My heart goes out to any parent who is rejected by their children. Although I believe that (most likely) fathers were targeted and alienated more than mothers in the past, I sense current numbers showing that alienating behavior doesn't discriminate. As a rejected, alienated, absolutely devastated mom.....I empathize deeply, with all the grieving parents and the traumatized, psychologically abused children who are forced to grow up without the love and guidance of the good, safe, healthy and available parent that is targeted and alienated. I'm sorry for you and any parent who shares this indescribable pain.
Yeah I think this is probably the worst thing anyone can experience - mainly because it's a prolonged pain that we have to endure. It's like a death but with the children still being there. I know in the context of this video I spoke about it from a father (my personal perspective/experience) but I do firmly believe it is NOT isolated to that. Any person who is severely toxic and exhibits disordered behavior will follow the same "playbook". It's just amazing that children will gravitate toward those lies. I think a lot of it has to do with the lack of empathy or conscious for their actions (parent) and it's just confusing for the children. Well, it's confusing for adults too when someone will so quickly and easily lie... I hope you are finding a way to get your life back in spite of all of this!
@@DSDfirst I really appreciate your work.❤ I’ve thought about this topic as well as I’ve been navigating divorce with a narcissist after 20 years/4 kids. Since leaving him I’ve also gotten my master’s in clinical mental health counseling which has afforded me additional insight. I agree with your points and I think there’s an instinctual element for the kids based on knowing (subconsciously) that they will always have you in their corner, but not the npd parent. Their nervous system can recognize who is “safe” and who “isn’t” but as children they inherently have a need for connection and if they can only have that with the npd parent by abandoning the “safe” parent they have to do that. Eventually they may see the truth and break free but that’s later and maybe. It hurts but it helps me get through when I realize they can’t help themselves. They are just trying to survive and keep connection.
I'm going thru this right now. The past year has been especially tough. It's hard to describe to other people what exactly is happening, but you lay it out perfectly here. Thanks for making this post and clearing my mind from all the nonsense.
Glad it was helpful. Yeah its really tough because if a person hasn't experienced this they just don't get it. And to be honest we sound crazy when we try to explain it to a "normy". Hang in there man!
Duane, great video... You know my story from way back and talking to you was so helpful. When my kids are in college they see me way more because I am close to them. They were staying at school and liked being at school and in the city. When they go to their mom's for a while they get brainwashed into the old patterns but the patterns are not like they were before. I don't deal with the emotions and I DO NOT let their mom piss me off in any way. I think about other things I need to do in my life and my ex is not part of my life plans. Thanks for all you do Duane and I hope you are doing well.
It's crazy how much influence these toxic parents continue to have over their children. I've seen the same thing - kids are different when they are away from that stress BUT they fall right back into those destructive patterns. Thanks for the kind words and support John I really appreciate it. I'm doing pretty good - slowly "recovering" from the crap that I started the year with. Well that and some really weird/stressful crap happening at work.
This video was so needed for me. I have finally hit the point where I can’t keep putting myself at harm by trying. It’s been 8 years of this strained situation. I am not walking away, but I am taking time to heal.
Yep... It's amazing how much destruction one person can do and there really isn't much you can do to stop it... And the kids are so blinded they can't make any change. I've just recently talked with my kids were basically it's come up that pretty much everyone realizes they would have been better off with me full time - but too late now that ship has sailed. We just have the make the best/most of it...
A lot of the time we have to get over the "justice" boner... Often these people will not be held responsible, so we need to get over that. Our responsibility is to the children, not the ex. As you said, the kids take seemingly forever to understand.
Yeah, i was stuck on that justice "boner" (good call by the way) and couldn't let it go for the longest time. I really hate it when I see other just STUCK in that trap. I know at some point they are going to move past it but it SUUUCCCKS being there. I think one of the hardest part with the kids is when they see it, they communicate it, then they ignore it... Kind of where I'm at now - well technically they aren't ignoring it as much as they used to...
Fully agreed on the justice boner. I've been in that spot for a while. It's like Dday is there and you have 100 problems to work through. Then you are later in the process and there are 2 points left to resolve relating to the justice boner. But they just stay there and you can't get over that part. And then you start doubting a bit again like. Maybe it's not about justice, maybe I still love him/her and that's why I feel this. Or maybe i'm the actual narcissist because how unempathic and egocentric of me is to keep wishing for justice/revenge/karma. I mean in my case it was a monkey branch after 20 years together with 2 kids and the new guy living with her and my kids after a week, so I would think I have some 'right' to justice.....but it looks like it's never going to come
@@elmair8673Unfortunately you’re gonna learn painfully slowly “justice” does not exist in family court. Please know we need ONE SANE PARENT. Be the sane one. The contrast between you is far more obvious than you realize at the time. The end of this story hasn’t been written yet. Eventually we see through their cr** and there’s a lot of behind the scenes pressures on us. As I told the judge, “Sir, I have to live with her.” Great discussion, Duane.
Before watching. Sometimes doing what is best for your child means doing what they don’t like or want in the moment. Are you motivated by loving your child or wanting your child’s validation? Fathers make the difficult calls here and sadly many women and mothers cannot even comprehend this or worse take advantage of it.
Haven't seen my 3 kids for 4 years. Now, I wouldn't like to see them again just to protect myself. Hard to swallow that pill, but that's the bitter truth.
Glad to see you again. Was off watching my 16 year old playing Rugby last night, so watching this video a day later…. Yep, as usual you are right on with your analysis. Careful counter-parenting and being the sane stable person plus grey rock. My kids were 3 and 6 at divorce, so at first the Parental alienation was very hard. Now at almost 14 and 16 there is an understanding that mom talks crap about dad, and it isn’t true. Dad never bites on and crap coming from mom…. My response to one today is mom chooses to go left and I chose to go right, and that is ok. You can try both ways and figure out what works best for you.
Currently have a narc ex with an autistic teen daughter. Autism makes her awful at social cues, so she's not picking up on it no more. It came to the front when she hit her teens, boys diagnosed earlier, girls at teens. Mom using it to advantage so I'm doomed ATM 🤷 Also I did both sides of parenting, I was the nurterer but also the one she listened to, to do what she was supposed to. So much so, I always was the one kid wanted at hospitals/docs etc. Even had an ambulance have to stop, mom in with her and me following in car, to ask if we could swap, mum couldn't calm our kid. Crazy times and it's not stopping 🤦
Yeah... Disabilities with children makes this MUCH more complicated. I was really worried mine was going to use the disability of our son to her - long term - advantage. I hope you can navigate this and help your children. Autism is a VERY difficult situation and the stress of a disordered parent makes it SO much worse. I thought my situation was difficult but that would take it to a whole other level... Hang in there!
Please hang on, the end of this story hasn’t been written yet. You’re our safe, sane spot in a crazy world. Trying to resist the one who grabbed us “toys” and blew up the family for some equally crazy reason is about impossible for a kid because we have NO agency, period. Often, they ambush you with the legal documents-yes, they know what they’re doing and yes, they planned this whole mess. OUCH, I know.
I think it was because I tried to teach the kids as well as the x fiscal responsibility. They really never like that. I think many women think men should just be ATM's.
Yeah, mine sure did... HOWEVER I will say that I have been EXTREMELY impressed with the financial responsibility of my older kids - honestly their ability to manage money is very impressive!
Yep. The equivalent of being treated as a “Nurse with a purse.” Just please be your authentic sane self. Gotta play the long game and take care of yourself in the meantime. We *do* need you but none of the grown ups gives a da** about us. It’s alllll about “winning” to them- a lot of pressure for a kid. I’m sorry and yes, it su**s.
My daughter was brainwashed for years Duane until he hit her age 18! It’s terrible business and an ex Narc psychopath is a hard path - especially with children involved. In my experience, the child will work it out - eventually. I can only imagine you’re s great dad Duane and never show how you really feel. Kids are quite resilient- they play along sometimes to survive the fight. Sad but true. Step back when this crap happens. Great to see you back here x
Wow physically hit her - honestly it's probably the best thing to ever happen to her because REALITY "hit" her - or at least the fantasy was destroyed. To be honest I did show how I felt especially early on. I didn't have understanding or context of what was going on - I mean I did have the experience with my own father but I didn't have a pathway on how to deal with it. That's one of the reason for the channel to try and give some experience and context for others going through - to basically give them some hope. I honestly thought I wouldn't see "the fruits of my labor" until the kids were in their 30s - to see improvements as "quickly" as I did was unexpected. I'm also grateful that I was able to stick through it to see the improvements. But it really was some of the hardest and darkest times I've ever experienced.
Thank you! Yep, we “play along” because the ugly consequences from mommy dearest start in the court parking lot. Remember, *if adults can’t deal with this person, how do expect us kids to deal with it?* We’re just trying to survive day to day with allllll their drama.
I understand that for all children. Thankfully he’d discarded me when my girl was 2 but she wanted a relationship with him and he wore a mask for her until he lost his temper- weirdly jealous of his own child. It’s a heartbreaking experience but these dysfunctional parents really do show themselves - it’s in their DNA I think. ❤️
It's been a weird year. It's really odd but it seems like every year for like the last decade I feel like I'm over the hump and then something else happens. Lately it's just been work, lots of drama dealing with "people" issues.
Thanks so much I really appreciate that! Yeah this has been an odd year to say the least. That first part with the lawsuit was extremely stressful and it's been difficult to get my "mojo" back. I don't think I'm 100% yet but I'm getting closer!
Thanks so much for the support I really appreciate that. This topic just basically came to me so I felt I needed to get this message out there. Honestly that the way I normally do it and it's been a while since that has happened... I need more divine inspiration!
Glad it was helpful. It’s so damn painful when it’s happening and it makes zero sense. Well it doesn’t until you understand what you’re dealing with. Hope you’re hanging in there!
@@DSD It’s extremely painful as I have moved to a foreign country so I can be close to my son and I question my decision… Would it be possible to speak with you face to face sometime?
There’s probably stages to this I’m relatively early in (less than two years). My ex has done some real dodgy things, currently taking her back to court for breaking our parenting orders. Unfortunately she made some false allegations weirdly abstract ie the kids feel unsafe and yet no actual issues raised. The court has been good but painfully slow this enables the alienation. The main thing is keep your confidence… call out poor behaviour early and in a rational respectful way. I had the same issue with showering, I called my ex out on OFW for showering them in the middle of the day before pickup. The tenancy is for alienated parents to loose confidence as they believe there is something wrong with them.
Yeah spot on - plus you get demoralized because the process is so damn slow. You see a problem(s) and you think/expect that it will be handled quickly BUT instead it is so slow and like you said it just enables the alienation and problems. I'm glad you see what's going on and can keep moving forward. It's dangerous when you start losing hope...
@@DSD she’s done everything you predicted. Fired her lawyers then went on a whim with this latest allegation used evidence that makes her look nutty (70+ pages of her texting the kids while with me) and other unhinged behaviour. The judge pretty much pointed her behaviour out and said something better come out of the report or it won’t go well for her.
Put God 1st in your life! Have a set fun routine with your kids. Have boundaries but enforce them gently, and be able to drop them completely if need be. Keep turning up and take lots of videos and pictures. Play the long game. 80/20 rule. Lose the 80 to win the 20. Lose the battle to win the war. "Position over submission" Avoid talking about your ex with your child. Get support from a mental health professional. To the good men. I love you all. KEEP GOING!
@@Woozeltaker1285They can express all the stuff they want, however they want, whenever they want. Believe me, they twist reality so hard they choke it to death. The “long game” absolutely.
I think that is one of the really difficult parts of this. We "think" that a child would want to be around the "more stable" situation and I have RARELY seen that happen. But I also have to remember that I was in the fog for 2 decades and it too A LOT for me to finally decide I couldn't live the illusion anymore. However even when I reached that point I didn't want to believe the reality. So if it took me that long it's going to take kids even LONGER to realize their "mother" is dangerous and damaging to them. I think my kids intellectually "understand" that but they still gravitate toward her. The economy doesn't help either - it's not like any of my kids can just move out to get away from it...
@@DSDI guess the kids reject the safe parent, as they are always chasing the validation from the alienating one. They must sense that the love is conditional but aren't old enough realise that a parent's love should be unconditional.
Duane. Have you considered revisting/reposting your hybrid no contatt and blackhole thinking videos, they where invaluable for me. I see them as cornerstones of your philosophy. Wishing you well. Ang x
Brother I've experienced the same exact thing - it makes your head hurt. I was just talking to one of my adult (they are all adult kids now) about this just the other day. It still screws with their head how their mother is not "there" for them... Hang in there man!
It might be a dad thing but I am the mom and it happened to me. In my opinion, it is a non narcissist thing. Looking back, the narcissist was setting the stage from day one. The narcissist was making me the bad guy in the same way that you described.
Yeah it’s whoever isn’t the toxic disorder one that it happens yo so it absolutely can happen to moms. They all follow the same playbook. Doesn’t matter man or woman the do pretty much the same thing. Basically just evil
@@kimedwards8162Please hang in there, OK? The end of this story hasn’t been written and their lies just become increasingly absurd. They twist reality on us kids even when we see/experience it. For example, an encounter with a run away shopping cart in a parking lot becomes a huge dramatic lie called “My Near Death Experience.” No, you can’t see this as an example because my crazy, mean, vindictive mommy-dearest already “owns” this…..fabrication ;-)
We are overt with our communication. The sneaky covert language must be a better way to go if you're an alienator. Girls have the covert stuff squared away. I tend to think that the alienated mums that didn't pull these stunts are the girls you want a relationship with.
Yep they do. Mainly it’s like lunch or dinner. Sometimes some running around. My middle daughter brought me water and hung out on one of my radio things I did recently. That was cool.
They are anything *but* “original.” They write and star in their own dramatic soap opera, “The Sob Story of MMMMMMYYYYY Life! Imma Professional Victim! WAAAAA” And don’t you forget that! ;-)
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My heart goes out to any parent who is rejected by their children. Although I believe that (most likely) fathers were targeted and alienated more than mothers in the past, I sense current numbers showing that alienating behavior doesn't discriminate. As a rejected, alienated, absolutely devastated mom.....I empathize deeply, with all the grieving parents and the traumatized, psychologically abused children who are forced to grow up without the love and guidance of the good, safe, healthy and available parent that is targeted and alienated. I'm sorry for you and any parent who shares this indescribable pain.
Yeah I think this is probably the worst thing anyone can experience - mainly because it's a prolonged pain that we have to endure. It's like a death but with the children still being there. I know in the context of this video I spoke about it from a father (my personal perspective/experience) but I do firmly believe it is NOT isolated to that. Any person who is severely toxic and exhibits disordered behavior will follow the same "playbook". It's just amazing that children will gravitate toward those lies. I think a lot of it has to do with the lack of empathy or conscious for their actions (parent) and it's just confusing for the children. Well, it's confusing for adults too when someone will so quickly and easily lie... I hope you are finding a way to get your life back in spite of all of this!
@@DSDfirst I really appreciate your work.❤
I’ve thought about this topic as well as I’ve been navigating divorce with a narcissist after 20 years/4 kids.
Since leaving him I’ve also gotten my master’s in clinical mental health counseling which has afforded me additional insight.
I agree with your points and I think there’s an instinctual element for the kids based on knowing (subconsciously) that they will always have you in their corner, but not the npd parent.
Their nervous system can recognize who is “safe” and who “isn’t” but as children they inherently have a need for connection and if they can only have that with the npd parent by abandoning the “safe” parent they have to do that.
Eventually they may see the truth and break free but that’s later and maybe.
It hurts but it helps me get through when I realize they can’t help themselves. They are just trying to survive and keep connection.
I'm going thru this right now. The past year has been especially tough. It's hard to describe to other people what exactly is happening, but you lay it out perfectly here. Thanks for making this post and clearing my mind from all the nonsense.
Perfectly understand. Going through this as well. Hang in there man.
Glad it was helpful. Yeah its really tough because if a person hasn't experienced this they just don't get it. And to be honest we sound crazy when we try to explain it to a "normy". Hang in there man!
@filsed - it really does help when you finally realize this DOES actually happen and you are NOT crazy...
Duane, great video... You know my story from way back and talking to you was so helpful. When my kids are in college they see me way more because I am close to them. They were staying at school and liked being at school and in the city. When they go to their mom's for a while they get brainwashed into the old patterns but the patterns are not like they were before. I don't deal with the emotions and I DO NOT let their mom piss me off in any way. I think about other things I need to do in my life and my ex is not part of my life plans. Thanks for all you do Duane and I hope you are doing well.
It's crazy how much influence these toxic parents continue to have over their children. I've seen the same thing - kids are different when they are away from that stress BUT they fall right back into those destructive patterns. Thanks for the kind words and support John I really appreciate it. I'm doing pretty good - slowly "recovering" from the crap that I started the year with. Well that and some really weird/stressful crap happening at work.
This video was so needed for me. I have finally hit the point where I can’t keep putting myself at harm by trying. It’s been 8 years of this strained situation. I am not walking away, but I am taking time to heal.
It's plain and simple It's called parent alienation! The child and father suffers because of the mother/ ex wife
Yep... It's amazing how much destruction one person can do and there really isn't much you can do to stop it... And the kids are so blinded they can't make any change. I've just recently talked with my kids were basically it's come up that pretty much everyone realizes they would have been better off with me full time - but too late now that ship has sailed. We just have the make the best/most of it...
A lot of the time we have to get over the "justice" boner... Often these people will not be held responsible, so we need to get over that. Our responsibility is to the children, not the ex. As you said, the kids take seemingly forever to understand.
Yeah, i was stuck on that justice "boner" (good call by the way) and couldn't let it go for the longest time. I really hate it when I see other just STUCK in that trap. I know at some point they are going to move past it but it SUUUCCCKS being there. I think one of the hardest part with the kids is when they see it, they communicate it, then they ignore it... Kind of where I'm at now - well technically they aren't ignoring it as much as they used to...
Fully agreed on the justice boner. I've been in that spot for a while. It's like Dday is there and you have 100 problems to work through. Then you are later in the process and there are 2 points left to resolve relating to the justice boner. But they just stay there and you can't get over that part. And then you start doubting a bit again like. Maybe it's not about justice, maybe I still love him/her and that's why I feel this. Or maybe i'm the actual narcissist because how unempathic and egocentric of me is to keep wishing for justice/revenge/karma. I mean in my case it was a monkey branch after 20 years together with 2 kids and the new guy living with her and my kids after a week, so I would think I have some 'right' to justice.....but it looks like it's never going to come
@@elmair8673Unfortunately you’re gonna learn painfully slowly “justice” does not exist in family court. Please know we need ONE SANE PARENT. Be the sane one. The contrast between you is far more obvious than you realize at the time. The end of this story hasn’t been written yet. Eventually we see through their cr** and there’s a lot of behind the scenes pressures on us. As I told the judge, “Sir, I have to live with her.” Great discussion, Duane.
Before watching. Sometimes doing what is best for your child means doing what they don’t like or want in the moment. Are you motivated by loving your child or wanting your child’s validation? Fathers make the difficult calls here and sadly many women and mothers cannot even comprehend this or worse take advantage of it.
Yeah, which is one reason why it's so easy for a wedge issue to be created AND exploited!
Haven't seen my 3 kids for 4 years.
Now, I wouldn't like to see them again just to protect myself.
Hard to swallow that pill, but that's the bitter truth.
Same here, they’re mom has brainwashed them so badly they don’t reach out to me. It’s a bad feeling like a piece of me is gone.
Yea this seems right. I’m stepping into this constantly. Im falling into traps constantly.
It’s tough I think we all have a difficult time stopping that. At least I know it too a while for me….
Glad to see you again. Was off watching my 16 year old playing Rugby last night, so watching this video a day later…. Yep, as usual you are right on with your analysis. Careful counter-parenting and being the sane stable person plus grey rock. My kids were 3 and 6 at divorce, so at first the Parental alienation was very hard. Now at almost 14 and 16 there is an understanding that mom talks crap about dad, and it isn’t true. Dad never bites on and crap coming from mom…. My response to one today is mom chooses to go left and I chose to go right, and that is ok. You can try both ways and figure out what works best for you.
Currently have a narc ex with an autistic teen daughter.
Autism makes her awful at social cues, so she's not picking up on it no more.
It came to the front when she hit her teens, boys diagnosed earlier, girls at teens.
Mom using it to advantage so I'm doomed ATM 🤷
Also I did both sides of parenting, I was the nurterer but also the one she listened to, to do what she was supposed to.
So much so, I always was the one kid wanted at hospitals/docs etc.
Even had an ambulance have to stop, mom in with her and me following in car, to ask if we could swap, mum couldn't calm our kid.
Crazy times and it's not stopping 🤦
Yeah... Disabilities with children makes this MUCH more complicated. I was really worried mine was going to use the disability of our son to her - long term - advantage. I hope you can navigate this and help your children. Autism is a VERY difficult situation and the stress of a disordered parent makes it SO much worse. I thought my situation was difficult but that would take it to a whole other level... Hang in there!
Please hang on, the end of this story hasn’t been written yet. You’re our safe, sane spot in a crazy world. Trying to resist the one who grabbed us “toys” and blew up the family for some equally crazy reason is about impossible for a kid because we have NO agency, period.
Often, they ambush you with the legal documents-yes, they know what they’re doing and yes, they planned this whole mess. OUCH, I know.
I think it was because I tried to teach the kids as well as the x fiscal responsibility. They really never like that. I think many women think men should just be ATM's.
Yeah, mine sure did... HOWEVER I will say that I have been EXTREMELY impressed with the financial responsibility of my older kids - honestly their ability to manage money is very impressive!
Yep. The equivalent of being treated as a “Nurse with a purse.” Just please be your authentic sane self. Gotta play the long game and take care of yourself in the meantime. We *do* need you but none of the grown ups gives a da** about us. It’s alllll about “winning” to them- a lot of pressure for a kid. I’m sorry and yes, it su**s.
My daughter was brainwashed for years Duane until he hit her age 18! It’s terrible business and an ex Narc psychopath is a hard path - especially with children involved.
In my experience, the child will work it out - eventually.
I can only imagine you’re s great dad Duane and never show how you really feel.
Kids are quite resilient- they play along sometimes to survive the fight. Sad but true. Step back when this crap happens. Great to see you back here x
Wow physically hit her - honestly it's probably the best thing to ever happen to her because REALITY "hit" her - or at least the fantasy was destroyed. To be honest I did show how I felt especially early on. I didn't have understanding or context of what was going on - I mean I did have the experience with my own father but I didn't have a pathway on how to deal with it. That's one of the reason for the channel to try and give some experience and context for others going through - to basically give them some hope. I honestly thought I wouldn't see "the fruits of my labor" until the kids were in their 30s - to see improvements as "quickly" as I did was unexpected. I'm also grateful that I was able to stick through it to see the improvements. But it really was some of the hardest and darkest times I've ever experienced.
@@DSDyour channel has helped heaps mate
Glad to be of help!
Thank you! Yep, we “play along” because the ugly consequences from mommy dearest start in the court parking lot. Remember, *if adults can’t deal with this person, how do expect us kids to deal with it?* We’re just trying to survive day to day with allllll their drama.
I understand that for all children. Thankfully he’d discarded me when my girl was 2 but she wanted a relationship with him and he wore a mask for her until he lost his temper- weirdly jealous of his own child. It’s a heartbreaking experience but these dysfunctional parents really do show themselves - it’s in their DNA I think. ❤️
Good to see you back! Where have you been brother?
It's been a weird year. It's really odd but it seems like every year for like the last decade I feel like I'm over the hump and then something else happens. Lately it's just been work, lots of drama dealing with "people" issues.
Totally understand the work situation on top of everything to deal with.. but it's good to listen to you ..
Thanks so much @domilocke3706 I appreciate you saying that.
Missed ya dsd hope you are well
Thanks so much I really appreciate that! Yeah this has been an odd year to say the least. That first part with the lawsuit was extremely stressful and it's been difficult to get my "mojo" back. I don't think I'm 100% yet but I'm getting closer!
so thankful for your video. was hoping another one would drop soon.
Thanks so much for the support I really appreciate that. This topic just basically came to me so I felt I needed to get this message out there. Honestly that the way I normally do it and it's been a while since that has happened... I need more divine inspiration!
@@DSD I just signed up for a coaching session. looking forward to it. thanks.
Hi Duane good to see you
Good to be seen Sy!!!
Hi Duane. Perfect timing. Going through this literally last few months. Thank you!
Glad it was helpful. It’s so damn painful when it’s happening and it makes zero sense. Well it doesn’t until you understand what you’re dealing with. Hope you’re hanging in there!
@@DSD It’s extremely painful as I have moved to a foreign country so I can be close to my son and I question my decision… Would it be possible to speak with you face to face sometime?
There’s probably stages to this I’m relatively early in (less than two years). My ex has done some real dodgy things, currently taking her back to court for breaking our parenting orders. Unfortunately she made some false allegations weirdly abstract ie the kids feel unsafe and yet no actual issues raised. The court has been good but painfully slow this enables the alienation.
The main thing is keep your confidence… call out poor behaviour early and in a rational respectful way. I had the same issue with showering, I called my ex out on OFW for showering them in the middle of the day before pickup.
The tenancy is for alienated parents to loose confidence as they believe there is something wrong with them.
Yeah spot on - plus you get demoralized because the process is so damn slow. You see a problem(s) and you think/expect that it will be handled quickly BUT instead it is so slow and like you said it just enables the alienation and problems. I'm glad you see what's going on and can keep moving forward. It's dangerous when you start losing hope...
@@DSD she’s done everything you predicted. Fired her lawyers then went on a whim with this latest allegation used evidence that makes her look nutty (70+ pages of her texting the kids while with me) and other unhinged behaviour. The judge pretty much pointed her behaviour out and said something better come out of the report or it won’t go well for her.
Hope there are some consequences…
Put God 1st in your life!
Have a set fun routine with your kids. Have boundaries but enforce them gently, and be able to drop them completely if need be.
Keep turning up and take lots of videos and pictures.
Play the long game.
80/20 rule. Lose the 80 to win the 20. Lose the battle to win the war.
"Position over submission"
Avoid talking about your ex with your child.
Get support from a mental health professional.
To the good men. I love you all.
KEEP GOING!
Nex is telling our son god doesn’t exist blah blah. This is harder than I thought it would be
Great advice John! It really is the long game and picking the right battles to fight…
Wooz, that’s pretty messed up…
@@Woozeltaker1285They can express all the stuff they want, however they want, whenever they want. Believe me, they twist reality so hard they choke it to death. The “long game” absolutely.
Great advice…and thank you for your ongoing advice/encouragement.
you'd think the kids would see how selfish and manipulative their mother is... especially as they get older.
I think that is one of the really difficult parts of this. We "think" that a child would want to be around the "more stable" situation and I have RARELY seen that happen. But I also have to remember that I was in the fog for 2 decades and it too A LOT for me to finally decide I couldn't live the illusion anymore. However even when I reached that point I didn't want to believe the reality. So if it took me that long it's going to take kids even LONGER to realize their "mother" is dangerous and damaging to them. I think my kids intellectually "understand" that but they still gravitate toward her. The economy doesn't help either - it's not like any of my kids can just move out to get away from it...
@@DSDI guess the kids reject the safe parent, as they are always chasing the validation from the alienating one. They must sense that the love is conditional but aren't old enough realise that a parent's love should be unconditional.
Yeah that is my believe on what is happening... This trend happens to often to be something else...
Duane. Have you considered revisting/reposting your hybrid no contatt and blackhole thinking videos, they where invaluable for me. I see them as cornerstones of your philosophy. Wishing you well. Ang x
@dsd I don't know how I became the bad one when she made them cry and I was there for them but nobody remembers I guess
Brother I've experienced the same exact thing - it makes your head hurt. I was just talking to one of my adult (they are all adult kids now) about this just the other day. It still screws with their head how their mother is not "there" for them... Hang in there man!
It might be a dad thing but I am the mom and it happened to me. In my opinion, it is a non narcissist thing. Looking back, the narcissist was setting the stage from day one. The narcissist was making me the bad guy in the same way that you described.
By far, the most devastating thing that came out of the divorce.
Yeah it’s whoever isn’t the toxic disorder one that it happens yo so it absolutely can happen to moms. They all follow the same playbook. Doesn’t matter man or woman the do pretty much the same thing. Basically just evil
@@kimedwards8162Please hang in there, OK? The end of this story hasn’t been written and their lies just become increasingly absurd. They twist reality on us kids even when we see/experience it. For example, an encounter with a run away shopping cart in a parking lot becomes a huge dramatic lie called “My Near Death Experience.”
No, you can’t see this as an example because my crazy, mean, vindictive mommy-dearest already “owns” this…..fabrication ;-)
We are overt with our communication. The sneaky covert language must be a better way to go if you're an alienator. Girls have the covert stuff squared away. I tend to think that the alienated mums that didn't pull these stunts are the girls you want a relationship with.
Curious: Have your grownup kids hang out with you nowadays? Hopefully, they are intentional enough to initiate some activities with you.
Yep they do. Mainly it’s like lunch or dinner. Sometimes some running around. My middle daughter brought me water and hung out on one of my radio things I did recently. That was cool.
@@DSD Congrats! Your long-term persistence paid off, in spite of your ex's messing up with the kids.
It’s all about picking the right battles to fight and minimizing wedge issues that tends to self destruct your relationship with the kids.
❤❤❤❤😭😭😭😭😭
🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🤗🤗🤗🤗
Thank you Sarah!
Its like these lunatics have a playbook they follow the timing is incredible because I'm dealing with another wave of attacks recently
They all do - its the same playbook... Man or woman they always seem to do the exact same thing... Hang in there man!
They are anything *but* “original.” They write and star in their own dramatic soap opera, “The Sob Story of MMMMMMYYYYY Life! Imma Professional Victim! WAAAAA”
And don’t you forget that! ;-)
Are you a doctor?
Who are you for real and why are you talking and why should you get paid??????
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