If you allow to be around men who pursue only sex. Exactly the reason why women are single for extended chunks of time. I'd rather be single and independent than with a guy who just wants "to hangout" or "Netflix and chill" idiots who just don't want to make an effort to go out, pay, or even think of places to go. No dating sites, I'll swipe no, Alex for $500.
Carie Balberg, men don’t want to “pay” for your time, when they know somebody else is most likely not. No women should settle for a guy who only wants sex, but no man should settle for a women that only has sex to offer. Specially if that’s all she has to offer and she wants to make you earn it, while giving it away for free elsewhere.
@@jfuriouse1234 I think that by "pay", Carrie means when you go out you have to spend money, not necessarily with the woman, but with yourself. Your own dinner, your own ticket for the movies, whatever. And it's true, many men prefer the "Netflix and chill", because going out implies a bigger investment of time and money. If a woman is not worth that investment, then leave us alone altogether. I hate wasting money and time too.
Dating can be boring especially if the guy has no personality and asking the same question over and over. Lol🤣🤣🤣 Thanks Jonathan for another great video❤
There are still men who are in their 50’s and still FBOYS, have not done the inner work/healings. It’s sad that they still exist in this age group still not knowing who they are.
Not only in their 50's. I work with one who is 66. He takes two shots and have a beer every night before he goes to bed. Men are always talking about women hitting the wall. Men have their issues, but come down on women. There just no end, or so it seems.
Even though I’m a woman, I’ve totally been experiencing the same thing! Going from sex driven to suddenly being bored by dating...thank you for vocalizing this.
Here's the problem with everything that you just said. Men are predominantly looking for sex before a certain age, women are looking for a relationship and especially nowadays you have that dynamic. Women are tired of investing in men only to find out over and over and over again that the guy just wants sex with no committment.So by the time we get to around your age and we have tried and tried and tried to get a man to want to commit, at that point we don't care anymore. At that point we've already learned how to be self-sufficient and fulfill our own emotional physical and spiritual needs. Now obviously this doesn't apply to all women but it's very frustrating to hear that yeah men basically just want sex until they hit their 50s then they're ready to go. 🙄
Julia Isabella. I totally agree. By the time woman catch up with our sexual freedom and total desire (after raising kids, working in the house) etc etc. Men are more interested in finding someone to take care of them as they age. So now they just want to be home bodies. I believe Sex is the only entity in which men mature faster and stronger than women. Sad....
I'm 40 and I quit love (if you can call it that) relationships before I was 30. I was done with men not wanting to commit, not being emotionally available, and just being plain selfish. I've been self sufficient since then.
I took a risk last year and texted a guy first and I was so nervous and scared of rejection especially since I thought guys should always come to a girl and I was with my ex husband from 17 to 34. So I didn’t know anything about dating. LoL I was terrified of rejection but I thought, I really like this guys profile and I need to grow a pair and just try, if not, I’ll regret it and could miss out on something good...and you know what.... we’ve been together a year now and I’m thankful everyday I took that chance.
n-e meanz davis Umm.... not immediately per say. He did pull back about 5 months in but it was mainly because he was going through a lot of stressful issues he didn’t really want me worrying about like family, a business deal, then Covid, where he got stuck in the country where his fam is, so he pulled back. He didn’t want to stress me out or seem weak in front of me when he was not in a good head space. From what he told me and from what I’ve seen on vids, A lot of “masculine” guys want to be the strong one who can fix all problems and be the rock even when they are stressed. They want to be alone to handle/solve the issues they’re going through and not put that on their girl. He said I was his peace so he didn’t want to not be mine. It was def frustrating and sometimes hurtful cause I wanted to be there for him cause I love him but he wouldn’t let me. But at the same time, I get where he was coming from cause I do the same thing myself,. So that was hard to deal with at time however, he still didn’t go more than 2-4 days without checking in with me in some way either by a quick call or text to make sure I was ok.
Preach it! Men have a much, much higher sex drive. They are chasing sex, not a loving and healthy relationship. I want a mature man who will be friends first.
After a life of regular dating I decided to abstain from sex until marriage. Talk about dividing the wheat from tare and fast! Wish I had started this way earlier. If you are serious about marriage this keeps you from wasting a lot of time.
I thought the same thing...doesn't deliver information as advertised. You can pretty much tell, though, if he loses interest and isn't as eager after second or third date without sex, even though you seem to have a lot in common and have had good conversations. That's not he wanted; he was hoping to charm your pants off; when that didn't happen, he decided to keep fishing.
I love this. Enthusiasm is very important. Strangely enough, I don't get guys to appreciate the compliments. I always use them in opening messages. But I'll get nothing back but a weak "Thank you" in return. You're brilliant about the perfect strangers and the leaning back crap.
You are exactly correct! The one word that scares men to death is commitment..heaven forbid they consider someone else’s feelings..sex is but the icing on the cake! It is NOT the cake! If you don’t taste the cake itself first, then you miss the icing..it’s that simple!
I just turned 50 and I understand what your saying but I still find myself in situations where even the guys my age are only interested in sex and in most cases I wasn't even on a date with them. they pounce or lunge so i can't engage in the fun of the process. at the moment i feel self conscious if a guy looks my way and my first instinct is to step aside so he can check out who's behind me...x
Love your channel I'm dating an older guy. Such a gentleman caring all that. Corrects me gently but I give him hell when need to. He doesn't get upset he is a protector I like all that.
I can't believe I didn't find this before today as long as I've been watching you. Hearing about meeting a man at the 50-yard line and that as man becoming more mature leads them to look for more than just sex is not only refreshing, it takes some of the fear away, at least for me of dating. So by watching this it made me feel more at ease. Your videos are always great yet I can see from this one how you've changed and grown by coming more at ease in doing videos over the past couple of years. Great job Jonathan and so happy to find this little piece of your video history with more of the good advice that you always give to your audience. It's also nice to see how your subscriber numbers are rising, 37.1K, and growing. Well deserved. BIG HUGS to you.
This is so clever! Really appreciating the authentic mindset that has gone into making this video. Starting to get a much more realistic understanding of the dating world I've never ventured into.
I appreciate your honesty about men’s sex drive in their mid years. I honestly just treat the date as a new friend and I have to say. In the first 15mins, we are full convo and laughing. I then let my flirty feminine wiles come out a little which now makes us to open up to learning each other. I did this when I got back to dating after 25yr relationship out of my own anxiety about dating. It resulted in breaking down the walls enough to share. I want laughter and a new friend mentality on the first few dates.
People need love/validations. Sex should be due to love not just lust. A guy can have lust for many women. A woman wants a guy to love only her and want only her. Sex is cheap. Touch/hugs are needed and communication and praise etc. Guys wanting sex only is not ok. Guys wanting sex first and relationship later may pick the wrong woman. Testosterone may increase sex drive. Zn may increase testosterone and no gluten may help more nutrients absorb in intestines. Who wants sex with a guy they don't know or someone you don't enjoy or a guy who bothers you? Dating should be getting to know the person since you have nothing in common in reality or not be compatible. I don't want to "date" from the internet since it is too scary. If I dress up the guy may help with a door etc..but I want a guy who wants my personality.
Omg I watched this again!!! This is really good advice. You just helped me out tremendously. I was in that leaning back space and it's not even me. I was literally giving myself anxiety. Omg he was at the 50 yard line waiting for me 🤦🏽♀️ After watching I decided to be myself and if it's ment to be it will be if not I'm good and I will move on. THANK YOU so much for sharing your views.....starting at 6:40
I meet men at 50 yard line... I use the word appreciation...a lot.. Hopefully my one and only will come to me.. Thanks for special, powerful words and advice...
Love your videos. So refreshing and real. I do all the ACE things yet don't meet the same ... there's no meeting in the middle. They make no effort. Plus they avoid commitment these days. I notice they don't ant to make room in their life for a relationship. It's so disheartening. Would like to meet someone like you lol
Hi Jonathan. Think it is good to hear from a maturer guy as lots of podcasts I've come across I think there for the younger bunch. I've just turned 50 and have been hearing that lean back info....and I have.. so wondered if I come off as too laid back to be honest 🤔🤔 now???
Jonathon I appreciate your efforts on this channel more than I can express. Midlife dating is a different kettle of fish for sure. Your insights tally with my intuition as a woman who wants to meet a male human halfway is so affirming. Stay juicy!
the problem isn't that they want sex but in my experience it makes them think with the wrong head. my love language is quality time, I like a guy who's playful and fun outside the bedroom to but the guys I was referring to in my original comment made it obvious they think with the wrong head...x
I did every single thing u mentioned with my ex. Any thing he found to criticise I changed. I finally realized that he wasn't ever putting in the same level of effort. If I even dared to speak of his treatment of me it was turned back on me he would get mad and totally ghost me. So I began reading Psychology Today and the articles defined him as a total Narcissist. He fit into every pattern. After suffering 5 years of this I was able to break the trauma bond and move on to loving and caring for myself. It is extremely hard to break from them but I did. I feel like a weight has been lifted off me. Thank u for ur advice 💕
Thank you thank you thank you Johnathon! 🙏This is so important for people in your/our age group to know and none of the other coach's address it because they are talking to a 25-35 demographic. We are being constantly told that's all men want, or think that we are still 20, 39, even forty whereas you are right! In our age group it's not the sex, the drive for constant sex isn't even there anymore due to age.
I'm a holistic nutritionist and low vitamin D3 levels can affect your sex drive. I'm old over 60 I take 10k units a day and still have a high sex drive
Sandra Mcleod I'm over 60 as well. No vitamins no medications, no particular diet or exercise routine. Healthy for my age and also have a healthy sex drive. Could it be hereditary?????
Maybe for you but not for me. And everyone is different. What is for sure is that overall our vitamin D3 levels are low. And I'm 71 and this is a current pic of me
I'm 57. Been on hrt for over a year and my sex drive had been really high since starting HRT. The doc also recommend D3 vitamin. So there might be something in that?!
Thank you so much Jonathon, for your insight. It's very helpful! After listening to you say not to lean back, a question came up for me: if a man is telling me from day 1 he is sleeping with other women, first of all I appreciate it because he is being very honest, but in my mind he is already not worth my time, since what I'm looking for is more than just sleeping around. Am I acting right?
@@JonathonAslay 😄 point taken! Thank you awesome man! I love every time you get passionate and stop to breathe and say: "I'm not yelling!" 😂 I'm so passionate too that I don't quite get why someone would say that you're yelling...😄 Love you. Thank you so much! 💖
Being alone is divine. I've been married, and had the wrath of a controlling abusive man. I like your TH-cam Channel, Jonathan, I like your approach to topics and I think you make a lot of sense. I too, found dating boring. My comfort zone was marriage though. After my first divorce...I didn't want to date...all I could think of is getting back as fast as I could to my little girl so I really only went on a "date" twice. So I ended up getting with a good guy from high school that had been asking one of my girlfriends from high school about me. Because I knew him from my past I agreed to see him. He did pursue me, he came on strong. I would later find out that's not necessarily a good thing. He was a master at manipulation, control, so insecure...I married this guy. Honeymoon was a nightmare. Scared to death of him...cleverly/gingerly, got away...13 years later, not wanting another failed marriage. I absolutely love being alone. Women aren't so safe in relationships anymore. The world's gone mad. Jonathan, would you address the issue of...for example Gabby Petito? Why are men not seeing us as sacred, as human? Why is there an epidemic of girlfriends and wives being ...... I can't say the word. It's heartbreaking and awful. Take care.
According to men on dating sites there are also a number of crack head women out there scamming and trying to rip men off. We’re all scared. The name of the game is take it slow and get to know.
It’s funny you mentioned using the word appreciation. I’ve been big on using that word even more lately in relationships and really with everyone in my life. You’re right that people really enjoy knowing they are appreciated. :)
YES!!! I believe you've got a great slant on this. Will remember the tip of expressing "appreciation" also complimenting. Think it's been said that most men don't cheat just for the sex. They long for a woman to again make them feel great about themselves. We all need that mojo working. It brings a sparkle to one's eyes. It's worth letting one's personality come thru, and being enthusiastic. If the other party is flatlined, move on. If he's nothing but a horndog, one can sense so, and cut the date short.
Hi there from Australia!! Thanks so much for this vid, I agree to do our part in this process as I totally understand how this works in our 40's etc.. I just have a question when it comes to txting, I have a thing to only txt back when they txt me like a conversation, my turn then your turn etc etc... Is this approach ok?? Cheers x
Why wouldn't it be okay? Don't be fooled by other dating advice, men appreciate and need effort from women as well. A relationship is a two-lane street both going in the same direction at the same time.
That was good. AcT . I have been dating a guy off and on for 5 years. I am now getting counciling. He has become distant and I am not sure how to address this
I’m dating men in both categories I realize. Most them men I’m dating are in 20s-30s but I’m 40 so there are some that are in the mid 40d range, so I’ll consider this with them.
Internet dating ( and I have done plenty of it) 58, single 6 plus years, has obviously been the massive game changer. Even when two people seemingly click so well, people, (mostly men) are so reticent to invest, because they have this massive fear of missing out on some elusive person, that never shows up. Women are guilty too, but men are now like kids at a lolly scramble.
Hi, Jonathan. I appreciate your desire to enlighten others about how things happen between men and women, and deciphering what is needed today on the dating scene. We really need these insights and discussions. I thought I would explain a little about the "Me Too" movement to you. The subject of harassment and rape, is a prevalent aspect of most women's lives; and I, along with the men, was quite surprised about this when so many women weighed in on this, initially. Because up until then, WOMEN HAVE NEVER TALKED WITH EACH OTHER ABOUT IT. From this realization, one can understand the level of secrecy that women have kept on this subject for centuries for a few good reasons, foremost of this would be retribution by men in general; yes, I am sorry to say that, but most men have no clue that women are often in danger, because they don't experience a woman's world.. I am an upper middle class American with a normal upbringing, i.e , no violence or sexual abuse. Over the years between now and then (about 30 years) I was nearly raped three times by total strangers who were looking for an opportunity to do it. I was alone each time for no particular reason; once in my own dorm room (a friend of my roommate who I didn't even know); once when I was in France visiting some friends; and once at a healthclub which wasn"t crowded because it was a Sunday. But there were other inappropriate advances by men before that when I was only 17. The farrier who used to shoe our horses and was a friend of my parents and watched me grow up, while I spent hours holding our horses when he did his work. He was married. I remember wishing I wasn't born a woman if I was going to be subjected to unwanted sexual advantages my whole life. There are more on this list but it is simply an occupational hazard of being born a woman. Me Too was important to us because now the truth is being exposed. This has nothing to do with legitimate signs of affection from a man. Please do not be hesitant or frightened because of it. Women feel angry at times, and so would you be, if the assumptions were made that you wanted sex with someone that you didn't, and never encouraged. We have to be allowed our anger so we can let it go and find solutions, part of which is justice, as in Harvey Weinstein, etc. Whenever a sexual criminal is discovered and faces consequences, we can relax a little more. I hope this has educated your view a bit more so you can continue to relate to women freely in a healthy way.
I watch so many videos on meaning back in a relation and it makes me feel very withdrawn. I obviously want to feel balanced in my relation but want to feel connected too. Leaning back does not make me feel that way..
Thank you saying this. I want to ask men out, and I do. I ask them out probably more than they do, sometimes. Then I hear my friends say I should let the guy do the work.
Hate the way I let a man use me just to feel wanted. He started out taking me out only twice. He has too many issues. He loves his daughters. Great at coparenting. He is on disability. I live close by. Convenient. I have a house he lives in a small rental.
Man or actually probably boy no matter his age, wanted a pic I wasn’t comfortable giving as we’d not gone on our date yet. Up until then all was great he was going nuts with excitement about us and our mutual communication, calls, texts, video chats but as soon as I said no he argued he’d sent a pic of him with no top on so there was no equality but wrote it like a joke so I laughed. I didn’t hear from him again except him stalking my social media because I wouldn’t send a stranger a sexy pic before meeting!!! So basically my self worth meant nothing??!!! Damned if you do damned if you don’t as had i sent the pic he’d think I send them out to every man but by saying no he’d not get what he wanted. 🤦♀️
~ Love & Gratitude for your efforts on assisting people, who are not sure of who they are, in the world. But sometimes, it seems like there is way too much "game playing" strategies, being taught to people, that may actually inhibit their true, beautiful nature. ~ Our unique qualities are our true value & if we all adopt similar strategies, it seems we can become quite superficial. ~ So the people I would choose to establish a meaningful relationship with, are only those who do not follow text book responses & are able to stand in recognition of their own unique & individual beauty. ~ ~ Some of the most memorable people I have encountered, are not pre-programmed, but respond from the heart, in beautiful, individual ways, in the moment. ~ ~ Wishing everyone well, as you find your own true path, to happiness. ~
What if I'm the one initiating eg.suggesting we go out or make plans but he pays for the outting or decides where we go etc.and puts in effort from the point?
@@JonathonAslay well I've been receiving a lot of advice that i should wait for the guy I'm seeing to initiate more and make plans but the reason i don't mind making the plans and putting in the effort is because he jumps on board and either pays or splits the bill even tho i don't expect it or he would suggest things we can do while we're out or where we can go etc so even tho i might initiate he meets me halfway or leads the date and each date is always amazing and we're still getting to know each other but my friends say i should pull back and let him do more of the planning etc. I guess i would like your thoughts on the matter if i should lean back more?
Healthy relationships are about leaning in not leaning back... the only reason why you would lean back if someone is putting in 0 effort but then again why would you even want them.
@@JonathonAslay thank you so much for the advice and no i wouldn't want him if he wasn't meeting me halfway. I initiate a lot because it feels right to me and he meets me halfway on the date and i don't only mean paying i find that if i suggests going out he does the rest from there
Disclaimer! ;-) I´m giving compliments to man. :) Genuine, not from place of needenes or expectations. :) Looks I´m kind of lucky. Your videos are brilliant, giving clarity, confidence. Really appreciate it and thank You And yes, I´m getting to binch watching Your videos too. :-))
Now you know what we , or the majority of us, have always experienced; Dating without an overwhelming libido. That’s been our whole romantic life. Hmmmm..Just looking at the person. If leaning back is the biggest problem, you’re a lucky being.
Did you close your FB and tic Toc account. I couldn’t find them today I was trying to find the joke you’d posted about the different floors to find a husband. I must have typed something wrong
It has been normalized that men think that a sexually relationship will begin very soon in a relationship. ..that is the problem. ..most men expect sex too soon. The wooing stage has long gone, the effort is not put in as it was in past generations..and my experience has been that it does continue into the older age bracket too
Exactly. These old dudes invest very little before they expect sex. I don't put up with that bs. I always had dates and relationships in my youth, but now I'd rather be alone than put up with garbage.
In the Bible it says He who Finds a wife....so yes men seek. And a mature man in God will want a relationship first and a man who can sustain from sex Before marriage can sustain during. If a man can wait and abstain from sex until marriage he can abstain during.
I do think a degree of the attraction element, lust, is some if the glue that gets and keeps a couple together. But love is more than lust. Seeing past the looks/shape to the personality matters. And I think being, or becoming friends helps. 🤔
Sex compatibility is EXTREMELY important to me. I married snd subsequently divorced s man who I just couldn’t get that chemistry! I even fantasized about anyone else just to get thru it. NO MORE.
@@JonathonAslay we changed emails, calls, messages, he would send me flowers "pics" music and so on, finally we met in Hotel, for 8 days we saw each other daily, he drove me everywhere and showed me the town, my mistake I went to bed with him from day 1, everyday, was good and I probably would do again. My mistake, I guess, the next 30 days I sent him 94 messages against 14 answers from him. Now he is overseas visiting his daughters but before he left he sent a message dumping me.
Thanks for this information because I will be less timid in the future. Was never very good at the whole dating thing. I would just be a nervous wreck. 😓
Interesting, I've been single for a few years and in my 60's now , , these dating issues have been a challenge for us loyal types lol! Only to end up dissatisfied . So iam doing what I love to do and never been happier 😌🙏♥️ Yes its lonely at times I've got my kids and Grandsons to keep me buzy with stuff and my adventures. Funny thing is Iam not even interested to go down or up that path Seems I just walk up a hill alone with all the memories....breathlessly crying .....well I've got me to depend on ! Maybe the guy that's for me is around the corner , not holding my breath 😊👍 Friends are fun ,,,and light hearted, it seems relationship's are like flowers 💐 they end.... Ive been enjoying your video's and your coaching . It would of been helpful wail I was dating 👍 appreciate your help for others many Blessings 🙌 to you and everyone on the path of love It's a gamer 😎👌💐💞
If you allow to be around men who pursue only sex. Exactly the reason why women are single for extended chunks of time. I'd rather be single and independent than with a guy who just wants "to hangout" or "Netflix and chill" idiots who just don't want to make an effort to go out, pay, or even think of places to go. No dating sites, I'll swipe no, Alex for $500.
Carie Balberg, men don’t want to “pay” for your time, when they know somebody else is most likely not. No women should settle for a guy who only wants sex, but no man should settle for a women that only has sex to offer. Specially if that’s all she has to offer and she wants to make you earn it, while giving it away for free elsewhere.
@@jfuriouse1234 I think that by "pay", Carrie means when you go out you have to spend money, not necessarily with the woman, but with yourself. Your own dinner, your own ticket for the movies, whatever. And it's true, many men prefer the "Netflix and chill", because going out implies a bigger investment of time and money. If a woman is not worth that investment, then leave us alone altogether. I hate wasting money and time too.
Being off the market not looking women just doing things for themself being sexy for themself.
I’ve been noticing the same. They don’t plan dates ! They expect you to plan everything and they don’t want to “court” a Woman! Yawn 🥱
Dating can be boring especially if the guy has no personality and asking the same question over and over. Lol🤣🤣🤣 Thanks Jonathan for another great video❤
There are still men who are in their 50’s and still FBOYS, have not done the inner work/healings. It’s sad that they still exist in this age group still not knowing who they are.
Not only in their 50's. I work with one who is 66. He takes two shots and have a beer every night before he goes to bed. Men are always talking about women hitting the wall. Men have their issues, but come down on women. There just no end, or so it seems.
Got to dump those guys. I dated one of those for about 3 months and broke it off. You can really see who they are by the third month.
Ok
Yep.... LOTS of F'BOYS out there for sure ,ALL AGES!
Agreed
Even though I’m a woman, I’ve totally been experiencing the same thing! Going from sex driven to suddenly being bored by dating...thank you for vocalizing this.
Here's the problem with everything that you just said. Men are predominantly looking for sex before a certain age, women are looking for a relationship and especially nowadays you have that dynamic. Women are tired of investing in men only to find out over and over and over again that the guy just wants sex with no committment.So by the time we get to around your age and we have tried and tried and tried to get a man to want to commit, at that point we don't care anymore. At that point we've already learned how to be self-sufficient and fulfill our own emotional physical and spiritual needs. Now obviously this doesn't apply to all women but it's very frustrating to hear that yeah men basically just want sex until they hit their 50s then they're ready to go. 🙄
Julia Isabella. I totally agree. By the time woman catch up with our sexual freedom and total desire (after raising kids, working in the house) etc etc. Men are more interested in finding someone to take care of them as they age. So now they just want to be home bodies. I believe Sex is the only entity in which men mature faster and stronger than women. Sad....
THIS.
I'm 40 and I quit love (if you can call it that) relationships before I was 30. I was done with men not wanting to commit, not being emotionally available, and just being plain selfish. I've been self sufficient since then.
Yesss this is how I feel with online dating I’m starting to get discouraged
Then you haven't met a vegan Scorpio or virgo 🤔
I took a risk last year and texted a guy first and I was so nervous and scared of rejection especially since I thought guys should always come to a girl and I was with my ex husband from 17 to 34. So I didn’t know anything about dating. LoL I was terrified of rejection but I thought, I really like this guys profile and I need to grow a pair and just try, if not, I’ll regret it and could miss out on something good...and you know what.... we’ve been together a year now and I’m thankful everyday I took that chance.
Melissa Brown Good for u my son is really shy like I was I wish he would try like that Best wishes to you
In the beginning of you 2 dating did he ever pull back?
n-e meanz davis Umm.... not immediately per say. He did pull back about 5 months in but it was mainly because he was going through a lot of stressful issues he didn’t really want me worrying about like family, a business deal, then Covid, where he got stuck in the country where his fam is, so he pulled back. He didn’t want to stress me out or seem weak in front of me when he was not in a good head space. From what he told me and from what I’ve seen on vids, A lot of “masculine” guys want to be the strong one who can fix all problems and be the rock even when they are stressed. They want to be alone to handle/solve the issues they’re going through and not put that on their girl. He said I was his peace so he didn’t want to not be mine. It was def frustrating and sometimes hurtful cause I wanted to be there for him cause I love him but he wouldn’t let me. But at the same time, I get where he was coming from cause I do the same thing myself,. So that was hard to deal with at time however, he still didn’t go more than 2-4 days without checking in with me in some way either by a quick call or text to make sure I was ok.
Preach it! Men have a much, much higher sex drive. They are chasing sex, not a loving and healthy relationship. I want a mature man who will be friends first.
Or maybe men are just more desperate?
If you want mature be the same reflection and respect you deserve pass it in the universe. Get rid of the I want what you reflect in yourself.
Unfortunately, there is no such type of men that became extinct with dinosaurs
They are often sexually needier
After a life of regular dating I decided to abstain from sex until marriage. Talk about dividing the wheat from tare and fast! Wish I had started this way earlier. If you are serious about marriage this keeps you from wasting a lot of time.
I think I would love to try this approach. Thankyou
Seriously?
I found it attractive when men ask me a question:)
This vid was good for dating tips, but not getting the answer to the title of whether a guy is just interested in sex or wanting a relationship 🤔
I thought that too. The video was an interesting insight into the male psyche though.
I thought the same thing...doesn't deliver information as advertised. You can pretty much tell, though, if he loses interest and isn't as eager after second or third date without sex, even though you seem to have a lot in common and have had good conversations. That's not he wanted; he was hoping to charm your pants off; when that didn't happen, he decided to keep fishing.
I love this. Enthusiasm is very important. Strangely enough, I don't get guys to appreciate the compliments. I always use them in opening messages. But I'll get nothing back but a weak "Thank you" in return. You're brilliant about the perfect strangers and the leaning back crap.
Yup! Agreed
"I want a relationship/ I want a relationship " 🤣🤣🤣🤣 oh my God, I just loved this part of the video!!! perfect!!! love you so much!!!
👍
Hahahaha
Love the ACE acronym!! Good stuff as always. 🙃
You are exactly correct! The one word that scares men to death is commitment..heaven forbid they consider
someone else’s feelings..sex is but the icing on the cake! It is NOT the cake! If you don’t taste the cake itself
first, then you miss the icing..it’s that simple!
I just turned 50 and I understand what your saying but I still find myself in situations where even the guys my age are only interested in sex and in most cases I wasn't even on a date with them. they pounce or lunge so i can't engage in the fun of the process. at the moment i feel self conscious if a guy looks my way and my first instinct is to step aside so he can check out who's behind me...x
I hear you.
You are so honest and straight up. Thanks.
Appreciation( thank you)
Compliments ( great energy in the picture)
Enthousiasme ( positive energy)
Love your channel I'm dating an older guy. Such a gentleman caring all that. Corrects me gently but I give him hell when need to. He doesn't get upset he is a protector I like all that.
I can't believe I didn't find this before today as long as I've been watching you. Hearing about meeting a man at the 50-yard line and that as man becoming more mature leads them to look for more than just sex is not only refreshing, it takes some of the fear away, at least for me of dating. So by watching this it made me feel more at ease. Your videos are always great yet I can see from this one how you've changed and grown by coming more at ease in doing videos over the past couple of years. Great job Jonathan and so happy to find this little piece of your video history with more of the good advice that you always give to your audience. It's also nice to see how your subscriber numbers are rising, 37.1K, and growing. Well deserved. BIG HUGS to you.
Awe... thank you for noticing 🙏
This is so clever! Really appreciating the authentic mindset that has gone into making this video.
Starting to get a much more realistic understanding of the dating world I've never ventured into.
I appreciate your honesty about men’s sex drive in their mid years. I honestly just treat the date as a new friend and I have to say. In the first 15mins, we are full convo and laughing. I then let my flirty feminine wiles come out a little which now makes us to open up to learning each other. I did this when I got back to dating after 25yr relationship out of my own anxiety about dating. It resulted in breaking down the walls enough to share. I want laughter and a new friend mentality on the first few dates.
People need love/validations. Sex should be due to love not just lust. A guy can have lust for many women. A woman wants a guy to love only her and want only her. Sex is cheap. Touch/hugs are needed and communication and praise etc. Guys wanting sex only is not ok. Guys wanting sex first and relationship later may pick the wrong woman. Testosterone may increase sex drive. Zn may increase testosterone and no gluten may help more nutrients absorb in intestines. Who wants sex with a guy they don't know or someone you don't enjoy or a guy who bothers you? Dating should be getting to know the person since you have nothing in common in reality or not be compatible. I don't want to "date" from the internet since it is too scary. If I dress up the guy may help with a door etc..but I want a guy who wants my personality.
Omg I watched this again!!! This is really good advice. You just helped me out tremendously. I was in that leaning back space and it's not even me. I was literally giving myself anxiety. Omg he was at the 50 yard line waiting for me 🤦🏽♀️ After watching I decided to be myself and if it's ment to be it will be if not I'm good and I will move on.
THANK YOU so much for sharing your views.....starting at 6:40
I meet men at 50 yard line...
I use the word appreciation...a lot..
Hopefully my one and only will come to me..
Thanks for special, powerful words and advice...
I appreciate these heart warming and direct videos!
Love your videos. So refreshing and real. I do all the ACE things yet don't meet the same ... there's no meeting in the middle. They make no effort. Plus they avoid commitment these days. I notice they don't ant to make room in their life for a relationship. It's so disheartening. Would like to meet someone like you lol
Wow!!! I watch so many relationship videos and your material is so helpful!!!!
Love to hug you too Jonathon! You have a great smile, energy, and fantastic advice.
So, how does a woman find love if she believes in waiting for marriage before being intimate??
Date men who feel the same as you...
Thank you so much for your amazing video. Have your blessed day and good night from me here.
Hi Jonathan. Think it is good to hear from a maturer guy as lots of podcasts I've come across I think there for the younger bunch. I've just turned 50 and have been hearing that lean back info....and I have.. so wondered if I come off as too laid back to be honest 🤔🤔 now???
Jonathon I appreciate your efforts on this channel more than I can express.
Midlife dating is a different kettle of fish for sure.
Your insights tally with my intuition as a woman who wants to meet a male human halfway is so affirming.
Stay juicy!
I hear ya sista. Gotta exercise to “stay in shape ”. … if you don’t get it once in a while you will literally dry and clamp up. Good luck!
Perfect, as usual, great info,
Yeah. don't put put in more effort, than he does . ..ACE . .so easy to temember
Thanks Jonathon
Actually all men want sex and wish to get sex on the first date even if the want a relationship
the problem isn't that they want sex but in my experience it makes them think with the wrong head. my love language is quality time, I like a guy who's playful and fun outside the bedroom to but the guys I was referring to in my original comment made it obvious they think with the wrong head...x
@A. A.
Maybe not, ha ha...x
Not all men. My date doesn't think sex without true love is good.
@@SashaSamara
a man in a million...x
Wow I really love ur videos!..so informative!thanks a lot❤️
I did every single thing u mentioned with my ex. Any thing he found to criticise I changed. I finally realized that he wasn't ever putting in the same level of effort. If I even dared to speak of his treatment of me it was turned back on me he would get mad and totally ghost me. So I began reading Psychology Today and the articles defined him as a total Narcissist. He fit into every pattern. After suffering 5 years of this I was able to break the trauma bond and move on to loving and caring for myself. It is extremely hard to break from them but I did. I feel like a weight has been lifted off me. Thank u for ur advice 💕
Thank you. This have been helpful.
I appreciate your videos, and time.
I love you're acronyms and how you tie them into your videos and advice
Love listening to you. You speak plan and simple
Oh I love this. I really do. Thank you so much. I highly appreciate your videos
Glad you enjoy it!
I really appreciate your videos, i love the poster behind you, about Love. I am enthusiastically sharing your knowledge with my daughter.
I like the idea of investment! Use “appreciate”. Thanks for that! I appreciate your candor Jonathan.
Dating isn’t boring, online dating is boring.
Another great video Jonathan. You are so funny. I have a blast watching your videos. 😊
Glad you like them!
This is such an important video! Thank you!
My pleasure 😊
I appreciate your wisdom and your super blunt tips!
I appreciate that!
Jonathon - Thanks for this video. It was helpful.
Thank you thank you thank you Johnathon! 🙏This is so important for people in your/our age group to know and none of the other coach's address it because they are talking to a 25-35 demographic. We are being constantly told that's all men want, or think that we are still 20, 39, even forty whereas you are right! In our age group it's not the sex, the drive for constant sex isn't even there anymore due to age.
Thankyou for cherish your tips
I'm a holistic nutritionist and low vitamin D3 levels can affect your sex drive. I'm old over 60 I take 10k units a day and still have a high sex drive
Sandra Mcleod I'm over 60 as well. No vitamins no medications, no particular diet or exercise routine. Healthy for my age and also have a healthy sex drive. Could it be hereditary?????
Maybe for you but not for me. And everyone is different. What is for sure is that overall our vitamin D3 levels are low. And I'm 71 and this is a current pic of me
I'm 57. Been on hrt for over a year and my sex drive had been really high since starting HRT. The doc also recommend D3 vitamin. So there might be something in that?!
Right on. I am learning so much from your video.
Thank you so much Jonathon, for your insight. It's very helpful! After listening to you say not to lean back, a question came up for me: if a man is telling me from day 1 he is sleeping with other women, first of all I appreciate it because he is being very honest, but in my mind he is already not worth my time, since what I'm looking for is more than just sleeping around. Am I acting right?
Yes. Unless you're sure he's clean...
Sandra, that's an individual choice if it's worth your time. With that said... RUN!
@@JonathonAslay 😄 point taken! Thank you awesome man! I love every time you get passionate and stop to breathe and say: "I'm not yelling!" 😂 I'm so passionate too that I don't quite get why someone would say that you're yelling...😄 Love you. Thank you so much! 💖
Don't accept his having sex with other women or you are just one of a number he can get his rocks off with and with no commitment!
Being alone is divine. I've been married, and had the wrath of a controlling abusive man. I like your TH-cam Channel, Jonathan, I like your approach to topics and I think you make a lot of sense. I too, found dating boring. My comfort zone was marriage though. After my first divorce...I didn't want to date...all I could think of is getting back as fast as I could to my little girl so I really only went on a "date" twice. So I ended up getting with a good guy from high school that had been asking one of my girlfriends from high school about me. Because I knew him from my past I agreed to see him. He did pursue me, he came on strong. I would later find out that's not necessarily a good thing. He was a master at manipulation, control, so insecure...I married this guy. Honeymoon was a nightmare. Scared to death of him...cleverly/gingerly, got away...13 years later, not wanting another failed marriage. I absolutely love being alone. Women aren't so safe in relationships anymore. The world's gone mad. Jonathan, would you address the issue of...for example Gabby Petito? Why are men not seeing us as sacred, as human? Why is there an epidemic of girlfriends and wives being ...... I can't say the word. It's heartbreaking and awful. Take care.
According to men on dating sites there are also a number of crack head women out there scamming and trying to rip men off. We’re all scared. The name of the game is take it slow and get to know.
Good points Victoria. Safety is essential..
It’s funny you mentioned using the word appreciation. I’ve been big on using that word even more lately in relationships and really with everyone in my life. You’re right that people really enjoy knowing they are appreciated. :)
YES!!! I believe you've got a great slant on this. Will remember the tip of expressing "appreciation" also complimenting. Think it's been said that most men don't cheat just for the sex. They long for a woman to again make them feel great about themselves. We all need that mojo working. It brings a sparkle to one's eyes. It's worth letting one's personality come thru, and being enthusiastic. If the other party is flatlined, move on. If he's nothing but a horndog, one can sense so, and cut the date short.
Hi there from Australia!! Thanks so much for this vid, I agree to do our part in this process as I totally understand how this works in our 40's etc.. I just have a question when it comes to txting, I have a thing to only txt back when they txt me like a conversation, my turn then your turn etc etc... Is this approach ok?? Cheers x
Why wouldn't it be okay? Don't be fooled by other dating advice, men appreciate and need effort from women as well. A relationship is a two-lane street both going in the same direction at the same time.
Men want what they can't have or ones that are difficult to get.
What about ifhe acts like he wants you to persue him
People just need to relax and just enjoy each other
I disagree. Having sex with a man too soon makes them look down on you !!
That was good. AcT . I have been dating a guy off and on for 5 years. I am now getting counciling. He has become distant and I am not sure how to address this
I’m dating men in both categories I realize. Most them men I’m dating are in 20s-30s but I’m 40 so there are some that are in the mid 40d range, so I’ll consider this with them.
Internet dating ( and I have done plenty of it) 58, single 6 plus years, has obviously been the massive game changer.
Even when two people seemingly click so well, people, (mostly men) are so reticent to invest, because they have this massive fear of missing out on some elusive person, that never shows up. Women are guilty too, but men are now like kids at a lolly scramble.
Thank you for advise really appreciate your comments
You are so welcome
Hi, Jonathan. I appreciate your desire to enlighten others about how things happen between men and women, and deciphering what is needed today on the dating scene. We really need these insights and discussions. I thought I would explain a little about the "Me Too" movement to you. The subject of harassment and rape, is a prevalent aspect of most women's lives; and I, along with the men, was quite surprised about this when so many women weighed in on this, initially. Because up until then, WOMEN HAVE NEVER TALKED WITH EACH OTHER ABOUT IT. From this realization, one can understand the level of secrecy that women have kept on this subject for centuries for a few good reasons, foremost of this would be retribution by men in general; yes, I am sorry to say that, but most men have no clue that women are often in danger, because they don't experience a woman's world.. I am an upper middle class American with a normal upbringing, i.e , no violence or sexual abuse. Over the years between now and then (about 30 years) I was nearly raped three times by total strangers who were looking for an opportunity to do it. I was alone each time for no particular reason; once in my own dorm room (a friend of my roommate who I didn't even know); once when I was in France visiting some friends; and once at a healthclub which wasn"t crowded because it was a Sunday. But there were other inappropriate advances by men before that when I was only 17. The farrier who used to shoe our horses and was a friend of my parents and watched me grow up, while I spent hours holding our horses when he did his work. He was married. I remember wishing I wasn't born a woman if I was going to be subjected to unwanted sexual advantages my whole life. There are more on this list but it is simply an occupational hazard of being born a woman. Me Too was important to us because now the truth is being exposed. This has nothing to do with legitimate signs of affection from a man. Please do not be hesitant or frightened because of it. Women feel angry at times, and so would you be, if the assumptions were made that you wanted sex with someone that you didn't, and never encouraged. We have to be allowed our anger so we can let it go and find solutions, part of which is justice, as in Harvey Weinstein, etc. Whenever a sexual criminal is discovered and faces consequences, we can relax a little more. I hope this has educated your view a bit more so you can continue to relate to women freely in a healthy way.
Thank you from an older woman ♥️
I watch so many videos on meaning back in a relation and it makes me feel very withdrawn. I obviously want to feel balanced in my relation but want to feel connected too. Leaning back does not make me feel that way..
I just need some one. Wjane3086@gmail.com
Tried to purchase both your books Jon from Amazon but can't buy the kindles because it isn't available in Australia!! 😭😭😭
Bummer...
Thank you saying this. I want to ask men out, and I do. I ask them out probably more than they do, sometimes. Then I hear my friends say I should let the guy do the work.
Hate the way I let a man use me just to feel wanted. He started out taking me out only twice. He has too many issues. He loves his daughters. Great at coparenting. He is on disability. I live close by. Convenient. I have a house he lives in a small rental.
It would be over 15 years since even went on a date. 😜
Man or actually probably boy no matter his age, wanted a pic I wasn’t comfortable giving as we’d not gone on our date yet. Up until then all was great he was going nuts with excitement about us and our mutual communication, calls, texts, video chats but as soon as I said no he argued he’d sent a pic of him with no top on so there was no equality but wrote it like a joke so I laughed. I didn’t hear from him again except him stalking my social media because I wouldn’t send a stranger a sexy pic before meeting!!! So basically my self worth meant nothing??!!! Damned if you do damned if you don’t as had i sent the pic he’d think I send them out to every man but by saying no he’d not get what he wanted. 🤦♀️
@Kylie Baby good for you for setting strong boundaries. Don't lose your own self respect.
This 50 yard mark is a good visual for me. I definitely need this reminder.
~ Love & Gratitude for your efforts on assisting people, who are not sure of who they are, in the world.
But sometimes, it seems like there is way too much "game playing" strategies, being taught to people, that may actually inhibit their true, beautiful nature.
~ Our unique qualities are our true value & if we all adopt similar strategies, it seems we can become quite superficial. ~ So the people I would choose to establish a meaningful relationship with, are only those who do not follow text book responses & are able to stand in recognition of their own unique & individual beauty. ~
~ Some of the most memorable people I have encountered, are not pre-programmed, but respond from the heart, in beautiful, individual ways, in the moment. ~
~ Wishing everyone well, as you find your own true path, to happiness. ~
Here is a compliment for you...nice hair and nice haircut
What if I'm the one initiating eg.suggesting we go out or make plans but he pays for the outting or decides where we go etc.and puts in effort from the point?
What's your question?
@@JonathonAslay well I've been receiving a lot of advice that i should wait for the guy I'm seeing to initiate more and make plans but the reason i don't mind making the plans and putting in the effort is because he jumps on board and either pays or splits the bill even tho i don't expect it or he would suggest things we can do while we're out or where we can go etc so even tho i might initiate he meets me halfway or leads the date and each date is always amazing and we're still getting to know each other but my friends say i should pull back and let him do more of the planning etc.
I guess i would like your thoughts on the matter if i should lean back more?
Healthy relationships are about leaning in not leaning back... the only reason why you would lean back if someone is putting in 0 effort but then again why would you even want them.
@@JonathonAslay thank you so much for the advice and no i wouldn't want him if he wasn't meeting me halfway. I initiate a lot because it feels right to me and he meets me halfway on the date and i don't only mean paying i find that if i suggests going out he does the rest from there
Fyi... I just posted a new video. 👍🏼
When I first met my now boyfriend, we waited three months to have sex , we are both over 45.
Yes 50 /50
Amen
Disclaimer! ;-) I´m giving compliments to man. :) Genuine, not from place of needenes or expectations. :) Looks I´m kind of lucky. Your videos are brilliant, giving clarity, confidence. Really appreciate it and thank You And yes, I´m getting to binch watching Your videos too. :-))
What about celibate people
Now you know what we , or the majority of us, have always experienced; Dating without an overwhelming libido. That’s been our whole romantic life. Hmmmm..Just looking at the person. If leaning back is the biggest problem, you’re a lucky being.
Did you close your FB and tic Toc account. I couldn’t find them today I was trying to find the joke you’d posted about the different floors to find a husband. I must have typed something wrong
Thank you for your videos. Very real.
This is amazing!!
TY :)
It has been normalized that men think that a sexually relationship will begin very soon in a relationship. ..that is the problem. ..most men expect sex too soon. The wooing stage has long gone, the effort is not put in as it was in past generations..and my experience has been that it does continue into the older age bracket too
Exactly. These old dudes invest very little before they expect sex. I don't put up with that bs. I always had dates and relationships in my youth, but now I'd rather be alone than put up with garbage.
I need to step up the assertiveness
What if your man never compliments you?
In the Bible it says He who Finds a wife....so yes men seek. And a mature man in God will want a relationship first and a man who can sustain from sex Before marriage can sustain during. If a man can wait and abstain from sex until marriage he can abstain during.
* abstain from
I'm 59, men have chased me, but if im caught they turn to ghost.
Sending you a hug 🤗
I do think a degree of the attraction element, lust, is some if the glue that gets and keeps a couple together. But love is more than lust. Seeing past the looks/shape to the personality matters.
And I think being, or becoming friends helps. 🤔
So how do we know if he just want sex?
Got more out of the comments than the video......no direct info here.
This is powerful!
Sex compatibility is EXTREMELY important to me. I married snd subsequently divorced s man who I just couldn’t get that chemistry! I even fantasized about anyone else just to get thru it. NO MORE.
I think your'e very handsome Jonathon, and I do appreciate your total honesty.
We are all wired different. So to find a ball and MIT fit is a needle In a haystack
I am 80 and was many years without sex, went with him from the first day for one week, now he is in Europe visiting family do I still have a chance?
Can you elaborate?
@@JonathonAslay we changed emails, calls, messages, he would send me flowers "pics" music and so on, finally we met in Hotel, for 8 days we saw each other daily, he drove me everywhere and showed me the town, my mistake I went to bed with him from day 1, everyday, was good and I probably would do again. My mistake, I guess, the next 30 days I sent him 94 messages against 14 answers from him. Now he is overseas visiting his daughters but before he left he sent a message dumping me.
The colour looks off in this video, just an observation. Maybe it’s an older video.
Thanks for this information because I will be less timid in the future. Was never very good at the whole dating thing. I would just be a nervous wreck. 😓
Interesting, I've been single for a few years and in my 60's now , , these dating issues have been a challenge for us loyal types lol!
Only to end up dissatisfied .
So iam doing what I love to do and never been happier 😌🙏♥️
Yes its lonely at times
I've got my kids and Grandsons to keep me buzy with stuff and my adventures.
Funny thing is Iam not even interested to go down or up that path
Seems I just walk up a hill alone with all the memories....breathlessly crying .....well
I've got me
to depend on !
Maybe the guy that's for me is around the corner , not holding my breath 😊👍
Friends are
fun ,,,and light hearted, it seems
relationship's are like flowers 💐 they end....
Ive been enjoying your video's and your coaching . It would of been helpful wail I was dating 👍
appreciate your help for others
many Blessings 🙌
to you and everyone on the path of love
It's a gamer 😎👌💐💞
New subscriber here 👋🏾
Thanks for subbing!
There are man out there chasing woman for her financial security. Don’t forgot that.