How To Truly Transform Social Anxiety Into Unstoppable Confidence
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 28 ก.ย. 2022
- SocialConfidenceCenter.com Dr. Aziz, Confidence Coaching
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Topics covered in this video:
dr. aziz, confidence coach, build confidence, increase self-confidence, overcome social anxiety, overcome shyness, get more confidence, confidence tips, life coach, how to be confident, positivity, attitude, self-esteem, zizard411
#DrAziz #ConfidenceCoach #SocialAnxiety
Here is a simple way that worked for me: sit your ass down for at least 10min a day and mentally rehearse being your most confident self. Talking to people, strangers, crowd, man/women, with ease, handling rejection with ease, expressing your true opinion and feelings etc... your mind doesn't know the difference between imagination and reality, this is a fantastic way to teach and prepare yourself to become free. then of course you have to go and do it in real but after practising this you'll see how easier it is.
Urge to be prepared is part of trauma. It ends up with being hypervigilant, as we were taught in dysfunctional toxic ambient to be prepared for abuse.
It ends up with losing precious time, energy, money and focus on situations which probably will never happen.
It ends up with being controlled by people and outside situations - external reference locus of control where we put other people and outside as our god for whom we must serve and be obedient and subservient and depend on its validation, appraisal and approval. This is road to narcissism.
Why not being imperfect?
Why not admitting being vulnerable and not knowing something that we are willing to learn anyways?
Why not making errors and being fine with errors since we can learn from errors valuable lessons?
Why building narcissistic mask of superiority to impress people who would not pay attention to us for 3 seconds?
@@ranc1977 sure, i think you misread my comment. it's not about being perfect or seeking validation or building your mask of superiority.
It's about overcoming the fear of being yourself around people and feeling more confident. that's what the exercise help you do.
Why continue letting this fear run your life when there are simple way to let that go and embrace your authenticity?
@@NenadP What if "fear" is authentic?
What if we are in toxic ambient covered up as "normal" situation and our fear is natural alarm system warning us that we are in toxic environment?
If we live in Chernobyl - staying there will not make us strong and we won't built immunity to toxic radiation. The symptoms will warn us that we need to relocate.
All emotions have their purpose. Even uncomfortable emotions such as fear, anxiety, state of panic. If we stifle them down we will develop plethora of psychological issues and physical ailments such as cancer and auto-immune diseases.
Exposure to long term narcissistic abuses causes brain injury. Brain injury. Think about it. Constant nagging, complaining, smear campaign, negativity causes rapture in the brain of recipient. Fear will be there to warn us that we are in the presence of sick person and that we need to go away and cut contact immediately. If we shut down emotions, lean on positive toxicity and toxic empathy - we will self sabotage ourselves.
Carl Jung | Psychology and Philosophy 🧠, TWITTER:
The foundation of all mental illness is the unwillingness to experience legitimate suffering.
Thanks for advice
@@richest8130 It is advice to hypervigilance and new layers of anxiety. It is hypnosis with trauma belief that you are incapable of handling life and that you must learn how to be "normal" and "strong". That somehow your thinking can save you from evil people, and magically your thoughts and behavior can influence external factors - which lead to mild schizophrenia and paranoia in the end.
Instead of self-narcissistic abuse try out validating and self-acceptance, self validation and self love. And see where this will lead you.
You will discover that you never actually take care of yourself at all. And that was the whole problem to begin with.
When we equate outside circumstances - being poor, being in toxic ambient, surrounded by toxic people - as our own fault due to some character defect which can be "cured" by nitpicking our errors and imperfections - we will develop severe mental illness and become narcissist. Just as our abusers were. And then the curse of mental illness will pass onto the next generation. Break the spell. Love yourself as you are. Without any conditions of superiority and narcissism.
Carl Rogers: “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself, just as I am, then I can change.”
I just got a job in D2D sales and the anxiety is hitting me hard. I’m not going to give up though, I know it’s just a matter of time and practice before I overcome this fear and start killing it!
Never give up brother keep going!
@@rubin-healmysocialanxiety702 Thanks
"anxiety is hitting me hard"
When?
Light up the dark room. Bring in LED light instead of candle. Enlighten the dark parts of anxiety room.
Become scientist and Sherlock Holmes - pick up the clues - what happens when anxiety hits. Is it triggered by someone or in your head? Was someone rude? If so, what they said?
If we can get clear what is bugging us and triggering us - we can make anxiety solid as object to chisel and modulate and fix.
For example, if you are in toxic ambient - nothing you do to change and modulate yourself - it will not change it.
Is there mobbing and bullying there?
We can retort to toxic people - and see if they are clueless toxic - which will help when we retort and be authentic and honest. If they are toxic they will not stop with the abuse.
I would become objective and seek what is the true problem - are we in true real danger, is there mobbing and bullying? Or are we reacting to past trauma.
From my experience - with social anxiety we have ability to detect toxic fake manipulative controlling people - and this is creating uncomfortable feelings of anxiety in social situations. IF I define this ability as danger, annoyance, stupid, weird, weak, unmanly, something to destroy and to be ashamed about - I will create toxic shame and I will create additional anxiety which was not present before. And the fear will spread with time since now I am making myself into hysteria of not trusting myself.
When we know inside that we can rely on ourselves that we will protect ourselves from bullying, mobbing and abuse - by any means possible: retort in functional manner or leaving the toxic place or cutting contact with toxic person - or by being scientist and see if there is real true danger or is it my imagination - I believe we will start to rely on ourselves and social anxiety will lessen.
I see social anxiety as alarm system, it is nothing to be destroyed. Without it, we would become people pleasers and fawn to others since we would not have boundaries to reject and deflect toxic people. Social anxiety that we feel is suppressed and repressed anger, it is also suppressed and repressed child like parts of ourselves that we learned to be ashamed of. So we try to be normal, kind, nice and cooperative and agreeable - which toxic people will exploit and take advantage of. We believe that being silent, quiet and self censorship is sign that we are good, nice, kind, empathic, better than violent others, and that we must not rock the boat and that we must suppress natural responses to someone rudeness by being quiet and "strong" and "manly" - which are all wrong interpretations of how we react to difficult people. These wrong definitions and explanations about being kind, nice, strong, good, accepted, confident are creating social anxiety.
I would allow ourselves to react in ways that we label now as arrogant, stupid, weak, unacceptable. And then see if social anxiety will lessen. It will.
Dr Aziz talked about this in his book - however it was not explained from social anxiety perspective. With social anxiety we have crude and rigid explanations, conclusions and definitions of what is evil and what is nice. This is due to CPTSD, exposure to untreated mentally ill people, constant criticism and dysfunctional and toxic ambient - where our perspective of what is normal was thwarted and distorted - while it appears as ultimate truth in our mind - due to exposure to abuse.
As Gabor Mate said, being normal is creating chaos.
Gabor Maté - 'Much of what we call personality is not a fixed set of traits, only coping mechanisms a person acquired in childhood.'
We have this idea that what is normal is also healthy and natural. In this culture the norm is neither healthy nor it is natural. In fact, a norm is making us sick.
YT Gabor Matè
Tom Bilyeu
Healthy anger is there to protect our boundaries, somebody invade our space, say Stay out, that is role of healthy anger. If you repress this healthy anger people would trespass me all over me. Keeps out dangerous.
YT Gabor Matè
Tom Bilyeu
Illness is outcome of that adaptation. Core directive to become pathological is we have to connect by maintaining authenticity, in touch with gut feeling and be true to them. If you grew up in home where honest emotions were not accepted.
YT Gabor Matè
Escape attempt from pain creates more pain.
We get addicted to it.
Dr. Gabor Maté
"I have to be strong"
The core belief in having to be strong enough, characteristic of many people who develop chronic illness, is a defense.
When the Body Says No - The Cost of Hidden Stress
Book by Gabor Maté
It gives you same story - if you say no, you're a bad person. That's all it knows. You don't want to feel it, you don't want to make friends with it. Next time you feel guilt, be happy about it. Say to yourself, I've done something for myself
YT Gabor Maté
Problem with adaptive responses is they help you with at the time but later on they become problems. Adaptive at one point, maladaptive at another point. They are not conscious adaptations, they are automatic, under awareness.
YT Gabor Matè
Tom Bilyeu
We're meant to create. When we do the work that's not creative, that doesn't reflect who we are, that imposes depression, anxiety, a sense of meaninglessness. We substitute with by other activities - how people feel about us, what we posses.
YT Gabor Maté
Look at childhood. Anxiety is really the cry of some desperate childhood part of themselves for help and to learn to get help with that part. Not just to take tranquilizers, drink or go to Internet to soothe themselves.
YT Dr. Gabor Mate
Neurosis is the avoidance of legitimate suffering.
JUNG
The foundation of all mental illness is the unwillingness to experience legitimate suffering.
JUNG
The first half of life is devoted to forming a healthy ego,
the second half is going inward and letting go of it.
Carl Jung
The more you deliberately seek happiness the more sure you are not to find it.
Carl Jung
Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darkness of other people.
CARL JUNG
Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual's conscious life, the blacker and denser it is.
Carl Jung
“To be normal is the ideal aim for the unsuccessful.”
JUNG
Keep it up, it’s like confidence bootcamp.
@@Jennie28844 Confidence is not something to keep up.
IF you need to "keep up" confidence, this is inferiority complex and it is called overcompensation - where you try to be confident without working on trauma and wounds which are prohibiting us from living with full energy.
Confidence is paradox - if you try to achieve it, you will never get it.
If you let go, you will be confident: being ok with being imperfect, being fine with errors and set backs where locus of control is intrinsic, it does not depend on approval, recognition outside of ourselves.
I listen to your podcast just about every morning and it significantly improves my mood and mindset for the day and helps me fight my social anxiety so I just wanted to say thank you for what your doing!
Great message Dr. Aziz! You don't have to cope and manage, you can transform it completely ❤️
Thank you so Much. Your videos have helped me immensely.
Soo good!! 👏
As someone who has such bad social anxiety i am so attracted to this man lol hahaha
Great video ❤
Thank you Dr Aziz, your book not nice has transformed me as a person. I was always very anxious of what other people are saying and thinking about me. I have started believing in myself a lot more than other people's opinions which has given me new confidence to face the world. Thank you again.
His book changed and challenged my trauma programming and conditioning to be nice and good and kind.
However the book missed the crucial information about trauma, Complex Trauma, fawning and dysregulation.
The basic fact that with abuse we are programmed and conditioned to mess up definitions of what is being kind, nice, good and friendly.
We are programmed by mentally ill narcissist to believe that there are only two options in life conflicts:
1) to be monster, to show teeth, to be rude, aggressive
or
2) to be passive, shut up and self censor where we rationalize abuse through toxic empathy and enable the abuser to continue with abuse - similar to Russians obeying Putin or farm America kissing the butt of Trump and Republicans.
Well, there is third solution -
we actually can be honest, authentic, speak the truth, say what is objective reality, voice out the elephant in the room and speak the facts - without screaming, without yelling, without drama and without explosions. Sure it will be a little hard in the first, but with time we can speak our truth without accepting label of being arrogant, rude or evil for holding abusive people accountable for their bullying and mobbing and abuse.
I see inspiration in Zoroastrianism - to speak the truth, being authentic without being rude to others. Truth is the virus - truth will do all the "aggressive" job for us - violence, unkindness and drama are not necessary.
Hopefully, Dr Aziz will take this into account in his next books.
Nice haircut Aziz
Hey Dr Aziz, is it possible to be that beast who can go and just talk to anybody he/she wants to? Sure some people won't like you, but is it natural for human beings to just connect to whoever they want despite their tribe?
It is natural for some people who grow up around other people who are like that and learn it growing up. If you do something every day it can become natural to you to just do it. If you haven't strengthened that muscle and gotten used to it then it won't feel natural. You got this.
" to just connect to whoever they want despite their tribe"
So many questions here.
Why would you want to connect with anyone? What is the urge behind it? Do you distrust yourself and your own intrinsic values inside and instead seek guidance from others?
What you hope to gain from others?
Security? Because you have none inside you?
Gain? Do you want to parasite on other people and their resources?
Do you seek their approval and admiration due to narcissistic urge to have other people as your narcissistic supply?
Do you want to connect with just about anybody to feel safe so that they do not attack you?
Can you make safety in different way other than learned fawning and people pleasing and appeasing others?
I would make first clear about what you want and why you want it?
It is not natural to connect with anyone and everyone. There are predators out there, covert narcissists - they appear as your friend, help service but they only have hidden agenda to exploit you or even kill you when they are done.
If we have urge to connect with anyone and everyone - that is sign that there is something wrong.
And of course, when we cannot connect - we will feel social anxiety.
Some people do not want to connect, they are egocentric. Some people have social anxiety and trauma and some people are avoidants - some people are disgusted by other people - in any case it will be impossible to connect with everybody.
Expectation that we must love all people is also distortion and sign of abuse and trauma hidden in our subconsciousness that drives us to seek love from external locus of control - which ends up as depression, disappointment when we face real life.
Urge to connect with all people to evade punishment, pain and hurt and aggression is called trauma bonding and it is at heart of social anxiety. Other label for this is Stockholm Syndrome. We live in unrealistic belief that all people are good and there are no toxic people out there - and this belief will cause us make self sabotaging decisions in life. And we will attract extremely dangerous and toxic people with this belief and attitude.
Do you do any consultations with viewers, i’d like to have a chance to speak with you if possible
Nope. he does not.
@@ranc1977 figures
@@greenmanlll I guess he is too busy.
You can always write what you want to speak about here in the comment sections.
I just wanna feel free of anxiety from wanting to be someone that wants to be a shining light for people
The more you try to do anything about anxiety - you will aggravate it more and make it more irritant than it was in the beginning. It is like scratching urticaria, skin rash, skin allergy - with scratching you are making it to itch more and you can create wounds by scratching it, reacting to it. On the other hand if you accept it, and apply certain healing oils - it will be soothed. I see acceptance of anxiety and learning from it, listening to its message as way "out" of anxiety.
Anxiety is natural part of our brain and emotions - if we remove it, it is like lobotomy - we will also destroy our character, our preferences, our perks and quirks, parts of ourselves that make us happy and confident, what feels good to us.
Our brain is made to protect us - it is not created to make us happy.
Darwin discovered that all living beings are created to adapt to their environment in relation to the danger: predator.
With social anxiety we were attacked and experienced abuse and aggression from predators - and now our brain is highly aware of the danger. That is good. Without it, we would become victims of abuse, we would stay with toxic people, they would parasite over us, steal from us, manipulate and control us and perhaps even kill us. Like Amber with Johnny Depp. If he healed his "anxiety" and uncomfortable feelings that naturally arise from living with someone toxic like her, he would be broke now, the whole world would falsely label him as rapist, his movie career would be over and everyone would hate him, even though he is innocent and victim of abuse. Anxiety tries to protect us from Ambers, from predators, from true evil in this world. We do not live in rose garden, this planet hosts parasites and predators and we need to learn to detect covert narcissists and fake people out there. Our social anxiety is ability to sniff out people with narcissistic mask, serial killers, abusers, toxic people.
Explanations from CBT, official therapy are making us to suppress these natural reactions to toxic people - and we are being told that having anxiety means we are ill, stupid, weird, unaccepted and weak. Then we try to crap fit into abuse - and social anxiety only gets worse with programmed fawning and people pleasing and trying to seek admiration, approval and validation from others - so that we attract toxic people and narcissist who are seeking narcissistic supply in traumatized and scared individuals programmed to be subservient to them - all in the name of CBT exposure and explanation that toxic people do not exist.
Instead of focusing on our panic symptoms as CBT instructs us (CBT is main default therapy for social anxiety) - I would accept our social anxiety as alarm system, our ally - and we need to listen to it, become scientist and Sherlock Holmes and seek proof, reality, objective facts and see what is bugging us. Is it true danger or are we having CPTSD triggers -
true danger is dealt with retort in functional manner, natural reactions to abnormal people, cutting toxic people off.
Triggers in CPTSD are dealt with emotional regulation. None of these approached include self pathologizing ourselves for feeling scared, self blame nor self hatred as CBT is instructing us to feel and explain anxiety, something to destroy and to be ashamed of.
"Since most non-HSPs do not seem to enjoy thinking about solutions, they assume we must be unhappy doing all that pondering.
Preferring toughness, the culture sees our trait as something difficult to live with, something to be cured."
The Highly Sensitive Person,
Elaine N. Aron
They see us as timid, shy, weak, or unsociable. Fearing these labels, we try to be like others. But that leads to our becoming overaroused and distressed. Then that gets us labeled neurotic or crazy, first by others then by ourselves.
The Highly Sensitive Person, Elaine N. Aron
Learning to see our trait as a neutral thing-useful in some situations, not in others-but our culture definitely does not see it, or any trait, as neutral.
Be careful about accepting labels for yourself such as "inhibited", "introverted", "shy"
The Highly Sensitive Person,E. Aron
Carl Jung | Psychology and Philosophy 🧠, TWITTER:
The foundation of all mental illness is the unwillingness to experience legitimate suffering.
@@ranc1977 wow that was eye opening.thank you. 🙏🏽
Nice haircut! If you actually got one lol
I need help resetting my password.
after listen a lot of ur video i have enough confidence to speak infront of people the problem is i have nothing to speak mind still goes blank
This is very common and a sign of something deeper