I like how Matthew guided her back to identifying her own needs and to focus on how to meet them without 'reaching' out to others as the first port of call.
Big hugs to Cara. Narcs only pick the nicest people. Trust your own instincts and choose who you talk to about your future plans. People who haven’t had narc relationships don’t understand and will give you useless advice and judge. People have only ever seen how you act under a narc’s thumb and not your true self. I did a lot of research on narcs and looking at how to do things/chores that work for me, not the way narcs have wanted you to do things. I started smiling at myself in the mirror but couldn’t at first, I had to hold my lips up with my fingers while crying. After a few weeks, it became a fake smile and then a real one and then a cheeky grin. I made up parodies of stacking the dishwasher to You’re the one that I want from Grease, danced to a fav song in the morning, danced from room to room and thanked and congratulated myself for putting on my socks or washing hands. I’ve changed up my routine, people said to go back to my old hobbies, instead I started to reno my house on the cheap. I’ve had heaps of NET therapy-best thing ever. I’ve put up my own art, made and painted furniture and am decorating my home. I wrote positive phrases and words with love hearts over the wooden boards under my waterbed mattress so I can now sleep on the other side and in the middle despite him never sleeping in there. I try new things and am okay with having a go. I say to myself: Take care of you and be kind to your heart. I don’t tell myself off. When I think of him, I make/mold a pretend ball in front of my belly of all the awful things he did and push it away from me and say he wasn’t the right person for me. There is no resolution as to why they’re awful. I hope this helps. 32+yrs marriage to a narc and had a narc sis before that. So proud of Cara for being strong enough to get out at 10yrs. ❤
Thank you for sharing your story. I was with my narcissist husband for 36 years, married 34. I left 5 years ago, and it took the whole 5 years to heal. I met a wonderful man 2 months ago. It is hard not to let my pass to interfere, but I have to push my thoughts away. I am enough and you are too. ❤
I totally get how this lady feels, as I was with a narcissistic man for 14 years and finally reached out for help to leave him to help me and my children 😢
Darling, it's been 21 years for me, I am 39. He had to drive me to mental breakdown ,for me to see for what it was. I was also a broken and abandoned child. You should feel victorious, proud, feel your freedom to be and do whatever you desire. It's been 2 years and I am still finding myself, but this is such a beautiful process! Sit with yourself and learn to follow YOUR passion, desires, happiness. Be patient with yourself, love and comfort your inner child, as she has been brave and survived to finally be free. It's never too late to start again, clean your slate, heal, cry it out. You have 2 beautiful beings to prepare for life and now you can fully focus on them to give them all they need to co-create our new beautiful reality 😍 However hard to go through, it was a blessing, you did your best at all times and now do the best for you
Yes, the process of finding yourself is beautiful! So true! Not something to go through because you're "supposed" to, but because it's fulfilling to discover things about yourself
@@HiNickCares so, if I happened to pick a guy for a date and he happens to be a psycho and kills me - it's also my fault? I was 17, pretty much abandoned child, who witnessed her mother trying to take her life, couple of times. He was 26, do you think I had enough information to know he will make me submit and turn my life into hell ,that only mental breakdown could end? I left him as soon as my medication started to work and I saw the truth. Not sure why you watch things like that, having no empathy towards ppl like me or Cara?
After a life time of doing stuff for other people, people pleasing, trauma bonding and just living in the back half of my body and their bad emotions occupying the front of me, I just want to be by myself and not have anyone else’s voice in my head so I can have my voice in my head for the first time. Therapy and friends say to go join a club and meet new people. I want to meet me first so I can show the best of me to others later. I’m an introvert but my instincts tell me this is right for me at the moment. I want to trust myself before trusting anyone else.
Good for you. I think it's a great idea. I am staying single for now too after my last ex I've realised was narcissistic in some ways towards me. I'm purposefully not asking the advice of others in some other areas of my life too, so I can trust my own decisions and intuition more.
Me too! I keep trying to date and make friends and it takes me back to the same dull, lonely place. The more I’m alone the more joy seeps into my psyche.
I agree, Cara. As long as you keep blaming someone else for your shame, you’ll never heal. Choose to be happy for yourself, not expecting others to behave a certain way so that you can be happy. People will always disappoint you, but know you still have your strength, yourself, your own life to live!
Thank you Kara sooo much! I was also in an narcissistic relationship for 14 years. After 2 years of being out of it I am still doing personal work. We will get there Sweetheart. I love you❤
This video made me understand why I am where I am and what I need to do to get to my purpose of helping others heal from their place of hurt and disappointment. Thank you Matthew you truly are walking in your purpose of helping others heal❣️
Dear Cara, Every person who has ever lost a loved one to suicide feels this way - it's a lifetime of guilt. It's so horrific, you feel like if only you'd said it done something different, something more for them. It wasn't your fault sweetheart. Matthew is completely right. You were a child. You have to learn how to forgive yourself. Love is an action - prioritise your needs to love yourself better. Let yourself grieve, get some therapy so you can learn how to deal with the fear about losing each person you love if you say or do the wrong thing. Learn to let go of the responsibility of taking care of everyone around you before yourself. You may not know who you are, but I do. I see you. You are strong, beautiful, raw, gentle and inspiring. And very loved.
Give yourself what you need from others so that they don't own you.... That's a phase that got deep into my heart..... Thanks from the bottom of my heart Matthew Hussey 💚
Cara, thank you for sharing your story. You stepped up for all of us struggling with something similar to learn. That alone takes such strength. I love what Matthew said about focusing on your actions rather than trying to "define" your identity--it is quicker to set in motion and takes us much farther toward self-forgiveness! As a long-range pursuit, exploring your passions and interests is a human right, and an actual right of passage for those coming out of your situation. From experience, I can say that sometimes we get messages of shame around doing that when we are moms, suggesting that we're enriching ourselves at the expense of our kids. And when we already struggle with shame, those messages can set us back. Ignore them. We can do both. There is no shame in self-actualization, even as we continue to focus on our day to day actions❤
❤❤ The first step I took was learning to be nice to myself. That always feels best to me whenever it's a shit time. This year has been rough, but I'm glad I was there for myself. Felt the feels, did the work, realize who I am completely independently of others, and even though I dislike my reality, I'm still getting through it. You just have to be brave for yourself FOR yourself. "You're the only you you've got!"
So wise, so human! Thank you!!! I never had support from my parents and thought I am not a successful person at 58..but I believe i did the best I could ...
This was very helpful for me to watch as you helped Cara work through her concerns. I was in a narcissistic marriage for 28 years. Thank you for just being you Matthew. ❤
What a precious and important training and teaching, and thank you, Cara, for being brave and open enough to share vulnerably so that we can all learn!
This is honestly one of the best videos I've seen I would love more of this quality of work I find it so empowering I would love to recieve more of this content
Thank you . I resonate with Kara, went through the same situation and I got out. I felt the shame . I couldn't come to grip to moving on or even look at a another man. All I know is it's time to heal...peace and love.
Thank-you Cara for allowing this to be shared. I also spent 10 years in a relationship with someone with many narcissistic traits and I didn't know how to leave. Finally he left me because I had anxiety issues (duh, right?! - anxiety issues... my head nearly exploded).
Thank you for this video Matthew and thank you also to this brave lady that allowed to share her story. What resonated more for me is the fact of she had to grief an enormous amount of pain and deal with a very difficult situation as a child. It is a great example of how we tell us stories and the consequences of that and how we could stop it. All the love for this lady ❤
I was in a similar situation as Cara and I appreciate her being so vulnerable because I needed to hear what you said as well. I have been letting my shame of my past define me because I didn't leave sooner. A lot of what was said really resonated with me. Thank you so much for the work that you do!! :)
I never comment on these things, but Cara (hope I spelled your name right ☺️), from this short video, I can already tell what an amazing person you are, how strong you are, and a great mom. Things you shared resonated so much with me. I can tell how gentle and caring your soul is and it hurts me to see such a beautiful person like you to have to feel that way and have gone through what you had to endure. Sure, “we’re all just humans” but for some reason I feel drawn towards you and would love to connect with you privately if you are also interested but either way, if you ever come across this, want to let you know I appreciate you speaking up and sharing your story. You are so courageous and brave and I commend you for that, so thank you.
Cara, please don’t ever feel ashamed because the fact that you’re there now proves your will to break that cycle and to be present for your children. Whatever happened wasn’t your fault and you can only be proud of yourself for where you are now and how you were able to put yourself out there to be so vulnerable. Could’ve, should’ve, would’ve. You were able to get yourself and children out of that situation and I’m proud of you. It’s never too late. You did it.
The story resonated with me. I have got to give happy feelings to myself too. You are right not to seek ways to get others to do things because it does give them all the power. I learned this. Im still trying to consistently apply it. Day by day things get better. It is the exciting thing. I try to look forward not get stuck in the past.
Cara, keep up the great work. You are a beautiful soul and I'm honored to have met you and gotten to know you. You are a living example of someone digging deep and doing the work ❤
I thought that was a beautiful video. Sometimes sitting on the floor or whatever else we need to do can simply make the situation simple. easy, even if others think it's odd. Nice gesture Matthew but I think we all knew you wouldn't refuse Cara's request, you are too nicer guy for that. Thank you
Thanks for this! I have my own litany of terrible errors, and right now they're all flying in my face - because, after listening to Matthew for YEARS without ever having the time or money to attend a workshop, I have finally worked myself into a position where someone I care for has said they love me, and I am able to say it back to them - even though (unlike every other boyfriend I have ever had) they are neither an alcoholic, nor a druggie, nor violent. So the nagging voice in my head is telling me either I'm not good enough ... or I'll get bored with someone normal. Go figure!
I love the conversation between Cara (sp) and Matthew. I relate so much to your story. One thing that was very helpful to me was to explore somatic processing. I found that I had uncomfortable bodily sensations in my stomach/solar plexus that needed to be tuned into. The body sensations were generating all kinds of anxious and shame-based thoughts. I was perpetually in flight or fright. Russell Kennedy on YT is great, Somatic Processing techniques, finding an EFT practitioner to show me how to do tapping on my own. All helpful. Also the book Letting Go, by David Hawkins and the meditations associated on YT that teach you how to be with the discomfort of your body and witness the sensations moving through. I would love to see Matthew interview a Somatic Therapist on his program. Many of us need help processing our emotions on a level that isn’t just cognitive. ❤
I lived in a narcissist relationship with my mother for 30 years and with my narcissist husband for 33 years. I was suicidal. I just got divorced a year and half back. I want someone to love me truly.👍💕🤗
Thank you Matthew , I am following your channel since 1 month, I am very grateful and feel humble for your being, giving me hope to be one-day in a healthy secure attached relationship 🙏💚🙏
The only way to feel shame is to allow others to control your feelings. Once you stop letting other people control your emotions, you will finally be free. Everyone should look into Stocism and how it can significantly improve your life. Once you learn to fully love yourself, you will never feel the need to gain the approval or love from other people.
Being raised by narcissistic parents. My job too was to be a fixer or maid to them. My way out of it was to never do anything again from a place of guilt or competition or fear. That helped me to say no But yes to my nature of love and kindness. It opened my eyes to others motives and my own eventually peace with myself and god
This video got me thinking about the difference between expressing a need in a committed relationship (as opposed to being needy), and not giving the “power” of your emotions to someone else. I believe this to be a thin line. Once you find yourself in a committed relationship, a need can be tied to a standard, which may be expressed internally as an uncomfortable emotion if your partner is not meeting this standard (assuming he or she is informed of your standard). In this case, what is the nuance here? Can you be in a committed relationship without ever feeling “bad” because someone is not meeting this need? Maybe the idea here is, that it’s alright to feel “bad” but you hold the choice whether you want to continue feeling “bad” if your partner does not choose not to meet this need, or if you take the lead to feel better and happier. Many thanks for your work ✨
I had a thought about, the part where Cara asked to sit on the floor. This could have been her way of seeing if you could mirror her. When we make requests and it was quite bold if you like albeit it was coming from a place of discomfort, could it be that possibly she was treated this way when she was younger. By that i mean whenever someone gave her a barked order it could have been perceived metaphorically as pulling her down. So her way of demonstrating this to yourself was to act this out, very clever is our subconscious I think your compassionate understanding nature is truly breath taking And 12.10 absolutely brilliant
I strongly believe that individuals who have lost a sibling- we find each other. There is so much of Karas’ story I have shared. Do not forget, EVERYONE: “You’ve done the very best you can!”
Cara, have you tried trauma therapy to help you process these deep rooted issues? I personally do hypnosis for childhood trauma, confidence etc and find that it helps tremendously. Wishing you peace, strength, happiness, and healing ❤❤❤
Please help!! I was extremely Sick for 2 years and close to death, while in that self focussed state a friend of my husband suggested that I was a narcissist and encouraged him to leave me. I have been assessed by an NPD specialist and found to have no personality disorders. My husband has depression and anxiety and has been convinced by this interfering friend that’s it’s because of me not the stressful situation we were in. I love my husband very much, we had 6 amazing years together before I collapsed.
Hi There. A brilliant expert on Narcissism, Sam Vaknin, (thousands of videos and the creator of many of the terms we use) talks about the stages in life when narcissism is natural and desirable, like stages when a child feels they can take on the world (2-4 years) and teenage years, when we are finding ourselves. But he also said something very fascinating. When we are deathly ill, we act like we need everyone to help us hang on, as a child would. And this looks very much like narcissism. I was very alerted to this new finding, because my sister, painfully and slowly died for over 2 years, and became very very different, in nature. It was NOT at all her previous strong, independent, brilliant and caring self. Her painful cries were hard to take, her anxiety and demands if we were not at her side. I was good in caring for her but everyone wanted her to SNAP out of it. What was going on in her body made it impossible. How horrible for her. There must be research and knowledge about this. Try to educate people about what is really a common phenomenon.
My narcissistic that I was intwined with for 7 years, trauma and abusive, there were good times and near death times. I haven’t spoken to him for 4 years. He reached out to me this past week. I did not heal but actually jumped right into a serious relationship trying to “fix” anyone and 3 years have passed in this relationship. It’s healthy but I’m not fully invested. Are my wires just crossed? Is this what love feels like? I still want my ex. Is this Stockholm syndrome? Can narcs change? He was talking about God and forgiveness and intimacy with God. It really confused me. HELP PLEASE
I don’t disagree with much of (what I experienced as a) monologue, but I was left wondering… what skills or healing was she personally able to experience that were particular to her set of trauma adaptations?
we can't shame ourselves into change we can only love ourselves into healing❤
❤
Thank you. So beautifully put ❤
@lamisschiheb I have saved this. I am going to apply this to my life. Thank you for these words.
You picked him.
I like how Matthew guided her back to identifying her own needs and to focus on how to meet them without 'reaching' out to others as the first port of call.
I loved when you said give yourself what you want from others, so they don't own you.
"Today's best is better than yesterday's best, and that's exciting " 🥂
Big hugs to Cara. Narcs only pick the nicest people. Trust your own instincts and choose who you talk to about your future plans. People who haven’t had narc relationships don’t understand and will give you useless advice and judge. People have only ever seen how you act under a narc’s thumb and not your true self. I did a lot of research on narcs and looking at how to do things/chores that work for me, not the way narcs have wanted you to do things. I started smiling at myself in the mirror but couldn’t at first, I had to hold my lips up with my fingers while crying. After a few weeks, it became a fake smile and then a real one and then a cheeky grin.
I made up parodies of stacking the dishwasher to You’re the one that I want from Grease, danced to a fav song in the morning, danced from room to room and thanked and congratulated myself for putting on my socks or washing hands. I’ve changed up my routine, people said to go back to my old hobbies, instead I started to reno my house on the cheap. I’ve had heaps of NET therapy-best thing ever. I’ve put up my own art, made and painted furniture and am decorating my home. I wrote positive phrases and words with love hearts over the wooden boards under my waterbed mattress so I can now sleep on the other side and in the middle despite him never sleeping in there. I try new things and am okay with having a go. I say to myself: Take care of you and be kind to your heart. I don’t tell myself off. When I think of him, I make/mold a pretend ball in front of my belly of all the awful things he did and push it away from me and say he wasn’t the right person for me. There is no resolution as to why they’re awful.
I hope this helps. 32+yrs marriage to a narc and had a narc sis before that. So proud of Cara for being strong enough to get out at 10yrs. ❤
I’m so proud of u 🎉 and I root for you ❤
You picked him.
Thank you for sharing your story. I was with my narcissist husband for 36 years, married 34. I left 5 years ago, and it took the whole 5 years to heal. I met a wonderful man 2 months ago. It is hard not to let my pass to interfere, but I have to push my thoughts away. I am enough and you are too. ❤
This was so good. I had no idea Matthew was THIS good. You gave her (and all of us) what we needed to hear.
I totally get how this lady feels, as I was with a narcissistic man for 14 years and finally reached out for help to leave him to help me and my children 😢
you picked him.
@@HiNickCares don’t comment on something you don’t know about
@@Glitch_gaming-n1h So you didn't pick him?
You can only take One step of the time .. and she did to open up .. and realise she is good enough. Big hug to Carly from the Netherlands
The most important part of this video for me begins at 13:02 “why are we sitting on the floor?” Explains most of my relationship problems
This statement really got me 😢 GIVE TO YOURSELF WHAT YOU WANT PEOPLE TO GIVE TO YOU ❤, Thank you Matthew! I needed this
Darling, it's been 21 years for me, I am 39. He had to drive me to mental breakdown ,for me to see for what it was. I was also a broken and abandoned child. You should feel victorious, proud, feel your freedom to be and do whatever you desire. It's been 2 years and I am still finding myself, but this is such a beautiful process! Sit with yourself and learn to follow YOUR passion, desires, happiness. Be patient with yourself, love and comfort your inner child, as she has been brave and survived to finally be free. It's never too late to start again, clean your slate, heal, cry it out. You have 2 beautiful beings to prepare for life and now you can fully focus on them to give them all they need to co-create our new beautiful reality 😍
However hard to go through, it was a blessing, you did your best at all times and now do the best for you
Yes, the process of finding yourself is beautiful! So true! Not something to go through because you're "supposed" to, but because it's fulfilling to discover things about yourself
You picked him.
@@HiNickCares yes, correct, but I am not sure why you are mentioning it?
@@blackmoonlilith9656 It's your fault because you picked him, take accountability for the men you pick.
@@HiNickCares so, if I happened to pick a guy for a date and he happens to be a psycho and kills me - it's also my fault?
I was 17, pretty much abandoned child, who witnessed her mother trying to take her life, couple of times. He was 26, do you think I had enough information to know he will make me submit and turn my life into hell ,that only mental breakdown could end? I left him as soon as my medication started to work and I saw the truth. Not sure why you watch things like that, having no empathy towards ppl like me or Cara?
What a wise kind man you are matthew, agree with what you said 100%, safety has to come from inside yourself, you have to give it to yourself
After a life time of doing stuff for other people, people pleasing, trauma bonding and just living in the back half of my body and their bad emotions occupying the front of me, I just want to be by myself and not have anyone else’s voice in my head so I can have my voice in my head for the first time. Therapy and friends say to go join a club and meet new people. I want to meet me first so I can show the best of me to others later. I’m an introvert but my instincts tell me this is right for me at the moment. I want to trust myself before trusting anyone else.
Good for you. I think it's a great idea. I am staying single for now too after my last ex I've realised was narcissistic in some ways towards me. I'm purposefully not asking the advice of others in some other areas of my life too, so I can trust my own decisions and intuition more.
Me too! I keep trying to date and make friends and it takes me back to the same dull, lonely place. The more I’m alone the more joy seeps into my psyche.
I agree, Cara. As long as you keep blaming someone else for your shame, you’ll never heal. Choose to be happy for yourself, not expecting others to behave a certain way so that you can be happy. People will always disappoint you, but know you still have your strength, yourself, your own life to live!
😊
Thank you Kara sooo much! I was also in an narcissistic relationship for 14 years. After 2 years of being out of it I am still doing personal work. We will get there Sweetheart. I love you❤
“You are not your mistakes “ 💜
TY! I really needed to hear this ! ❤
That part about not giving other people power over oneself hit deep!
This video made me understand why I am where I am and what I need to do to get to my purpose of helping others heal from their place of hurt and disappointment. Thank you Matthew you truly are walking in your purpose of helping others heal❣️
Thank you Cara for being so vulnerable and sharing your truth❣️
Dear Cara,
Every person who has ever lost a loved one to suicide feels this way - it's a lifetime of guilt. It's so horrific, you feel like if only you'd said it done something different, something more for them.
It wasn't your fault sweetheart.
Matthew is completely right.
You were a child.
You have to learn how to forgive yourself.
Love is an action - prioritise your needs to love yourself better.
Let yourself grieve, get some therapy so you can learn how to deal with the fear about losing each person you love if you say or do the wrong thing. Learn to let go of the responsibility of taking care of everyone around you before yourself.
You may not know who you are, but I do. I see you.
You are strong, beautiful, raw, gentle and inspiring.
And very loved.
Beautiful!
I want to hug Cara. It is so hard growing up when you feel like you’re alone. Can relate to that part. I hope she is healing ❤
Give yourself what you need from others so that they don't own you.... That's a phase that got deep into my heart..... Thanks from the bottom of my heart Matthew Hussey 💚
Cara, thank you for sharing your story. You stepped up for all of us struggling with something similar to learn. That alone takes such strength.
I love what Matthew said about focusing on your actions rather than trying to "define" your identity--it is quicker to set in motion and takes us much farther toward self-forgiveness! As a long-range pursuit, exploring your passions and interests is a human right, and an actual right of passage for those coming out of your situation. From experience, I can say that sometimes we get messages of shame around doing that when we are moms, suggesting that we're enriching ourselves at the expense of our kids. And when we already struggle with shame, those messages can set us back. Ignore them. We can do both. There is no shame in self-actualization, even as we continue to focus on our day to day actions❤
❤❤ The first step I took was learning to be nice to myself. That always feels best to me whenever it's a shit time. This year has been rough, but I'm glad I was there for myself. Felt the feels, did the work, realize who I am completely independently of others, and even though I dislike my reality, I'm still getting through it. You just have to be brave for yourself FOR yourself. "You're the only you you've got!"
I thank God I came across this video. I pray that this helps my mental health on how I treat myself because of wanting others' approval
Sending lots of love to Cara ❤
She’s brave and absolutely beautiful! Nothing to feel ashamed about.
She shared lots of courage with me. Thank you.
So wise, so human! Thank you!!! I never had support from my parents and thought I am not a successful person at 58..but I believe i did the best I could ...
This was very helpful for me to watch as you helped Cara work through her concerns. I was in a narcissistic marriage for 28 years. Thank you for just being you Matthew. ❤
Thank you beautiful cara for being so courageous and brave❤send you love+ healing, I had also such a narcissist abusing relationship much of love❤
I feel her. My tears feel her. Thank you, both of you. ❤
What you do is not who you are... thank you ❤
What a precious and important training and teaching, and thank you, Cara, for being brave and open enough to share vulnerably so that we can all learn!
Kara, thank you!!!! Your vulnerability helped SO many of us.
Beautiful interaction 💖
Love to you both!❣️
This is honestly one of the best videos I've seen I would love more of this quality of work I find it so empowering I would love to recieve more of this content
That was wonderful, thank you both! I cried together with you, Cara. But you have already started healing! ❤
I understand exactly what she is going through. It is extremely painful to get past narcissistic abuse. 😢❤
Deep grief carried in her chest. It takes the breath away.. Thank you for sharing. Wonderful to be in healing together ❤️🩹
Thank you . I resonate with Kara, went through the same situation and I got out. I felt the shame . I couldn't come to grip to moving on or even look at a another man. All I know is it's time to heal...peace and love.
Thank-you Cara for allowing this to be shared. I also spent 10 years in a relationship with someone with many narcissistic traits and I didn't know how to leave. Finally he left me because I had anxiety issues (duh, right?! - anxiety issues... my head nearly exploded).
Thank you for this video Matthew and thank you also to this brave lady that allowed to share her story. What resonated more for me is the fact of she had to grief an enormous amount of pain and deal with a very difficult situation as a child. It is a great example of how we tell us stories and the consequences of that and how we could stop it. All the love for this lady ❤
I was in a similar situation as Cara and I appreciate her being so vulnerable because I needed to hear what you said as well. I have been letting my shame of my past define me because I didn't leave sooner. A lot of what was said really resonated with me.
Thank you so much for the work that you do!! :)
Wow
I watched this video more then a couple of times
Incredible !
And appreciate the young lady who is brave enough to share her story ❤️
Am I the only one who bawled my eyes out listening to this? ❤
Nope.
The moment you said Cara.. jaw dropped. Hi that's my name. And this is totally relatable and comforting. ❤
I never comment on these things, but Cara (hope I spelled your name right ☺️), from this short video, I can already tell what an amazing person you are, how strong you are, and a great mom. Things you shared resonated so much with me. I can tell how gentle and caring your soul is and it hurts me to see such a beautiful person like you to have to feel that way and have gone through what you had to endure. Sure, “we’re all just humans” but for some reason I feel drawn towards you and would love to connect with you privately if you are also interested but either way, if you ever come across this, want to let you know I appreciate you speaking up and sharing your story. You are so courageous and brave and I commend you for that, so thank you.
Cara, please don’t ever feel ashamed because the fact that you’re there now proves your will to break that cycle and to be present for your children. Whatever happened wasn’t your fault and you can only be proud of yourself for where you are now and how you were able to put yourself out there to be so vulnerable. Could’ve, should’ve, would’ve. You were able to get yourself and children out of that situation and I’m proud of you. It’s never too late. You did it.
Brilliant! Bringing it back to her asking for what she needed. Just asking is her loving and honouring herself! Thank you❤
The story resonated with me. I have got to give happy feelings to myself too. You are right not to seek ways to get others to do things because it does give them all the power. I learned this. Im still trying to consistently apply it. Day by day things get better. It is the exciting thing. I try to look forward not get stuck in the past.
I felt that I was not Lovable either unless I did something for someone.Thank you for sharing ❤
Sis u are so strong. Thank u for sharing 🙏🏽
Matthew handled this really well
Matthew I felt thrilled watching this, I didn´t know the side of you, thank you for this video
Each day and moment is a choice, choose wisely
One of the most loving moments I've ever seen
Blessé you Cara I pray for you healing and praying for myself and for everyone struggling for healing journey 🙏🏻🙏🏻
Cara thank you so much for sharing your story and the journey you are on ❤
Cara, keep up the great work. You are a beautiful soul and I'm honored to have met you and gotten to know you. You are a living example of someone digging deep and doing the work ❤
Your words 6:34 almost healed me a lot than I can explain than my 3 year therapy sessions & all my 4 therapists I’ve met. LOVE YOU MATTHEW 🫶❤️
The compassion for self piece. Yes yes yes 😌
I thought that was a beautiful video. Sometimes sitting on the floor or whatever else we need to do can simply make the situation simple. easy, even if others think it's odd. Nice gesture Matthew but I think we all knew you wouldn't refuse Cara's request, you are too nicer guy for that. Thank you
Perfect timing , as always! 😍
Thanks for this! I have my own litany of terrible errors, and right now they're all flying in my face - because, after listening to Matthew for YEARS without ever having the time or money to attend a workshop, I have finally worked myself into a position where someone I care for has said they love me, and I am able to say it back to them - even though (unlike every other boyfriend I have ever had) they are neither an alcoholic, nor a druggie, nor violent. So the nagging voice in my head is telling me either I'm not good enough ... or I'll get bored with someone normal. Go figure!
You were very brave lady. I was just like that. You are loved
You dont even realize that the person is a narcissist. It is not your fault. They manipulate you in so many ways that you don't even know ❤
Sometimes they evenn don't know they are the narcissists as well....so how can we.....?
Wow 10 years of manipulation here too! I appreciate you sharing your story
Thank you Cara ❤️❤️❤️❤️for your authenticity.
I love the conversation between Cara (sp) and Matthew. I relate so much to your story. One thing that was very helpful to me was to explore somatic processing. I found that I had uncomfortable bodily sensations in my stomach/solar plexus that needed to be tuned into. The body sensations were generating all kinds of anxious and shame-based thoughts. I was perpetually in flight or fright. Russell Kennedy on YT is great, Somatic Processing techniques, finding an EFT practitioner to show me how to do tapping on my own. All helpful. Also the book Letting Go, by David Hawkins and the meditations associated on YT that teach you how to be with the discomfort of your body and witness the sensations moving through. I would love to see Matthew interview a Somatic Therapist on his program. Many of us need help processing our emotions on a level that isn’t just cognitive. ❤
This was very helpful on many levels. Thank you for sharing this. I could resonate with so much of it.
I lived in a narcissist relationship with my mother for 30 years and with my narcissist husband for 33 years. I was suicidal. I just got divorced a year and half back. I want someone to love me truly.👍💕🤗
I wanted the same, but now I now realize I’m the only one that can give myself that kind of love.
How about 16 years. I'm working on leaving the immature, narcissistic tendency man. Ya for me❤
About to start watching... Just want to say: what a beautiful green background with sunlight in soft focus! Gorgeous!
Thank you Matthew , I am following your channel since 1 month,
I am very grateful and feel humble for your being, giving me hope to be one-day in a healthy secure attached relationship 🙏💚🙏
The only way to feel shame is to allow others to control your feelings. Once you stop letting other people control your emotions, you will finally be free. Everyone should look into Stocism and how it can significantly improve your life. Once you learn to fully love yourself, you will never feel the need to gain the approval or love from other people.
KARA! my honies after ten years you got it you FINALLY got it, GREAT!
Being raised by narcissistic parents. My job too was to be a fixer or maid to them. My way out of it was to never do anything again from a place of guilt or competition or fear. That helped me to say no But yes to my nature of love and kindness. It opened my eyes to others motives and my own eventually peace with myself and god
This video got me thinking about the difference between expressing a need in a committed relationship (as opposed to being needy), and not giving the “power” of your emotions to someone else. I believe this to be a thin line. Once you find yourself in a committed relationship, a need can be tied to a standard, which may be expressed internally as an uncomfortable emotion if your partner is not meeting this standard (assuming he or she is informed of your standard).
In this case, what is the nuance here? Can you be in a committed relationship without ever feeling “bad” because someone is not meeting this need?
Maybe the idea here is, that it’s alright to feel “bad” but you hold the choice whether you want to continue feeling “bad” if your partner does not choose not to meet this need, or if you take the lead to feel better and happier.
Many thanks for your work ✨
How do you find the peace when all I can see is unhappiness.
I had a thought about, the part where Cara asked to sit on the floor. This could have been her way of seeing if you could mirror her. When we make requests and it was quite bold if you like albeit it was coming from a place of discomfort, could it be that possibly she was treated this way when she was younger. By that i mean whenever someone gave her a barked order it could have been perceived metaphorically as pulling her down. So her way of demonstrating this to yourself was to act this out, very clever is our subconscious
I think your compassionate understanding nature is truly breath taking
And 12.10 absolutely brilliant
Hi There, from Australia 🇦🇺 ❤
I strongly believe that individuals who have lost a sibling- we find each other. There is so much of Karas’ story I have shared. Do not forget, EVERYONE: “You’ve done the very best you can!”
Thank you Mathew thank you Kara❤
so brave Cara x
Love your advise Matthew ❤
💥The fact that you exist PROVES you're worth loving.
Kara thank-you for sharing your story, you're so strong and I'm going through something similar ❤
I am here from Thailand...
So brave Kara ❤ can totally relate
Wow! What timing you have! Thank you!
I wish I could give this video a billion likes!! 👏 👏 👏 👏
I lived through something similar. I’m so sorry.
Hello from Tasmania.
Watching from Singapore! 👋
Cara, have you tried trauma therapy to help you process these deep rooted issues? I personally do hypnosis for childhood trauma, confidence etc and find that it helps tremendously. Wishing you peace, strength, happiness, and healing ❤❤❤
Love for Cara 🧡
thank you Cara for being so brave, and Matthew for the wise words
Please help!! I was extremely Sick for 2 years and close to death, while in that self focussed state a friend of my husband suggested that I was a narcissist and encouraged him to leave me. I have been assessed by an NPD specialist and found to have no personality disorders. My husband has depression and anxiety and has been convinced by this interfering friend that’s it’s because of me not the stressful situation we were in. I love my husband very much, we had 6 amazing years together before I collapsed.
Hi There. A brilliant expert on Narcissism, Sam Vaknin, (thousands of videos and the creator of many of the terms we use) talks about the stages in life when narcissism is natural and desirable, like stages when a child feels they can take on the world (2-4 years) and teenage years, when we are finding ourselves. But he also said something very fascinating. When we are deathly ill, we act like we need everyone to help us hang on, as a child would. And this looks very much like narcissism. I was very alerted to this new finding, because my sister, painfully and slowly died for over 2 years, and became very very different, in nature. It was NOT at all her previous strong, independent, brilliant and caring self. Her painful cries were hard to take, her anxiety and demands if we were not at her side. I was good in caring for her but everyone wanted her to SNAP out of it. What was going on in her body made it impossible. How horrible for her. There must be research and knowledge about this. Try to educate people about what is really a common phenomenon.
Great topic
My narcissistic that I was intwined with for 7 years, trauma and abusive, there were good times and near death times. I haven’t spoken to him for 4 years. He reached out to me this past week. I did not heal but actually jumped right into a serious relationship trying to “fix” anyone and 3 years have passed in this relationship. It’s healthy but I’m not fully invested. Are my wires just crossed? Is this what love feels like? I still want my ex. Is this Stockholm syndrome? Can narcs change? He was talking about God and forgiveness and intimacy with God. It really confused me. HELP PLEASE
Damn i fell asleep and TH-cam autoplay playin some crazy shit
Thank u❤❤
I don’t disagree with much of (what I experienced as a) monologue, but I was left wondering… what skills or healing was she personally able to experience that were particular to her set of trauma adaptations?