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Interesting video nonetheless, thank you

One doesn’t preclude the other - and isn’t this splitting hair? I see many folks with adhd and this « PDA » …

4:17 ALWAYS been an over-sharer. I ❤ stop and take 2 beats. Fits nicely with my mindfulness work. I can try, anyway.

I want to know who we are supposed to be telling "i have trouble pinpointing my feelings in the moment"? Who (besides therapists) are asking what we are feeling? Nobody else really cares. Or maybe I'm living a really sad life and don't know what i don't know.

Ok, I just subscribed because this was perfect and I SO need the HOW! Looking forward to more of your videos! Thank you!

OMG I am supposed to approach friendships with a strategy?? now someone tells me... Loved the info. I do all of these except for the emotional connection (#3) and difficulty with self-monitoring (#7, IIRC). I have been in therapy for over 2 decades and along the way I learned how to notice the ways I pick up on other people's emotions, which I could always do but not articulate. Now that I have things like words, for the way I am feeling based on physical sensation, I can also sense the way others are feeling and relate. OTOH I am a pathological interrupter. Like I will even be telling myself mentally, "FFS don't interrupt right now!" - and I still blurt it out. I hate that I do this, still working on it, though. I was diagnosed as an adult, while kicking and screaming that no way was I ADHD, I did fine in school. Except I didn't and the test showed that. The more I learn about ADHD the more I realize that a good portion of the traits that I wish I didn't have are actually traits of ADHD affected people in general.

Wow, thank you. This is so clear and adhd-fiendly. Love your vibe, I feel seen.

Wow!! This is such a helpful reminder..though here in Germany it's so hard to socialize if you want to do it is an adult.

This is an excellent out of the box idea!

Thanks for making this video! I found your book so helpful

this was one of the best vidoe's on the traits of ADHD I've seen so far. I just thought you were talking about me. thank you for the clarity.

Can ypu please name some online support groups or programs?

Thank you for this video Caroline. What's the difference between PDA and ODD? I've been researching this recently without finding an answer. I've recently diagnosed with ASD. That came as a surprise because of my ADHD diagnosis some 40 years ago. And as you're probably aware, prior to 2014 (and the DSM V), I could not have been diagnosed with both. My earliest ADHD diagnosis included a "with ODD" diagnosis. Neither ODD or PDA sound great with either defiance or pathological, but I am learning to empower myself with the knowledge that those terms come from neurotypicals. Thanks again for the video.

Such a great video! 😊 As someone with ADHD, setting boundaries is super tough for me. I always end up saying 'yes' when I should say 'no' 😅. The idea that boundaries are about protecting my energy, not pushing people away, really resonates. I’m definitely going to try practicing those phrases to make it easier! 🙌 Thanks for the helpful tips! 💡 Also, it would be awesome if you could do a video on how to handle guilt when setting boundaries - that's something I really struggle with too!

@trishferrer8209 1 month ago This is fascinating. I like this info. You are presenting it well, but at 3:23 you are saying one thing, but three lines of words are on the screen. I can't listen to you talk, and read the screen at the same time. I have to pause the vid to read what it says. This happens a lot when I'm watching Saturday morning wild animal shows. The speaker is talking about an animal, while simultaneously a block of information appears on the screen. I don't have the luxury of pausing to read. Also, tickers at the bottom of the tv screen, when the news reporter is talking is so irritating I have to say fk-it and turn off the tv. It's information overload

@trishferrer8209 1 month ago This is fascinating. I like this info. You are presenting it well, but at 3:23 you are saying one thing, but three lines of words are on the screen. I can't listen to you talk, and read the screen at the same time. I have to pause the vid to read what it says. This happens a lot when I'm watching Saturday morning wild animal shows. The speaker is talking about an animal, while simultaneously a block of information appears on the screen. I don't have the luxury of pausing to read. Also, tickers at the bottom of the tv screen, when the news reporter is talking is so irritating I have to say fk-it and turn off the tv. It's information overload

@trishferrer8209 1 month ago This is fascinating. I like this info. You are presenting it well, but at 3:23 you are saying one thing, but three lines of words are on the screen. I can't listen to you talk, and read the screen at the same time. I have to pause the vid to read what it says. This happens a lot when I'm watching Saturday morning wild animal shows. The speaker is talking about an animal, while simultaneously a block of information appears on the screen. I don't have the luxury of pausing to read. Also, tickers at the bottom of the tv screen, when the news reporter is talking is so irritating I have to say fk-it and turn off the tv. It's information overload

@trishferrer8209 1 month ago This is fascinating. I like this info. You are presenting it well, but at 3:23 you are saying one thing, but three lines of words are on the screen. I can't listen to you talk, and read the screen at the same time. I have to pause the vid to read what it says. This happens a lot when I'm watching Saturday morning wild animal shows. The speaker is talking about an animal, while simultaneously a block of information appears on the screen. I don't have the luxury of pausing to read. Also, tickers at the bottom of the tv screen, when the news reporter is talking is so irritating I have to say fk-it and turn off the tv. It's information overload

@trishferrer8209 1 month ago This is fascinating. I like this info. You are presenting it well, but at 3:23 you are saying one thing, but three lines of words are on the screen. I can't listen to you talk, and read the screen at the same time. I have to pause the vid to read what it says. This happens a lot when I'm watching Saturday morning wild animal shows. The speaker is talking about an animal, while simultaneously a block of information appears on the screen. I don't have the luxury of pausing to read. Also, tickers at the bottom of the tv screen, when the news reporter is talking is so irritating I have to say fk-it and turn off the tv. It's information overload

@trishferrer8209 1 month ago This is fascinating. I like this info. You are presenting it well, but at 3:23 you are saying one thing, but three lines of words are on the screen. I can't listen to you talk, and read the screen at the same time. I have to pause the vid to read what it says. This happens a lot when I'm watching Saturday morning wild animal shows. The speaker is talking about an animal, while simultaneously a block of information appears on the screen. I don't have the luxury of pausing to read. Also, tickers at the bottom of the tv screen, when the news reporter is talking is so irritating I have to say fk-it and turn off the tv. It's information overload

@trishferrer8209 1 month ago This is fascinating. I like this info. You are presenting it well, but at 3:23 you are saying one thing, but three lines of words are on the screen. I can't listen to you talk, and read the screen at the same time. I have to pause the vid to read what it says. This happens a lot when I'm watching Saturday morning wild animal shows. The speaker is talking about an animal, while simultaneously a block of information appears on the screen. I don't have the luxury of pausing to read. Also, tickers at the bottom of the tv screen, when the news reporter is talking is so irritating I have to say fk-it and turn off the tv. It's information overload

@trishferrer8209 1 month ago This is fascinating. I like this info. You are presenting it well, but at 3:23 you are saying one thing, but three lines of words are on the screen. I can't listen to you talk, and read the screen at the same time. I have to pause the vid to read what it says. This happens a lot when I'm watching Saturday morning wild animal shows. The speaker is talking about an animal, while simultaneously a block of information appears on the screen. I don't have the luxury of pausing to read. Also, tickers at the bottom of the tv screen, when the news reporter is talking is so irritating I have to say fk-it and turn off the tv. It's information overload

@trishferrer8209 1 month ago This is fascinating. I like this info. You are presenting it well, but at 3:23 you are saying one thing, but three lines of words are on the screen. I can't listen to you talk, and read the screen at the same time. I have to pause the vid to read what it says. This happens a lot when I'm watching Saturday morning wild animal shows. The speaker is talking about an animal, while simultaneously a block of information appears on the screen. I don't have the luxury of pausing to read. Also, tickers at the bottom of the tv screen, when the news reporter is talking is so irritating I have to say fk-it and turn off the tv. It's information overload

Sometimes I stop myself from talking, thinking, never mind, nobody cares. Even though it would have been satisfying to MYSELF to finish a story, it feels like im just wasting somebody's time by rambling my story. Like you know they don't have the patience to listen to your story. 🙁🙁🙁

Tyvm I need an ADULT version of how to create friendships and make them continue (with limited time commitment). Meeting a person who seems really nice in the grocery store, always feels like a lost chance to make a friend. No idea how to do it successfully as an adult. It feels awkward. 😮

Tyvm I need an ADULT version of how to create friendships and make them continue (with limited time commitment). Meeting a person who seems really nice in the grocery store, always feels like a lost chance to make a friend. No idea how to do it successfully as an adult. It feels awkward. 😮

What if you do have past experiences that support the stories in your head? I have abandonment traumas from my dad leaving me when I was two and starting a new family where he gave more attention to his step children than to me; didn’t pay my mother child support; barely saw me for visitation; took his new family off for a trip around the country; etc. So little child me got the whole “I’m unlovable because Daddy doesn’t want me.” Vibe. And then because of awkward (didn’t know I had ADHD) social blindness I didn’t make friends naturally in school. My mother arranged for my teachers to deliberately pair me with people to create artificial friendships and I sense the lack of authenticity in these friendships with further reinforced the “unwantedness”. I did, eventually, make a few authentic friends thanks to spending the 7 years of primary school with the same 20 kids of whom three became ‘friends’, and a few became the popular girls I sometimes hung out with when they were tolerating me. But one of the three friends had a mother who wasn’t comfortable having me around because of her religious beliefs and their vast differences to my mother’s and family’s spiritualist beliefs so rejected in proxy when the mother wouldn’t let her daughter be my friend any more. And when I moved away to go to high school at a different school the other two friends basically stopped existing in my world. Then of course high school with all the dramas of cliches and etc. By then I had full blown social anxiety so it took six months before I made a friend and that was because a very nice person took me under wing and invited me to hand out with some of her other friends. But I always felt like a hanger on in that group and eventually they said I was too much of a sheep and that they didn’t want me to hang around them anymore. See a pattern of reinforcement in the sense that I’m unloveable, people don’t really want me around, people pretend to be nice but are secretly wolves in sheeps clothing, I don’t fit in, etc. etc. etc. The voices in my head have a lot of ammunition. It’s sooooo hard to go from that to focusing on the very few occasions where people have been friendly. I have friends who are more acquaintances because although we chat and have fun when we do catch up it can be years between visits or chats. I have acquaintances who circulate in my interest groups who I’d like to evolve into friendships but the insecurity and walls are hard to break down to take a chance (rejection sensitive dysphoria is strong with this one). I have one friend who reaches back and actively creates space for me and I LOVE that, and yet those inner demons are still shouting that it’s all a lie and that someday she’ll reject me too. How do you fight those inner demons that have had plenty of past evidence to support them? And yes, I have done some inner child work around the faultlessness of my 2yo self. I can love her unconditionally. But I can’t make anyone else love her no matter how much I believe she deserves to be loved.

Can someone with this... erm... condition (?) not feel some emotions and not others? For instance, when I say to my partner, I love you, I feel like I'm giving lip service to the emotion. I know intellectually that I should love him, but I don't feel the emotion. And it's the same with others in my family. Then there's an app I have that has mindfulness sessions that I listen to every night. After every session it askes if I want to log the session. I hit the OK button and another screen asks how I'm feeling. The choices are Very calm, Calm, Neutral, Stressed, and Very stressed. I always choose Calm because I don't know how I should feel. But yet with other emotions like Happiness and Sadness, Anger, Joy, Hate, etc., I have no problem knowing I'm feeling them. I've never talked about this with any therapist because I though I was just weird. But now, I don't know.

Okay my therapist has pointed out that I have difficult naming my emotions, but I have a VERY vivid imagination and literally sometimes will go into daydreams scenarios specifically to feel certain emotions (like imagining being comforted by a favorite character etc). And I’m also pretty good at guessing how other people feel (even if my anxiety sometimes always assumed they hate me haha). So now this doesn’t seem to fit entirely?? But you did mention it sometimes happens when you’re not raised to show or label emotions, and that WAS very true for me. So maybe those emotions are there, I just don’t know the words for them? Would love to know your thoughts

Thank you for this video, Caroline. As someone in therapy working on ADHD and IED, this really hit home. I've heard 'you're too much' so many times, and it's always felt like a punch to the gut. The idea that it’s more about their nervous system than mine is a game-changer. I’m learning to stop tying my worth to others’ judgments and instead focus on finding my tribe-people who love and accept my energy and passion. Your words about not cutting off parts of ourselves to fit into a box really resonated. Thanks for helping me feel seen!

I often find myself ruminating about friendships. I do have friends, but life gets so busy for everyone that I sometimes feel forgotten. I’d love to see a video on becoming a mom and maintaining friendships-especially since I’m expecting my first baby in April. I’m worried about losing the connections I have and wondering how to make new friends as I step into motherhood.

I have a 'date' with coffee shop for Saturday morning coffee and check out all I should have down for next week, make lists etc. This itself helps. But now will try making mind mimes for harder things esp those which scary or need my absent time skills to get there etc thanks! Llawen. 7:46 uk time. Thanks!!

Thanks Caroline! Could you do a video on how ADHDers communicate via statements and neurotypicals communicate via questioning people to draw them out. AdHDers will talk about similar situations when others tell stories whereas neurotypicals will again ask questions to draw out the conversation and not to sprinboard onto a story about themselves. There was a video about this on Tik tok. This whole thing is the main reason I've lost friends before...

I'm an over-sharer, and I'm trying to stop doing that, especially at work. I'm 55 years old, but only recently learned that it makes me look bad and makes other people uncomfortable, AND that some people would use whatever info against me. My supervisor has been very helpful and understanding. If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't know that I have ADHD, and wouldn't know that it can be protected under the ADA. Also, someone IS actively trying to use some info against me. And I just realized that I'm over-sharing here, LOL! Thanks for the video; it's very informative!

I'm 46 and I just got diagnosed at age ADHD at age 45. I always have in my mind that "normal" or "cool" people are experiencing multiple people calling or texting them everyday. I did experience that in the first year of college but I haven't really experienced that feeling since.

Love your vids, but switch off the background music please !!

ITS ALL A EXCUSE

hey I just saw your video with Jessica on How to ADHD, and one thing that struck out to me was the part about how we don't want to think about past projects cause we struggle with the negative messages and all the "trauma" associated with that and so we don't learn from the them and don't count them as achievements cause the bad stuff overshadows it all. I really really struggle with this. can you make a video about this and how we can overcome the self induced metal block we put on these sometimes important past events? thanks ✌🏻

Great tips ❤

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I just accepted a job as a receptionist in a veterinary hospital, I spend an entire day isolating after two days of work.

Boundaries are dfficult because I don't know how to articulate a boundary without it being too detailed or too vague. I just wish there was a list of easy boundaries for both friendships and relationships as a template and phrases to discuss establishing theme and bringing up when they are being pushed or crossed as well as understanding when I cross them due to the ADHD impatience/oversharing.Executive dysfunction makes prioritizing and categorizing overwhelming to even start looking at boundaries and medication makes you go overboard.

This has been really helpful. My 10 year old son has huge anxiety about travelling. It used to be long distances but now it's any journey even a short way away. He is terrified pf becoming ill and not able to get back home. Thankfully he manages to go to school but it has definitely escalated over the past year. We have an appointment with a professional at the end of the month but it's all just taking time. Meanwhile he struggles so much on a day to day basis. I would love simple strategies that help him work through 'the monster' as you describe it, and help him to break down his fears to see the reality of them, ie that he is focused on the worst case scenario and it is unlikely to happen. He is missing out on so much l.

Thanks for the tips and encouragement! I do the finger thing with an extra twist... since I know I will forget (added chronic illness brain fog on top of ADD) and I know basic sign language, I hold my finger in an ASL letter that triggers the key word of what I wanted to say.

Do you have videos on how/what to teach regarding social skills? Bullet points/step by step skills on How to start a conversation, how to know/what to look for if the other person is receptive or not, how to keep the friendship going if it seems like things are going well, how to not sabatage progress, etc. I know for me, I also have autism which makes it very hard to read social cues, body language and facial expressions. It's helped me a bit to have scripts, so I don't have to try and think of something to say, or worse saying the absolute wrong thing. I would LOVE to have a list of scripts for different situations ...

I'm surprised this video doesn't have more views. I tell people who tell me I'm too much that they are not enough. If they get pissed, then I ask them how do they think I feel from their original comment?

Perfect.

For the most part agree with the video but it's a bit disheartening if you feel you have no friends or family in your corner. At 38 I've pretty much got no close friends just acquaintances and only really my Nan in my corner as a family member due to complicated family circumstances. It's hard not to use that as evidence that there's no pint trying and that there must be something wrong with me.