For decades I've struggled with a partner that re-writes history. It's heartbreaking to hear his version of events or things that simply didn't happen. It destroys your self esteem. The way my husband tells it I blew up the Hindenburg, sunk the Titanic and was responsible for all the terrible atrocities of WWII. Pretty extensive list and very ambitious for someone who wasn't even born until 1967. 😢
I’m an adult survivor os sexual , verbal and physical abuse. I was placed into the custody of the state as a teenager . And was also abandoned by my family when I was at my hardest . I am now numb. I know I at times had grandiose thoughts of being different and more aware than others. But in reality, I just want to have close connections and a sense of saftey and love instead of feelng like an outsider all the time.
you're not alone, thank you for sharing.. I literally could feel your words. I too struggle with these feelings due to my past and familial abandonment
I think Sam Vaknin presented survival narcissism...the traits we need to develop & utilise to.survive situations of hardship & suffering. If a person remains in survival mode for long periods of time they can remain stuck in this way of thinking, this approach to their life has become ingrained in their mode of thinking/ analysis. They become a variety of narcissist out of necessity. Perhaps this topic may be of interest ? We are always learning about ourselves when reflective.
@@munkyjammin survive! That what I’ve heard since I was as young as I could remember. I was called a “ survivor “ since I was a little child. I want to live already and not just survive.
@@munkyjammin I am now and always have been in survival mode. If I knew a way to be in living mode that would be so much fun. However, all I know how to do to do is survive . I once enjoyed engaging and interacting with many people on a much more grand level. But now the way of the hermit is much more comfortable. I wish i could find myself playful and at ease once again. However, I can never regain a sense of being welcomed home like i once was . And I wonder if i ever will feel safe enough to trust my heart, time and home to another person.
Going no contact with a narcissist in my family was a very good decision. Can you imagine your ego being so fragile that you never forgot what a 10 year old child said to hurt your feelings and still carry the grudge more than 20 years later? A narcissist certainly can!
'That didn’t happen. And if it did, it wasn’t that bad. And if it was, that’s not a big deal. And if it is, that’s not my fault. And if it was, I didn’t mean it. And if I did, you deserved it.'
My sister did this at my Grandfathers funeral. She brought up something that happened when we were 8 and 11 years old...something about hiding a remote control. She's literally 40 years old now. Everyone thought she'd lost her mind.
So at one point a Narcissist seeks "important" (beautiful, intelligent, rich......) people to proof his one importance. On the other hand he likes to be with people who he thinks inferior to him. How is this do able? Does he devaluate everyone, or does he divide people, meaning, he devaluates some, but not all. Do N. have Examples (Vorbilder) that they look up to?
Thank you for explaining this. My mother would rewrite memories as a means of emotional processing. She would sit before the TV, knit, and sigh, and repeat something like 'yeah, that's how it is', or 'this is for the better', etc. Looks harmless, but there was a time in my youth I had to come with a plan, with a friend's help, to leave the parents house. Because I didn't have money or a job, and wanted to have both, and knew she won't let me, and wouldn't help me on my way out. So it got ugly at first, but then she come to terms, I left, and lived in the neighbour country, and worked there. And she came to visit, we had a walk, and she casually mentioned that it was actually her idea for me to move, and that she helped me. I was astonished to say the least, but I remembered those TV knitting memory sessions, so I wasn't really _surprised_ . Sometimes I want to know something about the past, but I realise it's pointless to ask her.
Thank you very much for your very informative and enlightening explanations, these have helped me understand the dynamics of the characters in my family especially in relation to the interactions and of course conflicts existing.
I had trouble wrapping my head around the first half but the final third really helped me understand. I often see the example of someone saying something they think is novel all over social media. They speak as if they’re the authority. Anyway, I’ll need to give this another watch to understand better!
Makes me wonder if personality disorders could be/ are organized by the primary cognitive biases used? (In general) If we all rely on certain biases to make sense of our world to some degree- when does a a common human bias evolve into a red flag? 🤔 Maybe the difference is just each persons ability to recognize our biases and confront oneself?
A Feature Film vs. A Documentary is a powerful visual for making sense of cognitive dissonance. I'd be willing to settle for a Docu-Drama just to keep the movie spicy, if I had any input. But, the basic legal facts deserve to have their place in history. It is the accomodation of the drama that waters down the truth imho.
My mother has what I call selective memory. She never remembers or flat out something never happened. She does not like confrontation at all and shuts down. She looks away dismissively and won't acknowledge you. I'm trying to figure out if this is just a tendency in her life or is this something deeper psychologically ? All I know is coming across this channel I find myself relating to most of the comments on her about parents. Answers to questions I had. It's a lot to unpack. Could my mother be a narcissist is where I'm at.
Haha thanks again. I shouldn’t be laughing, but it is so predictable and funny to see. The many career shifts and then suddenly having a complete new identity, posting only about the things he just learned as if it’s the most precious knowledge on the world. Ordering the new colleagues around 🤭 They don’t know yet… After 6 months the story will start from scratch in another form. He will say again he was the business owner, manager or some high position person during his old job. While he was just one of the employees moving on to a “next opportunity”, “better position”, where they don’t feel bored with his delusions yet… 😅
I have been through this with my ex. Replace the job, with me. All he learned, he learned from me to obtain a sense of humanity and normality. A personality. He would use this work of me to manipulate everyone else. So bizarre.
Most self proclaimed empaths act really narcissistic. I dont think actual empaths are the type to brag on the internet about how empathetic they are. Which is what a lot of people do. Its like they are upholding a false self built around being empathic. Which would also increase grandiosity.
Yes, because many of them are. If they speak long enough it becomes very clear. Just the fact that you feel yourself so empathetic that you refer to yourself as an "empath" is already a bad start from my perspective.
I think people who proclaim they're empaths are looking for something that sets them apart and makes them special. Most people don't feel the need to brag about a natural human instinct as if they're part of some superhuman class and only they feel empathy
Yes it’s true I’m a covert narcissist from what I can tell from thinking about my past I can say yes it is true a covert narcissist is very tricky. I would look at it as camouflage.
For decades I've struggled with a partner that re-writes history. It's heartbreaking to hear his version of events or things that simply didn't happen. It destroys your self esteem. The way my husband tells it I blew up the Hindenburg, sunk the Titanic and was responsible for all the terrible atrocities of WWII. Pretty extensive list and very ambitious for someone who wasn't even born until 1967. 😢
Hope you find whatever it is you need to leave.
I’m an adult survivor os sexual , verbal and physical abuse. I was placed into the custody of the state as a teenager . And was also abandoned by my family when I was at my hardest . I am now numb. I know I at times had grandiose thoughts of being different and more aware than others. But in reality, I just want to have close connections and a sense of saftey and love instead of feelng like an outsider all the time.
It may seem unfair at times, but the cards we are dealt are never in vain. Keep your head up! It will get better ❤️🩹🙏🏽
you're not alone, thank you for sharing.. I literally could feel your words. I too struggle with these feelings due to my past and familial abandonment
I think Sam Vaknin presented survival narcissism...the traits we need to develop & utilise to.survive situations of hardship & suffering.
If a person remains in survival mode for long periods of time they can remain stuck in this way of thinking, this approach to their life has become ingrained in their mode of thinking/ analysis. They become a variety of narcissist out of necessity.
Perhaps this topic may be of interest ?
We are always learning about ourselves when reflective.
@@munkyjammin survive! That what I’ve heard since I was as young as I could remember. I was called a “ survivor “ since I was a little child. I want to live already and not just survive.
@@munkyjammin I am now and always have been in survival mode. If I knew a way to be in living mode that would be so much fun. However, all I know how to do to do is survive . I once enjoyed engaging and interacting with many people on a much more grand level. But now the way of the hermit is much more comfortable. I wish i could find myself playful and at ease once again. However, I can never regain a sense of being welcomed home like i once was . And I wonder if i ever will feel safe enough to trust my heart, time and home to another person.
Going no contact with a narcissist in my family was a very good decision. Can you imagine your ego being so fragile that you never forgot what a 10 year old child said to hurt your feelings and still carry the grudge more than 20 years later? A narcissist certainly can!
You cannot make this stuff up. I say it every dang day.
'That didn’t happen. And if it did, it wasn’t that bad. And if it was, that’s not a big deal. And if it is, that’s not my fault. And if it was, I didn’t mean it. And if I did, you deserved it.'
My sister did this at my Grandfathers funeral. She brought up something that happened when we were 8 and 11 years old...something about hiding a remote control. She's literally 40 years old now. Everyone thought she'd lost her mind.
The two in my family hold grudges from the 1950's. Strange.
So at one point a Narcissist seeks "important" (beautiful, intelligent, rich......) people to proof his one importance. On the other hand he likes to be with people who he thinks inferior to him. How is this do able? Does he devaluate everyone, or does he divide people, meaning, he devaluates some, but not all. Do N. have Examples (Vorbilder) that they look up to?
I can't stand when they deny and act like they did not do or say something they absolutely did....
Thank you for continuing to help myself and others by pursuing and sharing your dedicated work. We appreciate you.
Thank you for explaining this. My mother would rewrite memories as a means of emotional processing. She would sit before the TV, knit, and sigh, and repeat something like 'yeah, that's how it is', or 'this is for the better', etc.
Looks harmless, but there was a time in my youth I had to come with a plan, with a friend's help, to leave the parents house. Because I didn't have money or a job, and wanted to have both, and knew she won't let me, and wouldn't help me on my way out. So it got ugly at first, but then she come to terms, I left, and lived in the neighbour country, and worked there.
And she came to visit, we had a walk, and she casually mentioned that it was actually her idea for me to move, and that she helped me. I was astonished to say the least, but I remembered those TV knitting memory sessions, so I wasn't really _surprised_ .
Sometimes I want to know something about the past, but I realise it's pointless to ask her.
Reflecting on the past with the knowledge i have now seems different than remembering how i felt at the time.
This is absolutely brilliant and so true of the narcissists and professional victims I know
This is strike into my face. I was listening three times in row. Thank you
Thank you very much for your very informative and enlightening explanations, these have helped me understand the dynamics of the characters in my family especially in relation to the interactions and of course conflicts existing.
This is an audio visual biography of my father. Brilliant. Thank you.
I had trouble wrapping my head around the first half but the final third really helped me understand. I often see the example of someone saying something they think is novel all over social media. They speak as if they’re the authority. Anyway, I’ll need to give this another watch to understand better!
I have had too much suffering in my life to be grandiose
Makes me wonder if personality disorders could be/ are organized by the primary cognitive biases used? (In general)
If we all rely on certain biases to make sense of our world to some degree- when does a a common human bias evolve into a red flag? 🤔 Maybe the difference is just each persons ability to recognize our biases and confront oneself?
We very rarely recognize biases. This is what makes them biases.
So much of what you said transfers over to the socio-political world!
Loved you explanantion.❤
A Feature Film vs. A Documentary is a powerful visual for making sense of cognitive dissonance. I'd be willing to settle for a Docu-Drama just to keep the movie spicy, if I had any input. But, the basic legal facts deserve to have their place in history. It is the accomodation of the drama that waters down the truth imho.
Very relevant for today. Thanks
My mother has what I call selective memory. She never remembers or flat out something never happened. She does not like confrontation at all and shuts down. She looks away dismissively and won't acknowledge you.
I'm trying to figure out if this is just a tendency in her life or is this something deeper psychologically ?
All I know is coming across this channel I find myself relating to most of the comments on her about parents. Answers to questions I had. It's a lot to unpack. Could my mother be a narcissist is where I'm at.
Haha thanks again.
I shouldn’t be laughing, but it is so predictable and funny to see.
The many career shifts and then suddenly having a complete new identity, posting only about the things he just learned as if it’s the most precious knowledge on the world. Ordering the new colleagues around 🤭 They don’t know yet…
After 6 months the story will start from scratch in another form. He will say again he was the business owner, manager or some high position person during his old job.
While he was just one of the employees moving on to a “next opportunity”, “better position”, where they don’t feel bored with his delusions yet… 😅
I have been through this with my ex. Replace the job, with me. All he learned, he learned from me to obtain a sense of humanity and normality. A personality. He would use this work of me to manipulate everyone else.
So bizarre.
Empaths are covert narcissists???????
Did he really say that??
Most self proclaimed empaths act really narcissistic. I dont think actual empaths are the type to brag on the internet about how empathetic they are. Which is what a lot of people do. Its like they are upholding a false self built around being empathic. Which would also increase grandiosity.
Yes, because many of them are. If they speak long enough it becomes very clear. Just the fact that you feel yourself so empathetic that you refer to yourself as an "empath" is already a bad start from my perspective.
I think people who proclaim they're empaths are looking for something that sets them apart and makes them special.
Most people don't feel the need to brag about a natural human instinct as if they're part of some superhuman class and only they feel empathy
Yes it’s true I’m a covert narcissist from what I can tell from thinking about my past I can say yes it is true a covert narcissist is very tricky. I would look at it as camouflage.
@@teagen1469 pro social Narcissism, door matt narcs in other words.
I mortified the MO he left me alone
I hate it, but this is me....