The ONLY Premarital Counseling you need || How to Stay Married AFTER the Wedding!
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 2 มี.ค. 2023
- #premaritalcounseling #wedding #weddingadvice
Me trying to be funny • Teaching MEN emotional...
I wish I had someone tell me this premarital advice BEFORE I got married ten years ago. It would have changed everything in my marriage. We had no idea how to cultivate intimacy and connection and emotional safety and conflict resolution, and we paid the price for it with distance and disconnection. Don't let that be you.
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My parents just come to a couple understandings,
1. It’s not a fight against each other, it’s fight against the problem.
2. You don’t have to sleep in the same bed if you both are light sleepers that snores.
3. Different people are good with different chores .
4. Letting each other do their own hobbies in the same area counts as a date. My father likes kayaking my mother likes fishing for example.
5. Enjoining each other company while not speaking is quality time.
6. Saying what is wrong is better than not saying.
7. Tell each other you love them.
8. And lastly, remember you probably wouldn’t find someone better than this person outside.
And they are doing pretty good for themselves, so here you go.
Been married 46 years and these are all things we agree with!
This is a pretty good list. Although the not talking part would lead me to anxiety, kinda like "if we're not speaking, what's the point in being in the same room?" Kinda deal. Though I'm single so maybe that would be alright with a person I can get along with?
at least In my family we are not very talkative , we meow at each other in a communication way, so just enjoying each other company with no talking is a thing we like to do @@alittleofsomething
@@alittleofsomething for me it is that when you have lived together so long, it is just comfortable to be together even when you are just together with no need to talk. It isn't that we don't talk a lot and often. There isn't anxiety because we know one another so well.
@@joycej9415 I wish I knew what it was like
Getting married is easy, being married is hard , but staying married is beautiful
Wonderfully said !! 👏
Until they cheat
Staying married because you have a strong relationship is beautiful
Staying married out of obligation or habit is very much not
Truth -25 years
Being married was horrible and ending my marriage now is like a rebirth.
My husband and I have spent hours and hundreds of dollars listening to marriage helps and recently found you. What a gift you are, and we love the humor. We can so easily relate to everything you have to say. THANK YOU!
This was pre-counseling in a capsule 🎉 Congratulations you are the smartest counselor out there❤🎉😂
What a blessing that you and your husband listen to it together ☺️
@@lauracruz2021 I was going to send this video to my husband but I think it’s a better idea to watch it together.
He is the definition of cool.
How did you get your husband on board?
“What separates marriage from divorce is your ability to handle conflict without hurting each other in the process with your words and actions and reactions.”
🔥🔥🎯🎯
Right on!
❤
It took me so long to teach my bf that a disagreement didn't have to be a fight and that there were certainly no "winners" and "losers". You can't "win" against me when we're on the same team. Hurting me doesn't make you a "winner", it just hurts the relationship.
@@always12lovemusic My mom and dad never did learn this -- but I'm determined NOT to be like them, and my sweetheart is not like them either!
Or at least, if, because it’s bound to happen sometimes, you DO hurt each other unintentionally, you are able to FORGIVE and move on. Bitter people get divorced. Forgiving people stay together (generally speaking - I know there’s exceptions)
My husband & I started our marriage with one goal: "This will be our one and only marriage, so we need to make it work."
I'm pretty sure everybody says that at the beginning
@@pepper1188saying and doing it two different things .
We had the same mindset as OP , 22yrs ago .
Both need to put as much as you get back , safety & honesty & grace to work through the tough times . Counselling through the toughest issues. Learn your love languages, communicate.
I felt like that all four times that I've been married. I've not had one successful marriage yet and three of them were extremely unhappy. I keep picking my narcissistic and emotionally available mother over and over again. Except for the second husband. He wasn't that bad, but I self-sabotaged that one.
@@smallhouseinthemeadow6131i hope u are doing alright. Hugs.
So did my last two spouses.
My late husband and I had both been previously married, and had both been in relationship counseling before those divorced. While those marriages ended, we had both learned valuable skills in that counseling, and brought those skills into our relationship. It made such a difference! We were together 25 years until his death. We both worked at respect, patience, expressing our needs, expressing gratitude for the other, self awareness and honesty, and forgiveness. We had a really good marriage, even in the hard times. I still miss him and love him.
Congratulations 🎉
Yet sad to hear of your loss.
☹️
❤ sorry you lost him. Bless you 🙏🏼
That “no conflict” marriage… that was mine exactly… my abandonment issues, not bringing up issues or conflict because he was defensive, hated to talk things out, wouldn’t bend or compromise… gave the silent treatment, no dates nor affection… people were shocked when I asked for a separation that led to a divorce.. my mom said “ you all never argued!!”… I realized that we didn’t argue because we didn’t talk or communicate.
I feel the same way.
I'm in this right now. I'm just so very tired of trying... soon as I can get a job and afford my own vehicle I'm leaving. I just have to believe that seven years counts as a solid enough effort... 😮💨
@@cannonrange9977 Seven years definitely counts. Don't waste 40 years like I did. I always thought most people who divorced weren't trying hard enough. Now I know better. People say marriage is hard but it shouldn't be really hard. Otherwise you are trying too hard for too long with someone who isn't trying nearly enough..
@@laurabfromvt6197 You're so kind to reply to me... your words are bolstering me to action. Thank you brave one, I hope you now have as much joy and peace as you can contain. 🌻
That's how I feel . But I blame myself because I never thought I was good enough for him, so it's not really a surprise. We have a child together. Otherwise, I would just end myself probably.
Unfortunately if one person understands all of this and puts it into practice and the other one doesn't, your marriage will still fail. Both people in the marriage have to work on it and it takes two to make it work. If I ever get married again I will give myself at least a year to see if my partner is willing to stick around in the toughest times before deciding to say "I do"
Yeah this is so true. Coming from counseling background I see highly capable women with high IQ and EQ who do so much work investing into their partner, marriage, family and it was all agreed to verbally at first but as the marriage goes it's evident the man picked these women knowing he would do little to no work and was defending o her expertise and capabilities to deal and shift to keep the marriage afloat. This happened to me as well. Many men are just con artists. They are aware they won't do the work but say and act completely different and often pick women who are religious and exceptionally loyal to know that she will accomplish and be oare t enough for the both until he decides he is over it and cheats and resets for a you get model who will take care of him and not have kids to distract her from that goal. It's tale as old as time sadly. This is basically the majority reason why marriages fail. One part was never in it for the long haul or right reasons. They were always unequally yoked and just didn't have enough respect for the other person to be honest they weren't going to even try to cut it. It does happen with the female being the user too and taking advantage of a highly capable, good parent dad, but it's more rare because men have other high EQ women around to let him no it's not ok, but few men will ever let a woman know how her husband really is behind her back. Men are scummy that way and learned it in elementary school. I studied ECE and Counselling and they boys never really get over the fact the girls matured and outperformed them since kids and that's partly why they don't understand partnerships in the USA, especially. Also probably why so many gender issues as society was often putting them against each other instead of teaching cooperation and what being a good partner really is.
The second time around; I wanted to live together for a while first. We got married a year later and 16 yrs strong. It's not a race to the altar so take your time to decide if you want to even GET married!
Spot on. I know these words by heart and my husband is shut and will never watch anything like this.
Amen
Definitely wait a year or more to truly know the person. I dated my now husband for five years before we married.
Do you have any idea how much of a gift this is? EVERYTHING in this video was perfectly executed - from the delivery, to the balance of humor... you seem to know exactly how to convey information and communicate in ways that definitely stand the chance of being absorbed! Major BRAVO!
This is so nice, I can’t begin to tell you how much it means to me Yaffa! Thank you so much for these kind words!!
💯
This was hilarious and true.😊
The only problem is, this format works with a female narrator (like Ask Doctor T), but not so much with a male narrator -- a woman can play a man MUCH better than a man can play a woman!
@@agentorange153 Men are more likely to listen to this information and take it in when it's coming from another man. They need to see other men prioritizing their partners and relationship. It's called the 100th monkey affect- and in this case, it's men. Generally speaking, men relate more to men, and women relate more to women- that's just the way it is. These videos are mostly to reach men, and help them save their relationships. It might be different if he was primarily focusing on helping women to change their behavior- but he's not. He's helping men to see where they might be going wrong and correct it, while simultaneously helping women to feel seen and validated. The only time women are better at playing the man, is in comedy, because women and men think and see things differently.
I started my first serious relationship in my mid 30s. After 7 years we still love each other madly and what this guy says is at the heart of our relationship- we let ourselves and each other be like children that we couldn’t be when we were growing up - vulnerable, trusting, unconditionally loved. We heal our wounds through our arguments, teasing, heart wrenching confessions and crying together and for each other. It is the most amazing thing ever. But also I wonder maybe it took those 30+ years for us to be in a place where we could do this in a relationship.
You can do it at any age if with humility and commitment.
I’ve been married 3 times to the same man (no divorces just renewed vows), it cost us a total of $150 each being $50. We’ve been married since 1980 and met in 1976 when I was 19 years old. So, you’re right it’s not about a Cinderella wedding. It’s about love and commitment which can take years to figure out. We are more in love today because we’ve made it through many a storm and stayed committed. The only thing I wish I had done was get a proper photo on that day.
This is so beautiful. Hugs. And you can still get that photograph:)
May I ask, what do you mean by renewed vows? I’ve never heard of that before
@@linah.939 I got married in CA by JP in May, 1980 age 22. Then my in-laws and parents wanted us to get married in the church/religion we were brought up in so we said our vows a second time in the state of MA in July 1981. Fast forward 43 years….Then when we were writing our will the lawyer wasn’t satisfied with the document the church gave us even though it was the same document I used when my mother passed away so…..i live in MA so I sent to CA for document/certificate but they could not find it (we had the certificate we received when we were married plus the church certificate) but because we had a Confidential not public wedding, meaning we didn’t need a witness and no one could get a copy besides us. So we filled out an affidavit confirming who we were. CA again said they could not find a document. Mind you this is 43 years later. Therefore, we went to our town hall and told them our dilemma and we filled out a marriage certificate, and my pastor officiated it and that was in April of 2023 therefore we’ve said our vows three times. You can only apply for one marriage certificate and because CA could not find it I was allowed to apply for one in the state of MA however, we go to NC a lot so I wanted to do it there but they would not because they recognized our marriage and told us we’d have to get divorced and then they could marry us.
@@linah.939 I think it’s mostly an America thing(I’m not aware of other cultures doing it). But after a certain amount of years together, married couples renew vows as a way to reaffirm their commitment to each other.
You’ve been married once and reaffirmed your commitment twice lol
You just literally spared thousands people of many years of suffering by a single video. This is brilliant. Thank you.
Well knowing what to do and how are two different things. Sometime you still need help
No he really didn't. He talks about mutual respect but portrays the man as an idiot who needs to understand his wife's feelings, while not presenting a single part of the video from the man's perspective. This will lead to unhappy marriages where the man ends up taking endless criticism because "he just doesn't understand" and he "ruined it" and he "is just hopeless/clueless" etc etc etc
Tried online marriage counseling, getting advice from older married couples (never divorced), but you're the first person my husband actually listens to and immediately put the advice into action😊
Thank you for being passionate, honest and energetic in putting all this content out❤
Individuals need to see this, not just couples. I only wish I had known about my conflict avoidance and people pleasing earlier. We are still married (20 this July) but it’s been tough sometimes. I’m o ly now learning how to deal with my issues. So many people need to know this stuff. I’ve sent this to my 17yo. I’ve been telling him for the past couple of years that I want him to be able to have a healthy rel’ship sooner - to do better, to be better at this than his father and I are.
I think it’s vital for parents to speak encouragement and growth into their children even if they didn’t get it right themselves. One or two more steps in the right direction is further than three or four in the wrong direction. 😊
Great for you!! Congrats on 20 years! I believe it’s great to send this to younger children. I’m 33 now, not really dated except for once very briefly, but it’s really vital to know these things. I had back to back narcissist relationships with my mother and a manipulative user I thought was a best friend. But because I was used to toxic abuse, it felt normal and comfortable until someone loved me enough to call her out and helped me remove her from my life. Because I wasn’t strong enough on my own. So I’m glad I’m learning and confirming these things before I even date. Because I don’t know if I’d make it without these pieces of advice.
@@REBEKAHJOHNSON-lh6xhwas married 24yrs to a covert narc and I'm constantly sending these type of info to the 4 kids 18-33 bc its so hard to spot all the undercover manipulation that sabotaged their authentic expression of self 😶
This is good advice for ANY relationship you want to last. If more parents and children, and even siblings, understood these principles, family relationships would be less toxic and more enduring...
@@REBEKAHJOHNSON-lh6xh so glad you benefited from help getting out of a toxic situation! There’s one thing I learned from another marriage person that no one hears before marriage: a person must learn how to complete in their singleness before they end up finding or seeking completeness in a potential spouse. For me in a Godly relationship, that means we both are God-centred and the closer we get to Hod, the closer we get to each other. ☺️
@@k.c1126 yes. Parents “wanting better/more” for their children should be in the context of relationship health and success rather than material possessions.
I’d like to see the males in your skits be shown as intelligent. I know it’s just to be funny, but we see the “husband is an idiot” trope everywhere and I’d like to see husbands portrayed as having a spine and being smart. I think we all need to see that, men and women.
I agree totally. As a woman I'm sick of seeing men portrayed as idiots.
Agree❤
Agree!
I think he has one.
Agree
I have NEVER seen someone deliver this information in this way, you are phenomenal. It's like you're an evangelist of the relationship gospel 🤣 not even reading it or hesitation. I have studied psych, sociology & mental health as well as interpersonal relationships for years..I am 10 classes away from a Bachelor's in psych & couldn't spit all this out at once like you did. You are singlehandedly one of the best gifts on TH-cam & saving love all over the world ❤️❤️❤️❤️ Thank you for your hard work & big heart
Same feeling.
AMEN!
How did this dude say everything you gotta do and he only took 6 minutes? You are talented dude keep doing what you are doing and this channel will take off like a rocket ship. Comment made at 64k followers. For future reference when it’s hundreds of thousands
Perfect. Absolutely perfect. Brutally honest in what we NEED to hear, not what we WANT to be told about love and specialness and what the real goal of relationship/marriage is supposed to be for. The deeper question all couples need to ask themselves honestly is WHAT IS THIS RELATIONSHIP FOR? NOT for what we are trying to GET from each other but what for, deeply within what is our motivation? SUPER PRECISE this video!!!!
Thank you so much!!
@@JimmyonRelationships...you may not be a (licensed) coach or counselor but you're better spoken and more sincere than what I've encountered. And I did go to university for counseling. It's downright appalling who they allow to get licensed. 90% had no business there! They needed counseling but they didn't need to be counselors.
Thank you for posting. And don't ever feel less than. Because licensing was created to ensure quality, initially anyway. Now it's just all about whoever can pay for it. 😐🙄😡 Keep up the great work! 👍😃👍
Luv this! Let's make it a requirement in every 8th grade and 12th grade curriculum. Kids mature at varying rates and it's important enough to reinforce the message 😊
…And before you graduate college.
Schools have made amazing improvements in teaching communication. It even starts in preschool when teachers tell kids to “use your words”.
Many kids probably are better communicators than adults because they are usually getting reprimanded by teachers and parents if they aren't. If a kid yells at another kid in school, chances are they will be told by teachers that they can't be doing that. Once an adult, not many people around them are going to be willing to call it out.
You may not be a counselor or a coach but good on you because you blow them all out of the water. I've been watching videos done by professionals on here for a year & a half trying to save my relationship, by myself, and I cannot believe your videos are just now showing up on my feed. Ive only seen 2 so far but I am damn impressed!
1000% and this is my first video
Same for me on the watching tons of professional channels for years and only now seeing this. Terri Coe and Crappy Childhood Fairy are both top notch too but this guy is great at reaching men on their bullshit in a disarming way. That's a very much needed niche right there I can tell ya. Of course you can ask anybody who's been in a relationship with one and they'll say the same.
Facts and laughs in equal measure😂 Every engaged couple needs to see this! (Heck married ones too)
Thank you so much!!
Serious marriage hack: Don’t EVER make decisions about your marriage after a total hysterectomy or menopause. These periods create hormonally chaotic times and your observations (and feelings) may not be as clear cut as you think they are. I divorced someone I loved because of menopausal chaos. Don’t make this mistake!
😮
This needs to be discussed by doctors. I had a gyno surgery and after I was hormonally screwed up for a while and made some extreme choices. This is so important to our health, I wish it was actually part of medical care
That is so sad😢. I’m so sorry this happened to you. Thank you! I had no idea! Married 14 yrs and approaching 40. I will be mindful of this! Thank you so much!!!
I agree! I broke up with my bf during a menopausal low, plus I was suffering from sciatica and needed surgery. Thankfully we slowly started talking again and I was able to gain his trust back and we’re together again. I swear I was temporarily insane. Pain and sleep deprivation was a major factor. I’m just glad to be healed. I really learned a lot about myself and worked hard to make myself whole again. Great advice!
I suspect many of us (women) suffer from nutrient deficiency due to the extreme changes our bodies go through. If it's something "obvious", like iron, a doctor might catch on. But some of it might be too subtle?
Long story short, I started drinking herbal teas that are specifically marketed towards women. Unfortunately, the best I ever had is no longer available, so right now I'm looking for a replacement *sigh*
And yes, it helps. Nothing earth shattering, you just notice how you're more balanced, more where you want to be (emotionally, health wise). First thing in the morning, no sweetener (because I don't want my blood lugging around carbs, I want it packed with good stuff).
My husband and I try to go to a marriage conference once a year so we don't have to go to counseling! We work hard and continue to grow! This was such a great video!
Just celebrated 26 years of marriage and wow this is great! I learned a lot in this video and I still want to make my marriage better, this gave me some ideas! thank you ❤
I’m not going to lie I’ve searched high in low for married advice but everyone else seems sooo serious and the way you take you time to breakdown every little thing you are the goat!!!!🎉🎉 thank you for help us out with your sense of humor and seriousness the combination is very much needed in todays world
After watching this, I am more convinced than ever that Morticia and Gomez Addams are THE model marriage.
“Now let’s go out there and get married!!” 😆 ❤ I’m so glad I found your channel. Your material is super insightful and helpful! I’ve been single for awhile purposefully to uncover why I attracted and stayed in difficult relationships, before moving into another commitment. Lots of good stuff to consider in this video. Thank you! 🙏 ❤
Premarital counseling is a must. Despite how passionate you are.
I would argue it's a must BECAUSE of how passionate you are. All those emotions blind people to what life is going to be in just a couple of years.
It's my experience that most people put more thought into the wedding than they do into their marriage....
My husband and I just treated one another we wished to be treated and that's a good first step. We were both married before and knew what we didn't want. We were married thirty years when my husband passed. I would happily had done another thirty years!!! 🥰
Hugs. I'm sorry about your husband's passing.
From the top of 30 plus years of marriage I must say that every single word in this video is correct and perfectly placed to be as easily understandable and acted upon as possible. This is what real high quality counselling looks like.
“If you don’t care about their feelings, you don’t care about them” So real!!! 💯💯
This is the kind of truths people NEED to hear before getting into a serious relationship with someone. These principles are vital if a relationship is going to work and thrive.
Hooray🎉 Finally something I'm doing "right".
I have always been much more concerned with the quality of my marriage, rather than the celebratory public ritual of the union. Day-to-day life just seems a lot more important
I have only one criticism of this video..... I wish it had been made 16 years ago and showed up in my timeline then. Every word spoken in this video is truth. I hope it goes viral and stays viral. This is the best advice anyone could be given.😢
😌❤❤❤😊
My husband and I have been married over 30 years for all the reasons cited this video! We are best friends and still enjoy spending as much time as possible together. ❤
❤
This is true! But also, the way you approach your wedding can be an opportunity to set the stage for your marriage: my husband and I (our second marriages) decided our "wedding" - and we told this to all of our guests ahead of time - was not a wedding, it was a party where we would just happen to be getting married. We prioritized (and continue to prioritize) having fun and celebrating each other's unique ways we have fun. ❤
With me and my sweetheart, it will be the exact opposite -- we're both introverts, so we'll have a small, low-key wedding with a strictly limited number of guests (and we'll definitely arrange a cozy, dimly-lit corner for ourselves to sit and just cuddle with each other while everyone else is having fun -- and make sure it's close to the exit leading to our bridal chamber, so we can easily go get lost when we both decide the time is right!)
It can't be said enough, I wish I had heard this years ago. 4 years since my divorce. After 2 1/2 decades together. Sadly, we knew NOTHING of this. We didn't know how much we didn't know. And couldn't voice, share, talk about in love. It's simple. It's common sense; but, it's HARD. The truths you speak of are directly to acknowledge, let alone know about to discuss. Keep up this amazing work. Well done
I would add the ability to reflect and realise where I hurt my partner, and say sorry and ask for forgiveness. Because even though ideally you must always treat my partner with respect, there are times when I fail, and when we realise and approch each other and take responsibility for our bad deeds like for example: I am sorry I raised my voice to get across my point,. The act to ask for forgiveness (true ones not fake) it helps the relationship a lot.
Phenomenal information. Bravo! This is not just for marriage but ALL relationships. I loved this.
"Faithfulness is not simply NOT cheating on your partner... It's protecting and valuing your partner and this relationship enough to practice humility, empathy, selflessness and listening. You find me two people who care about that stuff, and I'll find you a couple who's still thriving years after everyone else is on their second divorce."
Nailed it. SO GOOD!!!!! Every point! SO GOOD!!!
You are a gift from God! My heart rejoices.
This is very kind of you! I hope he continues to teach me what I need to learn :)
This is not only highly valuable real life advice, the vid's perfect for us character creating writers who wants to make believable relationships that work and those that don't work... 😘
I'm in tears. It's sad so many people don't understand it and/or are willing to do this work. May we all meet the right person.
May I play a playlist of your videos at our wedding? 😂 This stuff is gold, my partner and I love your stuff. Maybe our family members will think about all this instead of telling us every marriage falls apart
That would be so cute
Every word of this is truth. My marriage failed because of not understanding and coping with my childhood trauma and not feeling safe or allowed to speak up, and my ex husband cared more about buying high dollar items and treated me like my purpose was doing what he wanted than my feelings. Although I didn't know the term "boundary" at the time, I started enforcing them, and my husband cheated. I believe that premarital sex was also part of the failure. God designed it to connect us after we develop agape, not to glue us together too soon and miss red flags we may have seen otherwise. Our culture has misguided us on what true love is.
Jimmy may say that he is not a marriage counselor, but everything I have heard from him so far, is more helpful to saving marriages than any marriage counselor I have ever listened to! What a blessing Jimmy is!❤
I was here…….we’re just days away from the judge signing the papers. Had I not married an actual narcissist we would have been able to grow to this. It’s disheartening but after 3 years of knowing about his infidelity and lies after 13 years of me being blind in the marriage…….. I still am hopeful to one day meet someone who is capable of this.
People need to know how to fight and still have each other’s back. Never go to bed mad, fight.
This has all the makings of a book and/or a marriage course.
Better info here in six minutes than in most books I’ve read on the subject.
This is really nice of you!
This was great, and truth be told all the advice is applicable for both husbands and wives equally. Good job!
Love this! My husband and I have been married 34 years and this is still great to hear!! Wanting to send to my daughter who is getting married soon!! Keep up the good content!!
I needed to hear this bcuz it coincide with ALL RELATIONSHIPS
Is there a way I could add this to my officiating and couples counseling website? I would like to create a blog and include this in it. I think I just need to keep sending this to my couples with the tag - "What He Said!!!" Thanks Jimmy- you are knocking it out of the park and clearly speaking from experience.
You’re so kind! Of course you can! :)
beautifully said! i was with my ex for 29 years. I would not only tell him what i was grateful but i would also share from my heart what wasn’t working for me so we could find a resolution together which would lead to the silent treatment for days. now im in a relationship where i can speak my truth, be heard, and then we calmly talk about solutions or we simply understand each other better. Healthy communication, i won’t accept anything else but that now. ❤❤❤
If every couple would watch and really HEAR this 6 min video, TH-cam could scrub every other piece of content on the subject. Great video.
This is done very well. My first marriage did not last. We never fought. But it was the best thing that happened to me. I could have never grow to be the person I am without this failed relationship.
This is so brilliantly executed and stated. My pre-marriage advice talk was “Don’t use credit cards.” You are helping so many people individually and as couples with these videos-thank you 🙏.
Man, thank you! Thank you! Thank you! If I would have had this a year ago I would have saved my relationship as well. I don’t know why we can’t see things while we are in the middle of them. It’s only after the loss and hurt come that we see things so clearly. I won’t ever make the same mistakes again.
We actually had a very similar conversation with our religious leader during our engagement, including the "everyone is in love on their wedding day" bit. It's so true. And then my sister got us the 7 Principles book as a wedding gift. We have reread it nearly every year around our anniversary. It is a well loved, well worn book now. It's been 13 years and our marriage is better than ever.
I love this!!! My husband and I value each other and have heart to hearts alot. I can say I'm blessed to have the man I have next to me because he's willing as I am to work together through things
Ive heard divorced people and divorce lawyers say many things....but you are the only person who actually hits the nail on the head each time.
Whether or not it plays out in your real life.... I dont know. But I do know you communicate it right
50 years, 8 kids and 15 grandkids so far…. Love and sacrifice go hand in hand. Nothing better!
YES YES YES!!! I cannot recommend enough books for preparing to have a healthy marriage, or strengthening your existing marriage! I did not have a healthy example from my parents, so I read a lot of books to learn what I needed, and I'm still reading and learning!
Fiance and I cannot wait to tie the knot, but first we're buying a house to call home! The wedding is secondary to our preparations for our marriage. A house/land is more of a primary goal and focus, apart from the relationship with each other and our relationships with the Lord who helps to keep us bound together.
We celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary yesterday and still going strong despite losing a 5 year old daughter suddenly 8 years ago. Lucy is forever a part of this family and we will continue to love each other and her and fundraise to support others living with myocarditis.
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this one!! ❤ The content is gold and the humor spot in. I love the non-shaven face on the female 😅 Thank you for doing this and I think all couples need this.
Thanks so much Julie! :)
I'm single, not dating, and I SO Feel Called out for this right now!
Thanks! ☺️👍
Also, Holly Cow?!
Where was This advice years ago?!
Not that I was ever married... I've Always been Single, but Dang! 🤯
Thank you so much for creating this video so I can be aware of my own weaknesses I need to work on, as well as adjusting my expectations for how to have a healthy relationship with someone. 👍
"Huh...Toni, did you say something"
"No. Did Not." In deep voice, ha! Love this!! 29 years married and in EFT counseling at age 52. This is gold. Take advantage of it.
Honestly I am so glad I came across your channel. Someone being open and honest for a change is very refreshing. I love how you put value and authenticity to validate both parties. Most channels don't bother with showing both sides of a relationship and how to be more empathetic to the other partner. I remember when my husband and I first got married. Our bishop said something very profound that I took to heart. He said if you both worked over 100% you would for sure meet each other somewhere in the middle. You both have to be willing to do the work. You can't be selfish and think it is always the other person's responsibility. I have tried to live up to that. The problem comes when one or both decide not to carry any of the weight. The other problem is thinking it is your partner's responsibility to fulfill your needs without thinking about their needs. No relationship can be one sided. It isn't a relationship and is doomed to fail every time.
Excellent advice. I am a newly subscribed fan and I am very excited to put your wisdom to use in my marriage. I had terrible models of what love and selflessness should be growing up and that spilled over into my marriage. I am so glad I found your videos! I took your advice and picked up the 7 principles book by Gottman. I hope I can repair the damage I have done with these newly acquired tools in my toolbox. Thank you for showing me what I was lacking in my marriage. You are an internet powerhouse and a refreshing take on what a proper loving marriage should be!
This is extremely kind of you!! Thank you so much for this encouragement! It means the world to me, and I’m so sorry for what you went through growing up. I’m proud of your grow journey though!
Incredibly well executed and delivered! So easy to absorb, love your humour in it too! 😄 thank you!
One of the best bits of advice I've seen is go and do marriage counselling during engagement and get the hard questions out of the way then and re-evaluate the marriage to be then.
Went through a hell of a marriage and divorce - 18 years ago. It is still a nightmare because of my daughter who is now 19. They both still demand (with the Court's blessing) that I'll pay for everything. This is the best advice I have heard! Direct and to the point with some easy to follow ideas. It would have saved a lot of heartache if I'd heard it almost 23 years ago.
My word! This man deserves an Oscar, an Emmy, the Nobel Peace prize, and an honorary Masters degree in Family & Marriage Counseling😮😮
💯 👏 🙌 👏
My mother had a TREMENDOUS saying which is always TRUE: The WEDDING IS EASY; IT'S WHAT COMES AFTER THAT'S HARD!!!!
I always said that people should save their gifts for the 25th anniversary party! Anyone can get married. Not everyone can stay married!
God bless you guys and keep you. It's not easy to share your past with complete strangers but it's a great testament and praise God for restoring you. I'm in a difficult marriage and when I see other couples who cherish one another, I now pray for them for God to keep them in all joys and trials. God bless you.
I needed this at 20. I needed this sooner than 20. And I have needed this the last 20 years of my life❤
I love these videos. You deliver this information in such a hilarious & intelligent way.
So many people have no idea what it is required to make it all work.
Just stumbled upon your channel. I’ve been married for about 3 years and definitely needed to hear this ❤
This is so encouraging and needed. As someone who hopes to build a lasting marriage one day, I find content like this so valueable
Absolutely amazing how many people spend more time planning a wedding than planning the relationship.
Thank you for creating this exceptionally entertaining, value packed piece of quality content full of inspiration & insight with a strong foundation of truth & integrity. Im feeling pretty chuffed to have had this opportunity to listen and am excited at the prospect of more treasures to be discovered on your channel and your Instagram is always a value add to my thoughts for the day. 😊
Yea! Thank you for this one. My daughter will likely be engaged soon. Would love a series on this!!
This video is pure gold. It should be saved, shared, frequently revisited, notes taken, memorized, taken to heart and daily practiced, whole heartedly !!
This is one of the best videos on relationships I’ve ever. Literally a treasure trove of gems.
I wouldn’t call it conflict but you need a partner who challenges you to evolve. You hit the nail on the head tho! I was a bridal consultant and omg the amount of romanticizing around a wedding is INSANE and unrealistic. Five years down the road you’re going to be completely different people guaranteed 😂
You’re brilliant hope this goes viral 🎉
You’re so kind!
God created marriage for our lifetime. Marriage is a covenant for life until death 1st Corinthians 7:39. This is great advice. I know many have focused so much on the wedding and spent thousands of dollars and didn't last two years. People need to know that they are vowing to each other and God is being the witness and he glues that couple for life. Genesis 2:24
I’m on my second marriage. The first one was to a narcissist. I prayed for my current husband- but that doesn’t mean you never have conflict. He likes to stuff & I like to shout.
Thank you so much for your videos. We are reclaiming our love again & setting boundaries and I’m not trying to hurt him just to be heard. I find that being married and loving someone i didn’t birth is a decision I make daily. And it’s the right choice! No one should be alone.
Oh…my husband loves you too!!! Thank you -thank you- thank you
My fiance dumped me a week before the wedding over a conflict. I took marriage classes to learn what you talk about and save us. He didn't care and just ran off with another woman.
I’m so sad to read this, because I know you are probably still hurting. Please take it from someone who is finally getting out of a 24 year abusive relationship (me): You dodged a bullet!! It grazed you and you have a painful wound or scar, but you can heal and have a much better idea of what to look for in a healthy man. Go to therapy, do your grieving and healing work, and you’ll be so much better. ❤
He was conflicted over getting married. As hurtful as it was, at some point in the future you're going to be thankful that the marriage to him never happened - he wasn't for you.
Some people are not capable of emotional connection or emotional intelligence or vulnerability. My fault was picking one of those.
One example is the person with an Avoident Dismissive attachment disorder
@@rosie2no Exactly
Me too, twice, so I've worked hard on myself and chosen a much healthier adult. It only took me 46 years!! 😮
This is the BEST I’ve ever seen on this topic. ABSOLUTELY GENIUS.
There are so many valuable points made in this video. I keep nodding when yet another golden nugget of wisdom is given!
Thank you for this.
What did you just say about conflict avoidance?!?!?! For several years, I have seen the fact that we never taught before our marriage as a red flag, but you just articulated why.
Love this vid and I'm glad I found it. It's all solid advice and provides important validation for what I always believed (because I grew up in a toxic home).
I’m sorry for what you went through. No kid deserves that :(
Exactly the same for me
LOVED YOUR VIDEO! I've been consciously married for about 38 years and neither of us would divorce despite each other's shortcomings. It's refreshing to finally hear someone - especially a young person - saying the obvious ❤
Wow !!I’m amazed
No BS straight solid advice concise precise and hits the bull’s eye..
I really appreciate that the conflicts I have with my husband are short and truly forgotten afterward. I also deeply appreciate that he accepts my requests for attention, or dates, or similar things as a guidebook on how to love me. He isn't married to how he thinks he should love me, but on how I've told him I want to be loved.
Just a note though, the statistic about 50% of marriages ending is true, but it doesn't mean that every couple who gets married has a coin flip of a chance. People who get divorced are more likely to get divorced again. Two early twenties, religious, conservative, people who haven't slept around or lived together before they get married (whether or not their parents are still together), have an under 20% chance of divorce. Raise the age, body count, or remove religion and add cohabitation before marriage and the chance of divorce rises rapidly.
They may not divorce, but he does mention that they may stay in an unhappy or unhealthy marriage for the rest of their lives.
Wow now were perpetuating the narrative that people have an expiry date. In my country most people dont get married before their thirties some even already into their forties. I felt so validated by your statements. But one thing i can say i much rather be alone forever than to settle for a godless, lazy or sleazy man. And ive seen a lot of those coming my way. No, thanks. And i know theres men that prefer to be alone than to endure superficial, gold digger leeches.
@@etcwhatever the marrying young wasn't about an expiry date, but rather about marrying young enough to be able to grow up with your spouse. From a religious perspective, it's also much harder to stay a virgin into one's thirties than to get married young. It doesn't mean settling, but instead taking intentional steps to look for a good husband. For me, that meant taking my search online and very frankly screening intelligible men out.
People that one had one partner and marry at 20 typically stay in the marriage only because they don't know how to live in any other way. Let's not ignore this.
@@Serena-or7sl Biblically speaking, there isn't, barring infidelity or abuse. Christians have to make the marriage work and it's godly to stay together.
I would like to see you helping/debating the toxic redpill TH-camrs that are promoting misogyny. They sit there and talk down and blame.women for everything. #justpearlythings for starters.
Oh I haven’t seen them, I would probably get too upset 😂
@@JimmyonRelationships Yeah, it's pretty cringe worthy.
There's also a HUUUUGE amount of creators, not just on youtube, who blame men for everything unfortunately. toxic feminism.
Phenomenal! That book is a marriage must have! 26+ years and still going strong!
What profound clarity and truths are spoken here by you Dr Jimmy . , delivered with genuine kindness , this is priceless ,real advice - for so much in life - “ how to have ‘conflict’ without hurting each other “ - wow so simple and so elegant and such direct wisdom - and keeping the ‘value ‘ and prioritizing your time together Your advice is so on the money as to be uncanny . The fact you dress up and ‘act’ the parts , for me, adds to your modesty and unsurpassed , true mental health “service “ . Thank you Jimmy , thank you very much 🙏