There is another way that a narcissist asserts control over a former intimate partner and that is through their children ie alienating them from their formerly adored and emotionally available parent...
Can any of you help me with this?When i left my malignant narcissist husband 15 years ago, he did a smear campaign about me to my beautiful stepson. Me and my stepson were really close. We had a great relationship, one that my ex-husband was jealous of at times. The smear campaign worked. My stepson suddenly stopped being in contact with me. I asked him why he wasn't answering my calls or emails etc and he just ignored me. I never heard from him again and that broke my heart. Even though his father was abusive to me I never told my stepson what was going on as he loved his dad and I didn't want to drag the teen into our breakup. My stepson lived in England, me and the husband lived in Ireland so we only saw my stepson at holiday times. My stepson is now in his late 30's and to this day I have never told him how sadistic his father was to me. I don't know if doing the dignified thing was the right thing to do as I came out the worst. I lost my stepson due to the lies his father told him about me. It hurts to this day. I often think I should tell him how abusive his father was to me but I fear his father will only butt in again and make out I am 'psychiatric' etc. It's very hard living with this injustice. My ex-husband knew it would break my heart to lose my stepson and that was part of my punishment for daring to leave the marriage. Malignant narcissists are calculatingly evil. H G won't take offence as he knows this is true.
It's been my experience that when you're dealing with a narcissist it is actually brutalizing and traumatizing. Moving on with somebody else and skipping through the daisies isn't really an option. You become very fearful of men or if it's a man that's being abused he becomes fearful of women. Narcissistic abuse is very serious... It's not something light and fluffy. I know I've been through it personally. And you're not sitting there thinking about what the narcissist is thinking about you in a new relationship. If you can even enter into one at all after that kind of experience!
I was married to my first sociopath for 20 years. The second was far worse for ten years I share this and after reading your post, as it seems these relationshits tend to last a very long time. It's interesting!
My ex-narc/husband....At an event for our college aged child, he saw me with an engagement ring I'd managed to keep quiet for a year, found out I had just moved in with my fiancé (who was also there), and witnessed that I was clearly better friends than he was with the parents of my son's girlfriend. Although my ex and his new supply were very polite and friendly, you could see them watching my every move out of the corners of their eyes. Six weeks later, he either used her to friend me on social media, or did it from her account himself-- either way, clearly to spy on me to see if I gave any clues about a wedding so he could stop paying alimony (there are NONE). It didn't take me long to figure out there was no positive intent there, as I originally hoped, and I blocked her. First, I messaged her to call her out on it, and I'm fairly certain her denial was written by HIM because it was so stupid and inconsistent/contradictory. Surprise, surprise, he proposed to her 4 months later, on Christmas. Guess he couldn't think of an actual gift for her? 🤣
Fascinating breakdown . I would like to state that it's fair to say WE ALL FEEL WOUNDING - because we are all human. The dynamics of personality types may vary - but the pain is real to everyone.
"a consequence of the narcissist making a telephone call to friend or family guess who I've just seen" is something I was made aware of (in the past) by someone else telling me so and so had seen me but did not necessarily share where this "information" came from is a typical example of what HG describes here. Hence, why, these days, should I bump into someone I knew in the past, I'd "restrict" passing on information, ie, turn the tables onto them, by being vague - apply my from HG Tudor 😊. Thank you 💟
11:00...HG, that is exactly what the ex narc did to my present husband, warn him on our wedding day , when the ex narc lost all the money I poured into him. He had no heat, electricity or water, in his name. His shelf source provided him with money for heat , the state provided him with money for electricity and food and his sister ran a hose from her house, a block away, to his for water. That f'er never did without anything except for convivence.
Ha. Omg. You have exposed all my past mistakes. Escaping a 12 year narc relationship, the very next morning as soon as she heard the news a co worker literally jumped into my lap. My head was a mess, not even 6 months I'd only had 6 hours of freedom. The temptation of falling into the trap of another woman to take 'loving' control over my life was overpowering and I moved in with her that very night. Ouch. Thanks HG for giving understanding albeit many years too late. I got out of that second overlord much quicker thank God but the way she tried to ruin my subsequent relationships was malignant and personal. And exactly as you describe.
This happened to me Friday night. My ex saw me with my new GF. She walked by and elbowed me in the back. She is still so angry and mean-spirited. I totally forgive her but she's hangin on to her victim story. - no worries, the new GF has been truly great and amazing.
Sadly I have zero feelings or empathy I feel like I’m wearing teflon now so he will go more insane not being able to see but knows I’m sleeping with HIS best mate! Tennis match serve Mr McEnroe
At about 15:43…. Oh geez, I said that phrase (within the past year)for a friend almost exactly about my first boyfriend (1971-1975). She and I were talking about our first boyfriends. I told her I had recently I looked him up on Facebook. His 2nd wife had posted about him dying of lung cancer. The shocking part to me was the pictures of him in his later years. His appearance took a bad turn from the cancer.
The newest neighbour is definitely a Narcassist - the day he moved in , I figured go say hi , introduce myself . Neighbour made a pity play , that didn't get quite the response that was wanted -. Oh , it got pity , but not as wanted , since then it's been smear all over the neighbourhood , with statements which should have gone to police directly , instead the knives came out , for this target . He doesn't like that I know my neighbour , is one of " the boys around town" - spread thinly , like marmite . It's been in GOSO mode since then , and has to sneak in and out of the complex , which suits fine - this tenancys 12 years of GOSO , added to the previous 20+ years , with the majority of neighbours - those who need help get it when I'm about , otherwise , I may as well be the last person on earth , around these flats .
More fuel for you HG. I had so many of these comments made to me when there wasn't anyone else - we were still married - and he was the one playing away. Thank you - it's giving me such a good laugh.
4 weeks ago "N. friend" (we've never had a physical romantic relationship, but...) blew up in reaction to me turning off the song on the radio (talking to him I paused for 2 seconds and got confused, because the song reminded me of N2, I went to the radio and... he exploded). - "You're acting mentally ill!" (My digression - Really?) - "If this guy knew, how easily he can manipulate you!" (My digression - You both realize!). - "You weren't like that! I've known you for 12 years!" (My digression - You know at most 20% of me). - "Don't you understand, that it's a waste of your life?" (My digression - Only if I'm not dedicating my life to you, right?). I didn't say a single word and he left slamming the door. I had never seen such emotions in him before. But yes, they were the culmination of my activities for several months. I had to see it... Dead silence. I'm curious, which direction he will take. I'm ready for any option. (If you want to see admiration, you have to make me. I want to admire. Otherwise you'll be forgotten...).
Shot gun to the chest is what my ex said from his first bait he trapped n she slept with his best mate n it’s 30 yrs on n he stilll feels that wound so I just went n slept with his current best mate and it feels a small consolation for me to know its will hit him hard
There is another way that a narcissist asserts control over a former intimate partner and that is through their children ie alienating them from their formerly adored and emotionally available parent...
Can any of you help me with this?When i left my malignant narcissist husband 15 years ago, he did a smear campaign about me to my beautiful stepson. Me and my stepson were really close. We had a great relationship, one that my ex-husband was jealous of at times. The smear campaign worked. My stepson suddenly stopped being in contact with me. I asked him why he wasn't answering my calls or emails etc and he just ignored me. I never heard from him again and that broke my heart. Even though his father was abusive to me I never told my stepson what was going on as he loved his dad and I didn't want to drag the teen into our breakup. My stepson lived in England, me and the husband lived in Ireland so we only saw my stepson at holiday times. My stepson is now in his late 30's and to this day I have never told him how sadistic his father was to me. I don't know if doing the dignified thing was the right thing to do as I came out the worst. I lost my stepson due to the lies his father told him about me. It hurts to this day. I often think I should tell him how abusive his father was to me but I fear his father will only butt in again and make out I am 'psychiatric' etc. It's very hard living with this injustice. My ex-husband knew it would break my heart to lose my stepson and that was part of my punishment for daring to leave the marriage. Malignant narcissists are calculatingly evil. H G won't take offence as he knows this is true.
Exactly! That’s what happened with my ex-narcissist. He suddenly became interested in the children, only to block them from me.
Yes or stepkids who you have known for 16 years
It's the worse form of abuse imaginable. The rages, gaslighting, silent treatments, stalking, name calling, manipulationspake in comparison.
Except, they keep hoovering.
It's been my experience that when you're dealing with a narcissist it is actually brutalizing and traumatizing. Moving on with somebody else and skipping through the daisies isn't really an option. You become very fearful of men or if it's a man that's being abused he becomes fearful of women. Narcissistic abuse is very serious... It's not something light and fluffy. I know I've been through it personally.
And you're not sitting there thinking about what the narcissist is thinking about you in a new relationship. If you can even enter into one at all after that kind of experience!
Wow, you have just described my entire situation after my 18yr relationship with my childrens father. 💯 accurate!!!!
I was married to my first sociopath for 20 years. The second was far worse for ten years I share this and after reading your post, as it seems these relationshits tend to last a very long time. It's interesting!
My ex-narc/husband....At an event for our college aged child, he saw me with an engagement ring I'd managed to keep quiet for a year, found out I had just moved in with my fiancé (who was also there), and witnessed that I was clearly better friends than he was with the parents of my son's girlfriend. Although my ex and his new supply were very polite and friendly, you could see them watching my every move out of the corners of their eyes. Six weeks later, he either used her to friend me on social media, or did it from her account himself-- either way, clearly to spy on me to see if I gave any clues about a wedding so he could stop paying alimony (there are NONE). It didn't take me long to figure out there was no positive intent there, as I originally hoped, and I blocked her. First, I messaged her to call her out on it, and I'm fairly certain her denial was written by HIM because it was so stupid and inconsistent/contradictory.
Surprise, surprise, he proposed to her 4 months later, on Christmas. Guess he couldn't think of an actual gift for her? 🤣
Fascinating breakdown . I would like to state that it's fair to say WE ALL FEEL WOUNDING - because we are all human.
The dynamics of personality types may vary - but the pain is real to everyone.
SO TRUE. I jumped from one frying pan right to the next!
An addiction is an understatement!
I never dated while ex lived in the same town...too dangerous.
A random one night stand is sometimes a great line you cross that u can’t go back! For me that worked after four months
You are a genius 👏
"a consequence of the narcissist making a telephone call to friend or family guess who I've just seen" is something I was made aware of (in the past) by someone else telling me so and so had seen me but did not necessarily share where this "information" came from is a typical example of what HG describes here. Hence, why, these days, should I bump into someone I knew in the past, I'd "restrict" passing on information, ie, turn the tables onto them, by being vague - apply my from HG Tudor 😊. Thank you 💟
11:00...HG, that is exactly what the ex narc did to my present husband, warn him on our wedding day , when the ex narc lost all the money I poured into him. He had no heat, electricity or water, in his name. His shelf source provided him with money for heat , the state provided him with money for electricity and food and his sister ran a hose from her house, a block away, to his for water. That f'er never did without anything except for convivence.
Ha. Omg. You have exposed all my past mistakes. Escaping a 12 year narc relationship, the very next morning as soon as she heard the news a co worker literally jumped into my lap. My head was a mess, not even 6 months I'd only had 6 hours of freedom. The temptation of falling into the trap of another woman to take 'loving' control over my life was overpowering and I moved in with her that very night. Ouch. Thanks HG for giving understanding albeit many years too late. I got out of that second overlord much quicker thank God but the way she tried to ruin my subsequent relationships was malignant and personal. And exactly as you describe.
This happened to me Friday night. My ex saw me with my new GF. She walked by and elbowed me in the back. She is still so angry and mean-spirited. I totally forgive her but she's hangin on to her victim story. - no worries, the new GF has been truly great and amazing.
Thank you HD Tudor' Sharing;)
Sadly I have zero feelings or empathy I feel like I’m wearing teflon now so he will go more insane not being able to see but knows I’m sleeping with HIS best mate! Tennis match serve Mr McEnroe
I wish it never came to a beginning
At about 15:43…. Oh geez, I said that phrase (within the past year)for a friend almost exactly about my first boyfriend (1971-1975).
She and I were talking about our first boyfriends. I told her I had recently I looked him up on Facebook. His 2nd wife had posted about him dying of lung cancer. The shocking part to me was the pictures of him in his later years. His appearance took a bad turn from the cancer.
Another great video. Let's hack this TH-cam algorithm!
The newest neighbour is definitely a Narcassist - the day he moved in , I figured go say hi , introduce myself .
Neighbour made a pity play , that didn't get quite the response that was wanted -. Oh , it got pity , but not as wanted , since then it's been smear all over the neighbourhood , with statements which should have gone to police directly , instead the knives came out , for this target .
He doesn't like that I know my neighbour , is one of " the boys around town" - spread thinly , like marmite .
It's been in GOSO mode since then , and has to sneak in and out of the complex , which suits fine - this tenancys 12 years of GOSO , added to the previous 20+ years , with the majority of neighbours - those who need help get it when I'm about , otherwise , I may as well be the last person on earth , around these flats .
More fuel for you HG. I had so many of these comments made to me when there wasn't anyone else - we were still married - and he was the one playing away. Thank you - it's giving me such a good laugh.
Ah yes, the good old days... Great description HG
This is so accurate
4 weeks ago "N. friend" (we've never had a physical romantic relationship, but...) blew up in reaction to me turning off the song on the radio (talking to him I paused for 2 seconds and got confused, because the song reminded me of N2, I went to the radio and... he exploded).
- "You're acting mentally ill!" (My digression - Really?)
- "If this guy knew, how easily he can manipulate you!" (My digression - You both realize!).
- "You weren't like that! I've known you for 12 years!" (My digression - You know at most 20% of me).
- "Don't you understand, that it's a waste of your life?" (My digression - Only if I'm not dedicating my life to you, right?).
I didn't say a single word and he left slamming the door.
I had never seen such emotions in him before. But yes, they were the culmination of my activities for several months. I had to see it...
Dead silence. I'm curious, which direction he will take. I'm ready for any option.
(If you want to see admiration, you have to make me. I want to admire. Otherwise you'll be forgotten...).
Sorry HG I made a comment about her crying or her kids on another story before I seen this one!
“Shit eating grin” has just made me laugh out loud!!
HG your are awesome!! Well articulated , nice voice!!! Very good information keep up God bless you
Thank you, HG your information is very helpful.
So bloody true
Shot gun to the chest is what my ex said from his first bait he trapped n she slept with his best mate n it’s 30 yrs on n he stilll feels that wound so I just went n slept with his current best mate and it feels a small consolation for me to know its will hit him hard
Y shaped coffin ⚰️ 😅
Hey Mac can you see two phones pinging in the same location?
Should I casually mention to my Narcissist soon-to-be ex-husband that I am seeing someone else?
✅👍🏼