If you’re reading this right now, I think it’s so awesome that we’re all here figuring it out, figuring us out. If nobody’s reminded you yet today, there’s something special within you that only you have. You’re literally 1/7,000,000,000. That’s so cool! So thanks for being alive. I appreciate you 💕
That's very sweet.people say love yourself you can only be the one to make you happy. I disagree some hearts been so broken with no love. Sometime I think a person needs the touch and love of another to heal those deep wounds.
Years of psychological trauma made me turn inward. I’ve finally connected the dots, and I have all the symptoms of cptsd, dissociation, the constant use of drugs, etc. My medication has never really helped my depression and anxiety and now I understand why. I’ve just felt empty for years. I’m 27 and I feel like I’ve missed my life, and I’m so angry no one ever saw the change in me. I got so good at acting like I was fine, just tired. Stuff like that. I feel like it’s just worn my body and soul out. He mentioned it crushes the spirit and I agree. Everyone just says I need to stop being lazy or stop using drugs or whatever but I felt this way at 11, I just don’t have it in me to hide it anymore. All I do is sleep, and have anxiety attacks. I’m always exhausted. I can’t open up to anyone. The emotions are crushing me but I don’t know how to feel them. Cptsd is real. I would ever parent had to see what the consequences of a high conflict divorce and being bounced around from house to house and having no family structure, watching your parents fall apart, does to a child. It might pull them out of their own issues to realize they have a living being who will (probably) live on past them with the effects of this $@&! For the rest of their lives. It makes me not want to have kids. My parents should have never had one. Nor their parents for that matter. Children are beautiful, unfiltered, wise, yet need guidance, and a huge responsibility. Many people don’t deserve that responsibility, in my opinion, even if they have the ability to have one.
I'm in my fifties in a spiritual journey you have to go inwards I watch Alan Watts another good person on TH-cam is Bruce Linton good luck on your journey you can do it
Still working on healing at 60. Untended wounds don't heal right. Instead of years of meds meant to keep me quiet, what would have helped would have been someone to tell me " you didn't deserve this & it's not ur fault". Would that have been so hard?
@@NoName-pu5ls Love to you too sister! Peace for you & all the rest of us. Thanks for the kind comment. When compassion is as common as drugs, we can start to change our future.
Katie Kane same for me i tell them what i need to heal my scattered mind, to hezr and know the truth about my abusers and the child abusers, but all they do is call me unfounded named and try to overdose me on psychiatric drugs, no one cares about truth or justice or truly helping crime victims to heal
Im so sorry for you. Its so hard to stand all alone on yourself. I broke the seal i start talking about it. It was very difficult in the begin. Feeling shame and fear but i kept on. Its so releasing. Its not your fold you didn't deserve all those things. You deserved the help love and understanding from carring parents. They were wrong. A warm hug from Holland
Loved Dr Ross’ talk and loved even more that it was held at a prison with inmates in the audience. So often we forget that something happened in the lives of those that are incarcerated, often as kids, that altered the path of their lives. Less punishment, more understanding way, way earlier would solve all sorts of problems.
THANK you - these kids need a voice - and these schools, school officials and wounded children aren't just in south central, they - we - are (or were) everywhere from the suburbs to the city.
There are so many who feel alone and as though there is something wrong with them. I am a psychotherapist specializing in treatment for trauma and these talks which normalize and educate seem very valuable for increased understanding and compassion. Thank you!
Wonderful talk but I totally disagree that all traumatized kids are misbehaving kids. I was totally abused as a child and I learned to fly below the radar and be compliant but I was abuse and traumatized just the same, and the kids who suffer in silence need just as much help and support as those that kick down the walls.
+Gwen Scott I was the same as you. Repeatedly abused by so many people. I did not misbehave. I was a good kid, dying inside and being compliant hoping that if I was good enough someone would value me and love me instead of use me.
I was like that too. I was abused a lot for many years up until I was 18 and the whole time I was quiet, well behaved and just a good kid. I was very much a loner but I remember how much I wished I wasn't.
+Gwen Scott ... not all traumatized kids misbehave. That being said many misbehaving children have had traumatic experiences- not all but MANY. The higher incidences of trauma the higher the the propensity for dysfunction and continued creation of trauma as an adult. Of course not all traumatized children act out later but the more you experience trauma and dysfunction, the more likely you are to continue that pain internally or externally. Congratulations. You apparently are the smaller percentage of the population that has healed from your trauma. That, however, doesn't negate the mass majority of those have experienced trauma and have not healed from it. If 100 people walk by litter in a park, and you're the only one who picks it up... doesn't negate that 99% of those who walked by didn't pick it. Your experience doesn't negate the rest of the world's experience.
Emotional abuse is particularly damaging to the developing child/personality, and parents with Personality Disorders are very common although mostly not diagnosed.
Mel A what are examples of emotional childhood abuse? Does this include constant comparison with a sibling? Being left alone at home while the rest of the family all went somewhere?
Emotional abuse is the ongoing emotional maltreatment or emotional neglect of a child. It’s sometimes called psychological abuse and can seriously damage a child’s emotional health and development. Emotional abuse can involve deliberately trying to scare or humiliate a child or isolating or ignoring them. www.nspcc.org.uk/preventing-abuse/child-abuse-and-neglect/emotional-abuse/what-is-emotional-abuse/
EuRice Queen Yes...being left alone, ignored and being the target child and adult by my family. This is now their problem, not mine. Talk, scream and make your voice heard and be healed. hugs
@@euricequeen842 Here's one. When I was four my mother returned to university to upgrade her education. She moved into residence at the uni and left me with her sister. Guess how many times my mother came over to see me. Guess how far she would have had to go. Hint= zero, and literally across the street. Another one= she went for two years to teach in Bermuda. Did I come along? No, she left me behind. Not with her sister, not with her mother, in boarding school. Ten months at a time of literally never being more than a hundred feet away from bullies, and from teachers who treated me as the problem. A nine-year-old child shouldn't know what suicide is, let alone want to do it. When I told her I was being bullied, she told me to "think of how unhappy the bullies must be to behave that way." Meanwhile, I had to constantly sympathize with how she was treated as a child by her mother, her put-downs of her sisters, of this and that and more. Children shouldn't be emotional crutches for their parents.
As an EFT Trainer, focused upon trauma relief and empowering children, I'm thrilled to hear this TED talk that brings Leadership and Understanding to the treatment alternatives available now, for all. This DOES create infinite possibilities. Thanks, Robert.
+hopeintruth1 Are you referring to the Freeze associated with our natural threat response? If so, there are many rich sources of information (Scaer, Levine, Van Der Kolk, etc.), but it is essentially a biological response available to us and other animals wherein if 'Flight' or 'Fight' is not available to us, then the 'Freeze' response provides a last resort to potentially survive. It can look like a 'poison' or a 'deer in the headlights,' but essentially we are flooded with chemicals in preparation for a more painless death, should this be the outcome. However, if another escape avenue or opportunity suddenly presents itself, our body's threat response system can instantly flood us with opposite chemicals, allowing us to swiftly flee/escape. Hope that helps, and if you want to know more, all the authors I mention above are experts in this field.
Jondi Whitis apparently now they’ve also added fawn. So now it’s fight, flight, freeze or fawn. (the fawn addition answers a lot of questions regarding behavior)
if one would hear my story. my life has been one trauma after another. this man has hit it right on. i have been told that my life story will save lives and there is a purpose. i am ready to share now.
Shame I didn’t find a person with that big heart to pull me out. I’ve been conditioned to be docile and I didn’t make any trouble at school etc. I’m depressed but functionally capable of going to work but struggle sometimes but don’t show it.
i used to be resilient. i don't remember how resiliency anymore. just because i'm breathing does not mean i am taking it all in stride. nope. the suicidal thoughts and tendencies still linger.
This is beautiful. I am recovering from CPTSD/ dissociation. I was going to school for engineering but it wasn't giving me a sense of purpose. I'm going to switch to psychology so I can influence the cause. I have a lot of knowledge about what resources don't work and what needs to changed based on what I have experienced.
Hey did you switch? How's it working out? My psychologist uses IFS and it's working, even though it's weird and my childhood memory isn't the best. Just learning the amount of parts that you have in yourself to address a single issue is overwhelming, we are walking contradiction machines. I'm currently treating unhealthy coping with partners when we fight and they leave stuff unresolved, which is hard when your partner also has cPTSD which makes her run from difficult situations and not remember past fights. So the promises she makes when we make up are broken and we have the same fight multiple times, she defends herself without knowing what I'm talking about sometimes. It's so exhausting. Makes me not able to sleep and not be able to distract myself, I feel abandoned and so tired, I feel it in my head really strongly. She's avoidant so she sleeps like a baby. We're on the verge of breaking up because I tried so hard to deal with the defensiveness every time I had to address a problem or she completely forgot something important to me or to us that it basically destroyed me for something like a year. I can't trust her not to attack me anymore and being attacked by a loved one who knows exactly where it hurts is horrible. What this illness does to people is horrible. I've never had any deregulation with a gf before her, because I had never been insulted or misinterpreted or neglected in such hurtful ways, and now she caused me more trauma.
+hopeintruth1 I believe you will find this freeze response talked about by many trauma specialists such as Robert Scaer, Peter A Levine, Bessel Van Der Kolk and also the 'Flop' response, in Stephen Porges' work. Both are apparently different expressions of the same 3rd and final innate physiological responses to traumatic incident or threat. Hope that helps!
+hopeintruth1 Ahh yes, I had no familiarity until I realized my parents hated me. Now I am all-too familiar with 'freeze'. Maybe its actually oscillating quickly between flight and fight back-and-forth undecided?
exactly, especially for children when its often impossible for them utilize to flight or fight response when a child gets harsh punishment for either of those; if you instinctively employ fight response and eg. get angry, or when your parent is controlling you to the point you can't even flight from them then the freeze response might develop; by the way there is also a fawn response;
This is a wonderful Ted Talk. Now, with all of this valuable information what do the powers that be, the lawmakers, city leaders, state leaders do with the information? It fully explains why kids ''go bad''. It explains why there is no logic to the statement ''Not all people kill, or rob or abuse.'' when someone does harm. It is incumbent on government leaders to eliminate poverty, child hunger and make neighbourhoods and schools safe. ''It takes a Village to raise a child.''
The truth is the higher I got in the field of social work (government, policy, etc)....the more I realized it WILL be up to the people (the community). The rabbit hole is way too deep. The government is literally BANKING on these cases to maintain a profit. If society is healed and crime stops...we won't 'need' them anymore. And oh no they can't have that now can they? Not saying this to be negative, but you can see this throughout generations. Despite this, I'll gladly accept that grant money and get a whole damn Verizon network behind me because this is literally a matter of life and death! Thank you for this Ted Talk!
This video is absolutely incredible and wonderful. I could not agree more that rather than throwing out kids we label "troublemakers" we need to support them. I'd say the same is true of prisoners. There's no point "rehabilitating" them by punishing them, or even giving them skills. We need to give them a sense of self-worth and believe that they're worthy of changing and that they do deserve a better and healthier life. The only thing that I would add or change slightly, is that sometimes the kids experiencing the trauma aren't always "troublemakers". Actually, quite often, they don't scream for help or lash out, or do anything to outwardly indicate there's any kind of problem. Instead, they go the other way- they might be quiet, only speak when spoken to, model perfect behaviour and throw themselves into schoolwork and become straight-A students. They do so because they're trying to do everything thing they can to be perfect. They think if they can just work that little bit harder, if they can just be a little bit better, they might finally get the love and attention they deserve. So, their lives are a constant battle to just feel good enough and worthy enough. That was my experience, anyway. So, I think it's important that as well as doing everything we can to support those who act out and never label them as "bad" or "falwed" or a "problem," we do also need to look more into identifying subtle signs and ensure those kids get help and support as well.
this x1000. support, encouragement, love and warmth is needed for these children. no more shaming, punishment, iudgment, hatred. why do we expel kids? what is the outcome of this? those kids need to be listened to, mentored, understood, given support, and treated like everyone else. Schools are blind to this. It's a real tragedy.
Thank you Dr. Ross for this Ted talk. This is so important. You explain it so simply, so understandable . I watched your Ted talk twice. Again thank you
For the first time listening to a speaker i got goosebumps. Best talk I've seen on TH-cam; I seldom see such a powerful speaker, with heart and sincerity, wisdom and integrity, such an important message for society, absolute strength. Thank you so much, wishing you the very best. And to all around carrying childhood wounds
I just recently realized that my life has been lived with the backdrop of PTSD due to my physical and emotional abuse as a child. I was beat, I had to watch my sister and brother beat, and I even had to watch my sweet little dog beat by a bipolar father. I also had to watch my mother refuse to save us. That was massive. The one person I was dependent on, my mother, refused to protect us from harm.
My mom refused to save/protect me also from severe physical and emotional trauma. I have been taking care of her for the last year since she was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer.
I am a survivor of a lengthy list of suicide. ..my sons father, my brother, my mother and a brother to an overdose...my life will never be normal....I'd love to come and share my story...I've been embarrassed for years because of people's reactions but I feel it's time...
I understand what people commenting are saying about 'freeze or flight', but hey people: he wasn't just talking about the fight response, he just used this as an example because it is so often 'mis-treated'. He was talking about kids with trauma, and how spot on he did this. Extremely well spoken and such a big heart.
My childhood trauma just carried on into adulthood unfortunately. Its a case of taking one day at a time, one hour, sometimes a minute. I'm too physically ill now to have any hope of doing anything I love. I had a few years of happiness however. Notwithstanding all the negativity, I still love life and I'm grateful for all the bad things, including the severe disabilities, because they have made me a better person. There are always blessings within curses. We may know more about child development, but it seems cbildren these days are faced with such monumental expectations due to the culture here in the UK, which I've noted dwarfs anything I faced as a cbild. Children's lives are highly complex. Technology and the sheer amount of toys they have, hasn't always been of benefit.
for me the key was to admit I couldn't run my life the way I was, gave my life to Jesus and allow God to teach me the right way to live. I learned the truth of my value as a person, and also learned that I could stop the generational cycle of my forefathers behavior. Children only know what they are taught.
I agree. Trauma presents different ways. I suffered severe trauma and was very passive when young (until high school) But he is speaking to people in prison too.
My Mother had her life saved by me at 7 years old. My Mother was verbally abusive. My older sister was violently demanding without any restrain from my parents. Plus born Trans childhood of violent religious brainwash. No time only exposes the wounds.
How does one find help? Lots of information, Yes, we get trauma. Done deal. I now am dying. I've still not healed from the trauma and now I am dying. I don't want to carry that trauma with me. My time is limited. If I were a good person, I'd do this better, more gracefully. I am resilient, I am courageous and I'm trying to reform my life. Not likely I can do this in the months I have left. Shit....I'll figure it out.
Nancy Skelcher Only God knows your pain. He is the answer for healing. It is hard to find joy everyday when carrying burdens like trauma. But there are things we can focus on, I believe, that can lift us from the pit. Hope your health improves and I pray that you find peace. I understand.
Nancy Kando Nancy Kando I hate this comment although it is sweet She knows her pain. You can’t bring ‘God’ into it. It’s her pain and she is the only one who knows it as she does. ‘He’ isn’t the answer. If ‘He’ is, then ‘He’ was also the cause. Now why be the cause of trauma? Let me guess- ‘His plan ‘? 🤔
@@veronicachristopher9321 Thank you for this. I am so freaking tired of people telling that their "God" will help when -if true- he allowed it to happen. Insulting to our suffering.
Being traumatized by a grouping of people; "government" gang-members; and knowing that they still exist gives me anxious feelings of when am I going to be forced to wrath on a single individual, and be demonitized for being conciously self-defensive. My trauma won't heal because of how certain peoples' pursue their criminal instincts off of impulse, in hopes they'll find happiness by making me miserable. Seeing paranormal events that don't occur every day makes curious people that much stupider. If one person has a set of certain skills, then that must mean a randomized bunching of unlucky few could be targeted and traumatized. My trauma is gossip based.
Studies actually show that it isn't just behavioral changes leading to disease; that the trauma itself raises the risk of disease even among those who have healthy lifestyle choices.
I attempted suicide so many times at least one local hospital had 86'd me. My sister told me about it later. I ended a serious destructive period in prison for a 3rd DUI. I can still sense the despair and severe pain from my lifelong migraines I suffered under the 24hour lights on intake for three weeks. I am knocking on doors that are closed right now for me but other doors are open. Take lessons has already sent me a guitar teacher and hooked me up with a sewing instructor. God will have the victory and I just stumble up.
I had to watch this because I'm in my 50s and still wonder why my father beaten me and kicked me down the stairs when I was in 1, 2, 3rd grade. The beating continued especially for biting my nail. Always got mad seeing me bite my nails and beat me more, even weekend was the check to see if I stopped and see if my nails grew. I had to stick nail file under my skin to lift it bc I was so worried about him checking and there were no white tip at the end.
On one side, you have those who say that time heals all wounds. They seem to be the ones who flee possibilities. I know that " time wounds all heals". Therefore, I don't fear the Reaper. I've had many conversations with the Pain God. We both agree that there is no room for drama. It's time to move on to the next level. Those that chose to run have come to ruin. They tend to believe that it is stylish to despair. Some even think of suicide as a viable option. It's not my choice considering that my mother double-tapped herself when the night got too long. She still comes around as I've even heard her through our baby monitor. Life is wonderous even though it's an education that is hard fought. It's not for the timid.
Trauma causes mental anguish and that evolves into phisycal illness s. Often the mental trauma is not treated or resolved. This is why so many people do poorly as functional adults. The siciety is coming to realize. This slowly.
Life seems very long if you are not having fun. Unfortunately, we have something against fun and we put every sense of importance on WORK. Fail at work and you fail at life because for sure you won't be well liked. The robots will win!
OUTSTANDING!🦉🧞♂️💙 IT HAS TO START WITH EACH & EVERYONE OF US, NO EXCEPTIONS!, EACH INDIVIDUAL HAS TO GET EDUCATED & LEARN RESTRAINT FROM WHAT CAN SOMETIMES BECOME, IRREVERSABLE DAMAGE FROM ANY KIND OF TRAUMAS & ABUSE! ....ALTHOUGH .SOME MAY BE STRONG ENOUGH TO BEAT THE ODDS, BUT OTHERS UNFORTUNATELY DON'T! MAKE IT OUT ALIVE!!! 💜💕👣❣
I was emotionally abused as child,problem is u don't realise it at the time,I developed clinical depression as I got older and still suffer to this day,I am 68,I've had lots of counselling, groups,I can't help asking myself can u really get over childhood trauma?
Could depression be thought as a sort of natural medication towards trauma of any kind? The idea is that paralysis is a symptom, behavioral, thus, depression would be creating a behavioral frame so to remedy the trauma.
The trauma that people hand you over as easy as a cup of coffee only makes you stranger and gives you mental issues. Forgiveness is overrated, and love is a social construct that was meant to help sell books and movies. There, I fixed it for you
Dear Dr. Robert Ross, thank you so much for this great lecture. I would love to ask you about some source information.... you mentioned one great quote and I would really love to dug deeper into this issue and would love to find out the name of this scientist... The quote somehow goes like this "it means litterally the hijacking of the thinking brain..." Could you please help me with it? Thank you so much Best wishes for the new year
I had a lifestyle, of the bad one you described. I raised my daughter separated from that. I didn't Become addicted. I did marry addicts. I'm fighting to resolve issues With my 40 year old daughter . Did I not heal? Did I pass on damage I received, to my child, Even outside the traumatic experiences I knew?
Nah, let our confusion of vengeance with justice driven by our anger and hatred destroy these victims so we can feel better about ourselves. Seriously, both the initial abuse and the punishment of its victims stems from the abundance of anger and hatred our society breeds and accumulates which is in turn trauma from a social order built on exclusion and fear.
Older Ann I am here to tell you that time doesn't heal all wounds simply because some wounds are just too buried for healing. i became so obedient, so pleasant, so whatever it took to bury who I was. The dirt that buried the abuse became my multiple personalities. My abuse was so profound that I developed lots and lots of personalities who would come in a split second to repair whatever was in front of us. I have multiple personalities to such a degree that I am my personalities. So ask me if I was abused and I will tell you not really.....
I understand the motive behind keeping the kids in school. I do not agree with it. Our children are falling behind and being bullied due to schools being overwhelmed with these kids. I do not believe schools are equipped to provide the support and treatments needed to overcome trauma so their behaviors effects everyone. I sub and schools are unmanageable due to the "problem" kids who go unpunished and continue to victimize other kids and staff. This isn't the answer.
Most of this was great, but not all traumatized kids are misbehaving kids. Also, the idea that a traumatized person has a -responsibility- to anyone else is so incredibly warped. Do they/we have the potential to become leaders and help others? Absolutely. But a responsibility? Absolutely not.
every day i knew nothing yesterdsy.. but yet do not fail thinkin thst again. ... ow! not dissing relevsnxe. :/ .. claudia made too early as funny Coincidence in common ... abuse of power n the range engage in surroundings further compromised alL now for the quntity of conttibution to the .. trauma alLways ... alL know i named son dexter. ... im sure them (:) ) in prison utilitarism feficit... as ... my kid lesz trsuma than me... until more ecposed to u... every night i hesrd my boys murdeered. there is no use. but... they dont need u to find way home...
I am glad things turn out ok for you :) The point I wanted to make with my comment is that the way the speaker talk about success and so on is more part of the problem than part of the solution.
If you’re reading this right now, I think it’s so awesome that we’re all here figuring it out, figuring us out.
If nobody’s reminded you yet today, there’s something special within you that only you have. You’re literally 1/7,000,000,000. That’s so cool!
So thanks for being alive. I appreciate you 💕
Veronica Christopher Author so beautiful. Your beautiful
That's very sweet.people say love yourself you can only be the one to make you happy. I disagree some hearts been so broken with no love. Sometime I think a person needs the touch and love of another to heal those deep wounds.
Thank you fir being a kind hearted individual and sharing that love with us
You are a sweet soul
How sweet of you! Thank you❣️
Years of psychological trauma made me turn inward. I’ve finally connected the dots, and I have all the symptoms of cptsd, dissociation, the constant use of drugs, etc. My medication has never really helped my depression and anxiety and now I understand why. I’ve just felt empty for years. I’m 27 and I feel like I’ve missed my life, and I’m so angry no one ever saw the change in me. I got so good at acting like I was fine, just tired. Stuff like that. I feel like it’s just worn my body and soul out. He mentioned it crushes the spirit and I agree. Everyone just says I need to stop being lazy or stop using drugs or whatever but I felt this way at 11, I just don’t have it in me to hide it anymore. All I do is sleep, and have anxiety attacks. I’m always exhausted. I can’t open up to anyone. The emotions are crushing me but I don’t know how to feel them. Cptsd is real. I would ever parent had to see what the consequences of a high conflict divorce and being bounced around from house to house and having no family structure, watching your parents fall apart, does to a child. It might pull them out of their own issues to realize they have a living being who will (probably) live on past them with the effects of this $@&! For the rest of their lives. It makes me not want to have kids. My parents should have never had one. Nor their parents for that matter. Children are beautiful, unfiltered, wise, yet need guidance, and a huge responsibility. Many people don’t deserve that responsibility, in my opinion, even if they have the ability to have one.
How are you doing now sage...
how are you feeling now?
Can relate!
I'm in my fifties in a spiritual journey you have to go inwards I watch Alan Watts another good person on TH-cam is Bruce Linton good luck on your journey you can do it
Will be praying for you. God helped me and God is real and will help you...God bless you
Still working on healing at 60. Untended wounds don't heal right. Instead of years of meds meant to keep me quiet, what would have helped would have been someone to tell me " you didn't deserve this & it's not ur fault". Would that have been so hard?
Katie Kane
👍🏻🙏🏻
@@NoName-pu5ls Love to you too sister! Peace for you & all the rest of us. Thanks for the kind comment. When compassion is as common as drugs, we can start to change our future.
Katie Kane same for me i tell them what i need to heal my scattered mind, to hezr and know the truth about my abusers and the child abusers, but all they do is call me unfounded named and try to overdose me on psychiatric drugs, no one cares about truth or justice or truly helping crime victims to heal
See Jordan Peterson's video on malevolence.
Im so sorry for you. Its so hard to stand all alone on yourself. I broke the seal i start talking about it. It was very difficult in the begin. Feeling shame and fear but i kept on. Its so releasing. Its not your fold you didn't deserve all those things. You deserved the help love and understanding from carring parents. They were wrong. A warm hug from Holland
Not all abused kids misbehave. Some are too terrified of the consequences and do everything to be a good boy or girl.
Loved Dr Ross’ talk and loved even more that it was held at a prison with inmates in the audience. So often we forget that something happened in the lives of those that are incarcerated, often as kids, that altered the path of their lives. Less punishment, more understanding way, way earlier would solve all sorts of problems.
You are absolutely correct!!!! Locking them and throwing away the keys, will not help!
THANK you - these kids need a voice - and these schools, school officials and wounded children aren't just in south central, they - we - are (or were) everywhere from the suburbs to the city.
all over the country....World.
even so father, come quickly...
Right suburbs as well.
There are so many who feel alone and as though there is something wrong with them. I am a psychotherapist specializing in treatment for trauma and these talks which normalize and educate seem very valuable for increased understanding and compassion. Thank you!
Everyone needs to hear this. Everyone.
Wonderful talk but I totally disagree that all traumatized kids are misbehaving kids. I was totally abused as a child and I learned to fly below the radar and be compliant but I was abuse and traumatized just the same, and the kids who suffer in silence need just as much help and support as those that kick down the walls.
+Gwen Scott I was the same as you. Repeatedly abused by so many people. I did not misbehave. I was a good kid, dying inside and being compliant hoping that if I was good enough someone would value me and love me instead of use me.
I was like that too. I was abused a lot for many years up until I was 18 and the whole time I was quiet, well behaved and just a good kid. I was very much a loner but I remember how much I wished I wasn't.
+Gwen Scott ... not all traumatized kids misbehave. That being said many misbehaving children have had traumatic experiences- not all but MANY. The higher incidences of trauma the higher the the propensity for dysfunction and continued creation of trauma as an adult.
Of course not all traumatized children act out later but the more you experience trauma and dysfunction, the more likely you are to continue that pain internally or externally.
Congratulations. You apparently are the smaller percentage of the population that has healed from your trauma. That, however, doesn't negate the mass majority of those have experienced trauma and have not healed from it.
If 100 people walk by litter in a park, and you're the only one who picks it up... doesn't negate that 99% of those who walked by didn't pick it. Your experience doesn't negate the rest of the world's experience.
Gwen Scott you probably had an easy childhood.
Gwen Scott his point someone that has to live after a trauma tends to have destructive behaviour agains hombre ir herself
Emotional abuse is particularly damaging to the developing child/personality, and parents with Personality Disorders are very common although mostly not diagnosed.
Mel A what are examples of emotional childhood abuse? Does this include constant comparison with a sibling? Being left alone at home while the rest of the family all went somewhere?
Emotional abuse is the ongoing emotional maltreatment or emotional
neglect of a child. It’s sometimes called psychological abuse and can
seriously damage a child’s emotional health and development.
Emotional abuse can involve deliberately trying to scare or humiliate a child or isolating or ignoring them. www.nspcc.org.uk/preventing-abuse/child-abuse-and-neglect/emotional-abuse/what-is-emotional-abuse/
EuRice Queen Yes...being left alone, ignored and being the target child and adult by my family. This is now their problem, not mine.
Talk, scream and make your voice heard and be healed. hugs
Emotional abuse is very harming and I don't know anyone who was physically abused who also wasn't emotionally abused.
@@euricequeen842 Here's one. When I was four my mother returned to university to upgrade her education. She moved into residence at the uni and left me with her sister. Guess how many times my mother came over to see me. Guess how far she would have had to go. Hint= zero, and literally across the street.
Another one= she went for two years to teach in Bermuda. Did I come along? No, she left me behind. Not with her sister, not with her mother, in boarding school. Ten months at a time of literally never being more than a hundred feet away from bullies, and from teachers who treated me as the problem.
A nine-year-old child shouldn't know what suicide is, let alone want to do it.
When I told her I was being bullied, she told me to "think of how unhappy the bullies must be to behave that way."
Meanwhile, I had to constantly sympathize with how she was treated as a child by her mother, her put-downs of her sisters, of this and that and more.
Children shouldn't be emotional crutches for their parents.
As an EFT Trainer, focused upon trauma relief and empowering children, I'm thrilled to hear this TED talk that brings Leadership and Understanding to the treatment alternatives available now, for all. This DOES create infinite possibilities. Thanks, Robert.
G,day have you got any info on the freeze response ? Would very much appreciate it , thank you
+hopeintruth1 Are you referring to the Freeze associated with our natural threat response? If so, there are many rich sources of information (Scaer, Levine, Van Der Kolk, etc.), but it is essentially a biological response available to us and other animals wherein if 'Flight' or 'Fight' is not available to us, then the 'Freeze' response provides a last resort to potentially survive. It can look like a 'poison' or a 'deer in the headlights,' but essentially we are flooded with chemicals in preparation for a more painless death, should this be the outcome. However, if another escape avenue or opportunity suddenly presents itself, our body's threat response system can instantly flood us with opposite chemicals, allowing us to swiftly flee/escape. Hope that helps, and if you want to know more, all the authors I mention above are experts in this field.
Jondi Whitis apparently now they’ve also added fawn. So now it’s fight, flight, freeze or fawn. (the fawn addition answers a lot of questions regarding behavior)
if one would hear my story. my life has been one trauma after another. this man has hit it right on. i have been told that my life story will save lives and there is a purpose. i am ready to share now.
Ill listen
Shame I didn’t find a person with that big heart to pull me out. I’ve been conditioned to be docile and I didn’t make any trouble at school etc. I’m depressed but functionally capable of going to work but struggle sometimes but don’t show it.
Crushes the spirit. He is correct. It breaks you.
i used to be resilient. i don't remember how resiliency anymore. just because i'm breathing does not mean i am taking it all in stride. nope. the suicidal thoughts and tendencies still linger.
EuRice Queen me too i understand when no decent people do the right thing to bring truth to light, you suffer unbearable pain
This is beautiful. I am recovering from CPTSD/ dissociation. I was going to school for engineering but it wasn't giving me a sense of purpose. I'm going to switch to psychology so I can influence the cause. I have a lot of knowledge about what resources don't work and what needs to changed based on what I have experienced.
Jen Manzella that’s amazing! So proud of you. As your voice and experience can truly help. Thank you 🙏
Hey did you switch? How's it working out?
My psychologist uses IFS and it's working, even though it's weird and my childhood memory isn't the best. Just learning the amount of parts that you have in yourself to address a single issue is overwhelming, we are walking contradiction machines. I'm currently treating unhealthy coping with partners when we fight and they leave stuff unresolved, which is hard when your partner also has cPTSD which makes her run from difficult situations and not remember past fights. So the promises she makes when we make up are broken and we have the same fight multiple times, she defends herself without knowing what I'm talking about sometimes. It's so exhausting. Makes me not able to sleep and not be able to distract myself, I feel abandoned and so tired, I feel it in my head really strongly. She's avoidant so she sleeps like a baby.
We're on the verge of breaking up because I tried so hard to deal with the defensiveness every time I had to address a problem or she completely forgot something important to me or to us that it basically destroyed me for something like a year. I can't trust her not to attack me anymore and being attacked by a loved one who knows exactly where it hurts is horrible. What this illness does to people is horrible. I've never had any deregulation with a gf before her, because I had never been insulted or misinterpreted or neglected in such hurtful ways, and now she caused me more trauma.
How come so many professionals don't mention the freeze response . Can someone mention this.
+hopeintruth1 I believe you will find this freeze response talked about by many trauma specialists such as Robert Scaer, Peter A Levine, Bessel Van Der Kolk and also the 'Flop' response, in Stephen Porges' work. Both are apparently different expressions of the same 3rd and final innate physiological responses to traumatic incident or threat. Hope that helps!
+hopeintruth1 Ahh yes, I had no familiarity until I realized my parents hated me. Now I am all-too familiar with 'freeze'. Maybe its actually oscillating quickly between flight and fight back-and-forth undecided?
+Jondi Whitis thank you so much for answering and informing us of these resources.
exactly, especially for children when its often impossible for them utilize to flight or fight response when a child gets harsh punishment for either of those; if you instinctively employ fight response and eg. get angry, or when your parent is controlling you to the point you can't even flight from them then the freeze response might develop; by the way there is also a fawn response;
They're frozen
Lol ok ok sorry
Thank you very much for what you have said and teached here..
This is a wonderful Ted Talk. Now, with all of this valuable information what do the powers that be, the lawmakers, city leaders, state leaders do with the information? It fully explains why kids ''go bad''. It explains why there is no logic to the statement ''Not all people kill, or rob or abuse.'' when someone does harm. It is incumbent on government leaders to eliminate poverty, child hunger and make neighbourhoods and schools safe. ''It takes a Village to raise a child.''
its not that simple. You can only offer people help not force it on them.
its not that simple. You can only offer people help not force it on them.
The truth is the higher I got in the field of social work (government, policy, etc)....the more I realized it WILL be up to the people (the community). The rabbit hole is way too deep. The government is literally BANKING on these cases to maintain a profit. If society is healed and crime stops...we won't 'need' them anymore. And oh no they can't have that now can they?
Not saying this to be negative, but you can see this throughout generations. Despite this, I'll gladly accept that grant money and get a whole damn Verizon network behind me because this is literally a matter of life and death!
Thank you for this Ted Talk!
This video is absolutely incredible and wonderful. I could not agree more that rather than throwing out kids we label "troublemakers" we need to support them. I'd say the same is true of prisoners. There's no point "rehabilitating" them by punishing them, or even giving them skills. We need to give them a sense of self-worth and believe that they're worthy of changing and that they do deserve a better and healthier life.
The only thing that I would add or change slightly, is that sometimes the kids experiencing the trauma aren't always "troublemakers". Actually, quite often, they don't scream for help or lash out, or do anything to outwardly indicate there's any kind of problem. Instead, they go the other way- they might be quiet, only speak when spoken to, model perfect behaviour and throw themselves into schoolwork and become straight-A students. They do so because they're trying to do everything thing they can to be perfect. They think if they can just work that little bit harder, if they can just be a little bit better, they might finally get the love and attention they deserve. So, their lives are a constant battle to just feel good enough and worthy enough. That was my experience, anyway. So, I think it's important that as well as doing everything we can to support those who act out and never label them as "bad" or "falwed" or a "problem," we do also need to look more into identifying subtle signs and ensure those kids get help and support as well.
this x1000. support, encouragement, love and warmth is needed for these children. no more shaming, punishment, iudgment, hatred.
why do we expel kids? what is the outcome of this? those kids need to be listened to, mentored, understood, given support, and treated like everyone else. Schools are blind to this. It's a real tragedy.
Wow that was truly inspiring 🙏🏼
Love that quote: your wound is where your light enters you.
My light is within and a wound isn't required for it to enter. BS gaslighting saying that people without wounds can't have their light? Nonsense.
Dr. Ross a voice of concern 💕
Thank you Dr. Ross for this Ted talk. This is so important. You explain it so simply, so understandable . I watched your Ted talk twice. Again thank you
For the first time listening to a speaker i got goosebumps. Best talk I've seen on TH-cam; I seldom see such a powerful speaker, with heart and sincerity, wisdom and integrity, such an important message for society, absolute strength. Thank you so much, wishing you the very best. And to all around carrying childhood wounds
I just recently realized that my life has been lived with the backdrop of PTSD due to my physical and emotional abuse as a child. I was beat, I had to watch my sister and brother beat, and I even had to watch my sweet little dog beat by a bipolar father. I also had to watch my mother refuse to save us. That was massive. The one person I was dependent on, my mother, refused to protect us from harm.
My mom refused to save/protect me also from severe physical and emotional trauma. I have been taking care of her for the last year since she was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer.
I am so sorry. I pray that you can find healing. I can't imagine...
I am so sorry. I can't imagine going through that! I hope and pray that you find healing!
Thank you Dr Ross.
I am a survivor of a lengthy list of suicide. ..my sons father, my brother, my mother and a brother to an overdose...my life will never be normal....I'd love to come and share my story...I've been embarrassed for years because of people's reactions but I feel it's time...
Celine Garcia don’t be embarrassed of your journey. Those who truly care will be there to listen with compassion.
Thank you for helping stop the Generational curses
I understand what people commenting are saying about 'freeze or flight', but hey people: he wasn't just talking about the fight response, he just used this as an example because it is so often 'mis-treated'. He was talking about kids with trauma, and how spot on he did this. Extremely well spoken and such a big heart.
My childhood trauma just carried on into adulthood unfortunately. Its a case of taking one day at a time, one hour, sometimes a minute. I'm too physically ill now to have any hope of doing anything I love. I had a few years of happiness however. Notwithstanding all the negativity, I still love life and I'm grateful for all the bad things, including the severe disabilities, because they have made me a better person. There are always blessings within curses.
We may know more about child development, but it seems cbildren these days are faced with such monumental expectations due to the culture here in the UK, which I've noted dwarfs anything I faced as a cbild. Children's lives are highly complex. Technology and the sheer amount of toys they have, hasn't always been of benefit.
Your name is gorgeous!
So much truth in his statements! Took me back. Way back.
for me the key was to admit I couldn't run my life the way I was, gave my life to Jesus and allow God to teach me the right way to live. I learned the truth of my value as a person, and also learned that I could stop the generational cycle of my forefathers behavior. Children only know what they are taught.
❤❤❤
There is soo much value in this talk. Thank you Robert.
True, time does not heal all wounds
Great public speaker and powerful presentation.
I agree. Trauma presents different ways. I suffered severe trauma and was very passive when young (until high school) But he is speaking to people in prison too.
My Mother had her life saved by me at 7 years old. My Mother was verbally abusive. My older sister was violently demanding without any restrain from my parents. Plus born Trans childhood of violent religious brainwash. No time only exposes the wounds.
How does one find help? Lots of information, Yes, we get trauma. Done deal. I now am dying. I've still not healed from the trauma and now I am dying. I don't want to carry that trauma with me. My time is limited. If I were a good person, I'd do this better, more gracefully. I am resilient, I am courageous and I'm trying to reform my life. Not likely I can do this in the months I have left. Shit....I'll figure it out.
Nancy Skelcher
Only God knows your pain. He is the answer for healing.
It is hard to find joy everyday when carrying burdens like trauma. But there are things we can focus on, I believe, that can lift us from the pit. Hope your health improves and I pray that you find peace. I understand.
Nancy Skelcher have you explored psychedelics? It’s being used to treat PTSD around the world. Research with an open mind.
Nancy Kando Nancy Kando I hate this comment although it is sweet
She knows her pain. You can’t bring ‘God’ into it. It’s her pain and she is the only one who knows it as she does. ‘He’ isn’t the answer. If ‘He’ is, then ‘He’ was also the cause. Now why be the cause of trauma? Let me guess- ‘His plan ‘? 🤔
@@veronicachristopher9321 Thank you for this. I am so freaking tired of people telling that their "God" will help when -if true- he allowed it to happen. Insulting to our suffering.
How are you doing now
Powerful and spot on! Thank you!!
fight, flee or freeze
Marla S fight, flight, freeze or fawn......and they are adaptable and interchangeable. Whatever is necessary for survival on a situational basis.
Such powerful words.
Being traumatized by a grouping of people; "government" gang-members; and knowing that they still exist gives me anxious feelings of when am I going to be forced to wrath on a single individual, and be demonitized for being conciously self-defensive. My trauma won't heal because of how certain peoples' pursue their criminal instincts off of impulse, in hopes they'll find happiness by making me miserable. Seeing paranormal events that don't occur every day makes curious people that much stupider. If one person has a set of certain skills, then that must mean a randomized bunching of unlucky few could be targeted and traumatized. My trauma is gossip based.
POWERFUL. VERY POWERFUL!
Studies actually show that it isn't just behavioral changes leading to disease; that the trauma itself raises the risk of disease even among those who have healthy lifestyle choices.
A normal childhood is my dream for every child. Good speech.
Powerful Message!
"Your wound is where your light enters u".
I attempted suicide so many times at least one local hospital had 86'd me. My sister told me about it later. I ended a serious destructive period in prison for a 3rd DUI. I can still sense the despair and severe pain from my lifelong migraines I suffered under the 24hour lights on intake for three weeks. I am knocking on doors that are closed right now for me but other doors are open. Take lessons has already sent me a guitar teacher and hooked me up with a sewing instructor. God will have the victory and I just stumble up.
I had to watch this because I'm in my 50s and still wonder why my father beaten me and kicked me down the stairs when I was in 1, 2, 3rd grade. The beating continued especially for biting my nail. Always got mad seeing me bite my nails and beat me more, even weekend was the check to see if I stopped and see if my nails grew. I had to stick nail file under my skin to lift it bc I was so worried about him checking and there were no white tip at the end.
On one side, you have those who say that time heals all wounds. They seem to be the ones who flee possibilities. I know that " time wounds all heals". Therefore, I don't fear the Reaper. I've had many conversations with the Pain God. We both agree that there is no room for drama. It's time to move on to the next level. Those that chose to run have come to ruin. They tend to believe that it is stylish to despair. Some even think of suicide as a viable option. It's not my choice considering that my mother double-tapped herself when the night got too long. She still comes around as I've even heard her through our baby monitor. Life is wonderous even though it's an education that is hard fought. It's not for the timid.
Joe York time does not heal wounds, truth justice and true help in personalized healing treatment are all that can help
❤❤❤
So how do I use my trauma to end corruption in government?
Trauma causes mental anguish and that evolves into phisycal illness s. Often the mental trauma is not treated or resolved. This is why so many people do poorly as functional adults. The siciety is coming to realize. This slowly.
Life seems very long if you are not having fun. Unfortunately, we have something against fun and we put every sense of importance on WORK. Fail at work and you fail at life because for sure you won't be well liked. The robots will win!
❤💚 Thank you 💚❤
3 years later he says i should be over his betrayal. I need to heal, not get over it.
God Bless You
Bravo.
I was traumatized; became hyperactive,but didn’t get in trouble,
OUTSTANDING!🦉🧞♂️💙
IT HAS TO START WITH EACH & EVERYONE OF US, NO EXCEPTIONS!, EACH
INDIVIDUAL HAS TO GET EDUCATED & LEARN RESTRAINT FROM WHAT CAN SOMETIMES BECOME,
IRREVERSABLE DAMAGE FROM ANY KIND OF TRAUMAS & ABUSE! ....ALTHOUGH
.SOME MAY BE STRONG ENOUGH
TO BEAT THE ODDS,
BUT OTHERS UNFORTUNATELY DON'T! MAKE IT OUT ALIVE!!! 💜💕👣❣
I was emotionally abused as child,problem is u don't realise it at the time,I developed clinical depression as I got older and still suffer to this day,I am 68,I've had lots of counselling, groups,I can't help asking myself can u really get over childhood trauma?
Could depression be thought as a sort of natural medication towards trauma of any kind? The idea is that paralysis is a symptom, behavioral, thus, depression would be creating a behavioral frame so to remedy the trauma.
The trauma that people hand you over as easy as a cup of coffee only makes you stranger and gives you mental issues. Forgiveness is overrated, and love is a social construct that was meant to help sell books and movies. There, I fixed it for you
Dear Dr. Robert Ross,
thank you so much for this great lecture. I would love to ask you about some source information.... you mentioned one great quote and I would really love to dug deeper into this issue and would love to find out the name of this scientist...
The quote somehow goes like this "it means litterally the hijacking of the thinking brain..."
Could you please help me with it?
Thank you so much
Best wishes for the new year
I had a lifestyle, of the bad one you described. I raised my daughter separated from that. I didn't Become addicted. I did marry addicts. I'm fighting to resolve issues With my 40 year old daughter . Did I not heal? Did I pass on damage I received, to my child, Even outside the traumatic experiences I knew?
very informative and interesting
It makes living with disassociation hard.
Would be great if mental health services would consider this.
Isn’t the fight-or-flight reaction determined by ones nature to conquer the problem?
Wow!
JESUS is our healer. He has healed me of a childhood of abuse and trauma.
Sarah Brandon not everyone gets that wonderful healing that you got I’m so happy Jesus was able to help you.
I scored a 7 on the ACE test
10:00 "...who have important jobs and titles like myself. mkay". Did he really just say that?
No shit.. Seem to conveniently omit all the barbaric things "Nelson Mandela" did too. I guess the US is the peacekkeeper of the world Gitmo and all!
Luke Wilson he was trying to be funny
AMEN
Nah, let our confusion of vengeance with justice driven by our anger and hatred destroy these victims so we can feel better about ourselves. Seriously, both the initial abuse and the punishment of its victims stems from the abundance of anger and hatred our society breeds and accumulates which is in turn trauma from a social order built on exclusion and fear.
Older Ann
I am here to tell you that time doesn't heal all wounds simply because some wounds are just too buried for healing. i became so obedient, so pleasant, so whatever it took to bury who I was. The dirt that buried the abuse became my multiple personalities. My abuse was so profound that I developed lots and lots of personalities who would come in a split second to repair whatever was in front of us. I have multiple personalities to such a degree that I am my personalities. So ask me if I was abused and I will tell you not really.....
❤️
I tell my story’s in plays
I understand the motive behind keeping the kids in school. I do not agree with it. Our children are falling behind and being bullied due to schools being overwhelmed with these kids. I do not believe schools are equipped to provide the support and treatments needed to overcome trauma so their behaviors effects everyone. I sub and schools are unmanageable due to the "problem" kids who go unpunished and continue to victimize other kids and staff. This isn't the answer.
Yay Claudia
Most of this was great, but not all traumatized kids are misbehaving kids.
Also, the idea that a traumatized person has a -responsibility- to anyone else is so incredibly warped. Do they/we have the potential to become leaders and help others? Absolutely. But a responsibility? Absolutely not.
Its as if someone spoke my language.
My ace score is 9
Claudia is like Batman
Daniela Ramos XD
SOS!
@ me next time tho
Nelson Mandela was not in prison for his believes. Educate yourself before using nonsense as facts sir.
every day i knew nothing yesterdsy.. but yet do not fail thinkin thst again. ... ow! not dissing relevsnxe. :/ ..
claudia made too early as funny Coincidence in common ... abuse of power n the range engage in surroundings further compromised alL now for the quntity of conttibution to the ..
trauma alLways ... alL know i named son dexter. ... im sure them (:) ) in prison utilitarism feficit... as ... my kid lesz trsuma than me... until more ecposed to u... every night i hesrd my boys murdeered. there is no use. but... they dont need u to find way home...
It's not your fault to have the trauma and being in prison but, after I finish, I will come back to my fancy house and you to your dirty cell.
I am glad things turn out ok for you :) The point I wanted to make with my comment is that the way the speaker talk about success and so on is more part of the problem than part of the solution.
Jorgeruiz thats what they think but dont sau just collect their paycheck and couldnt care any less about helping uou heal
i wish god the father experienced all this abuse