I never sold my soul to my wife, sacrificed my life on the wedding altar, nor did I die in divorce court, so no rebirth was necessary. I simply sucked it up, took it like a man, and vowed to never let it happen again. In 25 years, I have been good to my word. All we can do is live, love, and learn, while becoming the very best we can be.
@@jeffbush7764 yes, some have it much easier than others. Hang in there, there are always alternatives and new families and new connections, the world's a big place
Two years ago, I became wheelchair-bound, was served divorce papers, and found myself homeless on the street. I never thought this would happen to me after spending ten years raising two stepchildren and two children of my own. I will never marry again. I learned my lesson the hard way, losing everything, including the family I cherished.
Man, that is one of the most terrible stories I have ever heard. No one deserves that. I hope you were able to pick yourself up and make a new life for yourself. Best wishes.
John, just so you know YOU ARE A MAJOR PLAYER with this excellent material. You are talking DIRECTLY to the wounded heart of every man who has been put through the wringer. Well done and keep it up. You are talking from the heart, an honest, true heart which has learned its value.❤
Hi John, I am going through this shitshow right now. You nailed it for me as I am having difficulty with this fact. “You have to forgive yourself” - This is so hard for me. I had a great career, was on the way up in life, had options but I chose poorly. 29 years later and three children. The mess this woman has left me to deal with is hard to fathom. I lift every day and am in excellent shape. I travel often and don’t care much anymore. At 57, I just want peace. Thank you for your videos…you may have saved a life.
That forgiveness part is hard, even if you didn't do any of the things women blame us for leaving a marriage. We still feel we have failed not just the X, but our kids and close family. My wake up came from my father in law when he came to see me about two weeks after she left. I was packing up her things and was covered in dust and cobwebs from packing it up. He looked at and asked what I was doing, I told him, "She left just about everything, I'm boxing it up for her". He said, "You should just throw it out on the curb, it's not your fault". Things got better after that.
I got slammed into the gutter, living in my car with nothing at age 40... from that rebirth I went on to join the coastguard, spent 6 years as a top cliff rescue technician, bought a yacht, moved onboard, sailed thousands of miles... pushed my surfing to another level and now ripping up the waves at age 50. Never felt more content and in control in my whole life. Other relationships have come and gone but now happy alone maximising my sailing and surfing.
A man enters a relationship and gives it his best to make it work...a woman enters a relationship to take whatever she can before ending said relationship‼️
@@steele4347 women go through phases in life. It’s pretty common that when they hit their late 20s that they really want a kid and they need a man with money to support that objective. But when they hit 40 or so, they still want their kids and house but they don’t need the man anymore… they just want his money. I think couples would do better if they both just realized that if the wife’s not sucking his D whenever he wants then it’s fine the guy gets a younger and more talented side chick. This would motivate the guy to stay in shape and be productive. It would ward off the depression that comes with being in a dead bedroom and possibly motivate the current wife to compete with the side chick. Everyone wins in this scenario. Women only want to F guys other women want to F so the threat of the guy having a side chick is motivation for the current wife to do a good “job”. And the guy starting to get in good shape and/or going out on dates should motivate the woman to start doing her job. Obviously, the woman should not be allowed to divorce the guy for having a side chick. And this is a one way thing. The guy can have a side chick but if his wife Fs another guy then she gets an instant divorce with no cash and prizes. Problem solved. Everyone happier than how it works now.
When a man becomes content in a relationship is when the problems begin. Time will erode her feelings for you. Women always want the new. New clothes. New restaurants. New experiences. New people and finally a new partner. Constantly trying to make a woman happy will eventually destroy most men. No man needs to be a performing monkey. An important video John. Thank you.
I wouldn't use the word "simp" to describe being a good man in marriage and living up to your responsibilities. I see a lot of men becoming doormats and emasculated because they lose themselves in the marriage and their masculinity, often out of fear of losing their woman. I fell into that trap myself and looking back, I have to take responsibility for that. I didn't stand my ground and guard my frame enough. And when I realized it, it was too little and too late. But my divorce was a an ego-death, a rebirth like you described your birthday (I love that analogy, btw, as it's so true). I was finally able to be free and find my way back to the person I had lost in my marriage. And I emerged stronger, wiser, and not afraid to embrace and live my masculinity.
Been Divorced twice. Neither time did I need to be "reborn". It reminded me of getting out of the military; leaving my best friends and brothers behind, but life goes on and there wasn't anything I could do about it. Sh*t happens, so you pick yourself up and move on. It's not a big deal.
@@WhiteGhost21 Ah, at 75 I have NO interest in women as I don't need an in-home boss. I sold my company and retired to the south of France. Life is good.
My peloton bike saved me. Pushing those pedals so hard, sweating so much and feeling the rush of endorphins after each session is way better than anything a therapist could offer.
Yeah, I agree with you completely. Pushing my body hard really helped move a lot of that negative emotion out. I think it’s underrated. Thanks for your input.
@@john-griffin So true. Long walks outdoors have done wonders for me. And it doesn't cost a dime. Same with body weight exercises like push-ups and sit-ups. Investing a few dumbbells and an adjustable bench will work every major muscle group in one's body. Those things along with a good diet will transform one's mind and body.
Yes .... countless men find (or will find) themself in this situation (at least in the West where women are so called independent and end a relationship because they are so unhappy)
Reach out gentlemen, if you are suffering and going through hell at the moment. There are many men who have been through it and who can offer their story, advice and guidance. Stay strong. Take 1 hour, 1 day at a time. Believe in yourself despite what others say.
This channel is underrated. I expect well over 100k subscribers in the near future. And it has the potential for 500k+ or even 1 million+ , given enough time. Keep up the good work.
If I could press a thousand likes John, I would. And that wouldn't do justice to the wisdom, knowledge, and empathy you deliver in your videos. I would say this has to be your best yet. It's unbelievable how many of us are living parallel lives. I am finally just going to have to move on. Took her back and found out even worse things that would make any man vomit. Keep them coming, you really know how it is and offer very good advice and solutions. I hope that you are also able to not relapse like I did, but the all in forces you to do everything and accept everything to save it, but it eats away at you and you have to realise it's over and can never be as it was. The beginning, yes, perfect, but when you find out that she's not the person you idolised it gets very tough. I am now an avid follower. Greetings from Vienna, Steven.
Thanks a lot to you and I really appreciate your feedback. Some lessons are very expensive to learn. So it’s important to just learn them once. If I ever venture back into the dating scene, I will be extraordinarily careful. I’m really glad you’re enjoying my videos and I’m glad that you’re finding them useful. Thanks again.
Yes John, they are useful. The level headed approach is very reassuring. I am one of the victims of your previous video about the rebound affect and my wife helped me through the process of the very nasty divorce I was going through. Now nearly 30 years later I'm going through it again, but on a different level and scale. I look forwards to your next insights. I did mention in a previous comment about looking at the lying characteristics. I think you mentioned the image side of what they are selling us. One for us and other images of themselves for others depending on the situation. This is tough to swallow as know, men are generally honest and do notry to be someone else than they are. You were very right about the person who is inside of you and you have to find that person who survived without her and got you to your value in your life. Self respect and believing in yourself is critical when going through this stuff. The forgiveness part is something I have never been able to do, especially the previous one due to my kids with her. Now my current kids are old enough to see for themselves and we were a family. It's very very sad that the modern world encourages women to leave their men and "live again" as my wife puts it. She's 12 years younger and looks even younger than she is. Like you said about your wife, mine is also very attractive🤷♂️
John, I would say you were a "nice guy" in your marriage. Have you read the book, No More Mr. Nice Guy" By Dr. Robert Glover... Highly recommended. IMO a simp is a man who gives the locus of control to women. Whether it be financial, feelings, boundaries, ETC.... My takeaway from my 23-year marriage is: IF I decide to get involved again: 1) I will let my needs be known... Sex is my need. it will be fun and frequent or I'm out. 2) Have clear boundaries with consequences. 3) My masculinity will be NOT hidden nor apologized for. And so much more.
It rarely happens that way. Women usually look how they can benefit from a relationship. Too many women won’t even put in the bare minimum in. It is all about them.
The only thing I would disagee with is about surrounding yourself with other people. That can be a mistake. They will just tell you what you want to hear to make you feel better. To really heal and improve you need to go on a long solo voyage deep into yourself to find the answers.
The point of having other people around is for their protective effect: to avoid descending into a pit of despair, coping in isolation through unhealthy means that put you at even more risk of bad consequences. Not everyone needs that...though what is needed isn't always so clear to depressed people. But you are right, their help is at most a transient assist in catalyzing your own efforts to pick yourself up, reclaim your dignity, reforge your sense of purpose, and begin a new reinvigorated life.
I feel like I've been divorced 3 times, but haven't been married yet. Just from relationships that, honestly, I knew from the beginning that they probably wouldn't work out. At least didn't get married then divorced - no legal issues. But the heart-ache is still real.
Tom Brady, Brad Pitt....women leave men. It doesn't matter who you are or what you do. Its in their nature and its just what they do, I wouldn't take it personal. When you learn their nature, then you know that "long-term" you are on this journey alone. Nothing has to be forever and You can still enjoy each and every ride. And hopefully you can have some positive impacts on the younger generations to bring them along.
@@marty906 l was married 20 years to a Cover Narcissist who tried to rinse me for everything through the divorce courts and failed. Fell hard for a widow after the divorce who dumped me out of the blue one day last Summer for reasons unstated and that hurt way more. Worst heartbreak of my life. I still miss her, she saw the good in me in a way my wife never did. Dating a widow is *complex*. I wish her well. Currently learning to be alone and be okay with that. Learning to be me now, as I definitely lose too much of myself in romantic relationships. Planning a long cycle camping tour, hopefully round the world. Go and see the world while I have my health.
They know all your weaknesses, your routines, everything ! It's just a disaster waiting to happen, and it eventually will, when one of her mood swings goes a little too far !
Wow, I am glad to find your Channel. I am a 40 year old single male and never had a girlfriend. I remember in my 20s and 30s wishing any girl would just settle for me. It never occurred to me that she might still be unhappy with me after 20 years if I tried my best. I appreciate your insights.
Man, forgiving yourself is HUGE. I’ve come to realize that nothing would have changed if I did anything differently. I don’t regret my relationship with this person, but I deeply regret the marriage because that was a mistake. I’ve learned how to better judge character, and to stay away from amateur models who thrive on attention. She moved on super quick, but when I realized I didn’t care, that’s when I knew I was free-I still have a lot of work to do, no doubt about that, but the empire is all mine! For all my friends online going through divorce it gets better.
I think it's not necessarily the case that the woman always has an eye on "someone else" but definitely, I believe it's true that they have an eye on "something else" - a picture of how they imagine thier life would be better when they are not bound to you by a marriage".
100% walking is my therapy...I am in Colombia and walking 20k steps 7 days a week...I got separated from my wife of 12 years,1 year ago....Walking and talking to a therapist are the 2 things that kept me from going insane...I moved to Colombia to see if a country full of stunners would divert my attention...Interestingly enough I could care less...Although the scenery sure is nice lol
I see myself as a recovering simp, but it’s nice to hear you argue against this concept. I definitely went all in, but my efforts were never enough. I just kept up my efforts no matter the negative feedback. I’m now seeing futility of it as a result of my simping behavior. Maybe there’s a deeper meaning here…
Well, I appreciate your honesty there. I think that behavior may originate from a feeling of unworthiness. I’m positive it’s not a valid objective truth. But if you have that feeling about yourself, then it’s hard to get past. If you feel like you need to give more in order to compensate. Since you have an awareness for it, I bet you’ll be much more careful going forward. Just try to catch yourself in the act and stop it when it happens. I’m certain your results will improve overtime. Thanks for sharing, though. I really appreciate it.
@@john-griffin thanks John, that makes sense to me and definitely resonates with my understanding of my past. I’m much more aware and much more cautious now, and hope that I won’t get into trouble again. I’ll do my best!
I understand your point about “going all in”. But I’d suggest to you that this makes your wife MORE likely to divorce you. Wives seem to stay with husbands who are borderline jerks and stick to their own goals and desires. I believe there was a study which showed that the more household chores a husband does, the more likely it is that he’ll wind up divorced.
I think you’re right. I think there is kind of a paradox there too. It’s like you have to do exactly the opposite of what seems to make the most sense in order to get what you want from a woman. If a woman or a screw, instead of turning her to the right you would have to turn her to the left to tighten her up. It’s just the opposite of everything you would imagine. Anyway, I appreciate your input is good.
I totally agree with you here. It seems like women want to get you to the point where they have you wrapped around their finger, 100% and then they say to themselves "mission accomplished, next". I think it has something to do with them needing to be with someone on a higher level than themselves. Subconsciously they probably think that no man above their level would ever give them 100%, so if their current man is giving them 100%, he must be on or below her own level, which of course is never good enough for women, given their hypergamous nature. Always hold back. Give 75% max. Let them always fight for that last 25% constantly. They're like a kitten with a ball of yarn. As soon as you give it to them instead of just dangling a piece of it in front of their face, they lose interest.
I’ve been divorced 2 times. The first wife suffered from a mental disorder developed after giving birth. After her I remarried which was a big mistake. Did not work out. Now I am truely happy being single and thankful for the last 8 years like this. I get to live my own life. So don’t feel sorry for being divorced it will work out well.
In many cases it's not that they don't like you anymore. It's the image of others seemingly more happy on social media that makes many women think the grass is greener somewhere else.
I have absolutely no doubt that only men are in love, and women are in business. I've yet to meet a woman who can understand the level of emotional commitment. The just can't see it. Then the emotional pain which follows when your feelings are just thrown away. I understand we're all different but at some level. After listening to you John, we have very much in common. I'm well over my divorce and have developed feelings for another woman. I suffer from limerence bad. I know her well she is a good friend. I'm so weary of the being in love feeling. I'm thinking the whole thing is just a fantasy I'm trying to make a reality. I do a lot of exercise and it helps me no end. Even at 63, I feel like a kid still. Well, enough said. love your channel. Wish me luck, I'm feeling I'm going to need it.
@@john-griffin I think what you're supposed to do is focus on abundance.. The abundance of love you have for yourself and the abundance of women that are there in case you see any signs of let's say abuse.. Stay abundant thinking.. Leave her and move on to another one
I agree with you, it's not simping, it's growing all in. My real problem was being nice to a miserable person. You cannot make a miserable person happy, it's not going to work. I was more devastated then she was in the end, because she didn't try!!
You give it your all. Then the betrayal. The best thing you can do for yourself is to walk away quietly. And take care of yourself. Yes, they rarely put any effort in. It is painful.
The hardest part is going to places alone that you use frequent with the ex wife.Its especially hard that she initiated the divorce and wiped me out in divorce court. Every day I'm reminded of all I lost.I will most probably have to move states or even the country I think .
The day that my wife moved out was one of the happiest days of my life. Should have happened many years sooner! Her second marriage lasted only four years. He kicked her out. I bet he celebrates the day she left also lol
My first wife is now divorced for the 3rd time. Has a criminal record, was a serial cheater, now she's a lonely drunk, I did not give in when she asked for an open marriage, simply told her to get a divorce, she then paternity frauded me, claiming that I was the only possible father of her love child, at that time there were no dna tests, I had no way to prove otherwise, but when they became available, I had proof and she had some explaining to do to our daughter and the "son" that she said I was the father of. Plus her 3rd husband that was told I was the boys father. I enjoyed watching her squirm. My life since the divorce has been great, I learned to prioritize myself , and only except people in my life that do not interfere with my goals. Now 67 wealthy, healthy, and surrounded with friends.
@@WeeklyHealthShowno doubt.... I once had a live-in girlfriend powerful attorney that was cheating on me with a married partner in her firm... When she broke up she wrote me a check for $10,000 and told me I don't love him I love you.. Haha crazy person..were free now
Im 36 going through a rough patch which i believe is going to end in divorce. Its just so toxic and unnecessary anymore. I used to bend over backwards trying to fix everything all the time and always the first to initiate reconciliation after a argument. Now ive just checked out. No woman is worth your peace. Ive re connected with who i used to be. She was my highschool sweetheart and its sad that how things have become.
I agree. I have found that it helps is you consider that people replace all of their cells every few years. That means they become someone new. So, in a way, the girl you fell in love with is gone. The one who is here now is completely different in every way. She may look similar, but she is not the same. Good luck.
@john-griffin what I'm also upset about is the thought that I'm going to loose half of my assets. I've created everything on my own. I bought and paid for everything. She's never seen a mortgage repayment or household bill in her life. I wanted to be the traditional provider and take care of everything on my own. I've sacrificed so much time. I'm slowly making peace with the situation and being easy on myself. Finding someone to talk to is hard. Dads past away, my siblings have young families to look after. I don't want to burden anyone. It's a lonely time. But I'm sure I'll get through it somehow. What's helping the most is maintaining self respect. No drugs or alcohol smoking. Keeping a clean diet and the gym. I haven't got it all worked out, I'm taking it as it comes. But being healthy and clear minded is the best shot at finding the best outcome for yourself. What a mess. What a life. Looking forward to better times to come.
I know if this isn’t gonna be very satisfying, but in a few years, she will probably experience some kind of financial disaster. She will probably have a nervous break down and there’s a good chance that she will drive her entire life into a huge dumpster fire. When that happens, You can just quietly smile and turn away.
@Nerantzaki thanks for sharing. Be assured, you are not alone. There are millions of men who are in your situation. We did what we thought was right but it seems that society and culture doesn't value that anymore. All we can do is invest in ourselves and be authentic. Sending best wishes my brother
Separated 5 years, anothe 2 to 3 years she will be back when her life choices fail her. Men look up & move forward positively, life is great without a ball & chain.
I think that for most people, living life on your own terms just makes more sense. I know there are some who enjoy a partner, but the trade-offs are often just not worth it. thanks!
I don’t know how applicable this is but today I would’ve been married 40 years. It lasted 33, but the last 10 we didn’t have a marriage. It’s bittersweet that it ended, but it was for the best for both of us. I want to say that we certainly can find happiness after divorce. I’m not looking for a guy to make me happy, I look for ME to make me happy. I wished him a happy anniversary and sent him a funny pic of us. We maintain a friendship, and it makes all the difference in the world to not hold hostility.
37 years divorced here and the peace and happiness had been like a slow burn, increasing little by little until now, life is INCREDIBLE! So-called intimacy can vaporize overnight in any "romantic" relationship because it's mostly built on the shifting sands of emotions and feelies, which usually cause totally unnecessary drama. Stick to being single with close friends, great relationships with your kids and family and just SPANK IT for the other part. Your happiness is virtually guaranteed.
As a 35 year old in a long-term relationship, your videos have been the best help. Love your take on the SIMP. The issue with Young men today is they are playing a game they know nothing about. If you had a father like the one he described who takes a backseat, the reality is we were not taught the proper way to build a 'Healthy' relationship with a woman. too many of my guy friends over-commit too soon. Every couple seems to buy a house, life altering decisions within 1 year of dating. Everyone wants to do what their parents did, but with very little understanding of the environment our parents got married in. YOUNG MEN NEED TO WATCH YOUR VIDEOS OR SIMILAR TYPE VIDEOS. Great work
For me, divorced twice what I did is to get in shape and hobbies. I invest myself in road cycling which really helps me a lot both physically and mentally. Get into group or often time solo ride. I know it’s hard but will get better and life being single again it’s better.
We can be incredibly hard on ourselves as men but looking back over the last 10 years since I was ejected into the gutter, I have absolutely smashed it. 6 years as a coastguard cliff rescue tech, sailor with thousands of miles sailed, maximised my surfing, dated several beautiful women (not the answer by the way and now happy alone), maxed out my career reaching the top job... it's been a dream not a nightmare.
@@uctom7364 it takes some time to get used to being solo if you're used to being with a woman 24/7, but you are free now and you can do anything you want, anytime you want. All those dreams and ideas for yourself as a man are now waiting for you to grab them.
I dont think anyone goes into a marriage with expectation of divorce. You tried did your best and hopefully you can recover from it. Try see women from a neutral perspective not your source of happiness. Think with upstairs more than downstairs. They actually do reveal everything to you what they are like you just need to pay attention.
And yes, Gratitude. For some of the things I received thanks to being with her. Some of it indirect, through her friends and associates, accelerated by my own efforts. Some of it through luck and preferences that left me stable and secure. When a woman gives you a family, be grateful. But not obligated beyond the effort you've already put in. When her behavior changes, you must change, too.
Dude , you gambled everything and lost . Please learn from this and don’t repeat how you treat women . They say they want to be treated like a queen and then if you do , they lose respect for you . Get on your purpose and “invite “ a woman to align with your life’s goals . It’s a delicate balance to be a leader and a lover . No more dumping to a woman . They must follow you as you are the leader . Good luck
Yes Sir, Divorce means picking up the pieces of your broken heart and moving on reflecting on what got you here. It is making sure you are taking care of your self time. Whatever it takes ! Lean on God, Family, friend's, therapist, and strangers. Spend time alone and in Nature if possible eat right and exercise as this will reduce anxiety and stress. Do your hobbies work like hell and blow off some steam doing something fun or challenging and surround yourself with positive people. Eliminate the narcissistic and negative people from your life. Forgive and let what she did go or you will get bitter, angry, sick, and depressed. It is all easier said than done, but you must do this for yourself and all who surround you as they benefit by seeing you as a better best version of yourself again each day. I wish each of you guys going through divorce the very best in life as you all deserve better ! I got divorced in 2018 one month after I retired from Teaching after 33 years. I had to reinvent myself as I was not done working. The most difficult thing was just when I was feeling better and get back on the dating saddle Covid hit. The thing called dating was done ! Women and Men from what I have seen are divided. The Women out there that I have things in common with are harder than ever to find. Covid, divorce, isolation, social media, politics, entitlement, no accountability, narcissm, anger toward Men, unhappiness, un cooperative behavior, drugs, and toxic Feminism created alot of lonely crazy people that has damaged relationship building and dating. I believe dating is in a terrible state and I am better off single at 63 ? Thank you for the wonderful work on your channel John ! You are helping people ! Tc
It's like being stabbed in the back through my heart, then she pulled out my heart and put it in the blender. While looking at me the while time . But it's making me better physically, mentally, and spiritually. And starting my business again.
Two women get married...85% divorce rate. Two men get married...15% divorce rate. A man and a woman get married...70% divorce rate. It is obvious which gender is the culprit here‼️ The percentages are approximate.
People come and people go. Don't hold on to changing circumstances, keep your mind centred in your core. That's where happiness lies. Maybe being left is a gift? I am given an opportunity to find myself. That's priceless.
Sorry about what you and your family are going through with your mom. Sounds like you are a wonderful son looking after your parent and giving her love, respect and help. Congratulations on your new rebirth of life after a long term relationship ending. One of the best things I learned after the fact is to have healthy boundaries for yourself and most importantly with other people. Enjoy. Aloha from Hawaii.
@@john-griffin I'm sure you have plenty of fond memories. Hawaii does change however it's still paradise. Congratulations growing your channel. Take care and don't burn out. Many people enjoy your wisdom. Aloha.
I doubt he has any experience of these things. He has always had all of these things, and plenty of them I assume. Maybe you could do a video about it, in case you do have such experience?
That’s extremely difficult. I am very comfortable being on my own for extended periods of time. But I have to admit having my kids around and seeing people throughout the day certainly makes my life much better. I’m gonna put some thought into it. Thanks for the suggestion.
John, to be a simp there is a aspect of non-mutual respect or benefit combined with submission. If you did things for your wife and she, for example, never engaged in intimacy with you, then you may be a simp. If you have a largely two way relationship, where both parties are respected and gain some benefit then you are not a simp. All in commitment != simping.
Lots of appreciation for your time to record these videos; this is applicable to losing a best friend you never married, but you’ve known each other for so long too. Just how to keep the spirit up and live every day to the fullest.
It’s not that hard with a strong mindset of putting yourself first in life even if children are involved Your no good to anyone a mess Self care and yourself are priorities
6:17 Women who divorce men look at themselves in the mirror and look their kids everyday while collecting checks from you. Absolutely go all in but with eyes wide open. Simping is not keeping your eyes open to women’s nature 😂🎉
Thanks for your channel John ‘ I hope you get some salvation from it two Simps are great fathers’ kind , involved generous, the unfortunate side affect is if you put her on a pedestal then she eventually loses respect and attraction for you
I never went through the limerence phase nor did I marry my gorgeous partner of many years. Perhaps that's why we are still madly in love and together...
After 18 years of marriage my husband wants a divorce and cannot give me a straight answer of why, but I think at 61 years old he just wants to live alone now. we never had any real issues in our marriage and got along pretty well. It was such a shock when he told me that he is filing for divorce. It's breaking my heart because I just don't understand why he wants to do this
I understand how you feel. My wife did the same. I expect a mid-life crisis. How has your sex life been recently? If intimacy has been lacking for a while, then it may be that.
Thanks For the Insight from a male perspective. Good to know because I had some health issues that did hamper that part of our life, but I am healed now but it doesn't seem to matter to him
To be honest, living like lonely Wolf is so much better, than living like others (party, drunk, sex, drugs, work what makes me fury, build relationshit, gett marry, gett kids and family, take loan and buy "own" house, and working in plant for endless duty, and pay the loan for 30-40 years). I'll never slaver, just free like Wolf. I like movie Road to Paloma, where Jason Momoa runs from Federals a half year, he cover, living like homeless, he traveling on old Harley Davidson, and he dont have any duty, just living free. I like it.
@@TheKarlslok Have no kids, have wife what she respect my lifestyle, no loan, and we can safe more money for everything what we wants. But, freedom like in movie, sometimes I wish for this. Just only for 7 days or one month . Pick only needs on my motorcycle, and try traveling to Spain, Italy, Serbia, Greek. Maybe next year.
@@john-griffin The story is about one Mohawk Indian, what vengence death his mother against a guy, who murdered her. The problem is, when white male killed Indian person in reservation. And then, he try hiding from Federals. He works only for a little cash, living nowhere... such a good movie like Easy Rider.
Yes John. I agree about putting 100% but if she starts doing behaviors that push boundaries and tries to steal my self respect, i put a stop immediately. Zero tolerance. But if she is a single mom and created the fatherless home situation for her kids, that could be a huge red flag. Most deliberately create a fatherless environment because she wants to establish head of household status, i immediately walk away because there is a high probability that she will do the same thing to me. I'm going to be head of household in my home.
And would like to add, keep walking and talking, your thoughts / chats , have helped me square away some things and I got divorced 18yrs ago. Some things I didn't even know were lingering. So your video dairy / video journal is laying out a really helpful foundation of information that would help alot of men and I think you could consider collating your thoughts to another medium. Again thank you and God bless.
There are some good women in this world. The problem is if you get married again and get divorced they're all the same. Did you forget that you're going to be burnt.
Wow you seem to have been a real blessing to your wife. ❤ I'm glad you tried your best . I did too with my husband and he left but my conscience is clear also❤
I am sorry you had such a bad experience. I am a woman. I would never assume my husband has to make me happy. I work on my own garden, my own life and he works on his. OUr responsibility is to others to a certain extent but mostly to ourselves. It's up to the other person to find their happiness and share it. Sounds like she was demanding, exhausting, unreasonable.
She wasn’t so bad. She was just a little bit narcissistic, a little bit depressed, and suffered from anxiety. Those diagnosis didn’t come until after we had divorced. But she’s on her way to getting better. Thanks.
John, what you are doing is amazing, like the best therapy under the sun. How you talk, where you do it, hits the center of the center. I am 45, in the middle of divorce madness. The woman I loved with all my heart is acting like my number 1 enemy. Manipulating the kids, playing the victim, no evidence and constantly shouting give me this and that, alimony, money. I am doing everything you advise. To all watching, just keep going, keep growing stronger. there is hope. All the best from Poland✊
I can't stop replying lol. I know what you are saying, my god I'm sure a lot of men can say the same. We are truly not the same animals. It's almost unreal that we have to put up with it!!
I don't think your simp in this case. As you said, marriage does require an "all in" attitude from the man and the woman. It just looks like your EX was really never "all in".
Just last night, while at work and speaking to my coworker about my weekend plans, he said "Man, I'm tired of being married and wish i was single". I was sharing with him my upcoming out of town weekend trip to meet up with my buddies. Made me think of domesticated cats watching out a window, thinking of how much fun it would be to be free and wild.
I really like your chats. You are a very intelligent, decent, genuine and empathetic person. Thankfully, I have gone through all of this and I can say that this advice is spot on.
I would counter "All in" with needing a strong measure of Red Pill wisdom about female nature, and to be aware of red flag warnings and behavior changes. All the fun at first gets you hooked, and your objectivity vanishes. Get it back and don't lie to yourself. Sometimes it's the woman who checks out first, and you need to stay ahead of that process and the reasons for it.
If I was Redpill educated back In high school my life would’ve infinitely improved. Not understanding women I let them put me an emotional rollercoaster that killed my dreams
You're simping not when you go all in but when you don't get into the relationship from the position of strength and leadership which you clearly didn't.
Sounds like the first mistake was to put that woman on a pedestal and make her the center of your life! Overtime she lost respect and then the love she had for you. When she went back to work after being a stay at home mom she was already there. It was a sign the world you built her wasn’t enough. And no doubt everything went downhill from there. I get it! I didn’t the same thing! It was slow, as my friends and then hobbies went to the wayside. Even my career was pushed to the side for her’s to flush. Once she started making more money, the dynamic started to change. Then came the demands, the disrespect and the cheating. Some could say I lucked out because she finally saw the grass wasn’t greener but by then I was 100% out emotionally. She ended her life a few months after I filed for divorce. What sucks is her three children were devastated and forever lost their mom. It was certainly an emotional roller coaster for me and the kids.
I've been divorced for the 2nd time for 14 years now. It was about 5 years into my new single life before I really began to feel like myself again. I found a good job, got a little house in a small town that I knew well, and now I'm just enjoying life as much as I can. I don't date, don't want anything to do with that scene, and I'm content with what I have. I doubt I will ever marry again, a third divorce is something I would like to avoid at all costs. To find a wife you need to search for her, and I'm just not up for that again. I love being single at 56 and I'm never giving that up.
I found that being the savior to someone other than me I found that I didn’t have to deal with myself as long as I was helping them. I couldn’t stand being with myself so I would seek out someone who was crying and I would never ask myself if they made themselves cry.
you are saying someone have to go all in to have a successful marriage, but you were all in and yet it did not work for you. for me I wont put all my eggs in one basket.
That's the irony today.... the man can go all in, work like a dog, labor, do without, and she can run across a divorce lawyer ad that gets the ball rolling.
Have enjoyed amny of you videos along with this one. The only word I would have replaced was the one where you were talking about not giving up sex for the rest of your life. At this time, I do not see great sex as a motivator to me. I played the hobby for over 33 years of my adult life and my second divorce killed that energy. I love each day as it comes and no longer want to have this hobby. But I am here at your channel as I am a year divorced this month. I have got a path to where I want to be in a year, 3 years, and 5. Keep bring on your thoughts as we all feel them and we all can relate. But I can always think clearly after post nut, I just do not want to cuddle or ask permission to do anything anymore. 😂
Thanks, I can appreciate where you’re coming from. I do believe that sex can be a trap. But I also would like to believe there is the possibility of a path forward with a good woman. I may be wrong and I’m open to that possibility. I’m not clinging to the possibility that someone’s gonna pop into my life. But at the same time, I don’t wanna shut the door on it either. I certainly understand your approach. I have certainly had those thoughts myself. Thanks for your input.
@@john-griffin John, you sound like a great man, well thought out and solid foundation. I too am that guy, and I did my divorce video on the day I rode to the court house. Did a tobacco review, got my divorce. We are better together, but when looking at the last 40 years of programming that men have become weak and women have become men, I wish you luck. I go out from time to time to breweries and just listen to the chatter and always am thankful that I am not with the a woman that can never be happy it seems to me. I will continue to see what you have up your sleeve. Thanks for the communication back and forth.
@@john-griffinon a positive note we're very quickly approaching the point where Android women... Will be able to reciprocate a loving relationship.. Of course that Android will be made by a man whose romantic... And we can make a male Android that is abusive to all the females.. And then everyone will be happy.. Or should I say miserable if you're a woman😮😮
I never sold my soul to my wife, sacrificed my life on the wedding altar, nor did I die in divorce court, so no rebirth was necessary. I simply sucked it up, took it like a man, and vowed to never let it happen again. In 25 years, I have been good to my word. All we can do is live, love, and learn, while becoming the very best we can be.
@@jacksquat4140 Amen brother
Must be a hell of a lot easier to do when you are not alienated from your children
@@jeffbush7764 yes, some have it much easier than others. Hang in there, there are always alternatives and new families and new connections, the world's a big place
@@jeffbush7764: I hear you and you're as right as rain.
Two years ago, I became wheelchair-bound, was served divorce papers, and found myself homeless on the street. I never thought this would happen to me after spending ten years raising two stepchildren and two children of my own. I will never marry again. I learned my lesson the hard way, losing everything, including the family I cherished.
Damn. So much for 'through thick and thin.'
Sorry to hear that, that’s pretty bad.
Pay attention guys if you’re single or thinking about marrying again.
Man, that is one of the most terrible stories I have ever heard. No one deserves that. I hope you were able to pick yourself up and make a new life for yourself. Best wishes.
They'll always leave you at lowest point in your life. Most don't have a soul.
Wow…so sorry to hear of your loss. I don’t know what to say…I will say a prayer for you. I am going through this right now.
John, just so you know YOU ARE A MAJOR PLAYER with this excellent material. You are talking DIRECTLY to the wounded heart of every man who has been put through the wringer. Well done and keep it up. You are talking from the heart, an honest, true heart which has learned its value.❤
Wow, thank you! I really appreciate that
💯 I couldn’t have said it better myself
I third that motion.
After this video, I hit the sub button
Hi John, I am going through this shitshow right now. You nailed it for me as I am having difficulty with this fact. “You have to forgive yourself” - This is so hard for me.
I had a great career, was on the way up in life, had options but I chose poorly.
29 years later and three children. The mess this woman has left me to deal with is hard to fathom.
I lift every day and am in excellent shape. I travel often and don’t care much anymore.
At 57, I just want peace. Thank you for your videos…you may have saved a life.
Stay strong. You'll be all right.
Thanks. This shall pass! I just keep it in mind.
Thanks. This shall pass! I just keep it in mind.
That forgiveness part is hard, even if you didn't do any of the things women blame us for leaving a marriage. We still feel we have failed not just the X, but our kids and close family. My wake up came from my father in law when he came to see me about two weeks after she left. I was packing up her things and was covered in dust and cobwebs from packing it up. He looked at and asked what I was doing, I told him, "She left just about everything, I'm boxing it up for her". He said, "You should just throw it out on the curb, it's not your fault". Things got better after that.
Hang in there buddy. You’re not alone…I’m 1.5 years into being single after over 20 years. It gets better slowly.
I’ve been divorced for 8 years now and my life is magical.
I got slammed into the gutter, living in my car with nothing at age 40... from that rebirth I went on to join the coastguard, spent 6 years as a top cliff rescue technician, bought a yacht, moved onboard, sailed thousands of miles... pushed my surfing to another level and now ripping up the waves at age 50. Never felt more content and in control in my whole life. Other relationships have come and gone but now happy alone maximising my sailing and surfing.
Same years happy as f 🎉
@@WildB06 that’s awesome! You should do some videos on it bud. The community could use it.
9 years this year. I feel the same way.
@@minimatemasterworks in 2024 having a woman is like having cancer.
Marriage shouldn’t be a set of hoops to jump through. Life begins after you leave the plantation.
Great metaphor. Nicely said.
A man enters a relationship and gives it his best to make it work...a woman enters a relationship to take whatever she can before ending said relationship‼️
Not exactly a good deal . . .
We never know what’s going on in their heads. You can bet whatever it is, it doesn’t benefit us.
It certainly happens enough times
@@steele4347 that’s true.
@@steele4347 women go through phases in life. It’s pretty common that when they hit their late 20s that they really want a kid and they need a man with money to support that objective. But when they hit 40 or so, they still want their kids and house but they don’t need the man anymore… they just want his money. I think couples would do better if they both just realized that if the wife’s not sucking his D whenever he wants then it’s fine the guy gets a younger and more talented side chick. This would motivate the guy to stay in shape and be productive. It would ward off the depression that comes with being in a dead bedroom and possibly motivate the current wife to compete with the side chick. Everyone wins in this scenario. Women only want to F guys other women want to F so the threat of the guy having a side chick is motivation for the current wife to do a good “job”. And the guy starting to get in good shape and/or going out on dates should motivate the woman to start doing her job.
Obviously, the woman should not be allowed to divorce the guy for having a side chick.
And this is a one way thing. The guy can have a side chick but if his wife Fs another guy then she gets an instant divorce with no cash and prizes.
Problem solved. Everyone happier than how it works now.
When a man becomes content in a relationship is when the problems begin. Time will erode her feelings for you. Women always want the new. New clothes. New restaurants. New experiences. New people and finally a new partner. Constantly trying to make a woman happy will eventually destroy most men. No man needs to be a performing monkey. An important video John. Thank you.
Thanks I really appreciate that
I wouldn't use the word "simp" to describe being a good man in marriage and living up to your responsibilities. I see a lot of men becoming doormats and emasculated because they lose themselves in the marriage and their masculinity, often out of fear of losing their woman. I fell into that trap myself and looking back, I have to take responsibility for that. I didn't stand my ground and guard my frame enough. And when I realized it, it was too little and too late. But my divorce was a an ego-death, a rebirth like you described your birthday (I love that analogy, btw, as it's so true). I was finally able to be free and find my way back to the person I had lost in my marriage. And I emerged stronger, wiser, and not afraid to embrace and live my masculinity.
Really good thoughts on that. I appreciate it. Thanks for your comment.
This is inspiring to read as I did exactly the same thing.
Struggle some days but I know I’m on the right path to rebuilding. 1 year since D-day.
Been Divorced twice. Neither time did I need to be "reborn". It reminded me of getting out of the military; leaving my best friends and brothers behind, but life goes on and there wasn't anything I could do about it. Sh*t happens, so you pick yourself up and move on. It's not a big deal.
Healthy approach. Thanks
so when is the third wedding?
@@john-griffingood advice..wish my ego could have risen to the occasion..I have my issues as well..peace on Earth 🌍
@@WhiteGhost21 Ah, at 75 I have NO interest in women as I don't need an in-home boss. I sold my company and retired to the south of France. Life is good.
The getting out of the military is a good analogy. I did the same.
My peloton bike saved me. Pushing those pedals so hard, sweating so much and feeling the rush of endorphins after each session is way better than anything a therapist could offer.
Yeah, I agree with you completely. Pushing my body hard really helped move a lot of that negative emotion out. I think it’s underrated. Thanks for your input.
@@john-griffin So true. Long walks outdoors have done wonders for me. And it doesn't cost a dime. Same with body weight exercises like push-ups and sit-ups. Investing a few dumbbells and an adjustable bench will work every major muscle group in one's body. Those things along with a good diet will transform one's mind and body.
For those men going through tough times, just hang on and take care of yourself!
Yes .... countless men find (or will find) themself in this situation (at least in the West where women are so called independent and end a relationship because they are so unhappy)
Reach out gentlemen, if you are suffering and going through hell at the moment. There are many men who have been through it and who can offer their story, advice and guidance. Stay strong. Take 1 hour, 1 day at a time. Believe in yourself despite what others say.
This channel is underrated. I expect well over 100k subscribers in the near future. And it has the potential for 500k+ or even 1 million+ , given enough time. Keep up the good work.
Wow, thank you! I really appreciate your feedback. I enjoy making the videos cause I’m out walking my dogs anyway. So it’s a perfect fit for me.
I’m trying to be very careful not to antagonize them too much. But I appreciate your warning. I know how that can be.
If I could press a thousand likes John, I would. And that wouldn't do justice to the wisdom, knowledge, and empathy you deliver in your videos. I would say this has to be your best yet. It's unbelievable how many of us are living parallel lives.
I am finally just going to have to move on. Took her back and found out even worse things that would make any man vomit.
Keep them coming, you really know how it is and offer very good advice and solutions. I hope that you are also able to not relapse like I did, but the all in forces you to do everything and accept everything to save it, but it eats away at you and you have to realise it's over and can never be as it was.
The beginning, yes, perfect, but when you find out that she's not the person you idolised it gets very tough.
I am now an avid follower.
Greetings from Vienna, Steven.
Thanks a lot to you and I really appreciate your feedback. Some lessons are very expensive to learn. So it’s important to just learn them once. If I ever venture back into the dating scene, I will be extraordinarily careful. I’m really glad you’re enjoying my videos and I’m glad that you’re finding them useful. Thanks again.
Yes John, they are useful. The level headed approach is very reassuring. I am one of the victims of your previous video about the rebound affect and my wife helped me through the process of the very nasty divorce I was going through. Now nearly 30 years later I'm going through it again, but on a different level and scale.
I look forwards to your next insights. I did mention in a previous comment about looking at the lying characteristics. I think you mentioned the image side of what they are selling us. One for us and other images of themselves for others depending on the situation. This is tough to swallow as know, men are generally honest and do notry to be someone else than they are.
You were very right about the person who is inside of you and you have to find that person who survived without her and got you to your value in your life. Self respect and believing in yourself is critical when going through this stuff. The forgiveness part is something I have never been able to do, especially the previous one due to my kids with her. Now my current kids are old enough to see for themselves and we were a family. It's very very sad that the modern world encourages women to leave their men and "live again" as my wife puts it. She's 12 years younger and looks even younger than she is. Like you said about your wife, mine is also very attractive🤷♂️
John,
I would say you were a "nice guy" in your marriage. Have you read the book, No More Mr. Nice Guy" By Dr. Robert Glover... Highly recommended.
IMO a simp is a man who gives the locus of control to women. Whether it be financial, feelings, boundaries, ETC....
My takeaway from my 23-year marriage is:
IF I decide to get involved again:
1) I will let my needs be known... Sex is my need. it will be fun and frequent or I'm out.
2) Have clear boundaries with consequences.
3) My masculinity will be NOT hidden nor apologized for.
And so much more.
Excellent points. Thanks for your input. I think you’ve got a good path forward and a good healthy attitude. I appreciate that.
My rebirth happened eight years ago at age 54. Now at age 62, I am just entering puberty 2.0 brother John!!! 😆😁
I’m 54 now and going through my divorce. Looking forward to entering my puberty 2.0!
@@vidiot9000 - Rock on brother!! 👊💪
Oh, I like that! Puberty 2.0! All the juice and now you’ve got the brains to go with it. That sounds like fun.
@@john-griffin 💪😁
Going all in has to be a two way street
@@searchersearcher8286 💯
It rarely happens that way. Women usually look how they can benefit from a relationship. Too many women won’t even put in the bare minimum in. It is all about them.
The only thing I would disagee with is about surrounding yourself with other people. That can be a mistake. They will just tell you what you want to hear to make you feel better. To really heal and improve you need to go on a long solo voyage deep into yourself to find the answers.
Good advice
The point of having other people around is for their protective effect: to avoid descending into a pit of despair, coping in isolation through unhealthy means that put you at even more risk of bad consequences. Not everyone needs that...though what is needed isn't always so clear to depressed people. But you are right, their help is at most a transient assist in catalyzing your own efforts to pick yourself up, reclaim your dignity, reforge your sense of purpose, and begin a new reinvigorated life.
I feel like I've been divorced 3 times, but haven't been married yet. Just from relationships that, honestly, I knew from the beginning that they probably wouldn't work out. At least didn't get married then divorced - no legal issues. But the heart-ache is still real.
Are you going to try again? And again? Or have you learned anything yet?
You don’t need to be married to feel like you’ve been walked on. I’ve certainly had that experience too.
Tom Brady, Brad Pitt....women leave men. It doesn't matter who you are or what you do. Its in their nature and its just what they do, I wouldn't take it personal. When you learn their nature, then you know that "long-term" you are on this journey alone. Nothing has to be forever and You can still enjoy each and every ride. And hopefully you can have some positive impacts on the younger generations to bring them along.
@@john-griffinget a dog🎉🎉
@@marty906 l was married 20 years to a Cover Narcissist who tried to rinse me for everything through the divorce courts and failed.
Fell hard for a widow after the divorce who dumped me out of the blue one day last Summer for reasons unstated and that hurt way more. Worst heartbreak of my life. I still miss her, she saw the good in me in a way my wife never did. Dating a widow is *complex*. I wish her well.
Currently learning to be alone and be okay with that. Learning to be me now, as I definitely lose too much of myself in romantic relationships. Planning a long cycle camping tour, hopefully round the world. Go and see the world while I have my health.
Keen insight brother. 54 never married. Highly doubt I ever will.
Thanks I’m glad you like the video
Smart move, Eric.
Not hard once you understand female nature.
62 and never been married and never even as a kid saw marriage as anything but a bad idea.
God seems to love you 😊
The person who knows you the best....and oddly enough, is just as apt to emotionally kick you in the teeth.
👍
😂😂
...truth
They know all your weaknesses, your routines, everything ! It's just a disaster waiting to happen, and it eventually will, when one of her mood swings goes a little too far !
@jamesbarbour8400 Too true, and after we open up and talk and they later use that against us, they wonder why we are reluctant to be open again.
💯
Males commit to their partner, females commit to being supported by another
Wow, I am glad to find your Channel. I am a 40 year old single male and never had a girlfriend. I remember in my 20s and 30s wishing any girl would just settle for me. It never occurred to me that she might still be unhappy with me after 20 years if I tried my best. I appreciate your insights.
Thanks!
Man, forgiving yourself is HUGE. I’ve come to realize that nothing would have changed if I did anything differently. I don’t regret my relationship with this person, but I deeply regret the marriage because that was a mistake. I’ve learned how to better judge character, and to stay away from amateur models who thrive on attention. She moved on super quick, but when I realized I didn’t care, that’s when I knew I was free-I still have a lot of work to do, no doubt about that, but the empire is all mine!
For all my friends online going through divorce it gets better.
Thanks
married for 24 years, recently divorced. I, like you “went all in”. That was a mistake.
You are not alone brother. The society and culture encourages men to go all in, but then leaves us ruthlessly exposed. Much too risky in 2024.
Women never leave until they have their eye on someone else. Regardless of what they tell you.
I think it's not necessarily the case that the woman always has an eye on "someone else" but definitely, I believe it's true that they have an eye on "something else" - a picture of how they imagine thier life would be better when they are not bound to you by a marriage".
100% walking is my therapy...I am in Colombia and walking 20k steps 7 days a week...I got separated from my wife of 12 years,1 year ago....Walking and talking to a therapist are the 2 things that kept me from going insane...I moved to Colombia to see if a country full of stunners would divert my attention...Interestingly enough I could care less...Although the scenery sure is nice lol
Wow! You certainly wanted to get as far away as you could! Keep walking! Eventually, the anger subsides and you are good.
I see myself as a recovering simp, but it’s nice to hear you argue against this concept. I definitely went all in, but my efforts were never enough. I just kept up my efforts no matter the negative feedback. I’m now seeing futility of it as a result of my simping behavior. Maybe there’s a deeper meaning here…
Well, I appreciate your honesty there. I think that behavior may originate from a feeling of unworthiness. I’m positive it’s not a valid objective truth. But if you have that feeling about yourself, then it’s hard to get past. If you feel like you need to give more in order to compensate. Since you have an awareness for it, I bet you’ll be much more careful going forward. Just try to catch yourself in the act and stop it when it happens. I’m certain your results will improve overtime. Thanks for sharing, though. I really appreciate it.
@@john-griffin thanks John, that makes sense to me and definitely resonates with my understanding of my past. I’m much more aware and much more cautious now, and hope that I won’t get into trouble again. I’ll do my best!
When is it simping..nd when is it just being a good human being??
@@HANZELVANDERLAAY when you get taken advantage of.
@@HANZELVANDERLAAY 💯🎯
The word simp is just a cheap shot from people who oftentimes haven't been "in the trenches" of an all-in marriage themselves.
I understand your point about “going all in”. But I’d suggest to you that this makes your wife MORE likely to divorce you. Wives seem to stay with husbands who are borderline jerks and stick to their own goals and desires. I believe there was a study which showed that the more household chores a husband does, the more likely it is that he’ll wind up divorced.
I think you’re right. I think there is kind of a paradox there too. It’s like you have to do exactly the opposite of what seems to make the most sense in order to get what you want from a woman. If a woman or a screw, instead of turning her to the right you would have to turn her to the left to tighten her up. It’s just the opposite of everything you would imagine. Anyway, I appreciate your input is good.
I totally agree with you here. It seems like women want to get you to the point where they have you wrapped around their finger, 100% and then they say to themselves "mission accomplished, next". I think it has something to do with them needing to be with someone on a higher level than themselves. Subconsciously they probably think that no man above their level would ever give them 100%, so if their current man is giving them 100%, he must be on or below her own level, which of course is never good enough for women, given their hypergamous nature. Always hold back. Give 75% max. Let them always fight for that last 25% constantly. They're like a kitten with a ball of yarn. As soon as you give it to them instead of just dangling a piece of it in front of their face, they lose interest.
I’ve been divorced 2 times. The first wife suffered from a mental disorder developed after giving birth. After her I remarried which was a big mistake. Did not work out. Now I am truely happy being single and thankful for the last 8 years like this. I get to live my own life. So don’t feel sorry for being divorced it will work out well.
Sad@ 1st wife's misfortune
Unfortunately guys are all in…Women are only half in.
True
In many cases it's not that they don't like you anymore. It's the image of others seemingly more happy on social media that makes many women think the grass is greener somewhere else.
That is so true. It’s an unfortunate reality of our time.
@@john-griffinentitled acting dreamers..oh well
🙏 Sorry for your mum, hang in there
Thanks
I have absolutely no doubt that only men are in love, and women are in business.
I've yet to meet a woman who can understand the level of emotional commitment. The just can't see it.
Then the emotional pain which follows when your feelings are just thrown away.
I understand we're all different but at some level.
After listening to you John, we have very much in common.
I'm well over my divorce and have developed feelings for another woman. I suffer from limerence bad. I know her well she is a good friend. I'm so weary of the being in love feeling. I'm thinking the whole thing is just a fantasy I'm trying to make a reality.
I do a lot of exercise and it helps me no end. Even at 63, I feel like a kid still.
Well, enough said. love your channel.
Wish me luck, I'm feeling I'm going to need it.
Yup...well u r aware ..now .. that helps 🎉
Just don’t let your heart make legal and major financial decisions. Good luck 🍀
@@john-griffin I think what you're supposed to do is focus on abundance..
The abundance of love you have for yourself and the abundance of women that are there in case you see any signs of let's say abuse..
Stay abundant thinking..
Leave her and move on to another one
Marriage is usually a sham. Be happy the sham is over and move on.
Truth
I agree with you, it's not simping, it's growing all in. My real problem was being nice to a miserable person. You cannot make a miserable person happy, it's not going to work. I was more devastated then she was in the end, because she didn't try!!
You give it your all. Then the betrayal. The best thing you can do for yourself is to walk away quietly. And take care of yourself. Yes, they rarely put any effort in. It is painful.
Another good video! There is most definitely life after divorce, and it can be a very good one. It’s up to us to make it happen.
A lot of the commenters have great ideas
The hardest part is going to places alone that you use frequent with the ex wife.Its especially hard that she initiated the divorce and wiped me out in divorce court. Every day I'm reminded of all I lost.I will most probably have to move states or even the country I think .
This Channel WILL soon hit 100,000 subscribers! Excellent content and very needed in the mens community... 👍👍
Wow, thank you! I definitely appreciate your feedback
The day that my wife moved out was one of the happiest days of my life. Should have happened many years sooner!
Her second marriage lasted only four years. He kicked her out.
I bet he celebrates the day she left also lol
Sounds like she was a real special one. Thanks for your note.
My first wife is now divorced for the 3rd time. Has a criminal record, was a serial cheater, now she's a lonely drunk, I did not give in when she asked for an open marriage, simply told her to get a divorce, she then paternity frauded me, claiming that I was the only possible father of her love child, at that time there were no dna tests, I had no way to prove otherwise, but when they became available, I had proof and she had some explaining to do to our daughter and the "son" that she said I was the father of. Plus her 3rd husband that was told I was the boys father. I enjoyed watching her squirm. My life since the divorce has been great, I learned to prioritize myself , and only except people in my life that do not interfere with my goals. Now 67 wealthy, healthy, and surrounded with friends.
That’s an incredible story. You should write a book.
@@WeeklyHealthShowno doubt.... I once had a live-in girlfriend powerful attorney that was cheating on me with a married partner in her firm...
When she broke up she wrote me a check for $10,000 and told me I don't love him I love you..
Haha crazy person..were free now
Great counsel John, your channel is providing a great service and i think will be widely appreciated.
It doesn't seem like the woman goes "all in" huh?
Im 36 going through a rough patch which i believe is going to end in divorce. Its just so toxic and unnecessary anymore. I used to bend over backwards trying to fix everything all the time and always the first to initiate reconciliation after a argument. Now ive just checked out. No woman is worth your peace. Ive re connected with who i used to be. She was my highschool sweetheart and its sad that how things have become.
I agree. I have found that it helps is you consider that people replace all of their cells every few years. That means they become someone new. So, in a way, the girl you fell in love with is gone. The one who is here now is completely different in every way. She may look similar, but she is not the same. Good luck.
@john-griffin what I'm also upset about is the thought that I'm going to loose half of my assets. I've created everything on my own. I bought and paid for everything. She's never seen a mortgage repayment or household bill in her life. I wanted to be the traditional provider and take care of everything on my own. I've sacrificed so much time. I'm slowly making peace with the situation and being easy on myself. Finding someone to talk to is hard. Dads past away, my siblings have young families to look after. I don't want to burden anyone. It's a lonely time. But I'm sure I'll get through it somehow. What's helping the most is maintaining self respect. No drugs or alcohol smoking. Keeping a clean diet and the gym.
I haven't got it all worked out, I'm taking it as it comes. But being healthy and clear minded is the best shot at finding the best outcome for yourself. What a mess. What a life. Looking forward to better times to come.
I know if this isn’t gonna be very satisfying, but in a few years, she will probably experience some kind of financial disaster. She will probably have a nervous break down and there’s a good chance that she will drive her entire life into a huge dumpster fire. When that happens, You can just quietly smile and turn away.
@Nerantzaki thanks for sharing. Be assured, you are not alone. There are millions of men who are in your situation. We did what we thought was right but it seems that society and culture doesn't value that anymore. All we can do is invest in ourselves and be authentic. Sending best wishes my brother
"All in, i gave it all" and at the end you hear "i'm not happy, divorce" sounds like a crappy reward)
Separated 5 years, anothe 2 to 3 years she will be back when her life choices fail her.
Men look up & move forward positively, life is great without a ball & chain.
Being separated for 2 years. Life is magical. And I'm a woman.
Single life is wonderful is not just a man thing. It depends on circumstances
I think that for most people, living life on your own terms just makes more sense. I know there are some who enjoy a partner, but the trade-offs are often just not worth it. thanks!
Remember, Gentlmen, she's never really yours, it's just your turn
At least you can’t wipe the grin off when you ask
WHO THE HELL WANTS TO TAKE THIS LEASE OFF MY HANDS !
I don’t know how applicable this is but today I would’ve been married 40 years. It lasted 33, but the last 10 we didn’t have a marriage. It’s bittersweet that it ended, but it was for the best for both of us. I want to say that we certainly can find happiness after divorce. I’m not looking for a guy to make me happy, I look for ME to make me happy. I wished him a happy anniversary and sent him a funny pic of us. We maintain a friendship, and it makes all the difference in the world to not hold hostility.
37 years divorced here and the peace and happiness had been like a slow burn, increasing little by little until now, life is INCREDIBLE! So-called intimacy can vaporize overnight in any "romantic" relationship because it's mostly built on the shifting sands of emotions and feelies, which usually cause totally unnecessary drama. Stick to being single with close friends, great relationships with your kids and family and just SPANK IT for the other part. Your happiness is virtually guaranteed.
Thanks
As a 35 year old in a long-term relationship, your videos have been the best help. Love your take on the SIMP. The issue with Young men today is they are playing a game they know nothing about. If you had a father like the one he described who takes a backseat, the reality is we were not taught the proper way to build a 'Healthy' relationship with a woman. too many of my guy friends over-commit too soon. Every couple seems to buy a house, life altering decisions within 1 year of dating. Everyone wants to do what their parents did, but with very little understanding of the environment our parents got married in. YOUNG MEN NEED TO WATCH YOUR VIDEOS OR SIMILAR TYPE VIDEOS. Great work
Thanks! Your comments are filled with great observations. Too much too soon is a recipe for disaster.
For me, divorced twice what I did is to get in shape and hobbies. I invest myself in road cycling which really helps me a lot both physically and mentally. Get into group or often time solo ride. I know it’s hard but will get better and life being single again it’s better.
Sounds great!
We can be incredibly hard on ourselves as men but looking back over the last 10 years since I was ejected into the gutter, I have absolutely smashed it.
6 years as a coastguard cliff rescue tech, sailor with thousands of miles sailed, maximised my surfing, dated several beautiful women (not the answer by the way and now happy alone), maxed out my career reaching the top job... it's been a dream not a nightmare.
@@WildB06 this is so great to hear and gives me hope. Best wishes from the UK.
My experience is very similar. Thanks for sharing your experience
@@uctom7364 it takes some time to get used to being solo if you're used to being with a woman 24/7, but you are free now and you can do anything you want, anytime you want. All those dreams and ideas for yourself as a man are now waiting for you to grab them.
I dont think anyone goes into a marriage with expectation of divorce. You tried did your best and hopefully you can recover from it. Try see women from a neutral perspective not your source of happiness. Think with upstairs more than downstairs. They actually do reveal everything to you what they are like you just need to pay attention.
And yes, Gratitude. For some of the things I received thanks to being with her. Some of it indirect, through her friends and associates, accelerated by my own efforts. Some of it through luck and preferences that left me stable and secure. When a woman gives you a family, be grateful. But not obligated beyond the effort you've already put in. When her behavior changes, you must change, too.
Dude , you gambled everything and lost . Please learn from this and don’t repeat how you treat women . They say they want to be treated like a queen and then if you do , they lose respect for you . Get on your purpose and “invite “ a woman to align with your life’s goals . It’s a delicate balance to be a leader and a lover . No more dumping to a woman . They must follow you as you are the leader . Good luck
Thanks! I appreciate the advice.
Yes Sir, Divorce means picking up the pieces of your broken heart and moving on reflecting on what got you here. It is making sure you are taking care of your self time. Whatever it takes ! Lean on God, Family, friend's, therapist, and strangers. Spend time alone and in Nature if possible eat right and exercise as this will reduce anxiety and stress. Do your hobbies work like hell and blow off some steam doing something fun or challenging and surround yourself with positive people. Eliminate the narcissistic and negative people from your life. Forgive and let what she did go or you will get bitter, angry, sick, and depressed. It is all easier said than done, but you must do this for yourself and all who surround you as they benefit by seeing you as a better best version of yourself again each day. I wish each of you guys going through divorce the very best in life as you all deserve better ! I got divorced in 2018 one month after I retired from Teaching after 33 years. I had to reinvent myself as I was not done working. The most difficult thing was just when I was feeling better and get back on the dating saddle Covid hit. The thing called dating was done ! Women and Men from what I have seen are divided. The Women out there that I have things in common with are harder than ever to find. Covid, divorce, isolation, social media, politics, entitlement, no accountability, narcissm, anger toward Men, unhappiness, un cooperative behavior, drugs, and toxic Feminism created alot of lonely crazy people that has damaged relationship building and dating. I believe dating is in a terrible state and I am better off single at 63 ? Thank you for the wonderful work on your channel John ! You are helping people ! Tc
Thanks for all of your insights and comments. I really do appreciate it!
It's like being stabbed in the back through my heart, then she pulled out my heart and put it in the blender. While looking at me the while time .
But it's making me better physically, mentally, and spiritually. And starting my business again.
Two women get married...85% divorce rate.
Two men get married...15% divorce rate.
A man and a woman get married...70% divorce rate.
It is obvious which gender is the culprit here‼️
The percentages are approximate.
Iam not seeing a problem here.
Very close! Thanks
Single life it is
Peter got the correct answer!
Never be a simp! I control my house hold! The moment I don’t she gotta go!
100% zero tolerance on BS, disrespect or manufactured drama.
People come and people go. Don't hold on to changing circumstances, keep your mind centred in your core. That's where happiness lies. Maybe being left is a gift? I am given an opportunity to find myself. That's priceless.
That is true.
This is very insightful. Thank you.
It's really great listening to you. Most helpful. Hopping you have great day.
Thank you! You too!
Sorry about what you and your family are going through with your mom. Sounds like you are a wonderful son looking after your parent and giving her love, respect and help. Congratulations on your new rebirth of life after a long term relationship ending. One of the best things I learned after the fact is to have healthy boundaries for yourself and most importantly with other people. Enjoy. Aloha from Hawaii.
Oh, I enjoy Hawaii! I used to live in Foster Village near the stadium. I went back a few years ago and the whole place has completely changed. Aloha.
@@john-griffin I'm sure you have plenty of fond memories. Hawaii does change however it's still paradise. Congratulations growing your channel. Take care and don't burn out. Many people enjoy your wisdom. Aloha.
you should talk about how it can be for those without kids or any family...or friends...
I doubt he has any experience of these things. He has always had all of these things, and plenty of them I assume. Maybe you could do a video about it, in case you do have such experience?
That’s extremely difficult. I am very comfortable being on my own for extended periods of time. But I have to admit having my kids around and seeing people throughout the day certainly makes my life much better. I’m gonna put some thought into it. Thanks for the suggestion.
John, to be a simp there is a aspect of non-mutual respect or benefit combined with submission. If you did things for your wife and she, for example, never engaged in intimacy with you, then you may be a simp. If you have a largely two way relationship, where both parties are respected and gain some benefit then you are not a simp. All in commitment != simping.
Thanks for your input. I really appreciate that explanation.
A man needs to be confident and never display weakness if she wants to leave you; she isn’t only woman in world so be strong man.
I really like your content. It is done in a proper way. You speak the truth without hyperbole.
Thanks, I really appreciate it. I’m not trying to prove a point to anyone. I just want to address these issues and help people get through them.
Lots of appreciation for your time to record these videos; this is applicable to losing a best friend you never married, but you’ve known each other for so long too. Just how to keep the spirit up and live every day to the fullest.
Thanks for that. You’re absolutely right. Thank you again.
It’s not that hard with a strong mindset of putting yourself first in life even if children are involved
Your no good to anyone a mess
Self care and yourself are priorities
6:17 Women who divorce men look at themselves in the mirror and look their kids everyday while collecting checks from you. Absolutely go all in but with eyes wide open. Simping is not keeping your eyes open to women’s nature 😂🎉
Thanks for your channel John ‘ I hope you get some salvation from it two
Simps are great fathers’ kind , involved generous, the unfortunate side affect is if you put her on a pedestal then she eventually loses respect and attraction for you
Thank you kindly
I never went through the limerence phase nor did I marry my gorgeous partner of many years. Perhaps that's why we are still madly in love and together...
Excellent comment! You really nailed it. Thanks.
i found for me, over 50 dating is more difficult, less options, most have kids, maybe moving to a new country, start a new life, date & have fun?
Sounds like a good plan!
going forward, if i feel any strife in a relationship, i’m out.
After 18 years of marriage my husband wants a divorce and cannot give me a straight answer of why, but I think at 61 years old he just wants to live alone now. we never had any real issues in our marriage and got along pretty well. It was such a shock when he told me that he is filing for divorce. It's breaking my heart because I just don't understand why he wants to do this
I understand how you feel. My wife did the same. I expect a mid-life crisis. How has your sex life been recently? If intimacy has been lacking for a while, then it may be that.
Thanks For the Insight from a male perspective. Good to know because I had some health issues that did hamper that part of our life, but I am healed now but it doesn't seem to matter to him
To be honest, living like lonely Wolf is so much better, than living like others (party, drunk, sex, drugs, work what makes me fury, build relationshit, gett marry, gett kids and family, take loan and buy "own" house, and working in plant for endless duty, and pay the loan for 30-40 years). I'll never slaver, just free like Wolf. I like movie Road to Paloma, where Jason Momoa runs from Federals a half year, he cover, living like homeless, he traveling on old Harley Davidson, and he dont have any duty, just living free. I like it.
I agree.
I’ll check out that movie, sounds good.
Can you live such a free life? Then just do it, if freedom is makes you happy, mate!
It sounds like a nice life. I’m sure it looks great on the screen. I bet it has its downsides though.
@@TheKarlslok Have no kids, have wife what she respect my lifestyle, no loan, and we can safe more money for everything what we wants. But, freedom like in movie, sometimes I wish for this. Just only for 7 days or one month . Pick only needs on my motorcycle, and try traveling to Spain, Italy, Serbia, Greek. Maybe next year.
@@john-griffin The story is about one Mohawk Indian, what vengence death his mother against a guy, who murdered her. The problem is, when white male killed Indian person in reservation. And then, he try hiding from Federals. He works only for a little cash, living nowhere... such a good movie like Easy Rider.
Yes John. I agree about putting 100% but if she starts doing behaviors that push boundaries and tries to steal my self respect, i put a stop immediately. Zero tolerance. But if she is a single mom and created the fatherless home situation for her kids, that could be a huge red flag. Most deliberately create a fatherless environment because she wants to establish head of household status, i immediately walk away because there is a high probability that she will do the same thing to me. I'm going to be head of household in my home.
Great advice. Thanks!
@@john-griffin You bet. I've seen that same pattern with them over and over again.
And would like to add, keep walking and talking, your thoughts / chats , have helped me square away some things and I got divorced 18yrs ago. Some things I didn't even know were lingering. So your video dairy / video journal is laying out a really helpful foundation of information that would help alot of men and I think you could consider collating your thoughts to another medium. Again thank you and God bless.
Thanks for sharing!! I really appreciate your feedback. Thanks again.
There are some good women in this world. The problem is if you get married again and get divorced they're all the same. Did you forget that you're going to be burnt.
This was maybe the 5th video of yours that ive watched so far at best, just hit the sub button
Wow you seem to have been a real blessing to your wife. ❤
I'm glad you tried your best .
I did too with my husband and he left but my conscience is clear also❤
I am sorry you had such a bad experience. I am a woman. I would never assume my husband has to make me happy. I work on my own garden, my own life and he works on his. OUr responsibility is to others to a certain extent but mostly to ourselves. It's up to the other person to find their happiness and share it. Sounds like she was demanding, exhausting, unreasonable.
She wasn’t so bad. She was just a little bit narcissistic, a little bit depressed, and suffered from anxiety. Those diagnosis didn’t come until after we had divorced. But she’s on her way to getting better. Thanks.
John, what you are doing is amazing, like the best therapy under the sun. How you talk, where you do it, hits the center of the center. I am 45, in the middle of divorce madness. The woman I loved with all my heart is acting like my number 1 enemy. Manipulating the kids, playing the victim, no evidence and constantly shouting give me this and that, alimony, money. I am doing everything you advise. To all watching, just keep going, keep growing stronger. there is hope. All the best from Poland✊
Thanks I’m glad this is helping you. It’s really gratifying to me out to know that my experiences are able to help other guys.
I can't stop replying lol.
I know what you are saying, my god I'm sure a lot of men can say the same. We are truly not the same animals. It's almost unreal that we have to put up with it!!
It's kind of embarrassing when I look back at it.
@@john-griffin for all of us 😊
I don't think your simp in this case. As you said, marriage does require an "all in" attitude from the man and the woman. It just looks like your EX was really never "all in".
There is a big difference between commitment and simping, maybe some people will never understand the difference.
Just last night, while at work and speaking to my coworker about my weekend plans, he said "Man, I'm tired of being married and wish i was single". I was sharing with him my upcoming out of town weekend trip to meet up with my buddies. Made me think of domesticated cats watching out a window, thinking of how much fun it would be to be free and wild.
Full support...Divorce court...
I really like your chats. You are a very intelligent, decent, genuine and empathetic person. Thankfully, I have gone through all of this and I can say that this advice is spot on.
Thanks for another great video, really therapeutic
Thanks for watching!
I would counter "All in" with needing a strong measure of Red Pill wisdom about female nature, and to be aware of red flag warnings and behavior changes. All the fun at first gets you hooked, and your objectivity vanishes. Get it back and don't lie to yourself. Sometimes it's the woman who checks out first, and you need to stay ahead of that process and the reasons for it.
If I was Redpill educated back In high school my life would’ve infinitely improved. Not understanding women I let them put me an emotional rollercoaster that killed my dreams
You're simping not when you go all in but when you don't get into the relationship from the position of strength and leadership which you clearly didn't.
Sounds like the first mistake was to put that woman on a pedestal and make her the center of your life! Overtime she lost respect and then the love she had for you. When she went back to work after being a stay at home mom she was already there. It was a sign the world you built her wasn’t enough. And no doubt everything went downhill from there.
I get it! I didn’t the same thing! It was slow, as my friends and then hobbies went to the wayside. Even my career was pushed to the side for her’s to flush. Once she started making more money, the dynamic started to change. Then came the demands, the disrespect and the cheating. Some could say I lucked out because she finally saw the grass wasn’t greener but by then I was 100% out emotionally. She ended her life a few months after I filed for divorce. What sucks is her three children were devastated and forever lost their mom. It was certainly an emotional roller coaster for me and the kids.
You definitely know what you’re talking about. Thanks
Thanks John. Well done. Just what I needed to hear!
Glad it was helpful! Thanks
Hi John . I just want to thank you for your content . It helps me a lot . Greetings from germany and please carry on like that . Take care
I’m glad you are enjoying the videos. Thanks for the feedback.
I've been divorced for the 2nd time for 14 years now. It was about 5 years into my new single life before I really began to feel like myself again. I found a good job, got a little house in a small town that I knew well, and now I'm just enjoying life as much as I can. I don't date, don't want anything to do with that scene, and I'm content with what I have. I doubt I will ever marry again, a third divorce is something I would like to avoid at all costs. To find a wife you need to search for her, and I'm just not up for that again. I love being single at 56 and I'm never giving that up.
I found that being the savior to someone other than me I found that I didn’t have to deal with myself as long as I was helping them. I couldn’t stand being with myself so I would seek out someone who was crying and I would never ask myself if they made themselves cry.
You are a breathe of fresh air. True inspiration
Thanks I really appreciate hearing that from you
Great content brother 👍
Appreciate it!
you are saying someone have to go all in to have a successful marriage, but you were all in and yet it did not work for you. for me I wont put all my eggs in one basket.
That's the irony today.... the man can go all in, work like a dog, labor, do without, and she can run across a divorce lawyer ad that gets the ball rolling.
I understand why you feel that way. I hope it works out for you. I’m just an all or nothing kind of guy.
Boo to this viewers comment.
look at her upbringing and how her mother was with her in particular, that will explain a lot of things
Have enjoyed amny of you videos along with this one. The only word I would have replaced was the one where you were talking about not giving up sex for the rest of your life. At this time, I do not see great sex as a motivator to me. I played the hobby for over 33 years of my adult life and my second divorce killed that energy. I love each day as it comes and no longer want to have this hobby. But I am here at your channel as I am a year divorced this month. I have got a path to where I want to be in a year, 3 years, and 5. Keep bring on your thoughts as we all feel them and we all can relate. But I can always think clearly after post nut, I just do not want to cuddle or ask permission to do anything anymore. 😂
Thanks, I can appreciate where you’re coming from. I do believe that sex can be a trap. But I also would like to believe there is the possibility of a path forward with a good woman. I may be wrong and I’m open to that possibility. I’m not clinging to the possibility that someone’s gonna pop into my life. But at the same time, I don’t wanna shut the door on it either. I certainly understand your approach. I have certainly had those thoughts myself. Thanks for your input.
@@john-griffin John, you sound like a great man, well thought out and solid foundation. I too am that guy, and I did my divorce video on the day I rode to the court house. Did a tobacco review, got my divorce. We are better together, but when looking at the last 40 years of programming that men have become weak and women have become men, I wish you luck. I go out from time to time to breweries and just listen to the chatter and always am thankful that I am not with the a woman that can never be happy it seems to me. I will continue to see what you have up your sleeve. Thanks for the communication back and forth.
@@john-griffinon a positive note we're very quickly approaching the point where Android women... Will be able to reciprocate a loving relationship..
Of course that Android will be made by a man whose romantic...
And we can make a male Android that is abusive to all the females..
And then everyone will be happy..
Or should I say miserable if you're a woman😮😮