Ridiculous that people would allow themselves to give of themselves emotionally whilst knowing they are in a MARRIAGE. If you’re so unhappy then talk to your spouse and work it out don’t go emotionally connecting with other people. Some people are so selfish.
Sometimes emotional connections just happen, especially if life circumstances put one in close and often contact with other people. The variables are whether such contact is necessary and what a married person does once romantic emotions with someone outside their marriage begin. People don’t have to pursue romantic relationships that develop outside their marriage.
@mynameisglitter2220 your comment comes from ignorance. As someone's whose spouse connected on a deep emotional level with another who he considered a soul mate but has now reconciled with me I can tell you my own poor actions as a spouse (neglect, harshness, lack of intimacy) left a huge opportunity for someone else to simply show him kindness and desire for him which made him feel loved when he didn't feel it from me. I know better how to love him now (as I truely always loved him but took his love for granted) and always looking for ways to be a better wife. And me being a better wife inspires him to be a better husband, to love me how I like to feel loved, so it is win win.
@@emohbrisnicki7648 I’m happy for your situation but as someone dealing with the “found out” stage it is very hard to see why my partner pursued it once it developed instead of letting me know the severity of their unhappiness.
Social media nowadays is the one reason that ruin or destroys marriages. It happened to me! My wife for 10 years just accepted a friend request through instagram and she is telling me they are just friends and getting to know each other, what i am supposed to do feels like I'm just the option now.
Third marriage was the best: first ended from a head injury he had, second drug use and these were not low life men the third a physician and I married over 47 yrs and eight children later. We are happy together because all relationships are teaching relationships. No one can make you happy but they can make you miserable. That is how we deal with each other commitment, not taking each other for granted and being fifty fifty.
Everything in the video is what we've gone through for 5 weeks now. We r staying and just hoping things get better. So worried, will it ever get better, infidelity is the worst thing people, pls pls pls don't ever think of it
When my spouse is with his lover that "means nothing to him" I don't have the time to waste thinking that this marriage is not over. It's totally over.
This if anything at least made me feel better. I cried as I watched this so hard! My husband loves someone else. He has not left me for her yet but wants to, today was a new low as he decided not to spend our wedding anniversary together but with her and my heart is so broken
And they say these things so easily. They have no sympathy or remorse for your feelings. But Karma ... my lord, is going to BUST THEM IN THE FACE WITH A BRICK!
I'm that spouse in love with another woman after 36 years...I never loved my wife...married her because I got her pregnant....finally a stranger appeared in my life...I fell hard...I understand I'm a sinner...we all are... But I finally have felt in love....but I care about my wife a.c and it kills me to hurt her...she is after all family..
I have been through similar things, so painful....Dont try if you dont have kids, it is not worth the pain, there are many other man or woman out there can give you happiness than staying in disrespectful marriages. However when there are kids involved, I dont think it is that simple, try hard for the kids.....
About to go to counseling. I'm so glad to have this knowledge. It's very true to go in knowing that the therapist is working to save our marriage. People can change...and things can change. As long as you are willing to change. If anything you can walk away with the knowledge that you did your best. It's worth a try.
From my Understanding people don't change (atleast the basic instinct of a person which is different for everyone). would like know how did it go for you after a year
"Marriage counselor" was a bully and blamed my husband for everything. His choice to have an affair but the "counselor" never addressed the marriage problems. My husbands individual counselor told him in his very first session that it "sounds like the affair was a way to get out of the marriage, you should divorce her." Thank God for MH. He still isn't wanting to work on it but he also hadn't moved out. I'm still standing thanks to MH.
God bless you for taking time to post your video, & the directions to other resources! As far as I'm concerned, well.... I think you're an angel is disguise, and my beloved daughter, going through this situation, was led to you. Your words seemed to confirm our feelings, she has a what seems like a wisdom of loving understanding that her sweet husband is a wonderful person, just doing something totally out of character. Our family looks beneath the actions, it's what is that person hurting from that causes the actions, and our own part in it. It was more than by accident she found you! It was like you were talking right to her, and this mama thanks you!
After the last affair that Debi admitted, she was willing to go to a marriage counselor. On the third or fourth visit, the Doctor asked me how much I was willing to put up with before I filed for divorce. I should have left right then, but we went for two more years with no results, and Debi never quit talking to the lover. Now she has moved in with the latest affair. Saving the marriage has to be the goal of your counselor. So glad a friend whose been through the same thing as I have sent a link to your website!
This is how I wanted to feel a few months ago when I started seeing the signs on the wall. My ex husband showed a lot of disinterest in the relationship and I was really going to let them go if the wanted. unfortunately I was too curious to know what really happened and if there was something that could be fix in there. He was a gentleman and I trusted but he showed strong signs of infidelity and it made uncertain unwanted most of the time, i wanted to know. My friend told me it was possibe to find out everything without risks through phone spying. she introduced me to a guy " Binaryreap3r @ gmial com " who helped me spy on my ex's phone until I found out he was having a same-sex affair all along. I still let him go but I did that knowing I am totally perfect and I stopped hurting
Ever noticed how much he talks with his hands? Love it. My wife told me the exact same thing when she left. “I love you, but not in love with you”. She must think I am a fool
My husband & I have gone through a lot of stress, including my post partum depression. I’ve never ever expected this kind of activity from my husband, but I also know that he has been there trying to comfort me & a person can only take so much. I have been very bad & not there for him at all. I haven’t been the wife I should be. He recently told me he didn’t love me anymore & that he’s been talking to a girl & really cares about her. I don’t blame him for falling out of love with me because I’ve been a different person & extremely hateful toward him for a long time. I’m in shock & I’m trying to fix myself. This video helps a lot along with a lot of your other videos. I would love to speak to someone about help. I love my husband. We have babies & he’s my whole world. He really is a good man. He’s just doing something bad. & I know he hasn’t tried to hurt me, but he needs the love and affection that I haven’t been able to give him for a long time. Help!
I’m not married but what a great service and advice. I can quite believe you help so many. Talking passionately and from the heart and definitely experience which is just the best help ever ❤️
He did leave, doesn't want to come back because he's in love with her, she's perfect from head to toe according to him. Yes he has threatened to take everything from me. 13 years for nothing
16 years for me. Raised her kids, just welcomed a granddaughter, finally sold a house we've been under for over a year, and then she comes back home after a trip and tells me she has a boyfriend. 14 years younger, a stranger to personal hygiene, and the kid who I have shown nothing but compassion to since I met him. Now I'm trying to work through a life where the woman I live with thinks it's perfectly fine to treat me like this under some delusion that she's never "chosen herself" before...
I do not believe in saving any marriage. If he or she fall in love they can fall out of love for different reasons if you start compromising it is already a compromise unnaturally
i listen to friends and family but i had to fine my way to deal with this. he left and i went back to my life. things were hard from the emotion side of things. i worked with a great bunch of guys who took me out and talked to me. one mentioned the value of me. i listened and realize i was just as valueable as he was. my life didnt stop jusr his love did. my love was still there. he wasnt the love i felt, i was. so i let him go. no more tears fell, i stopped asking what i did i was innocent he was the wrong guy i married. exceptability to the end of my marriage hurt like hell. but i was stronger to what i believed. he came to see me, i walked out to my friend and left him there. when i came back he was still there. why where was the woman he could love at. he wanted to talk to me, now it was on my terms. i felt strong and happy now he knows my value. he may never get it back. but we could talk.
Lot's of good information. I'm sure many agree. There are some areas to be considered. We're all individuals, we have feelings, standanrds, dreams, and expectations. Lying is one thing, but what it brings to light, are two different and potentially destructive emotions. Trust & betrayal. All of us have different (many similar) reactions to these. Can a spouse be trusted? Has a spouse been betrayed? Hard to separate what our comfort zones, upbringing, ideas of marriage & relationships. One thing that keeps popping up in all these videos, is a lack of clear communication between the couple. It's easy to think something is better because it's new, titillating, exciting, refreshing etc. Have a look at what you have? Do you have the honor and respect you should? Why not? What can you do about it?
We went to marriage counseling about 10 years ago and that made my husband much worse towards me. we went to marriage counseling this past year and it was a nightmare. The woman didn’t know what she was doing. It really hurt our marriage.
I attended marriage counseling with my husband and it was not helpful at all. He is quite the charmer and the female counselor aligned herself with my husband and often justified his actions as him "going through a rough period". My mistake clearly was that it was not a Christian counselor who was dedicated to marriage recovery. My husband and I did attend the intensive Marriage Helper weekend and it was amazing. Although my husband is still with the OW, what was learned, during the weekend, planted seeds in him and was immensely helpful to me.
My spouse had an affair. It started with the " Im not 'in love' with you comment." We were both dealing with sick parents, demanding jobs, and 4 kids. He has now moved out. After 23 years, I still love him but the pain of him telling someone else that he loves them is unbearable. He says he is taking time and trying to sort out his feelings but I feel he should not have to 'try' to love me. Sincerely, Ready to give up
Angie Harrison So sorry to hear that Angie. My wife did the same 6 weeks ago. After 24 years together. You and I have a lot in common. Very similar situation. I am thinking of going to therapy to try and process everything. Have you considered talking with someone? How are you getting along on a day to day basis?
@@navajo237 I have started therapy. It is helping me. It is still hard. I try to continue my daily activities as much as possible but some days I just have to go to my room and let my feelings come out.
@@angieharrison3935 I understand. I have bad days my self. There are days where I can't bring myself to get out of bed. But I think of my kids and muster the energy to get up. I know things will get better, so I try to see the bigger picture and not get too tied up on how I am feeling right there that moment. Its hard. Thank you for sharing, and I will try therapy. This is a terrible thing to go through. I got the "I'm not in love with you" comment as well from my wife. It crushed me. Still does. Today is only slightly better than yesterday.
@@navajo237 Hanging in there. We got back together for a brief few weeks then he left again saying doesn't love me at all now. He has found someone new. How things with you?
OMGoodness! We started out with a lovely counselor who thought that my husband needed more help so shifted me over to another woman. Later on, after months with this woman, I found out that she was going through her own divorce during our sessions. She was so bitter that I had to leave. My husband was in love with the "perfect woman" and I had to leave him, but here we are, 43 years later, happily married because not only was the "perfect woman" NOT perfect, but he figured out that he couldn't leave the best friend he had ever had.....the woman who let him sort himself out. Like you mentioned in this video I took care of myself, got my affairs in order just in case, but when he came back he told me he would spend the rest of his life making it up to me....and he has.....We never talk about that time in our marriage because it was one year and we have plenty of happier memories to talk about.
I'm going through this right now July 5th is our anniversary and she will be in the hotel again this weekend through the Fourth of July weekend I will be alone at home. Any thumbs up or comment will help
Thank you for this video it gives me clarification and I know God wanted me to see this video at this time. Your knowledge and information is very much needed. God bless you.
What do you do if he’s not consistently actively involved with taking care of our child? Is placing him on child support a bad thing? I’ve been doing it by myself for 8yrs now and I can’t continue with it just for the sake of marriage. Our child deserves better and I will choose our child over him always.
Reading all the comments, watching the video plus my current situation I guess it's better of not to involve in any relationship at all. The pain is like you are dying 💔
Snippets of advice are ok but life isn't an endurance test, especially regarding marriage. .."not necessarily over"only occurs between people with actual shared values along with the willingness to change
Although Dr. Beam seems like a great counselor! I don't understand the idea of staying with someone if there has been un-faithfulness in a relationship? What are u promoting? that cheating is permissible? Everyone should get a second chance? If you get married? Keep your eye on the fucken ball (your partner) don't stray off!
Omg history of my life, the pain is indescribable!!!! I wanted divorce but it was to hard to start, kids.. pain.. money.. etc.. the lover is married and is not in love, didn’t have sex, but the pain, the anger is intense!!!!! We have the greatest counselor in the world, thank God!
You guys and your advice turned out priceless.... Thank you. It helped to look at things from a different angle and maybe.... Just maybe saved my marriage.
Well if my spouse is in love and going with someone's else well that's tuff for me because I didn't complete him as a man and life still has to go on and because I have no right to stop him from find love and to have happiness in there life all I can do is to have forgiveness towards him and let him go because he didn't believe and trust me any way my friend one can't cry over spilt milk
My spouse is about to leave. It's obvious that she has reached a point to where she rather hurt me than hurt the affair partner. Its obvious her heart is no longer with me. It hurts, but it's one of those things you have to accept, and let things run its course. My wife is a good person doing a bad thing.
Hi, Quinton. We would love to get you connected with one of our client representatives so that we can help. Please call us at 866-903-0990. Here are a few resources which may provide insight:www.marriagehelper.com/spouse-wants-divorce/ www.marriagehelper.com/husband-cheating-heres-talk/
This is similar, you know what, if a man is in love with other woman, this is a crisis marriage, you give him red card, because love is not simple things, forget everything and move on with your life no matter what happened to you, just do better things for your future.
My husband came in with immense baggage, selfish and abusive. And he's still here. But he loves her, too, and I don't want to feel like a consolation prize, all because we've been together for so long or whatever.
We have been married for almost three years. I needed to leave the house and go to take care of my mom who was very sick. He came to see me for a month. 10 months ago. Now he doesn't want me back and he wants to separate. We talked with a social worker and that made us fight and get even more separated. Should I go back to our home and try to win my husband back? How and what to do?
Yes Doctor Joe Beam you correct I have been going through that and listen to other peoples stories which I have hurt myself. but I want to thank you for sharing. I have been telling my husbands friends, Boss and he's family about what he was doing.
I love my spouse however we have been having financial crisis and it’s been ongoing for 2 years. With that being said we have two children together. 2 days go he left to go stay with a friend . He said so that he can grow and find himself. But just last night he came to see the kids and told me that he thought about it and that he just doesn’t want to get back together because he was never happy. Which I don’t believe because even with financial issues we have always found time to laugh and enjoy each other...what do I do in this moment ? I am currently praying and just taking care of myself and kids...o still have faith that he will come back to us
Just got the news the other day that my wife cheated. Turned my world upside down. I dont want to leave my kids. Im just tore up. Dont know who to beleive and yesterday she said she liked cheating and shes in love with him. Im not ready to let her go. She keep talking in hypotheticals like" i can picture you with someone that deserves you". Makes me feel like she's trying to push me out.
Getting in love with someone else! That means that person doesn't love you. I serious wonder how that person who has emotionally tortured you can reclaim love from you. Feelings can also be lost on my side. So if anything it becomes worse.
Thats Not true. When someone falls in Love With another and has a affair, in Most cases its Limerence. Extremely high Feelings... IT s Like a addiction. But Limerence Always ends and the majority of affairs dont Last a lifetime. So If someone really Love His spouse and want to save His marriage there is Hope.
It’s really hard. One year down the line am still fighting. And he tells me things will be better.it’s really draining but I believe God will do it for me
Joe you have it right. I know my husband is bad person doing a bad thing. He admitted to me who he is after 33 years my entire marriage was fake. He made a comment to me is it better to pretend to be who you want me to be or do you really want to know who I am? Admitted cheating the entire marriage.
@@RaneetaFailua15 yes it was very devastating and come to find out hes a narrassist. Thank you it's nice to know there are still kind people out here, it's sad but true.... you really begin to doubt everything and everyone after being so deceived by the closest person to you. Whom you realize you never knew.
If you are in the comments and you wouldn't accept your spouse back then why are you commenting this is for people who want to fight for their marriage don't discourage us just go watch the videos that fit your character. Ps. People say what they wouldn't do until they are in the situation... 😉
I will say that this video is far more reasonable and balanced than virtually every other video on this subject that I've seen, 👏👏👏👏👏 That said, if she cheats and leaves because she's "in love" with someone else, she'd do well not to make threats on her way out the door...and to *never* forget, that door only swings one way. "You wanted to be gone. You got gone. You STAY gone."
I have been in love with another man for 26 years. There is a considerable age gap ,like a lifetime. He was married with kids before I was even born . I have lived a life that no-one knows about and so has he . We are both madly in love and want each other as much as the day we met . I am married with kids and he is still with his wife but we are both heartbroken because too many people would be hurt and it would be to much of a scandal . I dream we are with each other and I talk to him everyday . We played with fire all those years ago and we both live with a broken heart and no-one knows .
I've made alot of mistakes during the separation before i found videos like this. Can i still get my wife back. She seems to hate me. We were together for 13 years
Did u get her back? I’m dealing with my husband leaving us -using drugs & now with another woman. We have zero communication. He doesn’t even try to visit our son who is only 10. I wouldn’t welcome him back with open arms wrapped around him but I want our family our marriage more than anything. He just met this woman a few weeks ago & now they’re “in love “ I can’t believe that.
What about with hidden violence? That is repeated. What about when you've divorced before and remarry and then the violence starts again? When I say violence I mean to the point of broken bones
Donna Blaney “When someone shows you who they are, believe them!”. I wish I had taken that advise! It’s incredibly hard to change who you are, good intentions are NOT enough...It takes so much work and dedication. Very, VERY few human beings can ever do that. If his ‘instinctive’ reaction to certain situations is violence, it will ALWAYS be violence. An almost religious observance of Anger Management training and self work ‘could possibly’ work. If you’ve gone through the utter devastation of divorce and even that didn’t make him have the strength to dedicate himself to self management I believe nothing will. If you have children you are fundamentally changing who they will be in life by your CHOICES. It’s horrific abuse to expose your children to a family with physical abuse. I know that’s harsh. I’m a weak, sad person but I hope better for you. Please be strong. If not for yourself then for those who love you.
people dont honor the vows they took when they got married. 20 years of marriage my husband told me, he found a woman he could love. my heart stopped. well who was i. saddness pain and tears. i had given him my heart but it wasnt good enough. i had to think this through what did i do wrong besides love him. we never had kids. i had no reason to stay with him except thats where i wanted to be. in this whole dam world i could be anywhere but i only wanted to be with him. choices became important. when i married its was for the promise of growing old together. but after this how could i forgive him.
My boyfriend fell in love with someone else. He decided to stay with me instead, because he loves me. Now I have to watch him be lovesick. He wants to get over it. But it is nothing he can change right now. It's crazy hard. I want to leave him and the honeymoon in love part of him just wants me to leave and just be with her. But it's only day 4 of him telling me he fell in love and things are still fresh.
Marriage Counsellors goal is to keep you married because they get paid well if you stay married but if you Divorce the Money doesn't go to them it goes to the greedy Divorce Lawyers
Me too my anniversary is July 5th they will be in a hotel once again on July 4th through the 5th I will be alone at my house I cry so much did I get thirsty from loss of fluids
It's all began with you first you have a lover so that she too are doing the same now if you really loves your wife get together talk n both go to a church n ask God for forgiveness God is the only solution to your problem
My husband is in a relationship with my sister. He has committed that. But, he does not want to leave me as well. He wants to stay with me, while having relationship with my sister. I getting mad, I don't know what to do now. Please help.
Well my wife falls in love for a younger guy who has no interest in her but she is still pursuing him and trying to get him to have feelings for her its about four months now and she lost alot of weight and always depressed What should I do with her because she told her affection for me is dead and she just want to be friends we have 5 kids am the first man for her her and she is the first woman for me Right now am tired of talking to her I actually told her am done I cant bother
1, Take care of yourself. Go to gym, Spend time with the kids. Show her that your happy even without her. 2.Always smile, and greatful. If you love your wife. your priority is her happiness not yours. Because you already know how to make yourself happy because of step 1. 3. Wait for her , if she comes back, she is yours. But if not. atleast you can handle things on your own. 4. Be truthful with your feelings. If she asks something, be truethful that you still love her, but show her that I wont beg for you to stay anymore. If your deciscion is to leave or stay, I will honor them both. Dude, if she really loves you. She will realize how lucky she is to have you.
Is it a hopeless situation when he doesn't want marriage counseling, doesn't want to give you a chance, told you to your face to "Get it through your thick head I don't want you I am not going back to you ".
What if your spouse run away with affair, and you begged you pleaded you even told your spouse co worker for what he did and you start processing the divorce but after a month of begging you stopped is there still a chance?
We went to a marriage counselor. I did not find he helped for me my husband liked him cause he was on his side mostly.He did think we would make it. Low be hold my husband left me 2 years ago and said we are never get back together and now has a girlfriend.I still have hope.
What if I did all three of the should not. Is there a way to recover the marriage. She's keeps telling me she's done with me and left to live with another man. She refuses to admit she's cheated but admitted that she let him get to close as a friend. She's mad that I've talked to my mother, siblings, and friends to get my sadness out. I have decided to let her go but I see her everyday so my 7 and 3 year old boys can have their mom. It's killing me because she's told me she's not in love with me over and over. I've been with her for a decade and have loved her unconditionally. Idk what to do to help the marriage. I filled for divorce this weak because she had become so angry about all this she's lost her mind and destroyed things and been violent to me. Im afraid that she will blowup at my children and me again. She really needs help and she's getting it slowly through a councilor but I think my marriage is done.
Dr. Beam, I am listening to your video right now. I have been with my husband since we were 18, now we are both 41. He is currently living with the other woman. I love him and want my marriage back. I am so depressed. I can barely function. I keep praying for my marriage. We went to lunch on the 3rd. On the 4th, I needed validation and so I texted him if he loved me. He said yes. Then 30 minutes later she texted me. I read something about being me being ridiculous and I only read long enough to figure out it was her and then I deleted the text. I texted him and he had blocked me. There has been no contact since either way. I don’t know what to do.
She is controlling him cuz he is weak or he is playing games with both of you which is cruel. I would give myself closure and decide am better than that and move on.
Just found out my husband has been reaching out to his ex after years of telling me he stopped (after I told him I was uncomfortable with it). He says they’ve not “done anything” but I feel betrayed. He gets angry when I want to talk about it. Interested in anyone’s thoughts? I’m lost and torn. Not sure what to believe. Thanks to anyone who has any helpful thoughts.
I hope you both have had meaningful communication about this since you posted. Healthy boundaries are needed. If there are children involved with the ex, then there is good reason for their communication, but that should be open with you. Otherwise, he should respect your wishes, as you should respect his if you were talking to an ex and he felt uncomfortable with it.
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Ridiculous that people would allow themselves to give of themselves emotionally whilst knowing they are in a MARRIAGE. If you’re so unhappy then talk to your spouse and work it out don’t go emotionally connecting with other people. Some people are so selfish.
If only life were that black and white.
Sometimes emotional connections just happen, especially if life circumstances put one in close and often contact with other people. The variables are whether such contact is necessary and what a married person does once romantic emotions with someone outside their marriage begin. People don’t have to pursue romantic relationships that develop outside their marriage.
@mynameisglitter2220 your comment comes from ignorance. As someone's whose spouse connected on a deep emotional level with another who he considered a soul mate but has now reconciled with me I can tell you my own poor actions as a spouse (neglect, harshness, lack of intimacy) left a huge opportunity for someone else to simply show him kindness and desire for him which made him feel loved when he didn't feel it from me. I know better how to love him now (as I truely always loved him but took his love for granted) and always looking for ways to be a better wife. And me being a better wife inspires him to be a better husband, to love me how I like to feel loved, so it is win win.
@@emohbrisnicki7648 I’m happy for your situation but as someone dealing with the “found out” stage it is very hard to see why my partner pursued it once it developed instead of letting me know the severity of their unhappiness.
Social media nowadays is the one reason that ruin or destroys marriages. It happened to me! My wife for 10 years just accepted a friend request through instagram and she is telling me they are just friends and getting to know each other, what i am supposed to do feels like I'm just the option now.
Third marriage was the best: first ended from a head injury he had, second drug use and these were not low life men the third a physician and I married over 47 yrs and eight children later. We are happy together because all relationships are teaching relationships. No one can make you happy but they can make you miserable.
That is how we deal with each other commitment, not taking each other for granted and being fifty fifty.
Everything in the video is what we've gone through for 5 weeks now. We r staying and just hoping things get better. So worried, will it ever get better, infidelity is the worst thing people, pls pls pls don't ever think of it
I’m happy I’m not married. Why would I want to get a spouse back after they have an affair and leaves me? Let the b have him
I wish she wanted him!!!!
When my spouse is with his lover that "means nothing to him" I don't have the time to waste thinking that this marriage is not over. It's totally over.
True
I can recommend you to a man who helped me bring back my ex permanent he can also help you.......
Whats""app him👇
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It is over….my ex husband cheated, left & moved on with his affair partner
This if anything at least made me feel better. I cried as I watched this so hard! My husband loves someone else. He has not left me for her yet but wants to, today was a new low as he decided not to spend our wedding anniversary together but with her and my heart is so broken
WOW sorry to here that , praying for you , god will fix it, there is no love like gods love !!!
😢
I'm sorry, I went through the same thing. He told me there was nothing to celebrate anymore
And they say these things so easily. They have no sympathy or remorse for your feelings. But Karma ... my lord, is going to BUST THEM IN THE FACE WITH A BRICK!
I'm that spouse in love with another woman after 36 years...I never loved my wife...married her because I got her pregnant....finally a stranger appeared in my life...I fell hard...I understand I'm a sinner...we all are...
But I finally have felt in love....but I care about my wife a.c and it kills me to hurt her...she is after all family..
Just came across this video and made me feel way better. Bad person doing bad things... Not good to bring him back. Thank you for your guidance ❤️
I have been through similar things, so painful....Dont try if you dont have kids, it is not worth the pain, there are many other man or woman out there can give you happiness than staying in disrespectful marriages. However when there are kids involved, I dont think it is that simple, try hard for the kids.....
About to go to counseling. I'm so glad to have this knowledge. It's very true to go in knowing that the therapist is working to save our marriage. People can change...and things can change. As long as you are willing to change. If anything you can walk away with the knowledge that you did your best. It's worth a try.
From my Understanding people don't change (atleast the basic instinct of a person which is different for everyone). would like know how did it go for you after a year
"Marriage counselor" was a bully and blamed my husband for everything. His choice to have an affair but the "counselor" never addressed the marriage problems. My husbands individual counselor told him in his very first session that it "sounds like the affair was a way to get out of the marriage, you should divorce her." Thank God for MH. He still isn't wanting to work on it but he also hadn't moved out. I'm still standing thanks to MH.
This has been extremely helpful. Very glad I came across it as life has been difficult lately. I see a little glimmer of hope now. Thank you.
God bless you for taking time to post your video, & the directions to other resources! As far as I'm concerned, well.... I think you're an angel is disguise, and my beloved daughter, going through this situation, was led to you. Your words seemed to confirm our feelings, she has a what seems like a wisdom of loving understanding that her sweet husband is a wonderful person, just doing something totally out of character. Our family looks beneath the actions, it's what is that person hurting from that causes the actions, and our own part in it. It was more than by accident she found you! It was like you were talking right to her, and this mama thanks you!
I can recommend you to a man who helped me bring back my ex permanent he can also help you.......
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After the last affair that Debi admitted, she was willing to go to a marriage counselor. On the third or fourth visit, the Doctor asked me how much I was willing to put up with before I filed for divorce. I should have left right then, but we went for two more years with no results, and Debi never quit talking to the lover. Now she has moved in with the latest affair. Saving the marriage has to be the goal of your counselor. So glad a friend whose been through the same thing as I have sent a link to your website!
Who would want to stay married to someone who does not love them? My god. Let that person go. Well I would run from him.
Someone who, first, is dealing with kids. Then, the kids grow up, and they find themselves too old.
Amen
Why are you here?
yea bro
This is how I wanted to feel a few months ago when I started seeing the signs on the wall. My ex husband showed a lot of disinterest in the relationship and I was really going to let them go if the wanted. unfortunately I was too curious to know what really happened and if there was something that could be fix in there. He was a gentleman and I trusted but he showed strong signs of infidelity and it made uncertain unwanted most of the time, i wanted to know. My friend told me it was possibe to find out everything without risks through phone spying. she introduced me to a guy " Binaryreap3r @ gmial com " who helped me spy on my ex's phone until I found out he was having a same-sex affair all along. I still let him go but I did that knowing I am totally perfect and I stopped hurting
Ever noticed how much he talks with his hands? Love it. My wife told me the exact same thing when she left. “I love you, but not in love with you”. She must think I am a fool
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The more I let go the further he goes. I guess its gods will. I dont complain I just comply.
My husband & I have gone through a lot of stress, including my post partum depression. I’ve never ever expected this kind of activity from my husband, but I also know that he has been there trying to comfort me & a person can only take so much. I have been very bad & not there for him at all. I haven’t been the wife I should be. He recently told me he didn’t love me anymore & that he’s been talking to a girl & really cares about her. I don’t blame him for falling out of love with me because I’ve been a different person & extremely hateful toward him for a long time. I’m in shock & I’m trying to fix myself. This video helps a lot along with a lot of your other videos. I would love to speak to someone about help. I love my husband. We have babies & he’s my whole world. He really is a good man. He’s just doing something bad. & I know he hasn’t tried to hurt me, but he needs the love and affection that I haven’t been able to give him for a long time. Help!
Update us please
This is exactly what I’m going through right now. Did things get any better??
I’m not married but what a great service and advice. I can quite believe you help so many. Talking passionately and from the heart and definitely experience which is just the best help ever ❤️
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He did leave, doesn't want to come back because he's in love with her, she's perfect from head to toe according to him. Yes he has threatened to take everything from me. 13 years for nothing
He should leave, but he must give you 50%. That's the LAW
I wasted almost 20 yrs. She left me for no good reason.
@@richardcole2473 I'm sorry you are going through this, stay strong
@@adrip7537 thx soo much
16 years for me. Raised her kids, just welcomed a granddaughter, finally sold a house we've been under for over a year, and then she comes back home after a trip and tells me she has a boyfriend. 14 years younger, a stranger to personal hygiene, and the kid who I have shown nothing but compassion to since I met him. Now I'm trying to work through a life where the woman I live with thinks it's perfectly fine to treat me like this under some delusion that she's never "chosen herself" before...
I do not believe in saving any marriage. If he or she fall in love they can fall out of love for different reasons if you start compromising it is already a compromise unnaturally
i listen to friends and family but i had to fine my way to deal with this. he left and i went back to my life. things were hard from the emotion side of things. i worked with a great bunch of guys who took me out and talked to me. one mentioned the value of me. i listened and realize i was just as valueable as he was. my life didnt stop jusr his love did. my love was still there. he wasnt the love i felt, i was. so i let him go. no more tears fell, i stopped asking what i did i was innocent he was the wrong guy i married. exceptability to the end of my marriage hurt like hell. but i was stronger to what i believed. he came to see me, i walked out to my friend and left him there. when i came back he was still there. why where was the woman he could love at. he wanted to talk to me, now it was on my terms. i felt strong and happy now he knows my value. he may never get it back. but we could talk.
Lot's of good information. I'm sure many agree. There are some areas to be considered. We're all individuals, we have feelings, standanrds, dreams, and expectations. Lying is one thing, but what it brings to light, are two different and potentially destructive emotions. Trust & betrayal. All of us have different (many similar) reactions to these. Can a spouse be trusted? Has a spouse been betrayed? Hard to separate what our comfort zones, upbringing, ideas of marriage & relationships. One thing that keeps popping up in all these videos, is a lack of clear communication between the couple. It's easy to think something is better because it's new, titillating, exciting, refreshing etc. Have a look at what you have? Do you have the honor and respect you should? Why not? What can you do about it?
We went to marriage counseling about 10 years ago and that made my husband much worse towards me. we went to marriage counseling this past year and it was a nightmare. The woman didn’t know what she was doing. It really hurt our marriage.
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I attended marriage counseling with my husband and it was not helpful at all. He is quite the charmer and the female counselor aligned herself with my husband and often justified his actions as him "going through a rough period". My mistake clearly was that it was not a Christian counselor who was dedicated to marriage recovery.
My husband and I did attend the intensive Marriage Helper weekend and it was amazing. Although my husband is still with the OW, what was learned, during the weekend, planted seeds in him and was immensely helpful to me.
How are you 2 now?
My spouse had an affair. It started with the " Im not 'in love' with you comment." We were both dealing with sick parents, demanding jobs, and 4 kids. He has now moved out. After 23 years, I still love him but the pain of him telling someone else that he loves them is unbearable. He says he is taking time and trying to sort out his feelings but I feel he should not have to 'try' to love me.
Sincerely,
Ready to give up
Angie Harrison So sorry to hear that Angie. My wife did the same 6 weeks ago. After 24 years together. You and I have a lot in common. Very similar situation. I am thinking of going to therapy to try and process everything. Have you considered talking with someone? How are you getting along on a day to day basis?
@@navajo237 I have started therapy. It is helping me. It is still hard. I try to continue my daily activities as much as possible but some days I just have to go to my room and let my feelings come out.
@@angieharrison3935 I understand. I have bad days my self. There are days where I can't bring myself to get out of bed. But I think of my kids and muster the energy to get up. I know things will get better, so I try to see the bigger picture and not get too tied up on how I am feeling right there that moment. Its hard. Thank you for sharing, and I will try therapy. This is a terrible thing to go through. I got the "I'm not in love with you" comment as well from my wife. It crushed me. Still does. Today is only slightly better than yesterday.
@@angieharrison3935 How are you doing these days?
@@navajo237
Hanging in there. We got back together for a brief few weeks then he left again saying doesn't love me at all now. He has found someone new.
How things with you?
OMGoodness! We started out with a lovely counselor who thought that my husband needed more help so shifted me over to another woman. Later on, after months with this woman, I found out that she was going through her own divorce during our sessions. She was so bitter that I had to leave. My husband was in love with the "perfect woman" and I had to leave him, but here we are, 43 years later, happily married because not only was the "perfect woman" NOT perfect, but he figured out that he couldn't leave the best friend he had ever had.....the woman who let him sort himself out. Like you mentioned in this video I took care of myself, got my affairs in order just in case, but when he came back he told me he would spend the rest of his life making it up to me....and he has.....We never talk about that time in our marriage because it was one year and we have plenty of happier memories to talk about.
Thank you very much for this wonderful advice...in fact,I've already saved our marriage for doing of what you've said.God bless.
Nobody shouldn't really sleep around with nobody you can catch bad disease like HIV
Shirley Clark true
True
I'm going through this right now July 5th is our anniversary and she will be in the hotel again this weekend through the Fourth of July weekend I will be alone at home. Any thumbs up or comment will help
She said its best to be separated.
A week later she have a boyfriend.
Going on movie and date night. She already moved on
Can't see a way back.???
Thank u for the wonderful message..saving my marriage life🙏🙏🙏
How do you know a marriage is really worth saving?
What if you are married to a covert narcissist who has no desire to change but refuses to even discuss divorce.
Everyone loves throwing around the word narcissist. Mostly wrong. Many things can mimic that.
Thank you for this video it gives me clarification and I know God wanted me to see this video at this time. Your knowledge and information is very much needed. God bless you.
The Your LovePath book is great. If you don't have it , get it
Try to save your married
God have promises
Exactly❤❤❤
What do you do if he’s not consistently actively involved with taking care of our child? Is placing him on child support a bad thing? I’ve been doing it by myself for 8yrs now and I can’t continue with it just for the sake of marriage. Our child deserves better and I will choose our child over him always.
The video was informative. Thanks for sharing 👍
One thing I won't do is beg him to stay because that's up to him okay
Very true
Sentiment with marriage seems to be forever ownership. The other person pretty much owns you. This is why we have so many Dateline 20/20 episodes.
Reading all the comments, watching the video plus my current situation I guess it's better of not to involve in any relationship at all. The pain is like you are dying 💔
Snippets of advice are ok but life isn't an endurance test, especially regarding marriage. .."not necessarily over"only occurs between people with actual shared values along with the willingness to change
Although Dr. Beam seems like a great counselor!
I don't understand the idea of staying with someone if there has been un-faithfulness in a relationship?
What are u promoting? that cheating is permissible? Everyone should get a second chance?
If you get married? Keep your eye on the fucken ball (your partner) don't stray off!
Marriage is sacred yes and shouldn't be violated but forgiveness is key! Second chances are to be accorded to all especially in marriage!!
Always watching you and love your videos about marriage and love.
Omg history of my life, the pain is indescribable!!!! I wanted divorce but it was to hard to start, kids.. pain.. money.. etc.. the lover is married and is not in love, didn’t have sex, but the pain, the anger is intense!!!!! We have the greatest counselor in the world, thank God!
You guys and your advice turned out priceless.... Thank you. It helped to look at things from a different angle and maybe.... Just maybe saved my marriage.
Best video I have seen ! This guy has nailed it
Oh my gosh! You are spot on!
My spouse is more in love with her phone, sons, job, and late husband than me. No joke. And I’m blamed for everything that is wrong. 😞
Sure he can help you
Well if my spouse is in love and going with someone's else well that's tuff for me because I didn't complete him as a man and life still has to go on and because I have no right to stop him from find love and to have happiness in there life all I can do is to have forgiveness towards him and let him go because he didn't believe and trust me any way my friend one can't cry over spilt milk
My spouse is about to leave. It's obvious that she has reached a point to where she rather hurt me than hurt the affair partner. Its obvious her heart is no longer with me. It hurts, but it's one of those things you have to accept, and let things run its course. My wife is a good person doing a bad thing.
Hi, Quinton. We would love to get you connected with one of our client representatives so that we can help. Please call us at 866-903-0990.
Here are a few resources which may provide insight:www.marriagehelper.com/spouse-wants-divorce/
www.marriagehelper.com/husband-cheating-heres-talk/
This is similar, you know what, if a man is in love with other woman, this is a crisis marriage, you give him red card, because love is not simple things, forget everything and move on with your life no matter what happened to you, just do better things for your future.
@Richard Oscar no I'm fine, cultural marriage has a lot of problem because of dowries pay back. Just let me struggling for my life.
My husband came in with immense baggage, selfish and abusive. And he's still here. But he loves her, too, and I don't want to feel like a consolation prize, all because we've been together for so long or whatever.
I am right there too. It is a tough spot.
We have been married for almost three years. I needed to leave the house and go to take care of my mom who was very sick. He came to see me for a month. 10 months ago. Now he doesn't want me back and he wants to separate. We talked with a social worker and that made us fight and get even more separated. Should I go back to our home and try to win my husband back? How and what to do?
why would anyone take a partner back after they've been contaminated with someone else's life force...in every orifice likely.
Yes Doctor Joe Beam you correct I have been going through that and listen to other peoples stories which I have hurt myself. but I want to thank you for sharing. I have been telling my husbands friends, Boss and he's family about what he was doing.
I love my spouse however we have been having financial crisis and it’s been ongoing for 2 years. With that being said we have two children together. 2 days go he left to go stay with a friend . He said so that he can grow and find himself. But just last night he came to see the kids and told me that he thought about it and that he just doesn’t want to get back together because he was never happy. Which I don’t believe because even with financial issues we have always found time to laugh and enjoy each other...what do I do in this moment ? I am currently praying and just taking care of myself and kids...o still have faith that he will come back to us
What happened? Did you reconcile?
I don't feel like I love my husband as much as I did before I found out about his affair
Yes its tough at first, but worth it in the long run
Just got the news the other day that my wife cheated. Turned my world upside down. I dont want to leave my kids. Im just tore up. Dont know who to beleive and yesterday she said she liked cheating and shes in love with him. Im not ready to let her go. She keep talking in hypotheticals like" i can picture you with someone that deserves you". Makes me feel like she's trying to push me out.
Getting in love with someone else! That means that person doesn't love you. I serious wonder how that person who has emotionally tortured you can reclaim love from you. Feelings can also be lost on my side. So if anything it becomes worse.
Thats Not true. When someone falls in Love With another and has a affair, in Most cases its Limerence. Extremely high Feelings... IT s Like a addiction. But Limerence Always ends and the majority of affairs dont Last a lifetime. So If someone really Love His spouse and want to save His marriage there is Hope.
It’s the only thing that heals.
It’s really hard. One year down the line am still fighting. And he tells me things will be better.it’s really draining but I believe God will do it for me
Joe you have it right. I know my husband is bad person doing a bad thing. He admitted to me who he is after 33 years my entire marriage was fake. He made a comment to me is it better to pretend to be who you want me to be or do you really want to know who I am? Admitted cheating the entire marriage.
I am sorry for your pain. I wish you all the best in your recovery.
@@RaneetaFailua15 yes it was very devastating and come to find out hes a narrassist. Thank you it's nice to know there are still kind people out here, it's sad but true.... you really begin to doubt everything and everyone after being so deceived by the closest person to you. Whom you realize you never knew.
I hate u had to experience that level of pain. I pray Jesus keeps you. I’m so sorry
@@niknich6761 thank you
@@stephaniewhite7016 His mask finally dropped... That's a narcissist for ya.😒
He won't tell her it's over and keeps dragging it out. He says he wants me but won't let her go. What should I do,
If you are in the comments and you wouldn't accept your spouse back then why are you commenting this is for people who want to fight for their marriage don't discourage us just go watch the videos that fit your character. Ps. People say what they wouldn't do until they are in the situation... 😉
Sounds like what I suspected in my marriage & now I'm in another state
That's so true Joe. I believe in you man
Wouldn't bother taking my narcissistic exhusband to a counsellor.
I will say that this video is far more reasonable and balanced than virtually every other video on this subject that I've seen, 👏👏👏👏👏
That said, if she cheats and leaves because she's "in love" with someone else, she'd do well not to make threats on her way out the door...and to *never* forget, that door only swings one way. "You wanted to be gone. You got gone. You STAY gone."
How does someoene suffering as a manic depressant handle everything while trying to fix and not give up?
I have been in love with another man for 26 years. There is a considerable age gap ,like a lifetime. He was married with kids before I was even born . I have lived a life that no-one knows about and so has he . We are both madly in love and want each other as much as the day we met . I am married with kids and he is still with his wife but we are both heartbroken because too many people would be hurt and it would be to much of a scandal . I dream we are with each other and I talk to him everyday . We played with fire all those years ago and we both live with a broken heart and no-one knows .
@@oriabureosemudiamen8428 Thank you for your kind words ❤️
I would Feel so terrible if my wife felt the way you do.
I've made alot of mistakes during the separation before i found videos like this. Can i still get my wife back. She seems to hate me. We were together for 13 years
Me too🤦🏾♂️
Pray to God
Did u get her back? I’m dealing with my husband leaving us -using drugs & now with another woman. We have zero communication. He doesn’t even try to visit our son who is only 10. I wouldn’t welcome him back with open arms wrapped around him but I want our family our marriage more than anything. He just met this woman a few weeks ago & now they’re “in love “
I can’t believe that.
What about with hidden violence? That is repeated. What about when you've divorced before and remarry and then the violence starts again? When I say violence I mean to the point of broken bones
Donna you need to get to a safe place and leave.
Donna Blaney “When someone shows you who they are, believe them!”. I wish I had taken that advise! It’s incredibly hard to change who you are, good intentions are NOT enough...It takes so much work and dedication. Very, VERY few human beings can ever do that. If his ‘instinctive’ reaction to certain situations is violence, it will ALWAYS be violence. An almost religious observance of Anger Management training and self work ‘could possibly’ work. If you’ve gone through the utter devastation of divorce and even that didn’t make him have the strength to dedicate himself to self management I believe nothing will.
If you have children you are fundamentally changing who they will be in life by your CHOICES. It’s horrific abuse to expose your children to a family with physical abuse. I know that’s harsh. I’m a weak, sad person but I hope better for you. Please be strong. If not for yourself then for those who love you.
people dont honor the vows they took when they got married. 20 years of marriage my husband told me, he found a woman he could love. my heart stopped. well who was i. saddness pain and tears. i had given him my heart but it wasnt good enough. i had to think this through what did i do wrong besides love him. we never had kids. i had no reason to stay with him except thats where i wanted to be. in this whole dam world i could be anywhere but i only wanted to be with him. choices became important. when i married its was for the promise of growing old together. but after this how could i forgive him.
these are great videos
Yes Doc, friends and family have discharge my marriage. What you a saying is very very true..
My boyfriend fell in love with someone else. He decided to stay with me instead, because he loves me. Now I have to watch him be lovesick. He wants to get over it. But it is nothing he can change right now. It's crazy hard. I want to leave him and the honeymoon in love part of him just wants me to leave and just be with her. But it's only day 4 of him telling me he fell in love and things are still fresh.
Marriage Counsellors goal is to keep you married because they get paid well if you stay married but if you Divorce the Money doesn't go to them it goes to the greedy Divorce Lawyers
Sir you are asking for comments but ain't replying to any
When a guy keeps telling you that you have broad shoulders...may be u had sent him a pic of you what does this mean?
😢 its hurtful but life goes on. Trying to learn and move on
I'm going through this now
Me too
Me too my anniversary is July 5th they will be in a hotel once again on July 4th through the 5th I will be alone at my house I cry so much did I get thirsty from loss of fluids
She left me for a rich man,
I'm going through this with my wife right now
Im also going through this now
Use to know some one long😭😭 distance relationship for two years
It's all began with you first you have a lover so that she too are doing the same now if you really loves your wife get together talk n both go to a church n ask God for forgiveness God is the only solution to your problem
My husband is in a relationship with my sister. He has committed that. But, he does not want to leave me as well. He wants to stay with me, while having relationship with my sister. I getting mad, I don't know what to do now. Please help.
Well my wife falls in love for a younger guy who has no interest in her but she is still pursuing him and trying to get him to have feelings for her its about four months now and she lost alot of weight and always depressed
What should I do with her because she told her affection for me is dead and she just want to be friends we have 5 kids am the first man for her her and she is the first woman for me
Right now am tired of talking to her I actually told her am done I cant bother
1, Take care of yourself. Go to gym, Spend time with the kids. Show her that your happy even without her.
2.Always smile, and greatful. If you love your wife. your priority is her happiness not yours. Because you already know how to make yourself happy because of step 1.
3. Wait for her , if she comes back, she is yours. But if not. atleast you can handle things on your own.
4. Be truthful with your feelings. If she asks something, be truethful that you still love her, but show her that I wont beg for you to stay anymore. If your deciscion is to leave or stay, I will honor them both.
Dude, if she really loves you. She will realize how lucky she is to have you.
Thanks 🙏 may God bless your soul.
Don’t fall asleep yet.
How does one decide if the spouse was good or bad? If one is good, one will only see the good in the other person and that is not very objective!
Is it a hopeless situation when he doesn't want marriage counseling, doesn't want to give you a chance, told you to your face to "Get it through your thick head I don't want you I am not going back to you ".
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What if your spouse run away with affair, and you begged you pleaded you even told your spouse co worker for what he did and you start processing the divorce but after a month of begging you stopped is there still a chance?
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Excellent advice
We went to a marriage counselor. I did not find he helped for me my husband liked him cause he was on his side mostly.He did think we would make it. Low be hold my husband left me 2 years ago and said we are never get back together and now has a girlfriend.I still have hope.
What if I did all three of the should not. Is there a way to recover the marriage. She's keeps telling me she's done with me and left to live with another man. She refuses to admit she's cheated but admitted that she let him get to close as a friend. She's mad that I've talked to my mother, siblings, and friends to get my sadness out. I have decided to let her go but I see her everyday so my 7 and 3 year old boys can have their mom. It's killing me because she's told me she's not in love with me over and over. I've been with her for a decade and have loved her unconditionally. Idk what to do to help the marriage. I filled for divorce this weak because she had become so angry about all this she's lost her mind and destroyed things and been violent to me. Im afraid that she will blowup at my children and me again. She really needs help and she's getting it slowly through a councilor but I think my marriage is done.
any updates on your situation?
Dr. Beam,
I am listening to your video right now. I have been with my husband since we were 18, now we are both 41. He is currently living with the other woman. I love him and want my marriage back. I am so depressed. I can barely function. I keep praying for my marriage. We went to lunch on the 3rd. On the 4th, I needed validation and so I texted him if he loved me. He said yes. Then 30 minutes later she texted me. I read something about being me being ridiculous and I only read long enough to figure out it was her and then I deleted the text. I texted him and he had blocked me. There has been no contact since either way. I don’t know what to do.
I am so sorry for your pain. I'll pray for you tonight. Just hang in there and take care of yourself.
So sorry to hear this. However, you need to move on.
She is controlling him cuz he is weak or he is playing games with both of you which is cruel. I would give myself closure and decide am better than that and move on.
Just found out my husband has been reaching out to his ex after years of telling me he stopped (after I told him I was uncomfortable with it). He says they’ve not “done anything” but I feel betrayed. He gets angry when I want to talk about it. Interested in anyone’s thoughts? I’m lost and torn. Not sure what to believe. Thanks to anyone who has any helpful thoughts.
I hope you both have had meaningful communication about this since you posted. Healthy boundaries are needed. If there are children involved with the ex, then there is good reason for their communication, but that should be open with you. Otherwise, he should respect your wishes, as you should respect his if you were talking to an ex and he felt uncomfortable with it.
Are you guys considering coming to Australia at all? I'd love to see you in Melbourne.
Hi! Right now, we offer workshops in Tennessee. However, we offer coaching internationally! Call us at 866-903-0990 if you would like more information.
she always wants to leave :(
She said to me while leaving I love you but not in love with you. She filed for divorce and I am about to be served
I can recommend you to a man who helped me bring back my ex permanent he can also help you.......
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