ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 7 ก.ย. 2022
- This video explores narcissistic behaviour in the gay community and how to understand, navigate and work through this.
___________________________
▸ Book a Session | www.kenreidcounselling.com.au...
▸ Tiktok | / kenreid.co
▸ Instagram | / kenreid.co
▸ About Me | / kenreidco
▸ Website | www.kenreidcounselling.com.au
___________________________
Disclaimer: This is NOT a sponsored video. All opinions expressed are wholly my own.
This is something few people dare to talk about fearing being labeled “homophobic”. Thanks for bringing it up!
It's my pleasure. I definitely think there's a lot of bad behaviour in our community that we cover up as being 'just gay' when it can be abusive.
As a gay man, I find an inordinate amount of narcissists in the gay community. It’s astounding. I believe it’s attributed to growing up closeted. That is a perfect recipe for a false self to develop. How can you learn empathy and the ability to emotionally connect with others if you are hiding your authentic self by being closeted? You can’t. I also believe this is why open relationships, polyamory, and BDSM are so popular in the gay community. It’s almost like they have figured out a way to enable their dysfunction or, at the least, try to make their dysfunction functional. It’s been my experience that a lot of these men into BDSM - especially dominants - are nothing more than narcissists and sociopaths using kink as a camouflage for their predatory behavior to abuse others.
People will call you homophobic
as a straight girl who has been bullied and abused by the queer community, there's literally been nobody talking about it and if i dare bring up that the bullying and gossip ive experienced traumatized me , ill be labeled as "homophobic". Like im tired of how sensitive they are. I was in an online queer community hoping to make some friends, it ended off with me disagreeing with a gay guy in the group who said stuff that personally triggered me, i left that community and as soon as I left, the whole queer group was gossiping about me, talking shit behind my back and spreading false rumors about me where my reputation was destroyed and i was nearly reported to the police by someone for those false allegations Made against me. If it wasn't for the support of the very less than few ppl in the group and the support of a friend, i wouldve felt worse and suicidal
It has gone to a point where i don't ally with the lgbt community anymore and im out the door, ive unsubscribed from queer yt channels and just carried on with my life as normal tho im torn. I will not support queer ppl but will respect them and their lifestyle from a distance.
I think the worst part is knowing that that the narcissist ultimately just moves on as if nothing ever happened and start the cycle again with the people they come across with. Meanwhile the victim will never truly get justice for the abuse, manipulation and betrayal. Thank you for helping me identify this. It’s been hard for me to confirm it given the amount of gaslighting but your description was so accurate. So many distorted realities that are slowly getting clearer as the days go by. It’s been quite the rollercoaster.
Dude I dated said he disdained fem men. Felt unease when he looked into my eyes: He was talking about me. Months later, I ended the relationship.
This had to come from a member of that community, thank you for expressing what many people have been observing but are afraid to call out in today's political climate
I will be honest I struggled with my sexuality a lot and felt a lot of rejection from my own family due to my sexuality and the very abusive and toxic relationships. I'm 42 now and virtually every relationship I've had from 2003 until 2017 has been deeply unpleasant due to being cheated on and subjected to behaviour that made me feel genuinely unwelcome within the LGBT community. Over the years in the UK I feel that most people tend to be into spontaneous sex, drugs and forming unhealthy clicks. I've always felt unwelcome and for last 5 years I've pulled away. I don't go on the scene, don't take part in pride and spend most of my time with heterosexual people. I feel by far happier and don't encounter issues like this. I acknowledge my own faults of course and I've engaged in CBT therapy and counselling. 6 years single and I don't miss it at all. When you've had too much abuse in your life you reach a point when you need to make a decision and sometimes that could be a long term decision. I'm sure some won't agree but my experiences have been on what I would call the extreme end
And this is why I find it hard to trust and find love , I opened my heart once to someone I felt was a soulmate and a few years down the line I got ghosted, he love bombed me and told me that he had love for me then one day disappeared, now 3 years later I’m still affected and broken, I find it hard to trust my own comunity ( the gay comunity) as I find it fake and superficial, it feels like the cleaner your heart and soul the more your prone to being disregarded , 💯 being gay should not be a excuse to being a selfish nasty person , but unfortunately some of us gay guys get the short end of the straw ,
i find that many are still children emotionally and very immature up into their 40‘s. really entitled and as you said behaviour that would be unacceptable in the „normal“ world is very widespread. it can be a very toxic cummunity to be in
I completely agree and my self as a gay guy I find what your saying very true and it’s hard to blend in when you don’t follow the crowd
It can certainly feel like a toxic community at times and whilst none of us deserved to be hurt as children, abusive behaviour is still abuse and deserves to be called out. Having accountability helps us grow and do better.
@@KenReidCo this
I can understand I had a partner for four years and everything was great and one day he just changed on me and that definitely gave me trust issues.. he was 43 I was 26 and he left me for someone who was 19 and he knew them a week and he came back few months later but I was done.
Fascinating and very lucid break down. As a hetro male who grew up with a gay father I have often been mystified by the issues such as this. I have had many gay friends, worked with gay men. I have often witnessed the insecurities you address here.
What has struck me most over the years is the huge number of gay men who, like Dad, live a double life. Married with kid's but playing the field. Generally this behaviour leaves a trail of misery and pain.
Like just about every gay man I have known, Dad was sexually abused as a child. Low self esteem compensated by a life in show biz.
In other words, a lot of us are more mentally and emotionally screwed up than we actually thought we were.
It’s seems to be worse the more attractive a gay man is. Not saying gay men who are attractive are all bad, but a lot of them seem to be hyper sexual, obsessed about there image and so fourth.
You don't have to be a narcissist to be punched in the nose. Fair game. We used to call these people "evil". Now they have to be a narcissist. Then psychologists tell us to just leave them alone.
There aren't enough videos about narcissism in the gay community. Especially when you consider sex addiction, shame, and drug abuse. I've been trying to understand this mind f*** this guy I was dating left me and it's almost impossible to find
They act like you’re being negative for speaking the truth
I left the community. Because of how Narcissistic the people were and when I was having sucicidal thoughts a couple years ago I went too a Counselor/therapist in the community and they told me they couldn’t help me with my suicidal thought unless I I wanted to transition 💯 true stuff
You can't leave a community LOL. You ARE part of the community whether you like it or not. Denying who you are won't help your issues.
@Rage_Harder_Then_Relax I’m sorry but what “community”? Being gay doesn’t mean other gays will automatically have your back, and we’re definitely not as unified as the media portrays, the topics in this channel’s videos only proves that point lol.
As a gay black man myself little United States you are very much on point about narcissism in the gay community narcissism is very much through the roof as a black gay male that has soft-looking features I'm told I should be a girl or I'm not valued I'm a sex object that's in my community in black and then in a white community you know either I have to look one way or b one way there's not too many middle grounds I would love one day do a video chat with y'all 😄🔵💙
Wow you explain great
Good talk man! Thanks! 👏🏼
26 years with a vulnerable narcissist. Then dated another one. Good news is that one was dumped after 2 months. Knowledge and listening to yourself when you head goes, red flag, red flag, red flag is the best survival tool. Love and best wishes to all you gay survivors out there.
They become professional liars because they usuallly stay in the closet in shame but over long time the become narcissists because they have lied thier whole lives.
It took me a very long time to put this particular name to one short term but long-impacting abusive relationship I experienced many years ago. Toxic as it was, and after finally waking up and escaping them, I always got the feeling their ugliest behaviour was about making other people experience their own personal pain.
Your channel is helping me very much with my healing process. Thank you for all of the good work you are doing.
Brilliant Ken, so relevant. Vulnerability will set us free. Embrace authenticity and remain calm, be brave.
Thank you. Yes, being vulnerable is part of the process for setting us free.
This perfectly describes my ex. I also noticed a lot of narcissistic men (gay and straight) from the Latino community. A lot of fragile masculinity, machismo, misogyny, and dominant and controlling behaviors. Also physical abuse seems way more common from that community.
Not only the narcissism in the gay community and then you still have the implicit racism with all races (so called preferences) to deal with. My partner and I are interracial (black/white) which was really awful years ago but both both still remain. Education is the key for people to understand that we are one human race, we are all imperfect and none greater or less than.
I’m a black gay male and I’m fine with preference and to be honest most of my minority gay friends upset with preferences only want a white partner.
I do have a issue with many gay men only wanting to interact with those they want to sleep with and I do believe that’s where preferences can become hurtful.
I have many gay friends and acquaintances and it’s amazing how normalized sex is for us as a community.
I'm Gay and I approve 👍 beautifully said 🙏
Very tidy and poignant summary of narcissism. I got involved with a classic narcisist almost 20 years ago now. It was three years of hell. I never really understood what narcissism was, thinking it was to do with the story of Narcissus which I had read in books of Greek mythology for children. Had I seen this video I would have seen these traits as clear as day and got out much earlier. The ending was difficult too which meant it took me many years after that for me to get over it, and it spoilt a potential relationship which I think would have been the perfect one for me. I was completely distraught and a complete mess. I was a very high achiever but suddenly felt worthless. It is hard to understand how I could have be so easily controlled. The last I heard was that he moved to another country and saying that that was so perfect for him. Well, good for him. But I worry deeply that there have been other victims. One thing about narcisists is, no matter how unremarkable they are as people - in terms of real talent or looks or whatever, they seem to know how to get their targets. My advice to people in this situation is to be open about it with friends. If I was more open I would have listened to revealing observations about him from them, who could not understand what my attraction to this very ordinary person in every way was and really did not like being in his company.
Brilliant video - I’ve been quietly pondering this very topic for a long time. I work in showbiz, am a straight woman and I had a friend who I was very close with, who fits this description. The start was filled with love bombing, however I got discarded when I stood up for myself, after some awful treatment. Luckily I knew this might happen, so the wound was not so deep - but the contemplation still pops up from time to time.
Thanks for the calm and fair discussion surrounding this tricky subject. Much love xx
I'm straight. However I have seen some of the dynamics. It can be very overpowering from w things I've seen and heard off. . You can also get the dominant and submissive roles that are poles apart.. the other thing is dramatics. But often from my perspective. I say a lot of the problem begins when they are initially going through coming to terms with being gay and coming out. It must be almost at least semi traumatic from an anxious perspective. Especially with parents who are not the most emotionally intelligent or heavily religious.
Thank you for this video!
My pleasure.
I enjoy your commentarys thank you for your hard work ,Newman Peyton iii
You’ve perfectly worded what I’ve thought about the community, thank you.
as someone with bpd, it’s very common to attract narcissists and the “backwards” mindsets in the community makes it harder to call it out or recognise it, as usually can result in triangulation, smear campaigns and gaslighting etc.
even my therapist has had to talk me through things a few times to remind me I’m not a narcissist or “crazy”.
it’s very hard finding likeminded folk when quite a lot of the community just enables all these bad behaviours. You slowly start to feel like an alien or that you’re seeing things wrong because everyone else seems to be engaging and sometimes excusing these behaviours.
Thanks for sharing, Bryan!!
Can you lack empathy and not be narcissistic?
My friend lack empathy, triangulates friends, has no shame, totally self involved, sex addiction, uses hard drugs (meth, gbh, injects ketamine)
But he seems to love and is protective of his family (sisters, parents)
Very charming
Ken ❤
Imagine two suitcases, one suitcase is barely used, and just sits in a house. The other suitcase is repeatedly thrown out of a helicopter hovering 1000 feet above the ground. The barely used suitcase is a straight man, the repeatedly thrown suitcase out of a helicopter is a gay man. ……Sometimes the thrown suitcase is too badly damaged, and unrepairable. But this video gives hope! 😊
There is nothing t called as unrepairable
I have a friend like this. I’m only just seeing how much of a nightmare they are after a long time. They have cheated on their long term partner for a long time. They frequently use passive aggressive digs towards me. They have to be the centre of attention & very charming.
Thank you. I was played by a man in the closet. Thank you for the info.
3:22
Are you a mental health specialist? I dont know about narcissism, but this description of then sounds a bit off to me. Im a fearful avoidant guy and this description sounds similar to how i perform in relationships, but im sure not a narcissist...
Hi Ken how do I go about haven a one to one chat with you ? Adrian from uk
My dad had a suspected narcissistic personality disorder and my first partner did too.
How do you know if you are a moralizer or an emphat. Im always questionig am i a moralizer (the biggest narcissist)?
Please say the word with all of it's syllables.
How do I heal a relationship with my gay son, when I know he’s a narcissist. He lies!!! And I literally have panic attack, just trying (not) to offend him in all conversations. It always comes back to me. I am the bad person or parent. And I need more therapy. Lol I’ve had lots of counseling!! My son had a very happy childhood, but from a christian home. He ran at 16. And I could give 2 shits…He’s gay!!!!! lol Hello it documented at his pediatrician office since two. He was definitely born this way!! 💯 But how do I repair a relationship, when I don’t respect him. He’s very selfish. It’s all about me and how much money he makes. He’s not the son I raised!! He 28 now. And we are just starting to talk. My son cut me out of his life from the age of 16-28 with no communication. This kid damn near destroyed me as a person. And He left a wake of devastated family members too 😰
Wait, he just ran away from you? You didn't kick him out? That happens?!
@@avivastudios2311 He literally ran away. Hello there’s millions of teenagers out there on the street right now from good homes. I was not perfect either, but my mistake was allowing him to be part of valley performing arts. It wasn’t school run programs. Lots of adults and inappropriate stuff were going on before I knew and it was too late. He was hanging out with a bad crowd. I also caught him smoking marijuana and having sex at 16!!! And when my husband and I tried to enforce rules It got worse, like gaslighting behaviors. He lied!!! He ran away from home because I told his dad he was gay. I kept a secret for 3 days and told him if he didn’t tell his father I would. He ran and lived with multiple friends and then got to New York. His school, all teachers and counselors for gay was involved!!! And by the time I found him he was 18 what could I do? 💔
@@bobsmith5441 Its so scary letting a son back into your life, when he controls the narrative. Also we are from a small town and gossip as evil. People love to talk and its very triggering to me. And I have to relieve the pain still. But Yes we are building a new relationship. He calls me every couple weeks now. But has been quite clear I will never be involved in holidays, birthdays, etc. He’s created a new life and family. Umm…that’s a tough pill to swallow when I carried that child for 9 months and love him with all my heart and soul!!! Thank you so much for your kind words, hugs 🙏🥰
Maybe his childhood wasn’t as happy as you remember
@@soberanisfam1323 I hear what you’re saying. But I hired the best counselor in the state of Alaska that handled cases of children going through the process of learning, if they’re gay or not. This counselor
came highly recommended and my son did go for a year and then quit. Hello (everybody) in my family agrees. His teachers, principles, all his own friends, he screwed over here, then he ran away. And recently even his own cousin, who is gay too, says he was asshole, spoiled rotten child still. My niece said I was excellent mother and she was jealous because my sister and I parented way different. Lol I was 100% there for my kids and so was my husband. We also have other grown accomplished kids, they disagreed with what he did still. However because I knew he was gay, my mistake was trying to be more his friend as a mother. This boy went to Trinidad to learn how to play steel drums. $8000 later!! lol I was picking him up from community plays at 1 AM when I worked full-time as a mother too. He went vegan on me, so I learned to cook for him and made (two) dinners. My kids my kids never knew the meaning of hardship!!! Lol Also I just got back from an out state trip where I finally got to see him. Umm…The 5 days I was there. He drank 3 big bottles of scotch. And proceeded to get my husband drunk too. He was pouring/pushing the drinks!! Lots of bragging about his career, degrees and is seven figure income. He Also treated a tattoo lady like she was a piece of crap. Soo I ended up giving her the cost of my ((whole)) tattoo in a tip because it was Christmas. I was so freaking embarrassed of his behavior. So I think, what I learned most about this trip? He is an adult man now, making his own adult decisions. YES it still hurts. It felt like a tornado of hurts and it was 11 years ago. It took me a lot of counseling because of the betrayal and loss. I’m not 100% sure I want this man in my life anymore. Time will tell?! But I always wish him well….❤️
It's in the trans community too.
It’s in every community. It’s a human defense mechanism
I think if you're gonna talk about people being narcacisstic you NEED to refer to the 9 traits in the DSM. It's not just the cycle. They need to have 6 out of the 9 traits.
5 out of the 9
For me they only need one and they are outta there as no time for narcs
Can you lack empathy and not be narcissistic?
My friend lack empathy, triangulates friends, has no shame, totally self involved, sex addiction, uses hard drugs (meth, gbh, injects ketamine)
But he seems to love and is protective of his family (sisters, parents)
Very charming
Times have changed. Narcissus was a man in Greco-Roman mythology that fell in love with his own image on a body of water, thus a narcissist thousands of years ago until modern times means being a homosexual. The new term of narcissist is a polite way of trying to insult someone they feel threatened by because it gets to someone's nerve to be played with! Nobody wants to be a victim. I wish I didn't have feelings for that one person that is out there ready to manipulate me. Why have feelings for someone that keeps playing with your feelings? I don't want feelings of hate for this person! Their sexual orientation is none of my business! I want him out of my life for good! Why be friends? Why accept him in my life as a friend???
I never heard about Narcissism before, until I met 2 Gay friends (separately) They both were Narcissists unfortunately. Not to be mean, but their huge egos were a major red flag I should of noticed to begin with,
According to several studies homosexuality is based on narcissism in fact. Some overt others covertly.
"transgendered" here we go
So I am considered a narcissist because I feel like I don’t deserve love and that I get the validation from hookups? Okay. This is eye-opening, though. I know I’m unattractive and at the age of 25, I’ve hooked up w/ a lot of men w/o even knowing their names. Yes, it made me feel validated but left me feeling empty.
A lot of the hot gay guys are very narcissistic! It’s a big waste of time to fall in love with one!!! RUN!!!
most of gay men.
You're brilliant.
Yeah i think dad experienced mother loss.
I had to leave.