fully will. I just really wish i had a fellow aroace friend who just completely understands me cause this is slowly driving me insane. I've watched videos where asexuals said they wished they weren't asexual. I don't. I am glad and proud to be asexual. It's relieving, cause if i imagine myself falling in love, dedicating my entire life to one person and worship them, i feel sick. Sometimes i am convinced It's all gonna be fine and i can just live my life, being who i am, but then society strikes again and i could just fall to the ground and cry. I wish romantical love wasn't a thing.
Being this level of asexual is freeing. We don't constantly feel the need to risk drama or abuse because we're desperate for something from another person.
Definitely not alone at all. Exactly how I feel. I’m happy not being interested in the same relationships as others (it’s feels absolutely liberating). Some days are easier than others but then on other days every. Single. Thing. About love in society feels infuriating, because it feels like society keeps trying to rob me of the life I want to live. And then I talk to my friends and I can just… tell they don’t get it. And that’s when it becomes really isolating.
I just recently realized I’m somewhere on the aro spectrum and honestly everything just clicked??? I was never interested in romance, I dated due to external pressure and because I was told I needed to date. I’m not interested in pursuing a relationship as I can’t reciprocate my partner’s romantic feelings and often feel burdened by them, pda is uncomfortable but I feel sexual attraction to every gender. I can see myself living/marrying someone who shares my views or a long time friend.
Gyserio I think I’m probably there, I would see myself growing old with a friend/someone I have a strong bond with but with no strong romantic feelings
Thank you sooo much for your videos! Aro/aces really need a lot more representation, so it's great that you talk about this subjet on your channel. There are still so many clichés to break about this orientation, like people who think aro/aces are cold and unable to have feelings, whereas there are many forms of love, not only romantic ones!
Honestly, I'm always taken by surprise when people say that other people started to notice them not taking an interest in dating/sex. Maybe it's just because I was that one lazy and smart kid in the corner that no one paid much mind to, but I just can't really imagine being confronted that much or that often about my now-known AroAce orientation for it to make me wonder if I wasn't straight. Like, sure, I've been asked 'who do you have a crush on', but that was maybe once. In Elementary school.
For me everyone decided that I was a crazy so I didn’t care, I tried once to have a relationship because of curiosity, and I got it that the guy was getting in love with me and I didn’t feel a thing , I don’t feel that at all, and I was like NO he doesn’t deserve that, and ever since I am single and happy and like I said when I was a kid, “I will not get marry but I do want kids, but I don’t have to to give Birth to them”
omg this is so me. I never knew how the jump formed between boys are yucky to wanting to date them and marry them. I've known I never wanted to date or do anything with anyone since I was in 1st grade xD. I never knew it even had a name 'till recently. But yeah aroace and proud! It's not a huge deal it's just normal to us :D.
I'm asexual, for sure. But the thing is that romantic relationships are so sexualized anyway, it's normal for couples to have sex, it's what's excepted, it's what's depicted all the time, for a lot of people, sex is one of the most important thing in a relationship... This constant link between romance/sex makes the line between the two quite blurry to me sometimes that I end up questionning my romantic attraction... I would say i'm on a (grey-)biromantic spectrum, I can fantasize about dating, I do find people attractive, and I say "I want a girlfriend" all the time... But actually engaging myself in a romantic relationship is a bit scary, because of the way I see other couples. In the end I just know that I'd much rather stay alone than be in a relationship that makes me uncomfortable, but the thing is, the idea of a relationship is a bit uncomfortable in itself... I feel comfortable being alone, but I guess deep down I just wish to find someone who can understand me and whom I feel comfortable with. Meanwhile I've known gay, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual people around me... I'm still the only asexual I know (+ the fact that we never get representation) so it feels quite lonely sometimes.
I've recently started to try to figure out my own identity.. I've never really been interested in sex. I'm not exactly extremely open with it yet.. and I know I still feel romantic attraction and that feels really weird. I'm hella scared of not being able to find a guy that's both ok with me not wanting to have sex and also be compatible with me? Either way I believe I've found a POWERFUL WOMAN to relate to and make me feel better about myself
It can be scary trying to go through all of those questions and emotions. Just know that there is somebody out there that will love and appreciate you for who you are regardless of whether you have sex with them. Be proud to be you and I wish you luck on your journey to discovering yourself!
For me it’s weird because I have “crushes” on people and get butterflies around anyone that is nice to me but then I realize I don’t actually want to be in a relationship at all
My own experience re: discovering I was aroace is so similar to yours. Our childhood experiences sound very similar and I too didn't have any angst upon discovering I was aroace... it was, in fact, lovely to find there was a word for it and a community of people who have had similar experiences! However, growing older and having my friends pair off and constantly having to field questions about when I'm going to settle down/what the future is going to be like for me has been exhausting and can sometimes feel so isolating... it is just so validating to see someone openly talking about being aroace in such a public way, and I'm so glad you're presenting the idea that there's no 'one way' to be aroace. Thanks so much for fighting the good fight and bringing awareness to asexuality and aromanticism!
most ppl attribute sexuality, kinks or just anything different to trauma and I dislike that correlation. sure for some trauma might've assisted in that shift to something "other" but sometimes ppl just are who they are! and the world just can't accept that without going "Oh u have daddy/mommy issues huh?" it's so annoying.
I’ve had such a similar experience. When I was in 10th grade I knew of asexuality but I was hoping that at some point my sexuality would kick in. I also wondered if I had somehow messed it all up or if I just hadn’t gotten there yet. I was an extremely late bloomer so I just assumed my sexuality and romantic attraction would come later. But it never came and I think part of the reason I was reluctant to accept it is because I was afraid of how others would react. I’m in 12th grade now and pretty much out, and although I have encountered some people who don’t really get it, I realized that I shouldn’t be hiding a part of myself to make others comfortable.
I'm definitely grayromantic gray ace. My romantic and sexual attraction is infrequent. I haven't been interested in anyone in particular in 10 years. I also have a hard time getting over crushes. When I like someone but can't be with them, I feel that pain for years. It's so frustrating because there's no such thing as just "walking away."
This account of what school was like is so so similar to my school experience. All my friends would not stfu about boys and who they fancied and I'm sitting there like "we're children!" and then when people started noticing that I had no interest in getting a boyfriend they started assuming I was a lesbian and I got called a D*ke a lot (these assumptions about my sexuality because of my lack of boyfriend continued into my adulthood) because back in the early 2000s and to some people today there is still only straight or gay - no other options. Even today I don't really tell people I'm ace purely because I can't be bothered to explain it to people or risk the "you haven't met the right person yet" comments.
It took me until a week ago to figure out I'm aromatic. (I'm 21). I'm kinda relieved because I understand myself a lot more now and I don't have to feel like I'm forcing myself into a romantic relationship because I think I "have a crush". What a crush meant to me for all this time was finding her attractive, and honestly I can live without that. Romantic relationships are stressful because I just don't know what to do in them.
Just recently I discovered my asexuality, but because there’s so much emphasis on sex in romantic relationships, I’m starting to question my romantic attraction as well. I’ve had crushes in high school and started relationships with a select few, but they never lasted long. I always found myself becoming uninterested after a short while. I wonder if I just found them cute and mistook that for wanting actual relationships with them (ended up being a heartbreaker because of this lol) 🤦🏾♀️ I can entertain the idea or imagine being with someone romantically just fine, but once I actually get in a relationship with them the “novelty” wears off very quickly. I know I like kissing, hugging, hand holding, etc. but the thought of being in a relationship or even marriage makes me uncomfortable sometimes. After a lot of self reflection, I learned that sex was simply a thing I just went along with in my past relationships because it was expected when you’re in a romantic relationship. But I could literally go months/years without sex and be unbothered. Sexual pleasure was definitely always focused on my partner, sex just never did anything for me. I’m still trying to dig deep and figure myself out though.
The story of me realizing I was aromantic: My friend asked me if I was attracted to boys. I say no. She asks if I’m attracted to girls. I say no. She says “So you’re aromantic?” I’m like “nah, that doesn’t sound right”. I look into it. Turns out I am.
I kept waiting for my hormones to kick in. As much as I liked being different, the fact that I had no inclination for intimacy made me feel freakish. Over the years I considered doing some stupid stuff to "get it over with" but I knew it would traumatize me and was always able to give up the stupid idea. I'm 45 now and I'm glad I never gave into the madness around me or like some women forced themselves to suffer through marriages for years.
I never really noticed that I wasn't "normal" in middle school because (as I found out in high school) most of my friends were lesbians, so they weren't talking about boys. There were some girls that talked about having sex but I just thought of myself as a "good" girl and that was that. It took me until college to figure out that I was something other than straight, and it turns out my bestie had figured it out literal years before me. We had a good chuckle over that. Being aroace really explained why I never had any sort of feelings for my only boyfriend, though.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience! I'm 19 and I've only recently come to terms with me being aroace, but I've gone through so many of the same thoughts as you. That maybe I was gay, maybe something awful happened to me, that I was immature, that it was something to do with how socially anxious I am. Luckily throughout most of my school life, my friendship group wasn't super fixated on romance/sex and barely any of them dated, so I didn't feel too odd but there was still that underlying feeling that I was different anyway. I suspected I was asexual for a while but never really delved into it. When I found out both my 12 year old sister and 16 year old brother had dated/had crushes on people it really hit me that I was different and it wasn't just something to do with how I was raised or something. My family are really open-minded about sexuality and stuff, but despite me telling my mom about me being aroace she still occasionally brings up the idea of me finding someone and it's a bit annoying. I don't know if she's just forgotten or what, but at least I know she'd never pressure me into anything. Again thank you for sharing this, it's amazing how similar our experiences seem. Ever since fully accepting being aroace I've felt a lot more confident too in how I look, I don't have that nagging feeling that I ought to look attractive to other people anymore. I've never really set out to impress but it was always this subconscious thought anyway. I really hope it's made more aware of. Knowing about its existence early on would help so many young asexuals.
I literally relate to what you said except that, my parents would always tell me I can't date anyone since I was so young and I can get a boyfriend when I'm out of college or in college. I still stick to that but, as the years went by i never felt the need of having a relationship or having sex. I always felt uncomfortable when people would talk about that and about their relationship. I am 19, and I never been in a relationship. I came across aroace about a week ago but, I am still not sure if that's what I am. I have always been socially anxious when it came to talking to anyone.
@@mf.5622 It's so frustrating listening to people's relationship problems as I can't relate to anything they say. It's like I just can't comprehend it, so it bores the hell out of me. Romance sounds like more trouble than it's worth so I'm grateful for my aromanticism sometimes. There's plenty of time for you to figure things out though. All I can really say is never feel pressured into trying something out because you feel like you ought to. I'm so glad I had the friendship group I did, I'm not sure how I would have coped if they were all pressuring me to get into a relationship.
“My piece isn’t on the board.” That’s it. Perfect explanation. I don’t belong there. I don’t want to be there. It might be nice to belong on the board, much simpler, but i don’t, and I can’t. Thank you for the episode.
I recently confirmed, more like finally expected that I am on the ace spectrum and aro spectrum. I am aegosexual and demisexual as well as aegoromantic and demiromantic. Videos like yours and others have halped a lot.
being ace/aro AND a people pleaser is horrible. it took me years and 4-5 obv failed attempts(with guys and girls) to have a relationship until I realized I never loved or wanted intimacy with any of those people. ofc my trying to be the default anxiety brain didn't even tried to listen to my subconsciousness screaming everytime I was single and the most happy bean because I was single and not forcing myself to be something I'm not for someone moral of the story: better wait instead of forcing yourself into relationships just because it's "expected"
That comment about not being single, about not even being on the chess board! I went to put my Facebook status as “not looking” and my dad asked me “why didn’t you put single?” And I responded with because “I’m not looking. I don’t want anything. I don’t want to be considered” and he looked at me skeptical but it’s still there :)
aroace girl here and I have a similar experience. Except, lesbian women in particular seem to be drawn to me and some men too but mostly gay girls and it is UNCOMFORTABLE AS FUCK when a gay girl tries to hit on me the worst is when they give the,"oh but i have never seen you kiss boys so i figured you were gay too" like no bitch
@@cherryspice1011 I FEEL THISSSS for so long I was just omg I’m just not “”letting myself like it”” and I felt so bad that I didn’t like that kind of attraction but now it makes senseeee
Thank you my dear. As an aromantic asexual myself. (black 26 yrs old) Im proud :) I know exactly how you feel. The same happened to me. It took me awhile to figure it out. I never dated or kiss or bother with sex because I wasn't interested. The same thing that you are sharing I wish i could give you a high five and a hug. XD Btw even our names are close lol mine is Jasmine
my chemical romance is my favorite band and it is sO WEIRD to be in that fandom as an asexual lesbian!! everyone is constantly drooling over the band members (i honestly feel bad for them). and idk man i just like (love
I had the opposite problem I like girls And I knew I was LGBT because of gender (whatever that even is) So I dressed kinda bi Beanie, flannel, sleeveless shirt Couldn't sit straight So I was wondering if I might be bisexual Problem was I couldn't see myself being with a guy in bed And then I realized that I didn't want to do it with a woman either So I realized I was ace because I'd been feeling aesthetic attraction this whole time And I don't even KNOW about romantic attraction Every time I try to figure out what that's like to compare to my experiences, it just sounds like really good friends HELP?
@@fenixmeaney6170 I think in the end, if you don't know what labels you vibe with, it doesn't really matter as long as you find a way to live happily. Like if you develop a really close relationship with someone and it's healthy and you both get your needs met, does it really matter what you call it? I guess you might label it when talking to other people, to help them understand it. But if you agonize about it a lot on your own, at some point it's just not worth the effort anymore 😂 Labels don't define what you do, and they mean something different for everyone anyway. just live and love in a way that feels good to you That being said, if you don't know what romantic attraction is, you're probably aro. As an allosexual I definitely knew when I was feeling romantic feelings lol... they're kinda overpowering
👏🏻 this is just what i needed! i really related to so much if what you have experienced! this helps me to understand myself better and while i know i’m asexual this really has helped me fully realize that i am aromantic as well!!
Your experience is very similar to my experience in a lot of ways. I even discovered I was asexual when I was 14 almost exactly the same way you did. It's refreshing to here people went through some of the same things I did.
Wow. Love thi video! I've only recently questioned whether I am aromantic but I've known that I am on the Asexual spectrum for a while. Your thought process was so similar to my own in college. In high school, I was like you, I just didn't really pay attention to how I was because I wasn't being directly affected by relationships so I actually didn't know about asexuality until start of college or a little bit of my senior year of high school. I always questioned the relationships around me. Like why are so many girls obsessed with boys almost to the point of insanity? I've been lucky though because my family, aside from the occasional remarks of "when you are in a relationship" or "you'll meet the right person", they don't really intrude on my relationships too much. I think it's part of the reason why I didn't really see anything odd about myself until college. And similar to you, I established that I was asexual because even when guys have said they are interested in me, I never wanted or felt the need to have sex with them or be 'sexy' to them.
I identified as ace when I was 14(aro term wasn't even there back then, at least I didn't know english to research), but then with society pressure of me just being "immature" or "ugly" I pushed so hard trying to love someone, agreeing to date someone I only loved platonically taking that as a chance to be "normal", and it didn't end up well for my mental health. And here I am being 24 yo and accepting I was aro(prob ace as well, idk) all along and it feel so nice to finally be myself in front of myself. And I'm lucky to have some a-spec friends around ♥
The time I was most weirded out by all this was actually when I was little..? Like all of my friends were talking about crushes and stuff and I assigned myself a crush on some kid because I kinda got along with him and I guess that's what I thought a crush was. I was so confused about why people wanted to date and got pressured into telling my friends. At seven. And then it never was really a huge thing after that other than the occasional stupid "Who's your crush? Oh come on, you HAVE to have one."
Jesus christ I had the same doubts and theories about myself. I also thought that maybe I frogot I was abused lol. But no real explanation was it. Im glad to know I wasnt the only one with these thoughts and feelings. Thanks sis
I went through most of my life not knowing why I was so repulsed and annoyed by sexual advances, or even people just liking me. Now I understand I'm aroace and I love it tbh. Most people spend their lives worrying about who to fuck or how to keep their partner happy, etc I don't have to worry about that. The idea of being with someone is sickening to me. That doesn't mean I don't like it when others are happy, I think couples and even romantic stories are nice, just not for me.
The comment about how everybody changed over the sommer is so similar to what I experienced. It was just like a flick of a switch, and everybody was expressing so much around sex and romance. I just felt completely left out. Your'e doing such important work, thank you. I hope you get so famous that I can casually drop that I am asexual too.
As a black women im so happy to have found this video. I just realized I’m asexual aromantic! I had to google it and then it all clicked. I just tell people I see humans as trees. I admire trees and sometimes I hug them but then I just keep it pushing. I just don’t get the relationship thing but I let people do their thing. And when I was dating a guy had a hot 30 days before I got bored and as time went one it went to two weeks. I love it here 😌😌
You may not have an excuse for not posting a video for awhile but you did have a reason: you didn't have anything to say. When you had something to say, it was worth saying and definitely worth listening to. Thanks for this video!
fuckin ditto man. I've also never fit the mold growin up and was def more childish, goofy, and "alternative" then ppl my age so I thought eventually these feelings would develop when I matured more or whatever. it wasnt until a close friend misread some signals and kissed me in college that I finally realized I was aro/ace. i think for anyone questioning they should do this. how do you feel when you see someone? if you like the way they look and feel nothing else outside that. then thats just aesthetic attraction. i think a lot of people get aesthetic attraction confused with sexual attraction. especially ace people who are exploring their lack of sexuality. also dont let anyone tell you your feelings are invalid. the people close to you will probably not understand. ive had close friends essentially laugh in my face when i "came out" to them. it really is tough. it really does feel like you vs the world at points. there's still times where i lie to certain to people just so i can just avoid discussion. which is something im trying to do less and less but know you arent alone. at the end of the day you can only be you
I'm working through this. I have recently realized I was aro/ace. Not sure who if anyone I should tell. I feel like realizing this has clarified all so many things that made me feel so strange. For context, I live in west Virginia. Not a place of great sexual diversity, at least none people talk about. I'm 30 btw. I feel like I never knew this was an orientation.
I know I’m really late but you have BEAUTIFUL hair oh my god- also this is really helpful, as someone who still struggles a bit with their identity as aro ace I really appreciate videos like this
Dude I lived 4 years thinking that I was supposed to be attracted to someone, but nope I’ve never seemed to ever want to be with people... I was forced into a few relationships and guess what? I never enjoyed them as a kid I used to think that people in relationships where just people that yelled at others and usually stop talking to each Each-other, to be honest I still stick with that (some relationships do stay together) Sometimes I think that the reason why I’m arrowmantic and asexual is probably because my parents. They always seemed to have had fights and such
Thank you so much for sharing. I’ve seen so many adorable pics of you with the ace flag and read interviews but it’s so nice to see you actually talk about being ace.
I also lost a friendship because I was told that because we were a guy-girl friend we probably liked one another and should date. But it turns out, I never liked him romantically; I just really wanted to spent time with him and I loved him platonically. I didn't want THAT. And I think he was in love with me romantically, and started to distance himself from me when I didn't show that interest back at him... so I lost my friend and understood that I'm really not interested in someone romantically...
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Saying to an asexual they aren't asexual because they have genitals is like saying to a blind person they aren't blind because they have eyes. It's dumb
*Ah yes fellow person from Countryhumans fandom*
people think that? i'm genuinely laughing rn bc this is so stupid
Top notch response to such a statement: "Well, you can't be dumb because you have a brain- *oh wait!"*
I seriously can’t get how dumb ppl are sometimes
I think people are conflating two very different meanings of this word !
Being aro/ace is such an isolating feeling honestly. The world seems to revolve around romance and sex, so when you’re generally not interested in those things you feel left out. People start asking what’s wrong with you, why don’t you wanna have sex, why don’t you wanna date this person, and you have no clue how to answer them. People won’t believe you genuinely don’t get those feelings and try to figure out what’s “wrong” with you.
I read those comments on videos that say: ,, Im ace and i feel isolated"
I fell sorry for them , because i for some reason literally can't give a fuck about those things even when i try .
So i hope you could stop caring one day. Keep going! 👍:)
@@iexist2217 I've definitely gotten better about not caring, but when I was first figuring myself out it was very lonely. I didn't know why I didn't have those feelings or that there was a community of people like me
Hey guys! Join the aro ace discord a safe space for us to just be us discord.gg/eCGMbh
Exactly how I feel when I’m harassed about it
Go-to answer (for me): point to a stranger and ask the same to the one who asked about said stranger. If they still don't get it, say I'm not interested. And then move on with whatever I was doing.
I kind of love how the turning point in every asexual's realisation story is "and then I googled it"
I didn't but thats just because my schools gsa club was cool and covered my school in rainbows and flags every june. I'm lucky cuz I just looked at a random flag on the wall and was like "oh yea that sounds right" lol
Except me who almost immediately connected with aromanticism after randomly finding it.
yea wish i had known back in high school instead of now in my mid 30s.but then was early 00s and i dont think the term wasnt abound
I just need to say that as a aro/ace, having anxiety AND being a black woman i don't feel so alone anymore and i actually feel so complete
Right on :)
Same.Being a West Indian Aro/Ace this content is awesome to see!
Frfr
Absolutely ✌🏽 same here.
I am Aro/Ace with anxiety as well.
I think I used to have “crushes”, but I’d say the majority of them were because I felt like I needed to be romantically attracted to someone just because everyone else was. Now, I’ll talk about not being attracted to anyone, and then I’ll always be told it’s just a phase, and I’m still figuring myself out. I could relate to a lot of stuff in this video, actually, but since I think I can be attracted to people sometimes, I think I’m just somewhere on the aro spectrum.
I only had crushed because I thought I HAD to be in love with someone but I never really liked anyone in reality
@emanuelle do nascimento I'm so glad I have someone to relate to 🤧
Like forcing yourself to have a crush?
@@saragarofano9727 yes 🗿
have you considered you might be gray ace? or demi?
I've come to the realization that I'm completely Asexual, but unsure if I'm Aromantic or not. The thing for me is being in a relationship seems too much like work. I just rather watch tv, go on walks, or read by myself. Life is complicated enough without adding a relationship to the mix and dealing with other people's problems on top of it. I always feel like saying I'm too busy for a relationship, but that's not exactly true, I'm just not interested.
Jayquill Berry
What happened?
@@annymus4502 I realized I am a Aromantic Asexual
Yes omg
Jayquill Berry
Good for you :)
I’m ace as well, and I think I am aromantic as well?
Like, I feel aesthetic attraction to everyone, specially girls, but I CAN’T FALL IN LOVE WITH THEM *NO MATTER HOW BAD I WANG TO BE IN LOVE* I do feel like, relationships may seem like too much work
I’m a mess
@@annymus4502 Same!
Well, you know you have MY support as someone who is black, ace and Goth.
Skye ID same. I'm a black goth guy, and I'm aromantic, and asexual. I'm also an introvert and a hsp.
The Last Day Breathing In Eternal Snow sounds just like me 🖤
The Last Day Breathing In Eternal Snow same except I am a white girl haha
Apixx_UwU ? I do relate lol (on the goth and ace part)
Apixx_UwU why ?? I can relate on those levels so I just said same, what’s the big deal? Stop hating haha
i would much rather sit down and watch anime that been in a romantic/sexual relationship
Same
Same but me doing that stuff na
That is my entire mood
You forgot about dragons.
@@aleksandrakrolak love those
I always say “I’m selfish with my time. I’ve never met someone I’m willing to get dressed on a Saturday for” when people ask about my ‘love life.’ Sigh, people just need to mind their own business XD
I'm definitely gonna use that! At least if some people can't respect our identity they will take the "didn't find anyone worthy" argument since if there's one thing all humans pretty much agree on is that we're all kinda shitty
Have you ever considered
Getting dressed up for yourself?
Yes, people need to mind their own business! They say misery loves company 😏
Ace here, I always feel weird calling someone “hot” or “sexy” in a sexual sense it makes me cringe so yeah I can relate to not relating to other girls expressing their interests
fucking SAMEEEEEEEEE
Same! Those words are...not in my vocabulary when describing a person. Pretty, handsome, even cute, sure. Sexy and hot? I had to ask a friend what those actually meant in relation to another person because I've never thought anyone was "hot". Just nice-looking.
Agreed. The closest I came to thinking someone looked hot was when they were flushed and covered with sweat. Even now, even though I know better, hearing someone being called hot makes me immediately assume that person would need a drink.
@@danivee8572 I use "sexy" and "hot" to MEAN that someone is good looking
Like, yeah I love your dress
But I'm not interested in getting in it
It really helps that I would never mean it in a sexual way BECAUSE I'm ace, so I might as well let it mean SOMETHING
I FOUND MY PEOPLE
It wasn’t until I was 29 before I realized that I was asexual. And now, a year later, I’m starting to believe that I am aromantic as well. I just don’t understand romance, or having a deep connection. I just realized that I was lying to myself when I said I loved my ex. Honestly, I loved the cuddles, and the intimacy. I don’t like to be kissed, I never understood the need to be with someone constantly. I just really didn’t give it much thought. I just want to be held and cuddled.
omg same ! I'm 18 and i'm asexual and aromantic but my friends always tell me "talk to that guy" "when will you date someone" and when i say i don't like sex they say to me "You need to give pleasure to your boyfriend" I do not want boyfriend and i do not want sex either...I just want cuddle...
But happy for you if you have found out that you'r earo/ace !
Thing is WHI IS GOING TO CUDDLE WITH ME!? AHHH
Felt this wholeheartedly
Anonymous Girl i would tbh
k4nma
Oh! Thanks Kenma
Good point about romanticizing and sexualizing being projected at toxic levels. And we all know it can reach criminal levels too.
True.
I've experienced a stalker problem in the past, the stalker being a classmate of mine. This problem was not only not stopped by my being aro, but even exasperated by it. The stalker in question couldn't accept that I could never have that type of relationship with them, despite being rejected multiple times, and proceeded to try to "fix me" by being inappropriate and making both me and my friends uncomfortable.
The stalking went on for about two years and only stopped recently. Afterwards, this person's attitude did a 180; they started showing contempt towards me and calling me names in our class's group chat, justifying it by saying that I "broke their heart".
What really makes me angry is that, a few of my cishet female classmates (who only knew about this ordeal on a surface level) thought that all of this was "cute" and that this person "just loves me a lot" and that I should "stop playing hard to get"...
... Please stop romanticising inappropriate behaviour towards people who very obviously don't AND NEVER WILL want it, and justify it using "the power of love".
@@feygrey4772 this is why I'm glad I'm ace
Because I genuinely worry about the allos at times
It's like r/arethestraightsok
Like holy fxck these people are CRAZY
Those invasive questions are sadly still not surprising, and it pisses me off. Just because someone is asexual doesn't mean you get to ask super personal questions, whether the person uses the label or not. They don't go around asking those questions to their straight friends. It sucks how that's a thing people do.
I hate that to.
I usually don't like talking about my life around strangers.
So nosy.
Yeah
It's like being trans
"What's in your pants?"
"Have you had 'the surgery?'"
Is it weird I want to have aro ace friends? I feel very safe somehow knowing nothing else will ever happen but friendship. I'm tired of people pretending to be friends when they in reality wanted something else or hoping for something to evolve from it...
THIS
THIS
OMG YESSSSSSSSS!!!!!! EXACTLYYYYYY
Romanticism is complete bullcrap
I wish humans could Asexually reproduce rather than go through this CRINGE absurdity called "Romance and sex"
I'm an aro ace with a male aro ace friend and it's honestly the best because we can compliment each other while knowing it won't be misinterpreted
It’s weird, I’m aromantic but because of the constant push in my environment around me, I want a relationship and it feels as though I’m grieving something I’ve never lost. But I when I think of a relationship I think of how awfully awkward and how they wouldn’t like me, i’d do something wrong and wonder how easy other people make it look. It’s like someone really wanting a dog because everyone says how great they are, but they know they wouldn’t be comfortable with one in their life.
I feel the same as you. If society wasn't so fixated on the idea of romantic relationships I think my aromanticism would have been a lot more clear to me earlier on. Because in theory a romantic relationship sounds so nice, but when I began to picture myself in one I knew I'd absolutely despise it, I'd feel so stifled. I still sometimes worry about the prospect of me 'dying alone' or whatever because it's something society has drilled into all of us, but really, why is romance the be all end all of everything? It's stupid when you think about it. There are so many other forms of love that are just as important and there are so many other ways of feeling fulfilled in life.
Holly yeah I totally agree. And on another note, I get scared that if I don’t marry someone or date someone, I will get no where in life financially. I know you can have roommates, for my entire life? Usually couples will earn money together to have financial stability, but unless I find an amazing paying job or live in a rented shack, I don’t know how I could do it alone.
@@buttercupsandbreakfast I hadn't thought much about the financial side of things. My ideal situation would be to be financially stable enough to live on my own, but the second best thing would be to live with a really good friend (preferably someone who's aroace or just aromantic too). I wonder if there's anything out there for aromantic people to find roommates or something, that would be cool.
Holly That would be really cool
@@frenzy2061 Yeah, I would like to live in a house with a bunch of friends!
I'm Aromantic and I'm laughing about it. I did use to feel odd but now that I have the language I feel pretty happy. I even jokingly call myself a heartless bastard. Imagine how it feels to wash your hair or to jump into bed after having a long day and that is how I feel. A weight is off my shoulders.
LOL at heartless bastard
:)
"They all had to "go out" with each other. To this day I don't know where they were going." LMAO but also big mood.
i’ve had many ‘crushes’ and ‘catch feelings’ really often. but i realized a while ago that i never actually wanted to date them or anything. it was super platonic and i honestly just wanted their attention and platonic love (like maybe a hug and a pat on the head). i have a lot of guy friends who i hang out with and only one best friend who’s a girl. i’m so unsure if i’m aroace, too young, or i hate being touched or loved on (which might be a problem) and it’s actually so freaky haha.
edit: to clarify, i’m only 13 at the time of writing this.
edit 2: hello !! so i actually have decided to identify as aroace. i'm 14 now, which makes me feel a bit better about identifying as what i am, and not like i'm just a stupid immature child. thank you to everyone who replied, it was inspiring. i love you all (platonically of course haha) and i wish you well. :]
The same thing is happening to me except I’m 14
Can totally understand your struggle. I'm 18 and ace (still figuring out of I'm aro as well). I feel like I have crushes, but they disappear as soon as the other person shows legitimate interest in me. It's really weird and frustrating. Be free to experiment and don't fret too much! You are allowed to have romantic/sexual feelings, but also just as free to not have any of that!
It is also fine if your label changes. Your identity isn't as unchangeing as you might think. If identifying as aro/ace feels right for you now, do it! Maybe this changes at some point and you find out that you're gray or demi or straight or bi and it's okay to change your label then. Many aro/aces start out thinking we're straight (because that's still the status quo) and only later find out that this definition doesn't fit. You're doing great
DUDE SAME- except I’m 100% sure I’m ace the thing is I’m not sure if I’m aro also It was honestly so confusing because I’ve had like 12 crush’s when I was like 3-9 OH AND IM ALSO 13 IF YOU HAVE INSTAGRAM WANNA TALK
You're never too young to know what u r =)) but u can be "too young" to put a label on yourself. If u r unsure about your sexual orientation and u really wanna know what u r just educate yourself more about sexual orientations in general and maybe u can find some ppl from the lgbtq+ community who can help u out. I'm ace aro myself and if u have questions about the ace aro spectrum I can help u out.
My 14yo is ace/aro. I introduced her to the idea when she was 13. She’s never been interested in anyone. Boys, girls, nothing. She made it official recently. I hate being told it’s a phase or that she’s too young. I knew around 14 that I definitely liked boys and wanted a relationship with them and had had a few of them.
Thank you for being a responsible parent and accepting your child.
@default No one's planting ideas in anyone. Introducing children to such concepts young is good! Less horrible confusion or feelings of being broken if you know there's more stuff than straight out there. It's not like they're trapped, if they grow up and realize oh, actually i do feel romantic/sexual attraction then great! It's not like you're stuck with the label and that's it.
@@silviasbraShe didn't make her child asexual. She helped that child not feel pressure to do what they didn't want to do.
7:27 I was sexually abused for years and have been aro/ace since I was 15. I'm almost 19 now and people say that my sexuality is either dormant or I'm just scared of sex. Well, that's shit doesn't matter. No matter what you've been through, you are who you are. EMBRACE IT 💯💙♠️🔥
i read a tumblr post that was something like how to tell if you're aromantic. it was just a compilation of people's experiences of how they figured it out. i'd been wondering a little bit about why i didn't seem to feel butterflies, and why i had to pretend to have reactions at what my 'crush' was doing, rather than just having them. i read it and it just clicked. like 'that's me'. i had mixed feelings at first, but i've come to accept and love myself and the rest of our community.
Heartless Artless I think I might be aromantic as well. I haven't had butterflies ever and I don't really have an attraction romantically to anyone. I do want a relationship, I think. I'm not really sure what I want but yeah. I have definitely had a sexual attraction to men though.
Does someone have the link to that Tumblr post?
Could you please post that link?
Also, how do you deal with being ace, aro and lonely? I’ve been feeling so bad lately
I'm so much better now, don't worry
Can you send that post?
I realized I was aro ace when I thought about my ideal relationship in life. I found that my ideal relationship is having someone there for me, a shoulder to cry on, someone to hang out with. No sex, so romance. It really fits me, and I’m so glad to be apart of this community
You mean "a part" right? Because "apart" usually means you are separated from it.
I'm not asexual, but I am aromantic. Jealousy and fighting over relationships was always so weird to me. Like if he wants to leave he'll leave. Why were they stressing over it? And I thought since I had physical attraction that was enough. But it turns out people want something other than friendship, and it took me many years to figure that out.
I relate to the weird "so do you like them?" All the time, it certainly stopped me having Male friends for a while because I just did not want to deal with that
Funnily enough, the female friend I made is male now, anyways.
Edit: Both of them are, actually. And now I also have a male friend. We're both ace aro.
Right. I wanna talk only to girl now bc it seem less taxing.
As a bigender person, as well as an aromantic one, I've always wanted to have a diverse range of friends and develop deep connections with people of all genders.
However, I am so tired of people, particularly cis men, mistaking my attention for affection. JUST BECAUSE I TALKED TO YOU ABOUT VIDEO GAMES FOR 10 MINUTES DOESN'T MEAN I LOVE YOU FFS.
I sometimes feel like I'm less valid because I also realised I'm aroace when I was pretty young (13-16) and whenever I find someone explaining how they realised they're ace they're always at least 18 with a far more negative experience than mine. I'm scared of people telling me that I was too young to know, so hearing someone say they also figured it out when they were a teenager feels good
I DIDN'T KNOW U WERE AROMANTIC AS WELL! Ahhhh HELL YEAH FELLOW AROACE💚💜
Awww AROACE! Ah just realizing this too and like that cute term!
@@SpiritOrb-tm8gf I hate myself for being aroace
@@zajax1896 There is nothing to hate about it, it’s who you are and if others don’t understand then it’s their own problem not yours to worry about. You have much more energy to focus on your interests and goals, don’t waste it looking negatively on a mere characteristic that makes you who you are.
@@SpiritOrb-tm8gf Yeah thanks dude.
I'm 19 and only recently realized I'm AroAce. Everything made sense as soon as I found out what being AroAce meant. I'd never had a crush or anything like that. And I had one girlfriend, but I was so uncomfortable the whole relationship and I didn't know why. It just wasn't for me. Until it all clicked. I'm so much happier now. My best friend is also Asexual and we talk about our experiences and it's so good to have someone to talk to about something that's fairly uncommon. Thank you for sharing your story!
I wish I had an Asexual Aromantic Best Friend as well.
I'm am so fucking jealous of you XD
awww im SO HAPPU FOR YOU!!! I'm 20 and I found out I was aroace this year after identifying as a lesbian for some time but never actually having dated anyone or kissed anyone
it all made sense!
"They had to go out with each other...To this day I don't know where they were going" I LITERALLY STARTED WHEEZING MY GOD I HAVE NEVER RELATED TO A SENTENCE MORE
Honestly love you!! We desperately need more ace and aro activists willing to take on public roles like this (youtube, online presence, public speaking, presence at lgbtqia events, etc) and it makes me very happy that you are one of the most prominent ones in the uk! I admire you so much. You've already done so much and i have no doubt you'll do much more. They can't silence us!! (And you have time to model and graduate with a masters degree too! Like if that ain't impressive!! Hahaa if you ever make a non aspec video, i'd be down to hear how you handle time management!)
Growing up I never thought ’oh that’s eventually gonna happen to me’. I always believed that having a boyfriend was kind of like a hobby. Like, I have too much time on my hands... what to do... basketball? No, playing games? No, Boyfriend? Sure. And then you went out and got a boyfriend to pass the time because you liked the whole dating process. The idea of there being emotions involved, beyond platonic ones, never even crossed my mind.
Yes to all of this.
I’m ace/aro but I do feel aesthetic attraction, I find some people physically attractive but never want to date or have sex with them. For so many years I confused aesthetic attraction for sexual attraction and identified as bi for about a year. Only a few months ago did I realize I was asexual, because I assumed what I experienced was sexual in nature when it wasn’t.
I'm not aromantic nor asexual, but I do enjoy researching such topics. Thanks for sharing!!!
When you questioned if you were ever abused, but didnt remember is so me! People always ask me this and I used to go " Was I abused? Did I just store the trauma away and it's locked up somewhere in my mind???" I still experience some romantic and sexual attraction but it's gone in a snap and I never had the urge to actually purse it. I think maybe down line I could find someone, but for right now I'm just not going to worry about it.
I didn’t even consider my sexuality at all until I was 18/19. I noticed that other girls started talking about boys at maybe 11, but I already knew that I didn’t like the colour pink or shopping or make up unlike most of the other girls, so boys was just another thing I didn’t understand why most girls liked. As I got older I mostly saw it as my general social incompetence and that I didn’t share interests with the people around me so of course I wasn’t interested in anyone. By the time I started University I thought about it some more and decided that if I was allo, I would have probably have had at least someone I liked like that by now. I found AVEN and felt more secure in my reasoning.
By yeah, coming out to people is a constant struggle because of the lack of knowledge. It’s usually met with a barrage of questions, and while people are usually not rude, they can definitely get very personal. It also doesn’t help that most people’s reactions seem to be to feel sorry for me because I’m doomed to end up forever alone. And I’m just like 🤷♀️ it’s my life and I don’t have other experiences to judge it against, so I don’t feel like I’m missing something.
hey liking pink has nothing to do with sexuality just saying
Apixx_UwU I never said it does. As a kid, I didn’t pick up on the significance of me not being like the other girls in one aspect (wanting to talk about and being interested in boys) because I was different from most of them in other ways too (ie not liking pink etc). Of course, which colours you like have nothing to do with sexuality.
Tove Kauppi oh oki
Genderfluid and something like this, too. Favorite color as a kid:::::purple. Later liked mixtures of two shades of blue. 🔵⛵ Now I seem to be in a phase of lavender and spring green 🍏☔. I like your name. Are you Finnish? Peace be with you. I admire The Finnish sooooooo much!!!! Happy belated Independence Day, if you are. If not, I love your country, too:::::all countries are great:::::: we're all part of planet Earth 🌎🌍🌏💗🙏💡🙂🍀☺️. blessings... (I've been having love for the world and everyone in it since I was angry, due to menopause and remembered abandonment by family and psychiatric abuse for decades through unecessary medicines, leading to kidney failure. I may die soon. I have no children. I love all that is good. Not trying to be "creepy":::::trying to help Love, Peace, and Mother Earth 🌎🌍🌏 no time::::::we all must Love and have Peace and protect planet Now:::::::please don't be cynical or hopeless;;;;;;please T R Y to save polar ice caps from melting. 💕💗❤️💝❣️🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🌏🌍🌎💡🙏🙂☺️🤔☔👪🧕🚶🏽♀️🍏⛵🤳🔵😂🚫🥺🏖️🐰🐇❤️🎄😘🤔🧂💝💕🏡🦜🤞🥰🤗❣️
@@solarhydrowind haha I’m actually Swedish, but my last name is Finnish because my grandfather grew up in one of the Finnish regions of Sweden up north.
I go back and forth between knowing I'm aromantic and thinking it's in my head. This helped solidify everything. My disconnect from my peers came right at puberty because everyone became obsessed with romance and sex. Then they started saying I was gay and 'waiting' for me to come out. But I knew I wasnt attracted to girls, and I never liked anyone. I'd get sexual crushes, but I thought that was what everyone felt, and I didn't realize the crushes were purely sexual. Then at 25 I realized I was allo aromantic.
This was me too
Black alternative activist aro ace too 💕💕💕
I’m a romantic ace, so I totally got into the whole relationship thing, though I was not considered attractive and had no self confidence, so I didn’t date. Though that wasn’t by choice. But I never really understood sex. I had always been considered immature and was bullied for that all my life. There was no escaping it in middle school, so when we were separated into groups based on gender and shown “The Movie” at my catholic school and everyone immediately started non stop making jokes about it, I just rolled my eyes and ignored it. But when I moved on to high school, I wanted to put an end to the bullying and fit in for once. So I studied the way everyone joked about it and copied the pattern to make my own jokes and talked about it all the time, pretending that I had some clue what I was talking about. But the whole time, I was hating myself for being so immature that I still wasn’t interested. I even met another ace and became good friends with her. She had a ton more confidence than me and didn’t pretend to be interested. An being the terrified asshole of a high school girl that I was, I mocked her for being immature like I was afraid people would do to me, telling her constantly not to worry because she’ll grow into it one day. Secretly telling myself the same thing. I was still surprised when a girl at my high school got kicked out for being pregnant and I realized that people really weren’t joking - they were actually doing this stuff! I still have no idea when we switched from making obnoxious jokes to actually acting it out.
I survived high school and was 20 years old in college before I discovered asexuality. I was glad that by then the obsession with sex had died down because it was much easier to fit in. I just said as little as possible and blended into the background on sexual topics and generally got by fine. Then previously mentioned ace friend showed me an article about asexuality in a magazine and said “see? There’s even a word for it.” I looked it up and realized that it described me, that I wouldn’t necessarily grow into it, it didn’t mean I was extremely immature, and it didn’t mean I was somehow broken. I didn’t have to pretend to be something that I wasn’t. Of course, coming out didn’t go too well - everyone told me that I was just jumping on the bandwagon because I had obviously been interested in sex since high school... Apparently I am a very good actor... Eventually when I had kept insisting that my “attraction” in high school had been fake and didn’t go back to “normal” for over a year, people started to believe me.
"To this day I still don't know where they were going" 😂😂😂 that reached me on philosophical level
Much love you're such a brilliant and beautiful representation of the black ace & aro spectrum community 💌
❤️ I love my fellow black people!
Thoughts from Karukera🇸🇷
I figured out i am aroace a few months ago and i started to be so mad at love and the way society projects it. Even little things like analyizing love poems in school upset me.
And i can't talk to anyone about it cause even though they might try to understand, they never fully will.
I just really wish i had a fellow aroace friend who just completely understands me cause this is slowly driving me insane.
I've watched videos where asexuals said they wished they weren't asexual. I don't. I am glad and proud to be asexual. It's relieving, cause if i imagine myself falling in love, dedicating my entire life to one person and worship them, i feel sick. Sometimes i am convinced It's all gonna be fine and i can just live my life, being who i am, but then society strikes again and i could just fall to the ground and cry.
I wish romantical love wasn't a thing.
Being this level of asexual is freeing. We don't constantly feel the need to risk drama or abuse because we're desperate for something from another person.
Definitely not alone at all. Exactly how I feel. I’m happy not being interested in the same relationships as others (it’s feels absolutely liberating). Some days are easier than others but then on other days every. Single. Thing. About love in society feels infuriating, because it feels like society keeps trying to rob me of the life I want to live. And then I talk to my friends and I can just… tell they don’t get it. And that’s when it becomes really isolating.
I just recently realized I’m somewhere on the aro spectrum and honestly everything just clicked??? I was never interested in romance, I dated due to external pressure and because I was told I needed to date.
I’m not interested in pursuing a relationship as I can’t reciprocate my partner’s romantic feelings and often feel burdened by them, pda is uncomfortable but I feel sexual attraction to every gender.
I can see myself living/marrying someone who shares my views or a long time friend.
So your Pansexual Aromantic?
Gyserio I think I’m probably there, I would see myself growing old with a friend/someone I have a strong bond with but with no strong romantic feelings
Thank you sooo much for your videos! Aro/aces really need a lot more representation, so it's great that you talk about this subjet on your channel. There are still so many clichés to break about this orientation, like people who think aro/aces are cold and unable to have feelings, whereas there are many forms of love, not only romantic ones!
Honestly, I'm always taken by surprise when people say that other people started to notice them not taking an interest in dating/sex. Maybe it's just because I was that one lazy and smart kid in the corner that no one paid much mind to, but I just can't really imagine being confronted that much or that often about my now-known AroAce orientation for it to make me wonder if I wasn't straight. Like, sure, I've been asked 'who do you have a crush on', but that was maybe once. In Elementary school.
For me everyone decided that I was a crazy so I didn’t care, I tried once to have a relationship because of curiosity, and I got it that the guy was getting in love with me and I didn’t feel a thing , I don’t feel that at all, and I was like NO he doesn’t deserve that, and ever since I am single and happy and like I said when I was a kid, “I will not get marry but I do want kids, but I don’t have to to give Birth to them”
You have the most perfect balance between a British accent and an American accent, and I am blown away how it's completely in the middle of them both
I am Asexual as well, bit I'm not aromantic. I'm Demi-pan romantic. And your video helped me a lot!
omg this is so me. I never knew how the jump formed between boys are yucky to wanting to date them and marry them. I've known I never wanted to date or do anything with anyone since I was in 1st grade xD. I never knew it even had a name 'till recently. But yeah aroace and proud! It's not a huge deal it's just normal to us :D.
"a dose of LGBT+ tragedy pron to brighten your afternoon" lmaoooo 👏
I'm asexual, for sure. But the thing is that romantic relationships are so sexualized anyway, it's normal for couples to have sex, it's what's excepted, it's what's depicted all the time, for a lot of people, sex is one of the most important thing in a relationship...
This constant link between romance/sex makes the line between the two quite blurry to me sometimes that I end up questionning my romantic attraction... I would say i'm on a (grey-)biromantic spectrum, I can fantasize about dating, I do find people attractive, and I say "I want a girlfriend" all the time... But actually engaging myself in a romantic relationship is a bit scary, because of the way I see other couples.
In the end I just know that I'd much rather stay alone than be in a relationship that makes me uncomfortable, but the thing is, the idea of a relationship is a bit uncomfortable in itself... I feel comfortable being alone, but I guess deep down I just wish to find someone who can understand me and whom I feel comfortable with.
Meanwhile I've known gay, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual people around me... I'm still the only asexual I know (+ the fact that we never get representation) so it feels quite lonely sometimes.
I've recently started to try to figure out my own identity.. I've never really been interested in sex. I'm not exactly extremely open with it yet.. and I know I still feel romantic attraction and that feels really weird. I'm hella scared of not being able to find a guy that's both ok with me not wanting to have sex and also be compatible with me?
Either way I believe I've found a POWERFUL WOMAN to relate to and make me feel better about myself
It can be scary trying to go through all of those questions and emotions. Just know that there is somebody out there that will love and appreciate you for who you are regardless of whether you have sex with them. Be proud to be you and I wish you luck on your journey to discovering yourself!
I 100% relate with you. its cool to see that Im not the only one questioning all of this so ty for commenting on this vid :) its appreciated
It would be easier if asexual people date asexual people. :')
@@callmeblueok9218 true, sadly in real life I don't know other asexual people😞
For me it’s weird because I have “crushes” on people and get butterflies around anyone that is nice to me but then I realize I don’t actually want to be in a relationship at all
That’s me!
Omg Im not the only one
@@Silvertongue123 I’m glad it’s not just me lol I thought I was going crazy
hi!! Is this the same for you? Has anything changed? Trying to discover my own things lol
My own experience re: discovering I was aroace is so similar to yours. Our childhood experiences sound very similar and I too didn't have any angst upon discovering I was aroace... it was, in fact, lovely to find there was a word for it and a community of people who have had similar experiences! However, growing older and having my friends pair off and constantly having to field questions about when I'm going to settle down/what the future is going to be like for me has been exhausting and can sometimes feel so isolating... it is just so validating to see someone openly talking about being aroace in such a public way, and I'm so glad you're presenting the idea that there's no 'one way' to be aroace. Thanks so much for fighting the good fight and bringing awareness to asexuality and aromanticism!
i am just aromantic, but sexually very active (im gay).
Gay gay gay
I love being both asexual and aromantic since i was young i made up my mind to continue my life with no one😏
most ppl attribute sexuality, kinks or just anything different to trauma and I dislike that correlation. sure for some trauma might've assisted in that shift to something "other" but sometimes ppl just are who they are! and the world just can't accept that without going "Oh u have daddy/mommy issues huh?" it's so annoying.
I’ve had such a similar experience. When I was in 10th grade I knew of asexuality but I was hoping that at some point my sexuality would kick in. I also wondered if I had somehow messed it all up or if I just hadn’t gotten there yet. I was an extremely late bloomer so I just assumed my sexuality and romantic attraction would come later. But it never came and I think part of the reason I was reluctant to accept it is because I was afraid of how others would react. I’m in 12th grade now and pretty much out, and although I have encountered some people who don’t really get it, I realized that I shouldn’t be hiding a part of myself to make others comfortable.
I can feel you ^^ I'm demi, not ace, but the experiences during puberty are so similar...
I'm definitely grayromantic gray ace. My romantic and sexual attraction is infrequent. I haven't been interested in anyone in particular in 10 years. I also have a hard time getting over crushes. When I like someone but can't be with them, I feel that pain for years. It's so frustrating because there's no such thing as just "walking away."
i relate to this video so much, thank you from a 17 year old aromantic asexual
This account of what school was like is so so similar to my school experience. All my friends would not stfu about boys and who they fancied and I'm sitting there like "we're children!" and then when people started noticing that I had no interest in getting a boyfriend they started assuming I was a lesbian and I got called a D*ke a lot (these assumptions about my sexuality because of my lack of boyfriend continued into my adulthood) because back in the early 2000s and to some people today there is still only straight or gay - no other options. Even today I don't really tell people I'm ace purely because I can't be bothered to explain it to people or risk the "you haven't met the right person yet" comments.
It took me until a week ago to figure out I'm aromatic. (I'm 21). I'm kinda relieved because I understand myself a lot more now and I don't have to feel like I'm forcing myself into a romantic relationship because I think I "have a crush". What a crush meant to me for all this time was finding her attractive, and honestly I can live without that. Romantic relationships are stressful because I just don't know what to do in them.
Just recently I discovered my asexuality, but because there’s so much emphasis on sex in romantic relationships, I’m starting to question my romantic attraction as well. I’ve had crushes in high school and started relationships with a select few, but they never lasted long. I always found myself becoming uninterested after a short while. I wonder if I just found them cute and mistook that for wanting actual relationships with them (ended up being a heartbreaker because of this lol) 🤦🏾♀️
I can entertain the idea or imagine being with someone romantically just fine, but once I actually get in a relationship with them the “novelty” wears off very quickly. I know I like kissing, hugging, hand holding, etc. but the thought of being in a relationship or even marriage makes me uncomfortable sometimes. After a lot of self reflection, I learned that sex was simply a thing I just went along with in my past relationships because it was expected when you’re in a romantic relationship. But I could literally go months/years without sex and be unbothered. Sexual pleasure was definitely always focused on my partner, sex just never did anything for me. I’m still trying to dig deep and figure myself out though.
The story of me realizing I was aromantic:
My friend asked me if I was attracted to boys. I say no. She asks if I’m attracted to girls. I say no. She says “So you’re aromantic?” I’m like “nah, that doesn’t sound right”. I look into it. Turns out I am.
I kept waiting for my hormones to kick in. As much as I liked being different, the fact that I had no inclination for intimacy made me feel freakish. Over the years I considered doing some stupid stuff to "get it over with" but I knew it would traumatize me and was always able to give up the stupid idea. I'm 45 now and I'm glad I never gave into the madness around me or like some women forced themselves to suffer through marriages for years.
I just wanna say i love your style :D Also frickin great to see you spread awerness about aces and aros!
I never really noticed that I wasn't "normal" in middle school because (as I found out in high school) most of my friends were lesbians, so they weren't talking about boys. There were some girls that talked about having sex but I just thought of myself as a "good" girl and that was that. It took me until college to figure out that I was something other than straight, and it turns out my bestie had figured it out literal years before me. We had a good chuckle over that. Being aroace really explained why I never had any sort of feelings for my only boyfriend, though.
This makes me feel wayyy less alone about my ace/aro-ness. Genuinely, thank you so much!
Thank you so much for sharing your experience! I'm 19 and I've only recently come to terms with me being aroace, but I've gone through so many of the same thoughts as you. That maybe I was gay, maybe something awful happened to me, that I was immature, that it was something to do with how socially anxious I am. Luckily throughout most of my school life, my friendship group wasn't super fixated on romance/sex and barely any of them dated, so I didn't feel too odd but there was still that underlying feeling that I was different anyway. I suspected I was asexual for a while but never really delved into it. When I found out both my 12 year old sister and 16 year old brother had dated/had crushes on people it really hit me that I was different and it wasn't just something to do with how I was raised or something. My family are really open-minded about sexuality and stuff, but despite me telling my mom about me being aroace she still occasionally brings up the idea of me finding someone and it's a bit annoying. I don't know if she's just forgotten or what, but at least I know she'd never pressure me into anything. Again thank you for sharing this, it's amazing how similar our experiences seem. Ever since fully accepting being aroace I've felt a lot more confident too in how I look, I don't have that nagging feeling that I ought to look attractive to other people anymore. I've never really set out to impress but it was always this subconscious thought anyway. I really hope it's made more aware of. Knowing about its existence early on would help so many young asexuals.
I literally relate to what you said except that, my parents would always tell me I can't date anyone since I was so young and I can get a boyfriend when I'm out of college or in college. I still stick to that but, as the years went by i never felt the need of having a relationship or having sex. I always felt uncomfortable when people would talk about that and about their relationship. I am 19, and I never been in a relationship. I came across aroace about a week ago but, I am still not sure if that's what I am. I have always been socially anxious when it came to talking to anyone.
@@mf.5622 It's so frustrating listening to people's relationship problems as I can't relate to anything they say. It's like I just can't comprehend it, so it bores the hell out of me. Romance sounds like more trouble than it's worth so I'm grateful for my aromanticism sometimes. There's plenty of time for you to figure things out though. All I can really say is never feel pressured into trying something out because you feel like you ought to. I'm so glad I had the friendship group I did, I'm not sure how I would have coped if they were all pressuring me to get into a relationship.
You are a pillar for future generations. Well done
“My piece isn’t on the board.” That’s it. Perfect explanation. I don’t belong there. I don’t want to be there. It might be nice to belong on the board, much simpler, but i don’t, and I can’t.
Thank you for the episode.
I recently confirmed, more like finally expected that I am on the ace spectrum and aro spectrum. I am aegosexual and demisexual as well as aegoromantic and demiromantic. Videos like yours and others have halped a lot.
being ace/aro AND a people pleaser is horrible. it took me years and 4-5 obv failed attempts(with guys and girls) to have a relationship until I realized I never loved or wanted intimacy with any of those people.
ofc my trying to be the default anxiety brain didn't even tried to listen to my subconsciousness screaming everytime I was single and the most happy bean because I was single and not forcing myself to be something I'm not for someone
moral of the story: better wait instead of forcing yourself into relationships just because it's "expected"
That comment about not being single, about not even being on the chess board! I went to put my Facebook status as “not looking” and my dad asked me “why didn’t you put single?” And I responded with because “I’m not looking. I don’t want anything. I don’t want to be considered” and he looked at me skeptical but it’s still there :)
I'm aromantic. The fact that women aren't attracted to me makes things easier for me. However, men finds me attractive.
So how do you feel when the men like you?
@@jewelsforthedome1672 awkward
Well I got this one stalker guy who likes me. I'm aroace and I made it obvious to him but he didn't get the memo
aroace girl here and I have a similar experience. Except, lesbian women in particular seem to be drawn to me and some men too but mostly gay girls and it is UNCOMFORTABLE AS FUCK when a gay girl tries to hit on me
the worst is when they give the,"oh but i have never seen you kiss boys so i figured you were gay too" like no bitch
@@cherryspice1011 I FEEL THISSSS for so long I was just omg I’m just not “”letting myself like it”” and I felt so bad that I didn’t like that kind of attraction but now it makes senseeee
I am on the exact opposite of the spectrum as you so watching this is giving me a great understanding
I’m asexual and have been for a two years when I first became asexual and received all the hate I was saddened but now it makes me proud
Thank you my dear. As an aromantic asexual myself. (black 26 yrs old) Im proud :)
I know exactly how you feel. The same happened to me. It took me awhile to figure it out. I never dated or kiss or bother with sex because I wasn't interested. The same thing that you are sharing I wish i could give you a high five and a hug. XD
Btw even our names are close lol mine is Jasmine
my chemical romance is my favorite band and it is sO WEIRD to be in that fandom as an asexual lesbian!! everyone is constantly drooling over the band members (i honestly feel bad for them). and idk man i just like (love
It’s so nice to see another aroace, especially one that’s a POC!(I usually see so few)
Me, obviously pansexual: Yeah, interesting
Me, aro/ace: I will watch your career with great interest
rat lmaooo
I had the opposite problem
I like girls
And I knew I was LGBT because of gender (whatever that even is)
So I dressed kinda bi
Beanie, flannel, sleeveless shirt
Couldn't sit straight
So I was wondering if I might be bisexual
Problem was
I couldn't see myself being with a guy in bed
And then I realized that I didn't want to do it with a woman either
So I realized I was ace because I'd been feeling aesthetic attraction this whole time
And I don't even KNOW about romantic attraction
Every time I try to figure out what that's like to compare to my experiences, it just sounds like really good friends
HELP?
@@fenixmeaney6170 I think in the end, if you don't know what labels you vibe with, it doesn't really matter as long as you find a way to live happily. Like if you develop a really close relationship with someone and it's healthy and you both get your needs met, does it really matter what you call it? I guess you might label it when talking to other people, to help them understand it.
But if you agonize about it a lot on your own, at some point it's just not worth the effort anymore 😂 Labels don't define what you do, and they mean something different for everyone anyway. just live and love in a way that feels good to you
That being said, if you don't know what romantic attraction is, you're probably aro. As an allosexual I definitely knew when I was feeling romantic feelings lol... they're kinda overpowering
@@fenixmeaney6170 Wtf did i just read?
👏🏻 this is just what i needed! i really related to so much if what you have experienced! this helps me to understand myself better and while i know i’m asexual this really has helped me fully realize that i am aromantic as well!!
Your experience is very similar to my experience in a lot of ways. I even discovered I was asexual when I was 14 almost exactly the same way you did. It's refreshing to here people went through some of the same things I did.
Wow. Love thi video! I've only recently questioned whether I am aromantic but I've known that I am on the Asexual spectrum for a while. Your thought process was so similar to my own in college. In high school, I was like you, I just didn't really pay attention to how I was because I wasn't being directly affected by relationships so I actually didn't know about asexuality until start of college or a little bit of my senior year of high school. I always questioned the relationships around me. Like why are so many girls obsessed with boys almost to the point of insanity?
I've been lucky though because my family, aside from the occasional remarks of "when you are in a relationship" or "you'll meet the right person", they don't really intrude on my relationships too much. I think it's part of the reason why I didn't really see anything odd about myself until college. And similar to you, I established that I was asexual because even when guys have said they are interested in me, I never wanted or felt the need to have sex with them or be 'sexy' to them.
I identified as ace when I was 14(aro term wasn't even there back then, at least I didn't know english to research), but then with society pressure of me just being "immature" or "ugly" I pushed so hard trying to love someone, agreeing to date someone I only loved platonically taking that as a chance to be "normal", and it didn't end up well for my mental health. And here I am being 24 yo and accepting I was aro(prob ace as well, idk) all along and it feel so nice to finally be myself in front of myself. And I'm lucky to have some a-spec friends around ♥
I used to say I was inactively straight and my hormones hadn't kicked in yet
The time I was most weirded out by all this was actually when I was little..? Like all of my friends were talking about crushes and stuff and I assigned myself a crush on some kid because I kinda got along with him and I guess that's what I thought a crush was. I was so confused about why people wanted to date and got pressured into telling my friends. At seven. And then it never was really a huge thing after that other than the occasional stupid "Who's your crush? Oh come on, you HAVE to have one."
Im also asexual tho im not aro and its grear to find others that feel the same, as there is 1% of ace/aro ppl
Jesus christ I had the same doubts and theories about myself. I also thought that maybe I frogot I was abused lol. But no real explanation was it. Im glad to know I wasnt the only one with these thoughts and feelings. Thanks sis
I went through most of my life not knowing why I was so repulsed and annoyed by sexual advances, or even people just liking me. Now I understand I'm aroace and I love it tbh. Most people spend their lives worrying about who to fuck or how to keep their partner happy, etc I don't have to worry about that. The idea of being with someone is sickening to me. That doesn't mean I don't like it when others are happy, I think couples and even romantic stories are nice, just not for me.
The comment about how everybody changed over the sommer is so similar to what I experienced. It was just like a flick of a switch, and everybody was expressing so much around sex and romance. I just felt completely left out. Your'e doing such important work, thank you. I hope you get so famous that I can casually drop that I am asexual too.
As a black women im so happy to have found this video. I just realized I’m asexual aromantic! I had to google it and then it all clicked. I just tell people I see humans as trees. I admire trees and sometimes I hug them but then I just keep it pushing. I just don’t get the relationship thing but I let people do their thing. And when I was dating a guy had a hot 30 days before I got bored and as time went one it went to two weeks. I love it here 😌😌
You may not have an excuse for not posting a video for awhile but you did have a reason: you didn't have anything to say. When you had something to say, it was worth saying and definitely worth listening to. Thanks for this video!
I relate a lot to what you say. No sexual attraction towards either gender.
fuckin ditto man. I've also never fit the mold growin up and was def more childish, goofy, and "alternative" then ppl my age so I thought eventually these feelings would develop when I matured more or whatever.
it wasnt until a close friend misread some signals and kissed me in college that I finally realized I was aro/ace.
i think for anyone questioning they should do this.
how do you feel when you see someone?
if you like the way they look and feel nothing else outside that. then thats just aesthetic attraction.
i think a lot of people get aesthetic attraction confused with sexual attraction. especially ace people who are exploring their lack of sexuality.
also dont let anyone tell you your feelings are invalid. the people close to you will probably not understand. ive had close friends essentially laugh in my face when i "came out" to them. it really is tough. it really does feel like you vs the world at points. there's still times where i lie to certain to people just so i can just avoid discussion. which is something im trying to do less and less
but know you arent alone. at the end of the day you can only be you
I'm working through this. I have recently realized I was aro/ace. Not sure who if anyone I should tell. I feel like realizing this has clarified all so many things that made me feel so strange. For context, I live in west Virginia. Not a place of great sexual diversity, at least none people talk about. I'm 30 btw. I feel like I never knew this was an orientation.
I know I’m really late but you have BEAUTIFUL hair oh my god- also this is really helpful, as someone who still struggles a bit with their identity as aro ace I really appreciate videos like this
Also, wow, the make-up thing - I didn't expect that to resonate with me, so thank you
Dude I lived 4 years thinking that I was supposed to be attracted to someone, but nope I’ve never seemed to ever want to be with people... I was forced into a few relationships and guess what? I never enjoyed them as a kid I used to think that people in relationships where just people that yelled at others and usually stop talking to each Each-other, to be honest I still stick with that (some relationships do stay together) Sometimes I think that the reason why I’m arrowmantic and asexual is probably because my parents. They always seemed to have had fights and such
Thank you so much for sharing. I’ve seen so many adorable pics of you with the ace flag and read interviews but it’s so nice to see you actually talk about being ace.
This is so *me* that it’s scary 😅
I also lost a friendship because I was told that because we were a guy-girl friend we probably liked one another and should date. But it turns out, I never liked him romantically; I just really wanted to spent time with him and I loved him platonically. I didn't want THAT. And I think he was in love with me romantically, and started to distance himself from me when I didn't show that interest back at him... so I lost my friend and understood that I'm really not interested in someone romantically...