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Insecure Attachment Linked to CoDependency and Addiction
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 8 ส.ค. 2024
- Dr. Dawn-Elise Snipes discusses the role of insecure attachment in codependency and addiction.
If you're struggling withcodependency or addiction, this video is for you! We'll discuss the origins of codependency and addiction, and how an insecure attachment style can lead to these problems. We'll also provide some tips on how to overcome codependency and addiction using the principles of secure attachment. is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Qualified Clinical Supervisor. She received her PhD in Mental Health Counseling from the University of Florida in 2002. In addition to being a practicing clinician, she has provided training to counselors, social workers, nurses and case managers internationally since 2006 through AllCEUs.com #addictionrecovery #codependency and insecure #attachment causes and connections
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Video by Dr. Dawn Elise Snipes on integrative behavioral health approaches including counseling techniques and skills for improving mental health and reducing mental illness.
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TIMESTAMPS
00:00 INTRO
01:51 What is attachment and insecure attachment
08:05 What is Codependency
20:10 Codependency and addiction recovery
54:15 Interventions and cognitive behavioral tools
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Great video my wife and I were actin like children and I had addictions that led to withdrawal depression and false autonomy
I want her and I be together just working toward the same goal and cheering each other on and pleasing God
Hi Doc Snipes please need to ask you question. In my journey to self discovery have realised many things about my childhood, as you say I chose the path for growth and decided to take a course in mental health, beside watching hundreds of video on TH-cam.
A particular thought has arise in me regarding "how and not why" children become enmeshed by their parents. In particular I found it very interesting the dynamic of enmeshing from a mother to son compared to doter.
In one of the video I watched on enmeshing it was put forward the theory that a child to develop his identity, after the first few years of life needs a bit of "narcissistic" attitude to grow out of the "embryonic" attachment to the mother, to avoid enmeshment.
Indeed we Mammals and particularly Humans, have huge difficulty to avoid enmeshment to some degree of course, compared to other animal species.
My interest is on what effect a mother enmeshing has on the development of a child brain, from a neurochemical point of view.
for example I can imagine that an enmeshing mother, would cause a child brain to be addicted to dopamine, serotonin...not sure about oxytocin or other neurochemicals that could be present in a partners relationship, where sex is also involved...
Than my question is, does a mother enmeshment preclude a child to develop a "taste" for adrenaline and cortisol, considering also that in today comfortable society some people, live all their life without knowing what adrenaline is. lol
In philosophy Nihilism, or centuries before Puer Aeternus, are society traits that would lead to believe that some kind of enmeshment, if not from the mother from society, governments, even religions has occurred at some levels.
I am interested in the relationship between neurochemicals, and external influences like the mother/father and/or society, with brain development.
I used to be an extreme codependent. Then, I used to get mad when I wouldn't get back the same energy I gave others. I am now creating boundaries and taking care of me! I actually love myself now. I don't want outside validation. I want to be accepted by me. My goal is to be authentic regardless of outside opinion. Happiness from a healthy space is what I am working on now.
Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.
Kudos to you.
Be worthy to self, need not others validations for self to be valid. Self worth first because others are more concerned about their own needs before others most of the time. It takes a wise healthy balanced person to HELP another along, not feed off codependency neediness of another but strengthen their self reliance and esteem in themselves.
Only direction is up.
The more you show up for yourself, the more free you are to show up for others. That's the co-dependent paradox. "I'm giving so much to others but not getting anything back!" becomes "I meet my own needs, I have more, and now I feel free to give more, and receive more!" Desperation is gone, and there is more room for abundance. There is less "keeping score" and more balance. "If you can't show up for me right now, that's ok. I can show up for myself. I know when you're able to again, you'll show up, you just can't right now." And if someone chronically doesn't show up for you, then you need to make a choice. But you are empowered to make that choice because you have your own back.
I am an extreme codependent as well. Did you go to therapy? 🤔
Well said... And you deserve it 💚 I wish you the best with every step of your recovery. Remember, this too shall pass. X
I’m starting to understand my codependent tendencies and how I feel resentful in my relationships because I don’t get the same energy back. I make unnecessary sacrifices in my life for people and feel angry for them taking advantage of that. I see now that it was my choice to make those sacrifices and it comes from an abandonment anxiety
Thank you for watching. What steps will you take to stop making unnecessary sacrifices?
I have just the same problem. For that reason I see a huge value in this lecture. I need to learn not to expect care and attention even from the closest family members and not make sacrifices for people (even doing it very sincerely) if I expect their attention in return.
💯
Yes. Terri Cole *Author of Boundary Boss) sais, " Co dependent people put themselves out in a platter, then resent people taking from the platter."
@@DocSnipes Good question. how is one supposed to heal after identifying all these dreadful afflictions? Counsellors don't help. They only listen and expect you to heal yourself.
The level of clarity! Makes me so forgiving to my (ex) because I realize we are all broken people who need to learn to heal our own childhood scars
Thanks for watching.
I’m I’m well I I iI hope ioii okBh
This has been really helpful to me. Thank you so much
Honestly we are so imperfect , that's why it's more important to love and let others open to you.
MAN! Kendrick said something recently to the effect of: "before you judge another person ask them how they COPE..."
I dont think ive ever ever ever heard such a complete and thorough breakdown of codependency....thank you for filling in the missing pieces by tying together attachment styles, addiction and codependency.
Completely agree 👍 👏 🙌 👌
Amazing how she broke it all down into very precise, understandable form and with such a gracious spirit about her.
I am just wondering what the reason difference was you guys are and going out for the night to come home and said to go be the first same to me the next last two day so was the that was a going on back but the last two one day and two then weeks hours was the a good time one was a the same first day of in the same place was the last first time in and day and two and of two days different was a great job with to get the first two and then we have two of those days going so far but the last one last year has to be the last one
I was a constant worrier, just constantly analyzing ever situation wanting 8 ways out. Filled with fear.
Yes!!!! This is an excellent explanation. I want to send it to anyone I know that asks questions about this topic or haven't understood my own behavior and journey and want to understand this concept and how the healing process is.
@@KoolT You say "was", so what was your fix for your situation?
"Right now, there are people all over the world who are just like you. They're either lonely, they're missing somebody, they're depressed, they're hurt, they're scarred from the past, they're having personal issues no one knows about, they have secrets you wouldn't believe. They wish, they dream and they hope. And right now, they are sitting here reading these words, and I'm writing this for you so you don't feel alone anymore. Always remember, don't be depressed about the past, don't worry about the future, and just focus on today. If today's not so great don't worry! Tomorrow's a new chance. If you are reading this, be sure to share this around to make others feel better. Have a nice day!"💕🙏💗
Thanks for watching.
Thank you
@@DocSnipes Thank you very much .🙏😇 Wish you always success, good health, love life and happiness ❤ Love you with the Love of God.❤💕🙏🙏
@@drironmom6815 Thank you very much .🙏😇 Wish you always success, good health, love life and happiness ❤ Love you with the Love of God.❤💕🙏🙏
I love this comment! Thank you so much! It makes me feel like there are people who really understand 👋
I was codependent due to anxious attachment and now I'm in the recovery phase. I made an important step one day when I didn't feel despair for not being in a relationship. I simply felt satisfied with my life as it was. Since then I have tried to keep that feeling with the thought that the right man will come at the right moment. No need to be stressed out.
Co dependency was familiar to me after leaving home, late teens; I always had to have a boyfriend. My mother did not bond to me;
fortunately, my father was kind and sensitive. I guess I felt safe with guys, because of this situation. Now, I like being self sufficient!
Me
@@AmyCubbison so sorry...it really puts us at disadvantage, once leaving home. Hope things are better for you, now...
@@kirstinstrand6292 EMPATHY IS A LEARNED SKILL
I DID NOTICE THE CONTROL AND CONTROLLING TENDENCIES IN MY ALCOHOLIC ANONYMOUS SPONSORS , ACA, & AL-ANON SPONSOR AS WELL.. FIGURED IT WAS FROM THEIR OAN CHILDHOOD Truman's
For one hour you described me like you knew me better than I know myself. Every relationship in my life, like you witnessed them. Lots of work to do now. Thank you!
You are not alone. Right there with you.
Me too
I’m right there with you. My wife of 18 yrs has finally got to a point where she’s had enough but is willing to go to counseling. I ran across this and like you said, 90% of this described me to a T. It was a welcomed slap in the face! So much enlightenment on why I’m this way and what I must do to fix it.
You're not alone ! When I first heard the traits of codependency, I knew I had most of them. This sent me into a sort of depressive overwhelmed state but the more I'm learning more about codependency now, the more I'm feeling liberated
yES BUT COULD YOU SEE INTERACTION BY MIND EVER WITH SOME AS i DO BUT WITH WHO i WANT NOE AND GIRL OR BOBBY WRIGHT IS PAPER LAYERED COP CAR TO BEND THE CLEAN AT YOU GOT FOR HT NOT SHE DUMB HEAD AND YOU COP NOT DREAD WANT ROUND CHECK CITY COUNSEL AND SHIPPED FIRST
Right nobody says " When I grow up I wanna be a recovering codependent." It's a journey unlearning bad behaviors and relearning healthy ones.This is a heavy lesson lots to reflect on
Thanks for watching.
For sure!
But how do you do that journey?
What tools and resources did you use through your journey of unlearning all those unhealthy behaviors?
"the caregivers were unable to cope with life on life's terms" Whoa....so true...this is the main cause in the person's childhood that triggered codependency.🙏
It's important to note that attachment issues are intergenerational. So there's an irony (or logic) to the fact that parents are effectively teaching kids something they aren't aware of in themselves. Attachment is programmed into your behavior unless you become aware of it. So a lot of anxious/clingy parents are acting that out with kids. A lot of avoidant/emotionally unavailable parents are acting that out with kids. A lot of parents are acting out an anxious/avoidant dynamic in front of their kids, and not teaching them what repair looks like or healthy boundaries in relationships. For some of us who received large doses of all of the above, NO WONDER WE'RE HAVING RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGES. I think it's important for parents to literally become aware that to your child, you are a god. You control most of their world. So, in a sense, your commitment and ability to accept your child is crucial to healthy development. It's also SUPER IMPORTANT to understand that this should give us a compassionate view of our parents, ourselves, and everyone. This is not about parent shaming - quite the opposite - it's about accepting that we all have unconsciously learned (in childhood) ways of being that are not ideal. I'm agnostic, but you could say that if anyone deserves a break and some compassion, it's god. PARENTS - Give yourself a break, but also make-up with your child and teach them about feelings and communication! Relationship safety is paramount! 2 books that I think should be required reading for parents are Raising A Secure Child, and How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk.
Thanks for watching and commenting.
Wonderful comment! Thank you 😊
❤️
Amazing comment! If 57 people (upticks) have felt as stirred up as me, you have moved an ocean. May i humbly add: 'The wound is the place where the light comes in...' Thank you.
Some parents and step parents are very well aware of what they are doing. Love means nothing to them. It’s all power and control (sex and lust too) in all facets of their lives.
I’m suffering from this and just faced the rejection and abandonment of my co-dependent 4 year relationship. Now I’m feeling the raw emotions I’ve ran from since I was a kid. This time I’m going to heal, as long as it takes.
Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.
Bravo!
Sending u hugs 🫂 and love ❤️ and may you be healed from the pain ✨️ and hurt that you feel now !
Yes you can , have faith in yourself, don’t care what others think
So much love to you..i hear you lovely! I am going through the same or similar things..💖🤗
Outstanding! I mentally “get” it. Emotionally….well the work is ongoing.
We’ll said! I have a long road ahead, but I mentally have a guideline now! Before this, I just thought I was F’d up. The old man up and figure it out approach hasn’t worked!
Yes! So true
Same here...
yEAH I WANT HE RDEPENDING UPON THE WAY OF LIFE LIKE HEY I DID THINK IT WAS LIKE YOU i MESSED UP BITING ON WHAT MAKE WIFE
I’m trying to crawl out of this hell after 28 years. In a lot of ways, I feel like I am being punished for what was inflicted on me on a child. I’m a magnet for narcissists. I went through the initial abuse and now I am trying to get out of the secondary.
Yes…..I continued in an abusive relationship because I felt I couldn’t exist without him so I tolerated anything that came my way, I chose to stay rather than be alone, I didn’t consciously choose it but now looking back I know that’s what I was doing. Without him, because I was consumed with the relationship, I felt that I didn’t exist. This is the 1 st time that I have heard this explained so accurately. Fantastic content and video.
How did you get out?
@@opsgreg8392 I was physically assaulted so I went to the police and I went no contact. He was convicted 18 months later.
@@haliec4713 Wow, sorry that happened my friend... but happy you removed yourself like that. Takes immense strength to do so.. Thanks for sharing beautiful soul....blessings from above
@@opsgreg8392 Thank you for you kind words. Appreciated.
@@haliec4713 I'm so happy you got justice ❤️
That’s me!
The need to take care of others over oneself. Stemming from an insecure relationship with my mother. I was her fourth at age 19. She only had it to give to the first two. Too bad because I turned out pretty good. Had to divorce them 5 years ago for my own strength. I’m 65 and pretty happy.
HaHa...those older sibs got it all! My bro and I were parent's second family...11 years between fams. You were smart to divorce them when you did. 🤗 5 years ago is when I divorced my entire parental family.
I'm so glad I could get internet 😭 4 value able information I ve learnt so much I need ed to know and trying 2 make better decisions about how to have a great future 👍👊🤜💯🤛👌👋
Hugs, I was 4th and accident born to a very depressed angry mother who was Horribly abused as a child. I am 66. I had to fight not to be like her. I loved her but she got very violent at times.
I never thought learning im codependent by a relationship I wanted so bad to work fell apart would be a blessing in disguise learning is so empowering..
Not overnight of course but eventually it does feel like a black cloud lifts after doing work .
This is currently where I am
Any further suggestions from your healing process?
@@SParker1289 keep praying , I suggest sweet surrender.
I’m so scared to live without him because he was the one person who gave me an ounce of stability and safety.
I was heavily codependent though and it feels horrible being without him. I want to beg and tell him I’ll change but idk how to change. So I might as well work on myself and fix these issues
@@Crybabys_exe it's God that gives you everything , including stability...its counterintuitive but it might be the opposite of what you think ....He could very well be destabilizing you ...I'll pray you begin rest and recovery Doc snipes is a great start . Then secondly taking the first of the 12 steps saying I'm codependent im powerless over others and my life had become unmanageable....You can do it I believe in you !
this is such a good slide show ive had to rewatch it like 5 times this month to fully digest and process everything bit by bit at a time. incredible free education. god bless this lovely woman.
I appreciate you watching.
I’ve dealt with this for so long and didn’t even realize it until now. I never asked for commitment nor did I set boundaries for myself because I didn’t know how. I’m just thankful and taking the time to heal from all of this 🙏🏽❤️
You’re so welcome. I am grateful to be of help and I appreciate you watching the video. What did you find most useful from it? Other videos you might be interested in can be found at th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=codependency
I know …its just happening to you (in my case for decades ) without any awareness ………..
I’m crying so hard going through this session. All these angers, isolation and frustration growing up with an neglecting parent are brought back to me. That explains well my subconscious seeking of safety, validation and attention from others in my adulthood and why I’m so unhappy with myself. I will need to dry my tears and listen to this session all over again.
I am sorry about that and I am grateful for you being here and watching the video. Videos on building secure attachment can be found at th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=secure
i am also going through same . I wish to heal ✨
If you can't get healthy acceptance and attention from your loved ones or spouse, who are you suppose to get it from ? Doesnt everyone want and need this attention? That's why we love anima lsbecause they love and accept us unconditionally.
"Alright let's learn from this." This should be our encouraging words to our children when things don't go as we imagined they would.🙏
Secure Attachment entails:
- Responding aka providing appropriate responses to the child's developmental needs
-Attention to spend quality time for emotional development
-Validation to recognise the good in the child
- Safe Home base, where the child feels free to express feelings freely and feels comfort to be at home, physically and emotionally.🙏 Did I miss anything.
Pp
Letting child explore. Letting child play independently when he/she feels like it.
Prereq: Do my own inner work/ reparenting !
Doc Snipes’ acronym is
C.R.A.V.E.S.
Consistently
Responsive
Attentive
Validating
Encouraging
helps me feel Safe
I love this, thanks all🐞
Me too, I felt deeply lonely. I sacrificed me for company . The terrible need to break free caused me to want change. It's so hard and scary, but through all these negative emotions, I remained focused. I didn't let my emotions control me. Stay focused. Don't let your emotions control you.
Thank you so much for this. None of my needs were met as a child, and when I talk about it with my mom she rails or yells like I'm doing something wrong🙄
Yes my mom never agrees or accepts she wasn’t there emotionally for our needs. She refuses to listen or to talk about it and gets angry !! So frustrating
@@gooddaypetal I agree
So frustrating.
Mine goes extra silent and stares down at the kitchen table. Will never admit all the resulting harm and the addictions it's caused.
I feel for you as I know how much it hurts more when they can’t admit it ! I think they know deep down but can’t admit it as then it must be true that they messed up
Same for me! Sorry to hear! Sending u love
OH MY GOODNESS!!!
After literally years of researching on my side, finally….!
This video describes everything my partner and I are going through!!!
This is BY FAR the SINGLE most ACCURATE video on Co-dependency on the ENTIRE INTERNET!!!!
My absolute and enternal grateful thanks x one million to Doc Snipes. She is an ABSOLUTE WORLD CLASS EXPERT in her knowledge as well as in clearly describing Co-dependency. 🙏🙏🙏
YES!!!! Perfectly said. Best wishes to you and your loved one.
Only about 1000x more useful than a counseling session.
I appreciate you watching.
I have rediscovered how profoundly codependent I am, how much pain I am in. This is an excellent video. I hope this is the start of my healing because I don’t know how much longer I can suffer like this.
You may want to explore this with a professional counselor. You can find other therapists via Psychology Today search:
allceus.com/Psychology_Today_Therapist_Search
Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.
I have a life coach who was the one who pinpointed my basic problem with the word codependency, but I may seek someone with a PhD, thanks…I’m not going to do anything crazy, hurt myself or anything like that…I just wish my ex didn’t make all sorts of promises to me in the post break up phase of our relationship, like saying she’d always be there for me as a friend and then declaring that she was cutting off all contact with me.
I can say that I can identify with most of what you wrote and just about to watch this video.
I'm just wondering how you are doing and if you've found ways to heal? I feel your heart!
The book "Codependent No More" by Mellody Beattie has been very useful in my struggle with codependency. Pro tip: As you read through each chapter take notes so you can quickly refer back to it later. This is helpful because each chapter deals with a topic that codependants struggle with.
Thanks for watching the video and for sharing. What did you find most useful from the video? You can find other videos on codependency at: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=codependency
Is a must read. One of my favorite books.
I wanted to take a moment and thank you for what you do! You are amazing for helping us connect the dots in our brains so we can better make sense of our emotions and how we process trauma. You are one of the few people I've come across that seem to truly get what many of us struggle with. Your HPA axis conversations are life changing. THANK YOU!
Thanks for watching.
Is this is Why Some Males are Violent toward Women &Children?
Agree Agree - Doc Snipes is the best. 👍🏽
Wonderful information, thank you!
I’ve been dealing with abandonment and codependency for years and I’ve never really gotten help for it. I’ve done hours of research to the point where i could probably write a college level paper on this, but I can’t seem to stop my triggers from ruining romantic relationships; I’m going through that now, actually.
Your videos are like therapy in a sense, I wish I could actually sit down in an office and talk to you; you’re very helpful. Thank you.
Me as well, I need some help.
We can work together to heal ourselves and listen to eachother I’m sure there’s much to learn that way especially with relationships! These can’t be learned or grasped by reading and researching they are grasped by actually experiencing.. if you want dm me and we can make a discord group and chat once everyweek like group therapy ❤️
Similar to a lot of us so don’t beat yourself up for it. It’s a process! Something that really helped me finally see changes or actually absorb the information I was seeing was validating myself and my experience. You can watch over 500 videos on it but you won’t see effects because your attention is so focused on the videos and the should’ve/could’ve instead of personalizing it. Over indulgence can be counterproductive sometimes. It kind of decontextualizes your situation and your pain because you’re expecting yourself to get it so quickly. In other words, before wanting to make or see any changes, you must connect your mind and body aside from what the books tell you. If you’re stressed about something external, if one trigger piles onto another and another because you still don’t feel safe, videos or learning more about it simply won’t do the trick. Your focus should be regulation and healing the physical (which your body does on its own because it loves you so much & wants to keep you safe the best ways it knows how) before jumping to finding the proper solution in your relationships.
Regulate your emotions through yoga, breath work, as well as crying/anger or allowing yourself to feel your feelings so you can validate yourself and provide yourself the safety you’re missing (CRAVES). Rituals and daily routines also help regulate your emotions, anything with repeated patterns. Affirmations, walks in the park, literally anything that prioritizes your emotions that doesn’t involve relying on another person can be the first steps to change and rediscovering yourself.
A big part of codependency that we often ignore is meeting your own needs so it’s expected for this to be difficult or even confusing. Take a step back and ask yourself if your body needs something. It took me like 3 months of crying constantly, journaling, staring at myself in the mirror, comforting and consoling myself to finally bring my fight/flight down to feel safe again after 2 years of constantly being on go and then I could start putting everything I learned into use.
A bad analogy I have for watching videos and expecting sh to happen is like putting a bandage over a wound without a chunk of cotton to stop the blood.. the blood will just seep through. So it might be best to take a break from stressors or do something to get more in touch with yourself so you can avoid your blood leaking all over all the new knowledge you just got .. if that makes sense. Feeling safe in your body allows you to be more mindful of triggers which can, with practice, help you regulate your responses in your relationships. Lmk if you need any help as I’m going through a similar sit. right now. You got this. Be patient and compassionate with yourself!! God bless you
Would be interested in a discord chat tbh on this
@@kyfp528 I love your explanation!
I did not realize that I am an extreme codependent, I had a recent spiritual awakening that showed me I had issues with self-worth and self-respect. This video is an eye-opener and I am on the journey of healing and working towards loving myself.
I appreciate you watching the video. What did you find most useful from it? Other videos you might be interested in can be found at th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=codependency
I have experienced both. I am an empath. But I also am a recovering co-dependent.
I’ve felt overwhelmed when I’m in large groups because I can feel the energy coming from anyone experiencing high emotions. When I pray for people, I often feel as I pray.
But I also struggled with manipulation& control!
I wanted to relieve the pain &/or fear I felt so I would do things to cause a behavior change if I could in the other person/people!
I do not think there’s a wrong or right answer here. Rather an opportunity to hear different experiences that hopefully will open hearts & minds to face whatever truth needed for individual healing.
Ownership of your own truth is key. Vulnerable & authenticity is key.
What is your heart or experience saying. That’s where your freedom lies!! Not in anyone else’s.
We highly benefit from each other’s stories only when we pay attention to what’s inside our own hearts.
I’m so thankful for these platforms for understanding & connecting! So helpful to know we aren’t alone & to have healthy dialogue ❤️
Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.
My dad didn't want me and resented me. I never felt anything but fear, discomfort and shame around him. He was my worst bully, not because of the severity of the things he'd say, but because of the nature of our relationship and my dependence on him.
I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching the video.
Other videos you might be interested in can be found at th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=innerchild
The codependent is constantly worrying about the other person, constantly covering up for the other. The codependent is so focused on by the relationship that they can't focus on their work or anything else. In childhood when they felt insecure, they were terrified of persons taking care of them leaving, so they wanted to do all they could to keep them. They have this underlying anxiety that they are going to be abandoned. They have too much stress, too much cortisol, and they can't sleep or eat well. So they have impaired cognitive function.
yeh
F y u s o b. That is ntp necessarily true. What a bastard you R
I was neglected by both my parents and it was traumatic home less as a teen... I never had sleeping problems. You sick narcs are the problem in this world to. That's why there is so much abuse and stupid judgement calls.
Mind blown! 🤯 We ALL have severe trauma that needs to be healed. The first step to change is recognizing/acknowledging the problem. She breaks this down to such a clear and distinct explanation and it’s scary how much of the behavior that causes these invisible traumas, think the action or behavior that initiated it was NEVER “normal” behavior.
Thanks for watching! Wishing you peace, health, and, happiness.
Doc Snipes hits the nail on the head when she states that the codependent person is with someone who needs help and the codependent is continually being used to provide help. Mental Health is a huge topic because we are unable to see inside peoples minds. Sometimes its our own minds that are in denial about what is truly going on with those we love and care most about and what effect it is having on ourselves.
Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.
I've just woken up after 25 years and 2 kids. Not 'feeding' my wife anymore and her frustration is showing. I'm partially back in control of myself. Much more to learn and discover in time to come, going to see various experts (counsilor, solicitor etc.). My marriage is now 'on hold'. I have to look after my own sanity first. The kids are 19 and 22, they should be able to stand on their own 2 feet.
Thank you for making this video. I married young at age 21, I’m now 27 trying to navigate my own emotions and my husbands. Learning boundaries and healthy ways to communicate. I can see the patterns from my childhood playing out in my current relationship. We don’t have kids yet and I’m so grateful to be able to heal myself now so I don’t put my future family through the shit I went through. Blessings to you! 🤍
My wife ( I Am on her cell need to replace mine) would agree to what I Am going to say ....
Make loyalty a priority in Your partner and yourself. Only socialize with like minded couples on that first and foremost value. My family and I have suffered and received no help.
Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.
14 is young, 21 is / should be normal. most dont even marry today which is tragic.
I'm am deeply grateful for having been able to get out from a codependent relationship for more than 2 decades. Thank you for this extensive narration of what I've been through, it helps me to validate that I need to continue to focus on self-love & self-care, & then to completely heal.
So welcome. Other videos you might be interested in can be found at: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=codependency
Both my parents had PTSD. Actually one had CPTSD. Fun times. Makes kids nervous WRECKS but my parents weren't alcoholics or addicted, just nervous WRECKS.
Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.
I was a codependent in a relationship with another codependent and the dynamics were exactly as you described. After the breakup I feel like I really want to heal this aspect of myself. I find that I go through phases of focusing on myself and getting attraction from other people and then the moment I start talking to them I slowly see myself falling back to the same patterns. I don't know how I can just stop falling into the same trap over and over again...
So welcome. I appreciate you watching. If you’re interested in codependency, you can find other videos on it at: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=codependency
I felt that :(
This too is my struggle.
Yes I relate too, need guidance
This is me as well. I think I'm ok on the right path then give in when someone wants to meet me. I changed my number last week, for a fresh start. I don't want to meet anyone new. Need a break from family because I created an environment to be needed. Im reading the Bible and need to learn to show up for myself, love me, build my self esteem. I have books , I will get more active with coda meetings. It's work that needs to be done to change this cycle.
Extensive and thorough....and...information to be careful with in application. This presentation seems to capture how modern Western psychology looks at individuals and relationships yet, unfortunately, doesn't seem to have a place to comment on what legitimate responsibility we have towards others. It seems to be predicated on an idea that people can be perfectly healthy as isolated individuals.
In other words, if I'm hearing it right, it seems to be judging people as codependent (i.e. unhealthy) if they seek validation from others as adults. But surely what's healthy lies somewhere on a contiuum. That is, human beings NEED validating feedback all through life, not just in early childhood. Parenting isn't just about getting a child to be emotionally self-reliant by the time they're 10. My sense is that our modern culture (including modern psych and self-help) has gone too far in the direction of celebrating the individual and catastrophically fails to address the loss of community and the loss of relationship-within-community.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that codependency, if it is a disease, is a modern one caused, on the broadest scale, by the fact that we as a society don't provide enough caregiving...not only to children but to all people in our community who feel disenfranchised, unloved and confused. If the remedy is to make codendents more self-reliant, that may bring some relief to the individual, but it seems to perpetuate a societal perspective which does, if we're being honest about it, abandon people. It labels the "codependent" person as the "unhealthy" element instead of recognizing this as a societal problem.
I challenge psych and other care workers to not only help individuals with their inner struggles but to be part of a civic and political effort to change how our broader culture sees and treats individuals.
This is an excellent guide/resource for people in relationships; many have codependent characteristics. All relationships are challenging because no one is completely free of mental health issues, if honest!
Totally agree with you 👍
This is a video to read the transcript and to play every 3 months as I grow and admit my failings in my life not blame anyone but feel compassion and determine to love and keep my boundaries to love me the most. Thanks doc!
You’re so welcome. I appreciate you being here and watching the video. What did you find most useful from it?
OMG thank you, thank you, thank you. Hit the nail on the head, I am 68, separated for 6 years, lived with a covert narcissist for 33 years, me being the co dependent. This is like many counseling sessions rolled into one!
🙂🙂Thanks for watching! Wishing you peace, health, and, happiness.
Wow. Your slide at 44:00 sums up pretty much everything I’ve been feeling and struggling with, thank you so much for talking through the connections between insecure attachment and the consequences! I’ve always felt terrible for failing to muster up a “correct” level of empathy in certain situations, but I’m slowly realizing that my lack of emotional intelligence is definitely connected to my parents own issues and unpreparedness; and while I don’t fully blame them (issues are definitely generational here) it’s still tough when they refuse all responsibility and get angry when I try to talk through these feelings with them.
Parents, please let your child cry. Don’t yell or overwhelm them to get them to stop, it has the opposite effect. Sometimes it’s not about learning why they are “sad”, but rather them being emotionally overwhelmed by life in general. Take it from me: if you are not their emotional safe space, your adult relationship with them in the future may greatly suffer for it.
Thank you for posting these videos. There are so many people who need education about these issues but can’t afford therapy. I recommend these videos for those who can’t go to therapy but still want changes in their life.
Thank you. You just described the marriage I was in. I am so proud of myself for being able to identify the shame and guilt my exhusband tried to throw on me in order to get me to do what he wanted me to do. I feel free now and able to look for a healthy relationship.
Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.
Words can't adequately express my appreciation of you sharing your perspectives, experiences, and vast knowledge❤️
This is incredibly helpful! The accuracy makes it so easy to identify what type of codependent you are and how you act because of it. Thank you for this!!
This was so informative. I listened to it while getting ready for work this morning and just returned to listen again so I could take notes. I was physically, sexually, and verbally abused as a child and teen by various family members. I knew I had some abandonment issues that I've actively worked on over the years but I never realized I was codependent until listening to this. It explains a lot. I'm an open book (literally lol... wrote a book about my life) and I'm very self-aware and consistently trying to work on myself. So I can admit that I am codependent as a result of having both an anxious and avoidant attachment style. Just as you described, I crave relationships but I also run from them. I easily go from NOT wanting to be left to WANTING to be left alone within minutes. Deep down I don't want to be left alone but I get like that as a defense mechanism. I will be subscribing and checking out more of your content.
I am sorry you went through that and I appreciate you watching the video. How will you start building secure attachment and heal your inner child?
Other videos that might help can be found at: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=secure
This video has saved my life , I know something was wrong with me my last relationship I was involved with someone with BPD /npd I was always trying to fix it , at one point I thought I was a npd person but this video break down is EXACTLY what I tend to do in my past relationships. Now I need a recovery program.
This is such an amazingly accurate description of my boyfriend and his current state. Every SINGLE thing you have said complete syncs up with who he has been. Its actually scary but validating! I'm going to have him watch this ASAP!
Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.
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I’m so thankful I came across this video. Wow just wow! You have described me in how I think and why I choose relationships why I feel like I can save them because they need means the chances of being abandoned is less. Thank you for helping me understand myself. I grew up with typical Asian parents. Nothing was ever good enough, Dad had a temper, yelled all the time because he didn’t know how to regulate his own emotions with the stressors of life as an immigrant. Thank you for your videos, I want to heal so I that I can provide secure attachments for my own children🙏🏼
Thanks for watching.
Breaking down depression into simple language maybe the person who experiences symptoms of depression is crying for help saying "I feel helpless, I feel hopeless, I feel low and I cannot find the correct resources to help me overcome these feelings."🙏
💗
I used to be codependent but I am no longer. I was an alcoholic and a pot head. But I cleaned my life up and worked through all my emotional trauma and insecurities and learned to live and work on them by trying new things talking about it to TH-cam and I got great advice that I took I had to make peace with the past and focus on other goals that better myself here recently I have been working on giving up lustful fantasies and desires and have been doing a great job I’m bettering myself everyday I try to enjoy my free time as well.
That’s awesome, Joel! Thank you for watching.
Thank You! Such clear, helpful, and thorough information! Appreciate you bringing value, education, and tools to us!
This is the best thing I’ve ever heard on codependency and I’ve heard a lot
Too Kind!!!! Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.
Attachment styles are massively important. It’s wild that since all of us are in relationships in some form or another, that this isn’t Common Knowledge!
Thanks for posting this informative video.
Thanks for watching.
Spot on!! This was a very helpful video. I have an anxious/avoidant attachment style. I have only ever been in one relationship which lasted 5 months (MIRACLE!!) and I don't know if I will ever be in another relationship in my life because of FEAR!! I am 45 years old, I look after myself the best I can with regular exercise, meditation and I try to eat healthily. I am very spiritual and have no doubt there is an afterlife and I know I'm in this life to learn and experience myself inside this body. I know when I die I will return home to the unconditional love that I came from, so I think of life as a spiritual school lol. Thank you Dawn for this very insightful video x
Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.
Thank you so much for putting in order a lot of concepts that I know but in a transparent way. I've been in therapy for 20 years now. I'm doing DBT, and I have assisted to CODA. But I'm relapsing and this video helped me to remember how I can act and be. Thank you!
Hi Doc Snipes, I just wanted to drop another line to stay thank you for doing all you do. I’m healing because of channels like yours. You are doing good work.
So welcome! I appreciate you watching
This one hit me hard. All I wanted to do was hang out with my dad. Who knew it would really cause issues into adulthood.
Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.
Omg my heart hurts for you😭
My littles all know daddy loves them and are the nucleus of my world. Turning the negative into a positive, that's all you can do.
@@BiggusDickus2 You’re doing a good job! :)
@@vronica84 thank you 😃
I love the half screen, it is clear and make a great contact with people. Great lecture and teacher.
Thanks for the feedback on the new picture. :) Have a great day.
I’m convinced you are an angel, Dawn Elise. Thank you for all you do. You help so many people! Best wishes to you.
I am so thankful to have found your channel. Thanks for delivering information in such an easy way to understand.
You are doing god's work! Thank you for providing such meticulous clarity about such important issues many of us felt as a child and is now affecting our relationships! God bless you Doc!
I am grateful to be of help and I appreciate you watching the video. What did you find most useful from it? Other videos you might be interested in can be found at th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=attachment.
th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=addiction
th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=codependency
Have a blessed day!
Thank you so much for this in depth, non judgmental, human, and empathetic discussion. I feel less like a broken person, just a human. So many eye opening thoughts.
😀 Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.
You have done an amazing job with providing specific details on this subject. Very helpful information for understanding and steps to healing. The comment section is also soooo helpful.
Self rejection, introverted, uncomfortable in own skin at a very young age, brought up with some very strong Southern Baptist preaching churches, and not wanting to fail in many areas.
Becoming a people pleaser, balancing the whole family. Often thought of as the eldest child in family, due to the fact oldest child had been affected by relatives who were entrusted by my parents.
My co dependent behavior was pushed upon me through these couple things.
Fear has been my best friend for 60 years. Fear for myself. But no fear in protecting someone else or standing up for someone else.
Turn into a mouse if I was being attacked, verbally and or physically.
While being groomed for the codependent title. Never did I ever think it was my fault of my dad’s anxiety, of moms manic depression, that my husbands personality disorder, addiction in everything that made him feel good!
But I do feel responsible for my children being raised in an environment such as they were.
Why? Because I knew it was unhealthy, as to why? I Truly thought I was doing them right by trying to be every where and everything a child could need from both parents.
And I will take that to my grave.
Why did I stay in such a toxic relationship? I felt strongly, that spiritually I was to stay. And although I have guilt for allowing my children to endure so much. Two of my three children say if it were not for the bad times in life, the good times could not be had . My 3rd child struggles with being much like her dad.
I don’t know? Codependent has many reasons for existing. Not always is it an abandonment issue. It can also be not wanting to fail.
My husband of 35 years, has been deceased for a few years.
And I finally understand what he endured for his whole life.
And for those of you who believe in a higher power. Yes my husband come to know Christ in the true sense, a year before he passed.
Sorry for thought vomiting. I have quite a lot, deep in my mind, heart and soul.
Logically we break it down into different illnesses. Spiritually I break it down in two categories, With Jesus Christ and with Jesus Christ.
I feel that your videos definitely help all people in self reflection.
I thank you for the breakdown of Co dependency. I’m working my way out of the mess I allowed my self to stay in. I will be a better me!
Hi
You are an amazing parent. You did what you could with what you knew. Take back your power and your new identity in Christ and put Him first. As a child of an immigrant unsaved codependent mother… it’s good to see you here. Everything will be okay, okay? May He bless you and your children in all your endeavors!
@@kyfp528WOW that's sounds great... nice meeting you here... where are you from??
Emotional abandonment.. meaning where people talk about their emotions, share their feelings, feel safe to fully express their emotions , and feel held and seen in their full emotional bodies. And also where parents or caregivers show their own full range of emotions and guide the kids in theirs.
I still have to remind myself that abandonment is more than just physical. It’s spiritual, emotional, financial, etc.
Thank you! This is useful information to me. I've been codependent, but I've needed more information to know what to do next to heal. This video helped me.
The ones hated the most are the ones who know true love bec you were hated the most, yet kept loving the person who hated you. Find someone who is willing to love you as much as you love them by showing your care & compassion to others. Observe who leaves & who stays. The one who stayed the most is the one who deserves you.
Thank you for watching the video and for sharing
I’m 41 and until recently, “I didn’t know what I didn’t know.”
(Three years of therapy opened my eyes to legitimate trauma I experienced during childhood and as a young adult, how it affected me, my marriage, and my parenting - and eventually helped me to embrace my WORTH and beautiful uniqueness once again.
At about the time this video aired, I was attending a “Healthy Relationships and Codependency” therapy group/class, wherein I not only learned that **boundaries** existed, but that I am worthy of having and *enforcing* them.
This is such a good, informative video. I appreciate the reminder of the mind blowing revelations I experienced within that group… as well as your fresh delivery of relevant new (to me) details.
**THANK YOU for all you do to provide us with such beneficial content!!! ✊🥺
You are so welcome. Thanks for watching.
Omg you just blew my mind with this ! It’s me 100% . I was actually crying listening to it. I live through helping others, I feel like I’m no one if I don’t have someone to take care of. I always pick men that are addicts with no self esteem. It’s insane and so unhealthy. I have alot of work to do on myself. ALOT😩 thanks for your video I needed a starting point….
I am sorry about that. How are you thinking of starting addressing this?
Other videos you might be interested in can be found at: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=codependency
Hi Dr.Snipes and fellow subscribers i wanna thankyou for exposing the behaviors of codepency ive gotta be honest..throughout the session you touched on very personal behaviors that i couldnt deny which brought different feelings. I had to confront these feelings about the behaviors im doing. Yikes! Awkward! But at the same time im relieved" and hopeful relieved cause i see what it is im doing and why and through guidance i can make the change. Thankyou thankyou! So much for your show you are 👏 appreciated !
Thanks for watching and commenting.
This was so on point & described my personality as a codependent person….thank you for helping me understand myself better & my destructive behavior☮️& blessings
Thanks for watching!
Doc Snipes your videos help me understand so much and I wanted to tell you how grateful I am. I feel like I am sitting in on a PHD course. I wish I had known what I am learning now in the last number of years from you and many other experts. Thank you for your professional presentations and informative and well explained content. Bless you.
Glad it was helpful. Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness
I’m struggling with codependency. I have an anxious attachment style. I feel so infatuated with the idea of “love”. I want to remove if possible my fear of abandonment and rejection.
I need to be patient about myself.
The lyrics of the song "Nobody's Child" clearly expresses the lack of attention the child faced in growing up.🙏
Thank you for articulating my feelings for me. You are a true gift to this world.
Hi
This helped me see myself clearly. Good to come away calmer through discernment along with some action steps to take to feel safe and validated.
Thank you!
Lots of love and gratitude and prayers from Egypt ❤️❤️❤️
I think its a shame the way our modern lives are structured. People arent machines or cogs and being stuck in a irrelevant career is soul crushing, when it comes to brain chemistry and substance abuse we are substituting natural triggers for old reward circuits in our brain that drove us to participate and better ourselfs in our communities. When my grandmother made food for the family it brang her a lot of pleasure seeing us enjoy it, she put in a lot of love. Men got their adrenaline rush from hunting which was also enforcing their defensive ability , when they brought the meat back they got their dopemine hit, or when they brought in harvest slaughtered an animal for guests ect. For most of history we thrived and were more successful in numbers. Tribes and villages were more successful when there were a good variety of people with different skills working together for the common good getting real gratification from their contribution. Co dependance is biological, Elderly are codependent on the youth Grandparents on their children and kids to their parents, people dont have time and are chasing their own tails mostly chasing dreams, career driven, opertunistic, selfish, forming bad habits that spread, our relationships have less substance we dont see eachother in any real meaningful ways. Nobody survives in this world without co dependence In the modern dog eat dog world where people prey on eachother and lack morals people are miserable. Backs against the wall or on the offensive because of how toxic things are.
I‘ve been looking for answers for years now and this video gave me huge comfort. I wanted to forgive my parents for being neglectful towards me. But got mad at myself for being incapable to do so.
Now I know that I need to forgive myself.
Thanks for sharing. Wishing you, peace, health, and, happiness.
Wow! I just finished viewing the presentation. Thank you! I stumbled upon the presentation accidentally as it was recommended by the TH-cam AI, but basically I believe my subconscious must have included all of the necessary words in my Google searches in order for me to receive and view this today. I am nearly every bullet point in your presentation and have always been as far as I can remember post graduating high school. I am 50 now. I only learned there was something called codependency once I left my only relationship of 21 years 3 years ago. Now I see how we fit together as a couple -his issues and mine- fit this model perfectly. Looking forward to reviewing this work again and stopping this cycle now.
So glad you found the video. Please like, subscribe, and share. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.
Shout out! Your videos having been helping along side my therapist. Thank you thank you thank you !!!!!!!!
Doc.. Never delete your videos from TH-cam
Thank you so much for this. I'm only 20 minutes in so far, but every word so far is me. I'm going to watch it multiple times and work on moving forward. Thank you.
You got this! Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.
Thank you for sharing your gift of teaching! Excellent presentation!
Hey please do a video about treating/healing AvPD please (avoidant personality disorder)
Wow! After just experiencing a sudden ending to my relationship to an anxious, codependent partner, this clarified and confirmed so much for me. Thank you so much for creating and posting this.
You’re so welcome. I am sorry that happened to you and I appreciate you watching the video. What did you find most useful from it? Other videos you might be interested in can be found at th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=codependency
@@DocSnipes Thank you for your reply and sorry for my late reply - notification went to spam. I loved that you summed up perfectly so many traits that I couldn't understand prior to watching your video. You then finished with some extremely useful tips on how to become more securely attached and overcome the issues. I love your work on the healing the wounded Inner Child too.
Good lord have mercy I feel so called out. Despite my discomfort, I am so grateful. I’ve seen so much of myself and my family in what you’re saying and I’m only 1/4 the way into your video. Gonna take a break to digest then ‘deep breath’ back into the fold!
Thank you for watching the video. Other videos you might be interested in can be found at th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=codependency
Hands down the clearest codependency video I have seen on TH-cam. Thank you mam.
You're most welcome. You can find more videos on codependency here: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=codependency. Additionally, you can find self-help courses and worksheets on codependency at: docsnipes.com.
Amazing Video! I've been in therapy for a month now dealing with a lot of these issues very confused. After watching this video it all seemed to come together and start to make sense! Thank you!
You’re so welcome. I appreciate you watching the video. You can find videos on creating secure attachment at: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=secure
Root cause of codependency is insecurity. Insecurity due to low self esteem.
Yes and being labeled codependent by some stranger won't do much for your self asteem either.
The explanation of early childhood attachment types and how it manifests in adulthood is so insightful and empowering.
Thanks!
WOW..I listen to you every morning and night.the way you explain the process is easy to understand and super adaptable to daily living.thankyou my dear friend miss snipes
Wow, thank you
I'm an example of what the topic is discussed in this video. However I have grown up in an abusive home, although it wasn't in a poor or low income neighborhood, quite the opposite it was a stable middle class neighborhood. American Suburbia wasn't and still isn't all high gloss and glitter.
Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.
Wow! I have always known about the word co dependency but never really had an explanation like I have after watching your video. You explained my WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE in 57 mins. I truly appreciate you. This was definitely needed. Thanks you so much.
Thanks for watching.
Codependency relates to those trapped in marriages with alcaholics. Psychology borrowed it to label otgers and make a buck. This label causes many people shame and keeps them from getting help to leave abusive relationships. Not everyone wants to be gaslighted by some stranger. Keep in mind that psychology is not a real science.
Doc, you Nailed it!!! I so appreciate your explanation of how and why this develops from ACE ( adverse childhood experiences). Thank you....
Thank you also for No commercials!!!!!
Thanks for watching.
I've never heard anyone tell me to make a secure attachment with myself . I will get a lot of mileage from this lecture thank you Ma'am.
You are most welcome