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What are Daddy Issues? What causes them & how to fix them

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  • เผยแพร่เมื่อ 14 ส.ค. 2024
  • Daddy issues is not a diagnosable mental illness, it’s not even a term that was ever used in any of my psychology classes, or continuing education courses. The reason for this is because any “issues” we may have with our caregivers (like our mother or father or even aunt or grandparent) is boiled down to attachment. So instead of calling these struggles “daddy issues” we should really call them attachment issues, because that’s what they are. Unfortunately when it comes to attachment and parental research, it tends to focus on our mothers and their role in our development, but fathers play an important role as well. When we are children they teach us about boundaries, by being more of the risk takers or rougher when it comes to play, they show us what we can and cannot do or what we are okay and not okay with. They help us understand risk, fear, and hopefully be reminded that they are there to catch us, or pick us up if we fall down. Fathers also represent the role of a male adult member of the family. This can affect us no matter what gender we are. If we identify as male, our father can show us how male’s act in certain situations. We can mimic their behavior and find ourselves acting just like they did. Our relationship with our father’s also plays a huge role in our self esteem and confidence. Because mothers tend to be (but not always) the more nurturing, consistent, and home sustaining caregiver, we can take them for granted. They are around more, give more support and positive reinforcement. Whereas fathers tend to be away from home more often. Anyways, because fathers are away from home more, when they are around, we can seek out their approval most. Many children can grow up believing that if they please their father then he will stay around more often, or that his approval just means more.
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ความคิดเห็น • 626

  • @BunnaySango
    @BunnaySango 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1300

    "Daddy Issues" is a cruel moniker for the pain of a lack of a father figure, or having an abusive father.

    • @clairbear1234
      @clairbear1234 3 ปีที่แล้ว +117

      Very well put, like victim blaming

    • @OliviaKruis
      @OliviaKruis 3 ปีที่แล้ว +48

      More accurate statements have never been made

    • @jimcole6423
      @jimcole6423 2 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      What would be an abusive Father?

    • @rakata1987
      @rakata1987 2 ปีที่แล้ว +16

      Thank God I have never been called someone with daddy issues because I have lied compulsively to everyone in my life who isn't aware of the truth on my life. :)

    • @couchpotato9373
      @couchpotato9373 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@rakata1987 You're a bad person

  • @irenebaez5896
    @irenebaez5896 3 ปีที่แล้ว +574

    I'm currently on the process of 'mothering myself' and the thought of having to do this with my paternal relationship as well makes me feel exhausted. It's so unfair having to do the work that people responsible for me never did. Anyone else?

    • @adrianaavila8853
      @adrianaavila8853 3 ปีที่แล้ว +40

      ugh, yes very exhausting. Please continue to take care of you and be gentle to yourself. Show compassion and you will be okay friend

    • @svetlananana9609
      @svetlananana9609 2 ปีที่แล้ว +12

      I am with you on that
      Good to kniw you are like me on that and there are people feeling like me

    • @hannahzwic5975
      @hannahzwic5975 2 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      Yeah, Same here. I don’t really feel like it’s my job, and I tend to try to put it onto others or supply the need with substances, music or
      Social media.

    • @azzurracupini6441
      @azzurracupini6441 2 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      I Am Totally with You Sis🥺💔!!!!

    • @ayoh5647
      @ayoh5647 2 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Yes and also society makes me feel bad to "blame others"

  • @booklover5238
    @booklover5238 ปีที่แล้ว +152

    For the re-father ourselves part, I know a TH-cam channel that might help. It's called Dad, How do I? This man teaches you a bunch of stuff that Dads usually teach their kids. Its very wholesome. I think he started it because his Dad left when he was a kid or something like that. It has helped me a lot.

    • @aquilessd2536
      @aquilessd2536 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      Absolutely, I have seen his channel

    • @twisted_karma
      @twisted_karma 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      Thank you!

    • @jessIe76468
      @jessIe76468 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Thank you a lot ❤

    • @tdesq.2463
      @tdesq.2463 9 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Sounds cool!

    • @dinahassanin5421
      @dinahassanin5421 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Thank you❤

  • @mollymoon7129
    @mollymoon7129 3 ปีที่แล้ว +310

    *Me, trying to identify if I have daddy issues, not having close relationships with any male at any point of my life* 👺

    • @Happy_Bnzo_Puppy
      @Happy_Bnzo_Puppy 3 ปีที่แล้ว +24

      Of course this effects a person! Same for me...

    • @kimberlybogert7031
      @kimberlybogert7031 3 ปีที่แล้ว +14

      Me too in some ways..

    • @jackjohnson6230
      @jackjohnson6230 3 ปีที่แล้ว +10

      + Molly Moon if you werent close to your parents especially your father then yes you might have daddy issues
      at least you realize this could be a problem thats a start
      you can get help to work though and over come those issues and go onto lead a long happy for fulling life

    • @animal79thecat
      @animal79thecat 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

      you probably just hate men...most vimmen do

  • @LEEeveryday
    @LEEeveryday 3 ปีที่แล้ว +147

    I found myself becoming my GF's "daddy" in place of her absent and gaslighting father. It's a task that takes a lot of responsibility, but she has grown so much more stronger with my consistent support and sturdy base. Support system is very important to heal from these past scares. Consistency is paramount. And remind them that they are doing the work, you're just providing the workbook.

    • @KP-el7wk
      @KP-el7wk ปีที่แล้ว +11

      do u not feel like that’s the burden on u that u never asked for? i have daddy issues but i refuse relationships as i don’t want to overwhelm a guy with my past traumatic experiences and feel guilty about it. would like to hear a make perspective from u.

    • @LEEeveryday
      @LEEeveryday ปีที่แล้ว +56

      @@KP-el7wk Great question. Because I think it's a natural part of the human experience, I DO feel like it is a burden that I didn't ask for, but because I'm so self-aware, I realize, we came together for a greater reason so it's a burden worth bearing. Where she is weak, I am strong and vice-versa. So all the energy I expend is worth it to me. She pours into my cup as much as I pour into her cup. I can be a bit of a "white knight" and I find comfort in being able to help and emotionally support the woman I love. That's how I am able to show love to her. That actually makes me happy that I can prove to her that I'll be there. I know she needs that consistency and stability to provide her the space to combat her attachment style. That's how I'm able to reconcile the stress it causes for me. She doesn't have to be a finished product and the right might won't think you have to be a finished product to deserve this time and effort either.
      I know she doesn't want to be in these traumatic spots. I know and trust she is not taking advantage of me. So I think I'm just playing my role towards a healthy relationship. Sometimes we have to give our partner a chance to heal with us instead of letting them heal on their own in the same conditions that we found them in.

    • @zoookoo
      @zoookoo ปีที่แล้ว

      @@LEEeveryday Just reading through this message explaining how you're there for your gf was comforting and calmed me down from the break down I was already going through while watching this video.
      I was losing faith in myself and in God (when I searched for this video) that someone understanding and supportive would come into my life and replace the role of my father and mother or rather lack of but also be a good partner and best friend to me because once that person has gained my trust I would give so much of myself to them as I have a lot of love to give. Unfortunately I find it hard to love myself, though I can admit I'm doing better than my previous years.
      I'm trying to do things that make me happy and trying to romanticize my own life because waiting for a man is painful already and to die not doing some things I wish i had experienced in life I wouldn't have known what happiness was would just be double the pain.
      I hope your relationship is going well with your gf and you both only get stronger together and as individuals. It's unfair for another man to do the work of what a father should have done... but I guess love makes you do those kind of things 🤷🏽‍♀️ I hope I will receive that love one day too. You're definitely someone rare.

    • @flyingpanda4678
      @flyingpanda4678 ปีที่แล้ว +16

      That was the most beautiful thing I've ever read. Thank you so much for putting that out to the world

    • @LEEeveryday
      @LEEeveryday ปีที่แล้ว +7

      @@flyingpanda4678 Thank you. This inspires me because now I'm realizing my close experience and success with having a healthy relationship with someone with such a traumatic background could show others it's possible if the support has the right mindset.

  • @morena6717
    @morena6717 3 ปีที่แล้ว +416

    My father was totally inconsistent and even abusive sometimes. I cut ties with him and I've been doing a lot better ever since. I think I also re-fathered myself doing and learning what I wanted to do or learn. Still a part of me is mad at him because I think that that child who bears the scars of his behaviour is now still struggling to heal didn't deserve that. I can move one but not forgive. Also, when a much older man figure is nice with me I tend to trust them more easily because I'm still looking for the figure I never had.

    • @naevillera
      @naevillera 3 ปีที่แล้ว +21

      youre so strong and you will get through this!!

    • @morena6717
      @morena6717 3 ปีที่แล้ว +8

      @@naevillera Thank you ♥️

    • @Katimorton
      @Katimorton  3 ปีที่แล้ว +39

      I am so sorry you had to go through that.. and I hope that understanding and therapy you are able to heal :) xoxox

    • @morena6717
      @morena6717 3 ปีที่แล้ว +8

      @@Katimorton Thank you! ♥️ Your videos and podcasts are also helping a lot in the process!

    • @jimcole6423
      @jimcole6423 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      You'll struggle until things are made right with your Father. As tough as it may be.....not nearly as tough as what you will be facing.

  • @hustler212
    @hustler212 2 ปีที่แล้ว +50

    You got me when term " re-father yourself" came. And when you said, - "go do those things which you counted on your father for!" It was a ahha moment for me.

  • @mikederucki
    @mikederucki 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

    I have 2 little girls, ages 4 and 2. I take my role as their father extremely seriously. The most important function in my life

    • @priscille1577
      @priscille1577 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

      I honour you for that. That is amazing. May you continue to be a steady light in their lives. Your girls are blessed to have you 🙏

  • @zinhlemlangeni01
    @zinhlemlangeni01 2 ปีที่แล้ว +8

    My dad was absent and my relationship with my boyfriend highlight that I have a lot of daddy issues. I subconsciously want him to do things my dad didn’t do for me and it sucks because I end up crying all the time

  • @michelleheegaard
    @michelleheegaard 3 ปีที่แล้ว +78

    Meeting other people with similar childhood's than mine. Group theraphy was one of the most intimidating experiences of my life but also the most rewarding

    • @adesinaadebayo6154
      @adesinaadebayo6154 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      Nice 👍 , could you recommend any online platform

  • @jazzyj9609
    @jazzyj9609 3 ปีที่แล้ว +227

    How do you always read my mind exactly when I'm wanting something? Once again, perfect timing on a perfect topic

  • @megan7506
    @megan7506 3 ปีที่แล้ว +156

    Almost every male relationship I’ve had has been abusive or neglectful, starting with my dad. I know I have complicated relationships with men and I tend to favor and find more comfort in women. It’s definitely something I want to work through in therapy.

    • @PurplePinkRed
      @PurplePinkRed 3 ปีที่แล้ว +27

      Mine too! I'm staying single because I know my choice in men is terrible. I can figure out why I do it, but my heart just overtakes the situation everytime. I can't trust myself in romantic relationships in that sense. Best of luck to you!

    • @d.a.455
      @d.a.455 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      If everywhere you go smells like 💩 maybe it’s time to check the bottom of your shoe

    • @stephemsley9781
      @stephemsley9781 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

      This IS NOT the blame game. Its not his fault anymore than it is hers.
      You have said that you remain single???
      Understandable but NOT necessary. Study your trauma, learn about yourself. I bet you enter into relationships with an expectation, with your guards up, awaiting the inevitable. When you throw that energy out, that is exactly the same energy that will come back to you. Trust me. Learn to love yourself, care for yourself, learn to be vulnerable and have the coping skills if things went pear shaped. By doing this, you leave yourself wide open to endless possibilities of true pure happiness.

  • @jaelynrae8836
    @jaelynrae8836 3 ปีที่แล้ว +151

    I didn’t realize how many “daddy issues” I have until my dad passed away last year. Almost harder than his death has been trying to mend my relationship with him by myself because he’s not here. To work through the grief and the guilt at the same time. And to recognize that I didn’t always have the most positive thoughts about him. It’s easy to want to idolize someone when they pass so his passing has really amplified my attachment injuries.

    • @anurbanurb
      @anurbanurb 3 ปีที่แล้ว +15

      I'm going through the same thing, thanks for sharing your experience. I hope you're doing well and get better 💕

    • @TerriJoe4638
      @TerriJoe4638 3 ปีที่แล้ว +10

      Going through the same thing as well

    • @bunnykatsoracle3275
      @bunnykatsoracle3275 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      I've been dealing with the same thing since my mom and grandpa died so I know what you mean and it's a lot. Of course, none of this is your fault and it's not your burden to carry. I've come to this realization: I didn't ask to be born and it's not my fault my parents weren't up to the job of raising me. I don't need to feel bad for not loving my abusers enough. I got away and looked out for my own well being and I'm never going to regret that.
      Having overshared all that , I realize you wrote this comment 9 months ago. Are you feeling any better now? Hopefully the worst of that wave of grief and confusion has mostly passed over? 💙

    • @jaelynrae8836
      @jaelynrae8836 2 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      @@bunnykatsoracle3275 Yes, doing much better. I’ve been working on my grief for 2 years now which is helping a lot. ❤️ Sending you love

    • @bunnykatsoracle3275
      @bunnykatsoracle3275 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@jaelynrae8836 oh that's good to hear! Thank you so much for replying. 😊 sending some love right back! 🤗💙

  • @lillyevans7823
    @lillyevans7823 ปีที่แล้ว +7

    This is so helpful?? My dad was always around, and never abusive, so it took me ages to accept that I could have any trauma related to him. What I've come to realise is that he has a lot of mental health issues, which have kind of made him incapable of being a father. He was here and trying his best, and it was never his fault, so I never thought there could be an issue. Turns out as a kid, I was seeking his validation; I thought if I was good enough he would become better. When the video talked about how it affects out everyday relationship with men, I was in awe. I'm constantly seeking affirmation from any man I see as an authority figure. There's barely any men I dislike; I blamed myself for my dad's issues, and I now blame myself for every man's issue. 'He's not a bad person, he's just struggling'. Truly enlightening, tysm

    • @louisehogg8472
      @louisehogg8472 5 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Ohhh yes! Emotionally unavailable, due to his own father dying young and probably also being unavailable. Resulted in Mum mothering him to try and fill the gap. Resulted in the whole family trying to 'keep him happy'. When he never WAS happy, but at the same time was sufficiently 'happily unhappy' to do nothing about it.
      Yes, I continually seek validation too. Prefer male company, yet am afraid of men. Lots of fawn response and buried anger. I need to do positive self-talk that Dad didn't do.

  • @npstallion01
    @npstallion01 3 ปีที่แล้ว +151

    "I like your sleeves- they're real big" - Napoleon Dynamite

    • @sunshine9122
      @sunshine9122 3 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      I LOVE that movie! And Katie's sleeves, too.🙂

    • @cosmicgiggler1044
      @cosmicgiggler1044 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@sunshine9122 what movie is it?

    • @laila.mears666
      @laila.mears666 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@cosmicgiggler1044 napoleon dynamite

    • @dul8760
      @dul8760 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      LMAO 😂

  • @irishnessie
    @irishnessie 3 ปีที่แล้ว +157

    I've major daddy issues. My dad was 37 when I was born. He wasn't really around that much, and was out with his friends all the time. Either gambling or just living as if he was a bachelor man. My mother was home with us 24/7. We use to always ask when he was coming home. He use to promise and say he'd be home at this time. And id stay by the window hoping to see him pull up in the driveway. But he never came home 🥺 it didn't help that a lot of times he could be verbally abuse and yell at me. But I always made excuses and wanted to love him. It's the reason why I have BPD. He's in his 60s now and tries to make up for lost time, but I can't help but feel resentment towards him. I can't forgive him no matter how hard I try because my inner child still is hurt.

    • @celinephilicia7842
      @celinephilicia7842 3 ปีที่แล้ว +13

      Omg I can't imagine how torn I'd feel if there was this strange element of a 'redemption arc' that would suddenly come into play after all these years of being a human fuckup... My father's might be an abusive a**hole, but at least he's a consistent one O.O

    • @victoredgefield141
      @victoredgefield141 3 ปีที่แล้ว +8

      @NessieTM. Forgiveness is hard. But in the end it heals you. It's better for you. You can forgive. That doesn't mean you have to re- embrace him as your father.

    • @northernlights5481
      @northernlights5481 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Your mother is one of a plague of women who went for the bad boy, and the children paid the price. It's politically correct to lionise these women as being salt of the earth, valiant single parents, when they are actually the core problem in society. No forward thinking, no ability to wisely select a partner, and child be damned. But yeah, it is so easy to blame the man.

    • @Rastasoul1
      @Rastasoul1 3 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      I completely understand🙏🏾🙏🏾 it’s hard to forgive someone who let us down so much. I try to remember we all are imperfect and deserve forgiveness but you never forget what happen the trust is broken possibly forever

    • @irishnessie
      @irishnessie 3 ปีที่แล้ว +8

      @@northernlights5481 it's true. And she even admits that. She was quiet and he was a big personality. He was also 9 years older than her. She use to bitch a lot about him to US, as young children. It's no wonder I've poor relationships with men. Both my parents were screw ups.

  • @yasminevine
    @yasminevine ปีที่แล้ว +7

    I made a list of all the things I didn't get from my father. I realized I had been treating myself the same way! So now I'm actively making choices to give those things to myself. It's very soothing and self loving

  • @alyssalakey
    @alyssalakey 3 ปีที่แล้ว +191

    I think it’s interesting, too, to talk about how “mommy issues” is not nearly as prevalent a phrase, and “daddy issues” is almost always thrown around for women more than men. It’s very rooted in sexism.

    • @tomlotti240
      @tomlotti240 3 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      To me the idea sounds like maybe a misnomer for Freud's concept of the Oedipus and Electra complex. Not that I think his ideas are correct in any way, but emphasized the importance of parents in development and had an influence on much of popular culture when it came to how people then thought the human mind worked.

    • @MindRevVing84
      @MindRevVing84 3 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      Lack of structure shows more in women and that's why this saying it's applied to them

    • @harleyquiinnnn
      @harleyquiinnnn 3 ปีที่แล้ว +26

      I'm not sure if I understood your comment correctly but also "daddy issues" is used to insult women while in reality its a result of male failure to show up

    • @MindRevVing84
      @MindRevVing84 3 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      @@harleyquiinnnn failure to show up bc women have been subconsciously Trained to no fault divorce for no reason. It's not an insult when we make women accountable with labels.

    • @harleyquiinnnn
      @harleyquiinnnn 3 ปีที่แล้ว +17

      @@MindRevVing84 jesus wtf.. talk about living in a bubble

  • @lauragadille3384
    @lauragadille3384 3 ปีที่แล้ว +96

    This is so true, my father was a narcissistic and never was there for me.

    • @anaphylaxis2548
      @anaphylaxis2548 3 ปีที่แล้ว +18

      Mine too. Hugs.

    • @naomi-17217
      @naomi-17217 2 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      same here

    • @ttinkers1062
      @ttinkers1062 2 ปีที่แล้ว +9

      Just found out mine is a narcissist too. Never knew it. I knew things were not normal.

    • @erenjaeger8984
      @erenjaeger8984 2 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Mine too

    • @TheOuissala
      @TheOuissala ปีที่แล้ว +1

      We’re all on the same boat then…

  • @elz_bytes
    @elz_bytes 3 ปีที่แล้ว +37

    I have ptsd from severe childhood trama, I've been seeing a therapist for a few months now. Therapy has brought to the surface so much, and this video makes a lot of sense and gave me a journal prompt. Thank you for the upload, I needed this video.

  • @FamfritFW
    @FamfritFW 3 ปีที่แล้ว +70

    Thank you for the acknowledgement that not every family is traditional. It goes a long way when so many sources seem to want to pretend that non-traditional families and identities don't exist.

    • @Katimorton
      @Katimorton  3 ปีที่แล้ว +16

      Of course!! I always do my best to be as inclusive as I can :) xoxo

  • @kathyalex778
    @kathyalex778 3 ปีที่แล้ว +51

    If you ever want to see how valuable a good father is in a child's life, just look at the lifestyles of kids who grew up without a father or with a deadbeat father. They are more likely to drop out of high school, end up in the criminal justice system, and overall have less self-control and discipline controlling their emotions or in their lives in general. Every child deserves a good mother and father in the home, as it is the backbone for a healthy society.

    • @zr1129
      @zr1129 3 ปีที่แล้ว +15

      No, people growing up in poverty and violence are more likely to get into trouble. Plenty of shitty fathers and mothers out there cause more problems.
      No one needs a dad to survive but we do need our moms. Our moms are literally more important and this shitty republican talking point only serves to put men on a pedestal that don't deserve it.

    • @Katimorton
      @Katimorton  3 ปีที่แล้ว +9

      Agreed! Every child deserves to have good parents and consistent support at home :) xoxo

    • @claramoura872
      @claramoura872 3 ปีที่แล้ว +9

      @@zr1129 There’s nothing inherently conservative about saying that fathers are important. They are! An affectionate, compassionate, and responsible dad will give his kids a template for what it means to be an honorable man, someone who respects and appreciate others, including women. Mothers and fathers are of equal importance, but in different ways.

    • @lillylime2026
      @lillylime2026 3 ปีที่แล้ว +10

      signal moms / two moms families: 👁👄👁

    • @kathrin9674
      @kathrin9674 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      @@claramoura872 homophobic BS!

  • @ladylabyrinth6345
    @ladylabyrinth6345 3 ปีที่แล้ว +14

    Having an abusive father taught me to choose kind men as my friends. I've been very lucky with males in my adult life as I know what I don't ever want, and will never accept.

  • @nivikochoa8396
    @nivikochoa8396 3 ปีที่แล้ว +32

    This video is perfectly timed . I’ve noticed by going to therapy that I have severe daddy issues and have been wanting a I know how to overcome this problem. Thank you for addressing this Kati !

    • @Katimorton
      @Katimorton  3 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      Of course!! I hope it was helpful :) xoxo

  • @pheonix9821
    @pheonix9821 3 ปีที่แล้ว +32

    Yes it's that freakin pattern . It not my parents fault entirely ( because I believe our destiny is in our own hand ) . It's the society . I have analysed all the patterns and you know I am not going to follow that same path . Thanks to youtube that I was able to understand that my father and mother was actually toxic ... I think internet has helped me realise what a healthy family looks like . My mom she has filed a divorce . And she has changed and my father he will never change He still tries to manipulate us but me and my mom have said no . We are now going to therepy . And you know now I am feeling much more better now . I am happy and I feel blessed now. Thank you very much Kati for giving us more awareness about mental health . You know in India( because I am Indian and I don't know much about the other cultures but India is not the country that have this mindset ) mental health is always associated with being insane . They believe that if you work hard then all your problems will be gone . So I want to spread awareness about mental health and I want to help people who are abusive relationships and the teenagers who are stuck in a toxic household .

    • @Katimorton
      @Katimorton  3 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      I am so glad you have found my videos helpful, and I am so glad you are spreading awareness too!! xoxo

    • @cheryl5667
      @cheryl5667 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Good for you and your Mom for getting away and realizing that it's not on you to change him.

  • @user-ts3bt1wc2p
    @user-ts3bt1wc2p 2 ปีที่แล้ว +15

    The realationship with my Father was always hard for me to explain. We're not close, but also we're not like far away from each other. I think my Father tried his best to be a great father, he was but he also failed. When I grew up it faded, and it was like I got left alone emotionally.
    I always felt a certain hate or anger to him, maybe because of that. And it hurts to see people who their dads are their best friends. My dad had a traumatic childhood, so I tried to tell myself he can't to anything about it, and for his conditions it's the best father he can be.
    He shows his love with material things, but it's nothing when you get this by a Person you're not very close with. I don't even know if he's buying us so much for his inner child, or because of US.
    As his daughter I hate him, but I love him as a Person. Not the best father, but a good father for his conditions... at least he wasn't abusive. Could've been worse....

    • @hilokioo
      @hilokioo ปีที่แล้ว

      i really relate about what u said i respect my father but i just cant pretend anymore to have a good relationship with him he trying his best to be father for us but even so i still never feel like close to him to tell him everthing,spend time with him having fun or be his best friend i never experience that with him...sometimes my dad will bcome abusive if he get mad mybe the last i felt close with him when i was little child i dont know about my older sister or lil brother idk if they feel the same way like me

    • @louisehogg8472
      @louisehogg8472 5 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Emotionally unavailable. Probably because he was brought up to 'be a man' and not even admit to emotions. So he never processed them, just vented them occasionally and mocked them in others.
      It's tough because basically you can't know the person. All you can do is be respectful towards them, and work on giving yourself the self-talk they never gave you.

  • @larag1764
    @larag1764 3 ปีที่แล้ว +21

    Thank you. My father was emotionally abusive to my mother and I. It took me years of therapy and self-help books to realise I had moved from that to an unhealthy defacto relationship (I left home young) where my partner drank excessively, sulked (same as dad) and refused to socialise with my friends or family. I was mid 30s by the time I broke free. 17 years later and I still feel some shame at times. Domestic violence doesn't need to be physical and it happens in EVERY socioeconomic group and culture.

  • @lucynickless4242
    @lucynickless4242 2 ปีที่แล้ว +8

    Thank you!! You've just reminded me that my next partner MUST be 'emotionally available' as a priority. I need to break the cycle I have been in. My 2nd husband turned out to be a Narcissist & I now realise my dad was too. I'm currently learning about looking after myself & having a positive internal voice. I've spent my life 'managing' my relationships to avoid negative behaviour (a result of my relationship with my dad) & it's exhausting. It's been a long lesson but I'm making great progress in identifying the patterns I must change to break the unhealthy attachments I have made in the past. I'm learning that I have choices! Onwards & upwards.

    • @louisehogg8472
      @louisehogg8472 5 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Thanks. Inspiring!

  • @nikiichan
    @nikiichan 3 ปีที่แล้ว +11

    I honestly will not see a therapist again. I told the first that my dad used to say I am: good for nothing would amount to nothing. That I am an error. I even told her about all the abuse. She asked if it really happened or if it was all in my head.
    I found another and she said "oh. that is just how men are but you are still alive now. He tried but didn't manage to actually kill you, so it's okay. Past is past". It's honestly been more hurtful looking for that understanding. It brings up the past more than I would like it to. Initially, I was afraid to go to a male therapist, afraid that I might latch on to a caring male figure, i purposefully sought out women. That didn't do much good🤔
    These tips have been way more helpful and I honestly already went through some of the points in an effort to understand the past. I am now in the process of being my own daddy😂

    • @jothriny
      @jothriny 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      hm... what you have been told by therapists does not sounds right, that a real therapist will say such staff..what were these therapists? I am sure there are pretty proper therapists, who can help you...google about therapy and how it should look like, also signs for good and bad therapists..

    • @purpessenceentertainment9759
      @purpessenceentertainment9759 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      Therapists will never do the work for you. In the end, it is up to you to do what needs to be done in your life. I’ve had unsuccessful relationships with therapists too. Once I decided to tell myself that im too tired to worry about the past, I was able to live my life the way I want. I am not my parents. Their actions are not an excuse for my actions. I may have a flashback to a bad memory from time to time, but who cares. I don’t. They aren’t worrying about me. I rather pour that energy into something worthwhile. I’m sure that there are good therapists out there. I went through three of them, and they didn’t tell me anything I didn’t know already. I suggest reading The Law Of Human Nature by Robert Greene. It changed my life.

    • @nikiichan
      @nikiichan 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@purpessenceentertainment9759 i do agree that I have to do the work. I am working on a DBT workbook on my own. I do not have an extrinsic locus of control so that isn't the bother. It can just get overwhelming when the memories spring up. While I do direct the energy into positivity/ doing things that will build me, it is still mentally draining.
      Edit: ps: i will look into that book. Thanks for the suggestion :)

    • @purpessenceentertainment9759
      @purpessenceentertainment9759 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      I can definitely understand that. Good luck!!!

    • @12358hi
      @12358hi 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      Sounds like what you need is a therapist like Kati...

  • @MizoletteTV
    @MizoletteTV ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Today is Fathers Day in the US and I’m up watching this video and crying in the car. I never knew how to identify my issue, and something just came to me and I typed “How to deal with Daddy Issues “ into the search bar. My dad died in 2016, but I’m still having problems in life, relationships, friendships, etc. This video made me very emotional so I know it’s resonating on a deeper level. Thank you for the video. Now I know where to start.

  • @MsFreckletone
    @MsFreckletone 3 ปีที่แล้ว +7

    This was so helpful Kati thank you. "Re-fathering" is a lot less frequently used than re-parenting - which can often seem vague/broad. Thank you for breaking it down and giving examples of how we can help ourselves. Such a deep deep wound but it is possible to heal it gradually x

  • @hp6964
    @hp6964 3 ปีที่แล้ว +8

    I had a great dad, he just isn’t a great boyfriend/husband so grasping healthy relationships has been hard plus no emotional boundaries with me so now I have trouble creating them with someone else. Parents really are just big children trying to navigate like us

  • @kind2423
    @kind2423 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    I most definitely have attachment issues. My father was passively present in the house not active. Never did anything with us( children) occasionally dropped us off or picked us up from school. Treated my mother horribly they should of divorced. Let her with multiple times to go back to our home country Nigeria. Left her pregnant with no money. Cheated on her multiple times the mistresses even called our house. To cut a long story short I have been left with very traumatic experiences of my father and it has translated into my relationship life. I’ve been with men who have treated me horribly, disrespected me, lied cheated, ect. Glad I’ve found the root of the cause and I’m learning to forgive my father the pain he has caused

  • @narratamisenpai5226
    @narratamisenpai5226 3 ปีที่แล้ว +23

    I definitely have attachment issues with both of my parents. I was under-malnourished and at some point my mom ignored her children. Both parents made me believed my step dad was my real dad until he told me around 6 years old. Then things started to get weird. I told my mom at some point but he gave me a look and I lied. Eventually, my mom walks in and the ambulance and cops were called. After about a few weeks my mom had a psychosis episode and we had to go to another family member's house. After about a few months, we went into foster care. To be honest, I have grown up and been a kid in a short period of time. Except, I had to grow up once in highschool. Which was only a year after getting into the home. Just before school ended I finally got tested for a learning disability and I was so pissed off. This could of helped me in school to get extra help. Although, because of Virtual Reality, I have been teaching myself stuff that I haven't learned from school. Like the basics of the solar system and their make up and stuff. Playing educational games for math and other subjects that I missed. Except, english because I hated it. I still struggle day to day but I somehow manage. I am on the way to recovery with the help of an EMDR counselor/therapist.
    For anyone who might be going through a similar but different situation, always know that there is light at the end of the tunnel no matter how many steps you have to do to get there.

    • @larag1764
      @larag1764 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      Be really, really proud of yourself 😍

    • @sunshine9122
      @sunshine9122 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Narratami, I'm so proud of you! I send you a big hug and a smile.❤😊

  • @Zoxion
    @Zoxion 3 ปีที่แล้ว +9

    I find this topic on attachment styles super interesting! I had an ex of three years, who had an absent father. He left when she was 4. Her mother had a really distorted view on males in general: "i.e. men are assholes, they either leave you, die or something like that." which was really hard to navigate for me, cause she had a hard time opening up. Once you set a boundary, like a father would have done, she just gave you the cold shoulder approach. It was the most toxic relationship I've been in, but I've learned so much about myself in and after that relationship through therapy! If you have a relationship with a an individual with attachment issues (or at least think you can save them like I used to do) then it's time to look inwards people!

  • @ginaa66
    @ginaa66 2 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    girl you just gave me better advice then any therapist i had in the past 13 years

  • @cynparker7353
    @cynparker7353 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    It's really comforting to hear that "daddy issues" isn't a phrase that is commonly used by therapists. My very first therapist in our first session laughed and said "oh so you have daddy issues" when I told him that I grew up never even knowing who my dad was. That made me immediately uncomfortable. Even more so because the event that triggered me finally going to to therapy was the fact that my spouse was transitioning from male to female. He then spun those two tidbits about me to spin this elaborate narrative about me, my life, and my marriage. I barely got a word in after that.
    I was so anxious about getting help in the first place that I nearly quit therapy then and there, especially after a terrible group session the next week that left me in tears. It's very lucky that my wife spoke with her therapist at the time who got me a recommendation to a therapist she knew would be much more understanding, who I've been seeing for 3 years now.

  • @yatogod556
    @yatogod556 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    I just realized that I've not just been chasing after father figures my entire life (I'm a teen still), but I've been chasing after any parent figure. My dad wasn't in my life at all except on a few occasions. My mom wasn't very good at meeting my needs. And I would be very cheerful around teachers and such. I would want to be as close as I could, I would hug my teachers a lot when I was little, and I was generally described as just a sweet child. In reality, I was just anxious and wanted someone to take care of me.

  • @AliceTheMalicesMom
    @AliceTheMalicesMom 3 ปีที่แล้ว +30

    I think I'm gonna apply this to both of my parents bc i got some trust and attachment issues from when they got divorced and my mom's religion (the religion resulted in intimacy issues and just lack of education about my body since it was so taboo)
    Yay parental issues

  • @olivest509
    @olivest509 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    I had a nightmare last night (and I say nightmare because this is one of my personal worst fears) that I had a baby and I felt no love for him. I was nursing him taking care of him, but I couldn't even look him in the eye. This is literally what my mother did with me and I'm terrified that I'll find myself doing this with my own babies because I have to be honest, I don't know how to love. I don't know how to be emotionally close to other people. It's like this barrier I can't break down. My mother put this barrier in me. She didn't love me, she didn't want me, but she did do her "duty" by me: feeding me, clothing me, educating me, etc. I don't want children at all if I can't give them genuine, open, maternal love as a strong foundation for their future lives.

  • @tabeebyeamin9986
    @tabeebyeamin9986 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    Just got in an argument with my dad after a very long time, so this was rather timely.
    We both apologized.

  • @jessiewrites4753
    @jessiewrites4753 3 ปีที่แล้ว +57

    Can you make a video about mommy issues. I get “mommy crushes” on woman all the time. Since I was a toddler due to abuse and neglect

  • @sofienasiha954
    @sofienasiha954 3 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    Kati's thinking clock exactly runs with ours ! Thanks a lot ! Much needed one coz just yesterday I ran into problems with my dad. I wished he'd rub my back but he didn't. Just as my dad feels ashamed to show affection for me publicly so does my boy friend !
    And now I get why this is with this video !

  • @miskomiskovic2204
    @miskomiskovic2204 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    Have had an abusive father and still blaming him for my mental health problems. Recently I realized that I'm falling for my therapist (they are similar age) because he gave me love and support I've always needed from my father

    • @strongindependentblackwoma1887
      @strongindependentblackwoma1887 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      sorry but a romantic relationship is not possible.....
      it happened to my too with my therapist, just it won't happen

  • @_just_TK
    @_just_TK 3 ปีที่แล้ว +22

    Happy Father’s Day!

    • @jazzyj9609
      @jazzyj9609 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      (thanks!😊, but it's on 20th actually)

    • @Katimorton
      @Katimorton  3 ปีที่แล้ว +15

      Lol.. I honestly didn't even think about that. Omg.. haha

    • @gffrrrr2968
      @gffrrrr2968 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      Guys what you don’t control my life anymore

  • @christopherj9744
    @christopherj9744 3 ปีที่แล้ว +30

    Super solid insights and effective tips, as always.

    • @Katimorton
      @Katimorton  3 ปีที่แล้ว

      Yay! So glad you felt it was helpful :) xoxo

  • @hxctalent
    @hxctalent 3 ปีที่แล้ว +13

    Thank you for posting this. This explanation makes me understand a long term, past lover more; we went through a lot over 5 years: acting out, unfaithfulness, complete abandonment on my behalf (only making it worse each time), her family reaching out to me from out of state, therapy, a period of placidity, and cycle repeating. Sufficing males' requests as a compensation was mentioned in therapy, met her father when he vacationed and she did plan his trip out down to the 15min blocks

    • @Katimorton
      @Katimorton  3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      I am so glad my video was helpful! xoxo

  • @faustaelzbieta1111
    @faustaelzbieta1111 5 หลายเดือนก่อน

    My father was absent for many periods in my life, only seeing him every so often. Haven't seen him in 10 years, so I don't know him well. Ive had to learn to love him in my own way. I imagined that the small amount of love he showed, grew more and more. That helped with feeling that love inside, and imagining that it was inside me. I have remembered all the men I met growing up who were kind and cared, and I sort morphed that into one whole fatherly love in my heart.

  • @cheryl5667
    @cheryl5667 3 ปีที่แล้ว +11

    I've always HATED this term! It's so offensive to be blamed for your Father's shortcomings as a girl or woman.... but also I do hate my Dad and see this impact my daily life often so thank you so much for doing this video :)

    • @cheryl5667
      @cheryl5667 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      Oh.. and never blamed his P0rn-consuming, str!p-club-attending Father of course! :)

    • @OceanIgs
      @OceanIgs ปีที่แล้ว

      I'm a guy and I hated this term too. It sounds too cringe and inappropriate and it's not even my fault that I born with a absent father figure

  • @A_n_y_t_i_m_e
    @A_n_y_t_i_m_e ปีที่แล้ว +2

    Let's get one thing straight: your attachment style is given by your caregivers until the age of 6 (formative years) and you're stuck with it for life. Yes, for life. You can't change it, you can't fix it. You can modify some behavior, but the attachment style will be with you until you die. No matter what you want and who ever you want (as partner), you will always get what you need. You might not like it, but that is what/who you need. Your mate selection is always right and on point no matter how abusive your choices were, you just don't know yourself. To summarize - you might want X, but you'll end up with Y, always, because you need Y. It's a tough 💊 to swallow, but it's the reality.

    • @graveyardghost2603
      @graveyardghost2603 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      This doesnt get said often enough and you are absolutely right! I loved and admired my dad, and as an adult I purposely looked for a father figure, that's all I wanted and that's all I wanted! The mind is like a piece of lumber...once its warped you cant fix it lol i.o.w. I believe our deep desires are hardwired in us. Thx for your comment 👍

  • @raywood8187
    @raywood8187 3 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    I remember asking my dad where he was going, since he was gone so much and wasn't working.. I don't remember exactly when I figured out that when my dad said he's "going to see a man about a dog" really meant he was going to the tavern and wouldn't be back till late. Maybe it was when I was 6 and he left me in the car alone for 3 hours while he was in the tavern.
    I wonder now, when he left so often for his 'man/dog runs, why he bothered coming back at all. Eventually, when we needed him most, he disappeared. Thankfully, I'm more like my mom was that I am like him. 30 years sober :)

  • @angelmarie2281
    @angelmarie2281 3 ปีที่แล้ว +16

    Sees title of video...👀

    • @Hajdew
      @Hajdew 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Sees first comment of video...👀

    • @angelmarie2281
      @angelmarie2281 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@Hajdew I always wondered if I had "daddy issues" even though I didn't know my father. 🤔 It's like that phrase "if a tree fell in the forest and nobody is around does it make a sound?" She does make some really good points in this video that answer my question.

    • @Happy_Bnzo_Puppy
      @Happy_Bnzo_Puppy 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@angelmarie2281 The fact that you didn't know your dad does effect you for sure. It's just hard to grab that nothingness, that void. It might show as a deep, inner emptiness. (Just my experience.)

  • @Dasa-ez9nd
    @Dasa-ez9nd 3 ปีที่แล้ว +14

    Great imma send this to my best friend

  • @tabby3554
    @tabby3554 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    I have mommy issues as much as I hate to admit it, so this video helped me. Gracias!

  • @cathywestholt5324
    @cathywestholt5324 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    My dad had to work multiple jobs when I was little so mom could be home with us. Unfortunately, mom was abusive. I wish daddy could have afforded to only work one job during those years. He was a wonderful man. The best parts of me are from him. I miss him so much.

  • @cherylmorton2883
    @cherylmorton2883 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    I REALIZED THAT PLEASING MEN FOR ME WAS A SUBCONSCIOUS EFFORT TO PLEASE MY FATHER .... AND IF I WAS A GOOD ENOUGH GIRL..... MAYBE MY DADDY WON'T LEAVE ME...
    LIKE MY FATHER DID..

  • @songcentral3110
    @songcentral3110 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Gosh I had a friend who completely minimized my traumas from my dad and called them just “daddy issues”. I’ve healed from everything but that comment really affected me.

  • @vertika2n4
    @vertika2n4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    I always attract older men in my life due to the fact that my father was abusive. I act narcissistic majority of the time and pessimism has become a part of my personality. I am trying hard to deal with it because every man leaves me for my anger issues and egoistic personality. I tend to trust those old men and feel more secure when they're around me but the end is always very horrible. They all leave me and I get my heart broken. Dealing with heartbreaks itself is painful because of my daddy issues. I still don't understand how do I become a better person because childhood abuse does leave a scar forever.

  • @LM-ml2uc
    @LM-ml2uc 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    I’ve never found myself absent of anything. I just wish I could remove all the toxic things my father forced onto my life and continues to.

  • @annabrittell3732
    @annabrittell3732 3 ปีที่แล้ว +14

    I’m tired of the term being lobbed against women with attachment issues or used to minimize women’s mistreatment by men.

  • @perrydowd9285
    @perrydowd9285 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

    I took a while to get my head around the superego when it was cool to talk like you knew who Freud was.
    It's funny how much sense you make if you just explain it like this.

  • @Morgan720-l4y
    @Morgan720-l4y ปีที่แล้ว +3

    My dad was very young when I was born, (Dad: 23 / Mom: 20 at the time of birth) and I was being raised by kids. Mom was overworked and in college. Dad was out, up late, verbally and emotionally abusive to my mom and verbally, emotionally, and physically abusive to me. I remember one time he looked me in the face and said "I wish you were never my daughter." He used to constantly beat me and my brother for stupid things. But then he'd change his mood next time I saw him and be all nice. I'm not sure what to do, should I break it off? I'm just confused, I wish he loved me.

  • @SusieQ78
    @SusieQ78 3 ปีที่แล้ว +7

    “Emotional detective” ourselves… Eeek. Fortunately on this subject I had a very loving father that was more there for me than anyone. But applying this with other relationships. Thanks Kati :)

    • @Katimorton
      @Katimorton  3 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      So glad you had such a supportive and loving father :) But yes we can definitely apply this to other relationships as well. xoxo

  • @midnamars
    @midnamars 3 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    Thank you so much for this, I never thought about it being attachment issues, but it makes so much sense.

  • @airbus7373
    @airbus7373 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    The reason people talk about "daddy issues" as a red flag is because if someone can't trust the man closest to them in their life, how could they trust any other man? It's not about blaming women for their father's problems, but rather about connecting the dots between their trauma and how that will affect people further down the line. Where it does come down to the individual, however, is if the woman cannot appreciate the good qualities fathers have to offer. If they can't overlook that, they will probably not do the same for their boyfriend. Lastly, I cannot blame people for talking about daddy issues more when the effects of not having a father figure are extremely significant, and when they seem to be more prevalent in women then in men. When people call this sexism, it only further minimizes the term and it dehumanizes legitimate fathers in people's lives, so please stop using these one-word ad hominem attacks. People need to simply do their best to put their problems with their past family aside, and look at people for who they are. I'm saying this as a guy who has grown out of daddy issues, by the way.
    Finally, thank you Kati for talking about this and doing your best to help others get over it.

  • @fairenough7984
    @fairenough7984 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    There is an excellent documentary about the removal of older male Elephants in Africa and how, some years later, it resulted in the destruction of properties in villages and attacks on people by younger male elephants due to the juveniles not having the older males to learn from.
    The humans and elephants had coexisted rather harmoniously for a long time before the removal of the elders.
    Really fascinating correlation that I believe is seen in the prevalence of crime and troubled male youth and the broken, fatherless homes so prevalent in modern societies.

  • @indyd9322
    @indyd9322 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Yep, I didn't realize I had a pattern of overinvesting in emotionally unavailabe men until recently. My father was absent since childhood. I never really thought about the effect an absence has, but it makes sense now.

  • @untrendingtruth9682
    @untrendingtruth9682 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    So many children are confused sexually because of the type of father they witness(ed) or because of their absence. A lot of father’s are absent while in the home. Safe Father’s/Men are more important than we believe.

    • @hustler212
      @hustler212 2 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Wow, you just said what I wanted.

    • @untrendingtruth9682
      @untrendingtruth9682 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@hustler212 Amen 🙏🏿

  • @comfortable_east
    @comfortable_east ปีที่แล้ว

    Reading all this comments makes my heart ache. All of us people sharing our stories and pain that that will never see the light of day IRL.
    Best wishes to you all, I hope you become a better parent for your child one day and break the cycle.

  • @victoredgefield141
    @victoredgefield141 3 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    I never really had a father. Had a father-like friend who was kind, but didn't really understand me. So I basically was solo on the manhood thing lol. But I made it through ok. Hard, but made it. 😌

    • @sunshine9122
      @sunshine9122 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Happy to read that you made it, Victor!🙂

    • @victoredgefield141
      @victoredgefield141 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@sunshine9122 thanks 😊

  • @terriexu8044
    @terriexu8044 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    I was very close with my father, I'm a middle child and my mom's attention was always on my elder brother and youngest sister, so my father tend to give me more attention, he was a very strong figure for me, someone I heavily rely on. Then when I was 13, he got Alzheimer's, and he became very vulnerable, losing some of his ability as an adult, and I have to take care of him. It really felt like my great wall has collapsed, all these years I knew I have some attachment issue with my father, but I never really acknowledge it until last year he passed. And I'm suffering so much from this attachment issue right now, I try to date some guys, and it all failed horribly. I feel like some parts of me are broken.

    • @comfortable_east
      @comfortable_east ปีที่แล้ว +1

      That is very sad to know. May your father RIP and wish you a happier life.

  • @aimeekeyes8004
    @aimeekeyes8004 3 ปีที่แล้ว +34

    Hi Kati! I was wondering if you could possibly make a video about getting rid of sentimental objects. I will have to get rid of my deceased grandfather's car soon. It is hurting me very much and I don't know how to deal with it.
    I appreciate the videos! Thanks for helping us.🙂

    • @tetsusumu
      @tetsusumu 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Dont know if it'll help but it can help to take a picture of the object to be able to look at it whenever you want to and to get rid of the object. You can also do a little funeral for the object. I hope i didnt trigger you or anything in my response. Stay strong!

    • @aimeekeyes8004
      @aimeekeyes8004 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@tetsusumu That's a great idea. I didn't even think of this. Thank you ☺️ I'll definitely try this.

    • @tetsusumu
      @tetsusumu 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@aimeekeyes8004 You're welcome. I'm glad i could help!

    • @cherylmorton2883
      @cherylmorton2883 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      I would sIt in the car and have a talk with it and my grandpa..... and just say everything on my mind ... even non related issues .... yeah.... that what would make me feel better... you could try it if you want.

    • @gretchenburton7184
      @gretchenburton7184 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      Oh, I am living in a mobile home- inherited-tried to fix things-spent $ I should not have touched-all of her videos relate to everything I am experiencing.

  • @ladyesther
    @ladyesther ปีที่แล้ว +3

    I have come to dislike this term because to me it makes it seem that something is "wrong" with the child. The issue is that the Father was not there for the daughter and that makes her insecure.

  • @jenniferschwarzenberg1284
    @jenniferschwarzenberg1284 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    I've always admired my father because he always seemed to be the only family member who could think and stand on his own on the one hand, but on the other hand, I always hated the way I would see him talk to my mother most of the time. It's probably the #1 reason I could care less about marriage.

  • @MsK-pt4kc
    @MsK-pt4kc 3 ปีที่แล้ว +15

    It doesn't matter what year or what century we are in, the truth is what it is. Mothers and fathers both have a role in raising children and when one is absent or even present but not active, it can have harmful effects on children. Don't get me wrong, once the child is an adult, he/she needs to find ways to heal and move forward, to be accountable for his/her own actions and choices onward, otherwise they stifle themselves, becoming a perpetual victim never achieving success or true happiness. It could take years or even a lifetime before they take responsibility for their own actions and stop blaming their parents for their own an adequacies or mistakes in life.

    • @larag1764
      @larag1764 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Sadly not everyone has the insight required to overcome their pasts.

  • @YaDunno54
    @YaDunno54 ปีที่แล้ว

    Going on 3yrs with mine it’s the way they are. Ups and downs, hot n cold. Remember you will frustrate and exhaust yourself into the ground trying to change her, to be happy accept who they are. Quicker you understand that the better

  • @nataliafranca5203
    @nataliafranca5203 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    when you mentioned relationships patterns i was like 👀!!! I'm currently seeing a therapist and, slowly, talking about this. thank you, kati!

  • @compassionate.kindhearted.1266
    @compassionate.kindhearted.1266 3 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    NEXT WEEK IS FATHER'S DAY! SO, #RIP! DAD! 💔❤️‍🩹🥺😭

  • @itsmeaimster6698
    @itsmeaimster6698 5 หลายเดือนก่อน

    My dad wasn’t abusive to me but definitely had some neglectful behavior. He wasn’t affectionate or loving toward me at all. The things that were important to me (pompon squad, swing choir, etc) were not important to him. I feel like my mom made him go to my school events. So of course, when it came to boys, I only fell for the ones that didn’t want me. Shocker.

  • @Lotusbloom22
    @Lotusbloom22 2 ปีที่แล้ว

    Thanks for this. You don't have to apologise or explain after every tip. Like you don't have to say get to know your dad and then explain to make your audience's imagined discomfort easier. If people are still uncomfortable in this high school way of labelling things as weird, they aren't your audience.

  • @SJawaher
    @SJawaher 3 ปีที่แล้ว +17

    I love the video K as usual! I want to add that It's just maturity... Being with an older person saves you alot of headaches (mostly) if they are emotionally mature

    • @soilgrasswaterair
      @soilgrasswaterair 3 ปีที่แล้ว +12

      Emotionally mature people tend to not seek out a much younger partner! There is a reason why the younger partner tends to be far behind financially etc compared to the older partner. It’s not really a dynamic that forms from something healthy, both people tend to have a void they seek out in others instead of mending it from within.

    • @Katimorton
      @Katimorton  3 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      So glad you liked it!! And yes we do want to partner with someone who is on the same emotional maturity level.. which can mean they are older, but not always :) xoxo

  • @ElisaSarah
    @ElisaSarah 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    I am autistic and have been shamed, belittled and bullied by my father ever since I got the diagnose.
    So yeah, I have daddy issues(trauma)

  • @scenepunk09
    @scenepunk09 3 ปีที่แล้ว +11

    Does attachment style have any connection with being an introvert, extrovert or ambivert?

  • @KimberRose16
    @KimberRose16 2 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    Had a guy from my high school rotc who had the same job as my dad, was from the same place, and was basically like my dad if he’d figured out how to be a good parent. I couldn’t help but go to him and get really attached to him and he ended up being really good to me. Sadly, because of our relationship there was weird things thrown around like I had a crush on him, we were doing things, etc. That really put me off since it literally was just someone stepping up and being that kind of dad that I needed. Still think about it a lot

  • @neeshespieces
    @neeshespieces 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    My dad was weird. He was kinda mean. Did the basics but he enjoys hurting people. I got older and realized I don’t like him very much. Growing up he did the bare minimums.

  • @josiahpierce2906
    @josiahpierce2906 ปีที่แล้ว

    I’m here because I have a mother and four sisters who all have substance abuse and toxic relationships. I’m a stay at home father with my first child.. a 9 month girl. I want to help heal my family and also support my daughter so she doesn’t end up like that

  • @mariag4563
    @mariag4563 3 ปีที่แล้ว +20

    What if I never had a father? Nor brothers or any masculine figure.. I've always been in relationships with either narcissists or abusive partners. Would be awesome if you make a video on that

    • @bubblysunset4366
      @bubblysunset4366 2 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      You just obviously have no self respect. Nothing to discuss lmao

    • @damnedseason3002
      @damnedseason3002 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      @@bubblysunset4366how is that her fault when she has no male figures to look up to? 😂 you're embarrassing!

  • @sithisaksay6889
    @sithisaksay6889 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    Me thinking about the Lucifer show, how the problems he had and has faced usually stems from his issues with his Dad. And how he has grown emotionally through therapy and working with the detective.

  • @Jawskillaful
    @Jawskillaful 3 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    Great video Kati! I don't really have "daddy issues" so to say being that my dad was a fairly good dad and was always there for me throughout me growing up, however there were some things that he never taught me growing up that I am kind of having to learn and master myself. Being a male myeslf I am aware that fathers are the first male figures that we often try to emulate as children and that many of our behaviors are reflected from that of our fathers and based on observing other the behaviors of other guys, the relationship one has with other men in general is mirrors the relationship they had with their father. Pretty long comment but I just thought I'd share my thoughts on this.

  • @christiansgrandma6812
    @christiansgrandma6812 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    My father was absent after age 7and my mother had someone else raise me at the age of one. Mother and I have never had a close relationship. I have always felt as if I was her niece instead. It's sad to say my cousin who raised me was not very affectionate but more (in 1960s) a discplinary. Until recently I saw myself as a people pleaser. Now I am in the process of healing.

  • @mackfam9798
    @mackfam9798 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    i have had dad issues my whole life so this video was helpful, thanks

    • @Katimorton
      @Katimorton  3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Of course!! xoxo

  • @cestmagnifique7932
    @cestmagnifique7932 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Talking to a woman who had "mom issues" but a great relationship with her dad and went on to find a good husband and now after years completely leaving the drama with her mom, it made me wonder if me having had BOTH "mom AND dad issues" is the reason why I can't seem to get in a relationship and, as a matter of fact, all areas of my life seem to be screwed up...

  • @emma._sparkle5552
    @emma._sparkle5552 3 ปีที่แล้ว +14

    We gotta have a mommy issues video! Some of us got both 😭😂

  • @janetslater129
    @janetslater129 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Uh.....this all sounds great, and I DID try to get to know my father growing up, but it was his choice to not be supportive of me, my brother, and my mom, plain and simple. I eventually ended up having to tell myself "That's just how he is" to stop being hurt emotionally by him. Even with my mom, he absolutely hated the fact that she was getting a master's and doctorate degree, and never once said a "Congratulations" to her for any of her achievements.

  • @kimjong-un5632
    @kimjong-un5632 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    My GF grew up fatherless. It’s definitely impacted her. She suffers from alcoholism and really enjoys promiscuity. She needs help.

  • @nithyasreesathyanarayanan5611
    @nithyasreesathyanarayanan5611 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

    While I do have 'daddy issues' since I was always dissatisfied with how my dad did things around the house, as I got older, I did understand why dad had to do all those things that he did. But that doesn't mean the things he had did were right, they're still wrong. And he's changed a bit and even apologised when I left him from what could have become a big fight, so that's one thing that makes me feel a little better. Distance really helps with our relationship in my opinion.
    As for my taste in men, I don't find any men in real life attractive, because I often see them engaging in casual relationships with some ulterior motives (unlike my dad of course, he has his rules, but he loves me still even though he has bad anger issues). I can't just trust them so easily because my heart is fragile and I deserve only the healthiest people. I have only loved fictional characters who were kind, charming and very intelligent. I look up to them and they're very inspiring to me to become better myself. So I guess I'm not very toxic at all, I just have difficult standards to meet 😂

  • @cindychurch335
    @cindychurch335 ปีที่แล้ว

    I had an alcoholic father, who was basically just another body in the house who came home sometimes drunk and yelled and turned me into jello at the sight of him. I retreated to my room and tried to tune that part of my world out. I started pulling my hair out, which I later learned it had a name, Trichotillomania. It was never fully addressed just swept under the rug and was told to wear a cap to bed. My dad died at age 48 when I was 15. I had no emotion at all but became depressed because of the shame and anger, when people said but he was a good man. Well, to his daughter he was not.
    Fast forward years later, 2 failed marriages and relationship issues, I met an older man who healed some of my pain. He loved me unconditionally and accepted me for myself. I had never been nurtured or cared for by any man before. He broke down walls that I had built around myself. At the age of 58, I was finally able to be truly intimate and vulnerable with another person.
    I feel so sad that I didn’t receive the attention and mental treatment I needed when I was young. Maybe I could have avoided my relationship catastrophes and ruining our lives it makes me feel like I wasn’t worth the trouble.
    Also, I was told be another family member when I was young that my dad didn’t want another “girl”.
    I’ve always felt weak because I turned out this way. Like it was my fault. 😢

  • @CalicoCooperFan
    @CalicoCooperFan 3 ปีที่แล้ว +8

    Is this Kati's Father's Day special episode?

    • @Katimorton
      @Katimorton  3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      I know right?!?! I didn't even realize it until right now.. lol! Been working on this video idea for a few months.. but I guess good timing.. lol

  • @EmunahFL
    @EmunahFL 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    I have a cousin who judges women who date older men as having, "Daddy issues". When I asked, "Could it be that she's just mentally compatible with an older person? Perhaps she just wants a more mature mentality because she's tired of having only immature-minded options with little substance." She swore up and down that I was wrong, as though she was a leading expert on the topic.
    Mind you, at the time I was with someone 20 years my senior, and she knew this. Also at that point, we had already been together 15 years, so it wasn't some fling. I couldn't help but feel she was taking a dig at me. Knowing that she had cheated on her own spouse (she didn't know that I knew), who is also younger than she, I asked, "Well, that's really nothing to write home about, but cheating on the other hand? When someone cheats on their spouse, they have way more than just daddy issues. By the way, I'm curious what your opinion is of that, and women who marry younger. I think they're insecure narcissists, but what's your opinion?" She, of course, had no opinion on *that* topic. 😉

  • @Jayy41
    @Jayy41 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Thankyou for breaking down this