The Disturbing Effect of Child Neglect
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 14 พ.ค. 2024
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Chapters:
0:00 Intro
1:12 Opal Foreshadowing
2:00 Summary/Soft Analysis
8:18 Analysis Begins
16:50 Outro
Music in Background (In Order of Appearance):
On - Jack Stauber (Viator Album)
Smooth - Jack Stauber
Two Time - Jack Stauber
Buttercup - Jack Stauber
Oh Klahoma - Jack Stauber
Billboard, A Jack Stauber Medley
Oh Klahoma (no vocals) - Jack Stauber
Fighter - Jack Stauber
Cupid - Jack Stauber
Dog Nightmare - Jack Stauber
O.U.R - Jack Stauber
It's Alright - Jack Stauber
I'll Leave the Light on for You - Matt Large - บันเทิง
Click for another Jack Stauber Video: th-cam.com/video/LxfwwsUNPxU/w-d-xo.htmlsi=kXooxh_dEQyxH11w
The Opal video was originally blocked by Turner, meaning I couldn't even upload it. Managed to get it watchable but not monetized (not monetized by me. Might still have ads but Turner is paid for them)
Glad I was able to get this one out though :)
www.patreon.com/everydaytheorist
I want you to know that your viewers do see you and hear you. I’m so sorry you went through what you did. I wish you so much happiness in your future.
Who is Turner?
@@magbywithrequiem7344 The company that owns Adult Swim
@@magbywithrequiem7344 turner is the parent company that owns adult swim. From what Ive researched at least.
Since adult swim made this, they blocked it. But i appealed and got it overturned to Not Blocked. But no money is given to me if they play ads on it
Damn it, Timmy Turner
A point of confusion that's explained in the official synopsis is that the "heavenly music" Opal hears from the top window is actually the sound of someone's crying, and she feels lured by it and decides to brave the house to see who could be in need of help, just to realize it's herself, and that she has nobody.
Oof. That hit hard.
That’s so sad
Holy shit
this is why I love putting stuff like this out there. thanks for sharing your insight. definitely gave me a new perspective on Opal
Oh my God. That is brilliant and great! I agree
Things like this remind me of a quote, "art is meant to comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable"
you don't have any replies cuz we don't want to admit we're disturbed
It’s not even disturbing
@@Yourweird812it is a little bit. Purposely though of course.
It’s obscure as hell
Well, I'll be dambed. I was rather comfortable before being jarred into flashbacks of memories I had forgotten for years. Guess I'll eat cheese in the dark now.
The scariest part about growing up like this is when you have your own child and realize how hard it’s going to be to make sure you don’t pass down your trauma and how seeming easy it was for your loved ones to neglect you
I'm on the curb on thinking my goal is to have a kid and strive for a healthy family, but *I know* I am not ready for this emotionally yet
It pains me knowing my father set me down this path and still cannot admit anything
@@jakespencer6781My mother recently admitted to neglecting me, my dad was always at work. I don’t blame my parents because they lost two children before I was born (one a terrible tragedy and one a full term stillborn). They were not ready for me and I was passed along to anyone who would take me while they busied themselves with anything to take away their pain. I had children and vowed to be there for them, only working part time jobs when they were in school. I’m not a perfect parent and made some regrettable mistakes along the way, but they’ve grown into happy, functional and well adjusted adults. My boys tell me that I did a good job and that’s why they’re the way they are. They’re confident in themselves too 😂 Don’t be discouraged about having kids for fear of doing what your parents did. Yes kids are hard work at times but are also unique and amazing individuals You can break the cycle!
That's why I refuse to have kids. I grew up being taught that discipline is insults and beatings, and while I know those things to be wrong, I have too much anger and too little patience. I would try my best if I had a kid, but trying isn't enough.
I'd like to push back a bit on that, at least in my own experience, the most crushing thing is when you have your own child and realizing just how easy it is to NOT treat your child like that. If anything, you go through processing grief and anger, denial, all of it, all over again because you realize just how much you love your child and would do anything for their benefit including changing yourself if you have to.... and how your own parents didn't do it. It just makes that pain even more real, again. I grew up in not great circumstances, alcoholic father and emotionally checked out mother... I went through a lot I won't get into, but once I became an adult I went through the therapy and put in the work for myself and I met a great guy. He was so great, that he made me start thinking about what a family would look like. As terrified as I was to repeat anything I have ever gone through, I wanted a family and love so badly... I jumped. Got married, got pregnant, and the very second my child was placed in my arms I was reborn as well. I had a strength and fire I never knew, and with that came a reality I had never known.... and that hurt so badly. I waited all my life to have this and here it is, except I am the mother, not the child, the role I play is different... but my god is it amazing. I have healed in so many ways since her birth, and I have grown, and my lifes purpose now is to ensure that my child has everything I never had emotionally. I make sure I continue to put in the work on myself, to keep checking to make sure I'm doing better, to always be humble enough to know I can do better always.... and my child is so unbelievably loved and happy. She'll never know the life I had, and I did that, and I'm so very proud of myself and happy I have this life I always wanted. If there is anything I could tell you as someone that came out on the other side is, its totally 100% possible if you put in the work to heal yourself and you find a good, healthy, moral partner to do it with. Never be afraid. :)
@@Cuntspiracy2.0 wow, well done, you're doing amazing! I needed to read that. Thank you ❤
the way claire tiptoed in her own house and her visible terror at any interactions with her family hit way too close to home. i physically flinched when she stepped on the chip bag.
I’m sorry you couldn’t feel safe at home. Hope it helps to know you were not alone.
Me and my brother both still walk on our tip toes purely out of a learned habit.
@@chrism8180my calves are ripped from doing this all my life lol
pick me
@@SSSSSSSS130nigga wtf are u talkin about
It’s scary how anyone can have a kid. Not everyone is fit to be a parent.
And this country (America) tries to keep it that way.
No education on how to raise children
No choice in having the child or not
Little support in taking care of children
Expenses of even having a child are ridiculous
Less funding for orphanages
Foster children returned then being "put back on the market" online
It's scary how we allow this to happen and point fingers at the parents when the real problem is the system we live in.
@dzthfbn cbvm Even before that, there's no sex education. In middle school and high school, the only sex education I got was about STDs and abstinence. This is in New York, which ranks 20th in education (according to USNews). Imagine the education people in Alabama, Missouri, and New Mexico, which ranks in the bottom in education got.
@@MakeSureYouCleanUp in fact, nobody wants to be the villain, humanity is just a marionette of what's controlling it, happiness, sadness or even madness, induced by what's taking over us at the certain moment, having a low wage and having to grow up your child with all your efforts is probably very stressful and you're going to have to stand this for years, it can be quite nice for someone but most people will not have it easy
It’s a piece of them not you mind your business and worry about your kids
It’s a piece of them not you mind your business and worry about your kids
The saddest thing that has pretty much been pointed out is that the big fantasy she has of her family is "We see you, Opal". Not only is that the height of her ambitions, but she doesn't even use her own name, not only can nobody else see her, she can't see herself
i did something similar as a child, and i continue to do this today
i had assumed it was some sort of dissociative disorder
@@rat2131Keen. But seemingly the same or at the least a very similar result is presently emerging in society these days. Each cycle of parents over time became more and more neglectful. Public school & TV grew into the ideal baby sitters. Now it's smart phones.
I know a few people who changed their names as adults because of childhood trauma leaving them with bad associations. It can be a way to reclaim yourself as your own person outside of who your parents wanted to see.
And I don't think the blame can just be pinned on technology. These adults have a responsibility to their children, to cope with their own trauma instead of placing such impossible expectations and perceptions on a kid. The internet has given many people a new escape, both by learning that their experiences aren't the norm and by finding other people to connect with and build healthy connections to.
So sorry yall u went through that, honestly that’s something I love God for, because he said he would never leave us nor forsake, and is that perfect father we always dreamed of, then the fact that he would give us a way to heaven through Christ, it’s all to good with that relationship hope u guys join the family, but ur amazing and I love yall 💕
@@larsatticus6807Fantastic comment. Thank you 🙏🏼
Terribly relatable. I used to pretend that my parents were actually aliens out there somewhere and they'd come back for me one day. It's good to see things like this represented though because neglect is often overlooked, especially emotional neglect.
It’s strange that there exist people who share some aspects of life so similar to yours. I used to pretend that teachers or coaches were my parents to be able to fall asleep at all as a child. There must be lifelong changes to a persons brain if they were emotion neglected during their development
even for me at 4 years old i had an iron belief that my mother couldnt be my real mother. at the time i didnt know why i felt that way.
I am genuinely floored by your comment as well as the replies to it. I thought I was alone. I used to fantasize that my "real parents" were vampires and they can't come out in the day time.
I used to pretend (and spend hours daydreaming) that my "parents" had stolen me from my actual birth parents when I was born and that instead, I actually belonged to a loving, wealthy middle class family that couldn't find me. I truly couldn't accept the fact (and still cant accept) that the people who are to be my parents, could have possibly actually had me. They're the worst people imaginable and if it were to come out that I had been taken as a baby it would explain so much.
This is why I was obsessed with the American Girl Doll Samantha when I was a kid. A poor, neglected girl who gets adopted by kindhearted rich people. My childhood dream.
My neglect was mostly just being set in front of a television and was never taught to do anything. In fact, it was encouraged that I do nothing but play video games or watch tv and stay quiet. Any emotion or any serious discussion was met with outbursts of anger and just complete narcissistic treatment. Imagine being in your 30's and having the gall to not only belittle your son, neglect him, and shame him for emotions, but to also talk shit to an 8 year old - consistently - as a fully grown man? Then mentally torture me to the point of multiple attempted suicides, major self harm issues, neglecting school work, dropping out of high school. I was given an ultimatum a month before my 18th birthday: drop out and get a better job, or move out when I turn 18. I ended up doing both. Moved out in 3 hours while my dad was at work.
I was pretty much a man child from 18 to 25 before reality hit me and I started taking accountability for life and changing. It's never too late to heal your voice, my friends.
I’ve left this comment up long enough. I will say that every thing in this world is as it should be, open for change that we must start. I’m pretty excited about what the future will bring like the plan for a base on the moon in the next 10-20 yrs is awesome I doubt but awesome I can totally see spaceX collaborating with nasa big when it comes to a moon base.🇺🇸🦅
@@hootscooter1075 No, the beating were never justified. They pushed you until you acted out, so they could feel justified in punishing you.
This is all terribly relatable.
I unfortunately can relate. I moved out at 18 too. I know this pain. 💔
I grew up in a very similar situation. I hope you’re doing better now.
All kids deserve parents, but not all parents deserve kids.
So true, but it feels like an echo chamber now
@@epsilonadept7301 exactly. This one line is true, but it’s been repeated by so many people that it’s just gotten old.
Yes that's the truth and nothing but the truth.
@@therealspeedwagon1451 At this point it's just "like farming" lol kinda messed up
@@epsilonadept7301 Well, a proverb said many times rings true more than once.
Another side of child neglect: I was 12 and I didn't know how to use a knife and fork, how to tie my shoes or my own hair, how to wash my clothes or cutlery, nor how to prepare any food or drink for myself. I still even drank from baby cups and a baby bottle because i had never taught to transition out of it. I learnt everything from periods of public humiliation and observing others the few hours I was allowed to be outside. My school friends were crucial for me to learn common language, basic problem-solving skills and the overall behaviour a person my age should have. As an adult, I still feel stunted and behind from everyone else
Omg, that hurts to read. It took til 16 to learn how to brush my teeth from a friend teaching me. I also feel stunted, still admiring toys and bad hygiene, I only hope to improve.
Good God. That's messed up
@@randomstranger8938there’s nothing wrong with liking toys! why do you think adults collect them? you should focus on your hygiene, though. it’s as easy as taking a quick shower, using some deodorant, and brushing your teeth in the morning and night. ❤❤❤
oh my .That's horrible hope everything gets only better
i’m so sorry you had to go through that, i hope everything gets better for you and i’m so proud of you for learning even the small things. you have a bright future ahead of you, don’t let anyone ever make you think otherwise
When I was around 12years old I would have this fantasy that I was really sick and someone finally loved me and took care of me… my dad was an alcoholic and smoked cracked he was totally checked out and my mom was severely verbally and physically abusive.. I’m 35 and I’m finally breaking the chains from my childhood trauma
My mom was only ever nice to me when I was sick. But like even then I'd get blamed for getting myself sick. Anyway I think that definitely impacted some of the reasons why I developed anorexia which I'm still dealing with relapses every few years near 15 YEARS LATER. Child neglect and abuse is the worst thing. It's pure evil
I’m growing up with just a father, my mother died when I was very young so my father had to take that role. My father is a very kind man, sure he can get a little crazy sometimes but he loves us. Sorry that I’m taking about myself but I always feel horrible when I see some that had a hard childhood, your childhood is what builds you, I’m sorry for everyone that had been through very hard things, I wish I could help them
How do you get rid of the pain? The issues?
Dragonlord you must accept incorporate the experiences into your reality before you can heal. Rejecting what happened means you cannot make the first step to grow. It’s a lot but it starts with understanding that things did happen to you the way they did and you had no awareness of the full impact. Working with a psychologist or coach that can teach you to bring yourself mentally back to the current moment, and a relationship to genuinely build trust.
So proud of you.
One line that I always noticed is when the mom says "we don't live, we survive" to Claire which is another way of bringing her problems into her daughter and forcing Claire to feel as hopeless as she does. While the line is only said once, the short is implied to happen everyday and small comments everyday break people down especially when you don't notice them
But it also points to the profound systemic and cultural misogyny that led to her current state. Notice that she's factually accurate in her statement (not to defend her parentifying her child but to explain it).
The grandfather saying "Hi, Opal!" seems fairly key in that the grandfather recognizes his granddaughter, something her own grandfather does not do.
Bingo. I think the “hi opal” is him just recognizing her, because in real life he doesn’t know who she is anymore
I also found that the dad saying “That’s my girl” directly points to the fact that her real father doesn’t acknowledge her as he is too caught up in himself. I can’t really figure out what “there she is” might mean for her mother though.
@@Hm-ek6vePerhaps its her mother acknowledging her, which her real mother doesn't do?
@@Hm-ek6ve I think it might also be the imaginary mother allowing her to be independent and achieve something, actually caring of the growth of her own child instead of using Opal/ Claire to be emotional support and depending on Opal to share her own emotional turmoil which she tries drowning out with escapism (bad romance novels that glorifies abuse which is seen at the intro where wine was spilled on a book, incredibly unhealthy consumption achohol and pills). Her mother also says that Opal/ Claire is also helpless like her.
Maybe that response of the mother is to intimate the opposite image of ownership or usage as she does in real life. So she says, “there She is” as in her own person, also not as an object/the pill image. So her mothers response in the fantasy is that she is humanized by her mother.
That hits hard for me, I’m my mothers second son, she gave the first up for adoption. They found each other after 40 years and I now know why my life has been a living hell. I was depersonalized into a tool with which my mom kept my dad around, he kept telling her he didn’t want to get into a relationship. . . But here we are, 35 years or so later and I have super debilitating paranoid schizophrenia and I live with my dad who left my abusive mother. She lives alone now for the first time in her life. I won’t speak with her or see her ever again, but sometimes I hear her voice on the phone( when someone else is on the phone with her) and I’ll cry for hours. I wish she would just apologize for one thing, any thing. I wish she would read my poetry, it’s the only thing I’m good at, most of my 1,500 poems are about mothers or moms and she hasn’t read or listened to a single one. She heard me reading to myself one poem that I wrote about God and she muttered to herself, “He will be the only one of us that will be remembered.” But that wasn’t praise, it was spoken to no one. . . It was hatred and jealousy.
This is probably the only poem of mine my mother has ever heard/seen
PERSONA, THE MASK
December 20, 2019
2:03am
The pen becomes unbearably heavy
Once the word it presses upon is known
The dot becomes eyes
Crosses itself becomes trees
The heart is the center
Of all things that flow
Rivers of passion
Songs of many birds
Walks along the ocean
Even mountains stir emotion
Hills and valleys
Take me up and away
In nooks and crannies
Motes gather and play
All the way up in Heaven
To beneath the turtles shell
The pen and the word takes me
Footsteps always lonely
Though someone was here before
Pulled a sword from a stone
Carved many scenes from living fabric
The weft and weave of reality
The point and to wield it
The focus of a thought not my own
To be worthy of the company it brings
For how long who knows
It was and always has been
Impressed by us in dust and dirt
On paper and in songs
In sermons and lectures
Landscapes and portraits
The many faces of God
One thing i think you missed was that the little girl was drooling at the idea of the burger. If you notice a little bit of drool hits the top of the burger. Which could also point towards your idea of the child being malnourished. Obviously both physically but also psychologically.
perhaps the reason she dances with the burger instead of trying to eat it is because a small part of her sees that its not actually food just the idea of the food.
That droplet was sweat from the father I believe, you can see him sweating right afterwards
that was sweat
@@iglusmulmus5171 onto the burger?
@@esprero i thought i seen it drip on the top of the burger
My mom was with an abusive man for 7 years-ish and it was the most awful experience I've ever been through, as a 10 year old kid a dreaded coming back home after playing outside and even then I'd rush to room to escape with video games. thrown furniture, tense silence, screaming and yelling, and ultimately physical abuse, my mother always hides behind the fact that she was a single mom with 5 kids but will never accept any sort of criticism she deflects everything on to the fact that she was a single mom of 5 kids. she was neglectful, a drunk, picked bad men to have around her children, and was emotionally unavailable only offer condolences when she sees an opportunity to criticize or say "I told you so" my mom was a bad mother. I still love her because she's my mom, but damn it would be nice to get some acknowledgement for my trauma rather than her deflecting every once of responsibility she had in it.
dang im sorry for you bro. its great that you still love your mom though even after all that. reminds me of Jesus as he was dying on the cross saying "Father Forgive them for they know not what they do" after they scourged, tortured, nailed to a cross, and dislocated his arms and legs. They never asked for forgiveness, nor were they sorry. It takes a lot of virture to forgive someone after they treated you like that. Much love bro God bless you, ill try and keep you in my prayers.
I’m sorry about what you’ve been through. I just hope that you love your mom because you choose to and have healed, not because you feel you’re supposed to because she birthed you and society tells you your are eternally indebted to her for it. It’s okay to not love your mom. You don’t have to if you don’t want to. It’s not any of my business if you do or not, but I just wanted to tell you that, in case nobody ever has.
I hope your life will be filled with peace and healing. 🙏🏻 ❤
This exactly is how I feel, and I know exactly what you mean
If you mom was Mary she would have had a good husband
Ignore the comments. Your childhood was not good, and you probably want to go no contact with your mom.
im a hardcore horror enthusiast so I don't normally get spooked very easily but I can honestly say that Opal is the scariest things I've seen in a long time. the combination of the eerie claymation mixed with very real trauma had my anxiety reeling. jack stabber really is incredible
this short film was so upsetting genuinely. the drunk mom character hit home so hard. the way she’s self aware and “feels bad” yet continues to traumatize the child with her drunk rants. tooooo real
no literally like it gave me full on flashbacks the rants and incoherent slurring of words from an alcoholic is the worst especially from a parent!
Way too real. I’m glad my dad has been sober now since 2020. I’m 24 now. For 21 years of my life I had to deal with my drunken father who knew he shouldn’t drink but he still did. Even after the multiple hospital visits for his drinking didnt have an affect on him. It took him crashing into a house and the possibility of jail time that made him quit. He’s so selfish for that. I still love him though, he’s not a bad man. I wish he never drank. I wish he took me fishing whenever I asked him when I was a kid. I have hundreds of fishing outings by myself but only a few with my dad
It’s like my dad. Fuck.
Dude same--- My mom was never an alchogolic but she did this same exact thing to me all the time and ughhh
yeah same, my dad has been sober for a little over a year but it took a severe toll on my mental health. he wasn’t abusive physically, but very mentally draining and some instances could be cruel. i love my dad don’t get me wrong…but it’s just something i can’t forget. it’s why i don’t drink or even like alcohol, ppl think i’m a prude ‘cause of that but those who live in a bubble wouldn’t get it
Claire’s story is one that resonates. It’s very common for children who experience neglect to use maladaptive daydreaming to bury their trauma.
I did this a lot as a child and dissociated a lot
Omg ..... I now know why I had imaginary friend and even prayed to God to make my imaginary friend to become real.
By the the I started growing I became so different to other people that Ok couldn't socialise properly with other people .
I can still disassociate whenever I want
Dissociation is a helluva drug.
Ayyyyyyyyyy my people
The most important step in my journey was admitting that I've been hurt & wronged. There was a long time from age 18-24 where I disassociated from the situation and actually thought (for my own sanity) that my parents were "good". This is a stage that we all go through and, if not caught early, is the very fork in the road that can lead us down a path of becoming abusers ourselves. I was very close to becoming a narcissist myself by saying things like "I empathize because their parents were the same way" "I understand why they did it" "I turned out fine". Before we can break the cycle, we need to realize that we didn't turn out fine. Any behavior we don't condemn and hold accountable in our parents, is behavior we're in danger of repeating. Any boundaries we fail to set, are boundaries that will trigger us when we see other people setting them from us. Remember that holding someone accountable is not the same thing as judging or not loving someone. If you think it's the same thing, then YOU will turn into a person that says "So you don't love me?" when someone tries to hold You accountable for hurtful actions. Becoming a disappointment to my parents has been the scariest but most freeing experience, and the only way I could break the generational cycle.
How did you do that? Accepting the truth about your parents? I'm 19 and I feel stuck and lost because of this. The thought of my parents being bad people terrifies me so much! So I always made the same excuses as yours. But I realized that I'm slowly becoming like them, and I hate it so much! I always thought that I'm fine and that I should be a good child to them and I should be understanding and empathetic towards them to compensate for their bad childhood ( and I still do, to be honest), and if they hurt me that meant that I wasn't good enough. It's just so exhausting cuz I don't know what to do. It would be very helpful if you gave me some advices.
It was so hard at first, I had nightmares every night and so much guilt, but slowly I started to feel so free and experienced joy that I never allowed myself. The thing is, there I was sitting & wondering whether I could possibly hurt them by setting a simple boundary.. and are they sitting there wondering whether they hurt me? no. They say and do things that are *actually* hurtful, and on purpose, just to hurt me and keep power over me. I bet you are thinking of all these ways that your parents had a bad childhood, and u want to be a good child and you're so empathetic, but they are not doing the same for you. Another thing that helped was this: Say you were a parent, or even just a friend to someone, and they expressed that you hurt them, so much that they even feel like limiting contact. Wouldn't you feel embarrassed, and try to better yourself? Or would you immediately make excuses for yourself and say, "Well you can't set boundaries. I'm like this because of MY parents, so you have to make excuses for me forever." Likely not haha. we wouldn't make those excuses for ourselves - so why are we endlessly making them for our parents? A boundary is just a boundary, and learning to communicate them is important so that you can accept criticism from Others someday. Remember this life is yours alone. And if you're very concerned about your parents being sad: Remember that an abuser is never helped by letting them continue to abuse (even covert emotional abuse). Only when people around them hold them accountable, can they actually grow and learn something.
@@SpriteWild your words opened my eyes to a new perspective of thinking about my situation, I'll try my best to make up for myself and think more about myself, not others. Thank you so much! I hope you have a lovely day☺.
Very well said. Last thing I'd be is like my parents. People allow disrespect from their parents because they "owe" them for their upbringing, as if raising a child consists of only satisfying basic material needs. Treat parents as they deserve
As someone who has zero relationship with their parents now and am constantly overcoming the after effects, this comment section and video made me feel way less alone. Stay strong everybody, you deserve to be happy.
The fact that when her perfect family sings all they say is "we see you" and "hi opal" not even a love you. This tells us that opal cant even imagine getting a I love you from her family. Her biggest achievement in life is just to be acknowledged.
(EDIT) Not to be that guy but OMG 7.4K LIKES THANK YOU GUYS!
💔💔😭😭😭
This just made me realize that my neglect was actually pretty bad. Huh. I just thought I didn't "need" love, just being seen.
@@DeathMelodiesbro u messed up childhood
@@DeathMelodiesi mean have
@@DeathMelodieswait
Its upsetting how common childhood trauma and neglect is
Neglect is so common. But not a lot of people think it's as serious as other forms of abuse.
@@beab8738 I do agree that abuse has lost a lot of it's meaning due to overuse. Though that's not what abuse used to mean. Most people use the word abuse when they should use mistreatment. When I say abuse, I refer to the actual definition and main types of abuse. Like physical, sexual, emotional, mental, and neglect are the main types of abuse. But neglect is often overlooked and ignored.
@@that1person695 Abuse is a synonym of mistreatment. There are many definitions of abuse...
@@rebeccacummings6697 True. But it doesn't hold the same power as abuse.
Goes to show how similar we really are. And that it might be a sign to make a change
Just went to my parents' place for a week for the holidays, and I realize why I was struggling with so many things when I moved from my parents' place.
When I was there, I was constantly answering to something, attending to someone, being someone's therapist or being asked to do something all the time. My mother and sister shouted at least once a day, and I could not sit down and be on my phone without being shamed for it. I was forced to always be available against my will, and berated for being ungrateful and mean if I didn't.
In the end, I was conctantly on the edge, stayed up until 4AM so I could at least get an hour of calm on my own (but this caused me slight sleep deprivation since I was always woken up by 10AM). I stopped cleaning up after myself, I stopped doing chores, I became lethargic and tired all the time. No wonder: if you are using all of your energy to attend to others, how do you expect to have energy for the basic things?
When I got home, I was so on edge and I noticed that this isn't normal. Now I finally understood why my sister is so antsy and on the edge whenever she visited my place. In my household you are in survival mode, and once you enter a calm and quiet space, it all just bursts out.
After years ow working on it, therapy and coaching, I finally have a peaceful home of my own, where everything is clean and I have energy to study, to take care of my health and to function normally. But it took 3 years.
If you are someone struggling in adulthood due to past childhood neglect: it is totally understandable. You are resetting from all of those negative patterns that were taught to you and forced upon you. Be graceful to yourself.
I'm going through your past situation right now, and it made me realise why I'm tired and antsy all the time, thank you
This is EXACTLY how my life has been. It's hard not to be lethargic when I'm the only person who's seen as not needing help with anything even though I'm the youngest.
"This twelve-minute short is some people's lives." I also related and you really hit the nail on the head with this one. Loved your analysis 💯💯
He's basically a genius. One guy to make the story, the acting, the visuals, the music, the everything basically. That's a lot of talent in just one guy.
Well if you watch the credits, it actually wasn't all him, he did have help :), but he definitely was the main integral part for sure
too bad i rarely understand something deep unless explained in detail like this
YES I love him, and after I found him on TH-cam I found opal and I realized my family is the same but not as dramatic, family- divorced, dad only cares about himself and was definitely damaged by a cheating ex wife, mother always drank and smoked pot, never spent time with her kids, stepdad literally just doesn’t exist in my life he is kinda just there, he knows nothing about me personally, stepmom is a Karen…. Nuf said was always neglected as a kid so I stay away from anything ending in ship 😂, might not sound good but I’m happy and I moved away
I always noticed this detail in this short story that everyone seems to overlook. Claire quite literally is trying to mimic Opal’s look, from the hair down to the clothes she wears. It really goes to show how badly Claire needs a better family.
I just realized Claire's hair isn't in pigtails, at least not in hairties or anything. She's wearing her hair down, just adjusted to be more to the sides like Opal's. The only way Claire would be able to do that was if her hair was extremely greasy or wet, which it most likely is since she lives in an abusive household where she probably doesn't have many chances to shower or bathe.
We never see choosing what to wear or how to do her hair. They both also happened to be blonde, I just assumed it was coincidental.
Also they had to look similar in order for the audience to make the connection that Claire was Opal, though personally I feel like if Opal was visually different to Claire, it would be more sad because Claire has to distance herself from reality even more to identify as Opal.
The fact that the short touched on the abuse of the father and his obsession with himself as a coping mechanism really resonated with me
He's trying to make himself presentable so his wife will start to appreciate him enough not to hurt him,
Far more common than people think.
I certainly had trauma in my childhood, but the trauma that this girl has gone through is just super sickening, and the worst part is that there are a bunch of kids who live like this :(
When you talk about her being malnourished, it makes more sense when she doesn't know what a burger is. Even if she never eat it, when you see something is on a plate, you would still think that the burger is a food and try to eat it. There's 2 reasons why she doesn't eat it either: 1) If she eats it, then she would realize this was an imagination sooner so her brain actively made her never think about eating the burger despite how hungry she is; or 2) She never eats, like not just burger, like any other foods (or at least on a plate)
She's never seen a burger in any context except an image
I would guess that she dances because she’d never been able to just relax and eat before? Maybe she only eats when she can/in her room because the family never sits down at a table and eats like an ordinary family
It wasn't hers.
She could see it and smell it, probably could even see the juice and had seen her parents eating one before
But she knows not to touch it because it's not hers.
I think the reason why she dances is not because she does not know what to do with the burger, rather she dances because of her elation and for the ability to be expressive. In many neglectful homes being individualistic or showing inner feelings is shunned. So having her imaginary parents watch her dance is just her way of being open and expressive.
Maybe she's too scared to eat, she feels like eating would be wasting time and money for her family.
She also probably got punished for eating...
Poor kid.
Im surprised no one has noticed that in the begining sequences "Opal" has four lights in her eyes, when they go off as she steps out the window, they disappear. Only to come back again as Clair looks out her own window and realizes it's all an illusion. (Most likely symbolizing the billboard.) Just an interesting detail I saw and wanted to share
Those were reflections from the 4 ceilings lights above the bed in her room
i think those were the billboard lights, might be symbolism for how whenever she stares at the billboard she goes into her dream world.
@@e_i_e_i_bro nope, if they were they would've been on the parents eyes in the begining, and the hallway light are in 1's. Most definitely the billboard
Everyone in the original video's comments noticed this, but yeah. This short really is quite the story.
I especially relate to finding out my dad was a good person and my mom was at fault for almost everything. My parents waited to divorce until my little brother turned 18, and I honestly would’ve rather went through the trauma of the divorce over them staying together in the condition they were in
Could have been way worse depending if you live in one of those countries were the mother is the default care giver eg. US.
That means that the dad may have to stay to make sure he certainly had you guys, as opposed to being highly risky divorce where you don't see him again until adulthood
@@minitntman1236 true. Just about the only smooth part of the split was deciding which kid goes with who because everyone including me and my brother were in agreement on that
I genuinely wasn't ready for the PTSD episode this lead to, but I was able to use it to write out my feelings to give to my therapist. I have autism, and my mother was all three adults in Claire's house wrapped into one person. I can't process strong emotions and they often cause me to shut down, so therapy is a struggle because I'm often stuck sitting in silence as I desperately try to figure out how to express myself. This was rough, really rough, but I'm hoping it will bring a positive moving forward.
A quote I've heard - don't get sad, get mad. I think it's appropriate to be angry at neglect, helps process it and heal
The final part with the song "It's alright" really gave me a sinking feeling to my stomach. I'm lucky I live in a sane household, but on an artistic level it really feels like a final thought from you and Claire, repeating to yourself that everything is fine, while the trauma, the demons of your life keep on screaming, or your inner self is the one screaming. Great choice in detail and execution on the ending. Keep up the good work!
Glad someone noticed that :)
It took me 3 minutes to draw that ending piece. I drew it as if I was a 5 year old just having fun.
Happy that I was able to get that across with just music and visuals
3k likes for 3 days, wow!
Did you feel fear did you feel a real form a pain through it be that mental or physical did you feel ugly inside, unwanted, maybe like you belong no where maybe you wished you were somewhere else maybe you felt like you shouldn’t be on this plant I’m not trying to attack you I promise I just feel people shouldn’t claim to understand something just because of a video I’m happy you are trying to understand others hardships that’s good but from my perspective it’s invalidating for somebody to say they understand abuse because they watched a video on it and btw I’m not saying you haven’t been abused abuse can show itself in many forms however being abused by your family is very different from say your friends bullying you I guess all I’m saying is this is one of those things that you aren’t gonna understand truly unless you have been through or have been very close to somebody deeply affected by it and even hell I find myself questioning my past and my abuse every single night I guess if you wanna try to understand I can give you guys my side of abuse and how it’s been for me trying to work and be an adult in my later life I already partially explain what emotions you may feel but I’d like to tell you guys what my biggest struggle is and how it effects me every day I can not trust anybody and no it is not the same for you as me I know it’s not I have never told somebody about this and had them relate to everything other than one single person when I say I do not trust I mean I don’t trust your movements I don’t trust what your saying I’m constantly questioning and analyzing trying to figure if you intend to hurt me or others and it wouldn’t just be for you my friends get the same treatment I honestly don’t know how they stay my friends the amount of fights we’ve gotten into because I don’t feel like I can trust a single thing anybody says no matter how close we are I feel invisible to them even when I’m talking to them words can becoming out of my mouth they can be responding but I still do not trust them I do think they are actually there for more it’s difficult to put into words anyways I truly didn’t intend to make anybody feel bad I just wanted to maybe spread some awareness maybe someday I can be close enough and trust somebody enough to tell them what happened to tell them how I feel and to here what they think and feel and truly believe it id also like to say if you know somebody being abuse stay close to them they need you more than you think and a lot of the time in my experience people who have been abused are extremely loyal to those that show they will stick around and not hurt them
Anyways cheers thanks for letting me talk I had a tough day so it was kinda nice to talk about this even if it wasn’t with anybody
@@it_will_be_ok. MAKE IT FOUR
@@theorist What kind of neglect did you go through? I had a narcissistic parent who had issues with emotional lability, she would be all over the place. Depending on the time i talked with her im either the best son in the world or a disgrace to the human race. She wasn't narcissistic in the traditional sense, shes like the old lady in this video. She wants to be taken care of emotionally while emotionally abusing others from time to time.
My mother had four children , I was the youngest one that was neglected. I was molested by my uncle and my cousins when I was young child . If I would say anything I would get threatened by them or get a beating . I believe if my mother did pay attention to me she would of known a difference on my behavior when the molestation was going on. When I turned 18 I felt she was relieved that I left . I'm 45 years old til this day she still doesn't know what happened to me. I am a broken man that lives alone ,I have a problem with anyone touching me i dont trust anyone ,i live in a void . Til this day it never leaves me . I will choose to live alone til the day I die . Please don't neglect your children , every child deserves to be protected and loved.
You poor thing. You deserve company. You deserve to feel safe. Please keep looking for help because you can get better. Your past does not define you and god loves you. ❤
damn man
2 Corinthians 1:3 Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; 4 Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God. 5 For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also aboundeth by Christ. 6 And whether we be afflicted, it is for your consolation and salvation, which is effectual in the enduring of the same sufferings which we also suffer: or whether we be comforted, it is for your consolation and salvation. 7 And our hope of you is stedfast, knowing, that as ye are partakers of the sufferings, so shall ye be also of the consolation.
Isaiah 66:10 Rejoice ye with Jerusalem, and be glad with her, all ye that love her: rejoice for joy with her, all ye that mourn for her: 11 That ye may suck, and be satisfied with the breasts of her consolations; that ye may milk out, and be delighted with the abundance of her glory. 12 For thus saith the LORD, Behold, I will extend peace to her like a river, and the glory of the Gentiles like a flowing stream: then shall ye suck, ye shall be borne upon her sides, and be dandled upon her knees. 13 As one whom his mother comforteth, so will I comfort you; and ye shall be comforted in Jerusalem. 14 And when ye see this, your heart shall rejoice, and your bones shall flourish like an herb: and the hand of the LORD shall be known toward his servants, and his indignation toward his enemies. 15 For, behold, the LORD will come with fire, and with his chariots like a whirlwind, to render his anger with fury, and his rebuke with flames of fire. 16 For by fire and by his sword will the LORD plead with all flesh: and the slain of the LORD shall be many.
KJV
The new versions are perversions.
God knows your pain. Seek His help. May The grace and peace of God, The Lord Jesus Christ be with you.
Umm, instead of quoting half of Bible, I will just wish you all the best. Please take care. And one thing to remember - you deserve to be happy too. I'm just telling you that because I met somebody who was feeling just as empty as you and he told me he would gladly just die. He thought he didn't deserve anything good and that he was a nobody. To this day I sometimes have to remind him that he is important.
I don't know you, but look, you are important and you deserve good in your life too.
Jesuschrist preachers can be so annoying.
This really hits hard. My father is a narcissist and my mother is a religious nut. I’ve been working hard to get through my childhood trauma and not traumatize my own children. And my daughter’s name is Claire… it’s like watching what could be for my kids if i dont keep myself in line. Terrible
If you genuinely love your children you cant mess up that bad (I mean your trying not to mess up, not that you just dont care and lie to yourself about it)
Take it from someone whos parents cared but really really messed up sometimes. It helps knowing their just large children that still care.
As someone who has never had to deal with this I, as someone who doesn't cry was almost in tears watching this... I have never been neglected like this, I have been pressured about being the best I can be to the point that I have anxiety but, I have never been neglected to the point that I'm terrified of not having a meal or something along those lines which I thank God for. I've always acted like such a victim but after seeing this I now understand that my life, in reality, has been a cakewalk or close to it. I wish I hadn't acted like a victim for so long. Of course, I knew that child neglect was a thing but I had never truly realized the extent to which child neglect affected the populous. To everyone going through something like this, I may not be able to help very much seeing as this is a YT comment but know that there are people to help and they will help you.
My best to everyone
I hate that so many people still underestimate the severe impact emotional neglect can have on someone. Sure I've never been left to starve but my friends have become more family than my parents ever were... i fear leaving my room a majority of the time
Hey I know you don't know who I am or anything but I just want to say stay strong. I can't really relate to your situation but I'm really hoping you can get away from all the toxic people in your life completely and safely.
I feel like people should understand what Generational Pattern Parenting is. It will help understand why your parents are who they are. Same way this video emphasize on child neglect. Your same parents were neglected as child consequently affecting you. Be the first to make peace, understanding your parents, change that Generational Pattern.
@@javierlandaverde4108 It's the parent's responsibility to work on their own issues until they are fit to raise a child. The child is not responsible for fixing a relationship the parent broke. The victim does not have to force those around them to change, and in many cases, they are not even capable of doing that because people won't change unless they want to. I am sick and tired of this "you can fix them" narrative, it only encourages people to stay in abusive situations. All of this is especially true when you consider we are talking about literal children.
competely agree@@123till321
@@123till321 I believe they were implying after a far bit of distance and time. I suppose it depends alot on individual cases whether they want to reunite.
It makes me happy people still talk about Opal. This short means so much to me!
?
@@opalyon the kid with pig tails is opal/claire
smae
@@opalyon ohh, your username is Opal too ^^
@@cleverr77 Yeah... the kid with the pigtails is Opal, not Claire ;_;
i’ve always been scared to watch Opal because i would always think it would hit too close to home.
it did.
Sometimes, dyfunctional families are made up of traumatized people who find themselves unable to keep a normal family structure due to their trauma. I do find that each adult in Claire's family are each trying to cope in a certain way due to something that happened in each of their lives in the past.
A disturbingly true reality.
The cycle that we all will try to break
That is my family.
My mom is a narcissist.
She got molested by a family member. She never went to therapy for it. Roman catholics saw therapy as weakness, I think?
My dad. His father was abusive and left the family when he was 8. He was a drug addict and has Bipolar disorder.
My sister is dead of a drug overdose.
I am always low-key suicidal. I have BPD and I am pretty sure that I have C-PTSD, but have only been diagnosed with BPD.
I was the scapegoat. My mom said "go ahead" when I said I was going to kill myself. She made fun of my appearance. She talked about herself and didn't care about a word that I said. She still doesn't. She stole thousands of dollars from me. She screamed in my face when I was crying as a teenager. She was disgusted that I dated the same sex. But I was fed and overweight, which is still neglectful to let your child be unhealthy. And I was 10 and making food for my sister. All she does is lie.
I'm in no contact.
My mom hasn't learned since my sister died. She didn't even know my sister. I knew my sister. My sister was the only person in my family who cared about me emotionally.
I'm 35 and still trying to accept the reality that my parents will never be loving and never care about anyone other than themselves. I'm afraid to be myself around people. My parents completely rejected me. I don't trust anyone.
@@androgynylunacyI hope your sister rests in peace and I truly hope you live in peace. Thank you for sharing your story.
A telltale sign is they always talk about the "family curse," not realizing that's it just generational trauma.
I noticed that in Claire’s dream, when she picks up the burger, she dances. Of course, it’s probably because she doesn’t know that she’s supposed to eat the burger, but I also think it’s because it’s the one thing she can’t do at her house. She can’t dance because it’ll draw negative attention to her and she’ll be abused. She’s not allowed to be a kid and be loud, instead she has to keep quiet and walk on eggshells inside the house.
Edit: I have to mention that when she dances, she looks so genuinely happy.
I also believe that the reason she dances with the burger is possibly to imitate the billboard where "opal" dances with the burger or is shown not eating the burger which makes Claire believe that's what burgers are for
Chair
And the most insidious part of all this is that the abuse doesn't JUST have to be the most glaringly obvious ones like what's shown in the video: you can get all the support, a house, food, clothes, education, but the family dynamic, their habits can still abuse a child
just how many of us have to grow up in high achievement oriented families, just so we don't end up like Them? the rejects, the screwups, people who ruined their lives because of x, y, and z? And BECAUSE we don't see what seems to be good guidance (it is!) as an ever growing poison, some end up in denial about that reality until they see growing, mounting evidence that they have been
this video gave me the creeps, because that's the case with me, but I have to pick up the pieces myself. this sucks
In my childhood the poster for me was watching "Wild Thornberrys" i think that's the first time I felt grief realizing loving fathers and empowered, capable mothers can exist and be good parents
The “we see you opal” line hit me hard, as a child I felt invisible, just wanted to be seen by my family. So hearing her fantasy family say “we see you” really struck a cord. Very relatable indeed, childhood neglect really leaves a mark.
I felt that way for the majority of my childhood. Not only invisible to my family, but everyone around me except for a few select people. I’m still learning how to cope with feeling seen and ‘existing’ to the people around me because it’s still all so new to me.
I really hope you’re in a better place now. You are seen and heard.
Yeah that part made me cry...
My basic needs were taken care of growing up but the emotional neglect still makes me think people only pay attention to me as long as I'm giving them something they want.
And I'm hyperindependent now because you can help them but they won't help you. Even when that's not the case, it's still hard to shake the feeling that it is.
The majority of my childhood was really similar. I had a mother who was a drug addict and only talked to me when she needed something. She never cared about when I was hurting.
I did have a lot of support from my dad, and he helped me any way he could, but that neglect from my mom still leaves me seeking love and affection from her to this day now that I've been out of her house for a few years now.
oh same-im gonna go cry after things when i read these types of comments i think 'are you sure was it that deep' yeah it was---we can all use dedicated time to cry ig
You know, when i was 12 i felt so old i had a narcisstic parent and i was counting the days to when id be to old to run away to foster care--and how the older i was the less likely id be to be adopted-age was a value when you didnt have security, it meant the abuser had more responsibility for you-less they could legally abuse you without pinning it on you or spinning it that youre a 'teenager'
great video! i always interpreted the line “your troubles are miles away” as literal, i.e. claire’s troubles are literally miles away from the burger shop from the perspective of the billboard family
also a neat detail is whenever claire is in the fantasy house her eyes are reflecting the lights from the billboard
you are absolutely right! i forgot to mention that detail about the lights in the billboard. i wanted to talk about that but it must've slipped my mind during the script process.
also the troubles are miles away is definitely about her problems being miles away. super cool detail! this short is so awesome :)
@@theorist This reccomended video just, feels personally targeted-abusive Narcissistic mother. wish wed talk here about accountability/mental illness next thats what im trying to crack how its a thing for certain ''ill'' people to be fine but others become jerks--its in part their own fault but to what extent and when? At what point is someone just a bad person/
Yeah
Now that I watch this video, I'm really grateful for having such good parents, and that I wasn't born into such a dystopian family like this one.
This was really brave of you.
Thank you for the effort of creating this.
The number of details and how accurate Opal is stunning. It makes me wonder if Jack Stauber himself experienced this trauma.
The best artists reflect their reality.
Probably
his style does seem to have some of this implied in his songs
Art imitates life
Of course he did. U don't make something like this just because.
Opal staring at a photo of another family is a good way to portray the reason so many people are addicted to social media.
That's such an accurate and amazing analogy.
bro that's so real 😨
Yeah
Yeah but it’s not about social media 🧐
Yep...
This video honestly had me crying. Everything in the video was so cryptic and mysterious yet when you read everything outloud and said the true meanings, I couldnt help but cry- every single thing hit home. I could relate to pretty much everything- its honestly amazing.
I’ve had a strange combination of neglect and overbearing from the same parent. Like when he wanted to control part of my life and keep me from living like a normal kid he was all in my business, but in any other situation I was neglected. It’s given me severe anxiety to this day and makes me feel trapped because everything I do is wrong. And my family still treats me like I’m the bad guy for being reclusive. There’s no self reflection on their part whatsoever, I’m the problem.
You are not, and never were the problem. THEY are sick, and have tried to make you just as sick as themselves. Try to make friends and create a new family, a family of YOUR choosing.
@@feywynnightrunner9380 Well, yeah, I know I’m not, but they don’t. As for friends, well, easier said than done as an unemployed adult still stuck at home because of poor life decisions. But I appreciate the kind words.
@@Death4271 I have found good friends that I have known for several years, through gaming online. Minecraft, World of Warcraft, Guild Wars, are all fun games with great player communities.
As a 25 year old adult, I am just now realizing my lack of identity due to childhood neglect / fear based raising. I spent my whole childhood tiptoeing through life, trying not to upset my family, terrified of making a mistake or of them being drunk/high. I also felt the shock of fear whenever a parent decided to turn their attention towards me. You never learn who you are when you're busy taking care of other people that dont see you. Trying to dig myself out of that pit is a true struggle.
If all kids need parents, then all kids need god. That’s because god is our father and we need him in our lives.
@@twingames8499 I don't need God.
@@justsomerandomartist7503 If all good things happen because of a "all-powerful, all-knowing" fictional character, all bad things are caused by the exact same one. Why make things more complicated and take away blame from the PEOPLE who need to be held accountable? For what some sense of unfounded self righteousness in the crutch of religious dogma? I hate the loud and pushy zealots as much as their own imaginary friend does according to their own book. They make everything about them through their religion, they push their ego into things no one asked for.
"You never learn who you are when you're busy taking care of other people that don't see you." That hits hard. Had a single parent, workaholic mother. She would blame everyone for her problems, throw a tantrum if she didn't magically get what she wanted, had a habit on spending on items she would never use, even use me as her personal therapist since age 6. She gave birth to me because she wanted someone to help her get out of debt. She blamed my existence for her debt. She gave birth to me because she wanted a slave child to give her money, like a return investment. My coping was thru school and education, away from home. I loved Math and Science because it was logical and numbers don't lie. But no matter what, time moves forward and so do we.
If you live alone now, go back to childhood ideas and figure out all the things you wanted to do. Remake that Bucket List. Try out something once a year, or more if you can afford it. Life is for Living. So, go live it. Live, Learn and Experience the World around you. Pick, choose, plan, one day at a time, one project at a time, your pace, you call the shots.
As an adult, I think we deserve to continue nourishing our souls. Even if our parents didn't, we should want to not let down ourselves. Even if it's a small pizza on your day off. Every delicious moment of peace matters.
Kids need stability and love. All god gives them is distance
As someone who was severely abused in all ways except sexually and burdened with an adult level of responsibility and work at age six, no film has ever represented how I felt as well as Opal. Watching it triggered forgotten memories. It's a masterpiece.
Im sorry you had to go through that. I hope you’re doing ok
I experienced a lighter version of this, I was praised for being more mature than my age and acted as an ear for my parents troubles.
I felt more mature than them, and still feel more mature than both of them, to this day.
Children are not your friends folks, they're your responsibility. Stop burdening them with adult responsibilities.
I'm sorry you experienced this. I hope you have gotten stronger through it and are working to create the kind of live you want to have.
Bless up!
@alexanderbanman9288 I used to love it when my parents told me their problems, and I can't tell whether it affected me or not. I've always been the "therapist friend," but I think the only thing that I've noticed as a product of that is longing for my voice to be heard. It's not that big of a deal as far as I can tell, at least not for me.
I know people that have been through worse. Blood, pain and death included. Breakdown? Try a MELTdown. As bad as it was I NEEDED that. I had to suffer through the neglet and isolation to learn to find my own answers. It's made me stronger. I don't fear anything now. If we don't go through shit then we don't learn. Just make sure you make the effort to get noticed. If someone ghosts you it's their own weakness and inability. There's a reason I'll always stand my ground 100% of the time. Neglet is something I won't ever do. Any other thing, yea, but eye to eye.
Sympathy isn't the point. The ideals of courage, honesty and accountability is. The cold hard truth is most people are cowards in denial living a lie. I actually know the stastistics for depression and suicide and know psychology. Well, no point worrying. Every point in trying.
😂
My older brother and I were neglected by our mother, so he had no one to take care of him and a kid to take of himself. He ended up rather well off if not for his schizophrenia, and I'm exactly the opposite. I'm totally maladjusted and cannot function in normal society. I can't speak to people so I've never had friends or an intimate relationship of any sort at the age of 24. I know I'm not ugly, because I've actually had several people proposition me... But nobody has ever been interested in me for anything other than my looks. They all just want something from me. They never want to give anything back. I just want to be close to someone, anyone... but I don't know how to do that.
There are people out there who can and will genuinely love and value you for your real self. You might have to start with making some friends if you don't have any, or if the ones you have are kinda shitty, but sorting out other areas of your life can sometimes jumpstart the parts in which you feel you're lacking! Or if friends aren't the issue, maybe moving cities or switching jobs could lead you to people who aren't so shallow.
It's very hard to find geniune friends, most people indeed want to never give anything back. In this case, i figured it's only possible to be fulfilled through solitary hobbies and don't expect friendships of any sort
When I was 14 I felt awful, so alone, no confidence, scared of people and the world, words cannot explain the torture and turmoil, bad sense of self and social phobia I felt. It was hell. I was told off every dinner. A lot of this was being a normal teenager, but a lot of it wasn't. I felt unsafe. My heart goes out to children who don't get what they need, who don't get emotional support etc. It's so sad.
Not to be generalizing, but in my sincere opinion, westerners are so soft that they get caught in their mess and don’t mature until well later. Personally, I’m currently 15 and I believe that the way I think is very mature, even more mature than some adults
Ugh the mother truly hits me hard. I like how she said “I feel terrible for all of the things I-….I feel terrible….” She almost apologized for her own wrongdoings but caught herself. The mother is a narcissist too refuses to admit she did anything wrong.
It does help highlight that there are two different kinds of narcissism. The grandiose narcissist would be the father, while the mother would fall under the vulnerable narcissist category. Both really only care about themselves but in different ways.
unlike the father, the mother dosent truly believe she has done nothing wrong so im not really sure i would call her a narcissist.
@@lyrica_overdoseshe would still technically be a narcissist. If she truly doesn’t believe she did anything wrong, she is still only thinking about herself and her own struggles, not about how it could have affected Claire in any way. That would still be narcissism, just more vulnerable like the previous person said. I have a parent like that, who is a mix of both grandiose and vulnerable. It’s not really fun.
@@cookieslovecupcakes5844 i think you misunderstood my comment, i meant that the mother is aware of her wrongdoings.
sorry if i worded it wrong.. english is not my first language
@@lyrica_overdose narcissists can be aware of their wrongdoings and still be narcissists
The fact that the fake family is not saying things like we love you opal, or we care about you, there just saying that they see her, it gives me goosebumps sometimes.
Sometimes being told that you’re seen is a comforting thing, like they recognize what you’re going through and your not alone. But in this case it’s just Claire’s mind begging for the bare minimum of positive affection
i find them not saying i love you, as like, her abusive family says i love you but she doesn’t know what it means, because she doesn’t feel it.
That was such a great and insightful dissection of the short. I caught on to the idea midway when watching, but so much of the symbolism was missed by me due to how it's purposefully edited and the fact I would have to watch it several times over to fully appreciate it. This was really, really well done and it shows how analytical and thoughtful you were when producing this video. Great stuff.
Beauty and true art at it's finest. Thank you Mr.Theorist for your video, I believe anyone who can relate will appreciate it and get something they need from your work and the work of Jack Stauber. Hopefully anyone who hasn't seen this work before will be illuminated by your light.
She even has the billboards lights reflect in her eyes in the beginning of the film. A small detail that I think adds so much more to the delusion Clair lives in and the horrific reality of her life.
I also noticed that at the start when you see the imaginary dad, he has the same expression as the billboard, but then snaps to life, and clairs expression is the one she was making in her room
I personally believe Claire developed Maladaptive Daydreaming as a way to cope. It’s a trauma response to multiple things Claire suffers from (neglect, boredom, abuse and more).
As someone who has it myself for other reasons than Claire, I find the experience of the beginning and end quite relatable. When you latch onto something so hard you pretend you’re a part of it-you become Opal, not Claire, with a far better desired life, you’ll obviously feel better, even if for a few hours.
But then when you realise you’re not, finding your hair isn’t pigtails and you’re just stuck in your room and head, pretending, it often feels like being doused in cold water. Whether you know it’s not real or think it is, it’s disappointing when you’ve been that deep in and get jostled back by and to reality.
I couldn’t imagine being in this situation, though; it’s clearly just a constant cycle of coming back and going again.
as a daydreamer myself, I to believe this theory, I do this everyday.
Yes this happens to me everyday especially when i look out the window...
as a fellow maladaptive daydreamer- honestly can't tell if being aware of it or not is better- not that it matters ultimately
personally, still heavily stuck in survival mode despite being free for almost 2 years now & i am only becoming aware of most of my coping mechanisms now; realizing the habit of avoiding reality was a heavy hitter
random side note : i've never actually watched through this art before; so i'm still catching up to theories & ideas regarding it-
it's already stressful getting halfway through it-
Wow! Growing up in abuse, I also maladaptive daydreamed constantly but didn’t realize why until now. It is like cold water. Also when your daydreams become so consistent i find it’s easy to develop intense anxiety surrounding the daydream world ( I.e anxiety around neglecting or abandoning the world, real emotional impacts caused by daydreams or the daydream ‘rules’).
if you take away the situation, it's kinda like trying to stop dissociating this way
(maladaptive daydreaming is basically just a different flavor of dissociation)
like, you dissociate for a long while
you forget
you remember
you become stressed/bored/etc
you do it again
a cycle, in all it's agonizing glory
claire is most definitely doing this, there's no way she isn't, really
I feel so bad for all the people who had to go through this sort of thing i haven't myself but i like listening to videos about things like this because i have a hard time understanding other people's perspectives and why they act like they do so seeing what their lifes are like in animated form and the analysis ontop is very helpful and it gives me something to listen to while i draw. I'm sorry to all the people who had to go through that and i hope your life is much better now or will get much better soon ❤️
This was an excellent, thoughtful analysis that illuminates so much about the experience of childhood neglect. Glad this film exists, thank you for breaking it down ❤️
Seeing the dads actual face just scares me so much. The way he thinks that he’s so much better than everyone else when in reality he just is so terrifying but he convinced himself he wasn’t. Gives me goosebumps… (idk if it’s just me but he looks like the chef from little nightmares😭)
Remind me of my stepdad he think everyone loves him and he is such a great person but everyone runs to get away when he comes around literally dreading that he comes around its sad when u realize our parents are like this from they neglect and trauma but its a cycle literally
i think it’s more just him struggling to convince himself that he’s attractive because of the insecurities he has about his disfigurement, which is pretty realistic. it’s just something that happens when you delve that deep into self loathing, suddenly everything just becomes about you and how other people see you.
The mom's quick flashback looks like she did something to the father and dialed 911, so perhaps she threw someting at him and destroyed his face.
oh god ur so right he DOES look like the chefs,,,
They all kinda look like the chefs tbh..aprt from clair
As a victim of child neglect, Claire's terror when her family speaks to her reminds me of the many times when I'd hear my mom's car pulling into the driveway and be stricken with a deep, terrible fear. It reminds me of my sister, when she was younger, telling me that when she would watch tv and see happy families playing with their kids and wondering why that would never happen with her. It reminds me of the days I'd spend sticking my nose into manga and games to go somewhere else - *anywhere* else, to a different world where my problems didn't exist and where I could be a hero. There's so much more...
These children are real, and it's tragic.
Damn, I hope things have gotten more cleared up for you now
@@charmsly9506 I'm in a better place now - struggling with the terrors of adulthood instead, lol
@@COFFEEWSUGA Thats good to hear that you're in a better place. This video and all these comments are so depressing man
I can really relate to the terror of hearing a parents car pulling into the driveway. I’m sad that I’m not alone in knowing that feeling, but there’s also comfort in knowing someone understands.
Wishing you all the best in life. Glad to read that you’re in a better place. I’m rooting for you.
Reminds me of hearing the key hole and me and my siblings running to hide.
Thanks for making this video and spreading awareness of the way some of us grow up… you can make it through though. Focus on you, have boundaries, separate yourself from people who don’t treat you right and love your self more than anything!!! It will save you
I stumbled upon this video in an attempt to just have background noise, to drown out how awful I'm feeling honestly, can't say if it helped, but what I can say is that it spoke to me on a personal level, thank you for making this video, truly, cause even if it didn't make me feel better in this specific moment it makes me feel heard, which feels like it might be at least a step into the right direction
The mother saying "Mama needs a little girl to hold up her hair" made me tear a bit. She constantly exposes Claire to her drug use and forces her to clean up her mess mentally and physically.
horrifying
wait what does she mean hold up her hair???
@@prodviratoo to hold her hair as she pukes so it won't get dirty
@@prodviratoo it's to help her vomit
@@prodviratoo hold back her hair so that when she vomits from excessive alcohol intake, her hair won’t get dirty.
This is so upsetting. The fact that Claire is forced to live in a fantasy to escape her neglectful family is upsetting enough, but the way every member of her family only came to her for attention. Also, as YourEverydayTheorist said, Claire tiptoes around her house to avoid interacting with her family. I think many people can relate to this, which is why it hits so close to home. Claire’s situation is the reality of a lot of kids, and it’s awful.
Can definitely relate to this. I grew up in a household (looking back now) where I was the family therapist for everyone. I think I was the scapegoat so it’s like you are put down and looked down on yet when people need something they come running to you expecting you to fix their problems/listen to them. You become the emotional dumping ground for everyone (except for my dad who was emotionally distant to everyone). I’m also a very emotional person so that’s probably why I ended up emotionally taking care of everyone. I didn’t even realize this was neglect or how unhealthy my family was until the last few years.
I found out that i was emotionally neglected and when he explained that she daydreamed about having a nice family when looking at the billboard i realized that’s what I’d do. I would just sit there and stare off a lot as a kid (still do) and just imagined myself hanging out with my mom or dad as a family and just overall being happy. I do have a loving boyfriend who has helped with my troubles. And i don’t do it as much, but the fact that my brain still wants to? Especially when I am under any stress is concerning.
I just want to say thank you for posting this analysis video. I found another piece to my own puzzle and learned something about myself and my childhood as a result. So truly, thank you.
Honestly when you got real towards the end I felt very seen and it made me reflect on what you said. Thank you for making this video
God it's really the little things like not admitting faults. My family wasn't as bad as Claire's but just how they potrayed how alone and afraid Claire felt in her own home. It kinda took me back honestly.
Not feeling safe in your own home harmful in a way I didn't understand. It's insecure attachment, meaning you don't want to leave but you don't feel comfortable where you are. It's like belonging to nowhere.
Honestly.
@@bunnywavyxx9524 Absolutely. I've experienced this to the max. I can testify that when you're an only child, and have a single, narcissistic parent, it scars you for life.
repent to Christ God
I created fairtale lands in my head as a kid. To the point where it was so obvious to people around me they would mock and laugh at me for being "such an airhead" all the time. Just sit in one spot all day long dreaming of better ways to live. I still do it when things get tough for me, when things are too hard to face. It's my go to response that my brain takes. It worked back then and now I have to fight it in order to get anything done in real life. If I let it take over me I would never leave my bed, I would stay laying in bed, staring up at the ceiling dreaming my life away.
Just something I’d like to add on: a lot of times in neglectful households a child is force to be an adult a lot faster than they’re ready to. they have to make judgement based on what they think is best rather than the adult. You can see this with Clare/Opal and the grandfather when the grandfather says “don’t try to hide my cigarettes again.” And “it’s cruel to try to help someone that doesn’t need help.”
Too true. Some times they are forced to grow up fast but not properly so by the time others catch up they are the "dysfunctional" and under developed ones
@@bovinejoannie9429 a quote I've heard recently that has stuck with me is "over developed children create under developed adults"
My neglectful mother would brag “he just raised himself!” Lol. No one else was doing it.
@@andoriannationalist3738 yep. I think we burn out early, it's a form of emotional burnout.
@@IhaytFukkingsocialmediaserious trauma damages the brain. Child abuse is sick
My partner is very concerned about my "addiction" to my phone. The other day I just had to tell him I was "raised" online. I am 30, the internet was a huge escape for me, I really relate to what you said about being a TH-camr. I am not a TH-camr but I relate what you said about it.
Much love and thanks for this video
Thanks for making this video. I had watched Jacks video but there were some things I missed and I’m thankful you brought light to them. It’s horrible that this is the life that so many children live
"You learn to step quiet to avoid the riot" Unfortunately such a spot on sentence for people who've grown up in these kinds of circumstances
damn....
And also for people who in general get shunned down from their thoughts.
The scene with the mom is so genuinely terrifying as she feels so real to how actual addicts behave. How she goes from calling Claire a “Good thing” to seemingly trying to hit her at the end. It’s just so brutal. Special Highlight to the line. “You and I don’t live Claire. We survive”. Feels like something an actual abuse addict would say.
She reminds me of my mom. 😅
Agreed, also I want to add that the line of 'you and I don't live Claire, we survive' for me personally shows/hints at how the mother is using her (maybe indirectly, passively, subliminally) to share her fate with her. My mother was abusive on a different kind of level, but what I realised after I broke contact with my family is how she always wanted to see me being involved/copying the same kind of feelings and states that she was in. It's a mixture of not being alone with it through having someone suffer a similar thing together with oneself, and also i think it works as sort of confirmation that one is not inherently wrong in how their life has turned out, because they somehow confuse the roles of parent and child to a point where 'If my child suffers the same kind of weakness than it is okay for me to portray that kind of weakness to them and need their help with it', also it doubles down as a justification as to why they where treated badly by their parents so they can stay in denial about why they are broken and troubled in the first place, they can tell themselves that 'this is just how things are' and their own unresolved trauma can more easily stay suppressed.
@@StandAloneSoul I’m sorry you had to go through that ❤️
As a victim of adverse childhood experiences and trauma, I can confirm that (my) life doesn't feel like a "living", it feels more of "surviving". I wanna live life but my traumatized brain only focuses on surviving...
“We survive” possibly means “I survive. My life is so hard that I can’t live I have to survive so that’s why my actions are justified” and “you survive. So I’m doing my job as a parent” 🙁
Thank you for sharing this.
This is Relatable to me as well.
I struggle in order to keep from repeating the cycle with my own children.
This is such a comfort video to me I live opal so much but the person that narrates this has such a smooth voice it feels like someone comforting me when I was a kid it’s so warm thank you
I think what's most accurate about Opal as a character is her reaction to the trauma she's experiencing as a young child. Her brain has gone through so much it's literally escaping into the single thing known to her outside her household, which is the advertisement. Her brain morphed her reality in order for her to be able to live through her trauma.
Its those burgers man
--got crack in em...
how the little girl got so chubby the crack isaffecting her metabolism.
But, yeah. They represent hope i think why she imagines them as an escape.
One of the small disturbing details I noticed during the initial encounter with the grandfather is that he says to Claire, “You smell weird.”
This implies that Claire was neglected to the point that she *smells.*
The question is, have any of them taught her how to shower or take a bath? Because if she doesn’t even know how, she’s probably covered in dirt and grass from sitting outside.
@@cidercake4373 Dirt and grass dont smell bad. Month old body odor on the other hand? Yeah that stinks.
My parents never taught us how and they would yell at us for embarrassing them. Until I was 13 I didn't know you were supposed to shower everyday. It didn't become a habit until 2 months ago. I'm 17. My parents never talked to us. Let alone taught us ANYTHING about how to take care of ourselves other than brushing our teeth.
@@spacebar9733 I had similar situation, we didnt have washing machine that works properly and my clothes would just stink all the time. At some point I started hand washing them just not to smell in school all the time, I was scrubbing one sweater so hard I managed to give myself wounds on hands. Parents are suppoused to teach children these things, to clean themselves and how to take care of clothes etc, some parents shouldnt be parents tbh.
I mean yeah, her in fantasy land vs her in her actual home... her hair is messed up, her skin looks horrible, she's underfed like... oof.
As part of my own healing journey from an abusive parent with narcissistic issues, I'm grateful for videos like this that calmly in a non judgmental type of way explain deeper videos like this. It helps to put identifiers on things I thought were normal and work through them with knowledge. Thank you, and whatever support team helped to make this. ❤
This video was a great watch and some parts of it really hit home for me, like avoiding interacting with family members because of substance abuse or being used. But sometimes I also feel like an impostor when I relate to stuff like this. Like my experience wasn't nearly as bad growing up. Idk it's a battle within myself that I have when I see things like this. I feel like I have been negatively affected because I have social anxiety and depression which I think stems from my childhood, but when I compare what I went through versus what other people went through I get the feeling that I'm just believing in that theory to cope.
Idk, I just felt like I needed to vent this somewhere. Thanks for uploading though! When I first saw this video I couldn't watch it because it creeped me out, but this analysis really showed me that there was a lot more to it than that.
The moment I realised something was wrong with my family was when I went over a friend's house and when dinner was called, we all actually sat down and talked with one another. No one stormed off, no one got mad and started screaming trying to one-up the other, and they'd actually offer to get things for other family members (like drinks with some ice, or pass the salt). My mind was BAFFLED. LOL. I wasn't sure whether to join in or pick the safe option and stay quiet.
I'm uncertain what I decided to do but I remember that moment being a fairytale. It made my day and I couldn't stop smiling throughout the entire hang out.
Eating peacefully with the family was a genuine movie scene to me, I didn't think it existed. Never eaten like that with my family ever. Was very weird to learn that families do in fact love each other like in the movies, but it was also definitely cathartic to finally realise that it wasn't my fault that I couldn't fix a dysfunctional family. None of that abuse was my fault.
I hope everyone who didn't have the great childhood they deserved can heal and prosper!!❤️❤️ It was never your fault at all for being a kid who wanted to be cared for.
I still have a pretty bad relationship with food (among other issues) as a result but I've been doing a lot better for myself and you can too. I believe in you!
L
@@Eye5x5LOL I giggled have a nice day
@@syreji lmao 😂
That's a crazy story.
gawd dang
Man, the thing that got me was the mom using the daughter as a therapist.
My own mom said that she wanted kids so they can rely on them. Such as caretaking, taking them anywhere they want and using us for money once we get successful.
Sure, mothers need a break. But once you have kids, *you* are the ones that are supposed to take care of them. Not the other way around.
Yeah, I was my dad's therapist, I felt that too
My mom said the same thing growing up. Now as an adult, I’ve cut ties with my narcissistic and abusive family. I’m not taking care of people who’ve hurt me for so many years.
I feel you, I was my father’s therapist. He always spoke about his upbringing and how it impacted him. Never asked me about myself.
I was my moms therapist while I cannot remember one “real” conversation my father and I had in childhood. I can remember him telling me one of my purposes in life was to take care of them when they were old.
So much of this video resonates with me…. I’m still living in a sea of anxiety.
I’ve cut both of them off now…. really my entire family has been cut off. And I’m still trying to figure out how to survive.
i enjoyed this, thank you for making it. It helps me put my own life and the lives of those around me into a new perspective. i think now that i can see my own past through this lens i can help make sure others who carry the behaviors forward to cease.
My mother was an addict, her boyfriend was an an alcoholic, and my older sister was an addict. We shared a house with my younger brother, my grandma, my sister's addict bf/their friend, and the friend's daughter. I rarely saw my dad, as at the time he also had drinking problems. The house only had three bedrooms, and it was terrible. Constant arguing and fighting, people stealing from each other, cops being called. Not the environment for a child. My grandma was the closest thing I had to a real parent, but she too was not without her faults. After her death, my mom, who did not work, lost the house we stayed in, and I moved in with my estranged father. From here, my mom and sister would break in, lie, steal, etc. and made our lives miserable.
After nearly twenty years of being lied to, gas lighting, and robbed, I moved out of my dad's house as I left for college at the Unviersity of MI, being the first in my family to even graduate high school. I hit just a modicum of success pretty early in my life, dropping out of school to accept a position as chief of staff for a US congressman. I did not speak to my mother for 4 years, then when I ran for office in a county-wide position, she got a hold of me, out of the blue, essentially asking for money.
It's hard to go through these situations, and you need to be tough, but not everyone is.
Too often we see kids fall on a sword they didn't plant, and carry the weight of their parents' mistakes. I wish one day we can see these underlying problems be solved, both at a social and individual level.
Watching this, I just remembered how I was so anxious in going home when I was a kid, cause I had to wait for my dad to come home to see his current mental state. If he had a bad day, we had to be statues. Don’t catch his attention, don’t make a sound, couldn’t even laugh freely. Now, as an almost 22 year old, I realized it manifested in a lot of problems I currently have, and this video made me want to cry
Whoopsie, it just like my father, my father definitely that typical silent violence father who will punish you for every little triggers at his house, i remember we were hiding below the bed just avoid his outburst anger with my mom, and yet my mom, also with her own problems and neglect, only end up debating here, like a narc would do, both of them never care for their own beloved children, children are only disposable tool to make exucses of money and survival, my mom definitely have no skill navigating her adulthood, only end up putting agenda to me and my siblings, that every thing outside the house are bad, she's brainwashed me into ever believing people outside
Like those Narcissist who really afraid losing her supply, that's how my mom cope in adult hood, around 40 years moving into new city, and she never make anyfriends, racist, hate people, being negative and entitled, isolates me from any outside activity when I'm on my schooldays before, as a child i don't really understand this until it makes problem into me on my 30s.....
Double mask, Narcissist are so good on this one
Same
Dude, I'm sorry you had to go through that. I can relate, only with my mom's ex-husband. They were married all throughout my middle school and high school years. I could feel my stomach turn every time I saw his truck come up the driveway, because of the exact reasons you described. Did he have a good day? Did one of his employees cause the family business a lot of grief or money? I would go to my room, put my headphones in, and not make myself known. That is so hard on a child, let alone a teen. :( I hope you get some relief and it was never your fault.
Holy shit this made me have a near spiritual realization on why I am who I am. It's not my fault, it's not my mother's fault, it's not my brother's fault, it's my absolute dumpsterfire of a "father figure"s fault. Im 2000000000000% sure that it was a good idea to completely cut him off. To anyone who is going through the same who is reading this, just know that they will be judged one day, And God may not be so merciful on their behalf.
My mom used to tell me "you're my person. You don't watch gray's anatomy, that's why you don't understand. You're *my* person" meaning that I was her closest confidant and friend. I never got to ask her if she ever thought about whether or not I wanted to be her person.
I can only assume she didn’t want to ask in case your answer was no
@@reeannabelle3572 When you’re a young kid?????
@@reeannabelle3572 To an extent. If OP is asking that question imo, it's likely that this reliance has turned overdependent and toxic.
@@reeannabelle3572 If you're an adult, yes. If you're a child you're not emotionally mature or stable to do so. It will negatively impact your development.
@@reeannabelle3572 it can be, if she’s also supporting you.
When you go into detail, YOU GO INTO DETAIL! I love how well you pointed out every single thing in this short. you are doing amazing ❤
It really is sad how many people are in situations like this, I look through the comments, I see so many people that share the same problems I do, I see that the very creator of this video relates to this just the same. It makes me emotional.
I may be reading into it too much, but inside the house Claire has to do something for the adults in order for them to notice her. In her fake family, she dances in order to gain their praise and love.
Even within her mind, Claire has to do a favor in order to be deserving of love.
It makes sense. If you've never experienced healthy love and attention then it's very hard to imagine what that actually looks like. Even in her mind when she does something she wasn't supposed to (she looks at the house), the father pokes at her, the burger's pulled toward the mom, and she's sent to bed like a punishment. It's done in a "nice" way, but it's still an overblown reaction to something very minor. So there's still an abusive element to her imaginary family because that's what she knows. (For instance, the dad pokes and sings down at her which I saw as similar to her real dad "poking" fun and putting her down but not as cruelly. It's playful with an uncomfortable undertone.)
If you're raised to believe that love and attention are transactions based on your performance for others, you don't stop believing that just because you're around healthy people or in your head. It's more that you think your performance, how you please others, will be positively rewarded instead of negatively or not at all. It's still an abusive mindset, but you don't have another frame of reference to go by.
It also plays on a second level where her brain is trying to delay and protect her from the reality of what must be done as it gets dark outside The sweat dripping down the father's face is probably her own anxiety. The punishment because it was "bad" (fear inducing) to interrupt the fantasy with reality even briefly. What happens when we're "bad"? We get punished. Because your reality molds your mind and perception, you can't completely escape it even in fantasy.
@@ArnisKaye I just had an eye opening experience from my past and current coping ways
I think it’s sickening how accurate this short is. It’s relatable in many ways and it scares me
If all kids need parents, then all kids need god. That’s because god is our father and we need him in our lives.
@@twingames8499 god can’t hold us, god can’t feed us, religion is a life-savor for some but isn’t a cure-all to life ailments. Have a blessed day
@@astronaughty5366 "We can't expect god to do all the work."
@@twingames8499 God's a pretty lousy dad.
@@5ynthet1c nah. Just seek him out you’ll see.
Thank you for being honest about your past and a little of who you are.
Having two children of my own I've always strived to learn from my childhood and teach my children how to love and what it means to be seen.
Saying I love you and meaning it is not just for couples I've see a measured improvement in my relationship with my siblings, letting them know I love them and seeing them makes me happy, and that I care about them as a person. it's starting to have positive effects, they call more often, and want to know more about me and the kids, sometimes the hardest part is reaching out, after that it starts feeling less like work and more like caring and being cared for.
I used to live in a countryside because my parents didn’t have time to take care of 3 children at once.
I was only fetched back when I was around 4. I didn’t know anyone from my family because I’ve been living with my aunt and they’ve never once visited me in the span of the 4 years, so when I was thrown into an completely unfamiliar and strange place with these strangers I was really afraid and anxious.
I remember myself hiding under the dining table for comfort, cause I didn’t feel safe around other people, I remember really missing my aunt, who was more like a mother figure to me than anyone else and crying myself to sleep.
Call it family affinity or whatever, I grew to accept my real family pretty soon, but the dynamics were clearly imbalanced. My family was the typical traditional Asian family which values sons more than daughters, so when you compare a daughter you barely spent time with, and a son you’ve been with since his birth, it’s obvious who they would side with when conflicts occur.
And it doesn’t help that my father was a stock addict, who would sit in his bed 24/7 being too preoccupied with the stock price to give a shit about his offsprings. One example was when my brother started hitting me in front of him, and he didn’t do anything about it, I even ran to him, expecting him to protect me. Great job dad.
I remember once my hair was shaved off by my brother because he was ‘curious’ what it feels to be a barber, which my mother encouraged because I was the only one with long hair, mind you, I was 5, my hair just started growing longer before it was shaved off because my brother wanted to, I would look at the old picture of me and see myself with short and even no hair at all.
I once accidentally hit my brother on the head with a toy and he got bruised. Oh boy. Everyone went crazy. They hustled him immediately to the hospital, as though he was going to die or something, leaving me confused and alone. They came back in a few hours, and in that few hours, I was home all alone with no supervision. I was 6.
My parents probably realised they didn’t have time for me, so they gave me a tablet when I was in kindergarten, it helped me, in a way. I started to ignore them just like they ignored me. Though I would be lying if I said I hadn’t wished for a little more from them.
My brothers are all older than me, but I find myself having to give and share with them everything I own, they can enter my room as they please, take anything they want. And I would be reprimanded if I were to ever stop them. I was called selfish, greedy, fat, ugly so many times, just because i wanted something to myself. Even when I was a kid, I couldn’t sleep with my parents, I couldn’t be breastfed, I couldn’t have pacifiers, because my brother would get upset, and they get upset when he’s upset.
The situation got better when my parents separated. Not the best, but at least they care about my feelings most of the time now.
I also interpreted Claire's fear of the billboard lights as a fear of being in the spotlight. From my own experiences, my neglect affected me so much that when I did get any type of attention or recognition, i would experience extreme anxiety because i was not use to actually getting attention or validation from anyone. I had a full blown anxiety attack when my friend was complimenting my accomplishments in front of others that i screamed loudly at her to stop. -
(Can you imagine how everyone looked at me...)
To me, Claire's fear of the billboard lights is her underlying fear of actually receiving that type of attention she craves because she simply is not used to it. So she runs from it even though that is what she wants.
I always had a fear that If anyone became aware of my life, they would take me away which for some reason I always thought that was a worse outcome than what I was going through so I'd hide away inside and avoid attention as much as possible.
Panic attacks in paradise
"If we want the rewards of being loved, we have to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known."
What you describe, is an anxious-avoidant attachment style in a person. Just becoming aware of Attachment theory, saved my life. Knowing how/why I feel unloveable and unworthy of love has given me so much hope emotionally. As a 30yr old man, I now understand that I do have a worth,, but it's above 0.00; I can build off of 0.01, and that comfort alone is so precious to me.
@Kindashitatlife wow, great insight. I'm turning 30 in a month, and I too JUST started to understand my worth and value. Little by little because I still get a small amount of anxiety. However, when it comes to love, I am slowly getting there.
My talent my entire life has been, no matter what shoes I'm wearing, what floor I'm on, I can walk COMPLETELY silent. I wasnt abused as a kid or anything, my father just was a light sleeper and I needed to not stomp around 😅
Well, I was having trouble sleeping anyways.
But now that there's a Ninja called BONERCRUSHER out there, I think I've found my excuse ;P
"Hey Fax, why wasn't you in work today?"
"Can't sleep or the BONERCRUSHER will get me"
That’s….very fucking disturbing.
My ex is the epitome of this short, 100%. His mom tried to stab him and his dad earlier in his life. He also grew up literally fighting his older sibling. While we were together, his mother smashed the ps4 I gave him, and choked him out.
I always tried to be the light at the end of the tunnel for him, but this short put into perspective how much anguish this man went, and still is, going through.
As someone who has a neglectful, barely existing family (due to mental health, drug use, and other horrible issues) I grew up the child that was going to get my immediate family out the hood. I am the only child, and I’m still somewhat treated this way. It’s just that I don’t know how else to live at this point.
I hope he’s out of that situation
man i hope you both will be ok
I wish you and him both the best. These experiences no one should ever have to go through with how much harm it does.
i do hope that both of you are good
Gosh I hope he’s okay and you as well.
It was actually you depicting your relation to the short film that resonated with me. I had a very loving mother but i did live in an abusive environment. I was also a very talkative student and as an adult, the feeling that I remember most is that adults made me feel like my opinion or what I felt didn't matter because I was a child and a child needs to stay in a child's place! I have been wanting to do a no face TH-cam or podcast or something online. Ive been wanting it to be a conversation style platform. Your statement indeed made me realize why I have the desire. Thank you