You dont need to imagine Ayn rand taking a shite because her philosophy does the job for you. I dont really hate Ayn Rand, but I couldn't resist the joke.
@@roas2 It's honestly neither ridiculous nor pointless. It's pointing out that despite the pretensions of man, we are all the same matter. It punches upwards brilliantly, your example is off the mark here because the moon landings were a collective human achievement and laudable, whereas the divine right of kings was an unjust, inefficient and obviously man made idea. The equivalent would be if Neil Armstrong had an inflated sense of self importance because of being the first man to walk on the moon. Montaigne illustrates that despite any such pretensions, a man is but a man.
If I were you, I’d never write a comment on a TH-cam channel again. Go brush up on your classical instrument knowledge and grow up. Absolutely sick of it, keep up the good work nhunha
You sit down with your trousers down your ankles, and then you decide to take them off entirely, and then you need to take your top off just to cool yourself down. And when it’s all done and dusted, you go to put on your clothes, only to struggle upon realising that they’re inside out…
I once nearly fainted on a public loo, I ended up struggling to walk after, got halfway home and ended up throwing up on the side of the street. I was genuinely fearing for my life at several points.
What's really happening there is that after being in such trapped misery, going back to your daily life in comparison you get to realize how easy everything is. Only lasts like a few hours though lol
Oh man there’s nothing worse!! I mind one time I was on these really strong pain killers for a pulled disk in my back. These things were opiate based which stopped anything moving for literally 3 weeks. 3 weeks, no jobby!! When I did have to go I actually cried. A fully grown man crying on the toilet trying to push 3 weeks worth of jobbies out me!! It was about 20” in circumference. I sat there for an hour and a half and actually thought I would have to go to hospital to get it nipped aff!! Had to get the shower on to warm and scoosh my balloon knot to melt this thing. Maybe one of the most horrific jobbies ever. That was about three years ago. I’m still gaping. Glad I could share my story.
This is a real life lesson. When in a shitty situation it can feel like the world is ending. When you overcome it and look back on it you find it wasn’t as bad as you thought it was at the time.
Sounds like you just haven't found the right philosopher, Limmy: "We imagine much more appropriately an artisan on his toilet seat or on his wife than a great president, venerable by his demeanorand his ability. It seems to us that they do not stoop from their lofty thrones even to live." Michel de Montaigne, 1588
Giving me flashbacks of my fabled "Carling cup shite". 3 days into Reading festival after non-stop drinking, eating junk and constipation, I did a shit in one of their long-drop bogs which landed next to a disposable pint-sized Carling cup and was almost the exact same size in every dimension. Was a pure knee trembler. A mate went in after me and was like "did you see that monster?" and I proudly exclaimed "yeah mate, that was me". Had to have a wee rest after that one.
Sorry to hear about your troubles on the loo, Limmy. Eat more carrots. That will solidify your stool but potentially soften it. And have a nice strong coffee in the morning, kickstarts your brain but also your colon. If you're still struggling place your hands on your temples and squeeze. All the best.
This happens to me twice a year: during Christmas and in the summer. I haven't gone to the toilet in 3 days now, so I know it's comming. Thanks for your words, Limmy. Wish me strength.
02:40 seeing this man talk so passionate about fecal issues while this music seems to joyfully dance around this moment... tbh a combo i couldn´t handle
i had one today, so watchin this video really struck home. and it really was as big as i thought it was, it looked like 3 shytes stuck together. Big fat mofo. Definitely the biggest shyte of my life.
When it's really your skin tearing, and you fear what it's going to feel like the next time you have to go (which is worse if you're female and don't have a hose you can point in the other direction)
It's said that the gaels of old, the highland clans, and fighting families of Alba were magnificent poets and warriors. I'm glad to see limmy is upholding that tradition.
“I’m quite a deep thinker, believe it or not, at least I used to be but now I can’t be arsed with it” Fuck me, I have never related so hard to a sentence in all my life.
This video just had me literally laughing so much that I had to put my cereal bowl down because it was going to spill everywhere if I didn't. Had tears coming out of my eyes. Haven't laughed like that in a long time.
Funnily enough in May 2020, a month before this was put on TH-cam (not sure about the delay between Limmy's streams being uploaded, so might have been after tbf) University, only person living in my building, everyone else went home because of the lockdowns but I stayed. Living off of takeaways, rice, chips and pasta. Hadn't gone for a shite in about... A week? Didn't think anything of it. Til I needed it. Spent the next two days constantly going to the toilet, trying to get this bastard out, but it wouldn't. I decided one day to go for a walk, I could feel this fucking thing in me, but I couldn't do anything about it. I got back from the walk and tried again, hearing that walking can help, it didn't. Until I got into the shower. The relief. The RELIEF. This fucking thing, I cannot even begin to describe the size, but it was in length from the tips of my fingers to my elbow, and as thick as my fist for the first half. I actually rang my parents up to tell them. Anyway. The relief was great, the cleanup wasn't. Goodnight.
this happened to me a few days ago. what i did was a took my trousers and boxers right off and then squatted on the toilet seat. feet on the seat and hovering my arse over the toilet. the toley practically rolled oot. i made sure to sit down before the shite was all the way out because if i dropped a jobby at that height you can imagine the potential for splashback
Limmy here is referring to the infamous "Lincoln Log". I quite enjoy and even look forward to their arrival but they certainly aren't for the newcomer.
Am I the only one that thought 5-10 minutes is nothing on the loo? 30 minute no budge was common back in the day, either way this spoke deep into my soul.
the way my youtube recommended this to me when I'm taking a desperate break from my uni philosophy assignment that's due asap and you know I'm 100% enjoying this
Sometimes the blood from the anal fissure caused by the three-year-shit actually lubricates and eases the shit's passage out of the body. That's existentialism.
My friend and I would make fun of this design course we took for general credits (we were biotech majors) because of how effusive and pretentiously the lessons talked about really basic stuff, the way you'd bullshit on an English paper. It was like they were describing a cheeseburger in painstaking detail as though nobody else in the world had ever had one or stopped to think about it, like they were some sort of genius for coming up with such grand and novel thoughts. In the papers we wrote for that class, the grad students grading them actually got mad at us in the notes for shitting on the course.
When you have one of those massive dumps that fucking disappear up the u bend those are the big ones they've gained there own momentum to travel down the pipework like a true brown submarine !
This would make a perfect bit of standup. Good arc, great lines ("you can feel life coming back into the world"), good payoff. It was a complete journey and I was with you every step of the way.
As a kid constipation would make me scared of shitting so once I spent like two weeks just compacting all the food without letting it out. When the moment of truth came I basically delivered a huge spherical shit baby. The shit was so intense that my asshole had to be sewed back together.
@@JackPorter Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. I had a beast of a shite before and I had to stop and go for a shower just to fuckin put my body at ease.
Sometimes you end up nipping it off coz yoi clench too hard and it ends up broke in the middle, and you cannot for the life of ye get any purchase round the flat end you've just created and it just needs to live in there forever
the croatian poet petar hektorović had a plaque with the delphic injunction “know thyself” hung over his toilet, so shits were definitely factored into his personal philosophy
The Buddha suggests keeping in mind the feces in your body and in the bodies of others so as not to delude yourself into forgetting how disgusting we all are. That's why he's my second favorite philosopher, after Limmy.
Nah Limmy. Nah. It's not relief and joy and the feeling of life returning after, it's an immediate sharp pain that lingers for a good 5 minutes because your hole was just stretched twice it's limit. You try and clench to try and apply some kinda pressure like you would when you grab your foot when you drop something heavy on it, but you can't. And you're not about to put your hands there. So you just kinda of sit there and deal with it. Maybe curl up on the seat a little, bit your hand. Unless you've already wiped with it. Then you drop your phone and bite your other hand. Not a gentle bite either, like a hard bite. Like one you'd do on a piece of shirt of something when you dislocated your arm playing sportsball, and your older brother comes up and pops it back into place. And you just sit there and you face goes white and you feel all hot and cold and the world around you drowns out. That's the kind of shit you're describing. Not this happy go lucky everyone is dancing and congratulating you on making it through this hardship shit. No way. And then it passes after a few grueling moments and you turn around, and like 9 times outta 10 it's some little nugget of a milkdud you just popped out of your ass. And you feel another one coming.
How the fuck did you ACTUALLY manage to make talking about shitting be profound? As soon as you added the "it wasn't as big as you thought", instantly I thought of that as an actual philosophical metaphor and it works: how a problem can seem like the biggest thing in the world to you in one moment, but once you step back and re-evaluate you find it wasn't as big as it seemed at the time
"You're talking like you forgot that you're a disgraceful, disgusting animal."
Love that.
“Jus’ gæt fokkin on wit it!”
So true lol
He's like Friedrich Shitezsche
you had to edit that?
@@inspiredbelieve754 Nietzsche is one of those tricky to spell names, Mr pick up on people for comment edits for no reason.
Edit: Power edit
René Deshartes
I love this wee comment thread.
Soren Kierketuurd
Jean-Paul Shartre
Shitemund Freud
How one man destroyed thousands of years of philosophy with a single sentence:
“Do you shite?”
"Tell me... do you poop?"
Diogenes reincarnated.
You dont need to imagine Ayn rand taking a shite because her philosophy does the job for you.
I dont really hate Ayn Rand, but I couldn't resist the joke.
@@gwynmoth3940 lmao Naa Ayn Rand is shite tbh 😂
Lmao 😂 is
This is pure Michel de Montaigne philosophy. One of his quotes:“ Even on the highest throne in the world, we are still sitting on our arse”
"dont try to impress me with your manner of dress, cause a monkey in silk, is a monkey no less"
And you're right it's still philosophy
Came to say Montaigne! The everyman of philosophy
@@roas2 post-structuralism is a postmodernist idea, and I'd say it's one of the most nuanced looks at context...
@@roas2 "who pretend"
lol, who's pretending?
@@roas2 It's honestly neither ridiculous nor pointless. It's pointing out that despite the pretensions of man, we are all the same matter. It punches upwards brilliantly, your example is off the mark here because the moon landings were a collective human achievement and laudable, whereas the divine right of kings was an unjust, inefficient and obviously man made idea. The equivalent would be if Neil Armstrong had an inflated sense of self importance because of being the first man to walk on the moon. Montaigne illustrates that despite any such pretensions, a man is but a man.
The constant oboe and wildlife sound effects in the background... beautiful.
How in all hell do you mistake violins for a fucking oboe? When you got up this morning, did you brush your face and shampoo your teeth mate?
If I were you, I’d never write a comment on a TH-cam channel again. Go brush up on your classical instrument knowledge and grow up. Absolutely sick of it, keep up the good work nhunha
Oboes are just shite clarinets
So poetic
………. MEGANNN
That tomato red head with the soothing music is pure art.
The ones that you start to have a cold sweat n need to take all your clothes off to prepare
N en efter aw the sweat, tears, snotters n effort, its a wee toty jobby-dink 🙄
Then go n have a wee lie doon after to mentally recover
You sit down with your trousers down your ankles, and then you decide to take them off entirely, and then you need to take your top off just to cool yourself down.
And when it’s all done and dusted, you go to put on your clothes, only to struggle upon realising that they’re inside out…
100%, the trousers around your ankles are no good when you need to hit the pose of a sumo wrestler to give your arsehole any chance of not exploding.
@@julian-fricker Exactly. Even the socks come off, they provide too much friction.
This calming music playing juxtaposed against a grown man pretending to take a life-changing shit is too much
This is some of his best work right here. The music really helps set the mood.
A beautiful interpretation of life's problems. Truly a philosopher of the century.
This man is my hero
No it isny. He’s just talking about a shite mate
@@7ali7 isny o.o seriously you aint scottish, just stop, get help
I once nearly fainted on a public loo, I ended up struggling to walk after, got halfway home and ended up throwing up on the side of the street. I was genuinely fearing for my life at several points.
See a doctor.
@@countthemoon4956 innit o.o that aint normal
But worth it for that 'new man' feeling......it makes you feel young, as when the world was new.
What's really happening there is that after being in such trapped misery, going back to your daily life in comparison you get to realize how easy everything is. Only lasts like a few hours though lol
Sometimes it's so big it goes right round the u bend as soon as it detaches, never to be seen again..
That's what we call a ghostie
Sadly true
The music absolutely makes this
I was actually in tears at the end.
from terror
I was laughing so much I almost shit myself and had to go for a shit half way through, praise be it wasn't a "BIG ONE".
no a dry eye in the hoos
“Fear is pain arising from the anticipation of evil” - Aristotle
Fear is a form of pain and the only thing we fear is pain. So we end up fearing becoming afraid. It's absolutely stupid.
@@dopaminecloud Ultimately “The fear”, is the fear of completely losing control.
Must've been a really big shite
Arseistotle
Oh man there’s nothing worse!! I mind one time I was on these really strong pain killers for a pulled disk in my back. These things were opiate based which stopped anything moving for literally 3 weeks. 3 weeks, no jobby!! When I did have to go I actually cried. A fully grown man crying on the toilet trying to push 3 weeks worth of jobbies out me!! It was about 20” in circumference. I sat there for an hour and a half and actually thought I would have to go to hospital to get it nipped aff!! Had to get the shower on to warm and scoosh my balloon knot to melt this thing. Maybe one of the most horrific jobbies ever. That was about three years ago. I’m still gaping. Glad I could share my story.
Aww Ben..that was brilliant...now have a permanent labrador dog yawn!🤣
fish sticks it still haunts me.
Thanks for sharing Ben
Charlie Berry funnily enough, since my post, it happened again. I never thought but perhaps I should have recorded it and uploaded it here
@@bboyblue24 I’m sorry to hear it happened again but I’m glad you didn’t
This is too relatable. Limmy always speaks the truth.
So bloody relatable. We are all actually the same and go through the same struggles aha
This is a real life lesson. When in a shitty situation it can feel like the world is ending. When you overcome it and look back on it you find it wasn’t as bad as you thought it was at the time.
How is he so naturally funny on a daily basis, born to be a streamer
he's got the funny bone mate
@@jej0123 I’ll see ya la’er aye?
I keep revisiting this clip because it really is impressively perfect improvised observational comedy. I can’t stop thinking about it.
Sounds like you just haven't found the right philosopher, Limmy:
"We imagine much more appropriately an artisan on his toilet seat or on his wife than a great president, venerable by his demeanorand his ability. It seems to us that they do not stoop from their lofty thrones even to live."
Michel de Montaigne, 1588
Limmy would like Rabalais anaw imo
Giving me flashbacks of my fabled "Carling cup shite". 3 days into Reading festival after non-stop drinking, eating junk and constipation, I did a shit in one of their long-drop bogs which landed next to a disposable pint-sized Carling cup and was almost the exact same size in every dimension. Was a pure knee trembler. A mate went in after me and was like "did you see that monster?" and I proudly exclaimed "yeah mate, that was me". Had to have a wee rest after that one.
I doubled over just reading this comment 😂
Sorry to hear about your troubles on the loo, Limmy. Eat more carrots. That will solidify your stool but potentially soften it. And have a nice strong coffee in the morning, kickstarts your brain but also your colon. If you're still struggling place your hands on your temples and squeeze. All the best.
Is this legit?
@@peter-shauntyrell5613 You never did the temple thing?! 😕
Fuckin sturdy advice man.
Man, I place my hands on my temples and squeeze whenever I have a headache; I guess I've been seconds away from disaster numerous times.
@@nagualdesign no! It's a thing!?
Out the jobbie keplonked sturdily, and i knew i was a man.
This happens to me twice a year: during Christmas and in the summer. I haven't gone to the toilet in 3 days now, so I know it's comming. Thanks for your words, Limmy. Wish me strength.
02:40 seeing this man talk so passionate about fecal issues while this music seems to joyfully dance around this moment... tbh a combo i couldn´t handle
Then later in the stream he spent at least one minute trying to figure out how to pronounce the word 'fecal'.
Just had a rough 40 minutes on the toilet, Limmy's description was entirely accurate. Glad it's over and I can get on with my life
same bro.... i love this man
watching him so close to insanity coming up with this stuff live and it being so relatable scares me
He's never been more sane
Benny Harvey. RIP big man, gone but not forgotten.
Is this how he died?
Aneurysm on the shitter, aye
@@jmckendry84 aye, a freak shite blew his arse out. poor bastard bled on the crapper, presumably screaming in agony for help.
Funny thing, he wasn't as big as you thought.
As Limmy says, "Where it actually begins to scare me, how big I think it is" - I just lost it!
I know what you're talking about limmy - when it feels like the shite has razor blades poking out the sides of it.
i had one today, so watchin this video really struck home.
and it really was as big as i thought it was, it looked like 3 shytes stuck together. Big fat mofo.
Definitely the biggest shyte of my life.
when you wipe and there isn't even poo on it, just straight up blood
When it's really your skin tearing, and you fear what it's going to feel like the next time you have to go (which is worse if you're female and don't have a hose you can point in the other direction)
It's said that the gaels of old, the highland clans, and fighting families of Alba were magnificent poets and warriors. I'm glad to see limmy is upholding that tradition.
I love how the sound of a fly is buzzing as Limmy says he's a deep thinker.
The bit with foot shaking has me crying. I've been there too many times.
Listen to him talk about literal shit with this serene music in the background is fucking gold.
Limmy speaks what everyone deals with and thinks of but NEVER EVER talks about. He is the man!
I poop, therefore I am.
Cogshito ergo sum?
“I’m quite a deep thinker, believe it or not, at least I used to be but now I can’t be arsed with it”
Fuck me, I have never related so hard to a sentence in all my life.
When he mentioned the trembling foot. Fuck me, I've done that exact thing
This video just had me literally laughing so much that I had to put my cereal bowl down because it was going to spill everywhere if I didn't. Had tears coming out of my eyes. Haven't laughed like that in a long time.
every now and then
i come back to this
Now that's relatable. It's so liberating after it's all out. Like all your pain and misery droped right out of your arse. 💪
Why does the phrase "rectal prolapse" always springs to mind in this situation? Like fuck me brain, who's side are you on?
Accept what happens as it comes and enjoy the rewards of overcoming your struggles. To live is to take a big shit.
Thank you for playing my game.
I took codeine for a few days and had a shite like that, it was a horrible experience, but the relief after passing it was bliss.
The music fits... So incredibly well with this.
It's almost like it was made for a story about a heinous shitter experience.
Funnily enough in May 2020, a month before this was put on TH-cam (not sure about the delay between Limmy's streams being uploaded, so might have been after tbf)
University, only person living in my building, everyone else went home because of the lockdowns but I stayed. Living off of takeaways, rice, chips and pasta.
Hadn't gone for a shite in about... A week? Didn't think anything of it. Til I needed it. Spent the next two days constantly going to the toilet, trying to get this bastard out, but it wouldn't. I decided one day to go for a walk, I could feel this fucking thing in me, but I couldn't do anything about it. I got back from the walk and tried again, hearing that walking can help, it didn't. Until I got into the shower.
The relief. The RELIEF. This fucking thing, I cannot even begin to describe the size, but it was in length from the tips of my fingers to my elbow, and as thick as my fist for the first half. I actually rang my parents up to tell them.
Anyway. The relief was great, the cleanup wasn't. Goodnight.
you got it out in the shower??😅
Žižek covers this fairly extensively in the Sublime Object of Ideology
I’ve been crying for 20 minutes. Funniest thing I’ve ever seen in my life
This is legitimately one of his best bits. Just perfect.
Finally, a philosopher for the common man!
I swear to Christ, one time I shat out a log the size of a pint glass. I've no been the same since. PTSD, mate.
But I bet you jumped and clicked your heels together as you left the toilet
Fucking hell this one of the videos where I’m in stitches for the whole thing
"disgraceful, disgusting animal" that's one for the headstone Limmy boy! hahahahaha
I keep coming back to this every few weeks and it still has me tears, unreal
me too hahahaha
limmy's ring is the same diameter as his index finger apparently.
I wonder what he measured it with.
Reminds me of the moment Socrate was freed from his chains, just before he got to drink the hemlock, I bet he felt the same way
The funniest part in these videos is when Limmy is saying the most ridiculous things and someone subscribes at that moment
the synchronisation of prose and music at 3:24
"Sometimes, it's not actually as big as what you fuckin thought." Brilliantly deep.
6:24 perfect musical timing as well
I wasn't big on philosophy until I found Alan Watts, jeez that man made me think!!
Don't recall if he mentioned shite though
this happened to me a few days ago. what i did was a took my trousers and boxers right off and then squatted on the toilet seat. feet on the seat and hovering my arse over the toilet. the toley practically rolled oot. i made sure to sit down before the shite was all the way out because if i dropped a jobby at that height you can imagine the potential for splashback
Not a great idea if you weigh over 10 stone either, you could break your throne in half and slice the backs of your legs up.
The music and ambience. Perfect.
Limmy here is referring to the infamous "Lincoln Log". I quite enjoy and even look forward to their arrival but they certainly aren't for the newcomer.
I prefer the term 'jaggy jobby'
This is one of the funniest clips I've seen from limmy in a while 😭😭😭😭
Am I the only one that thought 5-10 minutes is nothing on the loo? 30 minute no budge was common back in the day, either way this spoke deep into my soul.
the way my youtube recommended this to me when I'm taking a desperate break from my uni philosophy assignment that's due asap and you know I'm 100% enjoying this
Sometimes the blood from the anal fissure caused by the three-year-shit actually lubricates and eases the shit's passage out of the body. That's existentialism.
Had one a few months ago. Like an Ostrich egg, but bottom side first. Gripping on to the sink for leverage. Sweat pouring. I prayed.
My friend and I would make fun of this design course we took for general credits (we were biotech majors) because of how effusive and pretentiously the lessons talked about really basic stuff, the way you'd bullshit on an English paper. It was like they were describing a cheeseburger in painstaking detail as though nobody else in the world had ever had one or stopped to think about it, like they were some sort of genius for coming up with such grand and novel thoughts. In the papers we wrote for that class, the grad students grading them actually got mad at us in the notes for shitting on the course.
I used to always be in trouble with my English teachers for this reason
When you have one of those massive dumps that fucking disappear up the u bend those are the big ones they've gained there own momentum to travel down the pipework like a true brown submarine !
“...To live sturdily, whilst crying and pulling the radiator off the toilet wall...”
I'm crying, that's it, that's the when you know you've reached shitcon 1, when suddenly the radiator is now your midwife for this horrifying labour.
One time, I had every kind of shit, in succession. Top trumps
If only I was aware of this knowledge before choosing my degree.
That's rich coming from someone who pleasures himself in public
I hard relate to this.
This is a serious discussion. These shits are real. One of them killed Elvis.
This would make a perfect bit of standup. Good arc, great lines ("you can feel life coming back into the world"), good payoff. It was a complete journey and I was with you every step of the way.
As a kid constipation would make me scared of shitting so once I spent like two weeks just compacting all the food without letting it out. When the moment of truth came I basically delivered a huge spherical shit baby. The shit was so intense that my asshole had to be sewed back together.
This is to say that some shits are so big and require to much effort that there is no relief, just more pain and asshole surgery.
Lmao
Haven't laughed so hard in a while, thanks :D
Not everyone deals with constipation, Limmy.
Venus Left privileged!!!
Some just eat a pound of sugar free gummy bears to free it up.
@@Dirkietje8 what? You're sitting on the toilet, stop trying to shit. Go out and try to force diarrhea?
@@JackPorter Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. I had a beast of a shite before and I had to stop and go for a shower just to fuckin put my body at ease.
Almost certainly untrue.
Sometimes you end up nipping it off coz yoi clench too hard and it ends up broke in the middle, and you cannot for the life of ye get any purchase round the flat end you've just created and it just needs to live in there forever
A true philosopher of the people. This made my day. Thank you Limmy
One of the most relatable videos to date
What a true poet would speak on
I was not expecting to be pissing myself laughing into the next day 😂😂
The background music is just perfect. Spot on.
the croatian poet petar hektorović had a plaque with the delphic injunction “know thyself” hung over his toilet, so shits were definitely factored into his personal philosophy
I had an experience like that before, and it was terrifying. I thought my rectum was gonna tear.
The overbaked tear jerker, a mystery and miracle since time immemorial.
The Buddha suggests keeping in mind the feces in your body and in the bodies of others so as not to delude yourself into forgetting how disgusting we all are. That's why he's my second favorite philosopher, after Limmy.
I almost choked when he did the trembling foot.
"I wish to live sturdily" is words of a man who's balls never dropped
Well one did dude
Hell yeah! Been on the verge of brokeness for the last 3 years and loving life! *sobs*
Ooof!! You went there.
what a journey this video is
both the poo journey and the journey through the many colors of Limmy's face
Nah Limmy. Nah. It's not relief and joy and the feeling of life returning after, it's an immediate sharp pain that lingers for a good 5 minutes because your hole was just stretched twice it's limit. You try and clench to try and apply some kinda pressure like you would when you grab your foot when you drop something heavy on it, but you can't. And you're not about to put your hands there. So you just kinda of sit there and deal with it. Maybe curl up on the seat a little, bit your hand. Unless you've already wiped with it. Then you drop your phone and bite your other hand. Not a gentle bite either, like a hard bite. Like one you'd do on a piece of shirt of something when you dislocated your arm playing sportsball, and your older brother comes up and pops it back into place. And you just sit there and you face goes white and you feel all hot and cold and the world around you drowns out. That's the kind of shit you're describing. Not this happy go lucky everyone is dancing and congratulating you on making it through this hardship shit. No way.
And then it passes after a few grueling moments and you turn around, and like 9 times outta 10 it's some little nugget of a milkdud you just popped out of your ass. And you feel another one coming.
Why is it that wee jobby-dinks are the wans that really make ye sweat?
"'I wish to live sturdily' just get fuckin on wae it" hahahaha
There is a moment in every man's life where he strains to push the big one.
How the fuck did you ACTUALLY manage to make talking about shitting be profound? As soon as you added the "it wasn't as big as you thought", instantly I thought of that as an actual philosophical metaphor and it works: how a problem can seem like the biggest thing in the world to you in one moment, but once you step back and re-evaluate you find it wasn't as big as it seemed at the time
I recently passed something resembling a foot long packet of Cream Cracker biscuits....it was probably as dry as that too.
I thought I was dying.
My son once had to push so hard he burst blood vessels in his face so it looked like loads of tiny red freckles all over his forehead and cheeks
Giving my traumatic flashbacks, no fear like a boulder sized shite
never heard anything more relatable than talk of the peril of "the big one"