I know this video is really long so if you want to skip the intro or to a specific part of the video here are some time stamps. Vlog- 6:19 Review- 20:20
"I'm impossibly ideal in body type and people think I'm pretty, but I don't think I'm pretty because insecurity issues are super hot and popular." *what the frick*
LegalAssassin that’s wasn’t the problem. The problem was that she made the character seem flawless or at least the character herself describes her that way. It’s great to have female characters who show confidence in her beauty but in a HEALTHY way, this comes off as kinda much and it’s clear it’s not even intentional for social commentary.
It's funny because the author wrote herself as the main character because she wanted to be the star. But the last third of the book has her in a COMA. That's her dream role... to be unconscious during the climax.
Close. Her cousin is JC from Nsync. She used to manage the band, Blues Traveler, and now she's using the power of the actor from American Pie to peddle her books upon people.
I personally DON’T think about every single detail of my appearance while sitting in a car, but I did once stare at my reflection so long that I forgot it was MY REFLECTION and thought I had pretty eyes.
😂😂 I got a thing for mirrors, not my reflection, but mirrors in general. Whenever my teacher tries to teach me at home, (tuition) I'd always end up looking at myself in the mirror and smiling. As if the mirror is my date on a summer's evening xD
There's a handful of people who can actually write on Episode. It sounds like this book is a culmination of all the popular books on the app because not even the decent ones are popular.
I was 13 when I started writing fan fiction. Mine was... not good. At least it’s hilarious to look back on. I was convinced that I was writing masterpieces and would get mad if anybody complained about them. I wish I had kept them, but I was so embarrassed that I deleted them. LOL
Conspiracy theory; the person you bought the second hand book from is the author cause she has so many copies. Then, she doesn’t send it for ages so that you just buy a new copy. She gets more money and gets rid of more books. It’s all a win for her.
When standing, I have a very decent thigh gap, but sitting down the bits of fat (not a lot, I'm skinny but not too skinny) spreads out in mimic thunder thighs, but I never sit on my chair right. Also same.
Unfortunately, I don’t have a thigh gap, although my pale skin nearly glows in the sunlight. My legs are quite long proportionately to my upper body, and *now* I’m ready to go argue with my mom.
Oh hell- 1001 nights is an amazing wattpad story- Arabian nights theme and all But the writing IS SMOOCH quality writing ♡♡♡ xD But that zade part is...funny
What kills me is that the author was 35 -- *35!* -- when she wrote this garbage. It reads like barely-literate teen's fanfic, and yet the author is deluded enough to think it was worth publishing. What baffles me is that obviously others had a hand in this, and yet somehow none of them stopped and thought, "This book is utter garbage, and there's no way this scam will work."
I guess it's because all of them thought if FSG could do it, so could they. Or perhaps they thought YA readers were too fucking dumb. Or maybe they only thought far enough ahead, hoping the #1 spot will garner enough interest to get the ball rolling and once people realized what happened, it was too late to stop it.
@@agilroy2226 Except, to its credit, FSG had a major following when it was fan fiction. So it wasn't a stretch for it to get a large audience when ELJ swapped the names around. It's still not good, but there was a market for it.
oh, you're absolutely right. FSG was right there at the height of Twilight fame, so it was easy for them to transition over from fanfic to publishing and have the fans follow. But unlike FSG, Sarem isn't taking advantage of a current trend, and I don't think she realizes that. Right now the YA audience is sick to death of love triangles and dick-ish male love interests. Even if she had sent out the book properly, it still wouldn't have gotten popular because HFM relies too much on basic tropes and there's nothing in it that makes it stand out from all the other YA novels that are still trying to ride the diminishing Twilight hype. Hell, nowadays if you try to advertise your book "like FSG" people will NOT buy it.
The idea of the self-insert fanfiction I wrote when I was 13 being published and being put on the new york times best seller list sounds like my nightmare, but this person wanted that, she wanted people to read this so badly that she cheated to get MORE VISIBILITY for her self-indulgent fluff.
I used to look back on the stuff I used to write and just cringe myself into oblivion. But this book makes my early writing sound like goddamn Shakespeare!
this book is literally a wattpad fanfic written by a 12 year old who thought she was amazing at writing and decided to self publish when she stumbled upon a decent enough photo to use for the cover
See like the 'main character talking to the audience' thing does work in some cases -- like, for example, lemony snicket, just because it fits his writing style -- but it's *really* easy to screw up
@@thegalaxydonutshow She wouldn't have had any input. Even if she did, they probably would've been like "Either it says for 23 hours or you're not getting the sticker."
"Most people say that I'm pretty. Beautiful even." THAT'S A LINE FROM THE *MY IMMORTAL FANFICTION* I CAN'T AAAAAAAAAAAA I was waiting for her to say, "I have eyes like limpid tears."
its mafematics luv “Why couldn’t Satan have made me less beautiful?” I shouted angrily. (an” don’t wory enoby isn’t a snob or anyfing but a lot of ppl hav told her shes pretty) “Im good at too many things! WHY CAN’T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT’S A FUCKING CURSE!”
And my favourite part is when Voldemort talks like Shakespeare it's so hilarious. "thou shall kill Potter" and when Ebony and Voldemort did drugs while they are on a flying car.
What's sad is that the title "Handbook for Mortals" is really good! It sounds like a comprehensive guide for normal humans on how to deal with vampires, or Greek gods. And the cover-art is beautiful, but it was, of course, stolen. (In case anyone doesn't know, Scheherazade really is the name of the princess in the frame story of 1001 Nights. But instead of making that an obscure and esoteric reference for people who love folklore, she just... you know... puts it in there.)
and i have hair as dark as raven feathers and also i'm soooo ugly (even though everyone else says i'm beautiful but i don't believe them) and i hate the government. instant ya protagonist.
Mechanical_Hexate Where did he get the roller blades in the first place? And why did he think that of all the times to go rollerblading, a school shooting was the best?!
This was FOR SURE originally a Superman fanfiction. Probably the reason for the weird magical sub plot was because she was originally a superhero but the author changed it at the last minute before publishing to hide the fact that it was a fanfiction.
Blahkabelison nah, this was a self-insert twilight fanfiction. The second leg of the love triangle, Jackson, is based off of Jackson Rathborn who played Jasper in Twilight, and was in the band 100 Monkeys, a band Lani managed. Rathborn has publicly denounced Lani. It's extra creepy to know when Lani was writing this story, Rathborn was getting ready to expect his first child. Lani most likely has met Rathborn's pregnant wife, and she still wrote a fanfic where he falls in love with her.
The only reason you should name a character Clark Kent is if you're writing a story about Superman, or if it's an alias used for comedic effect. Like "Calvin Klein" in Back to the Future.
Oh. My Gosh. So, no joke, I saw your thumbnail and recognized the cover. The author of the book had a booth set up at a Renaissance fair in Vegas that I was attending. I was curious about the book but was immediately turned off when I read her advertising poster which said, "If you like Twilight and Harry Potter, you'll love this book!" Seems like I dodged a bullet. I just think it's a hilarious coincidence.
“People tell me I’m pretty all the time, beautiful even” I was just waiting for the inevitable: “I’m sO qUirKY tHOugH, I’M nOT lIKe othEr GirLS LoL XD”
wait, so you're telling me.. she's not human, she talks down to mortals, thinks she's better than everyone else and then she believes *that* person was the most important one she was ever gonna meet? what is this book even
Honestly, the story makes more sense if you consider that she’s not a human, but some kind of evil fae that spreads chaos and misery, and looks down on humans and anyone who crosses her
I FINALLY UNDERSTAND! "I wish a photographer had taken my picture at that moment as the outfit and the background and I may have produced a cool-looking photo." *SHE ACTUALLY MEANT:* "I wish a photographer had taken my picture at the moment, as the outfit, background, and I, may have produced a cool-looking photo." she just fucking forgot what commas are apparently.
Oh man. I remember finding Wattpad and being like "free books? Heck yeah!" And then I realized what it actually was, and everything I read (which wasn't much before I deleted the app) was awful.
I've read a lot of shit on Wattpad that sounded very similar like this book but I've also read a few stories that were gold. I've read a small part of the first chapter on Amazon and I really got a strong 'story written by an 11 year old on Wattpad' vibe.
I really want to be an author and I don't know if the existence of this book is supposed to give me hope that even trash can be published or despair that my books will be overlooked in favor of trash.
I tend to write while watching/ listening to booktubers, and I feel a mix of hope for my halfway-decent writing and discomfort for the bad taste books like these leave in my mouth.
@@pikapower_kirby I listen to booktubers while writing too! and after watching this video, I'm conflicted, the book was so horrible that I feel like nothing can compare to it, yet at the same time, I'm scared that my story will end up failing as bad as this one did. if I may ask, what's your story about? I'm curious
@@enderlanes I've got a few I'm working on, but one is about a prince who travels to an enemy kingdom to bring his kingdom's dead prince back to life. And don't worry- just keep being open to constructive criticism and improving your work and you'll be fine. What's your story about, if you don't mind me asking?
I got to chapter nine before giving up My Immortal... I couldn’t even finish chapter one of this book... So if that’s not a testament to how bad this book was, idk what is...
The fun thing though, is that it works in Percy Jackson. He doesn't describe himself, or talk about how he's "different from others", he just goes right to the story, and describes that through narrative later.
Dalton Ascone I’d say this book is a bit better than Onision’s because, while both are self insert fantasies by narcissistic authors, at least this author puts more emphasis on the story over the self congratulation (not much, mind you, but enough that I find it a more tolerable story than anything Onision writes). Onision’s books are literally NOTHING but a self insert fantasy, while “Handbook for Mortals” at least, tries to tell a story (a terrible, rushed and characterless story, but a story nonetheless.)
I've been following HFM controversy since day 1, so I know a lot about it. This was a movie script first and it's been reported is actually worse than the book. Lani was the manager of the Plain White Ts, and many fans blame her for their breakup. The love interest Jackson is in fact, Jackson Rathborn of Twilight and Plain White Ts fame. He has denounced Lani on twitter. Lani has made Angie Thomas into her arch-nemesis, and once said, "It's not my fault Angie Thomas is black!" during a book signing. She blames Angie Thomas for her book failing and has "liked" racist rants against Angie and has had her friends one--star THUG. Lani will take her copy of HFM and place them in book stores, take pictures of them, and go "See??? I am legit!" Even tho it's so clearly staged. The cover is stolen from Gill DeMace's work, "The Knife Thrower". DeMace is aware but due to satire laws, Lani gets away with it, and she clearly doesn't care. One time Lani opened about 80 new accounts on goodreads to give HFM five stars, and they were all purged within a week. (Like, she didn't even try. One review literally only had the letter A, and was "liked" a dozen times) I seriously can go on and on about this, it's such a wild ride. XD
Well then.... Lani thanks Stephenie Meyer (the author of Twilight) in her dedication page... and misspells her name... twice. Every time someone asks Lani about the numerous grammar mistakes in the book, all Lani says she had "three editors" and leaves it at that. One time she held a "writing conference" and charged $75 people to come. She's gotten into a Twitter fight with Angie Thomas, and basically boiled down to Lani going, "You're just jealous of my fame!" She wrote HFM so she could play as Zade, despite Zade is 25 and Lani is now 37.
Reasons I love your vids: 1. Savage AF reviews 2. Puppo 3. Willing to suffer bad books so we don't have to 4. I have the same exact brown Coffee mug 5. The trees don't deserve this Seriously, though, even though they're sparse, your reviews are always fun to watch. Please don't change.
I found a review and it said: "To give you context, it's less harmful than Fifty Shades, but probably worse in terms of writing. I hated Bella more than Zade, but this has even less plot than Twilight, if you can imagine." Thanks, uh, Mari,
That actually makes sense. It’s bad, but not in a special way. Twilight and Fifty Shades were interesting in some respects, or had some type of cultural impact (as bad as they were, Twilight was a massive influence on YA fiction, and Fifty Shades introduced a bunch of people to BDSM for better or for worse). HFM is so simple and boring that it makes you feel nothing.
Late to the comment section, but if you want to read "the worse book ever", try reading Empress Theresa by Norman Boutin. Not only is it an awful book, but the drama surrounding it and the author is definitely worth getting the popcorn out for.
I googled it and aside from the astounding [read: bewildering] cover, the first thing I saw was that five percent of Google readers liked it, prompting me to honest-to-God, involuntarily shout, "FIVE PERCENT?!" I honestly don't know if I'm more shocked anyone liked it or that only five percent did, but my roommate stuck his head into my room to ask if I was okay and why I was yelling percentages. He thought perhaps it might be Trump's latest approval rating XD
I'm a 14-year old writer and I've been writing since I was eleven and I can assure you that the first draft of my first book is much better than whatever this is. Or maybe not, but at least I don't have an abusive guy trope.
Whenever I doubt myself and my skills, or when writer's block rears its ugly head, I watch your videos and realise..."Huh, my writing isn't that bad after all." Your commitment and sacrifice is greatly appreciated.
OMG on IMDB the author is not only the writer of the “film” but is also playing the main character. I’ve never seen that before it’s 100% a self insert
Van Film is it forbidden to write a movie and play the main character in it if the script is good and your main career is acting? Not trying to justify the writer of the scam book for mortals. I just want to make a movie like that, a good movie not some rushed crap.
@@delusionalbroccoli302 Go for it! I think the problem is only when it's a self insert. If the character isn't you and has their own personality and story, there's absolutely no problem with you playing them; you know them best, after all!
Ash Ketchum' She has some of my past self in her but yes she is not me and i am not her, obviously she will have something in common with me because i will be writing her but thats normal. Thank you for your support! Stay tuned :)
Spellman? As in... Sabrina the teenage witch? Hilda? As in... the aunt from Sabrina the teenage witch? Clark Kent? Are you kidding? The main character's name sounds familiar too. How many things can you "borrow?"
Olivia DelTufo Scheherazade is the name of the main character from One Thousand and One Nights, and also the name of Jafars wife in the Starkid musical “Twisted”, but Starkid got the name from 1,001 Nights.
lol was just about to comment this! Also, I'm pissed off because Sheherezade is such an amazing character and now her name is literally being dragged through the mud in this piece of shit.
The magician is Spellman. Like Sabrina the teenage witch. And Clark Kent from Superman. USE YOUR OWN NAMES AUTHOR, stop borrowing from pop culture, thanks. (Unless it would have been a great joke or something but sounds like it wasn't)
Scheherazade is also a copied name as well. Scheherazade is a character from 1001 Arabian Nights. She probably doesn’t know that though, she probably just searched up “witch names for girls.”
You earned a subscription from this, but you didn't earn my full name... It's Bruce Bruce Wayne.. I don't usually watch 46 minute long videos over a book, especially one that's already deemed awful, but you made it really enjoyable!
I just barely found this video but I'm screaming laughing at all these lines! This book sounds exactly like every Bella Swan centric fanfic from 2007 - 2013 ever. This book has me WEARY.
I thought this was someone trolling or a fan fiction written by a super basic teen with no talent that got her rich daddy to pay for some modicum of "success", only to found out it's a 35 year old woman, with ties to some minor celebrity, who wrote this book as her own wish fulfillment fantasy and in the hopes of seriously making it into a movie where she can finally become the actress she was meant to be 🤦🏻♀️(oh after being rejected for roles throughout her entire life) I can't believe people even signed on to this project.
It killed me when they used the storyteller's name in 1001 Nights, Scheherezade... Woof, what a shot at the foot of an attempt at a literary reference...
I know this video is really long so if you want to skip the intro or to a specific part of the video here are some time stamps.
Vlog- 6:19
Review- 20:20
OMG,Thank You! ^_^
Tell me why?????
InsaneReader this book is a whole wattpad fanfic 😂
I'll take a copy lol
Send the books to me please.
"I'm impossibly ideal in body type and people think I'm pretty, but I don't think I'm pretty because insecurity issues are super hot and popular."
*what the frick*
sounds like a social commentary out of context.
@@sylvie_on Sounds like a self-aware parody out of context.
Natalie Stewart ya frickin fricks
Because if a woman acknowledges her own beauty and owns it, then she’s a shallow skank. Hooray, misogyny!
LegalAssassin that’s wasn’t the problem. The problem was that she made the character seem flawless or at least the character herself describes her that way. It’s great to have female characters who show confidence in her beauty but in a HEALTHY way, this comes off as kinda much and it’s clear it’s not even intentional for social commentary.
This book inspired me to just start writing my novel because if this book can get published so can mine lol
Kelly Duarte HAHAHAHA ME
Kelly Duarte good luck my guy
I want to like this but it’s at 101 likes
M e
@@firststar2010 it was most likely self published which means you don't have to go to a company to get it published. Anyone can basically
true self love is bulk buying enough copies of your book so you get on the New York Times Bestseller list
It's funny because the author wrote herself as the main character because she wanted to be the star. But the last third of the book has her in a COMA. That's her dream role... to be unconscious during the climax.
Honestly iconic, in a bad way but iconic
Honestly think she's some spoiled immature rich girl that used daddy's money to publish a book and buy a lot of them so she was number one.
I just wonder how much cash she spent on those books :o
Close. Her cousin is JC from Nsync. She used to manage the band, Blues Traveler, and now she's using the power of the actor from American Pie to peddle her books upon people.
I personally DON’T think about every single detail of my appearance while sitting in a car, but I did once stare at my reflection so long that I forgot it was MY REFLECTION and thought I had pretty eyes.
Lol
That’s heartwarming.
Sometimes I like to look in the mirror for a brief moment and look at my irises. Turns out, they only look brown.
😂😂 I got a thing for mirrors, not my reflection, but mirrors in general. Whenever my teacher tries to teach me at home, (tuition) I'd always end up looking at myself in the mirror and smiling. As if the mirror is my date on a summer's evening xD
okay but this is kind of wholesome aw
the dialogues literally sound like the dialogues from those Episode stories
Even Episode is better than this garbage jeez.
don’t disrespect episode like that
There's a handful of people who can actually write on Episode. It sounds like this book is a culmination of all the popular books on the app because not even the decent ones are popular.
Samuelle Cloutier-Lecours even those have more coherent stories
Episode is better than this
No one:
YA heroine: i dOnT hAvE A tHiGh gAp!
Michelle C Where is the lie 💀💀💀
What’s YA
Cabematt young adult
what's a thigh gap???
Toshiro Mifune a space between the thighs
When literal fanfiction you can find online for free and probably written by 13 year olds with no writing experience is better, there's a problem.
Word
*s p i c y* honestly every single fanfic i have read are better than all books i’ve read
*s p i c y*
Gee Thats a *s p i c y* Truth ;)
I was 13 when I started writing fan fiction. Mine was... not good. At least it’s hilarious to look back on. I was convinced that I was writing masterpieces and would get mad if anybody complained about them. I wish I had kept them, but I was so embarrassed that I deleted them. LOL
@@kiki-713k you must be reading the wrong books
She read My Immortal said "i can do better" and then didnt
People even theorize that she was the same person who wrote the fanfic💀
I-
Oop
@@canoftrash9452 actually my immortal's author came out and said it was not her.
lmfao it’s that simple- she just didn’t 💀
Conspiracy theory; the person you bought the second hand book from is the author cause she has so many copies. Then, she doesn’t send it for ages so that you just buy a new copy. She gets more money and gets rid of more books. It’s all a win for her.
I wouldn't be surprised. According to one article, after the controversy came out, Lani only sold 10 copies during November.
Hey what’s up you guy, yes
yass queen
I'm crying. This could happen. 😂😂😂
Amazing.
"It's like 'aid', but with a 'Z'"
Me: AIDZ?
AIDZ narrates sounds like the next evolution of a Let's Play...
... yep!
That was my first thought
Looks like im 6mo too late to this joke
LMAO
All those boy bands, and they forgot Big Time Rush? This truly IS a travesty to literature
I see, you are a person of culture as well...
Don't be sad, or they would've misspelt it as Small time rush
@@watchingandvibing or to big time lust
@@rosedoll6872 Jumbo Hour Dash
Holly Big Time Rush was the iCarly of boy bands. Nickelodeon show. A classic! 🤩
"New York Times Bestseller (For 23 hours)"
that's freaking hilarious 😂
I strive to be that level of petty.
SirChubbyBunny same
It makes me cringe lolol
Shade lol
I gotta respect that honestly, just the amount subtle venom in that inclusion is amazing
The main character is this generations Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way
nah, mate, my inmortal is a masterpiece and Ebony is a queen
Ray Evans ah I see you're a person of taste
dont disrespect my queen ebony
Enoby*
Enoby never once described her own thigh gap.
I don't know what universe you're from, but I ALWAYS make sure to describe my thigh gap to my mom before starting an argument with her.
When standing, I have a very decent thigh gap, but sitting down the bits of fat (not a lot, I'm skinny but not too skinny) spreads out in mimic thunder thighs, but I never sit on my chair right. Also same.
@@meandmybobbygee1812
That happens to everybody
@@ultravioletpisces3666 I know, that's because normal people ALWAYS describe it, gotta make sure you talk about thigh gaps
This made me legitimately cry into my pillow. Legend
Unfortunately, I don’t have a thigh gap, although my pale skin nearly glows in the sunlight. My legs are quite long proportionately to my upper body, and *now* I’m ready to go argue with my mom.
"oh no. OH NOOOO. oh n- i'm on page three."
What a mood
Yeah i get that sometimes.
The months of 2020 be like -
"It's zAde, not zAHd." Says her real name is Shaharezade, where it is pronounced "zAHd". 1001 Nights of Confusion
Oh hell- 1001 nights is an amazing wattpad story- Arabian nights theme and all But the writing IS SMOOCH quality writing ♡♡♡ xD But that zade part is...funny
@@thethmooteresa
The fact that you thought of a wattpad story over the actual Arbian Nights story is kinda sad
@@garrettwade1294 Ikr.
@@thethmooteresa oh no. You are joking right ? Please tell me you are joking.
@@thethmooteresa what??? 1001 is not a wattpad story wth 😂😂😂
“A scam book for mortals” IM DYING
When I clicked the video I thought that would be the book's actual name XD
@@nuwanda7213 that actually sounds super interesting lol
I don't know what's funnier, the thousand "What the frick's?" or the hundred "The trees didn't deserve this" 😂😂😂
Tell me why???
@@Tamaki742 Ain't nothing but a heartache
TELL ME WHY
What kills me is that the author was 35 -- *35!* -- when she wrote this garbage. It reads like barely-literate teen's fanfic, and yet the author is deluded enough to think it was worth publishing. What baffles me is that obviously others had a hand in this, and yet somehow none of them stopped and thought, "This book is utter garbage, and there's no way this scam will work."
I guess it's because all of them thought if FSG could do it, so could they. Or perhaps they thought YA readers were too fucking dumb. Or maybe they only thought far enough ahead, hoping the #1 spot will garner enough interest to get the ball rolling and once people realized what happened, it was too late to stop it.
@@agilroy2226 Except, to its credit, FSG had a major following when it was fan fiction. So it wasn't a stretch for it to get a large audience when ELJ swapped the names around.
It's still not good, but there was a market for it.
oh, you're absolutely right. FSG was right there at the height of Twilight fame, so it was easy for them to transition over from fanfic to publishing and have the fans follow. But unlike FSG, Sarem isn't taking advantage of a current trend, and I don't think she realizes that. Right now the YA audience is sick to death of love triangles and dick-ish male love interests. Even if she had sent out the book properly, it still wouldn't have gotten popular because HFM relies too much on basic tropes and there's nothing in it that makes it stand out from all the other YA novels that are still trying to ride the diminishing Twilight hype. Hell, nowadays if you try to advertise your book "like FSG" people will NOT buy it.
35?! Jesus, that's so sad but lowkey gives me hope for my writing 😂😂😂
there are literally better books written on wattpad then this garbage
“I’m not a creep I just want to watch her change.”
Me: Yes, officer this creep right here.
FBI OPEN UP
current mood: #1 new york times best seller (for 23 hours)
also this book reads like a bad modern-day wattpad rendition of the night circus
That shade tho
big mood
The idea of the self-insert fanfiction I wrote when I was 13 being published and being put on the new york times best seller list sounds like my nightmare, but this person wanted that, she wanted people to read this so badly that she cheated to get MORE VISIBILITY for her self-indulgent fluff.
This isn't fair. Your fanfiction is probably much better and nuanced.
Your fanfiction at 10 was better than this story.
And is it just me, or does this sound like the different cringy plot points, and every book troupe lashed into a first graders diary?
I used to look back on the stuff I used to write and just cringe myself into oblivion. But this book makes my early writing sound like goddamn Shakespeare!
this book is literally a wattpad fanfic written by a 12 year old who thought she was amazing at writing and decided to self publish when she stumbled upon a decent enough photo to use for the cover
thats an insult to the twelve year olds
That's an insult to books.
That’s an insult to trees
You know what you’re all right
Also it’s an insult to the dirt the trees grew in
See like the 'main character talking to the audience' thing does work in some cases -- like, for example, lemony snicket, just because it fits his writing style -- but it's *really* easy to screw up
Also the beginning of Percy Jackson and the lightning thief
@@AllAboutNightcore gurllllll Percy Jackson got nothing compared to this xD just like Kane Chronicles
The Pendragon books does it really well because he's writing everything to his friends
lets not forget Anne Rice's interview books where the background and format of it works.
And the author of the percy jackson. I don't remember his name.
THAT 23 HOURS IS SO PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE I LOVE IT
Ari Tozier How did she agree to that it’s literally so obviously someone throwing shade
@@thegalaxydonutshow She wouldn't have had any input. Even if she did, they probably would've been like "Either it says for 23 hours or you're not getting the sticker."
It's probably just automatic, like on actual good books theyll show "for 3 weeks" or something
"Most people say that I'm pretty. Beautiful even." THAT'S A LINE FROM THE *MY IMMORTAL FANFICTION* I CAN'T AAAAAAAAAAAA
I was waiting for her to say, "I have eyes like limpid tears."
c, is da toot of crakter?
its mafematics luv “Why couldn’t Satan have made me less beautiful?” I shouted angrily. (an” don’t wory enoby isn’t a snob or anyfing but a lot of ppl hav told her shes pretty) “Im good at too many things! WHY CAN’T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT’S A FUCKING CURSE!”
I just got a headache.😰
Odd Eyes94 try reading the entire thing 😂😂
And my favourite part is when Voldemort talks like Shakespeare it's so hilarious. "thou shall kill Potter" and when Ebony and Voldemort did drugs while they are on a flying car.
Wait... she walked up to a lemonade stand and.. didn't ask if they had any *grapes* !?
Waddle waddle waddle
.... Im sad that i know this reference
TIL THE VERY NEXT DAY
You just had to remind me of that song...
*Blasts the duck song*
It's my new goal in life to answer "of course I'll marry you" when someone asks me if they can ask me something
😂😂😂YASSS let's do that for a day, I'm so going to make my best friend suffer
Aunt Hilda???? Spellman??? Is this a Sabrina the Teenage Witch fanfic?
Sabrina: The Teenage Witch doesn't deserve this. 🤢
Maybe it’s like a 50 shades of grey situation where it started out as a fanfic and later became its own thing for whatever reason.
Nobody deserves this and sounds about right! :;(
When you said "Ade and add a Z" I was like "Her name is AIDs?"
Sarah 😂😂 I legit thought the same.
SAME!
Same
I’m ugly laughing 😂
I'm actually dying. I've been sitting here for, no joke, like 15 minutes laughing so hard that I'm crying. This is hilarious.
What's sad is that the title "Handbook for Mortals" is really good! It sounds like a comprehensive guide for normal humans on how to deal with vampires, or Greek gods. And the cover-art is beautiful, but it was, of course, stolen.
(In case anyone doesn't know, Scheherazade really is the name of the princess in the frame story of 1001 Nights. But instead of making that an obscure and esoteric reference for people who love folklore, she just... you know... puts it in there.)
My friend is trying to right a handbook for mortals, but instead it's a story of how to kill anceint monsters.
@@seetharamprasath i will 100% read
Wheres was the cover art for the book stolen from
Where's the cover art stolen from?
@@shatterandfry4364 The Knife-Thrower by Gill Del-Mace
My name is Zaddy Dark'ness Dementia Lani Way
Eye-
and i have hair as dark as raven feathers and also i'm soooo ugly (even though everyone else says i'm beautiful but i don't believe them) and i hate the government.
instant ya protagonist.
sage snippets I’m fucking choking omg this is so accurate
Why can't satan make me uglier?!
...or something along those lines. My Immortal gave me dyslexia.
@@snippet3882 That depends on who's writing the book.
Have you heard of Onion Boy's books? They make Handbook for Mortals the epitome of English literature.
Erin the Fandom Writer ah, the school shooting scene Onione Boy wrote gives me flashbacks
Mechanical_Hexate
Where did he get the roller blades in the first place? And why did he think that of all the times to go rollerblading, a school shooting was the best?!
Erin the Fandom Writer zOoM, gOtTa GeT mY gF bY zOOmInG aROunD ThE sHoOtEr
Can they be called books
@@mmaantj
No, I don't think so.
“oh no OH NO oh no. I’m on page three”
Fantastic profile pic. Never change.
"it's like 'Aid' but with a 'z'"
me: AIDS
him: Zade
me: oh
Glad I wasn't alone
SAME!
"And then they lived happily ever after...OR DO THEY?" That's not even grammatically correct.
I don't think people see what's wrong with this.
So maybe let's explain.
"And they lived happily ever after... or DID they?"
@@charityshumba6189 Grammar nazi
This was FOR SURE originally a Superman fanfiction. Probably the reason for the weird magical sub plot was because she was originally a superhero but the author changed it at the last minute before publishing to hide the fact that it was a fanfiction.
Blahkabelison nah, this was a self-insert twilight fanfiction. The second leg of the love triangle, Jackson, is based off of Jackson Rathborn who played Jasper in Twilight, and was in the band 100 Monkeys, a band Lani managed. Rathborn has publicly denounced Lani. It's extra creepy to know when Lani was writing this story, Rathborn was getting ready to expect his first child. Lani most likely has met Rathborn's pregnant wife, and she still wrote a fanfic where he falls in love with her.
@@mmmhhm yikes that's so icky
The only reason you should name a character Clark Kent is if you're writing a story about Superman, or if it's an alias used for comedic effect. Like "Calvin Klein" in Back to the Future.
It sounds like it's Plain White T's fan fiction that hasn't been altered at all?
@@mmmhhm oh man, 100 Monkeys wrote the song Ugly Girl that's literally mentioned in the book. What a weirdo.
Oh. My Gosh. So, no joke, I saw your thumbnail and recognized the cover. The author of the book had a booth set up at a Renaissance fair in Vegas that I was attending. I was curious about the book but was immediately turned off when I read her advertising poster which said, "If you like Twilight and Harry Potter, you'll love this book!" Seems like I dodged a bullet. I just think it's a hilarious coincidence.
I think she's at ren fairs a lot.
She actually compared this drivel to Harry Potter? Wow. People who like 50 Shades of Grey wouldn’t even like this book.
Me, in 2018: "I'm gonna read more books in 2019."
Me, now: "I'm just gonna watch the youtube reviews about books."
“People tell me I’m pretty all the time, beautiful even”
I was just waiting for the inevitable: “I’m sO qUirKY tHOugH, I’M nOT lIKe othEr GirLS LoL XD”
"My name is Ebony Darkness Raven Way, and today I am wearing..."
wait, so you're telling me.. she's not human, she talks down to mortals, thinks she's better than everyone else and then she believes *that* person was the most important one she was ever gonna meet?
what is this book even
Honestly, the story makes more sense if you consider that she’s not a human, but some kind of evil fae that spreads chaos and misery, and looks down on humans and anyone who crosses her
I busted out laughing at the "accidentally got two copies" saga 😂😂😂 Subscribed.
Rebeca right?
"You're 5"9, you're not even that tall."
*me as a 5"2 person*: Am i midget then? Wait, don't answer that
As someone who is 5”1, I feel this lol 😄😄
as someone who is 4’11 and a half, i feel this in my boNES
I stand at 5'0.
Ana Faer ooof Same! I’m the same height.
Y'all real midgets uh
I FINALLY UNDERSTAND!
"I wish a photographer had taken my picture at that moment as the outfit and the background and I may have produced a cool-looking photo."
*SHE ACTUALLY MEANT:*
"I wish a photographer had taken my picture at the moment, as the outfit, background, and I, may have produced a cool-looking photo."
she just fucking forgot what commas are apparently.
It's still a dumb fucking line though.
It can be solved by replacing 'as' with 'because'
OMG I NEVER UNDERSTOOD THAT UNTIL NOW AND IVE BEEN REWATCHING THIS VIDEO SINCE IT CAME OUT
@@crowthewicked8344 didnt say it wasnt lmao
Not all heroes wear capes
*the trees didn't deserve this.*
So the entire book is like a filler episode
Caleb: THERES NOTHING FUNNY ABOUT ***FIVE DIRECTIONS**
Me: *snorts*
Michistudios yes! 😂
One second of winter I was like-😗😂
ngl ‘old kids on the curb’ was fire 🔥
Yeah 5’9” is pretty tall, but does she wear size 13 nikes.....men’s size 13 nikes?
amazing
"She thinks her life is hard?"
Does she kick people in the nards with it???
Beat that!
???
DAMN That sounds like something you could read on wattpad. Oh, nope, I've read a lot better stories in there than that book.
Oh man. I remember finding Wattpad and being like "free books? Heck yeah!" And then I realized what it actually was, and everything I read (which wasn't much before I deleted the app) was awful.
Don't even compare Queen Wattpad to that irrelevant trash lmao
I agree! Wattpad has some quality stories. There's one that I have read over so many times. lol This book is trash. lmao
I've read some pretty good sci-fi on Wattpad that was a whole lot more interesting than this xD
I've read a lot of shit on Wattpad that sounded very similar like this book but I've also read a few stories that were gold. I've read a small part of the first chapter on Amazon and I really got a strong 'story written by an 11 year old on Wattpad' vibe.
(for 23 hours) needs to become a meme
Nobody:
The trees: Didn't deserve this
ahaaaaaaahahahvhbbhiifvko
"Aid with a Z!"
Me: Aidz?
😂😂😂 so underrated, Now I imagine the guy love interest to be nicknamed STD
@@thethmooteresa its also stolen lmao
@@Jay-xj1hv 😂😂😂
Aidz was a cookie. I’m serious. Look it up.
“Burn me at the stake.” Is my new expletive phrase of choice.
It's up there with fuck me with a chainsaw
I like how he said "There was no direction". I just laughed and thought "Yeah, there's FIVE DIRECTIONS"
vannah m omg I literally said the same thing to myself 😂😂
😂😂😂
I really want to be an author and I don't know if the existence of this book is supposed to give me hope that even trash can be published or despair that my books will be overlooked in favor of trash.
It gives me hope because I know I proofread everything
I tend to write while watching/ listening to booktubers, and I feel a mix of hope for my halfway-decent writing and discomfort for the bad taste books like these leave in my mouth.
@@pikapower_kirby I listen to booktubers while writing too! and after watching this video, I'm conflicted, the book was so horrible that I feel like nothing can compare to it, yet at the same time, I'm scared that my story will end up failing as bad as this one did.
if I may ask, what's your story about? I'm curious
@@enderlanes I've got a few I'm working on, but one is about a prince who travels to an enemy kingdom to bring his kingdom's dead prince back to life.
And don't worry- just keep being open to constructive criticism and improving your work and you'll be fine. What's your story about, if you don't mind me asking?
@@enderlanes dig up your little garden, throw Marijuana flower everywhere, gas it, light it, and there ya go, solid plot
My advice: If you want to write a book when your young, write it and wait until you are older to correct all the mistake that weaken your book.
Or get advice from MANY adults, see if they can understand the message and morals, and then make sure you get actually good editing.
@@aaAa-bp1yd Go on an adverb diet. Resist unnecessary adverbs.
@@carlajenkins1990 and if it doesn't move the plot forward, CUT IT OUT.
@@celinahatton2653 and don’t talk down to the audience by explaining everything
Obviously you guys haven’t watched terrible writing advice
I have to laugh that the author of "My Immortal" had to come out of hiding to denounce this trash. :D
Smh that’s a disrespect to a legendary piece of literature
I got to chapter nine before giving up My Immortal... I couldn’t even finish chapter one of this book... So if that’s not a testament to how bad this book was, idk what is...
No way, that was her?
No, it was a different person, that’s what the OP was saying.
@@NoArtisticLimitation Opening?
L I K E W H A T T H E F R I C K?
Does he have merch that says that? First watch, but I'd still wear it.
Donate them to your local animal shelter. The paper would make good cat litter liners
Good idea, but I worry the kitties might be harmed simply by the presence of truly awful writing. To be safe, shred the pages?
I'd be so scared that the cats could get cancer from this crap
The cats don’t deserve that
SparkleGirl100 yeah
"it's weird to have the main character talk to you as if they're the author I've never seen that in a book before"
*Laughs in Percy Jackson*
Lolita.
The fun thing though, is that it works in Percy Jackson. He doesn't describe himself, or talk about how he's "different from others", he just goes right to the story, and describes that through narrative later.
The king is back with a sixteen course meal for us poor people 😭😭
@anu singh it means we're being fed
this book isn't even as bad as any of onision's books
@@celebrimborposting9251 "Nihilistic cringe" was how KrimsonRogue described Onision's books. Off-topic question but- do you watch KrimsonRogue?
Hahaha
I will definitely agree with that
Dalton Ascone
I’d say this book is a bit better than Onision’s because, while both are self insert fantasies by narcissistic authors, at least this author puts more emphasis on the story over the self congratulation (not much, mind you, but enough that I find it a more tolerable story than anything Onision writes). Onision’s books are literally NOTHING but a self insert fantasy, while “Handbook for Mortals” at least, tries to tell a story (a terrible, rushed and characterless story, but a story nonetheless.)
Zade: exists
Ever guy in the world:YoUr So BeAuTiFuL. MaRrY mE nOw
A Mary Sue in a nutshell
“I wish that I had a GuY to put up my tent!”
B/c girls can’t put up tents. Unless they are literal magic.
🤦♀️😪
"Lemme just moisturize here"
Me: *immediately thinks of Cassandra from Doctor Who saying "moisturize me"*
same ahahahahaha
that was meee phahahah
Omg an og fan!!?
@@MichelleOfoegbu *laughs in Doctors 1-8*
I've been following HFM controversy since day 1, so I know a lot about it. This was a movie script first and it's been reported is actually worse than the book. Lani was the manager of the Plain White Ts, and many fans blame her for their breakup. The love interest Jackson is in fact, Jackson Rathborn of Twilight and Plain White Ts fame. He has denounced Lani on twitter. Lani has made Angie Thomas into her arch-nemesis, and once said, "It's not my fault Angie Thomas is black!" during a book signing. She blames Angie Thomas for her book failing and has "liked" racist rants against Angie and has had her friends one--star THUG. Lani will take her copy of HFM and place them in book stores, take pictures of them, and go "See??? I am legit!" Even tho it's so clearly staged. The cover is stolen from Gill DeMace's work, "The Knife Thrower". DeMace is aware but due to satire laws, Lani gets away with it, and she clearly doesn't care. One time Lani opened about 80 new accounts on goodreads to give HFM five stars, and they were all purged within a week. (Like, she didn't even try. One review literally only had the letter A, and was "liked" a dozen times) I seriously can go on and on about this, it's such a wild ride. XD
Absolutely fascinating.
Oh wow 😂
Well then.... Lani thanks Stephenie Meyer (the author of Twilight) in her dedication page... and misspells her name... twice. Every time someone asks Lani about the numerous grammar mistakes in the book, all Lani says she had "three editors" and leaves it at that. One time she held a "writing conference" and charged $75 people to come. She's gotten into a Twitter fight with Angie Thomas, and basically boiled down to Lani going, "You're just jealous of my fame!" She wrote HFM so she could play as Zade, despite Zade is 25 and Lani is now 37.
A Gilroy omg
Honestly this chick needs therapy cause she have some stuff going on in her head...
Reasons I love your vids:
1. Savage AF reviews
2. Puppo
3. Willing to suffer bad books so we don't have to
4. I have the same exact brown Coffee mug
5. The trees don't deserve this
Seriously, though, even though they're sparse, your reviews are always fun to watch. Please don't change.
thatACDCchick 6. Lorde
I found a review and it said:
"To give you context, it's less harmful than Fifty Shades, but probably worse in terms of writing. I hated Bella more than Zade, but this has even less plot than Twilight, if you can imagine."
Thanks, uh, Mari,
That actually makes sense. It’s bad, but not in a special way. Twilight and Fifty Shades were interesting in some respects, or had some type of cultural impact (as bad as they were, Twilight was a massive influence on YA fiction, and Fifty Shades introduced a bunch of people to BDSM for better or for worse). HFM is so simple and boring that it makes you feel nothing.
@@gregjayonnaise8314 Twilight too popularized concept of romantic vampire boyfriend and vampires vs werewolves conflict
The book cover is plagiarized artwork too lol
Lady Jellyfish from what artist? :0
@@iamevilyss Its The Knife Thrower by Gill Del-Mace
of course it is.
And the author looks like the girl on the cover- blonde and dyed tips
@@idbbb i just looked both up and the girl looks EXACTLY lile the author
Late to the comment section, but if you want to read "the worse book ever", try reading Empress Theresa by Norman Boutin. Not only is it an awful book, but the drama surrounding it and the author is definitely worth getting the popcorn out for.
Bump it
I decided to look up the drama, and it is really funny.
I then bought the ebook, and I feel nothing but rage at the main character.
I googled it and aside from the astounding [read: bewildering] cover, the first thing I saw was that five percent of Google readers liked it, prompting me to honest-to-God, involuntarily shout, "FIVE PERCENT?!"
I honestly don't know if I'm more shocked anyone liked it or that only five percent did, but my roommate stuck his head into my room to ask if I was okay and why I was yelling percentages. He thought perhaps it might be Trump's latest approval rating XD
@@FiddlebirdBlue I am currently reading it but oof, it can be trying at times. For the bible 2, it really isn't very Christian :l
Gimme that book tea, sis.
This girl is over here like, "I'm 5' 9", I'm tall."
Meanwhile I'm over here 5' 11" like, "you're not _that_ tall."
Well, as long as you don’t wear size 13 Nike’s...
MEN‘S size 13 Nike’s
@@SaKura-il8op girls who wear size 13 nikes are the most oppressed
Kenya B 👌preach👌
and im here not even knowing my height like the tiny bebe i am
I'm not even 5'3" and even I think 5'9" isn't that tall. Maybe it's because most of the people I interact with regularly are at least 6' tall
I'm a 14-year old writer and I've been writing since I was eleven and I can assure you that the first draft of my first book is much better than whatever this is. Or maybe not, but at least I don't have an abusive guy trope.
That cannot be where the bar is
Still need to edit my novel drafts but the first draft of my 1000+ novel is way better than this piece of tripe
writing a cottagecore romance book right now and I generally think I can be at least 2x better
I BELIEVE IN YOU 💙
well no shit the bar is so incredibly low so that’s not much of a flex
oh it's def self inserted fanfiction, the way she describes her hair is exactly the same hair style/colors she who shall not be named has.
Wait who...? Tell us lol
Zhana Johnson Lani Sarem.
Wait, Voldermort has hair?!
It's 'cause she has already cast herself to play the character in the movie version
Just like Stephanie Meyer and the whole “I’m not like other girls, I look up when it’s raining” lol
Whenever I doubt myself and my skills, or when writer's block rears its ugly head, I watch your videos and realise..."Huh, my writing isn't that bad after all." Your commitment and sacrifice is greatly appreciated.
" the trees didn't deserve this" always cracks me up.
My Immortal walked so Handbook for Mortals could run
THIS IS A WATTPAD BOOK
omg yes
@Katelyn Killjoy wattpad is fsn-fic based but there are ALOT of original content on it
@Katelyn Killjoy I misinterpreted your comment. I humbly apologize.
That is what I thought
BUT CALEB SHOULD READ AND REVIEW WATTPAD BOOKS
My new moto in life: IF I FOUND YOU IN A LOCKED TOWER, I PROMISE I'D LEAVE YOUR THERE
can i steal that?
I would also like to steal that if it's alright with you
this is just frustrating. It def gives me that courage to actually write
@Tomie Ahmanet absolutely.
Hell ya! Positivity!
Yeah I'm feeling a lot better about my 400-page Batman-universe fic which I am painstakingly writing in 2019. Feeling a lot better in a lot of ways.
"Like aid but add a z" immediately made me think her name was gonna be Aidz. 😭
Aidz and her friends H-Ivy and Sy-Phillis
choose your fighter:
Magik vs Magick
Shazam!
Majyck
Magique
Majyyks
Muhjik
OMG on IMDB the author is not only the writer of the “film” but is also playing the main character. I’ve never seen that before it’s 100% a self insert
Van Film is it forbidden to write a movie and play the main character in it if the script is good and your main career is acting?
Not trying to justify the writer of the scam book for mortals. I just want to make a movie like that, a good movie not some rushed crap.
Invisible me too! I think it’s fine as long as the story and movie is great.
@@delusionalbroccoli302 Go for it! I think the problem is only when it's a self insert. If the character isn't you and has their own personality and story, there's absolutely no problem with you playing them; you know them best, after all!
Ash Ketchum' She has some of my past self in her but yes she is not me and i am not her, obviously she will have something in common with me because i will be writing her but thats normal. Thank you for your support! Stay tuned :)
Invisible there is nothing wrong it that, it’s more about how it is just a self insert
Spellman? As in... Sabrina the teenage witch? Hilda? As in... the aunt from Sabrina the teenage witch? Clark Kent? Are you kidding? The main character's name sounds familiar too. How many things can you "borrow?"
One of the ex-girlfriends is named Clara FAUST. Also, Carrot Top and Wayne Newton is in this book as themselves. No, really.
Olivia DelTufo Scheherazade is the name of the main character from One Thousand and One Nights, and also the name of Jafars wife in the Starkid musical “Twisted”, but Starkid got the name from 1,001 Nights.
You'd think someone would sue for copyright infringement, but you know.
Drinking game: every time he says “what the frick” you take a drink
Oof I might get alcohol poisoning
Sheherezade is a real name, it’s Arabic, the narrator of 1001 nights is named that
Thank you! I've been searching through the comments hoping someone would point this out!
lol was just about to comment this! Also, I'm pissed off because Sheherezade is such an amazing character and now her name is literally being dragged through the mud in this piece of shit.
wait whats 1001 nights? i think ive seen i on wattpad
@@babybat909 it's a old arabic series of stories. It's not from wattpad.
@@crazyweirdgirl115 The original fantasy book
The magician is Spellman. Like Sabrina the teenage witch. And Clark Kent from Superman. USE YOUR OWN NAMES AUTHOR, stop borrowing from pop culture, thanks. (Unless it would have been a great joke or something but sounds like it wasn't)
Yeah. If there was an actual reason, it wouldn't be so bad
There are even name generators online. Author is just lazy
Could you explain what you mean?
@@katimorado3947 I'm not sure what you need explained.
I finished the video, and then I understood. But thank you.
Scheherazade is also a copied name as well. Scheherazade is a character from 1001 Arabian Nights. She probably doesn’t know that though, she probably just searched up “witch names for girls.”
Even the cover is scandalous, the artist used another image as a template
All of the "The Trees Didn't Deserve This" has me ROLLING
You earned a subscription from this, but you didn't earn my full name...
It's Bruce
Bruce Wayne..
I don't usually watch 46 minute long videos over a book, especially one that's already deemed awful, but you made it really enjoyable!
"i raised my right eyebrow because i can't independently control my left"
Tell me that was not an actual line in this.
@@BewareTheLilyOfTheValley dont worry it's just me trying to parody it
@@AlienZizi It was a good one, lol! It sounds like it would be at home in this book.
I just barely found this video but I'm screaming laughing at all these lines! This book sounds exactly like every Bella Swan centric fanfic from 2007 - 2013 ever. This book has me WEARY.
-Master of the Universe-
I thought this was someone trolling or a fan fiction written by a super basic teen with no talent that got her rich daddy to pay for some modicum of "success", only to found out it's a 35 year old woman, with ties to some minor celebrity, who wrote this book as her own wish fulfillment fantasy and in the hopes of seriously making it into a movie where she can finally become the actress she was meant to be 🤦🏻♀️(oh after being rejected for roles throughout her entire life)
I can't believe people even signed on to this project.
E L Wait, Amber Heard wrote a book? 😏
“The trees didn’t deserve this” hahahah I can’t
Ahh! Your profile pic is Hamilton!
Just made myself a cup of tea and i get a notification?? Not a coincidence
I am making my teeeaaa ☕
😂😂😂
Omfg I did too and I didn’t even realize it😂
Savanna Trombley proof caleb is always bringing us piping hot tea
...bruh same
TELL ME WHYYyyyY (ain't nothing but a heartache)
TELL ME WHYYyyyY (ain't nothing but a mistake)
NOW NUMBER FIVE
Number five killed my brother 😐
NINE! NINE!
When I introduce myself, I say “Hey, I’m Elizabeth, but my friends and teacher call me Liz”
I also thoroughly explain my lack of thigh gap, hourglass figure with a bit of a stomach, too round face, frizzy hair, and plain features.
It killed me when they used the storyteller's name in 1001 Nights, Scheherezade... Woof, what a shot at the foot of an attempt at a literary reference...
This will be the best 46 minutes of my day.
I was right. It was.
yeah, it was
omg i read it as last 46 minutes not best and i got worried you were just gonna drop dead at the end lol
Oh shit 666 likes..
@@cal0ri321 665 now 😂(and it wasn't me!)
*The trees didn’t deserve this*
Not at all....