lol it's so funny when people flex waking up at 5am like they're achieving so much more than everyone else... then you go out for beers with them on friday and they call it at 7pm. "Why, we just got here?" "Gotta get to bed soon, early start tomorrow..." "It's Saturday tomorrow dude, what's so important?" "Well I have to lift weights..." "At 5am?" "Yes." "Then what?" "Well, I tend to just wander around aimlessly waiting for everyone else to wake up" "...." "It's important, OK" "..." "WELL AT LEAST I'M NOT LAZY"
People think the spiders and snakes are the worst thing about Australia but no it's the fact that everything closes at 3, unless you're in Perth then they close at 1.
I know try to get a coffee after school it's impossible. Why? Who knows? There was a coffee shop right across the road from our school and they still closed at 2pm everyday.
Ouch. And all these people saying get a machine, it usually tastes better out cause of the fresh roast and also you just want to get out of your house.
there's no way people still think this joke is funny. it died after like 3 days, now you're just carrying around a corpse like it's fucking weekend at bernies
It's because of labour laws and busy hours. It's true that most of a cafe's business is early in the morning so they have to open then, but if they stay open later than 2:30-3 they need to pay overtime or have more people rostered on to take over, which costs too much in wages to justify the much smaller amount of coffee they sell in the afternoon.
@@cmmartti Franchises like that are open longer here, but Australian culture doesn't really consider them coffee shops, even chain cafes like the coffee club barely qualify. Independant or small franchise coffee shops are the norm here, and it's because they're smaller businesses that they can't afford to stay open longer. "Coffee shop" in australia implies a "real" cafe selling at least pretty good coffee. I've been a barista in Australia for years, that's why I know this.
I prefer my ladies to be dudes wearing towels for wigs, and I prefer my coffee shops to be somebody's living room. Clicked the like but I didn't want to. 😂
I lived in Melbourne for 1 year and a half and then came to Canada for my second degree. The first day I went to a Tim Horton's and asked: "May I have a Long Black please". The lady almost called the cops to report me for sexual harassment.
I dunno, maybe I'm spoilt because there's so many cafe's in the city but there's always some that are open later than 3 and heaps of people love that mid arvo coffee to see them through the last bit of the day, myself included. I live in Sydney and work in the CBD.
OMG THANK YOU. I'm an Aussie and have been living overseas for over 20 years. I just can't cope with the hours (and the judgement!) when I'm there - I felt every word 😆
That cycle works for Australia. Nice warm, sunny mornings, clean air with a gentle ocean breeze…trying waking up at 5am to exercise in the frozen over, dirty concrete box that is Canada.
@@Rainbowgrrl Yea I think if I could move to Australia, I would definitely not choose Canberra. I understand that the nice places like Melbourne and Sydney are also going debilitating housing crises though
That’s accurate in the top half, I’m in one of the many inland towns that are dark, icy and raining for half the year. But we all end up holidaying then retiring up north 😂☀️
As a barista, the reason why we can’t serve coffee when we are shutting is that coffee cleaner has been ran through the machine. That espresso would taste like chemical shit fire.
I feel like QLD used to be open longer. Like early mid 00s there was 24/7 shit everywhere and now everything is always shut. You get this feeling like no business can actually afford to be open ever.
As an Australian in Brisbane I agree! And some of us don't have time to grab lunch until after 2 - 2.30 at which point we just starve as everything is closed until 5 - 5.30 and then closes at 8.30pm!☕️🍱😵🥱 Maybe this is why so many Australian's drink - we need something to fill us up.
So true. I used to work at the city. Our morning shift would end at 2pm but I always miss out getting coffee after work because the coffee shops would close at 1-2pm. Learned the hard way to bring my own instant coffee.
One of the best things about Wellington was that you could get a good coffee at any time of day. But now everywhere closes at 3 just like everywhere else 😢
I went to a cafe at 2:30pm one day. They close at 3pm. They were already packing up all the chairs and blocked access to the register. I was told to leave. This video brings me validation in my frustration ❤️
I lived in France for a couple years and Jaxon is right, coffee shops are open much later in the day! That said, practically nothing is open on Sundays
"I dunno how it is lazy, it just is" - oof this one stung. As someone who recently found out I have ADHD, there are just simply some people who don't conform to the expected "9-5" waking hours, particularly those with neurodivergency. But I laughed at the joke anyway xD Sydney is full of snobs! hahaha
I have ADHD too and I used to woke up at 6am and worked two jobs, trick is to pop a Ritalin first thing and drink triple shot espressos and you're good to go 👌 and this is coming from someone who used to wake at 10am. It can be done 😉
As an Aussie living in an area infamous for its coffee places this cracks me up its sooooooooo true as some places near me start packing up at 2pm as they close by 3pm which drives you nuts fortunately it is improving and we are getting some places staying open later. Also in fairness to some of the cafes near me their operating hours have been dictated by the strata committee as they are on the groundloor of a block of flats so we have a couple that would like to open at night but cannot.
It’s more like this, especially in Sydney - Me: “ Regular soy flat white with two sugars thanks” Barista: “no problem, that’s $2500 please and one of your kidneys”
Your'e not gonna stop me? 🤣 This is so true in Australia. Drive past any cafe in Australia at 6 am and it's open and full of people in fluro shirts ordering coffee and a bacon and egg roll........with BBQ sauce🤤
Just spent over a month in France everything being open late was amazing. Also, what I hate is going into a coffee shop at 2:50 waiting in line while other people get served then getting to the front and then being like sorry can’t take your order it’s 3:00 now. Lock the door at 2:45 then 😡 🙃
That barista would make all the motivational scammers proud. Get up early is the only thing you need to do to be successful in life. That’s why I got up at 8am today. Not for today but to get an early start on tomorrow.
Pretty much. Trying to get a coffee in Mullumbimby after 3pm. Same. You’d be lucky to get something to eat in Mullumbimby in the afternoon/evening if you’ve missed Yaman or Cardamon Pod.
My preferred local cafe in Sydney closes at 2pm. The latest opening one in the district stays open until 4.30 but the majority, as shown here, close at 3. My pet peeve is going into place where the door is still open but they "say sorry we've already turned the coffee machine off" and are cleaning it.
There’s a place called Shotsmiths in South-East London and I had almost this exact conversation with someone there. I left a note there the next day asking them to review their opening-hours.
Why is this being filmed in an actual shop and not in someone's kitchen or living room?
They needed some tax write offs.
Uber $
the budget increased
They've gone Hollywood (Melbourne-wood?)
Easy. They walked 5m down the street at 3pm and found a vacant coffee shop.
My whole knowledge of Australia comes from this documentary channel
“Documentary channel” is exactly how I would describe it too.
As an Australian, I can confirm that there’s no downside to this channel; it’s very accurate. So rest assured.
The broad accent and then "Frahnce" 🎩
@@alexolifeyeah, only newsreaders and maybe tv hosts pronounce it like that.
I am Australian and this is a 100% accurate depiction of white culture in our country
"I sleep the same time and am awake for the same time" "well, that's lazy" God I felt that
RIGHT? I'm moving to France
, those are my hours also.
lol it's so funny when people flex waking up at 5am like they're achieving so much more than everyone else... then you go out for beers with them on friday and they call it at 7pm.
"Why, we just got here?"
"Gotta get to bed soon, early start tomorrow..."
"It's Saturday tomorrow dude, what's so important?"
"Well I have to lift weights..."
"At 5am?"
"Yes."
"Then what?"
"Well, I tend to just wander around aimlessly waiting for everyone else to wake up"
"...."
"It's important, OK"
"..."
"WELL AT LEAST I'M NOT LAZY"
@@catatafish22 All those mucsles too, only to get floored by a huge Samoan at the pub who got pure strength eating seafood and KFC.
@@mis8866 😂... there's a good reason why they call them 'glamour muscles'
People think the spiders and snakes are the worst thing about Australia but no it's the fact that everything closes at 3, unless you're in Perth then they close at 1.
Legit
Doesnt matter. They dont think we exist anyway.
See earlier Fairburn fillum, "Australia doesnt exist".
Too accurate about Perth 😔
Weird, in the regional areas, everything shuts down at 5pm on a weekday, 12 on a weekend.
In Perth, stores shut half an hour before they even open.
RIP to night shift workers who need an afternoon coffee before work.
Just get a coffee machine. It'll pay itself back in about a month if you drink everyday.
Thx
@@Flegado How do you drink a coffee machine? Do you blend it?
@francistaylor1822 well you need a grinder but you need to drink also that everyday or it will not pay itself early.
@@francistaylor1822 Grind coffee. Put ground coffee in filter (french press / coffee filter). Pour hot water through coffee grounds. Done.
1:29 that mic came out of hiding.
that was a microphone? nvm
I wasn't expecting it to be so big.
that's a BBC
(big black condensermicrophone)
@@themillykatt ayo
Yea wtf!
As a French person, I can 100% confirm everything that was said in this video
Except it’s spelled France not Frarnce
This is the most accurate Aussie video ever made
It would have been more accurate if he arrived half hour before closing time and they'd already started packing up and cleaning their machine
I know try to get a coffee after school it's impossible. Why? Who knows? There was a coffee shop right across the road from our school and they still closed at 2pm everyday.
am i the only aussie thats triggered by how he says france
@@onyxiaa They're from South Australia, they all talk like that there
@@bgrossman eeeeeeeeewww
As a French, I can’t wait for Jaxon to discover McDo, the local equivalent of Maccas
As a Simpsons fan i thoroughly enjoyed buying a Royale with cheese... before immediately returning to the far superior local food 😂
If I go back to France and Quick doesn't exist anymore, I'm going to end up on the news.
@@Luciferhelidonit's not dead, it was bought by burger king, but I don't know how many are left
@@moonandantarctica2 Do you know what they put on fries in Holland? Mayonnaise. I've seen 'em do it man. They F'ing drown them in that sh^t!
vincent, yu know what they call a quarter pounder with cheese in france?
The real problem is when you wake up at 5 and you need your arvo coffee at 3-4pm you're screwed.
Habeeb you are SO right 💔
7-11 coming in like a champ
Don’t wake up at 5 then
Ouch. And all these people saying get a machine, it usually tastes better out cause of the fresh roast and also you just want to get out of your house.
Darcy's acting as the cafe was impecable
Acting as the coffee was pretty good ngl
there's no way people still think this joke is funny. it died after like 3 days, now you're just carrying around a corpse like it's fucking weekend at bernies
@@CL-gd3ig what the fuck happens at Bernie's on the weekends...?
@@cobbobledoth coffee ☕️
@@cobbobledoth Bernie dies and his employees act like that isn't the case as so not to alarm anyone that comes to visit
They are only open after 3 if you order a flat white
A flit hwoyt
Australian, living in central Paris. Cafés in my neighbourhood open around 8am and close between 1:30-2:00am.
That's how it should be :D
I enjoyed my recent trip to Italy where you can find coffee bars opened at 6am
That's cool.
I never understood this idea of all the cafes being closed at like 3 or 4pm. The cafe underneath my apartment in Sydney is open from 6am-6pm
It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. I work at a club with a cafe that's open for most of the day and they're making plenty of sales the whole time.
And Im sure theres early birds that still complain 6am isnt open early enough. I figure the business has a reason why and I go elsewhere.
It's because of labour laws and busy hours. It's true that most of a cafe's business is early in the morning so they have to open then, but if they stay open later than 2:30-3 they need to pay overtime or have more people rostered on to take over, which costs too much in wages to justify the much smaller amount of coffee they sell in the afternoon.
I'm used to coffee shops being open 24 hours. Hanging out with your buddies at Tim Hortons at 10pm on a Sunday night is great.
@@cmmartti Franchises like that are open longer here, but Australian culture doesn't really consider them coffee shops, even chain cafes like the coffee club barely qualify. Independant or small franchise coffee shops are the norm here, and it's because they're smaller businesses that they can't afford to stay open longer. "Coffee shop" in australia implies a "real" cafe selling at least pretty good coffee.
I've been a barista in Australia for years, that's why I know this.
Or a classic line…”the machine was just cleaned”
I've never flipped so hard back and forth between who I'm supporting haha. Valid points all around.
Wow, an actual coffee shop...the budgets wild for this one 😂
I prefer my ladies to be dudes wearing towels for wigs, and I prefer my coffee shops to be somebody's living room. Clicked the like but I didn't want to. 😂
THANK YOU JACKSON! im not lazy, i go to bed at 6 am and wake up at 2 pm but im still doing stuff!
I lived in Melbourne for 1 year and a half and then came to Canada for my second degree. The first day I went to a Tim Horton's and asked: "May I have a Long Black please".
The lady almost called the cops to report me for sexual harassment.
the world hates night shifters. that was one nice thing before the 'vid came around, was the 24 hr stores. they never opened back up 24 hrs since
True. Only the servo's are 24 hours now, and they don't have a barista at 2am.
As someone who works in a coffee shop, this is accurate.
I dunno, maybe I'm spoilt because there's so many cafe's in the city but there's always some that are open later than 3 and heaps of people love that mid arvo coffee to see them through the last bit of the day, myself included. I live in Sydney and work in the CBD.
Start early finish early is BONKERS.
Most people don't come in after 3 though
It's normal
God it shits me how early Australia wakes up
I dont.
I'm Australian and I agree. I'd sleep from 2--10am if I could.
So lazy
@@scottguy5452 yeah how lazy is it closing at 3pm
OMG THANK YOU. I'm an Aussie and have been living overseas for over 20 years. I just can't cope with the hours (and the judgement!) when I'm there - I felt every word 😆
That cycle works for Australia. Nice warm, sunny mornings, clean air with a gentle ocean breeze…trying waking up at 5am to exercise in the frozen over, dirty concrete box that is Canada.
come to canberra :(
Why would anybody wanna go to Canberra?!
@@Rainbowgrrl Yea I think if I could move to Australia, I would definitely not choose Canberra. I understand that the nice places like Melbourne and Sydney are also going debilitating housing crises though
That’s accurate in the top half, I’m in one of the many inland towns that are dark, icy and raining for half the year. But we all end up holidaying then retiring up north 😂☀️
That's why I prefer working in the afternoon. No worse feeling than scraping ice off your car 30 minutes before work while its still dark outside.
All fun and games till the maccas coffee machine breaks
Which is pretty much every other car lol.
I don't think it's broken, I think they just don't feel like making it.
A coffee at 4 just hits different though :(
As a barista, the reason why we can’t serve coffee when we are shutting is that coffee cleaner has been ran through the machine. That espresso would taste like chemical shit fire.
Missing the point bud. Stay open past 3pm ffs !!!
.... So clean it later lol
Fucking excuses mate.
Maybe that's exactly how I like it
@samgold3216 in the morning you put through some coffee and dump it. At least your supposed to, and thats what I did.
Australia has some of the best coffee in the world but not after 2pm 🤦♂️
Xactli
LOL this is particularly true for QLDers - i grew up in vic and I'm not used to everything closing so early since we moved states!
shits me to tears, lived here my whole life, cant get onboard with the get up at 4am crowd.
I feel like QLD used to be open longer. Like early mid 00s there was 24/7 shit everywhere and now everything is always shut. You get this feeling like no business can actually afford to be open ever.
It's cos of the heat, mate. 3pm, stinking hot, no-one wants coffee.
@@fionaottley4976 so real 😢 😢
@@MrScrofulous well that makes a lot of sense😅 in Melb it's cold almost all year 'round😭
This customer is such a mood, I also get up at 12 and get annoyed with cafes shutting at 3 in this damn country 😂
you need to fix that...
Sometimes 2 even 😩
After 12 it is no longer coffee time, it's beer time
Same in Melbourne, but it’s 4. I rationalise it as after 4PM is when people shift to the pub to meet up
This is why I love middle eastern cafes lol
Darcy's performance as the coffee machine was superior.
As an Australian in Brisbane I agree! And some of us don't have time to grab lunch until after 2 - 2.30 at which point we just starve as everything is closed until 5 - 5.30 and then closes at 8.30pm!☕️🍱😵🥱 Maybe this is why so many Australian's drink - we need something to fill us up.
Damn your house has had a serious upgrade
"It's Sydney" hit me right in the feelings!
This one's a bit too accurate lmfao. Honestly though, the coffees at Maccas or even servos are pretty good here.
I can't believe Lachlan got a job at a Starbucks just for this skit, bravo films
Starbucks? Wash your mouth out.
We still have Starbucks in Australia? I thought none of us liked Starbucks.
@@UltimateGattai They exist for the internationals
Bloody masterpiece.
As an Aussie, this is the truest thing ever put to screen
So true. I used to work at the city. Our morning shift would end at 2pm but I always miss out getting coffee after work because the coffee shops would close at 1-2pm. Learned the hard way to bring my own instant coffee.
I saw you guys in Pitt St the other day! Your mere presence made my day 😘
Honestly, the best time to be driving around is on a Saturday before 10AM, so much less traffic.
Yes. that’s the only time i drive in the city. Even then.
Saturday traffic is mental in Sydney. Need a coffee to go get coffee.
mad props for using takanaka's music there at the end. his stuff is SICK
Love to Australia from Russia
Aussie Aussie Aussie
🇷🇺 🇦🇺 🇷🇺 🇦🇺
Aw 😊🇦🇺
This is so relatable as I too live in Australia and am a fellow Ausie and love barbies (barbeque for the Americans, which I am not).
Aussie. Ya missed a bit.
One of the best things about Wellington was that you could get a good coffee at any time of day. But now everywhere closes at 3 just like everywhere else 😢
I once got an overnight coach to Paris and arrived at 5AM hoping for some breakfast. If only I’d known what I was in for.
I went to a cafe at 2:30pm one day. They close at 3pm. They were already packing up all the chairs and blocked access to the register. I was told to leave. This video brings me validation in my frustration ❤️
Masayoshi takanaka for the second day in a row lessgoooo
When I went to NZ I was surprised cafes closed around 4, in CA they’d be open till midnight!
I lived in France for a couple years and Jaxon is right, coffee shops are open much later in the day! That said, practically nothing is open on Sundays
Can confirm as a non Aussie not ever having lived in Aussie - this is practically a documentary to me
You know it’s a great day when fairbairn films Uploads
"It's all about money with you."
"I'm running a BUSINESS."
Haha - this drives me crazy too! But thank you to all you lovely barista's who make life tolerable!
I was not expecting to see Leichhardt in my feed today today! Dom Panino's is awesome
"I dunno how it is lazy, it just is" - oof this one stung. As someone who recently found out I have ADHD, there are just simply some people who don't conform to the expected "9-5" waking hours, particularly those with neurodivergency.
But I laughed at the joke anyway xD Sydney is full of snobs! hahaha
I have ADHD too and I used to woke up at 6am and worked two jobs, trick is to pop a Ritalin first thing and drink triple shot espressos and you're good to go 👌 and this is coming from someone who used to wake at 10am. It can be done 😉
"you're not going to stop me?" LOL
As a barista, this was cathartic 😂
As an Aussie living in an area infamous for its coffee places this cracks me up its sooooooooo true as some places near me start packing up at 2pm as they close by 3pm which drives you nuts fortunately it is improving and we are getting some places staying open later. Also in fairness to some of the cafes near me their operating hours have been dictated by the strata committee as they are on the groundloor of a block of flats so we have a couple that would like to open at night but cannot.
Based song at the end, Masayoshi Takanaka is god like. You guys have good taste
This hits me in the feels. My local coffee shack is open 5am to 1pm
It’s the same with markets, they’re always too early for us late sleepers 😅😒
5am is the best time of the day. Just get up earlier.
@@MattJoyce01 that’s my problem, I work pretty much the same hours so they are closed by the time I go past there on the way home 😩
@@ocat1979 the real answer is learn to make good coffee. MLG that what I do mostly.
Mate, I don't fit either. Get your own coffee dude. Let him run his business. 😂
That's more honest than I've ever been with a cashier, waiter or serviceperson. 10/10 no notes
It’s more like this, especially in Sydney -
Me: “ Regular soy flat white with two sugars thanks”
Barista: “no problem, that’s $2500 please and one of your kidneys”
Looking forward to seeing him go to France just to order a coffee!
Your'e not gonna stop me? 🤣 This is so true in Australia. Drive past any cafe in Australia at 6 am and it's open and full of people in fluro shirts ordering coffee and a bacon and egg roll........with BBQ sauce🤤
This made me snort, so entertaining.
Just spent over a month in France everything being open late was amazing.
Also, what I hate is going into a coffee shop at 2:50 waiting in line while other people get served then getting to the front and then being like sorry can’t take your order it’s 3:00 now. Lock the door at 2:45 then 😡 🙃
That barista looks like his name's Ron.
I love these guys ! 😂
Lachlan is my dad. "I don't know how it's lazy, but it just is. Go to bed early, wake up early"
This is hillarious. I have a French friend visiting and they had this exact observation 😂
i love your sketches
It’s sooooo true 😭 things close too early, and some of us sleep later, doesn’t mean it’s lazy or wrong.
This is every Melbourne muppet who moved to Brisbane in the last few years.
So true!
You’re not wrong…. But how good would it be if Brisbane adopted the Melbourne coffee life?
So true , it'd be good minus their pretension 😂
This is the same in NZ. Coffee shops close ridiculously early I've noticed.
“Why do I have to do what everyone else is doing?”
Love Darcy's commitment to his roles, I mean acting as a real coffe shop is quite challenging, bravo boss!
Sydney's prejudice to almost everyone haha 😂
That barista would make all the motivational scammers proud. Get up early is the only thing you need to do to be successful in life. That’s why I got up at 8am today. Not for today but to get an early start on tomorrow.
man i wish i had the energy to watch this... damn you sydney coffee culture
darcys acting as the opening hours was fantastic
3 o’clock is a bit late to close. I know cafés that shut at 1😢
Same
❤loved it as usual 😂😅🎉
This is the best. In Italy, they will give you funny looks if you order a cappuccino after noon.
Pretty much. Trying to get a coffee in Mullumbimby after 3pm. Same. You’d be lucky to get something to eat in Mullumbimby in the afternoon/evening if you’ve missed Yaman or Cardamon Pod.
We need a video called "When your mum waits for you to play an online game to call you"
As a French, I don’t know what to say right now.
That was sad. Even Darcy would be shaking his head at that one.
Okay, I’m a cafe owner in Queensland. We open at 5 am close at 7 pm and Coffee‘s available the entire time!🤣👍🏽
I was not expecting to hear Masayoshi Takanaka at the end of a Fairbairn vid.
My preferred local cafe in Sydney closes at 2pm. The latest opening one in the district stays open until 4.30 but the majority, as shown here, close at 3. My pet peeve is going into place where the door is still open but they "say sorry we've already turned the coffee machine off" and are cleaning it.
I ran into that problem in Sydney. Some of us want coffee from a cafe before going out in the evening.
There’s a place called Shotsmiths in South-East London and I had almost this exact conversation with someone there. I left a note there the next day asking them to review their opening-hours.
I’m a closing barista and i felt this so much 😂😂😂😂 I can’t tell you how many times customers come in after 4 (when we close) and get pissed