I agree. I have a friend who is now a quadriplegic due to a similar accident at the beach like the one this gentleman in the story had. Anyway, he's the same age as me (38) and was dating his girlfriend for almost ten years prior to his accident. After he came home from the hospital she stuck around for a year or two and couldn't handle all the responsibilities of taking care of someone else who needs that much help. I also believe she wanted to have kids so she moved out.
true, i was one of the main(?) caregivers for my late aunt (she had stroke). there were times when i was so stressed out, depressed and i did get help but there were times when everyone else in my family were completely exhausted physically, mentally, emotionally and not receiving enough helps from my other family members. but we truly did our best to care for her with wtv we had and i wasnt by my aunt's side when she died as i was hours away, studying in college at the time. i remembered crying for days after receiving the news from my mom. caregivers too need themselves to be taken care of while caring for others tbh.
Probably due to exhaustion from having to work a full time job and come home to their spouses care. Unless they're given around the clock care of course, otherwise when you come home from work, you have another full time job to do. Nah, I think you've got it the other way around. THAT, imo, is where the burn out really happens. Of course, this would also have a lot to do with the level of care needed.
As a working American, both these people should be getting payments. He should be getting full disability payments. She should be paid the equivalent of a full time job, and not minimum wage. I want my taxes to allow these people to get married.
@@extremepsyche3135 taxes being better allocated is more like it. Wouldn’t have to be raised. I’m a quadriplegic and my nurses are paid $30 an hour through a home care agency. The agency is paid over $100 an hour through state Medicaid for the care. It would actually be saving tax dollars if more of that money just went straight to the caregiver or spouse in this instance.
I've been taking care of my paraplegic partner for 18 years. We have a teen son, but live apart and are not married because in Quebec they would not only cut my caregiver pay but also stop his disability payments. We would have no choice but to go on welfare, so we live apart instead.
Ok I am so f..cking confused that government pays illegal for everything but their own citizens. It is f...cking so ridiculous and mind boggling. God bless these couple 💑 🙏 ❤️
Well its not extremely rare but people like us aren't in relationships. I for one been single for 20 years tried dating but i get this everytime, You're too nice. I have found that ALOT of women don't want nice guys, they find them to be creepy. While nice women are extremely rare, that is true. Sad but true. All the nice women are either damaged or in relationships.
@@robertbrainard5651 I've seen this rhetoric "women don't want nice men", but many women have said that they don't want "nice guys", they want good guys. Being nice doesn't entitle anyone to anything, and to me, being nice is doing something positive for benefit while being good means you aren't in it for anything. Being "nice" is a bare minimum for anybody honestly. Other personality traits, actions, physical attractiveness, etc has to play in. I think there's a difference and other factors that need to be brought up when saying that.
Feeling depressed today about my caregiving responsibilities; this was a helpful reminder of how many people are struggling and that I'm not alone. Bless their hearts...so young to take this on.
Don't be down guys. Keep that chin raised. You pursued this sort of career for a reason. We need people like you because most of the world are just a-holes at this point and wouldn't help their own mother if need be. You're the strong ones. So stay strong.
@Juju ... Sorry you are getting depressed or have been depressed. But, know you are not alone. I'm caregiving for my mother who is older, and she has no one -- other than me.
@@shawnflynn1713 Yeah, Shawn, you said 5 years of care-giving. I guess mine is about the same. My Mom fell and hit her head in 2017, so it's about same length of time.
She is one in a million. The heavy lifting is going to take a toll on her back. After she puts in 8 hours a day care, a health care professional should be hired by the state to do the rest. She is an angel
Naw, I think she is going to leave him soon. She doesn't seem loyal to me. She is trying to hide it for the camera, but her true feelings shine through. She is over it. Men's value comes from their ability to provide, and women's value comes from their looks. She is thinking she needs to leave him and get a new man who can provide for her before her looks fade anymore than they already have. She is evil, but that's how the world is.
@@theNimboo Yeah no stop projecting your own view of the world onto strangers and situations you aren't involved with. Each person is different. Also, your own perception of the world is very sad. There are people that don't care about that stuff. I'm sorry you haven't experienced it but it doesn't mean it isn't out there.
This has nothing to do with being an angel, don’t get religion deal with this. This man is huge and needs pro medical support. She is a tint girl not an Angel. Angels can’t help you when you paralyzed and need to go to the bathroom and take a poop.
@@theNimboo why don’t you go and help him ahole, how could she help him with that tiny body, lifting him up several times a day. I wish you get the same treatment then see what your love ones do, punk.
This woman has incredible character. Not just to stay together and help, but the fact that she still values him as a partner, in spite of his disability. So many lose sight of that. Her incredible physical and emotional strength is evident. Anyone who has ever been a caregiver or close to one knows how relentless the workload is. How appropriate that she is a dancer! Who else has the stamina and sensitivity combined for this task? She is an eloquent spokesperson for this important issue. Somebody needs to help them, lawmakers, so they can achieve their dreams.
All I can say as a caregiver for my mother I have incredible respect for this women ! She could have easily pulled out ! God bless her ! I hope some wealthy person sees this and helps her ! Lastly she needs more help or she could burn out !
@@ildikoparker920 yeah, most women dream of getting married, some of having children… but none dream of being a full time caregiver. She’s better than me. I wouldn’t be able to be pregnant, give birth, take care of a baby all while being a full time care giver. I would’ve faded away a long time ago. But she looks older and accepted her fate that this is her life now. You can tell when people start letting themselves go.🥺
I was a nurse for a quadriplegic for 5 years. The toll it takes on your physical health AND mental health are huge. I was always injured from repetitive movements from transferring the person, and supplying that level of care really wore me out mentally after a while, too. And of course, you are not given any health insurance as a hired caregiver. I knew it was time for me to move on because I had compassion fatigue. I think it would be in her best interest to get an outside job and hire a nurse, if they want their relationship to survive.
@@angeloramirez1249 --- Here's a huge FACT. ...... There is a service for paralyzed or any severely disabled person that a paid woman comes over and provides sex. It's a real job for these nurse/women to provide this service. He should get that service. She should leave him to pursue her own life and dreams, and just be a real good friend to him. ---- Jane Morgan. If you're reading this. J U S T D O I T . ( Nobody owes anybody anything in this world )
It is the things we love the most that makes us weak. The lesson for this woman is simple detachment, refusing to see does nothing but create pain down the road. Can you imagine her when she is 50 if she still doing this?! She should leave, work for the guy for a while heal do the transition but leaving is the solution here
she looks and her eyes says she wants to give up and move on. but it looks shes being made guilty of feeling that way. there's a big possibility that he say this things to make her feel guilty. like we're being punished for pursuing love. why include her for being punished she dodged being carried by the waves. why not say hes being punished. why include her. shes 30, shes worried shell never be able to have children. what if she grows old and alone.
I'm worried about her back. She's so small. She needs a pull system to transfer him. We pay plenty for wars and other foolishness and people like this are SUFFERING 😡😪
You are right. They talk in terms of milllions or billions of dollars when sending money or aid to foreign countries and American families are genuinely suffering, so sad.
I provide this level of care for my brother…he’s quadriplegic (diving accident)…much respect for this lady on many different levels…her loyalty and commitment is truly remarkable not to mention admirable. It’s impossible for someone who isn’t in this situation to truly understand the challenges that are present on a DAILY basis both not only the handicapped but the caregiver as well. I’ve been doing it now for nearly 30 years
Chris Evans how much you now just like me I can go back next weekend right now just good luck with the best news now like that his way now that I can find out now
@@Bob31415 Chris Evans now you feel like you did you power cool and the best TV show power rangers now that day is the best people would be back like you do that show that you can find out now like you video me look good at that day and time we go back next weekend
I was a nurse assistant for the elderly for many years and this is NOT EASY. I was lucky I got to clock out at the end of the day and made more than minimum wage. This woman deserves all the praise & compensation in the world. She isn't even MARRIED to this man & she's quite literally being his all. God bless her.
@@real_hello_kitty According to some internet searches, yes, but the girl is abusive so he is in a bad spot. Honestly these things are few and far in between when compared to everyone else. Not everyone will wanna stay for various reasons, just like how not everyone will wanna leave. People do good and bad, not men and women.
Yes I pray God will bless them both endlessly. I truly admire her because I am a paraplegic and I know what they both are going through, it is not easy to deal with someone who needs a lot of care. She is a gem.
Really, What causes someone to get thrown into early menopause? I just heard of this happening a couple weeks ago. Kourtney Kardashian was going through some treatments to get pregnant and she said it threw her into early menopause.
@@bellaapple2166 Hello. Physical, emotional, mental stress. Sleep deprivation, exhaustion, worry, grief, being “on” 24/7, 365 days a year. It all stresses the adrenals that can affect the hormones and entire health as a result, taking its toll in a multitude of ways. Especially in long-term situations and when there’s little-to-no family who are able or willing to help, and limited outside resources for any real downtime/respite. (Friends have their own lives and careers.) It’s compounded when behavioral, neurological and/or psychiatric issues are also involved, causing help to be even less accessible. It takes time to decompress and let go too, even sporadic help; so the cycle never really changes, until the situation does. Yet for many, the toll lasts a lifetime, in one form or another. Take care and stay well. 🌷
@@bellaapple2166 p.s. Kourtney Kardashian’s circumstance is different from a caregiving situation. One being given medical treatments, Which I presume are hormone related and messed her up, versus an extreme and on-going stress-related situation. But yes, a whole lot of things can affect hormonal balance. Any single aspect of what I’d listed, let alone all combined!
I’m slowly becoming my mom’s only care giver and I have no idea what I am doing. No government support in my country for elderly people. I’m grateful for your post. That’ll make me more aware of how I manage my own situation. Thank you!
We have figured it out. It’s called long term care insurance. The problem is 99% of Americans don’t want to pay for it because they say it will never happen to me. We can’t even get them to agree on universal healthcare.
@@shakitabananaa5651 It was mentioned that she is only eligible for financial help because they are not married. LTC insurance would help many Americans in that situation. Also extra financial assistance would allow her to hire someone to give her a much needed break even a few times per week. But I guess things like that don’t matter to you because you know so much.
@@A-Thomas wth are you on about Abraham . never said any of that wasn’t the case for some reason faceless axx keyboard warriors like yoself wanna keep @‘n me tryin to put words in my mouth. I rebuke that raggedy axx energy you can have it back tenfold now leave me alone goofy.
@@raoXI Yes, my siblings abandoned my parents when they got old and sick. I took care of my parents alone. There is no depth that a selfish human being won't plunge to.
I was a full time caregiver !! It ruined my life. I cared for my mom. No help no pay. I lost my job and all my skills were out dated by the time i tried to reenter the work force after her death. It's sad because its mentality draining and financially a wash that's so hard to recover from
Probably would have been better to keep the job and pay for someone else to assist your mom. As noble as this sounds sacrificing your life for anyone else is not love it is a toxic entanglement that will come to bite you later
@@carolinecavalcante5778 why is it a toxic entanglement to care for someone? Genuinely asking. I mean I guess it would depend on a persons reasons for doing it?
I’m sure it only costs a few hundred million per month for the states to fund care for persons in this situation. All tax payers should demand that caregivers be paid $15 per hour rather than minimum wage. We should demand our taxes be raised or other programs be defunded to accommodate. I’m sure we can find the money somewhere regardless what programs must be cut in order to get it done.
My parents had a relationship similar to this. My mother as the caregiver , sacrificed much of her youth staying faithful to my father. He was just a little more independent than this man. All I can say is most people feel bad only for the one who is handicapped. Most don't realize the mental and physical toll one handicapped person can have on a wife/husband, children, and even an entire family. This woman is a hero and people like her deserve every ounce of support in the world.
@@KenericTheGeneric mmmm how interesting that u attack them for seeing compassion for the family. Ur attempt to shame them must be from your own shame.
@@roshnik5137 So, true. That woman needs a chance to live her own life. Be stupid if they marry. She should get the state to assist. And, enjoy her youth while she can.
@@KenericTheGeneric even if it's horrible it's true, others shouldn't have to waste their own life someone else's misfortune, we get one life to live, one and only chance. If I was in the same situation I would use professional help.
This is like literally the most heartbreaking thing I’ve ever seen you can tell that they love each other but you can also tell that she’s breaking down slowly how tired she’s gotten her smile is gone away
She sounds like she loves him but can no longer handle this. I am not sure if this relationship will last. Either way it doesn’t take away from how great of people they both are. Wish them the best.
As the parent of a disabled adult daughter, I can tell you, the government does not consider disabled people as capable of love and marriage. For one thing you cannot collect SSI if you marry. Your spouse is expected to support you. Now, in your state, your spouse cannot be paid for your care. So, how is this couple supposed to survive? Hopefully, this young man worked long enough to be able to collect SSDI, which requires ten years of paying into Social Security. That helps, but isn’t enough for one person to live on, much less two.
As a former caregiver to a 24/7 cerebral palsy patient, a patients who is a quadriplegics, nursing home experience, and a brother in law who is also a quadriplegic and mentally disabled, I understand partially how she feels. I only understand partially because so far, I’ve never had to do any of it non stop by myself. What she’s doing will eventually destroy her back. She will break down emotionally and physically. My mother in law has been my brother in law’s caregiver his whole life. Please support people like this. Don’t let them do it alone. Help lawmakers fund these people. If you are a family member or friend be as supportive as possible. Don’t assume that the staff is enough. I promise you it’s not. Sometimes just breaking up the monotony of routine is enough to ease the burden. If you have loved ones in nursing homes, visit them as often as possible. All these people need A LOT of emotional support. Offer to make meals, play board games, help with transport to appointments and outings. Getting out of the house is hard. Just be there for them in any way you can.
I hope this young lady gets a break regularly as she can easily get "burned out" this is hard and it can not only wear you physically but mentally as well. Hope family members and friends are pitching it. God bless you young lady!
I never married my guy because I'm disabled and felt like we were getting "punished" enough just for existing. He wanted so badly to marry, but we couldn't have survived financially if we had. He died a few years ago and now I'm alone. Boy, things sure can get really weird in a hurry. Too bad our system is so f*ked up.
Thats why need to just enjoy the little things in life like the fresh air when you open your front door or just being able to sleep on a clean pillow. This world is full of messed up situations and we chase meaning and fulfilment when its really right infront of us. Life its self is a gift. Pan the room. See whats around you. Hear the sounds or even the silence. Beauty and meaning is right infront of us. You just need to know where to look
They're not being punished, they're being given their lessons in life - things don't happen to us but rather through us. We all have trauma & face adversity - you can either grow from it or let it consume you.
Adventure is not courage or thrills, it is foolishness and sometimes leads to situations such as these, I've never done trekking, diving or hangliding, but I can wipe my own behind, drive, feed myself and have a normal relationship. Please dont destroy your own lives in pursuit of 2 seconds of cheap thrills.
Working as an RT in a hospital, I've seen this scenario before. A young man had an aneurysm and was ventilator dependent. The young wife would visit him all the time, but he never reacted to her. She was young, beautiful and totally devoted to this guy, but you could see it was taking a toll on her emotionally as well as physically. It was a heartbreaking thing to see.
@SerpentInside if he is vegetatative not taking much of a toll since your soul and mind has already crossed other side...see her partner in that state can drive someone to suicide
@@mikasjewels5772 Those cost money in the US. Insurance barely covers anything. Dont you think if it were that simple.. then they would've already done that
@@electrikoptik understandable though. She's his full time caretaker, takes care of the dogs and house alone. Plus the trauma of dealing with the accident and crushed dreams. I admire her honesty.
I give Jane an A+ for giving him unconditional love everyday. It’s very rare and hard to find someone like a person like this lady. I’m so proud of her. I just wish that there were more people like Jane. Especially in my East Indian culture. Hats off to you Jane. I’m so proud of both of you and God Bless you. You guys are an inspiration for other disabled people who marries a non disabled person. Wish you all the best in happiness. Gpd Bless you.
I was a full time caregiver for my Dad. There was no way to have a job outside of that care. My state offers no pay to family caregivers. The VA did provide a stipend for him for caregiving costs and if that had not been there there is no way I could have afforded to care for him. Even then it was a low rate, but I am very grateful it was there.
My mother had severe MS, and my step-father took care of here for many years, until she passed away from complications related to the disease. We had help also from the state, so my step-father could work while my mother had assistants while he was at work. Anyone who has the strength and love to take care of someone like this has a special place in my heart. They are like angels who have taken human form.
My 2 sons would never do any help for me in any medical situation...not even text or call. They'll learn that "cancel culture" devowers your life.....not enhancing.
@@sallydeppe8575 Take less Stress, Keep yourself healthy & fit so to reduce chances for you to be depended on anyone. Also Time and Situation can change people, Your Sons will help you in times of struggle but I say keep yourself Prepared for such times so you have less dependency. I hope you are doing well in your life. Cancel Culture is Cancer. They are not solving any problem with Cancel Culture, They are merely suppressing expression.
this woman, right here. is a real angel. the amount of love you have for someone to go through this and never bat an eye to the challenge is truly amazing. people will never know how tough it can be for someones significant other to have to take on this role after living normal lives without a debility like this. what a freaking amazing person this girl is.
You are doing a great job. Love is such a difficult thing alone, but to also be a carer full time, of your partner, I take my hat off to you . Mana wahine! Strong determined woman day in and day out.
@@terrorsquadlith oh sorry....didn't know you were the woman in this story. On the real though I know, i can't care for loved ones with love alone. Unfortunately we do need funds to survive, eg; roof over head, power, water, food, meds,petrol to get hospital appointments,and every other necessity. Is always easy for one to judge another, when not in each others own shoes/situation. Just alot easier to listen and hear, not send negatively out into the world. Kia ora 🙂
@@terrorsquadlith Youre a clown, shes been doing this for a year and only getting paid minimum wage, he CANNOT WORK so SHE NEEDS TO PROVIDE IN THE RELATIONSHIP. Actual incel.
It's ridiculous with the amount of taxes we pay that a person in this situation can't get more help. These are people that need and deserve a helping hand it's not a handout.
It's because those taxes actually go to the rich and big corporates. And also those rich and big corporations hardly pay any tax. Also your government is ridiculously inefficient compared to other governments
@@billseron2391 no, our government just doesn't pay to take care of people because that is not what government is for. When you give the government that much power, then they get to decide who lives and dies. That is not the kind of government real Americans want. If they do, they are in the wrong place. Personally I think it is better for people to take care of themselves and their communities and get assistance through charities. I see a steak as better than a free peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
@@crystalh450 name me a country that has turned into a dictatorship due to growing government spending overtime. Charities huh? Let me know how Puerto Rico looks with all richest people in the USA who give so so much charity... Lol Name me an anarcho capitalist country where the poor is better off than let's say a country like Sweden. Which actually has a lower government debt to GDP than the USA.
@LiwiaGoszynska If she left, I wouldn't see her as a bad person. It was an accident, nobody wanted it to happen. Also being a caretaker is a mentally and physically taxing job, it's not for everyone.
@@call2872 i agree, its truly taxing being a caretaker full time, they both dont have the right mental state to be discussing about their future together. She might leave him sooner or later if she wanna build a family
You can get married as a ceremony, and get married casually. The government doesn't need to be involved. It can be just your marriage. It's just love, the government doesn't need to be in your life.
Elena acknowledged the significance of a marriage ceremony for their love and the lack of certain benefits that come with having a married status observed by the government. Its important to face the entire picture.
Yeh, marriage is really weird. You're announcing to the government that you love someone. The government really doesn't need to know. It's a deep connection between two people. You don't need a legal contract for that.
This reminds me of what happened to a friend of my cousin. Her husband was stricken with polio just after they were married in the early 1950's, and was paralyzed from the waist down for the rest of his life. She stood by him, however they were never able to have children. Somehow, they were able to make their relationship endure.
This is heartbreaking. All the people in the comments are saying how wonderful and loyal she is and while that may be true, I’ve seen way too many situations like this first hand. Caring for someone 24/7 can break down your body, mind and relationships with the people around you. Government assistance SHOULD be able to pay someone who is a professional caregiver instead of putting it all on her. While I do think she is a wonderful person, all I can do is feel horribly bad for both of them. I know he probably doesn’t want to be a burden and I know that she probably doesn’t want to leave, but at some point you have to be able to take care of yourself as well. They have no other help. When something goes wrong with her body, who’s going to be there to take care of her? Our government needs to do better so people aren’t put in these situations.
He should let her go. Assuming this is mostly against her will, he is holding her reputation hostage. Imagine becoming the girl who left the crippled guy. He is something new now, and that's okay. I think he needs to at least give her a chance to leave him if he has not already. If he has then I see the whole situation in a new light.
she has also only been doing it for a year which is honestly nothing at all. my friend had a similar situation along with many people in his support groups and etc, most able bodied partners that have to help a lot or act as caretakers leave after a few years not usually within the first one. Things get harder as years go by and the reality sets in of how much the individual will really recover and how much of their old life will actually return. Love isn't unconditional for most people, we just say that.
This is what Real Hero's look like. It's obvious she's not doing it for the money. I'm 44 and have ankylosing spondylitis and have broken my back too. So now I need my wife to help me with a lot of day to day activities. Although I tell her that she is awesome & amazing all the time, I don't think that her or any person that helps another person that can't help themselves understand how their acts of selflessness & kindness help someone but also inspire others to be kind and good people. I know I rambled on but this is important to me. God Bless Everyone & I Pray If You Need Help God Will Send Someone Your Way Soon!
I’m a long term ICU nurse, there is no way that I could be a caregiver in my personal life. It is hard work. I always pray for my patients and their family members, that are fortunate enough to be well enough to go home. Some of them you can’t help but wonder how they will manage alone without nursing staff.
@@auroramothergoddess Some people just aren't built for it. I care for my incapacitated parent and I juggle a job and household duties and haven't left my parent's side for more than 2 years. I have no family or friends that offer to help so I'm doing it alone. It's gut wrenching, emotionally and physically draining, and my health is deteriorating but I am strong willed. You can't shame or guilt people into feeling remorseful -- they have to love and want to help to do it right.
You as a girlfriend has done more than a caregiver..A caregiver may put in 6 hours caregiver goes home to care for themselves their families 8 years I cared for my dad a quad, worked 2 jobs cared for my kids..I worked with the Schools was off in the Summer. I cared for my dad during the day and work evenings. God gave me the strength to do it I was a single parent. No government assistance, no child support..I wasn't paid to care for my dad..No regrets..lots of 🙏
"While Oregon is one of eight states that pays spouses to caregive, the amount of hours a married caregiver is reduced." This is why we say there is no marriage equality for disabled people.
@@keirfarnum6811 why do you feel that public tax dollars should be going to them for the care of a spouse? Taxes paying for a different nurse once she married the guy sure yeah that makes perfect sense. But getting paid to care for any family member strikes me as odd I spose
@@xAlexZifko If caring for a family member requires full-time hours, the caregiver cannot work any other job. Paying family caregivers for their caregiving work is the literally necessary for the survival of both people! The only alternatives are either leaving a dependent adult alone 8+ hours a day, which at best will result in medical consequences that could be life threatening, or hiring another caregiver, which is more expensive, complicated, and unreliable.
💜🐷💜 Can't believe only 6 states approve pay for care from family. It's a 24/7 job. I did hone/hospice care for over 20 years. The toll it takes on families providing this care is very taxing.
@No. You chose to have a child, most people don't chose to become disabled. Also have you ever tried lifting a full grown adult around the house? Caring for a mobile-physically capable kid is infinitely easier than someone who can't move, eat, sometime breath without assistance. It takes maybe 30 minutes to bathe a baby at most, it takes hours to physically lift a full grown adult in a bath(all dead weight) and bathe them. It's not the same thing, even if being a parent is difficult in its own right.
@No. Kids, while an arduous task of care, pales in comparison to taking care of a person with disabilities to this degree. Lifting and pulling a full grown adult from bed to car, maintaining their hygiene, cooking for them, etc is an all day job. You would feel already tired two hours after waking up in the morning. It's only when you have a wide selection of family members who help out and rotate is when it's manageable. But from the looks of things, this girl is doing this all by herself. This kind of care is tougher than having any number of kids in the house. She's incredible in many ways for holding on for this long. I have also experienced this to a degree so I know what she's going through.
I was a nurse assistant at a hospital and was getting paid $11 starting paid. It was an exhausting job but I loved it. I left because it wasn’t sustainable financially. I feel her pain.
It is also very hard on the back. I wrecked mine caring for a quad. 12.56 an hour. Workers comp gave me 3 weeks pay. Was in big pain for 6 years. Still flares up many years later.
I was a CNA for 13 years making $12 an hour and one day I said “no more, I quit” . I left the field almost 3 years ago. I don’t regret it. Best decision. I definitely ruined my back. I still get horrible back pain.
@@SnapszDuhh I completely agree with you Everliza. Even 25.00 is too little for this important work. Then you have lawyers charging 500.00 for 40 minutes and retinal surgeons making over a million a year. It is gross. One of my specialists said doctors " used to make a killing and that is what they still need to feel valued." It is a killing too. #$#@%&*!
What a brave guy. I've made it very clear to all my friends & family that if that ever happened to me to let me die instead. I refuse to live my life the way he does so I salute his bravery & will. You are much stronger than you know.
I feel for both of them. I had it with my dad for 5 months after he was diagnosed with a brain tumor, he became paralyzed from neck down. I'm a man and my dad was lighter than her husband, and my back took strain, and it is a massive responsibility because you do it or no one else will. 24/7 and you always feel guilty because you always think you can do things better to make life easier for the person, and they feel guilty because they are a burden. My heart goes out to both of them. At least I had a time frame, she has no light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm a quadriplegic, married, and my wife is my full-time paid caregiver here in Kentucky. Certain states allow spouses to be paid caregivers. I get 40 hours a week and my wife is paid above more than minimum wage.
Were you declared disabled by the fed while you were young? Because literally all the rules are different. Similarly there are different rules for retirement age people. The main issue is fed disability/ssi/ssdi counts your spouses income against what they give you afaik.
@@ertavampy4622 Here in Kentucky I'm on the Home & Community Based Waiver. It is through Medicaid. I do what is called Participant Directed Services. This means I can hire anyone as my caregiver (even my wife). As my paid caregiver, her income doesn't effect my SSI under a Social Security bylaw (SI 01320.175 Deeming - In-Home Supportive Services Payments).
@@Bobby-rw5yy ssi is hell to navigate as a disabled ssi recepient to another thx for giving me the bylaw. Tbh I had just decided I should never get legally married lol.
True love is life saving. Thank you Jane for what you do for Connor. I pray you will receive help with his care. And I pray your financial situation will get better. God Bless you both ❤
She has caregiver burnout and needs a break. She's taking care of him for a lot less than a nursing home costs which is probably where he'd be without her 24-7 assistance.
I think that'll be best for him and her. Eventually that's what she will have to do. It's alot of work and will take a toll on her.! She deserves to live her life and have a family as she stayed in the video.
Nursing home cost and the pay earned by the nursing home workers (not administrators) are two different things. She is making about the same amount the techs at the nursing home make.
@@patrice5250 The total cost the insurance and/or taxpayers would end up paying monthly for a nursing home far exceeds the cost of keeping him at home with his primary caregiver. The quality of care he appears to be getting at home is better than understaffed nursing home as well. They shouldn't be punished financially for getting married.
You must have zero experience with a nursing home if you believe that. I can tell you from a great deal of experience that almost all nursing homes and subacute care facilities are horrible, horrible places and are absolutely no place for a young man with his entire life ahead of him. First, nursing homes are horribly understaffed and most “care” is provided by techs who are undertrained. They may be the most caring people in the world (and some are), but they can’t adequately care for the number of patients they have, and they don’t know enough to help anyone with PT/OT. Second, the patients have no autonomy at all. None. They don’t choose what they’ll eat or when. They don’t choose when to wake up or go to sleep. They don’t choose to go outside or stay in bed. Third, they’ll be neglected. They’ll be lucky to get washed up once a week. They’ll lie in their own waste for hours. They’ll develop bedsores down to the bone from neglect. They’ll be open to abuse from staff, and if they try to report poor care, they’ll face retaliation and learn quickly to be quiet. It’s no place for vulnerable people who can’t fight back, but that’s exactly who unsuspecting families send to nursing homes and subacute rehab facilities. Regardless, those places are incredibly expensive, which is infuriating given the garbage care they provide. He’s a quadriplegic but that doesn’t mean he can’t eventually work in a decent profession. There are any number of career paths he could train for to earn a decent living. He could learn programming, graphic design, counseling, psychology, academics, law, and more. He’s not completely unable to accomplish life goals just because he’s unable to walk.
@@pinkmonkeybird2644 I can tell you on the outside looking in lol. The only thing you stated that is true across the board (regardless of best case scenario vs worst case scenario) , is that it is a horrible place for someone as young as him. He has his whole life ahead of him. Also no, he would not be getting the care he would be getting as if he were home but that goes without saying. I wouldn’t advise anyone to send there loved ones to one of those places I understand life happens tho
I live in California and I’m going through this with my son and the state is only giving me 20 hours a week. It’s ridiculous. Sending you both lots of love and prayers ❤️🙏🏼
In some countries caregivers get $0 to take care of their loved ones!!! Ask family members and friends and the church for help. You see how many millions of ppl living on the streets??? The government cannot solve all our problems. I wish you good luck though.
@@michelepaccione8806 It’s pretty common for folks to try to win the “I’m worse off than you” game. I run several support groups online and one of the few rules is to not try to one up each other regarding misery. It’s usually those who are unhappy in life that try to out do another. Happy people uplift and validate one another.
Tallouse, my husband is the caregiver of a friend. His friend is a paraplegic with very little upper body strength. California just gave him 22 hours a week. 48 minutes a month to clean the floors despite the man continually going potty so much at a time to leak through diapers and bedding and onto the floor. The man is unable to know when he has to go potty. My husband is in contact with an attorney because the max monthly hours is 283. It’s ridiculous. The doctors and the woman who did the assessment all say the man needs max hours of care yet the county disagrees. The man is 260 pounds so it’s no easy task to get him dressed or changed. My husband has been at the home for 16 hour shifts despite not getting paid. The remaining 8 hours are covered by a different friend. It will cost so much more to put him into a facility. The facility the county recommends is the facility he was in after surgery. The facility that failed to check his surgical site (his spine) for 2 weeks which led to a massive infection and his paralysis.
@@Tigerfanatic How dare you. My son has been in 2 comas is on machines , has severe PTSD and OCD due to trauma. I do WAY more then 20 hours a week. I do his bowel care, feed him, dress him , take him to all of his appointments etc.. I’m beyond grateful that he is alive but I had to quit working to be his full time caregiver and should get at least 40 hours a week. Funny how you can sit there and judge not knowing anything.
I really feel for you. I was my wife's carer with MS for 23 years and we had a government package. We had a hoist, wheelchair, hospital bed and much more. My wife has not been able to stand or walk for over 15 years. Caring at that level is going to have a huge impact on your health. I know it well. I really hope you can get the help you need. We are in Queensland Australia.
Being in the healthcare field as a caregiver, I've picked up and transferred so many people, men & women, heavy and small and when i tell yall that my back is blown out and my feet & legs are swollen and i walk with a limp now, it takes a deep toll. I was only paid $9 hr when i first started CNA work in 2005. My most recent caregiving job paid me $13.50 a hour. I was in the dementia unit which made it even more difficult on me & staff. We were understaffed, and underpaid. 2 people in the building for 8 hours of wandering dementia patients. I could cry 😢 telling yall how bad this took a toll and hurt me. Not only that i was a med tech as well. So trying to watch 25-30 dementia patients, give meds, feed them and change them every 2 hours was horrible but the love, the dedication, the sincere heart i have for people kept me going. And the fact that they had no one else kept me strong. I want you all to know that taking care of people is very tough. Mentally, physically, psychologically, etc the lost goes on. It was many days i needed help but i had to put myself aside. Ive been gone from that job since 1/16/2023 on MLK day i was terminated from the Job. I actually went to dietary to work because of the shortage of help they had, and we had so many leftovers it was ridiculous. Somedays i took home the leftovers that were going to be thrown out, & gave them to my dog at home who over 100 pounds. Hes a pit bull boxer. Well someone told them i was "stealing food" & i was fired. I admitted to taking the leftovers because i had been doing this since i started the job & it was never an issue but you know what I'll never forget the hearts i touched and the hearts that touched me. The memories will last forever.
They need to invest in a hoyer lift before she blows out her back. I've been a caregiver for 20 yrs and I strongly discourage partners or family members being the sole care provider. It creates dysfunction in the relationship, one feeling burdened and the other feeling like a burden. I've seen it many times.
My heart breaks for both of you. I was my husband's sole caregiver for 4 years following multiple strokes. He passed away 3 months ago. Every single thing you both say is spot on. It does change your relationship, it's physically and emotionally exhausting, and you definitely need help in the home! We live in Arizona, and there was no financial assistance, but I'm praying that you will find the help you need in every way. Bless you both!! ♥️
I’m a caregiver for the elderly. It’s a tuff but rewarding job. I get to go home after my shift ends, however she does not. She is very strong for taking care of her love. There are still great people in this world and she definitely is one of them. Keep fighting the great fight you are amazing.
I'm a 38 years old caregiver of my mom and I understand the struggle, mine is 10Xs hers but the pain is the same. Only a caregiver will catch that tiredness, sadness, frustration, and yearning for a better life in that lady's eyes. She was screaming on the inside, I can hear it loud and clear.
Agree but it goes both ways. How about the tiredness, sadness, frustration, and a yearning for a better life in the one dealing with the actual disability and doesn’t have the option to walk away? Everyone in these comments seems to forget that as if the sick and disabled are invisible. She can leave that life whenever she wants. She’s choosing it for now out of love. But he cannot choose a different life.
I am a twin brother of a disabled person, paralysed just like him, but he also has issues talking (though he can express himself, and can write). This video makes me both smile and tear up, because this is pure love, and because I know how exhausting a situation like this can be if you are alone. “The sole care-giver”. It’s at those words that I cried, stopping the video for a moment. She needs help, she needs more people around to be able to help her boyfriend physically.
My husband was sole caregiver for his first wife, she had severe MS for 20 of their 23yrs marriage until her death. He eventually was able to get home health aides to help during the day just so he could go to work. Her family took their son a lot, but I can't understand why more didn't help. I know they said it was too depressing, but what did they think it was for him? They could've brought food, washed clothes, anything! But no, most of them did nothing even though they moved out to be close to her family. I think this country has lost a lot of idea on what it takes to be a community.
It’s insane - can’t help but think it’s tied to an old concept of low value “women’s work” & that women were traditionally expected to be a source of unpaid social services/caregivers in their families and communities.
I tried to raise this issue among caregivers online and was told that it was included in marriage vows. These folks were caregivers themselves, you'd think they'd understand just how much is entailed especially in long term care. I'm not talking "6 weeks rehab", I'm talking decades, every day. We do it with love, that's not the point. Meanwhile, caregivers themselves get older, and since we aren't "officially" working or even volunteering, we don't even have social security to back us up if we become disabled, despite having worked for decades. If you're married, you're expected to provide it for free and completely unrecognized, or pretend your marriage failed.. It's not right. Marriage isn't a slave labor contract. Of course we want to help our loved ones, but when that ticks over into a full time job and often several as these tend to be severe debilitating illnesses we're dealing with, the least people could do is recognize it as "work" for such things as social security. You can have any percentage of the money I'm not paid in taxes. Why are spouses excluded completely almost everywhere as caregivers, and only credited partially in the rare places they are credited at all?
Married women even care for their in-laws. The husband doesn't care for his parents, his wife does. Have seen it over several generations. It's expected of the wife and not thanked. And even after their death it's the wife who is responsible for the upkeep of the graves of her in-laws. So it never ends.
@@a_diamond in Idaho, You can get registered as a caregiver but you have to take a few classes like CPR, etc And then you can be the caregiver even if you were related to the person. But you have to be registered as a caregiver.
The fact that he can use his arms is huge.. but yes.. the states don’t properly care for their people. I am a caregiver for a quadriplegic who cannot move her arms and I get paid almost nothing for something that is so mentally and physically taxing. It is like being punished. She doesn’t make enough to pay properly and I don’t make enough to stay.. it’s too much strain.
God sees you and hears you. Pray to the creator of this earth and ask Him for help. I think you're a great person and I think by setting a go fund me a lot of people would donate. Pray on this, even if you don't believe in a God. Pray to the higher power who makes oceans move and mountains shake. I hope all ends well
So glad you’re sharing this. People don’t really understand, unless they’re in that position, the weight of being a caregiver, especially one who does it solo. God bless you for sticking it out with your partner. I pray 🙏🏾 everything works out for you both.
Wholesome stuff. It's unfortunate that there still isn't enough we're doing for people in this situation, but damn it's good to see they both have good hearts.
My very best wishes to you. We are in a similar boat. He has Parkinsons and I do all the caregiving and have for years. I also have my own health issues. Damned if you do and damned if you don't. You folks are just starting life. Very hard. Just one bad moment and it changes everything. May things get much better for you. Big hug.
I talked to someone online who's paralyzed. His ex wife was his caregiver. She left him bec she was done with it. He's in a wheelchair permanently. He told me he was looking for a new partner who will also take care of him. He dropped me before we met bec I have fibromyalgia. He didn't learn his lesson from his wife being burned out..and to expect a partner to do all of that AND to judge that person for having a disability also makes me sick. Fck him.
They need to hire a professional caregiver, this is obviously putting a strain on the girlfriend. They both need their independence for this relationship to last.
I agree. Even if the professional caregiver comes 2 or 3 days a week, it will be a huge help. I'm wondering where his family and friends are? They need a network of people to help.
@@tjadventures9163 He is considered a total care.. that’s more than $25/hr . caregiver since 2011 in FL, I work through 3 Agencies… 25/hr is the avg pay, for me, through nursing homes. So, If I were to do a private duty case (via a persons home) that’s more. Its more of a liability also It’s too hard on the body mind spirit for one to not be properly compensated. 25/hr is not enough, to me, because I know better.
Yeah, that makes the most sense. She looks exhausted and she's not even 30. If the state subsidizes her pay as a caretaker, it would probably pay the same amount for a 3rd party caretaker. So they would get 40h/week of extra help at no cost, and she can literally work anywhere else for more money and get some space to develop her own life. Since they're not married, her working probably won't affect his disability or healthcare coverage
Beautiful lady. Sadly she would have to move on soon. She cannot sustain this forever. It's too much stress on her back, too much stress on her mind (she looks so sad), and too much stress on life.
My mother has been doing this type of care for a very long time for my dad. They need to find a way to get a patient lift. It makes a HUGE difference. There are donation centers that give away lightly used medical equipment.
I’m 22 and live at home my mom is my caregiver. She’s been taking care of me since I got sick in high school, I’m supposed to have a case worker and I remember calling her and she basically said it seems like your mom has it handled you guys don’t need our help. The system is really flawed.
What a lovely loyal woman. She is a credit to her parents. That poor man having had this experience. I hope that they are able to get some additional outside help to give her some rest and relief. The circumstances really shocked me. When I was 21 I travelled to Senegal in West Africa. I was swimming in the sea one day when a huge wave suddenly caught me, pulled me under and rolled me violently along the bottom before spewing me out on to the shore. I have never felt a force like it before or since. I was covered in cuts and scrapes from the rocks and felt winded, but otherwise unscathed, thank God. Please take care when you are in the sea! So many things can go wrong.
Caregiving is a national crisis. I was disabled at 34 by an unexpected head injury. I never dreamed what a nightmare it would be to be disabled and the box they want you to fit in. They give you less than enough but, if anybody helps you they will take everything away from you. By becoming disabled, the world and the government expects me to have less and be less than a “normal” person. It’s been quite an eye-opening, humbling experience. Finding out that if I get married I lose everything just added to the feeling that I don’t matter anymore.
@@hupernikomen2015 Jesus doesn’t pay the bills, keep food in the fridge, or help with caregiving. Jesus is not relevant here. Stop with that bullshit. You people are like stoners that think weed solves everything, so goddamned annoying
@Spread Goodness Day Please don’t feel that way. You matter so much and God loves you. Through tears I prayed for you. I hope that God takes those thoughts from you and replaces them with His thoughts so you can truly know just how important you are and how much you mean to Him. 💞💞💞
No it’s not, eventually she will give up. Maybe in 5 years or 10 years but she will. It’s just their 1st year like this. It’s sweet to see though, although it’s not the conclusion yet. Sad to say
From a caregiver's perspective : I hope they can utilize care through an agency or get friends certified so they can provide care. When there are multiple people it is so much easier and provides better quality of life for the client. My paralyzed friend was also in a water related accident. Please be careful and safely strengthen your neck muscles as much as you can. If they cannot be truly married on paper, it should only matter to them that they are committed to one another.
C5-C6 incomplete quadriplegic SCI patient here. It's been 5 years since my accident in the river and watching her just makes me sad for her and happy too that she's doing whatever she can to ease his stress / needs. She's really doing the best she could and i wish her good health. I wish there was a cure for quadriplegic SCI patients like us. Even epidural stimulation isn't giving the result as it should be.
My heart goes out to them, I can only imagine how difficult this is for them both,and to much for her to care for him without help. she unfortunately may have to move out in order for him to get more services. I wish them well.
Social security is cut way back upon marriage which is why so many people choose commitment ceremonies instead. If Conner is on Medicaid please ask his doctor about getting a hoyer lift. It would make life easier. Love and prayers 💗
As someone who who’s disabled I’ve seen couples and someone became disabled, the other person leaves. Nice to see someone give a damn. Good for her hope everything works out for her.
Caregiving to this degree tends to break the relationship because one feels guilty and the other exhausted. One needs to have a network of people.
Sad but True 😢😞
I agree. I have a friend who is now a quadriplegic due to a similar accident at the beach like the one this gentleman in the story had. Anyway, he's the same age as me (38) and was dating his girlfriend for almost ten years prior to his accident. After he came home from the hospital she stuck around for a year or two and couldn't handle all the responsibilities of taking care of someone else who needs that much help. I also believe she wanted to have kids so she moved out.
true, i was one of the main(?) caregivers for my late aunt (she had stroke). there were times when i was so stressed out, depressed and i did get help but there were times when everyone else in my family were completely exhausted physically, mentally, emotionally and not receiving enough helps from my other family members.
but we truly did our best to care for her with wtv we had and i wasnt by my aunt's side when she died as i was hours away, studying in college at the time.
i remembered crying for days after receiving the news from my mom. caregivers too need themselves to be taken care of while caring for others tbh.
Probably due to exhaustion from having to work a full time job and come home to their spouses care. Unless they're given around the clock care of course, otherwise when you come home from work, you have another full time job to do. Nah, I think you've got it the other way around. THAT, imo, is where the burn out really happens. Of course, this would also have a lot to do with the level of care needed.
Ya...
Taking care of someone has a huge impact on your mental health.
Tell me about it
That is right
And physical health - all those lifts ruin your back.
Yes, it does! I helped care for my mother for many years with Alzheimer’s, and now I have developed chronic illness.
It sure does!!!!
You can see the pain in her eyes. She’s really struggling. I hope they get more financial assistance.
Exactly, people are praising here and whatnot, but all I saw was pain.
@@PurpleRanger69 uhh and? She can be in pain, and yet still keeps doing this. that deserves praise.
Yes even the poor guy is in pain. Thank God he has someone to tk care of him
She needs to leave ☺
she left him 4 months ago
These are REAL Issues we as a country should support. Hats off to this couple for being together throughout this.
What a disgusting thing to say about someone you know nothing about.@@postpwnmalone
@@postpwnmalone genuinely what are you talking about
The country/government does not care about us. Poor people, veterans, disabled people etc. We can not expect any help from the government.
alright... you go take care of the dude or give the couple your money then
these not my problem tho 💀😭
As a working American, both these people should be getting payments. He should be getting full disability payments. She should be paid the equivalent of a full time job, and not minimum wage. I want my taxes to allow these people to get married.
That’s very well said. Thank you. I want my tax paid to allow these people to get martied
Don't complain then if your taxes are raised
@@extremepsyche3135 taxes being better allocated is more like it. Wouldn’t have to be raised. I’m a quadriplegic and my nurses are paid $30 an hour through a home care agency. The agency is paid over $100 an hour through state Medicaid for the care. It would actually be saving tax dollars if more of that money just went straight to the caregiver or spouse in this instance.
@@extremepsyche3135 Way to completely negatively interpret and change his words. I despise people like you.
Is there an NGO that can support families like this with tax-deductible donations?
I've been taking care of my paraplegic partner for 18 years. We have a teen son, but live apart and are not married because in Quebec they would not only cut my caregiver pay but also stop his disability payments. We would have no choice but to go on welfare, so we live apart instead.
*hugz*
I’m so sorry that’s horrible. Sending you love and prayers ❤️🙏🏼❤️🙏🏼
It is baffling that more stress is placed on families trying to take care of each other.
Ok I am so f..cking confused that government pays illegal for everything but their own citizens. It is f...cking so ridiculous and mind boggling. God bless these couple 💑 🙏 ❤️
So sad
She has such a good heart. A person like that is extremely rare nowadays.
Oh yes she is but we are not that rare we do exsist
@@BurninSven1 You are the exception, not the rule.
Well its not extremely rare but people like us aren't in relationships. I for one been single for 20 years tried dating but i get this everytime, You're too nice. I have found that ALOT of women don't want nice guys, they find them to be creepy. While nice women are extremely rare, that is true. Sad but true. All the nice women are either damaged or in relationships.
It's only been a year... It's way to early to say that....
@@robertbrainard5651 I've seen this rhetoric "women don't want nice men", but many women have said that they don't want "nice guys", they want good guys. Being nice doesn't entitle anyone to anything, and to me, being nice is doing something positive for benefit while being good means you aren't in it for anything. Being "nice" is a bare minimum for anybody honestly. Other personality traits, actions, physical attractiveness, etc has to play in. I think there's a difference and other factors that need to be brought up when saying that.
you can see in her eyes she is tired, feel so sorry for you both, wish you all best, stay strong!
Feeling depressed today about my caregiving responsibilities; this was a helpful reminder of how many people are struggling and that I'm not alone. Bless their hearts...so young to take this on.
You,and me both. I have been a caregiver for almost five years.
Don't be down guys. Keep that chin raised. You pursued this sort of career for a reason. We need people like you because most of the world are just a-holes at this point and wouldn't help their own mother if need be. You're the strong ones. So stay strong.
@@shawnflynn1713 Know you are not the only ones. I care-give for my mother who is much older. And, it is a difficult situation for us.
@Juju ... Sorry you are getting depressed or have been depressed. But, know you are not alone. I'm caregiving for my mother who is older, and she has no one -- other than me.
@@shawnflynn1713 Yeah, Shawn, you said 5 years of care-giving. I guess mine is about the same. My Mom fell and hit her head in 2017, so it's about same length of time.
She is one in a million. The heavy lifting is going to take a toll on her back. After she puts in 8 hours a day care, a health care professional should be hired by the state to do the rest. She is an angel
Naw, I think she is going to leave him soon. She doesn't seem loyal to me. She is trying to hide it for the camera, but her true feelings shine through. She is over it. Men's value comes from their ability to provide, and women's value comes from their looks. She is thinking she needs to leave him and get a new man who can provide for her before her looks fade anymore than they already have. She is evil, but that's how the world is.
@@theNimboo From women to the world, that's quite a big jump in logic 🤔
@@theNimboo Yeah no stop projecting your own view of the world onto strangers and situations you aren't involved with. Each person is different. Also, your own perception of the world is very sad. There are people that don't care about that stuff. I'm sorry you haven't experienced it but it doesn't mean it isn't out there.
This has nothing to do with being an angel, don’t get religion deal with this. This man is huge and needs pro medical support. She is a tint girl not an Angel. Angels can’t help you when you paralyzed and need to go to the bathroom and take a poop.
@@theNimboo why don’t you go and help him ahole, how could she help him with that tiny body, lifting him up several times a day. I wish you get the same treatment then see what your love ones do, punk.
This woman has incredible character. Not just to stay together and help, but the fact that she still values him as a partner, in spite of his disability. So many lose sight of that. Her incredible physical and emotional strength is evident. Anyone who has ever been a caregiver or close to one knows how relentless the workload is. How appropriate that she is a dancer! Who else has the stamina and sensitivity combined for this task? She is an eloquent spokesperson for this important issue. Somebody needs to help them, lawmakers, so they can achieve their dreams.
All I can say as a caregiver for my mother I have incredible respect for this women ! She could have easily pulled out ! God bless her ! I hope some wealthy person sees this and helps her ! Lastly she needs more help or she could burn out !
I’m confused, why would she not value him as a partner? He’s brings value to the relationship; it’s just more mental now.
@@ohmoflife1 Many, many men would not, but how can you pass such judgement on this particular man?
Her heart doesn't seem to be in it. She wants a normal life. I don't blame her. Big decisions
@@ildikoparker920 yeah, most women dream of getting married, some of having children… but none dream of being a full time caregiver. She’s better than me. I wouldn’t be able to be pregnant, give birth, take care of a baby all while being a full time care giver. I would’ve faded away a long time ago. But she looks older and accepted her fate that this is her life now. You can tell when people start letting themselves go.🥺
I was a nurse for a quadriplegic for 5 years. The toll it takes on your physical health AND mental health are huge. I was always injured from repetitive movements from transferring the person, and supplying that level of care really wore me out mentally after a while, too. And of course, you are not given any health insurance as a hired caregiver. I knew it was time for me to move on because I had compassion fatigue. I think it would be in her best interest to get an outside job and hire a nurse, if they want their relationship to survive.
you are a true hero
Yeah, they can still marry and their life will be easier.
@@RetradedNoob wow, can you say the same to yourself then? move outta ya parents basement, LOL
Was your patient a real quadriplegic or he was just acting as quadriplegic?
@@angeloramirez1249 --- Here's a huge FACT. ...... There is a service for paralyzed or any severely disabled person that a paid woman comes over and provides sex. It's a real job for these nurse/women to provide this service. He should get that service. She should leave him to pursue her own life and dreams, and just be a real good friend to him. ---- Jane Morgan. If you're reading this. J U S T D O I T . ( Nobody owes anybody anything in this world )
"We are punished for pursuing love..." Heartbreaking.
Everyone one is but not many realise it.
@@vishveshtadsare3160 I think you might be right...😢
It is the things we love the most that makes us weak. The lesson for this woman is simple detachment, refusing to see does nothing but create pain down the road. Can you imagine her when she is 50 if she still doing this?! She should leave, work for the guy for a while heal do the transition but leaving is the solution here
she looks and her eyes says she wants to give up and move on. but it looks shes being made guilty of feeling that way. there's a big possibility that he say this things to make her feel guilty. like we're being punished for pursuing love. why include her for being punished she dodged being carried by the waves. why not say hes being punished. why include her. shes 30, shes worried shell never be able to have children. what if she grows old and alone.
@@mxtinac01casterl68 many people grow old alone even if they have children. What's the big deal??
She has to get help if she doesnt, she's going to end up needing a caregiver for her. This is hard work, I feel for her.
Exactly
FACTS!!!!!
Caregiver burn out, that is so harsh. I became resentful
Definitely agree, she’s going to wreck her back lifting him like that all the time.
@@unaonse1115 Yes and this is mostly why men don't bother at all. Most leave their female partner if she gets sick or disabled.
I'm worried about her back. She's so small. She needs a pull system to transfer him. We pay plenty for wars and other foolishness and people like this are SUFFERING 😡😪
You are right. They talk in terms of milllions or billions of dollars when sending money or aid to foreign countries and American families are genuinely suffering, so sad.
🙌🙌🙌🙌
I was a nursing assistant and it will take a toll on you even if you are using proper lifting techniques. She will eventually have to get help.
And illegals
They need to get a Hoyer lift
I provide this level of care for my brother…he’s quadriplegic (diving accident)…much respect for this lady on many different levels…her loyalty and commitment is truly remarkable not to mention admirable. It’s impossible for someone who isn’t in this situation to truly understand the challenges that are present on a DAILY basis both not only the handicapped but the caregiver as well. I’ve been doing it now for nearly 30 years
do you have your own family?
@@reddoe7055 No I don’t.
Chris Evans how much you now just like me I can go back next weekend right now just good luck with the best news now like that his way now that I can find out now
@@chrisevans9688 What??????????????
@@Bob31415 Chris Evans now you feel like you did you power cool and the best TV show power rangers now that day is the best people would be back like you do that show that you can find out now like you video me look good at that day and time we go back next weekend
I was a nurse assistant for the elderly for many years and this is NOT EASY. I was lucky I got to clock out at the end of the day and made more than minimum wage. This woman deserves all the praise & compensation in the world. She isn't even MARRIED to this man & she's quite literally being his all. God bless her.
Don't gotta be married to be someone's all, marriage is a scam.
no one cares, f her
If the woman got quadriplegic, will the man do the same to her?
@@real_hello_kitty According to some internet searches, yes, but the girl is abusive so he is in a bad spot. Honestly these things are few and far in between when compared to everyone else. Not everyone will wanna stay for various reasons, just like how not everyone will wanna leave.
People do good and bad, not men and women.
Yes I pray God will bless them both endlessly. I truly admire her because I am a paraplegic and I know what they both are going through, it is not easy to deal with someone who needs a lot of care. She is a gem.
I cared for my late husband. I aged while caring for him and was thrown into early menopause. It nearly killed me
I've seen that happen to someone,
Really, What causes someone to get thrown into early menopause? I just heard of this happening a couple weeks ago. Kourtney Kardashian was going through some treatments to get pregnant and she said it threw her into early menopause.
@@bellaapple2166 Hello. Physical, emotional, mental stress. Sleep deprivation, exhaustion, worry, grief, being “on” 24/7, 365 days a year. It all stresses the adrenals that can affect the hormones and entire health as a result, taking its toll in a multitude of ways. Especially in long-term situations and when there’s little-to-no family who are able or willing to help, and limited outside resources for any real downtime/respite. (Friends have their own lives and careers.) It’s compounded when behavioral, neurological and/or psychiatric issues are also involved, causing help to be even less accessible. It takes time to decompress and let go too, even sporadic help; so the cycle never really changes, until the situation does. Yet for many, the toll lasts a lifetime, in one form or another. Take care and stay well. 🌷
@@bellaapple2166 p.s. Kourtney Kardashian’s circumstance is different from a caregiving situation. One being given medical treatments, Which I presume are hormone related and messed her up, versus an extreme and on-going stress-related situation. But yes, a whole lot of things can affect hormonal balance. Any single aspect of what I’d listed, let alone all combined!
I’m slowly becoming my mom’s only care giver and I have no idea what I am doing. No government support in my country for elderly people. I’m grateful for your post. That’ll make me more aware of how I manage my own situation. Thank you!
Heartbreaking for them. Caregiving is exhausting physically , emotionally and mentally . We as a country haven’t figured this out .
I feel so validated by your comment. I was in denial for awhile what caregiving is. How much of a mental toll it is.
We have figured it out. It’s called long term care insurance. The problem is 99% of Americans don’t want to pay for it because they say it will never happen to me. We can’t even get them to agree on universal healthcare.
@@A-Thomas LTC insurance does not change these facts🤨… it is still all of these things to even the professional caregivers.
@@shakitabananaa5651 It was mentioned that she is only eligible for financial help because they are not married. LTC insurance would help many Americans in that situation. Also extra financial assistance would allow her to hire someone to give her a much needed break even a few times per week. But I guess things like that don’t matter to you because you know so much.
@@A-Thomas wth are you on about Abraham . never said any of that wasn’t the case for some reason faceless axx keyboard warriors like yoself wanna keep @‘n me tryin to put words in my mouth. I rebuke that raggedy axx energy you can have it back tenfold now leave me alone goofy.
What about family members? She should not be doing this alone.
this happened to me and family barely stepped up to help my wife, they love to visit and that is about it.
@@raoXI Yes, my siblings abandoned my parents when they got old and sick. I took care of my parents alone. There is no depth that a selfish human being won't plunge to.
Karma will pay you @@chek6303
I was a full time caregiver !! It ruined my life. I cared for my mom. No help no pay. I lost my job and all my skills were out dated by the time i tried to reenter the work force after her death. It's sad because its mentality draining and financially a wash that's so hard to recover from
I experienced the same! The state has cut back hours for caregivers so even if you hire a company you won’t get much assistance.
Probably would have been better to keep the job and pay for someone else to assist your mom. As noble as this sounds sacrificing your life for anyone else is not love it is a toxic entanglement that will come to bite you later
@@carolinecavalcante5778 ha! Caregiver charge 5 times the amount they pay there employees.
@@carolinecavalcante5778 why is it a toxic entanglement to care for someone? Genuinely asking. I mean I guess it would depend on a persons reasons for doing it?
@@carolinecavalcante5778 that's not possible for everyone
Just shows you how under valued the position of being a house wife and full time care giver is…. basically it’s a kick in the teeth!….
It's not just house wife, it's every spouse!
@@joannehart1720 👍💚
@@Ben10Arg you just sound like a hater
Literally
I’m sure it only costs a few hundred million per month for the states to fund care for persons in this situation. All tax payers should demand that caregivers be paid $15 per hour rather than minimum wage. We should demand our taxes be raised or other programs be defunded to accommodate. I’m sure we can find the money somewhere regardless what programs must be cut in order to get it done.
My parents had a relationship similar to this. My mother as the caregiver , sacrificed much of her youth staying faithful to my father. He was just a little more independent than this man. All I can say is most people feel bad only for the one who is handicapped. Most don't realize the mental and physical toll one handicapped person can have on a wife/husband, children, and even an entire family. This woman is a hero and people like her deserve every ounce of support in the world.
They could use professional caregivers instead of wasting their family member's life
@@KenericTheGeneric it’s not horrible.. it’s shallow… basic and without consideration to things like $. But it is not horrible or wrong
@@KenericTheGeneric mmmm how interesting that u attack them for seeing compassion for the family. Ur attempt to shame them must be from your own shame.
@@roshnik5137 So, true. That woman needs a chance to live her own life. Be stupid if they marry. She should get the state to assist. And, enjoy her youth while she can.
@@KenericTheGeneric even if it's horrible it's true, others shouldn't have to waste their own life someone else's misfortune, we get one life to live, one and only chance. If I was in the same situation I would use professional help.
It is sickening to see genuine people abandoned 😢
You are a shining example of love and empathy!!
This is like literally the most heartbreaking thing I’ve ever seen you can tell that they love each other but you can also tell that she’s breaking down slowly how tired she’s gotten her smile is gone away
I think that she smiles beautifully, but with exhaustion.
Only a woman could get to such ludacris conclusions, I bet you think money grows on trees and economy is ran by faries
@@cstuartdc Loving multiple people isn’t going to help their financial and emotional struggles.
@@cstuartdc I agree but imagine having to take care of him AND a baby as well
@@cstuartdc So they need another woman huh
She sounds like she loves him but can no longer handle this. I am not sure if this relationship will last. Either way it doesn’t take away from how great of people they both are. Wish them the best.
You can see her comment up sadly he died and for sure she looks tired
Wow, sorry to hear that. Thanks for updating me.
@@adhienthuch Really 💔
@@adhienthuch I have Googled him and I can't see that he has died.
@@antoniajane5442 I don't know but I saw a comment up there and seems like his girlfriend
As the parent of a disabled adult daughter, I can tell you, the government does not consider disabled people as capable of love and marriage. For one thing you cannot collect SSI if you marry. Your spouse is expected to support you. Now, in your state, your spouse cannot be paid for your care. So, how is this couple supposed to survive? Hopefully, this young man worked long enough to be able to collect SSDI, which requires ten years of paying into Social Security. That helps, but isn’t enough for one person to live on, much less two.
My mom had SSI and she never worked. She did get married and they never took her check.
What angers me is in America we send money to help other countries but this couple needs so much help and there’s none for rhem.
@@janiboma your vote is your voice. Stop voting like it’s a popularity contest and you will see a change.
@@janiboma Blame the government not the other countries
@@missdesireindependance5194 that’s great for her. And not common.
As a former caregiver to a 24/7 cerebral palsy patient, a patients who is a quadriplegics, nursing home experience, and a brother in law who is also a quadriplegic and mentally disabled, I understand partially how she feels. I only understand partially because so far, I’ve never had to do any of it non stop by myself. What she’s doing will eventually destroy her back. She will break down emotionally and physically. My mother in law has been my brother in law’s caregiver his whole life. Please support people like this. Don’t let them do it alone. Help lawmakers fund these people. If you are a family member or friend be as supportive as possible. Don’t assume that the staff is enough. I promise you it’s not. Sometimes just breaking up the monotony of routine is enough to ease the burden. If you have loved ones in nursing homes, visit them as often as possible. All these people need A LOT of emotional support. Offer to make meals, play board games, help with transport to appointments and outings. Getting out of the house is hard. Just be there for them in any way you can.
I hope this young lady gets a break regularly as she can easily get "burned out" this is hard and it can not only wear you physically but mentally as well. Hope family members and friends are pitching it. God bless you young lady!
Hope they offer her respite services.
I never married my guy because I'm disabled and felt like we were getting "punished" enough just for existing. He wanted so badly to marry, but we couldn't have survived financially if we had. He died a few years ago and now I'm alone. Boy, things sure can get really weird in a hurry. Too bad our system is so f*ked up.
Are in the dating scene again? Weird question i know but I'm too curious.
Thats why need to just enjoy the little things in life like the fresh air when you open your front door or just being able to sleep on a clean pillow. This world is full of messed up situations and we chase meaning and fulfilment when its really right infront of us. Life its self is a gift. Pan the room. See whats around you. Hear the sounds or even the silence. Beauty and meaning is right infront of us. You just need to know where to look
@@Voidapparate m
I happen to program card caregiver with your family member can you get paid for taking care of you you can look into it
That’s so wrong. The care is the same!! Why punish you for love
“Being punished to pursue love” So point on. Prayers up for this couple.
Prayers that they do get married. Maybe then God will bless them.
@@robertavaughan8236 your prayers don’t change anything, if you care that much then write a letter to oregons governor or something
They're not being punished, they're being given their lessons in life - things don't happen to us but rather through us. We all have trauma & face adversity - you can either grow from it or let it consume you.
Adventure is not courage or thrills, it is foolishness and sometimes leads to situations such as these, I've never done trekking, diving or hangliding, but I can wipe my own behind, drive, feed myself and have a normal relationship.
Please dont destroy your own lives in pursuit of 2 seconds of cheap thrills.
Appealing to stupid, emotionally driven people, always works
Working as an RT in a hospital, I've seen this scenario before. A young man had an aneurysm and was ventilator dependent. The young wife would visit him all the time, but he never reacted to her. She was young, beautiful and totally devoted to this guy, but you could see it was taking a toll on her emotionally as well as physically. It was a heartbreaking thing to see.
Still wasn’t physically ruining her body as this girl is
@SerpentInside if he is vegetatative not taking much of a toll since your soul and mind has already crossed other side...see her partner in that state can drive someone to suicide
@@YeshuaKingMessiahNot a competition, the point is that these situation are horrifically sad
That woman is a Saint, God bless her for all the hard work she does. I also pray that he will heal Conner, never give up.
God does not exist. Prayers are useless.
Prayers from uk.
Yes, miracles for them
She's feeling overwhelmed and he needs a professional caretaker.
You gon pay for that?
There has to be away of getting home care come in a few times a day to help.
@@lindabueckert9559 that is private pay. Most grants cover elderly over 60
He should be able to get a direct support professional.
@@mikasjewels5772
Those cost money in the US. Insurance barely covers anything. Dont you think if it were that simple.. then they would've already done that
She's a damn good woman. Not easy to find a gem like her easily.
She does not seem happy though.
@@electrikoptik understandable though. She's his full time caretaker, takes care of the dogs and house alone. Plus the trauma of dealing with the accident and crushed dreams. I admire her honesty.
@@electrikoptik why would she be happy about her bf being disabled
@@electrikoptik what really is happiness
Stop calling women who sacrifice their lives « good women who are rare ». You don’t have to give up on your life to be a good woman stfu
I give Jane an A+ for giving him unconditional love everyday. It’s very rare and hard to find someone like a person like this lady. I’m so proud of her. I just wish that there were more people like Jane. Especially in my East Indian culture. Hats off to you Jane. I’m so proud of both of you and God Bless you. You guys are an inspiration for other disabled people who marries a non disabled person. Wish you all the best in happiness. Gpd Bless you.
I was a full time caregiver for my Dad. There was no way to have a job outside of that care. My state offers no pay to family caregivers. The VA did provide a stipend for him for caregiving costs and if that had not been there there is no way I could have afforded to care for him. Even then it was a low rate, but I am very grateful it was there.
My mother had severe MS, and my step-father took care of here for many years, until she passed away from complications related to the disease. We had help also from the state, so my step-father could work while my mother had assistants while he was at work. Anyone who has the strength and love to take care of someone like this has a special place in my heart. They are like angels who have taken human form.
My 2 sons would never do any help for me in any medical situation...not even text or call. They'll learn that "cancel culture" devowers your life.....not enhancing.
@@sallydeppe8575 Take less Stress, Keep yourself healthy & fit so to reduce chances for you to be depended on anyone.
Also Time and Situation can change people, Your Sons will help you in times of struggle but I say keep yourself Prepared for such times so you have less dependency.
I hope you are doing well in your life.
Cancel Culture is Cancer.
They are not solving any problem with Cancel Culture, They are merely suppressing expression.
this woman, right here. is a real angel. the amount of love you have for someone to go through this and never bat an eye to the challenge is truly amazing. people will never know how tough it can be for someones significant other to have to take on this role after living normal lives without a debility like this. what a freaking amazing person this girl is.
You are doing a great job. Love is such a difficult thing alone, but to also be a carer full time, of your partner, I take my hat off to you . Mana wahine! Strong determined woman day in and day out.
there's no love lmao, she just wants more money. people care for loved ones for FREE and dont talk about ''ohh I am not getting enough money''
@@terrorsquadlith oh sorry....didn't know you were the woman in this story. On the real though I know, i can't care for loved ones with love alone. Unfortunately we do need funds to survive, eg; roof over head, power, water, food, meds,petrol to get hospital appointments,and every other necessity. Is always easy for one to judge another, when not in each others own shoes/situation. Just alot easier to listen and hear, not send negatively out into the world. Kia ora 🙂
@@terrorsquadlith Youre a clown, shes been doing this for a year and only getting paid minimum wage, he CANNOT WORK so SHE NEEDS TO PROVIDE IN THE RELATIONSHIP. Actual incel.
It's ridiculous with the amount of taxes we pay that a person in this situation can't get more help. These are people that need and deserve a helping hand it's not a handout.
That’s because USA spends on guns and rockets and wars on other people’s land in the name of a democracy that they don’t apply on their own soil.
Well we got criminals and illegals to feed. Foreign wars to fight. Political and pharmaceutical pockets to fill with cash.
It's because those taxes actually go to the rich and big corporates. And also those rich and big corporations hardly pay any tax. Also your government is ridiculously inefficient compared to other governments
@@billseron2391 no, our government just doesn't pay to take care of people because that is not what government is for. When you give the government that much power, then they get to decide who lives and dies. That is not the kind of government real Americans want. If they do, they are in the wrong place. Personally I think it is better for people to take care of themselves and their communities and get assistance through charities. I see a steak as better than a free peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
@@crystalh450 name me a country that has turned into a dictatorship due to growing government spending overtime.
Charities huh? Let me know how Puerto Rico looks with all richest people in the USA who give so so much charity... Lol Name me an anarcho capitalist country where the poor is better off than let's say a country like Sweden. Which actually has a lower government debt to GDP than the USA.
The woman has a good heart. She never left him, and committed to look after his well-being.
@Siddhartha dash Why?
And if she left she would be a bad woman? 😂 she sacrificed her life out of guilt, that’s just simply stupid
@LiwiaGoszynska If she left, I wouldn't see her as a bad person. It was an accident, nobody wanted it to happen. Also being a caretaker is a mentally and physically taxing job, it's not for everyone.
@@call2872 i agree, its truly taxing being a caretaker full time, they both dont have the right mental state to be discussing about their future together. She might leave him sooner or later if she wanna build a family
Love is unconditional. I would stay and love my husband no matter the circumstances. I would totally see her as a bad person.
You can get married as a ceremony, and get married casually. The government doesn't need to be involved. It can be just your marriage. It's just love, the government doesn't need to be in your life.
That’s true but they should have the same rights as a married couple would have it’s not fair.
@@elenawalker517 You’ve missed the bigger point.
They will lose a lot of rights that married couples would have
Elena acknowledged the significance of a marriage ceremony for their love and the lack of certain benefits that come with having a married status observed by the government. Its important to face the entire picture.
Yeh, marriage is really weird. You're announcing to the government that you love someone. The government really doesn't need to know. It's a deep connection between two people. You don't need a legal contract for that.
This reminds me of what happened to a friend of my cousin. Her husband was stricken with polio just after they were married in the early 1950's, and was paralyzed from the waist down for the rest of his life. She stood by him, however they were never able to have children. Somehow, they were able to make their relationship endure.
This is heartbreaking. All the people in the comments are saying how wonderful and loyal she is and while that may be true, I’ve seen way too many situations like this first hand. Caring for someone 24/7 can break down your body, mind and relationships with the people around you. Government assistance SHOULD be able to pay someone who is a professional caregiver instead of putting it all on her.
While I do think she is a wonderful person, all I can do is feel horribly bad for both of them. I know he probably doesn’t want to be a burden and I know that she probably doesn’t want to leave, but at some point you have to be able to take care of yourself as well. They have no other help. When something goes wrong with her body, who’s going to be there to take care of her?
Our government needs to do better so people aren’t put in these situations.
She is human after all even if she becomes angry sometimes at her situation or lose hope that doesn't makes her bad person.
Everyones heart is in the right place but you're 100% on this, eventually it will break a person and relationship down.
@@user-cs3fo3zh6k Not at all, in fact it still makes here a wonderful person but the OP is correct.
He should let her go. Assuming this is mostly against her will, he is holding her reputation hostage.
Imagine becoming the girl who left the crippled guy.
He is something new now, and that's okay. I think he needs to at least give her a chance to leave him if he has not already. If he has then I see the whole situation in a new light.
she has also only been doing it for a year which is honestly nothing at all. my friend had a similar situation along with many people in his support groups and etc, most able bodied partners that have to help a lot or act as caretakers leave after a few years not usually within the first one. Things get harder as years go by and the reality sets in of how much the individual will really recover and how much of their old life will actually return. Love isn't unconditional for most people, we just say that.
This is what Real Hero's look like. It's obvious she's not doing it for the money. I'm 44 and have ankylosing spondylitis and have broken my back too. So now I need my wife to help me with a lot of day to day activities. Although I tell her that she is awesome & amazing all the time, I don't think that her or any person that helps another person that can't help themselves understand how their acts of selflessness & kindness help someone but also inspire others to be kind and good people. I know I rambled on but this is important to me. God Bless Everyone & I Pray If You Need Help God Will Send Someone Your Way Soon!
Thank you for sharing your story. The best to you and your wife!
Thank you for sharing, I can tell you have a beautiful spirit. God Bless.
Not trying to be funny but, does ankylosing mean you lost use of your ankles? Or something completely different?
@@THE-CHAMPION-HAS-A-NAME look it up
@@boughtbythecross mind your business
She's not going to be able to do this forever. Need to find another solution. Bless their hearts.
I saw the struggle in her eyes, I really hope things become better for you guys.
What an angel. A very strong woman, who is stronger than she realizes. This world is a better place just by having someone like her in it.
I’m a long term ICU nurse, there is no way that I could be a caregiver in my personal life. It is hard work. I always pray for my patients and their family members, that are fortunate enough to be well enough to go home. Some of them you can’t help but wonder how they will manage alone without nursing staff.
Thank you for all you do for others. God bless you abundantly.
So if you wouldn’t care for your aging mother or father ?
@@auroramothergoddess Some people just aren't built for it. I care for my incapacitated parent and I juggle a job and household duties and haven't left my parent's side for more than 2 years. I have no family or friends that offer to help so I'm doing it alone. It's gut wrenching, emotionally and physically draining, and my health is deteriorating but I am strong willed. You can't shame or guilt people into feeling remorseful -- they have to love and want to help to do it right.
You as a girlfriend has done more than a caregiver..A caregiver may put in 6 hours caregiver goes home to care for themselves their families 8 years I cared for my dad a quad, worked 2 jobs cared for my kids..I worked with the Schools was off in the Summer. I cared for my dad during the day and work evenings. God gave me the strength to do it I was a single parent. No government assistance, no child support..I wasn't paid to care for my dad..No regrets..lots of 🙏
You are amazing. May God continue to bless you more and send you helps ....
Wow you’re amazing ❤️❤️
you're incredible.
My mom raised 4 kids alone, no child support & no government help. It is rough, but its the family that kept things going, keep up the good work.
@@Kimmieziven notice it's usually the woman that take on the load and burden that no one else can do or will do when it comes to these situations
What an amazing girlfriend/wife. It so rare, these days, that somebody dedicates their life helping you. Wish you both to be very well.
I know how she feels my wife has been bedbound for 5 years and me and my daughters,thank God for them have been talking care of her
It’s incredible to see such strength in a woman to see her to stay by his side and such difficult times.
You definitely need a Hoyer lift and you definitely need to move to a state where you can get paid to be a caregiver after marriage.
Omg bless this woman! I’m a caregiver and I understand what she’s going through. She’s so amazing. He is very fortunate to have her.
"While Oregon is one of eight states that pays spouses to caregive, the amount of hours a married caregiver is reduced."
This is why we say there is no marriage equality for disabled people.
Is the general consensus that you SHOULD be getting paid to care for a spouse?
@@xAlexZifko
When that person is severely disabled, I would think yes. She should be getting further assistance too.
@@keirfarnum6811 why do you feel that public tax dollars should be going to them for the care of a spouse? Taxes paying for a different nurse once she married the guy sure yeah that makes perfect sense. But getting paid to care for any family member strikes me as odd I spose
@@xAlexZifko If caring for a family member requires full-time hours, the caregiver cannot work any other job. Paying family caregivers for their caregiving work is the literally necessary for the survival of both people! The only alternatives are either leaving a dependent adult alone 8+ hours a day, which at best will result in medical consequences that could be life threatening, or hiring another caregiver, which is more expensive, complicated, and unreliable.
@@caspianh.1926 Yes but why should it be withdrawn from public tax dollars. Is it societies fault? I understand the need, but not the entitlement...
💜🐷💜 Can't believe only 6 states approve pay for care from family. It's a 24/7 job. I did hone/hospice care for over 20 years. The toll it takes on families providing this care is very taxing.
And expensive. But we do what we need to .
@No. You chose to have a child, most people don't chose to become disabled. Also have you ever tried lifting a full grown adult around the house? Caring for a mobile-physically capable kid is infinitely easier than someone who can't move, eat, sometime breath without assistance. It takes maybe 30 minutes to bathe a baby at most, it takes hours to physically lift a full grown adult in a bath(all dead weight) and bathe them. It's not the same thing, even if being a parent is difficult in its own right.
@No. Kids, while an arduous task of care, pales in comparison to taking care of a person with disabilities to this degree. Lifting and pulling a full grown adult from bed to car, maintaining their hygiene, cooking for them, etc is an all day job. You would feel already tired two hours after waking up in the morning. It's only when you have a wide selection of family members who help out and rotate is when it's manageable. But from the looks of things, this girl is doing this all by herself. This kind of care is tougher than having any number of kids in the house. She's incredible in many ways for holding on for this long. I have also experienced this to a degree so I know what she's going through.
@Festival of Ice Cream having kids is a joyous occasion. There's no joy in being paralyzed.
I was a nurse assistant at a hospital and was getting paid $11 starting paid. It was an exhausting job but I loved it. I left because it wasn’t sustainable financially. I feel her pain.
It is also very hard on the back. I wrecked mine caring for a quad. 12.56 an hour. Workers comp gave me 3 weeks pay. Was in big pain for 6 years. Still flares up many years later.
$11 to be a nurse assistant is slavery. Wtf is wrong with this world? So disgusting.
I was a CNA for 13 years making $12 an hour and one day I said “no more, I quit” . I left the field almost 3 years ago. I don’t regret it. Best decision. I definitely ruined my back. I still get horrible back pain.
@@SnapszDuhh I completely agree with you Everliza. Even 25.00 is too little for this important work.
Then you have lawyers charging 500.00 for 40 minutes and retinal surgeons making over a million a year. It is gross. One of my specialists said doctors " used to make a killing and that is what they still need to feel valued." It is a killing too. #$#@%&*!
Medicaid pays $13.50/hour to caregivers in California.
What a brave guy. I've made it very clear to all my friends & family that if that ever happened to me to let me die instead. I refuse to live my life the way he does so I salute his bravery & will. You are much stronger than you know.
I feel for both of them. I had it with my dad for 5 months after he was diagnosed with a brain tumor, he became paralyzed from neck down. I'm a man and my dad was lighter than her husband, and my back took strain, and it is a massive responsibility because you do it or no one else will. 24/7 and you always feel guilty because you always think you can do things better to make life easier for the person, and they feel guilty because they are a burden. My heart goes out to both of them. At least I had a time frame, she has no light at the end of the tunnel.
1 in a million lady. Shes a keeper and deserves everything she can get. Our taxes pay for other ppl in other countries more than our own
I'm a quadriplegic, married, and my wife is my full-time paid caregiver here in Kentucky. Certain states allow spouses to be paid caregivers. I get 40 hours a week and my wife is paid above more than minimum wage.
Were you declared disabled by the fed while you were young? Because literally all the rules are different. Similarly there are different rules for retirement age people. The main issue is fed disability/ssi/ssdi counts your spouses income against what they give you afaik.
@@ertavampy4622 Here in Kentucky I'm on the Home & Community Based Waiver. It is through Medicaid. I do what is called Participant Directed Services. This means I can hire anyone as my caregiver (even my wife). As my paid caregiver, her income doesn't effect my SSI under a Social Security bylaw (SI 01320.175 Deeming - In-Home Supportive Services Payments).
Hey good on you man, god bless
@@Bobby-rw5yy ssi is hell to navigate as a disabled ssi recepient to another thx for giving me the bylaw. Tbh I had just decided I should never get legally married lol.
Will it work the same for them if they decide to move to Kentucky?
True love is life saving. Thank you Jane for what you do for Connor. I pray you will receive help with his care. And I pray your financial situation will get better. God Bless you both ❤
She has caregiver burnout and needs a break. She's taking care of him for a lot less than a nursing home costs which is probably where he'd be without her 24-7 assistance.
I think that'll be best for him and her. Eventually that's what she will have to do. It's alot of work and will take a toll on her.! She deserves to live her life and have a family as she stayed in the video.
Nursing home cost and the pay earned by the nursing home workers (not administrators) are two different things. She is making about the same amount the techs at the nursing home make.
@@patrice5250 The total cost the insurance and/or taxpayers would end up paying monthly for a nursing home far exceeds the cost of keeping him at home with his primary caregiver. The quality of care he appears to be getting at home is better than understaffed nursing home as well. They shouldn't be punished financially for getting married.
You must have zero experience with a nursing home if you believe that. I can tell you from a great deal of experience that almost all nursing homes and subacute care facilities are horrible, horrible places and are absolutely no place for a young man with his entire life ahead of him. First, nursing homes are horribly understaffed and most “care” is provided by techs who are undertrained. They may be the most caring people in the world (and some are), but they can’t adequately care for the number of patients they have, and they don’t know enough to help anyone with PT/OT. Second, the patients have no autonomy at all. None. They don’t choose what they’ll eat or when. They don’t choose when to wake up or go to sleep. They don’t choose to go outside or stay in bed. Third, they’ll be neglected. They’ll be lucky to get washed up once a week. They’ll lie in their own waste for hours. They’ll develop bedsores down to the bone from neglect. They’ll be open to abuse from staff, and if they try to report poor care, they’ll face retaliation and learn quickly to be quiet. It’s no place for vulnerable people who can’t fight back, but that’s exactly who unsuspecting families send to nursing homes and subacute rehab facilities. Regardless, those places are incredibly expensive, which is infuriating given the garbage care they provide.
He’s a quadriplegic but that doesn’t mean he can’t eventually work in a decent profession. There are any number of career paths he could train for to earn a decent living. He could learn programming, graphic design, counseling, psychology, academics, law, and more. He’s not completely unable to accomplish life goals just because he’s unable to walk.
@@pinkmonkeybird2644 I can tell you on the outside looking in lol. The only thing you stated that is true across the board (regardless of best case scenario vs worst case scenario) , is that it is a horrible place for someone as young as him. He has his whole life ahead of him. Also no, he would not be getting the care he would be getting as if he were home but that goes without saying. I wouldn’t advise anyone to send there loved ones to one of those places I understand life happens tho
I live in California and I’m going through this with my son and the state is only giving me 20 hours a week. It’s ridiculous. Sending you both lots of love and prayers ❤️🙏🏼
@@Tigerfanatic What a weird comment. To tell someone to get more disabled to get more pay…I don’t even know what to say.
In some countries caregivers get $0 to take care of their loved ones!!! Ask family members and friends and the church for help. You see how many millions of ppl living on the streets??? The government cannot solve all our problems. I wish you good luck though.
@@michelepaccione8806 It’s pretty common for folks to try to win the “I’m worse off than you” game. I run several support groups online and one of the few rules is to not try to one up each other regarding misery. It’s usually those who are unhappy in life that try to out do another. Happy people uplift and validate one another.
Tallouse, my husband is the caregiver of a friend. His friend is a paraplegic with very little upper body strength. California just gave him 22 hours a week. 48 minutes a month to clean the floors despite the man continually going potty so much at a time to leak through diapers and bedding and onto the floor. The man is unable to know when he has to go potty. My husband is in contact with an attorney because the max monthly hours is 283. It’s ridiculous. The doctors and the woman who did the assessment all say the man needs max hours of care yet the county disagrees. The man is 260 pounds so it’s no easy task to get him dressed or changed. My husband has been at the home for 16 hour shifts despite not getting paid. The remaining 8 hours are covered by a different friend. It will cost so much more to put him into a facility. The facility the county recommends is the facility he was in after surgery. The facility that failed to check his surgical site (his spine) for 2 weeks which led to a massive infection and his paralysis.
@@Tigerfanatic How dare you. My son has been in 2 comas is on machines , has severe PTSD and OCD due to trauma. I do WAY more then 20 hours a week. I do his bowel care, feed him, dress him , take him to all of his appointments etc.. I’m beyond grateful that he is alive but I had to quit working to be his full time caregiver and should get at least 40 hours a week. Funny how you can sit there and judge not knowing anything.
I really feel for you. I was my wife's carer with MS for 23 years and we had a government package. We had a hoist, wheelchair, hospital bed and much more. My wife has not been able to stand or walk for over 15 years. Caring at that level is going to have a huge impact on your health. I know it well. I really hope you can get the help you need. We are in Queensland Australia.
I have multiple sclerosis and it's been so difficult for me and my wife Iive in America our health care system is so bad
Being in the healthcare field as a caregiver, I've picked up and transferred so many people, men & women, heavy and small and when i tell yall that my back is blown out and my feet & legs are swollen and i walk with a limp now, it takes a deep toll. I was only paid $9 hr when i first started CNA work in 2005. My most recent caregiving job paid me $13.50 a hour. I was in the dementia unit which made it even more difficult on me & staff. We were understaffed, and underpaid. 2 people in the building for 8 hours of wandering dementia patients. I could cry 😢 telling yall how bad this took a toll and hurt me. Not only that i was a med tech as well. So trying to watch 25-30 dementia patients, give meds, feed them and change them every 2 hours was horrible but the love, the dedication, the sincere heart i have for people kept me going. And the fact that they had no one else kept me strong. I want you all to know that taking care of people is very tough. Mentally, physically, psychologically, etc the lost goes on. It was many days i needed help but i had to put myself aside. Ive been gone from that job since 1/16/2023 on MLK day i was terminated from the Job. I actually went to dietary to work because of the shortage of help they had, and we had so many leftovers it was ridiculous. Somedays i took home the leftovers that were going to be thrown out, & gave them to my dog at home who over 100 pounds. Hes a pit bull boxer. Well someone told them i was "stealing food" & i was fired. I admitted to taking the leftovers because i had been doing this since i started the job & it was never an issue but you know what I'll never forget the hearts i touched and the hearts that touched me. The memories will last forever.
They need to invest in a hoyer lift before she blows out her back. I've been a caregiver for 20 yrs and I strongly discourage partners or family members being the sole care provider. It creates dysfunction in the relationship, one feeling burdened and the other feeling like a burden. I've seen it many times.
My heart breaks for both of you. I was my husband's sole caregiver for 4 years following multiple strokes. He passed away 3 months ago. Every single thing you both say is spot on. It does change your relationship, it's physically and emotionally exhausting, and you definitely need help in the home! We live in Arizona, and there was no financial assistance, but I'm praying that you will find the help you need in every way. Bless you both!! ♥️
Bless you
@@austxmitbbs5158 What has that got to do with anything?
@@austxmitbbs5158 I believe you misunderstood my post.
I’m a caregiver for the elderly. It’s a tuff but rewarding job. I get to go home after my shift ends, however she does not. She is very strong for taking care of her love. There are still great people in this world and she definitely is one of them. Keep fighting the great fight you are amazing.
This woman and that man deserve each other. The degree of her loyalty made me cry.
I'm a 38 years old caregiver of my mom and I understand the struggle, mine is 10Xs hers but the pain is the same. Only a caregiver will catch that tiredness, sadness, frustration, and yearning for a better life in that lady's eyes. She was screaming on the inside, I can hear it loud and clear.
Shes over it
@@tremolony4924 did he die?
Agree but it goes both ways. How about the tiredness, sadness, frustration, and a yearning for a better life in the one dealing with the actual disability and doesn’t have the option to walk away? Everyone in these comments seems to forget that as if the sick and disabled are invisible. She can leave that life whenever she wants. She’s choosing it for now out of love. But he cannot choose a different life.
Props to her for sticking with him. Honestly its hard to find a person who would genuinely care about you in this day and age.
That's true love
Her body is taking a beating as well as her mental health. I pray they get through
So strange!
She will not stay, she is too young, look at her face, she will leave in the next years.
True
I am a twin brother of a disabled person, paralysed just like him, but he also has issues talking (though he can express himself, and can write).
This video makes me both smile and tear up, because this is pure love, and because I know how exhausting a situation like this can be if you are alone.
“The sole care-giver”. It’s at those words that I cried, stopping the video for a moment.
She needs help, she needs more people around to be able to help her boyfriend physically.
My husband was sole caregiver for his first wife, she had severe MS for 20 of their 23yrs marriage until her death. He eventually was able to get home health aides to help during the day just so he could go to work. Her family took their son a lot, but I can't understand why more didn't help. I know they said it was too depressing, but what did they think it was for him?
They could've brought food, washed clothes, anything! But no, most of them did nothing even though they moved out to be close to her family.
I think this country has lost a lot of idea on what it takes to be a community.
Btw, I'm so sorry about your brother. I'm so glad he has you. Take care of yourself too. Delegate any little thing you can. 💜
@@StephieGsrEvolution It is called “western culture “.😉
In this day and age of disposable relationships... this is unbelievable. She's a literal angel.
>Implying she isn't sticking around for the money either way.
You clearly don't know much about women.
@@thewingedpotato6463 maybe women don't want you because of your terrible personality
Most world is genuine, just get your head out of social media and Hollywood crap
@@AugmentedEdits666Stop talking about peoples mothers weirdo!
@@thewingedpotato6463do her job for one week and we will see how that income is charming to you.
It’s insane - can’t help but think it’s tied to an old concept of low value “women’s work” & that women were traditionally expected to be a source of unpaid social services/caregivers in their families and communities.
Agreed.
I tried to raise this issue among caregivers online and was told that it was included in marriage vows. These folks were caregivers themselves, you'd think they'd understand just how much is entailed especially in long term care. I'm not talking "6 weeks rehab", I'm talking decades, every day. We do it with love, that's not the point. Meanwhile, caregivers themselves get older, and since we aren't "officially" working or even volunteering, we don't even have social security to back us up if we become disabled, despite having worked for decades. If you're married, you're expected to provide it for free and completely unrecognized, or pretend your marriage failed..
It's not right. Marriage isn't a slave labor contract. Of course we want to help our loved ones, but when that ticks over into a full time job and often several as these tend to be severe debilitating illnesses we're dealing with, the least people could do is recognize it as "work" for such things as social security. You can have any percentage of the money I'm not paid in taxes. Why are spouses excluded completely almost everywhere as caregivers, and only credited partially in the rare places they are credited at all?
Married women even care for their in-laws. The husband doesn't care for his parents, his wife does. Have seen it over several generations. It's expected of the wife and not thanked. And even after their death it's the wife who is responsible for the upkeep of the graves of her in-laws. So it never ends.
Yup
@@a_diamond in Idaho, You can get registered as a caregiver but you have to take a few classes like CPR, etc And then you can be the caregiver even if you were related to the person. But you have to be registered as a caregiver.
The fact that he can use his arms is huge..
but yes.. the states don’t properly care for their people. I am a caregiver for a quadriplegic who cannot move her arms and I get paid almost nothing for something that is so mentally and physically taxing.
It is like being punished. She doesn’t make enough to pay properly and I don’t make enough to stay.. it’s too much strain.
God sees you and hears you. Pray to the creator of this earth and ask Him for help. I think you're a great person and I think by setting a go fund me a lot of people would donate. Pray on this, even if you don't believe in a God. Pray to the higher power who makes oceans move and mountains shake. I hope all ends well
So glad you’re sharing this. People don’t really understand, unless they’re in that position, the weight of being a caregiver, especially one who does it solo. God bless you for sticking it out with your partner. I pray 🙏🏾 everything works out for you both.
She has so many roles to fill alone. I hope their support system has grown. ❤
Wholesome stuff. It's unfortunate that there still isn't enough we're doing for people in this situation, but damn it's good to see they both have good hearts.
His family should help with the caregiving.
I was about to comment this. Where are his family and why is his girlfriend doing the most.
My very best wishes to you. We are in a similar boat. He has Parkinsons and I do all the caregiving and have for years. I also have my own health issues. Damned if you do and damned if you don't. You folks are just starting life. Very hard. Just one bad moment and it changes everything. May things get much better for you. Big hug.
What a great human being she is! Not even on my best day could I do half of the things she does.
I talked to someone online who's paralyzed. His ex wife was his caregiver. She left him bec she was done with it.
He's in a wheelchair permanently.
He told me he was looking for a new partner who will also take care of him. He dropped me before we met bec I have fibromyalgia. He didn't learn his lesson from his wife being burned out..and to expect a partner to do all of that AND to judge that person for having a disability also makes me sick. Fck him.
You dodged a bullet with that one sweets! Live your life without those demands from someone else if you can avoid it.
@@beatrixbrennan1545 you are absolutely right. I better count my blessings!
You are much better off. That person deserves to be alone.
@@cindyp6528 I agree
While my caregiving role for my dad is at this point way less than what this woman goes thru I totally understand how draining it is. Bless her.
They need to hire a professional caregiver, this is obviously putting a strain on the girlfriend. They both need their independence for this relationship to last.
That costs about 25 dollars an hour
I agree. Even if the professional caregiver comes 2 or 3 days a week, it will be a huge help. I'm wondering where his family and friends are? They need a network of people to help.
@@tjadventures9163 He is considered a total care.. that’s more than $25/hr . caregiver since 2011 in FL, I work through 3 Agencies… 25/hr is the avg pay, for me, through nursing homes. So, If I were to do a private duty case (via a persons home) that’s more. Its more of a liability also It’s too hard on the body mind spirit for one to not be properly compensated. 25/hr is not enough, to me, because I know better.
Yeah, that makes the most sense. She looks exhausted and she's not even 30. If the state subsidizes her pay as a caretaker, it would probably pay the same amount for a 3rd party caretaker. So they would get 40h/week of extra help at no cost, and she can literally work anywhere else for more money and get some space to develop her own life. Since they're not married, her working probably won't affect his disability or healthcare coverage
Beautiful lady. Sadly she would have to move on soon. She cannot sustain this forever. It's too much stress on her back, too much stress on her mind (she looks so sad), and too much stress on life.
She is patient with his needs . It’s not sustainable to do this forever. Her caregiving duties are 24/7 . Kudos to her commitment to take care of him
My mother has been doing this type of care for a very long time for my dad. They need to find a way to get a patient lift. It makes a HUGE difference. There are donation centers that give away lightly used medical equipment.
I’m 22 and live at home my mom is my caregiver. She’s been taking care of me since I got sick in high school, I’m supposed to have a case worker and I remember calling her and she basically said it seems like your mom has it handled you guys don’t need our help. The system is really flawed.
The respect I have for this woman. Bless her. I feel so much for this couple. I wish them the absolute best life has to offer.
What a lovely loyal woman. She is a credit to her parents. That poor man having had this experience. I hope that they are able to get some additional outside help to give her some rest and relief. The circumstances really shocked me. When I was 21 I travelled to Senegal in West Africa. I was swimming in the sea one day when a huge wave suddenly caught me, pulled me under and rolled me violently along the bottom before spewing me out on to the shore. I have never felt a force like it before or since. I was covered in cuts and scrapes from the rocks and felt winded, but otherwise unscathed, thank God. Please take care when you are in the sea! So many things can go wrong.
@Hello there, how are you doing this blessed day?
Caregiving is a national crisis. I was disabled at 34 by an unexpected head injury. I never dreamed what a nightmare it would be to be disabled and the box they want you to fit in. They give you less than enough but, if anybody helps you they will take everything away from you. By becoming disabled, the world and the government expects me to have less and be less than a “normal” person. It’s been quite an eye-opening, humbling experience. Finding out that if I get married I lose everything just added to the feeling that I don’t matter anymore.
you do matter Jesus loves you.HE has a plan for you.
@@hupernikomen2015 Jesus doesn’t pay the bills, keep food in the fridge, or help with caregiving. Jesus is not relevant here. Stop with that bullshit. You people are like stoners that think weed solves everything, so goddamned annoying
@Spread Goodness Day Please don’t feel that way. You matter so much and God loves you. Through tears I prayed for you. I hope that God takes those thoughts from you and replaces them with His thoughts so you can truly know just how important you are and how much you mean to Him. 💞💞💞
@@hupernikomen2015
I doubt that.
This is what love is all about...
The strength and energy of this woman is amazing and inspiring ❤️
Agreed!!! I hope I find a loving and caring woman with this energy❤️ this is true love
No it’s not, eventually she will give up. Maybe in 5 years or 10 years but she will. It’s just their 1st year like this. It’s sweet to see though, although it’s not the conclusion yet. Sad to say
From a caregiver's perspective : I hope they can utilize care through an agency or get friends certified so they can provide care. When there are multiple people it is so much easier and provides better quality of life for the client. My paralyzed friend was also in a water related accident. Please be careful and safely strengthen your neck muscles as much as you can. If they cannot be truly married on paper, it should only matter to them that they are committed to one another.
The way he needs caregiving is obvious. The way she needs it isnt, but its just as much if not more
C5-C6 incomplete quadriplegic SCI patient here. It's been 5 years since my accident in the river and watching her just makes me sad for her and happy too that she's doing whatever she can to ease his stress / needs. She's really doing the best she could and i wish her good health. I wish there was a cure for quadriplegic SCI patients like us. Even epidural stimulation isn't giving the result as it should be.
My heart goes out to them, I can only imagine how difficult this is for them both,and to much for her to care for him without help. she unfortunately may have to move out in order for him to get more services. I wish them well.
Social security is cut way back upon marriage which is why so many people choose commitment ceremonies instead. If Conner is on Medicaid please ask his doctor about getting a hoyer lift. It would make life easier. Love and prayers 💗
As someone who who’s disabled I’ve seen couples and someone became disabled, the other person leaves. Nice to see someone give a damn. Good for her hope everything works out for her.