I've never heard a better, and more accurate explanation of a narcissist, ever. You've obviously gone through this first hand. You will help many, if they listen.
Mine neither. In fact, she hasn’t spoken to me at all since 2008. Why? Because I questioned why she NEVER participated in anything concerning her grandchild. She acts so proud of him but hasn’t seen him since he was 2.
Been with him For 23 years then i finally got out last year. Without nothing on me and back to zero. My kids with him during weekdays and on me during weekends only. He doesnt support finacially even a cent. Now im on my own its hard to start a new life but its way better that with him. I can smile and i do whatever i want and. Im free now . Better late than never
Have been there, left empty handed after a good job. It took a long time, and struggle but it was still worth it. Have grown so much that I think marrying him was the 1st big mistake and staying with him for 11 years was the 2nd big mistake. Hugs. You will be fine.
Well done for getting out. I did the same. It wasn't easy but on balance it wasn't esay staying either.... I know which I preferred out of the two. You will be OK... You've done the hardest part by getting out.
l have listened to alot of you tube videos explaining narcissism, but you have done excellent job thank you for clearing up the confusion and helping me move on.
I’ve seen many videos about narcissism and this one is absolutely the best one !! Thank you so much. I left my narcissist husband a month ago and I’m trying to understand everything I went through for the past 7 years of marriage. Thank you for your great explanation!
I lived in hell with a horrible Narsassistic partner for 9 long gruelling years. He kept me broke and treated me like garbage. I finally got up the courage to leave. He's been dead for 22 years now and I still have nightmares of those years of horror. Good for you, for leaving...!!! They never, ever change, it just gets worse... 💞
@@Lindamay9 They don't change and it does get worse. I'm sorry to hear you've been through this and still have PTSD. If you ever need help and support to process that, I’ve listed some free and anonymous helplines here: www.vivianmcgrath.com/domestic-violence-resources/
My ex never said sorry. I felt bad for him because I felt that he had a reason to act like he did because of his past. He didn’t know right from wrong. I always thought and prayed he would change. I tried so hard to be a good wife for a while. After 14 years and two daughters , I finally left. He said I left for no reason. I left because I wanted my daughters to know that men should not treat women that way. Everyone said I looked ten years younger after I left. Love this video ❤️
I'm starting to go non contact with one that was posing as a friend for years.. I just got sick of her drama ,backstabbing and insane two faced niceness to me and another friend,done listening to her talk about herself for hours and ooh the drama and helping her through all her crisis...walking on egg shells because of her fragile ego ,done being her supply.
Just found you. The end of the video was so powerful, just what I needed to hear now: "Put yourself first. Use that empathy for yourself". Why is that so hard for some of us? My life is almost over, and I am still struggling with feeling overly responsible for other people's happiness, and short-changing myself in the process. Thank you for this video, will watch it again tomorrow, when my brain is awake.
OMG! Where have you been all my life! So articulate. So clear and revealing. You are setting people free from a lie, a trap, a false life, and even death. It's like Freedom Restored! Thank you again and again
No, I have a bad side also and I did unleash it upon him a few times. So he fell back with his abuse and even told me he was afraid of me, but thought to my self better him afraid of me than me of him. It was the straw that broke the camel's back and I discarded him in February but really left him alone in November 2018 and told him I wasn't going forward with him into 2019. He also told me that he under estimated me😀. I am not sure but I believe I'm a super empath.
I have been looking up narcissisum for years. I guess it started off from trying to gain the life skills and knowledge that my family told me I lack and tata! I feel I have more knowledge than they do. Knowledge is power! I started originally following Dana Morningstar and I stumbled across like a ton of red flags and found other narcissistic coaches on the Internet and I always subscribe to new people I like so you have another subscriber!! And I must admit you are right beware their good side because they are like a sheep in wolves clothing until the wolf in them comes out!!!!And truthfully I was trauma bonded to someone when I was eighteen with no experience to love. My parents were unaware of the trauma you go through breaking up with one... I went through that all on my own without help.
This was spot on! My mama grew up poor and loves to play the "victim". Even still, there is no excuse for her horrendous treatment of me growing up. I don't know how to move on. I am learning and with each day it will get better especially with help from Vivian and others on youtube. Thanks Vivian.
Been there, done that and came out 100% wiser. Last thing he said to me was he tried to mold me into his perfect wife. Meaning: remove my personality and imprint his ideal. This is a very accurate description of a narcissist. Exactly my experience.
I think that people need to realize that, when a narcissist seems nice, it’s likely only to be for the express purpose of taking what amounts to a commercial break from who they are and what they intend. It is made to conjure hope in you, with minimal investment, but that’s it, because you’re being strung along, at the cheapest cost possible. When you look as if you won’t comply or will leave, being nice is only placation. I remember actually seeing this in my mother’s face once. It was that little smile that says, “If giving you a little smiling acknowledgement is going to make you take me to the store, then here. Other than that, I don’t know you’re even saying anything.” This is one of the plethora of reasons why she’s walking now...
I am saying this completely truthfully: I only managed to get rid of the narcissist that was draining me after I found your videos. Even after the break up he still had his claws in my mind, but you gave me the tools to remove them. Thank you, deeply and with all my heart.
I know how that feels, as I felt the same. I lost myself. Try to get help and support as this is hard to do alone. I’ve listed some free and anonymous helplines here: www.vivianmcgrath.com/domestic-violence-resources/
Very valuable insight, I hope your video gets through to the people who need to get out of the prison of being with one of them. Unfortunately their good side isn’t real. Don’t be fooled by them, I have found they fool about 8-9 out of 10 people or even more, it’s so sad. I think some of us just have and inborn self awareness that gives us an ability to see through others. If your not making excuses for you own bad behaviour you tend not to make excuses for others bad behaviour.
This is so spot on they are like vampires they suck out the energy of you and kill your soul. I’m tired of it that’s why I’m out I was out for 2 years I went back in now I’m seriously done. It is hard you can do it you can leave. Cut off all ties no contact.
I've watched hundreds of videos on this very menacing subject. Got a lot of good information from all of them. However, in this video I felt I was being spoken to directly (by you) as though you were right here in the room with me. Good enlightenment. Good vibes, indeed. Thanks for sharing.
I watched a film called The marriage starting scarlet Johansson it’s about a narcissist husband who through a divorce realises he is a Narcissist must watch ✨
So true. I have been a constant supply of giving my mom and my ex husband an always making them feel good factor. I am and have been an empathy all my life and in the process I lost my own self somewhere and started believing in their views that I was not good enough and I was very selfish. It had taken a toll on me as my mom still expects me to be the same.
Any good side that they have is only self serving. I focused on the good side for years, with the hope that they would change in the end. Truthfully it only gets worse. The best thing is to leave them, unfortunately we have to be ready for that step. Videos such as these help a lot but I did not have any back then.
Spent 60 years of my life trying to help my mother and sacrificing all I had. Always believing if i just did the right thing or said the right thing, it would happen! She is 91 now and in lockdown (Covid) at an assisted living home . I narrowly escaped Hell by her not living with me. I have managed low contact by going once a week to talk thru the window. She has so done so much damage to the employees bc she dearly loves conflict. Extremely evil! Can't believe she hadn't gotten kicked out! Until a couple years ago, I had never heard of a narc. Just the way she wanted it. My bother took to drugs trying to deal with her and and has since died. I'm all she has. My family can't stand her and stay upset for the way she is to me. My father is passed away and tried to help her for 60 + years. We have ALL been robbed as enablers. We never addressed the problem and have paid dearly. Wish we had known what I'm learning now. Thank you so much!
Your videos have changed my life 🙏🙌☁️⛈🌧🌦⛅️☀️ 🌈Thankyou so much ❣️💯 everyday is easier when you know the moves that are going to be made. I’ve accepted my mom is narcissistic and that I have the power .
I don't know if they are intentionally deceptive or self-deceived into thinking they really do love you, but I thank God that I finally got strong and drew the line after almost 25 years of believing this narc could love me or be stable emotionally. There is nothing, not your love or even prayers that can make a narc into a loving, empathic person because they have at some point given themselves over to evil. I have long asked the question of whether the behavior is conscious, deliberate or not but what matters now is ME. Sad for those of us who have wasted the years.
It's also awesome that you woke up to the truth and didn't waste anymore. I don't think it matters either - the answer to that question - just focus on You as that's the most important thing now. Be proud of yourself.
Thanks so much Vivian for this supportive video. Once again it confirms this is something very serious. Unfortunately currently these are things that aren't recognized in our society which makes it even harder to convince a judge, in case the situation escalates and your narcissistic partner takes you to court for example. The narcissist lies, manipulates and puts people against each other. I understand the best option is to leave but if it's your partner and you have kids together it won't be that easy. The big concern would also be how far the narcissistic partner can manipulate the kids and put them against the other parent. Things might get easier when the man in the relationship is the big troublemaker but if it's the other way around it won't be the same, as most of the times a woman is marked as the victim and the man as the bad person. And then the situation gets very difficult as no matter what you do, it won't help unless you get a good lawyer who's got enough experience with situations like these. Besides of that, you have to hope the judge is someone who understands and recognizes these kind of situations. You cannot just say that you're with a narcissistic partner who makes your life miserable as people just won't take you serious, or don't even know what that word means. Please keep making these supportive video's as they're a great help for those who are in such a bad situation. Thank you!
True but what they don’t get about me is I have my limits too! I was patient and tried to bite my tongue, but I always felt compelled to deny the forcefulness/dark side at the end, I just couldn’t take it anymore.
I have a friend who calls and keeps me on the phone for hours literally, then calls my boyfriend and makes him listen to her. She has no relationship with either of us except to listen you her. This is TOXIC. We both feel so drained after for days. Trying to understand her is her Narcissistic Need. TOXIC. She has POOR BOUNDARIES.
gorilla twist stop answering the phone and delay your texts. Say you are trying to disconnect from so much technology now. Over time they may slow down contacting so much. One friend who used to dump drama on me for hours I had to say goodbye to. My life is more peaceful now.
Mrs. Jekyll is so alluring that you find Miss Hyde incredible to even exist within this person you found yourself bonded to for a long period of time. Jekyll is very disarming and is difficult to ignore when in public. Hyde is rarely seen outside in public. I have a brother who refuses to see her for she is, even after she casted me aside like yesterday’s trash. The answer is, they CANNOT LOVE! They only LoVE themselves and that is it. Go through the discard and you will find out how much they love you as a person. I learned this the hard way. They are simply a lost cause...the good side is cunningly covering the dark side with smoke and mirrors. I have been walking on egg shells and landmines while someone was lobbing grenades at me on a routine basis. Not good at all. I’m definitely finished finally. Run from these people. Mine is clearly a Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist. I fooled myself into embracing false hope for many years. All these years wasted....It Sucks!!!! The Final Discard is worse. Left my emotions fully dysregulated.
Vivian McGrath: Totally True! There are positives that came from the experience, I realize I’m a good person, who innocently got involved with the wrong person. I guess I should have stated... Wasted years focusing on a dream (of close knit family) that was not meant to be.
The people who fall in love with these narcs are desperate for the same things that the narc is desperate for... but the narc will stab you in the back to get it... the narc lovers not the ones who got stuck with him by accident I'm talking about the ones who go after these type of people and they know who they are... the narc lovers need validation... they need people to see them in their relationship.... they talk about the narc constantly... they even work as a flying monkey for the narc... but they are backward magnets... they given to all of the narc mess... but it backfires and when it backfires here comes to Crybaby complainers but just remember you were in cahoots with this vampire until he bit you or she bit you.... and ran.... these people only complain after the narc don't need them anymore beware of narc lovers.... they will turn on us non-narc lovers in a minute
I agree, they are also insecure. But there is a lot of manipulation by the narc, as their self-esteem is low and gets lower with the continuous cycle of abuse.
Vivian McGrath yes they are insecure. There are different versions of insecure. You have the insecure selfish person and then you have the insecure selfless person. The insecure selfish person secretly thinks the world owes them something... it's hard for this person to break away because they are not offended by how the narc treat others... so if they are being treated halfway decent they don't care if the narc is going around staff and everybody else in the back. Then you have the insecure selfless person... they may take some type of abuse due to the insecurities but because of their selfless spirit.... they can't bear to watch or entertainment and this usually gives them the drive to leave or at least celebrate when they leave you... we could cry but it doesn't mean we can't dance while we're crying...lol
Vivian McGrath pardon my typos yes we can dance while we cry we cry for who we thought they were we dance because we no longer have to walk on eggshells
I lasted 22 years with my vulnerable NPD ex-wife. I had no idea what a narcissist actually is during the marriage. Been separated for 4 years now and only learnt about the disorder after separation. I always knew something was awry with her but could not pin it down until recently. I doubt I could have done anything to help her gain awareness nor change. In 22 years whenever I tried to point out something inconsistent about her, she would change the subject, deflect, or become irrationally abusive. Any suggestion of her being responsible for anything untoward had her in a total state. What still bothers me is our kids. Whilst they were 14 & 16 when I had to leave, they have the wool pulled over their eyes and are entirely alienated from me (and all my side of the family). I don’t know how, or whether I can help restore a balanced, healthy perspective for them other than let time take its course. The good thing now is appreciating just how good it is with a non-NPD person. Get out whilst you can, educate and restore yourself and have a much better life.
I think this is the best explanation of the dynamic of the relationship that I've ever come across, and I've done a load of looking back into it on you tube. (Pleased to say I'm well into the looking forwards phase now). Before the discard I heard a lot of "I'M BORED, what are YOU going to do about it?" - seemed to be fair enough at the time. Thank-you, thank-you thank-you. Will share this - ( gold).
Incredibly enlightening - My hope for all those struggling with this very thing is that they find you and subscribe. You are a very important part of one’s strengthening and healing ☺️☺️❤️ *hugs* to you!! I’ve taken in quite a bit of information regarding dealing with this personality type & how I landed myself here (working on myself because...) :-) - this is spot on and at certain stages you need the validation to move forward. I am very grateful to have happened across your videos!!
Escaping a narcissist is becoming Van Helsing. The vampire wants to suck on your throat. Only go out during the day. That's when they sleep and you can begin slaying the emotional vampires from your life. Self-love is the wooden stake. Drive the hammer it in, "you are wrong. I'm a valuable human being with feelings like you. If you can't accept that, there's no relationship here." You can expect to hear the godawful shriek. That's the hardest part of emotional vampire slaying. It'll break your heart, tears may fall, but there is a greater good in this universe, even if it may not feel like it.
be careful when learning putting one's self first. many narcists started out trying to put themselves first but didn't learn the healthy ways of doing that. all rights reserved
'It's a bottomless pit of neediness and insecurity' I would say that truthfully speaking allot of people are in this boat as most of us depend on socail interactions for some form of happiness. The fulcrum though I think is whether we see others happiness as connected to our own and whether we are dedicated to our own and therefore others happiness. This alone shows the goodness of humans, its just when it tilts over to its all about me, which unfortunately I think notions like 'self esteem' and other psychological concepts can kind of be misinterpreted as supporting.
For many years of enduring psychological abuse from my narcissistic father, I had always wondered, "If outsiders get to see the nice side of this person, why is it just me and my mother who face the nasty side". I had often blamed myself, assuming that it was some serious flaw in my own person that invited abuse. Now, thanks to many experts like Sam Vaknin, Ramani Durvisala and a few others, I can feel much better about myself.
It was my mother, father was not present due to drinking. We also experienced physical abuse from her, from the early age. The guilt was tremendous through most of my life. I am 50something old and only recently after hard work and no contact I feel free and I am free from her hold. Thank you for sharing, most people talk about their partners and children seams to be forgotten.
You just stopped me from ruining yet another Christmas by giving in and having the good side narcissist come over my house because I was sad she would be alone for the holidays. She never cared if I was alone on Christmas so why should I care about her. Thank you.
I was abused and i didn't even know how it started,from humiliation to the point that he took a knife on me.... Had to move back to my country because of him and now going thru PTSD and it's very hard...
Narcissistic people in my opinion and experience is that they do not apologize. They turn your upset back onto you in-order to escape responsibility of their actions
Thanks I recently broke up with ......what I now know was a narcissist . Eeeek ! It was a complete mind fuck ( excuse my French ) I have related to everything said on this video . Thanks for sharing , it has really helped me get clear on things xxxx Moving forward
My mother and manager. I had prayed before I met my manager for her to be like my mother and she appeared. She was just like my mother. I felt being hit by a bus when she abandoned me to save her own ass however my mother wouldn't but she does in ways. For the first time I was able to define my mother as a narc.
My mom always calls me and my sister to get validation, then said, "Sorry, I didn't mean to call and complain the whole time." But if we don't validate her feelings she'll call each child until she hears what she wants to hear.
You might start, out thinking you love them, until it's 1 betrayel after another, always putting everything and everyone before you, but I never put them over myself, eventually u come to the realization that nothing ever changes and u leave I put up with that for 9 yrs , I left the beginning of 2019 ,and over the drama the gaslighting, the trianglations, the lies and the back to back betrayel, and I'm much better for it I'm a lot stronger also and very cautious and wiser, but I'm a strong woman it's who I am that's probably why I recovered so quickly ,be strong and be true to yourself.
Complying, that's what I feel I needed to do all the time. I'm changing, I'm seeing the impossibility f being happy. I'm still trying to get out of this relashionship though.
I have 2 narcissistic parents, they just come in different forms but the same result is achieved dealing with both of them. They're long divorced also in different marriages.
He likes it when my emotions go from somewhat normal to sad because of something he said gets me even more upset. I try to hide my feelings but my feelings always seem to come through. He loves my reactions. He likes it when others compliment him but he ignores my compliments maybe its because I have been very depressed from before we even met and he has always seemed to say something to get me feeling even worse than I already feel. Its hard to ignore him cause because of my problems of no self esteem and ptsd.l often feel that I deserve the treatment. I just have to keep telling myself that this is not a healthy way to think and just leave when he says degrading little jags. lHopefully I can keep working on this so I can one day completly heal.
You don't deserve this and are not responsible for it or to blame. If you need help and support to work through this I’ve listed some free and anonymous helplines here: www.vivianmcgrath.com/domestic-violence-resources/
My mother is trying really hard to get my attention atm. She uses fictitious illnesses to garner my sympathy and self guilt. I’m 50 this year and still struggling to understand..
The person that abused you can't be the person that heals you. We wrongly look to the abuser to heal us. Only we can heal ourselves. Once we are healed they will lose their appeal. If there is no enemy on the inside then the enemy on the outside can't get us.
I've attracted narcs/sociopaths my entire life as my mom is a narc, my dad is a sociopath. I dated this one particular narc/sociopath, he called me recently, it's been 16 years since I seen him last. He tells me he's been in counseling because his last girlfriend told him he was a narc and he was scared he was a narc. What? I have always read narcs wont or can't look within to question themselves and they would never seek counseling. I always thought he was a narc but he has fear of being one and he has sought counseling. Advice, please!!!!
Great Video!! How do you leave a narcissistic relationship when you are addicted to it but know that it isn't healthy. I don't even feel like myself. I can't believe what I have allowed and put up with, and now we are so entrenched in each others lives. The love bombing is what really got me. It feels so hurtful and almost not real. We have broken up and gotten back together about 15 times and it is always him breaking up with me. I want to break the cycle but am so scared to.
You can break the cycle. Accept you will never change them and you aren't responsible for them. You can only change YOU. Try to get help and support to break contact and focus on your healing, not trying to rescue them. If you need help and support to work through this I’ve listed some free and anonymous helplines here: www.vivianmcgrath.com/domestic-violence-resources/
I've never heard a better, and more accurate explanation of a narcissist, ever. You've obviously gone through this first hand. You will help many, if they listen.
Thank you, I'm glad it's helpful.
Demons can't stand the light. So light it up! Get on with your beautiful life now. ⭐
I really like that!
Well said!
Nice🌟🌟🌟
My mom has never once apologized for how she talks to me.
I'm so sorry that she probably never will. The grieving of the loss of that mother you will never have is hard.
Narcs do not apologize. Try to move on, despite your trauma.
Rebecca Benway In my own experience they never apologised
Mine too, I have had to let go and accept that she never will. and that alone has set me free
Mine neither. In fact, she hasn’t spoken to me at all since 2008. Why? Because I questioned why she NEVER participated in anything concerning her grandchild. She acts so proud of him but hasn’t seen him since he was 2.
Most of the time they don't even ask forgiveness they just gaslight!
I never heard a narc say; lm sorry. Never ever. And l know they never will. Someone who says; lm sorry have a conscience
Been with him
For 23 years then i finally got out last year. Without nothing on me and back to zero. My kids with him during weekdays and on me during weekends only. He doesnt support finacially even a cent. Now im on my own its hard to start a new life but its way better that with him. I can smile and i do whatever i want and. Im free now . Better late than never
I agree it's never too late. I'm so glad you are free now and sorry for how hard it is still dealing with him.
Have been there, left empty handed after a good job. It took a long time, and struggle but it was still worth it. Have grown so much that I think marrying him was the 1st big mistake and staying with him for 11 years was the 2nd big mistake. Hugs. You will be fine.
Well done for getting out. I did the same. It wasn't easy but on balance it wasn't esay staying either.... I know which I preferred out of the two. You will be OK... You've done the hardest part by getting out.
You are saving my life
That’s what I hope to do. Make a difference even to one person’s life. Keep,walking towards recovery and freedom.
l have listened to alot of you tube videos explaining narcissism, but you have done excellent job thank you for clearing up the confusion and helping me move on.
That's so nice of you to say so, thank you. And for watching. Plenty more to come!
This is one of the best videos I've come across on breaking away from narcissistic abuse. Thank you!
Not one dislike!!! And no wonder...told just as it is. Great video. Thanks
Ha, I hadn't noticed that. Thank you for watching.
I’ve seen many videos about narcissism and this one is absolutely the best one !! Thank you so much. I left my narcissist husband a month ago and I’m trying to understand everything I went through for the past 7 years of marriage. Thank you for your great explanation!
Thanks so much for watching! I'm glad it helped. Stay strong.
I lived in hell with a horrible Narsassistic partner for 9 long gruelling years. He kept me broke and treated me like garbage. I finally got up the courage to leave. He's been dead for 22 years now and I still have nightmares of those years of horror. Good for you, for leaving...!!! They never, ever change, it just gets worse... 💞
@@Lindamay9 They don't change and it does get worse. I'm sorry to hear you've been through this and still have PTSD. If you ever need help and support to process that, I’ve listed some free and anonymous helplines here: www.vivianmcgrath.com/domestic-violence-resources/
My ex never said sorry. I felt bad for him because I felt that he had a reason to act like he did because of his past. He didn’t know right from wrong. I always thought and prayed he would change. I tried so hard to be a good wife for a while. After 14 years and two daughters , I finally left. He said I left for no reason. I left because I wanted my daughters to know that men should not treat women that way. Everyone said I looked ten years younger after I left. Love this video ❤️
I'm starting to go non contact with one that was posing as a friend for years.. I just got sick of her drama ,backstabbing and insane two faced niceness to me and another friend,done listening to her talk about herself for hours and ooh the drama and helping her through all her crisis...walking on egg shells because of her fragile ego ,done being her supply.
Good luck! 👍
Just found you. The end of the video was so powerful, just what I needed to hear now: "Put yourself first. Use that empathy for yourself". Why is that so hard for some of us? My life is almost over, and I am still struggling with feeling overly responsible for other people's happiness, and short-changing myself in the process. Thank you for this video, will watch it again tomorrow, when my brain is awake.
Then life is too short not too my friend. Put yourself first. It's not selfish but self-caring and you deserve that.
OMG! Where have you been all my life! So articulate. So clear and revealing. You are setting people free from a lie, a trap, a false life, and even death. It's like Freedom Restored! Thank you again and again
No, I have a bad side also and I did unleash it upon him a few times. So he fell back with his abuse and even told me he was afraid of me, but thought to my self better him afraid of me than me of him. It was the straw that broke the camel's back and I discarded him in February but really left him alone in November 2018 and told him I wasn't going forward with him into 2019. He also told me that he under estimated me😀. I am not sure but I believe I'm a super empath.
I have been looking up narcissisum for years. I guess it started off from trying to gain the life skills and knowledge that my family told me I lack and tata! I feel I have more knowledge than they do. Knowledge is power! I started originally following Dana Morningstar and I stumbled across like a ton of red flags and found other narcissistic coaches on the Internet and I always subscribe to new people I like so you have another subscriber!! And I must admit you are right beware their good side because they are like a sheep in wolves clothing until the wolf in them comes out!!!!And truthfully I was trauma bonded to someone when I was eighteen with no experience to love. My parents were unaware of the trauma you go through breaking up with one... I went through that all on my own without help.
This was spot on! My mama grew up poor and loves to play the "victim". Even still, there is no excuse for her horrendous treatment of me growing up. I don't know how to move on. I am learning and with each day it will get better especially with help from Vivian and others on youtube. Thanks Vivian.
I felt choked when I saw you beat off the tears to keep talking. Thank you SO much for your strength to pass on this guidance. xxxx
Thank you. Talking about it sometimes takes me right back and I feel it viscerally. It's also healing.
@@Unbeatable I can imagine. You're so brave.
Yes . When they are up n going strong, they plot the next move . We are safe when they brood . I know the structure.
Been there, done that and came out 100% wiser. Last thing he said to me was he tried to mold me into his perfect wife. Meaning: remove my personality and imprint his ideal.
This is a very accurate description of a narcissist. Exactly my experience.
Thank you!! Didn't want to believe it but truth is truth..
Very true sister.... I feel this, each and every word is correct.
I think that people need to realize that, when a narcissist seems nice, it’s likely only to be for the express purpose of taking what amounts to a commercial break from who they are and what they intend. It is made to conjure hope in you, with minimal investment, but that’s it, because you’re being strung along, at the cheapest cost possible. When you look as if you won’t comply or will leave, being nice is only placation.
I remember actually seeing this in my mother’s face once. It was that little smile that says, “If giving you a little smiling acknowledgement is going to make you take me to the store, then here. Other than that, I don’t know you’re even saying anything.” This is one of the plethora of reasons why she’s walking now...
You are great and describe that relationship perfectly
I am saying this completely truthfully: I only managed to get rid of the narcissist that was draining me after I found your videos. Even after the break up he still had his claws in my mind, but you gave me the tools to remove them. Thank you, deeply and with all my heart.
Thank you, Vivian.❤️
It’s getting to the point where I’m no fun anymore... I am sorry. I am yours you are mine you are what you are ... you make it hard.
I know how that feels, as I felt the same. I lost myself. Try to get help and support as this is hard to do alone. I’ve listed some free and anonymous helplines here: www.vivianmcgrath.com/domestic-violence-resources/
You are a 100% genius.
Very valuable insight, I hope your video gets through to the people who need to get out of the prison of being with one of them.
Unfortunately their good side isn’t real. Don’t be fooled by them, I have found they fool about 8-9 out of 10 people or even more, it’s so sad. I think some of us just have and inborn self awareness that gives us an ability to see through others. If your not making excuses for you own bad behaviour you tend not to make excuses for others bad behaviour.
That was a splendid dissection of this psychological dysfunction! Subscribed!
This is so spot on they are like vampires they suck out the energy of you and kill your soul. I’m tired of it that’s why I’m out I was out for 2 years I went back in now I’m seriously done. It is hard you can do it you can leave. Cut off all ties no contact.
I've watched hundreds of videos on this very menacing subject. Got a lot of good information from all of them. However, in this video I felt I was being spoken to directly (by you) as though you were right here in the room with me. Good enlightenment. Good vibes, indeed. Thanks for sharing.
Well, that's a lovely compliment thank you. You have made my day.
I watched a film called The marriage starting scarlet Johansson it’s about a narcissist husband who through a divorce realises he is a Narcissist must watch ✨
I just found your video. I watched all your videos so far. You are the best. Thanks for its. 😀🙂
I appreciate that so much, thank you for that and for watching.
You are brilliant with your explanations!
I am not responsible.......I really needed to hear that
TRUE!! Thank you from Spain.
Thank you
So true. I have been a constant supply of giving my mom and my ex husband an always making them feel good factor. I am and have been an empathy all my life and in the process I lost my own self somewhere and started believing in their views that I was not good enough and I was very selfish. It had taken a toll on me as my mom still expects me to be the same.
Narcissists are messed up in their heads. Just don't think. Ruuuuuuunnnnnnnnnn !!!! For your own sanity !!!!!!
Any good side that they have is only self serving. I focused on the good side for years, with the hope that they would change in the end. Truthfully it only gets worse. The best thing is to leave them, unfortunately we have to be ready for that step. Videos such as these help a lot but I did not have any back then.
You are amazing!
Spent 60 years of my life trying to help my mother and sacrificing all I had. Always believing if i just did the right thing or said the right thing, it would happen! She is 91 now and in lockdown (Covid) at an assisted living home . I narrowly escaped Hell by her not living with me. I have managed low contact by going once a week to talk thru the window. She has so done so much damage to the employees bc she dearly loves conflict. Extremely evil! Can't believe she hadn't gotten kicked out! Until a couple years ago, I had never heard of a narc. Just the way she wanted it. My bother took to drugs trying to deal with her and and has since died. I'm all she has. My family can't stand her and stay upset for the way she is to me. My father is passed away and tried to help her for 60 + years. We have ALL been robbed as enablers. We never addressed the problem and have paid dearly. Wish we had known what I'm learning now. Thank you so much!
excellent insight
Your videos have changed my life 🙏🙌☁️⛈🌧🌦⛅️☀️ 🌈Thankyou so much ❣️💯 everyday is easier when you know the moves that are going to be made. I’ve accepted my mom is narcissistic and that I have the power .
I don't know if they are intentionally deceptive or self-deceived into thinking they really do love you, but I thank God that I finally got strong and drew the line after almost 25 years of believing this narc could love me or be stable emotionally. There is nothing, not your love or even prayers that can make a narc into a loving, empathic person because they have at some point given themselves over to evil. I have long asked the question of whether the behavior is conscious, deliberate or not but what matters now is ME. Sad for those of us who have wasted the years.
It's also awesome that you woke up to the truth and didn't waste anymore. I don't think it matters either - the answer to that question - just focus on You as that's the most important thing now. Be proud of yourself.
Thanks so much Vivian for this supportive video. Once again it confirms this is something very serious. Unfortunately currently these are things that aren't recognized in our society which makes it even harder to convince a judge, in case the situation escalates and your narcissistic partner takes you to court for example. The narcissist lies, manipulates and puts people against each other. I understand the best option is to leave but if it's your partner and you have kids together it won't be that easy. The big concern would also be how far the narcissistic partner can manipulate the kids and put them against the other parent. Things might get easier when the man in the relationship is the big troublemaker but if it's the other way around it won't be the same, as most of the times a woman is marked as the victim and the man as the bad person. And then the situation gets very difficult as no matter what you do, it won't help unless you get a good lawyer who's got enough experience with situations like these. Besides of that, you have to hope the judge is someone who understands and recognizes these kind of situations. You cannot just say that you're with a narcissistic partner who makes your life miserable as people just won't take you serious, or don't even know what that word means. Please keep making these supportive video's as they're a great help for those who are in such a bad situation. Thank you!
Sorry to hear of your situation, I'm glad I can be of some help
Thank you!
Wow so on point.
Thank you for this heartfelt video I needed to see this
True but what they don’t get about me is I have my limits too! I was patient and tried to bite my tongue, but I always felt compelled to deny the forcefulness/dark side at the end, I just couldn’t take it anymore.
I have a friend who calls and keeps me on the phone for hours literally, then calls my boyfriend and makes him listen to her. She has no relationship with either of us except to listen you her. This is TOXIC. We both feel so drained after for days. Trying to understand her is her Narcissistic Need. TOXIC. She has POOR BOUNDARIES.
gorilla twist stop answering the phone and delay your texts. Say you are trying to disconnect from so much technology now. Over time they may slow down contacting so much. One friend who used to dump drama on me for hours I had to say goodbye to. My life is more peaceful now.
Mrs. Jekyll is so alluring that you find Miss Hyde incredible to even exist within this person you found yourself bonded to for a long period of time.
Jekyll is very disarming and is difficult to ignore when in public. Hyde is rarely seen outside in public. I have a brother who refuses to see her for she is, even after she casted me aside like yesterday’s trash.
The answer is, they CANNOT LOVE! They only LoVE themselves and that is it.
Go through the discard and you will find out how much they love you as a person. I learned this the hard way.
They are simply a lost cause...the good side is cunningly covering the dark side with smoke and mirrors.
I have been walking on egg shells and landmines while someone was lobbing grenades at me on a routine basis. Not good at all.
I’m definitely finished finally. Run from these people. Mine is clearly a Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist. I fooled myself into embracing false hope for many years.
All these years wasted....It Sucks!!!!
The Final Discard is worse. Left my emotions fully dysregulated.
Not wasted years of you have learned more about yourself and become better for it. Our pain can be our cure.
Vivian McGrath: Totally True! There are positives that came from the experience, I realize I’m a good person, who innocently got involved with the wrong person.
I guess I should have stated... Wasted years focusing on a dream (of close knit family) that was not meant to be.
The people who fall in love with these narcs are desperate for the same things that the narc is desperate for... but the narc will stab you in the back to get it... the narc lovers not the ones who got stuck with him by accident I'm talking about the ones who go after these type of people and they know who they are... the narc lovers need validation... they need people to see them in their relationship.... they talk about the narc constantly... they even work as a flying monkey for the narc... but they are backward magnets... they given to all of the narc mess... but it backfires and when it backfires here comes to Crybaby complainers but just remember you were in cahoots with this vampire until he bit you or she bit you.... and ran.... these people only complain after the narc don't need them anymore beware of narc lovers.... they will turn on us non-narc lovers in a minute
I agree, they are also insecure. But there is a lot of manipulation by the narc, as their self-esteem is low and gets lower with the continuous cycle of abuse.
Vivian McGrath yes they are insecure. There are different versions of insecure. You have the insecure selfish person and then you have the insecure selfless person. The insecure selfish person secretly thinks the world owes them something... it's hard for this person to break away because they are not offended by how the narc treat others... so if they are being treated halfway decent they don't care if the narc is going around staff and everybody else in the back. Then you have the insecure selfless person... they may take some type of abuse due to the insecurities but because of their selfless spirit.... they can't bear to watch or entertainment and this usually gives them the drive to leave or at least celebrate when they leave you... we could cry but it doesn't mean we can't dance while we're crying...lol
@@globalprincess5471 Well said
Vivian McGrath pardon my typos yes we can dance while we cry we cry for who we thought they were we dance because we no longer have to walk on eggshells
What if I was (and the whole family tbh) being manipulated by their lies and fake acts? This went on for 3 years until we finally found out the truth
You are so beautiful. Thank you for sharing. You really have helped me.
Thank you for your kind words. I am so glad this has been helpful to you. Thanks for watching.
This is very helpful to me as I heal. Thank you for sharing this excellent video.
Brilliant, as always, Vivian! The picture described is so clear and true to real experience!Thank you!
This was a fantastic video. Thank You.
I lasted 22 years with my vulnerable NPD ex-wife. I had no idea what a narcissist actually is during the marriage. Been separated for 4 years now and only learnt about the disorder after separation. I always knew something was awry with her but could not pin it down until recently. I doubt I could have done anything to help her gain awareness nor change. In 22 years whenever I tried to point out something inconsistent about her, she would change the subject, deflect, or become irrationally abusive. Any suggestion of her being responsible for anything untoward had her in a total state.
What still bothers me is our kids. Whilst they were 14 & 16 when I had to leave, they have the wool pulled over their eyes and are entirely alienated from me (and all my side of the family). I don’t know how, or whether I can help restore a balanced, healthy perspective for them other than let time take its course. The good thing now is appreciating just how good it is with a non-NPD person.
Get out whilst you can, educate and restore yourself and have a much better life.
I think this is the best explanation of the dynamic of the relationship that I've ever come across, and I've done a load of looking back into it on you tube. (Pleased to say I'm well into the looking forwards phase now). Before the discard I heard a lot of "I'M BORED, what are YOU going to do about it?" - seemed to be fair enough at the time. Thank-you, thank-you thank-you. Will share this - ( gold).
Thanks so much for watching and sharing. I’m glad it is helpful and that you are recovering. Sorry for the delayed response.
Thank you, I really needed to hear this.
Thanks for watching
Trauma bonding is real! So true xx
Thx for opening my eyes !
I’m so glad it’s helped you. Stay strong.
Incredibly enlightening - My hope for all those struggling with this very thing is that they find you and subscribe. You are a very important part of one’s strengthening and healing ☺️☺️❤️ *hugs* to you!! I’ve taken in quite a bit of information regarding dealing with this personality type & how I landed myself here (working on myself because...) :-) - this is spot on and at certain stages you need the validation to move forward. I am very grateful to have happened across your videos!!
Escaping a narcissist is becoming Van Helsing. The vampire wants to suck on your throat. Only go out during the day. That's when they sleep and you can begin slaying the emotional vampires from your life. Self-love is the wooden stake. Drive the hammer it in, "you are wrong. I'm a valuable human being with feelings like you. If you can't accept that, there's no relationship here." You can expect to hear the godawful shriek. That's the hardest part of emotional vampire slaying. It'll break your heart, tears may fall, but there is a greater good in this universe, even if it may not feel like it.
This has been very enlightening !
i'm glad it's helpful
be careful when learning putting one's self first. many narcists started out trying to put themselves first but didn't learn the healthy ways of doing that. all rights reserved
Thanks for that perspective
Agree! I put my Father in heaven first. Always.
'It's a bottomless pit of neediness and insecurity' I would say that truthfully speaking allot of people are in this boat as most of us depend on socail interactions for some form of happiness. The fulcrum though I think is whether we see others happiness as connected to our own and whether we are dedicated to our own and therefore others happiness. This alone shows the goodness of humans, its just when it tilts over to its all about me, which unfortunately I think notions like 'self esteem' and other psychological concepts can kind of be misinterpreted as supporting.
Thankyou
Thanks for watching
For many years of enduring psychological abuse from my narcissistic father, I had always wondered, "If outsiders get to see the nice side of this person, why is it just me and my mother who face the nasty side". I had often blamed myself, assuming that it was some serious flaw in my own person that invited abuse. Now, thanks to many experts like Sam Vaknin, Ramani Durvisala and a few others, I can feel much better about myself.
It was my mother, father was not present due to drinking. We also experienced physical abuse from her, from the early age. The guilt was tremendous through most of my life. I am 50something old and only recently after hard work and no contact I feel free and I am free from her hold. Thank you for sharing, most people talk about their partners and children seams to be forgotten.
A lot of people are insecure but it doesn’t mean they are narcissistic.
just hugged my computer screen, thank you
You are really beautiful woman. I love mimics.
So true.
You just stopped me from ruining yet another Christmas by giving in and having the good side narcissist come over my house because I was sad she would be alone for the holidays. She never cared if I was alone on Christmas so why should I care about her. Thank you.
Good videos clear informative and to the point
Thank you for watching.
I was abused and i didn't even know how it started,from humiliation to the point that he took a knife on me....
Had to move back to my country because of him and now going thru PTSD and it's very hard...
Narcissistic people in my opinion and experience is that they do not apologize. They turn your upset back onto you in-order to escape responsibility of their actions
They def. do that!
Vivian McGrath do they also play good and bad? My experience is that they’re giving physically with items but emotionally take. Why is that?
@@olliviermae They can have two sides for sure.
Thanks
I recently broke up with ......what I now know was a narcissist .
Eeeek !
It was a complete mind fuck ( excuse my French )
I have related to everything said on this video .
Thanks for sharing , it has really helped me get clear on things xxxx
Moving forward
My mother and manager. I had prayed before I met my manager for her to be like my mother and she appeared. She was just like my mother. I felt being hit by a bus when she abandoned me to save her own ass however my mother wouldn't but she does in ways. For the first time I was able to define my mother as a narc.
My mom always calls me and my sister to get validation, then said, "Sorry, I didn't mean to call and complain the whole time." But if we don't validate her feelings she'll call each child until she hears what she wants to hear.
Right on the money!
Thank you
You might start, out thinking you love them, until it's 1 betrayel after another, always putting everything and everyone before you, but I never put them over myself, eventually u come to the realization that nothing ever changes and u leave I put up with that for 9 yrs , I left the beginning of 2019 ,and over the drama the gaslighting, the trianglations, the lies and the back to back betrayel, and I'm much better for it I'm a lot stronger also and very cautious and wiser, but I'm a strong woman it's who I am that's probably why I recovered so quickly ,be strong and be true to yourself.
Well said
I feel like a narcissist sometimes because i recognise too much of what is said about them in me..
Being in a relationship with one can also change our behavior. Here's a video I did on that: th-cam.com/users/edit?o=U&video_id=S9rn6EEY9j8
Somehow i can not open the link.. 🤔
I think the fact that you feel like one shows that you aren’t!
Can you do a video on the different types? Over covert and malignant!
I've done that already. Here it is:
Covert, overt, malignant narcissists: www.vivianmcgrath.com/narcissism-relationships/
Spot on
Arúviel Evenstar thank you
Complying, that's what I feel I needed to do all the time. I'm changing, I'm seeing the impossibility f being happy. I'm still trying to get out of this relashionship though.
I have 2 narcissistic parents, they just come in different forms but the same result is achieved dealing with both of them. They're long divorced also in different marriages.
I hope you are okay now and have broken the cycle
He likes it when my emotions go from somewhat normal to sad because of something he said gets me even more upset. I try to hide my feelings but my feelings always seem to come through. He loves my reactions. He likes it when others compliment him but he ignores my compliments maybe its because I have been very depressed from before we even met and he has always seemed to say something to get me feeling even worse than I already feel. Its hard to ignore him cause because of my problems of no self esteem and ptsd.l often feel that I deserve the treatment. I just have to keep telling myself that this is not a healthy way to think and just leave when he says degrading little jags. lHopefully I can keep working on this so I can one day completly heal.
You don't deserve this and are not responsible for it or to blame. If you need help and support to work through this I’ve listed some free and anonymous helplines here: www.vivianmcgrath.com/domestic-violence-resources/
I always felt mum is playing a role, she was afraid to be normal, to be herself....
My mother is trying really hard to get my attention atm. She uses fictitious illnesses to garner my sympathy and self guilt. I’m 50 this year and still struggling to understand..
@ 4:26, I believe she meant "its an impossible task for a narcissist to love" ... Cheers.
Thanks for picking me up on that! I talk off the top of my head, not scripted so I sometimes do make little mistakes.
Good video
Two Faced!
Bottom line: They don’t care about you.
But now you want their approval. Because of that it sometimes make me feel like i’m the narcissist.
Lmao... the good side of a narcissist is the side you see of them going, not coming.
The person that abused you can't be the person that heals you. We wrongly look to the abuser to heal us. Only we can heal ourselves. Once we are healed they will lose their appeal. If there is no enemy on the inside then the enemy on the outside can't get us.
I've attracted narcs/sociopaths my entire life as my mom is a narc, my dad is a sociopath. I dated this one particular narc/sociopath, he called me recently, it's been 16 years since I seen him last. He tells me he's been in counseling because his last girlfriend told him he was a narc and he was scared he was a narc. What? I have always read narcs wont or can't look within to question themselves and they would never seek counseling. I always thought he was a narc but he has fear of being one and he has sought counseling. Advice, please!!!!
Block them completely and move forward leave the narc in the past where they belong. They don't change.
Trust your gut. They are also very good at saying whatever they think you want to hear. Try not to get sucked back into that vortex again.
Narcissism is a demon , it isn't a mental disability. Yes a narc can be delivered! And only by the holy spirit!
@@dailybread2708 I couldn't agree more.
Great Video!! How do you leave a narcissistic relationship when you are addicted to it but know that it isn't healthy. I don't even feel like myself. I can't believe what I have allowed and put up with, and now we are so entrenched in each others lives. The love bombing is what really got me. It feels so hurtful and almost not real. We have broken up and gotten back together about 15 times and it is always him breaking up with me. I want to break the cycle but am so scared to.
You can break the cycle. Accept you will never change them and you aren't responsible for them. You can only change YOU. Try to get help and support to break contact and focus on your healing, not trying to rescue them. If you need help and support to work through this I’ve listed some free and anonymous helplines here: www.vivianmcgrath.com/domestic-violence-resources/