That just backfired on me! Am chatting with someone for weeks. I'm constantly hitting the brakes when chatting...kinda set a limit to no more than 5 average length sentences before waiting for the other to reply...but I broke that rule a few times. So the person I'm chatting with, also with ADHD, lost his brakes completely. Now I'm getting 5 page replies in a wall of text without enters, and there's no way I can process that much. Especially not when I wanna reply to each point with my own wall of text lol. Now it's too exhausting to be worth continuing that chat and develop a closer friendship. That's why I don't have close friends.
Oh me too just like I'd rather have obnoxiously loud neighbors all the time so that when I wanna be loud a couple times a month, they can't bitch about it lol
My recovery plan is total withdrawal. I’m tired of being rejected and I’m tired of people of not having any actual support. I’m glad this video was suggested to me this morning though because I’m only recently becoming aware of my over sharing. At first I didn’t care because I know I’m a good person, but four months into therapy for my ADHD I feel lonelier than ever.
I am so sorry you feel that way. I think its a journey. And sometimes you are learning about your ADHD and it makes you feel really overwhelmed. I am so glad someone recommended this to you. Keep watching. You are not alone.
social cues is really big with me. I find if there’s an awkward tension in a room and I want everyone to feel at ease or welcome. I tend to overshare. But what I noticed is that you always don’t have to be that person that creates less tension in the room, you should be focusing on yourself. Sometimes I tend to make myself look stupid to make everyone good. Having ADHD is a superpower, but you just need to learn how to use it so it benefits you and not take advantage by everyone else. See! over shared. lol. Awesome video! Thank you.
Thanks for this! A couple questions: 1) I’ve only recently been diagnosed with ADHD. I always thought I overshared but mine is not quite like this. I tend to overshare with FRIENDS only (sometimes taking over a conversation). And mine tends to be rooted in an old fear of being unheard, and a childhood of being lonely. So whenever I go through a period of social isolation or loneliness, the first friend to offer a listening ear gets a tidal wave of information lol. Is this the same thing? Or any tips for this kind in particular? The idea of NOT doing it fills me with that anxiety about not being heard again, but when I do it I get social anxious and feel ashamed. 2) my brother used to overshare with us ALL while growing up. It’s one thing I regret, that I would get mad at him when he did it, but he literally would not stop until you DID get mad, it seemed. Is this oversharing? It almost seemed like a compulsion. He would stop for a moment if you asked but then start again.
I work in health and early on discovered how some people would have elaborate explanations for why they had to reschedule their appointment, I got half their life story before we could get to the point. I used to hate it, it took up so much time and was so unnecessary to me. So I didn't know I myself had adhd until 46, but because of all thise patients I learned not to dump a wall of explanations on others. However I do a lot of sharing (NT considered one-upping) which I only recently discovered is not always well received. And I always thought I was understanding, empathic and reciprocated them. This is actually sad to me as it explains all the eyes glazing over when I've only been relating to people. I will be mindful of it, but I also have to be me.. ❤
Thank you. I have a lot of issues at my workplace place. As a manager it is so difficult! I want to set the example, and I feel I am failing. Granted, i am more aware of what I am saying, but it is so difficult. How can I be more silent?
Im terrible for oversharing, im 63 now and i still do , but im only recently diagnosed as inattentive ADHD, and Autistic. My oversharing has got me into alot of problems before, especially at work. Ive done it before i know it.
Welcome to the Neurodivergent club! I think there is life before diagnosis and after. And I think its important to give yourself a break because you did not have the knowledge of your neurology to help you. So glad you found my channel. I will do more on this topic. Caroline
I've been told for a long time that I share too much and I have agreed with that when people tell me this and have received the, "well then stop doing it" response. A friend recommended this video too me and it has helped me understand why I over share and I have started thinking about what triggers my oversharing. Unfortunately I was not officially diagnosed with ADHD but as I look into these things a lot of my behaviors now make sense. I'll be checking out more of your of your videos and would like more resources on ADHD.
I hate it when people say just stop. If we could just stop we would! Thank your friend please for recommending me. And I think for many of us - diagnosis and recognition comes later. I will keep making videos about this! Welcome to the community!
Thanks for your great video. I feel like some of the reason why I overshare is because I’m seeking a deeper level of connection. I can’t stand small talk (it seems so pointless) and so I’m always trying to have conversations about more meaningful things, but the trouble is I try to do that with anyone and everyone 😬
It's good to be aware of this. I do it so much. Sometimes tho, i think 'catching' myself and diverting or being quiet or changing the subject to the other person, etc.. That all just sounds like masking to me. Which is essentially just not being myself, which is so exhausting and degrading. The way to not overshare seems to be to isolate or just take a vow of silence when I cant be alone. Having to mask myself to fit in sucks and it feels disingenuous
On the bright side, it makes us connect with others in a sense. We say what others wouldn't dare to share even though they feel it. I've noticed it's connected more people to my content! But also I would love to relate more to others in a sense. It can feel lonely when we are so introspective.English culture is also very much, ‘think before you speak.’
From my little personal experience the reasons are.i was a shy kid and a very shy teenager. So as a 20 yrs old i tried to overcompensate.I want to have a friendly environment which will make me safe in my work environment so i talk in order to show my friendly attitude and have everyone possible to help me when i need it.I want to feel strong or having status because i once felt invisible for example in my teens.😮
I hear that all the time. One of my clients described it as standing with your face on the glass looking in. Its so important to feel safe and we deserve that.
I do this a lot, including with ‘rivals’ who are actuated my job, and it’s details that could be used against me. I think I do it as a way of trying to get their trust, similar to how a cat lies down and exposes its belly to its owner. Because actually I’m not trying to compete with anybody and I am hoping they will accept me and not view me as competition.
What do you mean rivals who actuated your job?I am not an English native speaker 😮once I overshared to people and some of them are not smiling a lot ,listen but don't say anything about their lives I make an effort to shut up really esp to those kind of people 😊
While I was chatting with an acquaintance, I saw a previous abusive housemate (who had been a close friend before she turned on me right before my birthday) drive by. Just the sight of her was so triggering, I accidentally started ranting to him about all that she’d put me through. I later realized what I’d done and texted this acquaintance an apology for gossiping and over sharing to him.
Thanks for sharing ☺️ .. I mean I hate the feeling I have after realising I just did the over share 🥺 also me trying to see this video after I just over shared lol 😅 (see how I just over shared) okay so basically I’ll just forgive myself too and try to reset lol and have a control over this
I over share all the time and honestly when someone over shares with me I don't really seem to care because its most likely the only adult conversation I've had all day ( I work with kids so I don't get that much)
Been dealing with my bank, mort co, and utilities cos I’m struggling with bills (not working) I end up telling them my entire life story the past 10 years which led to where I am now! Including details of my mastectomy recon botch job, and failed revision surgery!! (had my male Indian bank support guy in stitches laughing about my reconstructed boob that now looks like a bum!!😳🤣) (It is awful but it is also ridiculous, so after 2 attempts to fix it I give up and genuinely laugh (dark humour) about my Bum Boob!) Also overshare in job interviews! Talked my way OUT of a brilliant job I would have been brilliant at after seriously NAILING my interview, totally professional, then relaxing TOO much at the end and letting ‘ADHD Niki’ out of her box!! Saw the guy visibly recoil into his chair! He’d said I’d nailed it and final stage was I’d be asked to presentations (against 2 other finalists), we even agreed what I would present!! But after oversharing I got a ‘thanks/no thanks’ email from their HR guy,,and then got no reply to my email to the director (saying I was disappointed but would really appreciate feedback to help me improve my interview skills.
i find often trusting people or making connections wayyy too fast and then i regret it and thats when the problems starts and then i have to do a full u turn and cut out those new people all together...but i keep repeating this mistake...what shall i do? caue i know i shoudnt but i keep doing it :(((
The struggle is real. So many of us do this. I will keep making videos about how to slow down. I have some videos coming about how to identify toxic people so we can retreat!!
With me I just don’t feel embarrassed about sharing this stuff, I am like ‘it’s not me, it’s them, they are just uptight/repressed, I’m open’ or ‘they are a bad listener’ I honestly don’t CARE if strangers share what I tell them. My reaction to this vid is tgat it all sounds like someone stuffy has decided what the ‘rules’ are.. … and I have a ‘stuff their rules, I’m me!’ reaction to other people’s rules. (I know.. there are social rules/etiquettes, I just am not a fan, maybe a defensive response to 50 years of criticism for talking to much/ being loyal😩😳) I’m more bothered by the CONSEQUENCES of my rambling on and on and boring people.. ESP in an interviews right now! Have post its on my screen in interview literally bold caps saying ‘DON’T RAMBLE!’ ‘PAUSE’ ‘LISTEN!’ ‘BREATHE!’ ‘JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION THEN STOP TALKING! That DOES help..
Thank you. I was looking thru the comments for anyone else who has no problem with oversharing. I can't stand people who are repressed and don't share. When I talk to one of my young coworkers, he constantly says "OMG, Amber." Like he can't believe all of the crazy/true stories of my life. But it's just who I am and would prefer others were like me instead of expecting me to be like them. And I do talk to people in line at the grocery store.
Sometimes oversharing is a lack of boundaries. But if you dont know or you can't stop due to self regulation challenges. Its not your fault. You need strategies to move forward.
I really want to hear what you have to say, but the music in the 'background' is almost as loud as your voice. It's too overstimulating for me and I can't concentrate or take in/understand what you are saying as a result. So I'm checking out. I'm not being mean, but I'm giving feedback as I might not be the only one struggling with it. Wishing you all the best.
I love when someone else over shares first then it’s ok for me to do it too lol
ha ha
Omg I resonated with this so hard!
That just backfired on me! Am chatting with someone for weeks. I'm constantly hitting the brakes when chatting...kinda set a limit to no more than 5 average length sentences before waiting for the other to reply...but I broke that rule a few times. So the person I'm chatting with, also with ADHD, lost his brakes completely. Now I'm getting 5 page replies in a wall of text without enters, and there's no way I can process that much. Especially not when I wanna reply to each point with my own wall of text lol. Now it's too exhausting to be worth continuing that chat and develop a closer friendship. That's why I don't have close friends.
Oh me too just like I'd rather have obnoxiously loud neighbors all the time so that when I wanna be loud a couple times a month, they can't bitch about it lol
I hear ya! But how do we know it’s real and not just a sick twisted plan to get us to spill our tea?
This is super helpful!! I definitely overshare and need help toning that down!
Its a journey for sure! I am going to keep making videos about this because its a process !
My recovery plan is total withdrawal. I’m tired of being rejected and I’m tired of people of not having any actual support. I’m glad this video was suggested to me this morning though because I’m only recently becoming aware of my over sharing. At first I didn’t care because I know I’m a good person, but four months into therapy for my ADHD I feel lonelier than ever.
I am so sorry you feel that way. I think its a journey. And sometimes you are learning about your ADHD and it makes you feel really overwhelmed. I am so glad someone recommended this to you. Keep watching. You are not alone.
social cues is really big with me. I find if there’s an awkward tension in a room and I want everyone to feel at ease or welcome. I tend to overshare. But what I noticed is that you always don’t have to be that person that creates less tension in the room, you should be focusing on yourself. Sometimes I tend to make myself look stupid to make everyone good. Having ADHD is a superpower, but you just need to learn how to use it so it benefits you and not take advantage by everyone else.
See! over shared. lol.
Awesome video! Thank you.
Thanks for this! A couple questions:
1) I’ve only recently been diagnosed with ADHD. I always thought I overshared but mine is not quite like this. I tend to overshare with FRIENDS only (sometimes taking over a conversation). And mine tends to be rooted in an old fear of being unheard, and a childhood of being lonely. So whenever I go through a period of social isolation or loneliness, the first friend to offer a listening ear gets a tidal wave of information lol. Is this the same thing? Or any tips for this kind in particular? The idea of NOT doing it fills me with that anxiety about not being heard again, but when I do it I get social anxious and feel ashamed.
2) my brother used to overshare with us ALL while growing up. It’s one thing I regret, that I would get mad at him when he did it, but he literally would not stop until you DID get mad, it seemed. Is this oversharing? It almost seemed like a compulsion. He would stop for a moment if you asked but then start again.
Very helpful.. thanks!
I’m so glad !
I work in health and early on discovered how some people would have elaborate explanations for why they had to reschedule their appointment, I got half their life story before we could get to the point. I used to hate it, it took up so much time and was so unnecessary to me. So I didn't know I myself had adhd until 46, but because of all thise patients I learned not to dump a wall of explanations on others. However I do a lot of sharing (NT considered one-upping) which I only recently discovered is not always well received. And I always thought I was understanding, empathic and reciprocated them. This is actually sad to me as it explains all the eyes glazing over when I've only been relating to people. I will be mindful of it, but I also have to be me.. ❤
This is hard to balance
Thank you. I have a lot of issues at my workplace place. As a manager it is so difficult! I want to set the example, and I feel I am failing. Granted, i am more aware of what I am saying, but it is so difficult. How can I be more silent?
I wish you were my manager, I always over share 😮😅
Im terrible for oversharing, im 63 now and i still do , but im only recently diagnosed as inattentive ADHD, and Autistic. My oversharing has got me into alot of problems before, especially at work. Ive done it before i know it.
Welcome to the Neurodivergent club! I think there is life before diagnosis and after. And I think its important to give yourself a break because you did not have the knowledge of your neurology to help you. So glad you found my channel. I will do more on this topic. Caroline
I've been told for a long time that I share too much and I have agreed with that when people tell me this and have received the, "well then stop doing it" response. A friend recommended this video too me and it has helped me understand why I over share and I have started thinking about what triggers my oversharing. Unfortunately I was not officially diagnosed with ADHD but as I look into these things a lot of my behaviors now make sense. I'll be checking out more of your of your videos and would like more resources on ADHD.
I hate it when people say just stop. If we could just stop we would! Thank your friend please for recommending me. And I think for many of us - diagnosis and recognition comes later. I will keep making videos about this! Welcome to the community!
This video is sooooo helpful!! Thank you so much!
YEAH!! That is music to my ears!
Thanks for your great video. I feel like some of the reason why I overshare is because I’m seeking a deeper level of connection. I can’t stand small talk (it seems so pointless) and so I’m always trying to have conversations about more meaningful things, but the trouble is I try to do that with anyone and everyone 😬
It's good to be aware of this. I do it so much. Sometimes tho, i think 'catching' myself and diverting or being quiet or changing the subject to the other person, etc.. That all just sounds like masking to me. Which is essentially just not being myself, which is so exhausting and degrading. The way to not overshare seems to be to isolate or just take a vow of silence when I cant be alone. Having to mask myself to fit in sucks and it feels disingenuous
On the bright side, it makes us connect with others in a sense. We say what others wouldn't dare to share even though they feel it. I've noticed it's connected more people to my content! But also I would love to relate more to others in a sense. It can feel lonely when we are so introspective.English culture is also very much, ‘think before you speak.’
From my little personal experience the reasons are.i was a shy kid and a very shy teenager. So as a 20 yrs old i tried to overcompensate.I want to have a friendly environment which will make me safe in my work environment so i talk in order to show my friendly attitude and have everyone possible to help me when i need it.I want to feel strong or having status because i once felt invisible for example in my teens.😮
I hear that all the time. One of my clients described it as standing with your face on the glass looking in. Its so important to feel safe and we deserve that.
This was excellent! Thank you!
Thank you so much !
I do this a lot, including with ‘rivals’ who are actuated my job, and it’s details that could be used against me. I think I do it as a way of trying to get their trust, similar to how a cat lies down and exposes its belly to its owner. Because actually I’m not trying to compete with anybody and I am hoping they will accept me and not view me as competition.
What do you mean rivals who actuated your job?I am not an English native speaker 😮once I overshared to people and some of them are not smiling a lot ,listen but don't say anything about their lives
I make an effort to shut up really esp to those kind of people 😊
@@faithgirl9708 Hi, sorry I wasn’t wearing my glasses! I meant, ‘rivals who are after my job’. Don’t we just love autocorrect?
@fuzexi I am still confused.rivals you mean your boss?
While I was chatting with an acquaintance, I saw a previous abusive housemate (who had been a close friend before she turned on me right before my birthday) drive by. Just the sight of her was so triggering, I accidentally started ranting to him about all that she’d put me through. I later realized what I’d done and texted this acquaintance an apology for gossiping and over sharing to him.
So hard because it sounds like she put you through a lot. I use in those moments a pivot. Like wow I am so sorry it was just so hard.
Thanks for sharing ☺️ .. I mean I hate the feeling I have after realising I just did the over share 🥺 also me trying to see this video after I just over shared lol 😅 (see how I just over shared) okay so basically I’ll just forgive myself too and try to reset lol and have a control over this
This was an eyeopener. Thanks for your work.
I found this video extremely helpful. Thank you so much.
So glad. Let me know other topics that you want to see!
God led me to your channel. Thank you…needed this one!☝️
The moment you realise a lot of people who overshared to you then regreted it so you didn't need to overshare also or make them friends 😅😮
I like that. Ha ha
Great video! I've subscribed to learn more from you!
Sorry I missed this. I am so happy to have you! More to come-Caroline
Helpful thank you
I over share, much too much. I am working on it
Its a journey. It takes time. I will make more videos about this because its a process.
I over share all the time and honestly when someone over shares with me I don't really seem to care because its most likely the only adult conversation I've had all day ( I work with kids so I don't get that much)
Brilliant and well communicated ❤
Awe thank you! I am learning!
Been dealing with my bank, mort co, and utilities cos I’m struggling with bills (not working)
I end up telling them my entire life story the past 10 years which led to where I am now!
Including details of my mastectomy recon botch job, and failed revision surgery!!
(had my male Indian bank support guy in stitches laughing about my reconstructed boob that now looks like a bum!!😳🤣) (It is awful but it is also ridiculous, so after 2 attempts to fix it I give up and genuinely laugh (dark humour) about my Bum Boob!)
Also overshare in job interviews!
Talked my way OUT of a brilliant job I would have been brilliant at after seriously NAILING my interview, totally professional, then relaxing TOO much at the end and letting ‘ADHD Niki’ out of her box!!
Saw the guy visibly recoil into his chair!
He’d said I’d nailed it and final stage was I’d be asked to presentations (against 2 other finalists), we even agreed what I would present!!
But after oversharing I got a ‘thanks/no thanks’ email from their HR guy,,and then got no reply to my email to the director (saying I was disappointed but would really appreciate feedback to help me improve my interview skills.
i find often trusting people or making connections wayyy too fast and then i regret it and thats when the problems starts and then i have to do a full u turn and cut out those new people all together...but i keep repeating this mistake...what shall i do? caue i know i shoudnt but i keep doing it :(((
The struggle is real. So many of us do this. I will keep making videos about how to slow down. I have some videos coming about how to identify toxic people so we can retreat!!
@@authorcarolinem yes slowing down is the keys but our brain doesnt and cant ...same about business decisions and jumping into things ;(
With me I just don’t feel embarrassed about sharing this stuff, I am like ‘it’s not me, it’s them, they are just uptight/repressed, I’m open’ or ‘they are a bad listener’
I honestly don’t CARE if strangers share what I tell them.
My reaction to this vid is tgat it all sounds like someone stuffy has decided what the ‘rules’ are..
… and I have a ‘stuff their rules, I’m me!’ reaction to other people’s rules.
(I know.. there are social rules/etiquettes, I just am not a fan, maybe a defensive response to 50 years of criticism for talking to much/ being loyal😩😳)
I’m more bothered by the CONSEQUENCES of my rambling on and on and boring people..
ESP in an interviews right now!
Have post its on my screen in interview literally bold caps saying ‘DON’T RAMBLE!’ ‘PAUSE’ ‘LISTEN!’ ‘BREATHE!’ ‘JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION THEN STOP TALKING!
That DOES help..
Thank you. I was looking thru the comments for anyone else who has no problem with oversharing. I can't stand people who are repressed and don't share. When I talk to one of my young coworkers, he constantly says "OMG, Amber." Like he can't believe all of the crazy/true stories of my life. But it's just who I am and would prefer others were like me instead of expecting me to be like them. And I do talk to people in line at the grocery store.
I haven't those to practice with in safety.
Oversharing makes you an interesting person :).
over sharing vs a lack of Bondaries ?
Sometimes oversharing is a lack of boundaries. But if you dont know or you can't stop due to self regulation challenges. Its not your fault. You need strategies to move forward.
I really want to hear what you have to say, but the music in the 'background' is almost as loud as your voice. It's too overstimulating for me and I can't concentrate or take in/understand what you are saying as a result. So I'm checking out. I'm not being mean, but I'm giving feedback as I might not be the only one struggling with it. Wishing you all the best.
Havening?