@@krystalrussell1783 Exactly! My parents tried to make me 'strong' in all the wrong ways - being VERY critical so I'd learn, not giving me things to avoid being spoilt - but it was all to the very extreme. I remember clearly at 6 that I wanted to be a pretty princess and buy a Disney Princess dress. My Mum said "No cause you aren't a princess and we don't want you getting big headed thinking you're nicer than you are" I was never given the affirmation or warmth I needed. Anything they did was negative, an insult or an order. And now they wonder why I'm so distant 🥴
A broken adult simply needs an ass whooping and to get their shit together , because no one's going to help them when they're old and they'll realize that one day so they'll change themselves or suffer
I have probs with defensive anger and boundary between myself and others, but working on it and getting better. My biggest victory is that I do not feel sorry for myself. I am not a victim.
Usually the same thing happened to the parents, too. It's like an epigenetic illness, passed down the generations. If this happened to you, seek help before you raise kids!
I felt that way for 40+ years...It dawned on me ironically after a break up..I do deserve peace in my life..My parents screwed me up..SO GUESS WHAT... I'M NOT GOING TO HELP THEM...Im going to fight like hell for my peace..I have earned it..I refuse to continue letting the past dominate my joy..A person can fall down to no fault of their own..But dammit You swing harder coming back up..Take your joy back it belongs to you..GO GET IT!
@@snakes3280 I'm sorry things are like that at home for u! My parents especially my mother were verbally and emotionally abusive And to make matters worse she was a child psychiatrist, so she was great at covering it up to authority's and my counselors. I also learned that she was also a very narcissistic and she actually got me addicted to controlled medicine like pain meds at 13. I'm getting healthy now but A lot of things happened in between until I got help. I do hope It gets better for you and anyone else that's experiencing neglect and any sort of abuse. We didn't deserve what happened to us, no child ever deserves to be abused!😔
Deliq Don’t let your past encounter rule you.. stay true to your love and you shall see love again. You must be strong to give love without wanting something in return.
We all need love!!!!!! But who has it to give their child? THe real number 1 crises in our species I fell is the poor child raising of humanity. Parents pass their suffering on to their children and the cycle continues. Every wrong in society boils down to children who did not get what they needed when they were infants and children and who then not only pass it down to their children but to society as well. Its an epidemic and few people know , understand or care.
I wish I could go back in time and raise myself Edit: Usually when I feel irritated or annoyed or something else for no particular reason, I ask myself what does little me want right now. Identifying the emotions I’m going through and then coming with solutions that the inner child will accept. What I usually do are simple things a child would like: - positive affirmations (I always try to COMPLIMENT myself, something your brain will accept and believe. If you tell yourself how smart you are and you’ve been calling yourself stupid all your life, your mind will protest and you’ll quickly give up. Start with easy believable affirmations. -walks in the park, or walks in the city, any place where I used to love to go as a child - treating myself ( buy myself something that I was often denied as a child) - eat my favorite food, snacks, order food from favorite places -take care of my appearance, that is also a form of nurturing yourself. Have your nails done, visit a hair salon, get yourself a relaxing massage! This one’s is amazing! :) - practice my hobbies, this one is important. Sometimes as children we were emotionally and mentally so abused we grow up not knowing what we want or what we like. I always loved singing and writing so that’s what I often do. It’s my escape from reality. You can try a dancing class, painting, learn how to cook, practice a sport, read books, etc... Figure out what your hobbies are! Most important, give yourself the kindness you never received as a child. Our inner child needs it ❤️
I think most people feel their childhood was lacking to some degree. There are videos on YT explaining how to “re-parent” yourself. Sounds kinda ~out there~ but if it helps you see your life differently...
I started crying when the baby reacted to the still face because it made me realize that I experience that my entire life and even a small baby can feel that pain
@@laptakyrenia8264 that actually happened to me, i was so emmotionally detached that as a 9 month old i broke my neck for staring too long at the window, watching the other kids play. outside.
reading this comment as i watched that part of the video felt like the hardest punch in the gut...i'm accepting the emotion though, as part of the healing process, & i'm so proud i'm even at a point where i'm not bottling that feeling up anymore after the emotional neglect of my childhood
I been through things worse than that in childhood, including my family used the fact that I was assaulted to threaten against me. But it doesn’t matter anymore, last time I took a walk with them, I walk my head down, there was a middle eastern riding a bike passing by, looked at me with a face full of envy, looked me, didn’t look her, hah! I’m the person who knows both the y language Korean English and wannabe Chinese person, they deal with the jabjobg every day, envy, right, it looks blue and I’m still the Korean god, what’s better than that! These days I just feel the beauty in everything, a fallen twig can be the most beautiful thing ever, as I typed this, beautiful light is coming into my room, everything feels life heaven and that was what gave have me
Love isn't worth the risk. Chasing an imagined best case scenario is a great way to constantly let yourself down. Human relationships shouldn't extend beyond the point of friendship.
As a teenager, I remember being jealous of my friends because their relationships with their mothers were good, as if they were friends. I wanted that too.
@@lolabandola3250 I would definitely like to keep in touch. It's hard to find people who understand. It's good knowing we are not alone. I'd like to hear your story.
@@bill9923 Hi! I have found a nice chatroom, Spinchat. I did registrer there some weeks ago. Please tell me your nickname. Or: send me an email to csunbeam95@gmail.com See you soon!
When I wasn’t being neglected, rotten teeth, broken bed, no winter gloves or boots, I was being humiliated or shamed. I remember vividly as a 4 year old having an accident in my pants. My mother then bagged up my underwear in a plastic bag and made me carry it around all day while pointing out to everyone what I did. 35 years later It still hurts me to the core
@@Beanssss_ terrible advice from a wretched spiteful prick You DON’T return evil for evil when it comes to your parents who may have been mentally sick themselves when they inflicted their evil on you It’s not gonna make you feel good or improve the situation in any way It’s NOT gonna be a redemption like when you beat up 1 of your school bullies later in life Being bad to your bad family members is just gonna deepen the misery and poison Forgiveness is about you and your healing, NOT about the bad family members You’re a terrible advicer
Your mother was a sick person unfit to have children like many are unfortunately. Pls see her as a patient in a hospital ward, don’t take her to account for it, but work towards healing yourself and be an example for your family………BEST LUCK
I see so many parents completely ignoring their kids in public, never knew exactly why it bothered me so much until this video. For example, eating out somewhere, mum on the phone, child is trying to tell them something and are just being ignored. The child keeps trying to tell them with no response. Just answer your kid! Plus a lot of the time I only see them get a reaction when they do something bad.
That's why so many kids act out. They see that the only time they will get attention is when they are misbehaving. Negative attention is still some attention from their parents, so they'll even take that. Very sad.
I've got Christmas videos of me trying to get my mom's attention for minutes at a time just to thank her. And that was the best time of year, except maybe summer.
My mother neglected me emotionally for most of my life and it caused me to become very introverted, insecure, and depressed. And she would always wonder why I turned out this way as if she had no idea she was the reason for it. She provided everything for me physically, and she would always say that she couldn't understand why I am this way if I am always "taken care of". Unfortunately she was one of those people who sadly believes money buys everything including happiness. I'm not ungrateful for those things, it's just that I would've much rather have been poor yet had a parent who loved me unconditionally and emotionally despite the circumstances.
it only mess you up till you are unaware of it. When you get to know it, it is your own responsibility to cure it. Stop blaming people in your past because it is not useful to you. Make yourself happy today. Just like you may be born with a genetic disease, so you have to take remedial measures. And you are not special, everybody has a different problem of this category. Buck up !! "Replace your memories". This was something taught to me. Study books on this, to replace your memories. Past is only a memory, not a reality. Any childhood trauma is only in your head not in your reality. ankursrivastavaweb.wordpress.com/2020/11/16/replace-your-memories/
Same with me. My mother is a BPD and it runs in her family. Her mother abused her terribly but she had this strange devotion towards her mother. She expected the same of me but I rebelled against her because that was the only thing I could control. I was a very strong willed kid and she hated that. I was her scapegoat child, still am. She knows she's done some things to me but doesn't understand everything. I know she isn't capable and doesn't have it in her but thank God I do. My brother and I broke the cycle.
This is only going to get worse as the still face is equivalent to the “looking at your phone” face I see in so many parents as their children desperately try to get their attention. It’s the new neglect.
But wouldn’t the same be true of our face when reading a book? I agree it is important to be as responsive to our children as possible, but parents can’t be expected to give 100% of their attention, every minute of the day
@@kennethjoneificationYes, but if I remember correctly, it is a lot harder to break a persons concentration when they are looking at a phone (especially when they have headphones in) then when they are looking at a book. Also consider the situations: parents looking at their phones during mealtimes for example, almost nobody would whip out a book while eating with family. In addition: the modeling of reading books around your children while they are playing by themselves is important.
Breaks my heart to read people's comments here, being a mother myself. My parents belonged to a rural place in India, not very educated but I will say they raised 4 kids, sacrificing everything. My father literally sold his land to educate us. Why why why bring a child to this world,when you can't give something as basic as love.
Some parents love their kids, but have a hard time being emotionally supportive. My mom came here from Iran and raised me alone. She had to work a lot, and well..she was often short tempered from stress and exhaustion. I'm sure she didn't mean to yell so much or damage me in some way, but I have a lot of memories of crying because she'd hurt my feelings as a small kid. Parenting is really hard I'm sure. = (
@@racheltania4498 my hugs to you. I am a doctor myself, and sometimes people are trying their best but they are not able to do what they mean,due to circumstances. My mother lost her cool too, we were 4 wild kids, her sisters would tell her, why don't you teach them to do housework. My mother would say, I don't want them so have ,same life as me. she was eldest of 8 kids, and robbed of her childhood, so even though we were slapped, beaten at times, we knew we were loved. Raising kids is so affected by your culture, surroundings. I hope your wounds heal and you find love in each way possible.🤗
So sad to see that poor babys distress when its mother didnt respond. She didnt shout or hurt it physically but still caused great distress. Answers alot.
My biological mom was VERY abusive, now I have a bad habit of two things: giving all my love and attention to the wrong person in hopes of reciprocation, and completely not believing nor trusting anyone who says they do love me
My father was the parent with the still face. Always, ever since I can remember. He never showed any interest in me. He was always in a bad mood, never showed enjoyment when he had to interact with me, just impatience or annoyance. I remember being envious of my friends who had fathers who actually played or talked with them, who enjoyed their child's presence and joked with them. Now I know that my father was in a very difficult place himself back then but the self-hatred is now ingrained deep inside. I always felt something is inherently wrong with me and that I don't belong in this world, that I don't deserve to be seen or loved and must hide my ugly self so no one will notice. I always feel like a burden and inconvenience to others just for existing. It's so damn difficult to make myself believe I deserve a place in this world.
These are feelings that were introjected theyre not the true you and what you really think and how you feel You’re just conditioned to feel this way I was the same hope you feel better soon 💖
And this is the VERY reason why, for ALL of my life I've been attracted to emotionally unavailable men. My mother is and has always been so emotionally cold. I'm almost 50 years old and my mother is now 75, and STILL to this day she is emotionally cold and dark. After all of these years I've finally come to understand that I've been looking for my mother's love in those emotionally unavailable men. I'm working on trying to forgive her, but the damage is so profound that I don't think I ever will. I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive her. Not even when she's dead and gone.
@Vincent P Thank you so much for this Vincent. Who've echoed what my Being whispered to me last night. Wow!! Your echo is confirmation. Thank you again. I truly appreciate it 😌🧘🏽♀️📿🙏🏽
The only thing that helped me to forgive is trying to understand what type of childhood my parents had and how wounded they were. I learned they were terribly abused in many ways.
@@user-sy3fj1yn1x I understand that my mother may not have had a good childhood but I shouldn't have had to pay the price for that. I shouldn't have had to go to school with black eyes and bruises. Why punish me for what happened to her? I promised myself that should I ever have a child I would do everything in my power to be the polar opposite of her, and I did. My son is 21 years old and he reminds me often how much he loves me and that I'm a good mother. I could never imagine beating him, ignoring him, and treating him like he doesn't matter. The abuse my mother did to me was a choice. She CHOSE to hurt me, just like I CHOSE to be loving and kind to my son.
@@Kendall42971 Believe me I've been through the gamut of feelings about them. Even though I'm 65 years old my mother is still alive. I think she's getting meaner! I try not to bite when she's fishing for an argument. I just try to change the subject or not respond to her. I try not to see her unless my sisters are with me. I pray that she'll soften up but I don't hold my breath. Although she's been physically, verbally and emotionally abusive she's also done some nice and loving things. Kendall I'm not saying what I've done applies to everyone. Over the years this is how I feel about it. Of course my dad passed away long ago. I don't think about it much anymore unless someone brings it up or when I'm with my family.
Oh that baby’s distress was so upsetting. Perhaps it resonated too much because I feel almost no emotional connection with my mother. I cannot remember her hugging me as a child. In fact now I become distressed (angry with everything) if I know she is planning to visit. I am more emotionally stable the less contact I have with her. She’s also very controlling even though I’m nearly 50 now myself!!
Caro H: I don't know how spiritual you are, but I place a bubble of protection around myself when I have dealings with my narcissistic mother. Lately I've asked the universe when I imagine the bubble to spin back onto my mother whatever she hurls at me. It's kind of gratifying to watch what happens. Try it, what can it hurt?
This made me cry, and hit me so hard, of why I feel the way I do. My parents were not bad people, the were just not there for me at all. I had no nurturing at all. It has left me lonely all my life.
I'm angry, when people tell others "Oh, c'mon, it's so long ago, you are now adult, you are responsible for your own life, you can't say, your failure in life is because of this, you are old enough now to come over it!" It is like telling somebody who has lost his legs 20 years ago: "Oh, c'mon, this accident happend 20 years ago and you still sit in your wheelchair. You really should be over it now and walk again!"
OMG I HATE when someone tells me to leave the past in the past!! Get on with it!! Put on your big-girl-pants!! It is demeaning & very insensitive to minimize someone else's pain regardless of a time frame....I love your illustration...I am learning who I can confide in & who can't be there for me because they have their own baggage and they do not want to listen to mine because it will trigger theirs and they do not want to face it. So they will say whatever it takes to make me shut your mouth and stop talking to them about it. I have found through much trial & error that it's very important to only confide in those you can trust enough to care because otherwise it ends up re-victimizing you. It takes a lot of courage to dig down deep & unearth past hurts & face them head on...it is the only way to recover to lead a fuller, healthier, & happier life. Whether you reveal the memory or it sits just beneath the surface festering, It is STILL there and it WILL come out one way or another...I choose to gain some control over how it comes out...through my talking it out cause if I don't talk it out I WILL act it out in some self-destructive way and I'm tired of acting it out because that just creates further issues down the road...talking it out facilitates healing & strength & growth!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That's a great way to describe it... you don't just go from crippled to walking when you are emotionally BROKEN and have never had a single person in your life that you could actually trust
Hypersomnie thank you so much for pointing this out,i struggle with this everyday,people telling me your dad neglected you 22yrs back just move on!You what’s sad,it hurts like it was yesterday!
@@gw437 The present is built on the past, and without understanding the past the future is doomed to repeat it. People may deal differently with situations, but childhood trauma is no laughing matter. My dad is someone who thought he had put everything behind him, he said many of the same things as you did. He ended up becoming the same kind of father his own father was, whom he hated. I hope this is not your case, I'm sorry for everything you've had to go through. Godspeed to you.
No, it only mess you up till you are unaware of it. When you get to know it, it is your own responsibility to cure it. Just like you may be born with a genetic disease, so you have to take remedial measures. And you are not special, everybody has a different problem of this category. Buck up !! "Replace your memories". This was something taught to me.
@@gw437 True, we should forgive and forget if possible, but damage is much more complicated then just forgetting it. I was emotionally neglected during my crucial development years, 9-16. Ive forgiven my past, my parents,etc. And moved on but that damage is there. So let me give you a run down of some of my symptoms of this, A. My Dad was never around and my mother worked, when they divorced her work load doubled. So no father figure, AKA no role model. B. I lack empathy in everything I do, if you met me, youd be convinced I have some sort of mild autism. So its very hard to impossible to resonate with another human being, which led me to me being introverted. Its highly likely Ill never marry, my persona and personality make dealing with intimacy an impossible endeavor. My body has gotten use to the neglect and to force it puts too much stress on my body to the point I have to walk away. So Ive learned to be content with Christianity and keeping people at a arms length, especially women to the point unless necessary I never interact with them anymore, and focus on myself and my well-being and spirituality, as well as loved ones. And I want to re-emphasize, I forgave and moved on long ago, and accepted the situation and circumstances that surround me. Going forward I have no regrets. But that damage follows you, and constantly remindes you of what you cant have. Forgetting doesn't remove the obstacles ahead.
Shout out to the new parents trying to raise their kids right and give them a different child hood to the ones we had! Keep doing your thing guys and gals.
I needed to heard that. I have been told to stop cuddeling my son so much by my parents ever since he was born 2 years ago. Their argument being that did not do that with me either.... anyone care to guess why in my opinion the feeling of being left alone is the worst in the world?
@verenamichel2447 cuddle them as much as you can, one day they'll grow up and not want the hugs so get them in while you can!!! Keep going you're doing a great job 👍
I have always hated when people have complimented me on my good manners or thoughtfulness saying, “your parents raised you well”. No. No they didn’t. God helped me raise myself, I just lived at my mother’s house.
No shit!! Me too!! Statistically speaking, I should've wound up in and out of jail or prison or have become a serial killer. I detest the Nature v. Nurture argument in that I have (during my life) chosen to be a good person and to break the cycle of abuse that has been in my family for generations.
I was abused into politeness. I know a lot of people who were. Now I'm great at customer service cuz thats what my whole childhood was if I didn't want to face severe repercussions. I HATE customer service so much and it's been my job for 10 years. Without it I would die in the street.
I’ve worked with Children for several years. In all different classes, rich, poor, doesn’t matter. They all have severe emotional neglect. This is way more common than people realize. I understand why we have the society we do now. It opened my eyes completely
I was shocked to read around 35% of the population is unsafely attached. I think in the current datingpool it's MUCH more. Especially when you get older.
children are truly angels, tools of God. working with and for them for half my life now has saved me and healed me (as much as healing can go) from all this everyone is so bravely sharing here. i hope we can all turn away from unnecessary pain once and for all📿🙏
My mother was a monster malignant narc. She abandoned me with her loving parents and younger brothers so I had a wonderful childhood until age six when she ripped me away from them and moved across the country. My life went to hell after that, but my poor baby sister didn't have a chance. She was thrown in her crib all day and if I snuck in to play with her and she laughed, she would see me get beaten. She learned quickly so when I would sneak in to play with her she was totally silent with the ever present bottle in her mouth. Looking back, I was the only eye contact or tactile contact she had and I was only six. My sister is now 65 and has never been able to get along with people. She loves animals and pretty much hates people. She is awful to me but I overlook it and continue to try to reach her. It isn't easy. This monster pretty much destroyed our lives even until her dying breath and that is no joke.
My kid got sick at school the other day, so the nurse called. She repeatedly thanked me, on the phone and in person, for coming to pick up my sick child and take him home. There were a couple of other kids in there with sad looks on their faces. I wonder if they had to sit there all day?
It pained me so much to see the babies emotions change when the mother was not responding/interracting with her. I started crying right away.... I think EVERY parent should be required to watch this before they give birth. No! before they even decide to become pregnant!
Most unusual that experiment with mother and baby. Very interesting. One thing I've noticed over the years is that many parents ignore what their children are saying to them. The parents are not distracted by something else they just ignore. If your child is talking to you.....listen.
@@lydiabeg7387 can appreciate your comments had my own difficult childhood. Often neglected too. Hard also to be a parent when I became one. Felt very detached. I applied Bible principles and did things for my daughter s comfort that my mother never did.
Or they listen but don’t take what the child is saying seriously. Just because the kid isn’t paying bills doesn’t mean they’re immune to stress in their tiny lives.
@@lydiabeg7387 Then get a therapy and don't have children maybe? My dad shouldn't have children, he had awfull childhood as far as I know. But no, I am one of four of his children and I don't see he's getting better.
As a child I was always asking about everything. When I asked for something and didn't get it, I was interested why my mom wouldn't buy it. but my mom refused to explain it to me, so I would get mad about the fact, that she ignored my question more than not getting the thing I wanted.
Hi Melon sauce the Bible is very useful for all sorts relationships. Have a look at Ephesians 6:1--4 . Particularly verse 4 as it tell us as parents to be consistent with the training of our children. So don't irritate them be fair and let them know where they stand . So the whole family has the same standard to follow.
It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men. Wow thankyou for so many 'thumbs up'. However☺️ this quote is not by me. I do not know who has said it.
at 16 years old I remember being absolutely floored when my friend told me about a [positive] conversation she had had with her mother. I was like woah woah woah, you're mother talks to you?!
In my case it would be you talk to your mother??? I don't talk to her much because she doesn't listen, but then of course it's my fault in the end. Whatever it is, it's my fault.
The weirdest thing for me was seeing mothers and daughters getting along and being affectionate towards each other. I wasn't hugged until I was 25, I thought every mother was supposed to be cold and hateful
My mom lied to anybody that would listen on how I slept with her boyfriend at the tender age of 14. I'm 36 now. She's ruined every relationship I've been in. Cause of course the man is gonna feel like why would your mother lie(ppl with great Mother's don't quite understand)?!. I can write a best seller about my life story. Man I've been thru a lot. Just didn't know it all had to do with my mom until recently. I'm 36 now and God is still showing up in my life. He's all I actually have being that I've never had kids.🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
I remember last summer I went to visit my sister. And when I entered her apt. There stood my mom and her equally evil sister(if not more evil) they look at each other than looked at me and it took my breath away. I thought I was tripping so I turned and went out the door. Inhaled deep exhaled and went back in. And the feeling of suffocation came back as I looked at them still standing there grinning. Didn't even stay to visit. I know I've never done anything but try to help spiritually and financially. Some ppl it's just best to leave em b. My mom(and her siblings)taught me that Domonic evil ppl existence is closer than you know. Sadly my Older sister and Brother seem just like her. I never noticed it b4 as kids.🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
I’m pregnant with my first baby and I’m so happy. I’m already talking to her in the womb. I am excited to help her navigate through the world by giving her love attention and positive affirmations ❤️!
I grew up never learning how to communicate effectively when it came to being emotionally expressive. I’m African-American and mental health is heavily overlooked in the Black community. As a child, I was taught that it’s considered weak to express your emotions. One of the biggest things I feel like I missed out on was having a family that I could be completely open with without judgment that I was being too sensitive. For the longest, I found it difficult to express myself without everything being considered as a joke. I’m 24 now, and I think I’m doing a lot better but it’s been a hassle trying to unlearn toxic behaviours. If you’re struggling with anxiety, depression, etc., continue to focus on self-care and don’t let your failures bring you down.
I’m not African American but I completely understand where you’re coming from. My parents were the same way. I’m 20 years old and I’m currently struggling with the same thing. I really needed to hear that. Thank you ♥️
I'm not black but our families were in the same mindset. I'm 38 now and still struggling to be vulnerable and honest with my own emotions. I wish you better days ahead. Stay strong. And thank you for the encouragement.
Similar experience here. I'm also AA and I grew up around domestic violence and we weren't allowed to be angry about it. I'm 20 now and making it a duty of mine to constantly remind myself to be open about my emotions and genuinely expressive. I was always jealous of families that seem to express their love and actually seemed close. And I still get angry at my childhood sometimes. But emotional progress is made 💕
This is being used to treat PTSD, but I think it's the solution for childhood emotional neglect too - maps.org/participate/participate-in-research/mdma
Veronica C. You’re smart. You’re doing what’s best for you and your would-be offspring. It’s just that simple. Don’t bring people into this world you can’t provide adequate care for. But people are selfish and stupid and act on that pesky biological impulse to bear children when they really shouldn’t. They neglect/mistreat their own kids after being subjected to similar treatment during their childhood and the cycle continues. But at least you’re competent and compassionate enough to recognize that kids are something you can’t handle. Maybe, paradoxically, it’s those who are aware of their own flaws which impede the child-rearing process that should be having kids rather than those who are neglectful but can’t see/or care enough to be a good parent.
As others stated, kudos to you for resisting the urge to have a child. Having babies won’t make your life happier than you are already. Many make that mistake with sad consequences.
Im with you. At 21 i still vowl to never bring children into the world. My emotional damage will not allow me to handle that responsibility. I'm not selfish for not wanting kids, it would infact be selfish to have kids be raised by a mentally ill neglected person like myself. Why put that negative energy on an innocent life?
That's the most absurd thing I ever heard. I don't want to be mean, but seriously, you think you're helping? You think you're doing any good by not having children? No that's just lazy, and while you might have more easy pleasure, your life will lack fulfilment. Get married, have children, and simply love them. That's all it takes. Don't put them in daycare, don't hand them over to a nanny, be there for them, teach them, raise them-- not only will you help raise a generation of healthy, content children, but you'll die leaving behind a legacy and surrounded by the fruits of your labor-- children.
@@rightthewrong6050 Yes, why prolong the inevitable. There may be someone else right around the corner that would be more compatible. Life is short. Being alone may bring about an abundance of peace and quiet, which is very cherishable.
My dad just found all of this out and realized for the first time that my anxiety and depression and fear of being touched and anorexia isn't just because I'm like that. And for the first time, he said two words I thought I would never hear: "I'm sorry"
Hope you can respond to him with love and that you find ways to chat together, not always about his mistakes but just about life and love and the whole darn thing.
Right when I started scrolling to distract myself from that part. Primal wound stuff that. While I’m glad to see I’m not alone, I hate that we all felt it.
Many of us would fail a standard mental and emotional aptitude test. The ones who pass, could still be vulnerable to ailments like postpartum depression, which also can make a person emotionally negligent.
salt pepper not a problem up till recently, when there were extended families. All the mother’s sisters were also considered mothers. Grandmothers lived in the household, etc. perhaps what we need is changing the way we are heading, and make our societies different and working more for us and not the materialism. Just ‘smarter’ societies where our emotional state is as important as employment figures, that’s what we need.
If you are watching this and holding guilt that you have not been the best parent that you could be, let it go. You cannot change the past. But you can hold onto the thought of that feeling as a gentle reminder to be better. Your own parents may not have given you what you needed, but you can build the strength to change that pattern. Stay strong and keep trying.
My mother was severely depressed my entire childhood, and she was always emotionally unresponsive, whether i showed her something that i made or when i was crying, she never soothed me and no one else did either. When i was 2 i didn't play and explore like other children did and when i was 4 i was the only child at school who cried all day every day and never talked for at least a year. From the age of 7-10 i was sexually abused and at school i was always nothing but rejected and outcasted by classmates to the point i didn't wanna go to school anymore and had to talk to the school counselor, but i still remember as a child the time when i gathered my courage together to talk to my parents about this, they got mad and dismissed and invalidated what i said. My parents also never hugged me, complimented me or said "i love you". I'm 21 now and sadly there's no happy ending to this story and if i told you the ways my childhood negatively impacted me shaped me into the person i am this comment would get too long (not like it isn't already😂). I'm really sorry for typing this all out. I'm not at all doing saying this to try to get pity.
@@badidea6034 I am so sorry for everything you had to go through! And I'm so sorry for the ways that your childhood has negatively impacted you as an adult! I know my child's formative years haven't been the best, but they haven't been the worst. But this deep depression that hit me several months ago, I wish it would just go away. I worry for my babies...
My mother was a crazy, vindictive narcissist. I wasn't allowed to have friends or leave the house (unless going to achool) until I was 15. And even then I was told my interests were pathetic and stupid. I basically grew up in a basement, by myself. As an adult I have never been able to emotionally connect with other people. I especially have trouble with accepting praise, and can lose my temper very quickly. It is the main reason that I'll never have kids. I don't want to cause an innocent person to suffer the same way I have.
brokenandcracked I am really sorry to hear what has happened to you and i Hope you will find love and support in this world despite the neglect you have experienced in the past ❤️💕
Same experience with mother and childhood and aftermath as an adult. I have made progress, huge amounts of progress, but it feels like whereas I could’ve thrived and soared in the ways I was expected to had I had the love and care needed emotionally and psychologically, I’m spending my salvaging and healing what I can if what didn’t go right in the first place from the nuclear bomb of bad parenting earlier in life.
Yup you're not alone. I was raised by an aunt who, looking back now as an adult, I think she was kind of a psychopath lady. Both my parents worked full-time. It's just me and the psycho aunt at home. I don't even remember much what happened there. I guess my brain blocked it off for my sanity. I only started to "know" my parents again after my mom gave birth to my brother and quit her job to be a fulltime housewife. I was already 6 years old by then. Too late. I'm now 30, never been in a relationship and difficult to connect with people, always socially awkward. I know I'll never marry because I also can't stand most people. Thankfully I still have a decent job and a few friends from college who accepts my weirdness. Sometimes I think to myself, what kind of person would I be right now, if I was raised right? A question that many of us asked, going by the comments here.
I was adopted. My adoptive mother was emotionally unavailable. I have grown up as a total loser. Alone, broke and weaķ-natured. I don't blame her. It's just how it was. It's so important to show love to children and also to animals, from birth.
Watching that experiment made me cry. Please don't have children unless you truly want them and can afford to care for them. It's just not fair, they have no choice in the matter.
I agree with you 💯. I'm the oldest of 4 and the oldest granddaughter and Great granddaughter, and by that I remember everything! Also my parents had me very Young. Right now I'm 25 and my dad is barely turning 42. Freaking mind blowing cause he has 4 girls and now 2 boys and I use to always tell him, dad stop having kids that I'm having to help take care of. I'm still not married and no kids because I keep telling people I would hate myself if I brought a human being in this world and in nowhere near ready to love for them and keep taking care of them. It's a bittersweet thing to admit but I wish my parents didn't make love and having kids a pain 😢
Maybe I'm cynical but from what I have seen in more cases than not, the most unfit people to be parents usually have the most children. This also helps explain the world and much of history.
They absolutely have a choice! We (us as souls) have all choosen our lives our parents and the major events that happen to us through out our life. It’s 100 times harder than we anticipated but the lessons we learn here are for us to grow and learn
@@OrangeUp I think that this mother (hopefully) is very loving and will make up for that half a minute of not attention to her kid. What this science experiment is illustrating is that prolonged exposure to this, which at a point becomes neglect, then this is permanent damage.
I have an emotionally absent mother. All my life I tried to please her so that I could feel love from her so all I Learned was conditional love, and the feeling that I was never good enough no matter how much I achieved in life. It's still so sad that I didn't have the kind of mother daughter relationship I craved when I was young... but the good thing that came out of it is that I'm a good mother to my daughter and we have a wonderful relationship. I put her first before the dishes in the sink, work... My daughter knows how loved she is.
Sheba Comfort I hope you’re blessed to have a daughter... mother daughter relationships can be challenging but they are so rewarding. Being able to love my daughter and empower my daughter through guidance and unconditional love and receive that Unconditional love that is priceless!
I believe my mother never cared much about me as a person, but as a belonging; something that would give her more value, and company. My emotions were implicitly and explicitly, an annoyance to get rid of, while hers were extremely important and fragile. Such contrast was disastrous for me.
My mother was a stay at home mom, she took care of us but she wasn’t very loving. She never said anything sweet or encouraging to us. I guess she didn’t know how to show love since she didn’t get it herself from her parents being the 8th child out of 14 children. I think i was a very emotional child growing up and she didn’t have the patience. I used to be scared of sleeping alone in my bedroom and i would beg her to let me sleep with her she would get so upset with me and would hit me to go back to my room. Now that i have children i try to minimize stress to them, i don’t want them to suffer from depression and anxiety like me.
Wow your story so similar to mine...my mom also dont know how to connect with child because of her bad relation with her mother...i feel sorry for her becoz she dont know what love is....but i dont want to be like her, i hope i will change...😊😊
@@Strgzz Ditto. No hugs, no sitting on lap, being "smooshed" and being told I was loved. Same for my siblings. Cold.. Messed me up for sure. Struggling with depression and anxiety all my life. It's like I was missing a nutrition that I badly needed. You could say I lack some important building blocks. I didn't know it at that time, but what I didn't get through motherly love I replaced elsewhere; in food and sweets. I used to sneak food up to my room all the time as a kid. I still suffer from this effect to this day as an adult. Some people just doesn't know how to give or show love to their kids. It's really sad when you think about it.
Yes, i have experience of that. Never being hugged or kissed as a child, wandering about aged 3 onwards, it is surprising that i didn't die or get molested. Some people should not be allowed to have children.
Truth. I'm 41 and still find it hard to connect to anyone. I have to work on myself constantly and remind myself that yes I am loved. No I am not worthless!
it only mess you up till you are unaware of it. When you get to know it, it is your own responsibility to cure it. Stop blaming people in your past because it is not useful to you today. Make yourself happy today on your own. Just like you may be born with a genetic disease, so you have to take remedial measures. And you are not special, everybody has a different problem of this category. Buck up !! "Replace your memories". This was something taught to me. Study books on this, to replace your memories. Past is only a memory, not a reality. Any childhood trauma is only in your head not in your reality.
My mom would accuse me of being autistic when she never taught me social skills and pushed me away every time I tried to be affectionate with her as a little kid. No wonder i turned out shy and socially anxious. But nothing can ever be her fault
I love you and Jesus loves you too. Healing from your upraising is so hard but you can do it though jesus. He’s my stable rock when I don’t have the people who are supposed to be there for me to lean on
This is being used to treat PTSD, but I think it's the solution for childhood emotional neglect too - maps.org/participate/participate-in-research/mdma
Thank you ..exactly..i was unwell for decades over it..im 63 n it still hurts..my siblings have the same attitude towards me..each other ...n dont get they are completing the ugly circle
My parents ignored me as a child and accused me of faking when I was sick. The only adult who gave me positive attention was the same man who was sexually molesting me. Later on in life, when I was able to go to a doctor on my own, I was diagnosed with a disease that could have been treated sooner. But of course my parents paid no mind to my complaints. Its sad how the people who are supposed to care for you and protect you fuck you up the most. I grew up to be an introvert who distrusts everyone. My parents failed me.
I'm sorry you have to go through that. I was constantly yelled at for being slow and dumb. When I was old enough to go to a doctor. I'm 90% deaf.... Yup. Full of permanent anxiety and low self of steam. Working on rebuilds into something I WANT to be.
I was left alone a lot, and when I was about 11 years old I was forced to babysit my sibling age 7. My mom ended up having more babies and I had to babysit and do all the house chores. They saw nothing wrong with this. My mom often left me at sitters for days. When I needed her most she wasn't there. I moved away from home at 19 to another state. She is trying her best to reach out to me. She gets sad that we don't have this connection like mothers and daughters do. I wish I can tell her why, but I can't and it hurts me.
@@kinjaaaaaa999 remember Kim, she may have endured the same abuse. The secret is forgiveness and a resolution that the abuse stops with us, we don't pass on the neglect to other children.
I was always ignored, or told to go to my room. My sister was always introduced at every social gathering. One time I introduced myself and said “I’m an accident”. Yep, that went over really well.
I was always told i was a mistake, and even my sisters would laugh and bring it up in conversation. Mum used to tell people that there was no difference between having one or two children, but there was a massive difference having three, and yes, i was the third one. I've never forgotten that and it hurt a lot
Abandoned at 15, my mother informed me I was unwanted, she tried a few things to abort me, and I don't know for sure what she did but I have a terrible arthritic back too young at 25 to start having serious structural issues. I can go on, but she rarely fed me. I ate cereal, bananas, lots of junk so she could escape us with her narcolepsy instead of taking her medicine for it until we all were in bed.
@@nancycorbeil5892 Until “we” were all in bed… oml, did she have multiple kids? I doubt they were treated much better than you if that were the case. I wonder if they too were abandoned young. So strange for someone to have kids when they don’t seem of sound mind, assuming the others weren’t also failed abortion attempts (bc that would mean she chose). And when she saw you had lived through the abortion, why not put you up for adoption? The foster care system probably would’ve at least cared for you until 18, even if it may not be the best. Also, since she had an unsuccessful abortion, I presume one of three possibilities: -it was illegal wherever she is so she did the coat hanger abortion -it was legal but she was pregnant for too long -she had it done at the hospital and somehow someway the doctor didn’t do it properly. If it’s the 2nd one, a late abortion, that’s especially gross because you’d likely be able to feel the coat hanger and were probably damaged in the womb. I definitely wouldn’t be surprised if that’s what caused your problems. I mean, there’s a reason why abortions have a time limit. Some people have them so late that it can go from an attempted abortion to a pre-mature birth where the child lives. It’s insane. Overall, mom bad, you good. Glad you’re alive over a decade after being abandoned, and you write very well, I’d read books made by you.
No childhood is perfect. No child is perfect. No parent is perfect. No family is perfect. No life is perfect. Perfection is not part of this temporary world. We were not created for this world. We were created for heaven. Perfection is in the Hereafter.
One of the things I have left over from my childhood is my "Baby Book"- handed out to new mothers by some insurance company in the 1930's. In it's instructions to new mothers it advises not picking up crying babies because they "need to learn self discipline"! That was the "scientific" approach in those days that my mother and aunts followed. I still find it hard to cry, and especially never in public. Now in my 80's, there has been a lot of sadness inside me through the decades. That same mother protected me from an alcoholic father's fists and belt, putting herself between him and my brother and me. She sent us to a Catholic school because she wanted us to get a good education, and she sent me as well as my older brother. This was a long time before "Women's Rights", and values, were even thought about. I've had a long time to consider, and even heal, from the events of my childhood. It's an on-going thing, but what else is as important as becoming the best we can be. What I'm trying to say is: Don't Give Up! Understanding what traumas imposed by others left such sadness within us can help us heal. We can become the person we want to be. We are no longer dependent children but adults with ability and independence. We are no longer helpless. From my position "down the road" and closer to the "exit door" of this life, I am cheering you on. Don't Give Up! You are precious!
Sometimes I find it hard to watch these videos. They always point out issues that happen to relate to me so much so, that my ego tries to fight back and disregard the newfound info. You never disappoint, School of Life.
I didn't have a TV in my house ever for exactly this reason. Those first five years I gave all three of my children full attention without destractions. This was contrary to the way I was bought but however, implementing knowledge and understanding that I gained through research for my children was a priority. I totally believe in this unconditional love during childrens early years.
My family always fulfilled all my basic needs on point giving me a comfortable life, but they all had a still face. I remember the shock I had when a friend went to visit me for the first time and she commented about how we all lived in the same house but it was like we were completly ignoring each others existence. That hit me hard.
Depression, anxiety, trust issues, relationship problems, some criminal behavior often stem from neglectful, indifferent, and abusive parents. The brain wiring is negatively affected forever. This really SUCKS. It sucks that we can’t choose our parents but we are stuck with this condition the rest of our lives, through no fault of our own. The only thing I have found to counteract these problems is years of therapy, self help books and time with my pets.
And "time with my pets". I love that. My cat saved my life and most days her fuzzy self is the only thing that has kept me on this earth for these passed 10 years, bc if i kill myself, i dont know where she would go or what would happen to her.
This is being used to treat PTSD, but I think it's the solution for childhood emotional neglect too - maps.org/participate/participate-in-research/mdma
I can recall my mom telling me she would never let anyone pick me up as a baby or pay me any attention, she said it would spoil me. N then as i got older she told me i never smiled as a baby...gee i wonder why. 😢
Whimsy Meadows This is why I hate people sometimes. And this is why I feel nothing about anything that happens to people ....specially from past generations. The generations of selfish, cruel and totally unfair people. No wonder why there is so much depressed people in today’s society. Because the ones who were supposed to love you are the ones that broke your heart.
it only mess you up till you are unaware of it. When you get to know it, it is your own responsibility to cure it. Just like you may be born with a genetic disease, so you have to take remedial measures. And you are not special, everybody has a different problem of this category. Buck up !! "Replace your memories". This was something taught to me.
@@liveankur thank you for your concern. I may not have had the best beginning, but that doesnt make me who i am. I am quite a cheetful happy positive person...because of my relationship with God n because i choose to be
A hundred million years of evolution, of life forms who fought constant danger and succeeded to reproduce before they died. All of this leads up to your existence, you either know or will know no matter what, or you will die alone, there's no in-between. I think some people are meant to die alone, now that there are less wars, people might still be alive but mentally they are dead. In the sense that they convince themselves not to have children and there dies their lineage. On a macro scale over many generations, it's the same result and the same fundamental cause, natural selection. TL;DR I believe in you👍
Because babies are humans that need constant attention, the parent needs to be stable both financially and mentally. So if you're not ready please don't have a child.
don't worry i did too I'm messed up my dr is an asshole to me he tells me I'm retarded. just don't worry about what anyone says to u and dont feel different ur ok .just be there for ur kids and dont do the same to them. maybe ull make a good social worker someday
@xDorothii; Not Uploadin' who tf even mentioned Hitler? Let alone mass murderers( not to mention Stalin/Lenin and Mao Zedong have higher body counts by MILLIONS) I don't think his parents abused him but they did die when he was young. His dad at like 14 ish and his mom a couple years later. Add that to being homeless for a long time, four siblings who died before adulthood, and FUCKING WORLD WAR 1 dipshit. Is this what people do now? Someone says "violence" and you just blurt out HIIIITLLLLLLERRRRR
@M. Di Federico It's no one's fault. As a society, we have a responsibility to require more from our members. Tribal communities did some fundamental things right that we could learn from.
EVERY SINGLE MAJOR SERIAL KILLER HAS A SHIT MOM. at least from the high profile cases i have seen. it is very rare to find one that just became one from the enjoyment of killing.
Mireille Pasgo - I can completely relate to : Self Self I have a brother, and sister... and we never got married, nor ever had children. I do not enjoy hugs. I'm happy about the virus, not allowing people to hug me.
My father was emotionally negligent, my mother emotionally drained + unavailable; it has had life long affects on me, my self esteem. I have a partner now who has been loving, patient and so kind and it's taken years for me to understand what love and trust feels + looks like. Childhood neglect doesn't leave visible scars, but they are there and they're powerful.
I can totally relate . My mother never wanted a female daughter so, I was rejected by her from the day I was born . It's been a long journey, but I'm thankful I know how to love and be loved by others . I hope anyone reading this who has gone through a similar situation knows that you ARE worth love , respect and a peaceful life . ❤️
@@gw437 Um no, government has more control over us as it is. People can't control the time they spend on their own hobbies and interests because they're selfish and self-absorbed. The government can't fix that. You see how they're controlling us now with this Croney-19 Fear-demic? How about the gov't regulate how many sports games you can watch, pretzels you can eat, shoes you can own, what the hell?
Yes, I see it too and can’t stand it. Young kids just staring at their parents while their parents stare at their phones with these self-satisfied looks on their faces.
My daughter moved out at 18 (fiercely independent woman). She stops by to do laundry or grab a meal once or twice a week. But after about two months of her living on her own I sent her a card via snail mail. In the card I wrote how much I love her and admire her strength but she'll always have a place here at home if the need arises. She called me when she opened it and got all choked up when she said her strength can be attributed to knowing her parents have always had her back. I never felt that way toward my parents but I'm glad I was able to do better.
I'm literally crying after watching this video..no one other can imagine how much damage an emotionally unavailable parent can occur , only except the child who has been through 😢
It was such a breakthrough for me when I understood that my co-dependency and struggles in relationships came from emotional neglect during my childhood. I had emotionally unavailable parents, therefore I formed a false belief that I was unloveable. As a was "unloveable" I would chase love in all the wrong places, so that I could continue chasing it forever, thus confirming my false belief.
Same here! But although i m aware of The pattern , i still struggle to bond with a man, i never had a loving and caring relationship, never had someone Who takes care of me, as I never had that în my childhood.
Same. I am going through a break up right now. But I won't give up. I'm trying to grow again and look out for myself and love myself. Let's all start with positive affirmations and try to be aware of the negative voice inside ourselves and try to stop it every time we are aware of it.
Julia this sounds like me. They were always emotionally unavailable and it was something that I instinctively picked up on at 4 years old. I wouldn't tell them when I fell because I felt like I was burdening them with something they could do without, when I got older I fell into a pattern of abusive relationships with older guys and it was this dark embarrassing secret that I couldn't share with anyone. There was no guidance and my father's bipolar disorder got worse when they separated so I often felt like he was the child and I was the parent, guiding him and looking out for signs of him deteriorating. Didn't even realise at the time how difficult it was.
Consider creating mother and father's day cards that deal in reality by not doing the mushy crap, "Oh you were the best mother in the world!" but instead, "You were a horrible mother for too many reasons to mention, but I sorta love you anyway."
Spot on. At 56, I'm just now breaking through that pain and working with my excellent psychotherapist to build myself up to the healthiest woman I can be. Best of luck to all who are in a similar situation. 💜🕊
still face works on grown ups, too. If someone tries to engage with you and you keep your face on neutral they will get flustered or defensive/aggressive, both of which are reactions to a rejection. I know someone who switches off all expression when things don't go his way or even if he just doesn't feel like engaging with someone right next to him and it makes me jittery every time. Took me a while to figure that one out.
I felt the same way and I dont have a baby either. Interesting that the mom they used in the experiment seemed to be a very loving and attentive mom and we all picked up on that by the way the BABY reacted to her. Very interesting.
Foster care is even worse. You're bounced around to several homes before age 18. Sometimes with 8 other kids. And then you have to leave shortly after turning 18. Foster care is a business. Most don't seem to care.
@@ms.whitefolks1223 It's not just about the parents. Biology has nothing to do with child rearing. We, as a society, should require more from each other. Our community has a responsibility to its members. It's not someone else's problem.
I was hit, emotionally ignored. Had two parents then one who were both abusive. A lot of physical beatings. I was a totally different parent. never hit my kids. Loved having my children.
it only mess you up till you are unaware of it. When you get to know it, it is your own responsibility to cure it. Stop blaming people in your past because it is not useful to you. Make yourself happy today. Just like you may be born with a genetic disease, so you have to take remedial measures. And you are not special, everybody has a different problem of this category. Buck up !! "Replace your memories". This was something taught to me. Study books on this, to replace your memories. Past is only a memory, not a reality. Any childhood trauma is only in your head not in your reality.
This video breaks my heart. All I ever wanted was to be accepted and loved. I always feel alone. Reading the comments here makes me feel like I'm not alone in this endeavor
Yes you are not alone, there are many of us in the same boat, keep giving yourself love and kindness even if other people were unavailable to. Love is not a luxury it is the gateway to survival and happiness.
So true. If I am legally obligated to take care of my emotionally neglectful and abusive mom, I would just pay the cheapest option for a nursing home. She gave me the bare minimum, I will also respond with the bare minimum.
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True. It’s easier to build strong children than to repair broken adults.
For some they don't understand how to build string children.
@@krystalrussell1783 Exactly! My parents tried to make me 'strong' in all the wrong ways - being VERY critical so I'd learn, not giving me things to avoid being spoilt - but it was all to the very extreme. I remember clearly at 6 that I wanted to be a pretty princess and buy a Disney Princess dress. My Mum said "No cause you aren't a princess and we don't want you getting big headed thinking you're nicer than you are" I was never given the affirmation or warmth I needed. Anything they did was negative, an insult or an order. And now they wonder why I'm so distant 🥴
A broken adult simply needs an ass whooping and to get their shit together , because no one's going to help them when they're old and they'll realize that one day so they'll change themselves or suffer
John 3:16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life
@David Ramirez Profound, to straight to the point, and undeniably true! 👍
Some parents have a lot to answer for! They don`t show their kids love, but expect them to be loyal to them.
Exactly, my parents were so cold and negative i have mental problems my whole life because of them.
I have probs with defensive anger and boundary between myself and others, but working on it and getting better. My biggest victory is that I do not feel sorry for myself. I am not a victim.
catherine birch yes but we need to work on those if the parents are willing and able. Holding onto that hate or resentment doesn’t do anyone any good
Usually the same thing happened to the parents, too. It's like an epigenetic illness, passed down the generations. If this happened to you, seek help before you raise kids!
Oh hell yeah, this was my mother!
It really sucks that something you have absolutely no control over can mess you up for the rest of your life 😢
I hear ya. I suffer everyday
And is there any way to fix it?
We are special puppets who can learn to pull our own strings.
You can always heal people, you can.
I felt that way for 40+ years...It dawned on me ironically after a break up..I do deserve peace in my life..My parents screwed me up..SO GUESS WHAT... I'M NOT GOING TO HELP THEM...Im going to fight like hell for my peace..I have earned it..I refuse to continue letting the past dominate my joy..A person can fall down to no fault of their own..But dammit You swing harder coming back up..Take your joy back it belongs to you..GO GET IT!
When parents neglected you so much that you get scared, angry and defensive when they show you any affection.
This is too accurate 💔
Omg why this is literally me
Tell me about it
I'm like that with my mom, she tried to hug me once when I was seeing her and I threatened to scream that's how mad I was about it
@@snakes3280 I'm sorry things are like that at home for u! My parents especially my mother were verbally and emotionally abusive And to make matters worse she was a child psychiatrist, so she was great at covering it up to authority's and my counselors. I also learned that she was also a very narcissistic and she actually got me addicted to controlled medicine like pain meds at 13. I'm getting healthy now but A lot of things happened in between until I got help.
I do hope It gets better for you and anyone else that's experiencing neglect and any sort of abuse. We didn't deserve what happened to us, no child ever deserves to be abused!😔
“Love is not a luxury. It’s the gateway to our survival and sanity.” I’m writing that one down!!
Deliq wtf is wrong with you omg 😐
🤍🤍🤍 me too it so beautiful
Deliq Don’t let your past encounter rule you.. stay true to your love and you shall see love again. You must be strong to give love without wanting something in return.
We all need love!!!!!! But who has it to give their child? THe real number 1 crises in our species I fell is the poor child raising of humanity. Parents pass their suffering on to their children and the cycle continues. Every wrong in society boils down to children who did not get what they needed when they were infants and children and who then not only pass it down to their children but to society as well. Its an epidemic and few people know , understand or care.
Deliq fuck you incel wallet
I wish I could go back in time and raise myself
Edit:
Usually when I feel irritated or annoyed or something else for no particular reason, I ask myself what does little me want right now. Identifying the emotions I’m going through and then coming with solutions that the inner child will accept.
What I usually do are simple things a child would like:
- positive affirmations (I always try to COMPLIMENT myself, something your brain will accept and believe. If you tell yourself how smart you are and you’ve been calling yourself stupid all your life, your mind will protest and you’ll quickly give up. Start with easy believable affirmations.
-walks in the park, or walks in the city, any place where I used to love to go as a child
- treating myself ( buy myself something that I was often denied as a child)
- eat my favorite food, snacks, order food from favorite places
-take care of my appearance, that is also a form of nurturing yourself. Have your nails done, visit a hair salon, get yourself a relaxing massage! This one’s is amazing! :)
- practice my hobbies, this one is important. Sometimes as children we were emotionally and mentally so abused we grow up not knowing what we want or what we like.
I always loved singing and writing so that’s what I often do. It’s my escape from reality.
You can try a dancing class, painting, learn how to cook, practice a sport, read books, etc...
Figure out what your hobbies are!
Most important, give yourself the kindness you never received as a child. Our inner child needs it ❤️
Lol
That's a really great thought actually💫
I think most people feel their childhood was lacking to some degree. There are videos on YT explaining how to “re-parent” yourself. Sounds kinda ~out there~ but if it helps you see your life differently...
Same
I. P. S. Awwwww😢
"Love isn't a luxury. It's a gateway to our very survival and stability." The most realistic and comforting line I've ever heard.
I started crying when the baby reacted to the still face because it made me realize that I experience that my entire life and even a small baby can feel that pain
Same
The baby also gives up crying eventually,a switch flicks in the brain,damaged for life
@@laptakyrenia8264 that actually happened to me, i was so emmotionally detached that as a 9 month old i broke my neck for staring too long at the window, watching the other kids play. outside.
reading this comment as i watched that part of the video felt like the hardest punch in the gut...i'm accepting the emotion though, as part of the healing process, & i'm so proud i'm even at a point where i'm not bottling that feeling up anymore after the emotional neglect of my childhood
I been through things worse than that in childhood, including my family used the fact that I was assaulted to threaten against me. But it doesn’t matter anymore, last time I took a walk with them, I walk my head down, there was a middle eastern riding a bike passing by, looked at me with a face full of envy, looked me, didn’t look her, hah!
I’m the person who knows both the y language Korean English and wannabe Chinese person, they deal with the jabjobg every day, envy, right, it looks blue and I’m still the Korean god, what’s better than that! These days I just feel the beauty in everything, a fallen twig can be the most beautiful thing ever, as I typed this, beautiful light is coming into my room, everything feels life heaven and that was what gave have me
“Love isn’t a luxury. It’s a gateway to our very survival and sanity.”
john yi yet it rarely exist .. which is pretty ironic
I pray for you!
Love isn't worth the risk. Chasing an imagined best case scenario is a great way to constantly let yourself down. Human relationships shouldn't extend beyond the point of friendship.
love isn't perfect, neither are any relationships, including friendships. We need it, even when we don't want it.
Le Enderman Who hurt you?
As a teenager, I remember being jealous of my friends because their relationships with their mothers were good, as if they were friends. I wanted that too.
Same!! Still wishing the same..
💯
@Willy Wonka > Mine too, thus, the reason I could not have a decent relationship with my Mom.
Same
Same here I had everything financially but emotionally I got nothing
I feel like I am serving a life sentence for a crime I didn't commit.
@@lolabandola3250 I would definitely like to keep in touch. It's hard to find people who understand. It's good knowing we are not alone. I'd like to hear your story.
@@bill9923 Hi! I have found a nice chatroom, Spinchat. I did registrer there some weeks ago. Please tell me your nickname.
Or: send me an email to
csunbeam95@gmail.com
See you soon!
@@bill9923 Hello. ☺ How are you? 🌷🇸🇪
Same 💔
Same
When I wasn’t being neglected, rotten teeth, broken bed, no winter gloves or boots, I was being humiliated or shamed. I remember vividly as a 4 year old having an accident in my pants. My mother then bagged up my underwear in a plastic bag and made me carry it around all day while pointing out to everyone what I did.
35 years later It still hurts me to the core
OMG. I am so sorry.
Do the same thing when she is old and unable to change her own diaper
Jk jk
@@Beanssss_ terrible advice from a wretched spiteful prick
You DON’T return evil for evil when it comes to your parents who may have been mentally sick themselves when they inflicted their evil on you
It’s not gonna make you feel good or improve the situation in any way
It’s NOT gonna be a redemption like when you beat up 1 of your school bullies later in life
Being bad to your bad family members is just gonna deepen the misery and poison
Forgiveness is about you and your healing, NOT about the bad family members
You’re a terrible advicer
Your mother was a sick person unfit to have children like many are unfortunately.
Pls see her as a patient in a hospital ward, don’t take her to account for it, but work towards healing yourself and be an example for your family………BEST LUCK
That’s terrible I’m sorry you had to go through that.
I see so many parents completely ignoring their kids in public, never knew exactly why it bothered me so much until this video.
For example, eating out somewhere, mum on the phone, child is trying to tell them something and are just being ignored. The child keeps trying to tell them with no response. Just answer your kid!
Plus a lot of the time I only see them get a reaction when they do something bad.
That's why so many kids act out. They see that the only time they will get attention is when they are misbehaving. Negative attention is still some attention from their parents, so they'll even take that. Very sad.
Exactly
I've got Christmas videos of me trying to get my mom's attention for minutes at a time just to thank her. And that was the best time of year, except maybe summer.
@Nugget G try explaining good behavior, encourage it. Ignoring it will raise their desire for attention, probably negative attention.
You hit a very important part. Only reacting when they've done something wrong. Interesting to see just how that will affect them. Really sad..
My mother neglected me emotionally for most of my life and it caused me to become very introverted, insecure, and depressed. And she would always wonder why I turned out this way as if she had no idea she was the reason for it. She provided everything for me physically, and she would always say that she couldn't understand why I am this way if I am always "taken care of". Unfortunately she was one of those people who sadly believes money buys everything including happiness. I'm not ungrateful for those things, it's just that I would've much rather have been poor yet had a parent who loved me unconditionally and emotionally despite the circumstances.
it only mess you up till you are unaware of it. When you get to know it, it is your own responsibility to cure it.
Stop blaming people in your past because it is not useful to you. Make yourself happy today.
Just like you may be born with a genetic disease, so you have to take remedial measures.
And you are not special, everybody has a different problem of this category.
Buck up !!
"Replace your memories". This was something taught to me.
Study books on this, to replace your memories.
Past is only a memory, not a reality.
Any childhood trauma is only in your head not in your reality.
ankursrivastavaweb.wordpress.com/2020/11/16/replace-your-memories/
Yup,me to ,I always had everything but emotionally I was starving ,still am
@@liveankur Replacing memories sounds dumb.
Same with me. My mother is a BPD and it runs in her family. Her mother abused her terribly but she had this strange devotion towards her mother. She expected the same of me but I rebelled against her because that was the only thing I could control. I was a very strong willed kid and she hated that. I was her scapegoat child, still am. She knows she's done some things to me but doesn't understand everything. I know she isn't capable and doesn't have it in her but thank God I do. My brother and I broke the cycle.
Ditto for most of this .....
unfortunately most people like the act of making children way more than raising them
They are like cute puppies that end up living on a chain in the backyard. This analogy works well with animal lovers.
OfftoShambala Smart analogy
Dionne thanks dionne
@@OfftoShambala Sad reality....
😢
This is only going to get worse as the still face is equivalent to the “looking at your phone” face I see in so many parents as their children desperately try to get their attention. It’s the new neglect.
This! So true.
But wouldn’t the same be true of our face when reading a book? I agree it is important to be as responsive to our children as possible, but parents can’t be expected to give 100% of their attention, every minute of the day
@@kennethjoneificationMaybe help the child under what reading a book is.
@@kennethjoneificationYes, but if I remember correctly, it is a lot harder to break a persons concentration when they are looking at a phone (especially when they have headphones in) then when they are looking at a book. Also consider the situations: parents looking at their phones during mealtimes for example, almost nobody would whip out a book while eating with family. In addition: the modeling of reading books around your children while they are playing by themselves is important.
Top comment
Breaks my heart to read people's comments here, being a mother myself. My parents belonged to a rural place in India, not very educated but I will say they raised 4 kids, sacrificing everything. My father literally sold his land to educate us. Why why why bring a child to this world,when you can't give something as basic as love.
barebearburiesbarrysberries
Exactly! 💯 Narcissists!!!!
some people pop kids out of boredom and wanting to pass on genes exclusively
@barebearburiesbarrysberries hugs to you!
Some parents love their kids, but have a hard time being emotionally supportive. My mom came here from Iran and raised me alone. She had to work a lot, and well..she was often short tempered from stress and exhaustion. I'm sure she didn't mean to yell so much or damage me in some way, but I have a lot of memories of crying because she'd hurt my feelings as a small kid. Parenting is really hard I'm sure. = (
@@racheltania4498 my hugs to you. I am a doctor myself, and sometimes people are trying their best but they are not able to do what they mean,due to circumstances. My mother lost her cool too, we were 4 wild kids, her sisters would tell her, why don't you teach them to do housework. My mother would say, I don't want them so have ,same life as me. she was eldest of 8 kids, and robbed of her childhood, so even though we were slapped, beaten at times, we knew we were loved. Raising kids is so affected by your culture, surroundings. I hope your wounds heal and you find love in each way possible.🤗
So sad to see that poor babys distress when its mother didnt respond. She didnt shout or hurt it physically but still caused great distress. Answers alot.
I agree. * a lot
My biological mom was VERY abusive, now I have a bad habit of two things: giving all my love and attention to the wrong person in hopes of reciprocation, and completely not believing nor trusting anyone who says they do love me
I hear you sista
My adoptive mother was VERY abusive.... etc. EXACTLY what you described.
Oh yeah...
Same
Preach girl
My father was the parent with the still face. Always, ever since I can remember. He never showed any interest in me. He was always in a bad mood, never showed enjoyment when he had to interact with me, just impatience or annoyance. I remember being envious of my friends who had fathers who actually played or talked with them, who enjoyed their child's presence and joked with them. Now I know that my father was in a very difficult place himself back then but the self-hatred is now ingrained deep inside. I always felt something is inherently wrong with me and that I don't belong in this world, that I don't deserve to be seen or loved and must hide my ugly self so no one will notice. I always feel like a burden and inconvenience to others just for existing. It's so damn difficult to make myself believe I deserve a place in this world.
You belong.
These are feelings that were introjected theyre not the true you and what you really think and how you feel
You’re just conditioned to feel this way I was the same hope you feel better soon 💖
You're not alone. I feel the same way and so do many others on here. Perfectly normal reaction to abnormal circumstances.
Exactly the same here...
I'm there for you. This is hard. Life isn't fair that's all I have learned so far.
And this is the VERY reason why, for ALL of my life I've been attracted to emotionally unavailable men. My mother is and has always been so emotionally cold. I'm almost 50 years old and my mother is now 75, and STILL to this day she is emotionally cold and dark. After all of these years I've finally come to understand that I've been looking for my mother's love in those emotionally unavailable men. I'm working on trying to forgive her, but the damage is so profound that I don't think I ever will. I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive her. Not even when she's dead and gone.
@Vincent P Thank you so much for this Vincent. Who've echoed what my Being whispered to me last night. Wow!! Your echo is confirmation. Thank you again. I truly appreciate it 😌🧘🏽♀️📿🙏🏽
The only thing that helped me to forgive is trying to understand what type of childhood my parents had and how wounded they were. I learned they were terribly abused in many ways.
@@user-sy3fj1yn1x I understand that my mother may not have had a good childhood but I shouldn't have had to pay the price for that. I shouldn't have had to go to school with black eyes and bruises. Why punish me for what happened to her? I promised myself that should I ever have a child I would do everything in my power to be the polar opposite of her, and I did. My son is 21 years old and he reminds me often how much he loves me and that I'm a good mother. I could never imagine beating him, ignoring him, and treating him like he doesn't matter. The abuse my mother did to me was a choice. She CHOSE to hurt me, just like I CHOSE to be loving and kind to my son.
have you ever just broken down to her and asked her why
@@Kendall42971 Believe me I've been through the gamut of feelings about them. Even though I'm 65 years old my mother is still alive. I think she's getting meaner! I try not to bite when she's fishing for an argument. I just try to change the subject or not respond to her. I try not to see her unless my sisters are with me. I pray that she'll soften up but I don't hold my breath. Although she's been physically, verbally and emotionally abusive she's also done some nice and loving things. Kendall I'm not saying what I've done applies to everyone. Over the years this is how I feel about it. Of course my dad passed away long ago. I don't think about it much anymore unless someone brings it up or when I'm with my family.
Oh that baby’s distress was so upsetting. Perhaps it resonated too much because I feel almost no emotional connection with my mother. I cannot remember her hugging me as a child. In fact now I become distressed (angry with everything) if I know she is planning to visit. I am more emotionally stable the less contact I have with her. She’s also very controlling even though I’m nearly 50 now myself!!
Caro H: I don't know how spiritual you are, but I place a bubble of protection around myself when I have dealings with my narcissistic mother. Lately I've asked the universe when I imagine the bubble to spin back onto my mother whatever she hurls at me. It's kind of gratifying to watch what happens. Try it, what can it hurt?
Cynthia Johnson I will give it a go! 😘
FaithHope21 this is a very mature and positive response. I do often wonder what in her past created who she is today.
Caro H your mother may most likely be a narcissist
Caro H are you me?
I’m a mother of 2 adorable children, watching this video just opened my eyes to be more present!
Same I have 2 boys.. idk how people have more 2 is hard lol
Y'all don't let your children suffer like we did, it's a sad life we're living out here
Same
Give them a plant based diet.
humans are not designed for animal products.
I promise you this is true
Being self aware and always looking to improve is a fantastic approach to parenthood. You sound like a wonderful mother
This made me cry, and hit me so hard, of why I feel the way I do. My parents were not bad people, the were just not there for me at all. I had no nurturing at all. It has left me lonely all my life.
You’re loved and watched ❤️
I'd love you and nurse you for sure
@@Joel-pg4yi Thank you for your kind and beautiful comment. It cheered me today.
Every child deserves to feel seen and loved every single day.
I'm angry, when people tell others "Oh, c'mon, it's so long ago, you are now adult, you are responsible for your own life, you can't say, your failure in life is because of this, you are old enough now to come over it!" It is like telling somebody who has lost his legs 20 years ago: "Oh, c'mon, this accident happend 20 years ago and you still sit in your wheelchair. You really should be over it now and walk again!"
OMG I HATE when someone tells me to leave the past in the past!! Get on with it!! Put on your big-girl-pants!! It is demeaning & very insensitive to minimize someone else's pain regardless of a time frame....I love your illustration...I am learning who I can confide in & who can't be there for me because they have their own baggage and they do not want to listen to mine because it will trigger theirs and they do not want to face it. So they will say whatever it takes to make me shut your mouth and stop talking to them about it.
I have found through much trial & error that it's very important to only confide in those you can trust enough to care because otherwise it ends up re-victimizing you. It takes a lot of courage to dig down deep & unearth past hurts & face them head on...it is the only way to recover to lead a fuller, healthier, & happier life.
Whether you reveal the memory or it sits just beneath the surface festering, It is STILL there and it WILL come out one way or another...I choose to gain some control over how it comes out...through my talking it out cause if I don't talk it out I WILL act it out in some self-destructive way and I'm tired of acting it out because that just creates further issues down the road...talking it out facilitates healing & strength & growth!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Absolutely! Whoever says that must be one of those shithead parents who don’t give a damn to their child and expect their children to behave!
That's a great way to describe it... you don't just go from crippled to walking when you are emotionally BROKEN and have never had a single person in your life that you could actually trust
Hypersomnie thank you so much for pointing this out,i struggle with this everyday,people telling me your dad neglected you 22yrs back just move on!You what’s sad,it hurts like it was yesterday!
Exactly. How dare they.
"Wounded for life." Very accurate. Even after understanding and 'reprogramming' the past, it never completely stops haunting.
@@gw437 The present is built on the past, and without understanding the past the future is doomed to repeat it. People may deal differently with situations, but childhood trauma is no laughing matter. My dad is someone who thought he had put everything behind him, he said many of the same things as you did. He ended up becoming the same kind of father his own father was, whom he hated. I hope this is not your case, I'm sorry for everything you've had to go through. Godspeed to you.
True !
No, it only mess you up till you are unaware of it. When you get to know it, it is your own responsibility to cure it.
Just like you may be born with a genetic disease, so you have to take remedial measures.
And you are not special, everybody has a different problem of this category.
Buck up !!
"Replace your memories". This was something taught to me.
Get counseling
@@gw437 True, we should forgive and forget if possible, but damage is much more complicated then just forgetting it. I was emotionally neglected during my crucial development years, 9-16. Ive forgiven my past, my parents,etc. And moved on but that damage is there. So let me give you a run down of some of my symptoms of this, A. My Dad was never around and my mother worked, when they divorced her work load doubled. So no father figure, AKA no role model. B. I lack empathy in everything I do, if you met me, youd be convinced I have some sort of mild autism. So its very hard to impossible to resonate with another human being, which led me to me being introverted. Its highly likely Ill never marry, my persona and personality make dealing with intimacy an impossible endeavor. My body has gotten use to the neglect and to force it puts too much stress on my body to the point I have to walk away. So Ive learned to be content with Christianity and keeping people at a arms length, especially women to the point unless necessary I never interact with them anymore, and focus on myself and my well-being and spirituality, as well as loved ones. And I want to re-emphasize, I forgave and moved on long ago, and accepted the situation and circumstances that surround me. Going forward I have no regrets. But that damage follows you, and constantly remindes you of what you cant have. Forgetting doesn't remove the obstacles ahead.
Shout out to the new parents trying to raise their kids right and give them a different child hood to the ones we had! Keep doing your thing guys and gals.
I needed to heard that. I have been told to stop cuddeling my son so much by my parents ever since he was born 2 years ago. Their argument being that did not do that with me either.... anyone care to guess why in my opinion the feeling of being left alone is the worst in the world?
@verenamichel2447 cuddle them as much as you can, one day they'll grow up and not want the hugs so get them in while you can!!! Keep going you're doing a great job 👍
@@GMLondonThey'll still want the hugs...Just not as often is all if you do it right🤗.
The woman and the baby almost made me cry because she seems like such a good parent and I wish I had that
Sorry.
I couldnt ignore my kid like that ( I dont have any) even for an experiment. The mom cant tell the baby "its just for science".
HAVING LEARNED FROM THE EXPERIMENT YOU CAN BE A GOOD PARENT FOR YOUR FUTURE KIDS
The babies reaction to the mother not responding was heartbreaking to watch ☹️
That brought me pleasure. I guess we're not all the same.
saaaame! so sad :(
Ashley Cape
absolutely. i bet it was really hard for the mom too.
@joan n yeah, I don't mind.
Though I did get a good laugh when she looked over at the camera, like, "can you believe this shit?"
Oh man I have a 1 year old today and this popped up! I will always do my best to give him all my love attention and sensitivity!
thank you for him
You had a son what a disappointment
Give your best shot ma'am
@@emmahollow8898 ummm try to be more supportive
I have always hated when people have complimented me on my good manners or thoughtfulness saying, “your parents raised you well”. No. No they didn’t. God helped me raise myself, I just lived at my mother’s house.
I can absolutely relate.
Exactly dude
No shit!! Me too!! Statistically speaking, I should've wound up in and out of jail or prison or have become a serial killer. I detest the Nature v. Nurture argument in that I have (during my life) chosen
to be a good person and to break the cycle of abuse that has been in my family for generations.
An orphan in your own family.
I was abused into politeness. I know a lot of people who were. Now I'm great at customer service cuz thats what my whole childhood was if I didn't want to face severe repercussions. I HATE customer service so much and it's been my job for 10 years. Without it I would die in the street.
I’ve worked with Children for several years. In all different classes, rich, poor, doesn’t matter. They all have severe emotional neglect. This is way more common than people realize. I understand why we have the society we do now. It opened my eyes completely
I was shocked to read around 35% of the population is unsafely attached. I think in the current datingpool it's MUCH more. Especially when you get older.
I'm 27 still isolated. I wished I never existed
children are truly angels, tools of God. working with and for them for half my life now has saved me and healed me (as much as healing can go) from all this everyone is so bravely sharing here. i hope we can all turn away from unnecessary pain once and for all📿🙏
My mother was a monster malignant narc. She abandoned me with her loving parents and younger brothers so I had a wonderful childhood until age six when she ripped me away from them and moved across the country. My life went to hell after that, but my poor baby sister didn't have a chance. She was thrown in her crib all day and if I snuck in to play with her and she laughed, she would see me get beaten. She learned quickly so when I would sneak in to play with her she was totally silent with the ever present bottle in her mouth. Looking back, I was the only eye contact or tactile contact she had and I was only six. My sister is now 65 and has never been able to get along with people. She loves animals and pretty much hates people. She is awful to me but I overlook it and continue to try to reach her. It isn't easy. This monster pretty much destroyed our lives even until her dying breath and that is no joke.
@@Joel-pg4yiplease consider going to therapy you don't have to be feeling like this
As a preschool teacher it is so true I see the difference in the infants and toddlers who are emotionally neglected and the ones that are really loved
Do you mind naming some of the differences you see? I'm curious.
My kid got sick at school the other day, so the nurse called. She repeatedly thanked me, on the phone and in person, for coming to pick up my sick child and take him home. There were a couple of other kids in there with sad looks on their faces. I wonder if they had to sit there all day?
Grew up with an alcoholic father that use to beat up my siblings. I was pretty violent as a child,a bully. I believe this
I know this is an experiment but it broke my heart...
That's the point. To make you feel sad just like they feel.💯😥
Me too! Awful....
Mine too... I wanted to sob!! 😢😭
Yea I literally teared up when the baby started crying.
It may be an "experiment". But those are real emotions coming from that baby.
This was my mother during my childhood. I am so damaged.
It pained me so much to see the babies emotions change when the mother was not responding/interracting with her. I started crying right away.... I think EVERY parent should be required to watch this before they give birth. No! before they even decide to become pregnant!
2000% !!
Most unusual that experiment with mother and baby. Very interesting. One thing I've noticed over the years is that many parents ignore what their children are saying to them. The parents are not distracted by something else they just ignore. If your child is talking to you.....listen.
@@lydiabeg7387 can appreciate your comments had my own difficult childhood. Often neglected too. Hard also to be a parent when I became one. Felt very detached. I applied Bible principles and did things for my daughter s comfort that my mother never did.
Or they listen but don’t take what the child is saying seriously. Just because the kid isn’t paying bills doesn’t mean they’re immune to stress in their tiny lives.
@@lydiabeg7387 Then get a therapy and don't have children maybe? My dad shouldn't have children, he had awfull childhood as far as I know. But no, I am one of four of his children and I don't see he's getting better.
As a child I was always asking about everything. When I asked for something and didn't get it, I was interested why my mom wouldn't buy it. but my mom refused to explain it to me, so I would get mad about the fact, that she ignored my question more than not getting the thing I wanted.
Hi Melon sauce the Bible is very useful for all sorts relationships. Have a look at Ephesians 6:1--4 . Particularly verse 4 as it tell us as parents to be consistent with the training of our children. So don't irritate them be fair and let them know where they stand . So the whole family has the same standard to follow.
It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.
Wow thankyou for so many 'thumbs up'. However☺️ this quote is not by me. I do not know who has said it.
Do you know who originally said that?
EXACTLY
Dr Khan worlds full of em
Dr Khan if you find a broken man ruuunnn !!!!!!
Lynn .D exactly, because it is always good to run away from people who are broken when in reality, all are broken
at 16 years old I remember being absolutely floored when my friend told me about a [positive] conversation she had had with her mother. I was like woah woah woah, you're mother talks to you?!
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
In my case it would be you talk to your mother??? I don't talk to her much because she doesn't listen, but then of course it's my fault in the end. Whatever it is, it's my fault.
The weirdest thing for me was seeing mothers and daughters getting along and being affectionate towards each other. I wasn't hugged until I was 25, I thought every mother was supposed to be cold and hateful
My mom lied to anybody that would listen on how I slept with her boyfriend at the tender age of 14. I'm 36 now. She's ruined every relationship I've been in. Cause of course the man is gonna feel like why would your mother lie(ppl with great Mother's don't quite understand)?!. I can write a best seller about my life story. Man I've been thru a lot. Just didn't know it all had to do with my mom until recently. I'm 36 now and God is still showing up in my life. He's all I actually have being that I've never had kids.🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
I remember last summer I went to visit my sister. And when I entered her apt. There stood my mom and her equally evil sister(if not more evil) they look at each other than looked at me and it took my breath away. I thought I was tripping so I turned and went out the door. Inhaled deep exhaled and went back in. And the feeling of suffocation came back as I looked at them still standing there grinning. Didn't even stay to visit. I know I've never done anything but try to help spiritually and financially. Some ppl it's just best to leave em b. My mom(and her siblings)taught me that Domonic evil ppl existence is closer than you know. Sadly my Older sister and Brother seem just like her. I never noticed it b4 as kids.🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
I’m pregnant with my first baby and I’m so happy. I’m already talking to her in the womb. I am excited to help her navigate through the world by giving her love attention and positive affirmations ❤️!
That is beautiful! I wish you love and light! Congrats!!
According to some monsters, that's just a clump of cells.
@@sorgothsorgoth3575 Well, It Is.
@Eminem We all was a clump of cells. I don't know why you mad about that
Lucky. I wished I was lucky.
I grew up never learning how to communicate effectively when it came to being emotionally expressive. I’m African-American and mental health is heavily overlooked in the Black community. As a child, I was taught that it’s considered weak to express your emotions. One of the biggest things I feel like I missed out on was having a family that I could be completely open with without judgment that I was being too sensitive. For the longest, I found it difficult to express myself without everything being considered as a joke. I’m 24 now, and I think I’m doing a lot better but it’s been a hassle trying to unlearn toxic behaviours. If you’re struggling with anxiety, depression, etc., continue to focus on self-care and don’t let your failures bring you down.
I’m not African American but I completely understand where you’re coming from. My parents were the same way. I’m 20 years old and I’m currently struggling with the same thing. I really needed to hear that. Thank you ♥️
I'm not black but our families were in the same mindset. I'm 38 now and still struggling to be vulnerable and honest with my own emotions. I wish you better days ahead. Stay strong. And thank you for the encouragement.
Similar experience here. I'm also AA and I grew up around domestic violence and we weren't allowed to be angry about it. I'm 20 now and making it a duty of mine to constantly remind myself to be open about my emotions and genuinely expressive. I was always jealous of families that seem to express their love and actually seemed close. And I still get angry at my childhood sometimes. But emotional progress is made 💕
This is being used to treat PTSD, but I think it's the solution for childhood emotional neglect too - maps.org/participate/participate-in-research/mdma
I wish you the best of luck and light. You are aware and bright. You can heal and be a blessing for others ❤️
One of the reasons I never had children, I don't want to continue the cycle of dysfunction and unhappiness. It all ends with me.
Veronica C. Yes! Kids aren't for everyone anyway. They're not for me so I didn't have them. My dumb ass parents didn't need kids either.
Veronica C. You’re smart. You’re doing what’s best for you and your would-be offspring. It’s just that simple. Don’t bring people into this world you can’t provide adequate care for. But people are selfish and stupid and act on that pesky biological impulse to bear children when they really shouldn’t.
They neglect/mistreat their own kids after being subjected to similar treatment during their childhood and the cycle continues.
But at least you’re competent and compassionate enough to recognize that kids are something you can’t handle. Maybe, paradoxically, it’s those who are aware of their own flaws which impede the child-rearing process that should be having kids rather than those who are neglectful but can’t see/or care enough to be a good parent.
As others stated, kudos to you for resisting the urge to have a child. Having babies won’t make your life happier than you are already. Many make that mistake with sad consequences.
Im with you. At 21 i still vowl to never bring children into the world. My emotional damage will not allow me to handle that responsibility. I'm not selfish for not wanting kids, it would infact be selfish to have kids be raised by a mentally ill neglected person like myself. Why put that negative energy on an innocent life?
That's the most absurd thing I ever heard.
I don't want to be mean, but seriously, you think you're helping? You think you're doing any good by not having children?
No that's just lazy, and while you might have more easy pleasure, your life will lack fulfilment.
Get married, have children, and simply love them. That's all it takes. Don't put them in daycare, don't hand them over to a nanny, be there for them, teach them, raise them-- not only will you help raise a generation of healthy, content children, but you'll die leaving behind a legacy and surrounded by the fruits of your labor-- children.
I learned not to have any expectations of anyone.
Hmm? I just told my Fiance this morning, that I no longer have any expectations from him. I give up.
@@rightthewrong6050 Yes, why prolong the inevitable. There may be someone else right around the corner that would be more compatible. Life is short.
Being alone may bring about an abundance of peace and quiet, which is very cherishable.
@@dianer8881 ... I hear you Diane... Believe me. ♥
@@rightthewrong6050 It's good to make a decision and follow through.
I will never agree with that. That's the exact reason so many people just invite whoever into their lives and complain about them later
My dad just found all of this out and realized for the first time that my anxiety and depression and fear of being touched and anorexia isn't just because I'm like that. And for the first time, he said two words I thought I would never hear:
"I'm sorry"
😭😭😭😭😭 That's a start....
I am thankful he opened his eyes and his mouth. Thank you for sharing. How are you doing now?
Awareness is the first step for self improvement! Did he change his ways? Is he trying to be better now? How are you doing?
That makes three bb
Hope you can respond to him with love and that you find ways to chat together, not always about his mistakes but just about life and love and the whole darn thing.
If people think kids under 5 won’t remember things, they’re wrong...
I remember nothing.
Demi S16 that's actually true...... i remember some things that happened when i was just 2 and a half year old
Demi S16 everything is set by the time a child is 5.
I dont think a person need to remember it to have effect on the person. It can still be stored in the subconscious.
I remember getting a deep scissor injury at 4... it wasn't a traumatic event or anything but the injury is hard to forget
The baby reacting to being ignored made me cry 😭 Definitely triggered me.
same here 🥺🥺😭
Same trigger for me I could barely get through it
I had to turn it off
Me too!!! I felt really bad for the baby at first, I wanted to hold him. But then it fucking changed and I needed yo cry AND a hug myself. TRIGGERED!
Right when I started scrolling to distract myself from that part. Primal wound stuff that. While I’m glad to see I’m not alone, I hate that we all felt it.
Probably one should get analysed before becoming a parent...like are you capable enough to bring up healthy children physically and mentally?
salt pepper totally agree
TheThea124 but there's a huge risk of human race becoming extinct if this rule is strictly followed 😆
salt pepper very true and unfortunate.
Many of us would fail a standard mental and emotional aptitude test. The ones who pass, could still be vulnerable to ailments like postpartum depression, which also can make a person emotionally negligent.
salt pepper not a problem up till recently, when there were extended families. All the mother’s sisters were also considered mothers. Grandmothers lived in the household, etc. perhaps what we need is changing the way we are heading, and make our societies different and working more for us and not the materialism. Just ‘smarter’ societies where our emotional state is as important as employment figures, that’s what we need.
If you are watching this and holding guilt that you have not been the best parent that you could be, let it go. You cannot change the past. But you can hold onto the thought of that feeling as a gentle reminder to be better. Your own parents may not have given you what you needed, but you can build the strength to change that pattern. Stay strong and keep trying.
Underrated comment
This is an excellent demonstration of how devastating it is for children when they have a mother with depression or too much stress.
Yes, that was my case, mother with depression, even today she is depressed reading the bible every day.
As a mother with depression... I worry.
🥺🥺
My mother was severely depressed my entire childhood, and she was always emotionally unresponsive, whether i showed her something that i made or when i was crying, she never soothed me and no one else did either. When i was 2 i didn't play and explore like other children did and when i was 4 i was the only child at school who cried all day every day and never talked for at least a year. From the age of 7-10 i was sexually abused and at school i was always nothing but rejected and outcasted by classmates to the point i didn't wanna go to school anymore and had to talk to the school counselor, but i still remember as a child the time when i gathered my courage together to talk to my parents about this, they got mad and dismissed and invalidated what i said. My parents also never hugged me, complimented me or said "i love you". I'm 21 now and sadly there's no happy ending to this story and if i told you the ways my childhood negatively impacted me shaped me into the person i am this comment would get too long (not like it isn't already😂). I'm really sorry for typing this all out. I'm not at all doing saying this to try to get pity.
@@badidea6034 I am so sorry for everything you had to go through! And I'm so sorry for the ways that your childhood has negatively impacted you as an adult! I know my child's formative years haven't been the best, but they haven't been the worst. But this deep depression that hit me several months ago, I wish it would just go away. I worry for my babies...
For those out there who are feeling neglected, here is a *virtual hug!*
Thank you
Aww thank you. Here`s one back.
olenna natsu are you stupid I are black
Here's one back x
Michael Jay - Value Investing funny how some of us reject that huge...
My mother was a crazy, vindictive narcissist. I wasn't allowed to have friends or leave the house (unless going to achool) until I was 15. And even then I was told my interests were pathetic and stupid. I basically grew up in a basement, by myself.
As an adult I have never been able to emotionally connect with other people. I especially have trouble with accepting praise, and can lose my temper very quickly.
It is the main reason that I'll never have kids. I don't want to cause an innocent person to suffer the same way I have.
brokenandcracked I am really sorry to hear what has happened to you and i Hope you will find love and support in this world despite the neglect you have experienced in the past ❤️💕
Your not alone. Same for me. Mother was a monster !
Same with ...the isolation
Same experience with mother and childhood and aftermath as an adult. I have made progress, huge amounts of progress, but it feels like whereas I could’ve thrived and soared in the ways I was expected to had I had the love and care needed emotionally and psychologically, I’m spending my salvaging and healing what I can if what didn’t go right in the first place from the nuclear bomb of bad parenting earlier in life.
Yup you're not alone.
I was raised by an aunt who, looking back now as an adult, I think she was kind of a psychopath lady.
Both my parents worked full-time. It's just me and the psycho aunt at home.
I don't even remember much what happened there. I guess my brain blocked it off for my sanity.
I only started to "know" my parents again after my mom gave birth to my brother and quit her job to be a fulltime housewife.
I was already 6 years old by then. Too late.
I'm now 30, never been in a relationship and difficult to connect with people, always socially awkward. I know I'll never marry because I also can't stand most people. Thankfully I still have a decent job and a few friends from college who accepts my weirdness.
Sometimes I think to myself, what kind of person would I be right now, if I was raised right? A question that many of us asked, going by the comments here.
I was adopted. My adoptive mother was emotionally unavailable. I have grown up as a total loser. Alone, broke and weaķ-natured. I don't blame her. It's just how it was. It's so important to show love to children and also to animals, from birth.
Watching that experiment made me cry. Please don't have children unless you truly want them and can afford to care for them. It's just not fair, they have no choice in the matter.
I agree with you 💯. I'm the oldest of 4 and the oldest granddaughter and Great granddaughter, and by that I remember everything! Also my parents had me very Young. Right now I'm 25 and my dad is barely turning 42. Freaking mind blowing cause he has 4 girls and now 2 boys and I use to always tell him, dad stop having kids that I'm having to help take care of. I'm still not married and no kids because I keep telling people I would hate myself if I brought a human being in this world and in nowhere near ready to love for them and keep taking care of them. It's a bittersweet thing to admit but I wish my parents didn't make love and having kids a pain 😢
Maybe I'm cynical but from what I have seen in more cases than not, the most unfit people to be parents usually have the most children. This also helps explain the world and much of history.
@@G4LCTC no you're right.
They absolutely have a choice! We (us as souls) have all choosen our lives our parents and the major events that happen to us through out our life. It’s 100 times harder than we anticipated but the lessons we learn here are for us to grow and learn
I skipped over the experiment - couldn't watch it.
The baby's body language says, "I love you why don't you love me too?" It was heartbreaking
Breaks my heart💔
I started crying so hard. I don't know how the mama didn't break sooner.
@@TheCoverFaery no way I could have held out for 2mins!
This experiment gave it a lifelong trauma.
@@OrangeUp I think that this mother (hopefully) is very loving and will make up for that half a minute of not attention to her kid. What this science experiment is illustrating is that prolonged exposure to this, which at a point becomes neglect, then this is permanent damage.
I have an emotionally absent mother. All my life I tried to please her so that I could feel love from her so all I Learned was conditional love, and the feeling that I was never good enough no matter how much I achieved in life. It's still so sad that I didn't have the kind of mother daughter relationship I craved when I was young... but the good thing that came out of it is that I'm a good mother to my daughter and we have a wonderful relationship. I put her first before the dishes in the sink, work...
My daughter knows how loved she is.
Same here! My mother is not a bad woman but she nothing was good enough for her...
That's good you were able to realize what you were missing before you have kids. Most people don't so they can't break the cycle.
R CB I’m so glad that you were able to break the cycle I wish you all the best for you and your family! 💕
That's awesome I hope to be the same I worry about having a daughter..
Sheba Comfort I hope you’re blessed to have a daughter... mother daughter relationships can be challenging but they are so rewarding. Being able to love my daughter and empower my daughter through guidance and unconditional love and receive that Unconditional love that is priceless!
I believe my mother never cared much about me as a person, but as a belonging; something that would give her more value, and company. My emotions were implicitly and explicitly, an annoyance to get rid of, while hers were extremely important and fragile. Such contrast was disastrous for me.
Oh you put it so well.
i relate deeply to your experience
I was born addicted to drugs and then sent home with my drug addict parents (1980)..i have no idea how i survived! By god's grace i imagine.
:( I hope you're better now.
🥺🤧 💗💜 Hugs💙
you survived for a reason and u will make it through this Dani 💪❤️❤️❤️🙌
Everything comes from childhood. I can’t change my past, but I’m willing to work on my present and future!!!
same here brother keep going strong
Darth Senate we can do it
This is such an uplifting and positive comment. You must have an amazing soul. I love your attitude!!
- Shooting Starlight - thank you 😊 you’re a kind soul yourself 🥰
Have fun.
My mother was a stay at home mom, she took care of us but she wasn’t very loving. She never said anything sweet or encouraging to us. I guess she didn’t know how to show love since she didn’t get it herself from her parents being the 8th child out of 14 children. I think i was a very emotional child growing up and she didn’t have the patience. I used to be scared of sleeping alone in my bedroom and i would beg her to let me sleep with her she would get so upset with me and would hit me to go back to my room. Now that i have children i try to minimize stress to them, i don’t want them to suffer from depression and anxiety like me.
Sophia Keep being the great mother that you are.
So happy to know you've broken that cycle!! ❤👏🏽
Wow your story so similar to mine...my mom also dont know how to connect with child because of her bad relation with her mother...i feel sorry for her becoz she dont know what love is....but i dont want to be like her, i hope i will change...😊😊
Destiny tran that’s my biggest worry, but im Trying my best to avoid that.
14 kids? Why do some people have so many? Religious beliefs? Lazy contraception?
I never remember my mom hugging me when I was growing up.
I'm 22 and have only hugged my mum probably 5 or less times in my life. She doesn't like hugs
Same here. I don't remember ever being hugged as a kid, and my siblings neither do. It fucked us all up big time.
....same here... And all I ever wanted was that 😭😭😭😭😭
My mom doesn't do hugs
@@Strgzz Ditto. No hugs, no sitting on lap, being "smooshed" and being told I was loved. Same for my siblings. Cold.. Messed me up for sure. Struggling with depression and anxiety all my life. It's like I was missing a nutrition that I badly needed. You could say I lack some important building blocks. I didn't know it at that time, but what I didn't get through motherly love I replaced elsewhere; in food and sweets. I used to sneak food up to my room all the time as a kid. I still suffer from this effect to this day as an adult. Some people just doesn't know how to give or show love to their kids. It's really sad when you think about it.
Yes, i have experience of that. Never being hugged or kissed as a child, wandering about aged 3 onwards, it is surprising that i didn't die or get molested. Some people should not be allowed to have children.
myself either, never been loved as a human being one day on this planet. do you find yourself in the same situation?
@@Augfordpdoggie no. I have had extensive experience of love...xxx
@@caravb5906 happy to hear that
Cara V B God Bless you🙏❤️
Augford P. Doggie hi I love you 👋🏻
Lol Im so stupid!! But I hope you know you’re more than deserving of love
Truth. I'm 41 and still find it hard to connect to anyone. I have to work on myself constantly and remind myself that yes I am loved. No I am not worthless!
it only mess you up till you are unaware of it. When you get to know it, it is your own responsibility to cure it.
Stop blaming people in your past because it is not useful to you today. Make yourself happy today on your own.
Just like you may be born with a genetic disease, so you have to take remedial measures.
And you are not special, everybody has a different problem of this category.
Buck up !!
"Replace your memories". This was something taught to me.
Study books on this, to replace your memories.
Past is only a memory, not a reality.
Any childhood trauma is only in your head not in your reality.
I understand. I’m 38. It’s a constant battle and I’ll never fix it
It really made me emotional watching that baby being ignored. 😩😩😩 I have abandonment issues so it really got to me seeing that. 😢💔
SlowClass Kai I hope you can tide over the issues you have faced love !
Mystic Miserly thank you ❤️🙏🏽
same i started crying 😢
I found it really hard to watch too. I don't know how she could do it.
dang who told you that tho they should have never told you. im also the darkest in my family
Anyone find the “still face” test hard to watch.
As a mom the moms blinking kills me because I know she’s having such a hard time herself
I did 😢
Made my stomach churn (and yes, I’m a mom lol)
I just wanted that poor baby to get a response!
Yes it actually made me cry. So upsetting-and I'm a mom too.
My mom would accuse me of being autistic when she never taught me social skills and pushed me away every time I tried to be affectionate with her as a little kid. No wonder i turned out shy and socially anxious. But nothing can ever be her fault
I love you and Jesus loves you too. Healing from your upraising is so hard but you can do it though jesus. He’s my stable rock when I don’t have the people who are supposed to be there for me to lean on
Banana Nana amen! 🤍
@@banananana2610 i thought he died
@@idan7989 Sort of. The story goes he reanimated on the third day after his death and came to reside as a deity in heaven.
Sounds like she's a narcissist. I can relate.
When you finally found out why you’ve been feeling unwell “inside” all your life
I feel you bro so feel you were not alone.
Same..
This is being used to treat PTSD, but I think it's the solution for childhood emotional neglect too - maps.org/participate/participate-in-research/mdma
Thank you ..exactly..i was unwell for decades over it..im 63 n it still hurts..my siblings have the same attitude towards me..each other ...n dont get they are completing the ugly circle
Yes almost every adult right now on Earth is walking around unhealed...as wound adult children.
My parents ignored me as a child and accused me of faking when I was sick. The only adult who gave me positive attention was the same man who was sexually molesting me. Later on in life, when I was able to go to a doctor on my own, I was diagnosed with a disease that could have been treated sooner. But of course my parents paid no mind to my complaints. Its sad how the people who are supposed to care for you and protect you fuck you up the most. I grew up to be an introvert who distrusts everyone. My parents failed me.
Smith A
My heart aches for you.
Be well. Especially now.
I'm sorry you have to go through that. I was constantly yelled at for being slow and dumb. When I was old enough to go to a doctor. I'm 90% deaf.... Yup. Full of permanent anxiety and low self of steam. Working on rebuilds into something I WANT to be.
I was left alone a lot, and when I was about 11 years old I was forced to babysit my sibling age 7. My mom ended up having more babies and I had to babysit and do all the house chores. They saw nothing wrong with this. My mom often left me at sitters for days. When I needed her most she wasn't there. I moved away from home at 19 to another state. She is trying her best to reach out to me. She gets sad that we don't have this connection like mothers and daughters do. I wish I can tell her why, but I can't and it hurts me.
@@kinjaaaaaa999 remember Kim, she may have endured the same abuse. The secret is forgiveness and a resolution that the abuse stops with us, we don't pass on the neglect to other children.
I can totally resonate with you so sorry for you,wish I could give you a big hug❤
I was always ignored, or told to go to my room. My sister was always introduced at every social gathering. One time I introduced myself and said
“I’m an accident”. Yep, that went over really well.
No one likes to hear the truth.
Good for you, for keeping it real.
I was always told i was a mistake, and even my sisters would laugh and bring it up in conversation. Mum used to tell people that there was no difference between having one or two children, but there was a massive difference having three, and yes, i was the third one. I've never forgotten that and it hurt a lot
@@georgiewatson8688sorry for you're feeling that way. 😖
Abandoned at 15, my mother informed me I was unwanted, she tried a few things to abort me, and I don't know for sure what she did but I have a terrible arthritic back too young at 25 to start having serious structural issues. I can go on, but she rarely fed me. I ate cereal, bananas, lots of junk so she could escape us with her narcolepsy instead of taking her medicine for it until we all were in bed.
@@nancycorbeil5892
Until “we” were all in bed… oml, did she have multiple kids? I doubt they were treated much better than you if that were the case. I wonder if they too were abandoned young. So strange for someone to have kids when they don’t seem of sound mind, assuming the others weren’t also failed abortion attempts (bc that would mean she chose).
And when she saw you had lived through the abortion, why not put you up for adoption? The foster care system probably would’ve at least cared for you until 18, even if it may not be the best.
Also, since she had an unsuccessful abortion, I presume one of three possibilities:
-it was illegal wherever she is so she did the coat hanger abortion
-it was legal but she was pregnant for too long
-she had it done at the hospital and somehow someway the doctor didn’t do it properly.
If it’s the 2nd one, a late abortion, that’s especially gross because you’d likely be able to feel the coat hanger and were probably damaged in the womb. I definitely wouldn’t be surprised if that’s what caused your problems. I mean, there’s a reason why abortions have a time limit. Some people have them so late that it can go from an attempted abortion to a pre-mature birth where the child lives. It’s insane.
Overall, mom bad, you good. Glad you’re alive over a decade after being abandoned, and you write very well, I’d read books made by you.
Who else feels crappy about their childhood?
More so my adulthood, still being treated and neglected as an unwanted child.
Me
Steve Dyches me too it’s annoying
It would take a lifetime to get over my childhood.
No childhood is perfect. No child is perfect. No parent is perfect. No family is perfect. No life is perfect. Perfection is not part of this temporary world. We were not created for this world. We were created for heaven. Perfection is in the Hereafter.
One of the things I have left over from my childhood is my "Baby Book"- handed out to new mothers by some insurance company in the 1930's. In it's instructions to new mothers it advises not picking up crying babies because they "need to learn self discipline"! That was the "scientific" approach in those days that my mother and aunts followed. I still find it hard to cry, and especially never in public. Now in my 80's, there has been a lot of sadness inside me through the decades.
That same mother protected me from an alcoholic father's fists and belt, putting herself between him and my brother and me. She sent us to a Catholic school because she wanted us to get a good education, and she sent me as well as my older brother. This was a long time before "Women's Rights", and values, were even thought about.
I've had a long time to consider, and even heal, from the events of my childhood. It's an on-going thing, but what else is as important as becoming the best we can be.
What I'm trying to say is: Don't Give Up! Understanding what traumas imposed by others left such sadness within us can help us heal. We can become the person we want to be. We are no longer dependent children but adults with ability and independence. We are no longer helpless.
From my position "down the road" and closer to the "exit door" of this life, I am cheering you on. Don't Give Up! You are precious!
Thank you for sharing your experience with us and for your kind encouragement 💕 it's always great to hear from older generations
This was beautiful and so profound.thank you so much.💋
thank you for your precious words...
7bcoop2 thank you 😭❤️
...and you are precious too; and wise and beautiful... Thank you ❤
Sometimes I find it hard to watch these videos. They always point out issues that happen to relate to me so much so, that my ego tries to fight back and disregard the newfound info. You never disappoint, School of Life.
LaDabe
Nice profile.😉
Yvonce' thank you for stopping by lol
These videos hit me so hard !!!!
The info is great but his voice is like a chupacabra that looks aesthetically pleasing. Brilliant guy all round
RBTB Productions
"...his voice is like a chupacabra that looks aesthetically pleasing..."
What???
I didn't have a TV in my house ever for exactly this reason. Those first five years I gave all three of my children full attention without destractions. This was contrary to the way I was bought but however, implementing knowledge and understanding that I gained through research for my children was a priority. I totally believe in this unconditional love during childrens early years.
My family always fulfilled all my basic needs on point giving me a comfortable life, but they all had a still face. I remember the shock I had when a friend went to visit me for the first time and she commented about how we all lived in the same house but it was like we were completly ignoring each others existence. That hit me hard.
My family gave me like financial material need but I don't feel emotional need along with isolation alone bullied blackmail assault and stuff etc
Depression, anxiety, trust issues, relationship problems, some criminal behavior often stem from neglectful, indifferent, and abusive parents. The brain wiring is negatively affected forever. This really SUCKS. It sucks that we can’t choose our parents but we are stuck with this condition the rest of our lives, through no fault of our own. The only thing I have found to counteract these problems is years of therapy, self help books and time with my pets.
And "time with my pets". I love that. My cat saved my life and most days her fuzzy self is the only thing that has kept me on this earth for these passed 10 years, bc if i kill myself, i dont know where she would go or what would happen to her.
This is being used to treat PTSD, but I think it's the solution for childhood emotional neglect too - maps.org/participate/participate-in-research/mdma
Dogs make me feel worthy of love 👍
We go through these types of misuses to learn and grow with understanding.
Light can only truly shine coming out of darkness.
Yes! 3 dogs!
I can recall my mom telling me she would never let anyone pick me up as a baby or pay me any attention, she said it would spoil me. N then as i got older she told me i never smiled as a baby...gee i wonder why. 😢
Whimsy Meadows This is why I hate people sometimes. And this is why I feel nothing about anything that happens to people ....specially from past generations. The generations of selfish, cruel and totally unfair people. No wonder why there is so much depressed people in today’s society. Because the ones who were supposed to love you are the ones that broke your heart.
@@bibit3856 sad but true. Cant even trust people at church or in school. All these people who we are supposed to trust let us down the most
it only mess you up till you are unaware of it. When you get to know it, it is your own responsibility to cure it.
Just like you may be born with a genetic disease, so you have to take remedial measures.
And you are not special, everybody has a different problem of this category.
Buck up !!
"Replace your memories". This was something taught to me.
@@liveankur thank you for your concern. I may not have had the best beginning, but that doesnt make me who i am. I am quite a cheetful happy positive person...because of my relationship with God n because i choose to be
@@bibit3856 they lived extremely hard lives back than
The amount of care a baby needs makes me question if I am ever going to be ready for a child.
you will when it happens trust me i just had my first child and because you are aware it will come naturally.
A hundred million years of evolution, of life forms who fought constant danger and succeeded to reproduce before they died. All of this leads up to your existence, you either know or will know no matter what, or you will die alone, there's no in-between. I think some people are meant to die alone, now that there are less wars, people might still be alive but mentally they are dead. In the sense that they convince themselves not to have children and there dies their lineage. On a macro scale over many generations, it's the same result and the same fundamental cause, natural selection.
TL;DR I believe in you👍
@@lawestphilly if it came naturally this video WOULDN'T exist
@@nyny9189 maybe maybe not I guess it's a individual situation love
Because babies are humans that need constant attention, the parent needs to be stable both financially and mentally. So if you're not ready please don't have a child.
I had the stony-faced mother for 18 years, not 2 minutes like this baby. It's beyond traumatic.
There are people out there that can give you lots of love. Hope you are doing okay
I have the angry faced, threatening look on her face till date. 29 years.
don't worry i did too I'm messed up my dr is an asshole to me he tells me I'm retarded. just don't worry about what anyone says to u and dont feel different ur ok .just be there for ur kids and dont do the same to them. maybe ull make a good social worker someday
I’m sorry that happened
Mark Turner sending you a massive hug
I believe most cases of suicide/ homicide or other violent crimes are a result of childhood trauma
It's definitely the usual for killers
@xDorothii; Not Uploadin' who tf even mentioned Hitler?
Let alone mass murderers( not to mention Stalin/Lenin and Mao Zedong have higher body counts by MILLIONS)
I don't think his parents abused him but they did die when he was young. His dad at like 14 ish and his mom a couple years later.
Add that to being homeless for a long time, four siblings who died before adulthood, and FUCKING WORLD WAR 1 dipshit.
Is this what people do now? Someone says "violence" and you just blurt out HIIIITLLLLLLERRRRR
@M. Di Federico It's no one's fault. As a society, we have a responsibility to require more from our members. Tribal communities did some fundamental things right that we could learn from.
EVERY SINGLE MAJOR SERIAL KILLER HAS A SHIT MOM. at least from the high profile cases i have seen. it is very rare to find one that just became one from the enjoyment of killing.
@@logancasner8467 there could not be any other way. You are on point
I was neglected off and on, never knew when someone would come and comfort me or yell at me for crying. Took its toll
That's terrible 😔 sorry that happened to you.
what was the toll? if i may ask...
Agreed!
Mireille Pasgo - I can completely relate to : Self Self
I have a brother, and sister... and we never got married,
nor ever had children. I do not enjoy hugs.
I'm happy about the virus, not allowing people to hug me.
Alma Wells I’m really sorry you suffered in this way...I’m having my first child soon...trying to avoid these mistakes
My father was emotionally negligent, my mother emotionally drained + unavailable; it has had life long affects on me, my self esteem. I have a partner now who has been loving, patient and so kind and it's taken years for me to understand what love and trust feels + looks like. Childhood neglect doesn't leave visible scars, but they are there and they're powerful.
I can totally relate . My mother never wanted a female daughter so, I was rejected by her from the day I was born . It's been a long journey, but I'm thankful I know how to love and be loved by others . I hope anyone reading this who has gone through a similar situation knows that you ARE worth love , respect and a peaceful life . ❤️
Bella Flor don't worry i don't have parents either. just sperm egg donor. its a gamble..no one has a perfect life
❤❤
Babies being raised and competing with social media and phones is neglecting children. I see it every day. Heart breaking..
@@gw437 Um no, government has more control over us as it is. People can't control the time they spend on their own hobbies and interests because they're selfish and self-absorbed. The government can't fix that. You see how they're controlling us now with this Croney-19 Fear-demic? How about the gov't regulate how many sports games you can watch, pretzels you can eat, shoes you can own, what the hell?
So, you pray for those babies and children. That is the single best thing you can do.
You’re right!
Very true
Yes, I see it too and can’t stand it. Young kids just staring at their parents while their parents stare at their phones with these self-satisfied looks on their faces.
This also goes for parents and children over 18....Even when you become an adult u still want positive recognition from your parents
My daughter moved out at 18 (fiercely independent woman). She stops by to do laundry or grab a meal once or twice a week. But after about two months of her living on her own I sent her a card via snail mail. In the card I wrote how much I love her and admire her strength but she'll always have a place here at home if the need arises. She called me when she opened it and got all choked up when she said her strength can be attributed to knowing her parents have always had her back. I never felt that way toward my parents but I'm glad I was able to do better.
I'm literally crying after watching this video..no one other can imagine how much damage an emotionally unavailable parent can occur , only except the child who has been through 😢
It was such a breakthrough for me when I understood that my co-dependency and struggles in relationships came from emotional neglect during my childhood. I had emotionally unavailable parents, therefore I formed a false belief that I was unloveable. As a was "unloveable" I would chase love in all the wrong places, so that I could continue chasing it forever, thus confirming my false belief.
Same here! But although i m aware of The pattern , i still struggle to bond with a man, i never had a loving and caring relationship, never had someone Who takes care of me, as I never had that în my childhood.
And i m 34 now... And things don t look very good..
Same. I am going through a break up right now. But I won't give up. I'm trying to grow again and look out for myself and love myself.
Let's all start with positive affirmations and try to be aware of the negative voice inside ourselves and try to stop it every time we are aware of it.
Julia this sounds like me. They were always emotionally unavailable and it was something that I instinctively picked up on at 4 years old. I wouldn't tell them when I fell because I felt like I was burdening them with something they could do without, when I got older I fell into a pattern of abusive relationships with older guys and it was this dark embarrassing secret that I couldn't share with anyone. There was no guidance and my father's bipolar disorder got worse when they separated so I often felt like he was the child and I was the parent, guiding him and looking out for signs of him deteriorating. Didn't even realise at the time how difficult it was.
@@gim8835 Thank you and I wish you the same
I felt so bad for that baby when they did the still face experiment.
Desi C and imagine the parents who do this to their babies till those grow up in an adult. Imagine the damage of years and years. Spine chilling.
@@tula__ also add to this that its not only "still face" but often other nasty things.... Whats more funny they claim they love u.
I was just about to say... poor baby didn't know he was part of an experiment, imagine his confusion
@@izabelaswa85 The claim that they love you is enormously damaging.
Izabela Swa I already know but say that to the OP who felt bad just by this little experiment, whereas the reality is of a lifetime!
I know my parents where neglectful. Yet they wonder why I don’t feel close to them.
Consider creating mother and father's day cards that deal in reality by not doing the mushy crap, "Oh you were the best mother in the world!" but instead, "You were a horrible mother for too many reasons to mention, but I sorta love you anyway."
And mine want to pretend it didn’t happen. I feel like every day I start two steps behind.
My mom knows she is toxic. It's ... scary.
@@mellingmichael777 i would LOVE to do this but the silent treatment and anger id receive..hoo lawd.
@@lebenz29 mine changes her memory and forces other people to change their memories of her indiscretions.
Spot on.
At 56, I'm just now breaking through that pain and working with my excellent psychotherapist to build myself up to the healthiest woman I can be.
Best of luck to all who are in a similar situation. 💜🕊
It must have been hard for her to ignore her baby like that. I felt distressed looking at it, and it's not my baby.
I don't even have a baby!
still face works on grown ups, too. If someone tries to engage with you and you keep your face on neutral they will get flustered or defensive/aggressive, both of which are reactions to a rejection. I know someone who switches off all expression when things don't go his way or even if he just doesn't feel like engaging with someone right next to him and it makes me jittery every time. Took me a while to figure that one out.
trust me there are parents who dont find it difficult. Whats more funny they think that theyre good ppl....
I felt the same way and I dont have a baby either. Interesting that the mom they used in the experiment seemed to be a very loving and attentive mom and we all picked up on that by the way the BABY reacted to her. Very interesting.
It affected me in the same way. I had to switch it off at that point.
Same. I literally shed a tear...thugs don't cry but this, this was cold man😭
The most important years are the first six years ...
Please love your babies!
Your children!
Romana Strasheim they just won't
I love the comment section. Its kinda 'nice' to see I am not alone.
And while I was feeling sad and reading the comments, your name made me laugh again 😂
OMG YOUR USERNAME I- 💀💀💀😂😂😂
First that username is hilarious and second you never are alone ❤
Bendthatdick Cuminbitch you’re not alone. You’re in a world full of people as screwed up or more so than you are.
you’re not alone. You’re in a world full of people as screwed up or more so than you are.
I was neglected from birth. I’m almost 47 and I struggle with so much pain in my life.
The last sentence caught my attention.
Love isn't luxury.
It is a gateway for our survival.
Touching!
And the lack of it lies at the heart of so many
And the lack of love lies at the heart of so many addictions and wasted lives..m
Foster care is even worse. You're bounced around to several homes before age 18. Sometimes with 8 other kids. And then you have to leave shortly after turning 18.
Foster care is a business. Most don't seem to care.
💔
This is so sad to hear
It's all about the money
That's why parents need to be more responsible. Not complete shit bags.
@@ms.whitefolks1223 It's not just about the parents. Biology has nothing to do with child rearing. We, as a society, should require more from each other. Our community has a responsibility to its members. It's not someone else's problem.
I was hit, emotionally ignored. Had two parents then one who were both abusive. A lot of physical beatings. I was a totally different parent. never hit my kids. Loved having my children.
it only mess you up till you are unaware of it. When you get to know it, it is your own responsibility to cure it.
Stop blaming people in your past because it is not useful to you. Make yourself happy today.
Just like you may be born with a genetic disease, so you have to take remedial measures.
And you are not special, everybody has a different problem of this category.
Buck up !!
"Replace your memories". This was something taught to me.
Study books on this, to replace your memories.
Past is only a memory, not a reality.
Any childhood trauma is only in your head not in your reality.
@@liveankur 👍
@@liveankur do you recommend any books
@Chrissy Rocco I hope you're doing well these days, best of luck to you and your family. :)!
This video breaks my heart. All I ever wanted was to be accepted and loved. I always feel alone. Reading the comments here makes me feel like I'm not alone in this endeavor
Yes you are not alone, there are many of us in the same boat, keep giving yourself love and kindness even if other people were unavailable to. Love is not a luxury it is the gateway to survival and happiness.
it took me a long time to realize neglect wasn't just in terms of physical care and financial support
The way parents treat their child will affect the way the child will react to them when they're old
i didnt know that, i wonder if i will become emotionless like my parents
True
Sometimes Not Always
My parents are going in a nursing home. They could barley do the minimum and show me love, so they’ll be getting love from the CNA’s
So true. If I am legally obligated to take care of my emotionally neglectful and abusive mom, I would just pay the cheapest option for a nursing home. She gave me the bare minimum, I will also respond with the bare minimum.
Neglected people with emotional issues raise even more people with emotional issues. Seem like a very cruel cycle.
That's why you get help and set boundaries if you have problems. Sad fact tho is not many people can get it, and don't want to
I was terribly neglected as a child. But I studied Early childhood education and I am definitely a better mother than my own.
Not always.
It made me want to be better than my parents.
I'm not a mother but I'd never be like my own parents. Ever.