Emdr/tapping has been really helpful with Cptsd which many folks who have suffered narc abuse experience. It helps change the brain damage incurred by the abuse. I am using it now & it really helps!
Can the health care system be narcissistic itself? In the US, I have tried getting evaluation from speech pathologist but doctors are not willing to make a referral as they say that it is not real, "narcissistic" mental abuse cannot cause language and speech impairment. It has to be a physical cause. I only see the gloating smile of my doctor when he accused me of trying to get disability designation for work and tax purposes. Psychiatrist also just stated that he feels sorry for the childhood abuse and just say to take his prescription, increasing the dose. He scammed me $300 for a ten minute visit. This is why my narcissistic parents also used the health care system against me, telling me that nobody would believe.
Yes they are, I’ve stopped getting any type of medical help because of this. The narcissist who’s at present stalking me, hacking me, plus much more, is a paramedic. The psychologist I was seeing told me that I had everything wrong because this man is a paramedic and therefore, a good person. Yet, I’m a RN but that didn’t seem to matter. Thing is, I never told this psychologist he was a paramedic. So how did she know? She knew other things about him too. Obviously he’d stalked me well and talked to her.
Have you heard anything about the experimental medicine Alto 100? I was in a research project for it last year. It stimulates the vagus nerve and I was a candidate because I have clinical depression that isn't helped by SSRIs any other medicine I've been prescribed. That was the best 2 months of my life. No brain fog, no listlissness, no over or under sleeping, it was fantastic. But I was told that it wouldn't be available for prescription until 2030. Yeah.
I'm a grown man in my sixties and I'm crying as I watch this. You are validating my experience exactly. I can no longer focus well enough to do my job and had to take retirement early, therefore I'm living in poverty. I lost my family, my home, and my job. On top of that, I was discarded while going through cancer treatment. I have lost my entire life's work and have no future. Thank you for helping me to understand that what I'm experiencing has an explanation and that I'm not losing my mind.
i’m only 19 and was raised by an extremely narcissistic mother who i witnessed abuse my father as well, and no longer have a relationship with her. i miss my siblings and having a whole family unit. reading this i feel a need to tell you for some reason that the fact you have retained so much grace is inspiring, and you have not lost everything as you still have yourself. and no one can ever get to know you in the way you can, and appreciate you the way you can yourself :) it’s rough out here especially with the economy. holding on to hope for you, myself, and everyone else
Hello dear friend, I just wanted to say God loves you so much, put your faith in Him As God says in Isaiah 43:18-19 Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. And Revelation 21:5 And he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” Also he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” May you find peace and healing and enjoy the love of God that is in Christ Jesus. He loves you more than you can imagine!! And so do I Take care
Wow! Reading and writing was always my thing! After I got away, I could not read a book. I couldn’t focus enough to read. It’s been many years now and I can read and write again. I never knew that was connected to the narcissistic abuse. Thank you Danish. I thank God for bringing you across my path! You really validate us survivors in a way that we desperately need!
Same here, I had a learning disability. Didn't know what happened to me for over 20 years. Not going into details what all happened to me, to make a long story short imagine your own mother playing baseball with your head intentionally aiming for our heads with deadly weapons inflicting serious pain and injuries life changing near death experience. People are cursed by GOD with bad Karma, bad health and heart problems. They don't get away with anything just because they have never been charged. Many are going str8 to hell. That's where they deserve to be. I just have to add, why GOD allow something so fucked up to happen to us knowing we,ll have serious issues and no justice, will end up not giving a fuck about anyone or anything. Creating unstable double minded people. It's like whatever they do to us, GOD is going to do it back to them making them all pay and suffer for a lifetime. This is a fucked up world regardless the way everything has been setup for others to keep messing our lives over. Must be a heaven to go to. This world is filled with hate and all people add is more trauma on top of grave conditions. It's gotten out of hand
@@reginaldsinclair152 God would not give you a test you couldn’t pass, you now have an experience to share. More importantly you can now see this evil, you might end up saving a child from that experience in the future. Stay aware my friend. Thank you for your story, it’s time to forgive your mother now. It will release your pain, so you can live freely afterwards. Good luck, God Bless you.
@@goontubeassos7076 unforgivable crimes and sins my friend. Just like the Pharoah pissed God off and made GOD move against him. Get the point, it's some people don't deserve to be forgiven that's why it's a place prepared called hell. Injustice is unacceptable
This video is an absolute eye-opener for me. I've always been known to be extremely gifted with expressing myself. High vocabulary. Had a penchant for writing. Very high reading comprehension. After 7 years of narcissistic abuse from my husband I can feel my mind slipping. I struggle to find the right words. I stutter. I'm a tax professional and when trying to understand the complex topics of my profession I suddenly struggle. I never knew the reason. Thankfully I have some answers now. Thank you, Danish, for your information here.
I'm also working in tax, and the narcissist abuse I went through had affected my work abilities tremendously😢 I wonder how did your work get affected? Did you take a break for yourself? Have you regained your work abilities?
@@jsunnys1936 Hey I'm happy to check back in with you! As far as how my work was affected, it was definitely difficult to focus when trying to work on tax returns. I felt like I got behind on my work a lot. And as I mentioned in my previous comment, it even seemed to affect my speech. I've been separated from my narcissistic husband since February (so about 4 months now) and I have seen a marked improvement! All of my close friends and family have also commented on the difference in me. It takes some internal work, though. I do breathwork and meditate as often as I can. Also doing yoga has helped as I have since realized how much tension my body was holding onto from the abuse. I hope this helps!
My reading comprehension and verbal skills took a massive hit. I spent a solid year at a local starbucks after my narcissistic experience. I'd take a book and try to socialize with strangers as a way to relearn what I had lost. I felt so awkward because I knew people were always uncomfortable with me but I persisted because I knew it was the only way to regain myself. What a nightmare experience.
@@vgman94 The verbal skills have been regained, plus a bit more. The reading comprehension has increased by a large margin but it is not as proficient as it used to be. It's been just over half a decade since I separated from the harmful environment.
The title is clickbait you dont get brain damage from emotional abuse if anything the resulting cognitive decline is from chronically elevated stress that can dysregulate your cognition, if we are caling this brain damage then send me to rehabilitation for stroke victims because I have traumatic brain injury.
@@nicbarth3838 Right. It isn't physical damage like what can happen in a stroke. It is stress, the bio-chemical release related to stress and the thought patterns impressed during the psychological trauma that causes the brain to function differently. I had my narcissist trauma experience in a communal living, mind control cult. They started quite friendly and welcoming then turned the heat up very slow until I was thoroughly engulfed into their system.
I remember how vibrant and eloquent I was as a child and so full of life. I still remember how I slowly lost my voice to this day. It’s weird when you still remember the changes. It’s like being buried alive.
@@annjohnson8437 if you're able to full on call your partner a narcissistic monster, why are you keeping yourself in that relationship? nothing's worth forcing yourself to be with someone that's actively hurting you.
Omg I noticed this, too. If I get questioned/ interrogated, I freeze up. My mind goes blank so I get blamed or laughed at. Then, a couple of minutes later, a logical, rational explanation of why I did what I did surfaces in my brain. I'm like, I had a legitimate reason/ explanation, so why do I react like a deer in the headlights? At this point, the time for rebuttal has passed, and I'm kicking myself for not being quick enough. It infuriates me that I'm still so impacted.
This is true, not being allowed to express emotions or ideas because they’re wrong and weak according to the narcissist, keeps you out of practice for defending yourself in the future
Most people are weak AF so they need to speak first and blurt out their stupidity. God's people always speak second...for the record. Nice and slow so all parties involved can get it.
I wish I were even better at staying the hell away and not reacting to or listening to the abusive people in my life. Seems like I'm slowly getting better. Slow and steady does win the race. I had one who just kept telling me everything I did was wrong, my whole life. Well, Dummy is not doing so well himself, and they usually reveal themselves to the flying monkeys.
You have put this into words so perfectly. I have struggled with anxiety and a dysregulated nervous system for so long and thought I was the problem. I also couldn't read a book no matter how hard I tried. And after being emotionally abused, you think you're stupid because you can't comprehend anything. This is all just a trauma response. An invisible injury.
Same here, it sucks so bad i become hating myself;like selfhate... I hope you will recover and can live a happy life and can do all those things again. ❤ I don't know how to express and zay what i like wanted to say i judt wish you a happy life and be happy again
@@NathalieMelissa May you heal as well. So many of us have suffered at the hands of a narcissist. People can’t understand it, maybe those people will hear Danish & realize it’s not just our problem but it’s a loss to all around us too. Your compassion is your strength. Be that for yourself too 🫶
Wow, I started crying when I read the title. I was a bright veteran with a rising path ahead of me until I met my wife. For the past 6 or so years I have been so declining mentally I couldn’t figure it out. I blamed it on my military career and all the chemicals from the flight line I was exposed too. But this makes more sense to me because all my blood work dosnt show anything. I can hardly read my children’s books to them at night without skipping words or mispronouncing words. Also constant brain fog and paranoia I never had before even after my tours in Afghanistan. I started therapy last year because I didn’t know what was reality was or who I was anymore. I literally didn’t know what was wrong or right anymore. I was constantly second guessing myself on everything.
"I took money to kill children in the middle east, and I wanted to make it a career, and my reading and writing skills have declined; I blame my wife" It's a shame your military career was derailed, and that even though doctors can't substantiate your sudden paranoia and mental decline, you feel safe blaming it on the mother of your children. Great comment!
My adult daughter insisted that I be tested for Alzheimer’s after she noticed I was living in a total muddle in my sixties, even a couple of years after I left. I am finally recovering and I’m able to read books again. I can also THINK again, and no I didn’t have Alzheimer’s ❤️
@stevenmonson5149 That has been me all my life... I'm much less agreeable these days as I've gotten much older, but it ruined me as I've passed up on every opportunity that came my way. If you're still in relatively good shape go take combat sports classes as it helps eradicate that go along to get along type behavior.
I was stuttering when talking to the narcissists before and couldn’t express my thoughts clearly!!! I had perfectly clear thoughts and opinions in my head but when I tried to articulate them, I was missing the words!!! This is an amazing revelation as to the extent of the narcissistic abuse damage. Thank you so much for this video!!! To all narcissists who abuse people intentionally - there might not be a way for us to seek justice in this life, but I do believe there is a higher power who will give you what you monsters deserve one day.
The only higher power Is Jesus , Lord of lords and King of kings. Glory to God in the Highest. Jesus is the name ,The highest power, that even the demons tremble in fear .
People nowadays call it life review the feelings everything did they did to this person. Every single person when they pass we'll have this Life Review..... When they go before the judgment bar of Christ
I stumble over words, take time when speaking at an annoying level, and have short-term memory issues after finally leaving a narc after 10 years of marriage. Hang in there, fellow narc abuse survivors. 💐
Wow... TH-cam suggested this video to me, and it's so relevant - I needed to see it. I don't think my ex was a narcissist, but she definitely had a personality disorder, most likely BPD. I used to be well-known for my sense of humour and wit, but now I feel like I’ve lost my humour. After two years in a relationship, I started to experience stammering, stuttering, and difficulty expressing myself. I was worried there was something wrong with me, like a brain tumour, etc., but now it makes perfect sense. I felt that no matter what I said, it could be used against me. There were moments where I was pushed to my snapping point during arguments, where I shouted at her and said horrible things. After being pushed to do something out of character, I was then defined by that and it was used against me over and over again, even when I learned how to deal with her arguing style - I was still punished for what I had said in previous arguments. In hindsight, what I had said was nothing different from what she was saying to me to lead me to that point. I felt anxious that any occasion could go wrong, like family members' birthdays, where I was always scolded for not giving her enough attention. When I was with friends, I could no longer joke or be jovial; everything I did was scrutinised. I even believed I had autism because I was made to feel like I didn't understand anything. Even after the relationship, I have fears of doing the wrong thing, that I should not do things in case she wants to see me. After going to therapy and reflecting, I realised how cyclical her behaviour was - the push and pull, the punishment - and it was so regular, it changed my nervous system to feel that danger could happen at any moment. What's worse is that I was made to feel like I was the problem, and when I expressed what hurt me, even in a calm and delicate way, my expression of my feelings somehow invalidated hers. I felt I was the problem until recently. The process is painful as I still feel love for her, and I still struggle to move on emotionally
I attest to experiencing brain damage, although I did not know. They caused the damage, then called me “stupid”. After 35 years of abuse, I gray-rocked them and began to teach myself verbal expression. It was a long, challenging road, especially because I was confused as to why I had trouble speaking and remembering. After 25 years of hard work, I am happy to report that I am doing well in recovering.
Yes! I live in a state of fight or flight and have this underlying fear that takes my mind to the worst case scenario with most people. I’m in constant watch of how I speak. If I feel threatened by narcissistic people, I will stutter. I’m to the point where I find it difficult to even have surface conversations!
I was the same way. One thing that helped me was I stopped taking for a while. In situations where I had to speak I would use as few words as possible. Silence helped slow everything down for me and that allowed me to reset.
Yes! I thought I'd lost all languages I used to be fluent in due to living abroad and mixing them up for too long or something... But this makes so much more sense now! May the Force be with Danish ❤
@@dontbelongherefromanother I was raped in Iraq and covered up with a bad paper discharge when I attempted to report it, denying me veterans benefits like VA psychiatric care for the resulting PTSD. When the VA was neglecting me, I attempted suicide, but survived with a traumatic brain injury in the frontal and perennial lobes of my brain. At this point I told my narcissistic military veteran and police officer father why I was kicked out of the military. He victim-blamed me. The narcissistic abuse committed by my family and the narcissistic abuse committed by strangers on social media, has been detrimental to my recovery.
Absolutely so true. I realize I had lost the trust in myself to put a coherent thought together, after being chronically guarded against potential confrontation vs “civil dialogue”. I feel completely dumbed down, even hating simple phone calls like calling to schedule appointments. I just can’t do it.
I can totally relate. Making phonecalls was always a nightmare since childhood. Calling requires initiating a conversation and I was conditioned to be always quiet and never bother anyone with my existance. I used to wait many hrs till I felt ready to make a phone call and my nervous system was so exhausted after this battle with myself. I am in process of healing and learning it's okay to use my voice, be seen and heard.
@@kobra4422 I sometimes wonder if.I were drowning or in some treacherous situation if I would even call out for help or just quietly drown! I’m pretty sure I’d just fade away!
@@SophieBird07 I used to wonder it too!! If someone attacked me on the street would I call for help? It's hard bc I was reminded every day to be quiet. I've watched the story of Elisabeth Smart who was kidnapped and she didn't even run away when she had a chance or ask for help. I've thought how strong and paralyzing the brainwash to be "good little girl" is.
This holiday, I had a feeling that bashed me in the head. I realized its not for me okay to spend time with parents. TH-cam algorithm probably experienced a wave of people searching for answers, because it was suggested to me before I typed anything. Now I listen to you, explaining my childhood traumas. I even started writing to my sister asking if she experienced the same. She told me she already did some work by therapy and by isolating herself emotionally. And thats how I realized my new years goal.
You confirmed what I thought happened to me. I could no longer follow directions at work. I struggled to comprehend what my boss wanted me to do. I needed to ask a coworker to explain it to me afterwards. Since my divorce, I haven't been able to maintain a job. My level of distractibility and slow to learn concepts has impacted my ability to function as an employee. I used to wonder if I had a minor stroke.
still was restless forced but for sure no last issues abiut before etc(!) positive prophetic got internatvrenind for sure inst fast everlast hallelujah all bless touch in it also places was go later etc calls meets etc before dur it 2 weekend at all exchanges replac fullfill from with the only liv god-in jc name!
When I found out that the person who claimed to love me had secretly sided with someone who physically bullied me, I was so broken and distraught by that person’s gaslighting response that I broke down and started to babble in front of him. I couldn’t form words. I was broken and babbling on the floor and he stood over me and smirked with pleasure at the effect he was having on me. It was then that I saw who he was. He’s a vulnerable narcissist who feigned empathy and love. I eventually picked myself up off the floor. I eventually pulled myself together though it’s taken a couple of years to get to a place of self-containment. My hope is that I never let anyone else drive me to the point of babbling. I was sexually abused as a little girl and when I started to remember that abuse as an adult I would babble like a kid. I couldn’t form words. You’re right that in shock, the body goes into crisis mode and some functions can shut down. Growing up I experienced freezing episodes where I couldn’t speak or think or move. He knew this and sided with and stood up anyway for the bully, his friend, who grabbed me. He is not worth babbling over. You can recover. I’m here to tell you, you can recover. You have to learn to love yourself and recognize and honor your experiences. Seek no refuge or solace from narcissists. They will only make things worse. Believe yourself, love yourself. Good luck.
This is what I went through. I’m literally stuck with him. I say nothing when he’s late nothing if he doesn’t come home. I don’t show the confusion. Everything has gone to shit for me. I’m taking baby steps now and trying to get my focus back
It just takes time and focus. If some days or moments are harder than others, that's part of the process. I hope you keep trying and wish you success.@@SharonKostiuk
my mother sympathised with bullies, telling me to think of their unhappy home lives. Bullied to the point I considered suicide, yet her sympathy was for the bullies.
@@verilyheld My father did the same thing, when I was bullied he would blame it on me, and say that I wasn't being loving enough. I'm sure you're a very beautiful person and what happened to you was wrong, I pray that you're able to heal and know that you are so loved by Jesus.
This speaks to me… I was once eloquent and loved communication, 10 years on, I still feel like a mute with little interest in talking to other people. Thank you so much for this. ❤
Now, I understand why this happen to narciscist children. Complete silence for hours. And, they struggle with communicating openly. It affects if you have to learn another language too. 😢😢😢
I feel like I got so stupid! And this is very encouraging. I used to be a performer. A musician, artist, writer, a creative in so many ways. In the last year or two since I left I've been unable to do any of it. I sincerely hope it will return! I've seen some healing and some signs that I'm getting closer to being able to do some of these things again. A few days ago I had the first few days of feeling no depression, no brain fog, just normal brain. It was amazing, and even though it was temporary it gave me hope. It's insane a person can do such things to us without even laying a finger on us (perhaps).
This makes so much sense. My adopted father was a malignant narcissist. I didn’t mature mentally and stunted until years later. I never felt good enough. And I always worked at trying to impress him to validate my accomplishments and acceptance. I grew up literally hating myself trying to be anyone but me. When that bast@#d died it was a relief. Only until he died did I feel all of those bad vibes about myself die. I feel contempt and anger which I’ve heard is healthy in order to move on and grow. It’s like the veil that shielded my eyes are uncovered and I see what he’s done while I learn more about this sort of abuse. It’s demonic. I remember his eyes changing a bright green when he got mad and it didn’t take much to make him mad. The fear he instilled knowing he was losing control of his mind. I’d love to erase all memories of him but I know that won’t happen. It’s now the process of healing and knowing there are truly evil people who say they love you but detest you. That’s on him. 👺
Omg! That’s it! I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t have normal conversations with people because my vocabulary and speech would just stop in the middle of a conversation. I knew there was a word for what I wanted to say, but I couldn’t think of it. I now know that I had so much trauma, physically as well as mentally. I thought I was stupid. I have so much education until I thought I could only talk like a fifth grader. I have a masters degree and couldn’t concentrate. Thank you for your help. I have to find a way to get my life back.
What's interesting is you will find your words when in front of real people. That hesitation could be that who you are in front of is another them. I talk just not to everyone because they send people to further agitate you and confuse you more. It's more of them and less of you. Real victims. I'm glad others found safe spaces like this.
This has really opened my eyes….. when I heard you explain it, it all made sense the things that have happened to me….. I cried because to understand that people live in this world and do this to others is so cruel…. I cried so much and then prayed for God to help me restore what was taken…..
Elenatamuk...A god who retributes our enemies on our behalf is only the God of the Old testament.. the One who gave the ten commandments. Through His son Jesus who lived on this earth in human body became as a man... he was bullied and beaten and accused on being insane, crazy, stupid, son of a fornicators..... he was so kind, children felt comfortable around him, he was compassionate to prostitutes and victims of abuse, he healed their sick, and told everyone he came to set them free from their oppessors through His father...the God of Abraham and Isaac. He said that if anyone calls on His name through the Blood shed through Jesus He will first forgive our sins then... after placing our names in the book of life ( removing our name from the book of the dead) He will pay back our enemies on our behalf for all they have done to us through satan's spawn...anyone who doesn't love their neighbor as themselves..because Satan ( lucifer ) is the ultimate narcissist who continues the propogation of narcicist abuse.. and all abuse! Jesus said He will make Him pay back 7 times what he had stolen from us. Currently my domestic abuser from 10 years back ( my first husband) who stole my medical career by making me feel crazy in a circus of abuse is now paying for me to go back to school. ( He doesnt know it...but thats what i use his money for) . God has slowly turned his hands around to forcibly, against his own will pay for my schooling. My narcistic abusive parents who denied me clean clothing, forced me to labour in the home as a house wife...allowed sexual abuse to go on under their roof...stole my innocence and my child hood... made me run away because they were going to attempt an arranged marriage...they now forcibly against circumstances in their control ended up buying me a house...literally. And now as I am an adult... with kids ... i am finally able to piece all my brokeness and start to heal...away from all abuse. i found that Jesus was true to his word. I have been retributed by a Holy and all powerful God. I now can look forward to a new career... a new life because i feel there is a Heavenly father who cares for me... more than my own parents and former spouse.. who supports my efforts, who has got my back and defends me. I no longer see abusers winning... i see them loosing because i separated from them and declared alliance to The God of Abraham by accepting his son's blood ,Jesus , to wash away my own sins...then i placed my heart and my trust in Him. I pray you experience this same retribution. I pray you do sweetheart
You don't know how much I am thankful for bringing this up..!! I am the victim of the same. I totally lost confidence in speaking in public once I was an expert communicator. Thank you Danish
I have the same problem. It takes me longer now to explain anything. If it takes longer than a few seconds people give me a funny look, laugh and walk away.
@@Jayapullani It ain't us. Not everyone articulates well. Here's a small tip I learned, practice basic little things that you'd use in a conversation infront of a large mirror.
I TOTALLY had all the memory loss, couldn't think of the words I was looking for when speaking, really everything he mentioned!!! The narcissist I married, I found out later was convicted of attempted murder in the 1st degree, had a big police record etc.. I have been able to overcome the issues mentioned, memory loss etc. By taping into my creativity again. Designing landscaping, cooking etc. I created a huge seating entertainment sanctuary for healing!!! I just really used stuff I had and everyone likes it. I really have no money to speak of just followed my feelings, what felt good. Everyday I couldn't wait to get out there and sit in the rocking swing or outside rocking chair. It was the only thing that felt like me again. Taping into who I really am at my core. I read a whole book on narcissist in one weekend, 330 pages!!!! Underlined almost every page cause I couldn't believe this person knew exactly what I had gone through. I have a long way to go but I keep learning so I won't forget. Thank you for reading ❤
You just described my life! I have an undergraduate degree in Linguistics and I loved reading and writing my whole life until I got married. I've been working on my nervous system and things are getting better, but it's pretty slow.
This type of abuse also manifests in work environments. The constant gaslighting and abuse especially when condoned by your boss is a sign you need to leave. It's terrible.
Yes I have a narcissist boss and most of his team are narcissists as well. I am a major listener now vs a speaker because narcissists always expect the worst and will always think their way is right and will constantly blame you negatively for everything. Also they do not trust that you can think for yourself henceforth the major micromanagement and constant conflicts with you.
@@StarrSun My old boss was an extreme narcissist. His micromanaging was unprecedented in my world. He was a small, unassuming man who was a complete piece of work. He was in his fifties and would "double up on thyroid medication for energy" (his words). My male coworker and I would go to the Olive Garden after work sometimes and vent about it - which helped lol. We both agreed that if an intern were acting like my boss, that young intern would probably be drug tested. It seems like sociopaths and narcissists gravitate to certain jobs. Anyway, I ended up relocating.
I had as a child difficulties to learn writings and reading. I have been grown up in a toxic family system. When I moved out at 19 and 1 years later I could learn very well for the first time in my life. I thought my brain has grown again, but this information tells me, my brain healed from a toxic family environment and could function normal. Wow
I think you have to realize it WAS / crushed. And that’s no small deal. Believe you me. These people need their comeuppance. They have their evil backers. And their evil ways. And they always will. They know nothing but. They’re people you should try and stay away from if not/ get away from.
So true, I also have found this has happened to me. Every thing I made criticised, and picked apart! I hope you recover and your creativity returns, try and enjoy your crafting and your future.
YOU are a Child of God, NO mistake & Gifted by Him....use whatever gift you gave been given, express Yourself creatively & with Love fir Self & with Joy👍💕. U B U !!! 🙏
This is so validating. She ruined me. I fear letting people in & lost passion for so much, this makes so much sense why even a year later I’m healing but still struggle so much
Yes, this happened to me when I was exposed to narcissistic abuse. I didn’t understand why my brain would just shut down. It was so hard to find the words to defend myself. They were there but just out of reach. So frustrating! Once I got away from the abuse it would take days if not weeks to recover and start feeling like myself again. Now looking back it all makes sense. Thank you.
100 percent ..I experienced this linguistic difficulty... Iam an English teacher trainee in school...After 3 yrs of narccistic abuse, I started to notice that when I teach I often make mistakes while reading & speaking...Earlier I used to speak so fluently both english & my mother tongue malayalam... And also I cannot recall things now a days.... When i try to remember the things just happen before, I feel blank... And also recently i often make spelling mistakes while writing.... Oh my god the amount of stress, pain, tears I face in this relationship brought me this brain damage !
This is one of the least talked about effects of abuse. I am slowly recovering my voice, I wasn’t even able to speak! Thank you for covering this, Danish!
I was raped in Iraq and covered up with a bad paper discharge when I attempted to report it, denying me veterans benefits like VA psychiatric care for the resulting PTSD. When the VA was neglecting me, I attempted suicide, but survived with a traumatic brain injury in the frontal and perennial lobes of my brain. At this point I told my narcissistic military veteran and police officer father why I was kicked out of the military. He victim-blamed me. The narcissistic abuse committed by my family and the narcissistic abuse committed by strangers on social media, has been detrimental to my recovery.
@@ChrisTopherBunnellI hope you find a way to heal...what you have experienced is so awful and it's maddening that the military does not have an appropriate model of care to care for those who sacrifice much to keep the rest of us safe. God bless you. Stay safe !
I too reached that point. I had alot of neurological symptoms since my partner also used physical abuse which had my stress levels astronomically high. Finally I went into autopilot. I felt like I was in the back seat of my mind and someone else drove me away. Very strange situation and feelings I had during recovery but I made it through. If my stress levels get too high now I can feel alot of tension behind my left ear in that cup of the neck and I start to get nauseous. These evil people do permanent damage to us. I hope all goes well for you.
I thought it was due to stress and age, but I'm only in my 30s. This makes a lot of sense after leaving my wife. But I would argue it's not just after leaving. It starts while you are in the relationship too. I noticed during my marriage that it was getting worse, but I didn't link it to this until now. Makes a lot of sense, as a lot of damage isn't something you can see.
I feel my reading skills haven’t decreased but since some friendships with people I suspect are narcissists, I’ve noticed often when I try describing something by talking, I feel as though I don’t do a good job. Sometimes I think I am using a word salad or use simple vocabulary. I feel like I am simple minded, more immature than I really am. I do a better job describing how I feel through writing or texting. I feel less intelligent than I really am.
@@swanam_1 Sometimes I can't even let it go. Anyone else builds scenarios with what you may have said to change the outcome after the fact even though you walked away already? Don't even know of it's me or the devil messing with me🤦♂️
Thank you. This is really an eye opener. Not only are we physically and mentally exhausted, but we also have to self censor all the time while we walk on eggs around the narcs. There are crazy-makers all around us, no wonder we feel scared. This makes perfect sense. I live in the US where I watch Jeopardy every night on tv. It is has helped. Building back your confidence from the trauma takes time. God bless you.🙏🏻❤️
🙏🏼can you share? How has watching jeopardy helped and why/how does that work? Is it trivia? Thinking? The game aspect? Being out on the spot, cuz that makes my prefrontal cortex shut down completely
Danish is, as always, spot on. Watching a quiz or a game show is great therapy to help heal the brain damage Danish is talking about in this video - the endless gaslighting, projection tactics, manipulation, word salads, provocation, anger, rage and more. My family, schools, workplaces and even some members of past and present parishes! Also, I'm autistic. It is no more or less a disturbing or sickening experience dealing with either one or more or for any length of time. It's diabolical. The self-censoring and, as you rightly say, walking on eggshells is also accurate - I call it a twisted version of the old Windows computer game called Minesweeper because even something that is totally random (either said in passing or something pointed out) could blow your mental brain (one example was an argument over a bag of candy/sweets which led to my aunt's sister-in-law - the narc in this scenario - not speaking to my aunt for five years!) Is it any wonder we suffer brain damage when narcs twist it and wash it in poison? If nobody understands that watching these types of shows and responding to them is a form of mending your brain (it does not have to be 'University Challenge', for heaven's sake), they don't get it. In the UK, I love watching 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?' The Chase (where one of the Chasers is autistic like me) and game shows like 'Deal or No Deal' ... The list goes on ... what I wasn't aware of was the savage looks given to me by my narc late mother when I'd be so absorbed in the quiz or game show and get the answers right! Also, if I got a question wrong, it was something new to learn. It's a way of validation, (isn't it?) when you get something right and you do not have to put up with the spoilt ignoramuses called Narcissists. NB: By the way, University Challenge is a quiz show pitting two universities in the UK against each other with extremely difficult questions - it was an achievement if I got one of their questions right. Jeopardy is coming to UK television in the New Year! As for exhaustion, do you find yourself taking more than a day or two to detox when you are out of their zone? I wish you Peace and All Good.
@@SuperGingerBickies Thanks for your explication. You seem highly intelligent to me and I resonate with your words; the phrase "savage looks" is so accurate. Many years ago in the U.S. there was a TV show called college bowl which sounds somewhat similar. I have not been diagnosed as autistic, but in the late twentieth century I heard a psychiatrist say words to the effect that autistic people did not wish to leave the realm of, I suppose , heaven, to become embodied ( on earth--again?). Although a psychiatrist he was also a 33rd degree Mason and became a Swami in the line of Bharati, so he had a Spiritual Master to show him the way inward, to know the Truth. He worked at the Veterans' Hospital in Minneapolis. His initials were J.C.W.. It is an interesting fact that some of the earliest victims of the WWIi Nazi perpetrated mass murder of scapegoated, 'othered' people's were children diagnosed as having autism, I believe, or such, defenseless children who for whatever reason were unwanted and placed in hospital. It is a most sad chapter in the history of inhumane treatment of people within a budding fascist regime. It is chilling and will make you think. There is a book about this by Edith Sheffer, a brilliant woman. I believe it is entitled Asperger's Children. Edith Sheffer dedicated her book to her son, who apparently has some form of autism. Projection of the shadow self is truly rampant currently in the U.S. If only people could have understanding and compassion and vital wisdom, and not use words to attempt to box people in and other them and project upon them their own need, or I should say egotistical desire to dominate and control and vilify them. Split people split society in their desires to heartlessly dominate them, those they cast their labels upon. WORDS AND LABELS CAN BE MOST DANGEROUS, as you will see exemplified if you read Edith Sheffer's book. Sometimes, too, though 'a spade is a spade' and bad actors need to be called out on their habits that are in fact predatory and constitute narcissistic abuse This video I think is excellent. May you prosper and be whole.
Between having 4 narcissistic parents and step-parents, I still have problems with grammar and memory. Feels like dementia. I had an MRI a couple of weeks ago and the shrinkage in those areas are apparent. How could I forget. I also learned at age 35 that my dad was a child molester.
Omigosh I just learned that meditation can help repair the holes in the brain. I think it’s like Danish says, neuroplasticity. I’ve lost memories and not necessarily the bad ones. 😞 I do t know if they can be recovered, but f*ck, if I can experience my AnCESTOR’s memories, mine should still exist in the field somewhere, right? @danish
Oh my gosh! This is so relieving to hear. I am a licensed master social worker and I work with people every day to heal from their traumas. I can listen like nobody's business! But I cannot, for the life of me, tell a story about me or my experiences. Even when I get home and want to share about my day, I feel like it's easier to just not say anything than to try to think of the words to put together to talk about myself. I appreciate this because I have been wondering why this is happening and this is very eye opening.
Sorry for my bad English, I'm from Sweden, I wanted to write that I cried when you describe this symptoms. Me and my siblings have a narsistic mother, and I'm 38 and I couldn't really understand why I feel so miserable, later in my 20s, the doctors diagnose me for inlearning disability and dyslexia, my big sister was an extra mom for all of us (we are 4siblings, with my big sister, two brothers and me.) and she took all of the worst punch with the trauma, but she is so strong I admire her. We all are closer then before and can talk about it but we all have our own symptoms. Now you lifted up a stone from my heart, thank you so much, this explains why we feeling that we are feeling. I still try to learn to be better for my self. You got a follower.😁✌️ Bless you and have a wonderful day. 💐😎💪
Much has been stolen from me. I had to say, "Don't be afraid, you gotta be ok with this", (forgetting, stuttering, brain fog). I thought I had early onset Alzheimer's. All is not lost is what I needed to hear.
I was raped in Iraq and covered up with a bad paper discharge when I attempted to report it, denying me veterans benefits like VA psychiatric care for the resulting PTSD. When the VA was neglecting me, I attempted suicide, but survived with a traumatic brain injury in the frontal and perennial lobes of my brain. At this point I told my narcissistic military veteran and police officer father why I was kicked out of the military. He victim-blamed me. The narcissistic abuse committed by my family and the narcissistic abuse committed by strangers on social media, has been detrimental to my recovery.
Thank you for your service, sacrifice, time given. You are deserving of love, care and compassion. I'm sorry you did not receive the treatment owed you for your suffering, the loving concerned fathering that should have happened in response. It's not your fault, you did not bring this situation on yourself. Thank you for still living in this world after these atrocities, I hope for the rest of your life to be better, and pray for your soul to be healed. Bless you.
@@sheels3893 I am one of an estimated 26,000 victims in the military when there were only 238 convictions in military courts. Biden signed an executive order taking investigation and prosecution of sexual assault and other violent felonies in the military, out of the hands of commanding officers and assigned it to a separate unbiased agency. #ThanksBiden
Yes, I could barely speak and communicate is part of my profession. I would feel nervous around others and almost petrified to speak and would stumble over my words. I still have this now and have been working on improving and healing my trauma. I wish you all the best in your abuse recovery 🙏🏽 ❤️
This is so true. Years later I have stopped reading books and find it hard to play music for more than 10 minutes. I used to be able to concentrate for ages. It is also much harder to learn another language than before.
I am in awe. When you said that you and those who support you need to give you enough time and resources to recover I felt such validation. I begged for time to recover but was dismissed as having not suffered anything. God continued removing those people from my life and now I’m living somewhere I can finally rest and recover. Thank you Danish- your compassion and kindness is truly a gift ❤
This video hit home. Havent seen anyone cover this. I had always been a sickling with major migraines since I was child. I found out a few years ago that I had formed a benign brain tumor. Slow growing but it was there. I am doing wonderful now…got preventative treatment, but my numerologist was the only person, who after getting to know me, stressed that my body and mind were affected due to whatever was going on in my personal life. Now I know. Thank you for this video and blessing us with them. ❤
This is why I can’t go back to school to get a better job. Because I’m not as “smart” as I used to be after all the brain damage. This is why even after you leave the narcissist they still have an impact on you.
I used to be so sharp and quick to learn before I got married. It’s been 8 years and now I can barely read a paragraph without having to reread it a thousand times. I used to finish 500+ page books in 4 days when I was in school and college. I didn’t even get to finish my education. They really ruin every single thing for you.
Yes I know it's horrible. I have severe brain damage because of abuse but it is improving. There are things you can do to help like diet and exercise etc.
Years ago, some specialists in rheumatology diagnosed the symptoms, ie lack of concentration, brain fog, impaired memory and cognitive learning difficulty, muscle pain ECT as fibromyalgia. (Others just called it being " crazy." ) Little was done about it. There was no cure for the fibromyalgia they said but one remedy was sleep, more specifically, deep REM sleep. Certain antidepressants were used to produce a restful sleep. It helped many patients. More help was needed to be able to function again as well as learn as before. I am wondering what psychological and/or emotional events, if any, like severe trauma preceded the diagnosis. Others are also researching this. Help cannot come soon enough. I see many homeless people with symptoms of trauma and abuse on the streets. It is heart breaking. It is on going. I find this current video very interesting and helpful because after years of study, there now seems definitive proof trauma can harm brain function and skills as you say. It is a tragedy but help is available if a person is fortunate to find it.Only certain doctors do MRI Spect or brain scans, too. These topics must be addressed and treated. Perhaps you can speak to a Congressional hearing for funding for treatment etc of this catastrophic illness, Mr. Danish. Thank you and may God bless you and your work. ❤
@@jasminebarratt1809tell me more! According to Dr. Joe Dispenza, meditation helps repair/heals the holes in the brain. This must be the neuroplasticity @Danish was speaking about 🙏🏼
I have often wondered why a lady I know doesn't keep up with modern technology. She was an honor student before meeting her terrible husband. I now think she was put down so low by his narcissistic behavior that her brain doesn't respond to learning anymore. That is sad. @annaburns2865, I think you could still recover and reclaim your life, and I encourage you to take what you have left and use it to your benefit. That way you will win in the end. There is hope.
So crazy how accurate this is, Ive got PhD levels knowledge in Academics/science from 50 years of loving learning, and also playing music, yet in public, I cant remember a simple major scale or a 3 chord song after decades obssesed with learning music and science. I went no contact with all abusive family years ago. Even today I couldnt hold a simple conversation with a coworker, could not maintain a train of thought because I had anxiety/flight-or-fight reactions because too many people were sitting behind me.. people whom are no threat, whom I have known for literaly years and comfortable around, and yet I get total brain fog and cant maintain concentration enough to follow a 10 second conversation to the point some new confused coworkers talk to me like a child or retarded, but then Ill go home and if I am in the right state of mind, I can play music flawlessly and read white papers and textbooks all night , its so frustrating., to the point I am extremely asocial, avoidant and my executive function has become a literal disability. But then ,if I am in the correct "Flow" state of mind, about once a week in total isolation, my memory comes back and I can play the most complicated pieces of music effortlessly.
I have the same problem with recalling music. I have polished up my guitar skills over the past few years and memorized a few pieces But I can’t remember them when I try to play around most people. And it’s the worst when I perceive a lack of engagement with my audience. It triggers me in a way I couldn’t understand. It seems counterintuitive to be more “nervous” when not receiving attention than when I am the center of attention. This video really helps me understand what’s going on internally.
@@JeffCaplan313It really hurts when people make a pretense of having love when in reality they are largely disinterested. But I wouldn’t characterize them as evil. It does make trusting them and loving and forgiving them more of a challenge though.
I don't want to add unhelpfully here, so feel free to ignore if this is too much. Have you ever been assessed for ASD? Your general description of yourself kinda sounds like you might also be very high functioning autistic and have been driven into an autistic burnout, where you can no longer carry on masking.
This is very true! First thing I noticed was having to stop using words that were slightly different because he couldn't understand what I meant... Then after doing that for a few years things got worse when I finally lost my job. I'd been walking on eggshells & just about quit speaking up for myself when I noticed I could barely put my thoughts into words to form a sentence.. I believe that's when I had to make myself accept how bad things had gotten & start making changes
I’ve realized the same thing over time. I do meditative and self-reflection / writing to rework my nervous system. Walking, gardening, bubble baths and playing with pets help too. Other things I noticed that help heal the brain tremendously is having new pleasant or interesting experiences, learning new things and learning new languages. Creating things help as well. Such rewires / creates new memory pathways that your thoughts can use to flow more coherently. More avenues in the brain or basically more connections between thoughts is what also produces healing. Compared to only traveling down trauma pathways you basically build ‘new roads / routes’ around the trauma pathways to go down. I personally still have trouble learning new languages. After a certain amount of words I actually get headaches because the brain is trying to build new pathways (maybe through trauma areas?). So yea - the language center and memory recall being damaged is a thing.
Thank you Danish for this amazing revelation. Its been a lifting of the veil moment on why (since a child) I’ve always struggled with reading, articulating my thoughts, chronic brain fog, total central nervous system dysregulation, being permanently in fight or flight mode, panic attacks etc. This part of the puzzle is starting to make sense now. It shows how deeply narcissism impacts on brain development and general functioning. I was the scapegoat in my family and suffered severe trauma from narcissistic abuse from my father. There has been denial in my family about what I went through and I was never allowed to express my feelings. I was ridiculed and belittled. It felt like a type of intellectual and emotional destruction. I’ve spent a life time trying to recover from it. Still recovering to this day…
This is so true. I used to have an amazing vocabulary and memory and was "quick" .... now? I can't remember anything and I can't even come up with simple words to describe things or events. I can barely read a book because I can't remember what I just read and i used to love reading and writing. I hope one day I will heal 😢
You will! Just keep at it and don’t give up. I’m in college now with a 3.4 GPA after 2 decades of severe physical and mental abuse. I felt like I was useless after I escaped, but slowly rebuilt myself. Be patient with yourself and never give up hope. I recommend meditation every day. It really helped me get back on track plus process the trauma.
You are always on point, Danish. The points you make are so relatable and can only come from someone who suffered at the hands of those human monsters. I was always complemented on how I expressed myself and points eloquently and on my writing skills (I do some creative writing too). After a while of living full time with my narcissist, I was struggling to talk... I mixed up words, and it was at times difficult for others to follow along, but they were nodding politely. I became so forgetful in general and couldn't do the smallest tasks without it consuming an incredible amount of time. I couldn't drive even for a while and became completely dependent on my narcissist, only of course for him (and his narcissistic family) to use it against me. Then you try to pick yourself up, but they devalue and subtly mock you till your brain fogs again and so on and so forth...it's a vicious cycle that can only be broken by leaving.
SO CRAZY! Directly after leaving my ex. I could barely string sentences together. It's been two years. And it's like I've had to learn 15 years worth of things I should have known already.
I have a lot of chronic illnesses and medical conditions nowadays. I do think some of them can be traced back to some of my so called narcissistic friends and the situations I was in. I remember in grade school I had acid reflux, and as soon as I left that toxic place it went away. Your videos keep coming in my feed, thank you for being so validating because for years I was dismissed. Fellow soul family in the comment section you got this.
This is an interesting piece to my puzzle. I grew up with a fragile narcissistic dad. I also have the highly sensitive trait which means my nervous system and mind are processing and feeling more than the average person. I was so anxious as a child I could hardly speak even to say hi, etc. I did relatively well in school because doing well meant survival because no negative attention. I feel I had the intelligence to do more but was too much in survival mode to be accomplished or have ambition and direction. I married a safe person and that helped but we both were too accustomed to abuse and it took years for us to get away from all the toxic people and situations. Finding more healing now. Separately, in the Christian churches I attended, the presentation of God was as a narcissistic person and wonder how much that contributed to my wounding and what the damage is to those who attend.
I got that from my church too. I found out later it was one of the churches that don't teach but little parts of the Bible, also delete and change a few important things. Also, they just did what they wanted and relied on tradition instead of facts. That helped me to see that denomination as others see it, very flawed.
I can relate to everything you have said Danish. I have been living in a survival mode for most of my life and the last six years have been an onslaught of narcissistic attacks on me. It is a miracle that I can talk about it. What I have noticed is that I am able to articulate myself better in English than in my mother tongue which is the language of my tormentors. Thank you for raising this extremely important aspect ofthe impact narcissistic abuse has on us. God bless you❤
Thank you once again for covering something that makes us survivors not feel like we're going crazy. After dealing with a certain member of my family, everything about myself completely fell apart, noticeably my memory and ability to speak/write. What's crazy also, is that I was experiencing very high temp (103° even) psychogenic fevers but with time in the past few months, by the grace of God having no contact with that member of my family has stopped the high fevers at least.
Danish , you are a true healer and a blessing to the world. Thank you for giving us all so many answers to our many questions, and reassurance and hope.So accurate! 🦋❤️
My experience was mind blowing I COULDN'T gett the words out my mouth in having a conversation with him . It's like my brain and voice froze It was extremely traumatising experience .
I had a bad gf and after that a bad friend who i had to cut off. I rebounded quickly, but im still not back 100%. Good friends who didn't mind my slow communication following the incidents really helped me. Thanks for validating my experience
After narcissist abuse, I noticed my loss of recall of words. I noticed my I would studder when feeling anxious. I used to be able to recall lists of phone numbers with ease. After, I struggled with that, I started reading books and doing math problems using apps and playing games. Now, after 8 years away from the abuse, I have gotten much of that back. I have cPTSD and I am able to get rid of many or the triggers by 'rewriting' in my mind the outcomes by instead of flight, fright, freeze, fawn, I imagine fighting or escaping the abuse. I think that when we freeze or fawn that our brains try to readdress the 'issue' until I either fight or get away (in my mind) is delt with. This seems to work for me.
This channel is amazing in pointing out so many crucial things in life that are overwhelmed by just trying to survive in the abusive relationship with a pathological narcissist. Reading is always a passion but a selfish narcissist will make fun and condemn a passion a person enjoys in fact everything you once enjoyed will be open for attack by a vile narcissist. So glad this is not an imagination of suffering but actual experience by all the victims of these vile people. We are not imaging this it happens to all victims. Thank you Danish for helping us to understand and overcome the toxic effects of the narcissist.
Thank you, this is explaining everything I'm experiencing right now. I've had previous relationships (after escaping narcissistic abuse by my father) where I had amazingly clear communication with my partner and others around me. I was well-read and had a huge vocabulary, and was praised me for my wit and ability to write. But for the past two years, I've been with a man who, despite being amazing in the beginning, started acting *just* like my father did and refuses to stop. I feel like my mind has been shredded from the constant stress, my communication skills are broken, and my memory and attention span are shot. Even talking to coworkers or people on the bus feels like a struggle. I'm constantly frustrated because I *know* I can and have done better, and no matter what I try, I can't seem get back to what I was. The breakdown of my mind and communication skills frustrates my partner, but I can't get him to realize that *his* behavior is causing this without being told that I'm the problem, that I'm the one 'abusing' him.
Thank you Danish! This explains so so much, on why reading, an activity I used to love doing, as well as writing, had fallen by the wayside. It's heartbreaking, actually, and s I I also really appreciate your thoughts of encouragement on maintaining hope! Thank you again for this great video!
You are so right! I am always amazed how precisely you describe all the symptoms, also in your other videos. I am very grateful for all your other videos, because your descriptions of the various symptoms help me understand myself better. Before listening to your videos I was judging myself and the different areas of 'decline' of my former abilities, now I am able to develop self-compassion and slowly love myself again. Thank you soooo much! 🙏🙏🙏♥️♥️♥️
This is the first video on narcissistic abuse I have watched that addressed brain functional damage, and I've watched a lot of videos on narcissism. Years ago after coming out of narcistic abuse I realized I had brain damage including brain fog and memory issues. I was constantly feeling like I had a concussion, the stress was so bad. Real physical concussion symptoms. I found a medical study that stated severe stress displays the same symptoms as a concussion. I've spent years getting better but I'll never be the same as before the abuse. I keep working on it anyway. I've gotten a lot better.
I got rid of the narcissist over 9 months ago and have had to struggle for words or expressions I used commonly to express myself. I decided to work hard to write and practice verbal communication as hard as I could. Since I live alone, much of this was talking to myself or using imagined conversations to restore my vocabulary. This is actually working. My guess is that new neuronal pathways are being formed. However, I still can't intuit my way through learning new tech skills. I decided that, since my brain is re-constructing my personality, it hasn't placed learning how to make my printer print on the highest priority. That's okay with me. I have six grandkids who can help with that stuff. I'm really glad I knew that my brain could find a new way to create vocabulary and communication skills. Thanks, Danish
100% this happened to me. I'm starting to regain my capabilities, forcing myself to read and now it's coming more natural. I can read for about 15 minutes now without force. I used to like reading and could have times where reading would impact my sleep and i'd have to force myself to stop, before all the BS i dealt with. It really does a number on you, really terrible stuff.
I was raped in Iraq and covered up with a bad paper discharge when I attempted to report it, denying me veterans benefits like VA psychiatric care for the resulting PTSD. When the VA was neglecting me, I attempted suicide, but survived with a traumatic brain injury in the frontal and perennial lobes of my brain. At this point I told my narcissistic military veteran and police officer father why I was kicked out of the military. He victim-blamed me. The narcissistic abuse committed by my family and the narcissistic abuse committed by strangers on social media, has been detrimental to my recovery.
It’s amazing how fear and being in that fight or flight stage constantly can affect my ability to remember the simplest of words. I just also learned about betrayal trauma which I could not put into words how that makes me feel and can make me paranoid around other people who are not narcissist or that I know are not narcissists. Thank you sir
Danish!! Thank you!! I have experienced this decline over the past year and could not understand why. My parents were an editor and linguist with linguistic backgrounds. Language has been a strength my whole life. I have been going crazy because of the new lack in this area. This put me at ease. I’m slowly finding myself again and your videos have been a big part of that. Thank you.
My mother suffered cognitive dementia from years of abuse from this unbelievably stupid piece of crap she had the misfortune of being with. Problem is, even after he was removed from her life- she still succumbed to her ailment. I always felt certain if she never met him, she would still be alive. I am disgusted with this wretch, and I hope someday in hell he pays for this huge mess he made.
The full story is so much more intense. Forgiveness is much easier said than done. I'm not going the revenge route because I'm plenty certain God has plans for him. What they may be, I don't know. Now that the battle is over, my family is in shambles and this is the end result. All I'm going to do is forget and move on.
I know it’s Easy to Say forgive but I agree with these other people. It’s not fair to You because it hardens Your Spirit. But when you do it really is a huge weight off of You! ✌️
@@saythankyou111 You can't forgive them, they are demons. You forgive them, they will win because now you have to suffer the damage that they inflicted on you while they enjoy their peace and life.
That was VERY insightful Pieces of a puzzle 🧩 have fallen into place My native language is English 🇺🇸 And when I speak in English I experience all these issues you mentioned. However, I have learned Spanish 🇪🇸, French 🇫🇷, Russian 🇷🇺, Korean 🇰🇷, and I’m currently learning Japanese 🇯🇵. I never experience stuttering, slow speech, long pauses, trouble processing ideas when I use foreign languages. I never made the connection before between this issue and my abusive father. Great insight Thank you 🙏
I can totally understand why my speech has regressed so much after watching this- I also was diagnosed with fibromyalgia- thank you for giving me hope!!!
This video of yours is like a public service. The memory and natural thinking skills my narcissist impacted - made me even more subject to continued harm. You used the word “unforgivable.” That sounds appropriate. For those who berate themselves for not terminating the relationship earlier, this explanation could give them peace. I believe that the pervasive propaganda and policies aimed at breaking families - which is the ancient conflict of the power of the polity vs private life - includes strong encouragement of narcissism, especially in the schools. Thus it is a problem for all of us. Thank you for this essential information!
Thank you Danish ! Narcissistic abuse is something beyond redemption and a huge sin. May all survivors find peace and regain what had has lost in their life.
I was raped in Iraq and covered up with a bad paper discharge when I attempted to report it, denying me veterans benefits like VA psychiatric care for the resulting PTSD. When the VA was neglecting me, I attempted suicide, but survived with a traumatic brain injury in the frontal and perennial lobes of my brain. At this point I told my narcissistic military veteran and police officer father why I was kicked out of the military. He victim-blamed me. The narcissistic abuse committed by my family and the narcissistic abuse committed by strangers on social media, has been detrimental to my recovery.
@@ChrisTopherBunnellI hope you become surrounded by better humans. That's most humans, who magnify the narc abuse. A few may or may not see the light. But it sure is good to find higher ground. I journal a LOT, having found that paper is patient. And had to learn to pray effectively. [Edit: Be very careful if journaling. Be careful about everything.]
Dealing with this heavily right now. It's made me extremely annoyed and hostile at times, because I'm keenly aware that I'm constantly being provoked and attacked in a subvert manner. Glad to see some more evidence of physical manifestations of this.
Danish....thank you so much for this information. My mother still lives with my narcissistic father. He has gotten worse over the years and I have had to intervene. I noticed my mother's decline. She use to like to read, but now she can't remember what she's read. She use to write to a cousin that lives far away, but stopped writing to her because she told me it's too difficult. This makes so much sense now. Thanks again for your assessment of this narcissistic abuse.
Happened to me. Right after i had fainting/ brain seizures and high blood pressure. Victims are at risk of vascular dementia. I was a journalist, i can barely string words together, three years later. Thank you..my GP rolled her eyes when i tried to explain this change to her, she sent me for a MIR and told me i was imagining things and to take a holiday..im a disabled pensioner had to stop working ten years ago due to severe rheumatoid arthritis.age 41.
Unfortunately, only people who have been through narcissistic abuse understand what we go through. Doctor was probably a narcissist herself 🙄 the medical field attracts a lot of narcissists.
Long term high stress is very damaging. It is literally no different than the PTSD soldiers get except that its not as severe but can be. Stress is stress regardless of whats causing it. I was diagnosed with PTSD about 6 months after I left my narc. 9 years of abuse I endured until I broke and left. All kinds of crazy symptoms emerged. I would jump awake with heart racing, my left arm would curl up and cramp while sleeping, I developed crazy occular migraines, severe disassociation and depression and last but not least, my vocabulary went to shit. I was terrified because I literally felt like my brain was shutting down while being aware of it. I hope you are doing ok now.
This was an amazing body of knowledge and SO important for narcissistic abuse survivors! I appreciate you SO very much! You are such a Blessing to all of us. Thank you sir.
Good thing most of the time it is temporary when it comes to our vocabulary and our writing skills after practising those skills again long enough while living in a safe space. I experienced physical abuse in my 20's. Whenever someone's behavior in any way reminds me of the narcissistic abuse in the past I do have problems with inibition when trying to exercise my memory during speaking while I am trying to maintain my cool demeanor. Self conducted exposure therapy in safe contexts is helping me overcome that.
Awesome knowledge sharing. Went through the same and I worked actively alot to recover from all these post abuse cognitive damages. That's the reason one must go through scientifically structured journey of Healing to recover from all these damages. 👏👏👏👏👏 Let the Healing begin ❤
I love when psychologists talk more about the actual chemical/ physical aspects of mental disorders, because it really helps put treatments in better perspectives and really helps with better motivation to continue through with longer process treatments, even if it feels hopeless. Also helps to better decide what specific treatments might work for different people. Great video!
This is so on point and the timing of this video is Divine! I was literally laying awake last night questioning my own sanity, trying to remember who I was before I met the man that I am still trying to break contact with after 9 months of moving to another city. Literally, I am a shadow of my true self. I have windows when I realise that and then something he says makes me question if that was ever really me to begin with, and am I just crazy! I was an intellectual, an academic, but now I keep miss spelling simple words. I cannot think, cannot concentrate, I feel like a degenerate and I cannot remember words. I can barely remember who I am or what I did, how I used to think, perceive, analyse. When we first met he said that in getting to know eachother he would become more like me and I him. I thought it was a sweet gesture meaning that we would become very close and learn from each other. I didn't realise that that was literally his plan! To steal my mind and replace it with his! We have literally swapped minds! He didn't know anything, he fed off everything I know, taking everything I had in my knowledge tank and researching it further until he was on par with me and trying to school me. He always asked me what a word meant I had used or that he had read that he hadn't heard before. He had never bought a book or finished reading one, not even at school. Now he is buying books and I am struggling to remember who I really am or why I walked into a room! It has gotten so bad for me that I no longer study, or read. I am struggling to do so. I feel lost and don't know how to move forward with my life! He has stolen my mind! In all his persistent attempts to stay in contact with me, because that is what he wants more than actually spending time with me, he always treats me like 💩 and tells me that he is far too busy and important to spend time with me, oh no, but he refuses to break contact. And he always says, that I make him feel more intelligent. That we have learnt so much together. I get swept away with this sometimes, confused and manipulated, but there are moments when I remember and I remind him that I already knew all of this before he met me and it was me that taught him everything he now proudly knows! He says that he loves me, but he doesn't. He loves how intelligent I make him feel. Yet, he admits that he needs me to keep it up. When I'm trying to break contact he falls back into his previous mind, his own mind, of not really thinking or knowing about anything. Over the last two days I have installed games onto my phone to try and help me to regain the ability to focus, concentrate and remember and I have been playing them constantly while ferling too anxious to leave the house. I haven't had games on my phone, I don't play digital games, only board games with my son. This video is confirmation! Thank you God! I need to try and remember this. Thank you Danish. I really needed this! Last night I was googling for personality disorder tests, trying to figure out if I AM actually a narcissist, or a borderline, or even a schizophrenic!
Thanks for posting this comment. You described my thoughts fully and the struggles I now face to communicate at home and work in almost all social settings. I am grateful that I know I'm not suffering early Alzheimer's or dementia because I was really starting to wonder. I have never had problems communicating or expressing myself and was a creative writing major. I haven't been able to read or write anything and have been so frustrated and confused. Thanks Danish for shedding light on this. I already see that there is hope and can now direct my prayers accordingly while doing what I can to heal.
@@truthtrumpetstriumph5410 Blessings to you and thank you also for sharing your experience, it helps me also in affirming my experience too. Honestly, the night before this video was released, I was awake all night trying to figure out what mental illness I have, and early dementia was strong in my list of things questioned and researched into as well. I have been feeling as though I was constantly on morphene or some other brain numbing drug. It is empowering, isn't it, the moment that you hear a reasonable third person explain what has happened to your mind. To some it may sound far fetched, but these same narcissistic methods are used in psychological warfare. The implementation of them may differ, but the tactics and results are the same. It is amazing, because for the last few days I actually haven't heard from him, and it is amazing how even in just a short window of him not being in my energy space I am finding more clarity and recognising myself a bit again. For example, I recognised yesterday that I was able to see a very delicate and emotional predicament from all sides concerned, and in a moment of clarity I realised I was experiencing and expressing true empathy and selflessness, and that that is my normal self, how i have always been. Therefore, I couldn't be the selfish, mean narcissist that this man had made me think that I am. It was a triumphant moment, and it is as though the Divine force allowed this situation to occur to help me see that I am not mentally ill. Wounded, and in real need of healing, yes, but as the recipient of mental, emotional, psychological, etc, abuse, and not the giver of it. This man has gone quiet a couple of times. I am almost holding my breath on edge, expecting him to show up at my house any day. I am praying he doesn't, I will be calling for help if he does. I wish you and all others who may read these comments, all the very best of healing and happiness. Stay strong and remember who you truly are 💖
My dad did that to my mom, he would ask her to explain how she knew something, and she felt obliged to answer. Because poor little him, he was so innocent and so taken advantage of that he couldn't think much. Then after he figured she had nothing left, he stomped her down and abandoned. Saying how he just couldn't take it anymore, the arguments he started. They really are helpless at doing the right thing, unless they can do it damage the hell out of whoever they are helping.
Danish- this is one of the most helpful videos of yours that I have watched. I am 58 years old leaving a 20 yr relationship with a narcissist and I have experienced all of the symptoms you have described. I thought maybe it was because I was getting older but now I am guessing the narc had more to do with it. Thank you so much for opening this pathway.
I 100% experienced this and recently told my one and only person in my support network (I'm an aplatonic person, I've never had plantonic interest in others and I often wonder if the narcissistic abuse I experienced in childhood caused that) that if I ever lose my rich vocabulary again then it's a sign that something is not right. I've only made it 2 minutes into this video and I feel so validated in recognizing the aftermath. I have always been proud of my knowledge of English (my native language) and since high school I've been picking up French and Gaelic. My ability to grasp those other two languages and expand my understanding would ebb and flow based on the intensity of the narcissistic abuse I recently experienced in a romantic relationship. I began to stop using language as an escape because of this. Now that I've been discarded it's like the French came back like I sat in class yesterday. I'm still not outwardly using my old vocabulary in any language due to anxiety, fear, and of course over time I've simply forgotten things. The loss of my passion and ability to comprehend language proved to me that the narcist's gaslighting over my intelligence was correct. I never once considered the stress or any form of brain damage related to what I was experiencing. He stole 4 years of study from me, something I cherish so deeply. I'm enjoying the freedom to learn and to live without the abuse. I'm finally content to live my life on my own and for myself for the very first time in all of my 27 years of life. I survived a total of 19 years of narcissistic abuse. I hope there won't be more years added to that survival count. Language and communication are essential to my survival. I'm learning ASL now to help me communicate when my verbal words fail me.
This has to be one of the most important video i've seen in a long time, it explain a lot of things i was experiencing and i'm glad to know that i'm not the only one. Narcissistic friendships or colleagues are the reason while i was so damn stuck in my way of expressing myself and heal.
I had been going around for years unable to write and express myself, I realise now that it was just this all along! I am relieved to know there is nothing wrong with me, and that I can overcome it and express myself as beautifully as before! Thank you for giving hope to someone, who thought his life had just ended
Thank you for clarifying this, I have difficulty reading, getting the right words out and forgetting how to spell words, my memory is getting bad, even driving places I get lost, I can’t hold a conversation with people as I get my words mixed you, I never knew this was connected to being with a narc, I also forget things a lot and when people talk to me I kind of switch off and only half listen, I have been trying to do things to improve my memory but I can’t now see it’s deeper than just doing that.
YES!!! I had No idea this was possible! I am a writer and reader and have definitely noticed a decline since leaving the narcissistic abuser! Heartbreaking beyond "Words"!
Did you experience impossibility to express yourself while talking with the narc? I felt so blocked my speech was like impeded. I think it was his crazy arguments, style, salad of mess of communication. Also after 5 years, when I talk on the phone with him I suffer like a catalepsy for one day. Unable to move. I think this is not normal abuse, it has to do with some demons, like many say.
Yes. They say it's just getting old, bad nutrition, and hormones. But I think it's usually just the patterns of behavior everyone is talking about here.
Oh wow! I didn't know that was related to the abuse!! Even now, 15+years later, I still stutter and stumble over words mid sentence; even when i know what I want to say. It gets worse when I'm tired or run down
Exactly. 100% true and fact. Even too mentally exhausted to watch the whole video and comment here, but just wanted to testify that yes, absolutely, this is what happens.
Link to my best resources for healing:
linktr.ee/narcabusecoach
Emdr/tapping has been really helpful with Cptsd which many folks who have suffered narc abuse experience. It helps change the brain damage incurred by the abuse. I am using it now & it really helps!
@@yerbamataThanks for that info, I'll have to check it out!
Can the health care system be narcissistic itself? In the US, I have tried getting evaluation from speech pathologist but doctors are not willing to make a referral as they say that it is not real, "narcissistic" mental abuse cannot cause language and speech impairment. It has to be a physical cause. I only see the gloating smile of my doctor when he accused me of trying to get disability designation for work and tax purposes. Psychiatrist also just stated that he feels sorry for the childhood abuse and just say to take his prescription, increasing the dose. He scammed me $300 for a ten minute visit. This is why my narcissistic parents also used the health care system against me, telling me that nobody would believe.
Yes they are, I’ve stopped getting any type of medical help because of this. The narcissist who’s at present stalking me, hacking me, plus much more, is a paramedic. The psychologist I was seeing told me that I had everything wrong because this man is a paramedic and therefore, a good person. Yet, I’m a RN but that didn’t seem to matter. Thing is, I never told this psychologist he was a paramedic. So how did she know? She knew other things about him too. Obviously he’d stalked me well and talked to her.
Have you heard anything about the experimental medicine Alto 100? I was in a research project for it last year. It stimulates the vagus nerve and I was a candidate because I have clinical depression that isn't helped by SSRIs any other medicine I've been prescribed. That was the best 2 months of my life. No brain fog, no listlissness, no over or under sleeping, it was fantastic. But I was told that it wouldn't be available for prescription until 2030. Yeah.
I'm a grown man in my sixties and I'm crying as I watch this. You are validating my experience exactly. I can no longer focus well enough to do my job and had to take retirement early, therefore I'm living in poverty. I lost my family, my home, and my job. On top of that, I was discarded while going through cancer treatment. I have lost my entire life's work and have no future. Thank you for helping me to understand that what I'm experiencing has an explanation and that I'm not losing my mind.
i’m only 19 and was raised by an extremely narcissistic mother who i witnessed abuse my father as well, and no longer have a relationship with her. i miss my siblings and having a whole family unit. reading this i feel a need to tell you for some reason that the fact you have retained so much grace is inspiring, and you have not lost everything as you still have yourself. and no one can ever get to know you in the way you can, and appreciate you the way you can yourself :) it’s rough out here especially with the economy. holding on to hope for you, myself, and everyone else
Beautifully expressed...God bless you...
You aren't alone in this
Hello dear friend, I just wanted to say God loves you so much, put your faith in Him
As God says in Isaiah 43:18-19
Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old.
Behold, I am doing a new thing;
now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?
I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.
And
Revelation 21:5
And he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” Also he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”
May you find peace and healing and enjoy the love of God that is in Christ Jesus. He loves you more than you can imagine!! And so do I
Take care
Please read @thatoldcrow ! You DO have a future. Seek the LORD. He's waiting for you.❤
100% spot on!! I became so used to being interrupted that I found it hard to finish my thoughts and/or sentences!
Get away and be patient with yourself. Don’t wait.
Yes, me too. ❤
I feel better that I'm not by myself🙏🏾
You're spot on with this video. I always felt like I couldn't speak for a long time, trying too hard to be perfect in every thing I do. It's madness.
Same here im usually cut off by those closest to me.
Wow! Reading and writing was always my thing! After I got away, I could not read a book. I couldn’t focus enough to read. It’s been many years now and I can read and write again. I never knew that was connected to the narcissistic abuse. Thank you Danish. I thank God for bringing you across my path! You really validate us survivors in a way that we desperately need!
Same here, I had a learning disability. Didn't know what happened to me for over 20 years. Not going into details what all happened to me, to make a long story short imagine your own mother playing baseball with your head intentionally aiming for our heads with deadly weapons inflicting serious pain and injuries life changing near death experience. People are cursed by GOD with bad Karma, bad health and heart problems. They don't get away with anything just because they have never been charged. Many are going str8 to hell. That's where they deserve to be. I just have to add, why GOD allow something so fucked up to happen to us knowing we,ll have serious issues and no justice, will end up not giving a fuck about anyone or anything. Creating unstable double minded people. It's like whatever they do to us, GOD is going to do it back to them making them all pay and suffer for a lifetime. This is a fucked up world regardless the way everything has been setup for others to keep messing our lives over. Must be a heaven to go to. This world is filled with hate and all people add is more trauma on top of grave conditions. It's gotten out of hand
Very true, this is what i'm experiencing right now, i couldn't focus on reading & writing
I used to read 3 books a week, I haven’t read a book in 15 years.
Now I know why.
@@reginaldsinclair152
God would not give you a test you couldn’t pass, you now have an experience to share.
More importantly you can now see this evil, you might end up saving a child from that experience in the future.
Stay aware my friend.
Thank you for your story, it’s time to forgive your mother now.
It will release your pain, so you can live freely afterwards.
Good luck, God Bless you.
@@goontubeassos7076 unforgivable crimes and sins my friend. Just like the Pharoah pissed God off and made GOD move against him. Get the point, it's some people don't deserve to be forgiven that's why it's a place prepared called hell. Injustice is unacceptable
This video is an absolute eye-opener for me. I've always been known to be extremely gifted with expressing myself. High vocabulary. Had a penchant for writing. Very high reading comprehension. After 7 years of narcissistic abuse from my husband I can feel my mind slipping. I struggle to find the right words. I stutter. I'm a tax professional and when trying to understand the complex topics of my profession I suddenly struggle. I never knew the reason. Thankfully I have some answers now. Thank you, Danish, for your information here.
I'm also working in tax, and the narcissist abuse I went through had affected my work abilities tremendously😢 I wonder how did your work get affected? Did you take a break for yourself? Have you regained your work abilities?
@@jsunnys1936 Hey I'm happy to check back in with you! As far as how my work was affected, it was definitely difficult to focus when trying to work on tax returns. I felt like I got behind on my work a lot. And as I mentioned in my previous comment, it even seemed to affect my speech. I've been separated from my narcissistic husband since February (so about 4 months now) and I have seen a marked improvement! All of my close friends and family have also commented on the difference in me. It takes some internal work, though. I do breathwork and meditate as often as I can. Also doing yoga has helped as I have since realized how much tension my body was holding onto from the abuse. I hope this helps!
My reading comprehension and verbal skills took a massive hit. I spent a solid year at a local starbucks after my narcissistic experience. I'd take a book and try to socialize with strangers as a way to relearn what I had lost. I felt so awkward because I knew people were always uncomfortable with me but I persisted because I knew it was the only way to regain myself. What a nightmare experience.
Did you succeed in regaining your abilities?
@@vgman94 The verbal skills have been regained, plus a bit more. The reading comprehension has increased by a large margin but it is not as proficient as it used to be.
It's been just over half a decade since I separated from the harmful environment.
The title is clickbait you dont get brain damage from emotional abuse if anything the resulting cognitive decline is from chronically elevated stress that can dysregulate your cognition, if we are caling this brain damage then send me to rehabilitation for stroke victims because I have traumatic brain injury.
@@nicbarth3838 Right. It isn't physical damage like what can happen in a stroke. It is stress, the bio-chemical release related to stress and the thought patterns impressed during the psychological trauma that causes the brain to function differently.
I had my narcissist trauma experience in a communal living, mind control cult. They started quite friendly and welcoming then turned the heat up very slow until I was thoroughly engulfed into their system.
@@Fermenting760 jessus christ Im glad you got out, what lead the cult to even amasing members? What were they advertising if you dont mind me asking
I remember how vibrant and eloquent I was as a child and so full of life. I still remember how I slowly lost my voice to this day. It’s weird when you still remember the changes. It’s like being buried alive.
Yes, I literally feel like my soul is slowly dying.
Wow, I thought I was the only one who experienced that
"Buried alive." That is exactly how I feel in this horrible marriage to a narcissistic monster. 😢
@@annjohnson8437 if you're able to full on call your partner a narcissistic monster, why are you keeping yourself in that relationship? nothing's worth forcing yourself to be with someone that's actively hurting you.
Omg I noticed this, too. If I get questioned/ interrogated, I freeze up. My mind goes blank so I get blamed or laughed at. Then, a couple of minutes later, a logical, rational explanation of why I did what I did surfaces in my brain. I'm like, I had a legitimate reason/ explanation, so why do I react like a deer in the headlights? At this point, the time for rebuttal has passed, and I'm kicking myself for not being quick enough. It infuriates me that I'm still so impacted.
Your not alone . I'm the exact same way. It gets so frustrating. I feel like a dummy!!
SAME!!
I’ve been this way since I was a little girl. ❤
Same or I over explain
It's exactly that, a deer in the headlights
This is true, not being allowed to express emotions or ideas because they’re wrong and weak according to the narcissist, keeps you out of practice for defending yourself in the future
Most people are weak AF so they need to speak first and blurt out their stupidity. God's people always speak second...for the record. Nice and slow so all parties involved can get it.
I wish I were even better at staying the hell away and not reacting to or listening to the abusive people in my life. Seems like I'm slowly getting better.
Slow and steady does win the race. I had one who just kept telling me everything I did was wrong, my whole life. Well, Dummy is not doing so well himself, and they usually reveal themselves to the flying monkeys.
You have put this into words so perfectly. I have struggled with anxiety and a dysregulated nervous system for so long and thought I was the problem. I also couldn't read a book no matter how hard I tried. And after being emotionally abused, you think you're stupid because you can't comprehend anything. This is all just a trauma response. An invisible injury.
Same here, it sucks so bad i become hating myself;like selfhate... I hope you will recover and can live a happy life and can do all those things again. ❤
I don't know how to express and zay what i like wanted to say i judt wish you a happy life and be happy again
@@NathalieMelissa Thank you
@@NathalieMelissa May you heal as well. So many of us have suffered at the hands of a narcissist. People can’t understand it, maybe those people will hear Danish & realize it’s not just our problem but it’s a loss to all around us too. Your compassion is your strength. Be that for yourself too 🫶
Wow, I started crying when I read the title. I was a bright veteran with a rising path ahead of me until I met my wife. For the past 6 or so years I have been so declining mentally I couldn’t figure it out. I blamed it on my military career and all the chemicals from the flight line I was exposed too. But this makes more sense to me because all my blood work dosnt show anything. I can hardly read my children’s books to them at night without skipping words or mispronouncing words. Also constant brain fog and paranoia I never had before even after my tours in Afghanistan. I started therapy last year because I didn’t know what was reality was or who I was anymore. I literally didn’t know what was wrong or right anymore. I was constantly second guessing myself on everything.
How did you recover? I'm the same
@@tui_kowhai9096 still haven’t. Just learned how to live with it so far.
@@tui_kowhai9096 Day by day is all I do. I am stuck in a miserable situation.
"I took money to kill children in the middle east, and I wanted to make it a career, and my reading and writing skills have declined; I blame my wife" It's a shame your military career was derailed, and that even though doctors can't substantiate your sudden paranoia and mental decline, you feel safe blaming it on the mother of your children.
Great comment!
I'm so sorry for your experience and wish you well on your healing journey and happier times ahead with your children 🙏
My adult daughter insisted that I be tested for Alzheimer’s after she noticed I was living in a total muddle in my sixties, even a couple of years after I left. I am finally recovering and I’m able to read books again. I can also THINK again, and no I didn’t have Alzheimer’s ❤️
How did you recover?
Agreed, try doing things you used to do, in order to revert back to yourself.
And a just little bit of exercise goes a looong way
It's taking me 2 years.
And only a few months ago my brain felt like it clicked on again!
A direct result of go along to get along turn the other cheek syndrome/doormat skill set... Just observing........
@stevenmonson5149 That has been me all my life... I'm much less agreeable these days as I've gotten much older, but it ruined me as I've passed up on every opportunity that came my way.
If you're still in relatively good shape go take combat sports classes as it helps eradicate that go along to get along type behavior.
I was stuttering when talking to the narcissists before and couldn’t express my thoughts clearly!!! I had perfectly clear thoughts and opinions in my head but when I tried to articulate them, I was missing the words!!! This is an amazing revelation as to the extent of the narcissistic abuse damage. Thank you so much for this video!!!
To all narcissists who abuse people intentionally - there might not be a way for us to seek justice in this life, but I do believe there is a higher power who will give you what you monsters deserve one day.
Their is justice, REVELATIONS 12:9-12,this is demonic abuse, and it at end of scripture, tells why their doing it. Please read it.
@@NaomiRWestGarvinwow, that is good! I just read it. Thank you for sharing.
@@NaomiRWestGarvinRevelation not revelations.
The only higher power Is Jesus , Lord of lords and King of kings. Glory to God in the Highest. Jesus is the name ,The highest power, that even the demons tremble in fear .
People nowadays call it life review the feelings everything did they did to this person. Every single person when they pass we'll have this Life Review..... When they go before the judgment bar of Christ
I stumble over words, take time when speaking at an annoying level, and have short-term memory issues after finally leaving a narc after 10 years of marriage. Hang in there, fellow narc abuse survivors. 💐
Hang in there! ❤ I wish you very peaceful and happy years to come!
Same here
This is me.
Same here
Same here.
Wow... TH-cam suggested this video to me, and it's so relevant - I needed to see it. I don't think my ex was a narcissist, but she definitely had a personality disorder, most likely BPD. I used to be well-known for my sense of humour and wit, but now I feel like I’ve lost my humour. After two years in a relationship, I started to experience stammering, stuttering, and difficulty expressing myself. I was worried there was something wrong with me, like a brain tumour, etc., but now it makes perfect sense. I felt that no matter what I said, it could be used against me. There were moments where I was pushed to my snapping point during arguments, where I shouted at her and said horrible things. After being pushed to do something out of character, I was then defined by that and it was used against me over and over again, even when I learned how to deal with her arguing style - I was still punished for what I had said in previous arguments. In hindsight, what I had said was nothing different from what she was saying to me to lead me to that point. I felt anxious that any occasion could go wrong, like family members' birthdays, where I was always scolded for not giving her enough attention. When I was with friends, I could no longer joke or be jovial; everything I did was scrutinised. I even believed I had autism because I was made to feel like I didn't understand anything. Even after the relationship, I have fears of doing the wrong thing, that I should not do things in case she wants to see me. After going to therapy and reflecting, I realised how cyclical her behaviour was - the push and pull, the punishment - and it was so regular, it changed my nervous system to feel that danger could happen at any moment. What's worse is that I was made to feel like I was the problem, and when I expressed what hurt me, even in a calm and delicate way, my expression of my feelings somehow invalidated hers. I felt I was the problem until recently. The process is painful as I still feel love for her, and I still struggle to move on emotionally
Been there ,done that, through divorce 20 years ago with Doctors, meds , abusive wife, lawyers
exactly my story . I wish you best to recover
I attest to experiencing brain damage, although I did not know.
They caused the damage, then called me “stupid”.
After 35 years of abuse, I gray-rocked them and began to teach myself verbal expression. It was a long, challenging road, especially because I was confused as to why I had trouble speaking and remembering.
After 25 years of hard work, I am happy to report that I am doing well in recovering.
Yes! I live in a state of fight or flight and have this underlying fear that takes my mind to the worst case scenario with most people. I’m in constant watch of how I speak. If I feel threatened by narcissistic people, I will stutter. I’m to the point where I find it difficult to even have surface conversations!
I feel your pain. I have also stuttered since childhood because of my narc. mother. It truly suck.
I was the same way. One thing that helped me was I stopped taking for a while. In situations where I had to speak I would use as few words as possible. Silence helped slow everything down for me and that allowed me to reset.
I found ritalin helps calm the voices and self doubt, consider getting an assessment for autism and ADHD
Try looking up videos of Stoic philosophy. This self-empowering way of thinking and operating in life may help you! All the best to you.
You poor thing 😢
Yes, yes, yes! Finally someone has explained one of my symptoms. I was unable to read and speak fluently after Narcissistic Abuse.
Narc abuse affects cognitive functioning and learning. When I'm around narcs, I feel I'm more susceptible to make mistakes
Yes! I thought I'd lost all languages I used to be fluent in due to living abroad and mixing them up for too long or something... But this makes so much more sense now!
May the Force be with Danish ❤
@@dontbelongherefromanother I was raped in Iraq and covered up with a bad paper discharge when I attempted to report it, denying me veterans benefits like VA psychiatric care for the resulting PTSD. When the VA was neglecting me, I attempted suicide, but survived with a traumatic brain injury in the frontal and perennial lobes of my brain. At this point I told my narcissistic military veteran and police officer father why I was kicked out of the military. He victim-blamed me. The narcissistic abuse committed by my family and the narcissistic abuse committed by strangers on social media, has been detrimental to my recovery.
Absolutely so true. I realize I had lost the trust in myself to put a coherent thought together, after being chronically guarded against potential confrontation vs “civil dialogue”. I feel completely dumbed down, even hating simple phone calls like calling to schedule appointments. I just can’t do it.
So well articulated. Boy, can I relate. ❣️
Y
I can totally relate. Making phonecalls was always a nightmare since childhood. Calling requires initiating a conversation and I was conditioned to be always quiet and never bother anyone with my existance. I used to wait many hrs till I felt ready to make a phone call and my nervous system was so exhausted after this battle with myself. I am in process of healing and learning it's okay to use my voice, be seen and heard.
@@kobra4422 I sometimes wonder if.I were drowning or in some treacherous situation if I would even call out for help or just quietly drown! I’m pretty sure I’d just fade away!
@@SophieBird07 I used to wonder it too!! If someone attacked me on the street would I call for help? It's hard bc I was reminded every day to be quiet. I've watched the story of Elisabeth Smart who was kidnapped and she didn't even run away when she had a chance or ask for help. I've thought how strong and paralyzing the brainwash to be "good little girl" is.
This holiday, I had a feeling that bashed me in the head. I realized its not for me okay to spend time with parents. TH-cam algorithm probably experienced a wave of people searching for answers, because it was suggested to me before I typed anything. Now I listen to you, explaining my childhood traumas. I even started writing to my sister asking if she experienced the same. She told me she already did some work by therapy and by isolating herself emotionally. And thats how I realized my new years goal.
You confirmed what I thought happened to me. I could no longer follow directions at work. I struggled to comprehend what my boss wanted me to do. I needed to ask a coworker to explain it to me afterwards. Since my divorce, I haven't been able to maintain a job. My level of distractibility and slow to learn concepts has impacted my ability to function as an employee. I used to wonder if I had a minor stroke.
I feel you. I am 41 and happens to me too. Luckily I kept my job and they are very understanding. 🇦🇺
Just being able to hear out loud that the brain can heal at any age is a gift.
Thank you. 💚
still was restless forced but for sure no last issues abiut before etc(!) positive prophetic got internatvrenind for sure inst fast everlast hallelujah all bless touch in it also places was go later etc calls meets etc before dur it 2 weekend at all exchanges replac fullfill from with the only liv god-in jc name!
When I found out that the person who claimed to love me had secretly sided with someone who physically bullied me, I was so broken and distraught by that person’s gaslighting response that I broke down and started to babble in front of him. I couldn’t form words. I was broken and babbling on the floor and he stood over me and smirked with pleasure at the effect he was having on me.
It was then that I saw who he was. He’s a vulnerable narcissist who feigned empathy and love. I eventually picked myself up off the floor. I eventually pulled myself together though it’s taken a couple of years to get to a place of self-containment.
My hope is that I never let anyone else drive me to the point of babbling. I was sexually abused as a little girl and when I started to remember that abuse as an adult I would babble like a kid. I couldn’t form words.
You’re right that in shock, the body goes into crisis mode and some functions can shut down. Growing up I experienced freezing episodes where I couldn’t speak or think or move. He knew this and sided with and stood up anyway for the bully, his friend, who grabbed me.
He is not worth babbling over. You can recover. I’m here to tell you, you can recover. You have to learn to love yourself and recognize and honor your experiences. Seek no refuge or solace from narcissists. They will only make things worse. Believe yourself, love yourself. Good luck.
This is what I went through. I’m literally stuck with him. I say nothing when he’s late nothing if he doesn’t come home. I don’t show the confusion. Everything has gone to shit for me. I’m taking baby steps now and trying to get my focus back
It just takes time and focus. If some days or moments are harder than others, that's part of the process. I hope you keep trying and wish you success.@@SharonKostiuk
They never support you emotionally, they side with the other person and enjoy seeing you squirm.
my mother sympathised with bullies, telling me to think of their unhappy home lives.
Bullied to the point I considered suicide, yet her sympathy was for the bullies.
@@verilyheld My father did the same thing, when I was bullied he would blame it on me, and say that I wasn't being loving enough. I'm sure you're a very beautiful person and what happened to you was wrong, I pray that you're able to heal and know that you are so loved by Jesus.
This speaks to me… I was once eloquent and loved communication, 10 years on, I still feel like a mute with little interest in talking to other people. Thank you so much for this. ❤
Same.
Ditto
I don't like communicating with people either. Even my best friends I feel like I hide from them.
It's real
Now, I understand why this happen to narciscist children. Complete silence for hours. And, they struggle with communicating openly. It affects if you have to learn another language too. 😢😢😢
I feel like I got so stupid! And this is very encouraging. I used to be a performer. A musician, artist, writer, a creative in so many ways. In the last year or two since I left I've been unable to do any of it. I sincerely hope it will return! I've seen some healing and some signs that I'm getting closer to being able to do some of these things again. A few days ago I had the first few days of feeling no depression, no brain fog, just normal brain. It was amazing, and even though it was temporary it gave me hope.
It's insane a person can do such things to us without even laying a finger on us (perhaps).
yes me too.
This makes so much sense. My adopted father was a malignant narcissist. I didn’t mature mentally and stunted until years later. I never felt good enough. And I always worked at trying to impress him to validate my accomplishments and acceptance. I grew up literally hating myself trying to be anyone but me. When that bast@#d died it was a relief. Only until he died did I feel all of those bad vibes about myself die. I feel contempt and anger which I’ve heard is healthy in order to move on and grow. It’s like the veil that shielded my eyes are uncovered and I see what he’s done while I learn more about this sort of abuse. It’s demonic. I remember his eyes changing a bright green when he got mad and it didn’t take much to make him mad. The fear he instilled knowing he was losing control of his mind. I’d love to erase all memories of him but I know that won’t happen. It’s now the process of healing and knowing there are truly evil people who say they love you but detest you. That’s on him. 👺
Omg! That’s it! I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t have normal conversations with people because my vocabulary and speech would just stop in the middle of a conversation. I knew there was a word for what I wanted to say, but I couldn’t think of it. I now know that I had so much trauma, physically as well as mentally. I thought I was stupid. I have so much education until I thought I could only talk like a fifth grader. I have a masters degree and couldn’t concentrate. Thank you for your help. I have to find a way to get my life back.
What's interesting is you will find your words when in front of real people. That hesitation could be that who you are in front of is another them. I talk just not to everyone because they send people to further agitate you and confuse you more. It's more of them and less of you. Real victims. I'm glad others found safe spaces like this.
@@Erica-cf1xb And we all are entitled to our own opinion. Let’s just wait and see what’s up. Good day, Erica.
You're not alone, same. Narc abuse interferes with concentration and speaking
❤
Same with me
This has really opened my eyes….. when I heard you explain it, it all made sense the things that have happened to me….. I cried because to understand that people live in this world and do this to others is so cruel…. I cried so much and then prayed for God to help me restore what was taken…..
Elenatamuk...A god who retributes our enemies on our behalf is only the God of the Old testament.. the One who gave the ten commandments. Through His son Jesus who lived on this earth in human body became as a man... he was bullied and beaten and accused on being insane, crazy, stupid, son of a fornicators..... he was so kind, children felt comfortable around him, he was compassionate to prostitutes and victims of abuse, he healed their sick, and told everyone he came to set them free from their oppessors through His father...the God of Abraham and Isaac. He said that if anyone calls on His name through the Blood shed through Jesus He will first forgive our sins then... after placing our names in the book of life ( removing our name from the book of the dead) He will pay back our enemies on our behalf for all they have done to us through satan's spawn...anyone who doesn't love their neighbor as themselves..because Satan ( lucifer ) is the ultimate narcissist who continues the propogation of narcicist abuse.. and all abuse! Jesus said He will make Him pay back 7 times what he had stolen from us. Currently my domestic abuser from 10 years back ( my first husband) who stole my medical career by making me feel crazy in a circus of abuse is now paying for me to go back to school. ( He doesnt know it...but thats what i use his money for) . God has slowly turned his hands around to forcibly, against his own will pay for my schooling. My narcistic abusive parents who denied me clean clothing, forced me to labour in the home as a house wife...allowed sexual abuse to go on under their roof...stole my innocence and my child hood... made me run away because they were going to attempt an arranged marriage...they now forcibly against circumstances in their control ended up buying me a house...literally. And now as I am an adult... with kids ... i am finally able to piece all my brokeness and start to heal...away from all abuse. i found that Jesus was true to his word. I have been retributed by a Holy and all powerful God. I now can look forward to a new career... a new life because i feel there is a Heavenly father who cares for me... more than my own parents and former spouse.. who supports my efforts, who has got my back and defends me. I no longer see abusers winning... i see them loosing because i separated from them and declared alliance to The God of Abraham by accepting his son's blood ,Jesus , to wash away my own sins...then i placed my heart and my trust in Him. I pray you experience this same retribution. I pray you do sweetheart
You don't know how much I am thankful for bringing this up..!!
I am the victim of the same. I totally lost confidence in speaking in public once I was an expert communicator. Thank you Danish
Yes same
I have the same problem. It takes me longer now to explain anything. If it takes longer than a few seconds people give me a funny look, laugh and walk away.
@@BOG0690 - That happens for me to :-( .
@@Jayapullani
It ain't us. Not everyone articulates well. Here's a small tip I learned, practice basic little things that you'd use in a conversation infront of a large mirror.
@@BOG0690 - I am unable to participate even with Zoom.
I TOTALLY had all the memory loss, couldn't think of the words I was looking for when speaking, really everything he mentioned!!! The narcissist I married, I found out later was convicted of attempted murder in the 1st degree, had a big police record etc..
I have been able to overcome the issues mentioned, memory loss etc. By taping into my creativity again. Designing landscaping, cooking etc. I created a huge seating entertainment sanctuary for healing!!! I just really used stuff I had and everyone likes it. I really have no money to speak of just followed my feelings, what felt good. Everyday I couldn't wait to get out there and sit in the rocking swing or outside rocking chair. It was the only thing that felt like me again. Taping into who I really am at my core. I read a whole book on narcissist in one weekend, 330 pages!!!! Underlined almost every page cause I couldn't believe this person knew exactly what I had gone through. I have a long way to go but I keep learning so I won't forget. Thank you for reading ❤
You just described my life! I have an undergraduate degree in Linguistics and I loved reading and writing my whole life until I got married. I've been working on my nervous system and things are getting better, but it's pretty slow.
This type of abuse also manifests in work environments. The constant gaslighting and abuse especially when condoned by your boss is a sign you need to leave. It's terrible.
Thank you for saying this. Thankfully that hasnt happened altogether-but the fatigue...man oh man
Yes I have a narcissist boss and most of his team are narcissists as well. I am a major listener now vs a speaker because narcissists always expect the worst and will always think their way is right and will constantly blame you negatively for everything. Also they do not trust that you can think for yourself henceforth the major micromanagement and constant conflicts with you.
@@StarrSun My old boss was an extreme narcissist. His micromanaging was unprecedented in my world. He was a small, unassuming man who was a complete piece of work. He was in his fifties and would "double up on thyroid medication for energy" (his words). My male coworker and I would go to the Olive Garden after work sometimes and vent about it - which helped lol. We both agreed that if an intern were acting like my boss, that young intern would probably be drug tested. It seems like sociopaths and narcissists gravitate to certain jobs. Anyway, I ended up relocating.
I had as a child difficulties to learn writings and reading.
I have been grown up in a toxic family system.
When I moved out at 19 and 1 years later I could learn very well for the first time in my life.
I thought my brain has grown again, but this information tells me, my brain healed from a toxic family environment and could function normal.
Wow
Interesting. I lost my ability for crafts for many years. I am slowly regaining it. It was like my spirit was crushed.
I think you have to realize it WAS / crushed. And that’s no small deal. Believe you me. These people need their comeuppance. They have their evil backers. And their evil ways. And they always will. They know nothing but. They’re people you should try and stay away from if not/ get away from.
So true, I also have found this has happened to me. Every thing I made criticised, and picked apart!
I hope you recover and your creativity returns, try and enjoy your crafting and your future.
Same here. My creative ability has almost been erased.
YOU are a Child of God, NO mistake & Gifted by Him....use whatever gift you gave been given, express Yourself creatively & with Love fir Self & with Joy👍💕. U B U !!! 🙏
This is so validating. She ruined me. I fear letting people in & lost passion for so much, this makes so much sense why even a year later I’m healing but still struggle so much
Yes, this happened to me when I was exposed to narcissistic abuse. I didn’t understand why my brain would just shut down. It was so hard to find the words to defend myself. They were there but just out of reach. So frustrating! Once I got away from the abuse it would take days if not weeks to recover and start feeling like myself again. Now looking back it all makes sense. Thank you.
100 percent ..I experienced this linguistic difficulty... Iam an English teacher trainee in school...After 3 yrs of narccistic abuse, I started to notice that when I teach I often make mistakes while reading & speaking...Earlier I used to speak so fluently both english & my mother tongue malayalam... And also I cannot recall things now a days.... When i try to remember the things just happen before, I feel blank... And also recently i often make spelling mistakes while writing....
Oh my god the amount of stress, pain, tears I face in this relationship brought me this brain damage !
I used to pride myself on my spelling. Post abuse my spelling is awful , it's frustrating and embarrassing
This is one of the least talked about effects of abuse. I am slowly recovering my voice, I wasn’t even able to speak! Thank you for covering this, Danish!
I was raped in Iraq and covered up with a bad paper discharge when I attempted to report it, denying me veterans benefits like VA psychiatric care for the resulting PTSD. When the VA was neglecting me, I attempted suicide, but survived with a traumatic brain injury in the frontal and perennial lobes of my brain. At this point I told my narcissistic military veteran and police officer father why I was kicked out of the military. He victim-blamed me. The narcissistic abuse committed by my family and the narcissistic abuse committed by strangers on social media, has been detrimental to my recovery.
@@ChrisTopherBunnellI hope you find a way to heal...what you have experienced is so awful and it's maddening that the military does not have an appropriate model of care to care for those who sacrifice much to keep the rest of us safe. God bless you. Stay safe !
Absolutely!
@@ChrisTopherBunnell I am so sorry you went through such atrocities. 😔
This was my experience in the immediate aftermath. No time to talk! No time to think! RUN! Once the alarm bells stopped I was able to focus again.
I too reached that point. I had alot of neurological symptoms since my partner also used physical abuse which had my stress levels astronomically high. Finally I went into autopilot. I felt like I was in the back seat of my mind and someone else drove me away. Very strange situation and feelings I had during recovery but I made it through. If my stress levels get too high now I can feel alot of tension behind my left ear in that cup of the neck and I start to get nauseous. These evil people do permanent damage to us. I hope all goes well for you.
I thought it was due to stress and age, but I'm only in my 30s. This makes a lot of sense after leaving my wife. But I would argue it's not just after leaving. It starts while you are in the relationship too. I noticed during my marriage that it was getting worse, but I didn't link it to this until now. Makes a lot of sense, as a lot of damage isn't something you can see.
Thank you validating my experience. My cognitive function has definitely decreased after trauma. I thought I was just getting more stupid.
I feel my reading skills haven’t decreased but since some friendships with people I suspect are narcissists, I’ve noticed often when I try describing something by talking, I feel as though I don’t do a good job. Sometimes I think I am using a word salad or use simple vocabulary. I feel like I am simple minded, more immature than I really am. I do a better job describing how I feel through writing or texting. I feel less intelligent than I really am.
I feel the same. Writing is so much easier than speaking but I think that's due to the fright socializing sometimes poses.
Same here. After a conversation or argument, I'll replay it in my head and criticize myself for not speaking as articulately as I could have.
The truth is you are more intelligent than most and have a heart of truthfulness.
This is me 😢
@@swanam_1 Sometimes I can't even let it go. Anyone else builds scenarios with what you may have said to change the outcome after the fact even though you walked away already? Don't even know of it's me or the devil messing with me🤦♂️
Thank you. This is really an eye opener. Not only are we physically and mentally exhausted, but we also have to self censor all the time while we walk on eggs around the narcs. There are crazy-makers all around us, no wonder we feel scared. This makes perfect sense. I live in the US where I watch Jeopardy every night on tv. It is has helped. Building back your confidence from the trauma takes time. God bless you.🙏🏻❤️
🙏🏼can you share? How has watching jeopardy helped and why/how does that work? Is it trivia? Thinking? The game aspect? Being out on the spot, cuz that makes my prefrontal cortex shut down completely
Danish is, as always, spot on. Watching a quiz or a game show is great therapy to help heal the brain damage Danish is talking about in this video - the endless gaslighting, projection tactics, manipulation, word salads, provocation, anger, rage and more. My family, schools, workplaces and even some members of past and present parishes!
Also, I'm autistic.
It is no more or less a disturbing or sickening experience dealing with either one or more or for any length of time.
It's diabolical.
The self-censoring and, as you rightly say, walking on eggshells is also accurate - I call it a twisted version of the old Windows computer game called Minesweeper because even something that is totally random (either said in passing or something pointed out) could blow your mental brain (one example was an argument over a bag of candy/sweets which led to my aunt's sister-in-law - the narc in this scenario - not speaking to my aunt for five years!)
Is it any wonder we suffer brain damage when narcs twist it and wash it in poison?
If nobody understands that watching these types of shows and responding to them is a form of mending your brain (it does not have to be 'University Challenge', for heaven's sake), they don't get it. In the UK, I love watching 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?' The Chase (where one of the Chasers is autistic like me) and game shows like 'Deal or No Deal' ... The list goes on ... what I wasn't aware of was the savage looks given to me by my narc late mother when I'd be so absorbed in the quiz or game show and get the answers right! Also, if I got a question wrong, it was something new to learn. It's a way of validation, (isn't it?) when you get something right and you do not have to put up with the spoilt ignoramuses called Narcissists.
NB: By the way, University Challenge is a quiz show pitting two universities in the UK against each other with extremely difficult questions - it was an achievement if I got one of their questions right. Jeopardy is coming to UK television in the New Year!
As for exhaustion, do you find yourself taking more than a day or two to detox when you are out of their zone?
I wish you Peace and All Good.
@@SuperGingerBickies Thanks for your explication. You seem highly intelligent to me and I resonate with
your words; the phrase "savage looks"
is so accurate.
Many years ago in the U.S. there was a TV show called college bowl which sounds somewhat similar.
I have not been diagnosed as autistic, but in the late twentieth century I heard a psychiatrist say words to the effect that autistic people did not wish to leave the realm of, I suppose , heaven, to become embodied ( on earth--again?).
Although a psychiatrist he was also a 33rd degree Mason and became a Swami in the line of Bharati, so he had a Spiritual Master to show him the way inward, to know the Truth. He worked at the Veterans' Hospital in Minneapolis. His initials were J.C.W..
It is an interesting fact that some of the earliest victims of the WWIi Nazi
perpetrated mass murder of scapegoated, 'othered' people's were children diagnosed as having autism, I believe, or such, defenseless children who for whatever reason were unwanted and placed in hospital.
It is a most sad chapter in the history of inhumane treatment of people within a budding fascist regime. It is chilling and will make you think.
There is a book about this by Edith Sheffer, a brilliant woman. I believe it is entitled Asperger's Children.
Edith Sheffer dedicated her book to her son, who apparently has some form of autism.
Projection of the shadow self is truly
rampant currently in the U.S.
If only people could have understanding and compassion and vital wisdom, and not use words to attempt to box people in and other them and project upon them their own need, or I should say egotistical desire to dominate and control and vilify them. Split people split society in their desires to heartlessly dominate them, those they cast their labels upon.
WORDS AND LABELS CAN BE MOST DANGEROUS, as you will see exemplified if you read Edith Sheffer's book.
Sometimes, too, though 'a spade is a spade' and bad actors need to be called out on their habits that are in fact predatory and constitute narcissistic abuse
This video I think is excellent.
May you prosper and be whole.
Between having 4 narcissistic parents and step-parents, I still have problems with grammar and memory. Feels like dementia. I had an MRI a couple of weeks ago and the shrinkage in those areas are apparent.
How could I forget.
I also learned at age 35 that my dad was a child molester.
Omigosh I just learned that meditation can help repair the holes in the brain. I think it’s like Danish says, neuroplasticity. I’ve lost memories and not necessarily the bad ones. 😞 I do t know if they can be recovered, but f*ck, if I can experience my AnCESTOR’s memories, mine should still exist in the field somewhere, right?
@danish
Dr Joe Dispenza books on brain are great. We can create new neuropathways. It's highly recommended books for anybody going through this.
Wow. It showed up in an MRI of the brain?
Me too.
@@charlenekeraly
Yes
Oh my gosh! This is so relieving to hear. I am a licensed master social worker and I work with people every day to heal from their traumas. I can listen like nobody's business! But I cannot, for the life of me, tell a story about me or my experiences. Even when I get home and want to share about my day, I feel like it's easier to just not say anything than to try to think of the words to put together to talk about myself. I appreciate this because I have been wondering why this is happening and this is very eye opening.
Sorry for my bad English, I'm from Sweden, I wanted to write that I cried when you describe this symptoms.
Me and my siblings have a narsistic mother, and I'm 38 and I couldn't really understand why I feel so miserable, later in my 20s, the doctors diagnose me for inlearning disability and dyslexia, my big sister was an extra mom for all of us (we are 4siblings, with my big sister, two brothers and me.) and she took all of the worst punch with the trauma, but she is so strong I admire her.
We all are closer then before and can talk about it but we all have our own symptoms.
Now you lifted up a stone from my heart, thank you so much, this explains why we feeling that we are feeling.
I still try to learn to be better for my self.
You got a follower.😁✌️
Bless you and have a wonderful day. 💐😎💪
Much has been stolen from me. I had to say, "Don't be afraid, you gotta be ok with this", (forgetting, stuttering, brain fog). I thought I had early onset Alzheimer's. All is not lost is what I needed to hear.
I was raped in Iraq and covered up with a bad paper discharge when I attempted to report it, denying me veterans benefits like VA psychiatric care for the resulting PTSD. When the VA was neglecting me, I attempted suicide, but survived with a traumatic brain injury in the frontal and perennial lobes of my brain. At this point I told my narcissistic military veteran and police officer father why I was kicked out of the military. He victim-blamed me. The narcissistic abuse committed by my family and the narcissistic abuse committed by strangers on social media, has been detrimental to my recovery.
Thank you for your service, sacrifice, time given. You are deserving of love, care and compassion. I'm sorry you did not receive the treatment owed you for your suffering, the loving concerned fathering that should have happened in response.
It's not your fault, you did not bring this situation on yourself. Thank you for still living in this world after these atrocities, I hope for the rest of your life to be better, and pray for your soul to be healed. Bless you.
@@sheels3893 Thank you ❤
@@sheels3893 I am one of an estimated 26,000 victims in the military when there were only 238 convictions in military courts. Biden signed an executive order taking investigation and prosecution of sexual assault and other violent felonies in the military, out of the hands of commanding officers and assigned it to a separate unbiased agency. #ThanksBiden
Yes, I could barely speak and communicate is part of my profession. I would feel nervous around others and almost petrified to speak and would stumble over my words. I still have this now and have been working on improving and healing my trauma. I wish you all the best in your abuse recovery 🙏🏽 ❤️
I can relate fully to this comment ❤
This is so true. Years later I have stopped reading books and find it hard to play music for more than 10 minutes. I used to be able to concentrate for ages. It is also much harder to learn another language than before.
I am in awe. When you said that you and those who support you need to give you enough time and resources to recover I felt such validation. I begged for time to recover but was dismissed as having not suffered anything. God continued removing those people from my life and now I’m living somewhere I can finally rest and recover. Thank you Danish- your compassion and kindness is truly a gift ❤
This video hit home. Havent seen anyone cover this. I had always been a sickling with major migraines since I was child. I found out a few years ago that I had formed a benign brain tumor. Slow growing but it was there. I am doing wonderful now…got preventative treatment, but my numerologist was the only person, who after getting to know me, stressed that my body and mind were affected due to whatever was going on in my personal life. Now I know. Thank you for this video and blessing us with them. ❤
This is why I can’t go back to school to get a better job. Because I’m not as “smart” as I used to be after all the brain damage. This is why even after you leave the narcissist they still have an impact on you.
I used to be so sharp and quick to learn before I got married. It’s been 8 years and now I can barely read a paragraph without having to reread it a thousand times. I used to finish 500+ page books in 4 days when I was in school and college. I didn’t even get to finish my education. They really ruin every single thing for you.
Yes I know it's horrible. I have severe brain damage because of abuse but it is improving. There are things you can do to help like diet and exercise etc.
Years ago, some specialists in rheumatology diagnosed the symptoms, ie lack of concentration, brain fog, impaired memory and cognitive learning difficulty, muscle pain ECT as fibromyalgia. (Others just called it being " crazy." )
Little was done about it.
There was no cure for the fibromyalgia they said but one remedy was sleep, more specifically, deep REM sleep.
Certain antidepressants were used to produce a restful sleep. It helped many patients. More help was needed to be able to function again as well as learn as before.
I am wondering what psychological and/or emotional events, if any, like severe trauma preceded the diagnosis.
Others are also researching this.
Help cannot come soon enough.
I see many homeless people with symptoms of trauma and abuse on the streets. It is heart breaking.
It is on going.
I find this current video very interesting and helpful because after years of study, there now seems definitive proof trauma can harm brain function and skills as you say.
It is a tragedy but help is available if a person is fortunate to find it.Only certain doctors do MRI Spect or brain scans, too.
These topics must be addressed and treated. Perhaps you can speak to a Congressional hearing for funding for treatment etc of this catastrophic illness, Mr. Danish.
Thank you and may God bless you and your work.
❤
@@jasminebarratt1809tell me more! According to Dr. Joe Dispenza, meditation helps repair/heals the holes in the brain. This must be the neuroplasticity
@Danish was speaking about 🙏🏼
I have often wondered why a lady I know doesn't keep up with modern technology. She was an honor student before meeting her terrible husband. I now think she was put down so low by his narcissistic behavior that her brain doesn't respond to learning anymore. That is sad. @annaburns2865, I think you could still recover and reclaim your life, and I encourage you to take what you have left and use it to your benefit. That way you will win in the end. There is hope.
So crazy how accurate this is, Ive got PhD levels knowledge in Academics/science from 50 years of loving learning, and also playing music, yet in public, I cant remember a simple major scale or a 3 chord song after decades obssesed with learning music and science.
I went no contact with all abusive family years ago.
Even today I couldnt hold a simple conversation with a coworker, could not maintain a train of thought because I had anxiety/flight-or-fight reactions because too many people were sitting behind me.. people whom are no threat, whom I have known for literaly years and comfortable around, and yet I get total brain fog and cant maintain concentration enough to follow a 10 second conversation to the point some new confused coworkers talk to me like a child or retarded, but then Ill go home and if I am in the right state of mind, I can play music flawlessly and read white papers and textbooks all night , its so frustrating., to the point I am extremely asocial, avoidant and my executive function has become a literal disability. But then ,if I am in the correct "Flow" state of mind, about once a week in total isolation, my memory comes back and I can play the most complicated pieces of music effortlessly.
The problem is that you're working for evil people who don't care about you, and your body knows it but your mind has not yet acknowledged it.
Wow I felt the same way!
I have the same problem with recalling music. I have polished up my guitar skills over the past few years and memorized a few pieces But I can’t remember them when I try to play around most people. And it’s the worst when I perceive a lack of engagement with my audience. It triggers me in a way I couldn’t understand. It seems counterintuitive to be more “nervous” when not receiving attention than when I am the center of attention. This video really helps me understand what’s going on internally.
@@JeffCaplan313It really hurts when people make a pretense of having love when in reality they are largely disinterested. But I wouldn’t characterize them as evil. It does make trusting them and loving and forgiving them more of a challenge though.
I don't want to add unhelpfully here, so feel free to ignore if this is too much.
Have you ever been assessed for ASD?
Your general description of yourself kinda sounds like you might also be very high functioning autistic and have been driven into an autistic burnout, where you can no longer carry on masking.
This is very true!
First thing I noticed was having to stop using words that were slightly different because he couldn't understand what I meant...
Then after doing that for a few years things got worse when I finally lost my job. I'd been walking on eggshells & just about quit speaking up for myself when I noticed I could barely put my thoughts into words to form a sentence..
I believe that's when I had to make myself accept how bad things had gotten & start making changes
When I think back on it that one line from Mean Girls stands out 'You shouldn't have to dumb yourself down to get guys to like you'
I’ve realized the same thing over time. I do meditative and self-reflection / writing to rework my nervous system. Walking, gardening, bubble baths and playing with pets help too.
Other things I noticed that help heal the brain tremendously is having new pleasant or interesting experiences, learning new things and learning new languages. Creating things help as well. Such rewires / creates new memory pathways that your thoughts can use to flow more coherently.
More avenues in the brain or basically more connections between thoughts is what also produces healing. Compared to only traveling down trauma pathways you basically build ‘new roads / routes’ around the trauma pathways to go down.
I personally still have trouble learning new languages. After a certain amount of words I actually get headaches because the brain is trying to build new pathways (maybe through trauma areas?). So yea - the language center and memory recall being damaged is a thing.
Thank you Danish for this amazing revelation. Its been a lifting of the veil moment on why (since a child) I’ve always struggled with reading, articulating my thoughts, chronic brain fog, total central nervous system dysregulation, being permanently in fight or flight mode, panic attacks etc. This part of the puzzle is starting to make sense now. It shows how deeply narcissism impacts on brain development and general functioning.
I was the scapegoat in my family and suffered severe trauma from narcissistic abuse from my father. There has been denial in my family about what I went through and I was never allowed to express my feelings. I was ridiculed and belittled. It felt like a type of intellectual and emotional destruction. I’ve spent a life time trying to recover from it. Still recovering to this day…
This is so true. I used to have an amazing vocabulary and memory and was "quick" .... now? I can't remember anything and I can't even come up with simple words to describe things or events. I can barely read a book because I can't remember what I just read and i used to love reading and writing. I hope one day I will heal 😢
I am also going through the same. And blaming myself that I am becoming dull minded
@dianenyc4664 You can and will heal! Just start small with magazines little by little or audiobooks
@@Takeachillpill17 You can and will heal. Start small with audiobooks or magazines at the grocery store.
You will! Just keep at it and don’t give up. I’m in college now with a 3.4 GPA after 2 decades of severe physical and mental abuse. I felt like I was useless after I escaped, but slowly rebuilt myself. Be patient with yourself and never give up hope. I recommend meditation every day. It really helped me get back on track plus process the trauma.
@@IWH559 ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
You are always on point, Danish. The points you make are so relatable and can only come from someone who suffered at the hands of those human monsters. I was always complemented on how I expressed myself and points eloquently and on my writing skills (I do some creative writing too). After a while of living full time with my narcissist, I was struggling to talk... I mixed up words, and it was at times difficult for others to follow along, but they were nodding politely.
I became so forgetful in general and couldn't do the smallest tasks without it consuming an incredible amount of time. I couldn't drive even for a while and became completely dependent on my narcissist, only of course for him (and his narcissistic family) to use it against me. Then you try to pick yourself up, but they devalue and subtly mock you till your brain fogs again and so on and so forth...it's a vicious cycle that can only be broken by leaving.
My heart goes out to you. God saw everything and trust that they will have hell to pay. Much worse than what they had done to you.
SO CRAZY!
Directly after leaving my ex. I could barely string sentences together.
It's been two years. And it's like I've had to learn 15 years worth of things I should have known already.
I have a lot of chronic illnesses and medical conditions nowadays. I do think some of them can be traced back to some of my so called narcissistic friends and the situations I was in. I remember in grade school I had acid reflux, and as soon as I left that toxic place it went away. Your videos keep coming in my feed, thank you for being so validating because for years I was dismissed. Fellow soul family in the comment section you got this.
💯
This is an interesting piece to my puzzle. I grew up with a fragile narcissistic dad. I also have the highly sensitive trait which means my nervous system and mind are processing and feeling more than the average person. I was so anxious as a child I could hardly speak even to say hi, etc. I did relatively well in school because doing well meant survival because no negative attention. I feel I had the intelligence to do more but was too much in survival mode to be accomplished or have ambition and direction. I married a safe person and that helped but we both were too accustomed to abuse and it took years for us to get away from all the toxic people and situations. Finding more healing now.
Separately, in the Christian churches I attended, the presentation of God was as a narcissistic person and wonder how much that contributed to my wounding and what the damage is to those who attend.
I got that from my church too. I found out later it was one of the churches that don't teach but little parts of the Bible, also delete and change a few important things. Also, they just did what they wanted and relied on tradition instead of facts. That helped me to see that denomination as others see it, very flawed.
I can relate to everything you have said Danish. I have been living in a survival mode for most of my life and the last six years have been an onslaught of narcissistic attacks on me. It is a miracle that I can talk about it. What I have noticed is that I am able to articulate myself better in English than in my mother tongue which is the language of my tormentors. Thank you for raising this extremely important aspect ofthe impact narcissistic abuse has on us. God bless you❤
i also prefer english, which is my second language, because i hate my native one because of abuse.
Thank you once again for covering something that makes us survivors not feel like we're going crazy. After dealing with a certain member of my family, everything about myself completely fell apart, noticeably my memory and ability to speak/write. What's crazy also, is that I was experiencing very high temp (103° even) psychogenic fevers but with time in the past few months, by the grace of God having no contact with that member of my family has stopped the high fevers at least.
Danish , you are a true healer and a blessing to the world. Thank you for giving us all so many answers to our many questions, and reassurance and hope.So accurate! 🦋❤️
My experience was mind blowing
I COULDN'T gett the words out my mouth in having a conversation with him .
It's like my brain and voice froze
It was extremely traumatising experience .
I had a bad gf and after that a bad friend who i had to cut off. I rebounded quickly, but im still not back 100%. Good friends who didn't mind my slow communication following the incidents really helped me. Thanks for validating my experience
After narcissist abuse, I noticed my loss of recall of words. I noticed my I would studder when feeling anxious. I used to be able to recall lists of phone numbers with ease. After, I struggled with that, I started reading books and doing math problems using apps and playing games. Now, after 8 years away from the abuse, I have gotten much of that back. I have cPTSD and I am able to get rid of many or the triggers by 'rewriting' in my mind the outcomes by instead of flight, fright, freeze, fawn, I imagine fighting or escaping the abuse. I think that when we freeze or fawn that our brains try to readdress the 'issue' until I either fight or get away (in my mind) is delt with. This seems to work for me.
This is so validating!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Reading, writing and speaking is my exact struggle!
This channel is amazing in pointing out so many crucial things in life that are overwhelmed by just trying to survive in the abusive relationship with a pathological narcissist. Reading is always a passion but a selfish narcissist will make fun and condemn a passion a person enjoys in fact everything you once enjoyed will be open for attack by a vile narcissist. So glad this is not an imagination of suffering but actual experience by all the victims of these vile people. We are not imaging this it happens to all victims. Thank you Danish for helping us to understand and overcome the toxic effects of the narcissist.
Let the healing begin 🤎✌🏿
Thank you, this is explaining everything I'm experiencing right now.
I've had previous relationships (after escaping narcissistic abuse by my father) where I had amazingly clear communication with my partner and others around me. I was well-read and had a huge vocabulary, and was praised me for my wit and ability to write. But for the past two years, I've been with a man who, despite being amazing in the beginning, started acting *just* like my father did and refuses to stop. I feel like my mind has been shredded from the constant stress, my communication skills are broken, and my memory and attention span are shot. Even talking to coworkers or people on the bus feels like a struggle. I'm constantly frustrated because I *know* I can and have done better, and no matter what I try, I can't seem get back to what I was. The breakdown of my mind and communication skills frustrates my partner, but I can't get him to realize that *his* behavior is causing this without being told that I'm the problem, that I'm the one 'abusing' him.
Thank you Danish! This explains so so much, on why reading, an activity I used to love doing, as well as writing, had fallen by the wayside. It's heartbreaking, actually, and s I I also really appreciate your thoughts of encouragement on maintaining hope! Thank you again for this great video!
You are so right! I am always amazed how precisely you describe all the symptoms, also in your other videos. I am very grateful for all your other videos, because your descriptions of the various symptoms help me understand myself better. Before listening to your videos I was judging myself and the different areas of 'decline' of my former abilities, now I am able to develop self-compassion and slowly love myself again. Thank you soooo much! 🙏🙏🙏♥️♥️♥️
This is the first video on narcissistic abuse I have watched that addressed brain functional damage, and I've watched a lot of videos on narcissism. Years ago after coming out of narcistic abuse I realized I had brain damage including brain fog and memory issues. I was constantly feeling like I had a concussion, the stress was so bad. Real physical concussion symptoms. I found a medical study that stated severe stress displays the same symptoms as a concussion. I've spent years getting better but I'll never be the same as before the abuse. I keep working on it anyway. I've gotten a lot better.
Same. Not kidding. Same.
I got rid of the narcissist over 9 months ago and have had to struggle for words or expressions I used commonly to express myself. I decided to work hard to write and practice verbal communication as hard as I could. Since I live alone, much of this was talking to myself or using imagined conversations to restore my vocabulary. This is actually working. My guess is that new neuronal pathways are being formed. However, I still can't intuit my way through learning new tech skills. I decided that, since my brain is re-constructing my personality, it hasn't placed learning how to make my printer print on the highest priority. That's okay with me. I have six grandkids who can help with that stuff. I'm really glad I knew that my brain could find a new way to create vocabulary and communication skills. Thanks, Danish
Isn’t it great to have that kind of knowledge ! ! 🎉
100% this happened to me. I'm starting to regain my capabilities, forcing myself to read and now it's coming more natural. I can read for about 15 minutes now without force. I used to like reading and could have times where reading would impact my sleep and i'd have to force myself to stop, before all the BS i dealt with. It really does a number on you, really terrible stuff.
I was raped in Iraq and covered up with a bad paper discharge when I attempted to report it, denying me veterans benefits like VA psychiatric care for the resulting PTSD. When the VA was neglecting me, I attempted suicide, but survived with a traumatic brain injury in the frontal and perennial lobes of my brain. At this point I told my narcissistic military veteran and police officer father why I was kicked out of the military. He victim-blamed me. The narcissistic abuse committed by my family and the narcissistic abuse committed by strangers on social media, has been detrimental to my recovery.
@@ChrisTopherBunnell You're a male?
@@steve5123456789why does that matter?
It’s amazing how fear and being in that fight or flight stage constantly can affect my ability to remember the simplest of words. I just also learned about betrayal trauma which I could not put into words how that makes me feel and can make me paranoid around other people who are not narcissist or that I know are not narcissists. Thank you sir
Very enlightening. I thought this was the case. Yet, I forced myself to go back to school and graduate. 🎉
Danish!! Thank you!! I have experienced this decline over the past year and could not understand why. My parents were an editor and linguist with linguistic backgrounds. Language has been a strength my whole life. I have been going crazy because of the new lack in this area. This put me at ease. I’m slowly finding myself again and your videos have been a big part of that. Thank you.
My mother suffered cognitive dementia from years of abuse from this unbelievably stupid piece of crap she had the misfortune of being with. Problem is, even after he was removed from her life- she still succumbed to her ailment. I always felt certain if she never met him, she would still be alive. I am disgusted with this wretch, and I hope someday in hell he pays for this huge mess he made.
Try to forgive…I am,too….🕊🇺🇸
The full story is so much more intense. Forgiveness is much easier said than done. I'm not going the revenge route because I'm plenty certain God has plans for him. What they may be, I don't know. Now that the battle is over, my family is in shambles and this is the end result. All I'm going to do is forget and move on.
I know it’s Easy to Say forgive but I agree with these other people. It’s not fair to You because it hardens Your Spirit. But when you do it really is a huge weight off of You! ✌️
@@saythankyou111 You can't forgive them, they are demons. You forgive them, they will win because now you have to suffer the damage that they inflicted on you while they enjoy their peace and life.
@jacqueslee2592
Your forgiveness has nothing to do with them. They don't have to know and, it doesn't mean forget or allow them to abuse you.
That was VERY insightful
Pieces of a puzzle 🧩 have fallen into place
My native language is English 🇺🇸 And when I speak in English I experience all these issues you mentioned.
However, I have learned Spanish 🇪🇸, French 🇫🇷, Russian 🇷🇺, Korean 🇰🇷, and I’m currently learning Japanese 🇯🇵.
I never experience stuttering, slow speech, long pauses, trouble processing ideas when I use foreign languages.
I never made the connection before between this issue and my abusive father.
Great insight
Thank you
🙏
I can totally understand why my speech has regressed so much after watching this- I also was diagnosed with fibromyalgia- thank you for giving me hope!!!
I never understood what was going on until I found these videos. I thought I was going nuts and doing everything to make this guy act the way he does.
This video of yours is like a public service. The memory and natural thinking skills my narcissist impacted - made me even more subject to continued harm. You used the word “unforgivable.” That sounds appropriate. For those who berate themselves for not terminating the relationship earlier, this explanation could give them peace.
I believe that the pervasive propaganda and policies aimed at breaking families - which is the ancient conflict of the power of the polity vs private life - includes strong encouragement of narcissism, especially in the schools. Thus it is a problem for all of us. Thank you for this essential information!
Thank you Danish !
Narcissistic abuse is something beyond redemption and a huge sin.
May all survivors find peace and regain what had has lost in their life.
I was raped in Iraq and covered up with a bad paper discharge when I attempted to report it, denying me veterans benefits like VA psychiatric care for the resulting PTSD. When the VA was neglecting me, I attempted suicide, but survived with a traumatic brain injury in the frontal and perennial lobes of my brain. At this point I told my narcissistic military veteran and police officer father why I was kicked out of the military. He victim-blamed me. The narcissistic abuse committed by my family and the narcissistic abuse committed by strangers on social media, has been detrimental to my recovery.
@@ChrisTopherBunnellI hope you become surrounded by better humans. That's most humans, who magnify the narc abuse. A few may or may not see the light.
But it sure is good to find higher ground. I journal a LOT, having found that paper is patient. And had to learn to pray effectively. [Edit: Be very careful if journaling. Be careful about everything.]
Dealing with this heavily right now.
It's made me extremely annoyed and hostile at times, because I'm keenly aware that I'm constantly being provoked and attacked in a subvert manner.
Glad to see some more evidence of physical manifestations of this.
Danish....thank you so much for this information. My mother still lives with my narcissistic father. He has gotten worse over the years and I have had to intervene. I noticed my mother's decline. She use to like to read, but now she can't remember what she's read. She use to write to a cousin that lives far away, but stopped writing to her because she told me it's too difficult. This makes so much sense now. Thanks again for your assessment of this narcissistic abuse.
Happened to me. Right after i had fainting/ brain seizures and high blood pressure. Victims are at risk of vascular dementia. I was a journalist, i can barely string words together, three years later. Thank you..my GP rolled her eyes when i tried to explain this change to her, she sent me for a MIR and told me i was imagining things and to take a holiday..im a disabled pensioner had to stop working ten years ago due to severe rheumatoid arthritis.age 41.
Unfortunately, only people who have been through narcissistic abuse understand what we go through. Doctor was probably a narcissist herself 🙄 the medical field attracts a lot of narcissists.
Long term high stress is very damaging. It is literally no different than the PTSD soldiers get except that its not as severe but can be. Stress is stress regardless of whats causing it. I was diagnosed with PTSD about 6 months after I left my narc. 9 years of abuse I endured until I broke and left. All kinds of crazy symptoms emerged. I would jump awake with heart racing, my left arm would curl up and cramp while sleeping, I developed crazy occular migraines, severe disassociation and depression and last but not least, my vocabulary went to shit. I was terrified because I literally felt like my brain was shutting down while being aware of it. I hope you are doing ok now.
This was an amazing body of knowledge and SO important for narcissistic abuse survivors! I appreciate you SO very much! You are such a Blessing to all of us. Thank you sir.
Good thing most of the time it is temporary when it comes to our vocabulary and our writing skills after practising those skills again long enough while living in a safe space. I experienced physical abuse in my 20's. Whenever someone's behavior in any way reminds me of the narcissistic abuse in the past I do have problems with inibition when trying to exercise my memory during speaking while I am trying to maintain my cool demeanor. Self conducted exposure therapy in safe contexts is helping me overcome that.
Awesome knowledge sharing.
Went through the same and I worked actively alot to recover from all these post abuse cognitive damages. That's the reason one must go through scientifically structured journey of Healing to recover from all these damages.
👏👏👏👏👏
Let the Healing begin ❤
I love when psychologists talk more about the actual chemical/ physical aspects of mental disorders, because it really helps put treatments in better perspectives and really helps with better motivation to continue through with longer process treatments, even if it feels hopeless. Also helps to better decide what specific treatments might work for different people. Great video!
brain health brain science by neurologist medical doctor Daniel amen
This is so on point and the timing of this video is Divine!
I was literally laying awake last night questioning my own sanity, trying to remember who I was before I met the man that I am still trying to break contact with after 9 months of moving to another city.
Literally, I am a shadow of my true self. I have windows when I realise that and then something he says makes me question if that was ever really me to begin with, and am I just crazy!
I was an intellectual, an academic, but now I keep miss spelling simple words. I cannot think, cannot concentrate, I feel like a degenerate and I cannot remember words. I can barely remember who I am or what I did, how I used to think, perceive, analyse.
When we first met he said that in getting to know eachother he would become more like me and I him. I thought it was a sweet gesture meaning that we would become very close and learn from each other. I didn't realise that that was literally his plan! To steal my mind and replace it with his!
We have literally swapped minds! He didn't know anything, he fed off everything I know, taking everything I had in my knowledge tank and researching it further until he was on par with me and trying to school me. He always asked me what a word meant I had used or that he had read that he hadn't heard before. He had never bought a book or finished reading one, not even at school. Now he is buying books and I am struggling to remember who I really am or why I walked into a room!
It has gotten so bad for me that I no longer study, or read. I am struggling to do so. I feel lost and don't know how to move forward with my life! He has stolen my mind!
In all his persistent attempts to stay in contact with me, because that is what he wants more than actually spending time with me, he always treats me like 💩 and tells me that he is far too busy and important to spend time with me, oh no, but he refuses to break contact. And he always says, that I make him feel more intelligent. That we have learnt so much together. I get swept away with this sometimes, confused and manipulated, but there are moments when I remember and I remind him that I already knew all of this before he met me and it was me that taught him everything he now proudly knows!
He says that he loves me, but he doesn't. He loves how intelligent I make him feel. Yet, he admits that he needs me to keep it up. When I'm trying to break contact he falls back into his previous mind, his own mind, of not really thinking or knowing about anything.
Over the last two days I have installed games onto my phone to try and help me to regain the ability to focus, concentrate and remember and I have been playing them constantly while ferling too anxious to leave the house. I haven't had games on my phone, I don't play digital games, only board games with my son.
This video is confirmation! Thank you God! I need to try and remember this.
Thank you Danish. I really needed this! Last night I was googling for personality disorder tests, trying to figure out if I AM actually a narcissist, or a borderline, or even a schizophrenic!
Thanks for posting this comment. You described my thoughts fully and the struggles I now face to communicate at home and work in almost all social settings. I am grateful that I know I'm not suffering early Alzheimer's or dementia because I was really starting to wonder. I have never had problems communicating or expressing myself and was a creative writing major. I haven't been able to read or write anything and have been so frustrated and confused. Thanks Danish for shedding light on this. I already see that there is hope and can now direct my prayers accordingly while doing what I can to heal.
@@truthtrumpetstriumph5410 Blessings to you and thank you also for sharing your experience, it helps me also in affirming my experience too.
Honestly, the night before this video was released, I was awake all night trying to figure out what mental illness I have, and early dementia was strong in my list of things questioned and researched into as well. I have been feeling as though I was constantly on morphene or some other brain numbing drug.
It is empowering, isn't it, the moment that you hear a reasonable third person explain what has happened to your mind. To some it may sound far fetched, but these same narcissistic methods are used in psychological warfare. The implementation of them may differ, but the tactics and results are the same.
It is amazing, because for the last few days I actually haven't heard from him, and it is amazing how even in just a short window of him not being in my energy space I am finding more clarity and recognising myself a bit again.
For example, I recognised yesterday that I was able to see a very delicate and emotional predicament from all sides concerned, and in a moment of clarity I realised I was experiencing and expressing true empathy and selflessness, and that that is my normal self, how i have always been. Therefore, I couldn't be the selfish, mean narcissist that this man had made me think that I am. It was a triumphant moment, and it is as though the Divine force allowed this situation to occur to help me see that I am not mentally ill. Wounded, and in real need of healing, yes, but as the recipient of mental, emotional, psychological, etc, abuse, and not the giver of it.
This man has gone quiet a couple of times. I am almost holding my breath on edge, expecting him to show up at my house any day. I am praying he doesn't, I will be calling for help if he does.
I wish you and all others who may read these comments, all the very best of healing and happiness. Stay strong and remember who you truly are 💖
My dad did that to my mom, he would ask her to explain how she knew something, and she felt obliged to answer. Because poor little him, he was so innocent and so taken advantage of that he couldn't think much.
Then after he figured she had nothing left, he stomped her down and abandoned. Saying how he just couldn't take it anymore, the arguments he started. They really are helpless at doing the right thing, unless they can do it damage the hell out of whoever they are helping.
Danish- this is one of the most helpful videos of yours that I have watched. I am 58 years old leaving a 20 yr relationship with a narcissist and I have experienced all of the symptoms you have described. I thought maybe it was because I was getting older but now I am guessing the narc had more to do with it. Thank you so much for opening this pathway.
MERRY CHRISTMAS DANISH
From JANESVILLE, WISCONSIN USA
Thanks again so much for all your videos you put out.
God bless you ALWAYS.
I 100% experienced this and recently told my one and only person in my support network (I'm an aplatonic person, I've never had plantonic interest in others and I often wonder if the narcissistic abuse I experienced in childhood caused that) that if I ever lose my rich vocabulary again then it's a sign that something is not right. I've only made it 2 minutes into this video and I feel so validated in recognizing the aftermath. I have always been proud of my knowledge of English (my native language) and since high school I've been picking up French and Gaelic. My ability to grasp those other two languages and expand my understanding would ebb and flow based on the intensity of the narcissistic abuse I recently experienced in a romantic relationship. I began to stop using language as an escape because of this. Now that I've been discarded it's like the French came back like I sat in class yesterday. I'm still not outwardly using my old vocabulary in any language due to anxiety, fear, and of course over time I've simply forgotten things. The loss of my passion and ability to comprehend language proved to me that the narcist's gaslighting over my intelligence was correct. I never once considered the stress or any form of brain damage related to what I was experiencing. He stole 4 years of study from me, something I cherish so deeply. I'm enjoying the freedom to learn and to live without the abuse. I'm finally content to live my life on my own and for myself for the very first time in all of my 27 years of life. I survived a total of 19 years of narcissistic abuse. I hope there won't be more years added to that survival count. Language and communication are essential to my survival. I'm learning ASL now to help me communicate when my verbal words fail me.
This has to be one of the most important video i've seen in a long time, it explain a lot of things i was experiencing and i'm glad to know that i'm not the only one. Narcissistic friendships or colleagues are the reason while i was so damn stuck in my way of expressing myself and heal.
I had been going around for years unable to write and express myself, I realise now that it was just this all along! I am relieved to know there is nothing wrong with me, and that I can overcome it and express myself as beautifully as before!
Thank you for giving hope to someone, who thought his life had just ended
Thank you for clarifying this, I have difficulty reading, getting the right words out and forgetting how to spell words, my memory is getting bad, even driving places I get lost, I can’t hold a conversation with people as I get my words mixed you, I never knew this was connected to being with a narc, I also forget things a lot and when people talk to me I kind of switch off and only half listen, I have been trying to do things to improve my memory but I can’t now see it’s deeper than just doing that.
YES!!! I had No idea this was possible! I am a writer and reader and have definitely noticed a decline since leaving the narcissistic abuser! Heartbreaking beyond "Words"!
Did you experience impossibility to express yourself while talking with the narc? I felt so blocked my speech was like impeded. I think it was his crazy arguments, style, salad of mess of communication. Also after 5 years, when I talk on the phone with him I suffer like a catalepsy for one day. Unable to move. I think this is not normal abuse, it has to do with some demons, like many say.
Yes. They say it's just getting old, bad nutrition, and hormones. But I think it's usually just the patterns of behavior everyone is talking about here.
Oh wow! I didn't know that was related to the abuse!! Even now, 15+years later, I still stutter and stumble over words mid sentence; even when i know what I want to say. It gets worse when I'm tired or run down
Exactly. 100% true and fact. Even too mentally exhausted to watch the whole video and comment here, but just wanted to testify that yes, absolutely, this is what happens.