I did that at the beginning of my sons death,shared videos or articles hoping that that would know what to say or NOT to say to me,they still just a avoided any topic relating to my son! So I just started to distance myself from them or some just disappeared themselves! It’s videos like this that bring me some comfort!
Someone told us the day of our daughter's funeral, "I know how you feel. My dog just died" It has been 8 years since my daughter passed and I feel like people expect me to be through all the grieving and be ok...back to normal. Now I get to watch everyone else raise their kids. Jealousy sucks. Child loss sucks. Grief sucks. Memory loss sucks. There are so many things that will never be the same. Thank you for posting videos so soon after your loss.
@Mike & Candice I'm so sorry that you had to hear that. I lost my beloved younger brother to suicide. When I finally got back to my home, I bumped into a neighbour. I told her I'd been to my brother's funeral and how he died. She said "in my religion, you can't go to heaven if you take your life". In shock, I asked "what religion is that"? She told me "Catholic". I told her my brother's funeral was at our Catholic Church, and the Priest assured us that he was in Heaven because he was depressed. I also told how the Priest led the walk to his grave and blessed the coffin and my brother. That shut her up. I wanted so much to ask her why she was so cruel. I just walked away.
Hi Brooke: Thank you so much for this video. I lost my 32 year old daughter to brain cancer a month ago and I am reeling. I have heard all five of these things in the last month and you are so right, some rub the wrong way. I plan to join your group. Thanks again and I’m sorry for your loss. It is life changing as you mentioned. I will never be the same.
Deborah I would love to have you in the group! Let me know if you would like any more information. I am so sorry to hear about your daughter, and of course you're still reeling after only a month. Hang in there... You're in the shock phase and it is so, so hard. Sending love! ❤️
I’m deeply sorry for your painful loss! To me it feels like I just got thrust onto a different planet and I couldn’t relate to anyone,they felt like strangers in a different country! The only thing that made me feel like I was still normal is hearing other parents stories of their losses! Unfortunately even if it was from TH-cam or reading! Big hugs to you! 💔💔💔
Brooke, thank you for sharing your experience to make others feel seen and cared for. I am many years out from my biggest loss, so many of these “comforting sayings” made me roll my eyes into another dimension. People need to know the true impact of their words and need to think if they are saying something to make themselves feel better or to authentically be present with the grieving person.
My son passed 3yrs on July 26 th, he was very ill from ALS which is extremely painful. He sighed up for hospice care. Toward the end he bed bound on a feeding tube could no longer use his arms or hands, he was on oxygen 24/7. His condition was ravaging his body quickly. The last straw for him was when he lost the ability to swallow fluids. He was 53 yrs old and I thought I had prepared myself for his eventual death,I was not. I felt myself implode like all the air and life left my body my only son and first born child was simply gone. The physical pain I was feeling inside was unbearable. My daughter was such a blessing for me. She helped me enormously on the days I was concentrating to breathe in and out for at least a hour at a time. Sometimes it was seconds at a time. I only remember bits and pieces of his funeral I did not look at him in the casket or did I watch him being lowered into the ground. After the funeral I just went home and cried my eyes out and finally went to sleep. Now all I do is sleep and dream of my son. I've got a shrink who deals in grieving therapy which helped a little. I asked him what wonderful words he had to help me. His answer was there were no magic words for me other than the physical pain would start to diminish in time but my heart would probably never heal. And the only job I had to do was to find something to live for. I kept telling myself that over and over. Then covid hit and I was isolated and was glad not having to deal with people. I finally just shut down.
Nothing ever prepares us for such a loss. Thank you so, so, much for sharing. My thoughts are with you. Please just focus on baby steps every day. You can do this!
I am so sorry for your loss, I lost my daughter after a long illness, she was 42 and it was not even a year after my husband, her Daddy, passed away. It is the hardest thing I have ever done.
thank you. my friend just lost her son who turned 16 a few days ago, to a tragic accident. I am here watching your videos to help me help the grieving parents.
We lost. Our daughter 4 years ago. She was our only child. Even though she was 43 and did not live with us it has been soul crushing for us. I have heard all 5 of these comments. Like you said we have no choice in what life has dealt us. We will always be the parents of a child who is no longer with us. Rachael Leigh Barry will always be forever 43.
My name is Rachael & i am recently 43. I thought i understood grief until my precious dad recently passed im completely stuck in grief people say its the right order of events but his sudden passing started with covid in a hospital he didnt really need to be in so i dont feel it was his time theres alot more to it , but i just wanted to send you love & strength from Ireland. I hope you can find strength some days and at least enjoy each other my mom is now alone & were both beyond heartbroken 💔. God bless you both, hopefully we meet them againx
@@sapphire6769 Thank you so much for your reply. I’m so sorry you lost your dad. Be sure you and your mom take care of each other. I tell everyone that grief never goes away but it does get a little easier to handle. Hang in there, you will make it through. By the way, I LOVE YOUR NAME. ;-)
@@lindabarry8439 Thank you i guess my mom did too, i spell it with an "A" as you do your Rachael. Im glad you didnt mind me reaching out i was a little worried about revealing my name & age but thought maybe its a sign that i happen to come across it , or coincidence after loss im not sure any of us know what were fully doing as our thoughts are always divided with the present & those weve lost x perhaps we'll message again & thk you your condolences i am too sorry you had to loose Rachael x
I lived my whole life in the shadow of my dead brother and my grieving mother who lost her first child when she was pregnant with me. I parented my children with that fear. We all know there is nothing worse than losing a child. It's a terrible part of our existence. Is there really anything that can be said
Yes to all of this!!! My son was killed in June (car accident) and his precious girlfriend died 4 days later from her injuries. I don’t know what he experienced…just that he was dead when the first person arrived. I’d also like to add, the worst thing people have said to me is “at least you have other children.”
Sorry for your loss. I have one child so if anything happened to her I guess i would hear bet you wished you had another child now. I cannot get over the rudeness or insensitivity of some. All the best.
Four or five months after we lost our daughter my boss asked me when I was going to get back to normal. I don’t know if anyone else has experienced this but many times when people find out that we lost our child they feel so bad that I feel like I have to comfort THEM. 😳
Oh my gosh -- That is so insensitive. And yes, I TOTALLY know what you mean with comforting other people. I do it all the time and it can be so frustrating.
Lost my daughter unexpectedly in April of this year from a medical error and I’m a nurse. I have been told at least she isn't suffering anymore. She was not suffering. They don’t know the truth
I just came across your channel. I lost my barely 18 yr old in a car accident/ his friend was driving recklessly...on march 30th of this year. I still feel like it just happened at times, my shock is wearing off at other times..mostly it feels like forever since I've seen him. Thank you for your perspective. Yes and yes to all of these. Especially for me .".I don't know how you do it, you are so strong." Or I couldn't get out if bed. To that I say..well laying in bed makes me feel like I will have a panic attack so I HAVE to get out of bed. Your thoughts and responses to these careless things people say are very similar to mine.
I'm glad you appreciated my perspective, Chaser, and I'm sorry that you understand anything that I'm going through. I wish no one had to feel like this! Sending hugs. ❤️
My daughter who was 10 years old Malaya just pass, it’s been 6 month. She was such a healthy child she got sick with a pneumonia and flu that was her first time ever going to the hospital and I came home with out her 😭. It broke my heart and ask God what just happen I don’t understand this. Why did she not come home with me why?! It hurts so bad. I don’t understand this kind of grief it not fair 😭 that our sweet girl was taken from us just like that with out saying bye. 💔💔💔
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my beautiful gorgeous Son to a car accident this year 6/1/23 he was 20 years old my only child. I am shattered/It is un-bearable pain/ heart broken for ever. I do Not want to be here without him-I will be with my boy.
Thank you always, Brooke .😢my daughter, Saffron, passed away two days after she turned 9 (10 april 2024)😢. I'm told, "Just like job, God will restore you,"you are still young, you can have another child" I'm Ghanaian and I'm told sometimes that my culture does not allow me to cry because she was my first and only child😢(i still cry). I feel subdued 😢😢😢
Some of the 5 things would upset me too. I lost my father which was my best friend (I know there is some difference in losing a child instead of a parent). I’m a Christian and I know I will see him again. The saying about the plan I get it. We were not born to live forever. When God created us he had a plan for us and when we fulfill his plan that plan he calls us home. My father that I miss everyday fulfilled his plan and was called home but I know that when I fulfill the plan GOD has for me he will call me home and I will spend eternity with my father and other family members…🙏🙏🙏
I would add that I hate..."Do you mind me asking how he died?" `....yes...yes I do mind. i will talk about him and his life all day long...i love hearing stories and I'm the first to bring him up in conversation but it still feels like an emotional landmine to verbalize what happened and to be honest I really don't know...its all speculation and there's no examination that will deliver a different outcome so please don't ask me to relive it for your curiosity. It truly amazes me how little thought some people give to asking the most painfully intimate questions at the most inappropriate times - for instance - at a wedding watching someone else's child get married ....as if that's not enough to manage all the swirling thoughts ~sigh~ If i want to talk about it, I will initiate but never ask a parent to relive their child's death..
Hello I was told that we all have problems as if losing my son was a problem as if I can get up and solve this problem a very important person to me that brought me into the world that hurt me so bad and being a person who is so strong I feel like I handle so many things but this is the hardest hardest thing that I face and I'm so so sad
I agree with you about comments about Gods plan which almost means your loved ones life wasn't important enough for God to leave that person alive. I am not religious either and would prefers thoughts without the prayer.
Hello, I feel for you. I really do. I've lost all my immediate older family 14 funerals in 12 years, and then my partner died suddenly. I've not lost a child and that's the worst one of all. I hope you don't mind but just have a look at the likes of this. th-cam.com/video/C-M9zR17egA/w-d-xo.html It has helped me a lot Ted talks and the doctors sharing their stories. Horrible things to say at least it was quick. Oh do eff off. Some of these horrible sayings are arse. Some people mean it in the best way some are glib and just unfeeling twits. I've had some really nasty comments and everyone who said something horrible hadn't lost a soul in their lives. I am a great believer in walking in others shoes to try and understand. Love to you on your journey.
Thank you so much. I'm sorry for all of the people you've lost and that you've had to endure the nasty comments as well. Empathy is really an underrated trait! I really enjoyed that TED Talk -- thank you for sharing.
Thank you for asking! He's doing ok. Physically, he's fully recovered except for some scars. Luckily he saw a great trauma therapist from the start and that has helped. ❤️
Sorry for the late reply, Jenny... The online support group isn't currently running, but if you go to my website and join the mailing list, I will keep you updated if it starts again.
If it’s any comfort or consolation to you who struggle with hearing anything about The GOD of The Bible, most of what people say that is “biblical” is not actually biblically sound. People don’t “become” angels. Angels are altogether different creations. Angels live forever and have never stopped existing. God doesn’t “need” more of them. If more were needed, God would make more. Also, God doesn’t “need” anything at all. God is complete and needs nothing to make anything “complete” .... not your child as “a rose in His garden,” not your child as “a color in His rainbow” ... nothing. As far as “God doesn’t give you more than you can bear,” this isn’t in the Bible. It is stated throughout scripture that we are to trust God through all of life’s difficult circumstances but the saying itself is something thrown around without any scripture, like “God helps those who help themselves.”
I would love to connect with your grief group... I heard u on my friend Marcy's podcast recently... I also did some with her, Eleni's mama episode 92... Would love to connect Deme Cotoulas Pournaras
I lost both my sons . After losing my dad,mom,husband. My elder ,37 years old son got killed by a car like your dauhter.One colleage said - but it was an easy death... The mother of his son,my grandson said-he was blessed to have such a death. Barbaric. To say the least. My younger son was killed 22 months later, by a group... I heard the comments : I can't even imagine what it is like. ..Interesting...as if I ever could have thought such a tragedy can happen to one woman... Am I to apologise for being still alive after that? I can only descrive what "life" is like after losing children.And a colleague asked recently on the phone(I still , half a year after,am working from home,not ready to see the colleagues and be the focus of ...attention and avoidance at the same time) :Well, how are you getting on? I answered -What answer do you expect? If you want to know-I will never be able to say I am fine.Because nothing can be fine fron now on.
I dont like "he will be there in spirit". I find that is empty, It doesn't help either, I want his physical presence or its nothing. Even the thought of him in spirit seeing us all being at the event sad and missing him makes me sad.
@@brookecarlock you are so welcome. On the behalf of all the people that say some off putting things I am very sorry I honestly can't wrap my head around some of the things I have read here. And to each and everyone of you that have suffered a loss my heart is broken for all of you and if I had the power to change things I would happily do it in a heart beat to bring your loved ones back. Oh how I wish I had the power.
God is real.. I pray that you reach out to Him and ask that He reveal Himself to you, because there is no real life without God in it.. we were made to fellowship withHim.. 🙏
This is shit, use what this is saying is that my grief is worse than others, we all lose everyth8ng eventually, grief isn’t a contest or competition, it’s a row team, please heLp the person who most in need of that moment, but u know what I used don’t say to a grieving spouse, child losses a parent etc, don’t say my loss is worse than yours, it’s ok to be pissed at everything, we all know there’s a god, ur just mad at him or so mad at the world ur ignoring him. Justification, no, plan kind of, Wouk for they rather be where they are, sorry but yes, they are ok, and it’s 1 million times there compared to here, I feel bad for u sincerely, and it’s normal to never be ok until u know she’s ok and ull see her, I’m glad u hate me for saying this, I’m just glad ull find out someday we haven’t lost anyone, and I understand the no opportunities to say goodbye, and the fiancé who didn’t get a grave and was cremated not buried and I never saw her, yes it is a odd feeling of not believing they’re gone, I swear I think I see her all the Time. And we do have the choice to do something or not, u are making the strong choice, one step at a time, I wish life felt fair, ur a beautiful and kind soul, well we share the crying and ice cream
All 5 are spot on from my experience as well...the only one I would add is when they say "at least you still have other children" as if that magically makes the pain of losing one diminish somehow. Thanks for sharing
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To find out the BEST things to say to someone grieving, watch this video! th-cam.com/video/rSPUD-2QA_o/w-d-xo.html
I did that at the beginning of my sons death,shared videos or articles hoping that that would know what to say or NOT to say to me,they still just a avoided any topic relating to my son! So I just started to distance myself from them or some just disappeared themselves! It’s videos like this that bring me some comfort!
Someone told us the day of our daughter's funeral, "I know how you feel. My dog just died"
It has been 8 years since my daughter passed and I feel like people expect me to be through all the grieving and be ok...back to normal. Now I get to watch everyone else raise their kids. Jealousy sucks. Child loss sucks. Grief sucks. Memory loss sucks. There are so many things that will never be the same.
Thank you for posting videos so soon after your loss.
We heard that as well...I felt like slapping her.
Oh. My. WORD. I don't even have words for that. I'm so sorry. Sending you so much love.
Memory loss has gotten worse for me.
Yes,I heard that from 2 “friends” after my son passed away,I was speechless,angry,shocked and very hurt! I’m so sorry for you! 💔
@Mike & Candice I'm so sorry that you had to hear that. I lost my beloved younger brother to suicide. When I finally got back to my home, I bumped into a neighbour. I told her I'd been to my brother's funeral and how he died. She said "in my religion, you can't go to heaven if you take your life". In shock, I asked "what religion is that"? She told me "Catholic". I told her my brother's funeral was at our Catholic Church, and the Priest assured us that he was in Heaven because he was depressed. I also told how the Priest led the walk to his grave and blessed the coffin and my brother. That shut her up. I wanted so much to ask her why she was so cruel. I just walked away.
Hi Brooke: Thank you so much for this video. I lost my 32 year old daughter to brain cancer a month ago and I am reeling. I have heard all five of these things in the last month and you are so right, some rub the wrong way. I plan to join your group. Thanks again and I’m sorry for your loss. It is life changing as you mentioned. I will never be the same.
Deborah I would love to have you in the group! Let me know if you would like any more information. I am so sorry to hear about your daughter, and of course you're still reeling after only a month. Hang in there... You're in the shock phase and it is so, so hard. Sending love! ❤️
I’m deeply sorry for your painful loss! To me it feels like I just got thrust onto a different planet and I couldn’t relate to anyone,they felt like strangers in a different country! The only thing that made me feel like I was still normal is hearing other parents stories of their losses! Unfortunately even if it was from TH-cam or reading! Big hugs to you! 💔💔💔
Brooke, thank you for sharing your experience to make others feel seen and cared for. I am many years out from my biggest loss, so many of these “comforting sayings” made me roll my eyes into another dimension. People need to know the true impact of their words and need to think if they are saying something to make themselves feel better or to authentically be present with the grieving person.
Thank you so much Sammy!!! ❤️❤️❤️
My son passed 3yrs on July 26 th, he was very ill from ALS which is extremely painful. He sighed up for hospice care. Toward the end he bed bound on a feeding tube could no longer use his arms or hands, he was on oxygen 24/7. His condition was ravaging his body quickly. The last straw for him was when he lost the ability to swallow fluids. He was 53 yrs old and I thought I had prepared myself for his eventual death,I was not. I felt myself implode like all the air and life left my body my only son and first born child was simply gone. The physical pain I was feeling inside was unbearable. My daughter was such a blessing for me. She helped me enormously on the days I was concentrating to breathe in and out for at least a hour at a time. Sometimes it was seconds at a time. I only remember bits and pieces of his funeral I did not look at him in the casket or did I watch him being lowered into the ground. After the funeral I just went home and cried my eyes out and finally went to sleep. Now all I do is sleep and dream of my son. I've got a shrink who deals in grieving therapy which helped a little. I asked him what wonderful words he had to help me. His answer was there were no magic words for me other than the physical pain would start to diminish in time but my heart would probably never heal. And the only job I had to do was to find something to live for. I kept telling myself that over and over. Then covid hit and I was isolated and was glad not having to deal with people. I finally just shut down.
Nothing ever prepares us for such a loss. Thank you so, so, much for sharing. My thoughts are with you. Please just focus on baby steps every day. You can do this!
I am so sorry for your loss, I lost my daughter after a long illness, she was 42 and it was not even a year after my husband, her Daddy, passed away. It is the hardest thing I have ever done.
Ugh, I'm so sorry. Two difficult losses right in a row. Sending you hugs. ❤️
thank you. my friend just lost her son who turned 16 a few days ago, to a tragic accident. I am here watching your videos to help me help the grieving parents.
That's so kind of you, and I'm sorry about your friend's son. They're lucky to have people to care about them. ❤️
@@brookecarlock ❤️
We lost. Our daughter 4 years ago. She was our only child. Even though she was 43 and did not live with us it has been soul crushing for us. I have heard all 5 of these comments. Like you said we have no choice in what life has dealt us. We will always be the parents of a child who is no longer with us. Rachael Leigh Barry will always be forever 43.
I'm so sorry about the loss of Rachael. It doesn't matter how old they are -- they're our babies. Sending hugs.
My name is Rachael & i am recently 43. I thought i understood grief until my precious dad recently passed im completely stuck in grief people say its the right order of events but his sudden passing started with covid in a hospital he didnt really need to be in so i dont feel it was his time theres alot more to it , but i just wanted to send you love & strength from Ireland. I hope you can find strength some days and at least enjoy each other my mom is now alone & were both beyond heartbroken 💔. God bless you both, hopefully we meet them againx
@@sapphire6769 Thank you so much for your reply. I’m so sorry you lost your dad. Be sure you and your mom take care of each other. I tell everyone that grief never goes away but it does get a little easier to handle. Hang in there, you will make it through. By the way, I LOVE YOUR NAME. ;-)
@@lindabarry8439 Thank you i guess my mom did too, i spell it with an "A" as you do your Rachael. Im glad you didnt mind me reaching out i was a little worried about revealing my name & age but thought maybe its a sign that i happen to come across it , or coincidence after loss im not sure any of us know what were fully doing as our thoughts are always divided with the present & those weve lost x perhaps we'll message again & thk you your condolences i am too sorry you had to loose Rachael x
I lived my whole life in the shadow of my dead brother and my grieving mother who lost her first child when she was pregnant with me. I parented my children with that fear. We all know there is nothing worse than losing a child. It's a terrible part of our existence. Is there really anything that can be said
What a unique perspective you offer. Thank you for sharing. ❤️❤️❤️
Yes to all of this!!! My son was killed in June (car accident) and his precious girlfriend died 4 days later from her injuries. I don’t know what he experienced…just that he was dead when the first person arrived. I’d also like to add, the worst thing people have said to me is “at least you have other children.”
Unbelievable, right? Like having other kids makes it less painful. I'm sorry you can empathize with the car accident scenario. It's so difficult. ❤️
Sorry for your loss. I have one child so if anything happened to her I guess i would hear bet you wished you had another child now. I cannot get over the rudeness or insensitivity of some. All the best.
Four or five months after we lost our daughter my boss asked me when I was going to get back to normal.
I don’t know if anyone else has experienced this but many times when people find out that we lost our child they feel so bad that I feel like I have to comfort THEM. 😳
Oh my gosh -- That is so insensitive. And yes, I TOTALLY know what you mean with comforting other people. I do it all the time and it can be so frustrating.
Thank you for the information and sharing
You are so welcome. ❤️
Lost my daughter unexpectedly in April of this year from a medical error and I’m a nurse. I have been told at least she isn't suffering anymore. She was not suffering. They don’t know the truth
Oh Melanie I am so sorry. That is a lot to bear. People can be so frustrating. Sending hugs. ❤️
You hit on some very important issues.
Thank you, Nancy!
My mother in law lost her daughter. I’m trying my best to support her. Thanks for the advice.
I just came across your channel. I lost my barely 18 yr old in a car accident/ his friend was driving recklessly...on march 30th of this year. I still feel like it just happened at times, my shock is wearing off at other times..mostly it feels like forever since I've seen him. Thank you for your perspective. Yes and yes to all of these. Especially for me .".I don't know how you do it, you are so strong." Or I couldn't get out if bed. To that I say..well laying in bed makes me feel like I will have a panic attack so I HAVE to get out of bed. Your thoughts and responses to these careless things people say are very similar to mine.
I'm glad you appreciated my perspective, Chaser, and I'm sorry that you understand anything that I'm going through. I wish no one had to feel like this! Sending hugs. ❤️
My daughter who was 10 years old Malaya just pass, it’s been 6 month. She was such a healthy child she got sick with a pneumonia and flu that was her first time ever going to the hospital and I came home with out her 😭. It broke my heart and ask God what just happen I don’t understand this. Why did she not come home with me why?! It hurts so bad. I don’t understand this kind of grief it not fair 😭 that our sweet girl was taken from us just like that with out saying bye. 💔💔💔
I'm so sorry for the loss of your beautiful daughter. There is no reason... it's just a tragedy. Sending you so much love. 💔
Don't you think it's time to move on a little bit? One of the worst things I was told!!!
Ugh... the worst. Like we should "move on" from losing a child. ❤️
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my beautiful gorgeous Son to a car accident this year 6/1/23 he was 20 years old my only child. I am shattered/It is un-bearable pain/ heart broken for ever. I do Not want to be here without him-I will be with my boy.
Hang in there, mama. All we can do is take it one minute at a time. Just keep waking up day after day. Sending you so much love and support. ❤️
I was told "He was never meant for this world" urgggg he did so much good for our world. That comment negated it.
Don't let anyone else's comments negate the good!!! I know that's easy to say, but you know the truth in your heart. Sending love.
Thank you. You put words to my feelings.
I'm so glad, but also so sorry that you understand. Sending hugs. ❤️
Thank you always, Brooke .😢my daughter, Saffron, passed away two days after she turned 9 (10 april 2024)😢. I'm told, "Just like job, God will restore you,"you are still young, you can have another child" I'm Ghanaian and I'm told sometimes that my culture does not allow me to cry because she was my first and only child😢(i still cry). I feel subdued 😢😢😢
Please cry if you need to... I'm so sorry. Sending you so much love. 💔
@@brookecarlock thank you
Some of the 5 things would upset me too. I lost my father which was my best friend (I know there is some difference in losing a child instead of a parent). I’m a Christian and I know I will see him again. The saying about the plan I get it. We were not born to live forever. When God created us he had a plan for us and when we fulfill his plan that plan he calls us home. My father that I miss everyday fulfilled his plan and was called home but I know that when I fulfill the plan GOD has for me he will call me home and I will spend eternity with my father and other family members…🙏🙏🙏
Losing a parent it so difficult, Melissa. I lost my dad three months before I lost my daughter, and it was terrible. Hang in there. ❤️
Sending a Big Hug and some ice cream your way. Thank you for sharing.
You are so welcome. And thanks for the hug and ice cream. ❤️
Thank you
You're so welcome! ❤️
Maybe that is why they avoid you because everything seems to anger you and rightly so you lost your child.
I usually just smile and nod. ❤️
Yes I get very upset and lost my son at 28 years old in a car accident 💔
I'm so very sorry. 💔
I have heard all those things and it suck loosing a 17 month old baby 😪
Yes, it definitely does suck. I'm sending you so much love and strength. ❤️❤️❤️
I would add that I hate..."Do you mind me asking how he died?" `....yes...yes I do mind. i will talk about him and his life all day long...i love hearing stories and I'm the first to bring him up in conversation but it still feels like an emotional landmine to verbalize what happened and to be honest I really don't know...its all speculation and there's no examination that will deliver a different outcome so please don't ask me to relive it for your curiosity. It truly amazes me how little thought some people give to asking the most painfully intimate questions at the most inappropriate times - for instance - at a wedding watching someone else's child get married ....as if that's not enough to manage all the swirling thoughts ~sigh~ If i want to talk about it, I will initiate but never ask a parent to relive their child's death..
Hello I was told that we all have problems as if losing my son was a problem as if I can get up and solve this problem a very important person to me that brought me into the world that hurt me so bad and being a person who is so strong I feel like I handle so many things but this is the hardest hardest thing that I face and I'm so so sad
Oh my word, that's horrible. I'm so sorry!
I agree with you about comments about Gods plan which almost means your loved ones life wasn't important enough for God to leave that person alive. I am not religious either and would prefers thoughts without the prayer.
Agreed. Sending hugs for your loss. 💔
Hello, I feel for you. I really do. I've lost all my immediate older family 14 funerals in 12 years, and then my partner died suddenly. I've not lost a child and that's the worst one of all. I hope you don't mind but just have a look at the likes of this. th-cam.com/video/C-M9zR17egA/w-d-xo.html It has helped me a lot Ted talks and the doctors sharing their stories. Horrible things to say at least it was quick. Oh do eff off. Some of these horrible sayings are arse. Some people mean it in the best way some are glib and just unfeeling twits. I've had some really nasty comments and everyone who said something horrible hadn't lost a soul in their lives. I am a great believer in walking in others shoes to try and understand. Love to you on your journey.
Thank you so much. I'm sorry for all of the people you've lost and that you've had to endure the nasty comments as well. Empathy is really an underrated trait! I really enjoyed that TED Talk -- thank you for sharing.
Since Maxwell was in the accident I’m just wondering how he’s doing?
Thank you for asking! He's doing ok. Physically, he's fully recovered except for some scars. Luckily he saw a great trauma therapist from the start and that has helped. ❤️
I’d also like to add a #6 “you can always have another one” 😭
That's a GREAT one!
I had someone say you will feel better now you have laid him to rest.
Uhhhhhh no. 🤦♀️
There is no more normal.
How do I join your online group please
Sorry for the late reply, Jenny... The online support group isn't currently running, but if you go to my website and join the mailing list, I will keep you updated if it starts again.
If it’s any comfort or consolation to you who struggle with hearing anything about The GOD of The Bible, most of what people say that is “biblical” is not actually biblically sound. People don’t “become” angels. Angels are altogether different creations. Angels live forever and have never stopped existing. God doesn’t “need” more of them. If more were needed, God would make more.
Also, God doesn’t “need” anything at all. God is complete and needs nothing to make anything “complete” .... not your child as “a rose in His garden,” not your child as “a color in His rainbow” ... nothing.
As far as “God doesn’t give you more than you can bear,” this isn’t in the Bible. It is stated throughout scripture that we are to trust God through all of life’s difficult circumstances but the saying itself is something thrown around without any scripture, like “God helps those who help themselves.”
I would love to connect with your grief group...
I heard u on my friend Marcy's podcast recently...
I also did some with her, Eleni's mama episode 92...
Would love to connect
Deme Cotoulas Pournaras
Sorry for the late reply... the grief group isn't currently running, but if it starts again I will let you know. Sending love. ❤️
I lost both my sons . After losing my dad,mom,husband. My elder ,37 years old son got killed by a car like your dauhter.One colleage said - but it was an easy death... The mother of his son,my grandson said-he was blessed to have such a death. Barbaric. To say the least. My younger son was killed 22 months later, by a group... I heard the comments : I can't even imagine what it is like. ..Interesting...as if I ever could have thought such a tragedy can happen to one woman... Am I to apologise for being still alive after that? I can only descrive what "life" is like after losing children.And a colleague asked recently on the phone(I still , half a year after,am working from home,not ready to see the colleagues and be the focus of ...attention and avoidance at the same time) :Well, how are you getting on? I answered -What answer do you expect? If you want to know-I will never be able to say I am fine.Because nothing can be fine fron now on.
Ugh... I am so very, very sorry. Usually when people ask me how I'm doing, I just say, "I'm here." That's about as good as I am some days. 💔
I dont like "he will be there in spirit". I find that is empty, It doesn't help either, I want his physical presence or its nothing. Even the thought of him in spirit seeing us all being at the event sad and missing him makes me sad.
Agreed. I hear that one a LOT!
I would like to join
I'm no longer running any groups... I'm sorry! I do have a book you might find helpful, or my friend Jo McRogers has groups available. ❤️
💔❤🙏
Thank you!
@@brookecarlock you are so welcome. On the behalf of all the people that say some off putting things I am very sorry I honestly can't wrap my head around some of the things I have read here. And to each and everyone of you that have suffered a loss my heart is broken for all of you and if I had the power to change things I would happily do it in a heart beat to bring your loved ones back. Oh how I wish I had the power.
God is real.. I pray that you reach out to Him and ask that He reveal Himself to you, because there is no real life without God in it.. we were made to fellowship withHim.. 🙏
This is shit, use what this is saying is that my grief is worse than others, we all lose everyth8ng eventually, grief isn’t a contest or competition, it’s a row team, please heLp the person who most in need of that moment, but u know what I used don’t say to a grieving spouse, child losses a parent etc, don’t say my loss is worse than yours, it’s ok to be pissed at everything, we all know there’s a god, ur just mad at him or so mad at the world ur ignoring him. Justification, no, plan kind of, Wouk for they rather be where they are, sorry but yes, they are ok, and it’s 1 million times there compared to here, I feel bad for u sincerely, and it’s normal to never be ok until u know she’s ok and ull see her, I’m glad u hate me for saying this, I’m just glad ull find out someday we haven’t lost anyone, and I understand the no opportunities to say goodbye, and the fiancé who didn’t get a grave and was cremated not buried and I never saw her, yes it is a odd feeling of not believing they’re gone, I swear I think I see her all the Time. And we do have the choice to do something or not, u are making the strong choice, one step at a time, I wish life felt fair, ur a beautiful and kind soul, well we share the crying and ice cream
All 5 are spot on from my experience as well...the only one I would add is when they say "at least you still have other children" as if that magically makes the pain of losing one diminish somehow. Thanks for sharing
Yep, I heard that one too!! Like having other kids makes it ok to lose one. 🫤
But some have only one, and it would be worse to not have any child.
@@annabrahamson4320 I have someone in my child loss group in this situation, and it is definitely very, very difficult.
I've had that said to me as well.