So, I was seeing this guy for about a year and a half. He didn’t want to commit initially because he didn’t want a long distance relationship. Despite this, we still carried on talking everyday and would spend time together when we were in the same country…We became quite close but yet I could sense that he was holding himself back. He wasn’t very caring, thoughtful, affectionate or intentional with me. I eventually moved back to the same country as him and he was open to getting more serious with me. The topic of us actually being in a relationship came up severally (brought up by me 100% of the time) and he would always say he needed more time. He enjoyed spending time with me and felt we needed to get to know each other more. I agreed to this because I genuinely feel like I loved him. I was willing to be patient and see what the future had in store for us. Despite him showing signs of seriousness (going on a staycation together, buying me gifts, hanging out with his friends, meeting his parents), i couldn’t ignore the fact that I felt like I still needed more from him. The care, attention and thoughtfulness I would show him was never fully reciprocated. This was brought up on several occasions and it would always be the same excuse, ‘give me time’. I got fed up on several ocassions and would try to break things off but he would always fight against it and encourage me to stay and be patient with him. He didn’t want to lose me and wanted to keep trying. Eventually I had had enough and told him I thought we should end it, for the first time ever, he didn’t fight it and we ended things. He claimed that he tried his best to give me more and give me what I deserve. He said he would try to convince himself that it would happen but it never did. He said he thinks I’m perfect on paper and have all the qualities he wants in a wife but just couldn’t explain why that wasn’t coming across with his actions. He doesn’t know whether it’s because of the timing, or stress from work, or the fact he hasn’t taken a girl seriously for over 5 years, etc, but he thinks it’s best we end things ‘for now’. This obviously was hard to hear because I don’t know if it means that there’s something wrong with me. I just know that there’s another girl out there who would never had to ask him for any of the things I was asking him for, it would just come so naturally to him. I really need advice on what to think. Please help me, I’m honestly crushed. I really loved him.
Hey first and foremost, there's nothing wrong with you..it's completely normal/human to love someone and desire to be loved back. It's hard to say what exactly was preventing him from giving you his all, but like you said I think that there is someone else out there that likely wouldn't have to ask all of these things of him. If and when that woman shows up, it can be due to him being at a different point in his life (less stress, finally ready to settle down) or he just simply thinks that woman would be a better fit for him. Nonetheless, you owe it to yourself to not be in a one-sided situation, if you desire to be in a relationship then that should be a requirement of yours that you refuse to settle on. Unfortunately, guys will continue to play house with us as long as we let them without actually having the responsibility of being in a relationship. I feel like most times when a guy finds the woman he wants to be with, he is going to be very intentional about pursuing her and making her his woman/wife. When the right person comes along for you, you won't have to force anything or question if you're good enough, but that starts within. I recommend really taking the time to heal and focus on loving yourself during this time so that you can truly be confident in who you are and what you bring to the table. Because once you discover how amazing you are, you're not going to tolerate certain things and you'll be able to better discern if a man is being intentional or not. It's going to take time to fully get over him and that's completely normal, but don't wallow on what could have been and instead focus on your future happiness! ❤️
I was with a guy long distance for a year and half (knew each other for 10 years). We went to the same college, we were friends throughout. Expressed mutual interest in each other 5 years ago when he was in grad school but said he didn't want a romantic relationship at the time and said after if we were still single and interested then he'd "be honored" to date me. I held onto hope we'd be together eventually so we settled for hanging out as friends while he was in still in school. After some personal issues, I eventually moved out of state. We reconnected after and we expressed interest in each other still. He said he could see us in a romantic relationship. So I interpreted that as him asking me to be in a relationship with him. We texted and called in the beginning. He moved upstate for his doctorate program, and things started changing. I still heard from him, but it wasn't as frequent. We never did dates (zoom, facetime), he never made plans, never visited me, never sent me any gifts, ZERO romance. I started feeling that it wasn't a relationship once the honeymoon period ended. I texted him good morning and goodnight first, sometimes he'd initiate. I tried calling him once a week on the weekends but I felt like I was putting in more effort. He'd go weeks without calling me but I get text 1-3 a day. Once he went out of town for a convention and did not hear from him in two days even though he had shared him being out on social media. I didn't feel special. I did not feel like a priority. Ultimately I ended things after an argument about a topic that has to with core values. We didn't share the same values, so I knew I had to walk away. He never even told me he loved me. Plus he started making comments about my appearance (my hair) and it made me feel weird. It was a mess. I wasted so much energy and time with this person. It's been 6 months since I ended things, but it's hard healing when you had history with this person for nearly 10 years. I would never go back to him though. I know I deserve better.
So glad you realized that you deserve better, and that your core values weren’t aligned. I understand how you feel though, the healing process is really difficult when when you’ve had a history with someone for years..but you’re definitely moving in the right direction. Happy for you ❤️
I wish I would have watched this long time ago lol. But thankfully I just walked away from him 2 days ago! I deserve to be a priority and someone to genuinely treat me right period!
Facts !! Except idk about the person not wanting a relationship and listening to him cause someone told me that before and like months later they in a relationship with someone else so maybe whole time they just wanted something certain from you and didn't want a relationship with you at all leading you on .
Yeah I definitely agree! I heard a saying once that when a guy says he doesn't want a relationship, the "with you" is silent, and I believe that's the case a lot of the time! And yeah some guys may just be pursuing you for alternative reasons but unfortunately a lot of them aren't up front about that from the beginning.
BEFORE of all of this I broke with my boyfriend (HE WAS MY 1ST) in 2022 of September he didn't ask "why" he just let me go and said "I understand" he wanted to be friends but i didnt text him back. I was still healing but I just wanted to move on he was inconsistent doing the bare minimum I wasn't my ex bf at that time I was bored. He didn't excite me. I just wanted him to change not his appearance but how to take care of himself as a man. He thought that I was out of his league. I didn't want my ex to feel bad about himself at all. I still follow his mom and him. ❤ ANOTHER STORY; THEN this GUY came along (his aunt hook me up with him) so she started. I should've been clear of what i wanted in the beginning i regretted that i had sex with him a month too soon, he was nice guy but I know in my heart that it was a mistake. (THAT MOMENT) the first red flag sign i ignored was him to "come over" to his house for the first time. So than we started to hang out mind you he wasn't ready for a relationship due to his "family/ childhood bs trauma that made him f'd up" but yet we doing all these as couples do, he would text me "goodmorning" everyday, "how your day is going" etc.. when we go eat he would pay my way, which made me confused so i ask him "do you want a relationship" he said "no i just wanna focus on myself" im like okay. Then i started to distance myself from him text etc. Then few day i text and said "my bad I've been M.I.A" and he was like "i thought i did something wrong" like trying to guilt trip me. Sir you didn't my intuition is keeping me from not contacting you. 😂 i dont blame him for for saying he's not ready but don't lead women or string women along, I'm sure this is not his first time he did this. he been wanting me to open up but he don't open to me.. I work with his aunt not the same department but the same job, she was like "don't give up on him" so you mean to tell me is to "wait on him" no mam 😂. She told me and said "you know what he maybe she got a boyfriend?" that's what her nephew said like huh.. so you're aunt is telling me other but he just said that he's not ready. i conforted him about it and he said "who told you that" im like "who else" MEN DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY WANT likr mam your nephews is 26😂 he should've spoke to me about it. "Nothing forcefully lasts forever, i wouldn't want you either" okay you right sir. That right there made me not talked to him again (NEVER LET A MAN TELL YOU MORE THAN ONCE HE DON'T WANT YOU) months ago he text me "hey hope you been great" like sir leave me alone. It's they don't want you but keep you around. There's a difference between a situationship and realtionship. Until someone who's not unsure will attract, I'm dating to marry. So hard to find good guys yet even if they are you never know what they're intentions are. They SHOULD come TO ME. What i learned to is that the guys I've talked to and dated made me realize that im better off alone right now and focusing me. ❤
Broke, busted, and disgusted.
ITS RED.
If he wanted to he would.
This the one sis! Great video
Thank so you much sis!! Glad you enjoyed it! 🙌🏽
So, I was seeing this guy for about a year and a half. He didn’t want to commit initially because he didn’t want a long distance relationship. Despite this, we still carried on talking everyday and would spend time together when we were in the same country…We became quite close but yet I could sense that he was holding himself back. He wasn’t very caring, thoughtful, affectionate or intentional with me. I eventually moved back to the same country as him and he was open to getting more serious with me. The topic of us actually being in a relationship came up severally (brought up by me 100% of the time) and he would always say he needed more time. He enjoyed spending time with me and felt we needed to get to know each other more. I agreed to this because I genuinely feel like I loved him. I was willing to be patient and see what the future had in store for us. Despite him showing signs of seriousness (going on a staycation together, buying me gifts, hanging out with his friends, meeting his parents), i couldn’t ignore the fact that I felt like I still needed more from him. The care, attention and thoughtfulness I would show him was never fully reciprocated. This was brought up on several occasions and it would always be the same excuse, ‘give me time’. I got fed up on several ocassions and would try to break things off but he would always fight against it and encourage me to stay and be patient with him. He didn’t want to lose me and wanted to keep trying. Eventually I had had enough and told him I thought we should end it, for the first time ever, he didn’t fight it and we ended things. He claimed that he tried his best to give me more and give me what I deserve. He said he would try to convince himself that it would happen but it never did. He said he thinks I’m perfect on paper and have all the qualities he wants in a wife but just couldn’t explain why that wasn’t coming across with his actions. He doesn’t know whether it’s because of the timing, or stress from work, or the fact he hasn’t taken a girl seriously for over 5 years, etc, but he thinks it’s best we end things ‘for now’. This obviously was hard to hear because I don’t know if it means that there’s something wrong with me. I just know that there’s another girl out there who would never had to ask him for any of the things I was asking him for, it would just come so naturally to him. I really need advice on what to think. Please help me, I’m honestly crushed. I really loved him.
Hey first and foremost, there's nothing wrong with you..it's completely normal/human to love someone and desire to be loved back. It's hard to say what exactly was preventing him from giving you his all, but like you said I think that there is someone else out there that likely wouldn't have to ask all of these things of him. If and when that woman shows up, it can be due to him being at a different point in his life (less stress, finally ready to settle down) or he just simply thinks that woman would be a better fit for him. Nonetheless, you owe it to yourself to not be in a one-sided situation, if you desire to be in a relationship then that should be a requirement of yours that you refuse to settle on. Unfortunately, guys will continue to play house with us as long as we let them without actually having the responsibility of being in a relationship. I feel like most times when a guy finds the woman he wants to be with, he is going to be very intentional about pursuing her and making her his woman/wife. When the right person comes along for you, you won't have to force anything or question if you're good enough, but that starts within. I recommend really taking the time to heal and focus on loving yourself during this time so that you can truly be confident in who you are and what you bring to the table. Because once you discover how amazing you are, you're not going to tolerate certain things and you'll be able to better discern if a man is being intentional or not. It's going to take time to fully get over him and that's completely normal, but don't wallow on what could have been and instead focus on your future happiness! ❤️
@@DahliaMonet thank you so much! Really needed to hear this
Yes no more situationships in 2022!! I needed this video
Yes ma'am!! I'm glad it was helpful! ❤️
I was with a guy long distance for a year and half (knew each other for 10 years).
We went to the same college, we were friends throughout. Expressed mutual interest in each other 5 years ago when he was in grad school but said he didn't want a romantic relationship at the time and said after if we were still single and interested then he'd "be honored" to date me. I held onto hope we'd be together eventually so we settled for hanging out as friends while he was in still in school. After some personal issues, I eventually moved out of state. We reconnected after and we expressed interest in each other still. He said he could see us in a romantic relationship. So I interpreted that as him asking me to be in a relationship with him. We texted and called in the beginning. He moved upstate for his doctorate program, and things started changing. I still heard from him, but it wasn't as frequent. We never did dates (zoom, facetime), he never made plans, never visited me, never sent me any gifts, ZERO romance. I started feeling that it wasn't a relationship once the honeymoon period ended. I texted him good morning and goodnight first, sometimes he'd initiate. I tried calling him once a week on the weekends but I felt like I was putting in more effort. He'd go weeks without calling me but I get text 1-3 a day. Once he went out of town for a convention and did not hear from him in two days even though he had shared him being out on social media. I didn't feel special. I did not feel like a priority. Ultimately I ended things after an argument about a topic that has to with core values. We didn't share the same values, so I knew I had to walk away. He never even told me he loved me. Plus he started making comments about my appearance (my hair) and it made me feel weird. It was a mess. I wasted so much energy and time with this person. It's been 6 months since I ended things, but it's hard healing when you had history with this person for nearly 10 years. I would never go back to him though. I know I deserve better.
So glad you realized that you deserve better, and that your core values weren’t aligned. I understand how you feel though, the healing process is really difficult when when you’ve had a history with someone for years..but you’re definitely moving in the right direction. Happy for you ❤️
Love how she keeps it real and upfront .
Thank you!!
I wish I would have watched this long time ago lol. But thankfully I just walked away from him 2 days ago! I deserve to be a priority and someone to genuinely treat me right period!
Yes exactly sis, I love that for you!! Hopefully this video served as confirmation that you made the right decision! Better late than never!
Facts !! Except idk about the person not wanting a relationship and listening to him cause someone told me that before and like months later they in a relationship with someone else so maybe whole time they just wanted something certain from you and didn't want a relationship with you at all leading you on .
Yeah I definitely agree! I heard a saying once that when a guy says he doesn't want a relationship, the "with you" is silent, and I believe that's the case a lot of the time! And yeah some guys may just be pursuing you for alternative reasons but unfortunately a lot of them aren't up front about that from the beginning.
@@DahliaMonet Yess exactly! You said it way better then I did it's so true and its so messed up fr .
Yes girl! Love this! So proud of you! 💕❤️🌹🙌🏾
Aw thank you so much!! ☺️❤️❤️
Oh my gosh seen so many videos this is the best of best video thank you 🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌
Aw thank you so much!! I’m glad you enjoyed it! ❤️🙌
BEFORE of all of this I broke with my boyfriend (HE WAS MY 1ST) in 2022 of September he didn't ask "why" he just let me go and said "I understand" he wanted to be friends but i didnt text him back. I was still healing but I just wanted to move on he was inconsistent doing the bare minimum I wasn't my ex bf at that time I was bored. He didn't excite me. I just wanted him to change not his appearance but how to take care of himself as a man. He thought that I was out of his league. I didn't want my ex to feel bad about himself at all. I still follow his mom and him. ❤
ANOTHER STORY; THEN this GUY came along (his aunt hook me up with him) so she started. I should've been clear of what i wanted in the beginning i regretted that i had sex with him a month too soon, he was nice guy but I know in my heart that it was a mistake. (THAT MOMENT) the first red flag sign i ignored was him to "come over" to his house for the first time.
So than we started to hang out mind you he wasn't ready for a relationship due to his "family/ childhood bs trauma that made him f'd up" but yet we doing all these as couples do, he would text me "goodmorning" everyday, "how your day is going" etc.. when we go eat he would pay my way, which made me confused so i ask him "do you want a relationship" he said "no i just wanna focus on myself" im like okay. Then i started to distance myself from him text etc. Then few day i text and said "my bad I've been M.I.A" and he was like "i thought i did something wrong" like trying to guilt trip me. Sir you didn't my intuition is keeping me from not contacting you. 😂 i dont blame him for for saying he's not ready but don't lead women or string women along, I'm sure this is not his first time he did this.
he been wanting me to open up but he don't open to me.. I work with his aunt not the same department but the same job, she was like "don't give up on him" so you mean to tell me is to "wait on him" no mam 😂. She told me and said "you know what he maybe she got a boyfriend?" that's what her nephew said like huh.. so you're aunt is telling me other but he just said that he's not ready. i conforted him about it and he said "who told you that" im like "who else" MEN DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY WANT likr mam your nephews is 26😂 he should've spoke to me about it. "Nothing forcefully lasts forever, i wouldn't want you either" okay you right sir.
That right there made me not talked to him again (NEVER LET A MAN TELL YOU MORE THAN ONCE HE DON'T WANT YOU) months ago he text me "hey hope you been great" like sir leave me alone. It's they don't want you but keep you around. There's a difference between a situationship and realtionship. Until someone who's not unsure will attract, I'm dating to marry. So hard to find good guys yet even if they are you never know what they're intentions are. They SHOULD come TO ME.
What i learned to is that the guys I've talked to and dated made me realize that im better off alone right now and focusing me. ❤
Omg! Love this! So on Point!
Thank you so much! I’m glad you enjoyed it!
THANK YOUUUUUUU FOR THIS🥺❤️
Aw of course!! I'm so glad it was helpful!! ❤️❤️
Preach girl❤❤❤
Thank you! 🙏🏽❤️