Jonathan. I am so confused about these men.some of then just talk.for the hell of it.they say one thing and do the other.what the heck.do they realy want .?
Jonathan I give you 👍👍👍I absolutely agree with what you shared here. Can you buy these books 📚 from a bookstore? I often wonder why so many men that go on dating sites are only looking for sex, before even getting to know you as a person. I gave up on wanting to meet someone online because of this. Thanks so much for caring about women. 😄
Where are the questions?!? Get to the point! Waste of time, my headphones are dying! Tell me something I don't know! Why tf else would I click on a video with this this tittle!? Absolute waste of 20 minutes. Doesn't even start to get to the point until there are less than 3 minutes left in the video. I'm never coming back to this channel.
I am 52 years old and he is 55. For the first time in my life, I am walking in love instead of falling in love. His level of patience is so appreciated! Men always wanted to lay me down instead of lifting me up. Even if this relationship doesn’t work, the level of respect we have for each other is priceless. Pray for us!
This couldn’t be more similar to my own situation, if I’d have written it myself. I do pray for you and your union…hopefully, you’ll be gracious enough to do the same for me. Blessings upon blessings to you. 🌹
I don't believe in prayers, it will be what it will be with or without prayers. But I wish you the best a n d its good that you experience a healthy relationship.
Your dating advice only works if you are dealing with an honest man. My last two relationships said they wanted everything I did. They were both lying.
That's how my first husband was. He was a pathological liar, and now I'm wondering if he is a narcissist, because I found out all he married me for was my credit cards and having a maid to cook and clean nonstop and if I didn't agree with that, then I didn't really love him. He wanted me to go along with his shady ways and I said, sorry, I wasn't raised like that, so didn't go along with his schemes. I wanted to divorce him a few days after I got married to him because I found out he was a big liar and phony but my Mom is a strict Catholic and she said I couldn't divorce him, I made my bed, I got to sleep in it. I stayed with him for seven years and finally, I kicked him out and served him with divorce papers. My second husband was wonderful. He had his faults to be sure, but, we had 30 years of being together before he died 20 months ago. I started dating again six months ago and I guess I shall see where it leads. So far, we're having a blast and he does things my late husband never wanted to do--like travel and go out to concerts, dance, and other things.
Just met an Italian man (54 years old) - total "Love Bomber" - I live in California; from the beginning I told him I wasn't going to jump in bed with him too soon! I thought he understood, went out last week for a drink after he got off work. Seems he couldn't throw back his drink fast enough whereby he seemed to rush me out to the car because, as he said "I can't wait to kiss you!" - which we did. During that time, I reminded him I wasn't going to his place nor was he coming to mine (note: we've never been to the other's residence). Fast forward to Sunday (tonight) --- I haven't heard a peep from him since; and, I saw him on Thursday evening. I am very, very glad I didn't acquiesce and jump into bed with him during a passionate moment ... 🙄
If you’re dealing with a narcissist, it doesn’t matter what you say, what you do, how much you try to be upfront and honest, narcissist lie and pretend to be exactly what you’re looking for. This only works if you’re dealing with a healthy emotionally quality person.
Jonathan I don't know if you got my message or not this is Ethel from Missouri I am now engaged I'm getting married again I have two beautiful stuff children I'll have and a good relationship with the man I love and he tells me all the time I love you be careful be safe and when he comes home February 14th we are going to start our life together thank you for helping me
I don't know if you got my message but thanks to you I found my true love we're going to get married February 14th we're buying a house together and buying a new car together thank you for you being there for me I like having a big brother on my side
Key takeaways of the video: 1.Intencionally is missing in the dating process 2. Hook ups have replaced the genuine desire for connection and relationships 3. Some women operate from a co-depend perspective and men from narcissist perspective 4. Don't ever give your power away to men. 5. Pornography and social media has devalue women (or people in general). 6. It takes time to build trust
Generally Men's are not loyal to women, not worth committing into a serious relationship and falling in love is like dating an alien of short term especially Westerners. They just want sex.
I did from being naive as he was a narcissist which I never knew what that was til I learned the hard way by getting hurt, investing too much too soon got blocked & ghosted while he put me in the friendzone along the way..
I am dating a man who wants to wait till we fall in love. He’s 71 & I am 67. So refreshing after all the years of dating the instant sex creeps, then they ghost! Hold out ladies it’s so worth it.
100%💛! I wish more woman would stop being scared that if they don’t sleep with a man on his terms, they will lose him. It is ok to lose a selfish guy who doesn’t care whether she feels safe enough/ emotionally connected with him to be intimate. I don’t like to blame women but as a woman myself, I do blame them. Please, stop letting men get away with selfishness and disrespect. We make them the way they area
… it’s SO MUCH MORE than just “ok” to lose a selfish guy who doesn’t care. It’s literally a deliverance, one of the best blessings you can get from up above. This reminder is like a water filter, a strainer if you want. Say no to men who will only drain your energy and your self-worth. There are good men out there !!!
One guy got quite frisky after our first date so I sent him home with his tail between his legs. The next day I called him to apologise as, although I was polite, I thought I might have come across as too harsh. I apologised and told him I wasn't like that to which he responded "All the best girls are" so I said "Then you'd best go find yourself one" said goodbye and hung up. He asked me out again several times but I kept declining until he stopped. Eliminate the riff raff promptly.
“Using intimacy to create connection is backwards. Connection creates intimacy, because connection presumes trust.” **This was an awesome quote that I read in psychology today probably seven or eight years ago lol unfortunately - I do not have the author’s name so I cannot and WILL NOT take credit for this quote. I photographed it and kept it on my phone so I would never forget it! I’m really enjoying the content on this channel. I was widowed back in 2013 at the age of 46. I had a very nice marriage for 15 years. When I went back out into the dating arena two years later to try to find some companionship I was aghast at what had happened the deterioration in communication, respect and effort. Not to mention character and moral conduct. I could go on and on. A lot of people ask me why I’m not dating or why I haven’t found somebody. I am still a believer that the men do the pursuing and the women do the choosing. A lot of these people that make comments say I am “old school “. I’m not going to suffer in regards to my self-respect and moral character to achieve companionship. I will not do it! I think women have become too overly aggressive and it’s throwing things out of balance. I think it’s confused men and I think it sent the wrong message that they’re entitled to certain things. If God blesses me with a divine connection if someone comes in then that’s wonderful. If not I will be OK because I got through the death and grief of losing my husband and thank God I am doing OK. I am so thankful that I got to experience the deep love devotion and connection that goes along with a successful marriage. Some people go through their entire life and they never find it. I am grateful and consider myself blessed that I was able to experience that once in my life. It has blessed me with wonderful memories.
What a beautiful comment. Much appreciated, and thanks for posting it. I entirely agree that there's too much emphasis on sex now. We should make a connection with someone and build trust before hopping into bed. Sex seems to be expected nowadays almost immediately😢
The question to ask before sex is: Are we on the same page? For example: Do we want a relationship? Both may say yes, but a relationship may mean different things to both of you. So, it's important to clarify what each of you wants. For example: A relationship might mean shared activities 2-3x a week for you and for the other person, it might mean seeing you whenever they feel like it, which might not be very often.
@@TheJuneukthat’s unrealistic!!! Espec in older age as you do t want a man who can’t even get hard! Can’t even show intimate love! That’s very important you just Deni I shed it as if it’s last… it’s on top 3 reasons to be together! Geez 🙄
sad thing is they behave rightly and sincerely for ppl they actually do want. So, I think it's not so much how they are. Just how they are with YOU and it's your bad luck you have to see that side of them that they wouldnt have shown someone they actually wanted.
Exactly!!! I just don’t understand why friends first (months!!!!) is a dumb idea to most people. Then they complain after the fact when they done gave the cow away. It’s just a bunch of BS to say in the first few months these strangers are relationship material.
@@juliaarambula3153 because if a man is interested in you, he will be disheartened sometimes to learn you just wanna be friends and your mind may or may not change about him, and he might move along. If I show a guy interest and he says let's be friends first, I would feel the same - bummed. Anyway there's no guarantee he is gonna be sincere while being your friend. He may just bide his time and say all the things he knows you wanna hear.
I wish I had known this information two summers ago when I met a 61yr old who started off sweet and "innocent" but shortly played every game in the book, including ghosting. I was at higher level of consciousness then, and showed deep compassion, patience and understanding, because he was a two year widower. I was left totally confused. Now, I can apply these teachings on my next prospect. Keep up the heart work! ❤
Dating widower can be very tricky and play on our empathy. I dated one for 6 months and it took me over a year to recover after the breakup. I was completely f.. d up 😓
My bf and I talked about what we wanted and made sure we were on the same page. Every weekend we’d talk over a nice meal, so the communication was always on spot. We worked through a lot of growth together this way! It really strengthened our relationship.
He told me sex isn’t the important thing . It’s a bonus if it happens . Cuddling , talking , fun activities we enjoy together is more important . Cultivating a friendship . Having up close and personal time only when I become comfortable or desire that .
As a woman who has been married for 26 years, I feel I have spent much of it trying to have my husband understand that women feel deeply where men tend to be more visual. It is nice to feel loved, wanted, and respected. You hit it right on the nose saying temptation & sexual instant gratification is out there & I feel it DOES in a sense make women feel devalued as men get a false sense of what sexual intimacy is. Sometimes, no matter what I do sexually, it doesn't feel enough and it can be frustrating. I've also heard " Well, you two have been married soo long & maybe he's bored". Well, I can say, at 50, I am keeping more spicy than ever. If men could try to express their feelings better as opposed to the women always having to get it out, it sure would help a lot. Also, men, if you have a spouse who loves you on a soul level, supports your needs, takes care of you in every way, please tell that person how much they are appreciated, wanted & needed. This is a two way street after all.
honey your marriage lasted 26 years just becasue he did exactly this. were he to act like what you wanted, your marriage would have long ended. let men be men and you be you!
@@amortalbeing Have you had a long relationship is my first question. Second My marriage lasted because I have worked at it & put the time & effort into it. Most people do not and easily give up these days mostly for selfish reasons HONEY!!
I know YouR Point: "Poor me, I am so good and work so hard and am injusticed. If you have justice, Be Grateful. Me? I'm not happy because I do not Have justice." ...whatever lady
Let me be succinct. It is not all about you. You are not the sun. The world does not revolve around you. Try being more humble and attentive to your man's thoughts and feelings. You are self absorbed and repelling what you desire.
You can ask the question, but it depends on their honesty. Most guys out there are not honest at all and are good at pretending that they are serious about commitment.
Jonathon you’re adorable! I have followed feminine energy coaches for years . Ruh roh. I’m 39 and a single mom and it’s so hard out there ! I feel like men feel we are all disposable now . Men have no problem telling me I’m hot or trying to hook up but when it comes to moving things forward they always seem to pull away. It sucks ! Really a self esteem crusher! I have a son with autism as well. I like the term luggage ! Great script too!
This is just FABULOUS. Over and over in my life, I've been shocked to find that the people I THOUGHT I knew ... turned out to have values very different from mine. Not just men, but my women friends too. It's crazy important to NOT ASSUME that the person in front of us has our values ... but to spend time finding out, to put in the time and the work necessary ... and to ask the questions that will help us to ACTUALLY know.
Jonathon, LOVE LOVE LOVE the "dating vow"!!!! Starting over in my 60's is soooo challenging because dating is SO unlike anything I know. Really awesome to know I have a "big brother" out there!
I knew a man who thought I should have sex with him without him wanting to know much of anything about me. (Well more than one) Seems many older guys act this way. I’ve had a pretty interesting but challenging life. When I talked about what I’m interested in his response was “Oh, you want someone who wants to do what you want to do.” My reply was “no, I want someone who is going in the same direction.”
This just might be your most important video, Jonathan, and I for one appreciate the topic and [your] straight talk. Trust is critical. I’ve lived a long time and I STILL don’t trust a thing that comes out of a man’s mouth in terms of the “relationship conversation”. I’ve been fed too many lines from the time I began dating. As wonderful as sex is, I am of the opinion that UNLESS and UNTIL one is certain you and your partner on are the same page (is this really possible?) it merely muddies the water and stings like hell when he ghosts and moves on. Key takeaway: Don’t abdicate your power to a partner, lover, friend, anyone.. Many thanks, Jonathan.
I have been married 42 years. Respect, loyalty, honesty is everything. I believe woman today give themselves to men. This is wrong. I've seen it with my daughter . She sees a guy for a year. He just has discovered she has two children. Trust is earned. I believe a woman should never put up with a controlling man. But, we do it.
This is precisely why i have remained celibate and not dated at all in 5 years since ending my previous marriage. My ex-husband had secret dating hook up profiles during our marriage and hooked up secretly on the side whilst i lived in a loveless and sexless marriage. Unfortunately my ex husband told me what i wanted to hear and then proceeded to live a secret double life. Trust is so important in a relationship. Honesty and trustworthiness is vital right from the beginning of a relationship. Without it you are living in a lie. Thank you for the great advice. Yes human relationships were so different in the 1980s.
I have watched quite a few of your videos, Jonathon, and I've been very grateful for each one! I am very glad that you have taken the time to study all this stuff, read these books, and make these videos! Thank you so much! I was in a marriage for 28 years (had 5 kids), and it was not fun. I wish I could've learned all this stuff before I got married. We were not a good match for each other. Now I'm old enough to be your mother and I wish I had a loving partner in my life, but it's kinda difficult at my age to find a wonderful man to have in my life. Thank you again for teaching us how to find someone who's right for us! Wishing you much success and love in your life.
I totally agree. I couldn't imagine being seen as a "hook-up" at age almost 75 and yet, that happened to me last year. He was deceptive in his intentions but it didn't take me long to figure it out and he was gone.
@@GoOutside321 What I didn't get was we had a common interest, which was how we met but he seemed more interested in my body than my mind. I look pretty good but I've had no work done and I am not an extreme workout granny so I would have expected most men to look to someone much younger for that sort of "companionship." I'm not rich and he knew that so it was just weird. I really never felt so disrespected in my life.
I love the analogy of two snowpea (or tomato, pumpkin etc) plants next to each other, with their own trellises so they each have their own support. They have their own roots, their own energy, their own nutrients and thrive next to each other. They don't intertwine too much and don't strangle the other. They don't compete or need each other for survival.
Just subbed. This is very important. I am not into game playing. Been going out with a man 2.5 months started off making it clear what I wanted and where I drew the line. He wanted similar things. Not friends with benefits, rather being monogamous and exclusive etc. But we are evolving slowly, and creating a close warm relationship that suits our needs, it will keep evolving as our needs change, so we do talk Communicating is key,
I am 73 and started to take care of my self again ! Your advice enlighten me,as I live in Japan the age difference here is more difficult than other countries for women besides being a foreigner,but I started again the gym as a met this man who is just platonic love 💕 Thank you 🙏
Some more missing pieces: realistic thinking, self-reflection and self-knowledge. Some questions to ask oneself: Am I fantasizing relationships, other people, and myself? Am I aware that, in a way, I'm a pain to live with? Am I aware that other people are just as difficult to live with as I am? Knowing this, do I have the tolerance and the will to put in an effort and work on reaching common ground, or do I just want to have fun all the time? Do I know how to communicate openly and gently, am I emotionally mature? Is what I want even realistic, and do I know what I want?
As Esther Perel says( Excellent relationship expert).... we get to know ourselves and learn about ourselves from being in relationships. If I'm waiting for perfection in myself and the other then I'll be waiting forever!! Learn to negotiate with eachother have open honest communication and most importantly be kind and authentic to yourself and your significant other.
Great questions ghosting is a form of abuse and shows manipulation I had a.man friend do this..instead of being patient for me to respond. He reacted.but showed no real value to our friendship..I put a healthy boundary up..as I have matured in my 60s . I no longer put up with.i would like to say seeing men's behavior worse then they were in their 30s as not helped me value a majority it seems hard to find a needle in a haystack..with few men I'm even attracted to.
I miss the times,back in 80's ,90's,people were much nicer, we talked one an other,wrote letters and so on. Think the phones,Internet, media is a lot to blame. The book" Why men love bithces " is good 💛 Great teaching 🥰🦋❤
Woman need to realize loving themselves, friends, family members can be very fulfilling. It is nice to have a loving partner. It is not worth sacrificing your values just to have a man. Men think about sex about every 10 minutes. It is not your responsibility to satisfy their needs and not have your own met.
I agree Before you become involved with anyone be sure you are whole unto yourself There is a huge difference between need and love If you do not trust the person you are with then it NOT love and if you feel that one man is going to fulfill your life in all areas then you are all ready in trouble Have a life outside of your relationship (I am not speaking of cheating etc) It is not your job to make someone happy Relationships are about balance If there is no balance then you will not be content
You’ve got one if not the only down to earth program these days that is what I would refer to as a good dating advice for both men and women! You are very respectable do not use profanity and show a level of sensitivity towards both genders! This is very of you! Keep up the good work! Thankyou for your program!
You are one the few honest straight forward Coach I have ever listened to . Love others the way you love yourself . What you don’t want done to you don’t do it others for we reap what we sow or your children will reap it . Use women for other men will use your daughter for sex. Use men for money other women will use your son for men . We must live Non selfishly and truly care to love well after all we are all part of each other one human race we breath the same air what affects me affect you what affects affect the rest of the world we are all one going through the same human experience towards death . Let’s care and love one another non selfishly . Genuine love seeks the best interest of the other . I’m a firm believer sex must only happen in marriage the body is a temple and is a such a special gift to be given to only the person you love
Yes, I absolutely agree that it takes time to build trust with someone and that open communication is vitally important to building a lasting partnership instead of the frequently heard advice given to women to not speak up for fear of being too "forward" with a man. I also agree that a level of intentionality, empowerment, and conciousness is vital to discern if someone actually cares about what is best for you in our crazy "hook up" and "modern" texting culture. Keep up your outstanding messages Jonathon. I wish they were more people like you who truly care about women's well being and hearts for the long run. 💜
I don’t think that a woman speaking up is a problem in itself but the tone and manner you speak may be a concern especially it you let things fester. Honestly expressing yourself is an important part of allowing both parties the mutual opportunity to get to know the other and perhaps, one’s self.
Im separated with my ex husband for 7 years, and im still in a healing process and recovery. your segment does help me to be open and be ready to a new relationship when the right one comes along. I'm just waiting, re- evaluating myself and improving myself to be a better version of myself and timing is very important to me. Love will find me. Thanks
@@TheSharronW , I've been used and abused for the longest time. That's why I ve been exhausted on the unrequited relationship. Now I get my power back, to sort out what's left in me and regain and to live again. I'm not in a hurry but I'm getting there. #self-love.
I have felt like I have not ''fitted'' in, so to speak, at all, with any type of relationships in my life until I cared enough and gained knowledge of how to really look at who I am, to KNOW my self, Just as Christ told us to do, and yes, it came with much struggle for years and pain along the way, that caused me to really SUFFER through the learning process and come out at the end of tunnel with true love for MYSELF first. We all have to do got through this at sometime in our life as this is WHY we are having this lifetime experience. I believe, Jonathan, that you are truly out to help all who will listen and really take time to truly LOVE themselves first. I found that even with all the religious experiences I have had, that I wanted to make sense of in what they taught ( Jewish / Christian) I ended up finding that studying and learning taking time to understand my birth chart and what it all truly entails... taught me so much about myself and what makes me tick. ( grant you, all you learn in these charts is NOT perfectly you, but it does give us a real good look at where our mind and heart meet). I have grown personally so much, since my divorce, after 30+ years of marriage and living 20 years alone. NO man or anyone for that matter, will ever take my power from me again. I like my independence, and how I care and love all my family and friends. A man in my life, WILL HAVE to be on the same page. You are doing a lot of good for making women THINK, and I want to thank you for that. Take Care, Blessings
People think that honest communication is boring but as a woman in her 30’s and having gone through many dysfunctional relationships, honesty is like music to my ears and rathe flattering especially if it’s coming from a man. Also, my main attraction to a man is when he makes me feel safe. I won’t date a man unless he knows how to make me feel safe
You've got it so right, Jonathan. Thank you! I'm a psychotherapist saddened by the distress caused these days by fast, empty encounters with improbable partners. Women, because they are often plagued with the time-bomb wish to bear children, don't have time to fool around forever, like men often do. For that reason alone we have to be smart in evaluating the true readiness of men for long-term commitment. Even if a woman doesn't want children, she has to observe and question the man in order to determine his emotional intelligence. Does he have any insight regarding his own behavior? Will he listen and be influenced if the woman wants to address his behavior? Social conditioning too often leads to males who are not taught communication skills, and must learn through a female partner. The man who is willing to do that work, and truly wants to learn through relationship is a rare gem. Until more fathers behave in front of their sons as if they truly respect the mother; and visibly take the time to work through problems with her - and, until education deliberately teaches boys to respect girls, the degradation of females will continue to saturate both the female and male psyches, leading to internalized sexism on the part of females (fear of being alone; don't be too picky; don't scare him away) and obvious degrading of the female by males. Unfortunately quick, easy sex plays into distant rather than close and committed relationship. It should lead somewhere wonderful - but it sure doesn't most of the time.
I think many with obscure stories here are not honest! You tell the truth! I appreciate that and at age 61 I sure experienced the ugly things of dating cesspool of narcissists, Agists, sex predators, etc! Hard to find a normal committed guy! Near impossible these last 15 years! I had 3 guy dates in a row back in CA who all kept their ex’s all in their lives as “little best friends” and one was having sex with one as he spoke to me on phone after being late to plan a comedy show with me! Appalling how they admit this and beg me to be in a triangle! I was sickened! One guy keeps the ex around living in one of his homes just to see her kid from another marriage! OMFG! I was appalled he would date and make someone else a third leg in that setup! 😳 insecure men who can’t move on! 🤮
Since I became christian everything is easy. No sex before marriage. Bam! I don't have to worry about somebody's intentions and games. I'm finally free. I don't have to waste my life anymore on people who are of no value. A guy will tell a woman anything she wants to hear. A man will say anything. Don't ask a guy anything. Look at his actions. Actions tell everything. Loving is doing not talking.
I am a Christian who has been celibate for decades. Am I tempted? Yes. However, I am sticking to my guns. And I'm not selling myself short. Maybe I'll be celibate the rest of my life. I was a wild child in my youth ( 60s and 70s ) but I'm not interested in going back to something that didn't give me the soul satisfaction I need. I know I'm a treasure so why settle for a trash digger when a treasure hunter might find the treasure he has been looking for? If there is a man out there, the right man, he is worth waiting for. But if not, that is ok too.
I'm not saying because Christian s do not believe in sex before marriage yes that is easier..however I disagree on games / intentions they get caught up..and you need to ask those questions..as ur dating to get them to answer and watch their actions if there is a match there still men
This is so legit! It's so mature and laced with integrity. Thank you for confirming and validating my feelings about all of this dating game nonsense. Most powerful here for me is how specific you were about what you're looking for in a relationship down to how many days and how much time you want to spend together. I love it!!❤❤
Jonathan- I so agree with your perspective. Being together with a person, being on the same page with open communication is key. That’s what I hope to find, as I learn how to express my thoughts, needs and wants in a compassionate way as I listen to what another person (man) desires as well. Either we’re on the same page, or we are not- it’s all good! No games. I just want honesty and hope I can find someone who is willing to grow together.
This resonates with me perfectly. It's like he was talking directly to me. At my age (61) sex is STILL a very important part of my life, and I could never imagine my life without it. I'm glad I found someone to share it with. Sending him this video. I'm sure he'd learn things from it, too.
Amen sister! Its a beautiful thing to FEEL beautiful because a man appreciates a woman their own age rather than the sexy stereotype of youth vs maturity in the bedroom I'll be 65. ..never felt sexier or more alive!! The amazing part, he views me as sensational. Ironically, other scorned men proclaim ii is on a timer which quits after marriage!! LMAO! Nope! Not this girl!!
@@johannacrowe7680 that never happens!!!! Never seen any guy want to date their own age!!! Up to age 62 they demand younger and the old guys still do same but won’t commit!!! Just arm Candy for them! I live in a big retirement community in FL and see it all. It sucks the way the attitudes are! Single Women here are very obnoxiously embarrassing aggressive jumping on any guy they see alone and it makes those guys hide forever and reject everyone thinking it’s only about money! They might be right as these aggressive women live in villas and hound after men to get into a bigger house here! It’s s money grub world! Us women who have money can’t get any guy in this atmosphere as the guys still only look for younger ladies to get sex from! The women con guys into a expensive dinner just to get out, making them pay, and just dump them afterwards! Sick world trust me!
Really loved your advice. I’m 64 and embarking on dating after 13 years of being alone. I used this time defining who I am, and what I really want and feel it’s time to have the kind of relationship I’ve never experienced before. Thank you ❤️
Get a makeover, exercise and get in good shape. There’s plenty of men in their 50s who are very close to us baby boomers we have the same values. You won’t regret it!
@@Rigoletta53those guys won’t date their age! Geez 🙄 never ever will that occur! They all want 30 yr olds! If they are actually looking for older, they have sick mommy issues!
@@Rigoletta53you just put conditions on women that you men do not ever DO!!!! That’s sick advice! Jon would never say that about women!!! We all don’t need makeovers!!!! 😡
There needs to be more authentic people like you out here!! Thank you for sharing and helping people recognize and understand how important it is to love yourself and realize things….morals values etc you r the bomb! Lol
Radical honesty… tried that in my marriage. It seems he was was soooo insecure that he took everything personally when I was talking about me in relation to “us”. Because what affects me, can affect us. We also drifted apart spiritually. So that kind of sealed the deal. That being said, sometimes people don’t want honest communication. And it’s sad because it’s another level of intimacy. I approach dating the way you describe and guys always, yes always, want the “when can we have sex” time frame delineated. Answer: when I’m damn good and ready. But probably not with you since you can’t get past it enough for me to get to know you.
Thank you for supporting an approach to relationship building that focuses on honest conversations from the start, establishment of trust as a core value, and honoring the right to have standards for connecting with another person. I have learned, over many years, that trust and respect - for one’s self and the other person - are equal in importance to love in a successful relationship. I am waiting, unapologetically, for all three of those elements to align in the way that both feels and is, intrinsically, “right” before I commit to someone.
Thank you so much, I totally agree with you. So many people are just not honest, wearing masks, worried about what others think etc. Some aren't even honest with themselves, their living in this fantasy world and intimidated by truly honest up front people. This goes for both sexes. It's a scary world today and you have to be honest with yourself first and definitely be discerning without judgment or criticism and that's difficult, because it's hard to get rid of all your luggage from the past, forgive it and move on in a new way. It's not impossible, but alot of people just don't want to put much deeper thought or effort into it. If possible we should start with a new person slowly, with a clean slate. Alot of people I've run across judge all women or men as the person in their past was, but that's so unfair. Everyone on this planet are unique individuals with unique aspects of themselves that can't be compared to anyone else. I'll stop there, this is your channel after all. I too would like a relationship, but I'm looking for the man that's willing to talk openly and honestly to get to know each other in the first place. Still looking, lol Best of luck to you, love your channel ❤
You are right on...I've been burnt so many times and was my fault for being uneducated in this area. It doesn't help being in such a dysfunctional family while growing up. Learning to have a relationship starts with your parents if there wasn't one that sure makes it difficult identifying the correct mate. God bless and keep the great info coming!
Women become co-dependent, men are selfish--BOOM. "Are we on the same page?" Good question. Here's one that brings fear into the guy's eyes: "Do you think you're good at relationships?" Watch for his facial reaction and vocal tone. Says everything.
The past few men I've 'tried to date', I've been completely honest with what I want, early on - committed, monogamous relationship, a life partner and kids (I'm late 30s so starting to feel this won't happen). The men have said they want the same thing, so I think okay, great, but then it comes out a month, two months, 3 months down the line that it's not what they actually want. It's like they say that just to get the physical intimacy. And it's crushing for many reasons, causing more baggage and self-esteem issues. I feel like giving up dating because I'm constantly lied to.
Here's to realizing I give my power away too easily, I have co-dependent tendencies and I respond to narcissistic love-bombing and selfishness... Thank you for saying what we as women need to hear. Your honesty is much appreciated! 😊❤
I’m not available and honestly, don’t want any type of romantic or sexual relationship right now. I lost myself in a covert narcissist and had no idea what type of person I was dealing with because it’s one thing to read about something and being exposed to it. He destroyed me but I learned a lot about myself and now can detect these people easier
You are so on point, reasonable and grounded. Self love is the key thing, everything starts from that point, self respect, basic standards and values, and good communication...🥰
13:00 ... Magic Question: Are we on the same page? Do we want the same things, do we value the same things, what does "your" idea of a happy relationship look like? Thank you J 🙏🙏🙏💕💕💕🤗🤗🤗
💜💜💜What a great talk, thank you. Loving the Dating Vow. Makes a lot of sense. I am 48 and have recently befriended a 26-year old male. I was the one who reached out to him and made it clear that I was looking to make new friends and that his energy vibe was what I was attracted to. He has been nothing but a gentleman. We speak/text daily and have gotten together 3 times in about 3 weeks time. We are very clear that we are on different relationship timelines and that crossing the sexual boundaries is not an option. It is very nice to get to experience this different kind of connection. He’s showing me a kind of respect and being valued that I will most certainly take with me as I have needed to feel those things within myself first when it relates to the opposite sex. And now I will hold myself and my standards along with personal boundaries to a whole new level. Honest communication and shared intentions really do make a difference. I look forward to my next intimate relationship but am sure enjoying taking my time and enjoying other connections along the way.💜💜💜
No crossing sexual boundaries..??? Because an age difference..??? Sorry to tell you, it doesn't make sense. I made love with guys much younger than me, it was great. It's a pity you guys have do much prejudice.
@@AmorDivino-e5q Such a beautiful soul you are. I have been with many ages throughout my time in this life, and because he and I are at different times in our lives as to what we want, and because I know myself well enough to know that such a connection he and I have, physical intimacy would lead me to want more than he could be able to allow at this moment. So this beautiful soul friendship that we have works because we are both honest and respectful of each other. Anything in life is possible so I will not rule anything out but at the same time, when one knows themselves well enough, then intuition leads the way. Blessings to you 💜💜💜
@Jessica Sanchez I’m glad you resonated. It took some courage to share my story. I was self conscious about what others would think (online and in my friend circles) but then realized that people will only have an opinion based on their current level of thinking. Many think I’m playing with fire but I know where I stand in my friendship with him and we are both very respectful of and to each other. I’ve been able to be there for him through 3 deaths all within just a few weeks of each other and he has been a beautiful light for me as well. Age has no boundary but thanks to Jonathon’s talks and advice I have felt more comfortable having those important conversations with men and have gained a new longstanding friend along the way. Thank you again Jonathon for all your work!💜💜💜
Sugar mammy 😅😅😅bizzy dating a small kid,,how Soo,goodness God forgive us our sins,as we make good choices as matured people not child abuse it's so hectic
Jonathan you are so correct in that women need to protect their power. Women are in a position to decide for themselves in every way, and should never second guess their decisions on what is best fir them and what they want. Second guessing breeds low self esteem. We are way better than that! Thanks for your videos. They (and you!) are awesome!
Oh how absolutely right you are with honest conversations... The way I see it, being able to open up and show your vulnerable side is the only way to gain true trust and respect. And build on it.❤🙏🙏
I agree with this message...Yes folks need to honestly communicate their wants and needs. Finding out if you're on the same page; before you bed. Having those conversations can led to creating connections, intimacy, and trust: necessary to build up your relationship ‼️💯. I found my person at 65, he's is 73. It is a miracle, we know that and appreciate our Union, blessed by God.
Jonathan you are smart. Love what you are saying and so agree. People jump into relationships too quickly and they wonder why they feel used or neglected. Also, by sleeping around you risk getting STDs, that can be very unpleasant and lifelong.
So sick of the "make him miss you" "get your ex back" bull shit advice being put out there. I can't make a man do anything and no, I don't want any of my exes back either. My parents' dating standards are no longer out there (I'm 57 by the way). I just want honest conversation, quality time, to enjoy the ride and let things unfold.
This is stuff put about by some dating coaches out there. Advice given is so restrictive. Jonathan is not one of these coaches. Self love first, self respect, clear intentions and boundaries!
When it comes to self-esteem, you either have it or you don't. There is no such thing as low self-esteem. You're either coming from a mindset of self-loathing or narcissism. Either way, this stems from insecurity.
Totally resonating. I did try very hard in my last relationship to be very careful not to jump in too quick. I talked about what I wanted & didn't want. He said similar things. 13 yrs & 2 kids later, I found him out in a 9yr emotional affair, with many others on the sidelines. Complete narcissist. Lied about everything. Talking is no guarantee - people with personality issues can act very well, for many years... However I do like your approach. Enjoying your content! Thank you.
GREAT video! I'm so glad YT suggested it to me. As a baby boomer who came of age during the women's liberation movement and the sexual revolution, it took me a very long time to understand how my generation went off the rails, so-to-speak, and created so much pain and confusion within intimate relationships, some of which you described very well in this video! I haven't dated in many years primarily because I felt like I didn't have the tools I needed to protect myself emotionally from men who still believe hook-ups are the way to happiness and because men my age are apparently only interested in women at least 10 years their junior! I really like your approach to this subject and the dating vow and I'm going to use it. Thank you!
Thank you for this message. I'm 45 and feel advice out there are so 3D based. Hooking up is normalize and loving someone's soul is on the back burner! I've been single for a year and some months. Men think I'll sleep with them because they are attractive etc. No Thank You! If you can't read a person's intentions you will be in a world of problems. Communication is so necessary and having a common goal in life. If I'm looking for someone emotionally available, spiritual minded and who knows their Worth. I'm expecting him to have the same values. If he can't wait for intimacy then he isn't for me. Set healthy boundaries and know your worth. ❤️ I had a narcissist for 23 years and had to heal, do work on myself because I felt worthless, old, ugly, weak, codependent and spiritually unavailable. Now I'm still healing but I know my value and what I bring to the table. Thanks for your help. I'll read those books.
Hi dear I just want to say you look beautiful at 45! I am 42 and my brothers fiancé is 45 and we all look great in our 40s. We need to stop letting society make us feel old and unwanted, not to brag but I got men from age 20-60 complimenting very frequently! I have a 35 year old gorgeous man that is pursuing me for 15 years, we’ve been long distance but recently he lives closer. I’m hoping him as I finally get out chance because he makes me feel like a Queen! I wish you the best of luck!
This is exactly what I’ve felt since my new empowerment a couple of years ago… THIS is EXACTLY the process I’m currently in …Getting it Right , in the Right way, by the Right methods of Honesty, building Trust through TALKING and assessing the significant other ..and His values . Sex is the next step, the step taken AFTER the ground work of stability is achieved. Thank goodness I read this, it made me smile in totally absolutely agreement. Thank you for the confirmation . 👌
You're right, dating advice everywhere talk about these mind games. It's good to hear that wanting an honest communication with a potential partner is not a bad thing.
Great subject. I have this to say about devaluing an older women. I’m 63 I’m single and I’ve taken care of myself all my life. I’m semi retired, I really like myself and I have plenty of 50t yr olds knocking on my door! Never have I felt prettier, more confident and don’t need a relationship. I’d like one, but finding a serious long term in a small midwestern town is insanely difficult. I’ve looked into relocating to a sunnier area( I hate the winters)good luck being able to afford those areas. But I’m looking. Someday over the 🌈
Men in warmer areas only want girls thirty and younger. Heads up. Good luck. Get a dog. Perhaps a widower who really wants a new wife...as long as you don't suspect he killed her.
@@sabinadonofrio8863 Just because a man wants something, doesnt mean he gets it. I and my friends are mid to late twenties and the idea of much older men thinking they have a shot with us is ridiculous, I dont understand what these men are smoking
@@Wealth_through_Health22 llol. You're soo right. Some kind of papa complex. Down here in Florida, lots of girls fall for the cars n boats, yatches, drugs and drinking. X generation men have lots of money and little else. It's sick!!! I don't look my age, but I've stopped by going out. Even my realtor hit on me. He didn't even take me out for a cup of coffee or show me any houses thinking I was going to do stuff. Ha! I didn't even take a shower to see him at his office. Some men!!!. Bald and 9 months beer gut. Soo funny. "His Plumbing still works"......not on me.
The 50 year olds are attracted to us older women who have looked after themselves financially. It's so nice when the power dynamic has flipped. I don't need a guy to help me survive. So I picked a really cute one who is very well behaved. 😆
I love this. I ended a relationship with a man who I felt devalued me. He has always wanted to maintain a sexual relationship with me but not a committed or monogamous one. I suppose this is fine that he's coming from that place but I have just encouraged him to understand that if he is with me whether he is monogamous or not there is bonding that occurs and it is a relationship it is a love relationship. It is a relationship about connection. I might consider even being okay with a non-monogamous relationship as long as that person has my back like you said, but until I feel that someone truly has my back, I am going to be careful because I really believe that I deserve to be valued.
Good content, am 25 years and many of your videos have really helped me to be a real woman. love my boyfriend, he's the one at least i hope. one thing helped me - natural drops spanish fly which i got from him as a birthday gift . it really surprised me and we had a great sex experience
You are so right about the lack of respect, meaning and depth of the younger generation! I decided to choose wiser. Exactly a year ago I fell in love with a man who is 20 years older than me and I have had the happiest year of my life to far. We are clearly on the same page. He is so committed, so romantic! And we can openly discuss issues that may appear without my being afraid he will run away.
@@moisesbeyond I guess you have to pay for your sex but that’s not what I’m talking about. I reserve sex for a certain level of relationship so that I can decide if I want that man in my life.
@@LL-zm3cj you dont decide the relationship but men....you only decide if you are going to have sex or not...Men decide what kind of relationship want with a woman.
Where was this advice 7 years ago…. I put myself in a terrible situation that has taken a toll on my emotional and physical health. I now know what I did wrong and how to move toward a better outcome if I have the chance at another relationship. Thank you.
Thank you! Your information is the first honest information that I have listened to by someone who has the concept of a healthy relationship down pat! Communication is the key ingredient in a healthy relationship. I believe in getting to know a person as a friend first before committing to anything. Discussing one another's wants and expectations is paramount!
I am ending a long time relationship and listening to “relationship experts” I agree many of the younger man coaches focus on what to text, how to please your man, etc. while that is all fine and dandy it’s the icing on the cake that they are talking about and not the meat and potatoes. I appreciate your outlook on dating and what’s important. Tnx, C
In my opinion, it all depends on our age & childhood taught values. Being "honest" is at the top of my list in developing a relationship. Bottom line; face to face conversation is so important. If we weren't taught how to share our feelings, we both can't move forward. Just saying my opinion. Processing your "food for thoughts" Some good suggestions but we all need the same thing: trust & being in a loving relationship. New to your utube
Last fellow was 40. I'm 45. Brought up exclusivity and he wasn't "ready"? Didn't have "time" for me. Still on dating sites. Well, okay then. No we aren't sleeping together again! 🤣 So next fellow is 49. Okay, so THAT'S what I'm talking about-delightful. Handle things the same way. He was looking to be exclusive as well. That's just how we did things back then, so we do that still. We didn't go "date" more than one person in high school, right?
Jonathon! You are freaking amazing! I am 26 and literally this video is gold and applies to any age. You are so wise. The games have got to stop in society with dating! Honesty and being transparent is so important. Glad I stumbled upon this..
Thank you so much Jonathon - your approach is brave and so strong for throwing out all that bullshit game-playing that has been part of our culture for decades. Your way is the real one.
Love your podcasts Johnathan. I'm back to reading The Hoffman Process. I am realizing some of my old defaults. Thought those were gone. Yes, life is much better when shared with trusty confidant(s). It's rare. It's horrible feeling as though one's value boils down to genitalia or expected sexual or financial performance. Age is like fine wine that may not be discovered had it not been for those years of experience. Harsh convenience oriented realities or agendas can be hidden like little daggers underneath the covers. It cheapens the whole experience. The brutality of the eighties has risen to a new level.
Love your advice. I wish i had heard this six months ago. My poor heart has been broken by a man who lost his wife six months prior to our weekend fling. I knew him for 11 years and I threw caustion to tge wind. I knew him before his wife of 5 years. Crazy of me to believe he would want me after we had sex. After he told me he was not ready for any type of relationship, he started dating a "special friend." I watched it all on Facebook. Stab my heart and let me bleed...
I totally agree with you. Honesty is essential. I've always been honest. And I don't manipulate people. I like this video because most of the people on youtube that are giving advices to women are telling them how to manipulate a man so that he will come back to them...it gets on my nerves, I don't like it...I want to be myself and I wouldn't pretend I don't miss someone if I do...and how can you expect someone to be sincere with you if you're not! Thank you Jonathon you're an angel !!♪тнайк чоц♪🌈✨🙏
Love your channel You are SO NORMAL and SO GROUNDED! Clearly you are helping to heal on WHATEVER LEVEL. Totally resonate with your energy. Well done, women need to hear this... Sending positive vibes to you from Sunny South Africa..
You are so right and this always my belief. Its easy to jump into any relationship but sex became so dominant priority for some people and I am not labeling men as some women refer physical contact more then real deep connections. I just see we are living lonely lives rather to be on our own then commit to someone. I always believed when two achieve more then one. Support, caring, sharing,loving unconditionally , respecting and appreciating each other etc its real magic 💞
Amen, thank you. Basis for all longlasting relationships is communication. My husband and I 51 yrs and counting. I won't always say it's been easy and we're still learning. Like you said we weren't always as open about things as we are in today's world.
I have a partner that is American and even though we are far away from each other we love, value, respect and love one another and are committed to one another He's amazing and makes me feel amazing too. We have spoken about marriage and children and we are very much in love with each other. Thank you so much for showing us that we are not alone in our beliefs. ❤️
Best way to find out who someone is ….is to listen and observe and see if they are congruent. Let them tell you things that they want to tell you and see how congruent they are. Then…then you can ask direct questions. Some people lie.
I'm glad this came up on the list on youtube. When I was young and sexy, I was promiscuous and stupid many times, I sometimes would have the conversation about what they wanted or I wanted (but usually after sex) then end it because it wasn't the same. Anyway I'm much older, let my figure go and have not been emotionally able to have a relationship for the past 7 years due to past hurt, depression and struggle with drink. If I ever get to the point of having another relationship, I'm happy to know my thoughts about having honest conversation is the way to go, especially before any milk, mind you milk doesn't interest me really, lol. Just finding a man that knows himself is important and can be honest. Yep porn and the internet has destroyed relationships I think. & I should add, women's sexual revolution has harmed us.
Pull it together. I wasted 20 letting myself go. Out of the blue, an old bf from 33 years ago contacted me. He is a fortune 500 man. 1% mvp. I always new he would have great success. He is handsome and kind. Grounded. First 4 days of conversation were divine. Easy and fun remembering the past. Then he asked for a current picture. Gulp. What the heck. Gussied myself up and took a bunch. Ouch. Eww. Not gross just 20 years of giving up. Sent 2 and accidentally all the duds followed. His reply was, thank you. Crickets since........I am dying to text him.
I totally get it! I'm not saying that it isn't already too late for one situation. But I told him I won't sleep with him again because I actually really care about him and I know that is not reciprocal, and I won't settle for that anymore. I know it would be great at first, then he would poof! Dissappear. So, no I am not going to do it. I am so proud of myself! I don't feel sad and I don't feel used and I still care about him, but my heart isn't broken. I feel open for something good.
Where were you in 2000? I needed this counsel then so I could heal and learn. Oh boy!! But it' never too late to learn. Now I am 51yrs, desiring to share my life with a man who got my back and just had a 42 days long f'd up nameless skit with a 39yr old caucasian man (my first white man) but it left me with a bitter taste in my mouth. Now I understand what was happening in between tje 42 days. Thanks to you J.A for your insight!. I am wiser now. 💛
FREE Discovery Call with Jonathon► jonathonaslay.com/coaching
Jonathan. I am so confused about these men.some of then just talk.for the hell of it.they say one thing and do the other.what the heck.do they realy want .?
Jonathan I give you 👍👍👍I absolutely agree with what you shared here. Can you buy these books 📚 from a bookstore? I often wonder why so many men that go on dating sites are only looking for sex, before even getting to know you as a person. I gave up on wanting to meet someone online because of this. Thanks so much for caring about women. 😄
I have learned over the yeats to talk and listen to what they say and then watch what they do. That will tell you what they really want.
Where are the questions?!? Get to the point! Waste of time, my headphones are dying! Tell me something I don't know! Why tf else would I click on a video with this this tittle!? Absolute waste of 20 minutes. Doesn't even start to get to the point until there are less than 3 minutes left in the video. I'm never coming back to this channel.
Ďegrüyter jaçqüeliñe ikc was veŕgeteñweĺķe vraag dat je stelde
I am 52 years old and he is 55. For the first time in my life, I am walking in love instead of falling in love. His level of patience is so appreciated! Men always wanted to lay me down instead of lifting me up. Even if this relationship doesn’t work, the level of respect we have for each other is priceless. Pray for us!
So happy for you!
This couldn’t be more similar to my own situation, if I’d have written it myself. I do pray for you and your union…hopefully, you’ll be gracious enough to do the same for me. Blessings upon blessings to you. 🌹
I don't believe in prayers, it will be what it will be with or without prayers. But I wish you the best a n d its good that you experience a healthy relationship.
@@christineribone9351 I agree
How wonderful for you both 💚🌼🙏
Your dating advice only works if you are dealing with an honest man. My last two relationships said they wanted everything I did. They were both lying.
Hello how are you doing?
That's how my first husband was. He was a pathological liar, and now I'm wondering if he is a narcissist, because I found out all he married me for was my credit cards and having a maid to cook and clean nonstop and if I didn't agree with that, then I didn't really love him. He wanted me to go along with his shady ways and I said, sorry, I wasn't raised like that, so didn't go along with his schemes. I wanted to divorce him a few days after I got married to him because I found out he was a big liar and phony but my Mom is a strict Catholic and she said I couldn't divorce him, I made my bed, I got to sleep in it. I stayed with him for seven years and finally, I kicked him out and served him with divorce papers. My second husband was wonderful. He had his faults to be sure, but, we had 30 years of being together before he died 20 months ago. I started dating again six months ago and I guess I shall see where it leads. So far, we're having a blast and he does things my late husband never wanted to do--like travel and go out to concerts, dance, and other things.
Same here
My last lied too 😟. We have to learn to discern the men we date...vet them to "see" if they are worth our time...self love plays a huge part too...
How long did you wait to have sex with them?
Just met an Italian man (54 years old) - total "Love Bomber" - I live in California; from the beginning I told him I wasn't going to jump in bed with him too soon! I thought he understood, went out last week for a drink after he got off work. Seems he couldn't throw back his drink fast enough whereby he seemed to rush me out to the car because, as he said "I can't wait to kiss you!" - which we did. During that time, I reminded him I wasn't going to his place nor was he coming to mine (note: we've never been to the other's residence). Fast forward to Sunday (tonight) --- I haven't heard a peep from him since; and, I saw him on Thursday evening. I am very, very glad I didn't acquiesce and jump into bed with him during a passionate moment ... 🙄
If you’re dealing with a narcissist, it doesn’t matter what you say, what you do, how much you try to be upfront and honest, narcissist lie and pretend to be exactly what you’re looking for. This only works if you’re dealing with a healthy emotionally quality person.
So true !!!
No substance
Jonathan I don't know if you got my message or not this is Ethel from Missouri I am now engaged I'm getting married again I have two beautiful stuff children I'll have and a good relationship with the man I love and he tells me all the time I love you be careful be safe and when he comes home February 14th we are going to start our life together thank you for helping me
I don't know if you got my message but thanks to you I found my true love we're going to get married February 14th we're buying a house together and buying a new car together thank you for you being there for me I like having a big brother on my side
so true…been there!
Key takeaways of the video:
1.Intencionally is missing in the dating process
2. Hook ups have replaced the genuine desire for connection and relationships
3. Some women operate from a co-depend perspective and men from narcissist perspective
4. Don't ever give your power away to men.
5. Pornography and social media has devalue women (or people in general).
6. It takes time to build trust
SPELLING!!
Absolutely ....don't ever give your power away.
Women have also de valued themselves.
Generally Men's are not loyal to women, not worth committing into a serious relationship and falling in love is like dating an alien of short term especially Westerners. They just want sex.
I did from being naive as he was a narcissist which I never knew what that was til I learned the hard way by getting hurt, investing too much too soon got blocked & ghosted while he put me in the friendzone along the way..
I am dating a man who wants to wait till we fall in love. He’s 71 & I am 67. So refreshing after all the years of dating the instant sex creeps, then they ghost!
Hold out ladies it’s so worth it.
Exactly
You believe that at 71!?
@@jonandlizzy I am 67, 71 is in my dating age!
❤️
This is what I'm looking for but I don't need it.
You're absolutely right, no one is ready for a healthy relationship until they value and respect themselves.
Hmm it really does always comes back to self respect and love, huh?
100%💛! I wish more woman would stop being scared that if they don’t sleep with a man on his terms, they will lose him. It is ok to lose a selfish guy who doesn’t care whether she feels safe enough/ emotionally connected with him to be intimate. I don’t like to blame women but as a woman myself, I do blame them. Please, stop letting men get away with selfishness and disrespect. We make them the way they area
… it’s SO MUCH MORE than just “ok” to lose a selfish guy who doesn’t care.
It’s literally a deliverance, one of the best blessings you can get from up above. This reminder is like a water filter, a strainer if you want. Say no to men who will only drain your energy and your self-worth. There are good men out there !!!
@@silvisil3770 💯%🙌
Let’s be honest. If a man gets upset that you don’t wanna sleep with him when you’re not ready, then that already is your sign to let him go. Right?
@@mlueva1 Exactly! He doesn’t respect you and your feelings.
One guy got quite frisky after our first date so I sent him home with his tail between his legs. The next day I called him to apologise as, although I was polite, I thought I might have come across as too harsh. I apologised and told him I wasn't like that to which he responded "All the best girls are" so I said "Then you'd best go find yourself one" said goodbye and hung up. He asked me out again several times but I kept declining until he stopped.
Eliminate the riff raff promptly.
“Using intimacy to create connection is backwards. Connection creates intimacy, because connection presumes trust.” **This was an awesome quote that I read in psychology today probably seven or eight years ago lol unfortunately - I do not have the author’s name so I cannot and WILL NOT take credit for this quote. I photographed it and kept it on my phone so I would never forget it! I’m really enjoying the content on this channel. I was widowed back in 2013 at the age of 46. I had a very nice marriage for 15 years. When I went back out into the dating arena two years later to try to find some companionship I was aghast at what had happened the deterioration in communication, respect and effort. Not to mention character and moral conduct. I could go on and on. A lot of people ask me why I’m not dating or why I haven’t found somebody. I am still a believer that the men do the pursuing and the women do the choosing. A lot of these people that make comments say I am “old school “. I’m not going to suffer in regards to my self-respect and moral character to achieve companionship. I will not do it! I think women have become too overly aggressive and it’s throwing things out of balance. I think it’s confused men and I think it sent the wrong message that they’re entitled to certain things. If God blesses me with a divine connection if someone comes in then that’s wonderful. If not I will be OK because I got through the death and grief of losing my husband and thank God I am doing OK. I am so thankful that I got to experience the deep love devotion and connection that goes along with a successful marriage. Some people go through their entire life and they never find it. I am grateful and consider myself blessed that I was able to experience that once in my life. It has blessed me with wonderful memories.
Building intimacy is not the same as you state "using" intimacy. Connection or spending time with a person doesn't necessarily create intimacy.
@@JonathonAslay what does create intimacy then? I have zero idea what intimacy is. I’m forty and I can say with confidence I’ve never experienced it 😞
I completely get what you are saying and wholeheartedly agree.
I agree totally
What a beautiful comment. Much appreciated, and thanks for posting it.
I entirely agree that there's too much emphasis on sex now. We should make a connection with someone and build trust before hopping into bed. Sex seems to be expected nowadays almost immediately😢
The question to ask before sex is: Are we on the same page? For example: Do we want a relationship? Both may say yes, but a relationship may mean different things to both of you. So, it's important to clarify what each of you wants. For example: A relationship might mean shared activities 2-3x a week for you and for the other person, it might mean seeing you whenever they feel like it, which might not be very often.
You do not have sex out of marriage,simple as that!
M
@@TheJuneukthat’s unrealistic!!! Espec in older age as you do t want a man who can’t even get hard! Can’t even show intimate love! That’s very important you just Deni I shed it as if it’s last… it’s on top 3 reasons to be together! Geez 🙄
@@TheJuneukwhat if you don't married , do you suggest we all be nuns x
People show you who they are. Believe them. Friends first. Watch how they act, clear communication and backup what they promise. . It takes time.
sad thing is they behave rightly and sincerely for ppl they actually do want.
So, I think it's not so much how they are. Just how they are with YOU and it's your bad luck you have to see that side of them that they wouldnt have shown someone they actually wanted.
Absolutely 💯.... We have to have a healthy self esteem....to be able to find love u Must love yourself....
Exactly!!! I just don’t understand why friends first (months!!!!) is a dumb idea to most people. Then they complain after the fact when they done gave the cow away. It’s just a bunch of BS to say in the first few months these strangers are relationship material.
@@juliaarambula3153 because if a man is interested in you, he will be disheartened sometimes to learn you just wanna be friends and your mind may or may not change about him, and he might move along. If I show a guy interest and he says let's be friends first, I would feel the same - bummed.
Anyway there's no guarantee he is gonna be sincere while being your friend. He may just bide his time and say all the things he knows you wanna hear.
I wish I had known this information two summers ago when I met a 61yr old who started off sweet and "innocent" but shortly played every game in the book, including ghosting.
I was at higher level of consciousness then, and showed deep compassion, patience and understanding, because he was a two year widower. I was left totally confused. Now, I can apply these teachings on my next prospect. Keep up the heart work! ❤
👍
I dated a widow he was 57 me 49, I unfortunately gave him a huge licence to do anything, because of his situation....it was hell on earth
At 61 .you would have thought they are done with that kind of stuff. That goes to show .
@@patod5392 A book to read FEAST OF MEN - story of a woman's heart..
Dating widower can be very tricky and play on our empathy. I dated one for 6 months and it took me over a year to recover after the breakup. I was completely f.. d up 😓
My bf and I talked about what we wanted and made sure we were on the same page. Every weekend we’d talk over a nice meal, so the communication was always on spot. We worked through a lot of growth together this way! It really strengthened our relationship.
He told me sex isn’t the important thing . It’s a bonus if it happens . Cuddling , talking , fun activities we enjoy together is more important . Cultivating a friendship . Having up close and personal time only when I become comfortable or desire that .
I wish my guy told me that.
As a woman who has been married for 26 years, I feel I have spent much of it trying to have my husband understand that women feel deeply where men tend to be more visual. It is nice to feel loved, wanted, and respected. You hit it right on the nose saying temptation & sexual instant gratification is out there & I feel it DOES in a sense make women feel devalued as men get a false sense of what sexual intimacy is. Sometimes, no matter what I do sexually, it doesn't feel enough and it can be frustrating. I've also heard " Well, you two have been married soo long & maybe he's bored". Well, I can say, at 50, I am keeping more spicy than ever. If men could try to express their feelings better as opposed to the women always having to get it out, it sure would help a lot. Also, men, if you have a spouse who loves you on a soul level, supports your needs, takes care of you in every way, please tell that person how much they are appreciated, wanted & needed. This is a two way street after all.
honey your marriage lasted 26 years just becasue he did exactly this. were he to act like what you wanted, your marriage would have long ended. let men be men and you be you!
@@amortalbeing Have you had a long relationship is my first question. Second My marriage lasted because I have worked at it & put the time & effort into it. Most people do not and easily give up these days mostly for selfish reasons HONEY!!
I'm not understanding your point? My husband has emotional issues from life sure, but wouldn't that make you want to do better.
I know YouR Point: "Poor me, I am so good and work so hard and am injusticed. If you have justice, Be Grateful. Me? I'm not happy because I do not Have justice." ...whatever lady
Let me be succinct. It is not all about you. You are not the sun. The world does not revolve around you. Try being more humble and attentive to your man's thoughts and feelings. You are self absorbed and repelling what you desire.
You can ask the question, but it depends on their honesty. Most guys out there are not honest at all and are good at pretending that they are serious about commitment.
Maybe they scared to… l don’t no but I guess it’s about finding what we want.
I don’t no what do you think.
Jonathon you’re adorable! I have followed feminine energy coaches for years . Ruh roh. I’m 39 and a single mom and it’s so hard out there ! I feel like men feel we are all disposable now . Men have no problem telling me I’m hot or trying to hook up but when it comes to moving things forward they always seem to pull away. It sucks ! Really a self esteem crusher! I have a son with autism as well. I like the term luggage ! Great script too!
This is just FABULOUS.
Over and over in my life, I've been shocked to find that the people I THOUGHT I knew ... turned out to have values very different from mine. Not just men, but my women friends too. It's crazy important to NOT ASSUME that the person in front of us has our values ... but to spend time finding out, to put in the time and the work necessary ... and to ask the questions that will help us to ACTUALLY know.
Jonathon, LOVE LOVE LOVE the "dating vow"!!!! Starting over in my 60's is soooo challenging because dating is SO unlike anything I know. Really awesome to know I have a "big brother" out there!
I knew a man who thought I should have sex with him without him wanting to know much of anything about me. (Well more than one) Seems many older guys act this way. I’ve had a pretty interesting but challenging life. When I talked about what I’m interested in his response was “Oh, you want someone who wants to do what you want to do.” My reply was “no, I want someone who is going in the same direction.”
Same direction exactly!! Wish I could find a woman who wants to set the goals, and achieve then.
I live a boring life compare to others.
@@ladyviking89 wait till you find your partner in crime 😊
Agreed
This just might be your most important video, Jonathan, and I for one appreciate the topic and [your] straight talk. Trust is critical. I’ve lived a long time and I STILL don’t trust a thing that comes out of a man’s mouth in terms of the “relationship conversation”. I’ve been fed too many lines from the time I began dating. As wonderful as sex is, I am of the opinion that UNLESS and UNTIL one is certain you and your partner on are the same page (is this really possible?) it merely muddies the water and stings like hell when he ghosts and moves on. Key takeaway: Don’t abdicate your power to a partner, lover, friend, anyone.. Many thanks, Jonathan.
I agree ☝️.
I have been married 42 years. Respect, loyalty, honesty is everything. I believe woman today give themselves to men. This is wrong. I've seen it with my daughter . She sees a guy for a year. He just has discovered she has two children. Trust is earned. I believe a woman should never put up with a controlling man. But, we do it.
42yrs =;lots of skeletons in the closet = lots of turning blind eye .. don't sit on. Your high horse ..pls
@@jessio4312
😅😂 turning a blind eye
This is precisely why i have remained celibate and not dated at all in 5 years since ending my previous marriage. My ex-husband had secret dating hook up profiles during our marriage and hooked up secretly on the side whilst i lived in a loveless and sexless marriage. Unfortunately my ex husband told me what i wanted to hear and then proceeded to live a secret double life. Trust is so important in a relationship. Honesty and trustworthiness is vital right from the beginning of a relationship. Without it you are living in a lie. Thank you for the great advice. Yes human relationships were so different in the 1980s.
Having good one is enjoyable😃
Shame on the one who requires marriage but does not give love andnpassion. Pure money pump
I have watched quite a few of your videos, Jonathon, and I've been very grateful for each one! I am very glad that you have taken the time to study all this stuff, read these books, and make these videos! Thank you so much! I was in a marriage for 28 years (had 5 kids), and it was not fun. I wish I could've learned all this stuff before I got married. We were not a good match for each other. Now I'm old enough to be your mother and I wish I had a loving partner in my life, but it's kinda difficult at my age to find a wonderful man to have in my life. Thank you again for teaching us how to find someone who's right for us! Wishing you much success and love in your life.
PRAYER:
- PERFECT HEALTH
- ABUNDANT WEALTH
- TRUE LOVE
I totally agree. I couldn't imagine being seen as a "hook-up" at age almost 75 and yet, that happened to me last year. He was deceptive in his intentions but it didn't take me long to figure it out and he was gone.
Why don’t they just pay for a sex worker? Oh, then they would have to pay for a sex worker.
@@GoOutside321 What I didn't get was we had a common interest, which was how we met but he seemed more interested in my body than my mind. I look pretty good but I've had no work done and I am not an extreme workout granny so I would have expected most men to look to someone much younger for that sort of "companionship." I'm not rich and he knew that so it was just weird. I really never felt so disrespected in my life.
@@tinalettieri I hear you, I feel you, I know your pain.
@@GoOutside321 thanks but he wasn't worth any pain. I left and was fine.
I hear you ... that's scary as I'm in my 60's 🤔🥴
I love the analogy of two snowpea (or tomato, pumpkin etc) plants next to each other, with their own trellises so they each have their own support. They have their own roots, their own energy, their own nutrients and thrive next to each other. They don't intertwine too much and don't strangle the other. They don't compete or need each other for survival.
Just subbed. This is very important. I am not into game playing. Been going out with a man 2.5 months started off making it clear what I wanted and where I drew the line. He wanted similar things. Not friends with benefits, rather being monogamous and exclusive etc. But we are evolving slowly, and creating a close warm relationship that suits our needs, it will keep evolving as our needs change, so we do talk Communicating is key,
I am 73 and started to take care of my self again !
Your advice enlighten me,as I live in Japan the age difference here is more difficult than other countries for women besides being a foreigner,but I started again the gym as a met this man who is just platonic love 💕
Thank you 🙏
Dating today is such a mess. 🥺 It’s almost impossible to find someone that is honest and wants a real connection.
Some more missing pieces: realistic thinking, self-reflection and self-knowledge. Some questions to ask oneself:
Am I fantasizing relationships, other people, and myself? Am I aware that, in a way, I'm a pain to live with? Am I aware that other people are just as difficult to live with as I am? Knowing this, do I have the tolerance and the will to put in an effort and work on reaching common ground, or do I just want to have fun all the time? Do I know how to communicate openly and gently, am I emotionally mature? Is what I want even realistic, and do I know what I want?
Thanks for sharing...
@@JonathonAslay what if I told you I was a man....
dolin player? 😆🤣😂
As Esther Perel says( Excellent relationship expert).... we get to know ourselves and learn about ourselves from being in relationships. If I'm waiting for perfection in myself and the other then I'll be waiting forever!! Learn to negotiate with eachother have open honest communication and most importantly be kind and authentic to yourself and your significant other.
Great questions ghosting is a form of abuse and shows manipulation I had a.man friend do this..instead of being patient for me to respond. He reacted.but showed no real value to our friendship..I put a healthy boundary up..as I have matured in my 60s . I no longer put up with.i would like to say seeing men's behavior worse then they were in their 30s as not helped me value a majority it seems hard to find a needle in a haystack..with few men I'm even attracted to.
@@karenwilliams2068 I'm 41 and I feel I'm in the same place, it seems impossible to find a literally *mature* man who is not taken.
I miss the times,back in 80's ,90's,people were much nicer, we talked one an other,wrote letters and so on. Think the phones,Internet, media is a lot to blame.
The book" Why men love bithces " is good 💛
Great teaching 🥰🦋❤
I agree
Woman need to realize loving themselves, friends, family members can be very fulfilling.
It is nice to have a loving partner. It is not worth sacrificing your values just to have a man. Men think about sex about every 10 minutes. It is not your responsibility to satisfy their needs and not have your own met.
I agree Before you become involved with anyone be sure you are whole unto yourself There is a huge difference between need and love If you do not trust the person you are with then it NOT love and if you feel that one man is going to fulfill your life in all areas then you are all ready in trouble Have a life outside of your relationship (I am not speaking of cheating etc) It is not your job to make someone happy Relationships are about balance If there is no balance then you will not be content
Bad sex is not worth agreeing to.
You’ve got one if not the only down to earth program these days that is what I would refer to as a good dating advice for both men and women! You are very respectable do not use profanity and show a level of sensitivity towards both genders! This is very of you! Keep up the good work! Thankyou for your program!
You are one the few honest straight forward Coach I have ever listened to . Love others the way you love yourself . What you don’t want done to you don’t do it others for we reap what we sow or your children will reap it . Use women for other men will use your daughter for sex. Use men for money other women will use your son for men . We must live Non selfishly and truly care to love well after all we are all part of each other one human race we breath the same air what affects me affect you what affects affect the rest of the world we are all one going through the same human experience towards death . Let’s care and love one another non selfishly . Genuine love seeks the best interest of the other . I’m a firm believer sex must only happen in marriage the body is a temple and is a such a special gift to be given to only the person you love
Exactly!!!
Yes, I absolutely agree that it takes time to build trust with someone and that open communication is vitally important to building a lasting partnership instead of the frequently heard advice given to women to not speak up for fear of being too "forward" with a man.
I also agree that a level of intentionality, empowerment, and conciousness is vital to discern if someone actually cares about what is best for you in our crazy "hook up" and "modern" texting culture. Keep up your outstanding messages Jonathon. I wish they were more people like you who truly care about women's well being and hearts for the long run. 💜
Exactly
I don’t think that a woman speaking up is a problem in itself but the tone and manner you speak may be a concern especially it you let things fester. Honestly expressing yourself is an important part of allowing both parties the mutual opportunity to get to know the other and perhaps, one’s self.
Im separated with my ex husband for 7 years, and im still in a healing process and recovery. your segment does help me to be open and be ready to a new relationship when the right one comes along. I'm just waiting, re- evaluating myself and improving myself to be a better version of myself and timing is very important to me. Love will find me. Thanks
Sounds like you still loved him for 7 years or you really have not done much work on yourself for 7 years!
@@TheSharronW , I've been used and abused for the longest time. That's why I ve been exhausted on the unrequited relationship. Now I get my power back, to sort out what's left in me and regain and to live again. I'm not in a hurry but I'm getting there. #self-love.
@@TheSharronW wow you sound like a A-Hole , I guess people can tell other what they went through?
@@TheSharronW Sometimes it takes time, it's not easy to start again and get used to your own company and support yourself.
Read a Bible. You're living in sin by abandoning him.
I have felt like I have not ''fitted'' in, so to speak, at all, with any type of relationships in my life until I cared enough and gained knowledge of how to really look at who I am, to KNOW my self, Just as Christ told us to do, and yes, it came with much struggle for years and pain along the way, that caused me to really SUFFER through the learning process and come out at the end of tunnel with true love for MYSELF first.
We all have to do got through this at sometime in our life as this is WHY we are having this lifetime experience.
I believe, Jonathan, that you are truly out to help all who will listen and really take time to truly LOVE themselves first. I found that even with all the religious experiences I have had, that I wanted to make sense of in what they taught ( Jewish / Christian) I ended up finding that studying and learning taking time to understand my birth chart and what it all truly entails... taught me so much about myself and what makes me tick. ( grant you, all you learn in these charts is NOT perfectly you, but it does give us a real good look at where our mind and heart meet).
I have grown personally so much, since my divorce, after 30+ years of marriage and living 20 years alone. NO man or anyone for that matter, will ever take my power from me again. I like my independence, and how I care and love all my family and friends. A man in my life, WILL HAVE to be on the same page. You are doing a lot of good for making women THINK, and I want to thank you for that. Take Care, Blessings
People think that honest communication is boring but as a woman in her 30’s and having gone through many dysfunctional relationships, honesty is like music to my ears and rathe flattering especially if it’s coming from a man. Also, my main attraction to a man is when he makes me feel safe. I won’t date a man unless he knows how to make me feel safe
You've got it so right, Jonathan. Thank you! I'm a psychotherapist saddened by the distress caused these days by fast, empty encounters with improbable partners. Women, because they are often plagued with the time-bomb wish to bear children, don't have time to fool around forever, like men often do. For that reason alone we have to be smart in evaluating the true readiness of men for long-term commitment. Even if a woman doesn't want children, she has to observe and question the man in order to determine his emotional intelligence. Does he have any insight regarding his own behavior? Will he listen and be influenced if the woman wants to address his behavior? Social conditioning too often leads to males who are not taught communication skills, and must learn through a female partner. The man who is willing to do that work, and truly wants to learn through relationship is a rare gem. Until more fathers behave in front of their sons as if they truly respect the mother; and visibly take the time to work through problems with her - and, until education deliberately teaches boys to respect girls, the degradation of females will continue to saturate both the female and male psyches, leading to internalized sexism on the part of females (fear of being alone; don't be too picky; don't scare him away)
and obvious degrading of the female by males. Unfortunately quick, easy sex plays into distant rather than close and committed relationship. It should lead somewhere wonderful - but it sure doesn't most of the time.
I think many with obscure stories here are not honest! You tell the truth! I appreciate that and at age 61 I sure experienced the ugly things of dating cesspool of narcissists, Agists, sex predators, etc! Hard to find a normal committed guy! Near impossible these last 15 years! I had 3 guy dates in a row back in CA who all kept their ex’s all in their lives as “little best friends” and one was having sex with one as he spoke to me on phone after being late to plan a comedy show with me! Appalling how they admit this and beg me to be in a triangle! I was sickened! One guy keeps the ex around living in one of his homes just to see her kid from another marriage! OMFG! I was appalled he would date and make someone else a third leg in that setup! 😳 insecure men who can’t move on! 🤮
Since I became christian everything is easy. No sex before marriage. Bam!
I don't have to worry about somebody's intentions and games.
I'm finally free.
I don't have to waste my life anymore on people who are of no value.
A guy will tell a woman anything she wants to hear. A man will say anything.
Don't ask a guy anything.
Look at his actions.
Actions tell everything.
Loving is doing not talking.
I am a Christian who has been celibate for decades. Am I tempted? Yes. However, I am sticking to my guns. And I'm not selling myself short. Maybe I'll be celibate the rest of my life. I was a wild child in my youth ( 60s and 70s ) but I'm not interested in going back to something that didn't give me the soul satisfaction I need. I know I'm a treasure so why settle for a trash digger when a treasure hunter might find the treasure he has been looking for? If there is a man out there, the right man, he is worth waiting for. But if not, that is ok too.
I'm not saying because Christian s do not believe in sex before marriage yes that is easier..however I disagree on games / intentions they get caught up..and you need to ask those questions..as ur dating to get them to answer and watch their actions if there is a match there still men
That's right. Our bodies are Christ's also. No sex before marriage.
Kajkabea you're so right!!!
@@authenticme5708 be careful in some cases its way worse after marriage
This is so legit! It's so mature and laced with integrity. Thank you for confirming and validating my feelings about all of this dating game nonsense. Most powerful here for me is how specific you were about what you're looking for in a relationship down to how many days and how much time you want to spend together. I love it!!❤❤
Jonathan- I so agree with your perspective. Being together with a person, being on the same page with open communication is key. That’s what I hope to find, as I learn how to express my thoughts, needs and wants in a compassionate way as I listen to what another person (man) desires as well. Either we’re on the same page, or we are not- it’s all good! No games. I just want honesty and hope I can find someone who is willing to grow together.
This resonates with me perfectly. It's like he was talking directly to me. At my age (61) sex is STILL a very important part of my life, and I could never imagine my life without it. I'm glad I found someone to share it with. Sending him this video. I'm sure he'd learn things from it, too.
Amen sister! Its a beautiful thing to FEEL beautiful because a man appreciates a woman their own age rather than the sexy stereotype of youth vs maturity in the bedroom I'll be 65. ..never felt sexier or more alive!! The amazing part, he views me as sensational. Ironically, other scorned men proclaim ii is on a timer which quits after marriage!! LMAO! Nope! Not this girl!!
Hopefully it’s not just one of those sexual relationships with little else! That fails pretty fast!
@@johannacrowe7680 that never happens!!!! Never seen any guy want to date their own age!!! Up to age 62 they demand younger and the old guys still do same but won’t commit!!! Just arm Candy for them! I live in a big retirement community in FL and see it all. It sucks the way the attitudes are! Single Women here are very obnoxiously embarrassing aggressive jumping on any guy they see alone and it makes those guys hide forever and reject everyone thinking it’s only about money! They might be right as these aggressive women live in villas and hound after men to get into a bigger house here! It’s s money grub world! Us women who have money can’t get any guy in this atmosphere as the guys still only look for younger ladies to get sex from! The women con guys into a expensive dinner just to get out, making them pay, and just dump them afterwards! Sick world trust me!
Amen!
Really loved your advice. I’m 64 and embarking on dating after 13 years of being alone. I used this time defining who I am, and what I really want and feel it’s time to have the kind of relationship I’ve never experienced before. Thank you ❤️
Thanks for sharing!!
Good luck.... but don’t get your hopes up..... so many crappy men out there!
Get a makeover, exercise and get in good shape. There’s plenty of men in their 50s who are very close to us baby boomers we have the same values. You won’t regret it!
@@Rigoletta53those guys won’t date their age! Geez 🙄 never ever will that occur! They all want 30 yr olds! If they are actually looking for older, they have sick mommy issues!
@@Rigoletta53you just put conditions on women that you men do not ever DO!!!! That’s sick advice! Jon would never say that about women!!! We all don’t need makeovers!!!! 😡
You nailed it. I’ve said this for a long time. You said it so eloquently. Devaluation of women is so true. I even feel it as a married person.
There needs to be more authentic people like you out here!! Thank you for sharing and helping people recognize and understand how important it is to love yourself and realize things….morals values etc you r the bomb! Lol
Dating vow: 16:27 Old script: 17:15 Jon, such great advice and thank you for the recommended reading material!!
Glad it was helpful!
Regarding these numeric ratios(?), did i miss something?
Radical honesty… tried that in my marriage. It seems he was was soooo insecure that he took everything personally when I was talking about me in relation to “us”. Because what affects me, can affect us.
We also drifted apart spiritually. So that kind of sealed the deal.
That being said, sometimes people don’t want honest communication. And it’s sad because it’s another level of intimacy.
I approach dating the way you describe and guys always, yes always, want the “when can we have sex” time frame delineated. Answer: when I’m damn good and ready. But probably not with you since you can’t get past it enough for me to get to know you.
Thank you for supporting an approach to relationship building that focuses on honest conversations from the start, establishment of trust as a core value, and honoring the right to have standards for connecting with another person. I have learned, over many years, that trust and respect - for one’s self and the other person - are equal in importance to love in a successful relationship. I am waiting, unapologetically, for all three of those elements to align in the way that both feels and is, intrinsically, “right” before I commit to someone.
Thank you so much, I totally agree with you. So many people are just not honest, wearing masks, worried about what others think etc. Some aren't even honest with themselves, their living in this fantasy world and intimidated by truly honest up front people. This goes for both sexes. It's a scary world today and you have to be honest with yourself first and definitely be discerning without judgment or criticism and that's difficult, because it's hard to get rid of all your luggage from the past, forgive it and move on in a new way. It's not impossible, but alot of people just don't want to put much deeper thought or effort into it. If possible we should start with a new person slowly, with a clean slate. Alot of people I've run across judge all women or men as the person in their past was, but that's so unfair. Everyone on this planet are unique individuals with unique aspects of themselves that can't be compared to anyone else. I'll stop there, this is your channel after all. I too would like a relationship, but I'm looking for the man that's willing to talk openly and honestly to get to know each other in the first place. Still looking, lol Best of luck to you, love your channel ❤
You are right on...I've been burnt so many times and was my fault for being uneducated in this area. It doesn't help being in such a dysfunctional family while growing up. Learning to have a relationship starts with your parents if there wasn't one that sure makes it difficult identifying the correct mate. God bless and keep the great info coming!
Women become co-dependent, men are selfish--BOOM. "Are we on the same page?" Good question. Here's one that brings fear into the guy's eyes: "Do you think you're good at relationships?" Watch for his facial reaction and vocal tone. Says everything.
Well I gave my guy friend Steve karnes so many chances
unless he's a narcissist... There won't be any wobble in his voice when he answers yes, totally convinced that he's telling the truth.
The past few men I've 'tried to date', I've been completely honest with what I want, early on - committed, monogamous relationship, a life partner and kids (I'm late 30s so starting to feel this won't happen). The men have said they want the same thing, so I think okay, great, but then it comes out a month, two months, 3 months down the line that it's not what they actually want. It's like they say that just to get the physical intimacy. And it's crushing for many reasons, causing more baggage and self-esteem issues. I feel like giving up dating because I'm constantly lied to.
Here's to realizing I give my power away too easily, I have co-dependent tendencies and I respond to narcissistic love-bombing and selfishness... Thank you for saying what we as women need to hear. Your honesty is much appreciated! 😊❤
Thanks for sharing!
I know how you can heal yourself of that! There are ways! If you accept this you will never be treated right! I can help!
I’m not available and honestly, don’t want any type of romantic or sexual relationship right now. I lost myself in a covert narcissist and had no idea what type of person I was dealing with because it’s one thing to read about something and being exposed to it. He destroyed me but I learned a lot about myself and now can detect these people easier
Me also!!!!
Same
Why when men pull away it is called "testing" a woman & when a woman tries tactics to test a relationship, it is called "playing games"?
You are so on point, reasonable and grounded. Self love is the key thing, everything starts from that point, self respect, basic standards and values, and good communication...🥰
13:00 ... Magic Question:
Are we on the same page?
Do we want the same things, do we value the same things, what does "your" idea of a happy relationship look like?
Thank you J
🙏🙏🙏💕💕💕🤗🤗🤗
💜💜💜What a great talk, thank you. Loving the Dating Vow. Makes a lot of sense. I am 48 and have recently befriended a 26-year old male. I was the one who reached out to him and made it clear that I was looking to make new friends and that his energy vibe was what I was attracted to. He has been nothing but a gentleman. We speak/text daily and have gotten together 3 times in about 3 weeks time. We are very clear that we are on different relationship timelines and that crossing the sexual boundaries is not an option. It is very nice to get to experience this different kind of connection. He’s showing me a kind of respect and being valued that I will most certainly take with me as I have needed to feel those things within myself first when it relates to the opposite sex. And now I will hold myself and my standards along with personal boundaries to a whole new level. Honest communication and shared intentions really do make a difference. I look forward to my next intimate relationship but am sure enjoying taking my time and enjoying other connections along the way.💜💜💜
No crossing sexual boundaries..??? Because an age difference..??? Sorry to tell you, it doesn't make sense. I made love with guys much younger than me, it was great. It's a pity you guys have do much prejudice.
@@AmorDivino-e5q Such a beautiful soul you are. I have been with many ages throughout my time in this life, and because he and I are at different times in our lives as to what we want, and because I know myself well enough to know that such a connection he and I have, physical intimacy would lead me to want more than he could be able to allow at this moment. So this beautiful soul friendship that we have works because we are both honest and respectful of each other. Anything in life is possible so I will not rule anything out but at the same time, when one knows themselves well enough, then intuition leads the way. Blessings to you 💜💜💜
In the long one you will end up needing more and you might suffered. You have to be careful, you are playing with fire.
@Jessica Sanchez I’m glad you resonated. It took some courage to share my story. I was self conscious about what others would think (online and in my friend circles) but then realized that people will only have an opinion based on their current level of thinking. Many think I’m playing with fire but I know where I stand in my friendship with him and we are both very respectful of and to each other. I’ve been able to be there for him through 3 deaths all within just a few weeks of each other and he has been a beautiful light for me as well. Age has no boundary but thanks to Jonathon’s talks and advice I have felt more comfortable having those important conversations with men and have gained a new longstanding friend along the way. Thank you again Jonathon for all your work!💜💜💜
Sugar mammy 😅😅😅bizzy dating a small kid,,how Soo,goodness God forgive us our sins,as we make good choices as matured people not child abuse it's so hectic
Jonathan you are so correct in that women need to protect their power. Women are in a position to decide for themselves in every way, and should never second guess their decisions on what is best fir them and what they want. Second guessing breeds low self esteem. We are way better than that! Thanks for your videos. They (and you!) are awesome!
Oh how absolutely right you are with honest conversations... The way I see it, being able to open up and show your vulnerable side is the only way to gain true trust and respect. And build on it.❤🙏🙏
I don't care about a man's past. Vulnerability is attractive. I can't stand these rappers devaluing and degrading women.
I agree with this message...Yes folks need to honestly communicate their wants and needs. Finding out if you're on the same page; before you bed. Having those conversations can led to creating connections, intimacy, and trust: necessary to build up your relationship ‼️💯. I found my person at 65, he's is 73. It is a miracle, we know that and appreciate our Union, blessed by God.
Jonathan you are smart. Love what you are saying and so agree. People jump into relationships too quickly and they wonder why they feel used or neglected. Also, by sleeping around you risk getting STDs, that can be very unpleasant and lifelong.
So sick of the "make him miss you" "get your ex back" bull shit advice being put out there. I can't make a man do anything and no, I don't want any of my exes back either. My parents' dating standards are no longer out there (I'm 57 by the way). I just want honest conversation, quality time, to enjoy the ride and let things unfold.
I agree
@@annaakatsa8182
Exactly...!!
This is stuff put about by some dating coaches out there. Advice given is so restrictive. Jonathan is not one of these coaches. Self love first, self respect, clear intentions and boundaries!
When it comes to self-esteem, you either have it or you don't. There is no such thing as low self-esteem. You're either coming from a mindset of self-loathing or narcissism. Either way, this stems from insecurity.
Totally resonating. I did try very hard in my last relationship to be very careful not to jump in too quick. I talked about what I wanted & didn't want. He said similar things. 13 yrs & 2 kids later, I found him out in a 9yr emotional affair, with many others on the sidelines. Complete narcissist. Lied about everything. Talking is no guarantee - people with personality issues can act very well, for many years...
However I do like your approach. Enjoying your content! Thank you.
GREAT video! I'm so glad YT suggested it to me. As a baby boomer who came of age during the women's liberation movement and the sexual revolution, it took me a very long time to understand how my generation went off the rails, so-to-speak, and created so much pain and confusion within intimate relationships, some of which you described very well in this video! I haven't dated in many years primarily because I felt like I didn't have the tools I needed to protect myself emotionally from men who still believe hook-ups are the way to happiness and because men my age are apparently only interested in women at least 10 years their junior! I really like your approach to this subject and the dating vow and I'm going to use it. Thank you!
Thank you for this message. I'm 45 and feel advice out there are so 3D based. Hooking up is normalize and loving someone's soul is on the back burner! I've been single for a year and some months. Men think I'll sleep with them because they are attractive etc. No Thank You! If you can't read a person's intentions you will be in a world of problems. Communication is so necessary and having a common goal in life. If I'm looking for someone emotionally available, spiritual minded and who knows their Worth. I'm expecting him to have the same values. If he can't wait for intimacy then he isn't for me. Set healthy boundaries and know your worth. ❤️ I had a narcissist for 23 years and had to heal, do work on myself because I felt worthless, old, ugly, weak, codependent and spiritually unavailable. Now I'm still healing but I know my value and what I bring to the table. Thanks for your help. I'll read those books.
Glad to have helped...
Hi dear I just want to say you look beautiful at 45! I am 42 and my brothers fiancé is 45 and we all look great in our 40s. We need to stop letting society make us feel old and unwanted, not to brag but I got men from age 20-60 complimenting very frequently! I have a 35 year old gorgeous man that is pursuing me for 15 years, we’ve been long distance but recently he lives closer. I’m hoping him as I finally get out chance because he makes me feel like a Queen! I wish you the best of luck!
This is exactly what I’ve felt since my new empowerment a couple of years ago… THIS is EXACTLY the process I’m currently in …Getting it Right , in the Right way, by the Right methods of Honesty, building Trust through TALKING and assessing the significant other ..and His values . Sex is the next step, the step taken AFTER the ground work of stability is achieved. Thank goodness I read this, it made me smile in totally absolutely agreement. Thank you for the confirmation . 👌
You're right, dating advice everywhere talk about these mind games. It's good to hear that wanting an honest communication with a potential partner is not a bad thing.
Exactly
Great subject. I have this to say about devaluing an older women. I’m 63 I’m single and I’ve taken care of myself all my life. I’m semi retired, I really like myself and I have plenty of 50t yr olds knocking on my door! Never have I felt prettier, more confident and don’t need a relationship. I’d like one, but finding a serious long term in a small midwestern town is insanely difficult. I’ve looked into relocating to a sunnier area( I hate the winters)good luck being able to afford those areas. But I’m looking. Someday over the 🌈
Men in warmer areas only want girls thirty and younger. Heads up. Good luck. Get a dog. Perhaps a widower who really wants a new wife...as long as you don't suspect he killed her.
@@sabinadonofrio8863 Just because a man wants something, doesnt mean he gets it. I and my friends are mid to late twenties and the idea of much older men thinking they have a shot with us is ridiculous, I dont understand what these men are smoking
@@sabinadonofrio8863 Nice sentiment. Warmest Regards, a widower.
@@Wealth_through_Health22 llol. You're soo right. Some kind of papa complex. Down here in Florida, lots of girls fall for the cars n boats, yatches, drugs and drinking. X generation men have lots of money and little else. It's sick!!!
I don't look my age, but I've stopped by going out. Even my realtor hit on me. He didn't even take me out for a cup of coffee or show me any houses thinking I was going to do stuff. Ha! I didn't even take a shower to see him at his office. Some men!!!. Bald and 9 months beer gut. Soo funny. "His Plumbing still works"......not on me.
The 50 year olds are attracted to us older women who have looked after themselves financially. It's so nice when the power dynamic has flipped. I don't need a guy to help me survive. So I picked a really cute one who is very well behaved. 😆
I love this. I ended a relationship with a man who I felt devalued me. He has always wanted to maintain a sexual relationship with me but not a committed or monogamous one. I suppose this is fine that he's coming from that place but I have just encouraged him to understand that if he is with me whether he is monogamous or not there is bonding that occurs and it is a relationship it is a love relationship. It is a relationship about connection. I might consider even being okay with a non-monogamous relationship as long as that person has my back like you said, but until I feel that someone truly has my back, I am going to be careful because I really believe that I deserve to be valued.
Don’t devalue yourself. You deserve better.
Good content, am 25 years and many of your videos have really helped me to be a real woman. love my boyfriend, he's the one at least i hope. one thing helped me - natural drops spanish fly which i got from him as a birthday gift . it really surprised me and we had a great sex experience
You are so right about the lack of respect, meaning and depth of the younger generation! I decided to choose wiser. Exactly a year ago I fell in love with a man who is 20 years older than me and I have had the happiest year of my life to far. We are clearly on the same page. He is so committed, so romantic! And we can openly discuss issues that may appear without my being afraid he will run away.
“I reserve sex for a certain level of relationship” That’s what I tell guys I’m dating now that I’m taking things slow with men.
after years of giving it freely to others now you expect the next one pay a full prices for a used one....yeah right sounds fair
@@moisesbeyond I guess you have to pay for your sex but that’s not what I’m talking about. I reserve sex for a certain level of relationship so that I can decide if I want that man in my life.
@@LL-zm3cj and men reserve relationship for a certain type of women.....and seems you are not that kind of women
@@LL-zm3cj you dont decide the relationship but men....you only decide if you are going to have sex or not...Men decide what kind of relationship want with a woman.
@@moisesbeyond This!
Where was this advice 7 years ago…. I put myself in a terrible situation that has taken a toll on my emotional and physical health. I now know what I did wrong and how to move toward a better outcome if I have the chance at another relationship. Thank you.
Totally agree with you 🙏❤️
Same!!!
Thank you! Your information is the first honest information that I have listened to by someone who has the concept of a healthy relationship down pat! Communication is the key ingredient in a healthy relationship. I believe in getting to know a person as a friend first before committing to anything. Discussing one another's wants and expectations is paramount!
I am ending a long time relationship and listening to “relationship experts” I agree many of the younger man coaches focus on what to text, how to please your man, etc. while that is all fine and dandy it’s the icing on the cake that they are talking about and not the meat and potatoes. I appreciate your outlook on dating and what’s important. Tnx, C
In my opinion, it all depends on our age & childhood taught values. Being "honest" is at the top of my list in developing a relationship. Bottom line; face to face conversation is so important. If we weren't taught how to share our feelings, we both can't move forward. Just saying my opinion. Processing your "food for thoughts" Some good suggestions but we all need the same thing: trust & being in a loving relationship. New to your utube
Thank you!!! Finally a dating advice for grown ups! Yes, conscious and mature relationships!! 🎉❤
You are so welcome
Last fellow was 40. I'm 45. Brought up exclusivity and he wasn't "ready"? Didn't have "time" for me. Still on dating sites. Well, okay then. No we aren't sleeping together again! 🤣 So next fellow is 49. Okay, so THAT'S what I'm talking about-delightful. Handle things the same way. He was looking to be exclusive as well. That's just how we did things back then, so we do that still. We didn't go "date" more than one person in high school, right?
Jonathon! You are freaking amazing! I am 26 and literally this video is gold and applies to any age. You are so wise. The games have got to stop in society with dating! Honesty and being transparent is so important. Glad I stumbled upon this..
Thank you so much Jonathon - your approach is brave and so strong for throwing out all that bullshit game-playing that has been part of our culture for decades. Your way is the real one.
TY 🙏
Love your podcasts Johnathan. I'm back to reading The Hoffman Process. I am realizing some of my old defaults. Thought those were gone. Yes, life is much better when shared with trusty confidant(s). It's rare. It's horrible feeling as though one's value boils down to genitalia or expected sexual or financial performance. Age is like fine wine that may not be discovered had it not been for those years of experience. Harsh convenience oriented realities or agendas can be hidden like little daggers underneath the covers. It cheapens the whole experience. The brutality of the eighties has risen to a new level.
Happy for you
Love your advice. I wish i had heard this six months ago. My poor heart has been broken by a man who lost his wife six months prior to our weekend fling. I knew him for 11 years and I threw caustion to tge wind. I knew him before his wife of 5 years. Crazy of me to believe he would want me after we had sex. After he told me he was not ready for any type of relationship, he started dating a "special friend." I watched it all on Facebook. Stab my heart and let me bleed...
I totally agree with you. Honesty is essential. I've always been honest. And I don't manipulate people. I like this video because most of the people on youtube that are giving advices to women are telling them how to manipulate a man so that he will come back to them...it gets on my nerves, I don't like it...I want to be myself and I wouldn't pretend I don't miss someone if I do...and how can you expect someone to be sincere with you if you're not!
Thank you Jonathon you're an angel !!♪тнайк чоц♪🌈✨🙏
Love your channel
You are SO NORMAL and SO GROUNDED!
Clearly you are helping to heal on WHATEVER LEVEL.
Totally resonate with your energy.
Well done, women need to hear this...
Sending positive vibes to you from Sunny South Africa..
You are so right and this always my belief. Its easy to jump into any relationship but sex became so dominant priority for some people and I am not labeling men as some women refer physical contact more then real deep connections. I just see we are living lonely lives rather to be on our own then commit to someone. I always believed when two achieve more then one. Support, caring, sharing,loving unconditionally , respecting and appreciating each other etc its real magic 💞
I’m so glad I found you!! I’m 57 and just dipping my toe in the middle age dating pool!!! Most helpful
Amen, thank you. Basis for all longlasting relationships is communication. My husband and I 51 yrs and counting. I won't always say it's been easy and we're still learning. Like you said we weren't always as open about things as we are in today's world.
Hello, how’re you doing.?
I don't know you. But okay hello.
I have a partner that is American and even though we are far away from each other we love, value, respect and love one another and are committed to one another
He's amazing and makes me feel amazing too.
We have spoken about marriage and children and we are very much in love with each other. Thank you so much for showing us that we are not alone in our beliefs. ❤️
Best way to find out who someone is ….is to listen and observe and see if they are congruent. Let them tell you things that they want to tell you and see how congruent they are. Then…then you can ask direct questions. Some people lie.
I'm glad this came up on the list on youtube. When I was young and sexy, I was promiscuous and stupid many times, I sometimes would have the conversation about what they wanted or I wanted (but usually after sex) then end it because it wasn't the same. Anyway I'm much older, let my figure go and have not been emotionally able to have a relationship for the past 7 years due to past hurt, depression and struggle with drink. If I ever get to the point of having another relationship, I'm happy to know my thoughts about having honest conversation is the way to go, especially before any milk, mind you milk doesn't interest me really, lol. Just finding a man that knows himself is important and can be honest. Yep porn and the internet has destroyed relationships I think. & I should add, women's sexual revolution has harmed us.
Pull it together. I wasted 20 letting myself go. Out of the blue, an old bf from 33 years ago contacted me. He is a fortune 500 man. 1% mvp. I always new he would have great success. He is handsome and kind. Grounded. First 4 days of conversation were divine. Easy and fun remembering the past. Then he asked for a current picture. Gulp. What the heck. Gussied myself up and took a bunch. Ouch. Eww. Not gross just 20 years of giving up. Sent 2 and accidentally all the duds followed. His reply was, thank you. Crickets since........I am dying to text him.
@@tuchus8781 Starting off saying 'pull it together' doesn't sound very kind to me, at 58 I know I should pull it together, but thanks, not.
I’ve been thinking along these lines for years. You are the first person I’ve seen put this message out there. Thank you for that.
Glad it was helpful!
Agreed. Boundaries, honesty and communication are very important.
I totally get it! I'm not saying that it isn't already too late for one situation. But I told him I won't sleep with him again because I actually really care about him and I know that is not reciprocal, and I won't settle for that anymore. I know it would be great at first, then he would poof! Dissappear. So, no I am not going to do it. I am so proud of myself! I don't feel sad and I don't feel used and I still care about him, but my heart isn't broken. I feel open for something good.
Where were you in 2000? I needed this counsel then so I could heal and learn. Oh boy!! But it' never too late to learn. Now I am 51yrs, desiring to share my life with a man who got my back and just had a 42 days long f'd up nameless skit with a 39yr old caucasian man (my first white man) but it left me with a bitter taste in my mouth. Now I understand what was happening in between tje 42 days. Thanks to you J.A for your insight!. I am wiser now. 💛
I was learning everything I teach...