@sc7453 She’s lying (duh) because he won’t listen to her (SHE TOLD HIM EXACTLY WHAT SHE NEEDS) and it’s her last ditch effort to get him to leave her the eff alone. She’s pregnant and has a 15-month old…if you don’t understand what that means…it’s sad the lack of empathy you have.
@@elleelle7200 awfully presumptive on your part that I have a lack of empathy. I made another comment on this video that it is obviously understandable that he needs to take pregnancy into consideration. If I heard the video correctly she told him early after marriage that she NEVER liked sex and “tolerated it” in order to get a marriage commitment. That’s a completely different perspective than “lying about it in order for her to get him to leave her alone while pregnant”. I can actually understand AND empathize with the pregnant wife scenario. It’s just getting really old with the number of female commentators that want to pile on the man and shame him for wanting sexually intimacy. They BOTH bear responsibility. HE needs to be empathetic. SHE needs to see a doctor and find out why sex “hurts” because that is not normal. HE needs to be willing to spend time looking at the stars. SHE needs to participate in counseling like he initiated. Plenty of blame to go around. Men are not the evil ones just because they have a sex drive.
@@SarahConnor562 you wouldn't understand. But she definitely needs to outsource it to pickmes and dip out for her well being. And definitely stop making children with him. Men who only think about themselves don't deserve a lineage
@@sc7453 or thought it would get better if she just held on but it didn't so she gave up or had enough of suffering... So many options your mind could access, but that would mean a bit of empathy. But given that the average man has no emotional intelligence and is essentially a robot, that would be too much to ask.
Here's another thing to consider. I got so I hated sex with my husband cuz he didn't treat me with respect, he ignored me all the time, wouldn't tell me anything about his day (and he'd be gone from 8 am - 10 pm), he was disrespectful to me in front of my kids, never took me out on a date, sometimes went to see other women, etc. The only time he said he loved me was when we were having sex. To me, there's so much more to a relationship than just having sex. He was never able to understand that, and so eventually we divorced.
I feel so sad for this guy’s wife. She is yearning for romance with her husband and he won’t give it to her because he “doesn’t want to.” My heart hurts for her. She’s slowly checking out. That’s why she doesn’t want to have sex.
And it was interesting how he didn’t say anything at the end. Either his mic was turned off, or he didn’t agree with what was being said. I would like to know what happened there.
Guy: “Why aren’t we having sex?” Wife: “Well it physically hurts, I can’t share my emotions with you, and the one romantic gesture I’ve asked for you’ve refused to do…” Guy: “The mystery remains…”
This proves that men can be smart AND stupid at the same time. It’s NOT rocket science, guys! HOW TO GET MORE SEX: HEAR your Wife. RESPOND in kind. Treat her with love and respect OUTSIDE of the bedroom. CONNECT emotionally with her. Bonus Points: HOW TO HAVE MIND BLOWING SEX: Learn online how to help HER to have an orgasm and you will win the trophy for Best Husband Ever. DO NOT look for direction from porn (which is primarily about a man’s satisfaction.) 👏
Why do people do that, the one thing your partner asks for you say "I just don't want to". Like she hasn't been doing things she didn't want to for him constantly since day one.
@@Dean543-cc3fd because it's HER body and if HE wants to have access to it because HE gets pleasure out of it, HE should be a good human and grease the wheels. it's what every non-rapist understands and what a love partner should want to do.
Why is it that I wanted John to make it clear to the guy that the night where he takes his wife see the stars and they have this heartfelt conversation does NOT end up with sex? It is not a way to get laid... it's a way to reconnect which in turns... down the line might lead to a more physical form of intimacy
This guy didn't call because he is worried about his wife, she is not doing okay. He is not listening to her, she did not want a diamond ring, she wanted a trip in the truck to see the stars. And he doesn't want to. That is not how you treat your partner.
Exactly. When I was in my first marriage, an abusive relationship, I was constantly in fight or flight mode and physically tense akl the time. I couldn't possibly relax, because he was no safe space for me. But i was too young to understand that and let him inculcate me with more bs about not being a woman enough. Took a toll on me and many years yo learn to enjoy sex
If she "gets nothing out of it"... she's a married woman of 6+ years with the man she lost her virginity to... she's never once had an ✨️ moment. That's incredibly sad.
Exactly. 6 years of giving up her body for his needs. He prolly stops the moment he busts in her. Not once did he try to give her the big O. While he got to every single time they had sex.
I just heard that as I read your comment. He’s not pleasing her AT ALL. He’s going in mostly dry. Probably pumping for 30-60 seconds and then out. She’s not stimulated and it hurts like heck. 😬 Yikes.
Yes it does. She has no experience and no reference on what good or bad sex is. If she knew her body she could have taught him how to touch her so it's up to him to take the initiative given he has more bodies. Seems like he's selfish, ns taking advantage of her lack of experience@@Ratz_ow
Factors to consider: - A one year old can be stressful - she may be insecure about pregnancy weight gain which influences motivation - he may be skipping foreplay and only doing things that please himself instead of her
I don’t think these are the problems, this woman has serious issues which have been ongoing before marriage. She really needs counseling because she is holding on to deep childhood trauma.
It hurts because he’s skipping steps and she’s dry as a tumble weed. Hubby got clear instructions on how to get things going and he didn’t listen and laughs.
He’s prolly watching a lot of 🌽 which is centred around males pleasure. They don’t show foreplay. He seems extremely selfish in bed. He wants it his way. that’s why she doesn’t want to have sex with him. A man who you shovs in it while dry is a selfish man.
I don't understand women that get this dry? Me, I have the opposite problem if I even think about anything at all or one slight hug or touch, it's old faithful gushing 🤣 I'd rather be dry like the Sahara desert because you can always add some lube it's gets really old having to stick a towel down there.
@@realmofozsometimes is medical condition,sometimes is mentall and emotional problem,stres and presure can also make woman dry and not interested 🤷♀️
This man took the time to call for help, has previously taken his wife to counseling, yet won’t listen to a word she says about what she needs. That’s downright ridiculous.
He thinks she has to fix it by just giving in to him. He thinks sex is for him. It's very common for men to think this. Especially in America because of religion. Even if you aren't particularly religious it is an influence.
@@romans52345-cy3tq I’m not the one dealing with a wife who doesn’t want sex. There are literally researchers on television programs and articles in magazines talking about men experiencing a loneliness epidemic. Women are happy, social, and fine. So, who needs to learn? It sounds like men need to learn about women.
He didn't even take her to see the stars because "he didn't want to"...but expects her to keep giving HIM what he wants? It sounds like she feels trapped. It pains her to be around him. Poor lady. I feel her, been there😢
Women can spice it up also. I don't mind being tied to the bed or something spicy also. Why do men have to do all the work? A sexy outfit and handcuffs can go a long way. I'd be down. It always goes both ways.
Yah pple would be shocked at large % of men who just are unenjoyable in bed… women will never tell their partner this… ever usually. They know sex is related to ego for men, it’s the quickest way for men to feel horrible about themselves
I think mediocre is an euphemism if sex is literally painful for her and her husband ignores everything she says would help her. That's not mediocre, it's really bad.
@@dr.d3011My ex boyfriend used to always say life and relationships aren't about sex. Men have this opinion too but you're too dense to read "Marriage isn't JUST about sex" and not see it as "You shouldn't have sex when you're married"
Let's put it this way. Not having sex with your partner can lead to your partner cheating, possibly leaving you all together. While I don't condone cheating, it's hard for me to have sympathy for you if you weren't giving your partner any.
@DCSk8er529 And do you think the person "not giving their partner any" just woke up one day and made that choice? There's almost always problems within the relationship other than sex. Both parties' needs should be met. Also, no one is entitled to sex.
If you're the only partner she has had and she doesn't like it, it sounds like you need to take a class or something brother. Id bet money there is 0 foreplay and he just goes right in there.
@@SarahConnor562 what we don't know is that she has endometriosis like in your case but what we know is that the husband is selfish and wouldn't do something as simple as get her to see the stars. So the theory of him not having any foreplay as well makes sense. Because foreplay means you care about your partner's needs, and he doesn't.
@@SarahConnor562 Fair point, especially since he said she mentions physically satisfying activities other than sex. Either way, he should be respecting his wife a whole lot more than he is.
@@SarahConnor562you're not a woman, incel, but if this were true, your husband would be a swine. Why do you think describing an awful marriage will make us sign up to be trad wives? You're a miserable dude trying to spread the suffering.
Tell me you don't have bed game without saying you don't have bed game. Sex can be extremely painful during pregnancy due to just position of the baby, joints being loosened, and lots of other factors. He could be skipping foreplay and trying to just get satisfied. Women will avoid sex with a man if the sex is bad and then it becomes more of a chore..which becomes resentment.
She’s pregnant and has a 15 month old, clearly they have sex. It can also be really uncomfortable when you’re pregnant. He seems like he only cares about his “needs”
A lot of men talk like this. it's funny how men act like they know women so well. But they constantly ignore your grievances. You can tell a man straight to his face what the problem is and he will actively go out of his way to avoid it because he does not take you seriously, he thinks you are being dramatic or he assumes you are doing some kind of power play..and then act surprised when a divorce is brought onto the table..it's wild. Courting your woman DOESN'T STOP JUST BECAUSE YOU MANAGED TO GET HER!
EXACTLY. Marriage is merely a social and cultural construct. Saying a few vows and getting a piece of paper doesn’t magically cancel a woman’s biology (nor a man’s). You have to *keep winning a woman* after marriage in order to keep her attracted to you, just like a woman has to remain physically attractive after marriage to keep a man’s interest. It’s *not that hard* to understand.
If she was ACTUALLY turned on and attracted to you you would t have to jump through hoops to get her wet. You think she made other dudes she just slept with do that? NOPE
I love that John told him straight-up that it sounds like he's "got a head full of cement"... I almost sprayed my beverage everywhere LOL. The guy does sound like an idiot but, to be fair, he did seem to take the criticism in stride and not get bent out of shape or indignant about it. But seriously... he doesn't think to try the one UBER-SIMPLE thing she told him from Day One that she'd always idealized (stargazing with him)?? Just... wow!
This guy is in the freaking clouds. Holy geez. “ We are happy, we have a nice home and good jobs.” Wife: “I can’t tell you my feelings and you have never given me the ONE romantic gesture I asked for because you simply don’t want to.” I feel truly sorry for her. I’m so happy my husband is nothing like this guy.
Wife: take me out in the truck to watch the stars. That’ll get me going! Husband: I don’t want to Wife: remains unfulfilled romantically Husband: Dr. J, my wife doesn’t want to have sex. What do I do?!! Can’t make this stuff up 😂😂😂😂
I hated sex when it hurt. My husband didn't do foreplay. It was years of duty sex until I got the opportunity to leave him. Sex with most men has been painful. They could be gentle, tender and romantic. That would be lovely and bonding. But they do sex like porn -- painful, ugly, degrading, gross. I have had beautiful orgasmic sex with a gentle, tender and romantic man. It was mind blowing! Unfortunately, I found out about his harem of sexually satisfied women. I decided he was too big a disease risk. I have tried repeatedly to find another man that knows how to make love... I have not been successful
@@seeno1 - You don't speak for ANY women. Stop trying to troll. It's ugly and you're making yourself look silly. You sound like a kid who has never actually had sex.
That's an old saying, that applys maybe 90% of the time , but not always . The other 10% could be : Actual physical medical issue Actual biochemical issue This always was the actual situation, and having previously engaged in sex/ claimed to have had enjoyment was part of a deliberate deception.
A pregnant woman not wanting to have sex? The wife pontificating on other forms of showing love? That is code for your sex game is whack, and you just want to jump on her without romancing her first. Imagine calling Delony to have him tell you to do something your wife already outlined. SMH.
Not Delony saying that man sounds like his head is full of cement. That's like when Judge Judy used to tell people that their heads were full of a bucket of bricks. 😂😂😂
Yes, he's MISSING it by a MILE!! I was one of the women shaking her head!! When Dr. John says that sex is one of the lights on the dashboard telling you something is WRONG, he's SO RIGHT!
It’s crazy how many men assume women hate sex, that they’re the problem. Nuance escapes these, and I’ll borrow this quote, below-bare-minimum low-effort clowns. They don’t know what it is to make others feel safe or cherished. This guy shouldn’t have even bothered calling cause he asked his wife what she needed, she told him, and he never bothered. Low effort below bare minimum, selfish.
@@AJK8144 I feel so bad for her. “She doesn’t like talking about her feelings” probably doesn’t like talking about them around this jackass bc he has low empathy. What a jackass. I get more mad about it the longer I think about this call. It’s these guys that are always like “she just left all of a sudden with no warning” but bro she’s been warning and asking and begging for bare minimum relationship treatment, you couldn’t look past your own needs and wants
I love when John told this guy he sounds like his head is full of cement. 1000%. She practically drew him a treasure map and he is still walking around mystified.
No he is hoping she just gives in like she has always done and go through the pain. Since he knew about her desire for affection since day 1 but couldn't care less, and she still slept with him and gave him children too. She can't have enough. She has no right to reach her limit . This time she's pregnant but he thinks it's a wonderful idea for him to add to her pain in the pelvic area. Just wow
He’s the only guy she’s ever been with & like other commentators have said, she’s clearly communicated her needs & he refused to do it so I guarantee it’s the same in the bedroom. He gets his & it’s probably fast & quick & sorry but no woman enjoys that. She’s given up telling him what she needs bc he doesn’t care he thinks the problem is her & it’s not.
You’re correct adn when needs are not met people feel used and done to….male or female….he is selfish, deeply selfish and he probably is aggressive in sex and that’s why it hurts
@@michellesimmons3150 1000 times yes, schoolboy groping and forcing her with no warm ul or affection is like her being abused as a child all over. What a jerk he is.
So, BEFORE they got married and she hated it, why was there no conversation on her end that she hates sex and finds it painful? She just got married knowing that, got the kids she probably felt they were supposed to have and now wants to just stop? That is bait and switch and wrong. It is not like it is a temporary thing or related to the stress of parenting or something, she always felt this way and said nothing (essentially lying). Why is that his fault that she doesn’t know how to communicate? She even said she doesn’t want to go into certain things in therapy - more examples of her failure to communicate. She has issues she needs to work through.
I would guess religion. A lot of the purity movement straight up lies to women about sex after marriage and they ended up with vaginismus. Literally millions of women in the world were lied to.
My friend is a sex worker and has been told by a lot of men that their wives dont want to have sex with them. She has offered to try and help the man learn some ways to pleasure his wife. Each one has said "no point. I won't do any of it." Men, like that, deserve to be divorced.
I'm sorry, but this is so sad it's comical. The sex worker being your friend. The sex worker wanting to" help."The sex worker expecting the men coming to cheat with a sex worker being men who would care about learning to help their wife....man the whole scenario is a mess. 😭🤪
@CrystalM1917 the men were cheating because their wives didn't want to have sex with them...because they were selfish asshats. My friend was offering so that the women in the situation could get some pleasure! Not for the sake of the men at all. Also, you would be surprised how many men cheat on their partners. 80 percent of her clients are married. Even the ones that have a regular sex life. It's pretty wild. The double lives that some people lead.
This guy as an absolute embarrassment. She tells him what she wants. He ignores it because he “doesn’t want to”. The he calls John asking for help. She’s screwed.
@janellesamuels3385 he's not in it to tell the truth, he's in it to make you feel good and make things work out. If he told him what i said, it might break up their marriage. Even if it is the truth.
Wait, she has ad s*x enough to get pregnant twice and yet he hasn’t done the one thing she asked for romantically?!?!? The selfishness he is exuding is GROSS!
@@rachel4339Okay? The point is she sacrificed her entire life and body to give him children and he refuses to drive her out to look at the stars, the one single thing she wants.
@tessaelto1472 replace wants with asks from her husband in comparison that's minuscule vs. Giving birth which they say is the most painful thing a woman can experience and will have to go through it one more time with their second child! I agree with you.
I also look into my own past and I had no interest in having relations with my first husband. In hindsight I have come to realize my lack of interest with him was because of how he treated me. He was selfish, mean, demanding, sexist, self-centered and he expected me to handle both pregnancy, both babies (born just 21 months apart and I breastfed my two sons fifteen months each due to milk allergies) made all the baby food from scratch, handled everything in the home and yard; all the chores, the cars, all errands PLUS work full time without any help. The issue for me was not the act of sex but his treatment towards me. When I was married the second time I was highly sexual and our intimacy was intense and not an issue at all.
As a woman, when I hear men complain about this issue, I feel sorry for the wife. Because as a woman , I know she isn't getting her needs met. Listen carefully! Women NEED nonsexual affection through out the day. She also to connect with the man through conversation. He needs to be loving.
Exactly. My ex husband would ignore me all day only to wait until I’m sleep and rape me. It’s like he didn’t want to bother with my feeling and needs. He showed zero non sexual attraction. It was like living with a roommate who forced sex on me.
It takes 2 to bring affection not just the man's job.. Women get pregnant and they know the body is gonna change. Some women stay the same but for those who don't and feel insecure do something about it instead of complaining about being insecure.
@@KennedyIvy cringe to have empathy for women? no, what's cringe is men who have the emotionally maturity of little boys an d write 'cringe' everywhere as a way of trying to control women who say things they don't like. grow up.
Bro isn’t even sure if she’s seen a doctor for it. He said “I don’t think so”…. OUT OF TOUCH! You don’t know if your wife has seen a doctor for pelvic pain when it impacts your sex life so much that you call in the show!? Also, just hearing how he talks makes me question what he says she says. He may be misquoting her. Been there done that. The way he speaks is very familiar to me. Delony said it right, head full of cement… and it sounds like he’s the one packing it in too. Sis sounds exhausted.
she hates sex from the beginning so what are you talking about? and who is responsible for your own pain? not you but husband? wtf. what is wrong with people? she must know it's not ok but she doesn't care. her needs of not having sex are fulfilled but his? she doesn't care at all. selfish.
@@anetakocisova1123 She didn't have sexual experiance before Mike. She doesn't have any comparison. The physical pain during sex is cause by the penetration itself, so yes, it is husband's blame. 90% of the time sex is painful because there was no foreplay, which women need for that natural body reaction to create fluids from Barthol's gland. If someone slapped you you won't blame them for causing you physical pain either? Cause that's how your argument sounds. Wife knows it's not okay, but she had bad role models in her own parents and no other prior relationship before Mike. She literally has no comparison. She for sure cares, she just feels stuck in the situation.
that could mean they have sex once a month. Very few men are happy with that and will divorce. If she is not attracted to him any more she should divorce. end of
@@PlebiteBallerand their two kids will just disappear lol 😂 menn are so upset by the divorce rates but then they are saying “divorce” then blame it all on womenn. Her husband would be “blindsided” if she left him and he would probably think she was a “304” 😂 he couldn’t care enough to drive her in a truck to look at stars that is a non expensive intimate date that could lead to romance and it was too much for him because “he didn’t want to” imagine having someone enter your body when “she didn’t want to” at least no physical pain would be experienced on his part at least he would feel good, right? She should leave him.
Many people in the comments are missing/forgetting the fact that she didn't enjoy it PRIOR to marriage, which also means prior to having a baby. The avoidance of talking about herself + pain during sex is a red flag to both medical issues and mental health issues, namely likely at risk of having been sexually abused, especially if her parents had her at bars until 2am and driving them home at 6 y/o. I can almost guarantee more than that has happened to her given that context.
Men will let the neglect of a womans wants ride for sooooooo long and then get mad when another man does it and she leaves for something that was literally the bare minimum that the husband could have done.
Painful sex can be a huge red flag for severe issues. My wife had a similar issue. Had a fibroid cyst, had it removed. They identified some other abnormalities. She ended up getting diagnosed with a unique type of cancer. Had a hysterectomy, now she is on treatments trying to save one of her kidneys from possibly needing it to be removed. Luckily, we caught things early, or she would be in much worse shape. 35% survivability past 5 years for this type of cancer. We are going to be in that 35%. My understanding is she will need to be on treatments the rest of her life to hopefully keep it at bay.
@getinthespace7715 Thank you for sharing this. My thoughts have been along this same line. I hope she is responding well to treatment. It does baffle my mind that this woman's symptoms aren't being considered more by the commenters. It is no wonder so many marriages fail when self-centered attitudes are the seeming norm. "What am I getting out of this?" Me, me, me is the main focus. I hope your wife heals, regains all her strength, and can have a long happy life.
My first thought was she's deep in motherhood and her priorities are there. Take her on a date night once a week. Don't pressure her for sex. Just be warm and loving. She'll come around when she's ready.
@@thelucariamonarchs4889 you sound like a man. it's actually great advice. this is why men shouldn't advise men because they don't know what women want.
That’s so selfish a man has needs he just has to wait for her to come around that’s absolutely ridiculous! She needs to figure it out if she wants her marriage to work you don’t get to say I don’t want to and you just have to deal with it. What if it was the other way around she would be pissed! Also stop using motherhood as an excuse she’s not the only woman in the world that’s had kids if you want your marriage to work you make time for it not excuses.
I was never a woman to sleep around. The only way I find arousal is through mental and emotional connection. My husband and I had a great sex life, hung out all the time, we were bffs. Then we had kid 1 and kid 2 and kid 3 and now we are room mates. At the end of the day he checks out and I feel it has been years since I have had a solid conversation with this man. I no longer know this man, I lay in bed at night next to a stranger after wrestling the kids and work all day.. day after day.. I don’t want to make love to a stranger, my body does not relax next to this stranger. When he rolls over to initiate I cringe. In that moment I do not want to have sex the only thing my body wants is to lay and look at the stars and reconnect with the beautiful soul I knew 10 years ago. That’s what she’s trying to say. Maybe caller and my husband can tackle this together since one peanut brain cannot figure it out even when so plainly laid out.
I was at this same spot in my marriage after having five kids in eight years.. drained and exhausted, and sex was just one more 'chore' expected of me.. it wasn't that l didn't love my husband, l sadly just had nothing left for him at the end of the day. It was a very busy, difficult season in our marriage with little ones, but you do get through it.
That’s why I’m scared to have more than maybe 1 kid, maybe 2 max. Seems like if you have more than you can handle a lot of people end up roommates because the responsibility of so many kids leaves people too drained and depleted for their own marriage. Either than or hire help, seems like the only option.
I don't think that people understand that the body registers this as rape. Anytime you have sex and you don't really want to it's rape. You have to stop doing it. That's trauma on top of trauma on top of trauma.
@@angelicadelashmette803this is true but also it's the way that people set their marriages up now. You don't have to have a kid Centric marriage. You can make sure your marriage comes before your children. That is a choice. Can you put a system in place, you put the kids to bed at 7:30 p.m. hell, you can call quiet time at 6pm. You put the kabash on activities! There is not reason in the world your kid needs to be getting home at 9pm because they have soccer, gymnastics, piano, and volleyball practice. 1 activity and call it a day.
Dr. Delony, l just discovered you yesterday and listened to 3 podcast conversations and I must say that your advice is better than any counselor or relationship coach I have ever heard. Not only do you listen carefully to your callers but your advice is tailored to the case presented. Wow. I'm a fan already ❤
@thelucariamonarchs4889 most men are in a partnership not a sole provider and protection... My ADT security system does more work then a man in that department.
She's never been with anyone else. Poor girl hasn't had ONE good sexual experience. I almost wish she'd try a F* boy for a night to see how awesome it could be. Then she could teach this idiot on how to do it properly 🤦
Yeah this guy is not emotionally open. That’s why his wife’s body doesn’t open up to him. And he is to arrogant to listen to her. You can tell he’s annoyed to even listen to any criticism.
Well, that dude is selfish. She gave him answers and he refuses to do anything about it. For MOST women, we need to connect with you on an emotional level to want sex with you. On the other hand, if sex is painful for her, she needs to get that checked out. It's either mental or physical but that's not normal!!
Men only hear and want to know things about women's bodies that they want to hear and know. There have been many men in the comments completely ignoring what women who have women's bodies btw, are telling them what they've experienced. If it doesn't fit their fantasy it isn't true. I blame porn.
My ex didn’t understand my wants or needs either… he thought I didn’t like sex… just didn’t want sex with him. I used to drink just to force my self into it. Finally decided I didn’t want to drink either.
12:03 When he said “we’re pretty happy” and then just followed it up with how they have a nice house and good jobs, I said out loud “Oh NO”. I love that Dr. Delony pointed it out immediately. He was totally right about women nodding along with what he said because I was one of them. Happiness in a relationship is not determined by your net worth or your annual salary or the size of your house or newness of your car or whether you like your jobs or not. The strength of relationships is made in the nothingness, in the monotony. If you can’t even go on a drive with your wife to connect, it’s no surprise she’s not interested in sex.
It’s so weird that he’s not willing to even take her out to see the stars. I wonder what else he’s not willing to do either. Sounds like one of the things she’s asking for is quality time. I don’t think men get it - make your wife feel loved, and she’ll make you feel loved. 😉A conversation could be a turn on, quality time doing something she loves, a gift, washing the dishes - it really depends on the person. He should read Five Love Languages too in addition to seeing the doctor about the pain.
No routine and patent tricks! Starry night one time, going dancing another, pic-nic in a park a third, a concert a fourth, walking along the beach, buying flowers at the garden center, watch ducklings and calves in the spring, playing in the snow, taking a bike-stroll, learn to sail, compiling a photo-album, surprise with favourite pancakes, surprise with dress-shopping with plenty of time, go cloud and rain-bow chasing, take a hike in a national forest, fly kites, play fresby or minigolf, gather mushrooms, cook applejam ... - and arrange the baby-sitter when appropriate or carry one child and also use a stroller for older child.
They had plenty of sex before they get married. Not much after marriage. She got the government to back her up so she doesn’t have to have sex. Would they still have sex if he hadn’t married her yet?
@@Jack-pd4ps Yes, that is puzzling - what happened? Who changed? Did he start to be demanding? Had she only been pretending? Did they talk about these things that really mattered, before they married? Maybe both changed? Did he in his heart of hearts think that the government shouldn't have anything to do with his love-life and so he married reluctantly? Did she? A rather common theme for women is that they don't long for the kind of marriage their mothers and grandmothers had - but the more innocent they are, they expect that their own marriage will be a faithful continuation of the time, when they were not yet engaged and he was courting or wooing her, like a promise of who he is and what he wants to do for her. And if after marriage he expects her to perform the role of an older generation, that will be an ice-cold shower for her. And also: nobody likes sex as a duty, not men either.
@@briskettacos 100% A MAJOR problem that leads to less sex is after the wedding couples stop dating and the connection gets lost. A marriage often dies with neglect over time. You are playing Russian roulette with your life if you think you can stop tending to the relationship after the contract is signed. WISE UP, PEOPLE! ❤
When a woman says "It hurts", what she is saying MORE obviously is "YOU are hurting me And WORSE.... I KNOW you don't give a jot." "For years you have hurt me but you just insist on repeating that week in week out for YEARS." MAN! She must really love you to not have dumped your a$$.
He doesn't get it and he never will. He's been told and refuses to do it. He doesn't care about his wife. That's not an issue that can be fixed. She doesn't feel safe and I doubt he's ever gonna not push for it, so it will never change...Poor wife
"She doesn't to talk about her feelings" yeaaahhh that's no woman ever... YOU just haven't created a space for her to feel safe, comfortable, and heard to open up about her feelings. If you need a counselor to get your wife to open up about her feelings, you're already having issues with creating emotional intimacy & safety in your marriage. Dr J called it... This guy has got a head full of cement.
So which is it? A) there is something medically going on for wife B) sex post-pardum, and then quickly pregnant again is DIFFICULT! Painful, low self esteem, body changes, hormonal shifts, uncomfortable, etc. C) husband is not hearing his wife's needs D) wife is not feeling heard or connected emotionally to husband E) husband might be selfish F) husband might be bad in bed ALLLL OF THE ABOVE! It's definitely an important issue to figure out and work through in a marriage, but I don't think this is an all HER problem. I don't think he realizes he's just as much the problem, and he's gotta figure that out. They BOTH need to figure out their faults and come together. I am guessing she's not as happy as he thinks she is, and that's the first issue.
So she clearly communicated what she wanted, and he has never done it even once, because he "just doesn't want to." Does anyone think that's the only time he's been selfish and blown her off because he doesn't care about her or what she wants or what she thinks? Also, I'm going to say it since no one else has - this guy OBVIOUSLY sucks in bed. He is a selfish, inept lover who refuses to listen to his partner.
Yep. If she had a few more partners, she would have not gotten married. Getting married is not the goal. Finding the right partner is the goal. Also, "it hurts" her. Something is very wrong.
I can see how for some some women that maybe anxiety inducing, for others it's a relief that there is a distinct road map. Therefore, it can prevent anxiety. There needs to be a "what can I do for you" towards each other mindset to be fair.
Yeaaaaaaah this guy has not been a safe space for like John Deloney said, their whole marriage. This is EXACTLY the "I didn't see the divorce coming" precursor.
@@darlenepaul2918 *He’s* the one disobeying God by not loving his wife. He won’t even listen to her. God never said husbands were entitled to sex anytime they wanted it, nor that they get it while their wives are having PAIN and health problems like the woman in this video. Disgusting!
There has to be grace extended on both sides, and communication on how to move forward and what is needed to bring back the intimacy.. like making a date night a priority, helping out around the house, discussing needs/ expectations and coming up with ways to meet the needs for each other with an expanding family, going to the doctor to see if there is something physically wrong, maybe going to counseling.. a marriage takes work and doesn't just fall into to place on its own.. and people need to invest the time to do what's needed to make it work instead of bailing and thinking that it's going to be easier with someone else.
It’s a thing for men too. My boyfriend of 4 years won’t even touch me intimately. We haven’t had any sexual contact for a very long time and I don’t understand why. I’m pretty, take care of myself and I go out of my way to try to look sexy for him. I do Everything around the House, including the cooking and I tell him everyday I love him and regularly encourage him to follow his dreams. I am so lonely and feel so neglected. I can’t even dream of cheating or even having another man touch me. I wish we could overcome this, but he refuses to even talk about it. I’m so lost.
Some of these comments saying he should force himself on her or leave even though theyre generally happy and she's currently pregnant...is insane! People go through traumas and hard times. The whole point of marriage is to work through life together including any obstacles. Having a full time job and/or children and then cooking/cleaning is hard and incredibly draining.
Agreed! Also there may have been some S abuse when she was a child if you know what I mean, that she's doesn't wanna talk about and it may have hurt her so severely that she has PTSD about that? I mean if the parents were drunks who knows what could've happened.
@@SarahConnor562 Well, she told him sex is painful..... that is probably from having children, because it tears your vagina. Also, being tired and worn out.... this guy seems selfish, so I'm sure he doesn't help with domestic labor or child rearing either. It's awful when women refuse sex, but okay that men refuse to do chores or raise their own children. Weird.
I noticed when they were talking about what he could do (dishes, truck ride for stars etc) he was quiet and dismissive but when Dr J mentioned she needs to see a doctor for the pain he got excited and said REALLY!?!?! As if he finally solved her being the problem. Lame
Her mindset is geared more towards motherhood now. He needs to adapt to the shift. She has new turn-ons now. Be a great father, communicate effectively, be a huge support domestically and she will give up the goodies
@@zeal4god402 no he's another my wiener needs attention crybaby who sounds very immature and inexperienced. don't know how to properly self entertain or please his wife. cry baby, my wiener, shut up.
He should absolutely not try to push intimacy if he takes her out to see the stars. That will seem too transactional. He should make things like that a regular thing in their relationship, and that way it becomes both romantic and spontaneous without any expectations.
exactly or she's going to resent going to see the stars (something she loved) because he will try to make a move for it and as you said it will seem transactional
It’s not painful sex. She doesn’t like this man. Listen to him, she told him a few things she needed & he quite literally said “I didn’t wanna do that”…you don’t want to learn how to love your wife? No wonder she doesn’t want your body; that’s a whole other level for us of love. She doesn’t want to hurt his feelings
Man whose wife hates sex- listen to the Bare Marriage podcast. Obligation sex is not helping her or you! And sexual pain is very very real and very difficult to navigate. It isn't her fault.
Sounds like her cups been empty for a long time. You need to fill her cup up with out expecting anything in return, when she’s finally overflowing she’ll start to give you want you want in return. Take a genuine interest in things she’s working on as she’s doing them, hug her while she’s doing the dishes, tell her what a great mother she is being, send her a thinking of you text while you’re at work, cuddle or give her a massage with no expectation of it leading anywhere. Actually do the things you say you’re going to do. Plan and initiate dates, including lining up a babysitter. Be a freaking leader she can feel safe to follow.
To his credit, she also needs to do her part, and her own work. If it is hurting, go to a doctor. If it is stress and being tired, they can work together to have relief. If it is mental, there is therapy and friends.
@@dudeorduuude5211 it hurts because she's not turned on!! From a woman who has experienced the same thing, when I'm truly turned on, the natural lube is there.
She said intimate gestures like whisking her away under the stars is special to her. He won't give that and take her there cause it's not enjoyable for him but then he says she needs more give and take? She's having babies which means she is still being physical even tho it hurts. What more can she be give? Dudes if your privates were feeling raw and burning in pain would you jump up to do that again? I'm pretty sure he is not listening to her or willing to understand. It's not a practical way to resolve this as the missing piece is an emotional connection. He needs to connect in new ways. Also just take her to the romantic place and do it with no expectations just full of love. It sounds like a power struggle and she is being forced out of her comfort zones which will make her retreat more.
Thr fact that he was suprised when told that pain isnt normal for a woman is terrifying. If i told my partner it hurt every time to have sex he would immediately insist on a doctors visit. Because he cares about me. That guy was shocked that was a problem. I couldnt have stayed so calm and Dr John did. Your head is filled with concrete was way too polite
I’m 99.9% sure I know what’s going on, because this is how it was in my marriage. My husband only showed physical affection towards me when he wanted sex, so I started associating any kiss or touch he gave me as “I want sex” and I’d swat him away too because I didn’t want sex in that moment. What has helped us, is when my husband kisses me or touches me, he flat out tells me “I’m not wanting sex, I just want to show you I love you,” and it allows me to relax and accept the affection without expectations. Also, maybe she should get a bedroom toy or two.
I mean, not only is he ignoring her needs, low self esteem but her *entire* list of priorities is different now. Speaking as a mother myself there's so much going on here from s3xu41 pain/low libido to feeling unheard and insecure, but the biggest one: *SHE'S A MOTHER NOW* . her priorities aren't s3x and expecting her to be the s3x kitten she was *pre-baby* when she's caring for, not 1 but *2 whole ass children* is something I'll never comprehend. like how daft is this guy? not only is he ignoring her requests and the fact that he can't even see the signs and thinks things are "fine" but having what feels like the *entire* burden of being the default parent doesn't have me feeling in the mood either. He sounds very selfish, juvenile and like he has a one track mind.
@@Lauren-i8iin his mind anyway. Number one sign he sucks in and out of the bedroom. There is a person attached to that vagina dude. How dumb can men freely admit to being and blaming her for his immaturity, Good thing, she can payback him when willie dies and she is hot to go in years to come.
The fact that it hurts can be something as simple as you want to go to fast and she is not ready. Did you talk about what she likes? Take your time and find out what she will like
Dude, SHE IS CARRYING YOUR KID RIGHT NOW! Plus she has another one who's a toddler. She deserves a pass on that. You've conceived two kids in the age of covid. You've had a pretty good run, man. Also, she gave you a clear, foolproof, idiotproof blueprint to intimacy in taking her to see stars. She has been crystal clear about that from day one. This call is an insult to those of us who really are struggling, getting stonewalled at every turn, no one giving us a clue. Get a clue, man
I dont mean this in a rude way, but he's clueless. He is missing the whole thing. Im not saying none of this is her, it is. But to think everything is ok because you have a house and good jobs......nope, nope, nope
Right men need to provide everything. Women need to provide one thing. When that one thing isn't there then there's problems like this. It's the glue to any relationship. The truth is women are incentivized to get divorced financially.
@@cur244 Not sure exactly what you mean, but I don't think women only have one thing to give. They have a lot more they should give. I'm just saying that to assume your marriage is good because of a house and job, is just not true. Many people have good jobs and nice homes and their marriage is horrible. I also don't think women are better off when divorced. Statistics show that women are usually in a worse financial situation after divorce. John talks about this all the time. I would be in trouble personally.
I’m not married and I just find it really interesting to have listened to several calls like this. It seems like many people have some sort of struggle in this area, but it doesn’t mean you don’t love your person. Also I’ve gotten the vibe it’s not necessarily about the act but communication about it is where many of the struggles come up.
As an unmarried, if you and your future husband were sexually active before marriage and his actions/affection remained stable after marriage would you see any reason to cut sex off? I think this is the issue for most men. The sex just stops. Maybe a sharp cutoff, maybe slow shutdown. Why? It begins to look, to the man, as if the sex was never sincere in the first place. How could something so seemingly pleasurable to the woman become apparently odious with no fight to keep it?
I wonder if she’s was breastfeeding too. When I was breastfeeding/pumping, my sex drive was zero. It wasn’t until I started ovulating again 9 months post-partum that I actually had a drive again. If this woman is the same, and she got pregnant just a few months after her period returning, she may have also had a low sex drive for the past 1-2 years because of these hormone levels. That, in combination with a partner who won’t listen to her (driving out to look at stars), does no foreplay, makes everything about him (*i* want sex, not “how can I make sex enjoyable for her?”), and who is probably terrible at sex (no orgasm for her)…..what’s the point? Of course she wouldn’t want sex with him. It’s just another chore.
Great book recommendation - "come as you are" is truly great in explaining a) sex and desire are nothing to be ashamed of b) the emotional wiring regarding sex-drive and that everyone ticks differently but common ground can be found (if both partners are willing) and c) depending on life circumstances and age sex and your sex drive will be different in at different parts of your life. Absolutely great of the author is, that there is no blame attributed to one or the other partner. It is just a matter of finding out, how your "breaks" and "gas" (and that of your partner) work and how you can have great sex together. Absolutely recommend.
@@SarahConnor562 When you treat your wife like a vending machine, it's not super conducive to a loving relationship either... He clearly isn't interested in her as a person and is just wanting sex or his quarter back...
@@SarahConnor562 sex makes me feel worthless and makes me feel bad about myself, but I guess only a man's feelings about sex matters. Men can't even work in funeral homes with screwing dead bodies..... sex does not equal love or care to men.
that is one of the most ignorant things ive ever heard. you sound like you've been hurt and you let that blind you. A massive sex drive is just natural to men. its the result of testosterone. If you think men need to be patient with women and their hormones, then you should feel the same way because sex obsession is literally just mens hormones. theres no reason to demonize us for that. There are plenty of men who want so much more beyond that and im sorry that you and everyone who's liked your comment dont understand that. Yall are sad.
I spent 23 yrs trying to get my husband to see me, to hear me and give to me emotionally. I needed those things to open up sexually. Eventually my body literally shut down and would not respond to him at all sexually, emotionally or romantically. My divorce was final 6 months ago. I’m grateful for this experience because as much as I loved him I no longer have to scream silently inside to be seen, heard and valued. Within my next relationship these things will be a huge priority for me.
@@PinkRose0910 he refused counseling and the one time he did agree he set us up with completely different counselors as I wasn’t allowed to do that myself. I began healing myself and attended my counseling sessions to better me. I wasn’t worried about couples counseling anymore. I had tried everything for us and finally I worked on me. He was the one who left me in 2022. I didn’t fight for him to stay I had already fought too much of the fight. The rest of the fight left in me for saved for fighting to find me again. I don’t regret it ending and I am grateful it’s over.
I hate men who only think about their own needs, Romance her & take things off her plate so she can spend time getting back to herself, and she’ll be more interested.
Everyone seems to be missing the point she has a 15 month old son she is pregnant and she is working....she is exhausted
The caller said she admitted she never liked it and essentially tolerated it before they got married. Bait and switch
@sc7453 She’s lying (duh) because he won’t listen to her (SHE TOLD HIM EXACTLY WHAT SHE NEEDS) and it’s her last ditch effort to get him to leave her the eff alone. She’s pregnant and has a 15-month old…if you don’t understand what that means…it’s sad the lack of empathy you have.
@@elleelle7200 awfully presumptive on your part that I have a lack of empathy. I made another comment on this video that it is obviously understandable that he needs to take pregnancy into consideration. If I heard the video correctly she told him early after marriage that she NEVER liked sex and “tolerated it” in order to get a marriage commitment. That’s a completely different perspective than “lying about it in order for her to get him to leave her alone while pregnant”.
I can actually understand AND empathize with the pregnant wife scenario. It’s just getting really old with the number of female commentators that want to pile on the man and shame him for wanting sexually intimacy. They BOTH bear responsibility. HE needs to be empathetic. SHE needs to see a doctor and find out why sex “hurts” because that is not normal. HE needs to be willing to spend time looking at the stars. SHE needs to participate in counseling like he initiated. Plenty of blame to go around. Men are not the evil ones just because they have a sex drive.
@@SarahConnor562 you wouldn't understand. But she definitely needs to outsource it to pickmes and dip out for her well being. And definitely stop making children with him. Men who only think about themselves don't deserve a lineage
@@sc7453 or thought it would get better if she just held on but it didn't so she gave up or had enough of suffering... So many options your mind could access, but that would mean a bit of empathy. But given that the average man has no emotional intelligence and is essentially a robot, that would be too much to ask.
Here's another thing to consider. I got so I hated sex with my husband cuz he didn't treat me with respect, he ignored me all the time, wouldn't tell me anything about his day (and he'd be gone from 8 am - 10 pm), he was disrespectful to me in front of my kids, never took me out on a date, sometimes went to see other women, etc. The only time he said he loved me was when we were having sex. To me, there's so much more to a relationship than just having sex. He was never able to understand that, and so eventually we divorced.
My first husband was exactly the same...I'm glad you left. Truthfully, after the bad marriage, we are better able to recognize a good one!!😊
They know. They just dont care.
sounds like a real jask-ass; I'm sure you're much happier.
@@deirdremorris9234They don’t know if you don’t tell them.
I feel so sad for this guy’s wife. She is yearning for romance with her husband and he won’t give it to her because he “doesn’t want to.” My heart hurts for her. She’s slowly checking out. That’s why she doesn’t want to have sex.
Exactly! He sounds fucking terrible.
The divorce came out of nowhere 😱😂
And it was interesting how he didn’t say anything at the end. Either his mic was turned off, or he didn’t agree with what was being said. I would like to know what happened there.
That's why you don't get married as a man. You lose your leverage......
Only a child would think this way@@erudite1987
Guy: “Why aren’t we having sex?”
Wife: “Well it physically hurts, I can’t share my emotions with you, and the one romantic gesture I’ve asked for you’ve refused to do…”
Guy: “The mystery remains…”
This proves that men can be smart AND stupid at the same time.
It’s NOT rocket science, guys!
HOW TO GET MORE SEX:
HEAR your Wife.
RESPOND in kind.
Treat her with love and respect OUTSIDE of the bedroom.
CONNECT emotionally with her.
Bonus Points:
HOW TO HAVE MIND BLOWING SEX:
Learn online how to help HER to have an orgasm and you will win the trophy for Best Husband Ever. DO NOT look for direction from porn (which is primarily about a man’s satisfaction.)
👏
This ! He heard what she said but didn't listen which is the problem. She told him everything snd he is still like welp idk. He is just a dumbass.
Why do people do that, the one thing your partner asks for you say "I just don't want to". Like she hasn't been doing things she didn't want to for him constantly since day one.
Maybe he’s so sick of being constantly denied any intimacy, he’s holding a grudge.
@@sc7453 He said she asked for that since day 1, so yeah no, she's the one who deserves to have a grudge
"She told me she wants this" "Have you tried that?" "I don't want to do it" BRO. You do it because she'll love it!
You do things for your loved ones because their happiness matters to you. You do it for them.
Why is she entitled to receiving that more than he is entitled to getting sex?
@@Dean543-cc3fd because it's HER body and if HE wants to have access to it because HE gets pleasure out of it, HE should be a good human and grease the wheels. it's what every non-rapist understands and what a love partner should want to do.
@@Dean543-cc3fdyou can't be serious...
@@Dean543-cc3fdgo and service him then if you're so worried about him get head
Why is it that I wanted John to make it clear to the guy that the night where he takes his wife see the stars and they have this heartfelt conversation does NOT end up with sex? It is not a way to get laid... it's a way to reconnect which in turns... down the line might lead to a more physical form of intimacy
This guy didn't call because he is worried about his wife, she is not doing okay. He is not listening to her, she did not want a diamond ring, she wanted a trip in the truck to see the stars. And he doesn't want to. That is not how you treat your partner.
She should leave him. He's a douche.
This dude is so selfish..... I'm sorry she has kids with him and can't get a clean break.
I don’t like that husband bless his wife’s heart!
Partner?
😒
Pain is also caused by no feeling safe with your partner. It is not always physical.
Lmao
100%
Exactly
Exactly. When I was in my first marriage, an abusive relationship, I was constantly in fight or flight mode and physically tense akl the time. I couldn't possibly relax, because he was no safe space for me. But i was too young to understand that and let him inculcate me with more bs about not being a woman enough. Took a toll on me and many years yo learn to enjoy sex
If she "gets nothing out of it"... she's a married woman of 6+ years with the man she lost her virginity to... she's never once had an ✨️ moment. That's incredibly sad.
Exactly. 6 years of giving up her body for his needs. He prolly stops the moment he busts in her. Not once did he try to give her the big O. While he got to every single time they had sex.
I just heard that as I read your comment.
He’s not pleasing her AT ALL. He’s going in mostly dry. Probably pumping for 30-60 seconds and then out. She’s not stimulated and it hurts like heck. 😬
Yikes.
that has nothing to do with whether or not she has had sex before
Yes it does. She has no experience and no reference on what good or bad sex is. If she knew her body she could have taught him how to touch her so it's up to him to take the initiative given he has more bodies. Seems like he's selfish, ns taking advantage of her lack of experience@@Ratz_ow
@@Ratz_owshe's had a baby and is preg with another, noone is questioning if shes had sex. Sex and *O*s arent the same thing
Factors to consider:
- A one year old can be stressful
- she may be insecure about pregnancy weight gain which influences motivation
- he may be skipping foreplay and only doing things that please himself instead of her
-She’s getting her back blown out by the handsome guy at work.
@@Austenfan177 Yikes, you really typed that diarrhea in your head out and hit post
@@user-qp2qe5gf9b well he definitely fills her financial needs…
@@omgurheadsgonehahaha why you assume she works???
I don’t think these are the problems, this woman has serious issues which have been ongoing before marriage. She really needs counseling because she is holding on to deep childhood trauma.
It hurts because he’s skipping steps and she’s dry as a tumble weed. Hubby got clear instructions on how to get things going and he didn’t listen and laughs.
Tumble weed has me crying
Dry as a tumbleweed 😂😂😂😭
He’s prolly watching a lot of 🌽 which is centred around males pleasure. They don’t show foreplay. He seems extremely selfish in bed. He wants it his way. that’s why she doesn’t want to have sex with him. A man who you shovs in it while dry is a selfish man.
I don't understand women that get this dry? Me, I have the opposite problem if I even think about anything at all or one slight hug or touch, it's old faithful gushing 🤣 I'd rather be dry like the Sahara desert because you can always add some lube it's gets really old having to stick a towel down there.
@@realmofozsometimes is medical condition,sometimes is mentall and emotional problem,stres and presure can also make woman dry and not interested 🤷♀️
This guy summed up: "What can I get out of this person?" rather than "What can I give to this person?"
This man took the time to call for help, has previously taken his wife to counseling, yet won’t listen to a word she says about what she needs. That’s downright ridiculous.
He thinks she has to fix it by just giving in to him. He thinks sex is for him. It's very common for men to think this. Especially in America because of religion. Even if you aren't particularly religious it is an influence.
MAYBE SHES FUCKING EXHAUSTED
You need to learn to understand men
@@romans52345-cy3tq I’m not the one dealing with a wife who doesn’t want sex. There are literally researchers on television programs and articles in magazines talking about men experiencing a loneliness epidemic. Women are happy, social, and fine. So, who needs to learn? It sounds like men need to learn about women.
when a man gives up on sex there's no reason to be in that relationship anymore....
Two kids in two years, saying it hurts. He is not going to get sympathy in the comments. Definitely go to the doctor.
Men never get sympathy in the comments.
@@cur244what are you talking about? Y'all never stop sympathizing with men and blaming women. Take off your selection bias glasses.
You should the same women are such liars
@@cur244 this is the most red pill, p\ssed off -sour grape-dude infested comment section ever
Go to doctor?
He didn't even take her to see the stars because "he didn't want to"...but expects her to keep giving HIM what he wants? It sounds like she feels trapped. It pains her to be around him. Poor lady. I feel her, been there😢
If the sex is just mediocre, it just becomes another chore at the end of the day.
AMEN.
Women need sexual satisfaction, too and men need to learn how to help their women achieve orgasm.
It’s not rocket science but it takes focus.
Women can spice it up also. I don't mind being tied to the bed or something spicy also. Why do men have to do all the work? A sexy outfit and handcuffs can go a long way. I'd be down. It always goes both ways.
Yah pple would be shocked at large % of men who just are unenjoyable in bed… women will never tell their partner this… ever usually. They know sex is related to ego for men, it’s the quickest way for men to feel horrible about themselves
And not a pleasant chore like laundry or dishes. It is very invasive to have an unwanted member inside ones body
I think mediocre is an euphemism if sex is literally painful for her and her husband ignores everything she says would help her. That's not mediocre, it's really bad.
Mike from Idaho: marriage is not just about sex. Sex is not just about penetration. You have to start listening to your wife.
So you don’t think sex is important in a marriage? You haven’t spoken to a man once about this, have you?
@@dr.d3011 of course sex is important for both parties.
@@dr.d3011My ex boyfriend used to always say life and relationships aren't about sex. Men have this opinion too but you're too dense to read "Marriage isn't JUST about sex" and not see it as "You shouldn't have sex when you're married"
Let's put it this way. Not having sex with your partner can lead to your partner cheating, possibly leaving you all together. While I don't condone cheating, it's hard for me to have sympathy for you if you weren't giving your partner any.
@DCSk8er529 And do you think the person "not giving their partner any" just woke up one day and made that choice? There's almost always problems within the relationship other than sex. Both parties' needs should be met. Also, no one is entitled to sex.
My ex was only affectionate when he was in the mood. If I was affectionate he thought that was go time. I hated it.
If you're the only partner she has had and she doesn't like it, it sounds like you need to take a class or something brother. Id bet money there is 0 foreplay and he just goes right in there.
100%. That's why it hurts her.
@@SarahConnor562 what we don't know is that she has endometriosis like in your case but what we know is that the husband is selfish and wouldn't do something as simple as get her to see the stars. So the theory of him not having any foreplay as well makes sense.
Because foreplay means you care about your partner's needs, and he doesn't.
Exactly.
@@SarahConnor562 Fair point, especially since he said she mentions physically satisfying activities other than sex. Either way, he should be respecting his wife a whole lot more than he is.
@@SarahConnor562you're not a woman, incel, but if this were true, your husband would be a swine. Why do you think describing an awful marriage will make us sign up to be trad wives? You're a miserable dude trying to spread the suffering.
Tell me you don't have bed game without saying you don't have bed game. Sex can be extremely painful during pregnancy due to just position of the baby, joints being loosened, and lots of other factors. He could be skipping foreplay and trying to just get satisfied. Women will avoid sex with a man if the sex is bad and then it becomes more of a chore..which becomes resentment.
THIS!!!!
He doesn't seem very compassionate. Just the style: you wife, me husband so you and me= sex.
It doesn't work like that.
Exactly
Also male circumcision can cause pain for women.. something American don’t usually know
The fact that he made this call has me crying. He basically told Dr. John be sucks as sex & won’t romance his wife 😂😂😂
If it hurts, she needs to see a doctor!!!
Delony is 100% correct!
She’s pregnant and has a 15 month old, clearly they have sex. It can also be really uncomfortable when you’re pregnant. He seems like he only cares about his “needs”
A lot of men talk like this. it's funny how men act like they know women so well. But they constantly ignore your grievances. You can tell a man straight to his face what the problem is and he will actively go out of his way to avoid it because he does not take you seriously, he thinks you are being dramatic or he assumes you are doing some kind of power play..and then act surprised when a divorce is brought onto the table..it's wild. Courting your woman DOESN'T STOP JUST BECAUSE YOU MANAGED TO GET HER!
EXACTLY. Marriage is merely a social and cultural construct. Saying a few vows and getting a piece of paper doesn’t magically cancel a woman’s biology (nor a man’s). You have to *keep winning a woman* after marriage in order to keep her attracted to you, just like a woman has to remain physically attractive after marriage to keep a man’s interest. It’s *not that hard* to understand.
She told him she never liked sex.
His "needs" are simple biology. It is an absolute "need" for men. He can't just shut it off if she's pregnant.
@excellence229 I never said that but I do think you tend to see it more with men.
Dang, if my wife told me what she likes to do to be more romantic, I would do it! That's a gold mine of information and it says she loves you.
If she was ACTUALLY turned on and attracted to you you would t have to jump through hoops to get her wet. You think she made other dudes she just slept with do that? NOPE
You're a good man ❤
Some men do that. But get nothing anyway because women often aren't honest.
The problem comes, when she gives you the next bigger task…
I love that John told him straight-up that it sounds like he's "got a head full of cement"... I almost sprayed my beverage everywhere LOL. The guy does sound like an idiot but, to be fair, he did seem to take the criticism in stride and not get bent out of shape or indignant about it.
But seriously... he doesn't think to try the one UBER-SIMPLE thing she told him from Day One that she'd always idealized (stargazing with him)?? Just... wow!
This guy is in the freaking clouds. Holy geez. “ We are happy, we have a nice home and good jobs.” Wife: “I can’t tell you my feelings and you have never given me the ONE romantic gesture I asked for because you simply don’t want to.” I feel truly sorry for her. I’m so happy my husband is nothing like this guy.
Wife: take me out in the truck to watch the stars. That’ll get me going!
Husband: I don’t want to
Wife: remains unfulfilled romantically
Husband: Dr. J, my wife doesn’t want to have sex. What do I do?!!
Can’t make this stuff up 😂😂😂😂
Men are dumb, selfish and lazy......
I said the same thing 🤣🤣 like bffr
I know right. What a ruffian!
YOU HONSTLY THINK THATS THE ISSUE??
Thats a lot of work
When she says "it hurts down there" and he said "like geez' I don't think this guy gets it.
He should try the other hole. That might give her a jumpstart
@@seeno1 😁😁
I hated sex when it hurt. My husband didn't do foreplay. It was years of duty sex until I got the opportunity to leave him.
Sex with most men has been painful. They could be gentle, tender and romantic. That would be lovely and bonding. But they do sex like porn -- painful, ugly, degrading, gross.
I have had beautiful orgasmic sex with a gentle, tender and romantic man. It was mind blowing! Unfortunately, I found out about his harem of sexually satisfied women. I decided he was too big a disease risk.
I have tried repeatedly to find another man that knows how to make love... I have not been successful
@@seeno1 - And hurting her more will achieve what, exactly? Grow up.
@@seeno1 - You don't speak for ANY women. Stop trying to troll. It's ugly and you're making yourself look silly.
You sound like a kid who has never actually had sex.
Old saying, "No such thing as a cold woman, just an inept lover".
That's an old saying, that applys maybe 90% of the time , but not always . The other 10% could be :
Actual physical medical issue
Actual biochemical issue
This always was the actual situation, and having previously engaged in sex/ claimed to have had enjoyment was part of a deliberate deception.
A pregnant woman not wanting to have sex? The wife pontificating on other forms of showing love? That is code for your sex game is whack, and you just want to jump on her without romancing her first. Imagine calling Delony to have him tell you to do something your wife already outlined. SMH.
Not Delony saying that man sounds like his head is full of cement. That's like when Judge Judy used to tell people that their heads were full of a bucket of bricks. 😂😂😂
It's very sad :/
I feel so badly for his wife.
too much porn not enough real women.
Yes, he's MISSING it by a MILE!! I was one of the women shaking her head!! When Dr. John says that sex is one of the lights on the dashboard telling you something is WRONG, he's SO RIGHT!
good answer Dr John. Do whatever helps her to feel treasured AND relaxed. That's why doing the washing up is great foreplay.
It’s crazy how many men assume women hate sex, that they’re the problem. Nuance escapes these, and I’ll borrow this quote, below-bare-minimum low-effort clowns. They don’t know what it is to make others feel safe or cherished. This guy shouldn’t have even bothered calling cause he asked his wife what she needed, she told him, and he never bothered. Low effort below bare minimum, selfish.
Exactly, plus she told him she's in pain but he calls in only worried about his own needs not being met. Poor wife.
100% agre..... this guy is selfish and awful.
@@AJK8144 Right his needs don't matter in a typical western female centered society.
@@AJK8144 I feel so bad for her. “She doesn’t like talking about her feelings” probably doesn’t like talking about them around this jackass bc he has low empathy. What a jackass. I get more mad about it the longer I think about this call. It’s these guys that are always like “she just left all of a sudden with no warning” but bro she’s been warning and asking and begging for bare minimum relationship treatment, you couldn’t look past your own needs and wants
She’s definitely not a Spoiled Girlie that’s for sure 😢
I love when John told this guy he sounds like his head is full of cement. 1000%. She practically drew him a treasure map and he is still walking around mystified.
He's selfish..... only cares about his noodle getting wet.
No he is hoping she just gives in like she has always done and go through the pain. Since he knew about her desire for affection since day 1 but couldn't care less, and she still slept with him and gave him children too.
She can't have enough. She has no right to reach her limit .
This time she's pregnant but he thinks it's a wonderful idea for him to add to her pain in the pelvic area. Just wow
@@dabd8175yeah they won't cry in silence anymore. They won't be like grandma who felt liberated by grandpa's passing.
@@dabd8175she literally told him what would be servant romantic and he didn’t do it, men are so vapid
That would hurt my feelings, but I'm more motivated by encouragement than tough talk.
Bravo John. His wife needs to hear "I've got you, I'm here for you and I care about you".
She is definitely longing to hear those words and for his actions and behaviours match those words.
He’s the only guy she’s ever been with & like other commentators have said, she’s clearly communicated her needs & he refused to do it so I guarantee it’s the same in the bedroom. He gets his & it’s probably fast & quick & sorry but no woman enjoys that. She’s given up telling him what she needs bc he doesn’t care he thinks the problem is her & it’s not.
You’re correct adn when needs are not met people feel used and done to….male or female….he is selfish, deeply selfish and he probably is aggressive in sex and that’s why it hurts
@@michellesimmons3150 1000 times yes, schoolboy groping and forcing her with no warm ul or affection is like her being abused as a child all over. What a jerk he is.
He's probably really small, and sperm obviously works...the risk of getting pregnant AGAIN during a terrible sexual encounter...oh hell nooooooooo
So, BEFORE they got married and she hated it, why was there no conversation on her end that she hates sex and finds it painful? She just got married knowing that, got the kids she probably felt they were supposed to have and now wants to just stop? That is bait and switch and wrong. It is not like it is a temporary thing or related to the stress of parenting or something, she always felt this way and said nothing (essentially lying). Why is that his fault that she doesn’t know how to communicate? She even said she doesn’t want to go into certain things in therapy - more examples of her failure to communicate. She has issues she needs to work through.
I would guess religion. A lot of the purity movement straight up lies to women about sex after marriage and they ended up with vaginismus. Literally millions of women in the world were lied to.
“You sound like your head is filled with cement” omg 🤣 He’s not wrong.
His little brother below’s head is probably also full of or made of cement too, that’s why it hurts and she hates
Cope
Yeah, I laughed at that too
Almost all relationship issues can be solved with listening, compassion, kindness and honesty. Those are the pillars of a healthy relationship.
My friend is a sex worker and has been told by a lot of men that their wives dont want to have sex with them. She has offered to try and help the man learn some ways to pleasure his wife. Each one has said "no point. I won't do any of it." Men, like that, deserve to be divorced.
Agree 100% -
But why use the euphemism
‘Sex Worker?’
She is a Prostitute.
It walks like a duck and talks like a duck, it is probably a duck.
I'm sorry, but this is so sad it's comical. The sex worker being your friend. The sex worker wanting to" help."The sex worker expecting the men coming to cheat with a sex worker being men who would care about learning to help their wife....man the whole scenario is a mess. 😭🤪
@CrystalM1917 the men were cheating because their wives didn't want to have sex with them...because they were selfish asshats. My friend was offering so that the women in the situation could get some pleasure! Not for the sake of the men at all. Also, you would be surprised how many men cheat on their partners. 80 percent of her clients are married. Even the ones that have a regular sex life. It's pretty wild. The double lives that some people lead.
lazy ba******ds
Ummm I'm pretty sure he deserves to be divorced because he is screwing a prostitute.
This guy as an absolute embarrassment. She tells him what she wants. He ignores it because he “doesn’t want to”. The he calls John asking for help. She’s screwed.
No she aint😂😂😂
Yeah but not screwed well, poor thing 😢
Yeah, this guy is an idiot.
Totally me sitting here nodding my head that he's missing it... I legit had to pause this one and thank my hubby for being him.
Lol she doesn't hate sex, she just hate having sex with you lol
You are so smart. Dr. D never mentions the obvious truth in front of all our faces.
Because he sucks at it, yes.
Imagine putting your 🍆 in a vise grip, that's what sex feels like for her
@janellesamuels3385 he's not in it to tell the truth, he's in it to make you feel good and make things work out. If he told him what i said, it might break up their marriage. Even if it is the truth.
Bingo
@CarrotTop201 yes, she will lose her security and her husbands money and all those things
Wait, she has ad s*x enough to get pregnant twice and yet he hasn’t done the one thing she asked for romantically?!?!? The selfishness he is exuding is GROSS!
That could be as few times as twice technically lol just saying…
@@rachel4339Okay? The point is she sacrificed her entire life and body to give him children and he refuses to drive her out to look at the stars, the one single thing she wants.
@tessaelto1472 replace wants with asks from her husband in comparison that's minuscule vs. Giving birth which they say is the most painful thing a woman can experience and will have to go through it one more time with their second child! I agree with you.
He sucks as a partner. No wonder she doesn't want sex....with him 😅
The romance!!
I also look into my own past and I had no interest in having relations with my first husband. In hindsight I have come to realize my lack of interest with him was because of how he treated me. He was selfish, mean, demanding, sexist, self-centered and he expected me to handle both pregnancy, both babies (born just 21 months apart and I breastfed my two sons fifteen months each due to milk allergies) made all the baby food from scratch, handled everything in the home and yard; all the chores, the cars, all errands PLUS work full time without any help. The issue for me was not the act of sex but his treatment towards me. When I was married the second time I was highly sexual and our intimacy was intense and not an issue at all.
Exactly. Who wants sex with an abuser? I should have annulled the marriage but I'm still here after 55 years.
As a woman, when I hear men complain about this issue, I feel sorry for the wife. Because as a woman , I know she isn't getting her needs met. Listen carefully! Women NEED nonsexual affection through out the day. She also to connect with the man through conversation. He needs to be loving.
Exactly. My ex husband would ignore me all day only to wait until I’m sleep and rape me. It’s like he didn’t want to bother with my feeling and needs. He showed zero non sexual attraction. It was like living with a roommate who forced sex on me.
exactly!
Cringe
It takes 2 to bring affection not just the man's job.. Women get pregnant and they know the body is gonna change. Some women stay the same but for those who don't and feel insecure do something about it instead of complaining about being insecure.
@@KennedyIvy cringe to have empathy for women? no, what's cringe is men who have the emotionally maturity of little boys an d write 'cringe' everywhere as a way of trying to control women who say things they don't like. grow up.
Bro isn’t even sure if she’s seen a doctor for it. He said “I don’t think so”…. OUT OF TOUCH! You don’t know if your wife has seen a doctor for pelvic pain when it impacts your sex life so much that you call in the show!? Also, just hearing how he talks makes me question what he says she says. He may be misquoting her. Been there done that. The way he speaks is very familiar to me. Delony said it right, head full of cement… and it sounds like he’s the one packing it in too. Sis sounds exhausted.
THIS!!!!! Perfect comment.
she hates sex from the beginning so what are you talking about? and who is responsible for your own pain? not you but husband? wtf. what is wrong with people? she must know it's not ok but she doesn't care. her needs of not having sex are fulfilled but his? she doesn't care at all. selfish.
@@anetakocisova1123 He should at least know wtf is going with his wife.
@@anetakocisova1123 She didn't have sexual experiance before Mike. She doesn't have any comparison. The physical pain during sex is cause by the penetration itself, so yes, it is husband's blame. 90% of the time sex is painful because there was no foreplay, which women need for that natural body reaction to create fluids from Barthol's gland. If someone slapped you you won't blame them for causing you physical pain either? Cause that's how your argument sounds.
Wife knows it's not okay, but she had bad role models in her own parents and no other prior relationship before Mike. She literally has no comparison. She for sure cares, she just feels stuck in the situation.
She’s basically been pregnant for 2 years dude. You don’t have a problem. As soon as she recovered from the 1st pregnancy, you got her pregnant again.
that could mean they have sex once a month. Very few men are happy with that and will divorce. If she is not attracted to him any more she should divorce. end of
@@PlebiteBallerand their two kids will just disappear lol 😂 menn are so upset by the divorce rates but then they are saying “divorce” then blame it all on womenn. Her husband would be “blindsided” if she left him and he would probably think she was a “304” 😂 he couldn’t care enough to drive her in a truck to look at stars that is a non expensive intimate date that could lead to romance and it was too much for him because “he didn’t want to” imagine having someone enter your body when “she didn’t want to” at least no physical pain would be experienced on his part at least he would feel good, right? She should leave him.
@@j-ymoney5112 You're right she's has no real desire for him. So she should leave. he's not happy, she's not happy. Done, deal.
I'm sorry but this caller is really dense about this. I applaud John's patience.
agree. he's fkn stupid.
He's horrible. Yuck.
@@Veracityseeker7that’s not nice
She literally told him what she needs and he ignored it
He sounds whiny, lazy, and selfish.
Many people in the comments are missing/forgetting the fact that she didn't enjoy it PRIOR to marriage, which also means prior to having a baby.
The avoidance of talking about herself + pain during sex is a red flag to both medical issues and mental health issues, namely likely at risk of having been sexually abused, especially if her parents had her at bars until 2am and driving them home at 6 y/o. I can almost guarantee more than that has happened to her given that context.
Men will let the neglect of a womans wants ride for sooooooo long and then get mad when another man does it and she leaves for something that was literally the bare minimum that the husband could have done.
Yep, ... Like make her feel wanted ... for her, not just as a mother to the children, housekeeper, cook, and laundress.
Painful sex can be a huge red flag for severe issues.
My wife had a similar issue. Had a fibroid cyst, had it removed. They identified some other abnormalities. She ended up getting diagnosed with a unique type of cancer. Had a hysterectomy, now she is on treatments trying to save one of her kidneys from possibly needing it to be removed.
Luckily, we caught things early, or she would be in much worse shape. 35% survivability past 5 years for this type of cancer. We are going to be in that 35%. My understanding is she will need to be on treatments the rest of her life to hopefully keep it at bay.
@getinthespace7715 Thank you for sharing this. My thoughts have been along this same line. I hope she is responding well to treatment. It does baffle my mind that this woman's symptoms aren't being considered more by the commenters. It is no wonder so many marriages fail when self-centered attitudes are the seeming norm. "What am I getting out of this?" Me, me, me is the main focus.
I hope your wife heals, regains all her strength, and can have a long happy life.
Sending you and your wife love, peace and strength ❤🫶🌟.
Well that is a lot to cope with. Thank you for being such an understanding husband and loving your wife through all of this pray she heals.
Sounds like he’s just using her body. He doesn’t want “intimacy” he just wants a body. She wants love and security and acceptance.
My first thought was she's deep in motherhood and her priorities are there. Take her on a date night once a week. Don't pressure her for sex. Just be warm and loving. She'll come around when she's ready.
Ah yeah, "turn around someday" I have heard that in several other marriages and they just waste years waiting, awful advice
100%!
Date night is EVERYTHING but most people stop doing it after the wedding.
It doesn’t have to be expensive - looking at the stars is FREE.
I agree! Women love dates!
@@thelucariamonarchs4889 you sound like a man. it's actually great advice. this is why men shouldn't advise men because they don't know what women want.
That’s so selfish a man has needs he just has to wait for her to come around that’s absolutely ridiculous! She needs to figure it out if she wants her marriage to work you don’t get to say I don’t want to and you just have to deal with it. What if it was the other way around she would be pissed! Also stop using motherhood as an excuse she’s not the only woman in the world that’s had kids if you want your marriage to work you make time for it not excuses.
I was never a woman to sleep around. The only way I find arousal is through mental and emotional connection. My husband and I had a great sex life, hung out all the time, we were bffs. Then we had kid 1 and kid 2 and kid 3 and now we are room mates. At the end of the day he checks out and I feel it has been years since I have had a solid conversation with this man. I no longer know this man, I lay in bed at night next to a stranger after wrestling the kids and work all day.. day after day.. I don’t want to make love to a stranger, my body does not relax next to this stranger. When he rolls over to initiate I cringe. In that moment I do not want to have sex the only thing my body wants is to lay and look at the stars and reconnect with the beautiful soul I knew 10 years ago. That’s what she’s trying to say. Maybe caller and my husband can tackle this together since one peanut brain cannot figure it out even when so plainly laid out.
100%!!!
👏👏👏
I was at this same spot in my marriage after having five kids in eight years.. drained and exhausted, and sex was just one more 'chore' expected of me.. it wasn't that l didn't love my husband, l sadly just had nothing left for him at the end of the day. It was a very busy, difficult season in our marriage with little ones, but you do get through it.
That’s why I’m scared to have more than maybe 1 kid, maybe 2 max. Seems like if you have more than you can handle a lot of people end up roommates because the responsibility of so many kids leaves people too drained and depleted for their own marriage. Either than or hire help, seems like the only option.
I don't think that people understand that the body registers this as rape. Anytime you have sex and you don't really want to it's rape. You have to stop doing it. That's trauma on top of trauma on top of trauma.
@@angelicadelashmette803this is true but also it's the way that people set their marriages up now. You don't have to have a kid Centric marriage. You can make sure your marriage comes before your children. That is a choice. Can you put a system in place, you put the kids to bed at 7:30 p.m. hell, you can call quiet time at 6pm. You put the kabash on activities! There is not reason in the world your kid needs to be getting home at 9pm because they have soccer, gymnastics, piano, and volleyball practice. 1 activity and call it a day.
Dr. Delony, l just discovered you yesterday and listened to 3 podcast conversations and I must say that your advice is better than any counselor or relationship coach I have ever heard. Not only do you listen carefully to your callers but your advice is tailored to the case presented. Wow. I'm a fan already ❤
OMG bro... your wife is tired of being your f*@k toy! Yes, that's how she sees herself. Change that, change the way she sees you.
Exactly.... I feel like this in my marriage and it makes you feel bad about yourself.... I feel worthless.
@blueravenchick I'm so, so sorry.
@@blueravenchickI’m sorry you feel like this: it’s not right that a man has taken the Joy out of such an intimate act. 😢
I'd say its ok for the sex for the woman to not have it with him as long as the husband isn't expected to protect and provide as well, it's only fair.
@thelucariamonarchs4889 most men are in a partnership not a sole provider and protection... My ADT security system does more work then a man in that department.
I'll also add, don't be surprised when some other guy comes along who WILL take her in his truck to go see the stars at night............
Men are constantly complaining about golddiggers and this poor woman just wants to go for a drive.
THIS
@@RepentImmediately - Yes, she's asking for the bare minimum and he can't even do that.
She's never been with anyone else. Poor girl hasn't had ONE good sexual experience. I almost wish she'd try a F* boy for a night to see how awesome it could be. Then she could teach this idiot on how to do it properly 🤦
sure, 2 kids and low S drive that's what every guy wants. Maybe her drive is low because of her partner, but still.
I almost choked on my food when Dr. John said, "you sound like your head is full of cement." He nailed that...
Yeah this guy is not emotionally open. That’s why his wife’s body doesn’t open up to him. And he is to arrogant to listen to her. You can tell he’s annoyed to even listen to any criticism.
Well, that dude is selfish. She gave him answers and he refuses to do anything about it. For MOST women, we need to connect with you on an emotional level to want sex with you. On the other hand, if sex is painful for her, she needs to get that checked out. It's either mental or physical but that's not normal!!
Stop lying
It’s more normal than you know, especially, after pregnancy it just doesn’t get talked about.
@@dpborn2721 yep!!
Men only hear and want to know things about women's bodies that they want to hear and know. There have been many men in the comments completely ignoring what women who have women's bodies btw, are telling them what they've experienced. If it doesn't fit their fantasy it isn't true. I blame porn.
@@kingasif9265this is true
My ex didn’t understand my wants or needs either… he thought I didn’t like sex… just didn’t want sex with him. I used to drink just to force my self into it. Finally decided I didn’t want to drink either.
12:03
When he said “we’re pretty happy” and then just followed it up with how they have a nice house and good jobs, I said out loud “Oh NO”.
I love that Dr. Delony pointed it out immediately. He was totally right about women nodding along with what he said because I was one of them. Happiness in a relationship is not determined by your net worth or your annual salary or the size of your house or newness of your car or whether you like your jobs or not. The strength of relationships is made in the nothingness, in the monotony. If you can’t even go on a drive with your wife to connect, it’s no surprise she’s not interested in sex.
Exactly!!!
Bingo. I was floored too when she told him what she found romantic and he hadn’t tried it yet
Women are not objects you trade in if it doesnt work like you think it should. Geeze, you married a woman not an inflatable sex doll. Guy is clueless.
Yes this is my husband, values his career and salary. Values possessions but not the people. Seeing this now after 24 years of marriage.
@@sstaci3217 There's no depth to people like that. They're never satisfied with increasing their status. It's empty and hollow.
It’s so weird that he’s not willing to even take her out to see the stars. I wonder what else he’s not willing to do either. Sounds like one of the things she’s asking for is quality time. I don’t think men get it - make your wife feel loved, and she’ll make you feel loved. 😉A conversation could be a turn on, quality time doing something she loves, a gift, washing the dishes - it really depends on the person. He should read Five Love Languages too in addition to seeing the doctor about the pain.
No routine and patent tricks! Starry night one time, going dancing another, pic-nic in a park a third, a concert a fourth, walking along the beach, buying flowers at the garden center, watch ducklings and calves in the spring, playing in the snow, taking a bike-stroll, learn to sail, compiling a photo-album, surprise with favourite pancakes, surprise with dress-shopping with plenty of time, go cloud and rain-bow chasing, take a hike in a national forest, fly kites, play fresby or minigolf, gather mushrooms, cook applejam ... - and arrange the baby-sitter when appropriate or carry one child and also use a stroller for older child.
They had plenty of sex before they get married. Not much after marriage. She got the government to back her up so she doesn’t have to have sex. Would they still have sex if he hadn’t married her yet?
@@Jack-pd4psMaybe because after marriage, he figured he got her locked down, so why make an effort?
@@Jack-pd4ps Yes, that is puzzling - what happened? Who changed? Did he start to be demanding? Had she only been pretending? Did they talk about these things that really mattered, before they married? Maybe both changed? Did he in his heart of hearts think that the government shouldn't have anything to do with his love-life and so he married reluctantly? Did she? A rather common theme for women is that they don't long for the kind of marriage their mothers and grandmothers had - but the more innocent they are, they expect that their own marriage will be a faithful continuation of the time, when they were not yet engaged and he was courting or wooing her, like a promise of who he is and what he wants to do for her. And if after marriage he expects her to perform the role of an older generation, that will be an ice-cold shower for her. And also: nobody likes sex as a duty, not men either.
@@briskettacos
100%
A MAJOR problem that leads to less sex is after the wedding couples stop dating and the connection gets lost.
A marriage often dies with neglect over time.
You are playing Russian roulette with your life if you think you can stop tending to the relationship after the contract is signed.
WISE UP, PEOPLE!
❤
When a woman says "It hurts", what she is saying MORE obviously is "YOU are hurting me
And WORSE....
I KNOW you don't give a jot."
"For years you have hurt me but you just insist on repeating that week in week out for YEARS."
MAN!
She must really love you to not have dumped your a$$.
"You sound like your head is filled with cement." Yep, this guy is indeed clueless 😅
She gave you the keys bro! Start the engine and drive.
He doesn't get it and he never will. He's been told and refuses to do it. He doesn't care about his wife. That's not an issue that can be fixed. She doesn't feel safe and I doubt he's ever gonna not push for it, so it will never change...Poor wife
I have a feeling you are right. I need a follow up on this guy. Sometimes going separate ways is the best solution. I don't think he loves her.
"She doesn't to talk about her feelings" yeaaahhh that's no woman ever... YOU just haven't created a space for her to feel safe, comfortable, and heard to open up about her feelings.
If you need a counselor to get your wife to open up about her feelings, you're already having issues with creating emotional intimacy & safety in your marriage.
Dr J called it... This guy has got a head full of cement.
She told him what she needed. He refused. She stopped talking.
So which is it?
A) there is something medically going on for wife
B) sex post-pardum, and then quickly pregnant again is DIFFICULT! Painful, low self esteem, body changes, hormonal shifts, uncomfortable, etc.
C) husband is not hearing his wife's needs
D) wife is not feeling heard or connected emotionally to husband
E) husband might be selfish
F) husband might be bad in bed
ALLLL OF THE ABOVE! It's definitely an important issue to figure out and work through in a marriage, but I don't think this is an all HER problem. I don't think he realizes he's just as much the problem, and he's gotta figure that out. They BOTH need to figure out their faults and come together. I am guessing she's not as happy as he thinks she is, and that's the first issue.
Or G) husband has a massive shlong
B.
F
G. She could be ASEXUAL… which means she just doesn’t like sex. Nothing medically wrong with her, but she is not interested in sexual activity.
F F F and for sure it’s F.He SUCKS in bed.There I said it!!!!
His wife is checked out. Seems like he is only trying to mount her. She needs to feel emotionally supported
So she clearly communicated what she wanted, and he has never done it even once, because he "just doesn't want to."
Does anyone think that's the only time he's been selfish and blown her off because he doesn't care about her or what she wants or what she thinks?
Also, I'm going to say it since no one else has - this guy OBVIOUSLY sucks in bed. He is a selfish, inept lover who refuses to listen to his partner.
Wtf are you going on about? How do you know how he actually performs in bed???
She got the house and baby, no need for his needs now.
Yep. If she had a few more partners, she would have not gotten married. Getting married is not the goal. Finding the right partner is the goal. Also, "it hurts" her. Something is very wrong.
He doesn't like her blowing him off in the bedroom, but he does the same thing by not taking her to see stars for free.....
I can see how for some some women that maybe anxiety inducing, for others it's a relief that there is a distinct road map. Therefore, it can prevent anxiety. There needs to be a "what can I do for you" towards each other mindset to be fair.
Yeaaaaaaah this guy has not been a safe space for like John Deloney said, their whole marriage.
This is EXACTLY the "I didn't see the divorce coming" precursor.
A frigid wife is neither loving nor a safe space for her lonely husband. She also is disobeying God by withholding sex from her husband.
@@darlenepaul2918 *He’s* the one disobeying God by not loving his wife. He won’t even listen to her. God never said husbands were entitled to sex anytime they wanted it, nor that they get it while their wives are having PAIN and health problems like the woman in this video. Disgusting!
There has to be grace extended on both sides, and communication on how to move forward and what is needed to bring back the intimacy.. like making a date night a priority, helping out around the house, discussing needs/ expectations and coming up with ways to meet the needs for each other with an expanding family, going to the doctor to see if there is something physically wrong, maybe going to counseling.. a marriage takes work and doesn't just fall into to place on its own.. and people need to invest the time to do what's needed to make it work instead of bailing and thinking that it's going to be easier with someone else.
@@darlenepaul2918 - And you're promoting r-pe. Stop it.
Absolutely.
It’s a thing for men too. My boyfriend of 4 years won’t even touch me intimately. We haven’t had any sexual contact for a very long time and I don’t understand why. I’m pretty, take care of myself and I go out of my way to try to look sexy for him. I do Everything around the House, including the cooking and I tell him everyday I love him and regularly encourage him to follow his dreams. I am so lonely and feel so neglected. I can’t even dream of cheating or even having another man touch me. I wish we could overcome this, but he refuses to even talk about it. I’m so lost.
I would suggest you try to get him to go to couples counseling with you.
Maybe he’s having sex elsewhere? You never know
To me, it sounds like you think you're playing house, but he might have found his mommy.
Maybe she just doesn’t want to be pregnant every year.
😂
This made me laugh. Thank you.
There is birth control
@@gayhendrie84 sounds like they don’t believe in it with an infant and another on the way.
People should really use birth control. There are many ways
Some of these comments saying he should force himself on her or leave even though theyre generally happy and she's currently pregnant...is insane! People go through traumas and hard times. The whole point of marriage is to work through life together including any obstacles. Having a full time job and/or children and then cooking/cleaning is hard and incredibly draining.
Men are extremely selfish when is comes to sex..... porn has their minds warped.
Agreed! Also there may have been some S abuse when she was a child if you know what I mean, that she's doesn't wanna talk about and it may have hurt her so severely that she has PTSD about that? I mean if the parents were drunks who knows what could've happened.
Not one comment says that.
Yes there were. Let's hope they were deleted.@@COINsimp2024
@@SarahConnor562 Well, she told him sex is painful..... that is probably from having children, because it tears your vagina. Also, being tired and worn out.... this guy seems selfish, so I'm sure he doesn't help with domestic labor or child rearing either. It's awful when women refuse sex, but okay that men refuse to do chores or raise their own children. Weird.
He sounds incredibly self-serving. He may tell himself that he loves his wife, but he does not respect her as a person.
I noticed when they were talking about what he could do (dishes, truck ride for stars etc) he was quiet and dismissive but when Dr J mentioned she needs to see a doctor for the pain he got excited and said REALLY!?!?! As if he finally solved her being the problem. Lame
Her mindset is geared more towards motherhood now. He needs to adapt to the shift. She has new turn-ons now. Be a great father, communicate effectively, be a huge support domestically and she will give up the goodies
this is the winning comment
He doesnt need to adapt to anyone, he should leave her asap
@@thelucariamonarchs4889 why. Did she cheat? Is she physically abusive?
oh yeah, instead of fixing things just run. SO VERY MASCULINE OMG@@thelucariamonarchs4889
@@zeal4god402 no he's another my wiener needs attention crybaby who sounds very immature and inexperienced. don't know how to properly self entertain or please his wife. cry baby, my wiener, shut up.
He should absolutely not try to push intimacy if he takes her out to see the stars. That will seem too transactional. He should make things like that a regular thing in their relationship, and that way it becomes both romantic and spontaneous without any expectations.
exactly or she's going to resent going to see the stars (something she loved) because he will try to make a move for it and as you said it will seem transactional
Unfortunately men like this never learn 💔
Sometimes when a spouse has to parent the other spouse, at the end of day your not turned on, you turned off
True. She is married to a self-centered child. Not a man.
She’s sick of his crap. No help around house. No romance. She’s exhausted
Like doing domestic chores and being romantic make a woman wet hahaha.
It’s not painful sex. She doesn’t like this man. Listen to him, she told him a few things she needed & he quite literally said “I didn’t wanna do that”…you don’t want to learn how to love your wife? No wonder she doesn’t want your body; that’s a whole other level for us of love. She doesn’t want to hurt his feelings
These calls make me so, so glad I am single. Holy cow how can someone be so oblivious.
blind and selfish
Man whose wife hates sex- listen to the Bare Marriage podcast. Obligation sex is not helping her or you! And sexual pain is very very real and very difficult to navigate. It isn't her fault.
men don't understand, though
Obligation sex is rape. We need to start calling it what it is. Because that is exactly how the body registers it.
@@bluebellbeatnik4945 they understand Plenty, those who pretend they don’t are using weaponized incompetence
Sounds like her cups been empty for a long time. You need to fill her cup up with out expecting anything in return, when she’s finally overflowing she’ll start to give you want you want in return. Take a genuine interest in things she’s working on as she’s doing them, hug her while she’s doing the dishes, tell her what a great mother she is being, send her a thinking of you text while you’re at work, cuddle or give her a massage with no expectation of it leading anywhere. Actually do the things you say you’re going to do. Plan and initiate dates, including lining up a babysitter. Be a freaking leader she can feel safe to follow.
100%!
👏
To his credit, she also needs to do her part, and her own work. If it is hurting, go to a doctor. If it is stress and being tired, they can work together to have relief. If it is mental, there is therapy and friends.
Omg I want to like this 1000x!!
@@dudeorduuude5211 it hurts because she's not turned on!! From a woman who has experienced the same thing, when I'm truly turned on, the natural lube is there.
Yes totally agree! This is all we need from our man and they can’t even do it. 😢
She said intimate gestures like whisking her away under the stars is special to her. He won't give that and take her there cause it's not enjoyable for him but then he says she needs more give and take? She's having babies which means she is still being physical even tho it hurts. What more can she be give? Dudes if your privates were feeling raw and burning in pain would you jump up to do that again? I'm pretty sure he is not listening to her or willing to understand. It's not a practical way to resolve this as the missing piece is an emotional connection. He needs to connect in new ways. Also just take her to the romantic place and do it with no expectations just full of love. It sounds like a power struggle and she is being forced out of her comfort zones which will make her retreat more.
Thr fact that he was suprised when told that pain isnt normal for a woman is terrifying. If i told my partner it hurt every time to have sex he would immediately insist on a doctors visit. Because he cares about me. That guy was shocked that was a problem. I couldnt have stayed so calm and Dr John did. Your head is filled with concrete was way too polite
He probably took “it hurts” as a compliment. Morons
I’m 99.9% sure I know what’s going on, because this is how it was in my marriage.
My husband only showed physical affection towards me when he wanted sex, so I started associating any kiss or touch he gave me as “I want sex” and I’d swat him away too because I didn’t want sex in that moment. What has helped us, is when my husband kisses me or touches me, he flat out tells me “I’m not wanting sex, I just want to show you I love you,” and it allows me to relax and accept the affection without expectations.
Also, maybe she should get a bedroom toy or two.
Haha I like that at the end…. “Maybe she should get a toy or two”
@@SarahConnor562 I am the same way..... men make women associate touch with sex.... if men showed affection outside of sex, we might be more loveable.
THIS 10000%!!!! My ex did this and it was such a turn off! My husband is the opposite and I want to bone him all the time 😂
@@SarahConnor562yes like a housefly🪰/j
@@SarahConnor562 hahahahaha good point 😂😂
Her: "I want romantic gestures". Him: "I make advances on her". Yeah. No. Thats NOT what she means.
She is exhausted and overwhelmed..
I mean, not only is he ignoring her needs, low self esteem but her *entire* list of priorities is different now. Speaking as a mother myself there's so much going on here from s3xu41 pain/low libido to feeling unheard and insecure, but the biggest one: *SHE'S A MOTHER NOW* . her priorities aren't s3x and expecting her to be the s3x kitten she was *pre-baby* when she's caring for, not 1 but *2 whole ass children* is something I'll never comprehend. like how daft is this guy? not only is he ignoring her requests and the fact that he can't even see the signs and thinks things are "fine" but having what feels like the *entire* burden of being the default parent doesn't have me feeling in the mood either. He sounds very selfish, juvenile and like he has a one track mind.
It’s ALL ABOUT HIM.
@@Lauren-i8iin his mind anyway. Number one sign he sucks in and out of the bedroom. There is a person attached to that vagina dude. How dumb can men freely admit to being and blaming her for his immaturity, Good thing, she can payback him when willie dies and she is hot to go in years to come.
The fact that it hurts can be something as simple as you want to go to fast and she is not ready. Did you talk about what she likes? Take your time and find out what she will like
Dude, SHE IS CARRYING YOUR KID RIGHT NOW!
Plus she has another one who's a toddler. She deserves a pass on that.
You've conceived two kids in the age of covid. You've had a pretty good run, man.
Also, she gave you a clear, foolproof, idiotproof blueprint to intimacy in taking her to see stars. She has been crystal clear about that from day one.
This call is an insult to those of us who really are struggling, getting stonewalled at every turn, no one giving us a clue.
Get a clue, man
Thank you.
I dont mean this in a rude way, but he's clueless. He is missing the whole thing. Im not saying none of this is her, it is. But to think everything is ok because you have a house and good jobs......nope, nope, nope
Right men need to provide everything. Women need to provide one thing. When that one thing isn't there then there's problems like this. It's the glue to any relationship. The truth is women are incentivized to get divorced financially.
@@cur244 Not sure exactly what you mean, but I don't think women only have one thing to give. They have a lot more they should give. I'm just saying that to assume your marriage is good because of a house and job, is just not true. Many people have good jobs and nice homes and their marriage is horrible. I also don't think women are better off when divorced. Statistics show that women are usually in a worse financial situation after divorce. John talks about this all the time. I would be in trouble personally.
I’m not married and I just find it really interesting to have listened to several calls like this. It seems like many people have some sort of struggle in this area, but it doesn’t mean you don’t love your person. Also I’ve gotten the vibe it’s not necessarily about the act but communication about it is where many of the struggles come up.
As an unmarried, if you and your future husband were sexually active before marriage and his actions/affection remained stable after marriage would you see any reason to cut sex off?
I think this is the issue for most men. The sex just stops. Maybe a sharp cutoff, maybe slow shutdown. Why? It begins to look, to the man, as if the sex was never sincere in the first place.
How could something so seemingly pleasurable to the woman become apparently odious with no fight to keep it?
I wonder if she’s was breastfeeding too. When I was breastfeeding/pumping, my sex drive was zero. It wasn’t until I started ovulating again 9 months post-partum that I actually had a drive again. If this woman is the same, and she got pregnant just a few months after her period returning, she may have also had a low sex drive for the past 1-2 years because of these hormone levels. That, in combination with a partner who won’t listen to her (driving out to look at stars), does no foreplay, makes everything about him (*i* want sex, not “how can I make sex enjoyable for her?”), and who is probably terrible at sex (no orgasm for her)…..what’s the point? Of course she wouldn’t want sex with him. It’s just another chore.
AMEN!!!
100%
👏👏👏
Great book recommendation - "come as you are" is truly great in explaining a) sex and desire are nothing to be ashamed of b) the emotional wiring regarding sex-drive and that everyone ticks differently but common ground can be found (if both partners are willing) and c) depending on life circumstances and age sex and your sex drive will be different in at different parts of your life.
Absolutely great of the author is, that there is no blame attributed to one or the other partner. It is just a matter of finding out, how your "breaks" and "gas" (and that of your partner) work and how you can have great sex together. Absolutely recommend.
This Guys wife is definitely NOT HAPPY in general…he’s completely disconnected
These comments just remind me that men only view love as sex and physical attraction nothing more.
@@SarahConnor562 When you treat your wife like a vending machine, it's not super conducive to a loving relationship either... He clearly isn't interested in her as a person and is just wanting sex or his quarter back...
@@SarahConnor562 sex makes me feel worthless and makes me feel bad about myself, but I guess only a man's feelings about sex matters. Men can't even work in funeral homes with screwing dead bodies..... sex does not equal love or care to men.
Have you been living under a rock and never heard that “men are simple” this is literally what it means
@irvinperez2987 Ha they don't even deny it 🤣🤣🤣
that is one of the most ignorant things ive ever heard. you sound like you've been hurt and you let that blind you.
A massive sex drive is just natural to men. its the result of testosterone. If you think men need to be patient with women and their hormones, then you should feel the same way because sex obsession is literally just mens hormones. theres no reason to demonize us for that.
There are plenty of men who want so much more beyond that and im sorry that you and everyone who's liked your comment dont understand that. Yall are sad.
Don't go to a Dr, go to a Pelvic Floor Physical Therapist!! ESPECIALLY after having a child and while pregnant.
The only sane comment here!!! This poor woman doesn’t want sex because it HURTS. A man wouldn’t want sex if it hurt either!
I went to one and helped!!!!
Yes! Pelvic floor PTs are the experts in pain with sex. It’s a shame all new mommas aren’t referred to PT, so many problems could be avoided.
YES YES YES. As a PT student, I shadowed a pelvic floor PT, who did amazing work with post partum women.
A gynecologist can give a referral.
I spent 23 yrs trying to get my husband to see me, to hear me and give to me emotionally. I needed those things to open up sexually. Eventually my body literally shut down and would not respond to him at all sexually, emotionally or romantically. My divorce was final 6 months ago. I’m grateful for this experience because as much as I loved him I no longer have to scream silently inside to be seen, heard and valued. Within my next relationship these things will be a huge priority for me.
Did you both try couples therapy or spiritual counseling? I hope you are happier now.
@@PinkRose0910 he refused counseling and the one time he did agree he set us up with completely different counselors as I wasn’t allowed to do that myself. I began healing myself and attended my counseling sessions to better me. I wasn’t worried about couples counseling anymore. I had tried everything for us and finally I worked on me. He was the one who left me in 2022. I didn’t fight for him to stay I had already fought too much of the fight. The rest of the fight left in me for saved for fighting to find me again. I don’t regret it ending and I am grateful it’s over.
I hate men who only think about their own needs, Romance her & take things off her plate so she can spend time getting back to herself, and she’ll be more interested.