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How Do I Stop My Feelings for My Lover & Save My Marriage?

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  • เผยแพร่เมื่อ 18 ส.ค. 2024
  • It's tough. Isn't it?
    You feel this tremendous emotional connection to one person loving him or her like you'd never thought you might be able to love. Yet you're married to another person and you really want to make that marriage work because you're convinced that's the right thing to do.
    Well, at least occasionally you're convinced that's the right thing to do.
    You find yourself vacillating, thinking;
    "I'm a good dad. I'm a good mom. I'm a good husband. I'm a good wife. I'm a good person. I made a vow that I'd be together with this person for the rest of my life. And now I'm in love with somebody else, but I need to stop that at least on some occasions. I think I need to stop that and work things out with my spouse. And then on other occasions, I'm thinking, I don't know if I ever can put the marriage back together because for the rest of my life, I'm going to be mourning what I've lost. If I end this relationship with the other person."
    I understand how you feel. I've been exactly where you are.
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ความคิดเห็น • 51

  • @MarriageHelper
    @MarriageHelper  3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Be sure to get our FREE Mini Course if you're trying to get your spouse back!
    marriagehelper.com/how-to-get-your-spouse-back-mini-course/
    We hope it helps! ❤️

  • @northshorelight35
    @northshorelight35 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    Whatever you do, don’t ghost your affair partner. Sit down with them face to face and break up.

    • @marsattacks1979
      @marsattacks1979 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Ghosting is bitter to swallow but each person reacts in a different way, everybody have their circumstances and, anyway it is their space and, in the end, there must be a point of no contact. What we can control is the good old memories and the grace and class we carry forward. No regrets, no sorrows, no breadcrumbing, no lurking,... just the effort to rise and improve what we have in your space and the hope that the limerescence fades away sooner or later.

  • @boltman4227
    @boltman4227 ปีที่แล้ว +15

    My affair ended six months ago. I elected to stay in my marriage and things are better, but I still think about the affair partner every day. I really miss her.😢

    • @mikeschmautz
      @mikeschmautz ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Does it get any easier?

    • @mikeschmautz
      @mikeschmautz ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Do stay in the marriage, it will be worth it

    • @boltman4227
      @boltman4227 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      @Eremias Ranwolf Things were better. I was doing really well in moving on, but the affair partner texted me on Tuesday for my birthday. We had a brief conversation, but it set me back to square one. I don't want the affair days back. It was much too stressful and demanding of my time, but I do miss her friendship. Time will heal once again.

    • @jeanjoseph7905
      @jeanjoseph7905 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      @@boltman4227 change your phone number.

    • @kyleb7753
      @kyleb7753 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      I know the feeling 😞😢

  • @Fra8824
    @Fra8824 ปีที่แล้ว +12

    I think every situation is unique, and this cannot apply to all. It’s a case by case. There are many different reasons for affairs. Not saying they are right, but it happens, and for various reasons.

  • @burtonkornelsen1182
    @burtonkornelsen1182 3 ปีที่แล้ว +14

    You said 36 months. You kidding. For its been 27 years

    • @sapphirah451
      @sapphirah451 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Are you saying g it’s been 27 yards since you left the affair partner and yet you still feel that limerance?

  • @kerrymillar1267
    @kerrymillar1267 ปีที่แล้ว +10

    How are you meant to forgive someone who fell in love with someone else, while they were with you? It’s asking someone to be superhuman.
    I go through phases but overall it’s such a betrayal.

    • @MarriageHelper
      @MarriageHelper  ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Hey @kerrymillar1267, so sorry to hear you are going through this. Because of the complexity of this situation, we would strongly advise you reach out to us directly! You can call us at 1 (866) 903 0990 and be connected with one of our Client Representatives who will guide you to the best resources we have available for your situation. You can also schedule the call yourself for a time that works best for you by following this link: marriagehelper.com/marriage-strategy-call/
      We look forward to speaking with you directly if you will allow it!

  • @mandieswanepoel5230
    @mandieswanepoel5230 2 ปีที่แล้ว +7

    I am struggling with this for 10 years now.
    It forced me to seperate from my husband.
    I have tried to end it but it never lasted.
    I still love my husband and feel terribly sorry and hurt and guilty for the pain I have caused him.
    Now I am on my own while trying to figure out what to do.
    How do I stop being in contact with my lover if we work together?
    The fact that I have to see my lover everyday will still cause doubt in my husband.
    I cannot leave my work since its the only stability I have.
    I am in such a bad place and I no its all my own doing.... Consequences is hurfull for all involved.

    • @Cvgirl84
      @Cvgirl84 2 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      I feel you 😔 pray 🤲🏾 pray and let God in charge

    • @katielung6515
      @katielung6515 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      So sorry, I feel your pain

    • @RoyaltyRisingProductions
      @RoyaltyRisingProductions 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      -- Pray for God to present a better job for you. Once you commit to finding a new job at a different location (where you never see or have contact with the former lover), be actively seeking a new job... and what you seek you WILL find. Commit to it and follow through immediately, if you truly want to reconcile with your spouse. Do not waste anymore time.

    • @Separo1
      @Separo1 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      I am going through a similar experience, however, i my stiry I have told my Lover last year that it was over as I am trying to save my mariage. Since then we maintain friendly contact but I still love her. She told me last July (14 month into this « friendship » ) that she had moved on and since then I am in fill limerence. This drug hurt and the EX is not necessarily staying with us and then we are alone. I wish you all the best and unless your lover commit with you, you will suffer when he goes. you must let it go for your own happiness which I am told in the many podcast I haven listened too, will come. Best

    • @johna30
      @johna30 3 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Did you ever try to get back with him?

  • @barbarameyer8134
    @barbarameyer8134 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Someone has been watching Marriage Helper Again I Know How You Feel .

  • @karwan33
    @karwan33 3 วันที่ผ่านมา

    I m going through this now and its absolutely hard to deal with it.

  • @user-vx6bj7rb8z
    @user-vx6bj7rb8z 11 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Hey Dr Joe I'm from Guyana I will to no more about the course you have to offer

  • @barbarameyer8134
    @barbarameyer8134 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Watching This One I See Love YOU

  • @sarahthoni8046
    @sarahthoni8046 10 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Family constellation after the German Psychotherapist Bert Hellinger will show the REAL reason why all this happens and it will make forgiving so much easier. Both forgiving yourself and everyone involved. It is always a dynamic between the whole system. Not only between two or three people.

  • @libindavidson7721
    @libindavidson7721 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    True love never fades dr.joe beam

    • @johnsonjj117
      @johnsonjj117 17 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

      “love” built during an affair isn’t “true love”. By nature an affair is damaging to your soul and someone who loves you wouldn’t be part to that.

  • @michaelweening5171
    @michaelweening5171 5 หลายเดือนก่อน

    My wife cheated on me last week. She says she want to stay with me. But she had and affair with a co worker, and she really likes her job. How can I rebuild trust or be with her if I know there is still contact at work. It's driving me crazy everyday. I am currently at step 0.5

  • @wheelmangames5366
    @wheelmangames5366 3 ปีที่แล้ว +11

    The real challenge is getting my wife to watch this..

    • @wheelmangames5366
      @wheelmangames5366 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      @@claricestar47 Sir?
      You are 100% Correct !

    • @RU-ll9lk
      @RU-ll9lk 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      Lol right

    • @blackaj69
      @blackaj69 ปีที่แล้ว

      I totally hear you!!

  • @jeffreylaury6549
    @jeffreylaury6549 11 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Won't admit to cheating

  • @jeanettekniebusch9812
    @jeanettekniebusch9812 3 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    Who cares about Jezebels feelings she didnt care about the wifes feelings her kids psin because they have to feel tgeir moms pain.The ugliness of what Dad did tk tgeir Mom.just cruel and quire evil thing to do to someone you CLSIMED TO LOVE. ITS REALKY TGE ACTIONS OF AN ENEMY WHK DOESNT CARE ABOUT TGE PAIN THEYD CAUSE YOU AT ALL.SOUNDS PRETTY EVIL NOT OF LOVE AND LIGHT

  • @jeanettekniebusch9812
    @jeanettekniebusch9812 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    The cheater deserves tjeir spouce to fo what youve dine to them!!

  • @RoyaltyRisingProductions
    @RoyaltyRisingProductions 2 ปีที่แล้ว

    Amen 🔥

  • @jeffreylaury6549
    @jeffreylaury6549 11 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Spouse Will not admit to their cheating. Continually lying, continually lying.

  • @dean25able
    @dean25able 3 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    It hurts that you have to violate boundaries just to get the truth my wife keeps lying about talking to her affair person.

    • @dean25able
      @dean25able 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      @@claricestar47 can't argue with that

    • @dean25able
      @dean25able 3 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      @@claricestar47 I can man up but no one deserves to be lied to

    • @dean25able
      @dean25able 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@claricestar47 you are right but we are are trying to fix our marriage and you can't cut that connection. Just say you need some space and we can separate until you figure out what you want to do

    • @MaRiAm936
      @MaRiAm936 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      I think she is in limerence with that person. I am sorry to tell you that in your situation you can't do much,it's her job to stay or to leave,to cut the contacts with them or to keep contacting them.
      Sit with her and tell her that you know everything and that you give her time to think,and that's you are going to respect her decision whatever it is and leave her alone for few weeks.

  • @renostubbs8504
    @renostubbs8504 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    In my opinion, one has already made up their mind if you step outside the marriage with someone else.
    Once you have made that decision, you have to live with it for the rest of your life.
    What is over is over because you never had feelings for your wife or husband for that matter.
    If you did it once you will do it again.

    • @charleneg.4053
      @charleneg.4053 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      So why are you here if that’s how you feel 🤔

    • @renostubbs8504
      @renostubbs8504 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      Who wants to know@@charleneg.4053

    • @charleneg.4053
      @charleneg.4053 3 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      @@renostubbs8504 it’s a rhetorical question, so nobody. You don’t really believe that or you wouldn’t be here, now would you? It’s ok to try and appear strong, we all do it. But you’re wrong in your analysis. That’s my opinion.

    • @renostubbs8504
      @renostubbs8504 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@charleneg.4053 I am curious, probably just as you are,tell me why you think that this can work???

    • @charleneg.4053
      @charleneg.4053 3 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      @@renostubbs8504 fair enough. I do not believe in once this always that. I believe people can learn and grow. People by nature are quite selfish. But I also believe that people have to change for themselves and who they want to be as a person. I’ve done many things in life that I know I’ll never do again. Did they change me? Yes. Will things ever be what they were? No, but that’s not always a bad thing. It’s feasible and I believe can be better in ways and in others maybe not so much. It’s a balance with many factors involved, but it’s definitely not black and white.