Family Disowned Me 5 Years Ago. Now, They Want Me Back, So I Gave Them A Chance. Big Mistake
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 28 ก.ย. 2024
- My (25M) family cut contact with me 5 years ago after a fight with my younger brother. Now, they want me to come back but I'm having doubts about it(u/ThrowRA271215 in r/relationship_advice)
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This whole thing gives the same vibes as continuing to be in a relationship with a person you've cheated on and then feeling constrained by the partner having no trust in you and always thinking you're lying. At that point the relationship should just not exist anymore if neither party is happy.
Honestly, OP sounds better off without them. With a family like that, I’d drink too. 🙄
The amount of people glossing over the fact that he physically beat his brother because of some words is just scary. The only reason they aren't screaming for his head like they would in any other situation or if it had been a girl he beat is because this story is written from his perspective.
The OP made a huge and potentially life changing mistake, and people just gloss over it.
Hmm, not enough info but if you are apart from your family and that causes you to stop drinking and start succeeding, maybe the family was the problem to begin with. If I were OP, I would just say that I’m not comfortable visiting.
While there are other possible factors, generally, alcoholism is a genetic liver disease passed by the mother to the children. The question not addressed in any way is are your brother(s) also alcoholics? Is your mother an alcoholic. Chances are they all are. Is it possible your dad is a boozing alcoholic as well?
If your family is alcoholic, then it is a definite risk being with them. Unless they stop drinking entirely, you have NOTHING in common with them. If they are boozing alcoholics, you should never get with any of them until they go cold turkey and stop drinking alcohol entirely. Otherwise, they are and will be a continuing threat to you.
Mere counseling will not solve a thing. Only action will make a difference if your family are boozing alcoholics.
The situation has changed but the moment you walk through that door will have a lot of unresolved feelings attached to it. It may be best to begin with a few phonecalls to the brother to see if he's matured enough or processed what happened. Also, we weren't told what initially led to the anger that brought on the reaction that caused the harm to the brother. It's an important detail. If there is still an unresolved issue that led to that fight, are you strong enough in your sobriety to face it? We never really heard that angle. If it was bad enough to create that storm, are the elements at bay or will lightning strike from unresolvememt. It sounds like all the fury was directed at the brother. Either it was a painful truth or a matter meant to hurt you. Are you ready to face him without an apology on his part. And are you sorry for overeacting or were you justified in your wrath at that moment?
NC is better. 5 years is insane to go without talking to someone because they hurt their sibling. They would not have reached out to him if his younger brother did not forgive him. He owe them nothing and him i wonder what brother said to get the beat down. The brothers ego is enflated by parents
This is probably really off topic, but what game is the footage from? I don't recognize it and it looks like it could be fun.
Rider’s Republic
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Our community is lightning fast
Th whole reunion online, was exactly as Op said they don't think of Op as anything other than the prodigal son that needs to be folded back into the family. The brother I doubt had prior knowledge or he would have reiterating the forgiveness theme. And then there was comments about Ops gf, there wasn't anything legitimate about this reunion.
Ridiculous people in the comments actually siding with OP. Y'all forget he got drunk and badly injured his younger, and at those ages likely significantly smaller, brother over words? He is not the good guy or the victim. He deserved to be cut out. If there was no consequences he would have gotten the message that his behavior was okay, and the abuse would likely have continued, and probably escalated. The parents were right to protect the younger brother from him. They would have been bad parents NOT to.
But what did I expect? I've seen Y'all justify or straight up support literal child abuse, or sibling abuse, or bullying, just because you get the flimsiest excuse to say you're not the bad guy. I've even got into an argument with multiple people saying a little girl doesn't deserve to be alive because she was born from an affair.
Title is a bit cringe since saying "big mistake" would've implied that they made the choice to reconnect and it turned out to be a mistake. OP didn't make any mistakes.
Got to be honest, my brother beat the shit out of me all the time. When I turned 18, I kicked the shit out of him. Done. We forgave each other and thank God I did because he died 2 years later. Family is not always blood but family is forever whether you like it or not. Set clear boundaries for expectations but be reasonable. They love you regardless of your thoughts and I would hope deep down you love them too! Good luck!