How Do I Stop Oversharing When I Have ADHD?
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 5 ก.พ. 2024
- ADHD and oversharing go hand-in-hand for many people. If you have overshared on social media, with your friends or co-workers or even with your family, it can cause you to feel ashamed, embarrassed and like you want to crawl into a hole. I get it!
Oversharing is a very common trait with ADHD. So while you definitely want to learn how to pause when you're about to say something you might regret later, this is a skill that ADHD'ers need to learn, not something that comes automatically to you.
And that's totally normal.
As someone with ADHD myself, this is how I overcame my tendency to overshare. In this video, I also discuss why we overshare, strategies to help you learn to overshare less, and a pivot plan for when you catch yourself in trouble after sharing too much!
0:47 I have ADHD so I overshare
1:12 Social norms for sharing vs oversharing
3:05 Why is oversharing an issue?
3:56 Why do we overshare?
6:37 What can we do to change this or stop oversharing?
8:05 How can you move forward?
10:28 Examples of what to share less
10:59 How to get out of sticky situations
12:51 Subscribe
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I love when someone else over shares first then it’s ok for me to do it too lol
ha ha
My recovery plan is total withdrawal. I’m tired of being rejected and I’m tired of people of not having any actual support. I’m glad this video was suggested to me this morning though because I’m only recently becoming aware of my over sharing. At first I didn’t care because I know I’m a good person, but four months into therapy for my ADHD I feel lonelier than ever.
I am so sorry you feel that way. I think its a journey. And sometimes you are learning about your ADHD and it makes you feel really overwhelmed. I am so glad someone recommended this to you. Keep watching. You are not alone.
I thing we overshare for two reasons: to create a better understanding of what neurodivergent people to through and secondly to find people we can create a group with and have a socialsafetynetwork (which most of us dont have and its much worse for men).
I think those are some of the reasons for sure. I think ultimately we are seeking connection and understanding for sure!
From my little personal experience the reasons are.i was a shy kid and a very shy teenager. So as a 20 yrs old i tried to overcompensate.I want to have a friendly environment which will make me safe in my work environment so i talk in order to show my friendly attitude and have everyone possible to help me when i need it.I want to feel strong or having status because i once felt invisible for example in my teens.😮
I hear that all the time. One of my clients described it as standing with your face on the glass looking in. Its so important to feel safe and we deserve that.
Helpful thank you
On the bright side, it makes us connect with others in a sense. We say what others wouldn't dare to share even though they feel it. I've noticed it's connected more people to my content! But also I would love to relate more to others in a sense. It can feel lonely when we are so introspective.English culture is also very much, ‘think before you speak.’
I found this video extremely helpful. Thank you so much.
So glad. Let me know other topics that you want to see!
This is super helpful!! I definitely overshare and need help toning that down!
Its a journey for sure! I am going to keep making videos about this because its a process !
The moment you realise a lot of people who overshared to you then regreted it so you didn't need to overshare also or make them friends 😅😮
I like that. Ha ha
I do this a lot, including with ‘rivals’ who are actuated my job, and it’s details that could be used against me. I think I do it as a way of trying to get their trust, similar to how a cat lies down and exposes its belly to its owner. Because actually I’m not trying to compete with anybody and I am hoping they will accept me and not view me as competition.
What do you mean rivals who actuated your job?I am not an English native speaker 😮once I overshared to people and some of them are not smiling a lot ,listen but don't say anything about their lives
I make an effort to shut up really esp to those kind of people 😊
@@faithgirl9708 Hi, sorry I wasn’t wearing my glasses! I meant, ‘rivals who are after my job’. Don’t we just love autocorrect?
@fuzexi I am still confused.rivals you mean your boss?
While I was chatting with an acquaintance, I saw a previous abusive housemate (who had been a close friend before she turned on me right before my birthday) drive by. Just the sight of her was so triggering, I accidentally started ranting to him about all that she’d put me through. I later realized what I’d done and texted this acquaintance an apology for gossiping and over sharing to him.
So hard because it sounds like she put you through a lot. I use in those moments a pivot. Like wow I am so sorry it was just so hard.
This was an eyeopener. Thanks for your work.
Thank you. I have a lot of issues at my workplace place. As a manager it is so difficult! I want to set the example, and I feel I am failing. Granted, i am more aware of what I am saying, but it is so difficult. How can I be more silent?
I wish you were my manager, I always over share 😮😅
Thanks for this! A couple questions:
1) I’ve only recently been diagnosed with ADHD. I always thought I overshared but mine is not quite like this. I tend to overshare with FRIENDS only (sometimes taking over a conversation). And mine tends to be rooted in an old fear of being unheard, and a childhood of being lonely. So whenever I go through a period of social isolation or loneliness, the first friend to offer a listening ear gets a tidal wave of information lol. Is this the same thing? Or any tips for this kind in particular? The idea of NOT doing it fills me with that anxiety about not being heard again, but when I do it I get social anxious and feel ashamed.
2) my brother used to overshare with us ALL while growing up. It’s one thing I regret, that I would get mad at him when he did it, but he literally would not stop until you DID get mad, it seemed. Is this oversharing? It almost seemed like a compulsion. He would stop for a moment if you asked but then start again.
This was excellent! Thank you!
Thank you so much !
Very helpful.. thanks!
I’m so glad !
Great video! I've subscribed to learn more from you!
Sorry I missed this. I am so happy to have you! More to come-Caroline
I've been told for a long time that I share too much and I have agreed with that when people tell me this and have received the, "well then stop doing it" response. A friend recommended this video too me and it has helped me understand why I over share and I have started thinking about what triggers my oversharing. Unfortunately I was not officially diagnosed with ADHD but as I look into these things a lot of my behaviors now make sense. I'll be checking out more of your of your videos and would like more resources on ADHD.
I hate it when people say just stop. If we could just stop we would! Thank your friend please for recommending me. And I think for many of us - diagnosis and recognition comes later. I will keep making videos about this! Welcome to the community!
I over share, much too much. I am working on it
Its a journey. It takes time. I will make more videos about this because its a process.
Brilliant and well communicated ❤
Awe thank you! I am learning!
Been dealing with my bank, mort co, and utilities cos I’m struggling with bills (not working)
I end up telling them my entire life story the past 10 years which led to where I am now!
Including details of my mastectomy recon botch job, and failed revision surgery!!
(had my male Indian bank support guy in stitches laughing about my reconstructed boob that now looks like a bum!!😳🤣) (It is awful but it is also ridiculous, so after 2 attempts to fix it I give up and genuinely laugh (dark humour) about my Bum Boob!)
Also overshare in job interviews!
Talked my way OUT of a brilliant job I would have been brilliant at after seriously NAILING my interview, totally professional, then relaxing TOO much at the end and letting ‘ADHD Niki’ out of her box!!
Saw the guy visibly recoil into his chair!
He’d said I’d nailed it and final stage was I’d be asked to presentations (against 2 other finalists), we even agreed what I would present!!
But after oversharing I got a ‘thanks/no thanks’ email from their HR guy,,and then got no reply to my email to the director (saying I was disappointed but would really appreciate feedback to help me improve my interview skills.
With me I just don’t feel embarrassed about sharing this stuff, I am like ‘it’s not me, it’s them, they are just uptight/repressed, I’m open’ or ‘they are a bad listener’
I honestly don’t CARE if strangers share what I tell them.
My reaction to this vid is tgat it all sounds like someone stuffy has decided what the ‘rules’ are..
… and I have a ‘stuff their rules, I’m me!’ reaction to other people’s rules.
(I know.. there are social rules/etiquettes, I just am not a fan, maybe a defensive response to 50 years of criticism for talking to much/ being loyal😩😳)
I’m more bothered by the CONSEQUENCES of my rambling on and on and boring people..
ESP in an interviews right now!
Have post its on my screen in interview literally bold caps saying ‘DON’T RAMBLE!’ ‘PAUSE’ ‘LISTEN!’ ‘BREATHE!’ ‘JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION THEN STOP TALKING!
That DOES help..
I over share all the time and honestly when someone over shares with me I don't really seem to care because its most likely the only adult conversation I've had all day ( I work with kids so I don't get that much)
I haven't those to practice with in safety.
i find often trusting people or making connections wayyy too fast and then i regret it and thats when the problems starts and then i have to do a full u turn and cut out those new people all together...but i keep repeating this mistake...what shall i do? caue i know i shoudnt but i keep doing it :(((
The struggle is real. So many of us do this. I will keep making videos about how to slow down. I have some videos coming about how to identify toxic people so we can retreat!!
@@authorcarolinem yes slowing down is the keys but our brain doesnt and cant ...same about business decisions and jumping into things ;(
over sharing vs a lack of Bondaries ?
Sometimes oversharing is a lack of boundaries. But if you dont know or you can't stop due to self regulation challenges. Its not your fault. You need strategies to move forward.
Havening?