Narcissists count on wearing you down. This is their life's work and they are dedicated to getting their way. For you it's a daily burden. For them it's their daily bread. Narcissists live to control you and others in their environment so you, as an empathetic person, are already at a disadvantage. Remember, to win against a narcissist, forget about being nice.
Yes! When I left my narc ex I used his tactics against him.. he wanted to break up (once again) and this time I agreed.. but he probably thought I wouldnt go through with it... But I did and I started packing.. we got into a huge fight and after that the lovebombing began and that's when I lied that I would be away for a while, but would return afterwards.. When I was out and after a few days of just texting I told him I wasn't coming back, ever. That resulted in him raging so I started my no contact plan (blocking him everywhere, deleting him/his parents and his close friends, changing all my passwords and account names) and I've been harassed 3 or 4 times so far since I'm out (him texting, mailing or trying to call me)... I know he's going to try many times to hoover me back but I will stay strong! And I also know it wasn't a very nice thing to do; lying to get away.. but in the end, I think that if I didn't push through this time, I would have still lived there..
Michele is completely right, going no contact provides you with long lost peace. Going no contact is so wonderful, it’s almost like being at Disney World every day. And you’ll heal much more quickly. The comeback will feel stronger than the setback!
@@SweetNothing001 I am also in similar situation ...she will keep demanding money or she will abuse and speak all filthy things. she extorted more than 100 k in last one year and I had to get her the car in her name so she gives back my own car to me which she would use dui. Every step I have to shell out money to buy peace for few days. I am in very bad health ..but narc has no empathy ..its all about them
If someone believes the narcissist then you should probably not have them as friends. A true friend would know you for who you truly are. And all the advice given here is really helpful. I think it's a very positive way to deal with them in these situations. Basically what I'm getting from this is put your self first and not the narc wether positive or negative. They simply don't deserve attention. Don't throw gas in the fire.
You are so right about people believing the liar. It doesn't matter if the person isn't a narc, because people tend to believe the liar almost everytime.
They must love the lies and hate the truth. They will agree with the narc if he said it is sunny outside, even though they are holding their umbrella to protect them from the rain. Cowards and liars
Yep, that's because the Liar's intent is to be believable and make you look bad, so everyone will have pity on them. The believers are not logical, analytical thinkers, so they are easily fooled. :/ The Liar is manipulative, sly, and knows who will believe their lies, so they report to them. It's the Little Liar's tactic to 'pay you back' for all the reasons they resent you in the first place. Just continue to ignore the little liar and let the little liar realize they are an irrelevant factor. THE TRUTH WILL SURFACE EVENTUALLY AND STING THEM IN THE AZZ... be patient for it.
5 ways to get a narcicist to leave you alone: 1. Words. Use logic and rationale. 2. Ignore. No contact. 3. Handgun 4. Handgun fail? Shotgun. 5. All else fails? Hand grenade. Pull pin. Throw in general direction. Run.
its true i m signing up for gun training- i m pretty sure he is going to barge into my apartment cos he is trying to control me again after i cut him off.
I have gone complete NO CONTACT since November. It was definitely hard in the beginning, but it has gotten easier. The ex Narc has continually tried to make contact with me. After I blocked his personal and work numbers, he used other people's phones. I don't answer, and when I discover it is him, I block the number. I have been tempted to answer and curse him out, but it's not worth my self esteem and self care.
Even if you have no contact with them or pretend they don't exist and focus on you they will find ways to get to you and many people don't believe this there so blinded by his charm his sex his fake love and company and when you say something about him they wanna tell you to move on and let him go which I been did that I'm not even inlove with this dude anymore💯💯💯 it's funny what i prayed for a long time ago as came into a disaster now your asking God with all your soul to remove this evil, narcissistic, disloyal, nasty, cowardly, dead beat, fucker out of my life
These are really good ideas. It really hurts when you have to do these techniques to your own family, but, they have been horrible to you. No one owes anyone the right to be abusive.
Right... how am I going to tell a crazy narrsatsi woman from her "ugly daughter " to get the whole 5 other family member for theraepy??? After all she already builder a bad reputation me in the family that I'm bad and dont like this family blah blah blah. ITS NOT TRUE .why cant these people wake up!!!!! Theres not even prove!!! The lies sound soooo dumb anyways! My mom made all my 3 sisters narcissist.
Everything my mom talks to me or everything I see her its so emotionally draining I hate her so much I feel like jumping of a building or stabbing myself just so I don't have to look at her I k ow she's my mom I feel guilty afyer she's gone but when she's there it's like i m being tortured even when she's not doing anything
great points but an empathetc person who has been abused by a narc must reach a level of emotional disconnect to be able to do these things. when you so loved the narc it is hard to implement at the beginning and I made the mistake of defending myself with the truth time and time again until I finally got to the point I no longer cared what people thought. took a long time to get there.
... but you didn't love. The Narcissist just was whatever you felt at the time, an empty mirror of projection. 'I am what you want me to be for supply'.
Burgundy Suitcase the relationship turned out to be false but for my part it was real based on what she projected which was not her true self. only discovered that over time and toward the end. the narc ends up being so completely opposite of what they first projected. I think that is the core issue why these breakups with narcs are more painful than the ending of other relationships.
What shocked me is that the narcissist ex lost absolutely zero “friends” as she smeared me and ran through at least 4-5 guys in just a few months...somehow no one sees it. I even screen shot several texts to her “friends” to show them her blatant lies and berating of the friends and they literally didn’t care. Crazy.
I am glad that narcs friends (my former friends) showed THEIR true colours and eliminated themselves from my life...saves me the effort of going through the drama with another person. Thank God I am well rid of ALL these toxic people, good riddance to the lot of them! As to these 'friends' not recognising the narc for what they are, maybe they do and are terrified if they stand up and say what they are doing is wrong they fear they will face the narcs wrath too. If you see someone doing this and you agree with it/don't say 'hey this is wrong', then in my books you're no better than the narc and when they ultimately turn on you, don't come crying to me and expect sympathy!
I just tried going no contact a few weeks ago. He would call and text and insane amount of times. I blocked him. He would show up at my house at all hours, sometimes drunk and yelling. He knows I don't have anyone, no family or friends. He uses that against me, makes me feel like I need him. We fought once because I said I don't need anyone. He got very angry and wouldn't stop until I told him I needed him.
My ex would show up unannounced at my apartment many times and wouldn't go away until I let her in to "discuss" the situation. She acted like she was the calm reasonable party and I was the unhinged one. Total manipulation. Hang in there and be strong. It may take a while but no contact is the only winning strategy. All the best to you.
Gmail and outlook do allow you to block specific email addresses. It's best to change everything but sometimes you can't. I blocked my narc everywhere, they found a Skype account I forgot I even had but was linked to my live account (not same acct) and tried me there. Blocked her there too. After 3 months of being rejected she finally left me alone. Been almost 2 months free, no contact.
I've been hybrid no contact with my ex for about 6 months now. Sadly I cannot go full no contact because of the kids, but such is life. We have been separated since May 2014 and for two years she reeled me in and goaded me into an argument with every conversation. Now I communicate through email only and only about the kids. Everything else I ignore. I have deleted mutual friends on social media and locked down privacy on all of my social media accounts. I even got a separate cell phone so she could speak with the kids and email me about things concerning the kids. It has worked beautifully so far, whenever she tried to bait me through email I answer the valid questions about the kids, and ignore the rest. All this does work, however one has to remain vigilant and keep their guard up when dealing with their narc. Take care everyone. Michelle, I love your channel and thank you for everything you do. Between your channel and Duane's I have learned a great deal and am still learning more. People bringing these situations to light are a help to everyone, those that do speak up and those that don't for whatever reason.
This advice is also good for all other narcissistic relationships. I have been dealing with a narcissistic woman who wants to be my friend but is very controlling. Recently she accuses me of not responding, as though I shouldn't have a choice in who are my friends. She keeps sending me messages "accusing" me of ignoring her. I do not answer her, hoping she will eventually just go away. This woman is friends with my narcissistic daughter and her husband. I get the sense she is working to get information to complain to my daughter about me, perhaps even having been sent by my daughter. This woman went way too fast in trying to be my friend. She only met me two times and is acting like we had a relationship and that I owe her explanations and visit time. I am thankful that I discovered this early on before a lot of drama has occurred.
Just wanted to say this is one brilliant channel you've created. You are helping so many people helping to identify this disorder and dealing with it accordingly or even better avoiding getting into relationships with these kind of people in the first place. It's almost spooky that you have identified ALL the traits that these horrible human beings have and one can see them in the narcissists in their life. You just want to listen and see more of your incredibly informative videos... ...you are the walking talking encyclopedia of narcissists
It's sad as it's like the narcissist starts controlling your world so u hv to leave ur job,ur friends,and all those connected so dt u can be happy. But u r right,it is the best thing.n v hv to focus on our life and what we want. Thank u for those very inspiring words.
Your channel has literally saved me. All I needed was the slight doubt that my partner was indeed a narc to drive myself crazy. I watched videos on signs of a narcissist, but when I actually HEARD these conversations and you sort of paused them to describe the tactics being used I saw the truth. All of these conversations with gaslighting, word salad, playing the victim, and all that....were literally word for word the same arguments with my narc. I now feel the strength to leave, and I am no longer sucked into defending myself and arguing for hours.
Bookmarked to rewatch often. Great advice and much truth in this. I'm lucky that my narcissist left me because she realized the "gig was up" and moved out of state. At least I won't have to run into her at the grocery store!
This is so true!!! When I found out the covert I had been "dating", had been hiding a whole ass wife behind my back. I did not react when I was sent a picture of them with their wedding rings. Just said "congrats!" and blocked his number lol. Cause I knew he told her some bs about me "not leaving him alone despite telling me he was married". My disinterest should've been enough to make something in her head click, to put 2-and-2 together. But I also think she probably already has an idea that he likes cheating behind her back, considering her lack of pestering me for the truth via her own phone, I know I would've. Some people will just stay with a cheater unfortunately 🤷🏽♀️. Plus these narcs are great manipulators after all. It was a weird situation but glad I'm rid of him. big weirdo behavior.
They turn your brains into mush you know. All the abuse has an effect on your brain. You used to learn and retain information easy peasy and now you have to watch things two times over before they make sense. I recently watched a video from Narc Survivor. It's a little dated and I forgot the title (ditto!) but search for something along the lines of the narcissist is making you sick etc
I just found you on here last night. You are a blessing to me. I laughed w/you & I cried w/ you.Thank you so much for your amazing insights & advice. I related so well to everything you saidas if I were listening to myself. I really want to be an advocate to help people understand these disorders.
Minimize contact if it is not possible to go no contact. Focus on your needs and self care. The truth and your reality do not come from their mouth. If their mouth is moving they are lying.
What am I supposed to do if the narcissist continues to harass me in other ways? I've attempted to get help from both the F.B.I and local and state police, and so far no one has been willing to even speak to me about it. I've moved, changed jobs, changed numbers, etc and they STILL are sabatoging my life. It has been going on for 3+ years now.
Is they have 6 I have 7 A’s an empath, an empath has 1000 time more power than a narcissist, they are much lower creatures and they know it, that’s why they are fake and manipulative
And dont forget, ignoring them includes their new supply. Because that person will also be somewhat obsessed with you. Probably having heard many bad stories and lies about you....possibly about how YOU are still obsessed with the Narc. This is one of their biggest lies. You have to do all of these things mentioned with the new supply as well as the Narcissist.
Im just learning about this a couple days ago and omg this is what my ex husband and father of our 5 kids we have together, I now have a name for his behavior.. Thank you for this video ❤
Dear Michelle, I have learned from your videos a lot and really appreciate your efforts. I was literally trapped in the vicious cycle not being aware of what was going on with me and even doubt myself as a bad person. Now I know who I am and knowing every problem big or small has a solution ,it's painful to have a toxic sibling but it's even more painful when she is able to get toxic support from the most loved ones including my mother who being unaware of her true intentions. Even though I try several times to expose her in front of my mother but she always manage to change the direction over me that immensely annoy me then either I am on self defense or angry , whatever the situation may be , but it appears as if I am the subject of the issue. Given the situation involving close family members when it's not possible to leave them , how could I be able to disarm the toxic sibling or more importantly the toxic support she is always able to gain ?
I knew a Narcissist; people knew he was a liar and that I was telling the truth (and admitted it) but in spite of this they believed him and disbelieved me. They expected me to compete with him for their attention. I said fine, if that's what you want, have it. Once they see that you are not prepared to compete (jump through their hoops etc) for whatever you want or what they have to offer; they might (or might not) face reality. The bottom line is live your own life, do your own thing (within the law and social norms) and once people see that they have little or no power over you, they have to face reality; whether they accept what they see is up to themselves but eventually THEY will have to pay the life bills and from experience, I can assure you that LIFE BILLS can cost a person everything that they have and more that a few things that they do not.
I went no contact with this thing for nearly a year now and it really never left me alone, It stalks and did anything to torture me. My concern is that this thing wouldnot move on, it just gets nastier and more willing to do some more harmful thing. Lesser narc might move on but higher ranked one most likely not. I would never feel interested in haging around it but it frequents every place I go to.This thing sees anyone, anything as competition to destroy which is absolutely sick!!!
I tried my best to get my sister to leave her narc husband after he bashed her head into a car window several times requiring her to get stitches. He thought she was going to divorce him. He told her that she would never get her children if the did. Then, shortly after, he convinced her that she was an alcoholic and to go to a lengthy rehab center. While she was there, he filed for divorce and got a restraining order where she couldn’t contact her daughters...the whole time telling the girls, their church, and anyone else that would listen that she was a terrible person. He is a doctor, and he told her that she might could get his money, but she would never get what she loved the most..her daughters. This situation started years ago, and it still hasn’t been resolved. It is terrible what it is doing to the children.
My Narc ''friend'' has been stalking me, spying on me, driving by my house and stalking my friends to try and befriend them. She is nuts and just wont let up!
I totally agree and I use these tactics however how do I stop my ex from constantly having something to say to me. the excuse he uses is our kids. Now resorted to telling him any big concerns about the kids please put it in an email and I’ll respond in 24 hours
Good videos. This is highly needed knowledge because narcissists are everywhere, there is even signs that many parents ´educate´ their children to be narcissists because they confuse this with good upbringing.
Be neutral about the narcs lies but SHOOT THE MESSENGER! This person is NOT your friend. When someone is doing the dirty work of the narc, don't address the narcs lies but call the messenger out for being a gossip. "I didn't realise you engaged in gossip. I find that a most unattractive personality trait, I hope you get some help for that. Have you tried (insert name) I think they offer counselling for those kind of personality issues". Get this person out of your life ASAP too, you don't need that.
Then that person will go around and tell everyone else how you are a cruel gossipy unempathetic self absorbed person who is not a good listener and only cares about themselves after you remove them from your life It’s like wow.. the truth turning is outrageous lol
Yes please help me cause mine still after FIVE years split and he have flying monkeys damaging our son car it is sickening I ignored them cause was for me to react but I went to.domestic Violence for help and protection keep me in your prayers Kings and Queens
They sick people who like hurting people and they wont stop on their own just gotta delete them in real life.that what im doing.even tho im getting threating and harass.its so digusting the way they are
My narcissistic ex doesn't tell me whats going on. Our child is losing his first teeth but he cant tell me much about it. All sorts of stuff she doesn't talk to me, his eating disorder, his school life... nada... THings are compounded because she kidnapped him to her home nation of quebeec Canada and is French... He struggles with his English now and expressing himself in English... and I have trouble bouncing any French I am learning off him because she tells him to only speak to me in English. but yeah. she tried to change his name and go into hiding but informed that a name change was illegal and telling him that French is the only language he is allowed to speak would also not be allowed... its been so much hell. She even lured me back in once... got me....just to cheat on me again and give my number to her new BF so he could harass me... its... Ive learned... I know she will never be normal now. Now I have to figure out how I can help my son being raised by a person like this.. someone who takes away our contact just because she wants too with out regard to how it hurts our son...Im the one getting therapy but shes the one thats a crazy narc... and our son is in the middle and that should not be. I dont know what to do...I cant seem to find anyone willing to advocate for his rights as a child regardless of me and her... and thats not for to him. its a hell of a thing. Im still working on it.
Hi Russell, do your best to only communicate w/her via text or e-mail (ie in writing), If you do have a live conversation follow it up w/a text (per our conversation ...blah blah, keep it nice, friendly and short) keep a log of all the visits that you have AND that she cancels! You can show that to the judge to prove you want visitation w/your son when she claims you do not try to visit. Also keep a log of when you call and how long you talk w/him, make a note of when she forces him off the phone (time/date). Let your son know you are there, you love him unconditionally so he knows at least he has you, his rock, his dad! Michelle has some great vlogs/advice on this. My heart goes out to you and your son
I had to cut ties with my mom for a while... she was taking his side. She really thought he was her son and it didn't matter how bad he treated me or our son, he could do no wrong in her eyes. This man has bad mouth me to his entire family to my family and to his friends. I promise you he was the one doing all kinds of wild and crazy things and he will go back and make up these stories about how he was a great person and he did all of these good things to his friends and family and my family but when he came home or when he was around us and he would just treat us like s***, if there's anything lower than that he treated me and the kids just like that.
I grew up with narcissistic abuse, mostly at my Ndad's hands, but I've also dealt with a few Nfamily members, and ex-boyfriends. But for the sake of this video, I'll elaborate a bit more on a narcissistic ex-roommate, I'll call him J. He lived with me, my then-boyfriend, L, our mutual gay friend, T, and a few other roommates came and went. The minute J joined the three of us regulars, he immediately tried to pit all of us against each other. He even saw how L and I were having trouble, and J tried to take those problems and made them worse. The minute he saw me, he saw how emotionally vulnerable I was and tried any and every opportunity to divide and conquer me. He monologued at me, he berated me for everything that was "wrong" with me, he projected, he ridiculed, he mocked, he one-upped, he played the victim, he executed hurt and rescue missions, his lies are as precious to him as the air we breathe. Then when he found another narcissistic supply - his unfortunate wife, and now her daughter with him - he left all of us behind. (Naturally, since he didn't need us anymore, and by that point, we were glad to have him gone.) And oh yes, he created a smear campaign. He said that instead of him trying to seduce me away from my relationship, I tried to come onto him. He also said L and T slept together. He also fabricated things between conversations between us and our other friends. (L, T, and I are all still friends, by the way.) But from what I've typically heard, the most people he's told these lies to have known us well enough to know better than to believe him. All the same, though, he is one of the most evil people I've ever met, and I say that with zero exaggeration or humor. At first I was furious that he was saying such filth about us behind our backs. But the fury has lessened over time. Another thing that has helped me is accepting that things are the way they are, and they are just lies, part of his deluded world, not actually reality. And it doesn't have to be my reality. Then last year, I heard something interesting. I am a Christian, but I don't watch many Christian movies, because I personally think most of them are terrible. LOL However, I saw this movie called, "The Shack," and in that, Papa, aka God, tells the main character, Mack, something important about forgiveness, and justice. Papa wants Mack to forgive the serial killer who murdered his daughter, and Mack says, "So You're just going to let him get away with it?" And Papa says, "Nobody gets away with anything." I thought that was a pretty straightforward definition of divine justice. But then Papa goes on to explain that bitterness towards the one who wronged you not only robs you of joy and healing, but far more importantly, forgiveness is not about excusing the bad behavior and pretending it never happened, certainly not buddying up to the offender (as, by the way, many narcissists would love to have you believe, my religious Ndad is a prime example of that). Forgiveness is about trusting God to do what is right, and to let go of the offender's throat. Papa did say that He one day wanted the killer to be redeemed, too, but He by no means invalidated Mack's pain or anger towards the killer. Mack did end up forgiving the killer, in a way, and the ultimate spoiler alert, in the book "The Shack," the killer is caught and brought to justice. But anyway, I took a few comforting things away from this. One, it takes the heavy burden off my shoulders to try to gain justice through truth. As Michele stated here, the sad truth is, the truth often does not prevail when involved with a narcissist. But in this life or the next, God will remember our suffering, and apprehend the narcissists Himself. And no, that doesn't have to mean they have to burn in Hell, but at the very least, I imagine God will force them to see and admit to the truth, and set the record straight. So no matter what the narcissist does to you, keep in mind that God is watching, and I don't mean that in the Christianese cliche kind of way; I mean, He's watching everything that's happening, He remembers what has happened, He sees the narcissist's evil, He sees yours and your loved ones' pain, and He is keeping track, of all of it. And if the narcissist escapes justice in this life, he will be forced to see it in the next, when he's face to face with God. I'm still processing this hope, with all of my abusers, but as I'm starting to see more of the good in life and better people who renew my faith in humanity, I want to really let that sink in. Sorry if it sounds like I got on a soapbox there, but I know it's something that's given me hope, and I hope it will give others peace, too. Our responsibility (to ourselves) is to let our narcissists go into God's hands, and it's God's responsibility to execute justice, whatever that may look like. Great video, Michele, keep up the good work!
This is a well written response I'm a Christian as well but I don't prescribe to a particular denomination and it's been over 2 years since I set foot in a church building. Your comment has given me a sense of hope and has touched my heart especially about forgiveness and taking that burden off myself. I got involved with an violent ex convict and that situation left me and my son who is a preteen traumatized and I'm I'm healing but at the same time I had struggled to have forgiveness towards this individual your comment has given me insight on God's love . I know this is a late response but thank you.
@@fephoenix9208 Oh, thank you for your kind words, and I'm so glad this has helped you. :) I'm so very sorry about that violent ex-convict and what he did to you and your son, I hope you are both in a better place now. But I'm glad you're not involved with him anymore, let him go to God, aka let God keep him away from you. LOL I completely understand your struggling to forgive him, I'd be feeling the same way toward him, especially if he hurt my child as well (not that I have a child, but still). Also, don't let anyone try to negate your struggle or say you have no right to feel what you feel, your feelings are 100% valid, the struggle is real, and it's imperative for you to take your time on healing, don't let anyone take that from you. :) But whatever he did to you and your son, yes, God is watching, and He will bring that guy to justice, guaranteed. Maybe he might go through his own redemption journey, but regardless, he will still be faced with all the consequences of his actions. But yeah, while God deals with him, it is good to take that burden off of yourself and to take care of yourself and your son. Let yourself remember God's real love and caring for the both of you, and that He wants you to be free to be the loving and caring person that you are. :) I'm also glad to hear that you've been healing from that abusive relationship, you sound like you're on the right track, keep it up. ;)
@@fephoenix9208 Oh, thank you so very much, Fe Phoenix, may God continue to bless you, too. And hey, if you wanna reach out again sometime, let me know. :)
What to do when you have a tolder and his family ( childs grandparents and uncles with aunts as well as cousins are those potential people). How to cut those out, and not damage child’s relationship with them?
Thank you so much, but I am aware of these things. The narcissist has been stalking me for 25 years. He will not stop. I guess I have to move out of the state. I am into my life, etc., Last night he lit a bunch of firecrackers on my lawn. It never ends. He follows me literally everywhere I go. I think he has convinced the police of something that keeps them from helping me.
Contact her for relationship issue like divorce * breakup * love a girl or boy dont no how to approach * he helped me after seven years of breakup......
Hi Michele, Please help us help a relative! We have a cousin who’s parents died in a brutal M/S and he was placed in the home of a double narcissist wife and husband, who were evil people. Yes, strong words but they abused this child mentally and physically for over 10 years (8-18)! The aunt narcissist was an expert mental abuser and sat this child down at 8 y/o and would tell him you are nothing and will be nothing for years! The narcissist uncle physically abused this child to a point he was placed in the hospital! This child would go to School with bruises of his face and tell the teachers he fell off his bike, his skateboard, etc…. The punishment went on to a point this child only had a bed and a dresser in his room. All books, games, videos, etc. were removed as a form of mental punishment! The uncle narcissist came home from work and would assault this child for the smallest things especially if his wife narcissist said the child did clean the house after school or clean up her mess from breakfast! Family would call child services as they could see what was occurring but the child was scared to death as he said at a later age they would make it much worse for him if child services came to the house, which did occur again and again to a point they (Child Services) thought the family was making false claims as the house was clean and the narcissist couple were perfect hosts! this child was their slave to a point he had to message their feet on command, even after his physical abuse and mental abuse! Now this child a legal adult (18) eventually was out of their home but would not listen to any adult, either the narcissist (Which is good) or the family that tried to help him since the M/S of his parents! Without saying, the M was the Mom who finally had the courage to leave her abusive husband and the S was for the narcissist husband. Just a side note, the narcissist uncle was the brother of the child’s dad and acted all caring for the child after the M/S until the courts and the appointed Guardian Ad Litem were out of the picture and the state and SS money was secured for the child’s care! Then the abuse started, the child became isolated from friends and family eventually to minimal contact which allowed the abuse to flourish! As I said the child is 18 and found the wrong friends, especially a narcissist girlfriend who used this young man as a her puppet. A short time later trouble found this couple and they were involved in a crime that his girlfriend set up as they robbed a store and she assaulted the store owner and they ran away except they dropped a cell phone. Long story short, when they were caught this child, our cousin took the blame as he said he loved his girlfriend and wanted to protect her. Plus he said that he was 18 and only be charged as a minor but we know being 18 you go with the murders, rapists, child abusers , and so on! The girlfriend said I am a minor and he took me to a crime, so he is in prison and she is free but that is not the worst, not even worst than the three (3) years in prison he is serving! The uncle and aunt narcissist are back in the picture visiting him in prison, despite the fact there is a no contact order on the uncle and he has been arrested numerous times for assaulting our cousin and putting him in the hospital as he was dragged by the car and chocked leaving finger bruises in his neck and face along with the road rash on his legs and back! The family is visiting our cousin in prison and asking him why are you having the aunt and uncle narcissist in your life? He says they are saying they want me to come back and live with them when he is released in a few months. Fortunately, in prison they recognized his mental health issues and placed him in a mental health/ protected prison unit where there were no gangs, no rapists and no habitual prison gentlemen (Trying to be respectful)! Michele, please HELP our family so we can our cousin break free free of the narcissist? When we visit or speak on the phone we ask him, why are you having contact with those people? Especially when he tells us that are saying come live with us again (Note, there is no more state or Social Security money for care after 18 and high school)! Again, Michele we understand the five (5) helpful Anti-Narcissist Skills but how do we convey them to our cousin? Please know that he says, yea I know how to handle the (Narcissist) aunt and uncle when they ask me over and over to come live with them again! The narcissists know that the sane part of the family has been trying to get our cousin away from her abusive husband who’ve ended in her death and now her son is being controlled and tag teamed by a narcissist aunt and uncle who are experts at control of others (Not of their behavior as they have done some unforgivable actions to a child who lost his parents at eight (8) years old) and experts at abusing this young man who is strong enough to beat the crap out of the uncle (Lifting weighs in prison) is being controlled by them just by the fact he continues to call them and has not told them he, “Is not or will not live with the narcissist couple again!” Sorry Michele, ran on a bit but I am so glad that our paths crossed as it was meant to be and we need your HELP, so PLEASE respond and contact us via TH-cam as we will be notified when you respond? You are the BEST expert our family has found and so RESPECT your thoughts on beating the narcissist at their own game. Yes, it is a game to them as they are never harmed, always controlling, always abusing, and our cousin is not strong enough to see he needs to love himself! Why? He is a handsome young man with a mark of being a convicted felon ( Cops said victim said girl stabbed me and girlfriend said she stabbed the victim but our cousin said, believing he loved her and her him said he committed the assault to the victim and plead guilty when the Detectives cane to arrest him via his phone) and that he had so much value to give himself and to others but does not have the strength to be free of the narcissist, yet? Again, sorry for going on as I covered 10 years of time in a few paragraphs and hope, pray that you can offer us some tools on your TH-cam Channel? Please HELP us by giving us some tools we can try to help our cousin understand or if possible we can find a way for you to write to our cousin as we use a temporary email for our initial contact and through that we can connect with you and our concerned family members, your call, okay Michele? Please respond as your schedule allows as you are the BEST experience counselor on resolving and overcoming the narcissist in someone’s life? Respectfully and THANK YOU 🙏 in advance as we await some response and help in saving another human being and an abused child become a happy, giving, and productive member of our world!’ P.S. Thank You 🙏 Again & Again for being here too!
It's ok providing the narc doesn't then start harrasing your family members and using provocation to set them up ! I think then we are going into the realm of psychopath !
What do u do if it’s a family member and they keep invading your personal space and keep doing spiteful stuff to get me to react ? I say nothing and walk away but she still keeps on going on and on? I’m getting to the point where I’m gonna move out !!
One of my friend is narcissist ,he is just coming back again again even though I said him clearly that I don't want him in my life. It sucksss and its scary sometimes.
I haven't fully spoken to my ex since the end of Feb; he thought we were getting back together, when we spoke last, but I told him it was not the case it was for me to get my feelings across to him and that he took the final straw I was done especially after what he said to me the night of our last fight. He wanted me to take time and think about everything and there were moments when I'd say I don't know, and ok, but I realized what he was doing so I eventually told him I don't think I need time to think about it, I don't need it; don't believe he took that too heart. He's been messaging me trying to get me to talk on fb especially after I unfriended him, the messages come at least once a month or two, but this last month with venus retrograde and now mercury retrograde coming up he's tried friend requesting me again and now has tried calling twice and text messaged me as well--our last face to face I noticed he had deleted me from his contacts so idk if he had readded me or never deleted the old text messages, but I don't recognize his number but from the words in the messages it seems like something he'd say. I'm trying to stay strong and not respond, but I almost feel I will break down and respond but my response would be to assure him I'm done and have been done with the relationship we had. Side note: After the video ended I received two messages from the number and I believe it is him.
It's hard when they won't give up. Mine tries every year, around Christmas. I didn't delete the number though. I keep it in my phone and set it to block messages. Last month when my phone rang I realised I needed to add auto-reject calls also. I get a lot more peace that way. Perhaps it's worth a try for you too?
Native Eastender it definitely is hard, especially when I know a lot of his issues and just the way he is stems from his childhood, his mother was shitty and he doesn't know who his real father is, but his actions are just beyond my love and help. Thank you for the tip I'll definitely try that.
It all depends on how much you actually care about the person and whether or not you yourself may be somewhat responsible for how they have been treating you. Relationships can be complicated so what might be right for one person may not be so cut and dried for another. I would recommend taking some time away from the person and making them fully aware that you're not going to accept being treated in a certain manner. Long enough to make it sink in to them that you will be out of their lives if they don't stop crossing the line with you. You really can't expect people to be perfect for we are human after all and make mistakes. If we do this to everyone that lets us down in our lives we will end up friendless & alone because almost everyone will let you down at one point of another. It's those that apologize and acknowledge the error of their ways that may be worth having in you life. Those that don't are the one's you should let go of and move on without. Friendship is about mutual respect and if that doesn't exist then you have your answer. A little forgiveness can go a long way to actually strengthening relationships as well. It's particularily disturbing when it's a family member that disrupts the dynamics of the whole family so it's not as easy to do as one may think. These can be lifelong experiences that you have gone through so the situtions are filled with all sorts of reasons for the things that took place over the years. Some fault may land on you as well so you must take that into account. Good luck.
The adult says "Its going to hurt hearing from other people that I'm a terrible person and do terrible things to everybody. I heard you did X, Y and Z! How could you???" And that's may bring up shame and anger. BUT its a limited supply of outside people telling me I am a terrible person. With the NPD its an unlimited supply of grief staying in the "relationship." I have to be willing to sacrafice something. That's a part of becoming a true adult; sacrafice. But in sacraficing you are trading up for something, which is loosing the source of pain and energy loss. The gain is being free. The sacrifice involves loosing the illusatory control of the situation. A NPD is holding hostage rumors and smear campaigns. Like any blackmail, its being held over my head again and again BUT pulling the trigger by saying "I'm going to end this for my own sake" and then they enact the threat. Once the threat turns into action on their part then the "adult" comes out and I choose to pay the cost. I understand there will be talk about "how awful" I am. I deal with those consequences, the feelings of shame and guilt and anger. Logic shows that the costs are small compared to years of blackmail. I know because I've done it.
OMG, this is exactly what I needed to hear today. I've been told by counselors repeatedly "There's no hope with these people, you won't survive, get out". But they seem to know when I'm going there, and then they're SOOOO nice and . . . they've been mean, bullying, overpowering, hitting me, lying about me, degenerating me my whole life. When I'm with other people it's nothing like that, people like me. Maybe it's trauma bonding . . .
Whenever I hear a cop show say "anything you say or do can and will be used against you..." I think of a narcissist! No contact is the only way to go.
Kelly now you know we’re narcissistic people work.
Cops are narcissists
That is part of miranda rights
@@Skylar-tn5vx good
Narcissists count on wearing you down. This is their life's work and they are dedicated to getting their way. For you it's a daily burden. For them it's their daily bread. Narcissists live to control you and others in their environment so you, as an empathetic person, are already at a disadvantage. Remember, to win against a narcissist, forget about being nice.
Yeah!
Yes! When I left my narc ex I used his tactics against him.. he wanted to break up (once again) and this time I agreed.. but he probably thought I wouldnt go through with it...
But I did and I started packing.. we got into a huge fight and after that the lovebombing began and that's when I lied that I would be away for a while, but would return afterwards..
When I was out and after a few days of just texting I told him I wasn't coming back, ever. That resulted in him raging so I started my no contact plan (blocking him everywhere, deleting him/his parents and his close friends, changing all my passwords and account names) and I've been harassed 3 or 4 times so far since I'm out (him texting, mailing or trying to call me)...
I know he's going to try many times to hoover me back but I will stay strong!
And I also know it wasn't a very nice thing to do; lying to get away.. but in the end, I think that if I didn't push through this time, I would have still lived there..
Michele is completely right, going no contact provides you with long lost peace. Going no contact is so wonderful, it’s almost like being at Disney World every day. And you’ll heal much more quickly. The comeback will feel stronger than the setback!
They won't leave you alone they will destroy you. I'm am caught in such situation if I leave
Yessss so true
@@SweetNothing001 I hope everything turned out ok
@@SweetNothing001 I am also in similar situation ...she will keep demanding money or she will abuse and speak all filthy things. she extorted more than 100 k in last one year and I had to get her the car in her name so she gives back my own car to me which she would use dui. Every step I have to shell out money to buy peace for few days. I am in very bad health ..but narc has no empathy ..its all about them
Narcissist is like a blackhole when we show/have empathy towards him.
Hardest part of all of this for me "truth does not prevail"
If someone believes the narcissist then you should probably not have them as friends. A true friend would know you for who you truly are. And all the advice given here is really helpful. I think it's a very positive way to deal with them in these situations. Basically what I'm getting from this is put your self first and not the narc wether positive or negative. They simply don't deserve attention. Don't throw gas in the fire.
You are so right about people believing the liar. It doesn't matter if the person isn't a narc, because people tend to believe the liar almost everytime.
Be strong! We can do it!! 💪💪💪
So true 😣 It's really sad
They must love the lies and hate the truth. They will agree with the narc if he said it is sunny outside, even though they are holding their umbrella to protect them from the rain. Cowards and liars
Yep, that's because the Liar's intent is to be believable and make you look bad, so everyone will have pity on them. The believers are not logical, analytical thinkers, so they are easily fooled. :/ The Liar is manipulative, sly, and knows who will believe their lies, so they report to them. It's the Little Liar's tactic to 'pay you back' for all the reasons they resent you in the first place. Just continue to ignore the little liar and let the little liar realize they are an irrelevant factor. THE TRUTH WILL SURFACE EVENTUALLY AND STING THEM IN THE AZZ... be patient for it.
That just go to show you what kind of world we live in....A person will believe a lie before the truth!
5 ways to get a narcicist to leave you alone:
1. Words. Use logic and rationale.
2. Ignore. No contact.
3. Handgun
4. Handgun fail? Shotgun.
5. All else fails? Hand grenade.
Pull pin. Throw in general direction. Run.
I like yo style man
its true i m signing up for gun training- i m pretty sure he is going to barge into my apartment cos he is trying to control me again after i cut him off.
Hahahahaha
Thumb the clip, THEN pull the pin. SMH Rambo!
Strange, I've thought of those same things before 😁🤣
I have gone complete NO CONTACT since November. It was definitely hard in the beginning, but it has gotten easier. The ex Narc has continually tried to make contact with me. After I blocked his personal and work numbers, he used other people's phones. I don't answer, and when I discover it is him, I block the number. I have been tempted to answer and curse him out, but it's not worth my self esteem and self care.
Metoo
Lol same here .. thought about answering and going off but they like that too because you’re still giving them attention just change your number
Hey!!! did the Narc leave ?
No contact is king!
Even if you have no contact with them or pretend they don't exist and focus on you they will find ways to get to you and many people don't believe this there so blinded by his charm his sex his fake love and company and when you say something about him they wanna tell you to move on and let him go which I been did that I'm not even inlove with this dude anymore💯💯💯 it's funny what i prayed for a long time ago as came into a disaster now your asking God with all your soul to remove this evil, narcissistic, disloyal, nasty, cowardly, dead beat, fucker out of my life
These are really good ideas. It really hurts when you have to do these techniques to your own family, but, they have been horrible to you. No one owes anyone the right to be abusive.
My family isn't going to believe me and i no longer care anymore♡♡ Thank you so much♡♡
I so get that
Right... how am I going to tell a crazy narrsatsi woman from her "ugly daughter " to get the whole 5 other family member for theraepy??? After all she already builder a bad reputation me in the family that I'm bad and dont like this family blah blah blah. ITS NOT TRUE .why cant these people wake up!!!!! Theres not even prove!!! The lies sound soooo dumb anyways! My mom made all my 3 sisters narcissist.
Everything my mom talks to me or everything I see her its so emotionally draining I hate her so much I feel like jumping of a building or stabbing myself just so I don't have to look at her I k ow she's my mom I feel guilty afyer she's gone but when she's there it's like i m being tortured even when she's not doing anything
great points but an empathetc person who has been abused by a narc must reach a level of emotional disconnect to be able to do these things. when you so loved the narc it is hard to implement at the beginning and I made the mistake of defending myself with the truth time and time again until I finally got to the point I no longer cared what people thought. took a long time to get there.
... but you didn't love. The Narcissist just was whatever you felt at the time, an empty mirror of projection.
'I am what you want me to be for supply'.
Burgundy Suitcase the relationship turned out to be false but for my part it was real based on what she projected which was not her true self. only discovered that over time and toward the end. the narc ends up being so completely opposite of what they first projected. I think that is the core issue why these breakups with narcs are more painful than the ending of other relationships.
Yes. I've just discovered that :/
Thanks for the reply :)
What shocked me is that the narcissist ex lost absolutely zero “friends” as she smeared me and ran through at least 4-5 guys in just a few months...somehow no one sees it. I even screen shot several texts to her “friends” to show them her blatant lies and berating of the friends and they literally didn’t care. Crazy.
Their friends are probably narcissist too or messed up people, let them stay with their friends in their dirty mess and just ignore them
💞 if people believe the narc, I don't need contact with them either !!!
💞 If people believe the narc, I don't need them in my life either !!!!!!!!
I am glad that narcs friends (my former friends) showed THEIR true colours and eliminated themselves from my life...saves me the effort of going through the drama with another person. Thank God I am well rid of ALL these toxic people, good riddance to the lot of them! As to these 'friends' not recognising the narc for what they are, maybe they do and are terrified if they stand up and say what they are doing is wrong they fear they will face the narcs wrath too. If you see someone doing this and you agree with it/don't say 'hey this is wrong', then in my books you're no better than the narc and when they ultimately turn on you, don't come crying to me and expect sympathy!
I just tried going no contact a few weeks ago. He would call and text and insane amount of times. I blocked him. He would show up at my house at all hours, sometimes drunk and yelling. He knows I don't have anyone, no family or friends. He uses that against me, makes me feel like I need him. We fought once because I said I don't need anyone. He got very angry and wouldn't stop until I told him I needed him.
My ex would show up unannounced at my apartment many times and wouldn't go away until I let her in to "discuss" the situation. She acted like she was the calm reasonable party and I was the unhinged one. Total manipulation. Hang in there and be strong. It may take a while but no contact is the only winning strategy. All the best to you.
run ...
@@mervatmqal - where? These people follow. :(... Lock your doors and call the police.
Hi hard situation for you now.. Maybe a good idea is to move away for a while if you can..
Best thing to do is tell them go away if they dont call the police
Thank you so much for your videos and having so much compassion to the victims of abuse
Gmail and outlook do allow you to block specific email addresses. It's best to change everything but sometimes you can't. I blocked my narc everywhere, they found a Skype account I forgot I even had but was linked to my live account (not same acct) and tried me there. Blocked her there too. After 3 months of being rejected she finally left me alone. Been almost 2 months free, no contact.
Don't forget Instagram
I got rid of them all, kinda like getting rid of fleas.
foxiefair123 more like fat tics
Once I walked out, NO contact etc whatsoever, did WORKED for me - great advice again Michelle!
I've been hybrid no contact with my ex for about 6 months now. Sadly I cannot go full no contact because of the kids, but such is life. We have been separated since May 2014 and for two years she reeled me in and goaded me into an argument with every conversation. Now I communicate through email only and only about the kids. Everything else I ignore. I have deleted mutual friends on social media and locked down privacy on all of my social media accounts. I even got a separate cell phone so she could speak with the kids and email me about things concerning the kids. It has worked beautifully so far, whenever she tried to bait me through email I answer the valid questions about the kids, and ignore the rest. All this does work, however one has to remain vigilant and keep their guard up when dealing with their narc. Take care everyone. Michelle, I love your channel and thank you for everything you do. Between your channel and Duane's I have learned a great deal and am still learning more. People bringing these situations to light are a help to everyone, those that do speak up and those that don't for whatever reason.
Yes. Focus on self. That is worth your time than that N
Thanks, Michele.... recently the narcissist brutalized my face when I resisted his lies and manipulation....Deepti
This advice is also good for all other narcissistic relationships. I have been dealing with a narcissistic woman who wants to be my friend but is very controlling. Recently she accuses me of not responding, as though I shouldn't have a choice in who are my friends. She keeps sending me messages "accusing" me of ignoring her. I do not answer her, hoping she will eventually just go away. This woman is friends with my narcissistic daughter and her husband. I get the sense she is working to get information to complain to my daughter about me, perhaps even having been sent by my daughter. This woman went way too fast in trying to be my friend. She only met me two times and is acting like we had a relationship and that I owe her explanations and visit time. I am thankful that I discovered this early on before a lot of drama has occurred.
Hey! I'm in a similar situation. Did she ever leave you alone?
@@Norahungary yes, she gave up.
Just wanted to say this is one brilliant channel you've created.
You are helping so many people helping to identify this disorder and dealing with it accordingly or even better avoiding getting into relationships with these kind of people in the first place.
It's almost spooky that you have identified ALL the traits that these horrible human beings have and one can see them in the narcissists in their life. You just want to listen and see more of your incredibly informative videos...
...you are the walking talking encyclopedia of narcissists
It's sad as it's like the narcissist starts controlling your world so u hv to leave ur job,ur friends,and all those connected so dt u can be happy. But u r right,it is the best thing.n v hv to focus on our life and what we want. Thank u for those very inspiring words.
They live off of your life force, your joy....
Supreme Divine indifference is the only way to appropriate with narcissists and overcome their venom
Clark Kent Thank you, that is the way to handle it, indifference. People think that the opposite of love is hate, but it is not. It is indifference.
Treat the unempathetic narc with unempathy. Fake emotion of narc with no emotions.
As the children grow it becomes easier to stay in no contact with the narcissistic ex
Thank you so much. I had several NARCS in my life. I can't stand them now that I know what I know.
Through Court system their power & control continues & continues indefinitely.. Never gives up.
Your channel has literally saved me. All I needed was the slight doubt that my partner was indeed a narc to drive myself crazy. I watched videos on signs of a narcissist, but when I actually HEARD these conversations and you sort of paused them to describe the tactics being used I saw the truth. All of these conversations with gaslighting, word salad, playing the victim, and all that....were literally word for word the same arguments with my narc. I now feel the strength to leave, and I am no longer sucked into defending myself and arguing for hours.
My Ex shows up at my house , and stalks. It's a HORRIBLE way to live. I wish I could just move where he can't find me
Bookmarked to rewatch often. Great advice and much truth in this. I'm lucky that my narcissist left me because she realized the "gig was up" and moved out of state. At least I won't have to run into her at the grocery store!
This is so true!!! When I found out the covert I had been "dating", had been hiding a whole ass wife behind my back. I did not react when I was sent a picture of them with their wedding rings. Just said "congrats!" and blocked his number lol. Cause I knew he told her some bs about me "not leaving him alone despite telling me he was married". My disinterest should've been enough to make something in her head click, to put 2-and-2 together. But I also think she probably already has an idea that he likes cheating behind her back, considering her lack of pestering me for the truth via her own phone, I know I would've. Some people will just stay with a cheater unfortunately 🤷🏽♀️. Plus these narcs are great manipulators after all.
It was a weird situation but glad I'm rid of him. big weirdo behavior.
I need to watch this few times to remember well
They turn your brains into mush you know. All the abuse has an effect on your brain. You used to learn and retain information easy peasy and now you have to watch things two times over before they make sense. I recently watched a video from Narc Survivor. It's a little dated and I forgot the title (ditto!) but search for something along the lines of the narcissist is making you sick etc
thank you.. im sick of these people
I just found you on here last night. You are a blessing to me. I laughed w/you & I cried w/ you.Thank you so much for your amazing insights & advice. I related so well to everything you saidas if I were listening to myself. I really want to be an advocate to help people understand these disorders.
What if narcissist is daughter or mother and not spouse?
Minimize contact if it is not possible to go no contact. Focus on your needs and self care. The truth and your reality do not come from their mouth. If their mouth is moving they are lying.
Oh gosh that is my ex. Her family and friends think I'm the crazy one. But little do they know
Mines to brother
What am I supposed to do if the narcissist continues to harass me in other ways? I've attempted to get help from both the F.B.I and local and state police, and so far no one has been willing to even speak to me about it. I've moved, changed jobs, changed numbers, etc and they STILL are sabatoging my life. It has been going on for 3+ years now.
It's so true that they have sixth sense....sad, but true....
Sahana B.M more like guess work. They have played too many games they know their trade.
Is they have 6 I have 7 A’s an empath, an empath has 1000 time more power than a narcissist, they are much lower creatures and they know it, that’s why they are fake and manipulative
@@rickrossi7426 This made my day! Thanks for reminding me of my strength ♥
And dont forget, ignoring them includes their new supply. Because that person will also be somewhat obsessed with you. Probably having heard many bad stories and lies about you....possibly about how YOU are still obsessed with the Narc. This is one of their biggest lies. You have to do all of these things mentioned with the new supply as well as the Narcissist.
Im just learning about this a couple days ago and omg this is what my ex husband and father of our 5 kids we have together, I now have a name for his behavior.. Thank you for this video ❤
Grey rock grey rock grey rock. Look it up. It works.
michele all your old ans new content is so so helpful ✨️
Dear Michelle,
I have learned from your videos a lot and really appreciate your efforts.
I was literally trapped in the vicious cycle not being aware of what was going on with me and even doubt myself as a bad person.
Now I know who I am and knowing every problem big or small has a solution ,it's painful to have a toxic sibling but it's even more painful when she is able to get toxic support from the most loved ones including my mother who being unaware of her true intentions.
Even though I try several times to expose her in front of my mother but she always manage to change the direction over me that immensely annoy me then either I am on self defense or angry , whatever the situation may be , but it appears as if I am the subject of the issue.
Given the situation involving close family members when it's not possible to leave them , how could I be able to disarm the toxic sibling or more importantly the toxic support she is always able to gain ?
your you tube channel about narcissism was very first & most helpful... Thanks for being there. Blessed be & Shalom🙏🙌🇬🇧
I knew a Narcissist; people knew he was a liar and that I was telling the truth (and admitted it) but in spite of this they believed him and disbelieved me.
They expected me to compete with him for their attention.
I said fine, if that's what you want, have it.
Once they see that you are not prepared to compete (jump through their hoops etc)
for whatever you want or what they have to offer; they might (or might not) face reality.
The bottom line is live your own life, do your own thing (within the law and social norms)
and once people see that they have little or no power over you, they have to face reality;
whether they accept what they see is up to themselves but eventually THEY will have to pay the life bills and from experience, I can assure you that LIFE BILLS can cost a person everything that they have and more that a few things that they do not.
What you are saying is so true thank you.
I went no contact with this thing for nearly a year now and it really never left me alone, It stalks and did anything to torture me. My concern is that this thing wouldnot move on, it just gets nastier and more willing to do some more harmful thing. Lesser narc might move on but higher ranked one most likely not. I would never feel interested in haging around it but it frequents every place I go to.This thing sees anyone, anything as competition to destroy which is absolutely sick!!!
Thank you so much.. i don't know what would do without your vlogs and tips
I tried my best to get my sister to leave her narc husband after he bashed her head into a car window several times requiring her to get stitches. He thought she was going to divorce him. He told her that she would never get her children if the did. Then, shortly after, he convinced her that she was an alcoholic and to go to a lengthy rehab center. While she was there, he filed for divorce and got a restraining order where she couldn’t contact her daughters...the whole time telling the girls, their church, and anyone else that would listen that she was a terrible person. He is a doctor, and he told her that she might could get his money, but she would never get what she loved the most..her daughters. This situation started years ago, and it still hasn’t been resolved. It is terrible what it is doing to the children.
My Narc ''friend'' has been stalking me, spying on me, driving by my house and stalking my friends to try and befriend them. She is nuts and just wont let up!
Thats the issue to call out their lies and to defend myself especially having a child.
I totally agree and I use these tactics however how do I stop my ex from constantly having something to say to me. the excuse he uses is our kids. Now resorted to telling him any big concerns about the kids please put it in an email and I’ll respond in 24 hours
Good videos. This is highly needed knowledge because narcissists are everywhere, there is even signs that many parents ´educate´ their children to be narcissists because they confuse this with good upbringing.
Excellent take on getting rid of the awful Narc
That's fine for friends but my difficulties is with a family I'll ly member.
OMG I love your videos and all of your tips!!! :-) Thank you Michelle!
Be neutral about the narcs lies but SHOOT THE MESSENGER! This person is NOT your friend. When someone is doing the dirty work of the narc, don't address the narcs lies but call the messenger out for being a gossip. "I didn't realise you engaged in gossip. I find that a most unattractive personality trait, I hope you get some help for that. Have you tried (insert name) I think they offer counselling for those kind of personality issues". Get this person out of your life ASAP too, you don't need that.
Then that person will go around and tell everyone else how you are a cruel gossipy unempathetic self absorbed person who is not a good listener and only cares about themselves
after you remove them from your life
It’s like wow.. the truth turning is outrageous lol
Thank you for these great suggestions. Very helpful.
Powerful as always!💖 ☀👌 Thank you for all this beautiful work and help you provide; it's life changing indeed.
Yes please help me cause mine still after FIVE years split and he have flying monkeys damaging our son car it is sickening I ignored them cause was for me to react but I went to.domestic Violence for help and protection keep me in your prayers Kings and Queens
This is/was great advice and helpful. Thanks!
They sick people who like hurting people and they wont stop on their own just gotta delete them in real life.that what im doing.even tho im getting threating and harass.its so digusting the way they are
My narcissistic ex doesn't tell me whats going on. Our child is losing his first teeth but he cant tell me much about it. All sorts of stuff she doesn't talk to me, his eating disorder, his school life... nada... THings are compounded because she kidnapped him to her home nation of quebeec Canada and is French... He struggles with his English now and expressing himself in English... and I have trouble bouncing any French I am learning off him because she tells him to only speak to me in English. but yeah. she tried to change his name and go into hiding but informed that a name change was illegal and telling him that French is the only language he is allowed to speak would also not be allowed... its been so much hell. She even lured me back in once... got me....just to cheat on me again and give my number to her new BF so he could harass me... its... Ive learned... I know she will never be normal now. Now I have to figure out how I can help my son being raised by a person like this.. someone who takes away our contact just because she wants too with out regard to how it hurts our son...Im the one getting therapy but shes the one thats a crazy narc... and our son is in the middle and that should not be. I dont know what to do...I cant seem to find anyone willing to advocate for his rights as a child regardless of me and her... and thats not for to him. its a hell of a thing. Im still working on it.
Russell OMG! I'm so sorry. 😥
Hi Russell, do your best to only communicate w/her via text or e-mail (ie in writing), If you do have a live conversation follow it up w/a text (per our conversation ...blah blah, keep it nice, friendly and short) keep a log of all the visits that you have AND that she cancels! You can show that to the judge to prove you want visitation w/your son when she claims you do not try to visit. Also keep a log of when you call and how long you talk w/him, make a note of when she forces him off the phone (time/date). Let your son know you are there, you love him unconditionally so he knows at least he has you, his rock, his dad! Michelle has some great vlogs/advice on this. My heart goes out to you and your son
Find a specialist in family therapy with narcissists or narcissists and find a way to pay them...trust me...they will be earning every penny.
Have you tried a lawyer?
I hope your son is ok. I hope things work out for you and him. I pray he get to come and stay with you. 😇😇
Great presentation! Thank you for the clear-cut reminders Michele!
Thank you Michelle ❤
once again thank you for good advice, I need to learn how to do grey rock, its very hard since I live in the same house as my spouse
Thank you for these tips, this makes sense to me.
I'm so glad you made this video. Completely true.
I had to cut ties with my mom for a while... she was taking his side. She really thought he was her son and it didn't matter how bad he treated me or our son, he could do no wrong in her eyes. This man has bad mouth me to his entire family to my family and to his friends. I promise you he was the one doing all kinds of wild and crazy things and he will go back and make up these stories about how he was a great person and he did all of these good things to his friends and family and my family but when he came home or when he was around us and he would just treat us like s***, if there's anything lower than that he treated me and the kids just like that.
I grew up with narcissistic abuse, mostly at my Ndad's hands, but I've also dealt with a few Nfamily members, and ex-boyfriends. But for the sake of this video, I'll elaborate a bit more on a narcissistic ex-roommate, I'll call him J. He lived with me, my then-boyfriend, L, our mutual gay friend, T, and a few other roommates came and went. The minute J joined the three of us regulars, he immediately tried to pit all of us against each other. He even saw how L and I were having trouble, and J tried to take those problems and made them worse. The minute he saw me, he saw how emotionally vulnerable I was and tried any and every opportunity to divide and conquer me. He monologued at me, he berated me for everything that was "wrong" with me, he projected, he ridiculed, he mocked, he one-upped, he played the victim, he executed hurt and rescue missions, his lies are as precious to him as the air we breathe.
Then when he found another narcissistic supply - his unfortunate wife, and now her daughter with him - he left all of us behind. (Naturally, since he didn't need us anymore, and by that point, we were glad to have him gone.) And oh yes, he created a smear campaign. He said that instead of him trying to seduce me away from my relationship, I tried to come onto him. He also said L and T slept together. He also fabricated things between conversations between us and our other friends. (L, T, and I are all still friends, by the way.) But from what I've typically heard, the most people he's told these lies to have known us well enough to know better than to believe him. All the same, though, he is one of the most evil people I've ever met, and I say that with zero exaggeration or humor.
At first I was furious that he was saying such filth about us behind our backs. But the fury has lessened over time. Another thing that has helped me is accepting that things are the way they are, and they are just lies, part of his deluded world, not actually reality. And it doesn't have to be my reality.
Then last year, I heard something interesting. I am a Christian, but I don't watch many Christian movies, because I personally think most of them are terrible. LOL However, I saw this movie called, "The Shack," and in that, Papa, aka God, tells the main character, Mack, something important about forgiveness, and justice. Papa wants Mack to forgive the serial killer who murdered his daughter, and Mack says, "So You're just going to let him get away with it?" And Papa says, "Nobody gets away with anything." I thought that was a pretty straightforward definition of divine justice. But then Papa goes on to explain that bitterness towards the one who wronged you not only robs you of joy and healing, but far more importantly, forgiveness is not about excusing the bad behavior and pretending it never happened, certainly not buddying up to the offender (as, by the way, many narcissists would love to have you believe, my religious Ndad is a prime example of that). Forgiveness is about trusting God to do what is right, and to let go of the offender's throat. Papa did say that He one day wanted the killer to be redeemed, too, but He by no means invalidated Mack's pain or anger towards the killer. Mack did end up forgiving the killer, in a way, and the ultimate spoiler alert, in the book "The Shack," the killer is caught and brought to justice.
But anyway, I took a few comforting things away from this. One, it takes the heavy burden off my shoulders to try to gain justice through truth. As Michele stated here, the sad truth is, the truth often does not prevail when involved with a narcissist. But in this life or the next, God will remember our suffering, and apprehend the narcissists Himself. And no, that doesn't have to mean they have to burn in Hell, but at the very least, I imagine God will force them to see and admit to the truth, and set the record straight. So no matter what the narcissist does to you, keep in mind that God is watching, and I don't mean that in the Christianese cliche kind of way; I mean, He's watching everything that's happening, He remembers what has happened, He sees the narcissist's evil, He sees yours and your loved ones' pain, and He is keeping track, of all of it. And if the narcissist escapes justice in this life, he will be forced to see it in the next, when he's face to face with God. I'm still processing this hope, with all of my abusers, but as I'm starting to see more of the good in life and better people who renew my faith in humanity, I want to really let that sink in.
Sorry if it sounds like I got on a soapbox there, but I know it's something that's given me hope, and I hope it will give others peace, too. Our responsibility (to ourselves) is to let our narcissists go into God's hands, and it's God's responsibility to execute justice, whatever that may look like. Great video, Michele, keep up the good work!
This is a well written response I'm a Christian as well but I don't prescribe to a particular denomination and it's been over 2 years since I set foot in a church building. Your comment has given me a sense of hope and has touched my heart especially about forgiveness and taking that burden off myself. I got involved with an violent ex convict and that situation left me and my son who is a preteen traumatized and I'm I'm healing but at the same time I had struggled to have forgiveness towards this individual your comment has given me insight on God's love . I know this is a late response but thank you.
@@fephoenix9208 Oh, thank you for your kind words, and I'm so glad this has helped you. :) I'm so very sorry about that violent ex-convict and what he did to you and your son, I hope you are both in a better place now. But I'm glad you're not involved with him anymore, let him go to God, aka let God keep him away from you. LOL I completely understand your struggling to forgive him, I'd be feeling the same way toward him, especially if he hurt my child as well (not that I have a child, but still). Also, don't let anyone try to negate your struggle or say you have no right to feel what you feel, your feelings are 100% valid, the struggle is real, and it's imperative for you to take your time on healing, don't let anyone take that from you. :) But whatever he did to you and your son, yes, God is watching, and He will bring that guy to justice, guaranteed. Maybe he might go through his own redemption journey, but regardless, he will still be faced with all the consequences of his actions. But yeah, while God deals with him, it is good to take that burden off of yourself and to take care of yourself and your son. Let yourself remember God's real love and caring for the both of you, and that He wants you to be free to be the loving and caring person that you are. :) I'm also glad to hear that you've been healing from that abusive relationship, you sound like you're on the right track, keep it up. ;)
@@AishaVonFossen Thank you for your wisdom and may God continue to bless you in helping others like you helped me!
@@fephoenix9208 Oh, thank you so very much, Fe Phoenix, may God continue to bless you, too. And hey, if you wanna reach out again sometime, let me know. :)
What to do when you have a tolder and his family ( childs grandparents and uncles with aunts as well as cousins are those potential people). How to cut those out, and not damage child’s relationship with them?
Thank you so much, but I am aware of these things. The narcissist has been stalking me for 25 years. He will not stop. I guess I have to move out of the state. I am into my life, etc., Last night he lit a bunch of firecrackers on my lawn. It never ends. He follows me literally everywhere I go. I think he has convinced the police of something that keeps them from helping me.
Contact her for relationship issue like divorce * breakup * love a girl or boy dont no how to approach * he helped me after seven years of breakup......
W h a t s a p p h I m.......
±2349155456106⏯???????????????????????
THANK YOU SO MUCH for Your EXCELLENT Video...
6:57
Makes Perfect Sense to
me!🌹 Somehow God has taught me these things over the Years.
Hi Michelle !!
Great job. This is the only to the point video about narcissism. The rest are 50% blah blah. Thanks.
No you can’t block them if they call you on “no caller ID”
You are a life saver.
Hi Michele,
Please help us help a relative! We have a cousin who’s parents died in a brutal M/S and he was placed in the home of a double narcissist wife and husband, who were evil people. Yes, strong words but they abused this child mentally and physically for over 10 years (8-18)! The aunt narcissist was an expert mental abuser and sat this child down at 8 y/o and would tell him you are nothing and will be nothing for years! The narcissist uncle physically abused this child to a point he was placed in the hospital! This child would go to School with bruises of his face and tell the teachers he fell off his bike, his skateboard, etc….
The punishment went on to a point this child only had a bed and a dresser in his room. All books, games, videos, etc. were removed as a form of mental punishment! The uncle narcissist came home from work and would assault this child for the smallest things especially if his wife narcissist said the child did clean the house after school or clean up her mess from breakfast! Family would call child services as they could see what was occurring but the child was scared to death as he said at a later age they would make it much worse for him if child services came to the house, which did occur again and again to a point they (Child Services) thought the family was making false claims as the house was clean and the narcissist couple were perfect hosts! this child was their slave to a point he had to message their feet on command, even after his physical abuse and mental abuse!
Now this child a legal adult (18) eventually was out of their home but would not listen to any adult, either the narcissist (Which is good) or the family that tried to help him since the M/S of his parents! Without saying, the M was the Mom who finally had the courage to leave her abusive husband and the S was for the narcissist husband. Just a side note, the narcissist uncle was the brother of the child’s dad and acted all caring for the child after the M/S until the courts and the appointed Guardian Ad Litem were out of the picture and the state and SS money was secured for the child’s care! Then the abuse started, the child became isolated from friends and family eventually to minimal contact which allowed the abuse to flourish!
As I said the child is 18 and found the wrong friends, especially a narcissist girlfriend who used this young man as a her puppet. A short time later trouble found this couple and they were involved in a crime that his girlfriend set up as they robbed a store and she assaulted the store owner and they ran away except they dropped a cell phone. Long story short, when they were caught this child, our cousin took the blame as he said he loved his girlfriend and wanted to protect her. Plus he said that he was 18 and only be charged as a minor but we know being 18 you go with the murders, rapists, child abusers , and so on!
The girlfriend said I am a minor and he took me to a crime, so he is in prison and she is free but that is not the worst, not even worst than the three (3) years in prison he is serving! The uncle and aunt narcissist are back in the picture visiting him in prison, despite the fact there is a no contact order on the uncle and he has been arrested numerous times for assaulting our cousin and putting him in the hospital as he was dragged by the car and chocked leaving finger bruises in his neck and face along with the road rash on his legs and back!
The family is visiting our cousin in prison and asking him why are you having the aunt and uncle narcissist in your life? He says they are saying they want me to come back and live with them when he is released in a few months. Fortunately, in prison they recognized his mental health issues and placed him in a mental health/ protected prison unit where there were no gangs, no rapists and no habitual prison gentlemen (Trying to be respectful)!
Michele, please HELP our family so we can our cousin break free free of the narcissist? When we visit or speak on the phone we ask him, why are you having contact with those people? Especially when he tells us that are saying come live with us again (Note, there is no more state or Social Security money for care after 18 and high school)!
Again, Michele we understand the five (5) helpful Anti-Narcissist Skills but how do we convey them to our cousin? Please know that he says, yea I know how to handle the (Narcissist)
aunt and uncle when they ask me over and over to come live with them again! The narcissists know that the sane part of the family has been trying to get our cousin away from her abusive husband who’ve ended in her death and now her son is being controlled and tag teamed by a narcissist aunt and uncle who are experts at control of others (Not of their behavior as they have done some unforgivable actions to a child who lost his parents at eight (8) years old) and experts at abusing this young man who is strong enough to beat the crap out of the uncle (Lifting weighs in prison) is being controlled by them just by the fact he continues to call them and has not told them he, “Is not or will not live with the narcissist couple again!”
Sorry Michele, ran on a bit but I am so glad that our paths crossed as it was meant to be and we need your HELP, so PLEASE respond and contact us via TH-cam as we will be notified when you respond?
You are the BEST expert our family has found and so RESPECT your thoughts on beating the narcissist at their own game. Yes, it is a game to them as they are never harmed, always controlling, always abusing, and our cousin is not strong enough to see he needs to love himself! Why? He is a handsome young man with a mark of being a convicted felon ( Cops said victim said girl stabbed me and girlfriend said she stabbed the victim but our cousin said, believing he loved her and her him said he committed the assault to the victim and plead guilty when the Detectives cane to
arrest him via his phone) and that he had so much value to give himself and to others but does not have the strength to be free of the narcissist, yet?
Again, sorry for going on as I covered 10 years of time in a few paragraphs and hope, pray that you can offer us some tools on your TH-cam Channel?
Please HELP us by giving us some tools we can try to help our cousin understand or if possible we can find a way for you to write to our cousin as we use a temporary email for our initial contact and through that we can connect with you and our concerned family members, your call, okay Michele?
Please respond as your schedule allows as you are the BEST experience counselor on resolving and overcoming the narcissist in someone’s life?
Respectfully and THANK YOU 🙏 in advance as we await some response and help in saving another human being and an abused child become a happy, giving, and productive member of our world!’
P.S. Thank You 🙏 Again & Again for being here too!
Needed this reminder today! 👍😉
I hope you feel better Michelle
It's ok providing the narc doesn't then start harrasing your family members and using provocation to set them up ! I think then we are going into the realm of psychopath !
What do u do if it’s a family member and they keep invading your personal space and keep doing spiteful stuff to get me to react ? I say nothing and walk away but she still keeps on going on and on? I’m getting to the point where I’m gonna move out !!
One of my friend is narcissist ,he is just coming back again again even though I said him clearly that I don't want him in my life. It sucksss and its scary sometimes.
It all makes sense
I haven't fully spoken to my ex since the end of Feb; he thought we were getting back together, when we spoke last, but I told him it was not the case it was for me to get my feelings across to him and that he took the final straw I was done especially after what he said to me the night of our last fight. He wanted me to take time and think about everything and there were moments when I'd say I don't know, and ok, but I realized what he was doing so I eventually told him I don't think I need time to think about it, I don't need it; don't believe he took that too heart. He's been messaging me trying to get me to talk on fb especially after I unfriended him, the messages come at least once a month or two, but this last month with venus retrograde and now mercury retrograde coming up he's tried friend requesting me again and now has tried calling twice and text messaged me as well--our last face to face I noticed he had deleted me from his contacts so idk if he had readded me or never deleted the old text messages, but I don't recognize his number but from the words in the messages it seems like something he'd say. I'm trying to stay strong and not respond, but I almost feel I will break down and respond but my response would be to assure him I'm done and have been done with the relationship we had. Side note: After the video ended I received two messages from the number and I believe it is him.
It's hard when they won't give up. Mine tries every year, around Christmas. I didn't delete the number though. I keep it in my phone and set it to block messages. Last month when my phone rang I realised I needed to add auto-reject calls also. I get a lot more peace that way. Perhaps it's worth a try for you too?
Native Eastender it definitely is hard, especially when I know a lot of his issues and just the way he is stems from his childhood, his mother was shitty and he doesn't know who his real father is, but his actions are just beyond my love and help. Thank you for the tip I'll definitely try that.
Michelle....i can see your soul in your face. I enjoy your videos
Sound Advice; thank you!!! :)
She won,t leave and I am a empath .No kids too,no kidding.
He’s literally divided my family. The ones he’s playing just haven’t been the target yet.
Thanks Michele, wonderful and worthy...
What I say is God and I know the truth.
It all depends on how much you actually care about the person and whether or not you yourself may be somewhat responsible for how they have been treating you. Relationships can be complicated so what might be right for one person may not be so cut and dried for another. I would recommend taking some time away from the person and making them fully aware that you're not going to accept being treated in a certain manner. Long enough to make it sink in to them that you will be out of their lives if they don't stop crossing the line with you. You really can't expect people to be perfect for we are human after all and make mistakes. If we do this to everyone that lets us down in our lives we will end up friendless & alone because almost everyone will let you down at one point of another. It's those that apologize and acknowledge the error of their ways that may be worth having in you life. Those that don't are the one's you should let go of and move on without. Friendship is about mutual respect and if that doesn't exist then you have your answer. A little forgiveness can go a long way to actually strengthening relationships as well. It's particularily disturbing when it's a family member that disrupts the dynamics of the whole family so it's not as easy to do as one may think. These can be lifelong experiences that you have gone through so the situtions are filled with all sorts of reasons for the things that took place over the years. Some fault may land on you as well so you must take that into account. Good luck.
Did you do a video on how to defend yourself against narcissist at work?
The adult says "Its going to hurt hearing from other people that I'm a terrible person and do terrible things to everybody. I heard you did X, Y and Z! How could you???"
And that's may bring up shame and anger.
BUT its a limited supply of outside people telling me I am a terrible person.
With the NPD its an unlimited supply of grief staying in the "relationship."
I have to be willing to sacrafice something. That's a part of becoming a true adult; sacrafice. But in sacraficing you are trading up for something, which is loosing the source of pain and energy loss. The gain is being free. The sacrifice involves loosing the illusatory control of the situation.
A NPD is holding hostage rumors and smear campaigns. Like any blackmail, its being held over my head again and again
BUT pulling the trigger by saying "I'm going to end this for my own sake" and then they enact the threat.
Once the threat turns into action on their part then the "adult" comes out
and I choose to pay the cost. I understand there will be talk about "how awful" I am. I deal with those consequences, the feelings of shame and guilt and anger.
Logic shows that the costs are small compared to years of blackmail.
I know because I've done it.
OMG, this is exactly what I needed to hear today. I've been told by counselors repeatedly "There's no hope with these people, you won't survive, get out". But they seem to know when I'm going there, and then they're SOOOO nice and . . . they've been mean, bullying, overpowering, hitting me, lying about me, degenerating me my whole life. When I'm with other people it's nothing like that, people like me.
Maybe it's trauma bonding . . .
No contact doesn’t work when you get called childish just because you don’t want to argue…
But isn't blocking them their calls/texts doing exactly what a narcissist wants & predicted you would do-play into their game?