Women have to allow themselves to be used: be useful or be ornamental
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 30 ก.ย. 2024
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Given the state of modern courtship, in which sex precedes commitment, many women are concerned about "being used" in the dating process. Unfortunately, there is no way around this. Just like most men have to expose themselves to potentially being used for their resources to secure a relationship, most women have to allow themselves to run the risk of being used sexually to get the same. The alternative to being used is being ornamental, which (for better or worse) is not a viable option for most women. That said, in this episode, I discuss how to reduce the likelihood of poor dating outcomes for women in light of this reality.
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Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#psychology #dating #women
Given the state of modern courtship, in which sex precedes commitment, many women are concerned about "being used" in the dating process. Unfortunately, there is no way around this. Just like most men have to expose themselves to potentially being used for their resources to secure a relationship, most women have to allow themselves to run the risk of being used sexually to get the same. The alternative to being used is being ornamental, which (for better or worse) is not a viable option for most women. That said, in this episode, I discuss how to reduce the likelihood of poor dating outcomes for women in light of this reality.
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Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#psychology #dating #women
I cannot appreciate you enough, sir. A girl I've been seeing wants a lot from me but wants me to be a "friend". I am, an honorable guy, sick and tired of raw deals like this and told her so! Awaiting her response. This video will be sent to her asap.
@@jn3750 What does she want from you while only wanting to be friends?
@@BeautiHacks A lot (and I don't have a hell lot of time) of things that cost me much time (and some money). I told her that no high-value, self-respecting, healthy man with blood flowing thru his veins would accept her arrangement (straight out of Orion's videos),
@@jn3750 What did she say? How long have you known her? And what exactly does she want? Is she dating any other guys? How old is she?
@@BeautiHacks she wants me to help her write her damn doctoral dissertation - specifically, doing high-level statistical analysis . the girl is pretty, 29 and may have someone in the background. I've known her for 4 months. Awaiting her response. I asked for more than being "friends", clearly suggesting some actions and romance. why are there such (unreasonable) creatures on this earth?
My girlfriend exceeded my expectations in every way while we were dating. She put herself together by dressing well and taking care of herself through diet & exercise, she read a lot of non-fiction which keeps the intellectual gears going, she cooked & cleaned her own place on a daily basis, and she showed me how much she cared for me beyond what I offered in resources or attention. And it's a two-way street. I levelled up my financial game by going after better work, kept in shape, and spent time with her where I showed her I cared for her beyond just the sex. We've been married for 27 years and we still strive to be our best selves for each other. Sure, we falter from time to time, but the intention to make ourselves the best possible partner to the other is always there. I don't think building a life together really works any other way.
While reading your comment, I wondered for a second if it was my boyfriend writing this comment under a throwaway account. You sound exactly like him, and the way I behave sounds exactly like your girlfriend (now wife).
I am happy to hear that this type of relationship can be sustained for so many years, it gives me hope! May you have at least as many happy years in the future with your beloved ❤
It's sad that testimonials like these don't get any attention on RP channels. I love Dr. Orions work! But his audience is largely bitter.
@@lilelly16I'm in a relationship like this too, and it sustains itself. Very little trauma or drama.
Your wife grew up in a different time. They don't make them like that anymore.
@@pamelah9205they do they’re just buried in the other comments about the experiences of 99% of people
I suspect most women will ignore this advice.
Good advice consists of ugly truths. They usually prefer "their truth".
My wife hates this episode amd generally this chanel
When I get a daughter I'll put her through this man's episodes.
@@marcuschauvin7039
Divorce her.
I think the numbers are worst
This is the most radical title yet hahaha
😂😂😂
I know right???
nah, it's only ben that way only in US and only in last like 20 years... in the reest of the world it's common knowledge!
He's got some stones, lol. Need to be dumping some serious truth bombs with a title like that
The saddest thing about it is that his title is putting it very simplistic and as a person who witnessed women acting bizarre, especially in the dating scene. I can definitely say for sure that unless you've been living under a rock 🪨 women have been doing this since the dawn of time. Depsite he made a bold title for the video. What he is saying is essentially nothing new!
I've have a gut feeling his advice won't be taking seriously.
they make rules for Simps but break them for Pimps
No lies detected.
Beta bucks, Alpha f*cks
😂
And where did you receivve your PhD? Best relationship advice by far
bro u need to step away from OF and see if u could attract a woman in IRL, simps getting all the p and u b 👀lonely 😩
Oh I love it! Gaslighting at its finest! I can even hear the Devil whispering in your ear.
You just put this in such a repulsive way . Truly
Life is a series of games and some of the games aren't worth playing. Key lesson from my business school years... "Don't play games you can't win." So, the last point, play your cards well, is critical to success. Your resources are limited and there are many rigged games, with zero or negative sum outcomes for you. Choose wisely.
@@constantinethesecond949 yeah but common sense/knowledge is not really commone that's because we're programmed since birth to remain dumb and poor and never learn any critical thinking skills
@@imjaimja "look for a guy that loves you more and can take care of a family with good character to pass it to their kids " Ha, ha. Do you watch Manosphere Highlights Daily? He did a video a year or two ago. It featured an attractive black comedienne. She was telling a GF what she wanted in a man. Her first list was Alpha traits: attractive, tall, muscular, charismatic, etc. Her second part of the convo was Beta traits: he truly loves me, he wants a family, he'd be a terrific father, etc. She then played the part of her GF, who pointed out to her that the man she WANTS in the first list, is NOT the man with the traits she wants in the second part of the convo. In short: w0men today don't want the man you described.
@@imjaimja Well, you put the guy who loves you more in the friendzone. Chad was more interesting.
Your advice sounds cryptic. Why not provide actual examples as it pertains to these women?
@@M0viLover stop with the extremes. There are many men out there with both alpha and beta traits. Your superficial Western culture tends to pedestalatize the alpha and denigrate the beta.
This definitely is the channel I've run into that most subtly, cleverly and insidiously promotes absolute hedonic utilitarianism with relish and gusto, while completely undermining the necessary metaphysical basis needed for most men and women to find life meaningful and worth pursuing. The metaphysical assumptions of this "thinker" seems to be that everything can and should be optimized by utility in the alleged "sexual marketplace." One may wonder, however: since everyone is going to lose in the "sexual markeplace" at some point, what is the point? Why even play the videogame that this channel portrays as the nature of social reality? I've found the videos here to be compelling and attractive, which is what makes them so insidious. Be careful of dissolving the meaning you need to have the motivation to live life with too much "realism." Because unstated assumptions matter.
I almost sent this video link to my sister, my only issue is that I feel like you're setting wonan up for failure. In that, if men gate keep commitment and woman gatekeep sex
It doesn't benefit the woman to give sex without the commitment first.
That example of the CEO and your boss decides to give you or not, how the cat decides the milk.
I'm not so sure this advice is infact in the benefit of the females cos if she gave them all they want and allowed herself to be "used" as you put it, only sets her up for failure.
There are relationship coaches that preach the opposite, it must be a win win situation
This that you speak about, not balanced at all
The "used up" women in societies are called the whores and prostitutes who are ran through, nobody wants them.
That's where this advice is leading the women who listen to you, into the arms of men to be easily used up and discarded.
You don't even advice them to exercise their power to get the outcome they want as a win win cos you clearly think of that as "entitled"
Please stick to topics for men, by men cos this is all this nonsense is.
In my opinion, gatekeepers are redflags.
@@Damesanglante let's use a different word.
Men get to decide whether they give you commitment or not (they propose)
Women decide whether they give you sex or not (the vagina is on her body)
So, is it not entitlement what this man is saying?
That the man is like the CEO or boss you must impress so give away all your power to him and expect for the best?
Nah, women who hold off intimacy until exclusivity are all doing well in life, this man is just a clueless prick cos if you let them use you up, they won't infact respect you... You are immediately grouped under floozies
What do you call a person who gives it up on the first date? Exactly, this advice is damaging and very patriarchal
yep. he's giving bulllshit advice here. i broke it down in a reply. but i suspect he'll delete it.
That's what you see as your primary value?
Condolences.
I have zero interest in a woman who rushes to make sex a central part of what is meant to be a long term relationship. Getting to know her first really helps men with their discernment too.
Sorry Doc, have to disagree on this. A woman that let herself to be used outside of a commited relationship will be viewed as a used good, and lower her value in the sexual market place.
To use your corporate analogy, if an employee lets himself to be used without having backed by strong labour laws and union, the employee will be used and squeezed without getting the appropriate compensation.
This goes along with Dr Taraban's advice to be the nastiest sluttiest version of yourself for the man you want a relationship with. There is nothing BUT risk out there if you are dating. If you have used proper discernment to select a candidate, why not throw all you can at it. To do otherwise is setting yourself up for failure or to be alone. The one who overpays, gets the job.
This is a capitalist psychologist not a communist one 👍🏻😂
You're using the word used different than ot
@@cosmictreason2242Please explain how the meanings are different.
@adamfaliq8464 It's cultural. In the contemporary West secks is no big deal,
I completely disagree that women have to allow themselves to be used sexually if they want a man. I do agree that everyone is required to demonstrate value if they wish to be chosen by a potential partner. As a woman, I take a risk by opening my heart, expressing desire and respect for a man, letting him know I’m interested, listening to him, being nurturing. Providing companionship and things he can’t get from other men who are always competing with him or sizing him up. I’m different because I accept and appreciate him. Yet he could reject me even after all that. This is the way in which women must risk being used, not by spreading our legs. I preserve my value by not having sex with men who have not committed to me. And I am able to do this because I get interested in average, good men instead of obsessing over the Uber-attractive narcissistic men at the top 1%. Those men are never kind anyway, who wants ‘em. This is how I preserve my value, take risks to find love, and recognize high quality men that others may overlook.
Are you a virgin and will you become exclusive/marry a man without having sex with him first?
This. As a man reading this warms my heart a little. Maybe we're not doomed after all, but I find it difficult to stumble across women with your mentality.
"Uber-attractive narcissistic men".
They're not narcissitic, they just don't see you at their level.
Also your choice (if true, because i suspect it's not) means you will have to eliminate and be eliminated by a lot of men.
It's a sad reality that people with options pursue the best options available to them.
Yes if you are high value you can definitely do this. If you are an 8 you can do this with an 8 guy, although a 6 may be safer. 😅
@@simontmn yup - women date up, but marry down or across
The issue here is that women think they ARE ALREADY the CEO of the company auditioning men for their personal assistant job, without realizing, or far too late, that, in fact, they are the candidate to the men they want...
You're right that women feel that they are already the CEO. Given the vast number of simps applying, women are right. More women than men are getting what they want in this marketplace.
Women are the CEOs already to the men they don't want, and the humble employees to the men they do want.
@@davidrosenfeld8519 HVM consider them temp workers!
@@davidrosenfeld8519well said
So what? Sift the sand, collect the gold.
Ornamental - this channel taught me so many new words in English 😂
The fuck!? Never celebrated Christmas eh? Lucky you.
@@brandonmartin8270
Considering the world's population, most people probably don't celebrate Christmas. Many people in the States don't for various reasons as well.😂
The more commonly used term is trophy wife. Same dif. They both get dusty and are replaceable!😂
@@brandonmartin8270were you born a father and had to pay for everything from birth or were you just extremely poor?
@@jsisbeingcensored Probably had obnoxious family. New word for you guys.
I get it if you're looking at a relationship as business like "what do I get out of it?" But it seems to be that all happy & healthy relationships are naturally about loving and giving without wondering what you get in return. I was with someone who wanted to know what "my offer" was and now my boyfriend naturally sees what my offer is and is of much higher value than my ex.
Just because you don’t worry about what you have to “offer” in a relationship, doesn’t mean others aren’t nor should be a bad thing. Because there’s a difference between knowing what you want or looking for and settling for whatever is available. Nothing in life is entirely free as there’s always a cost. Be it your time, resources, attention & etc.
Orion in another episode explained how all relationships are a medium through which value is exchanged. In plain terms, they are transactional by nature. Our platonic friends, family and romantic partners etc. by default expect a mutually beneficial relationship otherwise they're going to feel used and resentful.
It is an uncomfortable truth that many couples tend to overlook when everything is all rosey and smooth however, the transactional nature inherent in relationships become apparent when one party begins to feel shortchanged as a result of unmet expectations they have of the other party. In short, there's no such thing as unconditional love in romantic relationships.
@@KwekuTed sometimes one person can be disappointed by shortcomings but if you’re in a committed relationship you make the choice every day to stand by your partner through thick and thin. I’m madly in love with my husband but at the moment I’m feeling disappointed by his failed business venture and string of bad financial luck, but it doesn’t change anything. I love him and I committed to stand beside with him through the hard times.
These dating advices nowadays suck. You can’t distinguish if they’re talking about business or genuine human connection 😅
@@berlincrystal2873 My question to you is, you say your current partner is higher value than your ex. What determines his higher perceived value to you? You are choosing your current partner and recognizing his higher value and that’s what has you stay with him. That means you are sizing people up based on what they can give you, even if what you’re getting is status or some other indirect benefit. We are all always making choices in life based on perceived value. Which in other words just means, what am I getting in return for my investment?
Ladies, don’t listen to this! This is how you get stuck with a terrible husband. You would be better off just being alone… this man has no understanding of actual love between two people. Just have sex after marriage, not before, to weed out the bad ones.
And my husband is watching this guy.
THAT's your primary value?
Well, condolences to you and your partners then! That's a subhuman/ape level there...
@@Luna-rj3if oh man, I’m sorry 😕
@@exnihilonihilfit6316 what does this comment mean…? 🤔
I wish I knew this information in my prime time. Instead I heard all the BS from the women around me who had no clue, including my mother. Now in my 50s and divorced it’s kind of late for me. I do share this valuable info with any women who will listen. Thank you doc!!! Another great video.
What Orion said is common sense. How can women have so little common sense?
Work on being healthy and kind, and go to places where you can meet new people and you'll earn your chance. It is always possible, just harder.
It isn't too late for you. That's BS too.
I’m sure you wouldn’t have listened to this info even if you got it in your prime.
Feminism has done a great job at manipulating women, especially younger ones.
not too late. you look attractive in your pic. go out and dont be afraid to ask a guy out, its a huge compliment. men are not complicated- Secks, food, and lack of drama. thats it. women want newness drama, uberstimulation. Men just want stability, Good Luck
Ladies promote yourselves by getting your own bag and providing for yourselves...this game is tiring.
Is this directed to women who are "after" a very wealthy man? Is that what you consider a high value man?
Otherwise...why not just tell women to stay away from players unless they want to play? Unless they are players themselves (for real)?
The suggestion that women must put out sexually longer and even if it feels like "work" is absurd. That's the epitome of a rather meaningless and unfun relationship. The sex needs to be playful, fun and hot for both. Otherwise, what's the point?
I certainly have never dated a guy and upfront asked "what is it you're looking for in this relationship?" Then again I've never been on dating apps and I've found plenty of interesting guys to be in relationships (and usually when I'm not looking). I think the most important thing is to be aware of pretty instant chemistry with a guy. Go slow, get to know him. You could be (and I'd say this is for women or men) when chemistry is that strong it's highly likely that unresolved family of origin dynamics are involved. Why not tell women to be smart, to know themselves and get to know any given man?
I think Orion is right about the practical acceptance of physical relationships happening before committment/marriage.
I also think this will eventually trend back towards abstinance until marriage. Might take a couple decades but nothing that is readily available is valuable. At some point men and women will not want to accept their intimacy should be cheaply obtained.
I hope you're right, but "abstinence until marriage" absolutely requires a woman to be a virgin. No self-respecting man wants to be treated [worse] than the last guy.
@@andyfranks1575 Yeah. I do think there is a middle point though, woman with low single digit body count and a month or two of dating/courtship before sex.
The best way to get a promotion is to do the job you want to get promoted into. Take on more responsibility and perform at a higher level, and the promotion is obvious because you're already there. If you want to be a wife, be a wife now. Any woman that says she'll be a good wife, but only after getting married is lying to you, if not to herself also.
Why would you get promoted by doing the job that you want to get promoted into? I would think that the company would save money by keeping you at the same level and USING you.
@@nyaallain9635 this is how it usually happens. They take advantage of your work with no pay raise or promotion
@@TaureanDreams Create a portfolio of sort, consisting of past work experience in said promotion work. If your current employer doesn't promote you, why not go to a competitor with the portfolio?
@@kurisey8020 I was just agreeing with the previous commenter b/c I have seen this happen. I personally will always leave and get a promotion and raise
@@nyaallain9635a bad company does this.
Nonsense. He is trying to get women to be the way he wants, not what is best for women. His advice is terrible for women, but great for men. Notice how the men cheer him so much?? His advice will not land women quality men and will cause a lot of hurt.
Smart women already know this. Question is: how many men are worth the trouble?
Smart women already know the answer.
@@fanfanthomas9688 smart men have sense of humor..
They do. But why change the subject?
Men that are smart spot narcissists.
Spot on. All that for what exactly?
That narc smirk when he says women have to work harder and longer at 10:17
Wink. You noticed that too?
There's nothing behind those eyes too 🤣 I would bet he deletes all comments that disagree with him and that get a lot of likes, just so that his content looks more accepted by the majority :DD
@@gertrudelisehahn2996 yup - the psychopathic stare. Gives me the creeps.
Yeah I don't trust him, having spent 2 years with a narc, there's too much of a similarity. Haven't seen enough of his content, but what I have seen I've yet to see any empathy. Hos whole approach is transactional however, the trademark way a narc operates.
You got a few things right, dating a man is a whole job, and you cant expect honesty from a man.
It is for these reasons Women are opting out of marriage.
Orion should have been born at least a century ago. All these talks in videos about what a woman must, must, must do are so tiresome. Many women today earn well and aren't interested in marriage at all. Relationships now are equal partnerships. Sex happens by mutual consent and desire, and the idea of "being used" has become irrelevant. Honestly, it's hard to imagine any woman going out of her way to be with a misogynist like Orion, ironing his shirts and reminding him to wash his hair on time, instead of enjoying the single life...
Completely wrong
So what stops the man from taking all they have and finally leaving without giving them what they want
Well, like Doc said in the video, the woman needs to exercise a level of discernment (as do men) when it comes to who they choose to get involved with
Nothing. That's why women should learn to enjoy the "journey" instead being obsessed with the "destination". We are not in the Victorian era anymore.
@@defendliberty1289u r brainwashed. that's like saying the sheep should enjoy the dinner, while the wolf devours it.
Give your daughter that advice. I hope you do that. Live what you preach. 😂 And your daughter gets used.
We have three daughters. All of them in relationships with good men. Always told them to meet his family first & let us meet them too. If they are good, proceed with courtship & intimacy. There is less likelihood to be used when family’s involved. Our daughters have never been “ornamental”or alone. Quite the opposite. Very popular. They’ve dated different types under our supervision. And we have made friends with families. That’s how we do it in our circles. Keep the status of our daughters & family high. Our girls have always demanded respect & friendship first. Only mixing with good families.
Your advice will let women get used without leading to marriage. It’s unsophisticated & lacks any sense of sensibility. Women have to question whether this is a good stable man from a good family or not. If they lay out this demand before intimacy, they get the chance to really see if it’s a good match or not. Know a man’s friends & family first. Spend a vacation together with his family & then go to bed. Unless it’s of course only for pleasure.
If you’re a non stable woman from a traumatic family. Make sure to work on your self first. When you’re healed, you’ll know who to look for & don’t lower your standards of personality, but lower your standards of physical appearance.
Agreed. If women follow this piece of advice without criteria, they will soon be physically and emotionally spent.
amen
@@greyhoundssss Good for you! Your father is king 🤴
Amen. This man clearly is not getting what he wants from women and is now being the devil telling women to give men what they want in exchange for a relationship. Ladies, please don't take his advice. It will ruin you. A real man will not take advantage of you. Only meet with men who are ready for marriage and that speak of the future on the first date. Men who are ready for commitment and responsibility will say they want to get married, they want to have children and they want ALL THIS in the near future! Make it easier for you. Don't interact or meet with any man who doesn't clearly showcase their seriousness. If you find dates on apps, only match with men who specifically look for long term partners. It will narrow down your choices. It's like shopping... if you're looking for yellow pants, why then look at red ones. Don't waste your time on devils. Look for god.
Do you have any sons, and if so, what guidance do you give them?
His statement that you need to have sex before you can get a guy to have a relationship with you is absolutely false. However the principle that you must contribute value to someone’s life if you want them to desire you, is absolutely true. Be deeply valuable in a man’s life, contribute your femininity and positivity and support to him. Stick to your standards, whatever they are, and find a man who values that.
That's why he said use discernment.
In principle, you’re correct, but I will say that for a man that highly values sexual compatibility and enthusiasm, indulging in that arena is apart of being of value. Sex is a form of intimate communication, after all.
He never made that statement. You assumed it and so many women in these comments are doing the same. Basically just telling on themselves. Your main point is correct.
OMG this is wrong in so many ways, this advice does a great service for the pratriarchy, but very little to breach the gap between men and women.
We need to learn to first love and grow ourselves a lot and then love and help other lives expand and evolve and become a better version of their selves.
At least for me this is the way.
They make exception for Chad.
Then regret it. And ask "where are all the good men!" 😅 I used to be Chad. Now I self control.
@@JohnSmith-bh8um, After regretting, then go to another Chad, and then the cycle repeats. 😅
@@pmaitrasmPeople desire things they can't have.
@@JohnSmith-bh8um, True.
Don't forget Tyrone!
Usually I'm interested in vsrious ideas, hut now I finally decided to block this channel.
Does he know any real men? Any real women? It's about respect and building a betterworld together.
Naive little child.
What is a real man or a real woman in a mariage and its dynamics ?
What’s the job description for a real man ? and the job description for a real woman ?
How do a man & a women build a mariage, before children arrive. Those children have to be raised in order to become functioning and respectful adults ?
@@TaphaSow75 Just normal people who love and help, friends at work and family friends, not trying to use others for everything, not making everything a gender issue, just meeting people and caring for them.
I think the terminology may be misleading. In your analogy, you say your boss and customer need to be allowed to “use” you. To me that term implies giving something for nothing in return. My boss is not using me because I am being compensated for the service I am providing. I am absolutely available to be UTILIZED for a compensation of equal value I have agreed to. I am not available to be used and taken advantage of. Word choice can make a huge difference in the way a message like this is received, especially to women, but I suspect you know this. Wording likely intentional, maybe this comment is directed more towards the audience than the creator.
*Go back to 3:15--3:45 & he clearly also notes you have to use your discernment to find out which type company you're dealing with.
@@IfSemper that part was not missed! Easier said than done however, it is definitely a valuable skill to cultivate!
*"My boss is not using me because I am being compensated for the service I am providing. I am absolutely available to be UTILIZED for a compensation of equal value I have agreed to. I am not available to be used and taken advantage of."* Spot on 🎯👏👏👏🎯
Everybody uses everybody. That doesn’t have to be a bad thing.
It's the basis of almost all trade and employment so it's logically hard to be against it.
Exactly
As long as all parties are honest.
Yea. Because every relationship is a transaction.
People can digress all they want, but this is one of the core aspects of human nature.
It's literally to derive a benefit from someone subsequent to a direct interaction with them
Absolutely Materialistic advice not a Humanistic ... You are representing Women as an Object like the rest of the World ... Women are not Object just like Men ... Do not compare Living Souls with Economic Needs ... With Regards 😊
If they allow themselves to be used, they will become used goods, and used goods do not fetch a high price. The trick is to be perpetually useful, perhaps indispensable, and not merely fit for one time use only.
You're just playing with language, not adding anything
The only problem with that reasoning is:
It $TiLL doesn't account for the CHAD$ who can (and often do) have any and every woman they want. It doesn't matter how loyal and useful a woman makes herself... even if she's on the CHAD'$ level. He can have any woman he wants, even to the point that multiple women will $HARE him rather than "settle" for a man slightly above their own level.
What is the answer for this conundrum? I don't know, because you're never going to be able to get women of every level to stop lusting after CHAD$ and taking up his offer to bed them (even if she's in a relationship) if/when he comes sniffing their way.
🤷♂
Thank you for stating this fact. There’s too many women operating as wives without a ring for men, simply to remain in dead end girlfriend relationships for YEARS because some men don’t buy the cow when the milk is free.
The first part is true, but I don't know how a woman can be perpetually useful. After the first one dumps her, her value is damaged and there is nothing she can do about it.
@@KennethFabritiushe says for women to use their discernment to pick the right person who wants to commit. I.e. avoid Tyrone and Chad.
So much about jobs, not all guys are super rich so why should females "work" for the average man? It's not about work. It's about respect for men. Plain and simple.
I dunno about the idea that women need to offer sex early to get a guy, if that's what this is saying. I waited until 10th date for sex once - but she was really really pretty 😂
9:45 Women being used are hurt very badly - so, NOT not so much. Rape, incest, the children born from these that they have to raise. Or just having children and him skipping out and now they have to do everything, maybe he’ll pay child support but probably not. This In addition to the ego slam behind all of this. There’s domestic abuse and psychological abuse that takes decades to recover. Please talk to a woman before uploading. This is irresponsible given you have a doctorate degree.
The problem is that if we let ourselves be used physically we release chemicals that bond us with a person and I can’t stop those chemicals, then, once we’ve bonded, things change abd that’s where the fun starts feeling like pressure
this is a really good point, we are all human, and therefore mammals. We can’t help what our body does to us.
This is a great Video. This brings back painful memories which i have been enduring. My relationship of 5 years ended 3 months ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.
Interesting. Who is this counsellor, and how do I meet the person?
Thanks a lot. I just did. Impressive
hey witch doctor, give us the magic word!
This comment is clearly fake. Just want to publicize this "Spiritual Counselor". Good luck to the ones who fall for it.
@@CaioMoura-e2r too late, I told the witch doctor I was in love with you 👀
I appreciate the advice. It definitely makes sense. The only stumping point is that if women's value go down the higher her body count, why should we keep adding to that count without proof of commitment/aka marriage? How can you get around this catch 22?
Accept the guys that give you the "ick". They mean it.
He goes over this in some other videos, of women having to be the “sluttiest version of themselves.” Means they can start out with handholding or making out or something more tame when first entering the dating market when young, and slowly working their way up for each subsequent guy.
It’s definitely a balancing act, give enough to be considered, but don’t give everything in case it doesn’t work out. Also can be useful by making the man’s life easier, however that might be, whether cooking/cleaning/sex/therapy. Be someone he wants to keep in his life.
@@user-vx1up7ty7zwhy is the sentiment that a woman has to keep herself in a man’s life but not vice versa? What is a man doing to keep a woman in his life?
@@nstar1372 Because he's talking to women when he says that? He has plenty more videos geared towards how men can improve themselves as quality partners and attract/keep quality women
You can't. The only way you win is by betting on a future winner in your younger years like your mother and grandmother did. If he's already a winner, you're probably sharing him and being "used". You can always settle for a loser and he'll always commit but that's an L for you because you wouldn't respect him (and rightfully so).
This guy definitely thinks he’s more intelligent than he is 😂 (that combined with the desperate need for others to think so as well to maintain that self-perception)
Women and men in long term relationships both feel like slaves. As a woman I work hard to look nice and keep the fridge stocked, pay my share of the bills, take care of the kids, weed the garden, keep up on laundry etc. There are times I feel burnt out and feel like a slave to my family. But the thing is my husband feels the same way. He has to pay his part of the bills, drive the kids around, mow the lawn, make home repairs etc. He often feels like a slave as well. It’s all about effort, no matter how tired we are we’ve just got to keep working as a team and picking up the slack where the other leaves off. Relationships and raising families are a team effort and it takes a LOT of effort from both parties.
A relationship man /women is like your partner at work, you work daily 8 hrs together or greater and with the right one. The pair of you will always get the good jobs or the ones that take skill to finish. Same as Marriage, If you can't work together and do your expected part your marriage does not meet his or hers expected goal. Then that problem just grows as a problem grows with your employee partner slacking off at work.
@@thomaspepper2201 Exactly. But unlike a coworker relationship you also have love and commitment. So there are times where there’s an imbalance and one person has to put in more work than the other due to various reasons like health issues, job loss, etc.
@@mamadoom9724 I've always needed the answer of if your spouse makes the choise of not taking care of ther phyisical health, drink to much, eating the wrong foods, basicly tanking their health and body image, You have ZERO control of that. Then there self esteme is lost, there grumpy, no sex, no fun as the past from things you did as young lovers. Basicly because of this choice from them ,now you work load has changed , you lost your fun, there angry. This is were the commitment thing comes into play. They are commited aswell to you and they fail there commit to you. You can't fix them, YOUR BEING HURT BY THEM, Whats the need to keep the relationship or job. As an employer you lose your job due to inability to preform, so how is leaving a relation ship any different THEY HAVE FAILED AT THERE COMMITMENT AT THERE choosing. i WILL NOT LET MYSELFD BE HURT ?
Sounds fair but exhausting!
@@keijimorita1849 It is exhausting sometimes but I’d say it’s worth the effort. Two people working together as a couple can accomplish a lot. You can build assets quicker and it’s nice to have the security of knowing there’s someone who loves you. I spent a handful of years single and it felt kinda lonely, like there was always something missing. It’s nice to have someone you love to cuddle with at night.
A point of clarification, while sex before commitment is the modern norm. It is not what sets a women apart from her competition. A helpful and supportive women is the role when you are auditioning to be a wife to a highly successful man.
but where I live everyone is like that 😂
A woman can get a man to commit without being sexually used. You dont have to be a 10 out of 10 either or an "ornament". You just have to have self respect. Giving it up easy is terrible advice! He'll lose interest fast. If he respects you will wait, and if your smart ladies you " give in" when commitment is made.
Yup!
Many women in the U.S. want a high value man. Sure, you can make a man wait , but not typically in the case of a high value man who, by definition, has a lot of sexual market optionality. But yes, a woman can often get a man she doesn’t really want to wait. That’s the definition of the friend zone; men who are waiting for acceptance of a woman who isn’t particularly interested in him.
He doesn't think of women interest. Only of men interest of women opening their legs for them.
One word reply
NO.
Allow to be used? Would you give this advice to your daughter? Come on now 🙄 A woman who knows her value will date to marry. A man must be willing to commit and respect his wife. Happy wife happy life. If you think you can "use" your wife, you should become her pimp.
I think you don't like the word "used" but looking at relationships/ dating objectively this is what happens anyway, regardless of how it's being said.
Those advice simply don't work for women in secular societies. If you do not let men to use you, you are useless to them. So there is no reason to marry.
All while expecting men to pay. No thanks. Sounds like those women are using men. Where's the balance?
@@Chrono826 men want 50/50, they don't want to provide at all. But they do want all the benefits of a wife.
@karinesavard2016 Which men are you talking about? I'd be happy just being able to trust that a woman's going to do what she says she's going to do. But somehow I'm the bad guy when trying to hold her accountable to it.
I don’t know if calling it “being used” is the right term. It emphasizes passivity. I think the idea is to be aware that some relationships may lead nowhere. However, if you start to feel exploited, have the courage to leave such a person.
In essence, my approach is a “healthy” egoism. In relationships I try to prioritize both them and me. Because if you are too self-centered, it’s “using” another person. And if you are too selfless, you may end up “being used” and not able to protect yourself. One should love both others and themselves to be able to build a fulfilling relationship.
exactly. he is giving terrible advice. i wrote a rant above breaking his points down. but doubt anyone will see it.
The premise is valid to a point. My experience is that both genders are looking for someone they can relate to… that they connect with. Sex follows when there’s a nourishing, mature, human understanding. All this talk is not as relevant when there’s a connection. I think what’s important is for people to have the inner security and personality skills to know how to relate. Another thing: I think what we all really want is NOURISHMENT. We have many short term relationships, so we need to know how to enjoy the nourishment of being with each other. Unfortunately, there really are toxic and emotionally undeveloped people out there who skew the conversation. Date, Enjoy, and consider what a long term relationship would be. With God’s blessing you will find your love.
Life is all about win-win. If I’m being used and losing all around I won’t be sticking around.
Maybe I'm missing the poinr, or maybe it's just that I am from a different generation, Men don't value; used. Especially not, well used. However, as I stated before, I am missing the point, or younger generations a men have a totally different value system.
While I appreciate Ryan’s perspective on many things, I totally disagree with him on this matter, and I think he is giving bad advice to women in this video.
There is no reason why the courtship process needs to include sex before at least a bf/gf level of commitment. No sex before commitment has been the norm throughout most of history in Western culture, and remains the norm in many non-Western cultures. The fact that this norm has been destroyed in the modern Western dating culture is one of the root causes for the horrible and ever worsening dysfunction we see in Western society today.
The proof is in the pudding. If a man cannot accept investing the time necessary to get to know a woman first and then make a verbal commitment of asking her to be his girlfriend, then he shouldn’t expect to find a woman who is wife material, because insisting on sex before commitment necessarily filters out the women who are actually wife material.
Similarly, if a woman puts out on the first date, no man in his right mind should view that woman as potential wife material, since she probably does the same for other guys too. “Why buy the cow when the milk is given out for free?”
“A key that can open any lock is a master key; a lock that any key can open is a broken lock.” If a girl puts out easily, she is great for “fun”, but nothing more than that (i.e I put her in the “Friends with Benefits” Zone / “Situationship” Zone, which is the female equivalent of the Friend Zone.)
If, on the other hand, she respects herself enough to put a high price of commitment on her own body and dignity (and respects her future husband enough to avoid running up her own body count before she finds her future husband) then THAT is the kind of woman I respect and that I see as potential wife material.
That is instinctually how I categorize women with regard to dating, and I think most other men see it similarly.
Orion!
"The fact that this norm has been destroyed in the modern Western dating culture": the norm has been destroyed by feminism and hormonal birth control. You can not get the genie back in the bottle, is not going to happen.
The price of sex has come down because it's supply has increased (contraception makes each encounter less risky from the woman's perspective).
As a result, committing without sex no longer makes sense in the modern context
I am always so disappointed by advice that is so void of real love and appreciation… If you love your partner you WANT to support and care for that person. Make that person feel good and special. I am not sure who this “advice” is for… Sadly, it is most likely just catering to men who already “hate” woman and have a “negative view” of them. But this mentality will keep kind and caring women far away. They seek a man who is loving and appreciative….
If you want a man to be "loving & appreciative" you have to give him something to love & appreciate. You said yourself, "if you love your partner you want to support & care for that person." These are *action* words, not just fluffy, thought/feeling words.
Well said.
@@IfSemper It is exactly this spiteful attitude that keeps any sane and genuinely caring woman far away. The first part of the comment was about the female side and their behavior: If a truly healthy and healed woman loves a person, she is loving, kind, appreciative, respectful, caring, and provides anything to make her man happy. Not because she is “getting anything” but because she derives inherent happiness from making the person she loves happy. Seeing them thrive is reward enough. Seeing them being the best version of themselves is a gift. They are an extension of each other. They are more than two individuals exchanging value. But this kind of woman will only choose a partner who reciprocates that treatment by being loving and kind and seeing a relationship that way. And not somebody who is calculating and transactional and demands things. Calculating and transactional people attract each other. Truly loving and kind people do the same. Seeing love as transactional comes from a place of self-protection, pain, and the hurt egos of people who did not wisely decide who they love (also because of their own wounds and traumas). Which is so sad.
@@GoodGirlGoneMad”healed” humans are a small minority. You operate from an unrealistic utopian perspective. Men want healthy love too. It’s in very short supply. You are correct that this “advice” mostly caters to mad men. Still, I have experience with women who pretended to be “healed” and ultimately used me more than I used them. There’s really no debate that the entitlement of women currently is at an unprecedented level. Weak men are a big part of the problem.
You assume far too much of women lmao
A point of disagreement. Although many, if not most, average men have lower standards, all high value men hold higher standards and would not be willing to enter a long-term relationship with someone who has a high body count. You don't have to have sex to be used.
People attract partners based on their unresolved trauma. 80% of people probably shouldn't be in a serious relationship lol
I'm glad other ppl know this
Every time he says something along the lines of "to win you have to pay the highest price" it troubles me to my core
But he is right
@@PlsSubramoni we all know of people who didn't pay the highest price when we did and we still lost. You mean to tell me I had to pay even more???!?!? I rather not play that game
@@jean-claudephilgence8371 I say this with the most genuine love in my heart- pay an even larger price next time you attempt it
This is misogyny. I’m looking for an equal partner and not someone who sees me as their employee. Stay single ladies until u meet a man who doesn’t see u as cattle or an employee
I think the clickbaity title may have tilted you a bit.
Nothing he said here is misogynistic, and as he said men get used (typically for their resources) in the current dating market as well. I'd say men get used more.
Some of this stuff he's saying is common sense it's just harsh truths. When he does this to the dudes it's just as harsh.
Bottom line is that portions of a relationship are transactional. Not admitting to this is like trying to convince women that they should continue to date and sleep with a homeless bum... it's typically unsuccessful.
Another thing I find hilarious is that you say you're looking for a "partner" that treats you equally. "Partners" are business acquaintances...transactional relationships. Partners leave when business isn't good and informs you it's "just business".
Anyway, best of luck finding your significant other. There are still plenty of good people out there.
Heres a better idea: Stop equating love with capitalistic ideas & corporate America. Men & Women stop eating "fruits of knowledge" from this snake.
Yawn.....it's a ruthless world out there, u can either adapt or die
I’d suggest to talk in more straightforward terms, be less vague. What you’re saying can be interpreted in negative or positive ways.
Telling women to not ask what a man is looking for and to instead use discernment is not very useful without mentioning indications of a genuine man. You’re basically saying “be smart” but you have to do that whether the question is used or not. This felt like half hearted advice.
There is something very disturbing about your videos 😬
So your advice is how to best use people? And how to allow yourself to be used.
And this is what your education has taught you?
How sad.
Is this the advice you would give your daughter? To give it up?
Orion's titlemaxxing game be wildin'
🤣
I like a large part of this content. I do feel though, that it incites a lot of bitterness. The comments are filled with angry men and I really don’t feel welcome to comment without a lot of insulting replies. I don’t blame them; it indicates that the pendulum has swung and men are really fed up. But still, it feels kind of scary
and what do you think is "your fucking job" in your opinion? and why compare becoming a CEO with having the guy who is dating you want to marry you LOL
There are still pockets of men and women who believe marriage ought to preceed sex... it would be a lot simpler if that was the norm still, but it isn't.
Imagine seeing humanity through the lense of post modernist capitalism and business theories
isn’t that the world we live in? 🤔 …. 🤷♂️
You can whine about the way you want things to be or you can work with the system we actually have. For better or for worse, this is the world we live in.
@@TonganJedi agreed, even a brief survey of human history shows us how lucky we are to have been born in this era... who knows what the future holds 🤷🏼♂️
Jesus Christ, just find someone who respects you and find attractive. Find your best friend. Quit trying to marry into money, you’re asking for trouble doing that.
💯Makes sense
I dig it…and I’m always here for that one perfectly timed and emphasized F bomb lol
@@imjaimja I agree with you but both can be true. I think the guy in the video was more emphasizing that women should also make meaningful deposits into the relationship and I agree. Every man doesn’t have to be a CEO to have a vision. Allow a man to pursue and take care of course but it doesn’t mean that the woman shouldn’t co-create with him. A woman can help cultivate the relationship without depleting herself.
"I want a long term, committed relationship." (But not with YOU...)
"You are the perfect boyfriend/man/husband, everything a woman could ever wish for. (...but not for me)!"
😂
Imagine listening to this guy.
Only one point you missed here:
Men can be used sexually too.
Not all men want casual sex.
Many woman these days, do however want casual sex.
From one Andrew H to another- dead on mate. Women are more sexual than men. Our drives express themselves differently but they spend MUCH more time thinking of, preparing for, and having sex across the board. One of the most successful gaslighting campaigns of all time was telling men that we are the drivers of sex, and are somehow inherently degraded as a result.
The doctor is giving free game 😮😮😮😮😮
Funny how he is comparing a women being in a relationship with a man to the relationship an employee has with their boss.
Because that only dynamic works for both parties. Women want to submit to a strong man and be in their feminine. Follow leads and feel safe
This guy is greatly disturbed with distorted thinking. It's so interesting to see what he pulls out his - and the comments 😂 people actually run with it. Most entertaining that people actually believe
Haven't you understood the part where he explains that most if not all men exlerience the same dynamics ALL THE DAMN TIME?!
Women and gynocentrism. ☕️
So then what are virgins supposed to do? Like I know a 30 year old virgin and she hasn't been with anyone just 1 boyfriend back in middle school and that doesn't count. She just never put herself out there and now she is lost in the modern dating game. She doesn't even have any of the dating apps and won't make a profile. What should she do?
Go to Church. Observe the men carefully. Smile and laugh when she is there. Learn to cook. When she has eased herself into being comfortable being in public around others, find a man who checks her MORAL boxes first and say "Hi". This is not hard, but like the rest of the real things in life it is tedious and that must be accepted.
Arranged marriage. That was the traditional solution.
Except that nowadays, the men& women that go through that route ain't the hottest of the block.
@@hotlucky5622 It's the opposite where I live, most people who had arranged marriages I know are very attractive and they have such great jobs too so it's a total win. And it's not forced so if you don't like them when meeting for the first time, you can refuse the marriage
How long should a woman be used for before a guy makes it official ?
Yes, as do men. We are all valued for the “use” we provide.
Actually, the best way to advance in your career is changing jobs every two to three years lol
Lol facts
The issue is that the analogy used by Dr. Taraban is valid within a limited scope but invalid if you exceed the scope. In other words, it fits if you consider the analogy within the context of a long term employee. It probably becomes invalid if you apply it to a job hopper. I don't think a series of short term flings increases a woman's chances to enjoy her desired outcome but I could be wrong.
@@anthonymalik9952 but the pride prodiminate method to become a guy she will consider on a $ basis is switching jobs every few years. Just like women switch men
@@bgrego88 I want to understand what you are saying but unfortunately I can't. First, what do you mean by "pride prodiminate method"?
@anthonymalik9952 I will try to explain, the analogy does work if you use long term employee/relationship as the qualifier. But the pride prodominate method of ppl job hopping or having many flings to "reach their goals" won't work for women but will work for jobs. I call it pride prodominate method because pride being an umbrella term for a group of human and their known mating/dating tendencies. Or pride as in the individual's pride will guide their actions in regards to mating and dating. This is proven in womem, women will get body counts in the hundreds and still expect marriage when every woman knows that behavior is poorly compatible w/ marriage. Men as well... they will claim commitment to 1 woman but still have and desire many others
It's weird women like me who have many women but desire opposing behavior from men. And women desire commitment from men but hold 0 loyalty to any man she asks it from
Total bs
A woman can interview without being used. That's what a relationship should be. Prove to me you have what I need. That my life would be better with you. They just don't get this. Instead, they put out bc feminism told them that is their worth.
The Title is crazy, but I totally understand.
Sorry bro, no way you’ve got a girl
She’s not yours, just your turn
Its worse these days..
Turn? I think you missed by a century or so.
These days one man gets to be a parking spot and the other(s) get busy.
How original
No truer words can be spoken.
@@imjaimja men can have 4 wives in the Middle East. Is that what you think we should tell women? To find man for long term sharing?
The fact that no one has the responsibility to be honest is a red flag in itself 🚩🚩🚩
The Dr. is engagement trolling a bit. Inthis day and age, it’s absurd to jump into bed with someone you barely know unless of course you do it for a living.
Wtf?!!! This title is so misogynist.
« It’s not a man’s job to tell you the truth » .. it’s no one’s job to be truthful ever it’s just the right thing to do.
Nope. I've done it a hundred times and learned it's just a good way to get labeled a jerk.
@@peteranon8455 It's a good way to get rejected by emotionalists who don't belong with rational and honest people.
You want that.
Just increase the vertical social mobility. Find your people! We have the internet today! Find groups that unite you by passion and IDEAS!
@@peteranon8455 If your truth does, in fact, make you a jerk, could you not accept that feedback? Especially if it's the same feedback a hundred times over. Instead of accepting it, you use that feedback to not be truthful.
You are not a psychologist.
“Be a disposable appliance for men!”
I’d rather eat ground glass.
Wow this is very misogynic and of you look at the current evidence in relationship research (Gottman, EFT) also simply not true. It comes down to emotional availability, responsiveness, and engagement. None of that was touched in this conversation.
I'm glad I stumbled on this thread. I normally agree with OT... but this sounds like "let's see where this will go" dating tactic. Discernment doesn't work if women date up only to become options or date down and elevate the down man to up and now he has options.
Women only date for benefit and attraction. If you have neither you get no woman. Now a woman may choose a broke man but she will leave when better option come. Same as a man he will leave when better options come. The difference is we a mem are penalized to the letter of the law while women are free to leave with no consequence. It's always lets see how this goes otherwise we'd be bound and honor the commitments we make, why do you oppose this
How about… women, (with all due respect for our content creator just “tryna help a guy out”) you don’t fall for this crap and learn to value yourself and not allow yourself to be used because that is NOT what God wants for you and that is NOT how relationships should work, so DONT settle. We are not working a job and trying to get CEO here. By giving yourself up you are not only doing yourself a disservice but also men.
Now MEN, do you not see the damage that happens to not only women but yourself when you use them. It’s makes relationships less enjoyable and valuable. Also, don’t go after a woman that gives it up for temporary personal gain, you are worthy of something more valuable and you can only get it through patience and self control.
Thank you for listening to my Ted talk
The third option for those of us who trust in God is to be pure and trust that God will do the matchmaking for you.
Agreed. Actually if we went back to the religious and moral beliefs of a century ago, divorce rates would plummet. Marriages would increase and be happier than today.
I am a 52 yr old single female who just started to go back out in the dating world after 19 yrs. I really appreciate Orion's honesty, explanations and laying the truth out in each podcast. This one is golden!
If I may, you seem honest and open, and seeing you comment here makes me happy. Believe me when I say, if you take this channel's advice and apply it in earnest, you have the pick of the litter in men out there!
@@weirdcoincollectionnot for a female at 52 😂
Should have stayed with your previous partner. There is nothing better out there for a woman of 52 years old.
@@weirdcoincollection good joke. she has the pick of the broke out of shape old guys long term or the young broke guys short term.
@@glennlgg6871 There are well preserved 60 year old guys for whom a nice 52 year old is attractive.
No sex before marriage...nuff said.
💯
And no divorce after marriage...... otherwise I'm getting f*****d in the deal.
@@Nykoooo1 That goes without saying...or it should! :)
No sex until marriage, I’ll take my chances with that.
You’ll never be married
Hey youtube psychologist will you give this advice to your daughter?
Ohh I forgot. You don't have a daughter.
Useless comment
It’s funny doc you just see value in “really really beautiful” women!
Now a days we are seeing more valuable women than men
I am so glad I am not in the relationship market.