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How to Help the Narcissist Heal | Dr. David Hawkins
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 3 มิ.ย. 2015
- In this video Dr. David Hawkins debunks the notion that there are only two options - run and get out, or stay and suffer. Dr. Hawkins and his team at The Marriage Recovery Center have been working with people with narcissistic traits for over a decade, and he shares with you the things that he has found to be effective, as well as what is NOT effective, when it comes to helping a narcissist heal. He is NOT saying it is your responsibility to heal them, but whether you know it or not, it's likely you are enabling the status quo by what you do or don't do. Instead, you must break this cycle to cause the breakdown that leads to healing.
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Dr. Hawkins and his team of experts offer education and professional training as well as treatment for narcissistic and emotional abuse.
🌐 WEBSITE: marriagerecoverycenter.com/
☎️ PHONE: (206) 219-0145
📧 EMAIL: info@marriagerecoverycenter.com
About
The internet is inundated with hyperbole and misinformation about narcissism, leaving many people confused and hopeless. Get the facts about narcissism and emotional abuse from someone who has been researching, writing about and treating narcissism and emotional abuse for over a decade.
Dr. Hawkins is a best-selling author and clinical psychologist with over three decades of experience helping people break unhealthy patterns and build healthier relationships. He is the founder and director of the Marriage Recovery Center and the Emotional Abuse Institute which offers education, training and counseling for people who want to break free of, and heal from, emotional abuse.
Whether the perpetrator of the abuse is your spouse, partner, parent, boss, friend or family member, we offer practical advice for anyone trapped in a toxic, destructive relationship. In addition to narcissism & emotional abuse, topics include covert, reactive, spiritual, secondary, relationship trauma and more.
#narcissistic #narcissist #narcissism
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I've personally seen my narcissistic mother change after she reached her lowest after therapy and people in her life put the pressure on. It's going on 5 years and she continues to improve. She's asked everyone to call her out when/if she reverts to any of her old behaviors, and we have. She basically asked us to show a mirror in her face so she could "catch and kill" those behaviors. She's not even the same person. It's amazing! It's only because she got her lowest low and CHOSE to change. No one else could have made that decision for her.
Im glad to see there is hope ive discovered that i am a narc my mother was a extreme narc and has caused me to be one i desperately want to change for my kids and their father
Simone! You can and will change, matter of fact you already have, you show concern and empathy for your family!!!
Thats the key they need to recognize it and choose the change.
melartista wow God bless her
Narcs are incurable, except maybe with a good exorcist. She's is probably just a run of the mill asshole.
I feel like, we HAVE to try to heal them, with time, energy and patience. So when the time comes that we realize NOTHING has made a difference, we can move on with a clear conscience and heart.
Wow
Sounds the same as mine. 24 wasted years. I was told by our 1st counselor to run because he doesn't want to change.
You can’t take on a narcissist healing. You can’t be expected to, and you can’t be asked to. It is insurmountable. You have to put it back on the narcissist. Tell the narcissist you are not able to help him. He needs to ask his counselor. It should not be put upon you because you’ve had to deal with the weight and toxicity long enough. You cannot carry 1 ounce more. It will begin to affect your health and your mental well-being and your personality and it will change you as a person instead. Do not take it on.
@@CupAChoco Your experience sounds awful.
The person with NPD must truly see the error of our ways and WANT to change. Otherwise it is indeed futile.
Yes, yes and yes. My husband wanted to and IS changing. My sister, who I've cut off from my life, has no problems even tho she's angry, raging and spitefully manipulative. Breakthroughs definitely depend upon the person with the disorder, not their victim.
Are you as a therapist ever worried about narcissists faking that they’re learning from you OR that they’ll learn how to fake being empathetic etc. from things you suggest that he do to improve himself? Apparently narcissists do this very often and very efficiently but don’t actually change at all. It’s been said by some therapists that sometimes therapy even makes their patients worse because they just learn how to better fake being the way they are supposed to be.
I think this would only work with someone with narcissistic tendencies, not a real narcissist. People get them confused. A real narcissist cannot ever see their faults or make change. My father covert narc has lost everything and had everyone try to help him, couple strokes and heart attacks, can’t take care of himself and no one wants to help him (although his sister does)… he still has grandiose dreams about his future and thinks he’s a perfect saint…. Nothing would ever break him. I think he will die smiling in his delusional fantasy land.
Yes it is impossible to heal a covert narcissist.
I tried helping and I tried EVERYTHING…have u ever personally dealt w a narcissist dr? Everybody has narcissistic traits as a weapon in defense but we don’t all live and breath like a pure form narcissist. The only way to tell difference between them being defensive traits opposed to being a actual narcissist is to observe and witness them in action for YEARS
Perfectly said!
Thank you for uploading this video. I am a woman who is having NPD tendencies. My family quit me. My friend embraced me and she was the one to make me realise how wrong I am. My behaviour is changing very slowly, and it is so exhausting for her......I feel so frustrated as to why I am not able to change fast so that people around me do not suffer.
We are all on a life long journey of becoming the best version of ourselves, it does not happen fast but the journey you are on is well worth it. If you would like to learn how we can help, please reach out. We don't just look at behavior change, we look at what is driving those behaviors and correcting the underlying thought patterns, and any past trauma, etc.
@@drdavidbhawkins Thank you for your kind reply Dr.Hawkins. I am living in India. Recently l have caused pain to my friend and it hurt me and made me feel ashamed so much that I turned on to TH-cam for some answers. Your video was God sent for me. I know I need a doctor to help and guide me. I am trying to be able to afford a professional help.
@@drdavidbhawkins let me ask u a ? What if that person doesn’t want to attend therapy tho? I do know these people are horribly broken and have trauma. However, I have had much devastation from my narc mom, bullying and narc partners. So I’m not interested in being in relationship with anymore but it would be cool to help eradicate this issue.
Congratulations on trying , nothing good and lasting happens over night, it takes at least 9 months for a fetus and to mature and even then about 2;yrs to walk and talk. You've started the hardest part the start, looking with most Narcs refuse to even admit it. Try A A 's 12 steps even if your not an alcoholic just replace the word alcohol for NARSACISIM.
God bless hats of to u and I wish I a destiny free from Fear, (meditation & prayer)🎉
Thank you for trying to change. May God help you and easy your problem and help you heal. AMEEN
I am lost for words all I can say is magnificent. I love you doctor. You are the best. You just made me see everything so much clear.
Thank you for this. I wish I would have found you years ago but we're making good progress. Just started noticing and coming to terms with some things that are making me realize the one in my life has come so far but this person needs help with the healing part. Looking forward to learning as much as I can from you about helping this person heal from their trauma and become motivated to be the person their family needs them to be. I'm very grateful to have found your channel.
I've been with my husband for 28 yrs and feel SICK at the thought that he can't change. He sees what he does....and I thought ANYONE CAN CHANGE...its so refreshing to see a dr. Saying that its not an end to a long relationship....thank you SO MUCH! IM SO GRATEFUL TO YOU, DR. 😁😇❤🙏 2you
I’ve been with my husband 8 years now. In its only worsening as time goes. I am fed up. We have a baby together now, I feel stuck for her but living miserable with him. I’ve been to counseling to try to cope with this myself, but I never get a chance to heal because he continues and it’s only getting worse now saying that he has no problem. I see no solution, because he refuses to accept he has a problem. What do I do?
Well . . . I think that the standard-marriage is finally finished -> The future is a nice c o m m u n i t y. I recommend for you the wonderful "book of woman" (by Osho)
@@lizbethmleave him if you can't force him to therapy! Or ask him if he has traumas that needs to be healed. Other more extreme starting methods could be ayahuasca, or maybe there are psychiatrists that's working with psychotherapy and MDMA?
@@lizbethmAs someone with BPD with NPD traits, I recommend you save yourself and get away from him. If he's unwilling or unable to face himself, accept accountability for his abusive behavior, and work extremely hard to change, it's a lost cause.
Thank you so much for the optimism. I have witnessed some changes and it is so delightful to see . He is not in therapy, but I just separated from him after a year. I have a lot of knowledge on NPD so have managed to manage in my own creative way.. I am an art therapist and I discovered that one main connection is through doodles and doodling together on scraps of paper and notebooks. So sweet as it slowly brings meaning to emotions etc...
Wonderful to hear, thanks for sharing. Art is a great medium to access and express emotions.
Well, I tried those things. I literally got him to an NPD specialist after a long separation. The day he was to go he didn't and continued to not take responsibility. 24 years of abuse and suffering and 3 years of INTENSE abuse he will NOT follow through on the actions. You can't force someone to take that last step. It almost killed me (yes literally) to get him help. He would talk the talk but NOT walk it out. It was wasted time at my mental, physical, emotional and financial expense.
That is true, no one can be forced to change. If the desire is there, the help is available but they must want it, even if for the wrong reasons.
Exactly!!!
An absolute waste of my life. My body. My soul. My health.
@@drdavidbhawkins
And what about adding infidelity into the mix?
Why would I even want to be with him because of that alone?
40 years of hell. Nothings but lies.
M health is gone. My sanity is gone.
Well said!!!! Thank you for sharing a much needed change in perspective.
Glad you found it helpful. Thanks for your feedback
Wow! Suprised at the age of this.. such a refreshing take! Thank you. As relevant today as ever! 👏👏
It is very helpful for people to know if they are dealing with a narcissist…. I can’t tell you how revolutionary it was to find material explaining all the crazy things my husband did to me that I just could not understand over three decades…. I lost everything trying to fix someone like this…. Bottomline is you can’t help a person fix themselves…. A willing person would go get help and an unwilling person will keep on being who they are. I’ve never seen a person healed from someone else carrying them on their back, but I have seen a lot of good people, especially Christian women get torn down mentally, physically emotionally and in some cases spiritually, some even loosing their life from violence or sickness from a deterioration of health. Praying for all who has been in these relationships whether it’s a partner, family or friends… 😞❤️🙏🏽
Agreed, one must walk the journey of healing themselves. Thanks for your feedback
@@drdavidbhawkins
Yes sir! You can only help when you are healed but going through it is a testimony and God gives some people the gift to allow others to benefit from their pain. I am thankful for all the people out here working hard to educate people about this very serious issue. 😞❤️🙏🏽
Thank you for this. It’s encouraging since it’s my daughter with these “traits” (which I think she learned from my ex who I am NOT interested in “healing”). I’m also afraid that she can be hard on her husband, who is a terrific man and good for her. Thanks for the hope.
Thanks for the feedback. Education and awareness is a great first step to creating changes in one's life.
Thank you for reminding us there is hope!
Very few men or women with a high degree of these traits are willing to make the commitment to the process of change. They don’t see the need to change. The motivation is not there to spend the time or money. Everyone else needs to change.
I’m afraid I’ve caused to much damage with infidelity amongst narcissistic traits for to many years. She’s wants to support but unfortunately being tricked and manipulated for 26 years has burdened her with mental health issues. I’m enjoying other videos Dr. Hawkins and learning from them thank you.
Pray
Wonderful perspective.
There is a spiritual aspect to this issue as well. I believe that through God, these behaviors can be broken. For people who have a relationship with God, He can break the chains that bind people to narcissism.
Amen🙏🏼❤️
Absolutely. This is because ultimately controlling behaviour and narcissism are all about not trusting. Or about trusting nobody and nothing except yourself. So when you trust the truth or God or the universe you can actually finally let go. You kind of need to consider that life is wise, that you do not know and cannot control the ultimate purpose. And that people who you think are imperfect and need correcting by you have been sent to you by a higher force which knows best why you are here on earth and what you must learn.
And will an adult person who really loves himself or herself allow him- or herself to be abused by a narcissist? Guess not. One's experience with narcissists teaches one to take better care of oneself and love oneself. There is definitely a learning curve for the victim of narcissism and it's about self love.
Yes it is a generational curse which only God can heal
I’m so glad to hear this
Thanks for your feedback, glad you found it helpful.
Thank you for giving me hope
How do I get my husband of 23 years to even admit that he is narcissistic and that it will be beneficial to do your course? He gets incredibly defensive over absolutely nothing. We are not living together, a d for the first time in many years I'm feeling emotionally safer. There was much emotional and verbal abuse for many years. Can he do the course online as we live in Australia?
Im single but still I recognize, try to seek resources to, im not gonna lie, be successful, and heal before looking for a relationship
This is the best vedio so far ❤
Dr. Facts. I was a narcass8st and i changed.
That’s really encouraging to hear. Thanks for sharing
👏🏽 congratulations I’m happy for you
🙌 👏 🙏 🤝 👍 we are all capable of learning !
How you do it
Thankyou this offers hope for my ex partner who I still care for ,thankyou for this video
Waw, just what I did 🙌🏼🔥 now the change is there ♥️
No! Dont get trapped! If he really has NPD, he is just repeating the cycle. If the lovebombing started again, the devaluation will be next. Trust me. I just went through this cycle several times before I realized that I am stuck in a loop.
I couldn’t endure any longer. He said he wasn’t going for help so I finally filed for divorce. I told him either he had to get help or I had to go. He sad “oh that’s sad” but he still isn’t willing to get help. Maybe if I left the home that would have help…I don’t know. All I know is I needed out.
Unfortunately, we cannot force anyone to change and if there is no desire to work on the relationship, there is nothing left but to focus on your own healing.
I love this guy!!
I’m guessing from the title that the answer is:
Leave them alone to figure out what healing looks like for them.
How do you help him get to that breakdown? When i did and still doesn't have remorse? It's not my responsibility to keep getting torn by his emotional abuse! If he's still a 3yr old in a 50yr body?
THANK YOU I think my partner IS changing, but everyone keeps telling me to run...
As our therapists would say, look at the data to help you make the right choices. Sometimes "everyone's" advice may not be the best advice.
I like that you're out there saying this. I just don't believe that my father is incapable of change.
I've tried many therapists and they mostly say there's no hope and they won't help talk to him. I think they're not doing their job and they're telling me to do something morally wrong in kicking him out of my house to be homeless without even a single attempt to back up the verify validity of my boundaries. And I don't even think he needs a break down. He's not that bad of a narcissist. My guess is he's probably diagnosable, but I don't think he's evil...
I also come at this from the perspective of someone who has had to be an outsider giving hard truths to people in a sensitive manner probably hundreds of times. I've done something very similar to what I'm talking about over and over. The only thing is it doesn't work with family. But there's nobody to help. And it's severely damaged my life at this point. Financially, emotionally, career, interpersonally.
Does he have someone from his past that you can identify as a narcissist?
Have a chat, just informal, asking about that person.
Say his dad was a narc. Ask questions about how his dad treated him, just in conversation. As old people, we love to tell stories of our childhood, and narcs love to be seen as victims.
Just listen to his stories. Then after a long period of time, you could interject questions like, "ohhhh, is that like the time you said that to mom?"
Hello him see the connection between his narcissist and is narcissistic behavior, making sure to leave yourself out .
If you don't point out how he treats you, he'll think you didn't notice.
If he brings up how he did something to you, then you know he's making progress.
Also yawn, and watch. Narcissists Don't yawn when someone else yawns.
Do you work with covert Narcissist? What if you can't leave?
Won’t the diagnosis for NPD or whatever tell you if it’s something there’s no cure for, so no point staying, and if it’s inherited, whether or not your kids might have it?
Isn’t it the case that BPD responds to therapy but NPD doesn’t?
If a person is diagnosed with NPD, the likelihood that therapy will help is very low. Our videos are directed at people somewhere on the spectrum, but not the malignant disorder.
Could you reach out to me please? I share a 5 yr old daughter w my ex narcissist and it’s seems IMPOSSIBLE.
He says he’s changing but now expects more interaction from me. After 35 years of hell I have too much resentment.
Im sorry
But after all, I've learned about narcissm , this past 7months, and what I've ignorantly endured for 17years , i have nothing left in me to carry on
Not even The Holy Spirit could convict him , all th4se years
I am numb and broken, with no hope of still fighting for his heart
I wish the sessions weren’t that expensive. My husband really needs help but can’t afford it.
It’s dangerous to suggest that by threatening separation, you can cause a person to have an emotional break down leading to a break thru. Threatening separation, even temporarily, is an assault to the ego, which can cause angry or violent behavior brought on by fear & loss of control.
It is not meant to be a threat to manipulate but a last resort for someone who needs space to think clearly and heal. It is specific to the context of emotional abuse and someone on the verge of leaving anyway. We see your point - if used as a manipulation or fear tactic, that is wrong.
@@drdavidbhawkins I think it might be bigger then you concede. Making a suggestion like that so generally could end up costing lives. You should be more careful about suggesting such a specific action when speaking to people who are already in an emotionally vulnerable position. You could at least add a few maybes & mights to a suggestion like that.
And how is “tell your spouse you want to separate so they will learn their lesson and come crawling back” not a manipulative action?
I know, I’ve done it myself. It’s not wrong to manipulate people who are hurting you, just don’t pretend it’s anything but a manipulation.
What is wrong is suggesting that you CAN change another human being. It is extremely unlikely, and worse, it’s detrimental to have a mindset like that. Ask any therapist you can’t change other people! Ok, sometimes our actions do change others. But it’s not a straight line.
The only thing we have any control over changing is ourselves. Which is kinda where you were heading…if a person can pull together their will and manage to finally walk away, they are changing themselves by demonstrating their strength & independence. But you can’t (shouldn’t) tell people that by changing themselves it WILL do anything to the narcissist other then piss them off.
You’d be better off telling those women to STOP trying to get their partners to change. It’s that exact fantasy in their head that helps keep them oppressed. It’s the Hollywood dream: the man is an ogre, but the love of a good woman changes him into a prince, & everyone lives happily ever after. When in real life, the good woman just ends up being married to an ogre.
A very dangerous proposition if you ask me.
@@LOwens-xf8yowhat happens if genders are reversed?
@@AV-kr6gc I haven’t see that movie
i have narcisism and am tried of it pls some one help
Is there any more content along this line in more detail?
How does it work if I call ?
My narc has used his abuse that he learned from his malignant step father on me for 25 years, hes been out of the house for nearly 4 years...he's in counseling...using it as a shield...im done.
Thanks for sharing and hope you find freedom from the abuse and healing.
Unconditional love and truth telling and boundary setting, trusting the divine, trusting yourself and then putting trust in the so-called narcissist and complete and utter forgiveness as per Christ - no therapist is necessary. That is if it truly is love and if you see the full potential of them even when they give up on themselves….. it is NOT an overnight process and enabling is not helpful. 🙏🏻
Thank goodness people like you are giving hope here because most often we are told nothing can be done.
It sounds like you have walked the path of healing, thanks for sharing
I believe God and our saviour Jesus can help im bouta set out on a journey to try save the soul of my girl cassie who is been torn to shreds by the dark side they will not have her.
how do i get in contact with you re questions on the therapy you offer?
Please reach out at info@marriagerecoverycenter.com or (206) 219-0145
🙏🏼❤️
They have to be broken by God. Brokenness has to come in his life. There has to be a conversion...a road to Damascus like Saul to Paul. Stay away let God do His Work.
I see Saul & Paul the exact same way though, same personality, different goals. First, he wanted to kill Christians, and then he wanted to build up the Kingdom of God. But his strong & leader-like behaviors were the same both ways.
Dr. Hawkins you kept saying to keep the heat on but you never really explain how. By keeping him away?
What happens when they kill you?
No one expects anyone to stay with someone who is physically dangerous. We’re talking about emotional abuse here. Physical isn’t even a question: leave!
My ex husband would have never agreed to counselling either with me or without,
He had an affair after the separation and I had no choice but to divorce him.
How about his cheating, lying and stealing?
The destructive behaviors must be addressed. We believe in healing the individual first before trying to work on the relationship. We can't love well if we are not well.
Oh really? And what, exactly, are the statistics of success? How many narcissists have been "healed" and for how long and what is the measurement of that success? I don't buy it.
Wish I would have seen this before he moved out.
That was a wonderful session..
I tried reaching out to you on WhatsApp...i couldn't....i wanted to discuss on it.
Thanks do let me know how can do that.
Im here cause my narcissistic abusive husband in all ways is not interested in helping himself.
My fear is he is so obstinate and has the idea that I’m the “broken person” and he is the perfect savior that tolerates his broken wife….. and he will say fine!
I’ve been isolated for 24 years… he had me get rid of all my friendships outside our marriage because they were “unhealthy” and replace my friendships with his friends wives. I was raised by a narcissist so I have no family to turn too unless I want to jump into that narcissistic cesspool.
I guess it has to get to a point that I have to choose a slow emotional and mental death or choose mental safety alone.
I pray you find ways to protect your mental health while dealing with your situation. I found some good information from the Surviving Narcissism channel. Prayers for you friend💕
but he will not commit to me and has raged at me..... he has gas lighted me......and he is sadistic
Is there anything too hard for the Lord?
With all my respect but the belief that I can help him to heal kept me in a relationship with a psychopath and I nearly died because if this. This is very very dangerous. I am convinced that you are intelligent and well meaning but you have never lived with a psychopath!!!
You're right, no one can heal another person, but if he wants to heal there are clinically proven methods out there to rewire the brain. That said, most of the people we work with are somewhere on the spectrum of having narcissistic traits, not the malignant disorder.
@drdavidbhawkins ah ok , I agree totally at this point because I am working in this area too. It would be helpful so to explain that you are talking about persons with many traits and not the disorder. Because I am working in this area too :deprograming and reprogramming the subconscious mind etc and this kept me in this abusive relationship until I looked at my subconscious mind why I stay and why couldn't give up the toxic hope and this was my trauma. Sorry my bad English
There's nothing specific here. What to do, but no how to do it.
0
It can't be done don't even try. It is futile to try to change a narcissist. Just get away from them no matter what and never do anything that will put you back in contact. If that means avoid family and friends who are still flying monkeys avoid all contact and residual distant contacts who will triangulate you back to the narcissist.
Narcissists don’t have “partners.” They’re a one man band
Gee, he charges alot of money...makes me wonder...
Nothing about God or repentance that I can see either. Only the grace of God through true repentance can change a heart. Behavior can be changed but a heart change can only come from repentance.
I would love to talk to you
Please reach out to our Client Care Team at info@marriagerecoverycenter.com or (206) 219-0145
He has tried to take my life
No one expects anyone to stay with someone who is physically dangerous. We’re talking about emotional abuse here. Physical abuse isn’t even a question, you need to leave.
LEAVE HIM NOW! Do not stay with anyone that wants to or has attempted to take your life!
Secretly create an exit plan & act on it! 💛
Run
@topup4563 I tried, but he stalks me. Gathering proof for the authorities.
@@triciadreas9835 Yup. Dont let him get away with it Tricia ! His manner is utterly outdated (egoistic) . . . and take yourself a g o o d attorney ! Wish U all the best
This is not for everyone, but some of us feel it 's worth a try especially if you include GOD in the equasion to those of you who can persuade your love one into getting help. They are not in it alone. You both need help.
ADHD helpful? Wait rewind… I’m ADHD. I can tell you it ruins lives. ADHD ruins lives. And that’s the opposite of the genuine goal of the ADHDer.
Well . . . I think that the standard-marriage is finally finished -> The future is a nice
c o m m u n i t y. I recommend for you the wonderful "book of woman" (by Osho) for females, and for men the title "Whats new Adam ?" (same author)
I agree with you. Separated with mine and he had a breakdown and have given his life to Christ and he seem to have changed but still cautious and still are separated until I see major changes!
Thanks for sharing! Ongoing accountability and support is critical for real, lasting change. It is human to slip, so it is essential to have wise, godly people walking alongside you who can help you back up. It is good to proceed with caution but stay the course! - Client Care Team
queenofsuccess I hope it works out.
I hope it works out for you.......
The love of God can change ANYONE if they are willing..
If they help themselves, if they are humble enough to let God operate in their lives, most of narcissist I know, they believe they need no God for they claim to be the special children of God.
I like your attitude. I'm of the mindset that we live to heal. I wish I could heal my ex gf. Not so that we can be together, but because I know her behaviors come from a truly painful and troubled place. I wish her compassion and healing.
We appreciate your feedback and your compassionate perspective. We agree that all of us are on a journey of becoming whole and are blessed to be part of that journey for the people who come to us for help. - Client Care Team
Dylan who thank you for your compassionate viewpoint. I have BPD and don't mean anyone harm and hate that I do that with my erratic emotions. I'm trying very hard to heal. Really appreciate your point of view as the majority of people are very blaming and dismissive.
I agree. People who have another medical condition like cancer depression etc.. we don't just say run. We look for ways to help. We look for cures. There are ways to prevent this medical condition too. Making people aware and educating them that neglect trauma brain damage fetal alcohol syndrome etc. cause certain problems (ex. Less grey matter of the anterior something or other..some of that grey matter helps deals with emotions empathy impulse control etc) that affects thoughts which in turns affects behavior. We all must educate ourselves on how the brain works. I know why some people on meth go crazy from lack of sleep because the brain doesnt have a lymphatic system to get rid of waste like the cells in the rest of our body so sleep is very important to function properly. How many people understand it from that perspective. People do drugs for a reason. Its an escape.. it helps produce dopamine. Dopamine can be produced naturally. Anyways i'm still learning about narcissists and everything. I deal with a textbook narcissist myself but I'm not judging him. He didn't have a choice that his mom drank with him when she was pregnant. He had behavioral problems so he grew up in a group home. I'm not judging him even though no one else likes him because of his behaviors. I'm learning and studying about it now because I have an interest in psychology and neuroscience. I understand its not always safe being with a narc because of there abusive tendancies and they are toxic and own worst enemy but if we just say they are hopeless and throw our arms in the air we will never get anywhere.
Thanks for your insight Tammy. Personality Disorder is a condition that can be successfully treated by a professional who is knowledgeable and qualified. The partner must also invest in education and treatment for their own healing and well-being, as you are doing. - Client Care Team
Nicely put Dylan. I feel exactly the same. It would be wonderful to see everybody happy & at peace. The whole world would be so much nicer no doubt But in the meantime, one has to be wise and think of their own wellbeing.
If beating the crap out of you, shagging other women, lying to you about everything, accusing you of stuff he was doing, discarding you, stalking you, etc until you have PTSD didn't make him feel bad and think he's got a problem and needs therapy, then you keep the heat on and tell him you've had enough!
I’ve learned my sanity is more important and healing my inner wounds are more important than fixing or helping my ex narcissist of 11 yrs heal! Very misguiding to victims being abused and trying to save the narc and getting abused more you can’t help if the narcissist has a family of enablers!
We agree, protecting and nurturing your mental and emotional health and well-being is of utmost importance. We have a women's program that empowers women to do just that. -Client Care Team
David Hawkins yes was five years with one she swear to change and do counseling the more I tried to move her the worse she got was really intense shit
Change can only come about from within and most humans are resistant to change, but sometimes given the right circumstances and interventions, they can be motivated to seek help. Certainly not always, but we offer help to those seeking it. -Client Care Team
Katphena S fuck healing an abuser! Please
Warrior Within I never said you could heal a abuser I think you mis read what I said! I was in a narc relationship 12 yrs and nothing changed him he got worse after dv classes these people are very rarely healed and go back to old tactics narcs are not able to be healed maybe you should watch your abusive words!
Hello Mr. Hawkins and THANK YOU for the work you do. I am married to a Man that is a full blown narcissist. I have quite literally been to hell and back with my husband..........so you might ask the question, "what was it that made me stay with him?"
Well, the one tiny thing that always, always, always gave me hope was that SOMETIMES....not very often but once in a while.......I would see my husband's 'True Self' shining through all of the hate and rage and pain (he was horribly abused in his childhood). Many people might say that this is all part of the 'Act' that the narcissist puts on in order to deceive others, and whilst I have certainly seen my husband use his charm and acting skills (especially on me), I KNOW without a doubt that the 'True Self' that sometimes appears is genuine. Mr. Hawkins, it would take many hours for me to tell you of the miracle that has come in to me and my husband's lives, but what I will say is that I am convinced that my faith in Jesus has been the number one blessing that has helped my husband to heal.
I am NOT saying that my husband is 100% healed......his life has been too horrific and sad for him to ever be COMPLETELY free of his pain......BUT........I knew that a bridge had been crossed when I saw my husband sitting at his computer with his headphones on and tears streaming down his face. I stood next to him and he turned up the volume of what he was listening to and that is when I started crying too. It was 'Amazing Grace' being played on the Scottish Bagpipes (my husband is part Scottish).
It was perhaps the most moving, miraculous and wonderful moment either of us have ever known......my husband has always said that he is atheist and that there is no God.........I have NEVER tried to push my belief in Jesus on to him.....I simply accepted that my husband would always be too full of pain and rage to accept Jesus in to his life........but at that moment......both of us clinging to each other and crying......"I once was lost....but now I'm found....was blind.....but now I see."
Thank you Mr. Hawkins for telling the TRUTH: That NOTHING is ever 'impossible' and that with the love of God.......miracles can happen.....even for a narcissist and his partner.
I am not saying that EVERY narcissist can be healed......but I believe that when the narcissist truly WANTS to change......and if he (or she) has the adequate love and support.......then a miracle can REALLY happen. I know it can. It happened for me and my husband.
Hi Lorraine and thank you for your support! It brings us such encouragement to hear stories like yours! You are absolutely right - healing is possible for those that want it. It is our belief in God that drives our mission and keeps us remembering that there is always hope, for God never gives up on us. Have a blessed day! - Heather, Client Care Team
Thank you Heather, xx
lorraine smith Praise God!
Thank you so much Melodie.......Amen to that!
I am looking for a similar miracle.
You repeatedly put the responsibility of "fixing the abuser", onto the victim. Not only is the victim in no way responsible, or qualified to do this, but is likely to be in danger by trying.
beckbabej I think what he means is not putting the responsibility of fixing the narc on the victim but rather giving hope to narc spouses to get back a loving person without divorcing and finding someone else. Definitely worth a try if that can happen.
Vida CK There is no "loving person" to get back to, that was theater, and mirroring. Not "worth a try", dangerous!
beckbabej Absolutely agree, do not do this on your own. You can waste your whole life trying to help a malignant person who does not want to get better. And give him a lot of opportunity to suck emotional blood from you! But give a chance to try for a therapist, that I would do ;)
What are you his secretary? Almost all the therapists (except this guy) say they can't cure NPD. This guy is a victim blaming quack, I didn't say don't try this alone, I said DON'T TRY THIS... go away VidaCK.
This guy in the video is a narc.
I appreciate your video despite the criticism. I believe in shifting the focus and giving that hope and if it doesn't work then at least you tried. We all deserve the chance to become aware, change and recover.
No chance of any of that, becoming aware, changing and recovering. Narcissists believe that the way they operate works for them. It always has, and always will. No need to change.
i believe u can recommend a therapist for them and that's about it, because they can destroy you
We crave change but we are afraid of change . So we stay stuck on a wheel hopeing our story will Get better in the same way they were back when things were grand !!! We must always keep in mind that our most" sacred duty" is to OURSELVES. Along with the willingness to respect and be gentle to ourselves To come to an inner wholeness where you are not divided from your inner -self by shame or low self esteem or guilt or other EMOTION that might keep you from stepping out and letting go !!
We crave change but we are afraid of change . So we stay stuck on a wheel hopeing our story will Get better in the same way they were back when things were grand !!! We must always keep in mind that our most" sacred duty" is to OURSELVES. Along with the willingness to respect and be gentle to ourselves To come to an inner wholeness where you are not divided from your inner -self by shame or low self esteem or guilt or other EMOTION that might keep you from stepping out and letting go !!
Mia Perez
Giving them the benefits of the doubt is what they know you'll do, so keep playing the game, lose for you, win for them.
You can if they'll let you. Pride usually won't let them. My husband told me if I didn't want to accept that he wanted to separate from our bedroom I could leave, it was put up with it or leave. Today I filed for divorce. Your words of affirmation are hopeful but it's a pseudo hope. Pride comes before destruction and a hauty spirit before a fall.
Every situation is different and must be evaluated carefully. You're right in that many are not willing to receive help. We don't offer blind hope for everyone - there must be a sincere willingness to change and engage in the work necessary. - Client Care Team
Thanks for standing out from the crowd If GOD raised a dead man after 4 dys He can cure a living one Thanks for giving HOPE The world needs more of positive people God is still God
Thanks Ann, there are many people out there who believe that broken people should be discarded. Society doesn't discard people who are physically sick, why should we discard people who are emotionally sick without offering help? We have seen thousands of relationships restored and people healed based on therapeutic methods that work. - Client Care Team
I have established no contact with my partner. Yes, he went through breakdown and breakthrough. yes he start looking for me and do think about getting back.
We keep in touch once a while, i be kind but not stupid as i know him well.
And i keep it clear, i cant be with him because he didn't changed.
At some point this video is right.
I have to agree because its happened.
I realized, the power is in me. I can choose to let my partner repeat the same or i can learn to love myself more.
Funny part is, if u have hatred and very revengeful to your NPD partner. You cant help anyone ...
Agreed
Wow I was with one five years and she convinced me it was all my problem it's only recently I realise what a narc is .I do love her wish her well but is draining experience and she think if we don't marry she can have many partners well I caught her then she admitted she was cheating etc.i miss us .but the level of deception was severe
Xeyra Adeen awesome lady just awesome. the power is within us
He's saying we must help them have a breakdown. ALL they want is to maintain some kind of engagement, good or bad. They'll play the game as long as you want. AND they need to truly repent of the hurt they've caused before they can be trusted.
Narcissists play these therapists very well.
How do I have him to break down?
This is great thinking outside the box! Narcissist won't just participate in recovery on there own they have to hit rock bottom first! Thank u for doing this video despite the naysayers
NPD, BDP - WE who have lived with those hellraisers can diagnose them because WE have been their target! I disagree. It is helpful. Furthermore, many of them see no problems with themselves, they blame everyone else, and they continue in their nasty, wicked ways. The way to heal a narcissist is to leave them so YOU can heal. Who has the energy and time to help them - we don't have time to babysit, track them, uncover their lies, cheating. That's the only way they know how to live. I'm sorry, but after so much abuse, who needs to do that. They don't care!
Hi Gloria, you are right, it is not your job to heal them and it is good that you are focusing on your own healing. However, it is our mission to offer hope and healing to those who are seeking help and are willing to do the work necessary to change. We also have programs to help heal those who have been harmed by dysfunction and emotional abuse. Contact us at frontdesk@marriagerecoverycenter.com if you'd like to learn more - Client Care Team
exactly, it is almost impossible to help them heal and in the process u can very likely destroy yourself
Narcissists don't want to change.
They act like it so they can bind you to them. It's just gaslighting.
Gloria Aquino
words from the wise and narcissistic!
agree, they are WAY MORE THAN A HANDFUL; you will spend your whole life dealing with a lot of abuse and manipulation and lies that in turn make you mentally or physically sick or both; I've seen this and AM seeing this with a relative and she had a lot of kids with this man but could not effectively raise them because she was so busy trying to keep her husband in line and following him everywhere so he doesn't get into trouble; their children have issues with alcohol, drugs and one is narcissistic just like the father and does a lot of manipulation and control in her home over her spouse and children; it is disgusting and TOTALLY DYSFUNCTIONAL; if you stay with a narc, FINE, but DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN WITH THESE PEOPLE
Run don't rebel or try to "help"
I'm grateful for your voice. After 48 years, I'm hopeful! Thank you. ❤
While "they" are breaking down from your refusal to participate in the abuse, they are plotting against "your" health and well being. It is all they know and want to know. Their garbage way of existing is what they believe in as a means to their successful life. Anything they learn, they will incorporate into their narcissistic way of being. I have no problem with trying, but for those of us who have fallen for it many times over decades, before rather suddenly becoming aware of what was really going on, we know better. At best, you can learn to be more covert and hidden, but the narcissists I have been tortured by, no way are they changing. They are very proud of it. But thanks for saving families, as you said you do. A functional narcissist situation is worth it to some.
Hi David, thanks! This is the first video about narcissism that actually makes sense to me. I love that you are solution focused and that you don't just jugglie with the labels. And also i'm happy that you mention that they CAN love. Narcissists are not monsters inside. They are just dressed up in their Halloween costume, all the year through, untill they understand they are much more beautiful without it, and have the courage to put that costume aside. Thanks!
Thanks for your feedback Anne. We understand that there are many who are in a relationship with narcissists who seemingly are incapable of expressing love, but not everyone can be labeled or put into a broad category as every situation is unique. Certainly there are some who will never learn to give or receive love, but we have also seen many people learn new ways of thinking and relating. It's not a quick fox, nor is it an easy process but there is hope for those who are willing to engage and commit to the process! - Client Care Team
I unfortunately have to disagree with you. I have a long life experience with narcissists: covert/overt in my immediate family and full blown overt in my last marriage. I actually found out about my family after recognizing that some patterns of abuse in my marriage were also present in my relationship with my parents and siblings. I tried badly to help my husband and he never even recognized he had a problem. What you’re talking about in your video may work for narcissistic people who fit in the beginning of the spectrum where self awareness and a certain degree of empathy are preserved. But those who reach the 2nd and 3rd levels of narcissism and fall into the realms of NPD itself, NO WAY. The internal connection between the true self and the false self no longer exists in any form. I’m saying this from personal experience by trying to help my narc ex to engage in therapy together. All he did was to lie, manipulate the whole thing and start a huge smear campaign against me and the therapist. I’m not sure if you ever dealt closely with a full blown malignant narcissist. I sense you didn’t cause if you did, you’d never think that way. Learning all the psychological theories and listening to other people’s experiences is not enough to make a person fully understand narcissistic abuse on a core level. Only those who went through this know the degree of devastation.
Rose
You're spot on.
Otie Jason Otie Jason I’m not in a contest about who’s better or worse, who’s more or less human. I sound worse than him why? All that I wrote is the plain TRUTH, you like it or not and if you think it’s not, good luck with your delusion. I thought just like you for many many years till I got a good final beating that was a big wake up call. Now, I’m wondering here why you got so triggered by what I wrote to the point of saying I sound worse than him: maybe you strongly identify with narc traits and are projecting your S*** onto me? I sound worse than “my narc” then take him home and cuddle in bed with him, lol. You’re an asshole, ugh!
Traveling Healer In Psychiatry, narcissism is considered a trait so we all develop narcissistic traits to a certain degree varying to the attachment issues that we developed while learning to bond in early childhood with our caregivers and also with the narcissistic cultural brainwashing (which is pretty strong right now in our society). I really agree a lot with the “3 stage” approach approach of Dr. Abdul Saad from Vital Mind Psychology. Narcissism is a pathological way of being founded in false Self in which the individual develops a strong complex of superiority to cover a very deep complex of inferiority. The problem is that most people see narcissism as “normal, non pathological” because they see narcissism as “excess of self love” when it’s actually the opposite. Narcissists hate their true selves to the core and bury them so deep that they live on a mask (their false selves) that require a huge amount of energy (narcissistic supply) to be maintained. The more narcissistic a person is, the more disconnected to his true self and self loathing he is. The bottom line is: in order to define what pathological narcissism we need to look at the degree of chaos and toxicity (like all cluster B personality disorders) it created in their interpersonal relationships. Narcissists have a long record of varied forms of abuse in the way they relate to people. All that being said, I disagree with the idea of “normal” narcissism. It’s pathological, meaning we all learn to be dissociated on an internal level in order to fit in the social models of success and we grow up learning that we need to be or appear to be a certain way or have things that are associated to power in order to be loved. True power comes from within, from a strong sense of self awareness/knowledge, and true self acceptance regardless of our flaws. All the rest that comes from the outside is just illusion and when the external support falls apart, the internal world collapses which is pretty true for narcissists.
Traveling Healer I respect your right of disagreeing but saying that narcissism is a trait is not a “blank statement” of mine. It’s something very well described in Psychiatry manuals that emphasize cluster B disorders or books specialized in narcissism. I was very resistant when I heard such thing in the very beginning but not after some research and understanding that we all have need for approval, reinforcement and self centeredness that are all narcissistic traits. Those traits start to be constructed during childhood cause every single child in this world goes through a narcissistic phase as part of the normal psychological development. The caregivers need to mirror, reinforce certain behaviors of the child and correct others during this stage so he/she can start to learn how to develop the ability to consider others while dealing with his own desires and put themselves in other people’s shows (those are empathic traits that children don’t have up to 2 years old in average). All that being said, empathy is in some way learned and NPDs learn how to mimic it overtime as first try to get what they want cause they don’t have it genuinely. Regarding the brain scans of narcissists being abnormal: I’ve seen several researches pointing out to certain dysfunctions in parts of the brains of people formally diagnosed with cluster B disorders such as an hyperactive reward system (this leads NPDs to the most varied types of addictions in order to numb the deep pain and the internal holes) PLUS their prefrontal cortex is shrunk in functional MRIs (that part of the frontal lobe of the brain is responsible for one’s moral emotions such as regret, guilt, compassion that are crucial for empathic behavior). The supremacy of genetic determinism has been more and more debunked in Biology because the presence of a gene doesn’t mean it’s going to be expressed (for such expressions of a gene, it needs to be triggered, activated by one’s life environment/experiences). Check out the Biology branch of Epigenetics and you’ll get more info on that. In Psychiatry, the cluster B disorders can be organized in a pyramid model with Borderlines and Histrionics on the bottom, followed by Narcissists in the middle and Antisocial (Psychopaths/Sociopaths) on the top. This model shows that empathy reduces and the dysfunctional behaviors grow progressively when we move towards the top. There’s a thin line separating malignant narcissists from people with mild psychopathy cause the signs and symptoms of all the cluster B disorders overlap and being on a high spectrum of narcissism takes someone to an area of transition to psychopathic/sociopathic traits. Anyways, believe it or not, like it or not, we ALL have narcissistic tendencies but the difference between us and a person with NPD is that those traits take over their personality and become a way of being that cannot be fixed (at least I never saw an ex-narcissist). Actually l’ve seen people who have been formally diagnosed with NPD that clearly state how difficult it is to change their mindset and behavior even being aware of how damaging they are in terms of interpersonal relationships. Do your research and you’ll see that what I said is not a blank statement. We humans can be as selfish as an irrational reptile. We just need the “proper trauma” very early in childhood to mess with our brains for life.
isnt it STRANGE that he is the only ONE who protests that he can cure (!!)a narcissist?i mean if it were that easy to achieve why all the other doctors and therapists claim the opposite?i dont know in not a psychologist but i would be veeery careful with anyone claiming to offer assistance while everyone else say that is a waste of my time feelings money and mental to saythe least health.i mean i m very sure the other health specialists could use the money too . be extra careful and take care of your self everyone!
Keeping an open mind and heart is key
I totally agree with you, why would they change when they don't need to change. They're perfect right? I don't buy this video at all. I'm going back to watching Little Shaman videos. She is awesome.
Sofia Mylona
Just more false hope for money.
We don't claim to be able to "cure" a narcissist, only that we can help people heal using therapeutic methods. But certainly not all people, only those who want to heal and are willing to do the work necessary. Every situation is unique and evaluated carefully. -Client Care Team
No it's not. NPD, BPD and Histrionic Personality disorder all share similar traits, and are from the same cluster. DBT is one of the best ways to address BPD and if it works there, it shd have some effect for NPD sufferers as well.
How about they help us heal from CPTSD? How bout that? Why is it always about them?
We have many programs to help people heal from the physical, mental and emotional effects of emotional abuse. marriagerecoverycenter.com/resources/ - Client Care Team
I think if these people can heal them they should let the narc live with THEM (ummm forever) while they are. Asking or suggesting a victim prolong their horrible abuse is so far beyond the realm of understanding it IS abuse. The only thing these people want is your money. They saw a corner in the market and went for it. How sick is that!
Quite the opposite, our goal is to empower people so they are no longer victimized or tolerate any further abuse. -Client Care Team
David Hawkins if you truly believe that then you would quit touting that a narcissist can be healed. They cannot. Even those that may have traits that can be "behaviorally modified" are few and far between and even then it takes years of therapy. You KNOW this. Who has that kind of time to waste hoping theyre partner can get better all the while they're being abused, sometimes horribly. Who in their right mind would think that's okay? A narc would. A narc who uses a system to keep a victim a victim that's who.
There is some truth to that. That's why we don't focus on behavior modification and surface issues, we focus on heart and character change. Love is a powerful agent for change. - Client Care Team
Omg. I actually burst out laughing watching this. What the hell did I just watch?
The narcissist and borderline will be changed by hitting bottom, but only as long as the heat and pressure are applied. Let me give you an example. My mother changed when she lost custody of me. He was horrified to lose me and suffered great emotional turmoil and withdrawal hence she was highly motivated to perform well in therapy. She did well for a few months after I was returned to her by a trick. Custody had been awarded to my Aunt and Uncle who lived in Utah. But they trustingly turned me back over to my mother’s care who then eventually fell back into her old abusive ways. Our family moved to another state. My life with her nearly destroyed me. Someone who is super toxic, who cannot regulate feelings, who gaslights and goes on rage attacks and who desperately, desperately needs to CONTROL you has no business being a parent or spouse. YES, depth counseling must continue, but the narcissist will get bored and tired.Most commonly the narc will find someone else to praise them who won't make demands. In my mother's case, she happened to have an adult child by another marriage 21 years before I was born. She turned to him and made all of his children, her grandchildren miserable, and her daughter-in-law terribly miserable. My elder half-brother didn't want to trust our mother, but she hoovered him, using money from my father's salary. He became the golden child and I the scapegoat. When she died, everyone was relieved, except my brother who thought she was going to leave him a bundle of cash. She didn't my father's money all flowed to me and he got nothing. He was sucked in by her manipulation, let her insult his wife and criticize his children. She was permitted to say and do whatever selfish, toxic thing she pleased just for the little money she dribbled to him each month. He was so bereft upon her death knowing he had been played the fool, that he became very ill, contracted lung cancer and died an embittered man.
Thanks for sharing Terry. Yes, it is essential that people living with narcissists have firm clear boundaries and consequences when those boundaries are not respected. - Client Care Team
I think we should start a dating site for people that have dealt with narcissitic personalities in there lives
That would be unhealthy as well. You see, both partners would suffer PTSD (if they haven't healed from it), and that would not make the relationship work. Think about it....we ALL need healing. Every single person that ever lived, dealt with pain & grief. The narcissistic person and ourselves, as well. It's not healthy to live in a victim-like mentality of 'they hurt me, and it's their fault'. Yes, they did a lot of damage, but we also participated in keeping ourselves victims longer than is needed. Many women stay 20+ years in these relationships. Yes, it's hard to get out, but that's not an excuse to stay and blame it on the abuser.
Thank you!
I have been married to a man with narcissistic traits for 12 years. I am glad you are not preaching the " Run away" tactic for dealing with it. I truly love him and believe that it's a disorder along the same lines as depression disorder. He really is trying to get a grip on it and I can't abandon him.
Thanks for your feedback Aurora. We hope he is getting the help he needs, and you as well, as you also need support while going through this. If you want to look into some resources, please visit us at www.marriagerecoverycenter.com or call us at (206) 219-0145
How can you help someone who won't see a prob with their behavior and twist and turn relentlessly evehthing that is said to them ?
With expert guidance from an experienced professional, it is possible. But it is not your burden of responsibility to change another person. We are here to help those who are willing to engage in the process. If you want to learn more about our services, contact us at info@marriagerecoverycenter.com - Client Care Team
Bad bad bad advice!!! This man has never lived with a narc, or is one himself. All he did in his example is he got the couple back into the honeymoon phase. I bet its already back in the devalue/discard phase as we speak...Do not believe this!!!! You may get killed. No! he does not care about you!!! Saying "You must", puts all the burden back on the victim. This "dr" is very very bad!!!!!
Thanks for your comment, but before you make a hasty judgement based on one video, may I suggest looking into Dr. Hawkins' latest book "When Loving Him is Hurting You" to get a fuller picture of his views, particularly his insight and understanding of the victim's perspective. - Client Care Team www.amazon.com/When-Loving-Him-Hurting-You/dp/0736969810
YUP - BETTEY BRODERICK COMES TO MIND LOL
You see what I'm seeing as the big problem with this, is that many therapists, and or advise found on line will tel you straight out!! You cant change them, no contact is the only answer, Yes but what about us who are stuck with them right now and cant leave right away. You have to deal with them! Either that or give up living or just go insane run around the house naked! I had a therapist who told me there was no changing them, so Ive set about changing myself and even then he said this wont make a bit of difference, you have to leave, well, I cant leave! Im stuck, and then he proceded to keep me feeling stuck with no positive empowering solutions to this situation at all. There was no winning for me was the basic message. I didnt believe it, so I found a new doctor who understood along the lines of what I was trying to convey to the other one who didnt get it, which sounds very much like what you are conveying now as well.. Good Deal. ++++
Serenity Fields
Read the book "Should I Stay or Should I Go?". I see you wrote this years ago but basically to deal with these types:
1) Give up hope they'll change.
2) Lowet your expectations a lot.
3) Cultivate friendships with people who can empathize and share in your joys and sorrows.
4) Don't talk to the narcissist about anything deep. The weather, an interesting anecdote you heard, a quick punchline joke - only trivial things.
5) Never expect them to give you love, sympathy, or understanding. Look to your friends for such things.
They are people to be managed, and not people to collaborate with.
I do agree that labels are easy to assign and everyone deserves a chance. We all need hope. However, often the damage is too deep to completely heal. Every situation has to be unique because we are all unique even if we have certain programming and similar themes to our problems.
We agree with you 100% Helen. Not everyone is able or willing to change, and not everyone responds to therapy in the way we would hope. Each situation is unique but every person who has a sincere desire for help deserves a chance. -Client Care Team
I’m watching this two years after you posted it. I’m in love with a man that has overtly expressed all the traits. I didn’t know what gaslighting was until after we broke up. I saw the beautiful soul inside. I’ve never thought that a narcissist couldn’t heal. It’s just a fancy word to for a deeply wounded soul. I’m doing my homework just Incase we get back together.
Thank you for the work you are doing.
Dear RayDel Sol, I was thinking very same thoughts 3 years ago. It is not going to happen. You deserve better. Don't waste your life like I did.
jurejo You are right. I’ve moved on. I can always hope he gets help but Just like an addiction, it’s up to him.
I hope you are well.
Don't narcissistic ppl loves feeding their own egos and that is only what matters to them😕