The Impact of Early Emotional Neglect
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 19 มิ.ย. 2024
- A lot of our adult problems come down to varieties of emotional neglect suffered in childhood. In this film, we look at one of the most famous experiments in the history of psychology, The Still Face Experiment, devised by Professor Ed Tronick - which gives us an insight into the vulnerability of, and need for love in young children.
Enjoying our TH-cam videos? Get full access to all our audio content, videos, and thousands of thought-provoking articles, conversation cards and more with The School of Life Subscription: t.ly/0J_iR
Be more mindful, present and inspired. Get the best of The School of Life delivered straight to your inbox: t.ly/5ow_g
The School of Life runs a global online psychotherapy service that assists clients from over 40 countries. To find out more and book a session today, please visit our website: t.ly/xP3EL
FURTHER READING
“Many of us are wandering the world bearing a lot of emotional damage. We may be depressed, anxious or very difficult around sex and relationships. We might in certain moods ask ourselves where the difficulties came from.
It’s a continually weird, provocative and yet - in The School of Life’s view - extremely accurate answer that the damage comes, almost always, from childhood, especially early childhood.”
You can read more on this and other subjects here: bit.ly/2LvbX1a
MORE SCHOOL OF LIFE
Watch more films on SELF in our playlist:
bit.ly/TSOLself
SOCIAL MEDIA
Feel free to follow us at the links below:
Facebook: / theschooloflifelondon
X: / theschooloflife
Instagram: / theschooloflifelondon
CREDITS
Produced in collaboration with:
Matt Knott
www.curtisbrown.co.uk/client/...
#TheSchoolOfLife #Psychology #Love
I feel like I am serving a life sentence for a crime I didn't commit.
I feel exactly the same. 😒😞 Do you wanna keep in touch? 💘☺🇸🇪☺💘
@@lolabandola3250 I would definitely like to keep in touch. It's hard to find people who understand. It's good knowing we are not alone. I'd like to hear your story.
@@bill9923 Hi! I have found a nice chatroom, Spinchat. I did registrer there some weeks ago. Please tell me your nickname.
Or: send me an email to
csunbeam95@gmail.com
See you soon!
@@bill9923 Hello. ☺ How are you? 🌷🇸🇪
Same 💔
If people think kids under 5 won’t remember things, they’re wrong...
I remember nothing.
Demi S16 that's actually true...... i remember some things that happened when i was just 2 and a half year old
Demi S16 everything is set by the time a child is 5.
I dont think a person need to remember it to have effect on the person. It can still be stored in the subconscious.
I remember getting a deep scissor injury at 4... it wasn't a traumatic event or anything but the injury is hard to forget
I have always hated when people have complimented me on my good manners or thoughtfulness saying, “your parents raised you well”. No. No they didn’t. God helped me raise myself, I just lived at my mother’s house.
I can absolutely relate.
Exactly dude
No shit!! Me too!! Statistically speaking, I should've wound up in and out of jail or prison or have become a serial killer. I detest the Nature v. Nurture argument in that I have (during my life) chosen
to be a good person and to break the cycle of abuse that has been in my family for generations.
An orphan in your own family.
I was abused into politeness. I know a lot of people who were. Now I'm great at customer service cuz thats what my whole childhood was if I didn't want to face severe repercussions. I HATE customer service so much and it's been my job for 10 years. Without it I would die in the street.
When parents neglected you so much that you get scared, angry and defensive when they show you any affection.
This is too accurate 💔
Omg why this is literally me
Tell me about it
I'm like that with my mom, she tried to hug me once when I was seeing her and I threatened to scream that's how mad I was about it
@@snakes3280 I'm sorry things are like that at home for u! My parents especially my mother were verbally and emotionally abusive And to make matters worse she was a child psychiatrist, so she was great at covering it up to authority's and my counselors. I also learned that she was also a very narcissistic and she actually got me addicted to controlled medicine like pain meds at 13. I'm getting healthy now but A lot of things happened in between until I got help.
I do hope It gets better for you and anyone else that's experiencing neglect and any sort of abuse. We didn't deserve what happened to us, no child ever deserves to be abused!😔
One of the reasons I never had children, I don't want to continue the cycle of dysfunction and unhappiness. It all ends with me.
Veronica C. Yes! Kids aren't for everyone anyway. They're not for me so I didn't have them. My dumb ass parents didn't need kids either.
Veronica C. You’re smart. You’re doing what’s best for you and your would-be offspring. It’s just that simple. Don’t bring people into this world you can’t provide adequate care for. But people are selfish and stupid and act on that pesky biological impulse to bear children when they really shouldn’t.
They neglect/mistreat their own kids after being subjected to similar treatment during their childhood and the cycle continues.
But at least you’re competent and compassionate enough to recognize that kids are something you can’t handle. Maybe, paradoxically, it’s those who are aware of their own flaws which impede the child-rearing process that should be having kids rather than those who are neglectful but can’t see/or care enough to be a good parent.
As others stated, kudos to you for resisting the urge to have a child. Having babies won’t make your life happier than you are already. Many make that mistake with sad consequences.
Im with you. At 21 i still vowl to never bring children into the world. My emotional damage will not allow me to handle that responsibility. I'm not selfish for not wanting kids, it would infact be selfish to have kids be raised by a mentally ill neglected person like myself. Why put that negative energy on an innocent life?
That's the most absurd thing I ever heard.
I don't want to be mean, but seriously, you think you're helping? You think you're doing any good by not having children?
No that's just lazy, and while you might have more easy pleasure, your life will lack fulfilment.
Get married, have children, and simply love them. That's all it takes. Don't put them in daycare, don't hand them over to a nanny, be there for them, teach them, raise them-- not only will you help raise a generation of healthy, content children, but you'll die leaving behind a legacy and surrounded by the fruits of your labor-- children.
I'm angry, when people tell others "Oh, c'mon, it's so long ago, you are now adult, you are responsible for your own life, you can't say, your failure in life is because of this, you are old enough now to come over it!" It is like telling somebody who has lost his legs 20 years ago: "Oh, c'mon, this accident happend 20 years ago and you still sit in your wheelchair. You really should be over it now and walk again!"
OMG I HATE when someone tells me to leave the past in the past!! Get on with it!! Put on your big-girl-pants!! It is demeaning & very insensitive to minimize someone else's pain regardless of a time frame....I love your illustration...I am learning who I can confide in & who can't be there for me because they have their own baggage and they do not want to listen to mine because it will trigger theirs and they do not want to face it. So they will say whatever it takes to make me shut your mouth and stop talking to them about it.
I have found through much trial & error that it's very important to only confide in those you can trust enough to care because otherwise it ends up re-victimizing you. It takes a lot of courage to dig down deep & unearth past hurts & face them head on...it is the only way to recover to lead a fuller, healthier, & happier life.
Whether you reveal the memory or it sits just beneath the surface festering, It is STILL there and it WILL come out one way or another...I choose to gain some control over how it comes out...through my talking it out cause if I don't talk it out I WILL act it out in some self-destructive way and I'm tired of acting it out because that just creates further issues down the road...talking it out facilitates healing & strength & growth!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Absolutely! Whoever says that must be one of those shithead parents who don’t give a damn to their child and expect their children to behave!
That's a great way to describe it... you don't just go from crippled to walking when you are emotionally BROKEN and have never had a single person in your life that you could actually trust
Hypersomnie thank you so much for pointing this out,i struggle with this everyday,people telling me your dad neglected you 22yrs back just move on!You what’s sad,it hurts like it was yesterday!
Exactly. How dare they.
I started crying when the baby reacted to the still face because it made me realize that I experience that my entire life and even a small baby can feel that pain
Same
The baby also gives up crying eventually,a switch flicks in the brain,damaged for life
@@laptakyrenia8264 that actually happened to me, i was so emmotionally detached that as a 9 month old i broke my neck for staring too long at the window, watching the other kids play. outside.
reading this comment as i watched that part of the video felt like the hardest punch in the gut...i'm accepting the emotion though, as part of the healing process, & i'm so proud i'm even at a point where i'm not bottling that feeling up anymore after the emotional neglect of my childhood
I been through things worse than that in childhood, including my family used the fact that I was assaulted to threaten against me. But it doesn’t matter anymore, last time I took a walk with them, I walk my head down, there was a middle eastern riding a bike passing by, looked at me with a face full of envy, looked me, didn’t look her, hah!
I’m the person who knows both the y language Korean English and wannabe Chinese person, they deal with the jabjobg every day, envy, right, it looks blue and I’m still the Korean god, what’s better than that! These days I just feel the beauty in everything, a fallen twig can be the most beautiful thing ever, as I typed this, beautiful light is coming into my room, everything feels life heaven and that was what gave have me
This is only going to get worse as the still face is equivalent to the “looking at your phone” face I see in so many parents as their children desperately try to get their attention. It’s the new neglect.
This! So true.
But wouldn’t the same be true of our face when reading a book? I agree it is important to be as responsive to our children as possible, but parents can’t be expected to give 100% of their attention, every minute of the day
@@kennethjoneificationMaybe help the child under what reading a book is.
@@kennethjoneificationYes, but if I remember correctly, it is a lot harder to break a persons concentration when they are looking at a phone (especially when they have headphones in) then when they are looking at a book. Also consider the situations: parents looking at their phones during mealtimes for example, almost nobody would whip out a book while eating with family. In addition: the modeling of reading books around your children while they are playing by themselves is important.
Top comment
unfortunately most people like the act of making children way more than raising them
They are like cute puppies that end up living on a chain in the backyard. This analogy works well with animal lovers.
OfftoShambala Smart analogy
Dionne thanks dionne
@@OfftoShambala Sad reality....
😢
Some parents have a lot to answer for! They don`t show their kids love, but expect them to be loyal to them.
Exactly, my parents were so cold and negative i have mental problems my whole life because of them.
I have probs with defensive anger and boundary between myself and others, but working on it and getting better. My biggest victory is that I do not feel sorry for myself. I am not a victim.
catherine birch yes but we need to work on those if the parents are willing and able. Holding onto that hate or resentment doesn’t do anyone any good
Usually the same thing happened to the parents, too. It's like an epigenetic illness, passed down the generations. If this happened to you, seek help before you raise kids!
Oh hell yeah, this was my mother!
My dad just found all of this out and realized for the first time that my anxiety and depression and fear of being touched and anorexia isn't just because I'm like that. And for the first time, he said two words I thought I would never hear:
"I'm sorry"
😭😭😭😭😭 That's a start....
I am thankful he opened his eyes and his mouth. Thank you for sharing. How are you doing now?
Awareness is the first step for self improvement! Did he change his ways? Is he trying to be better now? How are you doing?
That makes three bb
Hope you can respond to him with love and that you find ways to chat together, not always about his mistakes but just about life and love and the whole darn thing.
Anyone find the “still face” test hard to watch.
As a mom the moms blinking kills me because I know she’s having such a hard time herself
I did 😢
Made my stomach churn (and yes, I’m a mom lol)
I just wanted that poor baby to get a response!
Yes it actually made me cry. So upsetting-and I'm a mom too.
It really sucks that something you have absolutely no control over can mess you up for the rest of your life 😢
I hear ya. I suffer everyday
And is there any way to fix it?
We are special puppets who can learn to pull our own strings.
You can always heal people, you can.
I felt that way for 40+ years...It dawned on me ironically after a break up..I do deserve peace in my life..My parents screwed me up..SO GUESS WHAT... I'M NOT GOING TO HELP THEM...Im going to fight like hell for my peace..I have earned it..I refuse to continue letting the past dominate my joy..A person can fall down to no fault of their own..But dammit You swing harder coming back up..Take your joy back it belongs to you..GO GET IT!
I wish I could go back in time and raise myself
Edit:
Usually when I feel irritated or annoyed or something else for no particular reason, I ask myself what does little me want right now. Identifying the emotions I’m going through and then coming with solutions that the inner child will accept.
What I usually do are simple things a child would like:
- positive affirmations (I always try to COMPLIMENT myself, something your brain will accept and believe. If you tell yourself how smart you are and you’ve been calling yourself stupid all your life, your mind will protest and you’ll quickly give up. Start with easy believable affirmations.
-walks in the park, or walks in the city, any place where I used to love to go as a child
- treating myself ( buy myself something that I was often denied as a child)
- eat my favorite food, snacks, order food from favorite places
-take care of my appearance, that is also a form of nurturing yourself. Have your nails done, visit a hair salon, get yourself a relaxing massage! This one’s is amazing! :)
- practice my hobbies, this one is important. Sometimes as children we were emotionally and mentally so abused we grow up not knowing what we want or what we like.
I always loved singing and writing so that’s what I often do. It’s my escape from reality.
You can try a dancing class, painting, learn how to cook, practice a sport, read books, etc...
Figure out what your hobbies are!
Most important, give yourself the kindness you never received as a child. Our inner child needs it ❤️
Lol
That's a really great thought actually💫
I think most people feel their childhood was lacking to some degree. There are videos on YT explaining how to “re-parent” yourself. Sounds kinda ~out there~ but if it helps you see your life differently...
Same
I. P. S. Awwwww😢
When I wasn’t being neglected, rotten teeth, broken bed, no winter gloves or boots, I was being humiliated or shamed. I remember vividly as a 4 year old having an accident in my pants. My mother then bagged up my underwear in a plastic bag and made me carry it around all day while pointing out to everyone what I did.
35 years later It still hurts me to the core
OMG. I am so sorry.
Do the same thing when she is old and unable to change her own diaper
Jk jk
@@Beanssss_ terrible advice from a wretched spiteful prick
You DON’T return evil for evil when it comes to your parents who may have been mentally sick themselves when they inflicted their evil on you
It’s not gonna make you feel good or improve the situation in any way
It’s NOT gonna be a redemption like when you beat up 1 of your school bullies later in life
Being bad to your bad family members is just gonna deepen the misery and poison
Forgiveness is about you and your healing, NOT about the bad family members
You’re a terrible advicer
Your mother was a sick person unfit to have children like many are unfortunately.
Pls see her as a patient in a hospital ward, don’t take her to account for it, but work towards healing yourself and be an example for your family………BEST LUCK
That’s terrible I’m sorry you had to go through that.
I never remember my mom hugging me when I was growing up.
I'm 22 and have only hugged my mum probably 5 or less times in my life. She doesn't like hugs
Same here. I don't remember ever being hugged as a kid, and my siblings neither do. It fucked us all up big time.
....same here... And all I ever wanted was that 😭😭😭😭😭
My mom doesn't do hugs
@@Strgzz Ditto. No hugs, no sitting on lap, being "smooshed" and being told I was loved. Same for my siblings. Cold.. Messed me up for sure. Struggling with depression and anxiety all my life. It's like I was missing a nutrition that I badly needed. You could say I lack some important building blocks. I didn't know it at that time, but what I didn't get through motherly love I replaced elsewhere; in food and sweets. I used to sneak food up to my room all the time as a kid. I still suffer from this effect to this day as an adult. Some people just doesn't know how to give or show love to their kids. It's really sad when you think about it.
As a teenager, I remember being jealous of my friends because their relationships with their mothers were good, as if they were friends. I wanted that too.
Same!! Still wishing the same..
💯
@Willy Wonka > Mine too, thus, the reason I could not have a decent relationship with my Mom.
Same
Same here I had everything financially but emotionally I got nothing
True. It’s easier to build strong children than to repair broken adults.
For some they don't understand how to build string children.
@@krystalrussell1783 Exactly! My parents tried to make me 'strong' in all the wrong ways - being VERY critical so I'd learn, not giving me things to avoid being spoilt - but it was all to the very extreme. I remember clearly at 6 that I wanted to be a pretty princess and buy a Disney Princess dress. My Mum said "No cause you aren't a princess and we don't want you getting big headed thinking you're nicer than you are" I was never given the affirmation or warmth I needed. Anything they did was negative, an insult or an order. And now they wonder why I'm so distant 🥴
A broken adult simply needs an ass whooping and to get their shit together , because no one's going to help them when they're old and they'll realize that one day so they'll change themselves or suffer
John 3:16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life
@David Ramirez Profound, to straight to the point, and undeniably true! 👍
My father was the parent with the still face. Always, ever since I can remember. He never showed any interest in me. He was always in a bad mood, never showed enjoyment when he had to interact with me, just impatience or annoyance. I remember being envious of my friends who had fathers who actually played or talked with them, who enjoyed their child's presence and joked with them. Now I know that my father was in a very difficult place himself back then but the self-hatred is now ingrained deep inside. I always felt something is inherently wrong with me and that I don't belong in this world, that I don't deserve to be seen or loved and must hide my ugly self so no one will notice. I always feel like a burden and inconvenience to others just for existing. It's so damn difficult to make myself believe I deserve a place in this world.
You belong.
These are feelings that were introjected theyre not the true you and what you really think and how you feel
You’re just conditioned to feel this way I was the same hope you feel better soon 💖
You're not alone. I feel the same way and so do many others on here. Perfectly normal reaction to abnormal circumstances.
Exactly the same here...
I'm there for you. This is hard. Life isn't fair that's all I have learned so far.
I’m pregnant with my first baby and I’m so happy. I’m already talking to her in the womb. I am excited to help her navigate through the world by giving her love attention and positive affirmations ❤️!
That is beautiful! I wish you love and light! Congrats!!
According to some monsters, that's just a clump of cells.
@@sorgothsorgoth3575 Well, It Is.
@@medusachristo4234 you clearly suffer from childhood emotional neglect and it shows
@@eminem2996 We all was a clump of cells. I don't know why you mad about that
It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.
Wow thankyou for so many 'thumbs up'. However☺️ this quote is not by me. I do not know who has said it.
Do you know who originally said that?
EXACTLY
Dr Khan worlds full of em
Dr Khan if you find a broken man ruuunnn !!!!!!
Lynn .D exactly, because it is always good to run away from people who are broken when in reality, all are broken
For those out there who are feeling neglected, here is a *virtual hug!*
Thank you
Aww thank you. Here`s one back.
olenna natsu are you stupid I are black
Here's one back x
Michael Jay - Value Investing funny how some of us reject that huge...
The amount of care a baby needs makes me question if I am ever going to be ready for a child.
you will when it happens trust me i just had my first child and because you are aware it will come naturally.
A hundred million years of evolution, of life forms who fought constant danger and succeeded to reproduce before they died. All of this leads up to your existence, you either know or will know no matter what, or you will die alone, there's no in-between. I think some people are meant to die alone, now that there are less wars, people might still be alive but mentally they are dead. In the sense that they convince themselves not to have children and there dies their lineage. On a macro scale over many generations, it's the same result and the same fundamental cause, natural selection.
TL;DR I believe in you👍
@@lawestphilly if it came naturally this video WOULDN'T exist
@@nyny9189 maybe maybe not I guess it's a individual situation love
Because babies are humans that need constant attention, the parent needs to be stable both financially and mentally. So if you're not ready please don't have a child.
It pained me so much to see the babies emotions change when the mother was not responding/interracting with her. I started crying right away.... I think EVERY parent should be required to watch this before they give birth. No! before they even decide to become pregnant!
2000% !!
“Love is not a luxury. It’s the gateway to our survival and sanity.” I’m writing that one down!!
Deliq wtf is wrong with you omg 😐
🤍🤍🤍 me too it so beautiful
Deliq Don’t let your past encounter rule you.. stay true to your love and you shall see love again. You must be strong to give love without wanting something in return.
We all need love!!!!!! But who has it to give their child? THe real number 1 crises in our species I fell is the poor child raising of humanity. Parents pass their suffering on to their children and the cycle continues. Every wrong in society boils down to children who did not get what they needed when they were infants and children and who then not only pass it down to their children but to society as well. Its an epidemic and few people know , understand or care.
Deliq fuck you incel wallet
“Love isn’t a luxury. It’s a gateway to our very survival and sanity.”
john yi yet it rarely exist .. which is pretty ironic
I pray for you!
Love isn't worth the risk. Chasing an imagined best case scenario is a great way to constantly let yourself down. Human relationships shouldn't extend beyond the point of friendship.
love isn't perfect, neither are any relationships, including friendships. We need it, even when we don't want it.
Le Enderman Who hurt you?
I remember an ex telling me it was “weird” that me and my family say we love each other every time we get off the phone or leave a room-anytime we leave someone. He was like, “I can’t even remember the last time me and my mom said that to each other. You guys say it all the time. It lessens the meaning”. Pretty sad psychologically. Haha he disagreed when I said it doesn’t lessen the meaning, it’s just a reminder. “No matter what I love you... I’m leaving but I love you... anything could happen, know that I love you”
I love this, I am the same way with my mom. Never had anyone say it was weird but I noticed most people are not like this.
I so wish this was my family as well. Your friend said it’s weird as a defense from pain that he would feel understanding that it was actually missing from his life.
Not Verbally expressing love however is not a sign of lack of love. It just depends on upbringing and culture.
I dated a guy one time who was so connected to his family it made me feel like I was an alien and could never connect with someone so well brought up. I am 31 and alone still. I cannot connect with anyone in the moment but spend my free time and thoughts wishing desperately I could.
He’s too damaged to even realize. Poor soul.
I was always ignored, or told to go to my room. My sister was always introduced at every social gathering. One time I introduced myself and said
“I’m an accident”. Yep, that went over really well.
No one likes to hear the truth.
Good for you, for keeping it real.
I was always told i was a mistake, and even my sisters would laugh and bring it up in conversation. Mum used to tell people that there was no difference between having one or two children, but there was a massive difference having three, and yes, i was the third one. I've never forgotten that and it hurt a lot
@@georgiewatson8688sorry for you're feeling that way. 😖
Abandoned at 15, my mother informed me I was unwanted, she tried a few things to abort me, and I don't know for sure what she did but I have a terrible arthritic back too young at 25 to start having serious structural issues. I can go on, but she rarely fed me. I ate cereal, bananas, lots of junk so she could escape us with her narcolepsy instead of taking her medicine for it until we all were in bed.
@@nancycorbeil5892
Until “we” were all in bed… oml, did she have multiple kids? I doubt they were treated much better than you if that were the case. I wonder if they too were abandoned young. So strange for someone to have kids when they don’t seem of sound mind, assuming the others weren’t also failed abortion attempts (bc that would mean she chose).
And when she saw you had lived through the abortion, why not put you up for adoption? The foster care system probably would’ve at least cared for you until 18, even if it may not be the best.
Also, since she had an unsuccessful abortion, I presume one of three possibilities:
-it was illegal wherever she is so she did the coat hanger abortion
-it was legal but she was pregnant for too long
-she had it done at the hospital and somehow someway the doctor didn’t do it properly.
If it’s the 2nd one, a late abortion, that’s especially gross because you’d likely be able to feel the coat hanger and were probably damaged in the womb. I definitely wouldn’t be surprised if that’s what caused your problems. I mean, there’s a reason why abortions have a time limit. Some people have them so late that it can go from an attempted abortion to a pre-mature birth where the child lives. It’s insane.
Overall, mom bad, you good. Glad you’re alive over a decade after being abandoned, and you write very well, I’d read books made by you.
Probably one should get analysed before becoming a parent...like are you capable enough to bring up healthy children physically and mentally?
salt pepper totally agree
TheThea124 but there's a huge risk of human race becoming extinct if this rule is strictly followed 😆
salt pepper very true and unfortunate.
Many of us would fail a standard mental and emotional aptitude test. The ones who pass, could still be vulnerable to ailments like postpartum depression, which also can make a person emotionally negligent.
salt pepper not a problem up till recently, when there were extended families. All the mother’s sisters were also considered mothers. Grandmothers lived in the household, etc. perhaps what we need is changing the way we are heading, and make our societies different and working more for us and not the materialism. Just ‘smarter’ societies where our emotional state is as important as employment figures, that’s what we need.
The baby reacting to being ignored made me cry 😭 Definitely triggered me.
same here 🥺🥺😭
Same trigger for me I could barely get through it
I had to turn it off
Me too!!! I felt really bad for the baby at first, I wanted to hold him. But then it fucking changed and I needed yo cry AND a hug myself. TRIGGERED!
Right when I started scrolling to distract myself from that part. Primal wound stuff that. While I’m glad to see I’m not alone, I hate that we all felt it.
Shout out to the new parents trying to raise their kids right and give them a different child hood to the ones we had! Keep doing your thing guys and gals.
I needed to heard that. I have been told to stop cuddeling my son so much by my parents ever since he was born 2 years ago. Their argument being that did not do that with me either.... anyone care to guess why in my opinion the feeling of being left alone is the worst in the world?
@verenamichel2447 cuddle them as much as you can, one day they'll grow up and not want the hugs so get them in while you can!!! Keep going you're doing a great job 👍
@@GMLondonThey'll still want the hugs...Just not as often is all if you do it right🤗.
I believe my mother never cared much about me as a person, but as a belonging; something that would give her more value, and company. My emotions were implicitly and explicitly, an annoyance to get rid of, while hers were extremely important and fragile. Such contrast was disastrous for me.
Oh you put it so well.
i relate deeply to your experience
The baby's body language says, "I love you why don't you love me too?" It was heartbreaking
Breaks my heart💔
I started crying so hard. I don't know how the mama didn't break sooner.
@@TheCoverFaery no way I could have held out for 2mins!
This experiment gave it a lifelong trauma.
@@OrangeUp I think that this mother (hopefully) is very loving and will make up for that half a minute of not attention to her kid. What this science experiment is illustrating is that prolonged exposure to this, which at a point becomes neglect, then this is permanent damage.
Who else feels crappy about their childhood?
More so my adulthood, still being treated and neglected as an unwanted child.
Me
Steve Dyches me too it’s annoying
It would take a lifetime to get over my childhood.
No childhood is perfect. No child is perfect. No parent is perfect. No family is perfect. No life is perfect. Perfection is not part of this temporary world. We were not created for this world. We were created for heaven. Perfection is in the Hereafter.
I was adopted. My adoptive mother was emotionally unavailable. I have grown up as a total loser. Alone, broke and weaķ-natured. I don't blame her. It's just how it was. It's so important to show love to children and also to animals, from birth.
When I was 4 or 5 years old, my mother came back from a drug binge and passed out on the couch. I was wandering the home by myself, everyone was sleeping. It was filthy and I had absolutely no rules. Nobody was watching me, either. I saw a bag of chips on the table in front of my mom and I started eating it, like any normal kid would do. But I took too big of a chip for my small mouth and it got stuck in my throat. I was choking right in front of my mom and I remember trying to wake her up. I saw a bottle of warm coke nearby and had to chug it to get the chip dislodged. I was a toddler. I'm 19 years old now and I remember it like it was yesterday. I remember how scared I was. I think that was the day when I truly started realizing that drugs matter more than I do.
This is horrible. I'm so sorry. 😢
Very smart you have learnt how to survive on your own
I’m so sorry sweety. I’m very sorry. I feel every word you wrote. I hope one day somehow we all can heal including our parents and the whole earth and this torture will end.
It's saddening, but cheers to you for saving yourself...... I presume this would give the feeling that mom is not gonna do anything incase I'm in trouble.
You are a born leader! Kudos!
Now put down your cell phone and go spend time with your child.
That's nice
G S I wish I had one to pay attention to😊. My best little friend moved far away
I’m here because I never enjoy spending time with my parents. It’s stressful and I always feel like a failure and a rebel. I really wish that they care about the things I told them.
My babies taking a nap but you bet your ass I’ll be there giving him an abundance of love and affection when he wakes up 👌🥰
She’s asleep or I wouldn’t be on here in the first place
My biological mom was VERY abusive, now I have a bad habit of two things: giving all my love and attention to the wrong person in hopes of reciprocation, and completely not believing nor trusting anyone who says they do love me
I hear you sista
My adoptive mother was VERY abusive.... etc. EXACTLY what you described.
Oh yeah...
Same
Preach girl
This made me cry, and hit me so hard, of why I feel the way I do. My parents were not bad people, the were just not there for me at all. I had no nurturing at all. It has left me lonely all my life.
You’re loved and watched ❤️
I'd love you and nurse you for sure
@@Joel-pg4yi Thank you for your kind and beautiful comment. It cheered me today.
I was neglected from birth. I’m almost 47 and I struggle with so much pain in my life.
Breaks my heart to read people's comments here, being a mother myself. My parents belonged to a rural place in India, not very educated but I will say they raised 4 kids, sacrificing everything. My father literally sold his land to educate us. Why why why bring a child to this world,when you can't give something as basic as love.
barebearburiesbarrysberries
Exactly! 💯 Narcissists!!!!
some people pop kids out of boredom and wanting to pass on genes exclusively
@barebearburiesbarrysberries hugs to you!
Some parents love their kids, but have a hard time being emotionally supportive. My mom came here from Iran and raised me alone. She had to work a lot, and well..she was often short tempered from stress and exhaustion. I'm sure she didn't mean to yell so much or damage me in some way, but I have a lot of memories of crying because she'd hurt my feelings as a small kid. Parenting is really hard I'm sure. = (
@@racheltania4498 my hugs to you. I am a doctor myself, and sometimes people are trying their best but they are not able to do what they mean,due to circumstances. My mother lost her cool too, we were 4 wild kids, her sisters would tell her, why don't you teach them to do housework. My mother would say, I don't want them so have ,same life as me. she was eldest of 8 kids, and robbed of her childhood, so even though we were slapped, beaten at times, we knew we were loved. Raising kids is so affected by your culture, surroundings. I hope your wounds heal and you find love in each way possible.🤗
My mother was a crazy, vindictive narcissist. I wasn't allowed to have friends or leave the house (unless going to achool) until I was 15. And even then I was told my interests were pathetic and stupid. I basically grew up in a basement, by myself.
As an adult I have never been able to emotionally connect with other people. I especially have trouble with accepting praise, and can lose my temper very quickly.
It is the main reason that I'll never have kids. I don't want to cause an innocent person to suffer the same way I have.
brokenandcracked I am really sorry to hear what has happened to you and i Hope you will find love and support in this world despite the neglect you have experienced in the past ❤️💕
Your not alone. Same for me. Mother was a monster !
Same with ...the isolation
Same experience with mother and childhood and aftermath as an adult. I have made progress, huge amounts of progress, but it feels like whereas I could’ve thrived and soared in the ways I was expected to had I had the love and care needed emotionally and psychologically, I’m spending my salvaging and healing what I can if what didn’t go right in the first place from the nuclear bomb of bad parenting earlier in life.
Yup you're not alone.
I was raised by an aunt who, looking back now as an adult, I think she was kind of a psychopath lady.
Both my parents worked full-time. It's just me and the psycho aunt at home.
I don't even remember much what happened there. I guess my brain blocked it off for my sanity.
I only started to "know" my parents again after my mom gave birth to my brother and quit her job to be a fulltime housewife.
I was already 6 years old by then. Too late.
I'm now 30, never been in a relationship and difficult to connect with people, always socially awkward. I know I'll never marry because I also can't stand most people. Thankfully I still have a decent job and a few friends from college who accepts my weirdness.
Sometimes I think to myself, what kind of person would I be right now, if I was raised right? A question that many of us asked, going by the comments here.
If you are watching this and holding guilt that you have not been the best parent that you could be, let it go. You cannot change the past. But you can hold onto the thought of that feeling as a gentle reminder to be better. Your own parents may not have given you what you needed, but you can build the strength to change that pattern. Stay strong and keep trying.
Underrated comment
I once had a doctor ask me, Who took care of you? I was dumbfounded, I didn’t know someone was suppose to take care of me.
I can so relate to this ❤
I cringe when I see parents focusing on their phone rather than their children. Children across the world are all learning the powerful subliminal message, "I'm not very important."
And then they have to "learn" to love themselves through internet...
This is sad and scary in a very different way
Yes..I can't help noticing that . Young women walking along pushing a baby while texting .. NO BABY CONTACT OR INTERACTIONS
@@lifeslessons9889 fathers do the exact same thing. Lets not blame this only on women.
People did something else before the time of the smart phones, some neglected their kids back then too. Also men.
@@cherrylane79 so true. I grew up in the 80s-90s and my parents ignored me just the same without a smartphone or internet.
When you finally found out why you’ve been feeling unwell “inside” all your life
I feel you bro so feel you were not alone.
Same..
This is being used to treat PTSD, but I think it's the solution for childhood emotional neglect too - maps.org/participate/participate-in-research/mdma
Thank you ..exactly..i was unwell for decades over it..im 63 n it still hurts..my siblings have the same attitude towards me..each other ...n dont get they are completing the ugly circle
Yes almost every adult right now on Earth is walking around unhealed...as wound adult children.
My father was emotionally negligent, my mother emotionally drained + unavailable; it has had life long affects on me, my self esteem. I have a partner now who has been loving, patient and so kind and it's taken years for me to understand what love and trust feels + looks like. Childhood neglect doesn't leave visible scars, but they are there and they're powerful.
This video breaks my heart. All I ever wanted was to be accepted and loved. I always feel alone. Reading the comments here makes me feel like I'm not alone in this endeavor
Yes you are not alone, there are many of us in the same boat, keep giving yourself love and kindness even if other people were unavailable to. Love is not a luxury it is the gateway to survival and happiness.
My mother neglected me emotionally for most of my life and it caused me to become very introverted, insecure, and depressed. And she would always wonder why I turned out this way as if she had no idea she was the reason for it. She provided everything for me physically, and she would always say that she couldn't understand why I am this way if I am always "taken care of". Unfortunately she was one of those people who sadly believes money buys everything including happiness. I'm not ungrateful for those things, it's just that I would've much rather have been poor yet had a parent who loved me unconditionally and emotionally despite the circumstances.
it only mess you up till you are unaware of it. When you get to know it, it is your own responsibility to cure it.
Stop blaming people in your past because it is not useful to you. Make yourself happy today.
Just like you may be born with a genetic disease, so you have to take remedial measures.
And you are not special, everybody has a different problem of this category.
Buck up !!
"Replace your memories". This was something taught to me.
Study books on this, to replace your memories.
Past is only a memory, not a reality.
Any childhood trauma is only in your head not in your reality.
ankursrivastavaweb.wordpress.com/2020/11/16/replace-your-memories/
Yup,me to ,I always had everything but emotionally I was starving ,still am
Same for me. To my mom showering me with presents was a good placeholder for actual care and love.
I'm 20 and she cried when I told her that I avoid eye contact with her and that hugging her feels like hugging a complete stranger.
This.
@@liveankur Replacing memories sounds dumb.
I felt so bad for that baby when they did the still face experiment.
Desi C and imagine the parents who do this to their babies till those grow up in an adult. Imagine the damage of years and years. Spine chilling.
@@tula__ also add to this that its not only "still face" but often other nasty things.... Whats more funny they claim they love u.
I was just about to say... poor baby didn't know he was part of an experiment, imagine his confusion
@@izabelaswa85 The claim that they love you is enormously damaging.
Izabela Swa I already know but say that to the OP who felt bad just by this little experiment, whereas the reality is of a lifetime!
I grew in a family where my mom was depressed. She often beat me up for misbehaving. She ripped my homework into pieces and made me do it again if I made a single mistake. She had a tough life. My dad is a psycopath who always hurt and humiated me and my mom. Everyone on my dad's side hated my mom and me. I grew up in hate and neglect. I had a suicidal depression for three years. My mom died two years ago, I was the only one who took care of her. My only friend died last year. My dog who's been with me for 10 years died recently. I feel so lonely and sad. I hate this world. It's a heartless machine trying to chew you up and spit you out. I'm a woman and as a woman I'm always criticized and harassed because I'm not this or I'm not that, because I don't like children, because I'm introverted and insecure... First you grow up in pain and then the society does everything it can to crush you. F this world man.
I'm sorry you had to go through so much 😢
Are you OK honey?
I feel you 100%
I’ve been feeling similar and I just want you to know, you are safe to be you and heal at your own pace, and you will make it through, we will make it through.
You are loves Julie, Jesus loves you. God loces us all, lo matter our personality, color, ethinicity, background.
He accept whoever wants to be with Him, even when you don't love Him He loves you pire than anything.
May God touch your heart in Jesus name
I am raising my daughter with all TLC. I know what it was like to have a distant parent, and she will never have to deal with that. I love her more than anything, she is my living miracle. I can't wait to live the rest of my life loving her every second. Thank you God, I love you.
This is the type of stuff that makes me have faith in humanity. You are so incredibly strong and such an amazing parent for striving to be better than the parent(s) you were given. I wish you and your daughter a happy and healthy life
at 16 years old I remember being absolutely floored when my friend told me about a [positive] conversation she had had with her mother. I was like woah woah woah, you're mother talks to you?!
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
In my case it would be you talk to your mother??? I don't talk to her much because she doesn't listen, but then of course it's my fault in the end. Whatever it is, it's my fault.
The weirdest thing for me was seeing mothers and daughters getting along and being affectionate towards each other. I wasn't hugged until I was 25, I thought every mother was supposed to be cold and hateful
My mom lied to anybody that would listen on how I slept with her boyfriend at the tender age of 14. I'm 36 now. She's ruined every relationship I've been in. Cause of course the man is gonna feel like why would your mother lie(ppl with great Mother's don't quite understand)?!. I can write a best seller about my life story. Man I've been thru a lot. Just didn't know it all had to do with my mom until recently. I'm 36 now and God is still showing up in my life. He's all I actually have being that I've never had kids.🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
I remember last summer I went to visit my sister. And when I entered her apt. There stood my mom and her equally evil sister(if not more evil) they look at each other than looked at me and it took my breath away. I thought I was tripping so I turned and went out the door. Inhaled deep exhaled and went back in. And the feeling of suffocation came back as I looked at them still standing there grinning. Didn't even stay to visit. I know I've never done anything but try to help spiritually and financially. Some ppl it's just best to leave em b. My mom(and her siblings)taught me that Domonic evil ppl existence is closer than you know. Sadly my Older sister and Brother seem just like her. I never noticed it b4 as kids.🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
I had the stony-faced mother for 18 years, not 2 minutes like this baby. It's beyond traumatic.
There are people out there that can give you lots of love. Hope you are doing okay
I have the angry faced, threatening look on her face till date. 29 years.
don't worry i did too I'm messed up my dr is an asshole to me he tells me I'm retarded. just don't worry about what anyone says to u and dont feel different ur ok .just be there for ur kids and dont do the same to them. maybe ull make a good social worker someday
I’m sorry that happened
Mark Turner sending you a massive hug
Not only was my dad emotionally neglectful and “still-faced” he was always angry towards me and physically abused me and called me really bad names when I was just an anxious little girl that never did anything wrong in fear of getting beat. :) but he’d do it anyway.
Literally remember when I was just 10 years old drifting off to sleep while watching The Nanny in my bed and he BARGED into my room out of nowhere and he started viciously attacking me with his heavy ass sneakers and hitting me all over my body while I cried, all because I was watching TV on a school night at 10pm (while also being an A honor roll student) 💗 I then cried myself to sleep.
Good times
I’m so sorry sweety. Hope you’ve grown and worked to find peace since.
Same, my father it's the same with me ...
This is why people should be evaluated before becoming parents.
How would that work?
@@neekz1453 not sure.. I mean to adopt a shelter animal you have to jump thru a dozen hoops.. And that's just for some unwanted... hand me down... used "pet"... Children, they shouldn't be as disposable as pets... The system fails them on a daily basis. The world is just a really jacked up place. And systemic/generational curses are perpetuated ... Cycles continue... Ignorance begets ignorance... When "all men are created equal" not really sure when that for applied, but it sure looks good, on paper...
yeah like fix your own trauma before raising a child rather than having the child suffer YOUR trauma
@@alyanuuuh_2634 yea.. I agree
Also before those who want to study to be pastors. Teach them how to deal with people appropriately for the betterment of all.
My parents ignored me as a child and accused me of faking when I was sick. The only adult who gave me positive attention was the same man who was sexually molesting me. Later on in life, when I was able to go to a doctor on my own, I was diagnosed with a disease that could have been treated sooner. But of course my parents paid no mind to my complaints. Its sad how the people who are supposed to care for you and protect you fuck you up the most. I grew up to be an introvert who distrusts everyone. My parents failed me.
Smith A
My heart aches for you.
Be well. Especially now.
I'm sorry you have to go through that. I was constantly yelled at for being slow and dumb. When I was old enough to go to a doctor. I'm 90% deaf.... Yup. Full of permanent anxiety and low self of steam. Working on rebuilds into something I WANT to be.
I was left alone a lot, and when I was about 11 years old I was forced to babysit my sibling age 7. My mom ended up having more babies and I had to babysit and do all the house chores. They saw nothing wrong with this. My mom often left me at sitters for days. When I needed her most she wasn't there. I moved away from home at 19 to another state. She is trying her best to reach out to me. She gets sad that we don't have this connection like mothers and daughters do. I wish I can tell her why, but I can't and it hurts me.
@@kinjaaaaaa999 remember Kim, she may have endured the same abuse. The secret is forgiveness and a resolution that the abuse stops with us, we don't pass on the neglect to other children.
I can totally resonate with you so sorry for you,wish I could give you a big hug❤
The babies reaction to the mother not responding was heartbreaking to watch ☹️
That brought me pleasure. I guess we're not all the same.
saaaame! so sad :(
Ashley Cape
absolutely. i bet it was really hard for the mom too.
@joan n yeah, I don't mind.
Though I did get a good laugh when she looked over at the camera, like, "can you believe this shit?"
I didn't have a TV in my house ever for exactly this reason. Those first five years I gave all three of my children full attention without destractions. This was contrary to the way I was bought but however, implementing knowledge and understanding that I gained through research for my children was a priority. I totally believe in this unconditional love during childrens early years.
I had an abusive childhood and was neglected. It definitely stays with you for life
My mom would accuse me of being autistic when she never taught me social skills and pushed me away every time I tried to be affectionate with her as a little kid. No wonder i turned out shy and socially anxious. But nothing can ever be her fault
I love you and Jesus loves you too. Healing from your upraising is so hard but you can do it though jesus. He’s my stable rock when I don’t have the people who are supposed to be there for me to lean on
Banana Nana amen! 🤍
@@banananana2610 i thought he died
@@idan7989 Sort of. The story goes he reanimated on the third day after his death and came to reside as a deity in heaven.
Sounds like she's a narcissist. I can relate.
Babies being raised and competing with social media and phones is neglecting children. I see it every day. Heart breaking..
@@gw437 Um no, government has more control over us as it is. People can't control the time they spend on their own hobbies and interests because they're selfish and self-absorbed. The government can't fix that. You see how they're controlling us now with this Croney-19 Fear-demic? How about the gov't regulate how many sports games you can watch, pretzels you can eat, shoes you can own, what the hell?
So, you pray for those babies and children. That is the single best thing you can do.
You’re right!
Very true
Yes, I see it too and can’t stand it. Young kids just staring at their parents while their parents stare at their phones with these self-satisfied looks on their faces.
Never knew how important early childhood development was until I read "Kindergarten is too late" by Masaru Ibuka. It blew my mind. Strongly recommend it!
Hola , lo tienes por PDF?
Throughout my childhood my parents would always fight and I thought that was normal for a family. When I was 19, I decided to leave because I've had enough of the fighting. I'm 36 now and my parents have both passed away but the wounds left by the trauma of constant fighting still causes me pain as an adult. I have attachment issues, suffer from anxiety and probably depression because of the experiences I had during my childhood and teenage years.
I know this is an experiment but it broke my heart...
That's the point. To make you feel sad just like they feel.💯😥
Me too! Awful....
Mine too... I wanted to sob!! 😢😭
Yea I literally teared up when the baby started crying.
It may be an "experiment". But those are real emotions coming from that baby.
This was my mother during my childhood. I am so damaged.
Hello beautiful person browsing through the comments section.
Sending you positive vibes and a huge hug
elblondie69 falconer No...just no.
elblondie69 falconer Appreciated Thanks and may I return the same! xxx
elblondie69 falconer Thank you...:💕🙈🙈I really needed that
Awww thanks. Back at ya
Ron Nickels thats how it be lol. Thanks tho
I am 62 years old, I was not only emotionally neglected, I was verbally, physically and sexually abused right back from as far as I can remember. I am totally broken! I never learned anything at school - I was tortured because I was 'so different', I've never been able to work! If the father hadn't have died he would now be in prison. The mother should also be in prison! But psychological abuse is not a crime - it should be! The worse thing is, I only found out in the last few years I am 'different' because of childhood abuse! My whole life has basically 'gone down the toilet'! I suffer flashbacks, intrusive memories, nightmares along with a lot of physical illnesses. It's like a death sentence!
it's never too late to start to do at least some healing, i am rooting for you!
Im so sorry to hear that. I hope you know you are not alone and I hope you can get the resources that you need like a therapist. I wish you all the best, really!!
@@mirateograd5248 my father was a paedophile - he raped me as a child! emotionally inside I'm no older than about 7! That makes it impossible to live or even imagine the age I am! I've been alive for 64 odd years but I have never had a 'life'! You don't recover from the sort of intense abuse I endured!
@@g1fcg :((
My parents were physically and emotionally abused as children. I still don’t know how they overcame it, but I’m so grateful that the cycle ended with me and my sister... we went through a lot of sh*t, but we always knew we were loved even though life was hard. I’m so sorry to everyone that didn’t have that. My hearts really breaks reading the stories here...
Most unusual that experiment with mother and baby. Very interesting. One thing I've noticed over the years is that many parents ignore what their children are saying to them. The parents are not distracted by something else they just ignore. If your child is talking to you.....listen.
@@lydiabeg7387 can appreciate your comments had my own difficult childhood. Often neglected too. Hard also to be a parent when I became one. Felt very detached. I applied Bible principles and did things for my daughter s comfort that my mother never did.
Or they listen but don’t take what the child is saying seriously. Just because the kid isn’t paying bills doesn’t mean they’re immune to stress in their tiny lives.
@@lydiabeg7387 Then get a therapy and don't have children maybe? My dad shouldn't have children, he had awfull childhood as far as I know. But no, I am one of four of his children and I don't see he's getting better.
As a child I was always asking about everything. When I asked for something and didn't get it, I was interested why my mom wouldn't buy it. but my mom refused to explain it to me, so I would get mad about the fact, that she ignored my question more than not getting the thing I wanted.
Hi Melon sauce the Bible is very useful for all sorts relationships. Have a look at Ephesians 6:1--4 . Particularly verse 4 as it tell us as parents to be consistent with the training of our children. So don't irritate them be fair and let them know where they stand . So the whole family has the same standard to follow.
Many people are having children, because otherwise they would feel worthless as human beings. But they are missing a lot of important aspects of procreation. People are having children as a consolation for their empty lifes. It's a terrible thing, really.
💯💯💯💯💯💯
It's worse for people with religious parents. My parents taught me that if I didn't serve god i'd go to hell. And to make it worse they justify their abusive behaviour, they tell me they punish me because god said so, and that it's for my own good. So really they're manipulating you into thinking that they love you
@@somic5490 come in Sanatan dharma... No drama of religion 😁
I have always felt most people have children for selfish reasons. Someone to love them or vice Bersa for something they lack internally. I’ve seen it all too often.
Somi, I had parents like that too. Was abandoned by my mother and father, raised by my paternal grandparents who were horribly abusive people and didn't really want us. (Siblings and myself) they were also "religious" but not Godly. There is a massive difference in being a truly Godly person and being religious. Even an atheist can be religious, and still be a kind loving parent. But, some folks just aren't capable of loving. THEIR inadequacies make it harder to overcome the neglect/abuse and become a healthy, capable and confident adult. And for some, it crippled them for life. The free sex, free love of the 60s,70s produced future generations of too many truly dysfunctional people. And it was all planned out, and pushed in the media, for people to do this.....hence, the breakdown of society.
This was a revelation.
I have hated myself all my life , though I try to hide it.
Once an acquaintance asked me
“ Did your mum/dad ever cuddle you ?”
I was appalled why I was asked this
Now I know what others see when they see me
A self loathing , damaged person
I try to repair myself
But once the damage is done
It’s irreparable
please please research "kintsugi" ❤🩹
Your Heavenly Father can repair…❤❤❤
We never get a second chance at childhood.
Yeah, that's nasty! But it's not irreparable. Someone wrote "Your Heavenly Father can repair" and this is what I have experienced myself, coming from emotional neglect, like you. I learned bit by bit to trust in God and though the road to recovery took long and I still have some hardships, life still looks much different from what it otherwise, without Him, would have been. I didn't get any quick fixes or miracles. Worked through the process. It was hard, but at least I got out on the other side. I learned to be comforted and loved and also how to comfort others and love others. Wishing you all the best!
Yes, I also have been asked "bizarre" questions from others. Did your mom work? Was she absent alot? I knew then as I do now....people can actually see the parental neglect in me. It's embarrassing and it hurts.
My childhood definitely effective how I grew up I was physically abused a few times a week , scared to talk ,shy ,screaming for help inside. now that I’m an adult I recognize what has been holding me back for so many years , I was choosing bad relationships, never loving myself. I never want to put those harmful ways on my children
The way parents treat their child will affect the way the child will react to them when they're old
i didnt know that, i wonder if i will become emotionless like my parents
True
Sometimes Not Always
My parents are going in a nursing home. They could barley do the minimum and show me love, so they’ll be getting love from the CNA’s
So true. If I am legally obligated to take care of my emotionally neglectful and abusive mom, I would just pay the cheapest option for a nursing home. She gave me the bare minimum, I will also respond with the bare minimum.
And this is the VERY reason why, for ALL of my life I've been attracted to emotionally unavailable men. My mother is and has always been so emotionally cold. I'm almost 50 years old and my mother is now 75, and STILL to this day she is emotionally cold and dark. After all of these years I've finally come to understand that I've been looking for my mother's love in those emotionally unavailable men. I'm working on trying to forgive her, but the damage is so profound that I don't think I ever will. I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive her. Not even when she's dead and gone.
@Vincent P Thank you so much for this Vincent. Who've echoed what my Being whispered to me last night. Wow!! Your echo is confirmation. Thank you again. I truly appreciate it 😌🧘🏽♀️📿🙏🏽
The only thing that helped me to forgive is trying to understand what type of childhood my parents had and how wounded they were. I learned they were terribly abused in many ways.
@@user-sy3fj1yn1x I understand that my mother may not have had a good childhood but I shouldn't have had to pay the price for that. I shouldn't have had to go to school with black eyes and bruises. Why punish me for what happened to her? I promised myself that should I ever have a child I would do everything in my power to be the polar opposite of her, and I did. My son is 21 years old and he reminds me often how much he loves me and that I'm a good mother. I could never imagine beating him, ignoring him, and treating him like he doesn't matter. The abuse my mother did to me was a choice. She CHOSE to hurt me, just like I CHOSE to be loving and kind to my son.
have you ever just broken down to her and asked her why
@@Kendall42971 Believe me I've been through the gamut of feelings about them. Even though I'm 65 years old my mother is still alive. I think she's getting meaner! I try not to bite when she's fishing for an argument. I just try to change the subject or not respond to her. I try not to see her unless my sisters are with me. I pray that she'll soften up but I don't hold my breath. Although she's been physically, verbally and emotionally abusive she's also done some nice and loving things. Kendall I'm not saying what I've done applies to everyone. Over the years this is how I feel about it. Of course my dad passed away long ago. I don't think about it much anymore unless someone brings it up or when I'm with my family.
It's EQUALLY damaging to be "love bombed" as a baby by a Narcissistic mother, because what's going to follow is the inevitable discarding.
My mother would do this "love bomb" me so it would make up for her narcissistic behavior. She would also force me to hug her while she cried so when my friends would try to hug me growing up I hated it! I didn't know that hugs were supposed to be happy not to be uncomfortable/an emotional guilt trip.. My step mom said it hurt her to see how emotionally distant I was as a child and I was only 8 when she came into my life.
Could I ask you when the discarding started? Was your mother affectionate (regardless of reason) with you until a certain age?
Wow, I’ve never thought of the discarding bit until reading your comment. Thank you so much, that really helped solidify much of the pain and betrayal I felt my mother left me with. I know you’re not supposed to “blame” your parents but I know she practically indoctrinated me to be codependent and mistrusting of people. She threw away our relationship for a broken violent alcoholic and carried on the tradition of putting a man before her children, despite saying how much she loved us. Now every time I think of her I’m faced with the reality of my lacking social literacy, my inability to find loving/caring people and foster healthy relationships, struggling to fight against my innate instinct to hate myself, abandonment issues, etc. I’m 27 and have tried therapy, and I always scratch the surface but find it unbearably painful to investigate further. I was a lovely caring child, albeit too much, I parented my mother in ways that repulse me now that I have the knowledge and vocabulary now. I should’ve been a child who was loved and nurtured. I would never wish that upbringing on anyone. Just because a parent does the bare minimum of clothing and feeding a child, doesn’t negate the fact that emotional and psychological damage can cripple a persons soul and break them so badly it will take a lifetime to piece themselves back together. All the while trying so hard for people to trust and love them, since now it’s so common for people with BPD, PTSD, mood disorders, and people with severe mental illness in general to be demonized and belittled. Trauma isn’t an excuse, it’s a reality many struggle to cope with.
Anyways, I could go on and on, but I really appreciate the time people take to be vulnerable and honest in these kinds of comment sections. Really helps to know that other people understand.
@@breannamaree5894 I was guilt tripped too all the time and it makes me frustrated.
I didnt know this, I had my son way too young, I was 17, and in a different continent with no family and in an abusive relationship. It has truly taken a lifelong toll on my son and myself.
"Wounded for life." Very accurate. Even after understanding and 'reprogramming' the past, it never completely stops haunting.
@@gw437 The present is built on the past, and without understanding the past the future is doomed to repeat it. People may deal differently with situations, but childhood trauma is no laughing matter. My dad is someone who thought he had put everything behind him, he said many of the same things as you did. He ended up becoming the same kind of father his own father was, whom he hated. I hope this is not your case, I'm sorry for everything you've had to go through. Godspeed to you.
True !
No, it only mess you up till you are unaware of it. When you get to know it, it is your own responsibility to cure it.
Just like you may be born with a genetic disease, so you have to take remedial measures.
And you are not special, everybody has a different problem of this category.
Buck up !!
"Replace your memories". This was something taught to me.
Get counseling
@@gw437 True, we should forgive and forget if possible, but damage is much more complicated then just forgetting it. I was emotionally neglected during my crucial development years, 9-16. Ive forgiven my past, my parents,etc. And moved on but that damage is there. So let me give you a run down of some of my symptoms of this, A. My Dad was never around and my mother worked, when they divorced her work load doubled. So no father figure, AKA no role model. B. I lack empathy in everything I do, if you met me, youd be convinced I have some sort of mild autism. So its very hard to impossible to resonate with another human being, which led me to me being introverted. Its highly likely Ill never marry, my persona and personality make dealing with intimacy an impossible endeavor. My body has gotten use to the neglect and to force it puts too much stress on my body to the point I have to walk away. So Ive learned to be content with Christianity and keeping people at a arms length, especially women to the point unless necessary I never interact with them anymore, and focus on myself and my well-being and spirituality, as well as loved ones. And I want to re-emphasize, I forgave and moved on long ago, and accepted the situation and circumstances that surround me. Going forward I have no regrets. But that damage follows you, and constantly remindes you of what you cant have. Forgetting doesn't remove the obstacles ahead.
"Love isn't a luxury. It's a gateway to our very survival and stability." The most realistic and comforting line I've ever heard.
So many people think children under 5 can’t remember things, but when I was a teenager I had a flash of a scene from when I was too little to even know how to speak yet, but I could understand a whole lot of words. I was in a playpen, and it was thundering and I was terrified. I remember reaching for my parents and screaming, and they were sitting with their friends chatting. My mom said she was going to pick me up, but my dad said, “No, if you pick her up she’ll learn that thunder is something to be afraid of.” And they argued back and forth while I was still screaming and reaching for them. Ultimately, I didn’t get picked up and I screamed in terror until the storm passed and for a while after.
I asked my parents if that happened, and they looked at each other in shock, and my dad asked, “You remember that?”
Things that happen to very young children can definitely have lasting consequences, and they can often remember.
My father recently informed me my mother never played with me as a baby or a child, and the insecurity, the hole inside me that nothing can ever fill all makes sense now. I would love to see some videos that talk about how to heal from emotional neglect because as of now I'm a recovering addict just trying ti get by without having anymore major meltdowns.
Hi Hannah. Hope you're well. There is a channel called personal ddevelopment school by Thais Gibson on TH-cam. She deals with attachment issues..hope you find it beneficial.
Dr Jonice Webb - A Pioneer of Childhood Emotional Neglect. She's written an excellent book, 'Running on Empty'. Check her out! All the best going forward in your healing journey. 🙏🏾
This is an excellent demonstration of how devastating it is for children when they have a mother with depression or too much stress.
Yes, that was my case, mother with depression, even today she is depressed reading the bible every day.
As a mother with depression... I worry.
🥺🥺
My mother was severely depressed my entire childhood, and she was always emotionally unresponsive, whether i showed her something that i made or when i was crying, she never soothed me and no one else did either. When i was 2 i didn't play and explore like other children did and when i was 4 i was the only child at school who cried all day every day and never talked for at least a year. From the age of 7-10 i was sexually abused and at school i was always nothing but rejected and outcasted by classmates to the point i didn't wanna go to school anymore and had to talk to the school counselor, but i still remember as a child the time when i gathered my courage together to talk to my parents about this, they got mad and dismissed and invalidated what i said. My parents also never hugged me, complimented me or said "i love you". I'm 21 now and sadly there's no happy ending to this story and if i told you the ways my childhood negatively impacted me shaped me into the person i am this comment would get too long (not like it isn't already😂). I'm really sorry for typing this all out. I'm not at all doing saying this to try to get pity.
@@badidea6034 I am so sorry for everything you had to go through! And I'm so sorry for the ways that your childhood has negatively impacted you as an adult! I know my child's formative years haven't been the best, but they haven't been the worst. But this deep depression that hit me several months ago, I wish it would just go away. I worry for my babies...
I was born addicted to drugs and then sent home with my drug addict parents (1980)..i have no idea how i survived! By god's grace i imagine.
:( I hope you're better now.
🥺🤧 💗💜 Hugs💙
you survived for a reason and u will make it through this Dani 💪❤️❤️❤️🙌
I wonder if my emotional neglect as a child is the reason I gravitated towards animals from a young age and still do. I always prefer the company of my pets/animals rather than people.
The still face experiments gives me goosebumps every single time.. to see how capable children are at such a young age amazes me
I grew up never learning how to communicate effectively when it came to being emotionally expressive. I’m African-American and mental health is heavily overlooked in the Black community. As a child, I was taught that it’s considered weak to express your emotions. One of the biggest things I feel like I missed out on was having a family that I could be completely open with without judgment that I was being too sensitive. For the longest, I found it difficult to express myself without everything being considered as a joke. I’m 24 now, and I think I’m doing a lot better but it’s been a hassle trying to unlearn toxic behaviours. If you’re struggling with anxiety, depression, etc., continue to focus on self-care and don’t let your failures bring you down.
I’m not African American but I completely understand where you’re coming from. My parents were the same way. I’m 20 years old and I’m currently struggling with the same thing. I really needed to hear that. Thank you ♥️
I'm not black but our families were in the same mindset. I'm 38 now and still struggling to be vulnerable and honest with my own emotions. I wish you better days ahead. Stay strong. And thank you for the encouragement.
Similar experience here. I'm also AA and I grew up around domestic violence and we weren't allowed to be angry about it. I'm 20 now and making it a duty of mine to constantly remind myself to be open about my emotions and genuinely expressive. I was always jealous of families that seem to express their love and actually seemed close. And I still get angry at my childhood sometimes. But emotional progress is made 💕
This is being used to treat PTSD, but I think it's the solution for childhood emotional neglect too - maps.org/participate/participate-in-research/mdma
I wish you the best of luck and light. You are aware and bright. You can heal and be a blessing for others ❤️
Everything comes from childhood. I can’t change my past, but I’m willing to work on my present and future!!!
same here brother keep going strong
Darth Senate we can do it
This is such an uplifting and positive comment. You must have an amazing soul. I love your attitude!!
- Shooting Starlight - thank you 😊 you’re a kind soul yourself 🥰
Have fun.
Explains it all.. I have emotionally "dead" parents. I cant remember them hugging or kissing us ever. Only emotional response is yelling and fighting. Never affection. Emotions are taboo in our culture. Explains why I had my first boyfriend at 27... guess what, a fully blown narcissist. I couldn't get used to someone hugging or touching me, extreme bodily reactions, even after a year.
Now imagine recieving a that still face during your whole development, everyday, the entire day.
It really made me emotional watching that baby being ignored. 😩😩😩 I have abandonment issues so it really got to me seeing that. 😢💔
SlowClass Kai I hope you can tide over the issues you have faced love !
Mystic Miserly thank you ❤️🙏🏽
same i started crying 😢
I found it really hard to watch too. I don't know how she could do it.
dang who told you that tho they should have never told you. im also the darkest in my family
Watching that experiment made me cry. Please don't have children unless you truly want them and can afford to care for them. It's just not fair, they have no choice in the matter.
I agree with you 💯. I'm the oldest of 4 and the oldest granddaughter and Great granddaughter, and by that I remember everything! Also my parents had me very Young. Right now I'm 25 and my dad is barely turning 42. Freaking mind blowing cause he has 4 girls and now 2 boys and I use to always tell him, dad stop having kids that I'm having to help take care of. I'm still not married and no kids because I keep telling people I would hate myself if I brought a human being in this world and in nowhere near ready to love for them and keep taking care of them. It's a bittersweet thing to admit but I wish my parents didn't make love and having kids a pain 😢
Maybe I'm cynical but from what I have seen in more cases than not, the most unfit people to be parents usually have the most children. This also helps explain the world and much of history.
@@G4LCTC no you're right.
They absolutely have a choice! We (us as souls) have all choosen our lives our parents and the major events that happen to us through out our life. It’s 100 times harder than we anticipated but the lessons we learn here are for us to grow and learn
I skipped over the experiment - couldn't watch it.
Spot on.
At 56, I'm just now breaking through that pain and working with my excellent psychotherapist to build myself up to the healthiest woman I can be.
Best of luck to all who are in a similar situation. 💜🕊
Watching the still face test, I worry about the effects of parents stuck to their phones ignoring their child. You see this at the park, where the parent is stuck looking at a screen rather than engaging with the child at play. My own mother was exhausted and emotionally drained by caring for my ill and disabled father who couldn't interact with the world for the last 3 years. He passed when I was 7 and mum became even more depressed. I don't remember ever being hugged.
My mother was a stay at home mom, she took care of us but she wasn’t very loving. She never said anything sweet or encouraging to us. I guess she didn’t know how to show love since she didn’t get it herself from her parents being the 8th child out of 14 children. I think i was a very emotional child growing up and she didn’t have the patience. I used to be scared of sleeping alone in my bedroom and i would beg her to let me sleep with her she would get so upset with me and would hit me to go back to my room. Now that i have children i try to minimize stress to them, i don’t want them to suffer from depression and anxiety like me.
Sophia Keep being the great mother that you are.
So happy to know you've broken that cycle!! ❤👏🏽
Wow your story so similar to mine...my mom also dont know how to connect with child because of her bad relation with her mother...i feel sorry for her becoz she dont know what love is....but i dont want to be like her, i hope i will change...😊😊
Destiny tran that’s my biggest worry, but im Trying my best to avoid that.
14 kids? Why do some people have so many? Religious beliefs? Lazy contraception?
This is crazy. I always thought it was my fault as a child when my parents never showed me emotion. Growing up in a south asian household, mental health and expressing emotion or love is literally non-existent. I'll be so different with my babies!
I relate to this so much 😔
Can relate I think our generation will be the change the world needs x
I'm very sorry. I don't know how but I never internalized my mother's abuse. I still to this day don't know how I managed that and question it all the time. I always knew it was my mother who was the problem, not me or anyone else. I was a very strong willed child and would stand up to her. She absolutely hated that but it was my way of "winning" and taking control. I am still her scapegoat kid but she knows she can't win with me and never will.
@@saltycat662 what a wonderful thing it is to be so resilient. I admire you for not backing down even as a child.
Same in jamaican households
this is the reason I don't love either of my parents and never shed a tear when they passed. And of course they didn't leave a dime to me
I will be honest that as a parent I have regrets that I was not 100% there for my son while he was growing up -and by that I mean I was there for him, but when he was emotional it was hard for me to handle because it triggered my own wounds. He is a teenager now and because I am aware, I have been able to talk to him about these patterns...A lot of which were passed down to me. As a result it is not too late to reprogram his mind or emotional development. I have had to forgive those who hurt me because people who hurt are people who hurt others. Ultimately this is how we free ourselves.
You should have reprogrammed your own mind to break the cycle instead of now expecting your son to be the one to do it. My mam had a hard childhood and she passed that to me. I swore to not do the same to my kids and they turned out well adjusted, emotionally and physically. If I feel I’m being like my mother I check myself.
@@gemmahartley7592that’s unfair. The commenter above admits they couldn’t cope in certain situations and probably lashed out or shut down rather than respond appropriately to their kid *at the time*. Now they’re trying to own up to those mistakes and try to undo any damage it may have done. Parents aren’t perfect and it takes a lot to admit to your own children that you wronged them. It’s easy to say “fix yourself “ in the aftermath, but what is done is done. Now they can only move on.
I see so many parents completely ignoring their kids in public, never knew exactly why it bothered me so much until this video.
For example, eating out somewhere, mum on the phone, child is trying to tell them something and are just being ignored. The child keeps trying to tell them with no response. Just answer your kid!
Plus a lot of the time I only see them get a reaction when they do something bad.
That's why so many kids act out. They see that the only time they will get attention is when they are misbehaving. Negative attention is still some attention from their parents, so they'll even take that. Very sad.
Exactly
I've got Christmas videos of me trying to get my mom's attention for minutes at a time just to thank her. And that was the best time of year, except maybe summer.
@Nugget G try explaining good behavior, encourage it. Ignoring it will raise their desire for attention, probably negative attention.
You hit a very important part. Only reacting when they've done something wrong. Interesting to see just how that will affect them. Really sad..
One of the things I have left over from my childhood is my "Baby Book"- handed out to new mothers by some insurance company in the 1930's. In it's instructions to new mothers it advises not picking up crying babies because they "need to learn self discipline"! That was the "scientific" approach in those days that my mother and aunts followed. I still find it hard to cry, and especially never in public. Now in my 80's, there has been a lot of sadness inside me through the decades.
That same mother protected me from an alcoholic father's fists and belt, putting herself between him and my brother and me. She sent us to a Catholic school because she wanted us to get a good education, and she sent me as well as my older brother. This was a long time before "Women's Rights", and values, were even thought about.
I've had a long time to consider, and even heal, from the events of my childhood. It's an on-going thing, but what else is as important as becoming the best we can be.
What I'm trying to say is: Don't Give Up! Understanding what traumas imposed by others left such sadness within us can help us heal. We can become the person we want to be. We are no longer dependent children but adults with ability and independence. We are no longer helpless.
From my position "down the road" and closer to the "exit door" of this life, I am cheering you on. Don't Give Up! You are precious!
Thank you for sharing your experience with us and for your kind encouragement 💕 it's always great to hear from older generations
This was beautiful and so profound.thank you so much.💋
thank you for your precious words...
7bcoop2 thank you 😭❤️
...and you are precious too; and wise and beautiful... Thank you ❤
hearing the words "im here" really made me start tearing up