Debbie Lum, Seeking Asian Female interview
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 22 ก.ค. 2024
- Debbie Lum's great new documentary, SEEKING ASIAN FEMALE aired at CAAMFest 2013 (www.caamfest.com), and was partly funded by the Center or Asian American Media www.caamedia.org). Seeking Asian Female airs in May 2013 on PBS's Independent Lens. Find out more about the film at www.seekingasianfemale.com. Here, Debbie Lum is interviewed by psychiatrist and writer Ravi Chandra, M.D., whose Pacific Heart Blog is at the Psychology Today website. Go to www.ravichandramd.com for more details and to sign up for an occasional newsletter. Blog article at www.psychologytoday.com/blog/t.... The dialogue continues at www.theyreallsobeautiful.com.
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At the end of the documentary he did admit he was wrong for that. He said he had been expecting his wife to be submissive and eager to please and anything else that is an Asian stereotype, but in the end he learned that she was, in fact, a person with diverse emotions. I think it was a learning experience for him.
The problem with fetishistizng a race in general is that you don't see beyond that race to the actual person. The fact that the guy doesn't even both to learn the language is so telling. HE doesn't care about the woman as a person. He only cares about the fact that she is Chinese.
Married to a beautiful Asian woman for over 25 years - "yellow fever?" - Hell yeah!
Debbie, if you're able to read this comment I just want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for making this documentary. It may sound like an exaggeration but for me this was one of the most amazing documentaries I have seen in a long time. Sandy and Steven were the perfect two people to choose for this documentary. Simply an amazing documentary.
Men like Asian women because they are more available. It really is as simple as that. Supply and demand. Why are they more available? 1. Women in South Korea, Japan and China are treated as second-class citizens. Many of them don't want to accept second-class status in marriage as well, so seek the more equal status offered in more Western-style relationships. Shocking that Lum misses that.
In Asia there is an acceptance for a variety of relationships. Older men with younger women is easy for them to understand and accept. They realize its a spectrum. Americans (I think) are so narrow minded. They expect love to be only one particular type and way. Asians know this need not be true. And are just as capable of having a successful relationships.
what about asian women who have a preference for light skin, blue or green eyes, and lighter hair that caucasian men often have? they must have "white fever." also, all those interracial couples she's talking about, why do the asian women agree to go with those white guys, if they're being objectified and, in a sense, disrespected? no one is forcing them to be in those interracial relationships, however asian/white relationships are pretty common.
So i'm curious.. what is that number based on?
"As an Asian-American woman it's one of those issues that has troubled me most of my life (old American white guys who have "yellow fever")". But is married to a young American white guy who has "yellow fever"??
It's a bit creepy for her to be talking about how 'we Asian women see ourselves'. What does this American woman have in common with, say, a villager in Bihar or North Sumatra ?
So true. She acts like she’s been chosen as the voice of All Asain women. Get over yourself
@@joebrady9575 But she is. Asians are tired of being objectified.
What about the japanese/korean girls that come to america/canada to "study"? they have white fever. I have japanese and chinese friends and they struggle to get asian girls because these girls come here to date white guys only (I live in Vancouver). What is the problem to have your own preferences? Stop blaming only men and have a look at both sides,
She is against stereotypes on Asians, but she fails to condemn stereotypes on Asian woman white man couples. What she does was cherry picking a man ignoring all the Asian women and white men that are in long, happy and healthy relationships.
Of course there are white/Asian relationships that are based on mutual
respect, love, and affection, but they are the exception. Most of these men are looking for subservient, quiet, meek Asian women. That is the harmful stereotype. Fetishizing and over-sexualizing Asian women is disgusting. It’s more about the idea and fantasy of what these men think Asian women should be, rather than respecting and seeing a whole human being for who they are.
@@sheela4537 Asia is so big and there are so many stereotypes, there is also the stereotype of high achieving Chinese women that marry western men because they can't find a Chinese husband, but I also believe that every couple is a different situation and if they want to stay together, no one should judge their decision.
White men can project into the future on what to expect. Will their mate grow old, overweight, let themselves go? Or will they remain petite, slender, appearing to age slowly, more gracefully? It can be a sad focus on physical attributes of most Asian women. The type of men who pursue this may be insecure (read nerdy) who never sowed their seeds in their youth and have that latent focus on beauty which they pursue now at an awkward age. The latent insecure 'nerd' also is comforted by the concept of a submissive companion. The risk is for this latency to also keep both partners immature in love and you end up with goofy old white man and crazy old Asian lady- who inevitably becomes a younger widow.
Always totally bewildered by the language used in these conversations; about men being attracted to East Asian women because 'they see them as submissive' or they have a 'stereotype' or 'fantasy' in their minds. In all my experience, the only reason people are attracted to a given physical type (be it a race, a sex, an age group, a weight group or anything else) is that they find that type the most physically attractive. There's no other reason to be given than that. Most humans seek members of a particular ethnicity for the same reason most humans seek members of a particular sex.
hi, i am going thru this now. how did they manage to get to america in two weeks? i understand that it takes months to receive a marriage license. i am applying now as i married a chinese woman. please let me know how to get her here quickly. thanks.
look it up
Asian women may want security, that for unknown reasons, has eluded them, All Asian females may not be ambitious go getters and look for someone and something more solid. There is nothing wrong with that, or nothing wrong with a man who simply likes Asian women.
No,there's something really wrong with that. In the moment that you want to date someone beacuse of her ethnicity,you're just a creepy person trying to make your sick fantasy reality. Stop trying to justify your sick fetish.
I'm a 38yo white man. Don't particularly find most Asian women attractive but I did meet one the other day that I thought was attractive and nice but I got the feeling even though her English sounded pretty good, she didn't understand me. So here I am doing research on dating someone from a different culture and possible language barriers... all I find are articles and videos about yellow fever.. yellow fever and more yellow fever. Now I wonder if she will think I have yellow fever if I simply try asking her out
I think it's important not to stereotype yourself or anyone else. We all might make mistakes in meeting each other, but the goal of relationship is to understand and respect. There has been quite a long history of difficulty with the majority culture falling into stereotypes of minorities - and this causes a lot of problems. Thanks for your comment.
What I find troubling, is the objectification and grouping of people who are attracted to eastern asian people. I find the term "yellow fever" sightly offensive. I've dated and/or been with women of nearly every ethnicity, and find beauty in all. However, I do find myself attracted more so to eastern asian women.
Because 'you're not meant to' prefer Asian women over white women, don't you know white women are the most beautiful women on the planet? And if you don't subscribe to that point of view, you must have a mental affliction - especially if you are a white man - black men, Latinos and whoever else can't suffer from 'yellow fever' because they don't matter - the prize isn't actually Asian women but white men and white women don't want to share that resource so try to shame white men who date outside the race towards that particular demographic.
'Yellow fever' is racial shaming of white men and their preferences, everyone is allowed their preference by the way.
Billy Hughes Your comment doesn't make sense. Are you being sarcastic?
Billy Hughes If everyone is allowed a preference, then how can you say whire women are the most attractive?
Miss Debbie, you make a wonderful statement at 11:11 into the video which honestly struck me dead center. You said, “you can take one stereotype and replace it with another…the truth is that you need to look beyond the stereotypes and sort of try to keep yourself from making any labels at all….” Truer words have never been spoken. I appreciate your candor and whole-heartedly support your idea of even producing this documentary in the first place. I learned much from it. I fully disagreed with Steven’s desire for an Asian girl simply because she was Asian. Maybe I should watch it again but I’ve seen nothing said about the popularity of White men with Asian females being a symptom of the American Feminist movement. I currently am very enamored with a Chinese lady only a few years younger than me. I have been accused of having Yellow Fever but this is honestly not true. What I find attractive about my Chinese GF is that she is not combative or competitive with me. She does not walk into a room and establish ALL boundaries according to her own whims. She has not lived her life on a pedestal and she does not see men as a game to see how much fun it is to emasculate them before kicking them to the curb. She is such a breath of fresh air after the decades of marriage to the red-blooded American feminist spitfire that displayed all the traits I just described. This is the legacy of feminism in the USA and I truly believe that it has a great deal to do with why so many American men are flocking to Asian women. At least, I feel it has virtually everything to do with my attraction to this very wonderful Chinese girl. Seriously, she makes me feel like a real man again. Is that wrong?
David Grason Well if you use someone as a confidence booster, to feel like a man then it's wrong. Culturally, asian women are quieter but that doesn't mean they won't stand up to you if you're being a douchebag.
As long as you are attracted to them as an invidual then it's okay. But if its because you think they'll make you feel like a man, then your feelings aren't based on genuine love but insecurity.
David, truthfully you are full of 💩
exactly
I know how you feel, man.
Wow, thanks for sharing. I just learned when white men who fall for Asian women, are called “Yellow Fever”. I have never known before about the term “Yellow Fever” as an Asian American....lol
I'll bet the white guy she's married to has had other Asian girlfriends.
So I wonder at the term Yellow Fever, and why there isn't a term for people who only like blonds. Or redheads. I understand that Asian women / men tend to have black or brunette hair, and so the obsession for Asians is more than hair colour, but for me, it has nothing to do with Chinese culture or what have you. I simply like the look of an Asian woman's face. There was a time when I only had an eye for blonds. Was that blond (or yellow) fever of a different sort?
You are sick. Dont you understand that wants to date someone for be asian is terrible? Fetichizing someone because of her ethnicity is wrong.
Relatively yes, absolute numbers no. Asian/White marriages in the USA is actually less than 40% of all the interracial marriages. But on this I agree; people shouldn't do research for people who are lazy.
It's an art how comments are formed from a mix of "factual numbers", assumptions and personal biased opinions.
The very fact she calls it yellow fever shows her negative view of what is essentially lonely men wanting to find love when they cannot find women from their own background. In fact Asian women have white fever.
Asian women dont have white fever. Asian women have prize fever
I see you live in the US. Obviously Asian women in US where the population is largely white are interested in white men (or foreign, but I think you mean white when you say foreign, right?). While I lived in Japan I also saw the other side, which was the conservative Japanese women who couldn't even imagine a life with foreign men (this goes for Japanese male as well). Japanese are extremely conservative.
Everybody in the comments is missing the point...
Korean and Japanese women do not flock to Western men, but there are certainly a group of them that do. You have to remember, many Japanese and Korean are extremely conservative and would never even date a foreigner, I know a few people like that. There are the same thing in Western women who flock to foreign men, I see a lot of that in Europe.
Same in China also, most Chinese women would never date foreigner, some would but don't speak any English at all, it is a small minority of the population that actually would or do...
Thats a lie, Asian women are obssessed with whiteness & having a Hapa offspring.
A way better book than the trash that Debbie Lum referred to called "Asian Mystique" is "The East, the West, and Sex" by Richard Bernstein.
Boom! Truth bomb.
my comments were directed to Sichipr. just giving back the love. and yeah, 75% of all interracial couples are asian f/white m.
Yep, you got it. Hispanics and blacks don't date outside of their race as often as Asian women. You mean travel to Japan, China, Singapore, etc? Done that. I still won't do your homework for you, and I am adverse to doing research for people who are lazy, Since this page won't let me post links, I guess we're at a loss. I tried, but hey. BTW, half Asian/white kids are beautiful. Many top celebrities in Asia are half n half.
For one, US census--45% of all US born Asian/pacific Islander women will marry white men. I won't do all of your homework for you but the info is out there. That's just marriages, not BF/GF. When you look at couples--the numbers are staggering. I've dated Asian women since I was 16, so not all of the beautiful Asian women out there are hooking up with trolls. Back to the original topic--the only women who have an issue with it are Americans. Asian women in Asia love it.
Why couldnt it be a preference? Why use the term fetish? Its only a fetish because it is new to a particular society and considered un-acceptable. I live in Asia and am married to an Asian. There is an attraction between Asian women and Western Men. Go see Miss Saigon, or get out more. The other uncomfortable thing for many western women to hear is: Asian women have very feminine characteristics. Good skin, no body hair, and are usually thin. Thats attractive to many men.
I think you are playing the dumb. When you want to date someone beacuse of her ethnicity,it's a fetish and it is sick and awful.
So you are referring to all interracial marriages in USA with no data to back it up. According to your statistics the larger ethnic minorities (hisp and latino americans + the african americans, which is about 15% of the population each in USA) still do not add up to the Asian women marrying to the white male (which according to your information would be less than 1% of the US population).
I'm still more entitled to speak for women in Asia. Try and travel to the more developed parts of Asia.
Oh my god.. you are very beautiful 🤣🤣 i think i have yellow fever
Wow! Your Thai wife is so lucky to have you. Apparently class was not someone she was looking for. Good thing you have big money.
Paradox: comparison between the self-centered American Asian girl with your nursing Thai wife and saying "no. Just like the way Asian chicks look. Some like blondes, some like blacks, latinas, etc."
Like the stigma of Asian women being caring to their men. Just not to admit to it?
PS: 75% of the interracial relationships are Asian f/ White m? BS!
But who cares..
Debbie Lum is also a mail ordered bride.
S L She grew up in the United States
Erika Heinen - So it mean it cost less for postage.
And my mom is a mail ordered bride...not. She came to the US with me and on a student's salary. She met my step-dad AFTER coming here.
@@HyHwua People have called my wife a mail order bride, even though we met after she moved from Toronto, Canada to Columbus, OH. Originally she was born in Singapore but moved to North America at age 7 and Speaks English and French with midwestern North American accents. People often say things in an effort to trigger others.
Diese weibliche Rosinenpicker-Mentalität ist erschreckend. :)
Debbie could have just asked her husband all the questions concerned, there was no need to try and stooge this old dude.
I disagree
That's beacuse you have yellow fever,you sick!
Why does it bother her? What's the problem with having an attraction to any other race?
pault989 The problem is serially pursuing people of a certain race, in this case asian women, based on superficial associations they made towards them. Many western dudes talk about things like "asians make me feel more like a man" when really, no one wanted them in their home countries cause they were rude and ugly.... notice how most white dudes who get with young asians are either old and fat, rude, and have poor social skills and will react to anyone who gives them affection; poor southeast asian women who will do anything for a better life. So the relationship isnt based off of real feelings but for materialistic concerns regarding sex and financial stability
pault989 She isn't talking about men who are traveling and then run into a asian woman they genuinely fall in love with.
lol some white dude probably broke her heart
Interesting take. beauty is in the eye as they say. I prefer dark skin Asian women. No thanks on the rude Chinese/Japanese racist girls. I'll leave em to you. Enjoy.
and I'll bet she wears a strap on.
This indian guy is creepy, leaning all the way into her
You are dilusional
I understand Debbie's resentment at being objectified, but I don't think she understands attraction or chemistry. We are tribal creatures, all of us. We find members of "the other tribe" fascinating and, sometimes, physically attractive. In fact, the attraction may reach beyond mere physical characteristics. If it doesn't, the relationship won't last.
Anyone who has been pursued by someone they don't find desirable knows how irritating that experience can be. But they are dealing with evolutionary forces larger and older than they are.
Debbie had seven years of research and yet she chose the "good story" over the more complex, complicated information revealed by her interviews. At least she admits that Steven and Sandy have chemistry and that they work on their relationship in honorable, if difficult, ways.
mmm.. troof. truth is not truth, it always edits itself. It is as the online date. Few will lose, mass will win. Most will not know joy, moust will eat their bitterness happy happy///
But the argument is, those who have yellow fever aren't truly for what is beyond the physical features. Yeah it's possible for anyone to fall in love with a filipina, chinese, japanese, whatevrr which goes beyond physical features. But when dudes are going on escapades for asian women around south east asia, it is very much about physical features because they associate good experiences with those specific women. these experiences include confidence boosters, feeling like "a man," it's an affordable trip, and getting many women. of course, you have money, a better life, and a nice passport. so people with yellow fever at their core associate these experiences with all asian women and continue to purusue them.
the instances that she is talking about, are totally different from the normal traveler who stumbles upon someone he falls in love with.