Why are the commenters so rude to op do they think that since the bio parents are reaching out now that means op should welcome them into their lives with open arms after being given away and being unwanted until ops adoptive parents stepped in?
Those posters are the type of trash to abandon someone but want forgiveness w no strings attached. So it’s badgering so that their crap behavior can hopefully be allowed to go on.
Its Reddit, and OP made his egg donor cry so that automatically makes him the AH. As soon as you call out a woman for her BS on Reddit you'll get crucified
Simple. It's the whole: Those people gave you life. You should be grateful that they want to connect. Also OP didn't give much detail about how he suffered in the group homes. So people are only considering "the surface". Some are thinking that OPs Bio's have money. He's crazy to not try and get with them. People don't understand that OP has every right and every reason to completely HATE his Bio's. People don't realize that the reason for a kid to be put into the foster care system or adopted has a huge effect on the kid. It's one thing to end up in the system because your parents died or were medically incapable or were abusive or were imprisoned. All of these reasons have their individual torture that they place on the kids. What happens to the kid after placed in the system impacts everything as to how that kid feels/thinks about them being removed from their Bio's. The worse their life is in the system,the more they absolutely hate and are disgusted with their Bio's. Only people who have experienced the system fail them understand. The "Lucky ones" (the one's who ended up in good homes,lived a "normal" kids life) know the stories of the kids that suffered in the system. They can relate to the OPs of the system on a basic level. Not on an extreme level. Like I said. Simple 😒 Sorry,I went on a rant.
1st Story: What is wrong with those commenters? First they insult him for being angry at the people that caused him literal years of pain and suffering. Then they tell him he should have been aborted? There is something seriously wrong with that batch of people.
Reddit is a toxic hell hole. If you let reddit know you're a man and talk about relationships. 99% of the time you'll be wrong by default cause it's reddit
@@bootleggedkillayeah I got called an incel by multiple women last time I was on Reddit because they were all mad that a complete stranger got a haircut without asking his girlfriend not even wife's permission first and I said yeah he doesn't have to ask permission to get his haircut and they lost their freaking minds
Yeah like, so they werent rdy to be parents but still had 6 more afterwards and never bothered to look into op or find out what happened to him til 2 decades and 6 kids later. Whats even more fked up is that his bio family and extended family know he exist, and not a soul tried to save or reach out. I would take the inhertiance and bounce. That family isnt worth knowing or getting to know.
Story 1: NTA. OP wasnt wrong. The sperm and egg donor were "not ready" to be parents to him, but they were more than ready to be parents to the next kid they had and totally forget about OP. Honestly, i think he went easy on them.
Since Op is grown he doesn’t have to interact with his bio parents. It’s his choice at the end of the day. Frankly, he has every right to be angry with his bio parents after they just abandoned him.
This is Why I don't go On Reddit. Most who are either conservative or Middle groubd have been banned and It's Become a Leftwing Eco chamber. As someone who likes hearing Multiple View points it's very off putting
OP has every right to not want to get back in contact with his bio parents. Also, why are the commenters bringing up abortions? An abortion was never even mentioned in the story. Also, do these comments not realize that maybe telling someone who survived in abusive childhood in a group home that "they should have have been aborted" is a bad idea?!
NTA. The “parents” have no right to demand contact with a child that they abandoned. OP had every right to behave that way towards them. If anything, OP was too nice. Don’t forgive them even if they partook in Yubitsume, or Seppuku style Hara-Kiri.
There's more entitlement that goes with parents more than with kids. Parents are so quick to reach out even no matter how much they never wanted to be a part
24 years and then they reach out. And only because his brother wanted to meet him. So if they never told the brother about him things would have continued to coast the way they did for another quarter century. OP should have walked away right after they dropped that tidbit of information. These commentors calling OP the ahole after he dealt with abandonment, abuse and other hardships for so long are a bunch of heartless monsters. I can only imagine they are all used to treating people any way they please but feel entitled to instant forgiveness if they just ask for it. Unreal.
#1.Nope, not the AH. You have every right to feel the way you do and owe no one apologies. Regardless of hurt feelings of the biological parents. They did not take his feelings into consideration when they gave him up, they have no right to expect kindness, love or understanding from him or anyone else for a half assed "reconnection" attempts. Op, stop trying to please/spare/make comfortable people that have not contributed POSITIVELY to your life. You owe them nothing. They walked away from an infant, they don't get to change their minds when the hard work is done. Take this for what it is, a lame attempt at soothing their own conscience. You got some answers as to why, you also get to choose how YOU feel about those reasons and there is nothing wrong with walking away. Don't let random internet strangers tell you how to feel or how to act with those feelings. This is YOUR life, live it on YOUR terms.
This story illustrates the deep impact of abandonment and the complexity of reconciling with the past. It’s a powerful reminder of the importance of open communication and understanding, both for healing and building new relationships. It’s commendable that you’re willing to listen and find common ground with your biological parents. 🥰🥰🥰
OP1 has every right to be angry, he was practically abandoned by these people and now they say their ready to meet him. Sure it was a hard decision for them to give up OP, but they also should've considered the consequences. That being OP could hate them for their choice.
S1 - NTA (BUT) - I think that they should have checked to see if you were in a group home. Sometimes I think that kids just fall through the damn system. And if they are gonna fall through and your parents are in a better place they should be allowed to get you back. Dood has so much dang anger. Go to therapy, you don't have to forgive but get your medical info and go therapy. Don't be toxic because it only hurts you. needs therapy and anger management so bad. The second you fell out the side of the system I wish they'd have had some system to contact your parents. Because if you had a solid closed adoption your parents were trying to do right by you. It just fell through. S2 - NTA (BUT) - yeah, shut down and uncomfortable. Phase her out. The fact that she's not showing his family any respect. Any female friend/male friend. Ask after you and normally says tell you hi stuff. or asks after you she's not which is a level of disrespect. Which means he should have shut that down. Some guys are dense though and just super nice.
I'm not saying op should have been aborted or they deserve it but that was his bio parents option. Literally anything is better than letting your child go to group homes and if his bio parents werent ready for kids they should have been more careful
Many years ago I used to be a foster parent. Usually, if a child is sent to a group home, it’s after an exhaustive search for as many foster homes as they have available to place that child in. Meaning the child would be put with an available foster family, and only moved if it doesn’t work out there-which nine times out of ten is because of problematic behaviors-at least this is how it works in the US system. Here’s an example of one that I ran into and couldn’t handle for very long so the child had to be moved: I had a 12 year old girl who had been sexually abused by her family and their acquaintances. She could never be left alone with any male relative including my husband because she might make a false sexual abuse claim against them. She also could not be left with any child of either sex because she would act out sexually against them (very common with sexually abused children, as per what we were told by children’s services. So basically I had to move my son into my room to keep him safe while she was staying with us, which didn’t please my husband that our child got displaced from his own room (he was very young at the time though). At one point this foster child left the premises without permission without telling me while I was doing laundry on another floor of the house and met up with another child and they messed around sexually together-and I only found out because she was caught by the girl’s parents. Big big fiasco ensued. I had zero clue where she snuck off to and had to call her caseworker to help me find her. That’s how fast a kid can end up in a group home-just like that. Over whatever random problem keeps happening at each different home they are placed in until it is determined that they need more supervision and control for everyone’s safety than a normal home can provide. So if OP ended up in a group home, it’s quite likely that no regular home could deal with his behavior until he met that absolute patient saint of a woman, or else he was so burnt out by living in the group homes that he decided to be on his best behavior at her house. But anyway-this what I mean about how I have zero clue how anyone could make money off foster parenting because the state only pays for the barest of necessities and the budget is pathetic. You WOULD HAVE to practically starve someone and not buy them any clothing to make money on it. We always paid out more on our foster kids than we ever made because I sure as hell wasn’t going to treat them worse than my own kids. They got the same food and clothes and toys as my own. Same snacks, same family activities like movies or going to the pool. But yeah, every once in a while you get one that is really really difficult to keep for safety reasons. The men in my family weren’t exactly comfortable with the thought that this girl might report them for false sex abuse claims, let me tell you. We definitely saw less of a few male relatives who were too afraid to visit us because of her. A claim like that could ruin someone’s life fast. And obviously no one wanted their kids around her for safety’s sake. I had to keep my son right by me at all times while she was here. It was a hard situation for everyone involved, and not sustainable.
Except in this case OP was a toddler at the time, im not a expert but i dont think a toddler can raise so much hell that they get rejected by families, combine that with trauma from being in a group home and you make a self fulfilling prophecy. Not trying to discount your experience but these dont sound like comparable situations
@@dogguy8603 I had a foster child that literally trashed every room that he was in like a little out of control creature like you’ve never seen before. It was wild. I had an absolutely beautiful foster child bedroom set up that looked like decorator images online of small child spaces. He tore it apart right down to breaking what he could reach on the walls. Nothing I could do would calm him. He had a stripper mom who was addicted to drugs and left him alone all of the time, his father was some unknown John who paid her for sex in the club bathroom according to his case worker. She neglected him and left him alone all hours of the day and night and he was almost completely self raised to that point. He had no concept of how to be in a normal home where people took care of him. A local woman adopted him and his little sister, who was one year old at the time. He was 3 1/2 years old. Not to be mean but he reminded me of a wild caged animal with zero understanding of how human beings act. It was so sad and I did the best I could while I had him. He never got much better despite the fact that he had absolutely stellar parents who got him the best care available, psych care or otherwise. His mother was a nurse WITH an adopted sister so she knew the deal. So this kid, regardless of that, had massive trouble in school (he was in my son’s class so I followed his life that way), was constantly in trouble and lashing out at others, had violent fits etc etc. He dropped out of school a year early and ran away and got himself a gang banger girlfriend (he was white and raised in a small farming community of decent tight knit churchy people so it wasn’t influenced at all). Together they robbed some older guy who had been her sugar daddy for awhile and beat him almost to death at gunpoint and stole everything he had of value. That kid is now in prison for a “very” long time even though his adoptive family was a loving safe one with a good solid marriage and one child already raised to teenage years of their own, and she was a sweet calm gentle soft spoken girl with impeccable morals. So unfortunately-this CAN happen. I think the best place for this kid would have been under the strictest tightest control in an institution where they would have had the man power and strict rules to contain him and maybe set him on a firmer path of self control if even possible. Now his life is ruined forever. He’ll spend a solid chunk of it in prison. I hear his sister isn’t great either. She didn’t turn out well. I guess genetics don’t lie and can’t be changed with some people, they are born to be who they are regardless of nature versus nurture.
3:54 what on earth could drive someone to say something like that in this context what the hell is wrong with people. Like there's a time and place to talk about things and this sure as hell isn't one of them.
Jesus Christ. I understand being pro choice, but I can’t imagine telling a foster kid that he should have been aborted. You realize you essentially just told him “Everyone would have been better if you had never been born. You made your parents lives worse by existing” right? We used to tell kids never to think that way, why are we now trying to convince kids to think like that? Disgusting
I'll never understand pro-choice. It's their choice over another person's life? The only CHOICE they should have made is not engaging in adult activities that produce children. keep em closed or grow up early. murder is never justified.
S1: I have two questions. Should parent go get kids after they give them up and there ready for kids? If you give a kid up for adoption should you never have kids again? The fault of the parent is not looking sooner
I am 54 and was adopted at birth. If my bio parents showed up tomorrow they would be the same complete strangers they've been for 54 years. My *parents* loved and raised me and I am satisfied with that. Your experience may vary.
Story 1: I am definitely getting the vibe that MANY of the commenters come from happy families so they cannot understand disliking or even hating your egg and sperm donor. I was adopted and I would absolutely be mean to mine if they ever felt like they could be parents to me now. I have amazing parents and I had an amazing life no thanks to egg/sperm donor. I refuse to even call them bio parents because I was literally left at the hospital. They are not parents. Story 2: I feel for OP. I remember reading this story and what is obvious why she is feeling this way is because someone is "attacking" your family. OP's husband is a champ but someone still thought they could break up this family and that would make me sick and mad as well.
Story 1--Basically parents wanted to meet only because their precious son (2nd one) wanted to meet op,and they didn't wanted to be bad people in front of their golden child .....thats it..they are bot sorry or all ...its just that.. grandpa wants to clean his deeds by giving alms to op so that he can go to heaven....they had 24 years bur didn't acknowledge op existence.....😊 They are horrible insects
Seems like people are so focused on saving an unborn child that isn’t even alive yet when the alternative is a living child going through such hardship that they’ll be scarred for the rest of their life, often to the point they fall into addiction. You can claim to be pro life or that you care about children but until you actually fight for better treatment of the children that go into foster care you don’t actually care about them, you’re posturing to come off as morally superior.
Do you really think that the other woman didn’t blatantly flirt with OP’s husband when they were alone together? Or that he wasn’t enjoying having his ego stroked, or maybe even encouraging her a teeny, tiny bit? The very fact that the other woman wasn’t afraid to be so overt in her final text leads me to think that OP’s husband isn’t as innocent as y’all would like to believe. She def made her interest known from the get-go, so the husband’s super delayed rebuff to her flagrant advances is questionable af, as is his supposed lack of awareness about getting hit on. Sure, OP may be experiencing heightened emotions due to pregnancy hormones, but that doesn’t mean that her gut instincts were wrong or that her anxiety was misplaced. And I highly doubt that her husband is being entirely forthcoming.
@whitehawk7082 he's not a cheater. He literally freely shows her the text and phone whenever she asks, there's just no way that he's cheating if he's willing to do that.
@@hadouradiance3566, I’d love to believe that but am much more cynical. If you’re a member of betrayed partner forums and subs you’d know just how ingenious wayward partners can be. They take secrecy very seriously. Many have burner phones, secret electronic devices, invisible apps, etc. Read up about OPSEC in regards to adultery. It’s scary af and will leave you feeling dirty.
I THINK the six children means the six grandchildren of OP's bio grandfather (OP+5 others). OP's bio parents just had one other child, so there must be four younger cousins.
They were in their mid 20s and married !!! The least they could've done was make sure he's adopted by good people. People in the comments need to wake up to reality.
This dude got walked all over by his family. He shouldn't have met up with them; they didn't have any good intentions in reaching out to him, they just wanted to assuage their own guilt
2nd story: OP needs therapy. Someone likes her husband, her husband doesnt like them back-has a fucking mental breakdown. The other woman needs to get a grip and stay in her lane, but OP really overreacted. Not in a dramatic way, but in a way that professional intervention is required.
She's hormonal and vulnerable, so her immediate reaction, though severe, is understandable. If she feels the same way about handling the situation after taking time to cool down, professional help may be warranted.
Man, I'm tired of pregnancy hormones being used as an excuse on these Reddit posts and videos. A woman could literally beat her husband's senseless over getting the wrong type of food and people in the comments would still be screaming. But it's understandable because she's pregnant. No get the hell out of here with that being pregnant doesn't give you an excuse to be a raging psychopath
Story 2: Well that went from 0-100 fast it went from the girl her husband didn't think to worry about to the girl who wants to have relations with your husband but fortunately he ain't interested
the is that he would not have grown up in a stable and loving home if his parents raised him. if youre not ready for a baby, you won't magically become ready
This is crazy of all the Greek people that I know they would’ve taken that child and given it to a family member I don’t know their situation. It just seems odd to me.
2nd story: as someone who's in a happy open relationship, there are plenty of women who ask my man if he's single, and he'll be honest about it, and they'll still pursue him. When he's all like "sure, my partner and I will be happy to have a new playmate," (which is true,) that's when they stop messaging him
i hate when people suggest the op to reconcile with people who treated them wrong family or not. its almost like telling a person their feelings are invalid and they should make up to keep the peace, fuck that, if they don't want those people in their lives, they shouldn't be in their lives. just let them be happy for once.
Op uhh I'm glad you show some decent morality seeing people think you should have been aborted as disgusting. if abortion should be legal, why see them saying you should have been aborted make you feel disgusted? Exactly. IT"S EFFING MURDER. BLATANTLY WRONG. Unless they have to prematurely deliver the baby for mother's health and it doesn't make it is the only things that's ok.
Did you read the part where OP says how absolutely offensive it is to tell him his life is an example of why abortion is the best option? Because that part was for you. Not. The. Time.
@@FullMoonOctober who said abortion is the only option? Also if the kid already exists, then abortion isn't an option.. therefore even if I was talking exclusively about abortion his life isn't useless it's an example, either to find ways to provide for the kid, actually attempt to reach out to the kid when they has their second, genuinely find them a forever home, etc etc. And the only reason I said what I said was because he blamed his parents for putting him up for adoption, obviously his situation is sad. But his parents didn't have the ability to see he'd suffer in the end. They are crappy for having a second then the second being the only reason why they reach out to him, yes that's a fault. But he blamed them for putting him up for adoption when it is taught as the "only option" for many. I just thought it was hypocritical
@@whip-whiplash No one said it was the only option. I didn't. And I didn't say that you said that. Now, after reading my comment back, you can watch the video again, and see where OP specifically says that while he understands the logic and need for abortions to be a right in general, it still is pretty rude to bring up the subject when it's not the exact issue that he's talking about. Basic reading/listening comprehension, paired with basic human compassion would lead you to know how tone deaf and unnecessary your comment was.
@@FullMoonOctober and like I said it's hypocritical to cry about your bios putting you up for adoption and then crying about abortion being brought up, when adoption is the only reason why you're here. Hate the system and the wrong your parents actually put you threw but not because that they gave you up 🤷🏻
OP’s husband’s behavior in that last story is concerning because I suspect that he was enjoying the other woman’s attentions and may have even subconsciously led her on. Look, I know he’s an adult with his own agency to determine who he can befriend, but not when that other person is so obviously coming onto him. Heck, I’m a complete internet stranger and even I could see the giant af red flags and knew that OP had to shut that shit down, which is actually something that her husband should’ve done at the get-go. That and the fact that so many men stray whilst their partner’s are pregnant is why I don’t fully trust her husband or the veracity of his extremely “delayed” rejection of the OW’s blatant advances.
You are right 💯 I feel like he was thinking of cheating but only waiting for a direct invitation but op approached him before and he had to give up his catch. If the roles were reversed the women wouldn't have continued the conversation for months knowing what other person wants. OP just delayed the inevitable
I'm neutral on the 1st story, they were not ready for a kid and OP makes it sound like he would have been better with them than the adoption for all he knows his bio parents would have hated him for making their lives hard, and he would have been neglected, like other stories on this channel. If anything people need to know adoption is not all happy stories.
She is PREGNANT and the body changes especially hormonally. Even she mentioned that awareness of that change and how being pregnant has her on an emotional rollercoaster which means it's not the typical.
okay i saw the first story... OP is the asshole, but he's justified cuz his parents were bigger assholes. he's right not to want to do anything with them anymore
Why are the commenters so rude to op do they think that since the bio parents are reaching out now that means op should welcome them into their lives with open arms after being given away and being unwanted until ops adoptive parents stepped in?
Those posters are the type of trash to abandon someone but want forgiveness w no strings attached. So it’s badgering so that their crap behavior can hopefully be allowed to go on.
Its Reddit, and OP made his egg donor cry so that automatically makes him the AH. As soon as you call out a woman for her BS on Reddit you'll get crucified
Simple. It's the whole: Those people gave you life. You should be grateful that they want to connect.
Also OP didn't give much detail about how he suffered in the group homes. So people are only considering "the surface". Some are thinking that OPs Bio's have money. He's crazy to not try and get with them.
People don't understand that OP has every right and every reason to completely HATE his Bio's.
People don't realize that the reason for a kid to be put into the foster care system or adopted has a huge effect on the kid. It's one thing to end up in the system because your parents died or were medically incapable or were abusive or were imprisoned. All of these reasons have their individual torture that they place on the kids. What happens to the kid after placed in the system impacts everything as to how that kid feels/thinks about them being removed from their Bio's. The worse their life is in the system,the more they absolutely hate and are disgusted with their Bio's.
Only people who have experienced the system fail them understand. The "Lucky ones" (the one's who ended up in good homes,lived a "normal" kids life) know the stories of the kids that suffered in the system. They can relate to the OPs of the system on a basic level. Not on an extreme level.
Like I said. Simple
😒
Sorry,I went on a rant.
Because some haven't been abandoned by the people who are supposed to love you tis that simple
because of their stupid belief forgiveness=reconciliation.
Did OP act like an arsehole? Yes. Did OP have the right to act like an arsehole? Definitely. Which makes him NTA.
So JA?
Correct
If he has a right to act like this, then he isn't one.
People seem to confuse general anger with inappropriate and unfair behavior.
Nah he didn’t act like a Asshole
1st Story:
What is wrong with those commenters? First they insult him for being angry at the people that caused him literal years of pain and suffering. Then they tell him he should have been aborted? There is something seriously wrong with that batch of people.
Reddit is a toxic hell hole. If you let reddit know you're a man and talk about relationships. 99% of the time you'll be wrong by default cause it's reddit
@@bootleggedkillayeah I got called an incel by multiple women last time I was on Reddit because they were all mad that a complete stranger got a haircut without asking his girlfriend not even wife's permission first and I said yeah he doesn't have to ask permission to get his haircut and they lost their freaking minds
Reddit: “You will never find a more wretched hive of villainy and scum!”
They didn’t abandon to group Home the person who is supposed to adopt him did
@@captaingramcrackergrams5990agreed its his hair his body.
The comments basically bullied OP into interacting with his bio parents.
Yeah like, so they werent rdy to be parents but still had 6 more afterwards and never bothered to look into op or find out what happened to him til 2 decades and 6 kids later. Whats even more fked up is that his bio family and extended family know he exist, and not a soul tried to save or reach out. I would take the inhertiance and bounce. That family isnt worth knowing or getting to know.
@@zerofate9669They didn’t have 6 kids, there were 6 other grandkids total
Story 1: NTA.
OP wasnt wrong. The sperm and egg donor were "not ready" to be parents to him, but they were more than ready to be parents to the next kid they had and totally forget about OP.
Honestly, i think he went easy on them.
Let’s do the math his brother is 7 years younger and he got out of the system at 11, hmmm ,sounds like they made a decision no?
They would of never even looked for him if not for his younger brother finding out
@@cloudyboy1756exactly
Agreed, They are Terrible Parents and OP shouldb't have gone so easy on them
They also signed over parental rights, so they wouldn't have known he was in a group home and not safe in his adopted home.
Since Op is grown he doesn’t have to interact with his bio parents. It’s his choice at the end of the day. Frankly, he has every right to be angry with his bio parents after they just abandoned him.
Redditors. They can be objective occasionally but if they find a flag to march behind, they become the very bullies that they claim to fight.
Redditors are not objective, they're contrarians who like to listen to themselves speak.
Reddit is a hivemind, don't forget that.
@@FinalStarman95 It's also a shitshow
As much as I like sharing art and stuff on there, opinions are something I tread with carefully.
This is Why I don't go On Reddit. Most who are either conservative or Middle groubd have been banned and It's Become a Leftwing Eco chamber. As someone who likes hearing Multiple View points it's very off putting
I remember this story. Lot of trolls preyed on OP.
99.9% of redditers are just trolls with no life
@@captaingramcrackergrams5990 and those p in he ads migrated here to TH-cam.
OP has every right to not want to get back in contact with his bio parents. Also, why are the commenters bringing up abortions? An abortion was never even mentioned in the story. Also, do these comments not realize that maybe telling someone who survived in abusive childhood in a group home that "they should have have been aborted" is a bad idea?!
NTA. The “parents” have no right to demand contact with a child that they abandoned. OP had every right to behave that way towards them. If anything, OP was too nice. Don’t forgive them even if they partook in Yubitsume, or Seppuku style Hara-Kiri.
There's more entitlement that goes with parents more than with kids. Parents are so quick to reach out even no matter how much they never wanted to be a part
24 years and then they reach out. And only because his brother wanted to meet him. So if they never told the brother about him things would have continued to coast the way they did for another quarter century. OP should have walked away right after they dropped that tidbit of information. These commentors calling OP the ahole after he dealt with abandonment, abuse and other hardships for so long are a bunch of heartless monsters. I can only imagine they are all used to treating people any way they please but feel entitled to instant forgiveness if they just ask for it. Unreal.
#1.Nope, not the AH. You have every right to feel the way you do and owe no one apologies. Regardless of hurt feelings of the biological parents. They did not take his feelings into consideration when they gave him up, they have no right to expect kindness, love or understanding from him or anyone else for a half assed "reconnection" attempts. Op, stop trying to please/spare/make comfortable people that have not contributed POSITIVELY to your life. You owe them nothing. They walked away from an infant, they don't get to change their minds when the hard work is done. Take this for what it is, a lame attempt at soothing their own conscience. You got some answers as to why, you also get to choose how YOU feel about those reasons and there is nothing wrong with walking away. Don't let random internet strangers tell you how to feel or how to act with those feelings. This is YOUR life, live it on YOUR terms.
This story illustrates the deep impact of abandonment and the complexity of reconciling with the past. It’s a powerful reminder of the importance of open communication and understanding, both for healing and building new relationships. It’s commendable that you’re willing to listen and find common ground with your biological parents. 🥰🥰🥰
OP1 has every right to be angry, he was practically abandoned by these people and now they say their ready to meet him. Sure it was a hard decision for them to give up OP, but they also should've considered the consequences. That being OP could hate them for their choice.
Seeking advice in reddit is like getting relationship help from R kelly
Fr
S1 - NTA (BUT) - I think that they should have checked to see if you were in a group home. Sometimes I think that kids just fall through the damn system. And if they are gonna fall through and your parents are in a better place they should be allowed to get you back. Dood has so much dang anger. Go to therapy, you don't have to forgive but get your medical info and go therapy. Don't be toxic because it only hurts you. needs therapy and anger management so bad. The second you fell out the side of the system I wish they'd have had some system to contact your parents. Because if you had a solid closed adoption your parents were trying to do right by you. It just fell through.
S2 - NTA (BUT) - yeah, shut down and uncomfortable. Phase her out. The fact that she's not showing his family any respect. Any female friend/male friend. Ask after you and normally says tell you hi stuff. or asks after you she's not which is a level of disrespect. Which means he should have shut that down. Some guys are dense though and just super nice.
I'm not saying op should have been aborted or they deserve it but that was his bio parents option. Literally anything is better than letting your child go to group homes and if his bio parents werent ready for kids they should have been more careful
So you're saying he should've been aborted?
Many years ago I used to be a foster parent. Usually, if a child is sent to a group home, it’s after an exhaustive search for as many foster homes as they have available to place that child in. Meaning the child would be put with an available foster family, and only moved if it doesn’t work out there-which nine times out of ten is because of problematic behaviors-at least this is how it works in the US system. Here’s an example of one that I ran into and couldn’t handle for very long so the child had to be moved: I had a 12 year old girl who had been sexually abused by her family and their acquaintances. She could never be left alone with any male relative including my husband because she might make a false sexual abuse claim against them. She also could not be left with any child of either sex because she would act out sexually against them (very common with sexually abused children, as per what we were told by children’s services. So basically I had to move my son into my room to keep him safe while she was staying with us, which didn’t please my husband that our child got displaced from his own room (he was very young at the time though). At one point this foster child left the premises without permission without telling me while I was doing laundry on another floor of the house and met up with another child and they messed around sexually together-and I only found out because she was caught by the girl’s parents. Big big fiasco ensued. I had zero clue where she snuck off to and had to call her caseworker to help me find her. That’s how fast a kid can end up in a group home-just like that. Over whatever random problem keeps happening at each different home they are placed in until it is determined that they need more supervision and control for everyone’s safety than a normal home can provide. So if OP ended up in a group home, it’s quite likely that no regular home could deal with his behavior until he met that absolute patient saint of a woman, or else he was so burnt out by living in the group homes that he decided to be on his best behavior at her house. But anyway-this what I mean about how I have zero clue how anyone could make money off foster parenting because the state only pays for the barest of necessities and the budget is pathetic. You WOULD HAVE to practically starve someone and not buy them any clothing to make money on it. We always paid out more on our foster kids than we ever made because I sure as hell wasn’t going to treat them worse than my own kids. They got the same food and clothes and toys as my own. Same snacks, same family activities like movies or going to the pool. But yeah, every once in a while you get one that is really really difficult to keep for safety reasons. The men in my family weren’t exactly comfortable with the thought that this girl might report them for false sex abuse claims, let me tell you. We definitely saw less of a few male relatives who were too afraid to visit us because of her. A claim like that could ruin someone’s life fast. And obviously no one wanted their kids around her for safety’s sake. I had to keep my son right by me at all times while she was here. It was a hard situation for everyone involved, and not sustainable.
Except in this case OP was a toddler at the time, im not a expert but i dont think a toddler can raise so much hell that they get rejected by families, combine that with trauma from being in a group home and you make a self fulfilling prophecy. Not trying to discount your experience but these dont sound like comparable situations
@@dogguy8603 I had a foster child that literally trashed every room that he was in like a little out of control creature like you’ve never seen before. It was wild. I had an absolutely beautiful foster child bedroom set up that looked like decorator images online of small child spaces. He tore it apart right down to breaking what he could reach on the walls. Nothing I could do would calm him. He had a stripper mom who was addicted to drugs and left him alone all of the time, his father was some unknown John who paid her for sex in the club bathroom according to his case worker. She neglected him and left him alone all hours of the day and night and he was almost completely self raised to that point. He had no concept of how to be in a normal home where people took care of him. A local woman adopted him and his little sister, who was one year old at the time. He was 3 1/2 years old. Not to be mean but he reminded me of a wild caged animal with zero understanding of how human beings act. It was so sad and I did the best I could while I had him. He never got much better despite the fact that he had absolutely stellar parents who got him the best care available, psych care or otherwise. His mother was a nurse WITH an adopted sister so she knew the deal. So this kid, regardless of that, had massive trouble in school (he was in my son’s class so I followed his life that way), was constantly in trouble and lashing out at others, had violent fits etc etc. He dropped out of school a year early and ran away and got himself a gang banger girlfriend (he was white and raised in a small farming community of decent tight knit churchy people so it wasn’t influenced at all). Together they robbed some older guy who had been her sugar daddy for awhile and beat him almost to death at gunpoint and stole everything he had of value. That kid is now in prison for a “very” long time even though his adoptive family was a loving safe one with a good solid marriage and one child already raised to teenage years of their own, and she was a sweet calm gentle soft spoken girl with impeccable morals. So unfortunately-this CAN happen. I think the best place for this kid would have been under the strictest tightest control in an institution where they would have had the man power and strict rules to contain him and maybe set him on a firmer path of self control if even possible. Now his life is ruined forever. He’ll spend a solid chunk of it in prison. I hear his sister isn’t great either. She didn’t turn out well. I guess genetics don’t lie and can’t be changed with some people, they are born to be who they are regardless of nature versus nurture.
3:54 what on earth could drive someone to say something like that in this context what the hell is wrong with people. Like there's a time and place to talk about things and this sure as hell isn't one of them.
Chronic redditor
It’s Reddit. It’s full of nihilistic a-holes.
Jesus Christ. I understand being pro choice, but I can’t imagine telling a foster kid that he should have been aborted. You realize you essentially just told him “Everyone would have been better if you had never been born. You made your parents lives worse by existing” right? We used to tell kids never to think that way, why are we now trying to convince kids to think like that? Disgusting
I'll never understand pro-choice. It's their choice over another person's life? The only CHOICE they should have made is not engaging in adult activities that produce children. keep em closed or grow up early. murder is never justified.
@@sofyuchiha9it’s not a life. It’s not ending a life. You can’t kill what isn’t alive.
@@dannyfenton9529If it's not alive why does it have to be killed then? 🤔
@@wendylee9255 this question doesn’t make sense.
@@dannyfenton9529 Exactly!
S1: I have two questions. Should parent go get kids after they give them up and there ready for kids?
If you give a kid up for adoption should you never have kids again?
The fault of the parent is not looking sooner
I am 54 and was adopted at birth. If my bio parents showed up tomorrow they would be the same complete strangers they've been for 54 years. My *parents* loved and raised me and I am satisfied with that. Your experience may vary.
Story 1: I am definitely getting the vibe that MANY of the commenters come from happy families so they cannot understand disliking or even hating your egg and sperm donor. I was adopted and I would absolutely be mean to mine if they ever felt like they could be parents to me now. I have amazing parents and I had an amazing life no thanks to egg/sperm donor. I refuse to even call them bio parents because I was literally left at the hospital. They are not parents.
Story 2: I feel for OP. I remember reading this story and what is obvious why she is feeling this way is because someone is "attacking" your family. OP's husband is a champ but someone still thought they could break up this family and that would make me sick and mad as well.
Thats crazy everybody in the family knows about him but didn't reach out to him
Op is TA for going easy on them for literally abandoning him
Story 1--Basically parents wanted to meet only because their precious son (2nd one) wanted to meet op,and they didn't wanted to be bad people in front of their golden child .....thats it..they are bot sorry or all ...its just that.. grandpa wants to clean his deeds by giving alms to op so that he can go to heaven....they had 24 years bur didn't acknowledge op existence.....😊 They are horrible insects
Seems like people are so focused on saving an unborn child that isn’t even alive yet when the alternative is a living child going through such hardship that they’ll be scarred for the rest of their life, often to the point they fall into addiction. You can claim to be pro life or that you care about children but until you actually fight for better treatment of the children that go into foster care you don’t actually care about them, you’re posturing to come off as morally superior.
That second story is wild, a good example of how some women let a thought live in their mind rent free tho it was mostly due to hormones.
Definitely hormones, I think. Have no experience of it, but pregnancy makes a person feel extremely vulnerable.
Do you really think that the other woman didn’t blatantly flirt with OP’s husband when they were alone together? Or that he wasn’t enjoying having his ego stroked, or maybe even encouraging her a teeny, tiny bit? The very fact that the other woman wasn’t afraid to be so overt in her final text leads me to think that OP’s husband isn’t as innocent as y’all would like to believe. She def made her interest known from the get-go, so the husband’s super delayed rebuff to her flagrant advances is questionable af, as is his supposed lack of awareness about getting hit on.
Sure, OP may be experiencing heightened emotions due to pregnancy hormones, but that doesn’t mean that her gut instincts were wrong or that her anxiety was misplaced. And I highly doubt that her husband is being entirely forthcoming.
@@whitehawk7082I agree wholeheartedly the husband isn't innocent and the woman seems to be a homewrecker in progress just my opinion though
@whitehawk7082 he's not a cheater. He literally freely shows her the text and phone whenever she asks, there's just no way that he's cheating if he's willing to do that.
@@hadouradiance3566, I’d love to believe that but am much more cynical. If you’re a member of betrayed partner forums and subs you’d know just how ingenious wayward partners can be. They take secrecy very seriously. Many have burner phones, secret electronic devices, invisible apps, etc. Read up about OPSEC in regards to adultery. It’s scary af and will leave you feeling dirty.
“they’re both financially stable and college educated” NOW. they’re that way NOW
Did I miss the part about the six children?
I THINK the six children means the six grandchildren of OP's bio grandfather (OP+5 others). OP's bio parents just had one other child, so there must be four younger cousins.
7:29 That part #17. Glad op had the self awareness to realise #15.
what so they were ready for a kid just 4 years later?
7 years.
In the second story, she should have lashed out to that B during that call.
Second story woman is going to lose her husband if she doesn't stop a losing her shit over someone else's actions
They were in their mid 20s and married !!! The least they could've done was make sure he's adopted by good people. People in the comments need to wake up to reality.
This dude got walked all over by his family. He shouldn't have met up with them; they didn't have any good intentions in reaching out to him, they just wanted to assuage their own guilt
2nd story: OP needs therapy. Someone likes her husband, her husband doesnt like them back-has a fucking mental breakdown. The other woman needs to get a grip and stay in her lane, but OP really overreacted. Not in a dramatic way, but in a way that professional intervention is required.
I agree. In no way would I have cried or had anything remotely close to the breakdown that she had. She full on acted like her husband cheated.
She's hormonal and vulnerable, so her immediate reaction, though severe, is understandable. If she feels the same way about handling the situation after taking time to cool down, professional help may be warranted.
I think the pregnancy hormones have some influence for sure on her reactions
Man, I'm tired of pregnancy hormones being used as an excuse on these Reddit posts and videos. A woman could literally beat her husband's senseless over getting the wrong type of food and people in the comments would still be screaming. But it's understandable because she's pregnant. No get the hell out of here with that being pregnant doesn't give you an excuse to be a raging psychopath
So have you just never met a pregmant woman orrrr....?
Story 2: Well that went from 0-100 fast it went from the girl her husband didn't think to worry about to the girl who wants to have relations with your husband but fortunately he ain't interested
Hey Secret Voices, why do you say in the title and thumbnail that First OP's parents had 6 other kids, when they only had one?
Those commenter were disgusting. Eugenics is bad until it isn't, I guess
Abortion isn’t eugenics
@@dannyfenton9529 It can be. It depends.
the is that he would not have grown up in a stable and loving home if his parents raised him. if youre not ready for a baby, you won't magically become ready
This is crazy of all the Greek people that I know they would’ve taken that child and given it to a family member I don’t know their situation. It just seems odd to me.
Does OP actually wish that his bio parents kept him? He wouldn't have met his adoptive parents otherwise and most likely neglected
2nd story: as someone who's in a happy open relationship, there are plenty of women who ask my man if he's single, and he'll be honest about it, and they'll still pursue him. When he's all like "sure, my partner and I will be happy to have a new playmate," (which is true,) that's when they stop messaging him
i hate when people suggest the op to reconcile with people who treated them wrong family or not. its almost like telling a person their feelings are invalid and they should make up to keep the peace, fuck that, if they don't want those people in their lives, they shouldn't be in their lives. just let them be happy for once.
Kinda curious what the hubby's final message to his groupie was...
Reddit comments lack simple social comprehension sometimes.
Op uhh I'm glad you show some decent morality seeing people think you should have been aborted as disgusting. if abortion should be legal, why see them saying you should have been aborted make you feel disgusted?
Exactly. IT"S EFFING MURDER. BLATANTLY WRONG. Unless they have to prematurely deliver the baby for mother's health and it doesn't make it is the only things that's ok.
Incorrect.
And ppl say adoption is a good answer for ppl who accidentally have unwanted kids
Did you read the part where OP says how absolutely offensive it is to tell him his life is an example of why abortion is the best option? Because that part was for you.
Not. The. Time.
@@FullMoonOctober who said abortion is the only option?
Also if the kid already exists, then abortion isn't an option.. therefore even if I was talking exclusively about abortion his life isn't useless it's an example, either to find ways to provide for the kid, actually attempt to reach out to the kid when they has their second, genuinely find them a forever home, etc etc.
And the only reason I said what I said was because he blamed his parents for putting him up for adoption, obviously his situation is sad. But his parents didn't have the ability to see he'd suffer in the end. They are crappy for having a second then the second being the only reason why they reach out to him, yes that's a fault. But he blamed them for putting him up for adoption when it is taught as the "only option" for many. I just thought it was hypocritical
@@whip-whiplash No one said it was the only option. I didn't. And I didn't say that you said that.
Now, after reading my comment back, you can watch the video again, and see where OP specifically says that while he understands the logic and need for abortions to be a right in general, it still is pretty rude to bring up the subject when it's not the exact issue that he's talking about. Basic reading/listening comprehension, paired with basic human compassion would lead you to know how tone deaf and unnecessary your comment was.
@@FullMoonOctober and like I said it's hypocritical to cry about your bios putting you up for adoption and then crying about abortion being brought up, when adoption is the only reason why you're here. Hate the system and the wrong your parents actually put you threw but not because that they gave you up 🤷🏻
@@whip-whiplash Please learn to be a better human. I promise, people will like you better.
OP’s husband’s behavior in that last story is concerning because I suspect that he was enjoying the other woman’s attentions and may have even subconsciously led her on. Look, I know he’s an adult with his own agency to determine who he can befriend, but not when that other person is so obviously coming onto him. Heck, I’m a complete internet stranger and even I could see the giant af red flags and knew that OP had to shut that shit down, which is actually something that her husband should’ve done at the get-go. That and the fact that so many men stray whilst their partner’s are pregnant is why I don’t fully trust her husband or the veracity of his extremely “delayed” rejection of the OW’s blatant advances.
Wut?
You are right 💯 I feel like he was thinking of cheating but only waiting for a direct invitation but op approached him before and he had to give up his catch. If the roles were reversed the women wouldn't have continued the conversation for months knowing what other person wants. OP just delayed the inevitable
@@dipalikhodke7926 Wtf? Your jumping to conclusions big time.
@@dipalikhodke7926yall mfs weird lmao
@@dipalikhodke7926Wow generalizations are big with you huh! I've heard of men doing the same sh*t🙄
I'm neutral on the 1st story, they were not ready for a kid and OP makes it sound like he would have been better with them than the adoption for all he knows his bio parents would have hated him for making their lives hard, and he would have been neglected, like other stories on this channel. If anything people need to know adoption is not all happy stories.
Well they should have kept their legs shut. Grow up and face the consequences.
@@sofyuchiha9 They put OP up for adoption better than an abortion so he should be happy with that.
Story-2: Jeez, That unborn kid is about to have the worst life judging by how controlling that crazy Woman is.
She is PREGNANT and the body changes especially hormonally.
Even she mentioned that awareness of that change and how being pregnant has her on an emotional rollercoaster which means it's not the typical.
okay i saw the first story... OP is the asshole, but he's justified cuz his parents were bigger assholes. he's right not to want to do anything with them anymore
He’s not the asshole though
He’s not an asshole for feeling resentful towards his parents.
How is op an asshole??????
He's not the asshole, that's for sure.
How the hell is op an asshole
nah, OP was AH in first story.
Why?
@@Moszan unnecessarily being rude
@@verygooddeal4436 Okay. At the same time, op doesn't owe them anything.
@@Moszan because verygooddeal is a troll
If your biological parents were to abandoned you at a very younger age then you would understand what the op is going through.