Misguided BJJ Student Leaves For A Trash Talking Jiu-Jitsu Gym
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 3 ก.ย. 2019
- Today's BJJ Q&A video is a little different as it comes from the question of a Brazilian Jiu-jitsu gym owner who has a student leaving under less than optimal terms. In this video his question is about accepting a student back.
In this video I share a story that started when I was a Brown Belt and ended when I was a Black Belt. It was where I had a friend and a high ranking belt leave the gym to open up another gym.
It happened under less than desirable terms and so I had to tell the student he couldn't train. Sometime later the BJJ gym he had started closed down and I share how I invited him back.
Every situation is different but I believe people make mistakes and I won't choose to hold it against anyone if they are willing to move past them.
And as I'll also talk about in this video. If you're a gym owner and you have other people in the area talking trash about you. Use that negative energy that's put towards you to drive you in being a better coach to your students.
Thanks for watching the video.
-Chewy
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Can't believe Adam did you dirty like that, but I'm glad you welcomed him back.
It's always the quiet ones
jajjajja
Artem the Train Fr!?!?
Haha I had the same thought
...
Adam.
I would like to offer THIS:
- instructors need to remember that they are a contractor... they are paid by the student to teach them. It's a consensual, contractual relationship. Instructors or coaches are NOT entitled to determine where else a student can or cannot train.
- Students need to remember that instructors or coaches are contractors. Contractors are free to turn down contracts. A student is NOT entitled to train with or learn from an instructor without their consent... an instructor is not obligated to teach anyone.
With these two things kept in mind, all the rest of it is pretty simple.
A very well balanced approach. Going through this in my neck of the woods right now too.
I have trained at other places before it went down and continue to train at other places too.
And the head coach knows and is cool with it. But there is a rival gym and they have taken a lot of our students to their side and it has become very partisan. Many of them don't talk to me anymore too.
Not cool.
I'm a lifter first, bjj second. I will train what I want where I want. But I respect what my head coach is offering too.
Sucks that there are games like this, but we all do what we need to and hopefully take the high road when shit starts to fly.
“I only offer this because “ Chael Sonnen
I see you Smashley doing your Uncle Chael impression…”let me offer you this…”…I see you
@@midnightswim34 .... um, NO.
Smashley Scott umm OK
Accept him back. Learning includes making mistakes.
Isn't there an Epictetus quote where he finds out someone has been talking trash about him and he just says something like "Is that it? If they knew me better they'd have much worse to say?"
Pretty much there the exact quote is "“If that person really knew me and my flaws they’d have said something much, much worse." (classics graduate so i am a bit of a nerd on this stuff).
Epictetus was a badass
I'm a practicing stoic myself
@@lewisb85 Cheers, epic :)
Holy cow, I didn't know chewy was into stoicism. Stoicism deeply inspired me for years. Now I've stumbled into Jiu-Jitsu and I see many kindred spirits.
grouchfan stoicism and Buddhism are easily mixed in some ways. You'll find a bunch of both in this community. Welcome!! 🤙🏻
@@joshdeets1584 Stoicism, Buddhism and Taoism are easily mixed, the guy who came up with that religion/philosophy dudeism subscribes to all three. Personally as a classics graduate who got into eastern Philosophies after college I find it helps greatly in life.
You have such a unique perspective. I watch this channel for life advice.
I know! I don't even do BJJ.
you shouldn't..
@@seanknot what?
I can't stand trash-talk in gyms. As long as your own training regimen works for you, why should you care where someone else is going?
In a good gym they are usually too busy and focused on their own journey and progress to talk trash about others. Our classes are...warmup...drills....instruction on techniques...sparring. We may have s little chit chat here and there but the class is focused on doing not talking so much. Instructors keep an ear outs hd if someone starts slagging other schools or talking negative stuff then it's time for some cardio intensive stuff that limits the ability to talk more and get yourself in trouble.
People go to other gyms for all kinds of reasons. I just switched mine because one is much nearer to my home and has classtime schedule that fits in with my off work schedule. I liked the gym I left very much...somethings I didn't understand or didn't like but I certainly got very good training from my previous gym. I felt bad about having to switch but I wasn't able to train as much as I wanted there. I said goodbye and left on good terms and i would never go and start complaining about my old gym to the new gym or my old sensei to students...that would be very rude and weak of me. The jiu jitsu community is quite small and you always run into each other at competitions and such. Unfortunately there are always some lower level students that like negative gossip and they would spread any "dirt" around that is none of their business..,so we must watch what we say and good to keep positive appropriate contact/communication with your past school. You don't want to cross over too much because really you can only have one school at a time I think...kind of like girlfriends :). otherwise you might get into trouble. But that's all you can do..then just train and train and conduct yourself squarely...if someone has hard feelings against you for switching gyms for whatever reason then maybe try to talk to them about it? Explain your reason for leaving? Be honest and professional. Aid someone really takes issue then just cut off and move on..that's their oddness.
Reality check is that we go to better ourselves and none of us ever have only one teacher..we all watching youtube to learn a thing or two off of Chewy or Gracies or whoever and life changes demand gym changes sometimes...so be it. Move forward.
Leaving a really nasty gym? That can be very tricky situation....so much better to avoid those and be very selective about who you get involved with in he first place. Sometimes the closest nicest outfitted little Brazilian Jiu Jitsu school is not worth setting foot in because they lure you in and capitalize on your enthusiasm to learn BJJ...but maybe they will be out of business in 6 months because the owner is a criminal cokehead that got his black belt when he was younger and doesn't give a shit about you. Such places are not worth it! Better to study badminton or watch youtube than waste your time there. Those you just leave
zachary lee talk is cheap. we joke around a little sometimes while we roll. If it's good chemistry then it's light and playful as we work on getting good. That's fun and also a light competitive way to push each other a bit while we have a little fun. Trying to call our submission ahead of time or giving a partner a little time to work an escape so you can keep the roll going. It's best when it's fun even when you are getting squashed. The only thing that kind of brings it down is when someone shows up really serious and pushes others to match their intensity ...but that's ok too because of you want to get good you need guys like that to push you and challenge a bit. The lighter guys last longer in sparring overall. The guys that come in and roll super intense are on an emotional roller coaster and they burn out and can't sustain training like that for months and months without getting injured or injuring others. The light guys can train indefinitely because to them it is a game and they get more efficient with the techniques where you are best to be loose and float around.
@@WoodApe100How you doin, man?
Your humility, lack of ego and kindness, while still being super confident is the reason why I wanted to get into jiu jitsu. You're a great role model and I appreciate your videos.
I see you have been practicing the black arts on the dark side of the galaxy... (10th planet)
Well Prof. You never cease to amaze me with your personal and professional experiences.
Thank you
that was awesome chewey, thanks for the video.
Sidenote: i started training almost two months ago (i'm 29) and your videos helped me a lot with my anxiety and stuff like that before training, and tips after i started. cheers from Argentina brother
Being on youtube and stuff I can definitely see why people would hate for no reason, it's just jealousy! Keep at it, Chewie, you've helped so many of us out so much!
Chewy, you're an asset to the community and I always look forward to your videos. Keep up the great work man.
Not even a full year in with jujitsu and I love it you have such an awesome outlook man keep doing you :D
AARON CORRIGAN dude is the real deal.
Thank you Nick. The more I listen I swear.. This is lit
One of the most engaging videos I've seen of yours.
Really appreciate your perspective on club culture - Thanks!
If he comes with humility then let him come back..if not then don't take him back
Yet more great advice Chewy! Pour that energy in to what you DO have control over 😁
This rings true in every aspect of life. Thank you.
I have an incredible amount of respect for you. Thanks Chewy.
What a great message. I’ve been try to do this more in my life and it’s cool to hear about your experience and it’s such a great example of how positive this mind set is. Cheers
“Epictetus?”
You continue to impress, coach chewy
Wise words m8. It is tranquilizing to see someone else developed the same perspective that I did with the little experience I got.
This is why you are and will become more successful love the vibe you give Chewy.
Thank you, I've encountered something similar. People who talk trash about others, especially when they're just trying to fit Jiu Jitsu into their life, do a service to holding this bjj community back from its potential growth.
Great advice! A lot of egos in sports and combat sports especially.
Much respect to your outlook on this, thanks
Thank you for this video, I can completely relate to this. Perfect timing!
Dude, I think you’re content is great! Thank you for your insight.
Great info in this video. So helpful in more areas. Thanks for sharing.
Water under the bridge was amazing of you Chewy. Being the bigger person takes more than people realize.
Great video brother! And i would also give someone a second chance but after that its over. Thanks for sharing this 👊🏻👍🏻🙏
Just wanted to thank you for helping me navigate the beginning of my BJJ journey, which started about 18 months ago as I approached my 40th bday... 1st competition(s) are happening in the coming months as a “seasoned” white belt. Oss
Love your positive perspective...if I’m ever in the area, would love to stop by for a class. 🤙🏼
Please do! Our gym doors are open.
Great advice that applies to way more than just Jiu Jitsu!
"Be the better man" is always a good policy. My own coaches and professors always say that if you want to check out another gym, feel free. Learning new stuff from different people can only make you stronger. If you decide you want to come back, awesome. Do what's best for you.
There is no business sense for a gym owner to turn people away for petty reasons like that.
The owners I respect the most are the ones that talk about how good other gyms are.
Great video and inspiration. Thank you Instructor.
I like the attitude because you have to let people do there thing. This stuff really gives me good perspective.
I know that I'm a little late to the party on this, but I'm glad to hear you accepted that student back. Everyone makes mistakes. As long as they learn from them, I'm willing to give the people who make them a chance at redemption. That is something I wish more people were willing to do.
As far as inter-school rivalries, your take is very wise. Make your school as good as you make it, and don't worry about the haters. Defend yourself when necessary, but otherwise your reputation among your students will spread to the community.
Those people who talk trash about you are just jealous of you my brother! You're an extremely smart person but also with a clean heart and soul ! You're a good man and i wish i can visit and train at your school sometime!
Great message Chewy!!
"Do you then, I say, simply and of your own free will choose the higher, and hold fast to that"- Marcus aurelius
Man I wish I could train at your gym I've gone 4 times to a gym and never felt welcome at all. I've been nothing but humble and eager to learn but never found much help at that gym. Trying a new mma gym tomorrow where a good friend of mine is coach so it should be much better. Love your vids man anyone would be lucky to be your studen
Love your videos, I don't train, but I enjoy your insight and I think you're a cool dude. You see the bigger picture.
It’s no coincidence that your wearing a 10p shirt while talking about this topic.
True! Look it up
Look into it!
I trained at this gym near ATT headquarters in Coconut Creek. It was so amazing being apart of the gym every day when it opened. When I moved away the gym closed down not long after that. The gym actually took over ATTs old building then closed down.
As a dancer, we have a lot of trash talking from other dancers. Inside and out of ballet barres in our studio. However, I don't get involved in that drama. Unless it has to do with something about me or anyone I know. Then, we have a problem. I like your philosophy and no one should put up with trash talking. However, we do. Just to show someone who's the bigger person. I'm thinking about joining BJJ and MT someday. Maybe Karate too, but I'm just looking around and exploring lol. Love your videos by the way. It boosts up somebody's confidence. It did for me. 😎👍👍👊
You are the man. No doubt. But we definitely need the juicy details to figure out the right answer for this one.
Hey! I have been watching your videos for some time now. Ya finally helped convince me to give it a go, so thank you!
I started classes this past week. It is awesome! Most everyone is very friendly and helpful.
The gym has beginner classes twice a week that I am planning on going to. I am nervous about the mixed level classes though. I have been invited to go, but should I just hang out in the beginners classes till I get my confidence up?
When you all talk about how humbling it is to start bjj, you aren't kidding. I have no idea what I am doing haha!
Keep up the amazing content! : )
Glad to see Chewy has encouraged and helped someone with their jiu jitsu journey. Theres gonna be a lot of ups and downs but the best thing you can do is keep moving forward. Jiu jitsu will change your life. Oss
BJJ is about humility and being gracious, being a Coach is the epitome of these ideals. Take him back.
No..the student is the one who needs to learn humility if he hasn't learned it then don't take him back...that's how you teach. Standards.
@@WoodApe100 Your standards and mine would be different, but that's okay, we love our sport.
Realistically BJJ is absolutely no different from any other sport. There are absolute pieces of shit with BJJ black belts who teach. You can make your little circle about that but the sport itself has it's share of negativity.
Joe schmoe Yes surely it does. Pride is spiritually destructive but very tempting to those who have great power. Mastering jiu jitsu gives great power over others to the black belt. Some are major assholes towards others...I've seen it. Imagine being so confident that you can defeat anyone even much larger than you in a physical confrontation. Some chase this power and work very hard to attain it...once they get it the prideful part of them grows and they have more power over others in that sphere. They go looking for trouble. Some sadists in jiu jitsu that really enjoy having control over others...you are right...like any other sport...but even more personal.
I walked away from a club because one of the blackbelts would be very much a showboat on white belts and especially bigger students...he did not care if he injured them and liked to humiliate them with his techniques...not just teaching you a lesson. In fact he would blather on about his accomplishments and had no time for "lesser men". Complete douche. Lost a competition match and became miserable and chewed out his son in public. So yeah I know. That being said...some others were quite decent to students.
Sea Mac Doesn't really help the student overall to accept him back unless he has learned the lesson and can submit to accept instruction. There is a couple ways that can happen. Student comes back and wants to train and instructor could let him but then sub the daylights out of him/her in sparring and see how they react...they either quit or ask what's up...then you tell them..they either quit or apologize.
Another scenario is instructor just confronts them at the beginning and tells them it isn't cool and that if they want to come back they must apologize. Make it too easy for them then they don't learn respect. Respect is necessary. Without it then it's not sparring it's something else. Instructors have every right to make sure the students are respectful of the rules and the class. Selfish douchebags can really upset the class and each class there is this component of sparring. Sparring with someone who doesn't respect rules about conduct may be just ignorant so they need to be told...rules like gossiping negative or talking shit about other students or humiliating your partners when you roll need to be adhered to. When they aren't then sparring takes on a real edge and then injuries can happen...so sensei is the one who must be aware and must control that by confronting and enforcing the culture code for his/her gym.
If sensei just accepts them without teaching them....when they try to come back it is like no standard.
@Chewjitsu you seem like a stand up kinda man. Full of wisdom and kindness. So glad I found your channel as a new white belt. ✌️
Chewy you're the man bro such a cool guy nothing but good vibes from you brother
love that attitude. Too many people get butthurt over where people train and opening gyms etc.. Lets just roll!
Oh I was butthurt when it happened! I felt betrayed! But at the same time. I just can't do anything about it.
Always thought provoking.
I am a huge buff on Stoicism, you frankly blew my mind when I found out we admire the same man Marcus. Amor Fati brother
Glad to see another person who incorporates stoicism into their life. Smart man!
Once again I have gone to the mountain seeking advice and once again I have returned a wiser man...
I know you ain't worried but just keep doing what you do, if people talking trash its because they're jealous or dont know you. I dont know you personally but I enjoy all your videos.
Wow you were pretty cool already (from your videos) but a fellow philosopher is always great to hear.
Soon as a gym I'm at starts trash talking or putting down other gyms, I start looking for another gym. Thankfully it hasn't happened often. Keep your martial arts drama to yourself, I'm here to train.
I like this Chewy guys attitude.
Hey Chewy! Love your content and I watch your videos all the time and you inspire me so much in bjj.
I'm not sure where to ask questions so thought I'd post on a recent video about something that happened at class tonight.
3 stripe white belt, been training 20 months and I have been fascinated by leg locks for a while and love working on them positions etc. However, my coaches have always expressed a little annoyance that I go for leg locks as they say it will hinder my progress. Among other things like we are only allowed to do straight foot locks.
However I have been working a ton of butterfly, slx and x guard and hitting sweeps and foot lock submissions off it and when training with friends at open mat we roll heel hooks and everything on. I also prefer no gi by a mile.
Tonight in class, one of our Brown belt oaches has a sore left knee, and I was rolling with him and was playing leg battles but only on his right leg. I was attacking heel hooks which i know we are not supposed to but i was more just feeling the position amd moving into cross ashi and 411 as i have been watching tons of John Danaher. I thought everything was great until after the roll he angrily says "why are you always going for foot locks" and says "you have been told about this." I thought nothing of it until I went to talk to him and saw him sitting out and holding his knee. He told me to go away and not talk to him.
I'm not sure what to do as bjj and my gym has always been a super happy place and I always looked up to the coaches and I got on really well with them.
Also, if I focussed on leg locks would it be bad for my pne bjj development? Or can you work on both upper body and lower body as white belt?
Heel hooks can easily damage someone's knee and prevent them from being able to work ,playing with your kids at the park and basically enjoying life.White belts tend to be overly enthusiastic in trying techniques and hurting themselves and partners in the process.They don't mean to but it happens,if it's a constant thing with the student others will avoid sparring with you .Due to high rate of injuries,it takes very little movement to hurt someone with leglocks especially heelhooks.Your gym has rules usually to create a environment that makes it possible for students to be safe so they can learn and excel in a sport that teaches you to maim or kill people.Remember jujitsu is a combat for you can't play Juijitsu.Safety before techniques and your bjj will excel.Don't be that guy who is seen as a hothead who hurts his friends and don't follow the rules just to please his ego.If you want to excel in leglocks only practice it with other willing students and under the supervision of a more experienced person at your academy in a controlled tempo and your art will grow with fewer injuries.
It sounds to me like you just didn’t respect them asking you to not do that. Respect doesn’t mean blindly doing as they say, but on the other hand it’s definitely not okay to completely ignore the perspectives and preferences of those you train with.
I understand your intentions weren’t bad, but it seems like you could just talk to them to see if you can understand where they’re coming from (it might be more nuanced and well though out than you initially think) or talk to them to see if you can maybe even persuade them. If those submissions are just gonna cause tension and resentment in the gym, imagine how much worse it is for someone to use those submissions AND ignore their coaches in the process.
All that said, I think I’m more on the side of your perspective of exploring new things and trying the techniques championed by those who represent the state of the art of this sport. If you need to find another outlet for that specific part of it in order to keep your conduct at your gym respectful to the culture that already exists there, then I think that’s where you should look first. If you aren’t okay with the limits they impose then maybe it’s time to search elsewhere for your training
Just want to say you seem to be a great guy and awesome coach!
Yeah I agree, no reason to hold a grudge on student, especially when they are the ones wanting to come back. They are there to learn after all. You can always work out whatever differences there were while making the big picture better for everyone.
flat earth shirt is dope
Monsieur Pickles all im saying is… look into it
@@YmakAname yeah I have, I've seen the curvature of the Earth with my own eyes
PsychoticPurse 6 he’s referring to Eddie bravos famous quote lol
@@MrMan-ke9ph is it true that the mayans smoke penis blood?
@@MrMan-ke9ph yes, I know and I was taking it at face value on purpose
Great advice usually personal criticism can stem from insecurity in this example there isn't visible evidence that other gyms are providing a greater service than the gym they attack so they try and verbally convince others there gym is better. They worry others will find greater value in said gym so they need to tell you why theirs is good and others are not. Actions > words
It makes me happy that you support 10P!
I support grappling period.
Good stuff bro
You had me at Marcus Aurelius....
I like it, you're a very mature coach!
People want to hate on you because you're successful. Winston Churchill has a saying that I really like - "You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life." Keep doing great things!
Really diggi g the blue and grey
This is a life lesson. I have people leave my biz for whatever reason. Some come back, some don't. (I'm in health care, not bjj). Welcoming them back depends upon how they left. No drama vs. drama.
Do you eat at only one restaurant... or many? Shop at one market... or many? Get my point?
Don't get butthurt if people want to train at another place. It doesn't mean they weren't happy, it just means they wanted to train at another place. Leave your ego at the door, coaches and students.
how you so positive minded and nice, making me feel bad and guilty smh
Cool shirt ive actually been to the one in decatur to watch a absolute tournament they had
That was a great video Professor Chewey. TBH Professor, sometimes martial arts fall into the wrong hands. Please be careful in who you teach. Some people (even though the numbers are very low) learn martial arts to pick fights and beat people up for fun. Please be careful in who you teach Professor. Blessings and love from Seaside, California.
Didn't Kama just answer a question about this from you?
Artem the Train true but I want to get as many perspectives as possible. Besides people should be aware of this fact.
Coach Bob: you couldn’t live with your failures, where did that lead you? Back to me.
Good listening to you Wookie
You’re an awesome guy, I wish I lived closer and would love to train with you. Don’t get me wrong, I love where I am now, but you’re good people and exactly who I’d like to associate with.
I am glad my gym is awesome. It seems that i am pretty lucky. People make mistakes and its better to take him back and see how it goes.
Forgiveness is a virtue
Bustin' out the ancient philosophers. My man.
I'm curious what people could say to trash you. I can only go by the videos and also your matches I catch on bjjtvworld but you seem very polite and down to earth. I'd have to imagine people dont like to see young successful people.
I'm no saint. I rub people the wrong way. And people like to hate. I mean hell look at all the trolls on youtube.
@@Chewjitsu I started watching you about 2 years ago when I finally started training and have been a huge fan ever since. Haters going to hate ha.
when someone goes elsewhere and finds out what you offer is even better than he previously thought and wants to come back, take them back for sure. Easy answer.
I'm sorry but the classics graduate in me popped when chewy mentioned stoic philosophy. BJJ, Stoicism and Taoism changed my outlook on the world in a good way.
I hate when people volunteer the "trash" another person talks about you. If the trash talker really wants it known, he'll tell you himself - it's probably just venting or generic dissatisfaction. The guy telling you is just causing trouble. The only exception is friend, colleague, or family member who actually has your best interest in mind.
I left the first school i started with to try and reach my full potential with my friend/coach I have today. My original coach was just a shitty person in general, I got to see that after a wile and leaving was the best thing for me.
My opponent is teacher my ego is my enemy, ignorance has no age. Can't be so serious. It's hard to walk into a studio to begin with. To walk back in after disrespectful ambitious self obsorbed over zelus actions, shows real potential. Students and teachers brake each other's hearts left and right. The fact that these are our worries shows rest of life is good.
You had me at Marcus Aurelius
Really good take and advise
another goldie ^^
how BJJ bleeds into life lessons
BJJ, stoicism and zen changed my life bro.
Same
Why would anyone talk trash about Chewie? He must be one of the nicest guys you can imagine. Man. Other people must be jelause or something about his bjj gym and atmosphere.
You can tell more about a person by what they say about others, than by what others say about him
You're a good man Chewy.
It's just like that in the K9 world. Cut throat, back biting, nipple twisting...fellow students talked shit on me while we were in K9 school. We are 4 months out of school, and none of the trash talkers have jobs, but I'm working TWO high profile, very well paying K9 contracts. Results are what matter, not opinions.
Like you, I focus on what I control and 86 the rest of it.
Hey chewy, what takedowns do you recommend for a wrestler who pretty much can only do double and single legs to be more unpredictible? Also i know you came from a wrestling background, so could you give advice to what aspects of the game should i focus on.
Hey Chewy, what's your opinion on gyms that require their students to buy and only wear their Gi and Rashguards? Cheers
Talking trash about *you*? Well, we love you up here in Chicago.
"When the student is ready, coach Bob appears".....
Is the saying actually with "Robert" though?
It will speak volumes as to who you are as a guide/teacher/man by welcoming him back with open arms. Guy who left will really say to himself: "man i really made a mistake walking away from this guy." Keep your side of the street clean.
Love it
On the guy who went to try a different gym, definitely accept him back.....Gotta set a good example and beg the bigger man. Now, with the people who left to start their own gym.....maybe...depends on a lot of factors, as long as the were honorable and honest about it I would bring them back.
so wholesome
Beautiful man. *bro hug. Thanks for sharing coach.