So her father cuts her off for being angry about him cheating on her mother with her mother's own sister. Then after a decade of ignoring his own daughter he expects her to help him when his chosen family wants to use him and abandons him? That's a big HELL NO!!!
@@BrettHarvey-u6c and do you blame her, hey honey guess who I was doing while your mother died, yeah dear sweet auntie, or do you want to call her mommy if my father was sleeping with my aunt while my mother was dying I would consider both of them dead to me
@@vaseline69 And don't forget, even after the death was not there for his own daughter, he was to busy getting busy. The man was more of a sperm donor, based on some of the details of the story and lack of interest eve before the mother was ill. And the grandparents and the 10+ year act, don't get me started. OP is better off without any of that lot, she is about to marry and start her own family, so she can leave the lot of them right where they belong......in the rear view mirror. I mean, none of the were really there for her before so why should she be there for them now. Good Luck i your life as a newlywed and a family YOU create for yourself.
@atlgeek926 true but living in a retirement home costs alot of money. You can get a crappy one under the va but that's more of a your on deaths door type situation. There are plenty of cheap apartments he can rent that would cost a fraction even paying utilities. Why are they forking out that much for what essentially would be the exact same paid back. No wonder they can't find any investors.
I would have said to my grandparents but it wasn't heartless for him to throw me in the streets. You were the ones that told me never to forgive him you know he's not trying to get a relationship with me he's trying to use me there's a big difference. He doesn't want a daughter now he wants a new atm. I already said then you take him in. No is a complete sentence I'm done. And at that point I would have turned on the TV and ignore them.
What ye sow, so shall ye reap!! This man abandons his child after they lose their wife/mother and then expects OP to welcome daddy dearest back like nothing happened... NOPE RIGHT OUT OF IT!!
What? Why would people who want money put someone in a retirement home? This whole story is just strange. She should say rehab facility. Why is the grandparents trying so hard for an ex son in law? She needs to block them all.
I think because they had spent a decade publicly slamming him and their daughter but secretly still having a relationship in secret that they were worried taking him in would expose their hypocrisy to the family
OP your grandparents are so wrong. You are a grown adult. Your father chose his new family over you. Let them look after him. The day he disown you it's the day you have zero responsibility to him. Your dad need a care giver now he's in his old age. RUN OP and don't look back.
Would your father have contacted you if he didn't want something from you? Was he interested in your life beyond how "well" you were doing? You know the answer.
After 10 years he contacted OP for help? Yeah nope. Karma is what you make it. How convenient for your aunt and cousin to use your dad as an ATM. After Getting rid of you OP.
The whole thing was a dog and pony show by the grandparents. Pretending to cut people off and then actually cutting their granddaughter off. It ain't even my story and I need therapy. They were totally fine with this man not talking to his own daughter for 10 years, even as they continued to have a relationship with him. And then out of the blue, demanded she help him and cut her off for refusing to do so Like, WTF???
@@smsff7 so they could still have a relationship with their daughter while being seen by others as upstanding moral people who didn't stand for their daughter bouncing on their terminally ill child's husband
I don't think your father treated you well ,and your aunt stepped into your mother shoes before she was actually dead I think his behaviour was disgusting and your aunt used your fathers grief to manipulate your father, did he believe you would accept the behaviour I think your aunt is as much a abuser as your father and she used your father for money and security and when he gets tossed aside he remembers he has another child you She took everything and destroyed your memories and your father was equally as disgusting I hope your father realises the hurt he caused you the grieving child he was having a affair before your mother died I would go to see him and remind him what hurt he caused to you ,I think your aunt didn't remember he was a parent to you I hope your aunt suffers a miserable old age, she has sucked him dry for money I believe he would not have contacted you if he didn't need you for money Tell your grandparents to take him in because it was you he threw away
Yeah, nope. Daddy dearest was expecting apologies from OP right up until the time he needed something from her. And I doubt he had the decency to apologise to her then. The grandparents either (I was never quite sure if they were OP's maternal or paternal ones). He, the aunt & her cousins belong together, all a bunch of users.
What confuses me the most about all of this. The dads step kids, Ops cousins were demanding money or else they wouldn't support him in his nursing home. If he could pay for it himself why would he need to give them money. It feels like there is a big disconnect here. I also bet the money op used that they said came from the grandparents. Actually came from the dad. It's always funny that these people who have affairs are always shocked pikachu face when people don't support them. The grandparents were probably telling op hateful things at the start to keep her away from aunt and cousins. Because if she knew the truth, then she would have cut them off sooner and exposed them to everyone.
I'm confused, the aunt and cousins are paying for him to be where he's at but he's supposed to pay for their venture? How does that work? Why are they paying for him if he has money?
I would insist the grandparents tell me why the sudden change in attitude. Then there is the whole "not hearing from him for 10 years" thing. He isn't trying to "fix their relationship". He's afraid of being on the street or something similar.
She’s being heartless for not helping someone who abandoned her when she needed him the most? Wtf is wrong with them? Old age don’t make you dumb or do it?🥴😮💨 Edit: THE DECEPTION‼️ I can’t believe her grands put on a show for 10 whole years knowing what they knew. Smh
I realize they are your grandparents but your father is the one who dumped you. You owe him nothing let your grandparents have the snake move in with them. Grow a spine.
I don't see why she was asking Reddit Aita. It doesn't get more clear cut than this. I do wish she'd have said if her grandparents were maternal or paternal. Just so I know how scummy they are. And how do the maternal grandparents feel that their daughter was cheating with her dying sister's husband. Yuk. What a bunch of skeevy people.
@@vaseline69 Oh yeah. I'd make sure the father, the aunt and the cousins were all on blast over everything. And record all future interactions. I think you are right about it being the maternal grandparents. Because the aunt had confessed to them while the dying mother still lived. Which seems more likely she'd do it if they were her own parents.
Maternal…OP said they said it would be weird for them to take him since what he did to their deceased daughter, cheating on her with their other daughter. They can’t bring themselves to help him but expect OP to do what they aren’t willing to do…double standards!
@@stirrednotshaken4823 I think it is more than that, as they were in contact with him for the entire decade while encouraging OP to not contact him, I think they are worried that that will be revealed if they take him in, that is why if I were OP I would send her fathers message to all family and friends
Maternal, and of course the aunt is the golden child, so they see nothing wrong in her sleeping with the scapegoat's husband while the scapegoat is dying.
OP, noone has the right to tell you how to feel and that includes your grandparents, especially after what they have advised you to do in the past. They do have a motive here, though. If they are your father's parents, and I assume they are, if you do not take over care of your errant father, they may feel that they have to. Choices have consequences and your father did back the wrong horse when he cheated on your sick mother as soon as he knew she was sick. You do not owe him anything and he has shown that he has a bad moral character. He does not even check up on how you are for ten years then contacts you with his hand out for money. As his parents are there to look after him, I suggest you get on with your own plans and stop worrying about him. There are some suspicious claims he is making, such as your cousins being able to access and take his money while he is still in charge of a business. I suggest your father is trying to scam you. Do not take him in or be taken in by him.
why would he have to move in with her and then start looking into finding an appartment to move into? He can look while he is in the retirement home. He can't even be that old, seeing that OP is max 30... This story does not make sense.
"I can't help him because he's been dead for 10 years! What you're asking is simply not possible. I can't help him in the same way I can't help mum, because they are both dead. What you're asking makes absolutely no sense at all." And continue gaslighting grandparents in this way until they leave! But they've gone as well, now, so she can insist that all of her family: grandparents, dad, aunt and mom are all literally dead, and have left this mortal coil.
Test tube babies all the way. There is no need to form an emotional bond with anyone at all. She should really not even consider getting married or starting a family. Someone may decide to hurt her in the future. Poor baby.
Nah can’t figure out why the grandparents are pushing for reconciliation. They don’t want or can’t deal with him. Probably age related, can’t deal with the stress.
Planning on getting married in the next few years, we plan on getting married next year. Grow up. So what he went looking for support and love and it happened to be your aunt. Life’s to short. Choose your battles.
They are all shoddy people imo. But still I can’t imagine cutting off my entire family in order to hold a grudge for my dead mother who never even knew to be hurt. I don’t understand this recent mentality of just disowning and cutting off your family instead of working to make it better.
The father sold their family home and pretty much told her kick rocks. I think she is just protecting herself now. When people treat you bad once don't give them a second chance to repeat that mistake.
@@luluray3158 - I said they all suck - but from dads pov it was his home to sell now wasn’t it? She was an adult living at college. He can technically date who he wants. At the heart of this story we have a child grieving the loss of their mother and using that grief to hold a personal vendetta on the dead’s behalf. If you can’t forgive the flaws of your family who can you be forgiving towards ?
@@daisyfaye3630 he was cheating on his dying wife with her sister!!!!! his cancer stricken wife the mother of his child, the woman who he said "till death us do part" to
Dad and aunt did and yet did not betray her mother. They fell into an unexpected relationship, but provided for the mother the entire time. Not condoning this, but it could have been far worse. Dad lying is the biggest problem. The stuff later, well, OP's behavior was over the top. Banned? The title doesn't mention it was due to OP's behavior. Jealous survivor.
So her father cuts her off for being angry about him cheating on her mother with her mother's own sister. Then after a decade of ignoring his own daughter he expects her to help him when his chosen family wants to use him and abandons him? That's a big HELL NO!!!
Amen to that.
Read/listen to the beginning. SHE is the one who started the no contact. She went off on her family, dad and aunt,and cousins.
@@BrettHarvey-u6c and do you blame her, hey honey guess who I was doing while your mother died, yeah dear sweet auntie, or do you want to call her mommy
if my father was sleeping with my aunt while my mother was dying I would consider both of them dead to me
@@vaseline69 And don't forget, even after the death was not there for his own daughter, he was to busy getting busy. The man was more of a sperm donor, based on some of the details of the story and lack of interest eve before the mother was ill. And the grandparents and the 10+ year act, don't get me started. OP is better off without any of that lot, she is about to marry and start her own family, so she can leave the lot of them right where they belong......in the rear view mirror. I mean, none of the were really there for her before so why should she be there for them now. Good Luck i your life as a newlywed and a family YOU create for yourself.
@@paulanewhook4460 👍 Exactly!
OPs father wasn't looking for a place to stay, he was looking for someone to look after him
The grandparents just don't want to accept dad on their sofa. Lol
Thats not how retirement homes work, at all. If they had money to put him a retirement home, they had money to fund their "buisness".
Yes they had money but didn't want to use their own money.
They do not have enough confidence to use their own money. They know it will be lost so they are using someone’s else’s money
@atlgeek926 true but living in a retirement home costs alot of money. You can get a crappy one under the va but that's more of a your on deaths door type situation. There are plenty of cheap apartments he can rent that would cost a fraction even paying utilities. Why are they forking out that much for what essentially would be the exact same paid back. No wonder they can't find any investors.
Retirement homes start $3,000+ per month. Very expensive
@CaToRi- depends where you live and what kind of room you want and how long they are expected to be there. Either way that's more than an apartment.
The problem with pressuring someone to bury the hatchet is that they may decide to bury it in your back.
Dad: Help me….
OP: Alright! Give me 10 years to think about it.
Sperm donor does NOT deserve any consideration. OP walk away, the only thing your donor deserves is contempt. May your mother rest peacefully. ❤
I would have said to my grandparents but it wasn't heartless for him to throw me in the streets. You were the ones that told me never to forgive him you know he's not trying to get a relationship with me he's trying to use me there's a big difference. He doesn't want a daughter now he wants a new atm. I already said then you take him in. No is a complete sentence I'm done. And at that point I would have turned on the TV and ignore them.
It still did not explain why they refused to take him in.
"Please make amends with your father... or we'll be lumbered with him".
What ye sow, so shall ye reap!! This man abandons his child after they lose their wife/mother and then expects OP to welcome daddy dearest back like nothing happened... NOPE RIGHT OUT OF IT!!
Dad has enough money to invest in a venture but not enough to pay for his retirement home accommodations,?? Help me understand this.
The ex's kids THOUGHT he had enough money. Whether he did or not is not clear. They wanted to suck him dry then toss him away.
What? Why would people who want money put someone in a retirement home? This whole story is just strange. She should say rehab facility. Why is the grandparents trying so hard for an ex son in law? She needs to block them all.
I think because they had spent a decade publicly slamming him and their daughter but secretly still having a relationship in secret that they were worried taking him in would expose their hypocrisy to the family
OP your grandparents are so wrong. You are a grown adult. Your father chose his new family over you. Let them look after him. The day he disown you it's the day you have zero responsibility to him. Your dad need a care giver now he's in his old age. RUN OP and don't look back.
Would your father have contacted you if he didn't want something from you? Was he interested in your life beyond how "well" you were doing? You know the answer.
HAHA, Dad picked the wrong horse to bet on
He's got a company, it's got offices, so he could stay there or do you have residential hotels there?
After 10 years he contacted OP for help? Yeah nope. Karma is what you make it. How convenient for your aunt and cousin to use your dad as an ATM. After Getting rid of you OP.
Why did your dad sell the house? Why didn't he just rent it out. Then he'd at least have some passive income
Because as the rest of the post prove his an idiot with out an inch of forethought.
Well I'm sure the three leeches wanted the cash from the sale right away, not some small payments every month.
There must be a social safety network where you're from. If the company is doing that badly, he should sell it
The whole thing was a dog and pony show by the grandparents. Pretending to cut people off and then actually cutting their granddaughter off. It ain't even my story and I need therapy. They were totally fine with this man not talking to his own daughter for 10 years, even as they continued to have a relationship with him. And then out of the blue, demanded she help him and cut her off for refusing to do so Like, WTF???
You can see where the sister got her morals from.
I don't get the point of that. Why go through that lie? It was pointless.
@@smsff7 so they could still have a relationship with their daughter while being seen by others as upstanding moral people who didn't stand for their daughter bouncing on their terminally ill child's husband
He moved on as soon as he heard his wife had terminal illness
From the sound of it, he was already screwing the sister. I wonder if her kids are really her ex's.
I would have told dad that it sounds like a you problem and then block his number
He can go live with his parents. If they feel bad for their son allow your son to come into your home.
I’d send all that proof to the rest of the family
I don't think your father treated you well ,and your aunt stepped into your mother shoes before she was actually dead I think his behaviour was disgusting and your aunt used your fathers grief to manipulate your father, did he believe you would accept the behaviour
I think your aunt is as much a abuser as your father and she used your father for money and security and when he gets tossed aside he remembers he has another child you
She took everything and destroyed your memories and your father was equally as disgusting I hope your father realises the hurt he caused you the grieving child he was having a affair before your mother died I would go to see him and remind him what hurt he caused to you ,I think your aunt didn't remember he was a parent to you
I hope your aunt suffers a miserable old age, she has sucked him dry for money I believe he would not have contacted you if he didn't need you for money
Tell your grandparents to take him in because it was you he threw away
give it 6 months and the aunts house will be on the market to fund the "children", narcissists who raise narcissists rarely get a happy ever after
Yeah, nope. Daddy dearest was expecting apologies from OP right up until the time he needed something from her. And I doubt he had the decency to apologise to her then. The grandparents either (I was never quite sure if they were OP's maternal or paternal ones). He, the aunt & her cousins belong together, all a bunch of users.
Except op and her fiance , everyone sucks 🤦🏻♀️
I noticed how the grandparents were talking about the POS dad was trying to make things right. That never happened, he just wanted money.
What confuses me the most about all of this. The dads step kids, Ops cousins were demanding money or else they wouldn't support him in his nursing home. If he could pay for it himself why would he need to give them money. It feels like there is a big disconnect here.
I also bet the money op used that they said came from the grandparents. Actually came from the dad. It's always funny that these people who have affairs are always shocked pikachu face when people don't support them. The grandparents were probably telling op hateful things at the start to keep her away from aunt and cousins. Because if she knew the truth, then she would have cut them off sooner and exposed them to everyone.
He was cheating with the mother sister before she died.
See if your mother left inherited for you and make sure he can't touch it
I'm confused, the aunt and cousins are paying for him to be where he's at but he's supposed to pay for their venture? How does that work? Why are they paying for him if he has money?
I would insist the grandparents tell me why the sudden change in attitude. Then there is the whole "not hearing from him for 10 years" thing. He isn't trying to "fix their relationship". He's afraid of being on the street or something similar.
They're just trying to pass the buck to OP.
What happened to your fathers family?
This nothing more than a good karma story.
She’s being heartless for not helping someone who abandoned her when she needed him the most? Wtf is wrong with them? Old age don’t make you dumb or do it?🥴😮💨
Edit: THE DECEPTION‼️ I can’t believe her grands put on a show for 10 whole years knowing what they knew. Smh
I realize they are your grandparents but your father is the one who dumped you. You owe him nothing let your grandparents have the snake move in with them. Grow a spine.
I don't see why she was asking Reddit Aita. It doesn't get more clear cut than this.
I do wish she'd have said if her grandparents were maternal or paternal. Just so I know how scummy they are. And how do the maternal grandparents feel that their daughter was cheating with her dying sister's husband.
Yuk. What a bunch of skeevy people.
I think they were maternal, I would send the fathers message to all the family and expose the grandparents
@@vaseline69 Oh yeah. I'd make sure the father, the aunt and the cousins were all on blast over everything. And record all future interactions.
I think you are right about it being the maternal grandparents. Because the aunt had confessed to them while the dying mother still lived. Which seems more likely she'd do it if they were her own parents.
Maternal…OP said they said it would be weird for them to take him since what he did to their deceased daughter, cheating on her with their other daughter. They can’t bring themselves to help him but expect OP to do what they aren’t willing to do…double standards!
@@stirrednotshaken4823 I think it is more than that, as they were in contact with him for the entire decade while encouraging OP to not contact him, I think they are worried that that will be revealed if they take him in, that is why if I were OP I would send her fathers message to all family and friends
Maternal, and of course the aunt is the golden child, so they see nothing wrong in her sleeping with the scapegoat's husband while the scapegoat is dying.
OP, noone has the right to tell you how to feel and that includes your grandparents, especially after what they have advised you to do in the past. They do have a motive here, though. If they are your father's parents, and I assume they are, if you do not take over care of your errant father, they may feel that they have to. Choices have consequences and your father did back the wrong horse when he cheated on your sick mother as soon as he knew she was sick. You do not owe him anything and he has shown that he has a bad moral character. He does not even check up on how you are for ten years then contacts you with his hand out for money. As his parents are there to look after him, I suggest you get on with your own plans and stop worrying about him. There are some suspicious claims he is making, such as your cousins being able to access and take his money while he is still in charge of a business. I suggest your father is trying to scam you. Do not take him in or be taken in by him.
why would he have to move in with her and then start looking into finding an appartment to move into? He can look while he is in the retirement home. He can't even be that old, seeing that OP is max 30... This story does not make sense.
"I can't help him because he's been dead for 10 years! What you're asking is simply not possible. I can't help him in the same way I can't help mum, because they are both dead. What you're asking makes absolutely no sense at all."
And continue gaslighting grandparents in this way until they leave! But they've gone as well, now, so she can insist that all of her family: grandparents, dad, aunt and mom are all literally dead, and have left this mortal coil.
18:54 my thoughts exactly!!
Just put a down payment on a apartment for dear ole dad and vanish
I'd fed ex a cardboard box to the retirement home with a note saying "sorted you a place to live daddy" but I'm petty as fk
@@vaseline69 You're both are way to kind. All that needs to be sent is a blanket for him to sleep in.
Test tube babies all the way. There is no need to form an emotional bond with anyone at all. She should really not even consider getting married or starting a family. Someone may decide to hurt her in the future. Poor baby.
Nah can’t figure out why the grandparents are pushing for reconciliation. They don’t want or can’t deal with him. Probably age related, can’t deal with the stress.
I wish people would tell us what country they’re in.
Planning on getting married in the next few years, we plan on getting married next year.
Grow up. So what he went looking for support and love and it happened to be your aunt. Life’s to short. Choose your battles.
while his wife was dying of cancer, he didn't take up with the sister after his wife died, she was alive when they were together
They are all shoddy people imo. But still I can’t imagine cutting off my entire family in order to hold a grudge for my dead mother who never even knew to be hurt.
I don’t understand this recent mentality of just disowning and cutting off your family instead of working to make it better.
The father sold their family home and pretty much told her kick rocks. I think she is just protecting herself now. When people treat you bad once don't give them a second chance to repeat that mistake.
@@luluray3158 exactly, OP isn't choosing to go NC, they are simply not choosing to reestablish contact
@@luluray3158 - I said they all suck - but from dads pov it was his home to sell now wasn’t it? She was an adult living at college. He can technically date who he wants. At the heart of this story we have a child grieving the loss of their mother and using that grief to hold a personal vendetta on the dead’s behalf.
If you can’t forgive the flaws of your family who can you be forgiving towards ?
@@daisyfaye3630 he was cheating on his dying wife with her sister!!!!! his cancer stricken wife the mother of his child, the woman who he said "till death us do part" to
@@vaseline69 - and she died not having any idea…. that’s not a fight for her kid then to take up arms for…
Dad and aunt did and yet did not betray her mother. They fell into an unexpected relationship, but provided for the mother the entire time. Not condoning this, but it could have been far worse. Dad lying is the biggest problem. The stuff later, well, OP's behavior was over the top. Banned? The title doesn't mention it was due to OP's behavior. Jealous survivor.
exactly how did they not betray the mother, they were seeing each other when the mother was still alive, her father broke his marriage vows
You must be a cheater too.