satinbarbi I understand what you’re going through. Since I was a person of a sexual trauma as a child.. hopefully one day they will fade away with self help and therapy.
satinbarbi this is really late and really personal but can u answer my question cause I’ve been through the same, how often must a person have sex for them to be considered hyper sexual?
When I was 6 or 7 years old, I experienced child on child sexual abuse. It's been over a decade since it happened now, and I'm finding that it is affecting me to this day. I haven't told anyone about it, and I can't keep it secret anymore. I hope other victims of childhood sexual abuse will have the courage to come out and get the help they need.
yea buddy thank you for sharing. because SO many people refuse to believe child on child abuse is real. but abuse is all about power. so if an 11 year old has control and power of a 10 year old for example, it can have the same effects as adult to child
thank you for your comment. i never knew if child on child sexual abuse was an actual 'thing'. people never talk about it. and how can you hold another child responsible?! so it's like whos to blame
yea buddy I hope you get the help you need too. Just know that it wasn’t your fault, and if you want to tell someone then do it. A teacher, a friend, slmeone who can help you. One day it will get better I rpomise
C. Cunningham I was sexually abused by two of my siblings. I was 11 at the time and they were 10 and 9. They both sexually abused me for about a year and a half, and I always thought it was my fault because I never said no to them (not verbally anyway) but I know now that it wasn’t my fault, and it’s never the fault of the victim. Whether or not you say no or not, nobody can touch you because your body is yours and nobody elses, including your siblings or any other ‘just curious’ child. Chilc on child sexual abuse is very real, although many children, victims as well as abusers don’t even know it
I am so fortunate to have recovered from a childhood of sexual abuse from infance to puberty. I had a wonderful trauma therapist and then attended the Option Institute in MA where I learned how to never be depressed again. There is always hope. Keep looking until you find it. I now counsel others who have survived an abusive childhood and help them find peace and happiness in their adult lives.
I'm a guy and i was sexually abused for several weeks when i was 6 years old by a 14 year old boy. It affected me in the worst ways.. I have always had severe depression and had extreme bad days where i could hardly function or communicate. i couldn't think properly and i never had the courage or know how to make anything of my life. I was obsessed with sex and searched it out on line anywhere i could get it. I was extremely lonely and felt very suicidal. I ended up marrying a women who'm i was never attracted to physically because i was so desperate for companionship. I finally revealed my child hood trauma and have been getting psychiatric help and i am feeling so much stronger and mentally whole and i have such a desire to start over but now i feel so tied down to a women who'm i never was attracted to and plus i never went to school and have nothing to my name. no money. No assets yet I'm very un happy in my marriage and i feel completely ruined and I really want to die. I feel i have no options to actually find happiness. I share this for two reasons. I want any one who is feeling bad about their life to know of my miserable story and be glad that you dont have it as bad as me, and secondly i share this as a warning to never marry a women your not physically attracted to no matter how lonely you are. Peace and love everyone..
Devin Smith why don’t you change things then? Why don’t you get divorced and go back to school? Little by little you can work on making yourself happy by change, you control your life, you have the power to take action. And when you’ve finished school and got a good job you can look for someone you’d actually want to marry. What’s stopping you from doing these things?
wow...I feel bad for your wife. I understand you were abused, but that is no excuse for you to use someone else. Be honest and tell her how you feel. Both of you deserve better.
Good evening, I would like to submit all of you my therapeutic book, which is also available for free in electronic format. th-cam.com/video/z5BhH_m2WtY/w-d-xo.html God Bless!
Devin if you want hope and some relief I can give it you if you are willing. God sent his only son to die for our sins and so long as you do this you will be saved. Accept Jesus/Yeshua as our Lord and Saviour, repent (feel sorry for and turn away) from your sins, forgive those who have hurt you, at least be willing (view unforgiveness as poison which hurts you not the recipient can help). Then ask Jesus to come into your life and give you the Holy Spirit. You should also get baptised at a Bible-believing Church. Read the Bible and praise God say sorry if you ever sin and don't repeat it. If you have doubt ask God in Jesus name to reveal himself to you. The God of the Bible Yahova is a God of love. He created us for relationship and a wonderful life but we are in this broken world because of disobedience. Despite that the Father/God/Yahova can give you peace, love and recovery, he can promise you to Heaven where there is no suffering or trauma. There are many testimonies on YT. If you are not prejudiced try doing this. It won't harm you in any case like this world has done.
I have never spoke to a professional about my childhood, I'm 24 and I have always had this memory in my mind of being molested by my baby sitter's husband or son I don't know who did it, I was only 3 years old. I remember telling my mom someone touched me when she was cooking dinner and the only thing she did was pull me out of the daycare. I didn't realize I was sexually molested into I learned about sex and remember telling my mom someone touched me. I just recently asked my mom if I was ever molested and she told me I did tell her that and she pulled me out of daycare right away, I've always had anger towards my mom cause I always felt she should've done more, like get to the bottom of it and put the person in jail. So for her not doing all she could for justice for me I've always felt not good enough. To this day she kinda brushed it off saying she was a "new mom" if I had a daughter I wouldn't be able to sleep til I got to the bottom of it. Child molestors deserve to die a painful death, as soon as I was able to realize what was done to me it was too late to prosecute them? After 10 years you can't do anything? What sick bastards are sticking up for these child molesters and how do I change that law in California?!
Similar has happened to me, my mom talked to me about it but she told me that the person was crying and didn't remember it and then my mom started crying blah blah. There was going to be an investigation but because my mom was so in denial about what her own CHILD was telling her, I had a hard time even talking about it anymore without saying things like I think this happened next or I think that happened. When you go to somebody and you say "I think" they no longer can really do anything for you and it sucks. Instead of going to jail, this person gets to just continue living their life. A parent shouldn't question their own child's story, nor should they ignore it. I'm sorry this happened to you and I can sympathize.
Dolliefacexoxo talk to a professional, it might be difficult but it will be worth it, you owe it to yourself to live your life and not let it effect you more than it has to. And they might be able to help you with a lawsuit. As far as things go with your mother, she did take steps to protect you. It would be good to have the abuser in jail or at least not near children, so in that aspect she protected you, but she didn't take steps to make sure they don't do it again to someone else's child... so that's not cool. My mother is the one who abused me, so I am not on speaking terms even though she tries desperately to reconnect and attempt to make a mends. I avoid her not because of hate, maybe a little bit due to anger, but mostly because when I'm in contact with her I relapse into self-destructive behavior and it takes a toll on my other relationships. If it weren't for that, I might still be able to speak with her. It is definitely taking a toll on her but I don't really care about her feelings at this point. I hope my perspective helps you somehow.
Dolliefacexoxo Would you ever get mad every time that memory would pop-up in your mind? For a long time I didn't know it was me that got raped when these images, and video would pop-up in my mind, but every time it would pop-up I would get very mad. Luckily for me I know who this fucker is and know his every move. The beauty of it is that he doesn't remember at all.
I came from a dysfunctional family. I had suffered abuse. sexual abuse, spiritual abuse, mental abuse, physical abuse and phycollogical abuse. It took me years to heal. I met my ex partner. We fell in love. I gave him my word and told him where I'd come from. Very early in the relationship isolation had come. He slowly manipulated me and soon after he physically started attacking me. Because of the back round I come from I found myself stuck in between the abuse of my family and the abuse of the man I loved. Because I had gone back home thinking that somehow I could find help and safety. Home is where love is. Tough I never had that at home to begin with. I had let myself fall into a trap. I wasn't myself I was lost depressed I had no support I was totally broken. I was sexually abused at what I would've called a home with my family. From the age of 14yrs old to 23yrs old. I would leave and go back to my ex partner who would just black my face and body and he also would sexually assault me. I put up with this for 3yrs of our relationship. I later then turned to drugs alcoholism and suicide attempts. I continued and let my step father abuse me to run back to my ex who would carry on the same behaviour. I couldn't take it nomore. Durring all of this I was caring for my daughter. She went through so much trauma and abuse. I hated what Id dragged her through. Clinging to me through the warfare. I would think of ways to open up. Ways out and ways to expose what was happening. The consequences that would follow once id spoken. I finaly let it out with the strength of God. I had opened up to my mother about the abuse my step father was inflicting on me. He had always threatend me if I ever told anyone the truth of his doings no one would believe me. That he would destroy me and make sure my daughter was taken from me and then hed throw me in a mental hospital . Hed laugh hysterically while yelling these words out as i was alone. I finally spoke out to my mother. She turned a blind eye and fell into hatred toward me. My step father was in denile. He was a clever manipulator. He would instigate changes in my life by using those around me. My mother my older siblings his family and my living situation. Hed always find a way to get to me. After opening up to my mother. My entire life changed. They removed my daughter from my care using the system and using the abuse my ex inflicted on me in court. I went back to my ex partner thinking hed help me and my daughter. He was no help. He isolated and abused me. My mother hated me as she looked at me like i was the other woman and not her daughter. I was broken. I realized she didn't love me. My ex didnt love me. All the horrible things theyd said to me my family my ex had said. Their words pushed me to smash open the glass window I thought iw was trapped behind. My step father and ex partner had ripped my entire life from me. I lost my daughter my home my income everything I'd worked hard for. I became homeless for six months. I couldnt hold a job as i was not functioning properly. I had nothing but my love. This pushed me to search for help. I have always believed in God since I could remember. Through prayer and love from God the lord gave me strength to keep breathing. Through it I finally reached out to a woman who I'd found after searching for months. Karen. She works with people who have been abused in every way and helps them to find saftey and healing within. I let everything out to this woman and she helped me to open my eyes to what I couldn't see was happening in my life. she helped me to see through the glass window I thought I was trapped behind. I realized I could free myself from my ex partner and free myself from my step father. I foind strength within myseld to smash that window and I opened a the door to a new life. I have learned so much through the trials and tribulations I have walked. My ex used my past and abuse my step father against me. Just as my step father. I still suffer till this day. But I am stronger and much wiser than I was before. I love God. His had taught me to forgive and to love them still. They are forgiven.
Everything's ok but none of those monsters deserve forgiveness. That's not what God or Jesus wants. Please do realize this, they'll burn for what they've done for eternity. Realize this and you'll not be only stronger, but invincible.
I hate ALL the talk about forgiveness. Forgiveness is a crime against oneself, the victim. Forgiveness says that what was done to you doesn't matter. It means you and your life doesn't matter. The pain is real but forgiving doesn't stop it, it just adds insult to injury. Now you have TWO injuries. The original injury done to you. And now the one you do to yourself in the name of forgiveness.
Had a lot of stuff happen to me throughout my life and my doctors diagnosed me with Borderline Personality Disorder. Then after more time they now are beginning to think it is Dissociate Identity Disorder. I don't really know though. I always end up getting flashbacks of everything and I most of the time snap and lose control. I can't even count how many scars there are. It's just so inexcusable for beings to do this to others. I despise molesters and rapists and have such horrid desires and thoughts to do unspeakable, sinful acts upon them that would be nonredeemable in any religion. I know I have some issues, everyone does. My advice is to try to not let it consume you. Much easier said than done, I know. I have issues with relationships altogether, romantic or friendship because of these issues. I am too "unbearable" because of my issues. It's so unfortunate how certain scenarios in life take place and cause chaos among all humanity. I can't even trust family anymore, so I don't know. I'm just kind of rambling on here. My family has grown quite sick of how I am. They get frustrated and just don't want to deal with me anymore. Hell, I don't really blame them. I even scare the living hell out of myself most of the time and living a life angry and full of hate like I do will destroy you completely. It's even more upsetting and cruel when you tell someone about what you've been through, they promise to never hurt you that way and then proceed to tear you down, break you apart, and just...destroy you. Destroy who you are more than you thought you could be. I've been on medications for years and they never help me. I am caught in my own self destructive cycle that I just can't seem to pull out of no matter how hard I try. All I can tell you is, try to get help and support before it's too late.
I was recently lured down to a Sex Trafficking Ring in Nebraska where I was sold off to a transient who forced me to hitchhike and travel with him along I-80 across a few states. He did unspeakable things to me. I was able to escape by gaining his trust and pretending to be madly in love with him to keep myself alive. We slept in cornfields, alley ways, in woods, and he would have me panhandle until I obtained 3rd degree sunburns from being out in the sun all day. He kept saying he wanted me to perform sexual acts on animals while he filmed it, and tried to persuade me to do extremely disgusting and messed up things. He wanted me to kidnap children for him as his, "Play Toys." He was a sociopath and acted like he had split personality disorder and would sometimes act like he became possessed by a demon, and then get extremely violent towards me and punch me and call me a worthless W*ore while I would have to perform on him. I have since then been able to separate from him, and I have only been back home for a month, and all of these symptoms are starting to surface. I am constantly shaking, crying, and its all involuntary; I have no control over my body when the PTSD strikes. I don't know what to do right now. I don't know who to reach out to, but I am aching so much and just wish I could go back to normal. I don't want this to last forever... What can I do?
This is your only advise to her ? Stay strong and get a gun ? It goes much, much deeper that obviously protecting yourself. Becoming strong is an understatement and that only comes from therapy. I'm sure you care otherwise you wouldn't of even commented and I don't mean to sound negative to you. I am also a survivor. So b4 you try telling me I don't know what I'm talking about. Pause. Wow, that's actually the first time ive said I'm a survivor in public.
Please stay away from authoritative male therapists and see a loving therapist who can support you and heal the trust and bond that was broken in your early developmental stages. Someone who allows you to fully reconnect with your authentic self and is patient and empathic to your needs and feelings along the way. I would also recommend staying away from psychiatry and their drug,s as they are toxins that impede on experiencing your emotions, memories, higher intellectual functioning and creativity, and can induce a wide variety of physical ailments including permanent neurological disorders. I hope that you find the peace that you so rightfully deserve
Harmony Carter only Jesus can heal all wounds stay away from toxic psychiatric Meds they do more harm than good...speaking from experience tried everything from the face of the earth but nothing was helpful l was ready to end it all but Jesus saved me and my life has never been the same , try looking for "authentic " churches out for God's own heart for example time square church by pastor David wilkerson and Carter conlon,believe me that's the only path that can heal and restore peace&joy in your life no matter what you've gone through ,if God could save me he can save anybody ,if he could heal my emotional scars and damaged heart beyond repair he can do the same for anybody....l know sometimes spiritual things seem senseless to the natural eye l had to believe to see it ,trust to receive it,well take care :)Jesus loves you so so much ,he feels your pain .He has all the resources you need for your crisis....he is just waiting for you to come to him
Harmony Carter Jesus! What the fuck! This is WAY worse than what I went through. I mean, GOD HELP US ALL. I have you in my prayers. Would you like to talk on Skype?
These symptoms can make quite a tangled fabric, difficult to unweave. There is so much stigma and shame around many of these- and so much self harm- that getting to the point where the survivor understands they are not to blame is a major achievement. I say: "The fact that someone hurt you is not your fault; it is common for people who have been hurt that way to then hurt themselves and others. Hurting yourself might even feel good, but being healthy is your birthright, and is still possible."
can someone actually forget what happend especially if abuse happend during very early years of childhood? can mind erase this somewhat but can those symptoms still exist?
ana rainbow yes, you CAN forget. Ur mind xan make u forget things as its form of protecting you. For many csa victims memories don't come back till they are older
Absolutely. That's how dissociation works. At the point of trauma, your consciousness will temporarily exit the body. The body will still remember the trauma, you'll still have all the symptoms of experiencing it too. If you know you have wholes in your memory, or blocks of missing time, those should be red flags of suppressed trauma.
Yeah, I've often wondered the same thing, because I've experienced such a plethora of the mentioned CSA symptoms (add eating disorders to this too - anorexia and bulimia); BUT I have ZERO memories of having ever been sexually abused. I was bullied extensively at school as a child though, and had a discordant home life too (aggressive, moody, violent father)...
@Professor Jung M.D.- Please don't say it's unusual to suffer from many of these symptoms. I unfortunately suffer from all of these plus some. That statement you made, made me feel really small.
It's certainly not unusual. Many of us have suffered from an extensive range of symptoms. I oftentimes find peer support groups much more applicable to my healing than doctors. Good therapists are helpful, though.
As a survivor myself, the thing I can tell you that helped me was my ex wife (i'm female,too)letting me talk about it when I was ready...listening non-judgmentally, not pushing them to reveal more than they want to at any one time(it is a huge step for us to say anything about what haunts us in our nightmares, trust me), and don't say 'oh, I know how you feel', because even if you have experienced it yourself (God forbid!), you don't know *their* experience, just as they don't know yours. If you feel the need to do more about awareness, you can call local shelters and rape crisis centers and see if they need volunteers. Thank you so very much for caring,and wanting to help take away the stigma, and shoulder the pain with us. You are a true man, my friend. Peace be with your journey!
To all the survivors please get help .There are many organisations and support groups . You are not alone .. don't blame yourself .you are never to blame. You can live a good life but need support any form. Don't stop trying. Try not to let the abusers ruin your life.
It's fucked up. I don't know where my emotions come from. Just so random I can't even figure the cause. All I can do is mental stuff like manipulating my mind when it happens. Yet another side of me wants me to suffer the symptoms. It's like a voice inside saying no u aren't taking the easy way out. Fuck man. Suicidal thoughts only getting more active. As such an optimistic person and who has battled my way this far. Things to get better but another side of me just feels this weight. I'm so fucking disconnected. I just can't fucking little things. Even communicating with my family. It gets difficult when it gets to this point. I'm so burdened with so many dysfunctions. Physically abused since I was 3 till 18 with sexual abuse at age 13. Never took it serious growing up. Now I'm feeling the full effects. It was better being dissociated and now idek how to describe my feelings. My first day watching these videos. All the best to the rest of fighters
I feel for you, I also react like this. Its almost like a subconscious feeling of unworthiness like no one cares what I say so I should just stay quiet. I think its the effect of not having anyone stand up for us throughout those years. I built a stronger bond with my middle brother and Im able to call him to talk and theres no pressure for having been aloof and disponded for long periods of time. Our conversation picks back up. Hes the only family member who beleives me and defends me he actively denies my abuser the time, he prob cant hate him as much as I do but the thought counts. He values what I have to say, lets me speak and cry in front of him. He never sheds emphatic light on my abuser just because (abuser) is related to us. You need someone like that too, someone to run to. I know it wont remove the pain and the rage but it will change the scenery in your mind. Sorry if that was messy.
Get rid of the cause........then you won't have the symptoms Get rid of child rapists.........educate children of predators ........protect children...
The cause is not the rapists sometimes it's the hateful pieces of shit framing someone they don't like by controlling them to hurt someone close to them so they are ultimately very very very hurt. It's sick it's savage it's cruel it's wrong it's evil but it happens and it's true
I suffered a minor sexual abuse trauma. When I was 15, I got into a car with a man I never met before. He took me home, just as I asked, but he kept touching me in a manner I didn't like. He ultimately made me kiss him. For years, I was traumatized by that. If a man suddenly approached me, I panicked. I thought if a man approached me, he wanted to assault me. I finally put the pieces together and realized what happened to me at 15 was the reason.
Maybe this is a rude question, but has anyone of you ever been sexually abused by your biological father or biological brothers? This was for me the case, and even though my grandparents know (I live with them) they keep telling me ‘he’s your father’ and ‘they are your brothers’ and it just hurts me a lot. I am currently 19 years old, and I am too afraid to have sex. I had sex once when I was 17 but I panicked so badly and I’ve been afraid and disgusted of sex ever since. Does anybody feel this too, or am I the only one?
My older brother 4 year gap, tormented me for years from he ages of 4-13. I was also molested by my mom a few times. Confronted her and she denied it. (F) I got "help" police got involved and all. But the fact that my mother molested me after the fact fucks with my head. I deal with so much anger that it eats me up inside and corrodes me to a husk. I deal with depression and anxiety, suicidal thoughts and it doesnt go away. I can numb it but everything in life reminds me of the past... I wonder if these feelings will dissapear if they do too. sorry I sound monstrous. Idk about you but I feel quite alone, I cant form regular friendships and I am very aloof and disponded. I have friends(people) that I like but I go months and sometimes years until I find the courage to contact them. Relationships feel impossible. I always feel as though I need to tell my life story or else im holding back or lying. I feel so different from the people around me. Maybe we could talk about it. Its the first time I find someone with a similar experience from mine.
I was raped last week and it feels like I am going through all of them now except pyschosis and substance abuse.. It has been extremely difficult to deal with and I could really use a friend to talk to
I believed I saw my abuser at a gas pump one day. I had the opportunity to run him over with my car. I hesitated, thank god, because he turned toward me & his face changed! It wasn't my abuser. I could have hurt an innocent man that day. It really frightened me. I'm always prepared to defend myself if I ever see my abuser agian. I always imagine me sneaking up on him & surprising him by attacking his gentiles. I imagine disfiguring him so he can never harm anyone agian. I'd love to take that from him. I won't rest soundly until I know he is dead. it's been over 15 years since the abuse stopped. It gets better with time but never will I forget.
thecocksaysmoo one of my abusers? Fuck that attackers cornered me on a friends garage with a death threats. It triggered flash backs for me after almost 30 years. I drew me gun and almost shot him dead, bit I didn't. Since then members of his family threatened me, stocked me, and spread terrible rumors. In a word it will never end.
Um. Probably wasn't the same person, in all reality- the chances of that would be one in a million- as those kinds of people most probably don't stay in the same place for long. Think about it- common sense.
this video is the truth. i suffered many of these symptoms as a survivor. some till this very day. thanks for this video. i am now in counseling all these many years later.
There is a man that lives below my apartment that keeps harming this little girl that may not even be his own. He told the ACS case manager and the police that he's single, lives alone, and has no legal children. His uncle showed the police photographs of his grandchildren who are all Caucasian. So how is it that myself and two other neighbors seen this guy with a little African-American girl??? I have been calling the police, (now 4 times) and reporting to ACS and my case manager who is investigating thank God over the coarse of 2 months. The police won't and can't help because they feel until they find the little girl themselves they have no proof and no cause to investigate. Only the case manager believes me and is following up. I feel so powerless. I have to come home every day from work and hear this man go after her and I don't even sleep in my bedroom no more because that's where I hear most of it. Every time I call the police, they hide the little girl and the police make me look like I'm crazy. I honestly don't know what else to do. I've been keeping journals as far back as November 8th of her abuse, but this girl has been heard screaming for a year. I didn't think it was anything serious until my work schedule changed and I started hearing her screams at odd hours of the early morning and night. Then I noticed more: she doesn't go to school. The man who has her doesn't seem to work. They are in that apartment day in and day out. It's unusual. Just recently I have been making audio recordings trying to get irrefutable proof of this girl's suffering and incredibly the police did not want to take my evidence! However, I am now waiting to hear from the case manager as I have been successful in providing him the audio recordings. The man downstairs below me has become bolder and bolder each time the police walk away and dispute my claim of this girl's abuse. I have been molested by my father when I was 3 and 13 years, nearly raped by my supervisor in his car, and touched by my godbrother when i was in 5th grade. I have never been raped, and I pray to God I may never know what that is like, but I DO know what it's like to feel violated and afraid to say something. I didn't tell anybody what my father did to me until I was 18 years old because I figured I would be wiser, stronger, taller, smarter, and legally an adult to do something about what happened to me. I didn't know however there is a statute of limitations for pressing charges though. I also didn't want to tell anybody because I love my family and I didn't want to cause division and have the people I love chose sides. But that ended up happening anyway. My father is so ashamed that everybody in the family knows what he did to me that he moved from the family house in Atlantic City to Tennessee by himself and keeps in touch with few members through FB. It's pitiful. It's not justice but I'm glad he knows that I know what he did and I broke the silence. I just couldn't live like that anymore with him acting like a "caring" father in the shadow of my silence. So I feel for this little girl below me and I can't imagine the length of her horrors. I am trying to be expedient in getting her help but I just never really knew how hard it is to get somebody to just BELIEVE YOU! It's nerve-racking! If people don't see it or hear it themselves they just dismiss it entirely! I have made a sketch, I have 9 audio clips, I have neighbors that have seen and can describe the little girl and I have a few people who have even heard her scream. Right now, I am trying to trace back to the time I physically saw. I don't know if it was late October or early November but I found an early journal entry where I was on my way to work and I opened the building front door for a man I recognized as my neighbor and a little girl I have never seen before. She looked at me, expressionless, but her eyes looked forlorn, even withdrawn, and she did nothing wrong looking at me, but the man pushed her forward saying, "Don't look at her!" gruffly. I never forgot that and I have never seen a parent who does that to a child for simply looking at a stranger. But if this is not his child and he is completely denying her existence, which is suspicious to the case manager, why is she with him and why does she scream ALL THE TIME? And why does he talk to her so foul and dirty and he never, I mean absolutely, NEVER, uses her name??? I am trying so hard and it's just so damn frustrating. If anybody has advice on what else I can do please DO! I would greatly appreciate it. I'm running on exhaust.
My building has cameras and if I can find out what day I saw the little girl enter the building with my neighbor I can provide that day to the police and the case manager and hopefully they can review the cameras to that day and get a physical photograph of her. I am so desperate. As of right now, she's still down there with that horrible man and I heard her scream earlier. I can't even write the things I heard him say. It's too vile. Can this still go to court if they don't have video surveillance of the little girl? With audio clips, witnesses, my journal accounts, and sketch, would that be enough to get a warrant and launch an all out investigation and take this creep to court???
+spicychef7 This is a hard situation, but there is a site, myptsd.com/c which is a forum where people who went through all kinds of different trauma gather. They surely have better advice to give as they are experienced, I recommend you go there to ask. This kind of shit is awful.
+SaelbenNoa Thank you. I'm willing to try any avenue that will help this little girl. I wish I could just bust down his door but got to do it the legal (long) way.
I completed understand and know if I ever will. Everyone says just get over it. I've been trying to for 10 plus years. I guess the only ones who can truly understand are those that have been through it themselves.
+Becks B I've Been On This Earth For 38 Years And I Have Been Dealing With This Since I Was 9. I Was Molested From The Age Of 9 To 15. I Have JUST Started On My Healing Journey. Listen. I Is NEVER Too Late To Deal With This And Heal. You CAN Heal From This And It WILL Get Better. Hope This Helps. Love.
This is a rather dry listing of symptoms associated with sexual trauma. Folks who wish to explore this subject online can find much more empathic presentations. Let this one go and check out some other TH-cam offerings. Those of us who've lived with early sexual abuse deserve a more tender treatment of this painful experience.
It's too late for me. I was 6 yoa the first time I remember being raped by one of my mother's adulterous boyfriends. Later I was raped by my husband very brutally on our wedding night. Not but a decade ago I was carjacked and kidnapped, raped by many men (not of my own race) until I was almost dead. I won't even go into all of the inappropriate sex I was forced to have as a child d/t my mother, or all of the date rapes I tolerated. My ex husband beat me frequently and severely and attempted to kill me when he caught me trying to leave him. I'm now 54 and disabled. I have had all of the above diagnoses. I only wait and wait for life to be over. I just want to go home to Heaven. This has been a cruel and hard life and I am so very tired for so long now. I worked hard to overcome. But it wasn't possible. Esp. since most of my life was spent in abject poverty with difficulty holding jobs, even though I did in my 30's finally accomplish graduating from college with a BSN. I could still not hold down a job. I have so many mental health issues that got in the way. I have dissociative identity disorder, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, PTSD, and now am also physically disabled from mostly hard physical labor in nursing...I'm a very small person that daily lifted the weight of larger people and equipment in my hard and stressful job. Very poor choice of professions, but it was expected of me, and pressured by my family to get this degree and profession. In my family you have to be something or you are a failure and an imposition. I really wasn't fit for that type of responsibilities and often missed work d/t being in an alter personality that wasn't old enough, or knowledgeable enough to go do my job. Or I would have such anxiety and panic that I would be physically ill or hiding in a corner of the house and unable to communicate. My husband is a God send, a wonderful and understanding caregiver to me. I don't get much healthcare or psychiatric help because I have zero income and zero insurance. Because I was born in the US and have in illegitimate or other children I do not qualify for any assistance. So I live between the cracks I have been falling through all of my life. I feel discriminated against d/t being a white and mentally/physically ill person over the age of 50. I just want life to be over. I am glad that I am now aging faster. I have a condition called Chiari I malformation with a large syringomyelia that I hope will eventually allow me to pass away naturally without having to commit suicide. However if the government waits much longer and we lose our home that we worked so hard for, or if something were to happen to my dear husband, I would be gone in an instant.
I was going to tell my story but I can't. It's too painful. My most traumatic experience happened almost one year ago exactly and I've just been able to recover from my phobia of being home alone with my bedroom door open.
if only everyone was able to afford therapy... I know I would be a better person if I did, my bipolar disorder and not having a single person to talk to doesn't help either.. the only thing that calms me is doing karate... but it doesn't help in the long run...
It is a societal disgrace that therapy costs so much. Have you tried reading The Drama of the Gifted Child and Healing the Shame that Binds You? Some self-help books are incredibly powerful. Art has also helped me, because it comes from your inner soul, the authentic self that no one can take away from you (but it may go into hiding to protect itself). Peer support groups have also helped me on the path to recovery. Alcoholics Anonymous, Codependents Anonymous, etc. can be applicable even for more general issues such as living in a false self. I would never recommend meds, though. They do more harm than good in the long term.
It seems to help when I get a word out. I'm just talking to myself. I was molested by a care giver at three. Assaulted badly by an older boy while at a campground. Then around age 11 gang raped by high school football players. I tried to get help and tell but I never know how and when I did I was told not to tell or I was lying. I would get death threats from the families of the boys. Teased and harassed throughout my school years. Everyone know and no one would help me. I drank heavy, used drugs, only had one almost good relationship, and so on. Almost three years ago one of my attackers cornered me in a garage to intimidate and threaten me. I drew my side arm and considered killing him, I of course didn't. Since then I have had a hard time with life. I had a good therapist that helped me and I can talk about it easier. I am now on my own and try to get help but I can't even get a diagnosis, nothing real. I have turned my depression outward how I have some Wicked hatred towards people. I don't know how to fix myself. I feel for all of you. I understand, but I don't know.
So, all of the SSX are also associated with a multitude of reasons of anything that could be considered some sort of emotional or physical "trauma". Sexual abuse is one among probably thousands of reasons. Not this easy...Both my wife and I both have these SSX due to two totally different life events. Not helpful, only more confusing.
i thought about for years,,,just asking why did you think it was Okay for you to do this to me ? i wake up in the middle of the nights once in a while with a night terror waking up my Beloved parents, then them wondering why a 29 year old as nightmares like a small child ?
idk if I was raped or if I was just being dumb... my ex bf roughed me into having sex a few times and a few times I can remember fighting him off briefly before surrendering and acting unphased afterwards, and othrer times where I lay there just letting him do it not moving at all.. a few times I cried. but Im confused if is rape because we still had good sex and a normal relationship it only happened about 15 times but I still continued to sleep with him and now I cant sleep or be intimate with anyone else... one time he got me pregnant and I had to have an abortionafter he went a few rounds against my wl and impregnated me against my will. and it ended sadly and I can never tell anyone about it all. was this rape or my fault? ill tak the brutal truth.
what you experienced is rape and im sorry that it happened to you. you said no, fought, do not give clear consent and he kept going it is rape. it is not your fault :/
thanks for your opinion because someties i try to rationalize our situation and it makes me feel confused iside. i feel a void and idk how to go about fixing it or myself. but thanks for your inpute it helps a lot
Hi, Its been a while, I can happily say I got away and I stayed away. It took me a minute but we have absolutely zero contact and I live 4hrs away now. I only put up with it because I was in a situation where I felt like I had too. I was too ashamed and afraid to turn to anyone else and I became completely dependent upon him financially and emotionally and he took advantage. Abuse sneaks up on you. in my case, by the time he hit me or abused me sexually I wasnt even phased by it because he had already said so much and twisted my head so much that I thought well maybe it is all my fault. I had noone in my life besides him and my mom at that time and he had me believing it was because I was the problem, but I can see now with prayer and faith in God (always been a believer) with my clearer eyes that I was being manipulated and isolated and abused. I still haven't shared this with anyone close tho and I may never do so. Its a lot to get over and i have a lot of regrets.
lol yes free is the word!! Thank You for such kind words, they filled me up with warmth and the reassurance that I did the right thing makes such a difference. Im young and to be able to look back and see everything for what it was in such short amount of time is just a blessing cause I can learn from my past and stay strong for the future. I feel like I have matured and I feel sorry for him that he has to be stuck in such unhealthy negative turmoil but he has to find love for himself before he can ever love anyone else... he needs GOD. and thank you again btw
Leave that fucker immediately. Heknows exactly what he has been doing and that it was a crime. That was rape. Gather evidence, get written, if not verbal, testimonies from witnesses and go to the court.
I can barely remember a thing but have a strong sensation. My symptoms. Always had anxiety eventhough I thrived in social groups and was very into being social as a kid. But had periods of isolation. Started overeating at age 9 or 10. Became thin again after being quite overweight when I hit puperty spring when I was 13. Mastrubated like crazy as a kid, years before it became more excessive. (puberty) Always had big imagination, this manifested sexually as well. Was into girls my age but also liked many neighbor women and teachers age 25 to 45. This may not mean anything, I know. Depression came for the 1st time in the winter before I turned 13 and reached puberty. Went away after a couple of months. Went to school and was only depressed at home during these months. Dissociative psycho came out in me sometimes when I drank alcohol and was drunk. Especially when I started drinking. I could go from myself to a angry psycho who could be a little violent and very rude. Then go back to nice and myself again within 1.3 seconds if I ran into someone else at a party. Then pissed again. Very Doctor Jekyll and Mr.Hyde. Back and forth. Usually I am happy when I drink but if I get insulted (pride) I can be relentless, foul tongue. I swear, it feels demonic. Watched my face and eyes in the mirror a few times when I have been in this state, so fucking creepy and I feel lost. Abyss feeling. And only destructive feelings; no love or compassion or joy in this state of mind. Psychosis that was of extreme paranoid character. Cut my left vein in neck almost off. Lost half my blood. This was a couple of months before I turned 28. Happened in a psyche ward. I thought people locally and organized people were after me; freemasons and/or biker clubs. I was wrong though I kept these delusions for months. When I hurt myself with broken glass and razor blade the physical pain was tremendous and time was no longer present. Felt like a demon was trying to squeeze its way out of my frontal lobes and through my forehead. The insane feeling that I had to kill myself before "they killed me" was well, insane. And I did it all quietly so no-one would hear me. Cut my wrist before my neck. Bled quite a bit but it stopped. Surgery on me took 4 hours. They had to take a vein from my leg and place in my neck. Got a nice collection of scars. Never been a cutter of myself before the suicide attempt. But I will call my periods of binge eating self harm. You abuse your body with food and you hate yourself as you stuff your face with unnecessary large amounts of food. And not oatmeal and fruits. No, junk food that is damaging even if you eat right amount. Feelings of self-loathing, solitude. I have been through all emotions at max level. Many great memories with love and joy. Many sick moments where you want to inflict your pain on the entire world, both out of sadism and to get understood by those who dont understand you. Definetly narcissistic sometimes but I generelly treat people well. N I am 37 now and my life is a mess but I have good moments. But it is dysfunctional. I was very popular among friends and those I hang around and at work. Those who didnt know me that well had a negative view on me. Definetly got my share of positive and negative attention over the years. Like I said; very Doctor Jekyll and Mr.Hyde. I got the diagnosis of paranoid schizophrenic. This is wrong. Then they went with bipolar. What I think myself is dissociative personality disorder, if we have to call it anything. I call it overwhelming stress over years. Definetly had severe mania that made me feel like a god. And depression at extreme points. Lost years of my life. My bitterness is a bottomless pit but I function well with others and dont go around being emo. But the bitterness always comes back.
It must be so hard if something so horrible has been done to you but you can't tell if it did, how and by whom. Maybe there's a therapist who could help to get into that strong sensation that something happened.
Having nightmares or being uncomfortable around certain people is not what being molested means. Please don't compare it to anything, it's ignorant and nobody needs to see it.
@cute boy I don't think that you understand what the OP was saying. She is wondering if she was molested, because of nightmares. She could have blocked the memory. You nor I know whether or not she was molested. Only she knows. She has the freedom to speak her truth.
I agree with one of the other commenters it sounds as though all you're doing is stating the obvious and try and sell a book typical psychiatrist get money out of it naturally
YES THERE IS HOPE . CALLED JESUS CHRIST . HE CAME TO SET THE CAPTIVES FREE ......... ONLY BY THE GRACE OF GOD FREEDOM IS THERE . You do not have to believe in Him . He believes in you . HE WENT TO THE CROSS FOR YOU
For me it is depression, panic attacks and hyper sexuality. My entire life has been driven by the fetishes my abuser indoctrinated me into.
satinbarbi I understand what you’re going through. Since I was a person of a sexual trauma as a child.. hopefully one day they will fade away with self help and therapy.
Same here
Same here!
Good to know there's some explanation for it
I can totally relate, happy and sad in the same time that we're not alone
satinbarbi this is really late and really personal but can u answer my question cause I’ve been through the same, how often must a person have sex for them to be considered hyper sexual?
When I was 6 or 7 years old, I experienced child on child sexual abuse. It's been over a decade since it happened now, and I'm finding that it is affecting me to this day. I haven't told anyone about it, and I can't keep it secret anymore. I hope other victims of childhood sexual abuse will have the courage to come out and get the help they need.
yea buddy thank you for sharing. because SO many people refuse to believe child on child abuse is real. but abuse is all about power. so if an 11 year old has control and power of a 10 year old for example, it can have the same effects as adult to child
thank you for your comment. i never knew if child on child sexual abuse was an actual 'thing'. people never talk about it. and how can you hold another child responsible?! so it's like whos to blame
Same
yea buddy I hope you get the help you need too. Just know that it wasn’t your fault, and if you want to tell someone then do it. A teacher, a friend, slmeone who can help you. One day it will get better I rpomise
C. Cunningham I was sexually abused by two of my siblings. I was 11 at the time and they were 10 and 9. They both sexually abused me for about a year and a half, and I always thought it was my fault because I never said no to them (not verbally anyway) but I know now that it wasn’t my fault, and it’s never the fault of the victim. Whether or not you say no or not, nobody can touch you because your body is yours and nobody elses, including your siblings or any other ‘just curious’ child. Chilc on child sexual abuse is very real, although many children, victims as well as abusers don’t even know it
I am so fortunate to have recovered from a childhood of sexual abuse from infance to puberty. I had a wonderful trauma therapist and then attended the Option Institute in MA where I learned how to never be depressed again. There is always hope. Keep looking until you find it. I now counsel others who have survived an abusive childhood and help them find peace and happiness in their adult lives.
SmirkyRayan
Dude, that's like, really fucked up.
Wanna talk about it?
*****
What? No! I wanna help!
Can you connect me to that trauma therapist?
I'm a guy and i was sexually abused for several weeks when i was 6 years old by a 14 year old boy. It affected me in the worst ways.. I have always had severe depression and had extreme bad days where i could hardly function or communicate. i couldn't think properly and i never had the courage or know how to make anything of my life. I was obsessed with sex and searched it out on line anywhere i could get it. I was extremely lonely and felt very suicidal. I ended up marrying a women who'm i was never attracted to physically because i was so desperate for companionship.
I finally revealed my child hood trauma and have been getting psychiatric help and i am feeling so much stronger and mentally whole and i have such a desire to start over but now i feel so tied down to a women who'm i never was attracted to and plus i never went to school and have nothing to my name. no money. No assets yet I'm very un happy in my marriage and i feel completely ruined and I really want to die. I feel i have no options to actually find happiness. I share this for two reasons. I want any one who is feeling bad about their life to know of my miserable story and be glad that you dont have it as bad as me, and secondly i share this as a warning to never marry a women your not physically attracted to no matter how lonely you are. Peace and love everyone..
Devin Smith thanks for sharing I hope things are better for you
Devin Smith why don’t you change things then? Why don’t you get divorced and go back to school? Little by little you can work on making yourself happy by change, you control your life, you have the power to take action. And when you’ve finished school and got a good job you can look for someone you’d actually want to marry. What’s stopping you from doing these things?
wow...I feel bad for your wife. I understand you were abused, but that is no excuse for you to use someone else. Be honest and tell her how you feel. Both of you deserve better.
Good evening, I would like to submit all of you my therapeutic book, which is also available for free in electronic format.
th-cam.com/video/z5BhH_m2WtY/w-d-xo.html
God Bless!
Devin if you want hope and some relief I can give it you if you are willing. God sent his only son to die for our sins and so long as you do this you will be saved. Accept Jesus/Yeshua as our Lord and Saviour, repent (feel sorry for and turn away) from your sins, forgive those who have hurt you, at least be willing (view unforgiveness as poison which hurts you not the recipient can help). Then ask Jesus to come into your life and give you the Holy Spirit. You should also get baptised at a Bible-believing Church. Read the Bible and praise God say sorry if you ever sin and don't repeat it. If you have doubt ask God in Jesus name to reveal himself to you. The God of the Bible Yahova is a God of love. He created us for relationship and a wonderful life but we are in this broken world because of disobedience. Despite that the Father/God/Yahova can give you peace, love and recovery, he can promise you to Heaven where there is no suffering or trauma. There are many testimonies on YT. If you are not prejudiced try doing this. It won't harm you in any case like this world has done.
I wonder if this is why I suffer from depression. I also get Panic, Anxiety attacks, sometimes want to die, and have psychopathic thoughts
I have never spoke to a professional about my childhood, I'm 24 and I have always had this memory in my mind of being molested by my baby sitter's husband or son I don't know who did it, I was only 3 years old. I remember telling my mom someone touched me when she was cooking dinner and the only thing she did was pull me out of the daycare. I didn't realize I was sexually molested into I learned about sex and remember telling my mom someone touched me. I just recently asked my mom if I was ever molested and she told me I did tell her that and she pulled me out of daycare right away, I've always had anger towards my mom cause I always felt she should've done more, like get to the bottom of it and put the person in jail. So for her not doing all she could for justice for me I've always felt not good enough. To this day she kinda brushed it off saying she was a "new mom" if I had a daughter I wouldn't be able to sleep til I got to the bottom of it. Child molestors deserve to die a painful death, as soon as I was able to realize what was done to me it was too late to prosecute them? After 10 years you can't do anything? What sick bastards are sticking up for these child molesters and how do I change that law in California?!
Similar has happened to me, my mom talked to me about it but she told me that the person was crying and didn't remember it and then my mom started crying blah blah. There was going to be an investigation but because my mom was so in denial about what her own CHILD was telling her, I had a hard time even talking about it anymore without saying things like I think this happened next or I think that happened. When you go to somebody and you say "I think" they no longer can really do anything for you and it sucks. Instead of going to jail, this person gets to just continue living their life. A parent shouldn't question their own child's story, nor should they ignore it. I'm sorry this happened to you and I can sympathize.
Dolliefacexoxo talk to a professional, it might be difficult but it will be worth it, you owe it to yourself to live your life and not let it effect you more than it has to. And they might be able to help you with a lawsuit.
As far as things go with your mother, she did take steps to protect you. It would be good to have the abuser in jail or at least not near children, so in that aspect she protected you, but she didn't take steps to make sure they don't do it again to someone else's child... so that's not cool.
My mother is the one who abused me, so I am not on speaking terms even though she tries desperately to reconnect and attempt to make a mends. I avoid her not because of hate, maybe a little bit due to anger, but mostly because when I'm in contact with her I relapse into self-destructive behavior and it takes a toll on my other relationships. If it weren't for that, I might still be able to speak with her. It is definitely taking a toll on her but I don't really care about her feelings at this point.
I hope my perspective helps you somehow.
Dolliefacexoxo Would you ever get mad every time that memory would pop-up in your mind? For a long time I didn't know it was me that got raped when these images, and video would pop-up in my mind, but every time it would pop-up I would get very mad. Luckily for me I know who this fucker is and know his every move. The beauty of it is that he doesn't remember at all.
I came from a dysfunctional family. I had suffered abuse.
sexual abuse, spiritual abuse, mental abuse, physical abuse and phycollogical abuse.
It took me years to heal.
I met my ex partner. We fell in love. I gave him my word and told him where I'd come from. Very early in the relationship isolation had come. He slowly manipulated me and soon after he physically started attacking me. Because of the back round I come from I found myself stuck in between the abuse of my family and the abuse of the man I loved.
Because I had gone back home thinking that somehow I could find help and safety. Home is where love is. Tough I never had that at home to begin with. I had let myself fall into a trap.
I wasn't myself I was lost depressed I had no support I was totally broken. I was sexually abused at what I would've called a home with my family. From the age of 14yrs old to 23yrs old. I would leave and go back to my ex partner who would just black my face and body and he also would sexually assault me. I put up with this for 3yrs of our relationship. I later then turned to drugs alcoholism and suicide attempts. I continued and let my step father abuse me to run back to my ex who would carry on the same behaviour. I couldn't take it nomore. Durring all of this I was caring for my daughter. She went through so much trauma and abuse. I hated what Id dragged her through. Clinging to me through the warfare. I would think of ways to open up. Ways out and ways to expose what was happening. The consequences that would follow once id spoken. I finaly let it out with the strength of God. I had opened up to my mother about the abuse my step father was inflicting on me. He had always threatend me if I ever told anyone the truth of his doings no one would believe me. That he would destroy me and make sure my daughter was taken from me and then hed throw me in a mental hospital . Hed laugh hysterically while yelling these words out as i was alone. I finally spoke out to my mother. She turned a blind eye and fell into hatred toward me. My step father was in denile. He was a clever manipulator. He would instigate changes in my life by using those around me. My mother my older siblings his family and my living situation. Hed always find a way to get to me. After opening up to my mother. My entire life changed. They removed my daughter from my care using the system and using the abuse my ex inflicted on me in court. I went back to my ex partner thinking hed help me and my daughter. He was no help. He isolated and abused me. My mother hated me as she looked at me like i was the other woman and not her daughter. I was broken. I realized she didn't love me. My ex didnt love me. All the horrible things theyd said to me my family my ex had said. Their words pushed me to smash open the glass window I thought iw was trapped behind. My step father and ex partner had ripped my entire life from me. I lost my daughter my home my income everything I'd worked hard for. I became homeless for six months. I couldnt hold a job as i was not functioning properly. I had nothing but my love. This pushed me to search for help. I have always believed in God since I could remember. Through prayer and love from God the lord gave me strength to keep breathing. Through it I finally reached out to a woman who I'd found after searching for months. Karen. She works with people who have been abused in every way and helps them to find saftey and healing within.
I let everything out to this woman and she helped me to open my eyes to what I couldn't see was happening in my life. she helped me to see through the glass window I thought I was trapped behind. I realized I could free myself from my ex partner and free myself from my step father. I foind strength within myseld to smash that window and I opened a the door to a new life. I have learned so much through the trials and tribulations I have walked. My ex used my past and abuse my step father against me. Just as my step father. I still suffer till this day. But I am stronger and much wiser than I was before. I love God. His had taught me to forgive and to love them still. They are forgiven.
Payg Xo
Jesus, I have no words. Could you text me on Skype?
Payg Xo u
😢😢😢😢😢 i experienced same as an orphan
Everything's ok but none of those monsters deserve forgiveness. That's not what God or Jesus wants. Please do realize this, they'll burn for what they've done for eternity. Realize this and you'll not be only stronger, but invincible.
I hate ALL the talk about forgiveness. Forgiveness is a crime against oneself, the victim. Forgiveness says that what was done to you doesn't matter. It means you and your life doesn't matter. The pain is real but forgiving doesn't stop it, it just adds insult to injury. Now you have TWO injuries. The original injury done to you. And now the one you do to yourself in the name of forgiveness.
Had a lot of stuff happen to me throughout my life and my doctors diagnosed me with Borderline Personality Disorder. Then after more time they now are beginning to think it is Dissociate Identity Disorder. I don't really know though. I always end up getting flashbacks of everything and I most of the time snap and lose control. I can't even count how many scars there are. It's just so inexcusable for beings to do this to others. I despise molesters and rapists and have such horrid desires and thoughts to do unspeakable, sinful acts upon them that would be nonredeemable in any religion. I know I have some issues, everyone does. My advice is to try to not let it consume you. Much easier said than done, I know. I have issues with relationships altogether, romantic or friendship because of these issues. I am too "unbearable" because of my issues. It's so unfortunate how certain scenarios in life take place and cause chaos among all humanity. I can't even trust family anymore, so I don't know. I'm just kind of rambling on here. My family has grown quite sick of how I am. They get frustrated and just don't want to deal with me anymore. Hell, I don't really blame them. I even scare the living hell out of myself most of the time and living a life angry and full of hate like I do will destroy you completely. It's even more upsetting and cruel when you tell someone about what you've been through, they promise to never hurt you that way and then proceed to tear you down, break you apart, and just...destroy you. Destroy who you are more than you thought you could be. I've been on medications for years and they never help me. I am caught in my own self destructive cycle that I just can't seem to pull out of no matter how hard I try. All I can tell you is, try to get help and support before it's too late.
I was recently lured down to a Sex Trafficking Ring in Nebraska where I was sold off to a transient who forced me to hitchhike and travel with him along I-80 across a few states. He did unspeakable things to me. I was able to escape by gaining his trust and pretending to be madly in love with him to keep myself alive. We slept in cornfields, alley ways, in woods, and he would have me panhandle until I obtained 3rd degree sunburns from being out in the sun all day. He kept saying he wanted me to perform sexual acts on animals while he filmed it, and tried to persuade me to do extremely disgusting and messed up things. He wanted me to kidnap children for him as his, "Play Toys." He was a sociopath and acted like he had split personality disorder and would sometimes act like he became possessed by a demon, and then get extremely violent towards me and punch me and call me a worthless W*ore while I would have to perform on him.
I have since then been able to separate from him, and I have only been back home for a month, and all of these symptoms are starting to surface. I am constantly shaking, crying, and its all involuntary; I have no control over my body when the PTSD strikes. I don't know what to do right now. I don't know who to reach out to, but I am aching so much and just wish I could go back to normal. I don't want this to last forever... What can I do?
Harmony Carter u must stay strong and become independent get a gun to defend your self from him speak to the police stay string
This is your only advise to her ? Stay strong and get a gun ? It goes much, much deeper that obviously protecting yourself. Becoming strong is an understatement and that only comes from therapy. I'm sure you care otherwise you wouldn't of even commented and I don't mean to sound negative to you. I am also a survivor. So b4 you try telling me I don't know what I'm talking about. Pause. Wow, that's actually the first time ive said I'm a survivor in public.
Please stay away from authoritative male therapists and see a loving therapist who can support you and heal the trust and bond that was broken in your early developmental stages. Someone who allows you to fully reconnect with your authentic self and is patient and empathic to your needs and feelings along the way. I would also recommend staying away from psychiatry and their drug,s as they are toxins that impede on experiencing your emotions, memories, higher intellectual functioning and creativity, and can induce a wide variety of physical ailments including permanent neurological disorders. I hope that you find the peace that you so rightfully deserve
Harmony Carter only Jesus can heal all wounds stay away from toxic psychiatric Meds they do more harm than good...speaking from experience tried everything from the face of the earth but nothing was helpful l was ready to end it all but Jesus saved me and my life has never been the same , try looking for "authentic " churches out for God's own heart for example time square church by pastor David wilkerson and Carter conlon,believe me that's the only path that can heal and restore peace&joy in your life no matter what you've gone through ,if God could save me he can save anybody ,if he could heal my emotional scars and damaged heart beyond repair he can do the same for anybody....l know sometimes spiritual things seem senseless to the natural eye l had to believe to see it ,trust to receive it,well take care :)Jesus loves you so so much ,he feels your pain .He has all the resources you need for your crisis....he is just waiting for you to come to him
Harmony Carter
Jesus! What the fuck! This is WAY worse than what I went through. I mean, GOD HELP US ALL. I have you in my prayers. Would you like to talk on Skype?
These symptoms can make quite a tangled fabric, difficult to unweave. There is so much stigma and shame around many of these- and so much self harm- that getting to the point where the survivor understands they are not to blame is a major achievement. I say: "The fact that someone hurt you is not your fault; it is common for people who have been hurt that way to then hurt themselves and others. Hurting yourself might even feel good, but being healthy is your birthright, and is still possible."
can someone actually forget what happend especially if abuse happend during very early years of childhood? can mind erase this somewhat but can those symptoms still exist?
+ana rainbow You Don't Forget. But You Can Heal. It's A Long Process But You Can Do It.
ana rainbow yes, you CAN forget. Ur mind xan make u forget things as its form of protecting you. For many csa victims memories don't come back till they are older
Absolutely. That's how dissociation works. At the point of trauma, your consciousness will temporarily exit the body. The body will still remember the trauma, you'll still have all the symptoms of experiencing it too. If you know you have wholes in your memory, or blocks of missing time, those should be red flags of suppressed trauma.
Yes. I didn't remember until I was 19 years old. And some of it not until I was much older. But the feelings were always there ...
Yeah, I've often wondered the same thing, because I've experienced such a plethora of the mentioned CSA symptoms (add eating disorders to this too - anorexia and bulimia); BUT I have ZERO memories of having ever been sexually abused. I was bullied extensively at school as a child though, and had a discordant home life too (aggressive, moody, violent father)...
For me it’s depression, anxiety, psychosis, substance abuse disorder, PTSD and I’ve become way more introverted than before
@Professor Jung M.D.- Please don't say it's unusual to suffer from many of these symptoms. I unfortunately suffer from all of these plus some. That statement you made, made me feel really small.
It's certainly not unusual. Many of us have suffered from an extensive range of symptoms. I oftentimes find peer support groups much more applicable to my healing than doctors. Good therapists are helpful, though.
He said it’s normall to experience more symptoms at once
I have suffered most of my life with all of these except psychosis. I'm now 40 and seeing a trauma therapist. I thank you for this. I WIll do better.
me too penny I am going through very heavy PTSD at the minute I wish you well
Like wise Beatles take care of your light
How can we as men help?
As a survivor myself, the thing I can tell you that helped me was my ex wife (i'm female,too)letting me talk about it when I was ready...listening non-judgmentally, not pushing them to reveal more than they want to at any one time(it is a huge step for us to say anything about what haunts us in our nightmares, trust me), and don't say 'oh, I know how you feel', because even if you have experienced it yourself (God forbid!), you don't know *their* experience, just as they don't know yours. If you feel the need to do more about awareness, you can call local shelters and rape crisis centers and see if they need volunteers.
Thank you so very much for caring,and wanting to help take away the stigma, and shoulder the pain with us. You are a true man, my friend. Peace be with your journey!
Men can be victims, too. It doesn't just happen to women. A good movie to watch on the subject is THE RAPE OF RICHARD BECK. You can see it on TH-cam.
Thank you so much for all your help 🦋
Interestingly, I suspect violence is more damaging than even sexual abuse.
To all the survivors please get help .There are many organisations and support groups . You are not alone .. don't blame yourself .you are never to blame. You can live a good life but need support any form. Don't stop trying. Try not to let the abusers ruin your life.
Hard to do when everyone is brain washed and pushing you on purpose trying to kill you in a psychotic fucked up way
It's fucked up. I don't know where my emotions come from. Just so random I can't even figure the cause. All I can do is mental stuff like manipulating my mind when it happens. Yet another side of me wants me to suffer the symptoms. It's like a voice inside saying no u aren't taking the easy way out. Fuck man. Suicidal thoughts only getting more active. As such an optimistic person and who has battled my way this far. Things to get better but another side of me just feels this weight. I'm so fucking disconnected. I just can't fucking little things. Even communicating with my family. It gets difficult when it gets to this point. I'm so burdened with so many dysfunctions. Physically abused since I was 3 till 18 with sexual abuse at age 13. Never took it serious growing up. Now I'm feeling the full effects. It was better being dissociated and now idek how to describe my feelings. My first day watching these videos. All the best to the rest of fighters
I feel for you, I also react like this. Its almost like a subconscious feeling of unworthiness like no one cares what I say so I should just stay quiet. I think its the effect of not having anyone stand up for us throughout those years. I built a stronger bond with my middle brother and Im able to call him to talk and theres no pressure for having been aloof and disponded for long periods of time. Our conversation picks back up. Hes the only family member who beleives me and defends me he actively denies my abuser the time, he prob cant hate him as much as I do but the thought counts. He values what I have to say, lets me speak and cry in front of him. He never sheds emphatic light on my abuser just because (abuser) is related to us. You need someone like that too, someone to run to. I know it wont remove the pain and the rage but it will change the scenery in your mind. Sorry if that was messy.
Get rid of the cause........then you won't have the symptoms
Get rid of child rapists.........educate children of predators ........protect children...
The cause is not the rapists sometimes it's the hateful pieces of shit framing someone they don't like by controlling them to hurt someone close to them so they are ultimately very very very hurt. It's sick it's savage it's cruel it's wrong it's evil but it happens and it's true
I suffered a minor sexual abuse trauma. When I was 15, I got into a car with a man I never met before. He took me home, just as I asked, but he kept touching me in a manner I didn't like. He ultimately made me kiss him. For years, I was traumatized by that. If a man suddenly approached me, I panicked. I thought if a man approached me, he wanted to assault me. I finally put the pieces together and realized what happened to me at 15 was the reason.
Maybe this is a rude question, but has anyone of you ever been sexually abused by your biological father or biological brothers? This was for me the case, and even though my grandparents know (I live with them) they keep telling me ‘he’s your father’ and ‘they are your brothers’ and it just hurts me a lot.
I am currently 19 years old, and I am too afraid to have sex. I had sex once when I was 17 but I panicked so badly and I’ve been afraid and disgusted of sex ever since. Does anybody feel this too, or am I the only one?
My older brother 4 year gap, tormented me for years from he ages of 4-13. I was also molested by my mom a few times. Confronted her and she denied it. (F) I got "help" police got involved and all. But the fact that my mother molested me after the fact fucks with my head. I deal with so much anger that it eats me up inside and corrodes me to a husk. I deal with depression and anxiety, suicidal thoughts and it doesnt go away. I can numb it but everything in life reminds me of the past... I wonder if these feelings will dissapear if they do too. sorry I sound monstrous. Idk about you but I feel quite alone, I cant form regular friendships and I am very aloof and disponded. I have friends(people) that I like but I go months and sometimes years until I find the courage to contact them. Relationships feel impossible. I always feel as though I need to tell my life story or else im holding back or lying. I feel so different from the people around me. Maybe we could talk about it. Its the first time I find someone with a similar experience from mine.
I was raped last week and it feels like I am going through all of them now except pyschosis and substance abuse.. It has been extremely difficult to deal with and I could really use a friend to talk to
Someone found out. And I feel horrible about it.
I believed I saw my abuser at a gas pump one day. I had the opportunity to run him over with my car. I hesitated, thank god, because he turned toward me & his face changed! It wasn't my abuser. I could have hurt an innocent man that day. It really frightened me. I'm always prepared to defend myself if I ever see my abuser agian. I always imagine me sneaking up on him & surprising him by attacking his gentiles. I imagine disfiguring him so he can never harm anyone agian. I'd love to take that from him. I won't rest soundly until I know he is dead. it's been over 15 years since the abuse stopped. It gets better with time but never will I forget.
thecocksaysmoo one of my abusers? Fuck that attackers cornered me on a friends garage with a death threats. It triggered flash backs for me after almost 30 years. I drew me gun and almost shot him dead, bit I didn't. Since then members of his family threatened me, stocked me, and spread terrible rumors. In a word it will never end.
Um. Probably wasn't the same person, in all reality- the chances of that would be one in a million- as those kinds of people most probably don't stay in the same place for long. Think about it- common sense.
this video is the truth. i suffered many of these symptoms as a survivor. some till this very day. thanks for this video. i am now in counseling all these many years later.
I am Talako (Gray Eagle In The Sky) Best of luck man!
There is a man that lives below my apartment that keeps harming this little girl that may not even be his own. He told the ACS case manager and the police that he's single, lives alone, and has no legal children. His uncle showed the police photographs of his grandchildren who are all Caucasian. So how is it that myself and two other neighbors seen this guy with a little African-American girl??? I have been calling the police, (now 4 times) and reporting to ACS and my case manager who is investigating thank God over the coarse of 2 months. The police won't and can't help because they feel until they find the little girl themselves they have no proof and no cause to investigate. Only the case manager believes me and is following up. I feel so powerless. I have to come home every day from work and hear this man go after her and I don't even sleep in my bedroom no more because that's where I hear most of it. Every time I call the police, they hide the little girl and the police make me look like I'm crazy. I honestly don't know what else to do. I've been keeping journals as far back as November 8th of her abuse, but this girl has been heard screaming for a year. I didn't think it was anything serious until my work schedule changed and I started hearing her screams at odd hours of the early morning and night. Then I noticed more: she doesn't go to school. The man who has her doesn't seem to work. They are in that apartment day in and day out. It's unusual. Just recently I have been making audio recordings trying to get irrefutable proof of this girl's suffering and incredibly the police did not want to take my evidence! However, I am now waiting to hear from the case manager as I have been successful in providing him the audio recordings. The man downstairs below me has become bolder and bolder each time the police walk away and dispute my claim of this girl's abuse. I have been molested by my father when I was 3 and 13 years, nearly raped by my supervisor in his car, and touched by my godbrother when i was in 5th grade. I have never been raped, and I pray to God I may never know what that is like, but I DO know what it's like to feel violated and afraid to say something. I didn't tell anybody what my father did to me until I was 18 years old because I figured I would be wiser, stronger, taller, smarter, and legally an adult to do something about what happened to me. I didn't know however there is a statute of limitations for pressing charges though. I also didn't want to tell anybody because I love my family and I didn't want to cause division and have the people I love chose sides. But that ended up happening anyway. My father is so ashamed that everybody in the family knows what he did to me that he moved from the family house in Atlantic City to Tennessee by himself and keeps in touch with few members through FB. It's pitiful. It's not justice but I'm glad he knows that I know what he did and I broke the silence. I just couldn't live like that anymore with him acting like a "caring" father in the shadow of my silence. So I feel for this little girl below me and I can't imagine the length of her horrors. I am trying to be expedient in getting her help but I just never really knew how hard it is to get somebody to just BELIEVE YOU! It's nerve-racking! If people don't see it or hear it themselves they just dismiss it entirely! I have made a sketch, I have 9 audio clips, I have neighbors that have seen and can describe the little girl and I have a few people who have even heard her scream. Right now, I am trying to trace back to the time I physically saw. I don't know if it was late October or early November but I found an early journal entry where I was on my way to work and I opened the building front door for a man I recognized as my neighbor and a little girl I have never seen before. She looked at me, expressionless, but her eyes looked forlorn, even withdrawn, and she did nothing wrong looking at me, but the man pushed her forward saying, "Don't look at her!" gruffly. I never forgot that and I have never seen a parent who does that to a child for simply looking at a stranger. But if this is not his child and he is completely denying her existence, which is suspicious to the case manager, why is she with him and why does she scream ALL THE TIME? And why does he talk to her so foul and dirty and he never, I mean absolutely, NEVER, uses her name??? I am trying so hard and it's just so damn frustrating. If anybody has advice on what else I can do please DO! I would greatly appreciate it. I'm running on exhaust.
My building has cameras and if I can find out what day I saw the little girl enter the building with my neighbor I can provide that day to the police and the case manager and hopefully they can review the cameras to that day and get a physical photograph of her. I am so desperate. As of right now, she's still down there with that horrible man and I heard her scream earlier. I can't even write the things I heard him say. It's too vile. Can this still go to court if they don't have video surveillance of the little girl? With audio clips, witnesses, my journal accounts, and sketch, would that be enough to get a warrant and launch an all out investigation and take this creep to court???
+spicychef7 This is a hard situation, but there is a site, myptsd.com/c which is a forum where people who went through all kinds of different trauma gather. They surely have better advice to give as they are experienced, I recommend you go there to ask. This kind of shit is awful.
+SaelbenNoa Thank you. I'm willing to try any avenue that will help this little girl. I wish I could just bust down his door but got to do it the legal (long) way.
Yeah, unfortunately. Good luck!
spicychef7 ask him if you could take her shopping, zoo, out for ice cream a movie ect. try that? buy her a kitten.
I will never get better. Its been so many years....
Don't give up. The problems of the past do not define who you are now. It's never too late. Email me?
I completed understand and know if I ever will. Everyone says just get over it. I've been trying to for 10 plus years. I guess the only ones who can truly understand are those that have been through it themselves.
+Becks B I've Been On This Earth For 38 Years And I Have Been Dealing With This Since I Was 9. I Was Molested From The Age Of 9 To 15. I Have JUST Started On My Healing Journey. Listen. I Is NEVER Too Late To Deal With This And Heal. You CAN Heal From This And It WILL Get Better. Hope This Helps. Love.
+Bonniest Chunk i am sorry to hear
I was diagnosed with schizophrenia...from being abused at 6...from loved ones...therapy and medication does not always work.
Mildly sexually harassed by family member. Told my counselor and she told me it is nothing. She made me feel little and I have a lot of anxiety
She should be fired. Pathetic excuse of a counselor!
This is a rather dry listing of symptoms associated with sexual trauma. Folks who wish to explore this subject online can find much more empathic presentations. Let this one go and check out some other TH-cam offerings. Those of us who've lived with early sexual abuse deserve a more tender treatment of this painful experience.
It's too late for me. I was 6 yoa the first time I remember being raped by one of my mother's adulterous boyfriends. Later I was raped by my husband very brutally on our wedding night. Not but a decade ago I was carjacked and kidnapped, raped by many men (not of my own race) until I was almost dead. I won't even go into all of the inappropriate sex I was forced to have as a child d/t my mother, or all of the date rapes I tolerated. My ex husband beat me frequently and severely and attempted to kill me when he caught me trying to leave him. I'm now 54 and disabled. I have had all of the above diagnoses. I only wait and wait for life to be over. I just want to go home to Heaven. This has been a cruel and hard life and I am so very tired for so long now. I worked hard to overcome. But it wasn't possible. Esp. since most of my life was spent in abject poverty with difficulty holding jobs, even though I did in my 30's finally accomplish graduating from college with a BSN. I could still not hold down a job. I have so many mental health issues that got in the way. I have dissociative identity disorder, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, PTSD, and now am also physically disabled from mostly hard physical labor in nursing...I'm a very small person that daily lifted the weight of larger people and equipment in my hard and stressful job. Very poor choice of professions, but it was expected of me, and pressured by my family to get this degree and profession. In my family you have to be something or you are a failure and an imposition. I really wasn't fit for that type of responsibilities and often missed work d/t being in an alter personality that wasn't old enough, or knowledgeable enough to go do my job. Or I would have such anxiety and panic that I would be physically ill or hiding in a corner of the house and unable to communicate. My husband is a God send, a wonderful and understanding caregiver to me. I don't get much healthcare or psychiatric help because I have zero income and zero insurance. Because I was born in the US and have in illegitimate or other children I do not qualify for any assistance. So I live between the cracks I have been falling through all of my life. I feel discriminated against d/t being a white and mentally/physically ill person over the age of 50. I just want life to be over. I am glad that I am now aging faster. I have a condition called Chiari I malformation with a large syringomyelia that I hope will eventually allow me to pass away naturally without having to commit suicide. However if the government waits much longer and we lose our home that we worked so hard for, or if something were to happen to my dear husband, I would be gone in an instant.
I was going to tell my story but I can't. It's too painful. My most traumatic experience happened almost one year ago exactly and I've just been able to recover from my phobia of being home alone with my bedroom door open.
Please find someone to open up to, it could help with the trauma. Maybe the person might not know the right thing to say but you won’t feel alone.
This is bad.
I tried to hang myself at age 10, tried it again at age 12 and again; four months ago.
please tell someone
The there is hope message makes me uncomfortable
if only everyone was able to afford therapy... I know I would be a better person if I did, my bipolar disorder and not having a single person to talk to doesn't help either.. the only thing that calms me is doing karate... but it doesn't help in the long run...
+Ruth Keys Have you tried anything besides the martial arts?
It is a societal disgrace that therapy costs so much. Have you tried reading The Drama of the Gifted Child and Healing the Shame that Binds You? Some self-help books are incredibly powerful. Art has also helped me, because it comes from your inner soul, the authentic self that no one can take away from you (but it may go into hiding to protect itself). Peer support groups have also helped me on the path to recovery. Alcoholics Anonymous, Codependents Anonymous, etc. can be applicable even for more general issues such as living in a false self. I would never recommend meds, though. They do more harm than good in the long term.
It seems to help when I get a word out. I'm just talking to myself. I was molested by a care giver at three. Assaulted badly by an older boy while at a campground. Then around age 11 gang raped by high school football players. I tried to get help and tell but I never know how and when I did I was told not to tell or I was lying. I would get death threats from the families of the boys. Teased and harassed throughout my school years. Everyone know and no one would help me. I drank heavy, used drugs, only had one almost good relationship, and so on. Almost three years ago one of my attackers cornered me in a garage to intimidate and threaten me. I drew my side arm and considered killing him, I of course didn't. Since then I have had a hard time with life. I had a good therapist that helped me and I can talk about it easier. I am now on my own and try to get help but I can't even get a diagnosis, nothing real. I have turned my depression outward how I have some Wicked hatred towards people. I don't know how to fix myself. I feel for all of you. I understand, but I don't know.
Gee, interesting that you can remember ANYTHING that happened when you were 3 - Most people can't reliably.
I'm depressed, have ptsd, have attempted suicide, and i have anxiety
I was sexually abused før 6 years by my cøusin
like you see you're not alone, take care of yourself, I hope you'll feel better one day
Thanks sis. My problem is much much bigger tho@@francisca4478
So, all of the SSX are also associated with a multitude of reasons of anything that could be considered some sort of emotional or physical "trauma". Sexual abuse is one among probably thousands of reasons. Not this easy...Both my wife and I both have these SSX due to two totally different life events. Not helpful, only more confusing.
My symptoms
Depression
Shakeyness
Bad anexity
And down there hurts :c
This did not help at all
Dexter Leeroy Anderson lol
i thought about for years,,,just asking why did you think it was Okay for you to do this to me ? i wake up in the middle of the nights once in a while with a night terror waking up my Beloved parents, then them wondering why a 29 year old as nightmares like a small child ?
I was raped 6 months ago , why do I torture myself ? I'm numb
idk if I was raped or if I was just being dumb... my ex bf roughed me into having sex a few times and a few times I can remember fighting him off briefly before surrendering and acting unphased afterwards, and othrer times where I lay there just letting him do it not moving at all.. a few times I cried. but Im confused if is rape because we still had good sex and a normal relationship it only happened about 15 times but I still continued to sleep with him and now I cant sleep or be intimate with anyone else... one time he got me pregnant and I had to have an abortionafter he went a few rounds against my wl and impregnated me against my will. and it ended sadly and I can never tell anyone about it all. was this rape or my fault? ill tak the brutal truth.
what you experienced is rape and im sorry that it happened to you. you said no, fought, do not give clear consent and he kept going it is rape. it is not your fault :/
thanks for your opinion because someties i try to rationalize our situation and it makes me feel confused iside. i feel a void and idk how to go about fixing it or myself. but thanks for your inpute it helps a lot
Hi, Its been a while, I can happily say I got away and I stayed away. It took me a minute but we have absolutely zero contact and I live 4hrs away now. I only put up with it because I was in a situation where I felt like I had too. I was too ashamed and afraid to turn to anyone else and I became completely dependent upon him financially and emotionally and he took advantage. Abuse sneaks up on you. in my case, by the time he hit me or abused me sexually I wasnt even phased by it because he had already said so much and twisted my head so much that I thought well maybe it is all my fault. I had noone in my life besides him and my mom at that time and he had me believing it was because I was the problem, but I can see now with prayer and faith in God (always been a believer) with my clearer eyes that I was being manipulated and isolated and abused. I still haven't shared this with anyone close tho and I may never do so. Its a lot to get over and i have a lot of regrets.
lol yes free is the word!! Thank You for such kind words, they filled me up with warmth and the reassurance that I did the right thing makes such a difference. Im young and to be able to look back and see everything for what it was in such short amount of time is just a blessing cause I can learn from my past and stay strong for the future. I feel like I have matured and I feel sorry for him that he has to be stuck in such unhealthy negative turmoil but he has to find love for himself before he can ever love anyone else... he needs GOD.
and thank you again btw
Leave that fucker immediately. Heknows exactly what he has been doing and that it was a crime. That was rape. Gather evidence, get written, if not verbal, testimonies from witnesses and go to the court.
I can barely remember a thing but have a strong sensation.
My symptoms.
Always had anxiety eventhough I thrived in social groups and was very into being social as a kid. But had periods of isolation.
Started overeating at age 9 or 10. Became thin again after being quite overweight when I hit puperty spring when I was 13.
Mastrubated like crazy as a kid, years before it became more excessive. (puberty)
Always had big imagination, this manifested sexually as well.
Was into girls my age but also liked many neighbor women and teachers age 25 to 45. This may not mean anything, I know.
Depression came for the 1st time in the winter before I turned 13 and reached puberty. Went away after a couple of months. Went to school and was only depressed at home during these months.
Dissociative psycho came out in me sometimes when I drank alcohol and was drunk. Especially when I started drinking. I could go from myself to a angry psycho who could be a little violent and very rude. Then go back to nice and myself again within 1.3 seconds if I ran into someone else at a party. Then pissed again. Very Doctor Jekyll and Mr.Hyde. Back and forth. Usually I am happy when I drink but if I get insulted (pride) I can be relentless, foul tongue. I swear, it feels demonic. Watched my face and eyes in the mirror a few times when I have been in this state, so fucking creepy and I feel lost. Abyss feeling. And only destructive feelings; no love or compassion or joy in this state of mind.
Psychosis that was of extreme paranoid character. Cut my left vein in neck almost off. Lost half my blood. This was a couple of months before I turned 28. Happened in a psyche ward. I thought people locally and organized people were after me; freemasons and/or biker clubs. I was wrong though I kept these delusions for months. When I hurt myself with broken glass and razor blade the physical pain was tremendous and time was no longer present. Felt like a demon was trying to squeeze its way out of my frontal lobes and through my forehead. The insane feeling that I had to kill myself before "they killed me" was well, insane. And I did it all quietly so no-one would hear me. Cut my wrist before my neck. Bled quite a bit but it stopped. Surgery on me took 4 hours. They had to take a vein from my leg and place in my neck. Got a nice collection of scars. Never been a cutter of myself before the suicide attempt. But I will call my periods of binge eating self harm. You abuse your body with food and you hate yourself as you stuff your face with unnecessary large amounts of food. And not oatmeal and fruits. No, junk food that is damaging even if you eat right amount.
Feelings of self-loathing, solitude. I have been through all emotions at max level. Many great memories with love and joy. Many sick moments where you want to inflict your pain on the entire world, both out of sadism and to get understood by those who dont understand you. Definetly narcissistic sometimes but I generelly treat people well.
N
I am 37 now and my life is a mess but I have good moments. But it is dysfunctional. I was very popular among friends and those I hang around and at work. Those who didnt know me that well had a negative view on me. Definetly got my share of positive and negative attention over the years. Like I said; very Doctor Jekyll and Mr.Hyde. I got the diagnosis of paranoid schizophrenic. This is wrong. Then they went with bipolar. What I think myself is dissociative personality disorder, if we have to call it anything. I call it overwhelming stress over years. Definetly had severe mania that made me feel like a god. And depression at extreme points. Lost years of my life. My bitterness is a bottomless pit but I function well with others and dont go around being emo. But the bitterness always comes back.
It must be so hard if something so horrible has been done to you but you can't tell if it did, how and by whom. Maybe there's a therapist who could help to get into that strong sensation that something happened.
I think I was molested because I have night,ares of it and don't won't to go near males and older men
Having nightmares or being uncomfortable around certain people is not what being molested means. Please don't compare it to anything, it's ignorant and nobody needs to see it.
@cute boy I don't think that you understand what the OP was saying. She is wondering if she was molested, because of nightmares. She could have blocked the memory. You nor I know whether or not she was molested. Only she knows. She has the freedom to speak her truth.
I agree with one of the other commenters it sounds as though all you're doing is stating the obvious and try and sell a book typical psychiatrist get money out of it naturally
Spiritual bullyism. That was in my organization. Church policy abuse ........
YES THERE IS HOPE . CALLED JESUS CHRIST . HE CAME TO SET THE CAPTIVES FREE ......... ONLY BY THE GRACE OF GOD FREEDOM IS THERE . You do not have to believe in Him . He believes in you . HE WENT TO THE CROSS FOR YOU