Sorry you feel this way. I’m going thru an awful breakup but my heart has healed, I’ve learned a lot about who I am and am open minded to meeting someone new or bringing back my ex w a new found love and respect for her
People saying "move on" is like, telling a person who's leg is broken to "just walk"... if they could they would... it's very unempathetic even though they never mean to be that way
As if the pain of the breakup isn’t enough, everyone around me is saying “stop thinking about her! Think about yourself instead! You’ve given her enough of your energy!” What they don’t understand is a lot of my thoughts are intrusive. I’ll be sat there doing something totally different then a memory of us on holiday, going for dinner, whatever will just pop into my head involuntarily. Then I start to cry. I have no desire to have these memories pop up and people don’t seem to get that. I feel like people think I want to be in this state :( I really don’t, I’d love to be over it and be able to look back and say it didn’t work out but I have fond memories, I’m just not there yet because I’m too sad that it’s over and I miss her. Over a month of no contact and three months since we broke up and I last saw her. Over a year together and we were friends before we got together. Very sad
Don't listen to others they want you to feel better but it takes time. Truth is you may always think of that person from time to time even when you are old with white hair. Its just you will learn how to deal with it better and that person won't come to mind as often. Good luck.
I agree. I've been having family and friends telling me I need to stop being sad all the time. I'm not trying to be sad I would love to be happy again! They all tell me with time I'll feel better and I agree but at this time I am having an awful time and I just cry remembering just one tiny memory of me and my ex boyfriend 😭
When people say move on it irritates. It feels like nobody understands your love for that person. It pains when you don't get the support you need in a breakup
Most of my friends are hypocrites and the ones that understand have gone through it. My one friend tells me to move on yet he himself is terrible at relationships (he claims to be an expert because he has dated many woman) and EVEN HE IS BACK WITH HIS EX. You should never take relationship advice from friends and family. They mean well but they have no idea most of the time. If they understood or even truly support you then they should support your efforts no matter what direction you chose (to try to get your ex back or not)
Yeah and it's not just bad advice, but lack of insight on their part. As Craig says they want to help but they cannot. Whether they tell you some basic bullshit or nothing helpful to resolve your situation. After some time I didn't even dare to talk about it with them cause they take me for crazy or worse.
Exactly! What's scary though is how HER friends & family are getting in her head fueling the fire so to speak.Pumping her up to forget about you,move on etc. etc.
Right. They just don't know. Plus, lots of people have the " just move on " / " next " mentality. Also some of the worst advice comes from those articles that come up when you Google like reddit and things where hurt people advice eachother. And, I agree, many people advise from thier own attachment style if they're no aware.
How about a girfriend from 30 years ago? I called an ex from the past to apologize for acting like an ass. Nothing abusive just imature stuff. We talked for 5 minutes, mostly she talked and told me a bit about herself but I kept it to the apology so there would be no misunderstanding of my motives and that the apology was sincere. I called her at work and kept the call short and said a couple of times, "I'll let you go I dont want to bother you at work". I didnt tell her anything about myself because I wanted to make it about the apology. I kind of regret not being more charming and funny because I was being business like. Now for some reason I keep thinking about her and remembering some of the nice things from the past. I never had anyone treat me better and seem more crazy in love with me than her. I screwed that up in 6 months! Aparently she was talking to my mother after the breakup which she told me when we talked but I didnt ask her what that means but I think she may have had a hard time with the breakup which is shocking to me. My mother is deceased so I cant ask her. After we broke up and after bothering her for weeks to give me another chance I came to my senses and completely left her alone and swore to myself that I would never bother her again. I ran across her through the years several times and wouldnt even look her way or say hello because I was so ashamed of myself. Now I wonder why I did that because she probably thinks Im an ass and that I held a grudge and hated her. So if there was ever a chance to talk with her shortly after the break up I made sure that wouldnt happen. I believe she is with someone but not married but I feel good that maybe I opened the door just a little that at some point I might hear from her just to tell her that she was important to me and I never hated her. I called once in 30 years and cant call her again. If anyone got to the end of this story thanks for reading it.
This is crazy, this is the exact issue I've been dealing with. I've been going through the ups and downs of depression after the breakup because I do feel largely responsible. My family and friends, especially my mom, gets on my case and keeps telling me that my sadness isn't "normal". She thinks it's been too long, it's been a little over 3 months since the breakup. My ex is ignoring me and strangely enough I understand why. According to my family he is just being mean and isn't a nice person. It's so discouraging to not have anyone to talk to. They never really got to know him and it feels unfair that they are making him a villain. It doesn't make me feel better. I wish I had the money to book a coaching session. Until then, I will keep watching your videos. I forgot to mention, my mom has been saying he is mean mostly because she reached out and he ignored her too. I told her not to do anything like that because I knew it would make things worse...people never listen :/
Vim Raj I don't think she is my enemy. But it isn't her place to try to fix my problems for me. It also isn't her place to try to talk to him about our relationship. They didn't have that kind of closeness to begin with. Maybe he is being rude or maybe he is just exerting his right to be left alone. Time will tell.
Ces Tbh, I don't know how to feel about it. I'm not really furious. I think a small part of me wishes he had replied to her just to know something, but on the other hand I'm fine that he didn't because it could have made this already impossible situation worse.
PandaEats I hear you, at least you’d have a little feedback. Last time I ran into my ex’s sister they got into a fight because her sister told me things that my ex got pissed about. So, the family thing does make things a tad worse.
WOW, what a profound video. I am floored with all the information on this video and cannot thank you enough for sharing some of your private experiences in relationships. You are truly God sent. Thank you coach Craig for all you do in helping us recover from our heart breaks! Thank you Craig.
My parents and some of my friends do this. Always telling me to move on, like it's that easy. Some villifying my ex. Problem is, my ex's family and friends are definitely doing the same thing, and my ex (who is quite young) is easily influenced by them. I think she would've been back already if it were not for her family.
Been watching your videos all day Craig and thinking of what I'm gonna say during the coaching I'm gonna set up soon this girl is and always has been my favourite person in the world, I love her to pieces and I've been in a dark, dark place The situation is BEYOND hopeless, like .00000000000000001% chance of ever working, but I can't give up on it. I love her and miss her terrible.
This is so true. Which is why it cant be helped that i appreciate friends who would just be there to listen and comfort you. Respect your grieving heart rather than talking and telling you what you should and should not be thinking or feeling, like forget him, he is just making it up.
Hi Craig, I think an attachment healing course sounds like an excellent idea. I have experienced a bit of this though counseling and by going through the book "Calling in the One" by Katherine Thomas. However, no matter how much I seem to heal my anxious attachment style to become an "earned secure," I still find myself being attracted to avoidants. If you do make a workbook on healing attachment styles, could you please touch on this? I want to be attracted to another secure person, but even when I think I have, they turn out to be avoidant. Maybe secure ppl are just really hard to come by in my age range and I shouldn't be so picky...
Easier said than done. It takes time to work through the pain and heal from a breakup. We all have traumas and childhood wounds--hurt people hurt people. Self care and self love are very important in the healing process....
Very true! I have googled so many coaches during this tough time of no contact, many have turned out to be feminists and hold grudges against men, this is not healthy either, you are just and do not ignore past childhood trauma. Thank you for your videos.
Thank you Coach Craig for your uncanny insight into relationships! I would love to learn more about healing attachment issues. I am working through your notebooks trying to improve myself after a horrible break-up due to conflicting attachment styles.
Listening to those in your friends and family circle has never helped in any way. Especially when it’s the opposite of the countless hours of reading and videos from good coaches. They always have your best interest at heart but that’s not at all the best course of action. Most people just don’t get it! The right course of action can be so counter intuitive that most cannot grasp the concepts!
I have discovered that most people around me are useless. Sad to say but the truth. I get more from Coach Craig & even strangers than anyone “close” to me.
Been 42 years and every now and then I'll feel that old sting. But life goes on. You may never get over it but you will get used to it. Don't let your imagination get the best of you either.
Hi Craig, I wish I can get your personal advice but I cannot afford it yet plus im from asia, but your videos are the only thing that help me dealing with my break up. Me and my gf broke up a month ago, bec she said she needed space to focus on her studies and family problems, we met week after that and ive found out one of her ex bf sent her to her hometown from the city where she studies college, ive tried to move on after that and after couple weeks she contacted me and said wanted to make up but gone again afterwards and i went back to chasing her again and we decided to talk in person, And we just met this week and talked, she said shes not ready yet to go back to our relationship because she doesnt want to hurt me once she felt the anxiety she had before, we had a date, we were sweet, we watched movie together and we made out. Now, i dont really know what to do especially when she said she needed more space and break and my fault was saying "I would wait". I need your advice and will appreciate advices from other people here. Thanks
I never really has that problem of them criticizing my ex. Cause i did know her. Its been 4 months and i think i know why she left. I didnt do anything wrong. But I didnt deal with my attachment. I was born with clubbed feet. The first 13 years of my life i had numerous reconstructive surgeries. My parents were very hit and miss with their support. Even to this day. So that pain and trauma that seeped through my eyes and my face. I can see why she left.
Thank you Craig your right family . Does not always understand . They just see that you are hurting . And they don't wanna see you in pain. It's been a year since me and my ex broke up. He broke up with me because of some issues that I had. And didn't try to fix while we were still together. I still love him very much and it hurts. We lived together for almost 13 years . And now our lease in ending at the end of August. And we will both be going out separate ways . But of course I still love him very much. And my grandmother told me it's been a year. And to just move on he is currently in another relationship . They have been together for almost 10 months. Anyway I wanted to say thank you for your videos. They are really helping me I enjoy watching you and Margaret.
Coach Margaret, a South Africa leading cardiologist dean of health sciences and world resesrch discovering heart attack gene, took his own life on friday. He was suffering from depression in past years. I wish he had met you before he made the desperate decision.
Coach Craig, do we feel those symptoms because we are anxious attachment style ? I am assuming that the avoidant style does not feel so much symptoms ???
Coach Craig can I get a heart so we can inform the people about the coaches you mean that have 'insecure' attachment styles that hate women are mainly those in red pill and MGTOW forums. They essentially have unresolved trauma wounds. Not that all this information is bad, you just need to be careful what and who you listen to.
I agree. Coach Craig wants to appear squeaky clean on these videos but you can't just make vague statements without calling out the supposed perpetrator. Besides I've had a coaching session with him in the past and he is different than he is in the videos, some would even say misogynist.
I did some soul digging and I figured out my past traumas creating my anxious attachment style. What do I do from here? What can I do with this now? I would appreciate a video on this if it's possible. Really grateful for your work, thank you and Margareth both.
(I posted this comment on another recent video, i'm just really curious for a response) I'm a lil confused right now. Someone who I really respect gave me some very interesting advice. I've been in no-reachout for about a month now The person I talked to told me that I should reach out to her and try to schedule face-to-face meeting where I have her hashout all the things I did wrong (in a calmer perspective now that a month passed). The idea is to take an extremely empathetic tone during the talk, and really get her to open up about every action I did wrong, and then I would keep mirroring how it made her feel, and just kinda keep getting her to talk about her feelins. The idea being that if she talks about the problems she'll be objectifying them and kinda getting over them. Dissolve anger she has towards me, which in turn would make it easier for her to see my value again. Which makes sense. As that's how I get over things Also this would in a sense obtain a closure as I'm sure i'll learn another thing I must've done wrong (maybe somethings weren't said or have been discovered over the last month etc.) , and maybe it'll really enlighten the situation. And it would also reveal a new empathetic tone to her, something which I lacked during the relationship, but am working on now. Maybe this would plant seeds for a reconnection, I don't know. The main pitch and point of it being something like "I really wanna make sure I know everything I did wrong so I don't make the same mistakes in future relationships" (which im all for) - I'm not to make any advances on her or to try to get at her, and I wouldn't try unless she chased me. Just simply try to get her to talk about how I made her feel, and just empathize. With a lot of indifference. I don't expect to get her back, or for her to even answer my call to request this- but if this may help . . . The person who told me about this was referring to a lot of buddhist stuff (not directly, I just happened to realize where he was getting his stuff from towards the end), he explained a very intriguing theory of how people live on a spectrum of behavior between cause and effect, and he mentioned a book "girls are from venus, boys are from mars", something like that. But by breaking no-reachout, this would be counter-productive. Or should I give her a call and try to set a meeting, and then go back to no-reachout? Ive made huge strides the last month. I'd really hate to fuck up here hahah. I wouldn't be trying to chase her. And i'm not reaching out to soothe anxiety or to plea about how much I love her. I'm not trying to negotiate her feelings. The conversation would just be about her, how she felt, and by being an empathetic listener I could soothe some resentment towards me. Would some talk like this be productive if I want her back? I have no problem doing the talk or staying no contact, I'm just curious as If this could do anything (everyone hates being idle though) (I should also point out that though it's clear she wanted space, she never said anything like "I never wanna talk again" etc.)
Hunter Kubat well that works for me with.my ex and i of 6 years. Whenever i feel offended over something he has done or missed to do, i say it out to him, not just so he would know but more for me to easily forgive him and have that clean slate feeling after. As releasing bad feelings and hurt is quite cleasing to the soul . Just be ready not to be intimidated and shy away after letting her voice her heart out..dont make the mistake of not telling her how u want things to be between you after the talk .But at the same time, let her decide how she would want to take it from there.
Thank you so much for replying. I hope you're doing alright. My ex is resisting me though. She said she is too busy the next few weeks, so I told her whenever she is ready for something like that and went back into no contact. I was with her for 2 and a half years, and the relationship didn't really end with me doing anything wrong so I think she is definitely gonna reach out again at some point (cus that would be ridiculous if she didn't). I'm just gonna have to be ready.
Hunter Kubat just let her be for now. I guess that would be the best thing we can do for now. My ex broke up with me as he feels lost with the multiple failures he has just recently been with work and personal goals plus our long distance does not help. Ive been reaching out at first and encouraging him, but later realise, to let him be and pray for him is the best thing i can do and its never easy. Love is a verb and so is waitng/NC 🤔
My ex was willing to start fresh and try our relationship again. When she came over my mom gave her stank eye and now my ex doesnt want to be together anymore cause she no longer feels comfortable coming over to my house now. I'm so upset with my mom cause I told her how badly I wanted to work things out with my ex but she helped push her away!!!
jeez. stop hating your own family and friends. everyone will leave you just like what your ex did except your family. better treat your own family a little better. never take them for granted.
thats fine, hes just talking about the biases that friends and family may want. My friends and family think i should move on. I am, but am open to reconcile with my ex if she came back. I was responsible for about 70 percent of why she broke up with me
she met another guy.. we been together for 6 years. Its been 2 years since the break up and she still with the same guy , i did nc since , been working out, having a high status circle friends and having a better job. We lived together she was such a big part of my life But I never bothered her she looks happy with the new guy, she reaches out here and there but not to reconcile. we had 2 dogs that is staying with me , I still have dreams/nightmares about her. I miss her so much but i can never tell her that
What should I do if my friends say that to me? I tried telling them that I am not gonna forget my ex but all they say is “I don’t wanna be in pain” or any crap they say just to make them forget your ex for good
She said I was her first priority before and her family came 2nd. Now she telling me she will never do that again. But says she still cares about me. So damn confused
Interesting, I was my ex’s 1st priority til her mom became needy of her time & decided her family was her 1st priority and I was left ... this grown woman put her mom above her own relationship!
my best friend when it comes to dealing w/ these emotions is my iPod I use the music I love where I can listen to they lyrics where I can relate to the song. For example Linkin Park's first two albums (Hybrid Theory, Meteora) or the songs Somebody I Use To Know by Goyte & Apologize by One Republic. (It helps me get over the hurricane of emotions better than the other things I love such as movies or anime because I can't relate to those vs to the lyrics songs that revolve around relationships).
Yes it took me 50 years to hear about attachment patterns and I had no idea that I lived with anxiety my entire life... do a session on anxiety attachment patterns
He already has video on Anxiety /Anxious attachment as well as dismissive advoidant attachment. Type his name and then 1 of THE above. It will pull up for you. And oh yea, It is see something to learn about. Opened my eyes.
Hi Craig. Your videos have really hepled me. I really thank you for that. I just had one question regarding this video. I broke up with my ex in august and had never contacted her since (she also blocked me everywhere). However, my family reached out to her twice in between which i came to know after. She refused both the times. I dont know if this hurt my chances further. I had no idea they contacted her behind me. And yeah she has not unblocked me anywhere. Please help
What if my ex is seeing DIFFERENT people guess shes looking dir that "guy" and we just just started texting ...shes been nice but dont text when shes going out... can't stand the anxiety and fear.... I dont know what to do.... please help
Hi craig. I love watching your videos. I have a question, how will telling friends affect the situation with a girl that I was courting? I asked a friend to send a message to the girl because she was not replying and i do not know if she was even reading my messages. So what i did was, I sent a message to my friend. And then I asked that friend to send that message to the girl. I was wondering, how much damage will it do to the situation. What will she be thinking? Please make a video about it. Thank you and God bless.
One of my female co workers from my old job literally told me that she'd go on a revenge date with me at my EX job to get back at her....yeah that doesn't sound like a good idea lol
i told my friends and family my doubts about my ex. I have an fearful avoidant attachment style and probably Relationship OCD. Yet my friends and family ignore that and just remind me of the doubts I told them about my ex. My therapist is a hell of a lot more balanced and basically got me to want to still reconcile. Sorry not sorry.
Moving on is so hard. I'd rather be single forever than go through the same breaking up scene. it just hurts too much
Kazzy Love that’s how I see it too. So sad how people can hurt and damage others without a care.
Sorry you feel this way. I’m going thru an awful breakup but my heart has healed, I’ve learned a lot about who I am and am open minded to meeting someone new or bringing back my ex w a new found love and respect for her
@James Bond no i think i became more resilient. but guess what i found someone new. :) im better than before
I’m going to try and enjoy being single for a while
Me too. I just want to work and help my mom. I don't wanna look for another woman
People saying "move on" is like, telling a person who's leg is broken to "just walk"... if they could they would... it's very unempathetic even though they never mean to be that way
Oh man, I’m going to say this next time someone’s gonna tell me to “move on”!
As if the pain of the breakup isn’t enough, everyone around me is saying “stop thinking about her! Think about yourself instead! You’ve given her enough of your energy!” What they don’t understand is a lot of my thoughts are intrusive. I’ll be sat there doing something totally different then a memory of us on holiday, going for dinner, whatever will just pop into my head involuntarily. Then I start to cry. I have no desire to have these memories pop up and people don’t seem to get that. I feel like people think I want to be in this state :( I really don’t, I’d love to be over it and be able to look back and say it didn’t work out but I have fond memories, I’m just not there yet because I’m too sad that it’s over and I miss her. Over a month of no contact and three months since we broke up and I last saw her. Over a year together and we were friends before we got together. Very sad
Don't listen to others they want you to feel better but it takes time. Truth is you may always think of that person from time to time even when you are old with white hair. Its just you will learn how to deal with it better and that person won't come to mind as often. Good luck.
@@barbarariley3488 totally agree with you!
I’m so sorry. Praying things will get better. People just don’t understand sometimes.
I agree. I've been having family and friends telling me I need to stop being sad all the time. I'm not trying to be sad I would love to be happy again! They all tell me with time I'll feel better and I agree but at this time I am having an awful time and I just cry remembering just one tiny memory of me and my ex boyfriend 😭
Im soo sorry...I know exactly how u feel...I'm going through the exact same thing...
When people say move on it irritates. It feels like nobody understands your love for that person. It pains when you don't get the support you need in a breakup
Most of my friends are hypocrites and the ones that understand have gone through it. My one friend tells me to move on yet he himself is terrible at relationships (he claims to be an expert because he has dated many woman) and EVEN HE IS BACK WITH HIS EX. You should never take relationship advice from friends and family. They mean well but they have no idea most of the time. If they understood or even truly support you then they should support your efforts no matter what direction you chose (to try to get your ex back or not)
Yeah and it's not just bad advice, but lack of insight on their part. As Craig says they want to help but they cannot. Whether they tell you some basic bullshit or nothing helpful to resolve your situation. After some time I didn't even dare to talk about it with them cause they take me for crazy or worse.
Exactly! What's scary though is how HER friends & family are getting in her head fueling the fire so to speak.Pumping her up to forget about you,move on etc. etc.
Words of wisdom. Only listen to your own heart and go with your gut and mostly your instinct. If it feels like a bad idea, it usually is.
Darcy Marie TCB very true. No one knows your relationship and your partner better than you do.
Another great video.
With trauma, I tend to talk to ANYONE when I'm in pain but I've learned to limit my conversations to 2-3 close friends.
Right. They just don't know.
Plus, lots of people have the " just move on " / " next " mentality.
Also some of the worst advice comes from those articles that come up when you Google like reddit and things where hurt people advice eachother.
And, I agree, many people advise from thier own attachment style if they're no aware.
We are a bunch of hopeless romantics suffering from a breakup, beautiful girls and good looking guys with no luck. 😰🤷🏻♂️
How about a girfriend from 30 years ago? I called an ex from the past to apologize for acting like an ass. Nothing abusive just imature stuff. We talked for 5 minutes, mostly she talked and told me a bit about herself but I kept it to the apology so there would be no misunderstanding of my motives and that the apology was sincere. I called her at work and kept the call short and said a couple of times, "I'll let you go I dont want to bother you at work". I didnt tell her anything about myself because I wanted to make it about the apology. I kind of regret not being more charming and funny because I was being business like. Now for some reason I keep thinking about her and remembering some of the nice things from the past. I never had anyone treat me better and seem more crazy in love with me than her. I screwed that up in 6 months! Aparently she was talking to my mother after the breakup which she told me when we talked but I didnt ask her what that means but I think she may have had a hard time with the breakup which is shocking to me. My mother is deceased so I cant ask her. After we broke up and after bothering her for weeks to give me another chance I came to my senses and completely left her alone and swore to myself that I would never bother her again. I ran across her through the years several times and wouldnt even look her way or say hello because I was so ashamed of myself. Now I wonder why I did that because she probably thinks Im an ass and that I held a grudge and hated her. So if there was ever a chance to talk with her shortly after the break up I made sure that wouldnt happen. I believe she is with someone but not married but I feel good that maybe I opened the door just a little that at some point I might hear from her just to tell her that she was important to me and I never hated her. I called once in 30 years and cant call her again. If anyone got to the end of this story thanks for reading it.
Yeah, sometimes it sounds like "just forget about that pain in your stomach. just move on, stop thinking about it".
This is crazy, this is the exact issue I've been dealing with. I've been going through the ups and downs of depression after the breakup because I do feel largely responsible. My family and friends, especially my mom, gets on my case and keeps telling me that my sadness isn't "normal". She thinks it's been too long, it's been a little over 3 months since the breakup. My ex is ignoring me and strangely enough I understand why. According to my family he is just being mean and isn't a nice person. It's so discouraging to not have anyone to talk to. They never really got to know him and it feels unfair that they are making him a villain. It doesn't make me feel better. I wish I had the money to book a coaching session. Until then, I will keep watching your videos.
I forgot to mention, my mom has been saying he is mean mostly because she reached out and he ignored her too. I told her not to do anything like that because I knew it would make things worse...people never listen :/
PandaEats your mum is not your enemy. She did not cause your hesrtbreak. He is not nice to ignore your mum. That says a lot.
Vim Raj I don't think she is my enemy. But it isn't her place to try to fix my problems for me. It also isn't her place to try to talk to him about our relationship. They didn't have that kind of closeness to begin with. Maybe he is being rude or maybe he is just exerting his right to be left alone. Time will tell.
It wasn’t your mom’s place to try and reach out. I’d be furious.
Ces Tbh, I don't know how to feel about it. I'm not really furious. I think a small part of me wishes he had replied to her just to know something, but on the other hand I'm fine that he didn't because it could have made this already impossible situation worse.
PandaEats I hear you, at least you’d have a little feedback. Last time I ran into my ex’s sister they got into a fight because her sister told me things that my ex got pissed about. So, the family thing does make things a tad worse.
WOW, what a profound video. I am floored with all the information on this video and cannot thank you enough for sharing some of your private experiences in relationships. You are truly God sent. Thank you coach Craig for all you do in helping us recover from our heart breaks! Thank you Craig.
My parents and some of my friends do this. Always telling me to move on, like it's that easy. Some villifying my ex.
Problem is, my ex's family and friends are definitely doing the same thing, and my ex (who is quite young) is easily influenced by them. I think she would've been back already if it were not for her family.
If the cause of breakups is nothing but petty things its worth to give the communication open. Give a lot of space and never chase and beg her.
Been watching your videos all day Craig and thinking of what I'm gonna say during the coaching I'm gonna set up soon
this girl is and always has been my favourite person in the world, I love her to pieces and I've been in a dark, dark place
The situation is BEYOND hopeless, like .00000000000000001% chance of ever working, but I can't give up on it. I love her and miss her terrible.
Ronny G how are you now? I really like to know.
Update??
This is so true. Which is why it cant be helped that i appreciate friends who would just be there to listen and comfort you. Respect your grieving heart rather than talking and telling you what you should and should not be thinking or feeling, like forget him, he is just making it up.
Yes, an attachment healing course or video series would be really helpful
Another +1 for attachment healing course
Hi Craig, I think an attachment healing course sounds like an excellent idea. I have experienced a bit of this though counseling and by going through the book "Calling in the One" by Katherine Thomas. However, no matter how much I seem to heal my anxious attachment style to become an "earned secure," I still find myself being attracted to avoidants. If you do make a workbook on healing attachment styles, could you please touch on this? I want to be attracted to another secure person, but even when I think I have, they turn out to be avoidant. Maybe secure ppl are just really hard to come by in my age range and I shouldn't be so picky...
I love her and miss her so fucking much
Tell me about it. I feel the exact same
Hey I see it's been 4 months any updates?
Wish my ex would think that of me, he doesn't even miss me:(
Attachment healing course!! I would love this. Can we please get this! I’ve recently started the workbooks and plan on doing ALL of them.
Easier said than done. It takes time to work through the pain and heal from a breakup. We all have traumas and childhood wounds--hurt people hurt people. Self care and self love are very important in the healing process....
Very true! I have googled so many coaches during this tough time of no contact, many have turned out to be feminists and hold grudges against men, this is not healthy either, you are just and do not ignore past childhood trauma. Thank you for your videos.
Attachment healing course would be great! While I can recognise my anxious attachment happening I still have trouble regulating it.
Hey guys be sure to join my newsletter on my website! Sending out an email very soon!
True coach. I signed up a long time ago never worked. 😔
I don’t have additional time to send out newsletters. But I am sending out with a sample of the workbooks so u guys can see how it looks!
Friends and family just make it worse ... I just keep digging the hole deeper !!
Thank you Coach Craig for your uncanny insight into relationships! I would love to learn more about healing attachment issues. I am working through your notebooks trying to improve myself after a horrible break-up due to conflicting attachment styles.
ATTACHMENT HEALING COURSE NECESSARY!!!
Listening to those in your friends and family circle has never helped in any way. Especially when it’s the opposite of the countless hours of reading and videos from good coaches. They always have your best interest at heart but that’s not at all the best course of action. Most people just don’t get it! The right course of action can be so counter intuitive that most cannot grasp the concepts!
It’s been 2 years I’m still not over her.
Hey brother, how are you doing nowadays?
Coach, thank you for this video!!!!! Wow, you opened my eyes to something I’m currently going thru, thank u again!!!
I have discovered that most people around me are useless. Sad to say but the truth. I get more from Coach Craig & even strangers than anyone “close” to me.
Been 42 years and every now and then I'll feel that old sting. But life goes on. You may never get over it but you will get used to it. Don't let your imagination get the best of you either.
My friends already messed it up!
Coach your the best! "He already set me up" 1st sentence 😂 Love u and Margaret
Hi Craig, I wish I can get your personal advice but I cannot afford it yet plus im from asia, but your videos are the only thing that help me dealing with my break up.
Me and my gf broke up a month ago, bec she said she needed space to focus on her studies and family problems,
we met week after that and ive found out one of her ex bf sent her to her hometown from the city where she studies college, ive tried to move on after that and after couple weeks she contacted me and said wanted to make up but gone again afterwards and i went back to chasing her again and we decided to talk in person,
And we just met this week and talked, she said shes not ready yet to go back to our relationship because she doesnt want to hurt me once she felt the anxiety she had before, we had a date, we were sweet, we watched movie together and we made out. Now, i dont really know what to do especially when she said she needed more space and break and my fault was saying "I would wait".
I need your advice and will appreciate advices from other people here.
Thanks
You’re a genius!
You have excellent taste!
Coach Craig thank God for your videos. I am wiser now.. I am mindful of who I take advise from.
Yes please do an attachment healing video …. Please. Love the video’s
I never really has that problem of them criticizing my ex. Cause i did know her. Its been 4 months and i think i know why she left. I didnt do anything wrong. But I didnt deal with my attachment.
I was born with clubbed feet. The first 13 years of my life i had numerous reconstructive surgeries. My parents were very hit and miss with their support. Even to this day.
So that pain and trauma that seeped through my eyes and my face. I can see why she left.
I love all of this . Your videos and everything 😭. You are able to help so many people.
Thank you Craig your right family .
Does not always understand .
They just see that you are hurting .
And they don't wanna see you in pain.
It's been a year since me and my ex broke up.
He broke up with me because of some issues that I had.
And didn't try to fix while we were still together.
I still love him very much and it hurts.
We lived together for almost 13 years .
And now our lease in ending at the end of August.
And we will both be going out separate ways .
But of course I still love him very much.
And my grandmother told me it's been a year.
And to just move on he is currently in another relationship .
They have been together for almost 10 months.
Anyway I wanted to say thank you for your videos.
They are really helping me I enjoy watching you and Margaret.
Coach Margaret, a South Africa leading cardiologist dean of health sciences and world resesrch discovering heart attack gene, took his own life on friday. He was suffering from depression in past years. I wish he had met you before he made the desperate decision.
Coach Craig, do we feel those symptoms because we are anxious attachment style ? I am assuming that the avoidant style does not feel so much symptoms ???
Coach Craig can I get a heart so we can inform the people about the coaches you mean that have 'insecure' attachment styles that hate women are mainly those in red pill and MGTOW forums. They essentially have unresolved trauma wounds. Not that all this information is bad, you just need to be careful what and who you listen to.
I agree. Coach Craig wants to appear squeaky clean on these videos but you can't just make vague statements without calling out the supposed perpetrator. Besides I've had a coaching session with him in the past and he is different than he is in the videos, some would even say misogynist.
When i told my dad that my ex broke up with me, he said "this is a joke right" :(
Obviously If I could move on I would. I don’t like feeling like this
Your words are my words too! It's a struggle and it takes time to heal
If I could take a pill that would make moving on happen in a snap, I would. I'm tired of waking up to this awful reality
Updat?
Love this video !
Knowledge is power👌
And The Knowledge is super power! 💪
I did some soul digging and I figured out my past traumas creating my anxious attachment style. What do I do from here? What can I do with this now? I would appreciate a video on this if it's possible. Really grateful for your work, thank you and Margareth both.
Go see a PSYCOTHERAPIST. THERAPY
Craig did you guys ever develop that attachment healing course?
Always good timing. Needed this tonight. It's been a struggle this weekend.
(I posted this comment on another recent video, i'm just really curious for a response)
I'm a lil confused right now. Someone who I really respect gave me some very interesting advice.
I've been in no-reachout for about a month now
The person I talked to told me that I should reach out to her and try to schedule face-to-face meeting where I have her hashout all the things I did wrong (in a calmer perspective now that a month passed).
The idea is to take an extremely empathetic tone during the talk, and really get her to open up about every action I did wrong, and then I would keep mirroring how it made her feel, and just kinda keep getting her to talk about her feelins. The idea being that if she talks about the problems she'll be objectifying them and kinda getting over them. Dissolve anger she has towards me, which in turn would make it easier for her to see my value again. Which makes sense. As that's how I get over things
Also this would in a sense obtain a closure as I'm sure i'll learn another thing I must've done wrong (maybe somethings weren't said or have been discovered over the last month etc.) , and maybe it'll really enlighten the situation. And it would also reveal a new empathetic tone to her, something which I lacked during the relationship, but am working on now. Maybe this would plant seeds for a reconnection, I don't know.
The main pitch and point of it being something like "I really wanna make sure I know everything I did wrong so I don't make the same mistakes in future relationships" (which im all for) - I'm not to make any advances on her or to try to get at her, and I wouldn't try unless she chased me. Just simply try to get her to talk about how I made her feel, and just empathize. With a lot of indifference. I don't expect to get her back, or for her to even answer my call to request this- but if this may help . . .
The person who told me about this was referring to a lot of buddhist stuff (not directly, I just happened to realize where he was getting his stuff from towards the end), he explained a very intriguing theory of how people live on a spectrum of behavior between cause and effect, and he mentioned a book "girls are from venus, boys are from mars", something like that.
But by breaking no-reachout, this would be counter-productive. Or should I give her a call and try to set a meeting, and then go back to no-reachout? Ive made huge strides the last month. I'd really hate to fuck up here hahah. I wouldn't be trying to chase her. And i'm not reaching out to soothe anxiety or to plea about how much I love her. I'm not trying to negotiate her feelings. The conversation would just be about her, how she felt, and by being an empathetic listener I could soothe some resentment towards me.
Would some talk like this be productive if I want her back?
I have no problem doing the talk or staying no contact, I'm just curious as If this could do anything (everyone hates being idle though)
(I should also point out that though it's clear she wanted space, she never said anything like "I never wanna talk again" etc.)
Hunter Kubat well that works for me with.my ex and i of 6 years. Whenever i feel offended over something he has done or missed to do, i say it out to him, not just so he would know but more for me to easily forgive him and have that clean slate feeling after. As releasing bad feelings and hurt is quite cleasing to the soul . Just be ready not to be intimidated and shy away after letting her voice her heart out..dont make the mistake of not telling her how u want things to be between you after the talk .But at the same time, let her decide how she would want to take it from there.
Thank you so much for replying. I hope you're doing alright.
My ex is resisting me though. She said she is too busy the next few weeks, so I told her whenever she is ready for something like that and went back into no contact.
I was with her for 2 and a half years, and the relationship didn't really end with me doing anything wrong so I think she is definitely gonna reach out again at some point (cus that would be ridiculous if she didn't). I'm just gonna have to be ready.
Hunter Kubat just let her be for now. I guess that would be the best thing we can do for now.
My ex broke up with me as he feels lost with the multiple failures he has just recently been with work and personal goals plus our long distance does not help. Ive been reaching out at first and encouraging him, but later realise, to let him be and pray for him is the best thing i can do and its never easy.
Love is a verb and so is waitng/NC 🤔
My ex was willing to start fresh and try our relationship again. When she came over my mom gave her stank eye and now my ex doesnt want to be together anymore cause she no longer feels comfortable coming over to my house now. I'm so upset with my mom cause I told her how badly I wanted to work things out with my ex but she helped push her away!!!
jeez. stop hating your own family and friends.
everyone will leave you just like what your ex did except your family.
better treat your own family a little better. never take them for granted.
thats fine, hes just talking about the biases that friends and family may want. My friends and family think i should move on. I am, but am open to reconcile with my ex if she came back. I was responsible for about 70 percent of why she broke up with me
she met another guy.. we been together for 6 years. Its been 2 years since the break up and she still with the same guy , i did nc since , been working out, having a high status circle friends and having a better job. We lived together she was such a big part of my life But I never bothered her she looks happy with the new guy, she reaches out here and there but not to reconcile. we had 2 dogs that is staying with me , I still have dreams/nightmares about her. I miss her so much but i can never tell her that
What should I do if my friends say that to me? I tried telling them that I am not gonna forget my ex but all they say is “I don’t wanna be in pain” or any crap they say just to make them forget your ex for good
She said I was her first priority before and her family came 2nd. Now she telling me she will never do that again. But says she still cares about me. So damn confused
Interesting, I was my ex’s 1st priority til her mom became needy of her time & decided her family was her 1st priority and I was left ... this grown woman put her mom above her own relationship!
I would like to be part of that attachment course
Update??
my best friend when it comes to dealing w/ these emotions is my iPod I use the music I love where I can listen to they lyrics where I can relate to the song. For example Linkin Park's first two albums (Hybrid Theory, Meteora) or the songs Somebody I Use To Know by Goyte & Apologize by One Republic. (It helps me get over the hurricane of emotions better than the other things I love such as movies or anime because I can't relate to those vs to the lyrics songs that revolve around relationships).
Yes it took me 50 years to hear about attachment patterns and I had no idea that I lived with anxiety my entire life... do a session on anxiety attachment patterns
He already has video on Anxiety /Anxious attachment as well as dismissive advoidant attachment. Type his name and then 1 of THE above. It will pull up for you. And oh yea, It is see something to learn about. Opened my eyes.
ATTACHMENT COURSE, YES PLEASE!!!!
Hi Craig. Your videos have really hepled me. I really thank you for that. I just had one question regarding this video.
I broke up with my ex in august and had never contacted her since (she also blocked me everywhere). However, my family reached out to her twice in between which i came to know after. She refused both the times.
I dont know if this hurt my chances further. I had no idea they contacted her behind me.
And yeah she has not unblocked me anywhere. Please help
What if my ex is seeing DIFFERENT people guess shes looking dir that "guy" and we just just started texting ...shes been nice but dont text when shes going out... can't stand the anxiety and fear.... I dont know what to do.... please help
Hi craig. I love watching your videos. I have a question, how will telling friends affect the situation with a girl that I was courting? I asked a friend to send a message to the girl because she was not replying and i do not know if she was even reading my messages. So what i did was, I sent a message to my friend. And then I asked that friend to send that message to the girl. I was wondering, how much damage will it do to the situation. What will she be thinking? Please make a video about it. Thank you and God bless.
i wish i have a happy email to share to you after watching all videos. been 8 days since we broke up.
Update??
One of my female co workers from my old job literally told me that she'd go on a revenge date with me at my EX job to get back at her....yeah that doesn't sound like a good idea lol
I just cry 😭
i told my friends and family my doubts about my ex. I have an fearful avoidant attachment style and probably Relationship OCD. Yet my friends and family ignore that and just remind me of the doubts I told them about my ex. My therapist is a hell of a lot more balanced and basically got me to want to still reconcile. Sorry not sorry.
Just leave him alone, avoidants needs to treat theirselves before trying to involve others feelings. You hurt a lot it's not normal is a crime
Coachs' that hate women and are very condescending about women? You must be referring to coach Cory Wayne...
rekt😎
What does he say that's condescending to women?