I WAS DYING... My Battle With Alcoholism (feat. My Dad Dr. Paul)
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 23 ส.ค. 2018
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This video is for educational and documentary purposes only and is not intended to treat or diagnose. The opinions expressed are that of the individual in the video and nobody else. Please consult a health care professional for all mental and physical healthcare needs.
I Noah Thomas, the creator of this channel, have been diagnosed hypogonadism by a medical doctor and legally prescribed the medically indicated treatment of Testosterone Replacement Therapy.
My Story
My name is Noah and on May 18 2011, I had a rare reaction to a medication called VIVITROL and consequently, spiraled into a suicidal depression with depersonalization and anxiety. I lost 25 lbs in 4 weeks and was in full panic or near panic for 8 weeks straight mixed with the darkest most painful depression I cold have ever imagined. I immediately could not work and had to move in with my parents who, along with many siblings and friends, had to watch me 24/7 as I was a danger to myself. Eventually I was hospitalized in the Psych Ward for a week. Getting through each day seemed truly unbearable and I knew I would surely die. I have been put on many many different doctor prescribed SSRI's SNRI's Tricyclics, mood stabilizers, anti-psychotics, holistic meds, acupuncture and even a form of shock therapy called RTMS. I barely saw any improvement in my condition for a full year. It was decided I had treatment resistant depression and I spent nearly every moment in tears. Weeks after starting my newest round of medications (Seroquel & Nortryptaline) as a last ditch effort, I had my blood drawn for possible hormone imbalances and my Testosterone levels came back 200 ng/Dl and 150 ng/Dl. The average 25 year old male has 750 ng/Dl. With this discovery I had an explanation as to why I was not getting better and why I might be so so sick. The symptoms of Low T are very similar to those of major depression. I started legally prescribed testosterone replacement therapy soon after and have been checking in with the world and documenting my experience with treatment as well as giving my insight and perspective on various topics of mental health. I am blessed to say that I have slowly, over the last 6 years, been improving and becoming more stable which I never thought to be possible. My low T manifested itself in the form of Major depression, anxiety, and depersonalization/ derealization for over a year. Treating my low testosterone has been 1 HUGE part of the puzzle but I have had to continue to work hard to hold on to my mental stability with many set backs. Gaining some mental stability back is nothing short of a miracle as I was near death for what felt like forever. I do not consider myself to be totally healed yet but I am closer now then ever before and aim to use what I have been through to help or at least offer support to others in need I was able to successfully come off my Seroquel and Pamelor.
I work out all the time as a part of my mental health recovery!!! Weight training and all kinds of cardio rule much of my free time and I also share this on my channel.
Noah Thomas (bignoknow) is an affiliate of LetsGetChecked
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I wish I had a kind, caring, and compassionate father like yours. He is also needless to say very intelligent and insightful.
A trick : you can watch movies at kaldroStream. Me and my gf have been using it for watching all kinds of movies during the lockdown.
@Zayd Elijah Yup, have been using kaldroStream for years myself :D
I actually don't drink at all because seeing my dad being alcoholic, violent and mentally crazy as I grew up made me not want to drink. Some people say I'm missing out but I just don't feel like drinking.
Good for you dude, keep that mindset, no matter what! You can easily be a drinker, but a drinker cannot "easily" be a nondrinker.
You're missing out on hangovers and regrets. What a pity ;)
Same I just hope my dad stops before its too late
Alcohol and other addictions are very often a familial thing, meaning it's an inherited tendency. It's more about how the brain processes the world around it and how the person chooses to react.
The underlying cause of addiction, the mental health issues often don't get diagnosed or treated along with addiction. I feel this is still happening with Noah., I'm not sure. His cycling is a huge red flag that his disorder is not addiction but something else that drives it. Without co treating the underlying issue like a personality disorder.
Hearing that his dad was also a functioning alcoholic makes all the sense in the world.
Addicts are a very self absorbed individuals, without much insight while in the throws of their addiction. Co treating the mental health issues and the addiction really need to be done together, IMO. I see way to many cycling people in and out until they either die or they finally run into a therapist that recognized the underlying cause.
Low T can be a result of so much drinking during puberty, however I highly doubt it's the root cause of all of his problems, if so the treatment would have worked and he wouldn't cycle in and out of addiction. Again, without the treatment of his underlying mental health issue permanent recovery is just not possible.
Many people who use alcohol to that extreme are self medicating, not just "getting high", something is awry in the brain circuitry and alcohol fills that until well it doesn't , just like any other drug used to substitute for what's lacking in a persons personality or brain chemistry.
It's hard to imagine a life without alcohol, it brought me so much anxiety and fear. Alcohol was the only thing I knew, the only thing that would bring me comfort, it was the only way I could cope with life and life on life terms. Proud of you brother.
How did I miss this video. Dr Paul is your dad?? I love watching his videos, he is the sweetest, kindest person ever. No wonder I see that kindness and honesty in you too.
Shout out to my amazing dad for being on the channel, following his passion, being a role model, and for encouraging me to be my best self no matter what.
Don't miss out on "The Addiction Summit" Free Replay this weekend.
healthaffiliate.center/23653-37.html
PRE ORDER "The Addiction Spectrum" Book by Dr. Thomas: addictionspectrum.com
MY DAD'S CHANNEL: th-cam.com/users/paulthomasmd
Thank you so much for these videos. I've been on a nasty binge for almost a year now and slowly but surely opening up to the idea of getting sober and finely moving forward with life. Much love and proud of you Noah!
Damn Noah, so glad you're doing well. I'm proud of your success brother! I'm a recovering addict and alcoholic with you, and probably lots of your viewers too. It's tough but we're kickin its ass and it's a newfound buzz, the rush of a fulfilling life! Keep it up man. We love ya!
Right on dude. What a gift it is watching your journey. I live in northern Italy and have very limited access to f2f recovery meetings and you’ve become yet another tool in my spiritual toolkit. Keep trudging my friend. And yes, I’ve pre-ordered the book. Thanks!
As always, kudos Noah. I signed up for your dad’s summit and grateful to the both of you. Your work is needed more than you know!
Thank you for making this video. I struggle with alcoholism & bad depression. It helps knowing I’m not alone, thou at times i feel very alone.
Your so like your dad mannerisms hes lovely, your so lucky to have him.
I'm so glad you have your father to help you through tough times. I list my dad when I was 15 and it hurts everyday not having that positive Male influence.
I just wanted to comment to praise you for the work you do for others . It's incredible that you are able to make these powerful videos for people who need to hear them. I hope you read this comment and find happiness within you. Bless you brother. I also know pain . God bless
You have a really good relationship with your dad. Keep up the videos man.
Noah you are such an inspiration and valuable person 💓
Recently I was sober 1.8 years and now I am drinking a couple beers a week. I lost all my friends and them and my family didnt get what and why I was sober. They made me feel like a leper. I am fighting health issues and just have zero support, seriously not 1 single person. Congrats to you.
Thanks for the video. I never drank till I was 20-21 but after the first drink I could tell I was going to have a problem. I binge drinking was horrible and I to thought it was fun and I felt smarter than everyone. After about 10-12years I decided I was going to die if I didnt stop. I also have major depressive disorder, anxiety, panic attacks, bipolar and fear issues. I still have all the problems except the drinking. I'm tired of crying all the time but sober. Thanks Noah and Dr Paul.
Very inspiring. Thank You.
This is so relatable. Makes me feel less alone
Bro. You are very brave. God bless you.
Amazing video Noah..
Hi, I came across your TRT video as I read the term today and wondered what TRT was. That was a funny video (you trying to stick the syringe in your butt! haha). Anyway, I want to keep this post short so I won't get into how awesome your dad is for caring for you and loving you so much (BTW you should really cherish that...). No... my one observation is just how GREAT you look in this video! You appear healthy, fit, slimmer and a lot younger than in any of your previous videos! This is surely what happens when you give up alcohol! I know there may be a deeper, more serious and challenging story regarding mental health or other issues - but I'm no expert on that. I'm just blown away at how your appearance has changed for the better!
It's weird - I've 'known' you on TH-cam for all of about 30 minutes, but I'm so proud of you - keep up the good work! Never go back to those dark days...
Subbed after watching your dads video.
Hope you stay sober. I have 13 years of continuous sobriety. One day at a time brother.
Awesome job. Give God the glory because He was the one who helped you through this.
No it was himself and his family.
Here is what helped me with cutting down drinking in case anyone wants to read or try what helped me cut back.. so here we go. First I started off drinking at my worst around a fifth of rum, vodka, or whatever per night. Literally every single day if anything maybe just 1 day off drinking. It grew to a point where I was even day drinking beer or anything else and then night drinking a fifth... As my next phase I tried cutting back by saying i'd do only 3-4 beers a night.. ended up being 12-16 beers a night. Tried to go through a sober phase months back cold turkey .. went 9 days straight, thought i had it and then slowly went back to binge drinking. in the process gained roughly 25-30 lbs.. And i'm a trainer much like Noah.. knew i had to change. OKAY- I started by doing intermittent fasting with my window of eating food and drinking only 12pm-8pm. I love structure so thats what i did. Not only did it help me from binge eating like Noah also experienced but it made it to where i couldn't drink past 8 which was where most of my drinking was. I made it a rule no matter what I had to stop. INSTANTLY cut me down to 3-4 beers a night. After first week next rule I can only drink every other day. so thats 3-4 beers less half the week. Next rule match my 9 day sober i did months ago. Succeeded. Now down to 2 times a week light drinking. One more thing, the reason why i chose beer was because it took longer to drink than hard liquor- also if i drink hard liquor i only get a pint. and limit to 4 shots. future goal is to cut back to only 1 time a week! GOODLUCK EVERYONE. BTW i cut 20 lbs. and have kept it off. If anyone has questions let me know.
Hey you!! Congrats To you bud & to me. I used to watch your channel when I was coming off Zubsolv last year. Long story short I did it. Hard AF but damn feel good!! Happy for u!!
Why would a doctor tell a depressed person that they were the worst case they have ever seen?
That would not make me feel stable.
I had my first drink when I was 7 year sold (by accident) and after that, it's been a battle. I LOVED not feeling worried, stressed... my mom had a short glass that I mistook for water, I downed it and for the next few hours, it was ELATION. Again, it was by accident! I still, as I watch this video, knowing sobriety is key, am on my 7th drink of the night, and still feel "coherent" which leads me to know I have an alcohol tolerance. (80 proof rum) and I still can understand and it scares me, I don;t want to end up worse ( Like I was on Cymbalta, 1.75 liter every 2 days, it was scary but wild!) I HATE the way I still feel, and smoking doesn't help and want to quit both, but nothing in this area for any "GOOD" help, just "time out" for bad behavior" is all we get. Cymbalta made me quit smoking, but to have friends, that was my only social thing I did. Now I miss my friends, and they offer me cigarettes so I will stay and talk to them... vicious cycle of need/want/sympathize. I am 41 and live in a place for elderly (used to be disabled and elderly, but they got rid of disabled but I'm grandfathered in) and I see WAY MORE than someone my age should have to deal with (losing friends weekly). Sorry to unload, been a bad week. BLESS YOUR HEARTS for your help :)
Everybody wants to be liked/loved, and is a child at heart. Just hold your head up and be yourself. Just be pleasant and respectful towards people, don’t be in their face. If they offer you cigs, just thank them and decline, or accept….
You must be a lovely person. Just believe in yourself. 💕
I have been on suboxone now for 5 years and had a pill addiction for 5 years. I am ready to stop but i'm so damn scared to take the next step.
I don't drink alcohol cause I have lived with a alcoholic who scares me when it gets drunk half the time I stay away from it I am in my room all day while it's out in the living room even when it's not drunk cause it's on break from work but when it gets home from work it gets drunk and calls me names and punches bedroom doors and closet doors it falls it passes out on the couch it falls asleep on the bed a weird way I wish alcohol wasn't made or aloud on this Earth
Thank you for this platform, Noah. Stay strong.
If anyone is interested in the neurobiology and genetics of addiction, I highly recommend "The Addictive Brain" by Prof. Thad A. Polk (an approximately 6+ hours listen from Audible's The Great Courses series). It's eye opening and helped me understand the neuroscience behind addiction. The lecture is very accesible even for someone whose background isn't science. The early chapters touch on the neurochemical changes that happen when a substance enters the brain. It also addresses behavioral addiction (gaming, gambling).
To all of you who are (and continue) to battle addiction or are supporting someone who is, may you find recovery.
Funny he said “wake up call” w your child .. yes our ds was 4 or 5 when I started seeing my abuse as a little girl. I knew I was to protect him with anything & from anyone
Noah, is there anyway I’d be able to talk to you? I have some very serious questions and as someone who has followed a solid amount of your story online, I’d really trust your opinion. Thanks in advance
Damn, I thought Big No was one of the realist tubers in the game but this thumbnail leaves a nasty taste in my mouth piece. Please just keep it real my man, thats why we love ya brotha
I try hard to be at al costs but I get what your saying. Learning how to “play the TH-cam game” in order to affect as many lives as possible and maintain integrity is key. I feel I accomplished that in this video and thumbnail as this is all very serious to me but your feedback is still valuable. Be well.
I retract what I said and honestly feel like a jerk. I WANT more people to see you and benefit from your content like I did so I get exactly what you are saying. How can you get more exposure if you don't play the game? They honestly do make it a game. Not only do I get it but I will support you until your last vid my brother. I hope you accept my apology for judging instead of trusting. I'm your 147th like my dood
This Is Serious ✌
amaziiing
I remember your spiral .. you were trying to figure out when u could drink.
Yo bignoknow try hypnotherapy it helps recovering from any addiction like smoking, alcohol, drugs, etc.
Alcoholism is a curious thing. For a few years I was drinking more than an average alcoholic but just went off it and stopped drinking. I've never 'craved' it. I guess I am lucky. Sort of...I am addicted to other things.
JP Cooling cannabis . It abrogates other addictions
My thing is Xanax. I've managed to keep the dosage down but I can't really function effectively without at least half a bar.
@@jpcooling - daaamn brother, hope you dont have to withdrawal from that xanax shit! I did. It makes heroin detox feel like a happy picnic! Worst 2 months of my life. Like alcohol, benzo withdrawal CAN kill people too. Nasty shit man.
The worst part about the 12-step movement is the guilt complex it instills and its followers. It is a guilt based Works based religion at the end of the day.
islandguy David that is so night true!
Respect your opinion man but, it saved my ass. 12 step recovery has actually relieved me from the massive guilt and shame that I experienced in active addiction. I’m almost 5 years sober and have attended 12 step meetings around the world and it has never felt religious to me. Yes, they talk about “God” but, it is always followed by “as you understand him/her”. I’ve only experienced 12 step recovery as people who have suffered helping people who are suffering. That’s not a bad thing my friend...
Noah I’m just an addict.. lol
Like pain meds
My bro passed from an accidental od of cocaine heroin & fentanyl end of Jan. I had no clue!! Not in the same state. I have to figure it out for myself too Noah. My bro passed alone in a hotel room.
Wait was it klonopin ?? Maybe that’s when I started watching your channel
they sound aike
Got to be kidding me these guys are laughing straight to the bank. Now a book.
i feel like drinking is heredetary. Which sucks, it's almost as if your doomed to become an alcoholic and you cant do anything about it.
my husband got better drinking his own homemade wine. Dont drink alcohol from store, it is shit
There's one thing dr. Paul does that irritates me he puts his finger in a baby's mouth and lets it suck on it I could see him doing that for a second to see if there was something wrong but it keeps it in there that's just sickening if that was my baby I would tell him to keep his finger out of my babies mouth
Let’s be completely honest here brotha. It’s not the alcohol. It’s childhood trauma! Let’s get to the root of the real problem. Let’s stop being victims and take control of our lives. The real question is who introduced you to alcohol what happened behind close doors with this person who gave you alcohol? Why was your father an alcoholic? What happened in his life as a child? What really happened? Maybe something that your not even aware of and now you blame it on drugs and alcohol. Child abuse? 13 was the key to the trauma in your life. It wasn’t the alcohol, but something deeper that shaped you. You seem to have been a troubled kid. Ask why were you so troubled?
I don't blame anything on alcohol. It was but a symptom. Exploring all the things you mentioned step by step in recovery, with my sponsor, and with my alcohol counselor. Alcohol was my solution, not my problem. The side effects of alcohol led to many painful things.
bignoknow well said. And understand exactly what you mean it’s the reason why I follow you. I too have suffered from similar issues. And still do from time to time. Non the less, I’m glad we’re still alive!!
fake