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If You Want To Know How a Man Feels About You, Try THIS!
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I agree about looking for someone who has committed to growth and improvement. Great idea asking someone how committed they are to their growth. Most will not understand this and probably just stare at you. Then run. 😂
😂😂 so true
Exactly
It can go over their head. Requiring
an explanation.or they RUN. Mentioning self improvement or any change triggers people.
Margaret. 👍
There are very few men who are committed to personal growth and improvement, in regards to being a better man, bf, husband etc.
@@rezotydnic I absolutely agree, although there is better behaviour in some ways most Australian men are clueless
1) Never EVER be afraid of losing him. You are the Divine feminine. Let him fear losing YOU!
2) Have an EXTREMELY low tolerance level for bad behavior...
AVOIDANT or NARCISSIST?
Let's be real.
It's irrelevant.
They behave the same.
The damage they do is the same.
The trauma they cause is the same.
FUCK THEM BOTH.
So,
When there’s a disagreement,
an argument, a conflict, some bullying,
disrespect, boundaries being crossed etc...
someone will inevitably,
most likely,
be disappointed in me...
So,
I engage in each and every situation
in a way that ensures,
that the person disappointed in me,
NEVER ENDS UP BEING ME!
I aim to never repress,
never suppress.
I aim to never lose parts of myself.
Radical honesty only: 100% of the time.
Always,
all ways.
AND REMEMBER:
to test if ANY relationship is healthy -
you've got to judge the relationship on its bad days,
not on its good days!
Great points! Avoidant guys are a pain in a…. They lose big time playing droid games!
*To be fully seen by somebody, then, and be loved anyhow - this is a human offering that can border on miraculous.*
That’s what I want and eveyone wants to hide who they truly are!!!
True love is ALL seeing and it’s deep and the best!
"Physical intimacy is not a good indicator for relationship success." Great quote! So important to keep in mind since, as a woman, I bond through intimacy, clouding judgment.
It has been difficult as I get older, to find the man who is interested in doing the work. People do get very set in their ways. The man open to growth and development (or a deep dive, as you say) would be, for this 60-year-old woman, a rare and attractive find, indeed.
For every woman ....
Attraction is important. But compatibility on many levels gives a relationship "staying power". I agree about character and emotional intelligence also.
Indeed
Tracy 👍
Uufff yeeesss honey!! Definitely true
Sex takes up 10% of your time. What about the other 90% of time?
Can sex be so good to compensate for the lack of compatibility?
Does oxytocin help keep the relationship together? Long term?
You are being extremely generous with saying 90% of people. For me it's 97%. I wish I could just burn the haystack down to find the needle of emotionally available men on these apps. All I can do is continue to vet and say next.
Did you try praying about it? I have found an Amazing guy just that I've prayed for years for. Lord, please help bearbara find the one that you have for her in Jesus Name, Amen.
Amen to both of you xo
Instead of burning down the haystack, have you tried a 🧲?
Yep! Dont settle! Met people organically too! I met two people in real life and the 2nd one is crazy about me and I really care for him. We are both smitten with each other. Chemistry and similar interest. Blessed
Honestly, the guy I'm seeing is the first man I've come across that's emotionally intelligent and I'm 41. It is extremely rare, unfortunately.
Me too!!!! I was shocked! Still need to sit down so I don’t faint!
How old is he??
Same with me, and I'm 71!
@@joconna - and i am 81 but I know my present relationship would not be this good if we met when we were young. With age comes wisdom, but no one could have told me this when I was 20, 30, even 40.
If you engage in a physical relationship without knowing who the guy is, because you just met him, get ready to pay the consequences of your actions ....guaranteed
Indeed
Jonathon, this is SO good, THANK YOU. Several men shared with me in the past that they were dating their partners until "something better comes along". A dating world of placeholders... Emotionally immature, not wanting to take responsibility, scared.. But wait a minute, we, women, somehow raise this kind of men. And then allow it to continue
Men are raising them to, if not actively at least by not being there in the process.
@@4651adriI imagine they are copying what their fathers do.
I’m learning so much about myself from reading comments and listening to this. I do a lot of “until something better comes along” like shoes, apartment, gym, therapist, boyfriends, books, classes, when does it become a permanent thing?
When does it become different than trying on? When we learn who we are.
I think my drug addiction has resulted in emotional immaturity. I’m 66 and have had unsuccessful relationships with men and this is one of the reasons. This is not a place to journal. I have to remember that
Thank you
Dear Johnathan, I wasn’t giving sex hoping for love. I gave sex for the sake of my own wants of having sex and offering it to a man I chose according to my taste. Without any expectation. I acknowledge That it was a user/user relationship In the beginning. The thing is, this Guy I met and would never have considered In any other setting, I began to like him too much. And cannot let go. It scared the F out of him. He really fits your depiction of emotionnally constipated men.
Thank you for keeping us on the path Jonathan and for soothing broken hearts and confused minds with your clarity and wisdom
You are so welcome
Committed to growth is soooo true!!!!! I had to push my ex to grow…. And he saw it as nagging rather than me seeing his potential.
This is one of my VERY favorite videos you have done, and you’re SPOT ON!
I agree
Wow, thank you!
My favorite too!
Jonathon, I love your words and philosophy! You are so helpful to me. My former ways of doing things with a man was to jump right in, skip the preliminaries, and hope for the best. Lol. Well, that didn't turn out so wonderful. I went through man after man and created more chaos for myself. Now that I'm older, I get that I was doing it so wrong.. I chose the wrong men time after time. I finally have taken a good look at myself and feel that I've grown mentally and spiritually. You are one person who can set my tiny mind straight. 😊 Thank you Jonathon. You shoot from the hip and I like that!!! Hugs and❤
Sending hugs 🫂
After my husband of 30 years passed away I grieved and healed for a year. While not even looking I met a man. All this to say your point about listening to them about their past relationships is absolutely on point! Sadly I didn't know about your point. All I heard that the women were crazy bitches. After three years of dating, then living together and ignoring all of the red flags, I married him! After 5 years I asked for a divorce. I did a lot of healing to include therapy. I am the happiest single woman now. Sometimes I have a good laugh and think he must be describing me to other women as a crazy bitch! When I meet someone again I will definitely listen to what they say about their past relationships. I myself am able to accept responsibility for any of my errors. Thank you Jonathan for helping me and so many others see ways to become better partners to others. Happy and blessed blessed New Years to you!
Sadly, it seems to be fairly common , the crazy mark , bitches and other gaslighting remarks.
Paying attention to how someone feels about exes, and any bad information someone gives about themselves is valuable.
Sending you a hug 🙏
Luv this, happy for you!!!!
We ALL make relationship mistakes, the key is to learn from them. With Jonathons help!!!
Red flags, dealbreakers and misalignments?
Thank you!!! Exactly how I was and am looking at relationships. I have felt so inferior on a personal level for years thinking then asking very deep questions to my significant other and learning years down the track…. He is still hurting and extremely negative. The negative charge he was carrying is what I failed to recognise. He couldn’t comprehend so played along to keep his insecurities, porn addiction, dating sites, fake social media ailiases hidden. Over time he exposed himself by going into great detail how other individuals he knew were messing around with their partners and painted that ideal image of himself as the complete opposite when in fact his words and actions could of been further from the truth.
Excellent video, thank you! Women bond more during sex than men?! To put it MILDLY! 🤣Now that I'm 20+ years sober, no anesthetics whatsoever in my system, fully present for everything I do, I can no longer downplay or ignore how my body responds during sex. I was 68 EFFING years old when I finally learned that sex floods women with oxytocin, the bonding hormone. Men get a little, but nothing like us. This should be taught in high school sex education! It's evolution, whether we like it or not. No wonder that after casual sex, men are stunned by women quickly wanting to "define the relationship," while the men were just scratching the usual itch. Now, I go on a brief coffee date to start; a lunch date next, or a date where we just walk or share an outdoor chore. I stay the F away from the inside of either of our homes, for as long as I can manage. Evolution can be downright cruel, as I've got the same itch as them.
Indeed
😂😂😂 scratch the usual itch 😂😂😂
Yes to put it mildly…
I Now can manage the ocytocyn effect but still… it does a lot
My remedy for this is to never stay the night after having sex. That way, I get to scratch the itch and remain emotionally detached as well.
My friend told me about this channel and it's brilliant. I have learnt so much already! It's been very enlightening. The stuff on users, spenders and builders/ growers was very helpful. Also the truth about LDRs aka "cyber penpals" or "cyber situationships", which really woke me up. I love all the stuff on self-love, personal development and investing in self before seeking an emotionally mature relationship. Wishing you all a happy, healthy and peaceful new year! May we all find love in 2024 ❤
New subscriber here.🙋🏻
Definitely agree to what you said. Physical intimacy only creates turmoil in each other's hormones, making things more confusing. It's good to get to know POV's first.
Well said!
Thank you. The meme you shared is a such an Ah Ha moment. My female friends and I often bemoan the male who peaked in school and assume those emotions and point of growth will be enough for the rest of their lives. 90 days! Mind blown, I’ve seen this but not realised it was a known pattern. No woman wants to be recycled after 90 days over and over again.
You answered one of my questions during your live session the other evening. Thank you! Your answer about whether it is rare for Spenders to become Builders was very helpful. I did not get the opportunity to send you a "thanks tip" toward the scholarship in memory of your son, so I wanted to send something today. Thank you, Jonathan. Happy New Year!
Awe... thanks
Thank you! I have been watching you "silently- lol" for about two years. That was the first time I posted a question. You have an amazing understanding of human psychology, and you explain everything in a very sincere and genuine (sometimes humorous) way. I think that you are assisting more people than you even realize.
I dated a very emotionally immature man who was much older than me. I brought up some issues and he said “I can’t change” - I left and since leaving Ive grown so much. I can’t date anyone who isn’t interested in us both improving us both
I had the same with a man I was dating last year he said he is to old to change no he just didn’t want to we can change at any age if we really want a better life I’m glad I found out he was emotional immature even at 62
Both smart! If they flat out tell you they can't change, listen to that and believe them. It will save you time and much heartache to keep things going and hope they will change. Saying goodbye to a potential is tough because we innately want to believe it can work with some effort.
Yes, I think your suggestions & insight is the best I've heard on subject of connecting with men. It goes deeper into what a real relationship is about. It's not trying to hook a man with silly flirting & reciting the right words he likes to hear. While that has its place, it won't sustain a long term relationship. Respect & character will. Listening to you I found out some men want more in a woman than words that stroke his ego & hidden emotions. Good to know there are some of you still out there. I'm not into playing games & putting on an act to invoke affection.
I found your videos yesterday. I feel what you are saying because It's so true and I resonate strongly with your message. From my perspektive, you are a person who speaks from his heart. Greetings from Germany.
Welcome!
Thank you Jonathan, wishing 2024 brings you your heart’s desires 🥳
Sending smiles 😃
Thank you so much for your videos. #1, The content is great. #2 you have a very soothing voice and I listen to your videos while I am working. It is very therapeutic 🙂 Happy New Year!!
Wow, thank you!
Asking good questions and what they want and knowing what you want too is such good advice. Committed action speaks volumes. Do they choose you on Friday, Sat nights? Prioritize their time with you????
The relationship should be somewhat balanced with both people making a serious effort to make it work. Especially in the beginning honeymoon period of the relationship.
Exactly
Emotional intimacy is the key
Exactly
I wasn't sure about you Jonathan, but having listened to a few of your videos, I've changed my mind. Thanks for giving some very valid, insightful info to us gals from a males's perspective...much appreciated Jonathon 🙏.
I appreciate that!
Good questions! Do they do personal development work? Ask about their past relationships and listen for a negative charge. Ask what positive things did you learn about yourself in each experience? How did you heal from your past relationships? What was good about your past relationships? What are you most grateful for? Yes! Past behaviour is a good predictor of current behaviour.
Jonathon, I love your reference to Nordstrom's extreme return policy and relationships! Sadly true! I am so happy for Lewis and his beautiful partner. Divine timing, divine alignment and pure love , pure partnership ❣️
Canada wants a Nordstrom lol. We have a kids line of clothing that does that type of return..no matter how old. It's odd because kids outgrow clothing so all you'd have to say is it doesn't fit lol.
Thats gold! Commited to their growth 🧐🇦🇺🦘✨
Ur right the difference between significant vs skirmish relationship
I live just outside of Glasgow, Scotland and if I started to talk about eg personal growth, I would never find a Glaswegian man. I think that we are very down to earth people, generally, in Glasgow.
I would have to find another way. Cooking a nice meal probably works better than any form of emotional chat, as they they would run a mile from me, just to avoid heavy emotional chat.
(I made one of my successful dishes for someone, a risotto. Unfortunately he was held up in traffic and when I served it, he said that 'he didn't know he was getting rice pudding, we both laughed for about 20 minutes').
We are very different human beings and we call a spade, a spade here.
You have made some very interesting points though in your video. I agree that becoming intimate with soneone before you know the type of character they have, is never a good idea. if you would like a long term relationship with that person, it is best not be intimate with them immediately.
Possessing a good sense of humour is also is very important to me. 🏴🏴
I've been flirting with a guy for a year, but he seems confused and closed off. Listening to your advice that men typically don't commit beyond 90 days if they don't see a fit, I realize he's been stringing me along, for some reason he wants me close to him. -- He avoids discussing past relationships and refrains from putting emotions into our online chats, which hardly feel like real conversations. Our connection seems built on shared confusion and lost hearts. --- It's sad to know that I'm not ready because I don't know how to deal with men, and he's not ready for the same reason with women. We're both immature and wasting our time together on this “connection”. 😔
Sounds like you're a placeholder in his life for female energy/company. Why do you accept this behavior? Make a stand for what you want.
He seemed like such a nice and caring individual. He donates his time to the food pantry, treats people that have severe disabilities with great respect and care. He came to my house and everything seemed great, until the final evening. I don’t understand what happened, he changed the issue a few times, and only after I pressed. He was ready to leave town, without telling me anything. … I took him to the airport 4 hours early… because he was checked out. … … … He gave me perfunctory hug and told me: He did love me… … …
Red flag… One of his sons is a preacher… I asked him what denomination… He did not know. Supposedly he is a believer in God.
You're a nice guy. I've learned so much from you. Men and women are so different. Sex is so precious for a woman. We don't understand when a man does not value that. I had never understood it before, and I'm not even in the dating market now. Btw, I live in Canada and Nordstrom no longer operates here, so there's hope 🙂
it was very resonating as i feel quite tired from dating and just need something peaceful :) your point of view feels very helpful with it ❤ thank you for this video! definitely subscribing ☺️
Your wisdom benefits humanity in empowering ways. Bless you and Happy New Year.! 2024 will be a great year. 🙏
This is one of your best podcast thus far. Extremely informative 👏Thank you!!! ❤
Wow, thank you!
This is another truly excellent video. I really appreciate your encouragement for us to look at previous relationships from a spirit of gratitude and ask what you learned. Your encouragement for us to do the hard work first and learn what we want in order to become emotionally initimate with a man is right on.
By the way, I like Lewis Howes as well although you are my favorite podcast on TH-cam. My very best wishes to you Jonathon and your family in 2024! 🌟😊🌟
A great video thanks Jonathon. I'm watching and learning a lot and I'm grateful for your work❤
Happy to hear that!
Wow. Looking in the mirror is not easy. I feel I am too critical of myself let along looking at someone else’s good or bad traits. Emotional intelligence is hard to find in men today.
Question: why?
Exactly
I think it’s because men aren’t emotion creatures like women. We women have the hormones for feeling because we have babies. Babies do better with mothers that feel
Men on the other hand are made for things that require muscle strength , decision making without emotional thinking like investing etc
Did I really just say that?
For a couple months I have purposefully started conversation with every good looking seemingly single guy. Every single one brushed me off like i was a bother and two times in the last couple weeks actually came back after like 5 to10 minutes and tried to talk to me again, like they had to think about it, but i was hurt by being brushed off and i did not really want to talk at that point. Am i being too sensitive, or just keep my standards high? Seems a lot of men are stuck up, and think thier cold hearted actions dont hurt people. Seems like they want you to forget they were cold 5 minutes ago, and im supposed to kiss thier ass for giving me a breadcrumb.
That's the holy truth.
Thank you for sharing all these precious advices with us, Jonathon!
Glad you enjoyed it!
@@JonathonAslay I really did.
So many useful well worded insights here.
Glad you think so!
I agree that woman you spoke about was labelling every man she had a relationship with as a narcissist but I disagree that it’s rare that women can find themselves in a narcissistic relationship one after another, like myself & I didn’t realise until I self reflected after the 3rd one & did alot of work on why it kept happening to me. It occurs because of our upbringing, at least one narcissistic parent & we either turn out narcissistic ourselves or a codependent, but it can change if we work on it, but all I keep running into is the 90-95% of unconscious men.
I think the term narcissist gets thrown around way too much.
@@JonathonAslay Maybe you are unconscious about that & people are waking up, almost feels like you invalidate a person’s experience.
@@HeatherPower3 If anyone I speak to directly feels like I've invalidated them, I will quickly apologize and do my best to remedy it. I never wish to invalidate anyone's experience.
I like your advice and tools for entering new relationships, great reminders
Glad it was helpful!
This is an actually helpful video! Thank You!
Glad it was helpful!
Question--What do you do if your love interest refuses to talk about any past relationships? I recently ended a relationship with someone who kept reappearing after we broke up and never told me anything about any past relationship. He made it seem like my asking was unhealthy and also got upset with me when I'd ever mention anything about my past. I feel like he was not someone who dealt with his past. The most I ever got was that he had been ghosted and didn't seem to care. Now, after dealing with him, I am almost certain the women simply got tired of him not showing up or prioritizing them--as he did with me. I'm curious, though, because mainstream rhetoric is you shouldn't bring up your past.
Thank you for sharing this! This is one of the best dating guidance/ advice I have come across👌🏾
I love your Northstroms analogy to dating.
I am laughing..So funny and cute.
Very refreshing and positive; focusing on awareness. Namaste!
Glad you enjoyed it!
Excellent and I totally agree. Great content, as always!!!
Very good perspective. Something I never thought about. Thank you
Glad it was helpful!
I think if 2 people get bored or not happy and they feel its better on the other side..go find out but just be open to the one ur uhappy with.. offene..i think its called RESPECT ..It goes along way and !!
Great info God bless as I am suffering atm from mainly 2 men my lover and my dad and I am praying for strength and direction and for my character and these 2 men and my entire family and friends and neighbours character to improve this Nu yr 2024. God bless you. I’m a born again Christian always praying for truth and love and joy in my life and others xo God bless you all as we approach a new year love Kath
Sending 🙏
Thanks Jonathan very helpful as i was wondering about asking these type of questions. Thanks.
Glad it was helpful!
Dropped a boom..i get it🙏✨
Thank you, Jonathan! Good analogy with Nordstrom! I found 2023 & the pandemic a time of further self discovery & expect that will help me better set my expectations, wants & needs from any relationship/s.
👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼
Hugs to you Jonathan ❤ and Happy New Year 🎉🌹
Great video! Thank you 😊 it’s always good to hear from an expert !!
Thanks for watching!
Its called finding yourself..loving yourself..dont take things so serouse and if you really want a relationship..you really need to make your lady feel like a LADY not just someone to be there for you to pass the boredom until uc the next 1 in line..Im not judging anyone for wanting a player LIFESTYLE thats there business..but dont decieve the 1 thats always there for you..because its very HURTFUL and u give them a false sense of there worth ESSPEACAILLY IF THEY have abandoment issues..just be RESPECTFUL
Your funny of saying Norstrums! They are high as Crap😂 I would have to charge it on that level! Lol
The person I'm attracted to, I was attracted to even before I found out what he looked like. When I found out what he looked like it's like the universe gave me a bonus because I find him extremely handsome, even though he doesn't think so himself.
In order to give the other person needs to be able to receive
Exactly
Sorry, I haven't watch this video, just saw the title 😂
One thing I've learned, 🙋♀️ just ask the question. Anything, any doubt that goes through my mind, I just ask the question. In a polite and non judgemental way, of course, otherwise the other person sees it like a fight.
Love Lewis!! Look at his interviews with Dr.Joe Dispensa...SO GOOD!!
Yes, I love that interview too
@@JonathonAslay apologies for not being more talkative. I'm making Play-Doh for my granddaughter ❤️
Happy new year Jonathon! Thank you for your Work!
Happy new year!
Great vid..I'm gonna implement this..thanks
Glad it helped
Wish I could have watched this yesterday
Why?
Thank you it sunk in very well❤❤
God bless you.
I pray that Jesus radically changes you
in all the greatest and most divine ways,
and that he takes away all feelings of depression and hopelessness
and rage and shame and guilt and fear and despair.
I pray and speak HEALTH and JOY over your life.
Love and light on to you, in Jesus' magnificent precious holy name;
let it be done. So it is!
Thank you, I needed that….in Jesus name I claim that! ❤
Not me I have always been the What can I give type person!! Most of the time way more then I recieve.
This video is great ...thanks!
WOW! Thank you, and much appreciated. Any chance you can share this video with friends?
Good one Jonathan!! Thank you🎉
Glad you liked it!
😅😅😅 love you Jonathan... Nordstrom way of dating. That's hilarious
Exactly
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Hi Jonathon I live in Australia and any man who shows sexual interest in me or as a friend they get your attachment styles video text to them to discuss emotions and be aware 😂
Wonderful talk
Good stuff... really good stuff
Johnathan i have been listening to you for over 12 mony and what you said this time j
Ppl are not disposable that is the reason why ppl hurt ppl
Im in my 4th relationship , and im scared because i was only with my last husband for 5 & a half years . But im real scare of loosing this guys cause I have a crush of this guy for 26 years but he was married & lost his wife 6 years ago. He said he didnt come around sooner cause it hurt him when he come over & seen how happy i was with my husband. But when my husband die he came over & then after him visit 3 times then we started to see each other more . I love him more than i did any of the other guys . What do you think?
I don't what them come back to in my life again I am fulling down and upset about
So now that I have finally learned this stuff, I am too old for dating because men want to date my beautiful daughter. But I’m lonely so what now? I need advice for that situation
If you want help schedule a call Www.jonathonaslay.com/coaching
Yes this is resonating
Good to hear
Excellent video
Thank you very much!
So wait 60-90 days w/o physical intimacy? I'm thinking I'll wait 6 weeks. If he leaves that's my answer surely. Unfortunately we already were intimate on the second date 😕
In my country men don’t do personal development. I don’t think they would even think of this. Especially men 50 plus
He cares to a point..but being In LOVE and caring for someone is totally 2diff things..at 1time we loved eachother but we both let things get in the way..
Just ask him to do something. Its that simple
Exactly
I bit complicated for my stupid mind I think I’ll just ask him how he feels about me
It seems Americans have a Hard time to have emotional Relationship, Feelings... but in Canada, They know ,they have automatically have feelings naturally !!!
The saying goes men give love to get sex, and women give sex to get love.
Watching from Kenya
Thanks for watching
What do you think i should do or tell him.
Beauty of your heart 💖 and powful characters bring attractive fall in love.
What about a man that says he did all he could for his ex girlfriend... did everything for her and she didn't value him or respect him. He didn't say what he did wrong. Of course at this stage he may not want to tell me. But he sounds like a really giving good guy. But not knowing her side it sounds like she didn't acknowledge anything he did and took advantage of him. I can believe this because I have a brother like this. But ive never been with a man that did everything for me. (Maybe men that think they did, because my ex seems to be a narc and says he did a lot. Ask my family and friends and he definitely was not like that!)Anyways...She broke up with him, and he was blindsided. So it seems the communication was bad. I don't know why she'd leave such a man that puts his heart on his sleeve. He's a calm respectful guy. I knew him as a teenager.
Sounds like he received a blessing.
What they seek. ? What do I seek. ?
So true.