Ari Shaffir Fights a Girl - This Is Not Happening - Uncensored
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 17 ก.ย. 2024
- During a high school trip to Israel, Ari Shaffir finds out the real reason why he should never hit a woman.
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Follow Ari Shaffir on Twitter: / arishaffir
I like how they censored the girl's name the first time but not the second.
Barba Ro literally seconds after censoring the name out he repeats the name with no censor
Yeah that really threw me. Well done censors, great job there.
I Facebooked the name it took me awhile to find her. After I found her I told her about the video. She did not care.
sickid41 is living the dream
yo you talked to her lmao
‘You can’t hit a women’
‘Why is that a rule? What if they deserve it?’
‘They’ll deserve it all the time’ I lost it😂🤣
"theres no reason to hit a woman" just ask Bill
Isn't everyone ex military in Israel?
+Taylor Holder If they're actually Israeli... then yes.
+Taylor Holder yeah it's mandatory
Yeah, I always thought it was an interesting system.
Taylor Holder - for 4 years I think.
2 years for men. And if it's anything like the Swiss military service, heaps of people avoid it.
Joe rogan taught me if a girl hits you its not ok to hit her but it is ok to choke her out because its doesnt cause brain damage.
john pratt 😂
@@UWGNick even worse stuff could happen if you choke too long
IJustStep lol you don’t have to worry about that one buddy
@@juice6199 calm down bruh, some people like pain. it's ok.
@HeatherLoves 😂😂 Do what you do!
everytime i look at this dude i feel like hes missing a yamaka. i know hes jewish but ive never seen someone look like they need a yamaka as much as this dude
xLilPuddinTater 😂😂😂 I couldn't pinpoint it when I first started watching these, but YES. That's exactly what it is
yarmulke**
yamaha***
yakmilk**
*throws law bomb*
I finally found Waldo!
I really need to stop reading the youtube comments.
L. Ron Hoyabembe So of course my dumb ass scrolls down like “What’s he talking about?” OMG. You’re 💯 right.
I need to too, sometimes I feed into the dumb shit
It actually makes you sick sometimes. I'm no snowflake sjw but, Jesus, man.
@@andrewwong8104 we all feed into the dumb shit sometimes. No worries bro!
Right somtimes i find myself typing negative stuff to poeple and im like wtf am i doing then i dicard the comment and that feels way better
Funny enough I also had the most embarassing fight also abroad, when I went for a high school year to Houston. There was this guy who always tried to make fun of me, because I´m german. On that particalur occasion he said something like: "Did you shit your Lederhosen again." To my defense: I was 15 and a foreigner in a very strange foreign country and also quite homesick at that moment. Long story short: I pushed that black dude out of his wheelchair. Didn´t make things easier for me.
He was a minority and cripple. Hate to see it
Yeah because the german didnt have a bad enough wrap eh?
@@cam1834 isn’t this from 21 jump street or something 😂
@@cam1834 black ppl are the majority. I wish everyone would stop acting like there's more whites than blacks still bc it's just not true. And soon, whites will also be outnumbered by Hispanics. It's close now....
He the most Jewish looking Jew I have ever seen
Ari has some of the most vivid funny stories ever 🤣😂
so apparently ari whole life is a 'this is not happening' series of events
ill never forget in 5th grade i threw a kickball from 2nd to the plate and it drilled the chick running home soooo hard in the face. OUT. best throw of my life. she cried but it was awesome. had that "lord guide my hand feeling". bitch'll never steal home again as long as she lives...
Corey Karlberg Hahahahahahaha
r/thathappened
I hit a Dodge ball off of two heads hurt both the kids both out it was dope grade 7
Was in 9th grade, saw my friend walking across the gym *sees ball on ground, hurls ball at friends face* The math teacher walks up to my friend just in time to get fucking smoked in the face with an extra large tennis ball. I've never run so fast in my meaningless existence up until that point.
Why is this a good thing?
Omg that voice. It's like 70 yrd gay man who ate cigarettes his whole live.
The Court Of Public Opinion that’s a tall man.
THIS ENORMOUS GAY MAN WILL DEVOUR US ALL!!
Why do I feel like Ari is the type of dude that would lose a fight with a girl?
you clearly are brand new to ari shaffir.
He only fights girls or Bobby Lee
cause he's a beta
you blind?
@@jesseolson3142 Same thing
He was worried about her hand but he touching that pole on stage 😂
Ari...your funny as hell man....one of my favorite....love how you have created a forum for us to just laugh at reality
i was super wasted and fought the maple tree in my friend's yard. it won....really, really bad.
good job on continuing this series
hate that they show a clip before the vid starts. ruins part of the joke
"No one eats like that"
Pretend its a bowl of ice cream that you're trying to eat with no spoon and there's an eternal cherry at the very top of the bowl that you keep trying to get at with your tongue but you just can't.
What an awesome way to start the new season. I watched it alone and laughed out loud frequently. Great stories Ari!
Season 2! Best thing that CC has ever green-lighted! Thank you Ari!
"Lighted"
I had to look away when he was doing that biting gesture. I can't imagine how much that must have hurt that poor girl.
Meat flaps.
stfu
People shouldnt watch Comedians tell stories if they dont know truth vs a comical spin on a story.
Rewatched. He meant the hair to be clear not the meat. He was yanking out hair with his bare teeth
Jews are rich
anyone remember him as "The Amazing Racist"?
I never knew that was him. those videos were ridiculous
Those videos were fucking hilarious, dude had to get punched once or twice! What dedication to ur comedy!!
Bring it back!
Rale Strom so good when he took a load of illegals to immigrations. Lol
G.I. Geno Hate to be the party pooper but those were all skits.
"Who eats like that?!" Lmao
Oh man, Ari had me rolling. That back hand had to hurt. Was fun to watch. Great video
You eat ice cream like that
exactly
i love this seasons opening sequence. badass!
hahaha. oh man when he said "Oh, they'll deserve it" oh man so funny
It was
I was drunk at UMD and for some reason decided I wanted to fight someone because I had only been in one other fight in my life. I didn't want to be an asshole so I asked random people at McDonalds if they wanted to fight and one guy said "Sure but I just ordered." So we waited for the food, sat down talked and ate for like 20 mins, then went behind some student housing and he beat the shit out of me. We exchanged phone numbers and had a friendly goodbye.
Crazy story but you really should not fight anymore. Brain injuries are njoke
Or because I'm a shit fighter lol
Hilarious!
I went to Maryland, too.
Ari Shaffir do you have any shows in the area anytime soon? I'd like to come to one of your stand up shows.
lol
I wish this show had its own channel. I love this is not happening but it always seems days go by before i notice a new one has been uploaded, they get lost in all the other content uploaded to the comedy central channel
That first line gets me every time😭😭
I lost it at the Terminator part
A baby pit bull hahaha
"They had these 9 ft rims...so Jews could feel like winners" Love me some Ari.
Ari and Dave playing ball together would be THEEEE BEST
This guy is the real Napoleon Dynamite 😅
why did they beep the first use of her last name but not the 2nd
Ben Iverson noticed that too lol. oops!
So do you know who she is now?
l didn't even smile let alone laugh.
Having said that l seem to be the only one here that feels that way though, so most probably l'm in the wrong hahaha
Nobody cares, don’t be that guy.
Love these videos. You guys need to get Chris D'elia on this
He's fucking lame.
I have one question. Is his sister hot? It matters.
Definitely changes it
@@louispconstant6624 this shit made me howl with laughter loool
louis p constant lmao half the people on pornhub would prolly answer yes to that given all the goddamn fake family porn nowadays 😂😂
Shallow creep
Hmm. A compelling query. Ass hand vs hot.
Why do Jewish people always hold up the West Side gang sign when they talk LOL
Ari absolutely killed this bit! fing histerical
HOW THE FUCK DID I NOT KNOW ABOUT THESE!?!?!?!?!?!
About kibbutzim?
Ze'ev Yehuda HAHAHAHAHA
Doug Halleran HGHehEH
gO to trUtHcOntesTcOM< REad tHE PrESent
what kind of shank you need yo?
Please put Ari in a action movie. He's Soo great.
Great story man! Love these shows.
That combat training really paid off.
Thanks! There are some great stories this season. Did you see the first season? We link to it in the description of this episode.
Why can't I reply to comments or vote them up or see the comments people are replying to any more? God dammit, Google, fix your bugs before you update.
Because you hit the womens?
Shave you shlep, you look like jewbacca. Thanks for putting Mencia on blast, I fucking knew he was recycling other comics material but couldn't place it.
I've been getting the same thing recently. Obviously it worked this time, but it's rare. I thought it was because i've watched a lot of anti Zionist videos, but I guess not ;)
fuck youtubes comment system
Nice impersonation... trolololol
I was at the taping. Been waiting for this shit!!
You've been waiting to hear the same thing u were present for?
I'd never fight a man he says, yet in an another video there are details of how he fought Bobby Lee. I wonder if Bobby Lee has seen this, and if he died a little on the inside.
Such a perfect performance, so so prefect.
Man that was stupid funny I don’t know how the crowd was so quiet
"Oh, they'll DESERVE it all the time." 😂 It's true😂😂 We do. I did at least 5 things to deserve it in the 8 hours I've been awake!
"I never hit a woman again... for about 4 years" - lost it.
I'm laughing unapologetically & hysterically. So wrong and so real.
ari really looks like a mid level accountant in this one
or a guy in his fortieth year of AIDS
4:15 they beep out her name earlier and then he repeats it here. 😅
Pudding XD
You could eat ice cream that way. 😆
ARI SHAFFIR IS A COMEDIC DEITY. ALL HAIL.
MAKE MORE EPISODES PLSSSS and ari should do more stories
So uncensored to comedy central means "only censored sometimes"?
+boomer delonge They're taking about profanity. In this video they beep out a person's name for legal reasons. Although they missed it the second time, so I'm not sure what the point is.
Yeah you cant slander people or whatever.
They bleeped out her last name but he didnt say the last name the second time lol
U kinda cute wtf
@@novaofthenorth yes he definitely did.
@@irishmud well what's up little mama
love Ari and this was released on my birthday! Thanks, dude ... indirectly
One of the best fights I've ever seen as far as brutality was 3 girls on 1. We were at my friend Chris' house...all about 15, we'd taken the early beach bus home and a friend named Danielle wanted to go to the park that we got dropped off at to catch this girl coming on the later bus who supposedly hit on her at the beach. They ran up to her shouting "you lesbian bitch", one girl Rachel didn't do much but was involved. It ended with Missy straddling the poor lone girl saying "look at me and I won't hit you" the girl looked up, head on the ground, and Missy just drilled this poor girls face straight on. She ended up with short term memory loss. I don't want to tell all the details but we all left quietly, knowing that this had gone too far.
I also, as a result of being sent to stand out in the hall, witnessed a girl named Kelly beat another girl named Melissa with a locker lock, and ended up fracturing her skull, all over a body suit. I was frozen in silence. I had no idea what to do. Ladies are brutal...I had a friend named Joy who was a bad bitch, saw her hit a girl in the head with a hammer...damn...thx for bringing this all back with the request at the end Ari...I'm gonna have fucking nightmares
Censors the girls last name the first time, then just says it outwardly the second 🤣
This guy is funny as hell.
Ari is a beast
Just goes to show what entitled individuals act, and feel like. If someone like him ever treated me that way, personally I would punch them in the mouth.... Then get sued and lose due to the individuals monetary value, and again that entitlement.
I have zero respect for anyone that sues people over ridiculous shit. People are out of control with it
I pitched for UT Chattanooga and the Rome Braves and I had a fastball in the mid 90s and one of the funniest things I remember is playing dodgeball in high school and there was this big chunky kid standing in the back not paying attention and I threw the ball at someone else but he moved at i remember just hearing the ball whistle and just flat lined his ass. It felt bad but it was so fucking funny.
I fought a skinny Russian guy that hit light a freight train in freshman year at school. everyone saw it. I punched him so hard that he stopped and then someone yelled teacher. so we both ran to class. the next day the principals pulled us in and we refused to tell on eachother. and we became friends afterwards. and no one got in trouble. he bought me a soda the next day at lunch.
8:20 should have said something like, “You came back for more?” Always double down. Never apologize.
Came here looking for Kobe comments.
I was thinking the same thing. These are getting more and more fun to watch, one of Rogan's stories would put it over the top.
In almost every one of Ari's stories he has to interject that he's a good person but he always does something to be a complete piece of shit. And in a lot of stories about him from other people.
you clearly heard bobby lees side of the story of the fights and never bothered to look for ari’s side. because even khalya said now bobby was the pos in that situation. and bobby apologized . ari didnt just go after ari for no reason. and as far as the bert stories... bert exaggerates a ton and is kinda a big baby.
Love these!!!! Please comedy central, keep this going!!!!!! #deathsquad
wtf 2013??? I never knew of these.
i just got yelled at for laughing at this @3:30 in the morning
Does anyone know what the track is that’s playing on the intro? I need it ASAP
Awesome episode!!! I guess it is too late for best fight stories?
Ari Shaffir's schtick seems to be revealing what a bitch he is. Between this and the story of his breakup (when he sucker punched Bobby Lee and then jumped him at least two more times) he really comes off badly. I'll assume he knows how telling it is that, in his story, he was sulking and ultimately became violent because he wasn't allowed to go see some girl. Comedy, it seems to me, is best done in a very self-deprecating manner, so he deserves credit for his commitment to that. I can't help but wonder if he intends to come off as quite *so* unlikeable.
***** yup, cause racism is the way.
***** Your reply did make me laugh pretty hard. Then I realized, what if he meant it, and wasn't just making a kind of "shock humor" joke? I know there really are people out there who might think this way, but I'm hopeful that you just wanted to shock. It worked!
***** Hell yes. Lmao
andyh027 ऑठजज
+andyh027 Seriously he just comes off as a giant disrespectful, entitled pussy.
deathsquad expanding it's influence. powerful.
That was really manly. I bet you like to argue with children too lol
He used to beat up Bobby Lee simply cause he was bigger than him. Definitely not a man by any means.
Love this.
takes a lot of courage to tell a story like that
Okay, so this is the fight story I have, even though it involves a girl fighting my fight. When I was in middle school we had a class just for kids who were part of the school's sports teams. So anyway, there was this one kid who was just a 100% muscle and attitude, he was the biggest asshole I ever met, but he got in to the program cause he was a freak of nature (athletically speaking). After a while, they kicked him out of the program for being disruptive and rude, so he decided that he is going to fight each and everyone of the guys in the program as revenge (kind of a strange revenge but whatever). So he would be constantly picking fights with us. One day he made his way up to me. Im not a small guy but i'm really not very confrontational. So he starts shoving me, I kept saying hey I really don't want to fight you, right when I was a about to break and start fighting him this girl from my class named Lisa walks by and says why don't you leave him alone you piece of shit. So he turns to her and says the following, "why don't you shut your mouth you big ugly orphan" and and at that moment he realized that he had just made a terrible mistake. You see, Lisa who really was an orphan, also happened to be one the best Shot puters in the country, and she also had a bit of a reputation for not a very stable person. The moment I heard him say that, I just took step back and I said to myself, this is no longer your fight and I am about to see this a hole get his ass handed to him by a girl. And just as I imagined it, she just broke and went on to beat the living shit out of him (it was glorious!).
After that day he didn't bother any of us again, and I never got to thank Lisa for getting me out of that fight.
So thank you Lisa!
Yeah, Ari fights girls and Bobby Lee... real tough guy
holly fuck I died at the end
i once had to fight off a kid in highschool that had down-syndrome, he punched my friend in the back, and as a joke i said pick on someone your own size. which to him meant i wanted to fight him, i grabbed his arms by the wrist and he was really strong, it felt like ten minutes, but none of my friends helped diffuse the situation, so i felt like i had two choices, knock out a kid with ds or get knocked out luckily it never came to that or my highschool career would have been a lot different
I LOVE YOU GUYS, YOU ALWAYS MAKE ME HAPPY
I guess its time to eat.
He would react the same exact way today because that is just how he is. Over privileged and spoiled. He isn’t even that funny. The other comedians are the reason why people watch this show. I can see why Rogan says that ari thinks he is more famous than he really is.
If his goal was to be consistently unlikable throughout the entire set, then he nailed it.
Yessss Im so glad these are back. Cant wait for Joe Rogans.
I think it's funny to see comments that say "not funny" everyone has their own sense of humor. You don't like it, get the fuck out
MutantChrist that's flawed logic
Very logical.
Three years later still feel this way?
My mom's been dead for 2 years
Best fight I was in, I woke up the next morning with two severed fingers. I got into a fight with a guy who had a knife.
Sadly I can't remember it because I was on a mix of oxy and alcohol
@@noogie3784Dam! Woke up with fresh oxys too prolly 😂 Mean mix, oxy & alcohol. I miss those days.
Best fight i ever had -
The other day i was walking around my town (Lincoln England) and i saw some movement out of the corner of my eye. I look and there is a guy, quite a big guy, shouting in the face of a petite little woman. I keep my eye on it, and he just pops her right in the nose. Her head jolts back and she gets an instant nosebleed...this isn't a funny story btw. I lose my shit and start shouting at the guy "how about i come over there and you do that to me? I'l see you in a minute!", he was on the other side of a river to me. I walk around and find them under a bridge, he's going through her bag chucking all her shit all over the floor looking for something to stop the bleeding. I go up to them and say "whats going on here then? " he says "look its fine, shes my wife", i look at her with a possible broken nose, distant look in her eyes like shes used to it, and she quietly says "its fine". I turn back to him and throw a mighty straight right to the middle of his face. He was a bit bigger than me, but i'm 6,2" 200 pounds and I've got some power. He flies back and lands on his arse, he's knocked out for a few seconds, then he gets up like "right come on then!!!". Charges towards me, i circle to the side and plant a right hook to his jaw, he lose balance, goes to his knees, TKO'd. I pull one back and plant a straight right behind his ear, he crumples like a ragdoll, and i leave him lying there. She goes straight to his side.
I turn to his wife and say "you need to leave him, my mum used to have one like that" and calmly like nothing had really happened, with that same defeated tone of voice she says "OK thanks", and i say "no not OK! Leave him it'll only get worse!".
As i'm walking away she leaves his side, gathers her things and walks off.....after a few minutes he's up and starts walking in the opposite direction to her.
I'm not trying to show off or anything, i don't like violence, and only fight if its absolutely needed. If you made it this far, the point is...when you see something, do something. Because most people wont. They're scarred of confrontation, and they don't want to involve themselves. There was a group of about 8 men next to me who had seen the whole thing before i started shouting at him, and they were all trying to look the other way. When you see it, whatever it is, when you see that injustice and someone needs help, help them.
Sounds like an erotica story if I spelled that correctly.
I thought you were going to end it by saying she came with you and you banged her
Bleeps name out
Proceeds to say name through rest of the story
Her name was Orna she was ex-military. Yeah.... THEY'RE ALL EX MILITARY DUMMY! LOL
+CommonCentsRob most women in the israeli army have desk jobs tho
Unless she was a counselor from the school my man
Third time watching and i'm still out of breath #DWL #BOIL #MorePlease
I have 6 sister's. I'm the youngest. They would DEMONISH me.
Blaise McLaughlin are your sisters demons.
M E with spelling like that, yes, quite possibly yes
that back hand got me good.