The CURE for Narcissism? My (Possible) Method; 5 Points (Healing A Narcissist)
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 14 เม.ย. 2020
- Ive said for the past 6 years that I do not believe there could ever be a cure for narcissism. That position is something Ive maintained because of the NPD impulse to dismantle the therapeutic process.
If a narcissist could be convinced not to do that (and I explain a possible method of how this could be done in the video) then there is a CHANCE they could be healed.
But it would be very, very difficult and the Narcissist, NOT the therapist, would have to be willing to put in extremely challenging work, every day for a year or so.
In the video I explain why its akin to someone to someone being in a coma for a long time learning to walk again
Im not a clinician, Im not qualified to diagnose or do psychotherapy work with anyone.
Nor have I ever altered someone with full blown NPD in any but the most cosmetic ways through coaching.
But if there is a chance for full healing, I think it depends on these 5 key points. - บันเทิง
Ive said for the past 6 years that I do not believe there could ever be a cure for narcissism. That position is something Ive maintained because of the NPD impulse to dismantle the therapeutic process.
If a narcissist could be convinced not to do that (and I explain a possible method of how this could be done in the video) then there is a CHANCE they could be healed.
But it would be very, very difficult and the Narcissist, NOT the therapist, would have to be willing to put in extremely challenging work, every day for a year or so.
In the video I explain why its akin to someone to someone being in a coma for a long time learning to walk again
Im not a clinician, Im not qualified to diagnose or do psychotherapy work with anyone.
Nor have I ever altered someone with full blown NPD in any but the most cosmetic ways through coaching.
But if there is a chance for full healing, I think it depends on these 5 key points.
@Richard Grannon - I feel like this may be a stupid question but it keeps coming up for me. If superego functions subconscious/unconscious & it controls us (codependents/narcs). How is all their manipulation and meanness conscious/intentional? How are they both a toddler AND a "cruel villain"?
@@KatyWithAWhyyy Its not a stupid question, its just a question of nuance. Superego controls the impulse, emotional flashback controls the "archetypal state" but there is still a choice to act or not act on an impulse or emotion.
It would be a huge mistake to make the logical leap to saying "they dont know what they are doing and they are blameless".
They DO not what they are doing and are not be absolved of guilt. The world couldnt function if we pardoned every criminal because "mental health" was a carte blanche to do whatever they wanted.
In fact that would make them worse.
RICHARD GRANNON Ok, that makes more sense. May be due to my over analyzing and black and white tendencies that I broke it down as I did initially. Your answer helps me to frame it up. Thank you, as always! ☺️
@@Gwen13061 with no offense intended: is your point that meds should be prescribed?
@@KatyWithAWhyyy I had some experience with toddlers and I must say they are cruel. I do not believe anymore in the myth of the child as a sweet good creature. They are perfectly able to be bad and vendicative. It is human nature I guess. So super ego can be a child and so it can be cruel
"Before you heal someone, ask him if he's willing to give up the things that make him sick." Hippocrates
That is as with many great truths both humorous and tragic.
Ooh that's good. I've never heard that before, thank you 👍
I found that most people don't really want to heal despite the fact that they say they do. I know several codependants whom I met in my teens (often through a mutual narc friend) who complained to me about their mental health. When I told them that I think that they have CPTSD and recommended them to read more about narc.abuse they all backed up. Narcs have also complained to me about mental health issues. I recommended one of them to read a book that helped me. This person read the book and said "the book does not say enough about how to actually heal the issue". That was it :)
Yes....however, that’s the second question that should be asked...the first question is , “Do you believe that you are sick?”🤔
lol good point
I am so grateful for this perspective. I am the narcissist who desperately wants to change for the sake of not perpetuating this cycle in my children's lives. This has been the most helpful video that doesn't focus on demonizing the narcissist. THANK YOU!
That is so great!! I’m hoping my husband will realize this too!
I believe anyone can change if they want it bad enough I wish you luck 😊
My thoughts exactly.. Thanks Richard!
That is great Hannah, be brave, you can do this.
You are not narc Hanna;) You are propably a victim of one or 2 parents
for all the people seeing this and wanting to heal from NPD, you're amazingly beautiful. thank you for taking this cure
@@victoriamarie8588 it's rather tragic really. I feel mechanical emotion. I never had real love, while I am self aware I do not have emotional connection with people. I choose to spend my time alone where I have control over my environment, as soon as that is challenged I don't know how to respond other than manipulation for empathy so that someone may help me. Again that connection with attention and the need for love. Again those who are self aware can live relatively normal lives. HOWEVER, in some if not most cases, mechanical or mathematically driven or calculated emotions and not real, so I wouldn't know how it could be cured.
Peace✌️
@@victoriamarie8588 I am sorry to say that are evil to the core save your prayer for someone else
@@jeffytodd4261 Prayers can provide the fertile ground for the seeds of change. The rest is up to them.
@@victoriamarie8588 broad is the way narrow is the path Matthew 17:13
@@jeffytodd4261 KJV Romans 11:14
“If by any means I may provoke to emulation them which are my flesh, and might save some of them.”
Many people have been saved because someone prayed. I’m praying for them.
The crying and nobody's coming.. this is what worries me about the sleep training where parents allow baby to cry it out til they self sooth.
Most definitely a recipe for attachment injury of some kind.
YES! Not my babies, I soothed them so they could learn to trust and love. They've grown up beautifully
I know for sure that's a significant amount of my trauma. I remember being a baby in a few moments and just feeling like I was being tortured because I just felt invisible.
it's the absolute worst
Very popular in the Mexican culture.
If anyone reading this has fallen down the TH-cam rabbit hole on a quest to understanding their partner , let this one be your guiding light ...
What do you mean? Are you speaking on this particular video?
@@greygoose6531 beautiful one, just keep listening... I promise you will understand... Dear God i hate how painful this process is..
When I was a child and I hurt myself in a humiliating manner (fell off a trampoline into the mud at another person's house), I looked at the house and cried harder when I realised no one responded.
Zena Mason I don’t think Narcissism is cause by a sole event. I think it’s cause by continuous abuse throughout the whole childhood, also it’s cause how you react to it as an adult. If you take action to improve yourself or you bury urself down.
If you are researching why your partner is a narcissist I suggest running.. they will eat you alive. If you fall down this rabbit hole that they can be helped you will surely end up more broken. My narcissist played the “getting help” for 2 years. They have to want to get help and they are so egotistical they never do.
"your parents didn't love you" it was such a relief hearing those words. My first thought was thank goodness love isn't that messed-up manipulative guilt-inducing game
Yes her knew it was gonna hit, hence the long pause?
Camelia it also helped me when Richard said something about parents sometimes not even knowing "how"..
Same.
Im not saying its not true for you but I wouldn't be so quick to judge your parents. Life is complex as are people.
peri peri you can denounce the love from your parents as toxic/damaging without judging them as people, or demonizing them
I understand your point tho just wanted to think about it a bit
This video made me burst to tears, because no video has ever discribed all my problems and my internal world so perfect. I am a girl recovering from NPD and this video made my my mom agree to help me in my recovery!
I like your style of explaining a lot and thank you for uploading this free content, you are amazing!
Greetings from Greece 🇬🇷
Greetings from a Greek in NYC. I was born in Sparti.
How are you doing with this? Has it helped you?
Congratulations on admitting you needed help and reaching for help.
You are going to do well.
Na èise kalá koritsáki mou.
I came across this content by chance and it really spoke to me and made it understandable so thank you. Ive been struggling with the question of am i codependant or on the narcissist spectrum. Guess either way the recovery is the same.... self parenting could be my answer. The pendulum metaphor really hit home and i liked your straight talking. Ill be checking out more of your stuff.
My choices before seeing this were very bleak. I was really struggling with my inner self but now i have hope and a direction to investigate. Thank you
Good on you, "where there's a will, there's a chance "
So Proud of you (& Your Mom) Young Lady!! ❤❤❤❤❤🙌🙌🙏🙏👏👏👏😘
Thanks for this video. All of the videos on TH-cam are how to torture, escape, avoid the narcissist.
Healing a narcissist - is it possible?
Yes. Conditions:
1. Acknowledging, understanding and accepting CPTSD in its totality (advice: read "CPTSD from surviving to thriving" by Pete Walker). Approach the healing from this perspective.
2. Understand the four Fs (fight, flight, freeze, fawn) and how they develop from CHILDHOOD TRAUMA.
Accept that NPD:
- is codependency
- post-traumatic protective stress-response to childhood trauma
How to heal NPD:
Treat it as though it was a CPTSD:
1. Treat the emotional disregulation (moodiness). All they are trying to do is regulate their emotions, specifically they don't want to feel SHAME. (The behaviour is SHAMELESS, it is to avoid deep seated feelings of shame, that come from emotional flashbacks). They attack, provoke, lie, are predatory, hurt you - in order to avoid abandonment terror, shame and sadness.
(Grannon video: The CPTSD archetype of the sad baby)
The sum of these emotional flashbacks is that one feels a specific combination of 4-5 emotions that shows up almost as a new personality. (E.g. being confident, energized, giddy, supper optimistic, really happy, joyful).
A certain cluster of emotions creates a certain archetype. NPD shows up as a sad baby archetype:
- needs others to give things to them
- manipulative childhood behaviour, in order to recruit other people to do things for them
Angry baby archetype:
- crancky/rage/temper tantrum, when people don't want to help them
- selfish
- grumpy
- vindictive
- punitive
Children go trough a phase of narcissim and selfishness. NPD never grows out of it. It's a response to trauma. As a consequence they leave their body (in their mind) and create a "false self" . They create a new reality, where their pain doe not matter, they become their own god and "help themselves" .
2. Deal with the inappropriate archetype, showing up.
3. Overcome the super-ego. (The part of you regulating your moral behaviour, telling you what is right or wrong). The child looks to the parent to get a feedback on wether sth is good/bad etc.
An NPD is brought up by inconsistent/abusive parents. They then internalize an abusive/bad parent. And have an abusive super-ego. It goes up and down- that is why they are so emotionally unstable (moody).
- highly poor ego-boundaries
Abuse:
- can be silent
- being judgemental
- being too strict
- never saying to a child "well done!"
NPD:
- there is no ego, and no ego boundaries
- only super-ego (vicious)
When their super-ego attacks them, they have an outer critic.
There were 2 separate injunctions that created NPD:
- no ego, no ego boundaries
- an extreme amount of being spoilt or all bad
They need to be desperate to even start therapy.
thank you for this summary
@avgonyma1 - Great synopsis! I wish i could copy what you wrote & save it, but TH-cam won't let me. :(
Jessica A. Take a screenshot
How can spoiling be part of the cause of someone becoming NPD? Is that actually considered traumatic to be spoiled?
On another note, a relative of mine was quite spoiled by one parent as a child. But also abused by the other. (I guess that would give her a very inconsistent message: one parent thinks she's perfect and can do now wrong, and the other expects perfection & she can do no right - so she he's doted on by one & beat on verbally, emotionally & physically by the other.)
I can't tell if she is NPD or BPD. The traits can be so similar. Does anybody know the difference?
@@jessicaa.6690 I will try to give you my thought, which are just small bits of what you're asking:
In terms of wether she is an NPD or a BPD: try to ask Elinor Greenberg, on Quora. She is an expert on these "adaptations" and has been for over 40 years. She has also written a book "Borderline, Narcissistic, and Schizoid Adaptations: The Pursuit of Love, Admiration, and Safety", where she also discusses the differences.
As for spoiling:
1. Spoiling is a form of abuse, as far as i know. It is unhealthy and leaves you ill-prepared for life. I'd say it can be traumatic later on, when you face the real world, as a spoilt person, and have to realise (trauma) that the world is not what you thought it was....
2. I once read a book about spoilt children and how to fix that. They were describing 5 way of spoiling, amongst them: being spoilt by being given everything or excessive attention, but also "being spoilt by neglect" .....
And they all lead to similar results: a spoilt child.
I can copy and paste the synopsis either to a mail or a DM (but I am unaware of a DM-option within TH-cam). Otherwise, a screenshot is your only option, yes.
When I started looking to heal my own narcissistic tendencies I was saddened to find there is so much HATE for the abused child grown up, and NOTHING on healing those who SUFFER from npd. Thank you for what u do. It really means a lot
God bless you.
I hear you and agree wholeheartedly.
Eleazer Collins There is ‘hate’ because they immensely abuse people who have done nothing wrong and in most cases give a lot of energy, patience and love in order to help.... these people in most cases don’t know why they get abused, assaulted, smears and wrongly accused of the most awful things so please excuse BPD victims for been angry!
Let’s just be realistic here and not put the NPD on an abuse pedestal for being more of a victim than the people they abuse ;-)
@@ReformedWhiteKnight I'm making no excuses or comparisons. I understand where abuse victims are coming from and why they feel so strongly, but I can't agree with exercising hate against the npd anymore than I can agree with the npd doing what they do. What I'm saying is until we recognize that babies are all victims and essentially molded by their environment, we'll still blame people and not the systems that created them. Only once we recognize the situation for what it truly is can we being to make real, lasting changes.
@@TheeLetterL did you heal?
@@mweusimrembo890 hard to say. I don't have an official diagnosis. But I am aware now! It helps me understand myself and not react as much to "disrespect".
i suffer from NPD. i first came across it (and other B-cluster personality types) in my 30s and spoke to a number of professionals about it, as such i've been clinically diagnosed 3 times, independently. since confirming this disorder, i've attempted to counter it and the damage it can cause as much as possible. this is honestly the first piece online that i've found where i felt like i wasn't being demonised. it's of extreme value for narcissists to see that there are people out there prepared to help, rather than 'survive' them and gain distance. thank you for this insight.
I want nothing more than to help my narc ex. He did things that forced me to choose between my love for myself and my love for him... and since I can't love him without loving myself (love for others is excess self love spilling out of its container), I chose to save myself. In doing so, I still love him. Had I stayed, I would've been codependent, which is abuse of the narcissist, not love for him.
So tragically, the very thing that would keep us together - my love - keeps us apart because of what he did. But apart I will love him for eternity, just as he is, but hoping and praying he becomes the beautiful soul I see trapped within, waiting to be set free and come alive.
Dr Daniel fox is a therapist on you tube who has effective treatments there's a few others also 🙏
Didn't you treat others badly for how many years, why its your right to treat people horribly and people can't demonize you ? 0 sympathy for you guys, go work on yourselves, and stop getting the sympathy and the care from others
He did work on himself, that is why he takes time to help others heal, he was a victim of NPD too, he knows how hard it is to recover, but is willing to train people how to live themselves again..Maybe you were not willing to recognize ,it has effected his self, look up ACES too high on line, it tells the outcome ...if you do not take the time to heal.
He was co dependant, not na-r cisisst, he did not hurt anyone, co -dependants hurt their own self, with self-doubt that was coerced in them by the NPD.
I'm 6 minutes into this video and I'm already crying. I finally feel like someone understands me, why I do the things I do. It took me so long to admit that I was narcissistic only to be confronted with mountains of people saying "narcissists can't change" or "narcissists are one step short of psychopaths" or things like that. I felt hopeless; like my options were either stay a narcissist and hurt others or recognise my faults and hate myself with no hope of healing. Thank you for recognising that narcissism develops from abuse, that we aren't heartless monsters, and thank you especially for giving me hope of change and recovery.
That's interesting to hear this. My brother is a covert narcissist, he has hit rock bottom, but I can see that if he saw this video he might feel offended because he is so sensitive.
Do you have any advice for what my family can do to help him? He lacks awareness of his own narcissism so much and in fact calls other people narcissists, so he has an awareness of what it is (roughly), but his narcissism is so deep that he can't see that he has it himself. His level of hypocrisy is honestly beyond insane that it's hard not to feel hopeless.
I just can't imagine my brother making the same comment you made, it's hard to believe you are a narcissist because a narcissist wouldn't think they are a narcissist, how did you come to that realisation?
Was it on your own? Were you forced to? Did you have to?
And if possible do you have any recommendations about how a covert narcissist can at least become aware they are one but at the same time do that in a sensitive way so they can accept it in a way which isn't too painful?
Also how painful was it for you to accept you were a narcissist?
And are you covert or malignant/grandiose?
Also my brother suffers from depression, anxiety etc, which makes him act out more in my opinion, makes his harmful behaviour worse, is that something you have also experienced?
Sorry for so many questions, I'm just desperate, my mother had a heart attack because of all the stress, we need to help him somehow, we need to help him find a way to help himself but he won't. He just continues blaming. It's very sad.
It's unfortunate you didn't get a response for your questions. I'm sorry for all the struggles you're having to deal with.
I have a friend that is a covert narcissist & have been searching for the answers to many of the questions you've asked.
I have to ask have you've found any helpful ways to try & get your brother to become aware? Or have any advice for me on things I could try (or things I should definitely avoid trying)
@@Freddie1MHi Freddie, Sorry to hear this for you. I’m pretty much in the same boat as you, only it’s my sister who was diagnosed with NPD & Bipolar 2 back in 2017. I have no answers for you; unfortunately me and my family are as lost as you are with how to help. I have watched hundreds of hours on TH-cam about narcissism, and haven’t come across any way to help a narcissist see themselves and recognize their problems.
Thank you for your reply, I appreciate it.
No I haven't found a way to make him self aware, the problem is if I confront him and explain to him how he is a covert narcissist I am 99.99% sure he will deny it. That denial I believe will just make the situation worse because it will probably lead to more projection and he'd become worse and even start calling me a narcissist which I would find unbearable because he's the one doing all the abuse and I've spent years of my life bearing this pain, sacrificing friendships, job opportunities etc.
About your friend who is a covert narcissist, I'm curious how you came to this realisation? Having been subject to my brother's abuse for so long it's hard to be friends with him, I want to help him, but I don't think I can ever be good friends with him because he's too abusive and I'd never be able to trust him again until I'm 100% sure he's cured and to my knowledge it is an incurable disorder.
I am curious why you remain friends with him knowing that he is abusive to other people, it's a very brave and commendable thing for you to do because you could walk away (I assume). I can't think of a great analogy but to me it's close to choosing to remain friends with a murderer, I know this probably sounds like an exaggeration, but it's not, my mother nearly died because of all the stress he caused her, I'm having stress related health problems myself which have most likely significantly shortened my life. My mother is still subject to all this stress and my brother continues to abuse her knowing full well that stress was almost undoubtedly the main cause of her heart attack. My mother keeps telling him that this stress is going to give her another heart attack but he continues to be abusive and blame her for his own failures.
Do you know what kind of abuse your friend does to close family around him? Does he ever abuse you? My brother doesn't abuse his friends because he knows he can't get away with it. @@danp1471
@Freddie1M
TLDR Its a female I crushed hard for & only really been communicating with regularly for 6 months. She lives 3+hours away so I only know of her abuse towards me. I came to the realization by the amount of boxes she checked after I eventually stumbled across vulnerable Narcissist when searching for answers.*
Well for starters it's a female friend that I crushed hard for. I've known her for several years but would only see/talk to each other a handful of times a year. She seemed like a nice beautiful girl, but I always noticed a sense of entitlement about her.
It wasn't til a few months back that she reached out & we clicked. She made me feel desired & understood. She told me she was diagnosed with systematic scleroderma & it has been causing many problems, preventing her from working & whatnot.
The first few weeks went great. I'm a introvert with a kind heart, not much family & my circle of friends is small. She gave me her sob story talking about how all the people before me bailed on her. I ate up the attention she gave me & became bonded to her rather quickly. It wasn't long however before things started to feel off.
She didn't seem to be nearly as grateful as one would expect in her situation given the way I was treating her. She seemed very hit or miss in her efforts despite me giving my all. (Considering she was supposedly 'all alone with no one' that just didn't sit right with me.)
She seemingly did a 180 out of nowhere at one point. Essentially hitting me with the silent treatment. What was it for? I have no idea. I did nothing but love & look out for her. She came back around acted all lovingly & then she dipped again. Like wtf? That's when I started googling questions & it didn't take long to land on vulnerable Narcissist. The more I read on it, the more boxes were being checked.
I believe she has scleroderma because it lines up with what I've noticed about her from over the years when I met her previously. Conviently though thats a disease which conditions can vary a bit from patient to patient. So I'm forced to go off with how she paints the picture. She did have to go to the hospital for at least a few days, but seemed like she was playing it up a bit too much.
I even made a loving post essentially dedicated to her wearing the "my fight is her fight" gear, sharing her story of being diagnosed with systematic scleroderma. You know the type of post you make to spread awareness about something & you're practically begging everyone reading it to share it?
Well she actually replied to it asking if she could share it. Like what? That's the entire F'in purpose of it & it was being done for her. I essentially did a retelling of her story. Like who would ask that? [Sorry I almost forgot about that one. At the time that whole thing just blew my mind.]
One thing I do believe her on is she's living without family members & is renting out one room of her house to a ex-coworker she rarely sees.
I haven't been close enough to her to know how she treats her family. I know she has a son about to start college that she appears close to that we talked about a bit. I met him several times in the past previously when he traveled with her. She puts on the display of loving him dearly. That could be part of her image because I'd consider him the golden child. She doesn't have many accomplishments from what I've seen, so she boasts of him & seems to use him to get a good bit of her attention.
She's only open about certain things. Pretty much solely focused on the struggles she's had. I only know what she tells me, & there's not many ways I could truly verify what she does share. It's impossible to know how many lies she may have told me.
Why do I stick around? I guess it's because I feel I've invested a lot into her financially & emotionally. I made a vow not to bail on her & a personal commitment that I was going to be the person to show her there is someone that would always have her back. I don't like giving up on people without giving my best effort. There's always a spectrum so it has been me trying to guage if she has narcissistic tendencies or if she's just gone where theres no hope.
I've also never dealt with someone I considered a legit narcissist & have spent the past couple months trying to come to terms with the fact people like this not only exist, but that they will never change. I'm a fixer by nature so it's hard to just accept that.
Although at this current point I suppose the only question that should matter is how she makes me feel. Some days great other days awful. I've been pulling back since I first made my comment to you because the good days have been fewer & farther between. The anxiousness, trust issues, confusion, & stress she can bring out in me simply isn't worth it. If anything I'm usually too trusting of others so it's not me being overly paranoid.
She lives a good 3 hours away so I haven't visited her. I offered to go on my one day off to help out once. Her simple 3 word reply of "come on over" (followed by silence the rest of the day) as if she's just a few blocks away irritated me. I mean if she's alone, can't get around well from her condition, & has no vehichle (all of which she claimed) I would have been estatic someone offered to do that.
She knows damn well I live on the other side of the state. The reason I wanted to visit though was to one see if her condition is as bad as she makes it out to be & secondly to get a better sense of how she reacts if I start pushing her buttons. I wanted to know if she was going to be worth my effort. The fact I didn't even feel she was worth the drive to find that part out kind of told me all I needed to know. Respect to anyone who read all this. Sorry for the length.
[I'm very sorry to hear about your mother & all the stress you & the rest of your family is forced to deal with. I'm almost losing my mind dealing with someone who lives 3 hours from me & my experience pales in comparison to yours. So I can only imagine the turmoil you've been forced to deal with your entire life. I wish you & your family the very best.]
I really don't care about PhDs, you are ON TO SOMETHING here. Out of all people I've listened to about this subject, you have been the most helpful by far. And there are so many points in this video that make me think about these dynamics differently. And isn't it interesting how society in general teaches you to think about ego in a very incorrect way? :/
👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼
Well said.
What he says is building on stuff PHD's have discovered: the whole thing how CPTSD and how trauma in childhood forms etc explains personality disorders so much better than previously understood, it comes from people like Bessel van der Kolk (read the Body Keeps the Score or listen to his lecture on TH-cam). I'd like to Richard to attribute these pioneers of trauma research and not just TH-cam celebs like Vaknin (who does has original and insightful points about malignant narcissism yeah). The stuff Richard here says is good synthesis of what therapists who also do academic researcher have found in past few decades. It makes sense that personality disorders are combined to one in ICD-11 and then describing what facets is has, as people can with little different environments portray stuff that was previously understood as totally different disorders (histrionic, borderline, antisocial) when they in fact have a lot of in common. Van der Kolk and others even seem to think a lot of psychiatric diagnoses will be replased more accurately with CPTSD, not limited to personality disorders.
This guy is just amazing. He gave me some Hope. My ex hurt me so much but i dont want him to suffer cause he is a victim too. We have two young children i need to fix him for them.
Richard has a fresh view, from his own reasoning and experience. Sometimes too much education takes away from this.
You are indeed a pioneer. No-one has given me as much as you in terms of insight. Well done.
Anneke Luijkenaar glad to have helped
YES!!!🎉
@@RICHARDGRANNON I feel exactly the same way. This video may have actually changed my life. I sat through through this 1 hour video like a freaking uni lecture, hahaha. Thanks for the efforts you've put into making this.
Thank you , no one has explained this way yo me , mostt want to push religion down my throat
That's either a high pedestal or a low bar
I can't believe how well you analyzed the narcissist. Thank you! For many years I have been doing therapy that is supposed to help me deal with phases of depression. Now I have realized myself that I am a vulnerable narcissist. I understand why I have this hole in my soul. And it hurts so much. It's a shame it took so many years to develop this knowledge. And I think it's a shame that my therapist didn't have the interest or ability to guide me on this trail ... Now I'm looking for the quickest way out of the situation because I want to be a good mother.
Hi , did you see any progress ??
This video really helped me understand how I got out of narcicissm on my own and it was studying success philosophies. I took me 10 years or reading books and learning on my own to develop a healthy ego. I still at times become narcissistic but I'm retaining my empathy really well. Personal development on the mind is what keeps my mind healthy after being abused for so many years.
Hi, do you have any resources?
This is beautiful to hear, brother!
What books did you read please?
@@twillsJKZhey sry to bother you have u found any sources that have helped?
@@plamenvasilev7980 Not really no, im in therapy though. how are you doing?
"Don't rise too high" was a lightbulb moment for me.
Me too!!!
@@d.williams6783 Yes. Heaven forbid kids and their ideas/thoughts become too "lofty".
@@robinrevell5873 Oh dear! Exactly the same here! I am 54 and still my mother critizes that I have a Master in Biology. "You never knew where your place was." Her words. I never understood why I have parents who always wanted me small, unsuccessful, poor and stupid. Why the worst crap was still too good for me. Now I understand. They are both narcs who made my life miserable.
@@d.williams6783 Oh my, that was exactly the phrase in my family as well. For me it wasn't just my mom that kept pushing me back down but two much older sisters, that were more functionally like close aunts than sisters, as well... it was a real theme in our family.
Explains perfectly why my narc ex started getting the same probs she formerly had with me only now with our kids once they got to a "better" secondary school than she visited. 🙄
I don't ever remember getting a 'well done' for anything, I didn't realise that wasn't normal!
me too
@EmmaHarrop I totally get that. I remember being in a heated conversation with my mother and I blurted out, that for just once, she could tell me she was proud of me. She got quiet, looked into my eyes and said “but I am not”. I cut ties with her in 2008.
@@MsTygame Wow, she really laid her cards on the table there didn't she. I am proud of you for surviving being raised by someone so cold. You will do the opposite with your own family.
@@elharrop cold is the best description for her. I remember her crying one time during my entire childhood. Because she saw crying as weakness, she drilled that into me. I was scolded and usually punished for it. I am 48 years old and I have difficulty crying to this day. When you said you didn’t realize that you didn’t realize that wasn’t normal- I didn’t either. I was at my friend’s house and I blurted out that my mother would often say she wishes she never had me. The horror in everyone’s eyes were unforgettable. Luckily I spent most of my weekends with my best friend’s family and I was able to see normal functioning family dynamics and the unconditional love between mother and child.
@@MsTygame You didn't deserve any of that but it will probably help to see her as wounded rather than inherently evil. You have broken the cycle of generational abuse by choosing to heal rather than to harm, you are making the world a better place with your empathy and awareness
literally started to cry when you said "you're just a person" you're right. when the shit hits the fan I go to a very very dark place thinking every act I have ever done is horrid and beat myself up about everything. even the good by saying you've only done it because it serves you. when I feel a bit better in myself I then berate myself thinking of gone back into the narcissism and it feels like a vicious cycle which is very familiar for me.
Codependants feel the same
It is me, me, me. To cry is helping no one.
Sorry start to reflect and be empathetic with other persons.
I totally hear and feel you on this one.
I identify with just about everything you're saying.
thank you sir I am a full blown narcissist, I understood every second, I used to be such ah happy person but I had people trying to crush me, while at the same time my mom helping me be confident, it destroyed my personality and my ego, but I think I'm smart enough now to do this treatment myself ( spoken like a true narcissist) but I'm glad I realized the root of my issues and I will come out a better person eventually thank you :)
All too relatable my man. It’s one thing to admit being a narcissist but to seek treatment is a beast in and of itself. Don’t ever give up. That happiness isn’t gone forever.
I’m with ya Brother. I’ve just finally realised what’s going on. May I ask what paths to recovery you have found helpful?
@@kanemclaren5991 Jesus Christ became my patental guidance he talked about, in order to heal. Im still healing but its been a good ten years of slow but steady progress. Best of luck and God bless!
@@Fistfury42 thanks for responding. Agreed. Spiritual revelation and practice seems to be one of the very few remedies and solutions.
As they say “be careful what you wish for”
Well I prayed, meditated and asked to be shown the cause of my suffering and the suffering I cause others and bam! found my way to HG Tudor. Incredible (and to be honest, a bit relieving) to finally be able to comprehend and unpack this mysterious box of maladaptive behaviour. I wish you well on your Journey✌🏼
🙏🏻 praying for y’all ...it is brave to realize and then even braver to make the steps and do the work to heal 🙏🏻
When money is not our driver in life.... BRILLIANCE PREVAILS
Thankyou Richard.
Money is a bi product of your actions. Those actions might be helpful for you and your self esteem.
Thank you. It's like someone flipped the light switch on for me and made sense of my 57 years of this life time of mine. It's taken a lot of work, lifr choices, religions, therapies, reading watching you and others so that now...it's coming together in my senses all at once. Whew...I need to sit quiet here for a while and marinate and watch this again. 🙇♀️
Are you saying you are a narc?
Just
Thank God for people like you Now I can stop watching your videos It's a little late now after 33 years Of living with my spouse with 3 children 2 adults and one teenager and now I'm single And looking for answers of what happened in my relationship I never realized what I was doing to my family Now I really have to change watching your videos is going to be a great help in my life Thank you so much
"Nobody coming" hit hard. I have been diagnosed with CPTSD but I am having to be honest with everyone including myself that I am a narc. I need to be held accountable and cannot act out as a baby. THANK YOU for offering this information to help heal narcs and to stop further hurt towards their victims.
Everything is possible with God 🙏🏿😇
I realized today that I am a covert narcissist. And thanks to this video, I also realized that I have already, in a way, started my journey to healing. I cannot describe how it feels like to finally understand why you have been hurting all your life. My pendulum has been swinging so violently from one side to the other that even I myself haven´t been able to keep up with it. I don´t know if I can ever really recover, but I sure as hell will try my all. I am sick and tired of hurting myself and others over and over again.
KiwiStyle hy
This is wonderful ❣️❣️👍 good job
Did u manage to change any behaviour workout treatment
How’s your healing going ?
Hi , did you see any progress, any recovery ??
Remember When you talk to a narcissist your not communicating with the everyday person.
You are communicating to their super ego.
Don't treat them like a normal person.
In my family, the narcissists have a severe fear of abandonment, and accuse people of being and doing what they hate about themselves, and shame is a big theme with them.
that's bpd i think (well sounds more like it)
I think that your video saved my life, thank you so so much Richard, I don't feel tormented anymore, I understand my problem and I believe that I can heal, thank you
Having grown up in a narcissistic, psychopathic and predatory environment this teaching is gold to me. 💜Magnificent. I agree on all points. So powerful, helpful and well done. Love your style of teaching and that you share your invaluable knowledge with humor.
Strangely, my ex called me today from a different phone number and asked "do you think we could start talking again"? That is something a teenager would say in my opinion. When I told him NO, he hung up on me. He is 38 years old and this tells me he is never going to grow up or change. You have helped me so much figuring out what the heck was wrong with this man I fell in love with and the healing process from a narcissist relationshit!
I don’t know who you are but you have saved me. I’m 25 years old and I realized that I can be a normal person. I have time to heal, to make peace with myself, to get back on track with my life and go out. A normal life, with bads and goods. Thank you.
What ways are you approaching to work on this ?
Hi , did you see any progress, any recovery ??
I always come back to this video and a few others when I’m slipping. I have high narcissistic traits but didn’t realise it until my relationship ended after almost 8 years and a LOT of fights. Working with my therapist I finally started to see the light. I can see what caused my traits, what has been keeping them there (strangely thought I got this from my dad but I’m 99% sure this is my mum now)
I’m also seeing how my ex ended up codependent with borderline traits, highly narcissistic mother who is constantly competing with her, treats her like a friend and isn’t emotionally there for her.
I really beat myself up for months and months thinking I was a terrible human and had no hope, I do think I have made massive strides towards improving and feel a lot more connected to other people. I see how when I reached out to family members when I was struggling they were actually keeping me where I was and as my therapist says “you’ll never heal that wound asking for it from your parents because they couldn’t do it the first time”
I’ve felt constant guilt throughout my life and when I started to improve each time I ended up running back to the family. I felt I owed them a debt, for being anxious and ill, I’ve had money taken from me when I wasn’t earning myself but as my dad said “you said this was my wage so I want paying” even though brexit had happened, he wasn’t working any hours and I wasn’t even taking a salary from my business at that time. I was often told “if it wasn’t for you we would be off doing other things and happy” and when I confronted my parents and said I needed you when I was a kid, I was shit scared, crying, anxious and you just threatened me and drove me to the middle of nowhere and threatened to abandon me if I didn’t stop crying and go to bed. It didn’t dawn on me some of the abuse that happened when I was a kid until about 8 years into therapy, I just thought I was a bad kid and a burden.
Anyone suffering on the cptsd spectrum hold tight and try to unravel all of the stuff that you went through as a kid, I didn’t even realise it was wrong. Only as I stepped back I saw how enmeshed and unhealthy my family was and for 38 years I thought I caused it.
Keep up the good work
Danny (recovering narcissist )
Wooow that sooo courageous of uuuu,,,, how u got convinced that’s there is something wrong with u and u need therapy,,, usually nars dont ever admit it nor see it 😢
Thank you for sharing this, man.
Hi Danny. I can relate a lot with your past childhood. Although never physically abandoned in a place or asked to go to bed, there was a hum of “if you don’t do..., this will happen”. I think I cowered most of my school days and only in college when I got a little more freedom to be myself.
Hope you’re doing well in therapy. Not sure when I’ll ever start mine.
Well done for being so advanced in your recovery.. debt, bad kid and burden... yeah, I believed it too
Keep up the good work
"Sorry it was so long"...
...mmmmm...???...i could have watched this for hours.
Thank you Richard...terrific.
I hate to see it end also!
Yes excellent video, really engaging person.
Babies always look to adults to see if they should cry! That's so true. It's a challenge, but if the parent can chill even if an injury LOOKS bad, often it's not and the kid is fine. 😄
This has been the most insightful video about psychology I have recently seen.
Just by not framing a Narcissist as essentially a bad person who needs to be "gray stoned" or ignored/avoided like other experts say, but someone who needs help somehow from the bottom. Not implying that it will work, but everything starts with basic understanding of the other/self then we build up.
Like a comment I saw below, came here to discover more about my partner when, in reality, I learned way more about myself.
Plus, a personal confirmation (insight) that philosophy may be the essence of life.
Please, let us know how you went back and paid a price because of this video which appeals to the broken hearts of those on the receiving end of narcissistic abuse.
Omg I'm only 6 minutes in but so far a resounding yes. Since I started reading "From Surviving to Thriving" I felt that my former partner has CPTSD and his narcissist tendencies stemmed from his childhood trauma. My lack of self-love also comes from my own trauma. We are mirrors for one another's mental health issues. I cannot wait to listen to the rest. Thank you!
It’s makes a lot of sense as to why they don’t change their behaviour or feel remorse when they see how much they hurt you. A healthy person would feel awful if they acted badly, they’d want to make it better and never hurt that person again. A narc is unhealthy and usually feels more sorry for themselves when they’ve hurt someone and blames the other person for leaving. Thanks for clearing my head and making me see clearer!
This is one of the clearest and actually, most compassionate descriptions of NPD I have come across. I work as a counsellor with, more specifically, women who struggle with codependency issues. They are often participants in online communities that demonise NPD, and have very split reactions to their "Narcs". Obviously relationship with NPD is painful and dangerous, but serves sometimes to deflect the attention from the cleints' own issues. Your description of point 5 is exactly the work I find myself doing with my clients- externalising the superego and building the ego through exploring philosophy and values. Also with myself! Thank you for sharing this.
You're onto something!!! I've been watching video after video looking for the answers to what my narcissist has tried explaining to me about his rages....which is remarkable that this even takes place because narcissists are said not to ever question themselves.. After one of his rages which he usually snaps out of once he sees me finally break down and start crying. Its like he wakes up overwhelmed with emotions that to me seem like fear, confusion, and regret or shame. He says that he doesn't know why his mind works the way it does but its almost like OCD kicks in when he wants something and he becomes obsessed with whatever it is and he is unable to ignore it until he gets it. He says that his brain tortures him... these words mean that narcissists have the ability to fight for their true selves!
From 5 years of experience and continuing I can confirm that until he gets whatever I say no or set a boundary against he drives himself insane sometimes for days or within minutes depending on my emotional state and how long I can stand firm in my decision. There is a small amount of love bombing but mostly devaluing. In these moments its like a child throwing a temper tantrum but with a vulgar adult vocabulary. This goes hand in hand with what you said "I dont know why I want it but I want it and I want it from you" ....thanks for sharing, I'm headed for a breakthrough!
As always Richard gives the most accurate, clearest and fairest explanations. We are in an age where we have access to information and can really start to learn and understand just what is going on for a lot of people and why. Thank goodness we can rely on an authentic source here.
So glad you are making accessible what Institutions of Psychology hold as too mysterious and precious to be shared with the ordinary consumer. Based on your discussion of ego parts, I highly recommend Richard Schwartz's Internal Family Systems Therapy which identifies and integrates different parts of self. Would love your take on it. From a U.S. therapist in the trenches.
Hi Susan, when it comes to psychology I’m very much for the redistribution of (intellectual) wealth. Many have recommended him over the years and the snippets I’ve seen look great, if I get time I’ll look into it.
Well done for hanging in there. Your services will certainly be needed in the next few years we face!
You are the FIRST ever to speak the truth about what I have struggled to understand about being overweight as a form of protection (as in repulsive) from unwanted attention for my physical body.
Only today have I begun to have some sense of resignation that it is some form of "disordered" good (paradoxical/oxymoronic) state.
At my age and my state of physical decline I have not given up, but I am given out (exhausted) in the unrelenting struggle which is been so many times proven to beyond my ways and means.
Again and again, thank you and the gift you are and the gifts you are give which you give to us!!!
Jeanne I ve directly increases my weight after a sexual assault 18nonths ago. I knew in the bk of my mind I was doing it on some subconscious level, as for the same reasoning (unwanted attention socially. Mine was in shops, streets, etc) I would pick my skin or try to look awful in some manner of ways. I imagine it must have been hellish not knowing why we do these things to cover or hide our vulnerability until we feel better. Or acclimatise. Well done. I ve still got 2 dress sizes to drop. Just looks worse because I'm short lol. Take care and we'll done. ✌️❤️💪🙏🏴
If u havent, give clean keto a go
Takes 2 months of hell, but so worth it. Once i was fully adapted, i was nvr hungry n yet i started worrying about how fast i was losin weight! I was on the diet for medical reasons, paleoketo with AIP principles.
I just started it again
For me iv hidden myself n made myself unappealing baggy scruffy clothes hair no makeup masculine etc as well as picked my skin. Fullon self neglect xD
That too has had its long term consequences
I wont regrow my teeth xD
Yes, I did this too & also food seems to be the thing that made me feel good whilst eating. Now, at 52 went on Keto & fasting & it feels good. Such a shame, I wish I knew about it when I was younger.
This resonated deeply with me as well.
I had the same experience being overweight makes u look formidable and unappealing and is a form of protection. Oprah had an episode years ago about how more than 50% of abused children become overwt and obese adults. It has to do with the vagal inervation around mouth, the act of eating calms through the vagus, hence the subsequent drama in life. god bless you stay strong.
this video is absolutely amazing. A rare gem for truly helping those who have had childhood trauma.
This is by far the best video I have seen on this subject. I always felt sorry for my narc when he was at his worst. He wears his childhood wounds on his sleeve and doesn't even know it. I wish happiness and healing for him
Thank you for this video. It was brilliant as was the last one on co dependency. Hats off to you , I can see the sincerity in you of wanting to help people. May you always be happy and at peace
Honestly this was the most insightful helpful thing I've ever heard regarding my issues. As someone progressing through my cptsd/npd your insights on developing the ego are right on track with the therapy and self reflection I've been doing.
Been dealing with a Covert Narcissist for a very long time. I've been finding your videos to be extremely helpful! This one was exactly what I needed. I have been struggling to reconcile conflicting things: new boundaries, my caring nature, and emotions as I go through the stages of grief. This video did that for me. Thank you!
I've lived with the narcissistic behavior of my mate for 13 yrs and I totally agree with you. It's so difficult! Thank you for sharing. Your helping me to break through the brick wall of victimization. There's so much gas lighting going on, it's sometimes hard to grasp. 👍 🌼
Now my favorite You tube video ever. It explains this better than anyone ever has to me. Takes away the anger, mine and helps me see what I felt in him all along.
Love you Richard! I will never forget your buddy Sam Vaknin speaking of his early days of sadistic abuse at home - trying to make sense of it all attending University just a little child being put on the pe-dest'-al ....( what a total mind bender; I can not even imagine the pain & confusion) - Hell is for Children - and you're help in healing these traumas is more than this world can ever ask for. And we thank you!
Richard, you do not have any competition, your superlativety is unmatched, thank you so much.
Richard, I am so grateful for discovering your work, it is a real gem for me. I was missing the "Part 3" in my awakening/healing journey so hard. Now everything has so much sense and logic. You have opened my eyes. Be more confident with your work, you are doing it really great. God bless you!
To everybody: Do not underestimate the power of the clear intention of someone to conscious/heal/grow.
Hey Alex. I'm from the Netherlands. Sorry for my bad English.. I hope you understand me. Buth do I understand it right that you are/were a narcist? And are you healed because of this video or something? Or am wrong?
Oh my goodness Richard! I have followed you for years and this is absolutely your best and most in depth description of what I have learned firsthand and through freakin extensive research. I love your work and you have made an indelibly positive impact on my life. I so wish you all that is good and peaceful in this life!!
i feel i am the scape goat in my family . .I also like you have been co dependant , and had a string of bad relationships . God bless you for helping people it is so great to see a genuine person who is not appearing on you tube for his own ego
Richard I just want to say that I absolutely love your approach. I believe you are the kind of person that finds solutions to things that not even people from the field can find, because your are driven by a deeper force and meaning than those that do it for money or for professional purposes. You have my respect and admiration. I hope I’ll meet you one day. All the love ❤️ all the power 💪🏼
By far the BEST info on NPD I’ve ever heard. Thank you!
I learned much later in life babies actually recognized facial expressions very early. Will always try to make mum and da feel better. Even joining their hands together to unite them. Babies are just pure love and know instinctively what it should not only appear to be, but the vibe/body language and also facial expressions even on the micro scale
I’m totally agree with your hypothesis. I do believe they can be healed .
I am sorry but I disagree. Lived with one for 28 years. Threw him out around 6-7 times, and they Never change
@Turquoise Cheetah yeah he changed for 3 or 4 months, then it was back to the old bullshit. This happened alot over the years. Had I known about narcissism back then, I would not have stayed in the marriage way back when. It's only when I filed last year, what I had been married to.
I haven't seen such a productive, informative and preserving the dignity of all participants video on this topic until now.. I feel healed more and more with each minute !! And see hope for the people around me.. And forgiveness.. Such a blessing!! Thank you, Richard, for your efforts! May you be blessed in your work. Regards
This is the most refreshing video on narcissism I've ever seen. My life has become hell and I'm starting to realize it may be because of narcissism that I couldn't call narcissism (& embrace it enough to really dig into healing). I couldn't believe I am too much of a narcissist because I do very much have emotions and care about others and so many "experts" claim narcissists don't have those. There's also not much talk about narcissist recovery. It's damning and shaming. Tragically self fulfilling prophecy. Really, all I need is someone to explain how to recover. I have a counselor, so I can get at least that outside viewpoint from someone who is trained. Getting help and encouragement that it's possible is a huge deal. I don't want to give up or feel powerless anymore. And I don't want to teach my children narcissism anymore. Obviously, they aren't narcissists because they are children, but I know I struggle partially because of the cues I've taken from my own parents and family in their brokenness. But my parents and family can't, won't and shouldn't have to fix me. It's my responsibility, which is actually a relief because I don't want to have to rely on others so heavily anymore. I'm going to read that book and follow your channel and talk to my therapist and do trauma processing.
Richard, this is definitely your best lecture so far. You're fantastic. Thank you so much.
That made a few puzzle pieces fall into place, Richard. Thanks very much for sharing this knowledge, appreciate it mate.
I really appreciate the effort and thought that you put into this. In the first minutes of watching it I began to cry because I see myself on what you are describing. I know that I became a narcissist because I noticed this attitude from other people and I searched it before. I've been so cruel to other people, I notice myself doing it but I can't stop doing it for the past few months. I feel satisfied doing it and I feel that people don't deserve anything from me or in life. I get mad when they don't do what I wanted them to do, I will give them a cold shoulders. Always pointing fingers and never will be wrong. I love seeing people leaving no choice but to agree with me. I push them into their limits to get what I want. I see them as lower than I am and I put them down. I listen to respond. I get mad when being corrected because I feel that I am always right. I reflected it just today and I realize that I got this from constantly feeling that nobody appreciate for the things I do and no body helps me to do it. They're just watching me do it by myself. Especially my parents they give more thanks to my brother more than to me when in fact I did more chores in the house. I feel like nobody really understands me. I became agressive towards them. I tried to stop it but when if remember all the hurt that I once felt I can't stop myself from acting like it. Nevertheless, I just really want to say thank you for doing this kind of video just for free. You save someone's life by doing it. I'm glad that I found this. More power to you and your channel.
If you want to attempt healing get the book that he mentions (C-PTSD Surviving Through Thriving). It sounds like you have two very harsh critics (your “inner” and “outer” critics). You can learn to shrink these critics using the anger you were never allowed to express as a child, thought-stopping techniques, and grief work. You’re stuck in a critic-loop scenario. Your harsh inner critic causes you to strive for perfection, and because of this you resent those who don’t do this. Your outer critic is trying to save you from the dangerous feeling of socializing; your inner critic tells you how inadequate you are to socialize with people in the first place, which then causes the outer critic to remind you how horrible people are for causing you to feel so inadequate (when really it’s not others causing you to feel this way, it is coming from your outer critic). From you! But you blame others. This is why/how narcissists project their negative feelings on to others.
You've made it far from complicated. You explained it as it is and I am thankful for that. This is a valid video which everyone that suffers from C-PTSD and want to change should watch. Shame and sadness are a huge deal indeed...
Disinterested Mother that demanded to be called Dorothy and Father who confided in me at a young age that he didn't know how to deal with her, and then love was only about performance in anything, to the point that when I asked my sister in law she said I was a 'solutionist'. Now I have retired that doesn't work, as that expression of Love has no meaning to my very real wife. Thank you for this year's work which I take on. DP
What about the love between you and your father?
While listening to what you were talking about philosophy, a thought came to my mind, that philosophy can be a form of reparenting yourself.
This breakdown was amazing. You actually touched on many things I've been contemplating for a long time and things I've actually experienced. I don't think this was too long of a watch at all. Very well covered points. Thank you, Richard.
Thank you. Heartfelt respect. You're truly authentic and a much needed guide for me. Appreciate your time, videos, and straight-talk. I've just recently realized my 27 year relationship has been...a sham. Trying to find myself again and believe you've helped light my path.
I feel much love, compassion and empathy for those unfortunate individuals with no secure, loving and understanding foundation in life. Much love to those locked into a shocked state of mind. Thank you for sharing your views on this matter of the heart ❤️ and discussing healing those children locked inside adult bodies.
Sometimes, its like music to listen to you Richard! This is such a video!
Great once again, and so good to listen to.
Ive met a lot of grownup "sad babys", really spoiled to have it their controlled ways, only, some parts of my life ;)
Got very tired on that. Co-deps and Narcs have had same sort of childhood wounds, but took it differently.
Its very clear, from all your vids. Great to listen, to someone, not so squared into one view only. Thanks
Your method of explaining these ideas it’s so easy to understand. Every time I listen to one of your videos (especially this one) I can see where some of my own issues came from. Thank you for your diligence with this subject Richard. Know you are helping countless people. Myself included.
Wow, this was gold. You understand this material far more in depth than anyone else I've seen on TH-cam. Thank you for sharing this. This spoke to my experience exactly.
Their parents never loved them. My God Richard, that's sad 😣. I have a 7 and a half year old boy who from day one for every day of his life I have kissed him and told him how much I love him. I cannot help myself, he is my boy 💙
Indeed. I don’t understand how parents don’t naturally love their children.
@@RICHARDGRANNON society
@@RICHARDGRANNON in my case it's inter-generational. don't know how it started though I wasn't around then.
That is so wonderful! I have a 7 year old boy and a girl who were abandoned by their father and I try to show and tell them I love them as much as I can. My boy is filled with so much love it amazes me...
@@vhayashi7369 👍❤💚💙
Thank you Richard: you are a pioneer in this area.
Absolutely
Thank you for the video and for saying that there is HOPE for change. For those of us having to co-parent with a Narc, hearing everyone say to go “no contact” isn’t really helpful, and we are trying to stop the cycle with our own kids. So good to hear that there is hope for change. No one else is saying this.
People must have told you , I reiterate, you've done your homework. Thank you for choosing this direction.👏
You are unbelievable right omg! I have started this "ego fixing" on my own intuition for a while now. Thank you so much for this video. I must say tiny improvement starts showing.
Richard, your explanation of ego and super ego was very helpful and confirming for me. Your account of interacting with your nephew and the stone was beautiful and emotionally stirring. I want to thank you for this video. It is so helpful as always.
This is a really good video. The 'don't rise too high' part hit me right in the feels. I've only learned about npd in the past year and I agree with you completely with it being a form of ptsd. A lot of what you said needed to be said. Thanks a million.
I firmly believe that narcissist behaviour can be altered. I have DID, and one of my personas is a narcissist. But that part of me has learned to „do the opposite of what she would naturally do“.
This was absolutely amazing. I’m so grateful for coming across this video and all of this information. Thank you 🙏🏻
This is one of your best videos! Thanks Richard, this is helping! Greets from Romania and Berlin
You are so correct! I've been explaining this for decades....I can die in peace knowing that our true message (information) will go on through you! Thank you so very much ❤️!
I've been experiencing a jealous attack from a supervisor at my job do to me persuing, only the idea, I shared with him, of a possible management position. After not understanding his, way overly, cruel and hurtful actions & words towards me, I researched possible reasons for these, unrealistic to me, actions & everything pointed to narcissism along with his hate for his parents & childhood. You are the first TH-camr to address this issue like a good, decent human being who loves & wants to help others. I have not yet attempted to utilize your, angelic like hypothesis, but I want to thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for trying help others to help & possibly save people's lives. 👍😎👍
Wonderful video Richard. You have great respect and tireless sharing of your knowledge!
Richard, thanks for making this video. I’m three quarters the way through the video and feel I just have to say that so far you are describing me exactly.
After a traumatic experience a few days ago and a massive row with my wife of 46 years, I’m trying to find a way forward for my NPD.
Thanks again
This has been an amazing and informative video, dealing with trauma and abandonment issues as the cause of NPD. Thank you, so much for showing their human side. Especially for those of us that have them in our lives and love them.
Wow, that is an amazing explanation of the recovery process and of narcissism/codependency. I feel like I understand so much more after watching this.
Best stuff yet, imo, Richard. Thank you.
This gave me more clarity as I have have been struggling with doubts about the turmoil in my 4 month marriage. I was discarded...he filed for divorce. I knew he had childhood trauma and struggled emotionally. I experienced the idealization and devaluation in such a short time. So confusing and disheartening...and I still feel bad for him...I know I need to focus on my own healing...
Thank you for the breakdown. Everything you’ve spoken about I’ve been a witness to in “my narcissist”. It’s so eerily accurate.
Thank you for taking the time to put this together. It is a refreshing and much needed view.
Honestly thank u for this video. It has resinated with me and really stuck some nerves. I've watched it probably tens times to help work through stuff. I appreciate your work, keep it up. Your helping fix lives. Happy today everyone
Cheers Mike 🙏
Thank you Richard for once again bringing an understanding laced with some humor to narcissism and codependency. Your insight has allowed me to see with less judgment the whys of the narcs' (dad, sister and partners) behaviors as well as the why's of my choices. Knowledge is power and you've allowed me to think in a much clearer and healthier way. Being told I wasn't a magnet for narcs (different video, I know) but instead was choosing them due to my own damage was at first very hard to accept, but has been life changing. :)
So glad I found your video. You have made sense of what I have been going through for the past few months now (and my whole life) so clearly.
I love how you didn't apologise for things that aren't your responsibility. I find it so confusing and uncomfortable when people do that, and it's a breath of fresh air for you to be straightforward, thank you
Absolutely brilliant! It’s like demonic possession literally the evil super ego has to be exorcised.
I really believe if I’m not a narcissist, I definitely have a lot of the tendencies. I can relate to almost everything he’s saying. I’ve been working so so hard to change the way I behave and treat others. Thank you for posting!!
Fascinating. The abuse is incidental.
Again thank you for taking the time to do this video and sharing your many years of dedicated research and learnings.
Brilliant work. Much appreciated
Finally someone who sees the path to healing!! Grateful to have come across his work!