How to Easily Overcome Social Anxiety - Prof. Jordan Peterson
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 22 ก.ค. 2017
- For many this should be one of the most insightful points in Dr. Peterson’s lectures. In less than five minutes he puts the key to overcoming social anxiety in plain words.
This clip is an excerpt of Jordan Peterson’s psychology lecture “2017 Maps of Meaning 8: Neuropsychology of Symbolic Representation” at the University of Toronto. You can watch it in its entirety here:
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W
I'm really struggling with leaving the house. I feel like someone's going to kill me even though noone does or I'm going to do something crazy because I can't control my anger and I get angry easily and I also think everyone is against me while feeling embarrassed 24/7
@@realtalkfamalam u gotta go outside your comfort zone. go to a party and get wasted. when you're drunk you come out your shell and then it's easier to introduce yourself to people and make friends, and then next time you see those people, they know the "you" from the party who was funny and confident and didnt give a fuck about anything. so now you're automatically gonna be more like that version of you because that's the you they know. and then go from there. obviously don't get drunk everytime you wanna talk to people but u can use it to come out your shell. at least that's what I did. and after a while you start to realize everything you were thinking is just in your head and no one really cares
Wot
Come on Jordan how much more obvious can you be!? The pyramid with the eye, really? Fuck ALL free mason satanist pedophile Nazis! 👁🏁🔯🕋👹🪐🚫🚫🚫🚫
I love how he didn't break eye contact with that one student as he was talking about anxiety. He just gave him anxiety immediately
Hahahahhaha
If that was me I be screaming inside
What if you got high before his class 😳
@@Mrbrownstone1028 😂😂😂
@@Mrbrownstone1028 do you happen to be BigPoppa_Doc
I'm just gonna repeat something I heard a woman say once, "You're not the protagonist in anyone else's story, you're just a secondary character." And it's true, someone might joke about something you said or did for a minute and move on, you're not the center of their universe. Also that Eleanor Roosevelt quote comes to mind, "You wouldn't worry so much about what others thinkof you if you realize how seldom they do."
Great!
Definitely food for thought.
Great
@putsome basilonit Darling, that's a rare execption, not the rule.
@putsome basilonit Like they say, "There is a exception to every rule" They are the extreme or perhaps near the extreme. Hopefully they never harm anyone but yes it's concerning and annoying.
I realized that my social anxiety has made me quite selfish in a sense that i always keep looking at myself, always think about myself, and always try to protect myself that I never have any idea of how others feel, which is why I miss out on a lot of social opportunities because I shut myself out. I always think that I'm this main character or I'm so important in my head that everyone will literally be judging me with every move, that I have become egocentric and strict with the unrealistically ideal kind of person I hold up for myself to follow.
You nailed it. It’s the exact same for me.
It's kinda narcissistic in a way
Oh shit…that’s literally me I just didn’t know it until now
@@DUDUDISCH same, how do we stop this?
Having compassion on others
I struggled with social anxiety until I was 18 years old. I never went to any party or reunion, never even had a conversation with a girl (I went to a boys only high school). I also missed very important memories such as the prom, very depressed. I was terrified of social situations because of my low self esteem and abusive childhood. What helped me the most was, as JP says, facing the monster upfront. I just went to that first party even though I was very ashamed to do it for the first time at 18. I recommend everyone to expose yourself to your fear in incremental quantities. Start small. And keep exposing yourself progressively to bigger social situations. You’ll get there. Today I’m almost 24 years old and happy to say I have a very successful social life :)
The problem is this is not always easy for some people. I live in a small town where my reputation is kinda ruined. So, there are hardly options to face my fear in incremental doses. Wish I could move.
Good for you. I’m glad you made it thru
@@Millerwright123 miler what u think about making community of people's they Facing Social anxity And Helping to overcome there anxiety.
I'm in a similar situation, i'm 18, went to an all girl school, and i'm going to college this year, but i think i don't only have social anxiety it's paired with terrible social skills and i know that because i have been in my school for 14years with the same people and i always had the reputation of being quiet and not talking to anybody-basically a loner- , and until now people who just met me usually ask "why are u so quiet?" And i think that's a ridiculous question, sorry if that was too long i just felt like sharing.
@@singafunda That sounds like a great idea honestly. Do you have anything in mind?
I’m still on the bit where you try and get invited to the party
I feel you
The party overrated just focus on your purpose
LOL. I get your joke! But in case you were looking for a serious response, the world is the "party". Basically any situation where there's other people. Anytime you go out in public or family gatherings, even.
I used to grow my own medical and got invited to all kinds of parties. Everyone knew I would show up with a couple of ounces of 4 different strains and just sit in a corner and roll like Snoop Dawg. And once they were all under the table, I became the life of the party!
@@shamanbeartwo3819 I used to grow some really strong recreational, often I was invited to parties on the condition that I didn't take any of it to them.
“Let’s say you’re socially anxious“
Me: Yeah, “let’s say”...
The thing is I'm not socially anxious but I just genuinely prefer to be alone rather than have people in my life determine how I feel whenever they fuck up
😂
@@sheesh1667 You sound pretty selfish. How dare you deprive irresponsible people of a convenient scape goat! (sarcasm . . . for those not fluent in it)
@@inconnu4961 😂😂
@@sheesh1667 that's what I've been thinking my whole life, but listening to these speakers and philosophers the last year or so, has me more confused than ever. They say in "protecting myself " from people's fuckery (by only interacting with people an amount I deem "enough") I'm somehow ruining my own life.... i.e. not putting energy into "relationships" where I can clearly see that they only interact with me because of some underlying reason. It's making me seem like I'm a bad person for being smart enough to call people out on their bs way ahead of the time I'm supposed to be hurt by said bs. This all started for me after reading Outwitting the Devil x Napolean Hill. The book forced me to be in this hyperaware mentality. Before reading it I was just "aware and normal" now I'm just "hyperaware and weird"
I'm a veteran, was actually addicted to alcohol and cigarettes. I suffered severe anxiety and mental disorder. Got diagnosed with ADHD. Not until my son recommended me to psilocybin mushrooms treatment. Psilocybin treatment saved my life honestly. 8 years totally clean. This is something that really need to be use globally to help people with related health challenges.
Amen God bless people. Save your health save your mind. Life is better without heroin, cocaine, alcohol and cigarettes. And you have more money in your pocket. God bless everyone who has rejected the devils intentions to be addicted to alcohol and cigarettes etc which can cause so much damage to health.
Can you help me with the reliable source 🙏. I'm 56 and have suffered for years with addiction, anxiety and severe ptsd, I got my panic attacks under control myself years ago and they have come back with a vengeance, I'm constantly trying to take full breaths but can't get the full satisfying breath out, it's absolutely crippling me, i live in Germany. I don't know much about these mushrooms. Really need a reliable source!! Can't wait to get them.
YES very sure of Dr.benfungi. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
Mushrooms are very medicinal. This is why anybody familiar with psilocybin and any other kind of fungi will tell you, "They are alive." They have a very ancient wisdom. To my experience, all mushrooms have always said, "Pay attention to your life. How you think, how you feel, and what will you do with the information that you always knew, but now are seeing in this point of view." This is why mushrooms are so respected in tribal cultures.
How do i reach out to him? Is he on Instagram
Face your fears head on. I’m a 30 year old 6’4” man still battling social anxiety. He’s right with looking directly at the monster. Looking right at the monster, let alone, approaching the monster is so hard, but it helps so much. Keep making yourself uncomfortable (a good amount before a panic attack), and embrace the suffering needed to prevail. By this time next year, I will have conquered my social anxiety.
Edit: If any of you are in therapy, ask about CBT. It’s very effective
You got this my man! Just keep challenging
@@animekopf thank you sir!
You’re 100% right, I’ve been facing my fears and I feel a lot better, this time next year, mine will be gone too.
Oh
How are you going dude
His words are so important that he carries 2 microphones on his shirt
Why don't you talk into the microphone? I got a backup mic right here.
😂😂
‘Any questions?! What?! I cannot hear you.. pass the mic please’
Wiliam Forsythe why?
*That's A Stereotypes Remarkable thing Meaning all these Word's are stolen from other's sources ©® Otherwise a remark of a sound engineering professional Considering Mono or Stereo systems*
Imagine being the person that's being stared at in these lectures
Haha I was just thinking that. My anxiety would hit the roof
@@jesshines6355 Why? Jordan is kind.
Jess Hines wow that’s some little bitch shit...
@@herrbonk3635 Because the topics he is talking about, and it can be very intense. He talks about when you're talking to a group you should actually talk to individuals but still
Face your fears
Would have been nice to know how to deal with social anxiety before it took away my childhood/teenhood and left me with a life of traumatic memories and mental illnesses.
If you only think of what you’ve lost and that you’re already defined by all this, you’ll never change and make the most of the rest of your life. It’s not your fault, but it’s your responsibility to get better and live from now on to your highest capacity. You can do it; you must! Best wishes
Same dude I'm very socially anxious but been working on it and has improved drastically. I seem to always want to beat myself up for the shitty past I had bc of my social anxiety even though it wasn't my fault. You gotta learn to not be stuck in the past because doing that you hinder your development into the great person you could be.
Absolutely ditto I'm 62 my life 1 long nightmare
You’re not alone man but you have the rest of your life at least
Same here although I’m a teen right now. Biggest thing that helps me is don’t beat yourself up over it it’s not your fault anyone in your shoes would have acted the same and if you were in someone else’s shoes you would be just as confident and whatever they had. We just gotta learn to make the most out of it find things we love and find ways to manage it wether mediation exercising reading whatever even medication just try to find some happiness and smile a little bit you deserve it no matter how much you think you don’t. Also I’ve learned to just laugh no matter what at things that are totally not funny like my shitty situation it’s all a comedy if you make it one and I’m happy if I make myself happy. :) idk maybe I’m just bipolar cause I just wrote a essay 2 minutes ago in the comment section 🤣🤣🤣🤣 anyways bro good luck to you
Overcoming is usually extremely simple. Not easy at all but simple. You need to change your mindset, be willing to embrace discomfort, be willing to be judged and let go of what your ego is telling you to hide and avoid. Uncomfortable emotions are not something to avoid, rather something to move towards; only then can you see what it is you fear for what it is rather than what your head has made it out to be. Eventually you will have confronted your fears enough times that your mind will be reconditioned to believe that it can do hard things and will be ok, and that it doesnt matter what other people think of you. You have the ability to be free and live a joyful, unconstrained life but only if youre willing to stand up for yourself and take action toward not doing what feels good or makes you feel comfort, rather what allows you to feel healthy levels of discomfort that you can move through and grow from. Once you start to see results the momentum will start to build and youll be knocking down obstacles that you never thought possible. If you believe its possible then it can be done, but only you can do it.
I’m going to print this paragraph and post it on my wall. Thank you so much…
How do you recommend someone in a small town with a bad reputation due to poor social skills faces his fears?
@@Millerwright123 I'm kind of late, but if you're in a small town and everyone has a negative reputation with you, there's no point in hiding from interactions. Avoiding people will only lessen their perception of you, so interact with people even though it's scary. Over time you will subconsciously care less about people's opinions of you because you will realize their perception does not define you. At that point, you can disregard people who can't get over any bad reputation with you, and focus your energy on those who are willing to build a positive reputation with you. These are the people that matter.
@@lesliejames3949samw
tysm needed this right now 😭🙏🏻
I overcome my social anxiety by pretending I don’t have it. I can outwardly function in social situations but inside I’m a mess and my main thought is to find the nearest exit and get the hell out of there but I keep that feeling locked down deep inside. This is something I’ve had to force myself to learn because my career requires me to be social but at the end of the day I enjoy going home and hanging out with my 2 German Shepherds.
I have 2 German shepherds and love them as well cheers to you mate
Good for you. Dogs are the best.
Hi, looking forward for your update. My job requires me to be more social too.
How can you overcome this problem? At first i thought i just need to force myself and maybe it would be better afterward. But, it’s not, i feel exhausted when my superior needs me to coordinating or following up to someone new for me. Need hours to think what i’m gonna say 😂
how do u pretend not to? by being outgoing? do u pretend ur a character playing a role
I know what you mean. Many managers and leaders are actually weak people that learned to transform themselves when they operate in their profession. Learning to leave your "personal issues" outside of work is an art an in a way can be leveraged to help you a lot when you run into life challenges.
"You go to a party, the party is a monster!" Sheesh, that escalated.
It escalated because you were suprised to see the party as it really is. A monster of the unknown. Most of the time there are no physical threat to you inbound, it's true, but deep down you know you can be deeply, emotionnaly hurt. And the worst is you don't know if it's going to happen, how and how bad it will make you suffer. It's indeed a scary monster, no doubt about it.
@Nick Milligan Have had anxiety all my life brother. I understood what Jordan meant, I just find his "matter of factness" amusing at times.
Sun of Sotep same lol
Wuz u kangz n Shiite?
I feel like that walking into a pub in the UK.
Here are my takeaways from the video:
-Watch other people, the eye, pay attention
-Be confident, don’t hunch over
-In a group, it can be daunting with so many people around, so just focus on one person and talk as if you’re just talking to them.
-The person who delivers the message you didn’t want to hear-may be painful but it will help you
This was actually a really terrific and insightful video-thanks prof. Peterson!
Thanks for that 👍
As a music major who felt socially awkward during repeated opportunities for performance, the discovery that you could "play to one member of the crowd" was immensely helpful.
It's like when I'm learning a tune on guitar I can play the whole thing through, unless I try recording it- even while completely alone.
@@rossbrumby1957 hahaha that's a whole different issue. Once you click "record", you're in the hot seat! I suggest you record more often... even meaningless practices. That may get you to eventually ignore being recorded. Also... if you mess up, don't stop recording... just start playing again from the top (this has really helped me).
Having self awareness is key. Everyone gets anxious in social situations at some point, it’s normal. But it’s all in your head. You’re not as important as you think, that’s the reality. You might have all these thoughts in your head but in reality, probably no one is even focusing on you. The really popular thing to say on social media right now is the whole “I’m the main character” thing, but you’re not. You’re a secondary character to everyone else’s life. And I don’t say that to belittle you or to invalidate your feelings. But there’s 7 billion people on the planet and every single one of them has their own shit going on, so 99% of the time, they aren’t worried about you. When I started to realize that, I stopped being so anxious around other people. Just be yourself and stop living in your head.
Knowing it's all in your head and knowing nobody gives a shit, doesn't get rid of the natural feeling of anxiety.
@@mw2glItChkINg1 ikr I wish it was that easy
go to schol becase teecher says go to schol? am i circus animel or what? i make yt videes becase thats my dreem. liv my dreem is what i do. thats what i do. hopefooly the videes are good for you deer gabe
@@mw2glItChkINg1 I mean it doesn’t go away just like that, it definitely takes time and practice. It could take you years to get to the point you want to be at but it’s better to stay consistent than not to act on it.
Thnx Gabe
"look at people."
okay!
-continuously stares at individuals to make situations more awkward
Just need one person to look at when in group conversations unless its a public or class speech then its necessary to look one after another
That's the issue i personally have, i look at people and feel like they're judging me constantly and I cant stop thinking like that.
@@major_misato same here man and i get so uncomfortable among other people that i always try to avoid any kind of social interactions
Just one of the many reasons that this was poor advice from peterson.
My problem is that I look at people who dont intimidate me. The "loser" type. So instead of talking to people in whom im actually interested in, I talk to some weirdos Im not because thats not so scary
As a guy dealing with social anxiety. I used to be very confident, charming and charismatic, it’s such a shame I’m going through this. Communication and socializing used to be one of my biggest strengths.
I was just normal, cool and happy and present in the moment etc. Had people that could go lengths for me for what I’ve added to their lives memories, joy, good vibes etc
To me I think feeling genuinely good and normal and okay about yourself is a big step in growing and moving forward.
And also fully believing that there is nothing wrong with you can nudge you to the right direction
I wish I beat it tho, I have a lot to offer to life itself
My man i relate to you 500%
Things will be okay,
You have realized your situation
And its onto better things now
I’m trying with you
Cheers.
Phones and people addictions to them are giving everyone social anxiety and other issues
I’m the opposite ALWAYS been quiet and had social anxiety…. Started in middle school so not when kids were addicted to phones… So I just had it naturally.
But the past couple of years I gave social media a HUGE break and it solved almost EVERYTHING.. I’m still naturally a little more scared in public. But I’m progressing.
I also woke up from being trapped in my thoughts to realize EVERYONE developed social anxiety from their phones, so I was even LESS scared cause everyone else seemed to be even MORE scared. So instead of me having a set back everyone else basically developed it too making me “normal” (Not the way I wish it could’ve been solved but it’s working)
All of my life up until 3 years ago I had always dealt with social anxiety. Some moments are worse than others but I always reacted the exact way Mr. Peterson described. But by putting myself in anxiety inducing situations over a long period of time, it helped control my social anxiety. I think it will never go away but understanding when it's happening and being mentally strong enough to assess and push through is super important for me.
"What you fear, you attract. What you look at, disappears."
Ákos Moldován truth
I fear being immensely wealthy
I look at money
Jack Bauer did it work?
Ákos Moldován I fear models
I used to be an out going and fun person. But over time I have started to shell up and become socially anxious. I am scared constantly. And I am only getting older. Thanks for the advice
Coffee Fresh broo same, how old are you just curious? I’m 17
BlueJacket I’m 20
I remember when I was a kid I was the social butterfly but when I moved and went through middle school and high school I became too self aware and am so anxious and have low self esteem now
@@jasp237 most likely you were made fun of in school. Thats how social anxiety develops
@@Donutello712 I actually haven't been made fun of lol I actually think it was because I moved from a predominantly asian community to a predominantly white community which was a completely new environment for me so I had to start from scratch
I was almost in tears reading about the traumas people have overcome through the use of psilocybin and other psychedelics. I was so overjoyed how so many people have had such a positive experience in being able to move forward through life. The same for myself, saved my life.
Thank you, I really needed to hear this. Something terrible has happened suddenly in my life. I am very vulnerable have not control. I'm also very afraid.
My friend told me about how psilocybin shrooms helped him deal with trauma, anxiety and depression. I would love to try them though I haven't found any legit grower to get it.
@@lewisbonesPsychedelics are just an exceptional discovery. They are really effective against depression, stress disorders and the likes of other mental health issues.
@@thomascrooks8941The Trips I've been having have really helped me a lot,I finally feel in control of my emotions and my future and things that used to be mundane to me now seem incredible and full of nuance on top of that I'm way less driven by my ego and I have alot more empathy as well
@Wilson_spores is my dealer
Social anxiety disorder is just another form of clinical anxiety and can be extremely serious. Imagine people being afraid of social interaction like it’s death. Where throughout the working day your blood pressure is tremendously high, you sweat, you go dark red for hours as your mind creates fantasys of the people around you mocking you which cements yourself as a worthless being. your mind is in a constant battle arguing with itself ferociously at tremendous speed. Your life is a toxic game as your sole aim is survival against evil thoughts created by your own mind. Your dissociated, you become so spaced out you find it impossible to do the simplest of tasks. You can’t hold a conversation or figure out 2+2 because of the state of your mind. Finally finish your day at work and you get home. The physical anxiety fades away as you are no longer in danger but depression kicks in. insignificant moments of the day where you felt you were embarrassed are replayed on loop. The day is a failure and so are you. You have bad headaches and feel like fainting and vomiting because of how hard your body was working throughout the day. This cycle of anxiety and depression gets worse over time until your paralysed in fear during the day and suicidal at night. You lose your job as a result. It has gotten so bad you are isolated from everyone and can’t step out the house at all every day. You have dehumanised yourself and everyone is a threat. You are completely alone and have nobody. You hate yourself and everything else in the world and have lost everything. Then you continue this path and the consequences are now monumental. Suicide, phycosis ect.
Is that your personal experience? If yes, I'm so sorry... and I'm sorry for everyone who had these struggles. Life can get so complicated and stressful.
God bless you 💚
i feel samee
I never had parents. This man along with a select group of men and women have been unknowingly guiding me through my 20s. I call them my internet parents. My mentors. I love him to pieces.
Drop their names right now let me find them as well
@Daniels you sound egotistical
@@usernotfound162 how does he sound egotistical 💀
@@marinabetancourtofficial he hating on him duhh
@Daniels oh shit I thought it was sarcasm sorry bro😹😂
Everyone is more worried about what you think of them than they are worried about what they think of you.
If you can get this into your head, you’re golden.
Yo that’s some real shit right there
Please elaborate brother
@@suatt38 You worry about what other people think about you. But most likely, they are also worrying about what you think about them.
not all the time.
@@infowazz not the point dude. Reread it if you need to. The morale is that nobody prioritizes your own perception more than you do.
I went to a bad high school (bad neighborhood). I didn’t relate to most people from that school (I did not belong there). My social development was halted. Very unfair to be honest. Now I am left under developed social skills and a certain degree of social anxiety and no friends.
I got over my anxiety by walking in public places, telling and believing that I was better than everyone within my sight. That built confidence, which turned off the inferiority that was plaguing me
that wont end very pleasantly. not saying its gonna kill ya but will be painful! pain is a great teacher anyway, good luck
“Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.”- Lao-Tze
@@ramyrammal4579 I'm writing this one down so I can memorize it and save it for later lol
I wish I could remember the whole video to be honest lol
Definitely gonna bookmark it at least
@@said8890 No, it's a quote from "Tao te Ching" by Lao Tzu (this guy mispronounced his name)
Gandhi has a similar quote tho
Ok
thanks for this
❗️❗️Rock and soul?🔥🖤🔥🖤🤘🏽🖤🤘🏽🔥th-cam.com/video/EYwqsOzPWzc/w-d-xo.html
People with social anxiety don't go to parties in the first place lol
Aylin E. True 😂
I do but start drinking right away lol
Aylin E. Ha ha true but I feel like most people shine when they’re expressing themselves so I feel like there’s people who don’t go to parties actually want to go to parties but I just feel like they can’t because their mental stability is not stable
People with legit social anxiety wouldn't even get invited to parties in the first place. Gotta have friends to get that.
i have go a couple of times to a party but not with enthusiams, i just try to put myself out there. I go with some "friends" that i dont really talk to much to. They invite me but i think in a mockery way, because they know i'm shy and according to them "antisocial". I get frozen when i'm at a party, so i always end up drinking alcohol... alcohol really helps me to not feel this fear. And yes, I have diagnosed social anxiety, but i consider myself a social person who can't show who she is
Hes known mostly for his TV appearances but hes actually done remarkable work over the years. Some people hes worked with are so anxious they were suicidal or they couldnt even leave the house. And even in some cases those people who hes worked with have developed into confident public motivational speakers themselves. Imagine that huge a transformation. Remarkable man.
I love his ability to bring awareness to ancient mythology by relating it to current events and current paradigms we presently have the ability to experience today. It goes to show the entire bigger picture as to why we're even here and why those things existed
1. Talk to individuals, not the group
2. Pay attention to others
These two things are the holy grail of social anxiety.
Believe me, they have brought me forward a lot.
thats some nice, theoretical bullshit they learn in high school or smth, repeated by ppl who dont understand how strong and serious illness that is, i believe only pills can give real relief
Pills can help but it doesn’t solve the problem. In severe cases (like I went through) you need to fix the problem, with help of medication.
@@Angry-Lynx I hope you find peace brother
@@Angry-Lynx Psylocybin did this for me
Guys please stop judging each other. Everybody is different, with different problems and with different solutions. Please go with whatever works for you🙏🏼
”You go to a party”. No, no I dont
Lmao exactly
@Λίνα Μοργκάνα
Same lol
Should say “go to a gas station”
What's a party??
I would like your comment, but its right at 420 likes. So I realized it would be much better to just tell you here that your comment was funny.
I was born with the “gift of gab”. I used my skill allot from age 13-20. Then, all of a sudden. I started to feel compassion and empathy. Since then I haven’t been able to take advantage of people the way I once did. And boy did I talk myself into and out of,many different things
"Look at people" it's crazy how simple that sounds and yet it hit so different
My social anxiety is all centered around the days, hours, minutes before the social event (which can include going to work everyday). Once I'm there and talking and interacting it's great and fine but God do I ever work myself up beforehand.
This is exactly how it is happening to me 😩.
You just have to learn from your experiences. You've done this a million times before. It NEVER goes as badly as you think.
same here
Same.
Same Sarah
I used to have pretty bad social anxiety in high school. There were times that I'd completely shut down, quite embarrassingly. One day I got over it almost immediately when I had to do an oral presentation, and I made myself look out at the rest of the class. It clicked then, that I wasn't talking to a crowd, but to several individual students who really didn't care what I had to say and were just dreading their turn to present. I still remember that moment every time I feel the anxious tension in the back of my neck..
That sounds more like stagefright than social anxiety.
Stage fright is social anxiety, just in a specific setting. It still stems from the same thought patterns.
people grow under pressure
Daniel Williams I hate oral presentation!.. on the same time I love doing theatre. I figured, that it was because that when on stage I was a character, not me. Meaning that it was the character and not me who experiences stuff and would take any harm if failing. That, or the fact that You can't see the audience due to the strong spotlights. As silly as it might Sound I actually ended up making a character. A charismatic buisness woman. I used a couple of hours making her (perficting her over time) and she has becomed a great help. Of course I still het nervous, but nowhere as nervewrecked as before.
cool story man, thanks for sharing
Glad to have these clips for free. So much wisdom in these lectures.
Mr. Peterson is just astonishing and I have learned SO much from him and he’s changed my life on multiple levels.
he teaches great courses about lying, spreading nazi propaganda lies, hating women and quoting books while neither reading nor understanding them :D how dim must one be to think he's a teacher for anything?
You just have to express yourself and work on your life. Of course, everybody is rejected more times than accepted. But I promise you, the moment you start caring about your life more than what anybody else thinks, you'll start making jokes to complete strangers, maybe make them genuinely laugh, you'll seem charismatic, and you'll learn skills to make you more interesting. I was like this before I developed an extreme depression which felt like the only escape was either death or just not caring so much about petty things any more. I was shy and reclusive.
I thought I was simply doomed because of being awkward. But I realized that social awkwardness is just a manifestation of a lack of self confidence and arises from pre-judging myself negatively before I even introduce myself. I paid way too much attention to getting positive social appreciation rather than just acting like myself and trying to have a good time. I equated being liked with enjoying socializing. Being liked is a good feeling because it causes a dopamine rush, like a drug. But you shouldn't be addicted to surges in feel-good brain chemicals because they interfere with willpower and they lull you into a stupor of delusion.
The moment I stopped caring is the moment my life started improving. Not everybody will like you. No matter who you are and what your social standing is or any other personality variable. But SOMEBODY will. I promise you. And the key to finding these people is simple (though difficult to understand for shy people stuck in a loop of judging themselves to be shy from the outset ( which is normal and not a reflection of your real value or an indicator of personal flaws in character)):
1.) Stop obsessing about others and learn a skill or get a trade or learn a different language or get good at something like an instrument. Easier said than done when 90% of one's focus is on others random, superficial, and misguided opinions of yourself. So cut that out and devote yourself to something of substance.
2.) This point follows from the first. Once one quits that needless obsession of what's in the minds of other people, you will naturally regain your individuality. You probably have convinced yourself of the delusion that "I'm just not very interesting enough to get dates or make friends". But we are ALL interesting and in our own special way. So don't be demure about your specialness.
3.) Just like with point 2, point 3 follows from the former. Once you regain the necessary and sufficient confidence to BE YOURSELF and just say "to hell with it to what people think", you will naturally start putting yourself out there, you won't shy away from courage and you'll be immune to people's half-assed, ad hoc critical assessments, and you will naturally attain friends and a realistic social network that appreciates your jokes or your talents or your achievements or whatever you have going for you. And they will enjoy your company and genuinely like you.
If you don't at first succeed, and people judge you and think you're weird or awkward or unlikable, simply thank yourself for the privilege of not wasting more time on them and move on. And keep with the struggle and move on and on and on and I can guarantee you'll find somebody in the right time and with enough sincere application of sufficient effort . It's not easy, mind you. Again, it is a struggle. But it's completely doable for those that try and are honest with themselves and don't give up.
I hope this comment wasn't too long to turn someone off who may be struggling like I was. I hope it reaches somebody. Because I was there and it was lonely and depressing enough to want to end my life. I convinced myself of many self-effacing lies in search of answers to my dilemma. I had obsessions of suicide. The moment I truly accepted myself was the moment the pain of my loneliness faded. We either die from substance abuse, commit suicide, accept our suffering, or assuage the situation. Thankfully I chose the latter and it was one of my best choices.
Such wisdom, would love this on my wall at home,and read it every day, awesome.💞
Thanks I’m like you r8 now your words reached me
That's extremely well written! this really spoke to me. tysm!
@Christopher Wallbank precisely. And the more rejections one is willing to accept, the greater probability of sales they're able to achieve. It's just the principle of not letting 1 or more upsets ruin your chances of NOT having 0 non-upsets, if hopefully that makes a bit of sense. I'm glad I was able to touch some of the commenters, as well. Thank you all. It took quite a while and such a depth of sinking to reach the ability to state what was stated.
thank you!❤️❤️
This man belongs in Broadway with his elaborate hand gestures.
But seriously, so spot on with social anxiety. It's like he is describing me throughout almost all of high school and the few parties I had the guts to go to in college with friends. I wish I had him as a professor.
Give us your story in high school please, How could you overcame it?
@@FM-oc2yv inside your mind the worry is always "what if they're judging me?" and you just gotta play that out and be like, ok, what if they actually are? The thing that scares you is the uncertainty but it shouldn't be uncertain because judgement from people should say some pretty certain things about their character and also how they would treat you... Like honestly the cure to social anxiety is empathy, put yourself in their shoes and think how much of a douchebag would i be if i judged someone like that
Not spot on. He uses only one reason driving an anxiety response
@@FM-oc2yv I can tell you how I overcame it. I confronted it by putting myself in extremely uncomfortable situations at first, only to realize nothing too bad ever happened as a result. Eventually I also came to the realization that if everyone was as focused on themselves as I was then they're too busy with that to judge me. I started doing as Jordan suggests, to actually look at others. What did I see? I realized that it's actually true, most people are actually too caught up in their own life to give a fuck about me. This realization was both freeing and a little bit sad at the same time because I stopped fearing others, but then as I finally sought to socialize it was hard because everyone else was so avoidant. They didn't see me as clearly as I saw them and perhaps they even thought I was judging them for merely giving them attention.
@@dwerg1 This may be the first video that has me somewhat excited to conquer a fear that keeps me at home.
This has to be one of the best advice I have ever gotten. I used to be awkward during my presentations in class. Ever since I have heard this advice, I have gotten better at presentation. Thanks for sharing this video 😌 will watch it again some time soon
Of course me having social anxiety and having like one or two friends it has been hard trying to expand my sphere of influence. But after watching this is video its crazy how the solution has been literally right in my face the entire time.
Other Person: Hello, how are you ?
Me: Yes
relateable
I used to have social anxiety for over 6 years. I found a great resource online that lowered my anxiety level and now I can leave the house. Go here now to learn some great treatment options for social anxiety: MootSpeak.xyz
@@carlysmith9361 I used to have social anxiety for 30 years. Then I found a great resource online. Since then, I've only had social anxiety for another 20 years, so far.
Lmfaooooo
Omg yes
Random person at my gymnastics practice talking to me: This is so hard!
Me not knowing what to say: awkwardly stares at them and smiles🙂
Me: Before I go to bed being really embarrassed and stressing about how I could have done better...
I mean, to be fair there really isn't much to say about that so don't feel bad. The usual fallback can just be to agree with them (even if you don't actually agree)
This comment gives me cringe flashbacks of being in a similar situation and not knowing what to say back
Tell yourself u do the best you could, u need to program the sentence in to u mind. wish and hope for u the best, cheers
Just call 911
Don't be so hard on yourself. They were merely making a statement. At least you smiled.
This guy is good at convincing people that he knows.
I was very anxious in the 8 grade to the point I was only speaking to two of my close kindergarten friends and I was ashamed to speak in front of class or to strangers in my age group on the streets, it got to the point that I was going on therapy for 2 months because of it in 2021 but it did nothing positive in my sense, then I searched this video 1 week before my 18 birthday. It worked like magic when my brain figured it out with logic, I had all symptoms discribed in this and it's really just your brain trying to escape not existing danger, I invited 3 friends on my 18 and it was one of the best parties I got, and it's just beginning of partying and living. There should be psychological classes in school like this so more people could be cured mentally for free.
Having both social anxiety and being socially awkward sucks...
Fr low key makes me sad
I think Social anxiety causes social awkwardness because you don't get to interact as much
@@madhut3042 Good point. Makes sense.
i used to struggle with social anxiety a lot. i just straight up didn’t know how to be or what to say in those situations. my advice is: just keep exposing yourself to social situations. start small: have _any_ kind of conversations where the potential price of being awkward is relatively small (for example talking to your grandma, (this helped me i kid you not)) and work your way up from there to other people. over time, you'll push the boundaries of your comfort zone further because you get used to having a conversation. it’ll definitely take time. there really is no secret to it. some day you’ll start to notice how you actually know what to say in certain situations. social skills are like any other skill: you improve them by lots and and lots and lots of practice. consistency is key, keep at it
social anxiety makes you socially awkward
I'm chill with my friends but when it comes to strangers..
Sumukh I’m chill in my home city wherever but when I moved I had severe anxiety. I had to move back it was so bad
your friends were strangers too..think about that
@maxi There are internal locks you need to open. Once it's done every pieces of the puzzle fall into place in front of your very eyes. You become honest. Genuine. You don't care about not being liked, because you know you can't make everyone like you, nobody can. You become interested in the other person. You want to discover what they think about, what they like. See their smile when they talk about their hopes and dreams. And even if most of the time you'll cross the path of boring, stupid and mean people, you'll just shrug it off. And keep making encounters. Because you're aware that somehow, somewhere, sometimes, you'll end up meeting a new, true friend that you will really like.
@@edrel4771 truth!
And when your friends start to talk to other people you know its time to get back into your lonely way
I think this depends on how severe your social anxiety is and what it's based in. Yes it's all internal but this mentality is ingrained within us. Growing up we learn to treat others the way you want to be treated, obey laws and social norms, proper etiquette, common decency, etc... and then of course we all want to be liked or accepted for some reason or another, at least most reasonable people do I think. But some people's social anxiety stems from deep rooted trauma or complex post traumatic stress. This is a much more complicated broad topic.
No yeah this is completely relatable!!
The most helpful video I’ve seen about social anxiety. I come back to this trick all the time. It works.
What makes me feel better sometimes is something I heard a while ago: You almost always remember your own social blunders, but you rarely remember the blunders of other people. Same goes for the other people. Nobody is thinking about you! Once you realize that, it's rather empowering.
This comment is really helpful thankss
This is a pure example that "how" somethin is said can make a big impact on the receiving end. There are many other comments saying the same as you but worded differently. But your comment drove it home for me 👌🏾
This helped me, thank-you.
I always remember other people's social blunders. Before going to bed I sit and laugh at the times they embarrassed themselves
@@algot34 wow ur so funny😄
Social anxiety disorder is curable. I had SAD (an appropriate acronym) from the ages 13 to 18-19 due to severe bullying in high school. If you're wondering why I was bullied at school, at the root it's because I just didn't fit in with my peers - I was different (often described as weird). It's that simple.
In any case, after leaving high school at 15 years old I put myself out there, and bit by bit, I got better. What you need is positive feedback. If every time you find yourself in social settings, people are negative towards you, your brain will view social interactions as a threat. Thus, you will become anxious, just like if you were facing a predator in the wild.
You must get out there and meet people, no matter how awkward you feel, and gain positive feedback. If you can't find it with one group, find another. Surround yourself, at first, with people who like and respect you. All the while you must have inner confidence and belief in yourself. Once you've had enough positive reinforcement you can go out there and take on positive AND negative feedback, without it really affecting your ability to socialize.
Well said... I was like that as a teenager and people can be quite cruel... but I'm older now and relize it was their insecurities and just being spiteful... never change yourself to fit in... you are right you have to get out and meet people. What u said makes total sense 🌸
Thanks, social situations sometimes make me anxious too
@Selena Queen please don't do that
Probably the best advice I found so far
Tom Mellish Well said. I've recently started my journey. Even tho it's going to be a process and I waited quite a long time. I would feel nothing but regret for the rest of my life if I didn't give it my all.
Easier said than done and probably easy to come from someone who doesn't have a anxiety disorder but you are right in a sense. It's just not quite that simple for someone with a true anxiety disorder.
Jordan was right here. you cannot stop thinking about anxiety the only way to overcone social anxiety is forcing your body to act despite fear. just stand up straight look up not down, try making eye contact with ppl and you will be astonished by the results it takes time and dedication but it works trust me guys
...and if that doesn't work, there's always cocaine.
...it's a hell of a drug.
.....fuck yo couch nigga
I been kicked outta nicer homes than this
Mike Mugs, stay on 🌟
"Sir, we see you've been in an accident are you okay?"
I'm pretty sure you've never snorted cocaine
When he said “I hate being here” I felt that
Same .. hit so hard
Same
Did you ever think of a name yet?
@@matthewbeltran3155 nah
This dude is a master of gesturing he creates a vivid image with every gesture he makes and even further amplifies what he is saying
What I have come to realize throughout my time self analyzing my inner psyche is that it’s the over analysis of social situations that causes my perception of reality to zoom out in a sense. It’s almost like a sort of looking through life in a lens that comes through in social situations but the problem was not clear to me when it why or how it occurred. And so through life and time I realized that it’s actually the amount of overthinking about things in my head typically about what the other person is thinking and what to say or how to act next is what keeps me in that lens because I am not allowing my kind to be completely present in reality as my brain is more hyper focused on the internal discussion and analysis being had and so I am not fully present. I am now able to focus on being present more instead of allowing thoughts to take control, although it’s not automatic for me all the time still and I do still go back into overthinking at times but now I am able to catch myself very often when my thinking patterns begin to spiral back into that. Therefore I am able to calm my mind by focusing my eyes and taking notes of the details in physical reality and regain my presence in the real world and feel less overall threatened by situations. I am learning to implement this in social situations where I don’t know anyone and today I feel as though I made some progress. It seems at a certain point in my teenage development, I tuned out of the real world to cope with my catastrophic household and school for quite some time and my brain learned to think in this manner automatically which ingrained it in me during a critical developmental stage of my life. And now I am spending time to revise and pull apart and revitalize my mind as the situation is no longer the same and that self defense mechanism is no longer needed or helping me in my life in any way. In essence if I had to sum it up, it really is just like letting your mind chill and stop overthinking about everything, realizing that everyone’s gonna have something to say and facing it instead of running away is a more fulfilling way to live so to live in the present a lot more. Still got some work to do but am glad to hear Jordan echo some of my thoughts and self work so as to confirm a lot of what I have discovered.
Idk what he was saying after he told me: “Dont think about the White Elephant “
BRILLIANT 👏👏
fire emoji * 10
Faiyaz Faitin: It's the old trick, "if you can't dazzle with brilliance, baffle with bullshit; your suckers will outnumber your critics 100:1."
Pshh....
@@ls..2397 can you bible thumb somewhere else please, some of us are on a no kool-aid diet.
"It's the terrible predator that has the gold" is such an eloquent way to put it. You gotta put yourself out there I guess
If we were able to put ourselves out there we wouldn't have social anxiety.
+Christopher Martsolf, of course. It is only the terrible predator that hasn't been raided yet. The more challenging tasks tend to yield higher rewards because rewards won from less challenging deeds suffer from more severe inflation.
Ella Bella lmao
daniel butler +1 for that, exactly right. No matter how bad the situation is, you must not let your nature confuse you. The key is to resist your natural responses which are not tuned for this modern life, but for the wilderness.
Christopher Martsolf what if we are ugly and don't fit in? Some people are not accepted because of their odd appearance
How to Easily Overcome Social Anxiety:
Thumbnail: "Join the Illuminati"
My friend has social anxiety and i have been so annoyed by the fact that i don’t know how to help her with it. This video helped me and i’ll look more into how i can help her. Thank you Jordan Peterson
The opposite helped me. I just concentrate on me, not on the other. When you have social anxiety, you think the others are so important. But thats not true.
That's it. Just to don't care about what other people are thinking about you, 'cause this is their problems and not yours, even though it is about you. You remind me of a video that talks exactly about it: th-cam.com/video/4udzZQHCuSY/w-d-xo.html
Yeah I didn't quite get his point either. First he says anxiety stems from a fear of being judged by others and then he says you should focus on others so you can see what they're thinking and focus on that. Of course it's true that a person with SAD assumes that everyone will be judging them, and thus looking at people could show you that they're not judging at all, so I guess that this tip works well if you're around non-judgemental people.
@@whyisgamora4191 His point is that you stop acting strange when you're focused on what someone else is doing rather than avoiding the issue. You project your attention and energy outwards and focus your attention on the person your trying to speak to so you don't cower away and make social/physical faux pas because rather than intentionally looking away and thus trying to avoid the fear in front of you, your attention is on the subject so your brain kicks in and responds to what the other person is doing and telling you.
Picture it like this. The party/other person is a vicious dragon, social success is the treasure or the princess you must rescue and the fight is the back and forth in a conversation. Do you look away from the dragon who is ready to fight you, hunch over and act docile so that you avoid the combat and maybe survive? Maybe, but then you never win the fight and get the prize. The dragon may not see you as a threat because you're too weak. But then you punish yourself for being weak and not competent and the dragon discards you as you're worthless. Instead, you look at the dragon, focusing on what it is doing, its every move, you focus on the task at hand and you combat every move the dragon throws at you. You are no longer cowering away by not engaging. You're watching and responding to what the dragon is doing. And that is the first step to clearing the hurdle. You're paying attention. You've acknowledged to yourself that you want the prize and you're engaging in the back and forth fight. You can't fight a dragon blindfolded and if you try to you're going to be beaten. Which is why he says look at the other person. Respond to what the other person is saying. Don't cower away and act docile. Accept that you're going to be anxious but project that anxious energy outwards by looking at and engaging with other people. You're still going to be anxious about perhaps doing something wrong but you're going to be able to respond to whether you actually are or not because the other persons body language and speech will tell you and you now know how to respond accordingly.
@@whyisgamora4191 If I understood Peterson correctly we should not look at a group of people as one entity. Instead as individuals. Talking to a group of people is threathening but if you instead try to talk with them one on one you level the playing field. Then it's no longer you talking to them; but you talking to one person at a time.
I also take from this that when focusing on one individual, your social skill set automatically kicks in, and makes you able to zoom in on one thing at the time.
Feeling social anxiousness is overwhelming, and being able to make that overwhelming scenario feel possible to work with a little bit at the time, helps to get started.
And the truth is, a start is sometimes all that's needed.
is it just me, or does Jordan Peterson make the world sound like a video game?
The world is a video game where you need to make up the rules at every moment.
He makes it look like a social construct with rules and limitations. So a video game pretty much resembles this analogy 👌
Because the world pretty much is a video game.
@@mugsys no
Studio Azarath You can play life as an experience, a video game where yo make your own rules or a video game where society makes all the rules. Every option has its advantages (for example the game of society brings you women and family, but you will waste your life away 100% guaranteed).
As a person who suffers from social anxiety ( but it's so mutch better) his words are on point ,the only problem with eye contact and looking at other people ,is the fact that it can bring problems and very unpleasent argues ( wich brings too many antention in public).
I think the main thing besides his wise words ,is the fact that you can accept yourself (socially) when u do ,all the monsters from you're head disapear...but speacking is quite easy ,the hard part it's to manifest it to reality .
He is right. I had some bad episodes of social anxiety and it always got better when I looked at people rather than avoiding them.
"When you're socially anxious, look at other people."
I actually started doing this relatively shortly before watching this video, and it works. It works so well, I can't even believe it. As a 28 year old man who's had social anxiety my whole life, nothing helped as much as this after a while.
You remove outer anxieties and therefore stop agonizing over yourself so much because you suddenly learn to personalize the social experience to individual people at a time, which is (assuming you're an introvert) what the introvert's social disposition is, anyway.
In a group of 50, focus on one, and then BOOM, you're part of the group.
It's fun to hear about this kind of stuff after having done some of it without being aware of it in this way at the time.
then you dont have social anxiety... just some insecurity
Nah dude, not for me. I tried this before hearing Peterson, and I would get MORE anxious because then I would think "damn, I'm only looking at the same 7 people, are they noticing that I keep looking at them? Do most people think that presenters in class mostly look at their friends? But I'm only friends with 1 of them, the others and I aren't tight." Then I'd look at the professor and see the professor nodding and think "the professor has to nod, that's what they do, I can be so wrong and they still have to nod.. am I wrong? Did I say any fallacies in my presentation? I can't tell. also, everyone looks at the professor, and the real nervous ones only look at the professor.... don't look at the professor too much... but I can't keep looking at the same other students. OH NO, I can feel the sweat coming, don't think about the sweat, don't think about the sweat, did someone just see my sweat?"
That's what my anxiety is like when I gave presentations in college, just a snippet.
@@erickg6797 sounds like you’re focus is still internal. By really focusing on others and what’s going on OUTSIDE of your mind, these feeling will subside greatly.
@@erickg6797 youre supposed to look at people while talking to them or listening to them. This is what everyone does, and why we do the thing of looking away when someone catches us looking at them from afar. When you are comfortable with someone, however, you can be more and more comfortable looking them in the eye without having to talk all the time because you trust eachother. The answer is not to trust people but to rely on what they say, express, how they react to ACTIONS. And you use your eyes to communicate how YOU feel about what you, and people talking, are doing/saying and you use your eyes to stay in contact with how other people are feeling about the same. This is all a matter of the body, and the thing standing in the way is the mind. If youre out of contact with using your eyes (and your body) this way, you have work to do.
Monday I teach my first college class. This TH-cam video could not have come at a better time!
Dorsey Kindler good luck man!
Give 'em hell, teach
Good luck, man we need more open minded well educated teachers like you!
+Jay Myers Documentaries you know that's a pretty small amount of classes and even then it's just humanities. In all likelihood this guy will be a fine teacher, especially with Peterson influence
Jay Myers Documentaries cry more
When I start to feel nervous, feeling like people are judging me, I immediately look at their eyes. To my surprise, most of the time they're not even looking at me lol. They're playing with their phone or looking around for something to keep their mind occupied. I find it to be a great confidence boost and encouragement that I have to speak up draw them into conversation.
We are so lucky to have Jordan at this moment.
Jordan Peterson reminds me of healthy rick
Maybe it is Healthy Rick.
i didnt laugh out loud or anything but this is hilarious
+Matthew L why'd you feel the need to say you didn't laugh out loud lol? Just wondering
Connor Woods my sense of humor is bent
I didn't read the comment or even watch the video, but this is halarious
"some people have no social skills" I am some people.
Practice
Its so hard to find subjects to talk about with someone else 😢
@@barcalover394 in my opinion, being socially anxious myself, starting conversation is the easiest part. you can either start with small talk and progressively go from there, or say the first thing that comes to your mind. you can tell if the other person won’t want to engage by their lack of words or enthusiasm. at that point, it’s there problem, and not something you should worry about.
I can hold a conversation for like a min then idk what to say
Very easy !! Just ask them to talk about them selfs !! It’s so easy
The problem isn’t that I don’t know how to talk to people, I just don’t have the drive to want to talk to them. As soon as you walk away they talk about you behind your back.
I have bad social skills for people I don’t know. This is where I think my social anxiety stems. I literally just don’t know how to talk to a new person...
Ask them questions about themselves.
Same here but i know why. I really don't care about anything they have to say, i don't care about what they work with or how many children they have or what they do on the weekends. I just can't bring myself to pretend to care so my mind just wanders away while they are talking and then i can't come up with something to answer them with since i really really don't give a shit about whatever they just said. I sound like a douchebag but i just can't do small talks with strangers, it bores the life out of me.
Having boring small talks for me is like if you tried to force a person loaded up on cocain to watch paint dry, he would go mad. That's why i hang out with myself mostly and it's a bittersweet feeling.
The worst is to meet an old friend you haven't seen for a few years. You feel socially obligated to talk to them but they are no longer important to you since you haven't seen each other for years so now they are a known stranger that you no longer care about. How have you been doing? Ok great, where do you live now? Ok i see, well i have ran out of questions and i don't even remember your answers so now i will just stare at you.
@@craftylemon2460 Maybe you could see it like entertainment. Imagine you have a book or movie like the Great Gatsby infront of you but you gotta read or watch the whole thing to understand the life of Gatsby. You don't want to stop in the middle because you want to know what happens next and how anything let to something in his life. If you don't like it just imagine another movie or book about someone that captivates you. Now instead of the book/movie or book you have that person in front of you and you don't know anything about the person. So you need to start asking questions that lead to the person they are today.
Easiest would be to start asking, who they know at this event/location, then continue with how they met the person they know, why they were invited. Then you will know a bit more of the person and you keep digging again, but ask maybe they you met each other and then maybe you know the person, then you could tell about how you met that person or who that is, or something you noticed about that third person and talk about it. The most important thing is to have something you have in common or you both know about and have some stories/ideas/view about a topic so it also does not get boring for the other person.
In the end it is also interesting to know what other people have a same view or similar story on a topic. And if not then you will get new ideas/stories you know about.
So in the end, you have to get into the conversation with the mindset, that the other person has something or a lot of interesting stuff that can be uncovered, even if it might not be as entertaining as Gatsby in the end.
Sorry, it was long and I also did not reread it as I am a bit exhausted, so there might be some logical errors here and ther but I hope this helps some people.
@@craftylemon2460 wow, that is really relatable...
As someone who grew up with social anxiety and was socially awkward, I can say it absolutely gets better if you improve the mechanisms predisposing yourself to failure. Studying body language, how to listen, etc; more simply put, study the thing you’re bad at. Most recently I’ve been doing sketch improv which is a far cry from not being able to buy bread from the shops
I think people who judge a lot (in silence) are the same people who's been afraid of being judged cause they think that they're being judged by others the same way they do while they're not
I think about that a lot. But it's hard working on it
The only person that gives me hope to fight my anxiety and it really helps..
I was very social i loved to go to parties every weekend, and now i become so antisocial, with low esteem... This shit change you so much
What i LOVE about Jordan Peterson, especially this video, is as he is explaining how important it is to pay attention to someone to reduce social anxiety, he is directly communicating this to one student at a time & maintaining eye contact while speaking to everyone as a whole. Its like he’s literally showing an example without saying he is. & if the student were paying attention, they would notice exactly that. I would love to take a class with him.
holy shit
@@syox *shid
When you start loving yourself and also facing those anxiety problems everyday, doing things that makes you feel uncomfortable... you will notice a change in your personality and will be stronger, but getting better on this requires time and discipline 💪
Doesn't work for everyone
I’ve found that whenever I try to legitimately love myself, I end up taking myself more seriously, which leads to my feelings being hurt more easily. That’s whenever someone slightly teases me or just makes me feel a little less-than, I always think something like “well I don’t deserve this! I LOVE myself!” So weirdly enough I think it helps if I tell myself I’m a piece of a shit.
@@jadedjimmy Maybe think its OK to feel that way and you STILL love yourself? :)
The problem is it might not all change for the better.
Anxiety comes from your insecurities which you need to conquer or just accept as is.
And also stop overthinking, we are all just humans, just live and let go.
Wow I can't believe the 20 years I've had social anxiety all I needed was this video. That's so crazy. 🙄
one of the greatest lectures i've ever seen
I used to keep my back hunched and look at the floor and I was nothing but a shadow. I started to walk upright and keep my head straight and the amount of people that talked to me went up like crazy. Showing confidence through body language is a killer.
This is SOOO under appreciated!! Focusing on this has really helped me see improvements too!
This is why it's the first rule in Jordan's book
@@kip_xo what book?
@@adammugnaini2337 "12 Rules For Life" by Dr. Jordan B Peterson
Face your fears: "That's the terrible monster that might eat you, but it's also the place you get all the information."
Got invited to a party with co-workers. The closer the time got, the more nervous I got. I watch this video. Took a deep breath and went for it. Had a blast, so glad I went.
This is so true. Very enlightening, I always feel like I knew this subconsciously, but never payed much Importance to it
This is a trick I learned when entering into a room full of people, to show confidence , my shoulders are back and down, my chin is tucked back not upward, and my arms are to the side with thumbs facing forward and slight mischievous smile, once in that stance your brain tricks yourself into confidence mode and you become more social and others social towards you, I know it sounds weird but it works for me
That's a good trick but you gotta be careful not to overdo it. If you try to act like someone you're not, people will eventually figure it out.
Honestly i got over social anxiety doing pretty much the same thing. Just keep my shoulders back and relaxed with the chest out. That automatically put me in an approachable confident mode
Fake it till you make it
So basically just impersonate Lucifer?
It's not actually weird listen to 12 rules by JP. Your being a lobster.
I literally killed my social anxiety when i started as trainee in a t mobile retail shop and after 5 years i became very confident within these 5 years. Now i always try to look ppl into the eyes and dont lose my focus before them, it helped a lot and the best thing is you get a sense for when ppl start talking the truth or when they lie.
for me it was when i travelled overseas on my own when i was 16, when i realised that the world doesnt give a shit about what u do and it basically washed away any anxiety i ever had.
Yes! Sales does wonders for self confidence and social anxiety!
Aha literally working where you have to speak to people is a great way, worked for me too
I tried doing that working at a tourist info centre and as a retail salesman, that shit only helped a bit as long as I was working there, after that it the gains just vanish
I just started working as promoter in a mobile shop and it's absolutely fking shit. Awkward moments everyday at work, I'm anxious, confused and tired all the time. I don't know if I could do this anymore.
I love his eyes! They seem so full of compassion love and care! I love his confidence! It’s an attractive trait to have! Confidence pulls me in!!
I have severe social anxiety and this video really hit on points that are true
I like to interpret what he’s saying as „focus on the situation you’re in and the overthinking will go away”, what a great piece of advice which has done me a lot of good as an introverted and socially awkward person
yep. Great advice just like when somebody tell you they're sad and you tell them to just stop being sad. Did you actually think psychology works this idiotic way Peterson presents it here?
@@kaivogel253 dude these 2 are different things. If you focus on what's happening around you won't overthink also you can join the conversation better.
I love how he always reinforces that life is difficult and problematic.
It’s really relieving to just acknowledge that life is hard and then decide how to function with it instead of trying to keep up with this fake “life is all happiness and endless potential” outlook.
I have his book 12 rules for life, an antidote for chaos and I’m on rule 2. I like it so far.
I made great progress over the years as an introverted person, when I realized that the world is full of introverted people and it will have to be me to start the conversation.
When I was in the Army and lived in Germany I use to LOVE going to parties or out to clubs, where no one knew me, BECAUSE no one knew me. I embraced that and took that opportunity to reinvent myself, to BE the self I had wanted to be and be more confident because no one knew me and so they COULDN'T judge me based on any preconceived notions like someone who does know you or heard something about you or based on anything you may or may not have done or said in the past. I had more people wanting to hang out with me, I had more friends, more girlfriends, more sexual encounters with girls and more fun then I ever had before. It was a clean slate for me, I was able to be a more confident, outgoing and fun person because I was able to do and say things I normally may not have been elsewhere. I took hold of the mentality, "Hey, I don't know these people and if I make a fool of myself then I never have to see them ever again." So going somewhere that you don't know anyone does NOT have to be a bad thing, in fact it can be a GREAT thing.
huh… very interesting
That's crazy! I had that same idea in my head for a long time
@Greg Smith Did I say I cared?
I definitely agree dude. I tried to reinvent myself in college and its going pretty well so far!
@@imafraidjumitebeinagang That's good to hear, it's always a good thing when you get the chance to reinvent yourself and become a better version of yourself.
This feels like one of those things that is easy to understand, easy to explain to people why they do it and how to change it...but actually doing it is a completely different matter entirely when its all someone ever does, it becomes about changing an entire behaviour more than just understanding what the solution is.
The problem i think is the distinction between someone being anxious and someone having a anxiety disorder. If you are just anxious by experience and dont have any physiological problems then its alot easier to overcome than having a system that is actually defective due to wrong formation during birth or disrupted formation due to trauma. If its a problem of the system and not your will it makes it incredibly hard to avoid thinking about how people perceive you because your system is wrongly wired to value that analysis of how people analyse you! Its not impossible but it is a upward battle and it is necessary and worthy to fight every chance you can, as you said its easy to say harder to do but at the end of the day if you dont fight YOU WILL DIE wether thats internally or actually you will lose a bit of yourself and it may never come back, although being outgoing all the time isnt always a better thing as it subjugates your inner self to other people and everything they exude from their presence. You can never truly be yourself always alone or always in company Balance is the Key!
@@finlaymcdiarmid5832 People not realising the distinction from general and normal human anxiety to actually having an anxiety disorder is one of the banes of my life. The problem is for the mass public just to understand why its a problem it gets over-simplified so that the idiots in society can understand and you have scenarios like "do you get nervous going for an interview? Well you might have anxiety" and people take that and go welp yep I have anxiety issues. Rather than realise, no you have an everyday reaction to a pressure situation which is normal to be anxious about, or hear about celebrities talking about having anxiety issues before performing infront of thousands of people, yes you should be anxious because that's not a normal situation for our species to be in. The problem with it becoming attributed with those kind of scenario's rather than the debilitating disorder it can be is that we'll eventually get back to a point where its seen as not an issue because "well I have anxiety, I just get over it and do what needs to be done, why can't you just do that?" and it'll be trivialised again for people who can't even go do a weekly shop because they have panic attacks just trying to buy food.
@@CB-lw7ty i agree. There are people who use anxiety/anxiety disorders for gain and they fuck up peoples general view of said thing and lead to people avoiding talking about it because they fear they will be told that they dont have it or they should just get over it. I tell people at every appropriate chance the distinction between the two because that is vital to understanding how to help them although the person themselve has to do every thing for themself at the end of the day but people just being friendly about it and actually understanding helps tremendously. I hate going shopping or walking the dog by myself because i feel like im a target for some reason which is illogical but im trying to get over it but it doesnt help when people just say your lazy and dont want to do either of them (i will quite happily walk the dog 3-4 times a day if needed if im with someone else). Very annoying that this isnt the main thing that is talked about when it comes to anxiety/anxiety disorders.
@@finlaymcdiarmid5832 Yeah agree, it's just frustrating to me hearing people talk about it when it clearly is just a situational thing for them. The worst I've ever gotten is having panic attacks in my own house just because someone is using the bathroom and that's my designated safe space in my head, despite the fact I know they're just going to the toilet, them being in the toilet doesn't change anything about what Im doing at the time, just the inability to access it if I suddenly feel the need to literally sends me into a panic.
@@CB-lw7ty yes. I had a similar problem. My stepmum would often invite people around without telling me or anyone and i would literally not move from my room until they left, almost catatonic like i didn't even want them to know i was there, she would say oh im allowed to bring people around! Thats fine but 9 times out of ten she would never tell me and i would be stuck in my room for sometimes 6 to 8 hours. Didnt help that the people she would invite i did not like at all and so i presumed they didnt like me either.
Did you ever get erythrophobia? Fear of blushing? I just ask because for some strange reason i got that years ago in just one class (which was 90% girls older and younger than me) and no other one for some reason. I dont have it anymore but i definitely had it then, every time i set foot in that class i would have a panic attack and tried extremely hard to suppress it successfully thankfully everytime.
I like characterizing these things as monstrous. I feel like it validates and makes you feel better about what your facing. It even gives me extra confidence to face those monsters
It’s all in the mind, I’m not one to encourage drug use, but there have been times in my life where drugs have helped significantly. In high school I was very shy and inexperienced with woman, it caused anxiety in social situations especially when females were around. Until I had my wisdom teeth removed. The dentist prescribed perc 10s to help with the pain. A few nights later I was invited to a party, all my anxiety and inhibitions were gone. I slept with three woman that night, two of them at one time. Ever since then I realized it was all in my head, the Percs just took away the anxiety and worry, allowed me to be my best version.