Heres todays scenario...millenial, gen z patient..."You mean all my problems I can totally blame my pare ts for AND demand boundaries and belittle them all I want?!!! Therapist, "Yes, thats right, please pay $500 fee at desk before you go...and make your appointments for next month so you can learn even more ways to permanently, totally break parents hearts to mske you better! Have Betty outside check your insurance amount you have left to cover it to full compldtion. Then youll be happy, blameless for any of your own shortcomings, plus cruelly pay your ex authority figure back for evrr telling what to do. PATIENT...Yeah! Count me in!
The problem is made clear in how you chose to use "authority figure" to describe a parent instead of anything else. They certainly are in some ways, but primarily parents are meant to be guardians who provide love, care, and guidance. Sad that you view it that way.
I remember telling my narcissistic Mother how much her words hurt me and how I genuinely wanted to reconcile our relationship. Quote "I don't know what you expect me to do with that information" I'm 43 and have been no contact for nearly 10 years.
That is verbatim almost exactly the same things I implored of my daughter , I love her more than all the moon and stars but I can’t force her and there us not a single day I don’t hurt over this . She just says “ what do you want me to do about it ? I’m busy “
"How dare people not allow me to be cruel to them and call me on the emotional damage I inflicted?" Everyone, even parents -- especially parents -- can grow and change.
The worst part is, the “ contrition “ you’re so proud to deny your daughter of is the very cure to this situation. By prioritizing only how you feel, you lose everything.
What exactly is showing narcissism? The mother is far more empathic than the daughter. I know youngsters would like for parents to fall over in pathetic heaps and never stand up for themselves. It is time for trampled on parents to turn their backs on this spoilt, entitled, self-absorbed generation
Therapist here ✋Try reading through the letter she initially sent. Take accountability for your contributions, like you said you were not perfect. It’s ok to take some time to reflect, acknowledge the moments she was hurt; validate her feelings and apologize. Avoid deflecting or justifying your mistakes. Personal accountability heals all involved. Best wishes to you and your family.
Look at the satisfatcion smile on the face of this person. The sarcasm. The complete lack of consideration that maybe, JUST MAYBE she's wrong. She's getting all the attention she wanted. A legit narc.
@earthwisdom6645 Problem is you assuming that her mental health was intact. She probably had to mask around you, people please, walk on eggshells possibly and is it possible that your perception of her mental health was completely off because you failed to recognize the issues? Adult children in good mental health that are happy don't up and ghost their parents.
@@earthwisdomhelps As a Christian it is fundamentally your job to educate people and help them understand the gospel. In Matthew 28:18-20, Jesus tells his followers, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything that I have commanded you.”
@@earthwisdomhelps It will not allow me to link an article but hopefully this works if not then oh well. I pray that you are able to repent and giveaway your pridefulness; and that you are able to give way to Jesus. Amen.
I'm not an "EAC", I'm a parent with psychological degrees, and the thing you don't seem to recognise is it's your language that makes you appear narcissistic with a victim mentality. It's valid to have grief about your child cutting you off, but you take absolutely no responsibility. "The reasons are weak"... "The No contact power move here"... It's not a "power move", it's your daughter's self-preservation. She didn't do it TO spite you. She did it IN spite of her love for you, because she had to forbher wellbeing. Deciding and sticking to going no contact is just as hard. She proves she loves family by contacting her dad when he was sick, attending her grandfather's memorial etc. It's "the youth", "society", your daughter's "power move". You state that youth don't have the life experience that you have... unfortunately it's your life experience that makes you stuck in victimhood and unable to recognise your contradictions. In one video you berate therapists, however in this video you respect therapists. You put your story out for the world to see, effectively doxxing your daughter. "As a mother" you would expect you to be asking how to get your daughter back. What did we do, how do we help her to forgive us? You are also capitalising on this, which also makes you appear like you really don't want the relationship to be healed by you doing some of the hard work, you want sympathy for your situation and to find like minded people, not your daughter back. You even take digs at your daughter all through this video "We're ok with alternate lifestyles... just enjoy it! But don't jam it down everybody else's throats." In the same video you say "This is the internet!"; you justify your own video, "This is called YOU TUBE!" You yourself are on social media, so it can't be her tiktok channel that is "shoving it down your throat", that would be hypocritical. She was an adult when she went no contact, so clearly there was something happening or happened that you are not telling people about for her to go no contact at 26 years old. You have NOT said once what she says you have done. Just used buzzwords from her email. "Gaslit" "abuse" (which is serious, not weak) in a childlike voice to present her as being melodramatic and childish. Look at the videos you have posted through the lense of your daughter. You may stop losing people if you seek therapy and learn some introspection.
I got here from a post on the Reddit Sub "Raised By Borderlines." I confronted my mother only once as an adult regarding her abuse. She denied it and flipped out.
@@dansoelberg in recovery they talk about the no talk rule. That’s what these people are doing. They seem to claim their own perceived abuse makes them entitled to abuse Diane, or even falsely accuse. But when you ask for reasons, they are silent. It is irrational. Victims, it seems, would hesitate before falsely accusing. Instead, they rush to judgement and Diane is fair game. Many people believe their parents to be pathological, when they are actually normal range. Abusers can be fiercely adamant that the victim is all bad things. It can be psychosis. My parents were abusive violent drunks, and I know just how blaming and lying they can be about victims. It really makes me wonder about some of these “victims” victims can be so violent.
@@silentfriend369 I don’t think it is very aware or accountable to be assuming or inferring these parents are evil abusers who deserve shunning. We don’t know the story or context. As victims, surely you know what victims abusers can be.
Your snark does not help your case. Some self reflection/ shadow work is your path back into her life. The only part is contrition, it's sad you are so against it but that is where your shadow work lies. Take it from someone who has mourned a family that is still alive
It is brutal isn't it? To have to mourn an entire family system when they're still alive. I went through this many many years ago and I hope you find or have found a really good therapist or other solid support to get through. IME, a whole lovely wonderful life awaits on the other side of finding peace with making this difficult decision when the parent behavior has left no other option. We all deserve peace
@beitgorski7296 Brutal is the word, for sure. I'm stronger and wiser, and don't know how I would have grown so much so quickly... but boy was it/it is painful. I love my family deeply, but they forced my hand. I wish them well, but as you said, we deserve our peace. I'm so sorry you can relate. Sending you love and healing on your journey onward and upward
13,000 people told this woman she was wrong, and she still thinks she’s right. still so smug and has learned absolutely nothing. She’s a lost cause. Her daughter was right.
As a child of a narcissistic mother (so trust me I know what that is), who are you to judge this woman so harshly? You literally know nothing about her or her daughter!! what is wrong with people!!!
So her daughter told her she was a lost cause ?😮 She sounds very rude and disrespectful to me. Maybe her mom should have given her a good smack bottom instead of being kind and understanding when she was growing up. She sounds like an entitled brat. I'm sorry if that offends anyone but JS.
@@yuzan3607oh we will judge her alright . She came online with nonsense and there is nothing more we need to know than the fact she will come to talk badly about her daughter online ….
@@madhere0990 well you're just an online bully then. Nothing to be proud of. People don't go online to be bullied, they seek a community that relates to them. But you have to ruin that don't you? because you somehow feel entitled to hate a woman you literally know nothing about other than what you made up in your mind about her being a narcissist. I don't know if you've been hurt by a narcissist before, because you might be projecting your hate to them on this potentially innocent woman just because you're hurt.
Everyone dies alone. Go to any nursing home and see how many of those people get visits from their kids. I think once people get old mant kids don't want to deal with them anymore so make up some perceived past abuse as a justification to not have to take care of them.
If they don't show up when you're still at home, even when you desperately need help, then they won't care when you're in a home, the facts are people are selfish.@@imveryhungry112
I had to look really closely to make sure this wasn't MY mother. 😂 5 years later, estrangement was the healthiest thing I've ever done. Enjoy your extra birthday presents.
This comment wins them all. Anyone who is taken solace in “extra birthday presents” likely lives in 2 realities: 1. The gift giving was never an altruistic act to begin with. 2. No matter how she tries to justify the behavior that drove her child away, there’s nothing that can silence the doubts at 3 am when she knows she’ll never talk to her daughter she supposedly loves. Hope you husband enjoys paying the interest on the things you shove into the bottomless pit that is your lack of maternal instinct. You should get together with my mom. She’s exactly like you and it’s why we don’t have a relationship.
@@earthwisdomhelps My mom is dying from a fatal cancer as we speak and has no family around her in her hour of need. She made her decisions and the family made theirs in response. Shes dead to all of us anyway so her physical death means nothing at this point.
Release the letter!!! There is no question in my mind that you got yourself into this mess and no amount of public shaming of your child is going to vindicate you.
@@mattstiefel4806 all moms have wisdom?! Her daughter is a grown adult who wants nothing to do with this woman. Many mothers are abusers. I doubt you were abused. You have golden child self righteousness written all over you. YOU are an abuser too and trying desperately to justify your creepy behaviour. Shame on you.
@@emmabou3308Right! There was something very snarky the way she said that and the American citizen thing I can imagine some of the daughters reasons are very personal where the mom is concerned and maybe she doesn’t want us to know, but don’t get put out with the commenters, because the entire situation isn’t known. We all react differently to things but I know there would never be too much contrition for me to make to my child if it meant having a relationship ship with them. I will always meet my child where they need to be met, and if that means crawling on my belly to get myself and them to a place where we can work on our relationship than so it shall be done.
Her summary of letter didn't make a lot of sense, 'it was about politics'. The extracts we saw didn't say' you were a great mom but I can't see you again because you're a Dem and I'm a republican.' My own dad and I are at opposite ends of political spectrum but I'm not even close to stop speaking to him
@tomsheppard378 It has to be politics because it couldn't possibly be anything she's done! I think this lady is completely full of crap and she's picking and choosing her side so she is viewed in the best possible light. These videos are not a sad, hurt, devasted mom. This is unhinged, control freak who is angry and getting revenge.
Watching your video was a reminder why I left my parents particularly when you said "The reasons that we are given are kind of weak". The day you find strength in your daughters reasoning is the day you will get her back. If you can't understand her reasoning then similar to my situation, you won't get her back.
From someone who has gone "no contact" with my own mother in my 50s,(having since reconnected out of duty to an elderly parent) and who has the oldest of 4 children endured thinly veiled hostility from my own adult daughter (who has no children of her own) Here is my comment: I felt for you in your first video, this video changed my mind about you. Your attitude would make me stop talking to you too. You are all about you and so defensive. The smirks just keep coming. I could barely stand to watch this. Good Luck. I'd have to guess that your daughter has a relevant issue.
Don't you think thousands of insults would make anyone a tad defensive? I think she showed class and true boundaries. The haters on her thread are abysmal. I respect the woman. I'm glad she has one daughter who loves her. And she's taking good care of herself now, and for the most part she's done with the crying.
7:23 I love the portion where you discuss being okay with ‘alternative lifestyles’ and then immediately jump into ‘as long as it’s not jammed down your throat’. Yet for every single ‘jam it down your throat’ person there is, there are a million representations of the traditional lifestyles that are forced on alternative people. Then education/entertainment that is meant specifically for queer people is frequently called perverse, made into something political, or is reduced to being labeled as part of an agenda. Just like in your first video you’re vilifying your daughter and not going into detail at all about why she cut you off and what behaviors you exhibit that she does not want to be around anymore. Ever with the first video being 15+ min, you made the explanation of her leaving you two about a minute or two long. If you want any shot of being able to communicate with your daughter, drop the woe is me schtick and take some accountability. While you’re at it, maybe don’t use her actual name or show texts/emails between the two of you. Have some decorum even if the other person despises you.
Since the mom puts her daughters private business out to us to an unknown public without problems or thinking about having respect for her child, can you imagine what she does to her daughter in private ? She stalking her on her social media account ecetera and her attitude is " i don't give a shit ". Why is anybody even asking WHY the daughter doesn't talk to momi ? If that was my momi, " i would be getting the hell out of Dodge "
She does not reflect. It is about her. She could have sent a private message. Dont yamm it down everybody elses throat. Wow! The mother does not have to look at the Tik Tok. So, not adressing the whole issue is a huge red flag. She is delusional.
What!? She doxxed her OWN CHILD?! Jesus wept! What a piece of work, this one is! Needless to say, I'm not watching this whole video. 3 minutes 59 seconds of me, me, MEEEE!!! jammed down my throat is quite enough, thank you very much! I AM going to read the comments here. I want to see what this "mother's" child will see: tons of support from others who have been in their & their partners' shoes. We put the focus on THEM. Not ourselves. Such shameful behavior from someone who claims to care. Ha!
@@imveryhungry112 do you think people just go no contact for fun? I wish with all my heart that I could have a healthy relationship with my mom. But after years of beatings and verbal abuse, I just couldn't justify the relationship. I tried everythign - getting us into therapy, mediated conversations. But the reality is, she didn't want to look at the harm and she didn't want to change. So it forced my hand. That's usually the case for other sons and daughters who make this choice.
@arielevaccaro6102 meh. Honestly healthy adults have their own lives that don't revolve around their parents. Do you Have your own life? Why the need for this dramatic cut with your mom? Do you have your own job, own home, own friends? If so why do you even have time to be interacting with your mom enough for it to matter? My dad is still alive and I barely have time to see him twice a month if I'm lucky. If you need to have this huge dramatic cut with your mom that's already a sign that your co dependant and that's your problem with her. Healthy adults have their OWN LIVES that don't revolve around their mothers!
@taranorthover i think she's a great mom. I think her daughter is a selfish person who took pleasure in hurting her mother. Makes her feel powerful. You sound like her daughter. Did you do this to your mom too?
@@imveryhungry112 absolutely! I tried going limited contact (basically stopping reaching out/answering calls, etc) but she would use my siblings to get to me, leverage guilt, leave long rage-filled voicemails, show up at my house unannounced, etc. Basically, she could feel me pulling away and she fought it. So that's what necessitated the hard break up.
@@estrangedparents Even though you say that sarcastically, you should actually be happy that you finally brought comfort to someone instead of stealing joy to feed your own selfish needs. So Congrats! By showing the world a clear example of what type of monster you are, you inadvertently helped someone for once in your life! ❤❤👍👍
@@lisasteel6817 From her luxe surroundings, her ability to take time off and take a month long vacation traveling the world, it's clear she's got boatloads of cash to freely spend on this vanity project.
@@estrangedparents Wow. You're really doing your best to project you don't care what people think, but we know you really do, or you wouldn't have made your private matters public. It's amazing that in this one, little comment you reek of defensiveness. I guess you thought you'd get everyone on board with you being the helpless victim, and it didn't work out that way. I hope you let go of the defensiveness, b/c there are some people in the comments who are actually coming from a healthy place. They have traveled the road your on and may just see the way forward better than yourself. Defensiveness is all about protecting your ego, but doing that will not allow you to be open to your daughter's feelings and point of view. You have to hear it and the first thing out of your mouth is invalidation. Of her, her experiences, and her feelings, especially of those critical of your behavior. If you can find *any* ground to take accountability for behavior that hurt her, do it. You need to accept that her experience is her own and stop trying to change it to yours. Get some actual mental health counseling, one that has experience navigating family estrangement if possible, if you are serious about repairing this relationship. Put more effort into healing yourself with an expert in private and stop taking that precious time you talk about to make publicly shaming videos and making snarky comments at strangers. You yourself said that estrangement usually lasts for 4.5 years. Could be less, could be more, but pressuring her to end the estrangement will only make her feel she needs more space. Use that time to work on the only part you have control over, which is yourself. If you go into therapy you can start working on your issues, so that if she makes contact you will be in the best place receive her. If not, well, you need to see a therapist anyway to process this experience, feelings, and find some way to be at peace. Sometimes relationships rupturing is the slap in the face that we need to grow and change. Instead of focusing excessively on your daughter, it sounds like you need to do a deep dive and find what will really bring you peace in this world. I truly hope you do.
@@bluejay9890some of these comments are so mean😮 There's various reasons besides abuse that can cause a kid to not communicate Bad boyfriends Money Parental separations and divorce Lots of stuff!!!🎉
@@CholaConCello Somebody who's obviously experienced childhood abuse, unlike you. May you have a blessed life, never having to know our pain from our terrible parents.
I chose to stop contact with my mom because she was a covert narcissist. I’m not saying this lady is (I don’t know her), in my own mother’s case she would constantly say: “I did my best”. That’s where she went wrong. If you want to reconnect with your child, you need to ask her how she feels? What she thinks you could have done better? Ask her what changes need to be made? Give her the power. It really is about crossing a bridge, moving towards your child and walking away from your pride.
I don't know the age of your mom But society just started normalizing emotional health, for an older generation this had been taboo or negative to talk about. There's a good chance she doesn't have the vocabulary to have the emotional conversations you expect from her. and her saying" I did my best" is true. It's possible that was/is her best. In stead of holding expectations of how your want her to speak. You could help her. ect Hey Mom, It's important to me if you ask me about my feelings more often? or hey x things are still hurting me from the past, I wish you would have done X or Y , ect ect . The word Narcissist is far too often used for someone who just has low emotional intelligence.
I think that the age group of 27 -40 are just looking for problems. Because if you were not abused physically or sexually. And your parents might have been a little strict . It doesn't mean that they are narcissistic. And reddit isn't a therapist. Seriously stop blaming parents for your adult mistakes. We all make them and we try and get better.
This makes me really sad. My Mum died in 2017 and my Dad in 2021. I would do anything to be able to hug my parents again.....😢 I suppose there's two sides to every story.
I know ! Why doesn't that factor in ??? Running out of time to fix any of it is ok with them? Like there's all the time in the world. My sister did this to my parents too and i don't understand it. I'm sorry for your parents.
Her serenity is indicative of meditation. It's a way to stay strong and appreciate the irony of the situation, and being powerless over any of it. I wouldn't make too much of it.
@melli-yelliactually she is speaking to parents in a similar situation. She never reveals her daughters identity. She is sharing her perspective and getting shredded for it. It's scary how many people seem to hate their mothers.
That’s your conception of serenity? She’s consumed by the estrangement situation. Bitter, defensive and resentful. I mean, she reacted by creating a whole TH-cam channel. It’s the opposite of a serene attitude.
I'm not totally estranged. But at one time I had a daughter who would not contact me. This is a hard thing to deal with. So heartbreaking. I've also lost a child and that was horrible. Your children are your world for so long. This is hard to deal with. I'm thankfully getting a relationship back with my daughter.
I am so very glad that you and your daughter are in contact again. I have also lost a child--my only child/daughter to cancer at age 17 in 2021. My adult nephew went no contact with his mother, my sister (her only child), over ten years ago. Heartbreakingly sad and confusing. My sister has suffered greatly although she acknowledges that there is still hope for a reconciliation even though she has embraced the process of letting go and seeking some semblance of joy and fulfillment in her life. I just wanted to acknowledge the unbearable pain of losing a child to death as well. I am truly sorry for your loss. Wishing you much peace and healing for you and your family. I hope for reconciliation for all estranged parents with their children.
"Your children are your world for so long." This is precisely why parenting is so difficult - because what you described is healthy ONLY when it is accepted as temporary. Speaking for myself, my childhood was pretty great but my distance with my family began around adolescence, which is when personality and individuality starts to develop and become differentiated from the family unit. My family made it clear that they didn't approve of me developing a self outside of "make mommy happy," and my life quickly became a living nightmare where I literally wanted to kill myself because I had normal emotions, and I had been convinced that I was not allowed to have normal emotions. Is it hard for a mother to let go? I don't doubt it. I can't even imagine how hard it must be. BUT - being emotionally mature enough to have kids means that you need to be prepared to DEAL with that pain and accept it as something that comes with normal stages of child/human development.
I am a 75-year-old retired college instructor. My daughter stopped speaking to me over seven years ago when her own marriage ended. It is of course more complicated than that but believe me I loved my daughter and did all I could to give her the best life I could. Did I make mistakes? Absolutely! Are there things I would do differently? Absolutely! Did I try everything to get her back? Absolutely! Everything I tried has been ignored. I finally stopped trying. I am so happy to have found this channel because the worse part is the loneliness.
Just send her your love and let God take care of her. It’s really out of your control and you tried very hard. So now just send her love in your meditations and give her to God.
@@thisresinates5655 have you ever heard of an HSP type? Well it’s me,,,my very sensitive emotionally, and have been taken advantage of my entire life due to my sympathy for people. I often say I have a super power, I FEEL others pain. I then dwell on it, I become so intent on resolving it, fixing it, helping it, etc. anyway, my daughter told me a while back, before she began her campaign against her dad & I, that she was/IS apathetic> felt little to nothing for others. She shared she couldn’t tolerate social gatherings, and had anxiety. The anxiety meds made her even more numb. Anyway, it SEEMS to me that these younger gens are the ones who feel little. They’ve become robotic, and I believe its due to being ‘plugged in’ to fake socializing aka ‘social’ media. It is programming humans into being a new kind of creature.
Its good to see the other side, but i dont know how to feel. My mom and dad beat the shit out of me and my siblings in the name of toughening up, physical abuse was okay, but the emotional side, the berating in front of family members, frds and constant mocking when we were kids still doesnt go away. Every year the resentment grows, there are instances when i accidentally remember things that happened 20 years back and i suddenly cant stop crying at the inhumane ways my mom treated me. We are 27, 32 and 33, none of us wants marriage or children because of the horrors, we have stayed together as best frds. Cutting them off was the best thing that happened to us. But the sad part is they still dont think they did anythg bad. That was their understanding of parenting.
I had abusive alcohol ic parents as well. They are both gone now and I don't miss them. That's the part that hurts the most. I only grieve what I never had.
I don't know if this will help & it certainly doesn't excuse how they treated you, however, they've found that people who have been abused as children generally abuse their children as well. I'm not a therapist, but I did major in psychology with the intention of becoming a therapist. If that's the case for your parents, perhaps they can't see that what they did was wrong because it was the way they were raised. Again, it doesn't excuse what happened, but sometimes understanding why helps. I hope you and your siblings are able to get good therapy and heal.
@@HerMajesty1 I think you hit the nail on the head when you say "Grieve". We MUST pass through ALL the stages of grieving (parents who lost children, children who grieve the childhood & love of parents that they never had...). Only when we finish grieving can we forgive others (even if they've passed on...) and find the piece that we so desperately NEED. The loss of the relationship is truly anguishing to our very souls.
If you were abused. You have a right to move on, they did not protect you and give you the positive childhood you deserved. Remember to do better with your own family. I wish you the very best. ❤
@lizzy341 Prayers for your healing. Our mom's abuse was so bad I buried the worst memories until I was in my 40s. Through that rough journey I came to a point on my 44th birthday that my anger meant mom was still controlling me. I called and told her I forgave her. She didn't care. She hung up. She changed her phone number. Two months later she died. I think that one of her three children forgiving her allowed her to let go of this lifetime. I didn't see how at her age and her history how she could heal even though in the few times I had contact I offered to support her going through therapy, recognizing the child trauma she had gone through. I know it might seem odd, but even though I kept my distance for safety reasons (there was a gun kept by the inside of her door and mom concealed carried) I sent her a Mother's Day card and a gift every year. Mom all her life tried to get me and my brother to hate, but that just wasn't in us. I figured mom destroyed all my baby pictures, anything to do with me, BUT after she died, she hadn't destroyed any of it. And when I went into the house after she died, she had my gifts on display on the coffee table. Remember the sweet innocent child you were. What helped me was finding and doing what the child me had moments of joy doing in my childhood. I made a prayer to God once, that I KNEW would never get answered and it got answered. Best to you.
I’m very interested to hear your arguments against the reasons adult-children cite for going no-contact. Claiming no-contact is a “punishment power-move” in “a lot of cases” is a bold position to take.
I think that is what it is. It's a decision. They decided that parent doesn't deserve to be in their lives every again, and I do think they want to inflict pain and must know they are. "Punishment power-move", spot on, and they may have friends or boyfriends who encouraged them to stand their ground. They have hardened their hearts like stone.The more they are away the more estranged they become. They fade from their memory and the love dies. They continue to get support, what a bad parent they had if the parent is ever brought up, which deepens the resentment. They even come to hate their parent, like Absolom who went in on a scheme with King Saul to kill his father King David.
My estrangement from my parents had absolutely nothing to do the punishing them or wanting to have power over them. Sometimes the pain inflicted on a person is so great that they need to sever contact from the pain-giver in order to maintain their own sanity and move on with their own life. @@earthwisdomhelps
@@lauraj.mccarthy6943 Oh, I misunderstood, I thought you were asking her what the phrase meant, and that you were a parent. My daughter and I were very close and it began at an exact point in time, at her job. What did they do that you think you had to severe to maintain your sanity? I severed a religion I was in and would never go among them again.
@@meowtotheworld4801 Parents need to heal and protect themselves as well. They need bounderie from toxic people even if it's their own adult grown kids.
Yes, it was painful for me and my siblings to leave our mom. She's our mom and there is that bond. But we had to do it. The fact that it could be considered a "punishment power move" is just so insane for me as a child to comprehend and I feel like it's a perfect way for many of these parents (the ones who have had all their kids magically leave them for no reason) to keep themselves in a victim mindset.
"I don't need to know everything" compulsively stalks every online presence. "Its traumatizing to me" so you do believe in trauma when its effecting you but its a "flimsy reason" when its her.
I've watched both of you videos and i have yet to see you take any blame for your relationship with your daughter, it's all placed on her. Also as someone with ADHD and autism it saddens me to hear you say you didn't know and did't see it, it was your job as a parent to see that and be am advocate, not question it and use it a fodder. You also have yet to share the reasons she told you she was going no contact which really makes it seem like you're hiding it because it would make you look bad.
The reasons she went no contact was of outside influences, not the parents mistakes because no parent is perfect. It's unnatural to cut your parents off unless it was extreme abuse, that didn't happen so it's something evil the daughter got involved with or influenced that was outside of the home.
@@wietskesteijger4288 ADHD is a pseudo science. The symptoms fit almost every child. Nobody heard of ADHD when I was growing up, and if it was a thing, parents would have recognized something was wrong. That's just from big pharma to push medication on kids. Never seen one case of autism in any school I was in. Probably brought on by medication in early childhood. Seriously doubt her kid has Autism. Her kid does have psychological problems and that is probably from her social contacts/environment at school. Nobody acted like this when I was growing up about what president their parent voted for.
@@earthwisdomhelps yeah, right. This mother talks about herself. A lot. With a creepy smile. We did the best we could. She does not give the full story. She wants attention.
@@wietskesteijger4288 I understand she doesn't know what caused her daughter to cut her off, since all parents are imperfect and make mistakes the action is extreme. Seems like they loved her and should have earned her love especially knowing how my parents were. They would never be searching for me. And when she said the daughter flipped out about who they voted for, that is not normal. Normal kids pretty much listen to their parents point of views and respect that.
I would like to offer another perspective. I am a mother of a child who has decided to cut off their father. We are not together and have completely opposite ways of parenting. My child and I are very close and have built a relationship of acceptance of their lifestyle, listening to each other, and trying to truly understand one another. Their father tries to control, covertly judges, and makes comments to destroy self esteem, as well as a lot more unhealthy behaviors that he would never admit to doing. I never pushed them with any thoughts or opinions on the matter and they came to the decision on their own after years of trying. Listening to the turmoil for years I know it wasn’t a quick or easy choice and it certainly wasn’t our culture that is to blame, unless you want to blame the fact that kids are being taught to appreciate mental health. Saying things to your child like you don’t want their lifestyle crammed down your throat is interpreted as rejecting them. I can certainly understand that the heartbreak of losing them is severe but them feeling unaccepted by a parent is as well. I don’t know the situation but based on the outcome one can assume that statement is true. As a parent it is our responsibility to try to see things from their perspective and to listen to them so that resentment doesn’t breed. We can’t always get along or agree but we can take responsibility and teach ourselves healthy communication. You can’t control what she chooses to do, only your reactions and how you choose to teach yourself communication skills. If she ever decides to try again, it would be much more helpful to be prepared with another approach because the past has not worked so far.
@@RisetoStrength it’s not comfort. It is an attempt to show another perspective for the child’s sake. We all go through life living through our own perspectives. After watching both videos I see a massive amount of red flags and after my experience I am not blind to the tactics here but I also know what works and what doesn’t but I also realize that once things get to this point they are almost always irreparable.
I hope everyone reads your post as it covers in a paragraph the cause of so many kids cutting contact with their parents. Also, your advise to this mother making the videos is so helpful, if she chooses to think about it.
@@tinalarsen6059 my child didn’t choose me over their father. It isn’t a competition. They chose peace for themselves over neglect and emotional abuse. I actually wish things were different. I wish he was the emotionally mature parent that would get the help he needs so that my kid could have a happy healthy family but I can’t fix their relationship, only they can do that.
The people who claim empathy and compassion are usually the least empathetic and compassionate. The things that come out of their mouths and what they actually do, do not align. But be damned if you don’t show them empathy, to their standards and specifications!! Be prepared to catch all hell!
@@lguinancio no. It's truly NO wonder why her daughter doesn't bother with her. It's very clear what kind of upbringing her daughter had. That poor girl.....
@@JackJack_frenchieboi You don't know if she is sincere or not. That's not your call. She doesn't know what happened and her daughter doesn't seem to want to tell her. A person can't help but self analyze in that situation. Been there, done that.
@@JackJack_frenchieboi I also was abused when I was growing up. Not liked in school either. My daughter rarely speaks to me. I speak to her about my faith and she would prefer I don't. I won't give up Jesus for her or anyone else. Thing is, I don't generally talk about her online except for this moment. I probably have other things she doesn't like about me. That's her choice. I'll continue to pray for her. I'm not going to bother her or pursue her in text any longer. Self analysis involves looking at you, who you are, and what you do and how it could affect others.
That's the problem!!! Everyone gets there feelings hurt so easy but the fact is no 2 people 100% agree on anything. It is ok to agree to disagree. What is wrong with the world to think if someone disagrees its ok to hate them? Our world has no love it is absolutely heart breaking. There's no sympathy, no empathy. Where is God in all this?
I think that the victim card is being overplayed. Too many children who have become estranged for this not to be the case. However, some parents do play the victim, but that doesn't mean that there are no adult children who are not victims. It's a numbers game. As the number of adult estranged children grows exponentially, the odds of some of them being narcissists themselves greatly increases.
The estranged parent is not alone. However, reconciliation is possible if the parent takes responsibility for what they did that hurt their child- (their part only) not what the adult child did. So parents who reads this- I hope you select the solution route - not blaming your child, because our children need us to truly hear them- we need to be strong enough - and humble enough to see our mistakes, to then forgive ourselves for not being perfect and admit to our children the hurt we cause. That is a great gift a parent - human and imperfect can give to their child. And it opens doors- this other route will seal them closed.
And more importantly, don't do what this lady did and make a slanderous doxxing youtube series with the goal of embarrassing and guilt tripping your estranged kid back into submission
@@DSS712Seriously! What a way to ensure your daughter never re-connects with you. Clearly her daughter made the right decision and thank God she cut contact with this malicious narcissist.
I'm sure my dad (and his wife), tell others they have "tried everything" to have me and my kids back in their life. I have been *very* clear about my limits, and what I will or won't tolerate from them. I want my dad in my life! I told him he is always welcome. What isn't welcome is his troublesome, chaotic, drama-hungry "new" wife. Someone that hurt me, and lied about me repeatedly, is not allowed near me or my kids. That's it. That's my line. But Dad isn't "allowed" (by his wife) to call or text me, or send me gifts. It is his choice. All in his court. But he doesn't want to make the effort. I have already grieved the loss of our former close relationship, all in the wake of my sister's unexpected death. My stepmom was crueler than cruel.
I can appreciate this painful feeling that you have. My mother has a secret lover although she is still married with my stepfather. My mother even let him live in the same building so it is of course more convenient for them to sneak out and do something dirty together. My mother keeps on lying that he is just a friend and my stepfather just loves her too much to mistrust her. I can’t bear to witness this anymore. After 10+ years of holding this inside my painful heart I decided to get out of this disgusting situation.
It’s really unbelievable how far into knots these people are willing to stretch themselves before even considering how much they, as parents, have utterly messed up…
I think the lack of introspection assumption is more based on the results of the supposed introspection and not about your choice not to go into detail about it.
Please list the results you see. I realize your comment is directed to the woman who made the video and it is better for her that you didn't list them (she [& her daughter] will benefit more if she takes time to reflect, journal, & ID [many of] them herself). Perhaps preface your list w a note to her (or decline or ignore my request!). To any parent who doesn't "see" these results (yes, Im admitting), consider that a "blind spot" may exist because you have a similar deficiency (& everyone has many deficiencies - they come from not being "perfect" and from being finite.)
@@mwrodgers8 it is difficult to make conscious contact with young people who spar with troll salad, and make false accusations like cult leaders. Thought stopping empty rhetoric, mind numbing cliches, hypnotic suggestion. The fact the problem is about political polarization is important. As we can see, there are problems communicating when you have people spouting slogans and empty jargon. The kids learn at school to bully with random verbal abuse, claiming you are all about you, gaslighting, toxic, don’t say sorry, apropos of nothing. No context. Opinions with no reasons. No critical thinking. As if they are remote controlled child soldiers with artificial intelligence. The daughters main concern was their republican beliefs. They seem to be concerned about the massive debt and illegal immigrants.
"In the US, assuming we're legal citizens, we're all Americans and we shouldn't forget that...." I have seen enough as a 14 year survivor to see the toxic element that has taken your production to TH-cam. You'll bear your own fruits.
@@kaypee65 I agree with you, ive met enough USAmericans to know that people from the USA dont view Mexicans or Columbians as ""Ämericans"" and view everyone else as inferior who wants to steal their rights. Such a silly way to see the world! I wish people from the USA educated themselves more on other nations and stop being so ignorant and self centred. Every nation has problems, but to claim USA is the best is such a dumb idea. If you live in Mexico, you probably automatically have more rights than anyone from the USA in a practical sense, much less police and taxes. Most rights i can get from usa I can get from Mexico. Lack of national wealth does not mean less freedoms.
You’re definitely not alone unfortunately. 🥺 Many of us live with painfully broken hearts 💔 💔 because our children reject us though we were good, dedicated responsible, loving parents. Our adult children can be very cruel and selfish though they were raised in loving, caring environments. I love my 3 adult daughters, and have lived with the pain of their cruelty for decades now. The incredibly sad 😢 part is not having them or my grandchildren in my life. I am 69 years old, in extremely poor health, and have made every effort to express and demonstrate my unconditional love for them, but I either get no response for months or years, or they say some very cruel and unwarranted hurtful things on the rare occasion that contact is made. 😢 I pray for them and try to stay out of their space, but miss them terribly so I at least text, write, or try to call and leave a message every so often to let them know how much I love them. 🥺💔😢🙏🏽
I definitely thought I was alone. Its heartbreaking seeing other adult children have a relationship with their parents and one of my daughters won't e enough talk to me.
@BlankSpace-by3nd...you really need help. I'm sure you're on here and blaming everyone else because your parents cut you off with no reason. However, we don't blame them. You don't know her daughter or her side but you pretend you do. You are a toxic troll. You should just move one instead of commenting on every post.
@@Snappypantsdance I agree. It is cult like exploitation of vulnerable adolescents. Lisa romano shows how sociopaths are made, not born. Her entire religious dogma is mafia thug 101. She literally begs people to stay away from their parents and listen only to her.
I don’t think your daughter doesn’t care about you and your husband. It’s very painful to go no contact. I have feeling your daughter is very hurt by some things you did. If you address those things with her… maybe she will talk to you again.
You still don’t get it, mama. You’re still making this about you and not her and you’re STILL making excuses. Very sad. I’ve dealt with this very issue and can happily say my daughter is back in my life, because I didn’t ignore her anger, and I got to the real her. I did the hard work. If your politics are more important than your daughter, therein lies the majority of the problem.
Her daughter like mine has made conversation impossible. If your adult kid says I have no desire for a relationship with you and don't call me.... What is there left to do?
@@veez_vee9573 What is there left to do? Go to a professional. Get counseling. Work on yourself. Change. Address your daughter's concerns sincerely with the help of a professional. DON'T publicly shame her on TH-cam and let strangers put her down. If she did these things sincerely, and consistently, and showed she was committed to it for the long haul, she might have a chance. There is a lot left that she could do, but THIS whole channel thing is one of the WORST things she could do. If she wants to talk online for support, she should do so anonymously. But not using names and identities.
@@veez_vee9573You go through everything that you have from your kid in relation to your conflict. Every text, email, letter, and finally memory. See if you can understand your child's point of view and why they're not speaking to you. If this doesn't enlighten you, then AND ONLY THEN should you reach out with an olive branch to your child. Phrase it something like this: "Hello [child], I know you asked for no contact, and I am trying to respect your boundaries. I remain confused by our estrangement, and I would like to bridge the distance that's between us currently. I love you and want for us to be in each other's lives. But before we can have that kind of relationship, I need to repair whatever damage I've caused that's caused you to take this course of action. Can you send me a list of the kind of incidents and behaviors that you remember that led you to cutting contact? No matter how long ago those things happened or how minor you think I might find them to be, if they were significant enough for you to justify not speaking to me anymore, I need to understand what I did to you in order to be a better parent to you. You are not obligated to respond to this if you do not want to try to repair the relationship. I want more than anything to heal what's broken between us, but I also understand if my prior behavior has led you to a place where you feel healthier apart from me rather than with me. I care for your wellbeing more than my own." If your kid doesn't respond, then maybe it would be best to mourn the relationship and move on.
I want to thank you for making these videos as I was close to leaving this world because the hurt is so unbelievable hard to live with. Some days it hurts to breathe. Please keep up the good work you are doing. You may save a life.
@@Bonafide188 oooh but if someone said to you …. You failed as a daughter or son ….Your underwear 🩲 would be in a tight bunch. You are a meany meany and one ☝️ day you will stand before God and give an account. I hope you don’t have children cuz they sure can surprise you. Show Mercy because one ☝️ day you will definitely be in need of it.
@@Bonafide188"It is a dreadful thing to fall into the hands of the living God..." Hebrews 10:31 You need to read this verse in the Bible. I will pray for you and your hardened heart. ❤📖🙏✝️
I understand the dark places we can go to when loved ones cut us off. Please find a qualified professional to speak to or if in the United States call 988 to speak to someone with the Suicide Prevention Hotline.
Be gentle with yourself. You are not alone. Its heartbreaking and feels so unfair. I truly hope she comes back around. Holding you up with love, and light. You are not alone.
I know you are receiving a LOT of messages and comments but i hope you see this. I am 35 years old... As a child, my mother neglected me, withheld food (meals) from me regularly, and tormented me emotionally and mentally. She continued on a path of severe alcoholism and opiate addiction and to this day she suffers with her addictions and mental health. There were times when i distanced myself, because i needed to protect myself and my own mental health but she is very much in my life and i try to show her as much love as possible. Including trying to help her through her darkness. When i watched your video i felt so bad for you because you seem like a highly conscious person with so much love for your daughter. My mother never calls me or sends me a birthday message. It is always me putting all the effort in to maintain the relationship. I was thinking how wonderful it would be to the love of a mother like you. I hope you find peace. Sending you love
@@Gwen-joyful-light hello, thank you for your response. Yes you're right, it won't help her to understand her daughter's behaviour and unfortunately nothing i can say will ever help her to understand that but, perhaps she may find some solace in knowing that, as a daughter and also a mother, i admire the self inquisition she has embarked on, the commitment to unconditional love in the face of adversity, and the raw vulnerability she has shown in sharing her story. I respect her, from the little that I've seen of her, and i think sharing her story is helping a lot of people. I just felt like she needed someone showing her some love and kindness.
That is so beyond awful that this was done to you by someone who supposed to love and protect. Sending prayers for peace and hugs. You deserved better, and I’m so sorry she let you down.
@@Gwen-joyful-lightshe never said I’m telling you my story so that it may help you. How about just sharing her story? Is that not ok with you? Does someone else’s comment need your judgment? I bet reading her comment might help me or someone else reading it and appreciate her sharing her story.
It's awful you had to experience having that type of childhood. Nothing and no one comes before addiction sadly. Every child deserves a good parent but not ever parent deserves a child. You are a beautiful person to forgive and unconditionally love her anyway inspite of all she put you through.
I’m 41 y/o woman who went through 6mo. of not speaking to my parents 3 times due my boundaries being crossed and my feelings being dismissed. It all come to lack of effective communication. My parents never allowed me to speak in a non stressful environment when it came to discussing controversies or facing concerns/ consequences of life mistakes. Never once felt that I had the freedom to live my life without making mistakes because that meant that they had to face shame from the public eye. If only they just showed me that they had my back no matter what…
You have to protect yourself and your well-being. Mistakes and failures are an inevitable part of life. Everyone makes them. I have struggled with this my entire life and have missed so many opportunities because of the fear of what my parents might say/do. I am getting much better, thanks to not sharing about 90% of what actually happens in my life. It is the only way I have found peace.
Wait until you have children, it's difficult to mind your own business. She will always be your little girl. You'll always have this urge to protect them. Some parents are overprotective but they mean well. Peace.
The only truly honest thing you said “I don’t give a sh!t”. Your daughter is healing from your abuse. Good for her. Watching this video is like watching my own mother. This whole video is gaslighting perfection. I’m at about ten years total of no contact, Intervals of trying to heal the relationship in between. Until you face your own stuff, you should prepare yourself for life without your daughter. The upside here is that you’ve outed yourself and that is a benefit to her.
This is so harsh and debatable that you wonder who the evil monster really is. It’s common for alcoholics who tend to be undiagnosed cluster bs with or without autism, to falsely accuse, blame shifting, double standards, extreme pity ploy. They speak in political games and psychological warfare. Coming on this strong can be a staging and framing game. It is a red flag to me. Although understandable in recovering victims who can spew their anger out inappropriately. There is no real evidence this mother is an abusive narcissist. Functional people keep an open mind. There are a lot of rigid beliefs that trigger people to rate others unmercifully. The truth is that ghosted parents can feel so desperate and worried and hurting. There have always been people who exploit parent child relationships. You have to be savvy. I really feeling like real victims would never rush to judgement and falsely accuse. They know how it feels. 40 years in Alanon I know the value of keeping an open mind. Adult children should not dictate morality like tyrants. This woman has the same human rights to discuss this as her daughter who is discussing it in TikTok. The dialogue may be worthwhile. The angry outbursts can be a form of emotional manipulation and muddy the waters. What specific rules has this mother broken? What evidence she is an evil monster? I do not judge people who smile through tears. I do not believe it is incongruent. Her feelings may run the gamut and she shows it moderately and that is normal. This bs about people trying to make contact with the daughter means they don’t respect boundaries is not right, because I’ve heard too many who judged the parents for not reaching out. It is not a proof of pathology. This thing about smirk and smug is also questionable.
@@beth16440 narcissism is called the God complex. That is when you speak with omniscient certainty about things that are uncertain. Or the mind reading distortion, which is a type of lie. Evil people lie. There is no evidence she doesn’t care. Opposite. It is unknown if she has healed her crap. She clearly has given tremendous thought and very thorough and careful statements done with a great deal of care that covers all possible criticism, like an abuse victim who has to prove she understands all the important principles. There is no evidence she turns away people who bring clarity. You make things up in fantasy Lala land. It is missatuned. These are symptoms of narcissism. Entitled to make terrible false accusations is sociopathic. What do you get out of this? You heckle a broken hearted mother like a common mafia thug.
@@TimB-im8xx borderlines and addicts often have a delusional psychotic hatred for people close to them and pathological self pity. She says she was Diagnosed autistic, they often suffer from psychotic beliefs and episodes. People have always blamed parents unrealistically. It can be a witchunt or inquisition type mass psychosis. It is unethical to co-sign what may be bullshit. Too much uncertainty. Abusers always think the victim is crazy and evil.
I have no words , no words. Exactly the same circumstances. It’s been over ten years for me. You have said everything I have said to myself since 2011. Hugs buddy❤
I feel for your situation. I think your attitudes reveal themselves though. You revert to the fact that you did the best without acknowledging that from her perspective that she's been damaged. If I were her watching this it would just cause me more hurt and invalidation.
@@fireyfistoffire it is extremely aggressive to define someone as crazy. And pretend my participation signifies insanity. Caring people persist with patience. I am calm and reasonable. If I seem irrational to you, I’m sure you can make a rational assertion and prove it with data. Crazy people tend to project that onto others. It is sociopathic to troll with word salad. It is common fir people from dysfunctional families, or other bad influences, to behave this way. Many people do not get the proper guidance and direction from parents, who may be mischaracterized as “controlling” by alienators in society. All I am saying is that we do not know enough about these people to judge. You could just as easily consider the daughter may be a vida. I see many twisted lies told about this woman, and many debatable “values”. A lot of poor reasoning and poor analysis on several videos, including one by a psychologist. You can tell if you know your cognitive distortions and logical fallacies, and other rhetorical devices. It is really depressing that there are not more reasonable people discussing this type of endemic miserable and painful horror story. Some do discuss these problems very well. Many writers from the addiction recovery movement, and many renowned pastors. Going no contact with family can be very destructive and dangerous. It is a very serious drastic decision. I think it’s understandable to be suspicious, but unfair to make assumptions either way without enough facts, and where is the line between normal imperfections and serious pathology?
@@fireyfistoffire turn your stressful thoughts around and set yourself free. After forty years in Alanon I can tell you that the odds are the family members all have a part. It may be 60-40, 70-30, but parents are not to blame for adult childrens problems. The girl has been diagnosed with autism and adhd. They diagnose borderlines and sociopaths like that. The parents may be on the autism spectrum through no fault of their own. Best to be as kind as possible. A person could call every few months and write letters and have lunch once a year. And if the family plays games then send letters sharing your perceptions, thoughts feelings. Discuss clear codes of conduct, shared core values, and functional grievance procedures. Good people try to seek truth and find meaning and understanding together. They hang in there and fight fair. The fact they are trump supporters concerned about immigrant invasions is something to try to be objective about. It is a shame to try to coerce people or to be punitive. They have some excellent therapies and also the Bible, eight billion copies printed. For a reason. In spite of what so many people demand. I do question why the mother revealed the daughters alternative lifestyle. But the daughter went public first. The best people can go crazy when they are emotional. It is difficult to deal with each other’s imperfections. But joy in compassion and tolerance and forgiveness. And in course correcting and miraculous spiritual transformations.
@@fireyfistoffire as we can again see, as we’ve seen every time I’ve tried to engage in a reasonable deliberation about the actual subject, this person resorted to lies. I have not made 100 comments, nor am I crazy or obsessed. Dysfunctional people evade and divert and deflect from a reasonable deliberation with cognitive distortions and logical fallacies. They have trouble maintaining reflective functioning. The other is an object in their fantasy drama. They do not demonstrate curiosity or critical thinking. They don’t seem to know about “opinions and reasons”. In functional families, maybe people try to seek truth and find meaning and understanding together. They take turns sharing their perceptions, thoughts and feelings. They hang in there and try to fight fair. They argue about one thing at a time. They discuss clear codes of conduct, shared core values, and functional grievance procedures. People can do irrational things when they are emotional or terrified or grief stricken. Most people are pretty imperfect. Negotiating how you want a relationship to be takes patience and good communication skills. A young person going no contact for a while may not be a terrible thing. Hopefully they are very clear about what they think is intolerable. There is always hope for reconciliation. We know but little. Extremely punitive behavior while all too human, may be a pathology. Moderation is an important principle. It is a real shame for people to break up over politics. Both sides have valid and understandable concerns. It sounds like this mother feels misunderstood about her beliefs about illegal aliens. Many people hold a value to take care of your own family before helping strangers. It is considered narcissistic to treat outsiders better than your own. Victimized adult children need to work on our own issues. As we can see, it is difficult to find one who is willing or able to engage in a rational dialogue or productive debate. They have a therapy that heals psychotics for forty years. It is called open dialogue therapy. Trolls can have a lot of rigid rules and beliefs and spar with troll salad. It is manipulation, domination, and possessive. It is associated with witchcraft in some cultures. Many people are searching for help and functional coping mechanisms. Trying to shut down people, with crazy lies, is very aggressive and childish behavior. I believe most of these people have no idea how to communicate according to objective standards of reason and logic. And moral principles. The daughter went public and the parents have decided to do the same. It is easy to scrutinize and nitpick. And twist and spin. In light of the daughters diagnoses, it may be dangerous to give her ammunition. Psychosis can be caused by online indoctrination and cult like charlatans. There are many bad influences in this world. If it’s so east to be a decent person, I don’t see it in these adult childrens comments. Maybe when parents get a letter like that, they could respond by making assertions about each point, and back them up with data that proves their point. Also ask more questions for clarity. The mother felt they were walking on eggshells with the daughters “boundaries”. People talk about boundaries a lot but never specifics. Some peoples boundaries are tyranny. If the daughter is a liberal, or leftist, it is an opportunity to discuss a lot of interesting ideas. It is lovely to see the idealism and consider all the complicated issues together. It is fascinating.
@@weewahwahh in dysfunctional families, abusers try to manipulate and dominate others by using lies. They evade and divert and deflect from engaging in a reasoned deliberation, with cognitive distortions and logical fallacies. They run a fantasy story, and seem to think they are omniscient and omnipresent, like the pathological narcissist. They try to control communication with cruelty and shut people down. They rate others unmercifully. And treat them as “fair game”. They seem deluded, so others walk away. Then the sociopathic person struts around like he “won”. Recognizing the distortions, fallacies, and games, in loved ones, can cause distress and despair. But it is good to remember that many people are just ignorant, or can be irrational when they are emotional. Incapable of maintaining reflective functioning, they treat others like objects in their fantasy drama. They advertise their ignorance. And may seem more like fascist authoritarian tyrants, who go to war when they are challenged or criticized. With gangster fantasies, and revenge ideation, they distort reality. People work hard to overcome these character defects in recovery programs. Functional people, who are about caring and connecting, rather than power and control, are able to regulate their emotions. They respect other peoples basic humanity and human rights, and tolerate uncertainty, with open mindedness, patience, mutuality, and flexibility. Some people are not capable of engaging in functional relational dialogue or intimacy. Addicts are usually not able, for example. It may be mental illness or impairment. It is good to take turns sharing your perceptions, thoughts, and feelings, and stick to the subject. We can try to seek truth, find meaning, and understanding together. In functional families, people try to fight fairly. They try to argue about one thing at a time and hang in there. Unless there is abuse. Predators and idiots abuse people to block connection. They one up and grandstand. They try to dehumanize and shame the other. They otherise. This is evidence of the black and white thinking. And the no talk rule. Bigotry. Bias, rage, and hate. And under that, free floating pain, shame, and sadness. Terrified and confused, they try to terrorize others. They may scan the environment, looking for targets to victimize and ostracize. It may be a giant ego, with immature hero fantasies, and misguided empathy for perceived victims. They may lash out at others because of old wounds, and difficulties understanding the difference between self and other, and past and present. It is good to self reflect, and to apologize, and give and receive forgiveness and acceptance. At those times we can experience a pain filled joy. Both awe and humility. It is love. Some say God is there. Conscious contact between two courageous people, understanding that love is truth. Love is trust. In these situations, it is good to demonstrate critical thinking, and ask questions for clarity, and context, rather than rushing to judgement and jumping to conclusions. And globally labeling the other. And attacking, with a sense of entitlement. Those are the abusers chain of cognitive distortions. They may be more about winning, than any hope for conscious contact, or enlightenment. It is primitive, rather than noble. Others may recognize the abuser is arrogant, weak, and vain. In recovery, people gain real strength of character, lionhearted courage, and spiritual power by means of faith in a loving, merciful, awesome God. There is hope. This hope is like a bird on the wing, that gives the spirit to help us rise above, that can give even the meanest, lowliest, most lost and miserable soul a peace that surpasses understanding, to be truly victorious. Point is, if it’s so easy, why don’t you do it?
Both of my parents are narcissists. I am 29 and I am only beginning to see through the manipulation. I could stop at every sentence of hers and comment on how manipulative she's being. There's nothing genuine, she places herself above the daughter all the time, says crap like "this is for the estranged parents" and one minute later "this is not for haters but for my smart daughter" (while addressing literally nothing for the daughter btw) and I'm only on the 6th minute of this
My husband and I are at the beginning of our estrangement trauma and stumbling across your words and heart were so helpful! We are no longer alone in our pain, confusion, rejection and that has given me room to keep breathing so THANK YOU
❤I'm inside the same boat. My heart broken. I lost my son,in out same town. 3 years...I was yold I never gave him tools. So much love for my boy ,who is a man. He never calls or texts. I took ownership of what he blames me for. But this rejection is just over the top. 😢I'm crushed..im with you xo
I've been going through this for over 11 years. I'm at the point of acceptance and coping. I still think of her but I don't shed tears anymore. I do wish sometimes that things will change, but as a human being I won't be a door mat for anyone. I still have my life to live. We did the best we could as parents, therefore my husband and I have no guilt. Still love her, but I've learned its okay to love myself and my well being more. At the end of the day, I matter. Our lives centered around them when they were children. They're adults now and have a right to live their lives with or without us in it!
My daughter 27 has cut me out of her & my 2 yr old granddaughters life. I was unfriended years ago on social media. Phone number blocked sometimes, at times it’s not. I let her go. But before I did I sent a text letting her know that I love her and I am here whenever she’s ready, no matter how long it takes. I don’t reach out for holidays or anything like that anymore. I thought I was a good parent. I’m not going to keep myself in a dark, depressed state anymore. I just have to move on.
Maybe she wanted to live an alternative lifestyle and knew her parents might not approve so she cut them out before they could say anything to her. Her loss. Seems like her parents, even though they may not like it, would still love her unconditionally anyway.
@MLMLW Except clearly, they wouldn't. This woman takes absolutely no accountability for anything she's done. She talks and talks and talks, but she never *says* anything. She never takes the blame for their relationship falling apart when it's clear, the blame falls on her. Children don't go no contact because they're in a bad mood. They do it because they have been deeply emotionally and/or physically hurt and wronged by their parents and the fact that she can't even admit to what she did to hurt her daughter so badly makes it clear to me that she will never ever take accountability for whatever grievances her daughter wrote in that letter. She clearly doesn't agree with an alternative lifestyle, despite saying she does because she voted for someone who is actively trying to remove the rights from people in that lifestyle, which INCLUDES HER CHILD. She literally is working to help someone strip human rights away from people, and yet she can't see why that makes her bad in her daughters eyes. She is not a safe space for her child anymore, and if she were my mother, I'd want nothing to do with her either. Good fucking riddance to a woman who chose a political figure that doesn't even know she exists, who doesn't care about her *at all*, over the child she grew inside her. Well done. Stellar parenting.
@@Highkey-Loki - You act as judge & jury to a situation you know nothing about. None of us do and we cannot possibly get a clear picture from a 16 minute video. You don't know what was said between the two in 29 years of the daughter's life nor do you know how the mother raised her. She clearly stated she would support her daughter however she chose to live her life and that she will always love her no matter what but this is a private matter between mother & daughter, not any of us. The mother's mistake was making a video about it and airing her grievances in public which has subjected her to ridicule so all the armchair critics can dump on her. Big mistake, but the mother has a right to feel however she wants but obviously in her case there are serious consequences.
When my marriage broke down my husband disappeared and was evicting myself and my son from our home. Rang my mom and dad...dad said "you can stay here if you get evicted until you sort something out" my mom was in the background shouting "No, no, no" ...says it all really.
@Bat_Boy As a mother myself I couldn't understand her reaction. We have a strained relationship. She tends to put people down alot and it affected me through my life. Not great really.
My 2 children from my first marriage have done the same to me. I agree with you, it is like PTSD. I have only met my grandson once. He's 6 or 7 now. I have never been allowed to even send items to him. Never been allowed to be grandma either. It does suck. Trolls be damned. When you literally have no idea the details of a person's story- step off on the judgements. I support you and this does help to know there are others out there too.
New subscriber from Texas ❤! I’ve been through this. It’s the WORST feeling in the world. And you are right. Unless this has happened to you, you will never know the deep pain it causes. My child and I did reconcile after a few years. So that’s good news. The bad news is I will never fully trust her with my heart again. I will continue to love her but the knowledge that she could even have done that to me will not be forgotten. Forgiven but not forgotten. You are a beautiful, articulate and intelligent woman. You did not deserve this. Enjoy the rest of your years with your beloved husband. And thank you so much for your heartfelt videos. I know it will bring comfort to others. God bless you!
I understand last year I was in hospital I live abroad and after calling her thinking it would be a good idea if she came over well that caused such a s**t storm she interfered in ways caused me so much problems I am actively in danger of losing my home because of certain things she did while I was in hospital she let people throw out some of my personal possessions like as if I wasent coming back she has not really taken this as seriously as she should I never pretended to be a perfect mother but I'm not cruel she talks about her self alot but dosent seem to realise the situation alot of her actions has put me and my pets into I told her I still love her but it is hard to likevhercsometimes
I have experienced the same thing. My daughter is now back and I can once again bond with my grandson. The day she realized that being a parent can be terribly difficult, things started to turn around for us, but something is broken, and can never be the same again. I don't know if she will ever be able to take me for granted again.
Very similar story, even down to residing in Texas. We too have reconciled, I guess is the right term. We talk again. It’s a shame but you do have to hold a piece of your heart back and never fully trust. That is heart breaking in itself, but once you learn, you learn.
What did you do too your kid that had them forever not trust you with their full heart? Because that's what estrangement is. Glad you found equal footing in mutual distrust at least
Thank you for sharing . My daughter cut me out years ago and listening to you makes me feel i am not alone. Unless a parent is going through this, they can never understand the trauma parents with estranged children feel and go through.
I do .....Sometimes when I think back to when I was part of the lives I miss now, I wonder how real it really was..All I knew was that I loved being part of their existence, and never really noticed how undervalued I truly was... I say undervalued because I was not truly paying attention to the behavior that was there all along,... Thankfully, my own self is still whole and undamaged ..Just a bit weary now and again ...
I cut off my parents a while ago. I've started forgetting about them. It's great that we have such an abundance of ubiquitous and accessible resources on the Internet to share perspectives.
I recently turned 70. Although I never abandoned my parents, for many years, in my 20s and 30s, I held them responsible for virtually everything that had gone wrong with my life. Now that I’m much older and, I would hope, a *little* bit wiser, I see that though in some respects they weren’t the parents they might have been, in many ways I wasn’t the son I might have been either. Perhaps some day your daughter will come to a similar realization - hopefully, before she turns 70.
Thank you for sharing your experience. I’m sorry for the burden that must’ve been. I’m on the younger side and I’m wondering if you have any advice for us recovering from addiction;trauma;or getting wiser, if possible.
@@pankakesnotstellar With millennials and gen z, a good deal of the trauma has to do with parents leaving them unattended online and being introduced to sexual predators. It's counter-productive to hold the children accountable in those situations when they did not have the means to access any of that on their own nor did they understand what they were being exposed to. Neglect led them down that path and whether their parents fully understood what was going on or not, it was their responsibility to find out and to protect them. Which explains the confusion from the parents who thought they were just spoiling their kids and the children who are angry that their innocence was stolen from such a young age.
The feelings aren't new at all. A lot of this trauma is generational. Instead of addressing it, each new generation passes it along and are taught to be complacent about it. The reason we're hearing more about it now is because there's more resources on how to recognize it and address it. It sounds like you managed to heal on your own, which is great. Hopefully the tools and resources available now will help more young people recover faster and potentially break the cycle with many families. Not all will go NC and for those that do, not all will be permanent. But sometimes it's for the best to stay apart.
Thank you for your channel! When I discovered Dr. Craig Childress, and his explanation of Parental Alienation I finally understood how pathological/narcissistic my former husband is and how he purposely destroyed the bond between my children and me. I have continually reached out to them, to no avail. I haven't seen or spoken to my children in 10 years. I am heartbroken. 💔
Keep calm & keep busy young lady. I have prayed for fathers with this alienation problem to no avail. I love you & am otherwise at a loss for words. Whatever you do, keep going!
Parental Alienation is awful. Protecting children from a potentially dangerous parent is one thing, but projecting issues with an ex partner on to the children is selfish and disgusting. Unfortunately, children may not recognize that they have been manipulated by a parent until they are older.
I think your ex-husband and my ex-husband were cut from the same cloth. The last time I spoke to my daughter was to tell her that her brother, my son, was dead. It was the first time I had spoken to her in 7 years. I'm so sorry that you're going thru this. I haven't given up on my daughter, I pray for her every day.
I am currently going thru this right now. My adult Sons have intellectual disabilities, Autism, ADHD, Mood Disorders. My ex is manipulating them and he's not allowing them to have contact with me. He took advantage of me when I was in excruciating pain back in July 2022. I had to go to the ER! I found out I had a LG Cyst on my left ovary. I had to have emergency surgery! If the Cyst wasn't removed I would of died!! They Dr's also thought I had Ovarian Cancer. My ex promised to return one of my Son's to me after January 19. He promised to Fly him back to Texas or meet Half Way. He's trying to steal his SSI money. He's basically kidnapped both of my Sons. I've been raising money to drive to SC to get them. I One of my Son's needs medical attention. He's demanding I send him one of Son's ID card and Medicaid Card and SS card. If I do this and give in to my abusive Ex-husband I'm giving up on my children. If I do this and give in then I'll never see my children again. He's also using my daughter as a messenger. It's hurting her mental health I can see it thru the hateful texts she sends me.I'm going to have to get the police involved. I've never kept my Son's from speaking with their Father!! My Heart is constantly broken! I always have chest pains. Feels like I'm going to have a heart attack! The only thing that is getting me thru this trauma is JESUS! He is giving me strength! One last note is I can't stop thinking about what my youngest son told me as he was getting ready to leave with his Father for Christmas Vacation in Dec of 2023. As he was Hugging me goodbye he was also bawling and he pleaded with me to not let his Father manipulate and force him to live in SC like he did with his older brother. This memory of my Son has been etched into my brain. I think about it every waking hour. I've been dreaming constantly that my son is crying himself to sleep because he misses me!! He's traumatized because of what his Father is doing to him. I can't get to SC fast enough. Please pray for me I'm afraid to confront my Ex-Husband I know he's not going to release my Son's willingly. Thank you.
My daughter and I had a seriously complicated due to different a number of reasons. At age 18 she left home and never looked back...or contacted me. For nearly 35 years I kept hoping we would be in the same room. However, that will never happen. Last week she died at age of 55. I still miss her. Nobody understands what it feels like until it happens to them.
I was cut off from my daughter when she became a mother. She was adopted and apparently alot of preverbal trauma came up and she needed space to process that along with learning about being a mom. I regret to say that we were horrible to her. We were judgemental about her therapy and healing. We even moved to the state where she lived, trying to insert ourselves into her life without any discussion because we wanted to be grandparents. We know now how arrogant and dismissive of her reality we were. We needed help to learn accountability but refused to get it. We will go to our graves without being authentically connected. We are ashamed and remorseful
I don't understand, where better would she learn to be a mother than from you? You tried to help your daughter and keep your bond with her, I don't think shame should be part of your feelings. Perhaps, you didn't do it in the best way, but I can't understand why would she need to cut off the only people who ever loved her truly.
@@pankakesnotstellar we learned after it was too late. We can never apply the lessons we learned to a relationship with her now, only with other people and ourselves.
I spoke to you on your first video. As a former estranged child, I am so ashamed of how things were between my parents and me. They're gone now and all I have are memories. I was fortunate to tell them how much I loved them before they passed, It was a hard lesson to learn.
You may have valuable insight to help parents better understand what may be going on with adult children around your age. Only if you are comfortable, of course.
Wouldn't be amazing to have a community of people like you and people whose parents were/are absent and just support each other and share? Like an emotional adoption in adulthood... so many lonely people wanting to reconnect all over the world, it drives me crazy to think that they could be neighbors and just don't know each other. At least you can collaborate with your loving testimony if this beautiful woman starts a community 😊
I’m so sorry. I share your experience and it’s very traumatic and heartbreaking. It’s worse than death because there is no end to the devastation and pain. It’s living in tragic loss every day. Again, I’m so sorry 🙏❤️
Your story is so profoundly similar to mine, I cannot thank you enough for sharing your experience with the world. I am now almost 9 years post-breakup with my daughter, and although the pain and confusion are still very real, I find myself letting go for my mental health.
Same with me….nine years. My grandchildren who were with me every day are now strangers….all the wasted time, pain and heartache. This year I, too, decided to come to radical acceptance and I have let it go. If the grandkids want to contact me in the future, I’ll be here. As far as my son, he can’t hurt me any more…done with that….true but sad.
Your point? Do you think "years of study" qualifies anyone to sit in judgement when the parties involved aren't known personally? Wouldn't years of study suggest that the diagnosis via TH-cam is impossible?
@@peace.denise4156 it just means there is a lot more than what's being said. Not that everything has to be said. Just makes me think of the Ted Talks with Suzie something...
I can say nothing publicly about this woman. I can say I had years of being abused by a borderline mother and an enabling stepfather (bio dad permanently out of the picture) I never went no contact. I should have. I know what it's done to me. My mother denied/forgot all her abuse and thought she was a good person. I didn't imagine her abuse.
A mom here. And a daughter. A mom who did the best she could - but my girls didn't get what they needed from me. I knew that even while I was raising them. So it was much easier for me to look at how I needed to change in my relationships with them to 1) heal 2) grow our relationships. I had a mom much like you. That's based on the behavior you revealed in your first video, after a most traumatic thing in your life: your daughter was no longer ABLE to have a RELATIONSHIP with you (and her dad). I understand that you thought about why and how... but I never heard you say that you emailed your daughter, or sent her a card, or called her, with a genuine attempt and vulnerable offer to allow her to be real with you. For example: "I want to hear more about your anger and pain about us, about our relationships with you. Apparently you've kept it close to your heart for a long time. That makes me feel very, very sad. I realize how hard that must have been for you. You must have felt invisible. I'm sorry that you felt unsafe to let us in. And the only way I can understand is by listening. To you. In person. With no interruptions." Ma'am, this isn't about whether or not you did the best you could, or how many advantages she had. Your daughter simply does not FEEL loved by you. And, this is very sad, your giving up and accepting her miserable position just deepens that love void in her. That void where you and she should exist. Your daughter would LOVE to be in a close relationship with you. And dad. (They are separate so they should be treated separately.) In her mind, SHE CAN'T. Because it takes 2. And she's so afraid that you DON'T HEAR HER - and that your stance is protecting/defending/validating your SELF while hearing her pain. My recommendation to you is 3-fold - if you want to have a chance at healing your relationship: 1) Stop your internet thing. You've revealed very personal information about your daughter. Not just that - you're exposing the very personal info that she estranged you. Thats HER info to share, not yours, on such a public forum. You're the parent! You're using it as a therapy for YOU (for support and commiseration). And you're also using it to communicate TO your daughter. IT ISN'T GOING TO WORK. 2) Get a therapist. One who won't just pat you on the head and say, "You did the best you can. Now go away. You don't need a therapist." 3) Reach out to your daughter after you've gained insight into yourself, relationships, and healing them. I'd like to communicate more with you, if only to send you something i developed: Special Communication Exercise. It really works. But I want you to know that I'm MUCH closer to you in experience than you'd think. I may be able to offer some insights. Im almost 70, I invested much time and money into cognitive behavioral therapy. So far my relationships with my 2 daughters are working on a real level, but not perfect. And I've learned how to listen. And they know they're free to express themselves and set boundaries.
@estrangedparents Your story is VERY worth telling. I believe, however, that the internet forum for your story at this point in time will definitely decrease your chances of restoring the broken relationship with your daughter. THAT'S my focus. It's not over unless you give up, and I'm not talking about trying everything YOU can think of; I think it's time to find expert advice from people who HAVE found victory!!!
This is communicated beautifully. So much respect and humility (EVEN if you weren’t in the wrong) and you’ve got your daughters back. It is impossible not to feel drawn back by humble communication, it is simply too reasonable! That was beautiful and kind to read, a Divine attitude
This is incredibly sweet. I’m gen z and have a boomer dad and gen x mom who were both terribly abused and then went on to do their best with me, which was far from enough. I’m in my 20s now, and they have since apologized and worked on themselves a lot. In many ways they’re different people. I could not imagine having a relationship with them had they not taken responsibility and worked on themselves to improve as parents. It’s so heartwarming to see other cases like mine, I truly believe family is worth all of that effort, and I am so grateful to them for trying. It’s very lovely to see you earnestly reach out to others to share your experience. People can change, relationships can change, no matter our age, and it’s important for people to see that! I’m sure your daughters feel as I do about my parents- that is, filled with gratitude and appreciation.
God bless you!!!!! I suffer from a broken heart syndrome because of what has happened with my adult children, which was completely out of my control and caught me off guard about five years ago. I’m still working on the healing process is not easy. Thank you for telling your story.
I had the same thing happen for different reasons and then had the estrangement lumped on top It took a lot out of my physical stamina but I found that for me Boost Oxygen in those little travel canisters helps
I can't imagine what you go through daily as a result of your daughter's alienation, but parenthood is definitely full of challenges. Stay as pleasant with her as you can, and someday she may realize how important you really were and are to her. We all go through different stages in our lives, and not all of them are enjoyable. She may still come around, especially when she sees how much you obviously care when you speak in your videos of her. You seem like a wonderful parent - please don't let negative people influence your feelings.
Just to validate: My husband's ER Dr told us about Broken Heart Syndrome yesterday. He said that it causes real damage to the actual heart. Eye opening.
I know it’s hard, but an excellent, older, experienced psychologist told me once…,get out there and live your own life. Send them love and cards at Christmas, Easter, their birthdays, but always be upbeat and positive. Never criticize, never judge, even if you have to bite your tongue off, just let them live their lives and always behave “professionally” and “positively”. Never offer any suggestions. Just say, “I have faith that you will figure it out.” Go out with your own friends. Never give them money other than a few gifts. Invest in yourself. This seems to be a popular phase in America right now…throwing your parents away. Ok. Let them throw you away. And, maybe, just maybe, they will grow up in the process.
You are suggesting that she take the high road. This is a wise decision for all differences of opinion. The high road is a road less travelled and nobody can fault you if you take that approach.
You know the Bible speaks of this time we are in ! The end times !!! When your enemies will be those of your own household ?!? Mother against daughter. ! Father against son etc ! I also am going through this ! Our son married someone who does not like us period ! And no matter how we have tried to figure things out to make things work , she wants nothing to do with us and our son who didn't agree with her treating us this way at the start has also pretty much doesn't want anything to do with us ! And their about to have my only grandchild ! And my heart sinks as I pretty much know I will not be allowed to have a relationship with her 🥹😢 I love them and pray for them and just take my life one day at a time ! I have another son who is married to a lovely Japanese girl and they live in Japan ! But we never hardly ever hear from them ! Our adult daughter lives with us because things are just really hard in this world right now for a single women ! And she just talks with us now and again and she lives under our roof rent free ! And we are here for all our kids in any way they would need us !!! My heart breaks for you and your husband so much ! Because what do you do when You have lived your child with all your heart and raised them and protected them from harm and give them the best life you can to only have them to completely turn their back on you 😢 it's unbelievable and heartbreaking !!! Your love is still just as strong ! So it's hard to understand that they can do such a thing ?!? I find my strength in my Lord ! Through prayer I give my situation to God and then I trust Him with them ! I send you huge hugs and love and prayers for God to comfort you and your husband and for your daughters eyes would be opened and that she will return to you both Amen
I was given the same advice back when cell phones weren't so prevalent. Don't whine and complain about how you never hear from him on the rare occasion when he did actually call you. Say it is nice to hear from him, keep your tone pleasant and when you hang up say you enjoyed the conversation and leave it at that. Don't ask when he'll call again, etc.. This did help our relationship.
And these people wonder why their kids don’t talk to them? If none of your children talk to you there might be something YOU did. But secondly, it’s the end of the actual world or just the end of your world that your children cut contact? Cause it sounds like some pretty bizarre, unhealthy thinking
Guess what my dearest daughter did? After almost three years of her cutting off all contact except the mail, I received a 3x4 Ft box from UPS of full of every card, postcard, gift and note I’d sent. Every piece, unopened, untouched except to be put in the box and returned. All holidays, birthdays, just thinking of you, I care, how are you doing, hope you’re well…. All of everything since she cut me off. Nope, I’m done. I’m not stupid- not one card, gift, thought, or tear is left. Come on karma! I’ll be that grinning Grandma laughing manically at your karma without giving a care. You’ll learn the hard way baby. You will. Life’s a real b--. It’s not me.
Loved your video as my oldest daughter did the same thing and it was nice to know I wasn't alone in this very heart wrenching family tragedy. As for the haters giving their horrible replies are just sad and hateful people and have no life and most likely, have no children. Again, thank you for your video.
It's hard to watch this. When I was 13 my brother started to devalue and disrespect our parents. My parents were patient so long but it devastated them. In high school I volunteered with Big Sisters and met kids were were actually abused and neglected, and in college volunteered with homeless. Oddly, some of them were truly loved. Others had grown up in profound neglect or felt invisible. There was no size fits all to their stories. When my sisters had childen, my parents kept strong loving relationships with them. Sometimes people push the envelope too far, and a parent moves on. My mom died on mothers day. It made me angry to see my brother show up and toss a card in her coffin. Some times people take a bit too much for granted.
Sometimes is simply an extreme process of individuation. It is HARD! I’ve watched my family go thru this. Older generation so it’s not new. Maybe just more talked about. They come back around. Keep loving yourself from love while processing this trauma. Eventually they will come back. ❤ prayers of unconditional love for you❤
I stumbled onto this channel. We are going on 6 months since our son has talked to my husband and I. We are expecting to be alone over the holidays. We are going through the grieving process. Prayers for all going through estrangement.
Young people are falling prey by outside forces to destroy the family so sorry your son fell prey to the propaganda People who are alone with no family support are easier to control
I don’t know if this is appropriate but my brothers widowed wife cut us off from her and his family after his death. Unfairly Shamed my parents infront of our side of the family, and coworkers and friends after his death. It killed my parents and it was like a second death at the time. The kids are adults now and they have shunned us over the years. It’s been almost 23 years and still hurts us like the day it happened. God bless you all. 🙏🙏🙏
Yes. That kind of betrayal does break a person's heart. A person actually dies of the grief and heartbreak. My Mom died because of my sister. She's still dancing through life as if she didn't kill her own Mother.
Thank you for starting this channel. I’m letting 2 of the 3 children I raised live their life without me as it is their choice. They have free will. I am proud of the mother I was and still am. They can’t take that away.
Same here. I am finally learning to let go. Bcuz of the way she is I don't see my granddaughter often so I send her a little present thru the mail every month. She is eight and lives these little surprises delivered w her name on it. I feel if I don't keep some communication w us I will lose her a long w her mother's indifference. Maybe I should just t cut all ties.
@@marir838do not cut ties with your granddaughter. At least you have that. I became estranged from my oldest son for a couple of years and one thing I kept doing was sending gifts to my 2 grandsons on birthdays and holidays. I stopped sending to my son and his wife. We speak now and I felt good that I never stopped sending little gifts to my grandsons. It was not their fault.
@@marir838 please do not cut ties with your grandchildren. Send notes with your little treats and always tell her you love her and want to see her. She deserves her grandmother and to be doted on in that special way. Also, send her photos of you so she can put a face to this relationship. My grandson in autistic and I recently sent him some books and I went to ups and printed out some photos in color that I emailed there. Then I laminated the photos ( also at ups ) and used clear packing tape to attach the photos to the insides of the front and back covers. I date the books and write little I love you son random pages for him to discover. Don’t allow this bully to steel your love away from your grandchildren. You deserve it and so do these children. You have to fight the fight in small non threatening ways, but it is worth it because those children will grow up and be free to have the love you want to give them. They can look back and know you were always thinking and dreaming of them and loving them if only from a distance.
Pray 🙏 We rebuke the spirit of Rejection, depression, bitterness, anger, anxiety, sadness in the name of Jesus and we command them to leave in Jesus name, Amen 🙏 Do it and it will help you and keep your faith that your child will return back to you. We pray that Jesus blessed you with his love ❤️
Diane, I wasn't a perfect mother. I made mistakes. The difference between you and me is that I apologized to my children and I continue to be aware of their feelings. You don't seem to get that part. Advice: Be the change, Diane. Look in the fecking mirror, for Pete's sake.
"I DON'T GIVE A SH*T!" I'm so glad that you said that!! So many folks just don't get that not EVERYONE cares about their opinion!!! God Bless You Sweetie!!!
@@denisedaniel9010of course she did, but if it doesn’t exactly match with what she wants to hear as far as other parents with estranged children saying “I am so sorry, I am going through the same thing.” And that is all the kids fault she doesn’t like it. “It’s not for you” well just like her daughters tik tok account which I am sure her daughter would say is “not for her” TH-cam is public and content is for everybody who wants to engage with it. I don’t agree with anyone bullying or being nasty. I also don’t agree with people making mental health diagnoses for others. Other than that she is going to receive many opinions, some who agree, some who don’t… some who may be trying to open her eyes to a different perspective
My daughter has been estranged from me for14 years. In the beginning I felt so much shame that my child rejected me without a word. As time moved on as it inevitably does, I became frozen inside. The trauma has has been to much, I have shut down. I’ve never spoken of this to other people, I might break if I do.
I feel this. I took so many photos and have mementos that I cannot even look at for fear I will get stuck in the grips of depression. I took those pictures and saved those things thinking they would one day bring me such Joy
Heartbreak 💔 and tears I cried and cried and did all I could too. I don't understand this thing about abandoning parents! God knows your pain and one day everything will work out by his will not ours and it will be good, stay strong and trust God
When you think about what the bond between mother and child SHOULD BE, you have to wonder how bad it MUST BE for either one to go no contact. Either you raised your child wrong that they're so self-absorbed and unaware of basic norms OR you are the actual problem. Many therapists will tell you that parents often have problems with boundaries. My therapist told me I do an excellent job of NOT seeing my son as an extension of myself. I asked her, "That's not normal?" and she told me, "No. It's not." Must be why my son still calls me multiple times a week. Our relationship isn't perfect but it's good enough that it's never gotten so bad that either needed to disown the other. I'm proud of the way I broke generational trauma. The things that his peer group has been through he literally told his friends that my mother must've put me through some hell that I worked hard to overcome to NOT dump it on him. I suspect you need therapy to do the same.
"For those of you who say we shouldn't view her TikTok *HELLO* it's on the internet it's public content." This is all I needed to hear. Hopefully you can let go and hopefully your daughter can heal in therapy.
I appreciate your sharing your story. I personally know your pain and suffering, my daughter stop talking to me for over a year. My prayers are with you.
The notion that family ties should be maintained at all costs is a harmful one. It disregards the reality that not all familial relationships are healthy or nurturing. When parents consistently inflict emotional pain, manipulate their children's lives, or perpetuate patterns of abuse, the choice to go no contact becomes a necessary act of self-defense. It's a way to break free from the cycle of toxicity and reclaim one's personal power. While the decision may be difficult and met with societal disapproval, it ultimately empowers individuals to prioritize their own well-being and create a life filled with peace and self-respect.
When a person experiences any kind of abuse or neglect from a parent who never took accountability, they have three roads in life to choose from: 1. Process their trauma and abstain from having children if they feel they are unable to emotionally heal to the level that would make them an emotionally secure parent 2. Process their trauma and have children after/while doing the hard work to make sure they are an emotionally secure parent 3. Bypass any and all trauma work, have children, and repeat the cycle with their own children in order to take back the power they lost and validate that their experience was normal. I wish there was some chemical in the water supply that would literally make people infertile if #3 is their motivation for having kids.
I was rooting for you, I really was. My heart hurt for you. Your heartbreak was so visceral and poignant. That said, you lost me at 8:09, when you made a point of saying, " Assuming we are all legal citizens..." Ouch. Not a good optic, on social media or to generate continued support for your ongoing heartache. Why would you say that? Why even mention the whole citizenship 'thing'? Heartbreak knows no borders. For the first time, I thought to myself, this problem is like a diamond- there are 58 facets to it. That statement was dark. Which leads me to empathize with your daughter's decision, even if I don't completely understand or agree with her decision. I hope you continue to find peace and consolation.
Same. I have the feeling this fractured relationship is partly political. Diane lets it be known she is anti-vaccine (and that has become a politcal issue) Did she also make comments about people relying too much on government and "not wanting to work"? Most of my friends are much younger than me, so I have a sense of what they are going through. It's impossibly harsh and hard work doesn't help them. Some people closer to my age who I am familiar with are crunchy New Age Moms who did a hard right turn in the last few years. The New Agers are sometimes quite spiritually inflated and intolerant of others, while putting on a smiling face. I am not sure if Diane is this way, but a few bombs she dropped indicate she might be. I can understand this being a huge contributor to a split as it reflects a profound difference in world view. Diane seems to be evangelizing a political position here, while saying she isn't interested in politics. Diane, if you read this it might help you if you broke out of the bubble of a privileged life long enough to speak to and imagine, not just your daughter but others of her generation. Where were YOU at 29 and where is she? You were likely married to a husband who was on the rise in a burgeoning field. Opportunities like that don't exist now, no matter how many positive affirmations we whisper to ourselves.
@@Mistardmuster People of all generations are susceptible to propaganda that confirms their biases or suspicions. I agree with Diane that social media comes at a great cost, even if it does provide fantastic benefits. A mixed bag. It amplifies some of our worst traits through radicalization. Younger generations are susceptible to feeling victimized about their gender identity, for eg. and older gens are susceptible to strong personalities who fun house mirror their own middle class values. We are becoming tribal, cult like. It's not black and white. People don't have to be religious to have very fundamentalist ways of thinking. The narco-sphere is educational. People who view life through that exclusive lens are going to label everyone they take exception to as narcissistic. Whole communities form around modern day witch hunts.
@@jesshansen3690 in her previous video she made another family member contact her daughter on Facebook for her. Her daughter ended up blocking that family member. Then she acted surprised because "that family member had the same political opinions as her daughter". Definitely something fishy imo
Emotional injury and physical injury can have similar outcomes. If one injures their spinal cord, they won't be able to walk again - and no amount of therapy or effort will ever restore their ability to ever walk again. In a similar way, emotional injury can lead to/be the result of irreparable emotional trauma. The "rejection" someone feels may be the outcome of injury inflicted by emotional trauma. A parent saying they "did the best they could" does nothing to heal an emotional wound or scar that can't be mended, and saying this to someone who experienced emotional injury or has been psychologically harmed sounds more like someone trying to let them self off the hook. Some injuries, physical and emotional, leave scars and damage that can't ever be healed or reversed. The fact that someone doesn't know, remember or accept responsibility for injury they may have caused does not mend or erase the emotional injury that the other person has experienced.
I'd add that the fact that someone doesn't know or remember that they massively hurt their own child over decades only further cements how abusive that person was.
I love how you explained this using physical references for pain/trauma. It’ll definitely help those who don’t understand mental health too well to get the picture.
What you have just said, is very profound.... 'They" were a big part of our lives ..perhaps the "Part" was too consuming and unbalanced.. Just look at this issue from another point of view.... Would YOU allow someone to make YOu their whole reason for living? I see now, this is how I lived my life ..I never asked for anything, and consequently, received very little.. No one asked me how I was , or whether they could do anything for me... I never expected it , and never got it... I had no real value for myself .... ..I did too much..I am horrified with my own words. There is a lot of truth , about teaching others how to treat you ... Everything I ever did , is coming back to haunt me , with my own words...
My two daughters (46 and 50 years old), walked away when I became disabled. I’ve tried to open conversation but receive total silence. It’s beyond tragic.
They didn't JUST walk away because you were suddenly disabled. Because healthy parent/child relationships don't just end with one illness. Surely there is more to that story. As with the OP story, there's a lot of info missing.
@@colleenmahony8803 Really bold of you to assume and put the blame on the parent when you don't know anything. Just don't say anything if you have nothing nice to say.
@@colleenmahony8803 Whatever excuse her Adult Children have "written her off", doesn't matter. According to the Bible, the Commandment of Honoring your Father and Mother is one of the most important and breaking this one specific Commandment can send you to Hell for eternity. Also, according to the Bible, to hurt a Parent like this is a form of manslaughter. You can go to Church every week thinking if you do that you end up in Heaven, but if you break this SPECIFIC Commandment, you end up in Hell. This is ALL in the Bible. These " Adult Children" think their ideas are better than God's Rule's.
I'm estranged from one of my daughters - I have a poster in my room - it says "You can participate in the growth of another human being. You cannot control their behavior. It reminds me I did the best I could as a single Mom w/ 3 girls. I still wish her well, but don't let it hurt me anymore.
Amen! May it “bounce off me and hit them” 100xs over. I learned to live and love without giving a d--. I love not walking on eggshells every second. I’ve found I’m actually pretty fun and kind and gracious and caring and giving and forgiving. Nothing like she’s made me out to be.
I also have reached healing thru my faith in the Lord Jesus and have accepted it. I don't like it but accept it. I have a clear conscience and will always love her from afar.
I had to step away from my patents years ago for my sanity. A lot of control. BUT BUT BUT let me say this clearly....i never disrespected them. In fact I sent them weekly pics of the kids and letters on their progress. On holidays on sent them a holiday center piece to remember them and respect them without being part of the dysfunction . I hope that helps any children that find themselves in that situation. But this is the case of our astranged daughter. She just doesn't like our faith and political views even though we RARELY talk about them. We are just together to catch up with our lives. Guess who brings up these situations.....you got it, our daughter. She wants to control us. I call it the snowflake syndrome.....but I want my way!
I can't imagine people passing judgment on you. What is a huge disappointment is if some of these commenters never had children, let alone participate in the activities leading to parenthood. Each of us going through this is participating in ways that are as unique as our fingerprints. As for my estranged daughter...she has a sister who will be 55 on Saturday. Mikki is treated the same by her sister as I and my family are treated. The narcissistic person in our circumstance is the daughter who is estranged My take is it was her choice. As I told her on her birthday, you do you... You are in my prayers...
Heres todays scenario...millenial, gen z patient..."You mean all my problems I can totally blame my pare ts for AND demand boundaries and belittle them all I want?!!! Therapist, "Yes, thats right, please pay $500 fee at desk before you go...and make your appointments for next month so you can learn even more ways to permanently, totally break parents hearts to mske you better! Have Betty outside check your insurance amount you have left to cover it to full compldtion. Then youll be happy, blameless for any of your own shortcomings, plus cruelly pay your ex authority figure back for evrr telling what to do. PATIENT...Yeah! Count me in!
"Demand boundaries" is a bad thing in your book lol? Wtf?
The problem is made clear in how you chose to use "authority figure" to describe a parent instead of anything else.
They certainly are in some ways, but primarily parents are meant to be guardians who provide love, care, and guidance.
Sad that you view it that way.
This comment and the fact this lady liked it speaks volumes of your failures and lack of accountability.
I love this one! I would keep it in first place at all times!😂😂😂👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Wow if you don’t give a shit about anyone but yourself just say that
To this woman's daughter if you are reading: Congratulations!
My thoughts EXACTLY!!! YOU GO HILARY!!!
I remember telling my narcissistic Mother how much her words hurt me and how I genuinely wanted to reconcile our relationship.
Quote "I don't know what you expect me to do with that information"
I'm 43 and have been no contact for nearly 10 years.
I hope you've healed (coming from an 18 yr old going through the process w my mother) ❤
The term narcissist is used inflationary these days.
Her daughter opened up her heart: she replied received. Been there, done that.
But why can't you just say happy birthday or send messages? Why cut off ?
That is verbatim almost exactly the same things I implored of my daughter , I love her more than all the moon and stars but I can’t force her and there us not a single day I don’t hurt over this . She just says “ what do you want me to do about it ? I’m busy “
"How dare people not allow me to be cruel to them and call me on the emotional damage I inflicted?" Everyone, even parents -- especially parents -- can grow and change.
The worst part is, the “ contrition “ you’re so proud to deny your daughter of is the very cure to this situation. By prioritizing only how you feel, you lose everything.
The arrogance, the smugness, the condescension is thicker than molasses...
Because let's face it: all of this is reserved for her critics only
This lady is insane. Thank goodness the daughter escaped this narcissistic person. Run, run, run away, dear daughter, and never return.
What exactly is showing narcissism? The mother is far more empathic than the daughter. I know youngsters would like for parents to fall over in pathetic heaps and never stand up for themselves.
It is time for trampled on parents to turn their backs on this spoilt, entitled, self-absorbed generation
@@snippetsordinarylifeso do it! Your right! Do it right now! Free yourself from your children and go show orphans how great of a parent you could be!
…you don’t even know her. You saw a TH-cam video
@@soylentgreen6120huh?
Really? Really, really??
My God!
Right out of the starting blocks “This lady is insane.”
👊🏼👊🏼👊🏼
Therapist here ✋Try reading through the letter she initially sent. Take accountability for your contributions, like you said you were not perfect. It’s ok to take some time to reflect, acknowledge the moments she was hurt; validate her feelings and apologize. Avoid deflecting or justifying your mistakes. Personal accountability heals all involved. Best wishes to you and your family.
👏🏻
I love this response so much.
@@goodnews6823 she was a child
@@goodnews6823and which shortfalls would those be, since you obviously know her? :)
@@goodnews6823Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps 🎼🎵🪇
Look at the satisfatcion smile on the face of this person. The sarcasm. The complete lack of consideration that maybe, JUST MAYBE she's wrong. She's getting all the attention she wanted. A legit narc.
How dare she stand up for herself in the face of so many internet hyenas attacking her?
this is really giving: "tell me you're a terrible person without telling me you're a terrible person."
If you cannot find the empathy within, you will not see the empathy without.
People go no contact for the benefit of their own mental health and well being.
@@earthwisdomhelps still the bible 😂😂
@earthwisdom6645 Problem is you assuming that her mental health was intact. She probably had to mask around you, people please, walk on eggshells possibly and is it possible that your perception of her mental health was completely off because you failed to recognize the issues? Adult children in good mental health that are happy don't up and ghost their parents.
@@earthwisdomhelpsYou talking about the bible says SO much about why she left.
@@earthwisdomhelps As a Christian it is fundamentally your job to educate people and help them understand the gospel. In Matthew 28:18-20, Jesus tells his followers, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything that I have commanded you.”
@@earthwisdomhelps It will not allow me to link an article but hopefully this works if not then oh well. I pray that you are able to repent and giveaway your pridefulness; and that you are able to give way to Jesus. Amen.
I'm not an "EAC", I'm a parent with psychological degrees, and the thing you don't seem to recognise is it's your language that makes you appear narcissistic with a victim mentality.
It's valid to have grief about your child cutting you off, but you take absolutely no responsibility.
"The reasons are weak"... "The No contact power move here"...
It's not a "power move", it's your daughter's self-preservation. She didn't do it TO spite you. She did it IN spite of her love for you, because she had to forbher wellbeing. Deciding and sticking to going no contact is just as hard. She proves she loves family by contacting her dad when he was sick, attending her grandfather's memorial etc.
It's "the youth", "society", your daughter's "power move". You state that youth don't have the life experience that you have... unfortunately it's your life experience that makes you stuck in victimhood and unable to recognise your contradictions.
In one video you berate therapists, however in this video you respect therapists.
You put your story out for the world to see, effectively doxxing your daughter.
"As a mother" you would expect you to be asking how to get your daughter back. What did we do, how do we help her to forgive us?
You are also capitalising on this, which also makes you appear like you really don't want the relationship to be healed by you doing some of the hard work, you want sympathy for your situation and to find like minded people, not your daughter back.
You even take digs at your daughter all through this video "We're ok with alternate lifestyles... just enjoy it! But don't jam it down everybody else's throats." In the same video you say "This is the internet!"; you justify your own video, "This is called YOU TUBE!" You yourself are on social media, so it can't be her tiktok channel that is "shoving it down your throat", that would be hypocritical. She was an adult when she went no contact, so clearly there was something happening or happened that you are not telling people about for her to go no contact at 26 years old. You have NOT said once what she says you have done. Just used buzzwords from her email. "Gaslit" "abuse" (which is serious, not weak) in a childlike voice to present her as being melodramatic and childish.
Look at the videos you have posted through the lense of your daughter. You may stop losing people if you seek therapy and learn some introspection.
I got here from a post on the Reddit Sub "Raised By Borderlines." I confronted my mother only once as an adult regarding her abuse. She denied it and flipped out.
I was raised by a borderline too and I have minimal contact. This woman scares me.
Same. And I developed borderline personality because of her. 😅 But I am self aware and know how to take accountability at least.
@@dansoelberg I’ve seen this. So insane.
@@dansoelberg in recovery they talk about the no talk rule.
That’s what these people are doing. They seem to claim their own perceived abuse makes them entitled to abuse Diane, or even falsely accuse.
But when you ask for reasons, they are silent. It is irrational. Victims, it seems, would hesitate before falsely accusing. Instead, they rush to judgement and Diane is fair game.
Many people believe their parents to be pathological, when they are actually normal range.
Abusers can be fiercely adamant that the victim is all bad things. It can be psychosis.
My parents were abusive violent drunks, and I know just how blaming and lying they can be about victims. It really makes me wonder about some of these “victims” victims can be so violent.
@@silentfriend369 I don’t think it is very aware or accountable to be assuming or inferring these parents are evil abusers who deserve shunning. We don’t know the story or context. As victims, surely you know what victims abusers can be.
Your snark does not help your case. Some self reflection/ shadow work is your path back into her life. The only part is contrition, it's sad you are so against it but that is where your shadow work lies. Take it from someone who has mourned a family that is still alive
It is brutal isn't it? To have to mourn an entire family system when they're still alive. I went through this many many years ago and I hope you find or have found a really good therapist or other solid support to get through. IME, a whole lovely wonderful life awaits on the other side of finding peace with making this difficult decision when the parent behavior has left no other option. We all deserve peace
@beitgorski7296 Brutal is the word, for sure. I'm stronger and wiser, and don't know how I would have grown so much so quickly... but boy was it/it is painful. I love my family deeply, but they forced my hand. I wish them well, but as you said, we deserve our peace. I'm so sorry you can relate. Sending you love and healing on your journey onward and upward
Oh baloney.
@@californiadreamer2580 Someone's hurt 🥺
Right and she wonders why her kid doesn't wanna speak with her 🙄
Ahh- the first video makes so much more sense now.
13,000 people told this woman she was wrong, and she still thinks she’s right. still so smug and has learned absolutely nothing. She’s a lost cause. Her daughter was right.
As a child of a narcissistic mother (so trust me I know what that is), who are you to judge this woman so harshly? You literally know nothing about her or her daughter!! what is wrong with people!!!
So her daughter told her she was a lost cause ?😮 She sounds very rude and disrespectful to me. Maybe her mom should have given her a good smack bottom instead of being kind and understanding when she was growing up. She sounds like an entitled brat. I'm sorry if that offends anyone but JS.
13,000 people could be wrong
@@yuzan3607oh we will judge her alright . She came online with nonsense and there is nothing more we need to know than the fact she will come to talk badly about her daughter online ….
@@madhere0990 well you're just an online bully then. Nothing to be proud of. People don't go online to be bullied, they seek a community that relates to them. But you have to ruin that don't you? because you somehow feel entitled to hate a woman you literally know nothing about other than what you made up in your mind about her being a narcissist. I don't know if you've been hurt by a narcissist before, because you might be projecting your hate to them on this potentially innocent woman just because you're hurt.
I stopped speaking to my father when I realized he was an abusive father and husband to my mother my entire childhood. He died alone.
Poetic justice.
Everyone dies alone. Go to any nursing home and see how many of those people get visits from their kids. I think once people get old mant kids don't want to deal with them anymore so make up some perceived past abuse as a justification to not have to take care of them.
Karma
If they don't show up when you're still at home, even when you desperately need help, then they won't care when you're in a home, the facts are people are selfish.@@imveryhungry112
I hope I die alone. I've seen death. It's not pretty.
I had to look really closely to make sure this wasn't MY mother. 😂 5 years later, estrangement was the healthiest thing I've ever done. Enjoy your extra birthday presents.
This comment wins them all. Anyone who is taken solace in “extra birthday presents” likely lives in 2 realities:
1. The gift giving was never an altruistic act to begin with.
2. No matter how she tries to justify the behavior that drove her child away, there’s nothing that can silence the doubts at 3 am when she knows she’ll never talk to her daughter she supposedly loves.
Hope you husband enjoys paying the interest on the things you shove into the bottomless pit that is your lack of maternal instinct. You should get together with my mom. She’s exactly like you and it’s why we don’t have a relationship.
@@earthwisdomhelps My mom is dying from a fatal cancer as we speak and has no family around her in her hour of need. She made her decisions and the family made theirs in response. Shes dead to all of us anyway so her physical death means nothing at this point.
@@heathgato9062 What an absolute s***** thing to say to someone you don't know. Shame on you
@@heathgato9062 Hopefully she left everything she had to a charity. She owes you nothing
My mom's been gone 15 years and I too had to double-take.
Release the letter!!! There is no question in my mind that you got yourself into this mess and no amount of public shaming of your child is going to vindicate you.
@@mattstiefel4806 all moms have wisdom?! Her daughter is a grown adult who wants nothing to do with this woman. Many mothers are abusers. I doubt you were abused. You have golden child self righteousness written all over you. YOU are an abuser too and trying desperately to justify your creepy behaviour. Shame on you.
@@emmabou3308 ok Doctor Phil
@@emmabou3308Right! There was something very snarky the way she said that and the American citizen thing
I can imagine some of the daughters reasons are very personal where the mom is concerned and maybe she doesn’t want us to know, but don’t get put out with the commenters, because the entire situation isn’t known. We all react differently to things but I know there would never be too much contrition for me to make to my child if it meant having a relationship ship with them. I will always meet my child where they need to be met, and if that means crawling on my belly to get myself and them to a place where we can work on our relationship than so it shall be done.
Her summary of letter didn't make a lot of sense, 'it was about politics'. The extracts we saw didn't say' you were a great mom but I can't see you again because you're a Dem and I'm a republican.' My own dad and I are at opposite ends of political spectrum but I'm not even close to stop speaking to him
@tomsheppard378 It has to be politics because it couldn't possibly be anything she's done! I think this lady is completely full of crap and she's picking and choosing her side so she is viewed in the best possible light. These videos are not a sad, hurt, devasted mom. This is unhinged, control freak who is angry and getting revenge.
Watching your video was a reminder why I left my parents particularly when you said "The reasons that we are given are kind of weak". The day you find strength in your daughters reasoning is the day you will get her back. If you can't understand her reasoning then similar to my situation, you won't get her back.
From someone who has gone "no contact" with my own mother in my 50s,(having since reconnected out of duty to an elderly parent) and who has the oldest of 4 children endured thinly veiled hostility from my own adult daughter (who has no children of her own) Here is my comment: I felt for you in your first video, this video changed my mind about you. Your attitude would make me stop talking to you too. You are all about you and so defensive. The smirks just keep coming. I could barely stand to watch this. Good Luck. I'd have to guess that your daughter has a relevant issue.
I agree 💯
Don't you think thousands of insults would make anyone a tad defensive? I think she showed class and true boundaries. The haters on her thread are abysmal. I respect the woman. I'm glad she has one daughter who loves her. And she's taking good care of herself now, and for the most part she's done with the crying.
7:23 I love the portion where you discuss being okay with ‘alternative lifestyles’ and then immediately jump into ‘as long as it’s not jammed down your throat’. Yet for every single ‘jam it down your throat’ person there is, there are a million representations of the traditional lifestyles that are forced on alternative people. Then education/entertainment that is meant specifically for queer people is frequently called perverse, made into something political, or is reduced to being labeled as part of an agenda.
Just like in your first video you’re vilifying your daughter and not going into detail at all about why she cut you off and what behaviors you exhibit that she does not want to be around anymore. Ever with the first video being 15+ min, you made the explanation of her leaving you two about a minute or two long.
If you want any shot of being able to communicate with your daughter, drop the woe is me schtick and take some accountability. While you’re at it, maybe don’t use her actual name or show texts/emails between the two of you. Have some decorum even if the other person despises you.
All of this is spot on!
Since the mom puts her daughters private business out to us to an unknown public without problems or thinking about having respect for her child, can you imagine what she does to her daughter in private ? She stalking her on her social media account ecetera and her attitude is " i don't give a shit ". Why is anybody even asking WHY the daughter doesn't talk to momi ? If that was my momi, " i would be getting the hell out of Dodge "
She does not reflect. It is about her. She could have sent a private message.
Dont yamm it down everybody elses throat. Wow!
The mother does not have to look at the Tik Tok.
So, not adressing the whole issue is a huge red flag.
She is delusional.
What!? She doxxed her OWN CHILD?! Jesus wept! What a piece of work, this one is! Needless to say, I'm not watching this whole video. 3 minutes 59 seconds of me, me, MEEEE!!! jammed down my throat is quite enough, thank you very much! I AM going to read the comments here. I want to see what this "mother's" child will see: tons of support from others who have been in their & their partners' shoes. We put the focus on THEM. Not ourselves. Such shameful behavior from someone who claims to care. Ha!
@@tiffanyclark-grove1989 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 THIS⬆️🎯💯
I hope the daughter is doing well. Growing up without a mothers love and support are some of the worst pains known. Ive been there😢
She had a great mom. She's just trying to blame her misery on her parents. My brother does the same thing.
@@imveryhungry112 do you think people just go no contact for fun? I wish with all my heart that I could have a healthy relationship with my mom. But after years of beatings and verbal abuse, I just couldn't justify the relationship. I tried everythign - getting us into therapy, mediated conversations. But the reality is, she didn't want to look at the harm and she didn't want to change. So it forced my hand. That's usually the case for other sons and daughters who make this choice.
@arielevaccaro6102 meh. Honestly healthy adults have their own lives that don't revolve around their parents. Do you Have your own life? Why the need for this dramatic cut with your mom? Do you have your own job, own home, own friends? If so why do you even have time to be interacting with your mom enough for it to matter? My dad is still alive and I barely have time to see him twice a month if I'm lucky. If you need to have this huge dramatic cut with your mom that's already a sign that your co dependant and that's your problem with her. Healthy adults have their OWN LIVES that don't revolve around their mothers!
@taranorthover i think she's a great mom. I think her daughter is a selfish person who took pleasure in hurting her mother. Makes her feel powerful. You sound like her daughter. Did you do this to your mom too?
@@imveryhungry112 absolutely! I tried going limited contact (basically stopping reaching out/answering calls, etc) but she would use my siblings to get to me, leverage guilt, leave long rage-filled voicemails, show up at my house unannounced, etc. Basically, she could feel me pulling away and she fought it. So that's what necessitated the hard break up.
Thank you for this video. It has helped me feel more confident about ending my relationship with a toxic family member.
My pleasure...
@@estrangedparents Even though you say that sarcastically, you should actually be happy that you finally brought comfort to someone instead of stealing joy to feed your own selfish needs.
So Congrats! By showing the world a clear example of what type of monster you are, you inadvertently helped someone for once in your life! ❤❤👍👍
@@estrangedparentshow much honey did it cost to curate the video?
@@lisasteel6817 From her luxe surroundings, her ability to take time off and take a month long vacation traveling the world, it's clear she's got boatloads of cash to freely spend on this vanity project.
@@estrangedparents Wow. You're really doing your best to project you don't care what people think, but we know you really do, or you wouldn't have made your private matters public.
It's amazing that in this one, little comment you reek of defensiveness. I guess you thought you'd get everyone on board with you being the helpless victim, and it didn't work out that way. I hope you let go of the defensiveness, b/c there are some people in the comments who are actually coming from a healthy place. They have traveled the road your on and may just see the way forward better than yourself.
Defensiveness is all about protecting your ego, but doing that will not allow you to be open to your daughter's feelings and point of view. You have to hear it and the first thing out of your mouth is invalidation. Of her, her experiences, and her feelings, especially of those critical of your behavior. If you can find *any* ground to take accountability for behavior that hurt her, do it. You need to accept that her experience is her own and stop trying to change it to yours.
Get some actual mental health counseling, one that has experience navigating family estrangement if possible, if you are serious about repairing this relationship. Put more effort into healing yourself with an expert in private and stop taking that precious time you talk about to make publicly shaming videos and making snarky comments at strangers.
You yourself said that estrangement usually lasts for 4.5 years. Could be less, could be more, but pressuring her to end the estrangement will only make her feel she needs more space. Use that time to work on the only part you have control over, which is yourself. If you go into therapy you can start working on your issues, so that if she makes contact you will be in the best place receive her. If not, well, you need to see a therapist anyway to process this experience, feelings, and find some way to be at peace. Sometimes relationships rupturing is the slap in the face that we need to grow and change. Instead of focusing excessively on your daughter, it sounds like you need to do a deep dive and find what will really bring you peace in this world. I truly hope you do.
I’m so proud of your daughter. May she never contact you again.
Lovely. Such a compassionate thing to say.
Facts cause going through videos of this channel out of curiosity, I thanked god she wasn’t my mother. May we never be like them.
@@bluejay9890some of these comments are so mean😮
There's various reasons besides abuse that can cause a kid to not communicate
Bad boyfriends
Money
Parental separations and divorce
Lots of stuff!!!🎉
Who are YOU to say anything about this difficult and painful situation?
@@CholaConCello Somebody who's obviously experienced childhood abuse, unlike you. May you have a blessed life, never having to know our pain from our terrible parents.
I chose to stop contact with my mom because she was a covert narcissist. I’m not saying this lady is (I don’t know her), in my own mother’s case she would constantly say: “I did my best”. That’s where she went wrong. If you want to reconnect with your child, you need to ask her how she feels? What she thinks you could have done better? Ask her what changes need to be made? Give her the power. It really is about crossing a bridge, moving towards your child and walking away from your pride.
I don't know the age of your mom But society just started normalizing emotional health, for an older generation this had been taboo or negative to talk about. There's a good chance she doesn't have the vocabulary to have the emotional conversations you expect from her. and her saying" I did my best" is true. It's possible that was/is her best. In stead of holding expectations of how your want her to speak. You could help her. ect Hey Mom, It's important to me if you ask me about my feelings more often? or hey x things are still hurting me from the past, I wish you would have done X or Y , ect ect . The word Narcissist is far too often used for someone who just has low emotional intelligence.
What university did you get your psychiatric degree from?
@@TLouise1959 ... A Degree is Not necessary for Common Sense. You either have it or you don't.
I think that the age group of 27 -40 are just looking for problems. Because if you were not abused physically or sexually. And your parents might have been a little strict . It doesn't mean that they are narcissistic. And reddit isn't a therapist. Seriously stop blaming parents for your adult mistakes. We all make them and we try and get better.
Age 41, I was abused sexually, my mom did nothing about it. That is why I am no contact.
This makes me really sad. My Mum died in 2017 and my Dad in 2021. I would do anything to be able to hug my parents again.....😢
I suppose there's two sides to every story.
For me, its like my 2 children are dead but their still alive. 😢
Me too, take care of yourself.
@@couturedeana so sorry to hear this. Hopefully one day soon things will be ok and your children will see you again.
I know ! Why doesn't that factor in ??? Running out of time to fix any of it is ok with them? Like there's all the time in the world. My sister did this to my parents too and i don't understand it. I'm sorry for your parents.
@@couturedeana"they're" .....
The constant smiling when talking about a serious topic is very odd to me.
Her serenity is indicative of meditation. It's a way to stay strong and appreciate the irony of the situation, and being powerless over any of it. I wouldn't make too much of it.
@melli-yelliactually she is speaking to parents in a similar situation. She never reveals her daughters identity. She is sharing her perspective and getting shredded for it. It's scary how many people seem to hate their mothers.
That’s your conception of serenity?
She’s consumed by the estrangement situation. Bitter, defensive and resentful.
I mean, she reacted by creating a whole TH-cam channel. It’s the opposite of a serene attitude.
If you are depressed smiling makes you feel a little bit better.
I'm not totally estranged. But at one time I had a daughter who would not contact me. This is a hard thing to deal with. So heartbreaking. I've also lost a child and that was horrible. Your children are your world for so long. This is hard to deal with. I'm thankfully getting a relationship back with my daughter.
Did she tell you what her problem was?
Good for you.
❤️🙏
I am so very glad that you and your daughter are in contact again. I have also lost a child--my only child/daughter to cancer at age 17 in 2021. My adult nephew went no contact with his mother, my sister (her only child), over ten years ago. Heartbreakingly sad and confusing. My sister has suffered greatly although she acknowledges that there is still hope for a reconciliation even though she has embraced the process of letting go and seeking some semblance of joy and fulfillment in her life. I just wanted to acknowledge the unbearable pain of losing a child to death as well. I am truly sorry for your loss. Wishing you much peace and healing for you and your family. I hope for reconciliation for all estranged parents with their children.
"Your children are your world for so long."
This is precisely why parenting is so difficult - because what you described is healthy ONLY when it is accepted as temporary. Speaking for myself, my childhood was pretty great but my distance with my family began around adolescence, which is when personality and individuality starts to develop and become differentiated from the family unit. My family made it clear that they didn't approve of me developing a self outside of "make mommy happy," and my life quickly became a living nightmare where I literally wanted to kill myself because I had normal emotions, and I had been convinced that I was not allowed to have normal emotions.
Is it hard for a mother to let go? I don't doubt it. I can't even imagine how hard it must be. BUT - being emotionally mature enough to have kids means that you need to be prepared to DEAL with that pain and accept it as something that comes with normal stages of child/human development.
I am a 75-year-old retired college instructor. My daughter stopped speaking to me over seven years ago when her own marriage ended. It is of course more complicated than that but believe me I loved my daughter and did all I could to give her the best life I could. Did I make mistakes? Absolutely! Are there things I would do differently? Absolutely! Did I try everything to get her back? Absolutely! Everything I tried has been ignored. I finally stopped trying. I am so happy to have found this channel because the worse part is the loneliness.
Just send her your love and let God take care of her. It’s really out of your control and you tried very hard. So now just send her love in your meditations and give her to God.
I could believe your response but I think we are twins, almost down to the job! Big hug and good luck. Thanks.
It's not you! Young people are vicious and narcissistic today.
@@thraciangrapesamen to that! And the great irony is they think they’re SO much more sensitive & compassionate than previous generations.
@@thisresinates5655 have you ever heard of an HSP type? Well it’s me,,,my very sensitive emotionally, and have been taken advantage of my entire life due to my sympathy for people. I often say I have a super power, I FEEL others pain. I then dwell on it, I become so intent on resolving it, fixing it, helping it, etc. anyway, my daughter told me a while back, before she began her campaign against her dad & I, that she was/IS apathetic> felt little to nothing for others. She shared she couldn’t tolerate social gatherings, and had anxiety. The anxiety meds made her even more numb. Anyway, it SEEMS to me that these younger gens are the ones who feel little. They’ve become robotic, and I believe its due to being ‘plugged in’ to fake socializing aka ‘social’ media. It is programming humans into being a new kind of creature.
Its good to see the other side, but i dont know how to feel. My mom and dad beat the shit out of me and my siblings in the name of toughening up, physical abuse was okay, but the emotional side, the berating in front of family members, frds and constant mocking when we were kids still doesnt go away. Every year the resentment grows, there are instances when i accidentally remember things that happened 20 years back and i suddenly cant stop crying at the inhumane ways my mom treated me. We are 27, 32 and 33, none of us wants marriage or children because of the horrors, we have stayed together as best frds. Cutting them off was the best thing that happened to us. But the sad part is they still dont think they did anythg bad. That was their understanding of parenting.
I had abusive alcohol ic parents as well. They are both gone now and I don't miss them. That's the part that hurts the most. I only grieve what I never had.
I don't know if this will help & it certainly doesn't excuse how they treated you, however, they've found that people who have been abused as children generally abuse their children as well. I'm not a therapist, but I did major in psychology with the intention of becoming a therapist. If that's the case for your parents, perhaps they can't see that what they did was wrong because it was the way they were raised. Again, it doesn't excuse what happened, but sometimes understanding why helps. I hope you and your siblings are able to get good therapy and heal.
@@HerMajesty1 I think you hit the nail on the head when you say "Grieve". We MUST pass through ALL the stages of grieving (parents who lost children, children who grieve the childhood & love of parents that they never had...). Only when we finish grieving can we forgive others (even if they've passed on...) and find the piece that we so desperately NEED. The loss of the relationship is truly anguishing to our very souls.
If you were abused. You have a right to move on, they did not protect you and give you the positive childhood you deserved. Remember to do better with your own family. I wish you the very best. ❤
@lizzy341 Prayers for your healing. Our mom's abuse was so bad I buried the worst memories until I was in my 40s. Through that rough journey I came to a point on my 44th birthday that my anger meant mom was still controlling me. I called and told her I forgave her. She didn't care. She hung up. She changed her phone number. Two months later she died. I think that one of her three children forgiving her allowed her to let go of this lifetime. I didn't see how at her age and her history how she could heal even though in the few times I had contact I offered to support her going through therapy, recognizing the child trauma she had gone through.
I know it might seem odd, but even though I kept my distance for safety reasons (there was a gun kept by the inside of her door and mom concealed carried) I sent her a Mother's Day card and a gift every year. Mom all her life tried to get me and my brother to hate, but that just wasn't in us. I figured mom destroyed all my baby pictures, anything to do with me, BUT after she died, she hadn't destroyed any of it. And when I went into the house after she died, she had my gifts on display on the coffee table.
Remember the sweet innocent child you were. What helped me was finding and doing what the child me had moments of joy doing in my childhood. I made a prayer to God once, that I KNEW would never get answered and it got answered. Best to you.
I’m very interested to hear your arguments against the reasons adult-children cite for going no-contact. Claiming no-contact is a “punishment power-move” in “a lot of cases” is a bold position to take.
I think that is what it is. It's a decision. They decided that parent doesn't deserve to be in their lives every again, and I do think they want to inflict pain and must know they are. "Punishment power-move", spot on, and they may have friends or boyfriends who encouraged them to stand their ground. They have hardened their hearts like stone.The more they are away the more estranged they become. They fade from their memory and the love dies. They continue to get support, what a bad parent they had if the parent is ever brought up, which deepens the resentment. They even come to hate their parent, like Absolom who went in on a scheme with King Saul to kill his father King David.
My estrangement from my parents had absolutely nothing to do the punishing them or wanting to have power over them. Sometimes the pain inflicted on a person is so great that they need to sever contact from the pain-giver in order to maintain their own sanity and move on with their own life. @@earthwisdomhelps
@@lauraj.mccarthy6943 Oh, I misunderstood, I thought you were asking her what the phrase meant, and that you were a parent. My daughter and I were very close and it began at an exact point in time, at her job. What did they do that you think you had to severe to maintain your sanity? I severed a religion I was in and would never go among them again.
@@meowtotheworld4801 Parents need to heal and protect themselves as well. They need bounderie from toxic people even if it's their own adult grown kids.
Yes, it was painful for me and my siblings to leave our mom. She's our mom and there is that bond. But we had to do it. The fact that it could be considered a "punishment power move" is just so insane for me as a child to comprehend and I feel like it's a perfect way for many of these parents (the ones who have had all their kids magically leave them for no reason) to keep themselves in a victim mindset.
"I don't need to know everything" compulsively stalks every online presence. "Its traumatizing to me" so you do believe in trauma when its effecting you but its a "flimsy reason" when its her.
Are you Diane's daughter?
I've watched both of you videos and i have yet to see you take any blame for your relationship with your daughter, it's all placed on her. Also as someone with ADHD and autism it saddens me to hear you say you didn't know and did't see it, it was your job as a parent to see that and be am advocate, not question it and use it a fodder. You also have yet to share the reasons she told you she was going no contact which really makes it seem like you're hiding it because it would make you look bad.
The reasons she went no contact was of outside influences, not the parents mistakes because no parent is perfect. It's unnatural to cut your parents off unless it was extreme abuse, that didn't happen so it's something evil the daughter got involved with or influenced that was outside of the home.
I agree. Completely ignorant parents. ADHD and Autism but parents dont know. Mum is all dramatic. About her and her. She doesnot get it.
@@wietskesteijger4288 ADHD is a pseudo science. The symptoms fit almost every child. Nobody heard of ADHD when I was growing up, and if it was a thing, parents would have recognized something was wrong. That's just from big pharma to push medication on kids. Never seen one case of autism in any school I was in. Probably brought on by medication in early childhood. Seriously doubt her kid has Autism. Her kid does have psychological problems and that is probably from her social contacts/environment at school. Nobody acted like this when I was growing up about what president their parent voted for.
@@earthwisdomhelps yeah, right. This mother talks about herself. A lot. With a creepy smile. We did the best we could. She does not give the full story. She wants attention.
@@wietskesteijger4288 I understand she doesn't know what caused her daughter to cut her off, since all parents are imperfect and make mistakes the action is extreme. Seems like they loved her and should have earned her love especially knowing how my parents were. They would never be searching for me. And when she said the daughter flipped out about who they voted for, that is not normal. Normal kids pretty much listen to their parents point of views and respect that.
I would like to offer another perspective. I am a mother of a child who has decided to cut off their father. We are not together and have completely opposite ways of parenting. My child and I are very close and have built a relationship of acceptance of their lifestyle, listening to each other, and trying to truly understand one another. Their father tries to control, covertly judges, and makes comments to destroy self esteem, as well as a lot more unhealthy behaviors that he would never admit to doing. I never pushed them with any thoughts or opinions on the matter and they came to the decision on their own after years of trying. Listening to the turmoil for years I know it wasn’t a quick or easy choice and it certainly wasn’t our culture that is to blame, unless you want to blame the fact that kids are being taught to appreciate mental health. Saying things to your child like you don’t want their lifestyle crammed down your throat is interpreted as rejecting them. I can certainly understand that the heartbreak of losing them is severe but them feeling unaccepted by a parent is as well. I don’t know the situation but based on the outcome one can assume that statement is true. As a parent it is our responsibility to try to see things from their perspective and to listen to them so that resentment doesn’t breed. We can’t always get along or agree but we can take responsibility and teach ourselves healthy communication. You can’t control what she chooses to do, only your reactions and how you choose to teach yourself communication skills. If she ever decides to try again, it would be much more helpful to be prepared with another approach because the past has not worked so far.
@@RisetoStrength it’s not comfort. It is an attempt to show another perspective for the child’s sake. We all go through life living through our own perspectives. After watching both videos I see a massive amount of red flags and after my experience I am not blind to the tactics here but I also know what works and what doesn’t but I also realize that once things get to this point they are almost always irreparable.
I hope everyone reads your post as it covers in a paragraph the cause of so many kids cutting contact with their parents. Also, your advise to this mother making the videos is so helpful, if she chooses to think about it.
You must be very happy that your child chose you over her father.
@@tinalarsen6059 my child didn’t choose me over their father. It isn’t a competition. They chose peace for themselves over neglect and emotional abuse. I actually wish things were different. I wish he was the emotionally mature parent that would get the help he needs so that my kid could have a happy healthy family but I can’t fix their relationship, only they can do that.
@@NikkiS-uk7gl excellent comments by you.
Not too much “empathy” from this woman in this video, yet she is asking for some. Lol
The people who claim empathy and compassion are usually the least empathetic and compassionate. The things that come out of their mouths and what they actually do, do not align. But be damned if you don’t show them empathy, to their standards and specifications!! Be prepared to catch all hell!
did anyone really expect any different?
@@lguinancio no. It's truly NO wonder why her daughter doesn't bother with her. It's very clear what kind of upbringing her daughter had. That poor girl.....
So you have to understand something. There are stages to grief. Anger is one of them.
Yeah wanting nice comments but she doesn’t even make nice comments 😬
The narcissist always makes themselves look like the good one, and the other person / people are in the wrong. There is no self analysis.
I don't know if you are referring to the daughter or the mom of this vid but the moms first vid, she did do self analysis.
@@JackJack_frenchieboi She has apparently done self analysis. You'd have to listen to I think it's her first video on that.
@@JackJack_frenchieboi You don't know if she is sincere or not. That's not your call. She doesn't know what happened and her daughter doesn't seem to want to tell her. A person can't help but self analyze in that situation. Been there, done that.
@@JackJack_frenchieboi I also was abused when I was growing up. Not liked in school either. My daughter rarely speaks to me. I speak to her about my faith and she would prefer I don't. I won't give up Jesus for her or anyone else. Thing is, I don't generally talk about her online except for this moment. I probably have other things she doesn't like about me. That's her choice. I'll continue to pray for her. I'm not going to bother her or pursue her in text any longer.
Self analysis involves looking at you, who you are, and what you do and how it could affect others.
@@shawnalLovesJesusthe daughter did tell her in the letter.
Thank you for sharing your pain. Many of us have and are going through it. Bless you!!! ❤
I think they are calling u a narcissist because youre only seeing yourself as the victim, but not stopping to see why she feels like a victim in this
Unbelievable!!!
That's the problem!!! Everyone gets there feelings hurt so easy but the fact is no 2 people 100% agree on anything. It is ok to agree to disagree. What is wrong with the world to think if someone disagrees its ok to hate them? Our world has no love it is absolutely heart breaking. There's no sympathy, no empathy. Where is God in all this?
Or maybe she just didn’t mention that part of it
She doesn't know!! Good grief...listen!
I think that the victim card is being overplayed. Too many children who have become estranged for this not to be the case. However, some parents do play the victim, but that doesn't mean that there are no adult children who are not victims. It's a numbers game. As the number of adult estranged children grows exponentially, the odds of some of them being narcissists themselves greatly increases.
The estranged parent is not alone. However, reconciliation is possible if the parent takes responsibility for what they did that hurt their child- (their part only) not what the adult child did. So parents who reads this- I hope you select the solution route - not blaming your child, because our children need us to truly hear them- we need to be strong enough - and humble enough to see our mistakes, to then forgive ourselves for not being perfect and admit to our children the hurt we cause. That is a great gift a parent - human and imperfect can give to their child. And it opens doors- this other route will seal them closed.
And more importantly, don't do what this lady did and make a slanderous doxxing youtube series with the goal of embarrassing and guilt tripping your estranged kid back into submission
@@DSS712Seriously! What a way to ensure your daughter never re-connects with you. Clearly her daughter made the right decision and thank God she cut contact with this malicious narcissist.
I'm sure my dad (and his wife), tell others they have "tried everything" to have me and my kids back in their life. I have been *very* clear about my limits, and what I will or won't tolerate from them. I want my dad in my life! I told him he is always welcome. What isn't welcome is his troublesome, chaotic, drama-hungry "new" wife. Someone that hurt me, and lied about me repeatedly, is not allowed near me or my kids. That's it. That's my line. But Dad isn't "allowed" (by his wife) to call or text me, or send me gifts. It is his choice. All in his court. But he doesn't want to make the effort. I have already grieved the loss of our former close relationship, all in the wake of my sister's unexpected death. My stepmom was crueler than cruel.
I can appreciate this painful feeling that you have. My mother has a secret lover although she is still married with my stepfather. My mother even let him live in the same building so it is of course more convenient for them to sneak out and do something dirty together.
My mother keeps on lying that he is just a friend and my stepfather just loves her too much to mistrust her. I can’t bear to witness this anymore. After 10+ years of holding this inside my painful heart I decided to get out of this disgusting situation.
It’s really unbelievable how far into knots these people are willing to stretch themselves before even considering how much they, as parents, have utterly messed up…
I think the lack of introspection assumption is more based on the results of the supposed introspection and not about your choice not to go into detail about it.
This exactly 👍🏼
Please list the results you see. I realize your comment is directed to the woman who made the video and it is better for her that you didn't list them (she [& her daughter] will benefit more if she takes time to reflect, journal, & ID [many of] them herself). Perhaps preface your list w a note to her (or decline or ignore my request!).
To any parent who doesn't "see" these results (yes, Im admitting), consider that a "blind spot" may exist because you have a similar deficiency (& everyone has many deficiencies - they come from not being "perfect" and from being finite.)
@@mwrodgers8 it is difficult to make conscious contact with young people who spar with troll salad, and make false accusations like cult leaders. Thought stopping empty rhetoric, mind numbing cliches, hypnotic suggestion. The fact the problem is about political polarization is important. As we can see, there are problems communicating when you have people spouting slogans and empty jargon.
The kids learn at school to bully with random verbal abuse, claiming you are all about you, gaslighting, toxic, don’t say sorry, apropos of nothing. No context. Opinions with no reasons. No critical thinking. As if they are remote controlled child soldiers with artificial intelligence.
The daughters main concern was their republican beliefs. They seem to be concerned about the massive debt and illegal immigrants.
"In the US, assuming we're legal citizens, we're all Americans and we shouldn't forget that...." I have seen enough as a 14 year survivor to see the toxic element that has taken your production to TH-cam. You'll bear your own fruits.
@@irishcountrygirl78 Define toxic?
Everyone living in North, South and Central America is American. Perhaps more books and less Fox news would benefit the speaker here.
@@kaypee65 I agree with you, ive met enough USAmericans to know that people from the USA dont view Mexicans or Columbians as ""Ämericans"" and view everyone else as inferior who wants to steal their rights. Such a silly way to see the world! I wish people from the USA educated themselves more on other nations and stop being so ignorant and self centred. Every nation has problems, but to claim USA is the best is such a dumb idea. If you live in Mexico, you probably automatically have more rights than anyone from the USA in a practical sense, much less police and taxes. Most rights i can get from usa I can get from Mexico. Lack of national wealth does not mean less freedoms.
We always think we’re the only ones… Thank God for you to open up the conversation and let us know we are not alone. 🙏🥰🙏
So brave to open up this channel
You’re definitely not alone unfortunately. 🥺 Many of us live with painfully broken hearts 💔 💔 because our children reject us though we were good, dedicated responsible, loving parents. Our adult children can be very cruel and selfish though they were raised in loving, caring environments. I love my 3 adult daughters, and have lived with the pain of their cruelty for decades now. The incredibly sad 😢 part is not having them or my grandchildren in my life. I am 69 years old, in extremely poor health, and have made every effort to express and demonstrate my unconditional love for them, but I either get no response for months or years, or they say some very cruel and unwarranted hurtful things on the rare occasion that contact is made. 😢 I pray for them and try to stay out of their space, but miss them terribly so I at least text, write, or try to call and leave a message every so often to let them know how much I love them. 🥺💔😢🙏🏽
I definitely thought I was alone. Its heartbreaking seeing other adult children have a relationship with their parents and one of my daughters won't e enough talk to me.
@@BlankSpace-by3nd Your reply was cruel and heartless. Shame on you! Karma awaits you.
@BlankSpace-by3nd...you really need help. I'm sure you're on here and blaming everyone else because your parents cut you off with no reason. However, we don't blame them. You don't know her daughter or her side but you pretend you do. You are a toxic troll. You should just move one instead of commenting on every post.
Victimology. You know what you did. You hold yourself completely without any blame. That is probably not true. Defend if you must.
Honestly, I'm not sure she can see what she did wrong. Some people seem to be incapable of true introspection and empathy.
@@PatrickBsays123oh my word. You have drunk the societal cool- aid that has caused the large amount of estrangements!
@@PatrickBsays123 💜
@@Snappypantsdance I agree. It is cult like exploitation of vulnerable adolescents. Lisa romano shows how sociopaths are made, not born. Her entire religious dogma is mafia thug 101. She literally begs people to stay away from their parents and listen only to her.
I don’t think your daughter doesn’t care about you and your husband. It’s very painful to go no contact. I have feeling your daughter is very hurt by some things you did. If you address those things with her… maybe she will talk to you again.
You still don’t get it, mama. You’re still making this about you and not her and you’re STILL making excuses. Very sad. I’ve dealt with this very issue and can happily say my daughter is back in my life, because I didn’t ignore her anger, and I got to the real her. I did the hard work. If your politics are more important than your daughter, therein lies the majority of the problem.
Her daughter like mine has made conversation impossible. If your adult kid says I have no desire for a relationship with you and don't call me.... What is there left to do?
@@veez_vee9573you stop contacting, which this mother although claiming she respects her daughters request for no contact continualy contacts her.
@@veez_vee9573 What is there left to do? Go to a professional. Get counseling. Work on yourself. Change. Address your daughter's concerns sincerely with the help of a professional. DON'T publicly shame her on TH-cam and let strangers put her down. If she did these things sincerely, and consistently, and showed she was committed to it for the long haul, she might have a chance. There is a lot left that she could do, but THIS whole channel thing is one of the WORST things she could do. If she wants to talk online for support, she should do so anonymously. But not using names and identities.
politics are never important, they are worthless
@@veez_vee9573You go through everything that you have from your kid in relation to your conflict. Every text, email, letter, and finally memory. See if you can understand your child's point of view and why they're not speaking to you. If this doesn't enlighten you, then AND ONLY THEN should you reach out with an olive branch to your child. Phrase it something like this:
"Hello [child], I know you asked for no contact, and I am trying to respect your boundaries. I remain confused by our estrangement, and I would like to bridge the distance that's between us currently. I love you and want for us to be in each other's lives. But before we can have that kind of relationship, I need to repair whatever damage I've caused that's caused you to take this course of action. Can you send me a list of the kind of incidents and behaviors that you remember that led you to cutting contact? No matter how long ago those things happened or how minor you think I might find them to be, if they were significant enough for you to justify not speaking to me anymore, I need to understand what I did to you in order to be a better parent to you. You are not obligated to respond to this if you do not want to try to repair the relationship. I want more than anything to heal what's broken between us, but I also understand if my prior behavior has led you to a place where you feel healthier apart from me rather than with me. I care for your wellbeing more than my own."
If your kid doesn't respond, then maybe it would be best to mourn the relationship and move on.
I want to thank you for making these videos as I was close to leaving this world because the hurt is so unbelievable hard to live with. Some days it hurts to breathe. Please keep up the good work you are doing. You may save a life.
May the Lord Jesus heal your hurts and be your hope.
@@Bonafide188 oooh but if someone said to you …. You failed as a daughter or son ….Your underwear 🩲 would be in a tight bunch. You are a meany meany and one ☝️ day you will stand before God and give an account. I hope you don’t have children cuz they sure can surprise you. Show Mercy because one ☝️ day you will definitely be in need of it.
@@Bonafide188"It is a dreadful thing to fall into the hands of the living God..." Hebrews 10:31 You need to read this verse in the Bible. I will pray for you and your hardened heart. ❤📖🙏✝️
@@Bonafide188 and you have obviously failed as a humanbeing
I understand the dark places we can go to when loved ones cut us off. Please find a qualified professional to speak to or if in the United States call 988 to speak to someone with the Suicide Prevention Hotline.
Our daughter just told us at 46 years old that she wants nothing to do with us. Blocked us. This channel is helping.
I know exactly what your going through. Our 40 year old daughter has done the same thing to us. You're not alone. Much love❤
AuntBee & Candianbatgirl, I'm so sorry to hear that
I'm so sorry. My daughter was 39 hasn't talked me since 6-26-21 after my husband died.
Give all your money to a charity that will appreciate it.
Be gentle with yourself. You are not alone. Its heartbreaking and feels so unfair. I truly hope she comes back around. Holding you up with love, and light. You are not alone.
I know you are receiving a LOT of messages and comments but i hope you see this. I am 35 years old... As a child, my mother neglected me, withheld food (meals) from me regularly, and tormented me emotionally and mentally. She continued on a path of severe alcoholism and opiate addiction and to this day she suffers with her addictions and mental health. There were times when i distanced myself, because i needed to protect myself and my own mental health but she is very much in my life and i try to show her as much love as possible. Including trying to help her through her darkness. When i watched your video i felt so bad for you because you seem like a highly conscious person with so much love for your daughter. My mother never calls me or sends me a birthday message. It is always me putting all the effort in to maintain the relationship. I was thinking how wonderful it would be to the love of a mother like you. I hope you find peace. Sending you love
@@Gwen-joyful-light hello, thank you for your response. Yes you're right, it won't help her to understand her daughter's behaviour and unfortunately nothing i can say will ever help her to understand that but, perhaps she may find some solace in knowing that, as a daughter and also a mother, i admire the self inquisition she has embarked on, the commitment to unconditional love in the face of adversity, and the raw vulnerability she has shown in sharing her story. I respect her, from the little that I've seen of her, and i think sharing her story is helping a lot of people. I just felt like she needed someone showing her some love and kindness.
That is so beyond awful that this was done to you by someone who supposed to love and protect. Sending prayers for peace and hugs. You deserved better, and I’m so sorry she let you down.
@@Gwen-joyful-lightshe never said I’m telling you my story so that it may help you. How about just sharing her story? Is that not ok with you? Does someone else’s comment need your judgment? I bet reading her comment might help me or someone else reading it and appreciate her sharing her story.
It's awful you had to experience having that type of childhood. Nothing and no one comes before addiction sadly. Every child deserves a good parent but not ever parent deserves a child. You are a beautiful person to forgive and unconditionally love her anyway inspite of all she put you through.
I'm really sorry that you went thru that traumatic experience as a child ...it's good that u left a door open ....to still have a relationship ...
I’m 41 y/o woman who went through 6mo. of not speaking to my parents 3 times due my boundaries being crossed and my feelings being dismissed. It all come to lack of effective communication. My parents never allowed me to speak in a non stressful environment when it came to discussing controversies or facing concerns/ consequences of life mistakes. Never once felt that I had the freedom to live my life without making mistakes because that meant that they had to face shame from the public eye. If only they just showed me that they had my back no matter what…
Yes thank you. We do not cut contact for no reason.
I hear you
Live your life and be happy but please reconsider the enormity of estrangement. It is worse than divorce and death 😢
You have to protect yourself and your well-being. Mistakes and failures are an inevitable part of life. Everyone makes them. I have struggled with this my entire life and have missed so many opportunities because of the fear of what my parents might say/do. I am getting much better, thanks to not sharing about 90% of what actually happens in my life. It is the only way I have found peace.
woman not x
Wait until you have children, it's difficult to mind your own business. She will always be your little girl. You'll always have this urge to protect them. Some parents are overprotective but they mean well. Peace.
The only truly honest thing you said “I don’t give a sh!t”. Your daughter is healing from your abuse. Good for her. Watching this video is like watching my own mother. This whole video is gaslighting perfection. I’m at about ten years total of no contact, Intervals of trying to heal the relationship in between. Until you face your own stuff, you should prepare yourself for life without your daughter. The upside here is that you’ve outed yourself and that is a benefit to her.
Perfectly said
Stop projecting. You have issues. A lot.
This is so harsh and debatable that you wonder who the evil monster really is.
It’s common for alcoholics who tend to be undiagnosed cluster bs with or without autism, to falsely accuse, blame shifting, double standards, extreme pity ploy. They speak in political games and psychological warfare.
Coming on this strong can be a staging and framing game. It is a red flag to me. Although understandable in recovering victims who can spew their anger out inappropriately.
There is no real evidence this mother is an abusive narcissist. Functional people keep an open mind. There are a lot of rigid beliefs that trigger people to rate others unmercifully. The truth is that ghosted parents can feel so desperate and worried and hurting. There have always been people who exploit parent child relationships. You have to be savvy.
I really feeling like real victims would never rush to judgement and falsely accuse. They know how it feels.
40 years in Alanon I know the value of keeping an open mind. Adult children should not dictate morality like tyrants.
This woman has the same human rights to discuss this as her daughter who is discussing it in TikTok.
The dialogue may be worthwhile. The angry outbursts can be a form of emotional manipulation and muddy the waters.
What specific rules has this mother broken? What evidence she is an evil monster?
I do not judge people who smile through tears. I do not believe it is incongruent. Her feelings may run the gamut and she shows it moderately and that is normal.
This bs about people trying to make contact with the daughter means they don’t respect boundaries is not right, because I’ve heard too many who judged the parents for not reaching out. It is not a proof of pathology.
This thing about smirk and smug is also questionable.
@@beth16440 narcissism is called the God complex. That is when you speak with omniscient certainty about things that are uncertain. Or the mind reading distortion, which is a type of lie. Evil people lie. There is no evidence she doesn’t care. Opposite. It is unknown if she has healed her crap. She clearly has given tremendous thought and very thorough and careful statements done with a great deal of care that covers all possible criticism, like an abuse victim who has to prove she understands all the important principles. There is no evidence she turns away people who bring clarity. You make things up in fantasy Lala land. It is missatuned. These are symptoms of narcissism. Entitled to make terrible false accusations is sociopathic. What do you get out of this? You heckle a broken hearted mother like a common mafia thug.
@@TimB-im8xx borderlines and addicts often have a delusional psychotic hatred for people close to them and pathological self pity. She says she was Diagnosed autistic, they often suffer from psychotic beliefs and episodes. People have always blamed parents unrealistically. It can be a witchunt or inquisition type mass psychosis. It is unethical to co-sign what may be bullshit. Too much uncertainty. Abusers always think the victim is crazy and evil.
I have no words , no words. Exactly the same circumstances. It’s been over ten years for me. You have said everything I have said to myself since 2011. Hugs buddy❤
I feel for your situation. I think your attitudes reveal themselves though. You revert to the fact that you did the best without acknowledging that from her perspective that she's been damaged. If I were her watching this it would just cause me more hurt and invalidation.
Maybe the daughters an ungrateful brat.
@@fireyfistoffire it is extremely aggressive to define someone as crazy. And pretend my participation signifies insanity. Caring people persist with patience. I am calm and reasonable. If I seem irrational to you, I’m sure you can make a rational assertion and prove it with data. Crazy people tend to project that onto others. It is sociopathic to troll with word salad. It is common fir people from dysfunctional families, or other bad influences, to behave this way. Many people do not get the proper guidance and direction from parents, who may be mischaracterized as “controlling” by alienators in society.
All I am saying is that we do not know enough about these people to judge. You could just as easily consider the daughter may be a vida.
I see many twisted lies told about this woman, and many debatable “values”. A lot of poor reasoning and poor analysis on several videos, including one by a psychologist. You can tell if you know your cognitive distortions and logical fallacies, and other rhetorical devices.
It is really depressing that there are not more reasonable people discussing this type of endemic miserable and painful horror story.
Some do discuss these problems very well. Many writers from the addiction recovery movement, and many renowned pastors.
Going no contact with family can be very destructive and dangerous. It is a very serious drastic decision. I think it’s understandable to be suspicious, but unfair to make assumptions either way without enough facts, and where is the line between normal imperfections and serious pathology?
@@fireyfistoffire turn your stressful thoughts around and set yourself free. After forty years in Alanon I can tell you that the odds are the family members all have a part. It may be 60-40, 70-30, but parents are not to blame for adult childrens problems. The girl has been diagnosed with autism and adhd. They diagnose borderlines and sociopaths like that. The parents may be on the autism spectrum through no fault of their own. Best to be as kind as possible. A person could call every few months and write letters and have lunch once a year. And if the family plays games then send letters sharing your perceptions, thoughts feelings. Discuss clear codes of conduct, shared core values, and functional grievance procedures. Good people try to seek truth and find meaning and understanding together. They hang in there and fight fair.
The fact they are trump supporters concerned about immigrant invasions is something to try to be objective about. It is a shame to try to coerce people or to be punitive. They have some excellent therapies and also the Bible, eight billion copies printed. For a reason. In spite of what so many people demand.
I do question why the mother revealed the daughters alternative lifestyle. But the daughter went public first. The best people can go crazy when they are emotional. It is difficult to deal with each other’s imperfections. But joy in compassion and tolerance and forgiveness. And in course correcting and miraculous spiritual transformations.
@@fireyfistoffire as we can again see, as we’ve seen every time I’ve tried to engage in a reasonable deliberation about the actual subject, this person resorted to lies. I have not made 100 comments, nor am I crazy or obsessed.
Dysfunctional people evade and divert and deflect from a reasonable deliberation with cognitive distortions and logical fallacies. They have trouble maintaining reflective functioning. The other is an object in their fantasy drama.
They do not demonstrate curiosity or critical thinking. They don’t seem to know about “opinions and reasons”.
In functional families, maybe people try to seek truth and find meaning and understanding together.
They take turns sharing their perceptions, thoughts and feelings. They hang in there and try to fight fair. They argue about one thing at a time.
They discuss clear codes of conduct, shared core values, and functional grievance procedures.
People can do irrational things when they are emotional or terrified or grief stricken. Most people are pretty imperfect.
Negotiating how you want a relationship to be takes patience and good communication skills.
A young person going no contact for a while may not be a terrible thing. Hopefully they are very clear about what they think is intolerable.
There is always hope for reconciliation.
We know but little. Extremely punitive behavior while all too human, may be a pathology. Moderation is an important principle.
It is a real shame for people to break up over politics. Both sides have valid and understandable concerns.
It sounds like this mother feels misunderstood about her beliefs about illegal aliens. Many people hold a value to take care of your own family before helping strangers.
It is considered narcissistic to treat outsiders better than your own.
Victimized adult children need to work on our own issues.
As we can see, it is difficult to find one who is willing or able to engage in a rational dialogue or productive debate.
They have a therapy that heals psychotics for forty years. It is called open dialogue therapy.
Trolls can have a lot of rigid rules and beliefs and spar with troll salad. It is manipulation, domination, and possessive. It is associated with witchcraft in some cultures.
Many people are searching for help and functional coping mechanisms.
Trying to shut down people, with crazy lies, is very aggressive and childish behavior.
I believe most of these people have no idea how to communicate according to objective standards of reason and logic. And moral principles.
The daughter went public and the parents have decided to do the same. It is easy to scrutinize and nitpick. And twist and spin.
In light of the daughters diagnoses, it may be dangerous to give her ammunition.
Psychosis can be caused by online indoctrination and cult like charlatans. There are many bad influences in this world.
If it’s so east to be a decent person, I don’t see it in these adult childrens comments.
Maybe when parents get a letter like that, they could respond by making assertions about each point, and back them up with data that proves their point. Also ask more questions for clarity.
The mother felt they were walking on eggshells with the daughters “boundaries”. People talk about boundaries a lot but never specifics. Some peoples boundaries are tyranny.
If the daughter is a liberal, or leftist, it is an opportunity to discuss a lot of interesting ideas. It is lovely to see the idealism and consider all the complicated issues together. It is fascinating.
@@weewahwahh in dysfunctional families, abusers try to manipulate and dominate others by using lies.
They evade and divert and deflect from engaging in a reasoned deliberation, with cognitive distortions and logical fallacies. They run a fantasy story, and seem to think they are omniscient and omnipresent, like the pathological narcissist.
They try to control communication with cruelty and shut people down. They rate others unmercifully. And treat them as “fair game”.
They seem deluded, so others walk away. Then the sociopathic person struts around like he “won”. Recognizing the distortions, fallacies, and games, in loved ones, can cause distress and despair. But it is good to remember that many people are just ignorant, or can be irrational when they are emotional.
Incapable of maintaining reflective functioning, they treat others like objects in their fantasy drama. They advertise their ignorance. And may seem more like fascist authoritarian tyrants, who go to war when they are challenged or criticized.
With gangster fantasies, and revenge ideation, they distort reality. People work hard to overcome these character defects in recovery programs.
Functional people, who are about caring and connecting, rather than power and control, are able to regulate their emotions. They respect other peoples basic humanity and human rights, and tolerate uncertainty, with open mindedness, patience, mutuality, and flexibility.
Some people are not capable of engaging in functional relational dialogue or intimacy. Addicts are usually not able, for example. It may be mental illness or impairment.
It is good to take turns sharing your perceptions, thoughts, and feelings, and stick to the subject. We can try to seek truth, find meaning, and understanding together.
In functional families, people try to fight fairly. They try to argue about one thing at a time and hang in there. Unless there is abuse. Predators and idiots abuse people to block connection. They one up and grandstand. They try to dehumanize and shame the other. They otherise. This is evidence of the black and white thinking. And the no talk rule. Bigotry. Bias, rage, and hate. And under that, free floating pain, shame, and sadness. Terrified and confused, they try to terrorize others.
They may scan the environment, looking for targets to victimize and ostracize. It may be a giant ego, with immature hero fantasies, and misguided empathy for perceived victims.
They may lash out at others because of old wounds, and difficulties understanding the difference between self and other, and past and present.
It is good to self reflect, and to apologize, and give and receive forgiveness and acceptance. At those times we can experience a pain filled joy. Both awe and humility. It is love. Some say God is there. Conscious contact between two courageous people, understanding that love is truth. Love is trust.
In these situations, it is good to demonstrate critical thinking, and ask questions for clarity, and context, rather than rushing to judgement and jumping to conclusions. And globally labeling the other. And attacking, with a sense of entitlement.
Those are the abusers chain of cognitive distortions. They may be more about winning, than any hope for conscious contact, or enlightenment. It is primitive, rather than noble. Others may recognize the abuser is arrogant, weak, and vain.
In recovery, people gain real strength of character, lionhearted courage, and spiritual power by means of faith in a loving, merciful, awesome God. There is hope. This hope is like a bird on the wing, that gives the spirit to help us rise above, that can give even the meanest, lowliest, most lost and miserable soul a peace that surpasses understanding, to be truly victorious.
Point is, if it’s so easy, why don’t you do it?
Both of my parents are narcissists. I am 29 and I am only beginning to see through the manipulation. I could stop at every sentence of hers and comment on how manipulative she's being. There's nothing genuine, she places herself above the daughter all the time, says crap like "this is for the estranged parents" and one minute later "this is not for haters but for my smart daughter" (while addressing literally nothing for the daughter btw) and I'm only on the 6th minute of this
My husband and I are at the beginning of our estrangement trauma and stumbling across your words and heart were so helpful! We are no longer alone in our pain, confusion, rejection and that has given me room to keep breathing so THANK YOU
You're not alone. ❤️
❤ it’s an epidemic
❤I'm inside the same boat. My heart broken. I lost my son,in out same town. 3 years...I was yold I never gave him tools. So much love for my boy ,who is a man. He never calls or texts. I took ownership of what he blames me for. But this rejection is just over the top. 😢I'm crushed..im with you xo
I am there with you.
I've been going through this for over 11 years. I'm at the point of acceptance and coping. I still think of her but I don't shed tears anymore. I do wish sometimes that things will change, but as a human being I won't be a door mat for anyone. I still have my life to live. We did the best we could as parents, therefore my husband and I have no guilt. Still love her, but I've learned its okay to love myself and my well being more. At the end of the day, I matter. Our lives centered around them when they were children. They're adults now and have a right to live their lives with or without us in it!
My daughter 27 has cut me out of her & my 2 yr old granddaughters life. I was unfriended years ago on social media. Phone number blocked sometimes, at times it’s not. I let her go. But before I did I sent a text letting her know that I love her and I am here whenever she’s ready, no matter how long it takes. I don’t reach out for holidays or anything like that anymore. I thought I was a good parent. I’m not going to keep myself in a dark, depressed state anymore. I just have to move on.
Right ❤
"DON'T JAM IT DOWN EVERYBODY ELSE'S THROATS"
That right there you is why she went no contact.
Maybe she wanted to live an alternative lifestyle and knew her parents might not approve so she cut them out before they could say anything to her. Her loss. Seems like her parents, even though they may not like it, would still love her unconditionally anyway.
@MLMLW Except clearly, they wouldn't. This woman takes absolutely no accountability for anything she's done. She talks and talks and talks, but she never *says* anything. She never takes the blame for their relationship falling apart when it's clear, the blame falls on her. Children don't go no contact because they're in a bad mood. They do it because they have been deeply emotionally and/or physically hurt and wronged by their parents and the fact that she can't even admit to what she did to hurt her daughter so badly makes it clear to me that she will never ever take accountability for whatever grievances her daughter wrote in that letter. She clearly doesn't agree with an alternative lifestyle, despite saying she does because she voted for someone who is actively trying to remove the rights from people in that lifestyle, which INCLUDES HER CHILD. She literally is working to help someone strip human rights away from people, and yet she can't see why that makes her bad in her daughters eyes. She is not a safe space for her child anymore, and if she were my mother, I'd want nothing to do with her either. Good fucking riddance to a woman who chose a political figure that doesn't even know she exists, who doesn't care about her *at all*, over the child she grew inside her. Well done. Stellar parenting.
@@Highkey-Loki - You act as judge & jury to a situation you know nothing about. None of us do and we cannot possibly get a clear picture from a 16 minute video. You don't know what was said between the two in 29 years of the daughter's life nor do you know how the mother raised her. She clearly stated she would support her daughter however she chose to live her life and that she will always love her no matter what but this is a private matter between mother & daughter, not any of us. The mother's mistake was making a video about it and airing her grievances in public which has subjected her to ridicule so all the armchair critics can dump on her. Big mistake, but the mother has a right to feel however she wants but obviously in her case there are serious consequences.
@@nowirehangers2815 - She doesn't have to. It's private between she and her daughter.
@@mattstiefel4806 - "You all"? Who are you talking about? Nobody commenting here has posted any videos.
When my marriage broke down my husband disappeared and was evicting myself and my son from our home. Rang my mom and dad...dad said "you can stay here if you get evicted until you sort something out" my mom was in the background shouting "No, no, no" ...says it all really.
@Bat_Boy As a mother myself I couldn't understand her reaction. We have a strained relationship. She tends to put people down alot and it affected me through my life. Not great really.
That's so scary
HORRIBLE
My 2 children from my first marriage have done the same to me. I agree with you, it is like PTSD. I have only met my grandson once. He's 6 or 7 now. I have never been allowed to even send items to him. Never been allowed to be grandma either. It does suck. Trolls be damned. When you literally have no idea the details of a person's story- step off on the judgements. I support you and this does help to know there are others out there too.
I have gone through the same,10 years and counting
What did you do for them both to cut you off?
It's absolutely not like PTSD but go on ...
New subscriber from Texas ❤! I’ve been through this. It’s the WORST feeling in the world. And you are right. Unless this has happened to you, you will never know the deep pain it causes. My child and I did reconcile after a few years. So that’s good news. The bad news is I will never fully trust her with my heart again. I will continue to love her but the knowledge that she could even have done that to me will not be forgotten. Forgiven but not forgotten. You are a beautiful, articulate and intelligent woman. You did not deserve this. Enjoy the rest of your years with your beloved husband. And thank you so much for your heartfelt videos. I know it will bring comfort to others. God bless you!
I understand last year I was in hospital I live abroad and after calling her thinking it would be a good idea if she came over well that caused such a s**t storm she interfered in ways caused me so much problems I am actively in danger of losing my home because of certain things she did while I was in hospital she let people throw out some of my personal possessions like as if I wasent coming back she has not really taken this as seriously as she should I never pretended to be a perfect mother but I'm not cruel she talks about her self alot but dosent seem to realise the situation alot of her actions has put me and my pets into I told her I still love her but it is hard to likevhercsometimes
I have experienced the same thing. My daughter is now back and I can once again bond with my grandson. The day she realized that being a parent can be terribly difficult, things started to turn around for us, but something is broken, and can never be the same again. I don't know if she will ever be able to take me for granted again.
Very similar story, even down to residing in Texas. We too have reconciled, I guess is the right term. We talk again. It’s a shame but you do have to hold a piece of your heart back and never fully trust. That is heart breaking in itself, but once you learn, you learn.
What did you do too your kid that had them forever not trust you with their full heart? Because that's what estrangement is.
Glad you found equal footing in mutual distrust at least
All I got from all that dribble was 'me me me'
Thank you for sharing . My daughter cut me out years ago and listening to you makes me feel i am not alone. Unless a parent is going through this, they can never understand the trauma parents with estranged children feel and go through.
I do .....Sometimes when I think back to when I was part of the lives I miss now, I wonder how real it really was..All I knew was that I loved being part of their existence, and never really noticed how undervalued I truly was... I say undervalued because I was not truly paying attention to the behavior that was there all along,... Thankfully, my own self is still whole and undamaged ..Just a bit weary now and again ...
No. They can't.
@@SneakyNinjaSistas Judgmental much?
@@SneakyNinjaSistasSo it should be all about how YOU feel since the world revolves around you, huh?
As the child in this I always wondered why my mother didn't love me enough to get therapy and deal with her issues. Have you got therapy?
I cut off my parents a while ago. I've started forgetting about them. It's great that we have such an abundance of ubiquitous and accessible resources on the Internet to share perspectives.
I recently turned 70. Although I never abandoned my parents, for many years, in my 20s and 30s, I held them responsible for virtually everything that had gone wrong with my life. Now that I’m much older and, I would hope, a *little* bit wiser, I see that though in some respects they weren’t the parents they might have been, in many ways I wasn’t the son I might have been either. Perhaps some day your daughter will come to a similar realization - hopefully, before she turns 70.
Thank you for sharing your experience. I’m sorry for the burden that must’ve been. I’m on the younger side and I’m wondering if you have any advice for us recovering from addiction;trauma;or getting wiser, if possible.
Very wise.
@@Bougie642I agree, they have been raised by information technology and social media. They're emotionally stunted and in arrested development.
@@pankakesnotstellar With millennials and gen z, a good deal of the trauma has to do with parents leaving them unattended online and being introduced to sexual predators. It's counter-productive to hold the children accountable in those situations when they did not have the means to access any of that on their own nor did they understand what they were being exposed to. Neglect led them down that path and whether their parents fully understood what was going on or not, it was their responsibility to find out and to protect them. Which explains the confusion from the parents who thought they were just spoiling their kids and the children who are angry that their innocence was stolen from such a young age.
The feelings aren't new at all. A lot of this trauma is generational. Instead of addressing it, each new generation passes it along and are taught to be complacent about it. The reason we're hearing more about it now is because there's more resources on how to recognize it and address it. It sounds like you managed to heal on your own, which is great. Hopefully the tools and resources available now will help more young people recover faster and potentially break the cycle with many families. Not all will go NC and for those that do, not all will be permanent. But sometimes it's for the best to stay apart.
Thank you for your channel! When I discovered Dr. Craig Childress, and his explanation of Parental Alienation I finally understood how pathological/narcissistic my former husband is and how he purposely destroyed the bond between my children and me. I have continually reached out to them, to no avail. I haven't seen or spoken to my children in 10 years. I am heartbroken. 💔
Keep calm & keep busy young lady. I have prayed for fathers with this alienation problem to no avail. I love you & am otherwise at a loss for words. Whatever you do, keep going!
Parental Alienation is awful. Protecting children from a potentially dangerous parent is one thing, but projecting issues with an ex partner on to the children is selfish and disgusting. Unfortunately, children may not recognize that they have been manipulated by a parent until they are older.
I think your ex-husband and my ex-husband were cut from the same cloth. The last time I spoke to my daughter was to tell her that her brother, my son, was dead. It was the first time I had spoken to her in 7 years. I'm so sorry that you're going thru this. I haven't given up on my daughter, I pray for her every day.
I am currently going thru this right now. My adult Sons have intellectual disabilities, Autism, ADHD, Mood Disorders. My ex is manipulating them and he's not allowing them to have contact with me. He took advantage of me when I was in excruciating pain back in July 2022. I had to go to the ER! I found out I had a LG Cyst on my left ovary. I had to have emergency surgery! If the Cyst wasn't removed I would of died!! They Dr's also thought I had Ovarian Cancer. My ex promised to return one of my Son's to me after January 19. He promised to Fly him back to Texas or meet Half Way. He's trying to steal his SSI money. He's basically kidnapped both of my Sons. I've been raising money to drive to SC to get them. I One of my Son's needs medical attention. He's demanding I send him one of Son's ID card and Medicaid Card and SS card. If I do this and give in to my abusive Ex-husband I'm giving up on my children. If I do this and give in then I'll never see my children again. He's also using my daughter as a messenger. It's hurting her mental health I can see it thru the hateful texts she sends me.I'm going to have to get the police involved. I've never kept my Son's from speaking with their Father!! My Heart is constantly broken! I always have chest pains. Feels like I'm going to have a heart attack! The only thing that is getting me thru this trauma is JESUS! He is giving me strength! One last note is I can't stop thinking about what my youngest son told me as he was getting ready to leave with his Father for Christmas Vacation in Dec of 2023. As he was Hugging me goodbye he was also bawling and he pleaded with me to not let his Father manipulate and force him to live in SC like he did with his older brother. This memory of my Son has been etched into my brain. I think about it every waking hour. I've been dreaming constantly that my son is crying himself to sleep because he misses me!! He's traumatized because of what his Father is doing to him. I can't get to SC fast enough. Please pray for me I'm afraid to confront my Ex-Husband I know he's not going to release my Son's willingly. Thank you.
I'm praying for you!! I understand!! I empathize with you.
I appreciate your perspective. As much as I wish neither of us were going through it, I'm glad I'm not alone. Thank you, and ignore the haters.
My daughter and I had a seriously complicated due to different a number of reasons. At age 18 she left home and never looked back...or contacted me. For nearly 35 years I kept hoping we would be in the same room. However, that will never happen. Last week she died at age of 55. I still miss her. Nobody understands what it feels like until it happens to them.
I was cut off from my daughter when she became a mother. She was adopted and apparently alot of preverbal trauma came up and she needed space to process that along with learning about being a mom. I regret to say that we were horrible to her. We were judgemental about her therapy and healing. We even moved to the state where she lived, trying to insert ourselves into her life without any discussion because we wanted to be grandparents. We know now how arrogant and dismissive of her reality we were. We needed help to learn accountability but refused to get it. We will go to our graves without being authentically connected. We are ashamed and remorseful
Showing that shame and remorse will heal the situation eventually. You have self awareness now, many of us will NEVER get that from our parents.
I don't understand, where better would she learn to be a mother than from you? You tried to help your daughter and keep your bond with her, I don't think shame should be part of your feelings. Perhaps, you didn't do it in the best way, but I can't understand why would she need to cut off the only people who ever loved her truly.
Beautiful people
@@pankakesnotstellar we learned after it was too late. We can never apply the lessons we learned to a relationship with her now, only with other people and ourselves.
I suppose it's a good thing that you have realized you mistakes and are owning up to them.
I spoke to you on your first video. As a former estranged child, I am so ashamed of how things were between my parents and me. They're gone now and all I have are memories. I was fortunate to tell them how much I loved them before they passed, It was a hard lesson to learn.
You may have valuable insight to help parents better understand what may be going on with adult children around your age. Only if you are comfortable, of course.
I would love to know what happened. You will not be judged by me.
Ooooh, I hope my son says He loves me just one more time😢
Wouldn't be amazing to have a community of people like you and people whose parents were/are absent and just support each other and share? Like an emotional adoption in adulthood... so many lonely people wanting to reconnect all over the world, it drives me crazy to think that they could be neighbors and just don't know each other.
At least you can collaborate with your loving testimony if this beautiful woman starts a community 😊
@@queenofkingsbury Do you have a couple of hours? :P
It's the shame. Thank you for being here, being brave and sharing. I felt so ashamed and alone, and now I have you. It means everything.❤
I’m so sorry. I share your experience and it’s very traumatic and heartbreaking. It’s worse than death because there is no end to the devastation and pain. It’s living in tragic loss every day. Again, I’m so sorry 🙏❤️
Your story is so profoundly similar to mine, I cannot thank you enough for sharing your experience with the world. I am now almost 9 years post-breakup with my daughter, and although the pain and confusion are still very real, I find myself letting go for my mental health.
Same with me….nine years. My grandchildren who were with me every day are now strangers….all the wasted time, pain and heartache. This year I, too, decided to come to radical acceptance and I have let it go. If the grandkids want to contact me in the future, I’ll be here. As far as my son, he can’t hurt me any more…done with that….true but sad.
@@zenaidacarroll215 Im so sorry. 😢 I feel the same way about my grandchildren. I sincerely hope I get to know them someday. All the best to you. ❤️
Some of us have years of study into personality traits and the effects of trauma.
Your point? Do you think "years of study" qualifies anyone to sit in judgement when the parties involved aren't known personally? Wouldn't years of study suggest that the diagnosis via TH-cam is impossible?
@@peace.denise4156 when did I try to diagnose anyone?
@@mycahjames Then what is the relevance of mentioning your background at all? I suppose that was what I should have asked in the first place.
@@peace.denise4156 it just means there is a lot more than what's being said. Not that everything has to be said. Just makes me think of the Ted Talks with Suzie something...
I can say nothing publicly about this woman. I can say I had years of being abused by a borderline mother and an enabling stepfather (bio dad permanently out of the picture) I never went no contact. I should have. I know what it's done to me. My mother denied/forgot all her abuse and thought she was a good person. I didn't imagine her abuse.
A mom here. And a daughter.
A mom who did the best she could - but my girls didn't get what they needed from me.
I knew that even while I was raising them. So it was much easier for me to look at how I needed to change in my relationships with them to 1) heal 2) grow our relationships.
I had a mom much like you. That's based on the behavior you revealed in your first video, after a most traumatic thing in your life: your daughter was no longer ABLE to have a RELATIONSHIP with you (and her dad).
I understand that you thought about why and how... but I never heard you say that you emailed your daughter, or sent her a card, or called her, with a genuine attempt and vulnerable offer to allow her to be real with you. For example:
"I want to hear more about your anger and pain about us, about our relationships with you.
Apparently you've kept it close to your heart for a long time. That makes me feel very, very sad. I realize how hard that must have been for you. You must have felt invisible. I'm sorry that you felt unsafe to let us in.
And the only way I can understand is by listening. To you. In person. With no interruptions."
Ma'am, this isn't about whether or not you did the best you could, or how many advantages she had. Your daughter simply does not FEEL loved by you. And, this is very sad, your giving up and accepting her miserable position just deepens that love void in her. That void where you and she should exist.
Your daughter would LOVE to be in a close relationship with you. And dad. (They are separate so they should be treated separately.) In her mind, SHE CAN'T. Because it takes 2. And she's so afraid that you DON'T HEAR HER - and that your stance is protecting/defending/validating your SELF while hearing her pain.
My recommendation to you is 3-fold - if you want to have a chance at healing your relationship:
1) Stop your internet thing. You've revealed very personal information about your daughter. Not just that - you're exposing the very personal info that she estranged you. Thats HER info to share, not yours, on such a public forum. You're the parent!
You're using it as a therapy for YOU (for support and commiseration).
And you're also using it to communicate TO your daughter. IT ISN'T GOING TO WORK.
2) Get a therapist. One who won't just pat you on the head and say, "You did the best you can. Now go away. You don't need a therapist."
3) Reach out to your daughter after you've gained insight into yourself, relationships, and healing them.
I'd like to communicate more with you, if only to send you something i developed: Special Communication Exercise. It really works.
But I want you to know that I'm MUCH closer to you in experience than you'd think. I may be able to offer some insights.
Im almost 70, I invested much time and money into cognitive behavioral therapy. So far my relationships with my 2 daughters are working on a real level, but not perfect. And I've learned how to listen. And they know they're free to express themselves and set boundaries.
What makes you think my story isn't worth telling?
@estrangedparents Your story is VERY worth telling. I believe, however, that the internet forum for your story at this point in time will definitely decrease your chances of restoring the broken relationship with your daughter. THAT'S my focus. It's not over unless you give up, and I'm not talking about trying everything YOU can think of; I think it's time to find expert advice from people who HAVE found victory!!!
This is communicated beautifully. So much respect and humility (EVEN if you weren’t in the wrong) and you’ve got your daughters back. It is impossible not to feel drawn back by humble communication, it is simply too reasonable! That was beautiful and kind to read, a Divine attitude
@lialialia9647 you are very kind... thank you.
This is incredibly sweet. I’m gen z and have a boomer dad and gen x mom who were both terribly abused and then went on to do their best with me, which was far from enough. I’m in my 20s now, and they have since apologized and worked on themselves a lot. In many ways they’re different people. I could not imagine having a relationship with them had they not taken responsibility and worked on themselves to improve as parents. It’s so heartwarming to see other cases like mine, I truly believe family is worth all of that effort, and I am so grateful to them for trying. It’s very lovely to see you earnestly reach out to others to share your experience. People can change, relationships can change, no matter our age, and it’s important for people to see that! I’m sure your daughters feel as I do about my parents- that is, filled with gratitude and appreciation.
Why does she gaslight all youth at the end and what does her last sentence actually mean. What’s the 30,000 foot view?
God bless you!!!!! I suffer from a broken heart syndrome because of what has happened with my adult children, which was completely out of my control and caught me off guard about five years ago. I’m still working on the healing process is not easy. Thank you for telling your story.
I had the same thing happen for different reasons and then had the estrangement lumped on top
It took a lot out of my physical stamina but I found that for me Boost Oxygen in those little travel canisters helps
I took currently suffer from broken heart syndrome! Working thru hurt daily!!
I can't imagine what you go through daily as a result of your daughter's alienation, but parenthood is definitely full of challenges. Stay as pleasant with her as you can, and someday she may realize how important you really were and are to her. We all go through different stages in our lives, and not all of them are enjoyable. She may still come around, especially when she sees how much you obviously care when you speak in your videos of her. You seem like a wonderful parent - please don't let negative people influence your feelings.
Just to validate: My husband's ER Dr told us about Broken Heart Syndrome yesterday. He said that it causes real damage to the actual heart. Eye opening.
@@stacyknapp5548 this is correct 👍
I know it’s hard, but an excellent, older, experienced psychologist told me once…,get out there and live your own life. Send them love and cards at Christmas, Easter, their birthdays, but always be upbeat and positive. Never criticize, never judge, even if you have to bite your tongue off, just let them live their lives and always behave “professionally” and “positively”. Never offer any suggestions. Just say, “I have faith that you will figure it out.” Go out with your own friends. Never give them money other than a few gifts. Invest in yourself. This seems to be a popular phase in America right now…throwing your parents away. Ok. Let them throw you away. And, maybe, just maybe, they will grow up in the process.
You are suggesting that she take the high road. This is a wise decision for all differences of opinion. The high road is a road less travelled and nobody can fault you if you take that approach.
You know the Bible speaks of this time we are in ! The end times !!! When your enemies will be those of your own household ?!? Mother against daughter. ! Father against son etc ! I also am going through this ! Our son married someone who does not like us period ! And no matter how we have tried to figure things out to make things work , she wants nothing to do with us and our son who didn't agree with her treating us this way at the start has also pretty much doesn't want anything to do with us ! And their about to have my only grandchild ! And my heart sinks as I pretty much know I will not be allowed to have a relationship with her 🥹😢 I love them and pray for them and just take my life one day at a time ! I have another son who is married to a lovely Japanese girl and they live in Japan ! But we never hardly ever hear from them ! Our adult daughter lives with us because things are just really hard in this world right now for a single women ! And she just talks with us now and again and she lives under our roof rent free ! And we are here for all our kids in any way they would need us !!! My heart breaks for you and your husband so much ! Because what do you do when
You have lived your child with all your heart and raised them and protected them from harm and give them the best life you can to only have them to completely turn their back on you 😢 it's unbelievable and heartbreaking !!! Your love is still just as strong ! So it's hard to understand that they can do such a thing ?!? I find my strength in my Lord ! Through prayer I give my situation to God and then I trust Him with them ! I send you huge hugs and love and prayers for God to comfort you and your husband and for your daughters eyes would be opened and that she will return to you both Amen
I was given the same advice back when cell phones weren't so prevalent. Don't whine and complain about how you never hear from him on the rare occasion when he did actually call you. Say it is nice to hear from him, keep your tone pleasant and when you hang up say you enjoyed the conversation and leave it at that. Don't ask when he'll call again, etc.. This did help our relationship.
And these people wonder why their kids don’t talk to them? If none of your children talk to you there might be something YOU did. But secondly, it’s the end of the actual world or just the end of your world that your children cut contact? Cause it sounds like some pretty bizarre, unhealthy thinking
Guess what my dearest daughter did? After almost three years of her cutting off all contact except the mail, I received a 3x4 Ft box from UPS of full of every card, postcard, gift and note I’d sent. Every piece, unopened, untouched except to be put in the box and returned. All holidays, birthdays, just thinking of you, I care, how are you doing, hope you’re well…. All of everything since she cut me off.
Nope, I’m done. I’m not stupid- not one card, gift, thought, or tear is left. Come on karma! I’ll be that grinning Grandma laughing manically at your karma without giving a care. You’ll learn the hard way baby. You will. Life’s a real b--. It’s not me.
Loved your video as my oldest daughter did the same thing and it was nice to know I wasn't alone in this very heart wrenching family tragedy. As for the haters giving their horrible replies are just sad and hateful people and have no life and most likely, have no children. Again, thank you for your video.
Me too love to u❤
It's hard to watch this. When I was 13 my brother started to devalue and disrespect our parents. My parents were patient so long but it devastated them. In high school I volunteered with Big Sisters and met kids were were actually abused and neglected, and in college volunteered with homeless. Oddly, some of them were truly loved. Others had grown up in profound neglect or felt invisible. There was no size fits all to their stories. When my sisters had childen, my parents kept strong loving relationships with them. Sometimes people push the envelope too far, and a parent moves on. My mom died on mothers day. It made me angry to see my brother show up and toss a card in her coffin. Some times people take a bit too much for granted.
Came across this by accident, thought I was alone and hurt so much. This channel helps. Thank you for your courage to post
So many of us......
So sorry. It’s sooooooo hard
You're not alone ❤️
Thank you for your kind comments, yes it hurts so bad
Sometimes is simply an extreme process of individuation. It is HARD! I’ve watched my family go thru this. Older generation so it’s not new. Maybe just more talked about. They come back around. Keep loving yourself from love while processing this trauma. Eventually they will come back. ❤ prayers of unconditional love for you❤
I stumbled onto this channel. We are going on 6 months since our son has talked to my husband and I. We are expecting to be alone over the holidays. We are going through the grieving process. Prayers for all going through estrangement.
Young people are falling prey by outside forces to destroy the family so sorry your son fell prey to the propaganda People who are alone with no family support are easier to control
I don’t know if this is appropriate but my brothers widowed wife cut us off from her and his family after his death. Unfairly Shamed my parents infront of our side of the family, and coworkers and friends after his death. It killed my parents and it was like a second death at the time. The kids are adults now and they have shunned us over the years. It’s been almost 23 years and still hurts us like the day it happened. God bless you all. 🙏🙏🙏
Yes. That kind of betrayal does break a person's heart. A person actually dies of the grief and heartbreak. My Mom died because of my sister. She's still dancing through life as if she didn't kill her own Mother.
I am so sorry for all of your losses.
Why ? why won't he talk to you ?
Thank you for starting this channel. I’m letting 2 of the 3 children I raised live their life without me as it is their choice. They have free will. I am proud of the mother I was and still am. They can’t take that away.
Same here. I am finally learning to let go. Bcuz of the way she is I don't see my granddaughter often so I send her a little present thru the mail every month. She is eight and lives these little surprises delivered w her name on it. I feel if I don't keep some communication w us I will lose her a long w her mother's indifference. Maybe I should just t cut all ties.
@@marir838do not cut ties with your granddaughter. At least you have that. I became estranged from my oldest son for a couple of years and one thing I kept doing was sending gifts to my 2 grandsons on birthdays and holidays. I stopped sending to my son and his wife. We speak now and I felt good that I never stopped sending little gifts to my grandsons. It was not their fault.
I pray she finds your post and finds some empathy. Hugs
@@marir838 please do not cut ties with your grandchildren. Send notes with your little treats and always tell her you love her and want to see her. She deserves her grandmother and to be doted on in that special way. Also, send her photos of you so she can put a face to this relationship. My grandson in autistic and I recently sent him some books and I went to ups and printed out some photos in color that I emailed there. Then I laminated the photos ( also at ups ) and used clear packing tape to attach the photos to the insides of the front and back covers. I date the books and write little I love you son random pages for him to discover. Don’t allow this bully to steel your love away from your grandchildren. You deserve it and so do these children. You have to fight the fight in small non threatening ways, but it is worth it because those children will grow up and be free to have the love you want to give them. They can look back and know you were always thinking and dreaming of them and loving them if only from a distance.
Pray 🙏 We rebuke the spirit of Rejection, depression, bitterness, anger, anxiety, sadness in the name of Jesus and we command them to leave in Jesus name, Amen 🙏
Do it and it will help you and keep your faith that your child will return back to you. We pray that Jesus blessed you with his love ❤️
Diane, I wasn't a perfect mother. I made mistakes. The difference between you and me is that I apologized to my children and I continue to be aware of their feelings. You don't seem to get that part. Advice: Be the change, Diane. Look in the fecking mirror, for Pete's sake.
Thank you for the videos. No one can possibly understand unless they have been there.
"I DON'T GIVE A SH*T!" I'm so glad that you said that!! So many folks just don't get that not EVERYONE cares about their opinion!!! God Bless You Sweetie!!!
@@denisedaniel9010of course she did, but if it doesn’t exactly match with what she wants to hear as far as other parents with estranged children saying “I am so sorry, I am going through the same thing.” And that is all the kids fault she doesn’t like it.
“It’s not for you” well just like her daughters tik tok account which I am sure her daughter would say is “not for her” TH-cam is public and content is for everybody who wants to engage with it.
I don’t agree with anyone bullying or being nasty. I also don’t agree with people making mental health diagnoses for others. Other than that she is going to receive many opinions, some who agree, some who don’t… some who may be trying to open her eyes to a different perspective
@denisedaniel9010 And they are like buttholes everyone has one, rather educated or not, listen carefully, you are on the list for rebuttal!
So then...this is why she's getting what she gets...
@RachelleIRL your rebuttal too. Do you have an adult child estranged?
@@eclecticbrowngirlI think you said to move along and I believe she was talking to you so kick rocks
My daughter has been estranged from me for14 years. In the beginning I felt so much shame that my child rejected me without a word. As time moved on as it inevitably does, I became frozen inside. The trauma has has been to much, I have shut down. I’ve never spoken of this to other people, I might break if I do.
God bless you, Denise.
I feel this. I took so many photos and have mementos that I cannot even look at for fear I will get stuck in the grips of depression. I took those pictures and saved those things thinking they would one day bring me such Joy
💔💔
Heartbreak 💔 and tears I cried and cried and did all I could too. I don't understand this thing about abandoning parents! God knows your pain and one day everything will work out by his will not ours and it will be good, stay strong and trust God
❤❤❤❤
When you think about what the bond between mother and child SHOULD BE, you have to wonder how bad it MUST BE for either one to go no contact. Either you raised your child wrong that they're so self-absorbed and unaware of basic norms OR you are the actual problem. Many therapists will tell you that parents often have problems with boundaries. My therapist told me I do an excellent job of NOT seeing my son as an extension of myself. I asked her, "That's not normal?" and she told me, "No. It's not." Must be why my son still calls me multiple times a week. Our relationship isn't perfect but it's good enough that it's never gotten so bad that either needed to disown the other. I'm proud of the way I broke generational trauma. The things that his peer group has been through he literally told his friends that my mother must've put me through some hell that I worked hard to overcome to NOT dump it on him. I suspect you need therapy to do the same.
"For those of you who say we shouldn't view her TikTok *HELLO* it's on the internet it's public content."
This is all I needed to hear. Hopefully you can let go and hopefully your daughter can heal in therapy.
Also she’s ok with ‘alternative lifestyles’ as long as ‘you don’t shove it down my throat’
Ma’am you went looking for it! 😂
@@ER-ge9hrShe only found it by stalking her kid on TikTok 😂😂😂😂
I appreciate your sharing your story. I personally know your pain and suffering, my daughter stop talking to me for over a year. My prayers are with you.
Thank you so very very much. I am a heart-crushed mom who finally feels like I am not alone in my absolute grief.
Same here.
And here.
I'm so sorry to all the moms commenting here.
And here
And here.
The notion that family ties should be maintained at all costs is a harmful one. It disregards the reality that not all familial relationships are healthy or nurturing. When parents consistently inflict emotional pain, manipulate their children's lives, or perpetuate patterns of abuse, the choice to go no contact becomes a necessary act of self-defense. It's a way to break free from the cycle of toxicity and reclaim one's personal power. While the decision may be difficult and met with societal disapproval, it ultimately empowers individuals to prioritize their own well-being and create a life filled with peace and self-respect.
Has anyone heard of the term shame dumping and projection? And how soul crushing these are to people?
When a person experiences any kind of abuse or neglect from a parent who never took accountability, they have three roads in life to choose from:
1. Process their trauma and abstain from having children if they feel they are unable to emotionally heal to the level that would make them an emotionally secure parent
2. Process their trauma and have children after/while doing the hard work to make sure they are an emotionally secure parent
3. Bypass any and all trauma work, have children, and repeat the cycle with their own children in order to take back the power they lost and validate that their experience was normal.
I wish there was some chemical in the water supply that would literally make people infertile if #3 is their motivation for having kids.
I'm number 1
I was rooting for you, I really was. My heart hurt for you. Your heartbreak was so visceral and poignant. That said, you lost me at 8:09, when you made a point of saying, " Assuming we are all legal citizens..." Ouch. Not a good optic, on social media or to generate continued support for your ongoing heartache. Why would you say that? Why even mention the whole citizenship 'thing'? Heartbreak knows no borders. For the first time, I thought to myself, this problem is like a diamond- there are 58 facets to it. That statement was dark. Which leads me to empathize with your daughter's decision, even if I don't completely understand or agree with her decision. I hope you continue to find peace and consolation.
Same. I have the feeling this fractured relationship is partly political. Diane lets it be known she is anti-vaccine (and that has become a politcal issue)
Did she also make comments about people relying too much on government and "not wanting to work"? Most of my friends are much younger than me, so I have a sense of what they are going through. It's impossibly harsh and hard work doesn't help them.
Some people closer to my age who I am familiar with are crunchy New Age Moms who did a hard right turn in the last few years.
The New Agers are sometimes quite spiritually inflated and intolerant of others, while putting on a smiling face. I am not sure if Diane is this way, but a few bombs she dropped indicate she might be.
I can understand this being a huge contributor to a split as it reflects a profound difference in world view. Diane seems to be evangelizing a political position here, while saying she isn't interested in politics.
Diane, if you read this it might help you if you broke out of the bubble of a privileged life long enough to speak to and imagine, not just your daughter but others of her generation.
Where were YOU at 29 and where is she? You were likely married to a husband who was on the rise in a burgeoning field. Opportunities like that don't exist now, no matter how many positive affirmations we whisper to ourselves.
@@Mistardmuster People of all generations are susceptible to propaganda that confirms their biases or suspicions. I agree with Diane that social media comes at a great cost, even if it does provide fantastic benefits. A mixed bag.
It amplifies some of our worst traits through radicalization. Younger generations are susceptible to feeling victimized about their gender identity, for eg. and older gens are susceptible to strong personalities who fun house mirror their own middle class values.
We are becoming tribal, cult like.
It's not black and white. People don't have to be religious to have very fundamentalist ways of thinking.
The narco-sphere is educational. People who view life through that exclusive lens are going to label everyone they take exception to as narcissistic. Whole communities form around modern day witch hunts.
@@jesshansen3690 Its all political. CNN brainwashed everyone into thinking anyone who voted trump was evil.
@@jesshansen3690 in her previous video she made another family member contact her daughter on Facebook for her. Her daughter ended up blocking that family member. Then she acted surprised because "that family member had the same political opinions as her daughter". Definitely something fishy imo
Emotional injury and physical injury can have similar outcomes. If one injures their spinal cord, they won't be able to walk again - and no amount of therapy or effort will ever restore their ability to ever walk again. In a similar way, emotional injury can lead to/be the result of irreparable emotional trauma. The "rejection" someone feels may be the outcome of injury inflicted by emotional trauma. A parent saying they "did the best they could" does nothing to heal an emotional wound or scar that can't be mended, and saying this to someone who experienced emotional injury or has been psychologically harmed sounds more like someone trying to let them self off the hook. Some injuries, physical and emotional, leave scars and damage that can't ever be healed or reversed. The fact that someone doesn't know, remember or accept responsibility for injury they may have caused does not mend or erase the emotional injury that the other person has experienced.
I'd add that the fact that someone doesn't know or remember that they massively hurt their own child over decades only further cements how abusive that person was.
I love how you explained this using physical references for pain/trauma. It’ll definitely help those who don’t understand mental health too well to get the picture.
You want what you’re unwilling to give.
I'm sorry for your heartbreak, it's hard sometimes to let go when someone has been such a big part of your life.
What you have just said, is very profound.... 'They" were a big part of our lives ..perhaps the "Part" was too consuming and unbalanced.. Just look at this issue from another point of view.... Would YOU allow someone to make YOu their whole reason for living? I see now, this is how I lived my life ..I never asked for anything, and consequently, received very little.. No one asked me how I was , or whether they could do anything for me... I never expected it , and never got it... I had no real value for myself .... ..I did too much..I am horrified with my own words. There is a lot of truth , about teaching others how to treat you ... Everything I ever did , is coming back to haunt me , with my own words...
@@kohedunn This hits home.
she comes off way more catty and petty here.
@@hard-truthsbetter-than-swe6543 I didn’t think she could outdo that first video but she did!
My two daughters (46 and 50 years old), walked away when I became disabled. I’ve tried to open conversation but receive total silence. It’s beyond tragic.
They didn't JUST walk away because you were suddenly disabled. Because healthy parent/child relationships don't just end with one illness. Surely there is more to that story.
As with the OP story, there's a lot of info missing.
❤
@@colleenmahony8803 exactly.
@@colleenmahony8803 Really bold of you to assume and put the blame on the parent when you don't know anything. Just don't say anything if you have nothing nice to say.
@@colleenmahony8803 Whatever excuse her Adult Children have "written her off", doesn't matter. According to the Bible, the Commandment of Honoring your Father and Mother is one of the most important and breaking this one specific Commandment can send you to Hell for eternity. Also, according to the Bible, to hurt a Parent like this is a form of manslaughter. You can go to Church every week thinking if you do that you end up in Heaven, but if you break this SPECIFIC Commandment, you end up in Hell. This is ALL in the Bible. These " Adult Children" think their ideas are better than God's Rule's.
I'm estranged from one of my daughters - I have a poster in my room - it says "You can participate in the growth of another human being. You cannot control their behavior. It reminds me I did the best I could as a single Mom w/ 3 girls. I still wish her well, but don't let it hurt me anymore.
Amen! May it “bounce off me and hit them” 100xs over. I learned to live and love without giving a d--. I love not walking on eggshells every second. I’ve found I’m actually pretty fun and kind and gracious and caring and giving and forgiving. Nothing like she’s made me out to be.
I also have reached healing thru my faith in the Lord Jesus and have accepted it. I don't like it but accept it. I have a clear conscience and will always love her from afar.
I had to step away from my patents years ago for my sanity. A lot of control. BUT BUT BUT let me say this clearly....i never disrespected them. In fact I sent them weekly pics of the kids and letters on their progress. On holidays on sent them a holiday center piece to remember them and respect them without being part of the dysfunction . I hope that helps any children that find themselves in that situation. But this is the case of our astranged daughter. She just doesn't like our faith and political views even though we RARELY talk about them. We are just together to catch up with our lives. Guess who brings up these situations.....you got it, our daughter. She wants to control us. I call it the snowflake syndrome.....but I want my way!
Same here. I raised very independent daughters as a single Mom. We don't own them. They are only ours for a short period of time.
I can't imagine people passing judgment on you. What is a huge disappointment is if some of these commenters never had children, let alone participate in the activities leading to parenthood.
Each of us going through this is participating in ways that are as unique as our fingerprints.
As for my estranged daughter...she has a sister who will be 55 on Saturday. Mikki is treated the same by her sister as I and my family are treated. The narcissistic person in our circumstance is the daughter who is estranged
My take is it was her choice. As I told her on her birthday, you do you...
You are in my prayers...