💥My situation is a little different. I grew up in an environment of domestic violence. But for some reason, I always remember my parents and how good they were to me! I am always grateful... So I was a happy and confident child since I was young, but I often woke up from nightmares until a few years ago... I can't explain why this happened... ?😢
@@暗香晚风depends on what kind of dreams… when were young we often find a narrative, or change people that are safe & put them in the position instead of the true members. You should never rely on a memory because often times they are unreliable. I have a memory that’s disturbing. I challenged who was in my memory by asking if they were there now being adults. My friend who I placed in this memory knew nothing nor was she there.
I'm 45 and my mother terrifies me. Her moods, her rage, her disappointment with everything and everyone, her sulking and negativity. Even though I live 2,000 miles away, she uses me as a buddy she can emotionally dump on to and share her self-created daily chaos with. If I refuse to participate in this, I get blamed and shamed and she portrays herslef as the victim. She constantly changes her mind about things and has no problem throwing you under the bus. Always blaming others for her problems and never taking responsibility. It's exhausting, to say the least. When I see a text from her, I go into a full blown CPTSD response. I don't feel safe with her. My body is showing all the signs that I need to distance myself emotionally or I'll end up like my cousin whose mother is the same and she suffers from psychogenic vomitting. It's beyond belief what these sort of people can do to others.
It's sick and it's evil, and I seriously wonder if a spiritual component is a part of it too. 54 here and I can't do this anymore. This lady and my therapist have helped tremendously this past year. We're not going to the fake family Christmas this year. She rips my brother and sister apart on the phone, I know it's me being torn apart when she's on the phone with them. Also HATES every inlaw, because they're involved with the grandchildren and she is not. Not my problem anymore, I have to walk away. My mental health is priority now, anything that makes it worse has to go
Through therapy, I discovered that I have fear and at least a sense of unease around my mother that goes back decades. I remember an incident when I was around 4 or 5 years old, waking up one night with a terrible headache, and just being harshly told by my mother to get back in bed. The next morning, I was completely ignored. My father, being a distant and passive person, said nothing which was the norm for him. That wouldn’t be the first time I got scorn or indifference when I was unwell. I’m 54 and she is in her 80s. I moved to another city a little over a decade ago to get some distance from her and try to figure out how to live my own life. When I go visit, I can handle about 3 days and then I need to leave. The visits are often nice but that old feeling of unease and unable to fully trust her is deeply ingrained and will probably never leave. Thank you for a great video that really spoke to me, Kim. Edit: fixed a typo
It's weird I never took the time to really articulate how I feel around my mother I'm going to do that. But I get this deep sense of unease, to the point I have thought to myself this is irrational. But a very deep sense of unease and exhaustion. It's interesting that you say your father was distant and passive. So was mine. He was actually a very good man, albeit emotionally shut down. i wonder how much of his being shut down was caused by my mother. A lot. One thing that has been very hard for me to admit and verbalize is how much I saw my father be belittled, subtly insulted, treated with contempt and yet be such a .... no other word for it ... doormat around my mom. The most astonishing part is my father stayed and he was VERY successful professionally. He was good looking. 6f3. He was kind, loyal, goofy. My father was literally a catch - except for the shut down part. But I realize that it was very degrading to me to see my father be degraded like that.
@@bluecoffee8414 You brought up something that I’m pretty sure, no, 100% sure, that applies to my situation and that is my father being shut down was due to my mother. In my opinion, they never should have gotten married in the first place. They were two very different people and I feel that, in attachment terms, my father was avoidant and my mother was anxious. She was anxious to the point of being controlling and my father didn’t have the backbone to stand up for himself. He finally left when I was 13 which only added to the attachment wounds I started to develop when I was 4 or 5 if not younger. I remember saying to myself around that age that I wished I had never been born. How sad is that? On the rare occasions when my father was in the area for a visit, I always felt at ease with him and that I could share just about anything with him and not be judged. I don’t believe I’ve ever felt that way about my mother. I think she has covert narcissistic tendencies hence her control issues and often making things all about her and her needs. I wish he was actually a part of my life before he passed away a few years ago but that didn’t really happen.
Ive never heard anyone scream like my mum. I had a nightmare she chased me down the road screaming and stabbed me in the back. She's roughly has two months to live and I'm going to see her soon. I just want to get some things off my chest. I'm not like my other family members they're so deep in denial about things and I just want to heal and understand .They only care about success and all my success is on the inside, I really don't have anything to show. My healing process only started last year I was in a hopeless state and understood what hopelessness was. I have a way to go but at least I'm hopeful
Omg! Me too!! Why is it that our regular medical doctors don’t ask us if we suffered any problems as a child?? Maybe we might not have the damage we do today.
@@Greeceismygotoi have that too but also ADHD. I think of it the other way around. The ADHD drives behavior, intense feelings, and the fear. And is correlated with autoimmune stuff. I think there might be some genetic root.
I always knew that the way my parents raised me was critical to some of the intersocial problems that I have. But when I heard this podcast you were describing my life and although it made me shake all over, I think awareness is progress. So I thank you very much for that.
I wish I could find a therapist like you, everything you explain is an a-ha! moment for me. Especially the fawning/people pleasing/self neglect parts and the fear of being alone! I'm going to get this course soon, seems like a great starting point.
I don't dare watch as I lived through this and then put my own kids through it. If only I could have had a proper diagnosis well before my kids were born so I could have learned how to manage my meltdowns. My eldest of 3 wont talk to me. I have a complicated relationship with my own mother. I wish my daughter would want to work it through. We miss her so much.
It’s very brave of you to confess to this. My own mother has a hard time recognizing how she injured me, but also my sister. My sister has a strained relationship with her because of how she minimizes. I’m trying help our mom understand without blame or triangulation. I’m also AuDHD and have no biological children. Part due to neurodivergence, but perhaps there’s a part of me that knew my own meltdowns could be damaging to children. I’ve gotten help in my 30s, but there were years where I didn’t have my emotions under control at times.
I am a group of three best friends and we all have low contact with nmoms for different reasons. Our fears manifest differently through the group but we support each other through challenges. your videos just help me so much
This is how I feel with my father. My mother was actually terrifying... who threw things. I have health issues since childhood and seem to be such a dissappointing burden to my father. This makes sense.
It was my father who terrified me- once picked up a chair over his head because I didn’t like something he cooked. I still remember scrambling under the table for safety. Spent most of my childhood in my room and he would ask me why I was always in my room-Da. Years later had a great therapist and a rage against my mother came flooding out for not doing anything and using him as a weapon as did my older sister- Mom long gone, no contact with that sister who is a copy of my father.
You are so calming to listen to and you explain and give examples so well. Thank you. I'd love to see a video around the parent who grew up this way and their relationship with their own children. How to repair that relationship when we find ourselves being similar to our own parents.
Thank you for this content. You are so incredibly well spoken and articulate. You were definitely made for this. I've looked the web over for someone who can somehow articulate all of this in a way that makes sense and you're the first. You don't miss a beat and you're so on point. Great job and thanks again ❤
Oh my goodness I'm so sorry you dealt with that too. To this day I hate mornings bc of it. We could also tell by the sound of her slippers on the floor. Soft, slower footsteps, we were safe... hard and fast steps, we dreaded coming out of our rooms😢
Grandmother age 71 here, wish people like Kim had been around 25 years ago - BUT I'm here to tell everyone not to give up! My relationships with my mother and consequently with my 3 daughters, and the world at large' are healing slowly but surely, and it is SO worth it. My mother died in 2007 still the same person I remembered from my early years, and I made a vow then to try and bring an end to the multi-generational poison in my family. Unfortunately, everyone involved has to experience some pain along the way without being able to see immediate results. Just hang in there xx
I just realized this morning I'm afraid of my mother. Due to some recent circumstances Im 34 living at my moms house with my husband and 2 yr old daughter and i have this unshakable feeling of unease here, i cant stand when shes around and im literally on egg shells when she speaks to my toddler or even asks me about her. Its weird i never really realized whats happening.. she never beat me or anything so i was having a hard time understanding this feeling. I moved out at 17 so its been a really long time since we've spent time together and now i remember WHY. I relate to everything in this video, and this shines so much light on why i feel comfortable in isolation - like i can finally breathe easy.
9 years no contact and I still find myself anxious & walking invisible past eggshells that don’t even exist now. I guess that’s the cPTSD. It’s not easy to let go even when you think you have 100% escaped the nightmare.
Hits home....my sister narc now. It was hell, felt in my 20 s i had to call my mum on a night out just to check she was okay...if got sulky response it affected my whole night with having a fearful heavy heart......thanks for this 😊
It's so wonderful to hear someone speak and articulate the undefinable fear we experienced and say what effects it had so we can slowly conclude its not our fault, even though its still active when this topic is broached having gone no contact with both my parents and having my coaching practice with my own method for deep emotional healing. there is just so much of it and there is so little collective healing, discussion and validation of this in the adult world except in such channels like yours so the shame is also still loud... thank you...
I thought 💭 it was my job growing up to make my mother happy because she had a crappy life she was molested her mom was jealous of her always critical and not supportive and because of that she raged 😡 a lot and it was scary 🫣
Thank you so much for this. I’ve been experiencing this with my mum (who has BPD) for a while now-mostly as an adult since I was taken into care as a child. I really don’t know what to think of her-she’s nice sometimes, then turns into a stranger. She uses the silent treatment a lot, she’s been very verbally abusive and made lots of threats. I have PTSD and she’s been making a lot of sudden, loud noise even though she knows it terrifies me. Recently I’ve had a major IBS flare-up-one of the worst I’ve had for years-after months of being in fight/flight (freeze/collapse seems to be my default). I’ve tried my best to be the best daughter I can but it’s as if I’m disposable. She’s not taken any responsibility for her actions
Thank you! Thank you for your wonderful work and all of the obvious thoughts, knowledge and efforts you put into your videos. I have been following your videos for quite some time as I wrestle with my own battles from my bpd mother. I have found myself reflecting a lot lately on my shortfalls as a mother. I am tying to learn more ways to cope, understand, lean and grow as a person. This video really hit home. It was just what I needed. I look forward to taking the course in the future.
My mom had severe depression when I was born up until was in my teens. I don't remember much, just what my sisters tell me. I can't help but think that affected me my whole life. Luckily she is a good mom and I can't remember that bad.
My mom is borderline and I literally cannot have one conversation with her about her needing to see a psychiatrist, or really any talk about her needing to change toxic habits, even tho I’m about to graduate with my psychology degree in 2 months. And the thing is, when she was in couples therapy with my dad decades ago, the therapist diagnosed her with borderline then. Her response? She flipped out, claiming that my father and the therapist were working against her together, to the point that security was threatened to be called on her. So yeah… I have yet to mention the “b” word to her myself-even tho she fits the diagnosis to a T and that couples therapist was on point-purely out of inner-child fear. I’m getting to the point tho where I’m about to be out of college and she clearly is not wanting to do the real work to be better and acknowledge that she has many problems. I hope to be a parent one day and I will not risk my kids being around such unpredictable and volatile behavior. She’s going to lose me 100% one day or another at this point. It sucks bc it doesn’t have to be this way, but I fear it’s already too late and I have to accept it.
Oh my. Kim your content is so powerful and worth its weight in gold. I feel good about your channel finding its way to me. Wow, gets me quite emotional. 😰 Thank you so much for getting this valuable info out to the masses. 👍✌️
Thanks for your videos! But I am astonished, what is the source of this study? Who does experiments like this on children by scaring them to study them? What are the consequences for these children?
I love your channel and reconize so much... i have cptsd and by watching your episodes still learning the why dt they do that etc... one question, which blush are you wearing??😅 love from the Netherlands ❤
Can you make a video for moms who are aware that they are scary to their children? What can we do to recognize it, help ourselves and help heal our children and to create / strengthen a secure attachment.
This right here😢 How do I stop doing it to my kids? I was raised in this environment and I feel powerless at controlling my behaviour. Putting my kids through what I've been through is the last thing I want, and yet, sadly, I don't know how to stop it. Please help
I think my obesity is a result of growing up this way. My mother was a rager but on the other hand, she could be nice and funny. I never knew what to expect.
Does the course teach you how to overcome these feelings. I have done so much work on myself, but I can't un feel the sense of abandonment and still like the funny happy person just to be liked. I'm 60 now, my wonderful children are gone, I love living alone, but know it's not healthy, I have a few really lovely friends, but too much and I'm exhausted. I have fibromyalgia and arthritis along with chronic fatigue syndrome. I know it's all related to the way my mother was when I was younger and still is today. I have only once challenged her. She didn't speak to me for 6 months.
OMG 😭! I was today years old that I have finally found that I am not crazy in this HELL that I have been put through since birth and now forced to live in again due to unforeseen circumstances. This has been a theme my entire life in one way or another I am an only child and therefore took/take the entirety of this. My adult life has been nothing but one problem after another and now I understand why and that But, I guess I honestly want to ask if that once you finally understood what was going on did you get an intense feeling of overwhelming anger towards your abusers for essentially stealing your identity and happiness and choices and love/romance from you and most of your life. I feel an intense emotional pain deep down that I will never get that time and everything that could have been with it back. I just want to be normal and enjoy a loving relationship that I have never had or been allowed to have. I was forced to divorce the love of my life because the parents didn’t like him. We are still very close, but it’s the only real regret I have in life. That I listened to them and their stupid threats if I did not divorce him. Sorry I forgot he’s got snacks done and gone
💥My situation is a little different. I grew up in an environment of domestic violence. But for some reason, I always remember my parents and how good they were to me! I am always grateful... So I was a happy and confident child since I was young, but I often woke up from nightmares until a few years ago... I can't explain why this happened... ?🤔🧐
Do you have any info on growing up with broken family/ foster care and religious abuse. How does someone recover from abuse from all supposed safe places. School,church,homes, public. Sometimes I just get so tired of changing and growing. I am tired of working on Self only to find out that I have also had therapeutic abuse as well.. I am grateful for finding your sites. I can add autism to my list 😂😂😂👍
Why do dog owners always have to talk about dogs, even when dogs are COMPLETELY unrelated to the topic? Pkease stop doing this! I've been bitten and terr0rized by dog shrieking and barking to the point I ended up at the hospital with acute stomach ulcer. I came here to learn & focus on childhood trauma and not dog trauma.
“Like a lack of maturity in many ways that creates an old soul - you’re so mature - in you, because really you were always the parent” so true
Painful and true. 😢
58 years old and i still avoid my mother, and sister, as much as possible....
💥My situation is a little different. I grew up in an environment of domestic violence. But for some reason, I always remember my parents and how good they were to me! I am always grateful... So I was a happy and confident child since I was young, but I often woke up from nightmares until a few years ago... I can't explain why this happened... ?😢
56: me, too.
No contact for over 9yrs
They r still in my head
@@暗香晚风depends on what kind of dreams… when were young we often find a narrative, or change people that are safe & put them in the position instead of the true members.
You should never rely on a memory because often times they are unreliable.
I have a memory that’s disturbing. I challenged who was in my memory by asking if they were there now being adults.
My friend who I placed in this memory knew nothing nor was she there.
@@Kristen10-22 🥺" still in my head" ??
Because of injury or pain??
I'm 45 and my mother terrifies me. Her moods, her rage, her disappointment with everything and everyone, her sulking and negativity. Even though I live 2,000 miles away, she uses me as a buddy she can emotionally dump on to and share her self-created daily chaos with. If I refuse to participate in this, I get blamed and shamed and she portrays herslef as the victim. She constantly changes her mind about things and has no problem throwing you under the bus. Always blaming others for her problems and never taking responsibility. It's exhausting, to say the least. When I see a text from her, I go into a full blown CPTSD response. I don't feel safe with her. My body is showing all the signs that I need to distance myself emotionally or I'll end up like my cousin whose mother is the same and she suffers from psychogenic vomitting. It's beyond belief what these sort of people can do to others.
It's sick and it's evil, and I seriously wonder if a spiritual component is a part of it too.
54 here and I can't do this anymore. This lady and my therapist have helped tremendously this past year.
We're not going to the fake family Christmas this year.
She rips my brother and sister apart on the phone, I know it's me being torn apart when she's on the phone with them.
Also HATES every inlaw, because they're involved with the grandchildren and she is not.
Not my problem anymore, I have to walk away.
My mental health is priority now, anything that makes it worse has to go
I thought I'd overcome a lot of this until I was recently hospitalized with stress-induced cardiomyopathy.
The shots didn't help.
@@jacksonmiller6679 I didn't get the shots.
Through therapy, I discovered that I have fear and at least a sense of unease around my mother that goes back decades. I remember an incident when I was around 4 or 5 years old, waking up one night with a terrible headache, and just being harshly told by my mother to get back in bed. The next morning, I was completely ignored. My father, being a distant and passive person, said nothing which was the norm for him. That wouldn’t be the first time I got scorn or indifference when I was unwell.
I’m 54 and she is in her 80s. I moved to another city a little over a decade ago to get some distance from her and try to figure out how to live my own life. When I go visit, I can handle about 3 days and then I need to leave. The visits are often nice but that old feeling of unease and unable to fully trust her is deeply ingrained and will probably never leave.
Thank you for a great video that really spoke to me, Kim.
Edit: fixed a typo
It's weird I never took the time to really articulate how I feel around my mother I'm going to do that. But I get this deep sense of unease, to the point I have thought to myself this is irrational. But a very deep sense of unease and exhaustion. It's interesting that you say your father was distant and passive. So was mine. He was actually a very good man, albeit emotionally shut down. i wonder how much of his being shut down was caused by my mother. A lot. One thing that has been very hard for me to admit and verbalize is how much I saw my father be belittled, subtly insulted, treated with contempt and yet be such a .... no other word for it ... doormat around my mom. The most astonishing part is my father stayed and he was VERY successful professionally. He was good looking. 6f3. He was kind, loyal, goofy. My father was literally a catch - except for the shut down part. But I realize that it was very degrading to me to see my father be degraded like that.
@@bluecoffee8414 You brought up something that I’m pretty sure, no, 100% sure, that applies to my situation and that is my father being shut down was due to my mother. In my opinion, they never should have gotten married in the first place. They were two very different people and I feel that, in attachment terms, my father was avoidant and my mother was anxious. She was anxious to the point of being controlling and my father didn’t have the backbone to stand up for himself. He finally left when I was 13 which only added to the attachment wounds I started to develop when I was 4 or 5 if not younger. I remember saying to myself around that age that I wished I had never been born. How sad is that?
On the rare occasions when my father was in the area for a visit, I always felt at ease with him and that I could share just about anything with him and not be judged. I don’t believe I’ve ever felt that way about my mother. I think she has covert narcissistic tendencies hence her control issues and often making things all about her and her needs. I wish he was actually a part of my life before he passed away a few years ago but that didn’t really happen.
Ive never heard anyone scream like my mum. I had a nightmare she chased me down the road screaming and stabbed me in the back. She's roughly has two months to live and I'm going to see her soon. I just want to get some things off my chest. I'm not like my other family members they're so deep in denial about things and I just want to heal and understand .They only care about success and all my success is on the inside, I really don't have anything to show. My healing process only started last year I was in a hopeless state and understood what hopelessness was. I have a way to go but at least I'm hopeful
God bless you! Please search "pastor kevin ewing", he talked about "familiar spirit".
Sadly, after decades of this I have massive autoimmune issues as an adult; asthma, Hypothyroidism, eczema, chronic pain....
Omg! Me too!! Why is it that our regular medical doctors don’t ask us if we suffered any problems as a child??
Maybe we might not have the damage we do today.
@@Greeceismygotoi have that too but also ADHD. I think of it the other way around. The ADHD drives behavior, intense feelings, and the fear. And is correlated with autoimmune stuff. I think there might be some genetic root.
I always knew that the way my parents raised me was critical to some of the intersocial problems that I have. But when I heard this podcast you were describing my life and although it made me shake all over, I think awareness is progress. So I thank you very much for that.
I wish I could find a therapist like you, everything you explain is an a-ha! moment for me. Especially the fawning/people pleasing/self neglect parts and the fear of being alone! I'm going to get this course soon, seems like a great starting point.
well, you did find her! Nowadays, no need to be in the same room or even on the same continent...
I don't dare watch as I lived through this and then put my own kids through it. If only I could have had a proper diagnosis well before my kids were born so I could have learned how to manage my meltdowns. My eldest of 3 wont talk to me. I have a complicated relationship with my own mother. I wish my daughter would want to work it through. We miss her so much.
It’s very brave of you to confess to this. My own mother has a hard time recognizing how she injured me, but also my sister. My sister has a strained relationship with her because of how she minimizes. I’m trying help our mom understand without blame or triangulation.
I’m also AuDHD and have no biological children. Part due to neurodivergence, but perhaps there’s a part of me that knew my own meltdowns could be damaging to children. I’ve gotten help in my 30s, but there were years where I didn’t have my emotions under control at times.
I am a group of three best friends and we all have low contact with nmoms for different reasons. Our fears manifest differently through the group but we support each other through challenges. your videos just help me so much
I never wanted to tell my mom I was diagnosed with Cancers and its Stage 4. Thanks for underatanding a lot. 🙏
This is how I feel with my father. My mother was actually terrifying... who threw things.
I have health issues since childhood and seem to be such a dissappointing burden to my father. This makes sense.
It was my father who terrified me- once picked up a chair over his head because I didn’t like something he cooked. I still remember scrambling under the table for safety. Spent most of my childhood in my room and he would ask me why I was always in my room-Da. Years later had a great therapist and a rage against my mother came flooding out for not doing anything and using him as a weapon as did my older sister- Mom long gone, no contact with that sister who is a copy of my father.
You are so calming to listen to and you explain and give examples so well. Thank you. I'd love to see a video around the parent who grew up this way and their relationship with their own children. How to repair that relationship when we find ourselves being similar to our own parents.
Thank you for this content. You are so incredibly well spoken and articulate. You were definitely made for this. I've looked the web over for someone who can somehow articulate all of this in a way that makes sense and you're the first. You don't miss a beat and you're so on point. Great job and thanks again ❤
So truly kind ❤thank you so much 🙏🏻❤️🙏🏻
Definitely write a book Dr. Sage!! ❤
If my mum got up and did not slam doors and cupboards we felt a sense of relief and hope. If she did, we would stay in our rooms much longer..
Oh my goodness I'm so sorry you dealt with that too. To this day I hate mornings bc of it. We could also tell by the sound of her slippers on the floor. Soft, slower footsteps, we were safe... hard and fast steps, we dreaded coming out of our rooms😢
@melissalechner8649 - damn! Wasn't just our house.
Grandmother age 71 here, wish people like Kim had been around 25 years ago - BUT I'm here to tell everyone not to give up! My relationships with my mother and consequently with my 3 daughters, and the world at large' are healing slowly but surely, and it is SO worth it. My mother died in 2007 still the same person I remembered from my early years, and I made a vow then to try and bring an end to the multi-generational poison in my family. Unfortunately, everyone involved has to experience some pain along the way without being able to see immediate results. Just hang in there xx
Thank you.
I just realized this morning I'm afraid of my mother. Due to some recent circumstances Im 34 living at my moms house with my husband and 2 yr old daughter and i have this unshakable feeling of unease here, i cant stand when shes around and im literally on egg shells when she speaks to my toddler or even asks me about her. Its weird i never really realized whats happening.. she never beat me or anything so i was having a hard time understanding this feeling. I moved out at 17 so its been a really long time since we've spent time together and now i remember WHY. I relate to everything in this video, and this shines so much light on why i feel comfortable in isolation - like i can finally breathe easy.
Im sat here listening to you with tears rolling down my face. It been so so affected. Its touched a raw nerve.
I appreciate the way you explained this without demonizing parents. Ty.
A parent's world determines our world, that's so profound❤
9 years no contact and I still find myself anxious & walking invisible past eggshells that don’t even exist now. I guess that’s the cPTSD. It’s not easy to let go even when you think you have 100% escaped the nightmare.
It really is so difficult💔sending ❤
Hits home....my sister narc now. It was hell, felt in my 20 s i had to call my mum on a night out just to check she was okay...if got sulky response it affected my whole night with having a fearful heavy heart......thanks for this 😊
If you do a book, you have to do an audiobook. Love your voice and your accent
It's so wonderful to hear someone speak and articulate the undefinable fear we experienced and say what effects it had so we can slowly conclude its not our fault, even though its still active when this topic is broached having gone no contact with both my parents and having my coaching practice with my own method for deep emotional healing. there is just so much of it and there is so little collective healing, discussion and validation of this in the adult world except in such channels like yours so the shame is also still loud... thank you...
Thank you 🙏
You are so right with everything you said.
The relief I feel when being alone. Indescribable.
I thought 💭 it was my job growing up to make my mother happy because she had a crappy life she was molested her mom was jealous of her always critical and not supportive and because of that she raged 😡 a lot and it was scary 🫣
I'm sick and tired of being emotionally immature I'll never be normal or experience truly be loved it's not in the cards I was dealt
Thank you so much for this. I’ve been experiencing this with my mum (who has BPD) for a while now-mostly as an adult since I was taken into care as a child. I really don’t know what to think of her-she’s nice sometimes, then turns into a stranger. She uses the silent treatment a lot, she’s been very verbally abusive and made lots of threats. I have PTSD and she’s been making a lot of sudden, loud noise even though she knows it terrifies me. Recently I’ve had a major IBS flare-up-one of the worst I’ve had for years-after months of being in fight/flight (freeze/collapse seems to be my default). I’ve tried my best to be the best daughter I can but it’s as if I’m disposable. She’s not taken any responsibility for her actions
Thank you for your practice and for sharing your lessons with us. It helps a lot.
Thank you for these videos they are saving my life rn
Same
Thank you! Thank you for your wonderful work and all of the obvious thoughts, knowledge and efforts you put into your videos. I have been following your videos for quite some time as I wrestle with my own battles from my bpd mother. I have found myself reflecting a lot lately on my shortfalls as a mother. I am tying to learn more ways to cope, understand, lean and grow as a person. This video really hit home. It was just what I needed. I look forward to taking the course in the future.
Thank you for being here with me ❤
Amazing content. So helpful lots of love and thanks xxxx❤❤❤
My mom had severe depression when I was born up until was in my teens. I don't remember much, just what my sisters tell me. I can't help but think that affected me my whole life. Luckily she is a good mom and I can't remember that bad.
I'm excited about the video on autism and hsp!
My mom is borderline and I literally cannot have one conversation with her about her needing to see a psychiatrist, or really any talk about her needing to change toxic habits, even tho I’m about to graduate with my psychology degree in 2 months. And the thing is, when she was in couples therapy with my dad decades ago, the therapist diagnosed her with borderline then. Her response? She flipped out, claiming that my father and the therapist were working against her together, to the point that security was threatened to be called on her. So yeah… I have yet to mention the “b” word to her myself-even tho she fits the diagnosis to a T and that couples therapist was on point-purely out of inner-child fear. I’m getting to the point tho where I’m about to be out of college and she clearly is not wanting to do the real work to be better and acknowledge that she has many problems. I hope to be a parent one day and I will not risk my kids being around such unpredictable and volatile behavior. She’s going to lose me 100% one day or another at this point. It sucks bc it doesn’t have to be this way, but I fear it’s already too late and I have to accept it.
Yeah when I'm driving my mother around and she starts speaking it's pretty much a jumpscare for me.
Recently pledged to "never again be alone with mother (89) in a car, or anywhere not public". She's sicko.
I thoughtI was autistic for a bit and it ended up being trauma qnd I completely agree on the hypervigilance thing!
I sincerely believe my trauma is a congenital trauma reaponse
Oh my. Kim your content is so powerful and worth its weight in gold. I feel good about your channel finding its way to me. Wow, gets me quite emotional. 😰 Thank you so much for getting this valuable info out to the masses. 👍✌️
Thank you so much ❤🙏🏻🩷
Thank you for another brilliant video 😊
Described me almost exactly.
Wow, this has been ruining my life. It’s so much deeper than I thought.
Thanks for your videos! But I am astonished, what is the source of this study? Who does experiments like this on children by scaring them to study them? What are the consequences for these children?
I can't thank you enough.
YES! All of this. 100%
No way you're 56!!! 😦😦😍😍
Thank you ❤
Thank you for all your insights. I've enjoyed many of your videos. Your wallpaper brings me joy! Can you please share the resource?
Yes❤Wallpaperie!
I love your channel and reconize so much... i have cptsd and by watching your episodes still learning the why dt they do that etc... one question, which blush are you wearing??😅 love from the Netherlands ❤
Can you make a video for moms who are aware that they are scary to their children? What can we do to recognize it, help ourselves and help heal our children and to create / strengthen a secure attachment.
This right here😢 How do I stop doing it to my kids? I was raised in this environment and I feel powerless at controlling my behaviour. Putting my kids through what I've been through is the last thing I want, and yet, sadly, I don't know how to stop it. Please help
@@madalinastoica
Find a competent family therapist conversant in Narc Shadow work. Don't give up.
Not me compulsively caretaking by sending this to my mom. 😂😅
Love you Kim! ❤❤❤
I think my obesity is a result of growing up this way. My mother was a rager but on the other hand, she could be nice and funny. I never knew what to expect.
Does the course teach you how to overcome these feelings. I have done so much work on myself, but I can't un feel the sense of abandonment and still like the funny happy person just to be liked. I'm 60 now, my wonderful children are gone, I love living alone, but know it's not healthy, I have a few really lovely friends, but too much and I'm exhausted. I have fibromyalgia and arthritis along with chronic fatigue syndrome. I know it's all related to the way my mother was when I was younger and still is today. I have only once challenged her. She didn't speak to me for 6 months.
OMG 😭! I was today years old that I have finally found that I am not crazy in this HELL that I have been put through since birth and now forced to live in again due to unforeseen circumstances.
This has been a theme my entire life in one way or another I am an only child and therefore took/take the entirety of this. My adult life has been nothing but one problem after another and now I understand why and that
But, I guess I honestly want to ask if that once you finally understood what was going on did you get an intense feeling of overwhelming anger towards your abusers for essentially stealing your identity and happiness and choices and love/romance from you and most of your life. I feel an intense emotional pain deep down that I will never get that time and everything that could have been with it back. I just want to be normal and enjoy a loving relationship that I have never had or been allowed to have. I was forced to divorce the love of my life because the parents didn’t like him. We are still very close, but it’s the only real regret I have in life. That I listened to them and their stupid threats if I did not divorce him.
Sorry I forgot he’s got snacks done and gone
All of this is sadly too true.
💥My situation is a little different. I grew up in an environment of domestic violence. But for some reason, I always remember my parents and how good they were to me! I am always grateful... So I was a happy and confident child since I was young, but I often woke up from nightmares until a few years ago... I can't explain why this happened... ?🤔🧐
are you in denial that it was scary to you when they fought? and are still hypervigilant about them fighting?
Do you have any info on growing up with broken family/ foster care and religious abuse. How does someone recover from abuse from all supposed safe places. School,church,homes, public. Sometimes I just get so tired of changing and growing. I am tired of working on Self only to find out that I have also had therapeutic abuse as well..
I am grateful for finding your sites.
I can add autism to my list 😂😂😂👍
Shoot my mom told me at 10-12yo (1980-82)
You better be afraid of me!
You have it easy compared to me!
That’s me now!
A book ❤
Why do dog owners always have to talk about dogs, even when dogs are COMPLETELY unrelated to the topic? Pkease stop doing this! I've been bitten and terr0rized by dog shrieking and barking to the point I ended up at the hospital with acute stomach ulcer. I came here to learn & focus on childhood trauma and not dog trauma.
I used to be so scared when I was younger.