MY PTSD STORY - PTSD AFTER NICU
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 24 ก.ย. 2024
- So, this is a video that I have really taken my time with. PTSD after NICU is not an uncommon thing - in fact, it is widely reported that parents who’ve spent time with their babies in neonatal care are a greater risk of developing anxiety or post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Some studies even suggest that it affect as many as 70% mothers following NICU. And, if you've experienced NICU for yourself, it's probably understandable as to why.
I have made this video because I want to let other parents know that it's normal to feel this way. That they aren't alone. I'm doing well - I have a great support network around me. Including all of you. And I am going to do my best to defeat my demons.
I touch on my story here, and despite it being a long video, I didn't manage to say everything, so if you do want to find out more, these videos might be helpful.
DAISY'S BIRTH STORY: • LABOR & DELIVERY STORY...
EXPLAINING WHAT HAPPENED: • AN UPDATE & A THANK YO...
DAISY'S FIRST FEW WEEKS: • DAISY NELLE | Charlott...
DAISY CAME HOME: • WHEN DAISY CAME HOME |...
MEMORIES FROM DAISY'S CLEFT REPAIR (trigger warning): • Video
All I want to say is, if you are struggling, as I have done, please don't be afraid to ask for help. You are so important. And you deserve that chance to feel better. Good luck! xx
LINKS MY DOCTOR RECOMMENDED:
www.getselfhel...
www.headspace....
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SOCIAL MEDIA
Blog - www.writelikeno...
Twitter - / charltaylor
Facebook - / writelikenooneswatching
Pinterest - / charltaylor
Instagram - / charltaylor
Snapchat - @charlottewilbo
WHO AM I?
I'm Charlotte.
I'm 28, love carbs, rubbish 90's music, Prosecco and baths without finding a bath toy stuck under my bum.
I have a little boy called Bill (born June 2012) and a little girl called Daisy (born April 2016).
I am, very recently, a full-time vlogger and blogger (the stuff dreams are made of), but I am also a trained journalist, former magazine editor, and content lead.
I'm also part of Channel Mum - which is really worth checking out if you're a mama like me and want to find videos to make you laugh, cry, nod, or get advice. / channelmum
I was a single mum, just me and Bill. But then I had a bit of a fairytale moment when I met Mark (he's a bit lovely) and things are better than I could have hoped for now. Daisy was born with Stickler Syndrome, and a cleft palate like me. Her start has been rocky but she'll be fine. She's got a family who adore her after all.
I know that all mums are different in their own way, but I hope you enjoy seeing snippets of my life, all the same.
Music sometimes from:
www.bensound.com
www.epidemicsou...
Charlotte, I completely relate to all of this. I have twin identical girls who were very small when they were born and they spent 5 (twin 1) and 6 weeks (twin 2) in NICU. They are now 20 months and honestly, I still find triggers that make me break down. There is something about this experience that makes you completely vulnerable. Fundamentally, you're vulnerable. You fear losing your babies and you fear losing loved ones. Charlotte, you've helped me so much. You inspired me to lose 2 stone already with SW and honestly I gain great strength from your videos. In a word - thank you. Thank you for your honesty and compassion, keep being you. X
There is such a stigma attached to any sort of mental illness and there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of! You have such a good head on your shoulders and seeking help is one of the most empowering things we can do for ourselves..Speaking up for yourself can be so hard sometimes. We all need to be so encouraging to one another..especially in this day and age with so much hate going around.
You are amazing and I know this is going to help someone else! We all need to take a deep breath sometimes when we have dealt with so many different things all at once and it's so helpful knowing there is help out there.
I am so in awe of you Charlotte. You are so down to earth and all-round bloody lovely person. I'm going to come right out and admit I've only watched 5 minutes of this, I started watching as soon as you posted it and I've come back again to try and watch the rest. We had a full-term baby at the end of March and for no apparent reason she stopped breathing and needed resuscitating on the post-natal ward. Consequently we spent a week in neonatal (with several days in intensive care) where she did it multiple more times. I haven't got all the way through this video yet because every time my mind wonders back to that time, I can't cope, I just break down, but I don't feel justified in my thoughts because we were only there a week and now there's nothing wrong with her so we are incredibly lucky. But I will never ever forget that feeling of truly believing I was going to leave that hospital without my baby. It's hard to know what's normal and what's actually something more, like ptsd, so I will keep watching. Just wanted to send you lots of love. Xxx
Thank you for sharing! It's a strange old world to muddle through, isn't it!
I struggle with anxiety and depression and recently have really had to really push myself to leave my comfort zones. It's a constant struggle. But thankfully I suffered my worst when I was 20, not knowing or wanting to admit that I was depressed. Since that time, I have monitored myself quite closely so that I don't slip into that again. Because of our shared experiences in life we can share empathy and compassion for others, because we've been there. In the end, these trials make us stronger, I think, anyway.
We're here for you, Charlotte! ❤️
Charlotte you're so real, raw and honest about things I love that anyone who reads or watches you gets to feel they see the real you. Even if you kept it under wraps for a while, you've come out sharing something that can benefit others. I message you all the time, I hope it's not annoying! But I do feel we in a strange sense have the same passion, although I don't yet have children I'm already starting my journey into trying to help others, be honest and share things you don't always see. I respect you and so do many others, you're so brave for this but I'm positive it's going to help more than one person. Much love Amy xx
Oh bless you Amy! Are you on Instagram? Let me know if so as I sometimes lose track of who is who. Thank you so much for being so understanding. I always said to myself that, if I could conquer this, I would try and make a video to try and give other people the comfort of knowing that they aren't alone and things do get better. I don't ever expect it to be a highly watched or rated video, but it's not for that. I just really want to change the way things are viewed and help. Thank you for being so kind to me today. xx
Charlotte Louise Taylor I sure am lovely, my handle is @thatbridgegirlamy 😊 Its understandable that you loose track! You're most welcome, I completely understand videos like this are never just for views but to help and that's what important! Keep doing you, I love watching your journey 😘 Wishing you a lovely day xxx
Charlotte, thank you thank you thank you for talking about this. It's so important to raise awareness about ptsd, it's a hidden disability and looking at you from the outside no one would think you were suffering from it. I have terrible aniexty and such a hypochondriac, for example, like you, I was affected by the terror attacks. I go by train to work and I thought I was going to die every morning on the way to work. I felt like my family were threatened. some days I am fine, then some days I don't want to leave the house and just keep my family close to me. We need to raise more awareness and show support. Don't be afraid to speak out if you feeling low and just want to cry, we are here as a community, a family in a way. We are with you on this journey x (p,s hope that's ok to say as you don't know me, don't want you to think I overstepping the mark!)
what an amazing person you are!
you have helped me realise how I really need help. I have a meeting tomorrow with my mental health team and I'm absolutely terrified.
I have severe PND since my 1st child (who is 3 next monday) I now have 2 children and it's been 2X as hard. I have had seriously down days and I have only just got help. I had my 1st meeting last Thursday and she asked me if she could make me better again with a wave of her 'wand' what would I want to notice. and I burst into tears and said "love my children" 💔 I think having these feelings for 3 years and not telling a soul for 2.5 years has made me go absolutely insane and it's going to take me a really long time to get 'better'
I just want to enjoy my boys while they are really small and I'm loosing the opportunity with everyday that passes.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR doing this video this has made me realise that not everyone has the perfect start to motherhood and has made me stronger for tomorrow's appointment 💜💜💜
Well done for opening up and sharing your story. I love how raw and honest you are with your viewers. PTSD is never spoken about. To be honest I had no idea you could get PTSD from having a sick baby/child. Thank you for sharing.
I'm so thankful you got such a good doctor darling who took you seriously and will get you on the road to recovery. This video will help so many people xx
Massive hugs to you Charlotte, you've been through so much. It's takes real guts to get to the doctors as mental health is not an illness someone can see. Thanks for sharing and getting it out there that we all need help sometimes . It's bloody hard being a mum ! 😕❤️❤️❤️ Keep smiling lovely xxxx
You're so brave sharing your story. Big love and a massive squishy hug. It's really hard to speak out and seek help. I was let very traumatised after the birth of my little girl who is also named Daisy. It took over 2 years to seek help and since getting support I have never looked back. It's OK to not be OK all the time. X X
I just want to give you a huge hug. I think you are very brave. Lots of love xxxx
Thank you so much lovely Katy. I think I am so lucky to have people like you around. xx
I'm sure you sharing this will help so many people, thank you. everyone goes through trauma in various amounts but put so much pressure on themselves to act "normal", especially in the UK. But it's normal to share and accept help but we all try so hard to be strong and independent and not show "weakness" and as a mum I think there's even more pressure from others and ourselves to be a "good mum". the title drew me to watch this, I'm subscribed to your channel but wasn't sure how relevant it would be to me, but it really is. women are expected to accept a traumatic birth and a poorly baby as something that just happens sometimes but you wouldn't say that to someone else who'd gone through an emergency operation or got rushed to ICU. A year down the line I'm still struggling with my labour and 5 days in NICU, to the point it effects my thoughts on future children. then followed by breaking my leg and caring for a 2 month old mostly on my own and struggling because I didn't want to seem weak or like I couldn't cope has affected everything and now I spend most days feeling like I'm doing everything with my leg still in a metaphorical cast. things feel harder than they should, and I guess I should address that! thank you again for the video I'm sure so many people will feel more comfortable in doing something about their situation xx
Great video. I can relate to having the burden lifted when you saw the doctor. I had antenatal depression and it was only when I saw a consultant at 23 weeks who told me I wasn't crazy and gave me medication that I felt that burden removed from my shoulders. I now have a 6 month old and I am no longer on medication and have been through CBT. I shout my experiences from the rooftops, like you said if you can help one other person then you have done an amazing thing. Hang on in there, you will beat this. Well done you for getting the help, and for talking about it x
well done Charlotte. You did a fantastic job. xxx
I suffer terribly. My twins died in NICU at 18 days and 20 days old. It's effected my whole life, I'm so afraid of so many things involving my other 2 children. Thanks for a sharing .
Sending you lots of love Naomi. I am so sorry that they aren't with you. xx
Charlotte Louise Taylor thank you darling. It would of been their 11th birthday in June. The loss gets slightly easier but the events surrounding it all have cause such lasting damage! I have a son 14 and a daughter 8 they keep me going but I hope one day I won't be so afraid of something happening to them or myself! Wish there was more help out there.
My heart really breaks for you Naomi xx
Naomi I wish you all the best and hope things improve for you
I just wanted to send a hug, Naomi. I can't imagine. I am so terribly sorry for your loss.
Thank you so much for making this video. I sat crying as I watched it, I can totally relate to you, and your journey. Long story short, I have a 5 year old, who has an extremely rare genetic syndrome. It was a complete shock to us when he was born so poorly. We spent the 1st year of his life in hospital, fighting to get answers. We finally got a diagnosis when he was 1. Things settled health wise for him after that, but development was and still is extremely slow. He discovered how to smile at 18 months and recently started little laughs. He requires 24 hour care. He's PEG fed and on oxygen around the clock ect. I found myself lying in bed every night looking out the window at the sky, watching for (don't judge me lol) meteoroids, or like planes that I convinced myself were carrying bombs and what not. I hardly left the house, and just didn't cope well. I was diagnosed with anxiety and eventually started feeling better. Fast forward to 2016, I was in a great space. And we found out I was pregnant. We made the choice to have some genetic testing so that we could prepare for the worse if needed, but results came back all good. We were so excited, we were expecting a healthy boy called Thomas. Our world was quickly turned upside down again, at 18 I started bleeding, I had tests ect and was told baby was fine. This continued until 21 weeks, when my waters broke and I was rushed into hospital. We were told they couldn't help, and I had to give birth to my little darling Thomas, on my own as my husband was sent home. Things were not good after that, Christmas was a few days later, but I was living in a black hole so it wasn't good. I learned to cope though, and a few months later, I started to see a light at the end of the tunnel. Other than normal anxieties about silly things. We went away in June, and while we were there we found out that I'm expecting again. I went for a scan today, which should be a great day, instead though, I had the biggest panic attack ever. I couldn't breathe, I was so convinced that we'd go into the scan room to be given bad news. My husband, my rock, helped bring me around and helped me to breathe. We had our scan, and although we are really early on, everything was good. After watching your video, I've realised again that what is happening to me isn't normal, I'll be phoning the GP tomorrow and hopefully get some help. Thank you so much, from the bottom of my heart for being brace. I now don't feel stupid and alone. Xxx
i hope you are so proud of yourself! this was incredibly brave of you to post ❤ i suffer from ptsd too and it is very hard to tell people but youre doing amazing with daisy going to nursery! sending all my love. i really appreciate you posting this. im seeing a mental health nurse on wednesday as struggling with anxiery due to ptsd! welldone charlotte xx
And now you can begin to heal. I'm so terrifically proud of you, beautiful friend. x
thank you for sharing this charlotte. we spent 3 and a half weeks in the nicu and even though my little guy was just needing some more time to grow it was an awful experience. I can't imagine what it was like with a sick baby. well done on getting the help you need and I'm sure you have helped someone else realise that they are struggling and to seek out support.
wish you could see how amazing you have done! lots of people would struggle to stay as positive as you have. I've struggled with a screaming baby with milk protein allergy and reflux which is no way as serious but I get how you feel. motherhood comes with a lot of guilt as we just want to do the best for our kids all the time. One day your kids will have kids and see just how much of a supermum you are x
Thank you so much for posting this. I too have suffered from PTSD and anxiety and I am a firm believer that the more we share and talk about these things, the more it breaks down the stigma of mental health. Your videos are wonderful; like talking with a friend over a cuppa and a slice of cake. You really do rock xx
You are incredible Charlotte. Thank you for speaking out. Lots of love xxx
U made me cry...😔. Things will only get better xx
I'm sat at my daughters swim lesson, headphones in and trying not to cry, silly me. I've been there and struggled with anxiety, you can't rationalise it in your own head but having dr tell you it's ok, and your reaction is 'normal' really does help. Thank you for sharing, I totally get that it's not easy to get the words & feelings out but your video is eloquent and caring and loving (as always). Sending you huge hugs and lots of love xxx
But you are brave. I know that I don't know you personally and I can only talk about what I see in these littles snippets out of your life. But as far as I can tell, you are an amazing mother to two beautiful children. You look after your family and put them first. You remind me a lot of my own mother who is seriously one of the most selfless people I know. She has always done everything for us and through the process has lost little pieces of herself. I really wish more people would speak up and ask for help even if it's just from your family or anyone else for that matter. I wish you all the best. You deserve it. And just to let you know, I'm sometimes embarrassed as well about how much terrorist attacks or other terrible things on this world affect me when actually, they don't really have anything to do with me and affect others way worse...
you are so brave for talking about this & you actually gave me goosebumps! I've struggled for nearly 7 weeks after the birth of my son. I was told the day before he was born I wasn't in Labour (I was 33 weeks) and actually gave birth alone at home & it was the scariest and hardest thing I've ever done. I haven't spoke to anyone about it & do struggle and you've given me the strength to talk. thank you.
I'm on my second week of counselling. Took us 4 years to get our daughter, two rounds of fertility treatment, awful birth, 3 days in labour with an emergency c section left me very ill. Dad had minor stroke shortly after, when baby was 6 months old I got a slipped disc. It's all too much. Like you the manchester attack effected me badly (my friend was there and worryingly close) and then a young girl was murdered where I live, in my sleepy little village where nothing happens. I got very scared. Everything you said sounds like I am saying how I feel. Counceller says I have no emotional reserves left! I need building back up again. Thank you for sharing, I'm really grateful you did. Makes me feel less alone x
Thank you so much for being brave enough to share. I can certainly relate having had a child with cancer many years ago. We do ROCK, don't We?
Oh Charlotte what a brave video. And I honestly think, that going through what you've been through with Daisy, it would be weird if you weren't shaken up by what happened. You went to the edge of hell and back. But I'm glad that you have reached out for help, because it's important to look after yourself, mental health as well as physical health, because you need to be well to look after everyone around you. x
This us a breath of fresh air!! 2 1/2 years ago I had the exactly the same thing happened to me. I had a very bully like boys who was always in at me and I then had a miscarriage.
You sound just like me it could of been me sat there taking.
I had really bad anxiety to the point stop me going out and had a really bad pain attack.
All came to a head when I was on holiday with my husband and I was just panicking all the time I think it's because that she got away from work and all the feelings came out that I was trying to hide anyway cut a long story short I had CBT classes which are amazing and I'm feeling so much better now.
You are very brave mum big hug to you xxxx 😘
Charlotte my heart goes out to you and hope you can overcome this. I too am an anxious and a worrier always have been and always will be. I worry about everything and I was also like you with the recent terrorist attacks, I couldn't stop thinking about it and worrying that something would happen to a member of my family or myself. It's ok for people who say oh if it's going to happen it will happen and there's nothing you can do about it but when your the sort of person that these thing affect quite badly it's hard not to let it affect how you live your life. Try and stay strong, you are a lovely girl and have a beautiful family💙
Awww thanks for finding the courage and strength to share, I suffer with anxiety it's good to know we are not alone, love watching your vlogs 💕
Well done for sharing something so personal so eloquently and bravely my lovely. I am sure this will help lots of others x
so glad your back I've been waiting for a video from you love your videos so much no matter what there about your so brave 💜💜💜💜
Thank you for making this video Charlotte. I was diagnosed with PND when my baby was 8 weeks old (she is now 9 and a half months and thriving). My crisis point was at her first lot of vaccinations when she was screaming the place down and I didn't want to be anywhere near her, to comfort her, to hold her. I felt like I didn't know this baby, I resented her and myself. I was referred straight away to a perinatal psychiatric nurse who was amazing and, like you said, she just got it. She listened, she nodded, she understood. It was a weight lifted, and along with home visits from her and anti-depressants I am in a much better place now. I am still ok medications and I still get bad days (today was one!) when things can get too much but the good definitely out weighs the bad. I am considering going to CBT sessions as I definitely still have some issues to resolve in myself. Talking about it is so important - whether it's anxiety, depression, PTSD, whatever you are struggling with - and I am so glad you did talk. X
Don't be ashamed Hun ❤️️ Be yourself and be you, you're a wonderful mum and you're a brilliant inspirational woman ❤️️❤️️
Aw darling girl you are so strong. Thank you for sharing - you will have helped so many by lifting the stigma. It resonates with me too... my 3 year old was prem and in special care for 2 weeks, which was a shock because I'd had such a healthy pregnancy. I also then went on to have 2 miscarriages and got caught in a blaming myself, guilty, grief cycle. I too would panic about terror attacks and would avoid shopping centres etc... anyway my point is thank you because I too am just a "normal" mum - like you said whatever that is and sometimes life gets on top of us a bit and we just need someone to say that's okay. Life can be tough but so are we ❤
U r so brave charlotte! I'm 10 years on from my sons nicu stay and so much of what u have said rings true for me too. I've also had a few other life altering things happen since maybe it's my time to stop brushing my feelings under the carpet and address them as U have!! Xx
Oh Sarah, how is he doing now? It's such a tough time and I think we all feel like we have to get over it because at least our children are home and well. But pain is such a relative and personal thing and I feel like part of this experience will stick with me for life. I hope you manage to get support lovely. xx
Thanks for your reply, he still has ongoing issues, but we are getting help to deal with these.
I now feel it's my time to do something for myself to make me happy. Which will hopefully make me a better mother and wife. The quote u can't pour from an empty teapot makes a lot of sense!
Thankyou for your honesty, videos like these are the ones that make the most impact. Xx
I'm crying. My baby is in N.I.C.U right now due to congenital diaphragmatic hernia. I was told to "prepare" minutes after his birth. I'd buried him in my mind so many times. He's stable after surgery at 5 days old. We've been in the NICU for a month & have more time to go. My life is nothing but the hospital & sick babies. It's so depressing. People tell me I'm strong. I'm not; I just don't have another choice but to put one foot in front of the other. I have terrible nightmares about my child. My child's wellbeing is all I can think about. I'm obsessively worried. I know I'm a changed person from this experience. I hope I can channel this into something positive. I want my baby to be well & home. I do have a great support group. I'm lucky.
You are truly amazing and still such an inspiration to me Charlotte. You really make me smile whatever the video/update/blog. Keep them coming, you have definitely helped me in every day life and Keep me going on the tough days 😘xx thank you xx
Oh Megan, bless you. I've been sat here all jittery since putting this live. And your comment alone has made me feel so much better. Thank you for being so kind to me. xx
Charlotte Louise Taylor sending you big hugs 🤗 you do not need to worry, you are incredible xx
I just want to build you a pillow fort, wrap you in a blanket and give you a huge cuddle. thank you so much for sharing this. it's extremely brave. My partner has PTSD and it's horrendous for him. As someone who is a partner of a someone with this condition all I can say is keep talking. keep talking about your experience and share with others. You are amazing and so so brave. big big love and cuddles xxxxx
I have just come across your video. I have found it so helpful. I have a beautiful almost 6 month old baby girl. I had a bad labour, induction, forceps, baby distressed, tearing episiotomy and worst of all my baby born very sick and taken away from me. She spent 4 weeks exactly in the nicu. She had emergency surgery at 6 days old and now has a colostomy. In her time there she became septic, her wound wouldn't heal, she was ventilated as she stopped breathing. I did not hold my little girl until she was 12 days old. She is due reversal surgery in 2 weeks and I have finally asked my health visitor for help. I keep having nightmares, flashbacks, I break down at the slightest reminder of her birth or how sick she was,I'm unable to look at her photos from birth or talk about it. My husband is army and he suggested it was a form of ptsd but I never heard of this before. It is the most horrific feeling in the world worrying your baby will die and reliving that feeling of thinking you've lost them. I hope you are dealing better now. I hope I am able to work through my own issues one day.
You have a gorgeous little girl. I'm glad she's doing well. X
hi, I messaged you on Instagram but I appreciate how many messages you must get 🙈 I just wanted to touch on that message that I had been hiding my PTSD after a traumatic labour with my little girl 7 months ago, I hadn't told anyone except the counsellor I speak to weekly. Your Instagram post gave me the strength to know that I'm not alone and gave me the courage to tell my best friend about it who in no way judged me (she never would have but I was so scared of people judging me) so I just wanted to say well done and you deserve so much to know what your lovely worlds can do! so thank you so much ❤ xx
Amazing blog , honest and inspiring xoxx
I have struggled with anxiety in the past but after a traumatic birth it has been rearing it's head again and I think I may have a bit of PTSD. This video has encouraged me to go to the GP and ask for some help. Thank you
Been there and such a great video x take a day at a time ❤️❤️❤️
Sending lots of love and hugs 💕💕💕💕
your amazing Charlotte thank you for sharing your video 💖💖💖💖 xxx
Thank you for this x
You are so brave beautiful lady good on you 😘 your an inspiration.... so good you speak about this as it will give others the courage to open up xxxxx
Meant you're 😊
my baby was born on tuesday at 29 weeks this is so helpful ! i can relate so much thanks for sharing
Oh Charlotte, firstly, well done hunni, well done for admitting there was something there, something not quite right and for seeking help. Secondly sweetheart, the reason why I have this growing fondness for you, is because I can relate to you. I feel like you're my friend, you're trapped inside my screen, but you're my friend and I always have you with me, in my pocket and I can take you out and watch your life in tiny squares, I can see your delightful family in insta stories and I can watch your videos. I am sending you the biggest hug 😘😘💛 xoxo
Thank you xx
❤️ well done for sharing xxx
You're amazing! Thanks for sharing! 💕💞💕
thank you!!!!xxxxxx
Thank you. 💐
Thank you for sharing you story xx
Your amazingly brave xx
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bless you, mental health needs 2b more n more understood.......your helping that happen xxx 💘 💘 💘 💘 💘 💘 💘 💘 💘 💘 💘 💘 💘 💘 💘 💘 💘
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xxx brave mummy xxxx
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Love you Mum. xxx
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